Team Lightyear: To MST and beyond. Disclaimer: To make this simple, I will name the characters that are mine. Kevin and Ung. All others belong to the respective companies that created them. The story: Dissatisfied with my first fanfic submission, I decided to MST it. Unfortunately I was ill-prepared, and as a result, much has gone wrong. To start with I needed a theater. I managed to acquire the use of one by taking over the local mall using an army of flying monkeys, depressed circus clowns, and a cave man named Ung who I discovered in a refrigerator I bought from Circuit City. Next I gathered a group of MSTers from my favorite T.V. shows, The Comic Book Store Guy from The Simpsons, Washu from Tenchi Muyo, Vegeta from DBZ, and Lobo from Superman. However I quickly discovered that they had little interest in MSTing, particularly Vegeta. Well, things got out of control and Washu ended up turning him into a Kappa. Not good. We managed to finish the MST though, and afterward, they felt kind of good about it. So they agreed to MST another fic. I replaced Vegeta with Seven of Nine from Voyager. Things were going well until the fic insulted Washu's intelligence, literally. The fic made Washu appear stupid. As you can imagine, this didn't go over well. The Comic Book Store Guy made the mistake of not knowing when to keep his mouth shut, and Washu melted him into a puddle of goo. I decided to stop the MST for a while so Washu could cool off. Instead of doing that though, she launched the entire mall into space, quitting the MST and turning Famous Barr into a laboratory. Thankfully she brought me two replacement MSTers, Nagi from Tenchi universe, and Ken from Streetfighter. We managed to finish the MST but when everyone else found out the mall was floating through space and we were all trapped on it, they became quite annoyed that I hadn't told them about it. Okay they were pissed and out for my blood. So now I'm on the run from two bounty hunters, a professional streetfighter, and former Borg drone with high intelligence and low tolerance. Am I screwed? Probably, but who knows. It is my story after all. My goal: To stay alive, and to hopefully MST the stories I've selected. The process: Lord if I know. My hope is on Washu, but the price of her help might be worse than death. The cast: First, the 'captain' of the universe's first space bound mall. She's brilliant. She's crazy. She's over twenty thousand years old, but looks twelve. She is...Washu! (Washu): That's 'little' Washu to you. I mean come on, aren't I just the cutest!? Next, commander of the mall's local militia. He's big. He's hairy. He's also Twenty thousand years old, though he's only been awake for twenty of those years. He is...Ung! (Ung): *grunt grunt growl* Ung. And now, our group of MSTers: First among them. He's got no manners. He's got no morals. He's got no sense of basic decency. He is...Lobo! (Lobo): What? Ya gots a problem with me walking around without pants? Next. He's tough. He's skilled. He's basically Ryu with a blonde hair and a red gi. He is...Ken! (Ken): Hey! I am not just an American version of Ryu! I can at least get women, unlike mister 'no personality'. Moving on. She's feared throughout the galaxy. She's a hunter without equal. She's far too uptight for her own good. She is...Nagi! (Nagi): Come over here and I'll show you uptight! Continuing on. She's sexy. She's smart. She's the only cast member from a non- cartoon/anime show. She is...Seven of Nine! (Seven): Don't think that flattery will cause me to spare you. Finally. He's running scared. He's probably not going to live through this fic. He's never been laid. He is...Kevin! (Kevin): Look, I'm suppose to be you. How could you write me into this situation!? Last of all: the old folk. They were busy taking their morning walk through the mall when Washu blasted it into space.( I know it's a big plot hole, but bear with it.) (Old man): Nurse, where are my pills? (Nagi): I'm not your nurse! Get out of my way! (Old women): Excuse me kind sir. (Lobo): *confused* Ya taking to me? (Another old man): I'm ready for my sponge bath. (Seven): I would sooner strip off my epidermis and roll around in sodium chloride. (Another old man): Move aside sonny, before you get hurt. (Ken): That was a joke, right? You've met the cast, you've learned the story, you've mocked the plot. Let the MST commence. ______________________________________________________________________________ -Center of the mall- (Lobo): Where did the little punk go? (Nagi): Well he has to be here somewhere, it's not like he can leave. (Seven): I believe we are going about this in an inefficient method. (Nagi): Oh? And what do you know about bounty hunting? (Seven): While I do not have any direct experience in that field, I would imagine it would be much simpler to catch him if we let him come to us as apposed to chasing him. (Ken): Makes sense, but how do we do that? (Seven): Simple, we go where he is trying get to. (Lobo): Oh yeah? And where would that be? (Seven): The only place where he could find refuge... ______________________________________________________________________________ -Else where in the mall- (Kevin):*Pant, pant, pant, huff* Oh man, I don't need this. How did this happen? Washu shoots a mall into orbit, and I get in trouble. It's like my childhood all over, stupid sister, she never got in trouble. Where the hell is my army of flying monkeys? Ah ha! < Runs up to monkeys> Hey you two wake up! (Monkey): Eh? (Kevin): You got to help me. My MSTers are trying to kill me, or wound me at least. (Monkey): ah. (Kevin): Hey! Your suppose to be an army. Your suppose to protect me! (Monkey): (Kevin): What the hells this? This is the contract I had Ung draw up, isn't it? (Monkey): (Kevin): *reading* ...whose purpose shall be to keep all police