Tenchi's dirty secret


    It was a quiet saturday at the Masaki household. Sasami finished making
breakfast and Ryoko flew downstairs (literally) being so hungry after a long
night of tossing and turning trying to figure out another way to get Tenchi
to be her lover.  Aeka was second at the table and greeted Sasami with a
warm, "Good morning!"

    Ryoko started to get her food when all of a sudden, WHAP!!  Washu
slapped Ryoko's hand with an invention she created.  "Ryoko. . . you know I
don't approve of that."  Chimed Washu.  "So what?  Who do you think you
are?  My mother?"  Just then, Ryoko gets that look on her face she gets when
she disapproves of something.

    "Ms. Washu, what exactly is that. . . THING?"  Asks Aeka.

    "Well, I'm glad you asked my pretty little friend."  Says Washu, "I
created this last night before I went to sleep.  It's what I call my "I
don't like what you're doing so I'm gonna let you have it" machine or
"Little Washu's Greatest Invention" for short."

    "Really."  Says Sasami, "How does it work?"  "It has my mind in computer
form in it and when somebody does something I don't approve of, it punishes
them as severely as the crime they commit."  "WOW!!!  So that must be why it
slapped Ryoko's hand.  That's so cool."

    "Geez!  I'm sorry I asked."  Muttered Aeka under her breath.

    Just then, Tenchi walks down the stairs and Ryoko phases next to him as
soon as he reaches the bottom of the stairs and yells, "Good Morning sleepy
head!"  Scaring the living shit out of Tenchi.

    All of a sudden, Washu's machine comes over and beats the living shit
out of Ryoko.  Trying to retalliate, Ryoko sends an energy blast directly
toward it but got it sent directly back at her.

    "HA HA HA HA!!!!!!  I installed an anti energy blast shield on it cuz I
knew you were going to try and do that."  Washu laughs at Ryoko's feeble
attempt to destroy the machine.  Ryoko then muttered something under her
breath to the effect of, "That blasted machine is going to ruin my life."

    Sasami helped Tenchi up and said, "This is almost everybody except for
Mihoshi, and Kiyone."

    "They had to go on early patrol this morning Sasami."  Said Tenchi, "So
we can start eating."

    Breakfast passed unusually slow and quiet today when Tenchi Yells with
pain.  "AAAARGH!!!!!!!  Ryoko, watch where your feet go while you're
eating.  You just kicked me!"

    "Oops, sorry Tenchi, I didn't know your feet were there."  Says Ryoko
stupidly.

    "That wasn't my foot Ryoko!"  Ayeka and Washu both start laughing with
Sasami wondering what they were laughing at.

    After breakfast, Tenchi goes back up to his room and the others wonder
why he just went back up there.  Ryoko phased out and tried to fly through
Tenchi's door but only hit her head swearing loudly.

    "Little does she know, but I didn't just make this last night, I also
made a machine that sends a negative energy counteracting Ryoko's positive
energy through all the walls of the house so we can finally have some
privacy."  Says Washu.

    "Brilliant Ms. Washu.  I commend you for thinking that up, plus the fact
that I don't ever have to sleep with the fear that Ryoko will come in my
room and mess with my stuff."  Says a relieved Aeka.

    "What's wrong with Tenchi Aeka?"  Asks Sasami, "Is he sick?  Does he
need my help?"

    "No Sasami, Tenchi needs his space now."  Replies Aeka.



    The rest of the day went by Tenchiless and had Ryoko very upset and
unnerved.  Aeka did her morning chores as usual and yelled at Ryoko on
several occasions saying stuff to the effect of, "You lazy bitch!  Why don't
you try and help out while you're here instead of lying around the house
thinking of ways to seduce Tenchi!?"  That's the first time Aeka got hit by
Washu's machine and Ryoko laughed so hard, she passed out.



    After the rest of the day passed, Tenchi walked down stairs just before
dinner while everybody was in the living room watching Television with the
exception of Ryoko who was trying to devise a plan to destroy Washu's
machine that had already hit, slapped, beat up, and pummled her 23 times
since breakfast plus one for Aeka.

    "Everybody, would you listen to me for a moment?  I have something I
need to tell you all."  Says Tenchi blocking the view of the TV.

    After everybody gives their full attention to Tenchi, he begins, "As you
can tell, I have been spending alot of time in my room lately and I have a
perfectly good explanation for it.  I'm gay."

    Everybody starts laughing except Aeka.  "What do you mean Lord Tenchi?
You and I are supposed to be married."  She says confused.

    "Yeah right Tenchi.  You're just pulling our leg aren't you?  You can't
be gay, you and I are lovers remember."  At that, Ryoko gets grabbed by
Washu's machine and sent flying out the window.

    "No Ryoko, I really am gay.  I knew this would come as a shock to you,
but I had to come out of the closet sometime.  I just can't stand women.
You are all just annoying by how you all want to marry me and everything so
I have decided to marry my secret internet companion I have been talking to
for over a year now and go live with him."

    Tenchi then walked back up to his room and got online and started
looking for his companion's screen name, PGNAB.  (Short for Pretty Girl
Nabouki)


    After three days of planning his departure, Tenchi packed his bags, said
his goodbyes, and headed to the Bus stop where he would be meeting his
companion.

    When he arrives there, he saw his dad standing next to the sign with a
breifcase and suitcase in hand.

    "Hi dad, what are you doing here?"  Asked Tenchi.

    "Oh, hi son!  I'm waiting for somebody here."  Replies his father.

    "Oh really, who?"

    "I don't know their name but I've been talking to them for a while now
and we're supposed to meet here."

    Tenchi started to get a little worried and with a shakey voice asked,
"What have you been calling them during the time you've talked to them?"

    "Their screen name online is Don'tlikegirls."

    At that, Tenchi fainted and hit his head on a rock causing him to have
amnesia.



    When Tenchi came to, all of the girls, and his grandfather were standing
over him with tears in their eyes.

    "What's wrong with you all?  I'm not dead."  Said a groggy Tenchi.

    "No, but you're leaving us for some . . . guy Tenchi."  Said Ryoko.

    "What are you talking about?  When did you decide I was leaving?"

    "You told us on Saturday you were going to live with your internet
companion."  Said Aeka.

    "I don't know what you're talking about, but I need to sleep so leave me
alone and don't talk to me for a while."

    Tenchi then walked up to his room, shut the door, and proceeded to grab
the nearest hard object and pulverize his computer into little tiny dust
particles.  Of course, he knew what the girls were crying about and he was
just playing dumb because he finally realized what a good thing he had going
with all these girls that want him and his body.



Now wasn't that a shock!  This came to me in a dream last night while I was
sick with a fever of 102.5 and I woke up and started writing it before I
lost it all.  I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing
it.

Copyright: February 17, 2001.