and/or other authority figures from entering the mall and/or otherwise disrupting the MST process. Any additional services will require additional payment based on difficulty and personal danger...Son-of-a-Bitch! I don't suppose you'd take on the cast for ten bucks would you? (Monkey): un uh. (Kevin): Damn, that all I got. I get you for this. ______________________________________________________________________________ -Outside Famous Barr, now Washu's lab- (Kevin): Holy shit, I made it! Please let Washu be reasonable. *really quietly* Oh shit. (Nagi): Got him! (Lobo): Oh yeah! It's time for a hurting. (Kevin): Now wait a minute, can't we talk about this? (Seven): That option is highly improbable. (Lobo): Huh? (Ken to Lobo): *whispering* Not likely. (Lobo): Oh, right! Yeah, not optionally, uh, I mean improsable, I, uh...wait, (Nagi): *groans* What an idiot. ______________________________________________________________________________ -Washu's lab- (Kevin): Oww! (Washu): Well now, what have we here? You know I think this is the first time anyone has ever completely volunteered to be part of one of my experiments. No wait, there was that one time, but then again he had some serious social problems. Oh well, shall we get started? (Kevin): Wait! I don't have time for this. You got to hide me! (Washu): From what? (Nagi): Alright runt, stand aside. That guy's mine. (Lobo): The hell he is, I's got first crack at him. (Seven): Perhaps we should reconsider our strategy. After all, she is the reason we're all stranded in this mall. (Ken): Right, I'll take care of the midget. (Washu to Kevin): Boy, either they have totally forgotten who I am, or their so caught up in bloodlust that they've lost all higher reasoning. Oh well, this is a perfect opportunity for an experiment I had in mind. ______________________________________________________________________________ -In the theater- (Kevin): I got to thank you Washu, this is one experiment I'm going to enjoy. (Washu): Glad to hear it. Now for the rest of you. This is a psychological experiment, so I need you all to be yourselves as you read the following fics, because I will be recording your mind data. Also if you behave, I'll let you out of your restraints...eventually. (Lobo): Why you dirty, low down, fragging... (Washu): Lobo, do you remember the Comic Book Store Guy? (Lobo): What, you mean the tub of lard you mel...oh, right. (Washu): Well we've wasted enough of the readers time setting up this MST, so lets get going, and remember, I'll be watching. ______________________________________________________________________________ Author Notes: This fanfic was created by some sick idea that came into my mind. (Kevin): Oh lord, that's not a good start. As a warning, it involves Rhjamiz (my character) and Ryoko, who, in this fic, is a--using the slang term--shemale. (Ken): What!? (Seven): Oh my. (Nagi): ...the hell? (Lobo): Whoa! That's just...I mean it's so...I gots nothing to say about that. (Kevin): I think I might be sick. If you don't want to read it, then go away. (Nagi): What if you don't have that option? I have some brilliant minded reader out there, I'm sure, with an IQ close to my own who wants to watch this. (Seven):*very sarcastic* Of course, after all it's well known that intelligence and perversion are closely related. No comments, or thou shalt be annihilated. (Lobo): Bring it on punk. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy the fic. ~Washu-chan (Kevin): Washu, please tell me you didn't write this. (Washu over intercom): Relax, it wasn't me. Though the person in question is pushing their luck. Copyrights: Tenchi Muyo!, Ryoko, and anything else relating to Tenchi Muyo! is copyright Pioneer LDC, AIC, and Kajishima Masaki(sp.?), and the character Rhjamiz Keppa Mnementh is copyright me, Washu Hakubi- chan. (Kevin): Can you copyright something without using your real name? Ryoko's Secret - Chapter 1 : Rhjamiz "Ryoko..." Ryoko woke from her deep sleep and her eyes shot open, her pupils narrowing out, then widening again, adjusting to the darkness. Their amber color shone through even the dark room, and she looked to the origin of the voice who had called her name, only to look into the dark red eyes of Rhjamiz. "Rhjamiz?" she whispered, sitting up. "What're you doing?" (Ken): Wow, this author isn't messing around. (Lobo): What do ya mean? (Ken): He's going to open this fic up with the lemon scene. (Lobo): How do ya know? (Ken): Trust me, just watch. "Well, it was rather cold outside, and I got lonely, so..." "So you came to me." Ryoko smiled, though it was barely visible through the darkness. "Yeah, well, I was hoping we could finish what was started earlier.." (Ken): Damn, am I good or what? (Kevin): How many fics will it take before people realize no one wants to see an original character get one of the girls? I mean really, no one cares about them other than their creators. Rhjamiz said, almost purring, running her hand up and down Ryoko's leg. (Nagi): Her hand!? It's a woman!? (Kevin): Oh geez! It's a lesbian, SI, shemale sex scene. It can't get any worse. (Nagi): Actually it could, if she was younger it would be... (Kevin): That's enough! It's bad enough as it is, don't be giving anyone who might be reading this any ideas. Rhjamiz's hand ran farther up Ryoko's leg, to her inner thigh, and over towards her pussy, and-- (Lobo): Oh yeah, here we go. (Seven): Lobo, have you forgotten the warning at the beginning of the fic. (Lobo): Uh...you mean how he doesn't own any of the characters except Rhjamiz? (Seven): Before that. (Lobo): Umm......oh, right. The She-man thing. "Maybe we should continue this another time," Ryoko said, backing away. "What's wrong, Ryoko-chan?" Rhjamiz asked, crawling after Ryoko. "Are you backing out now?" "No, it's just that..." "That what?" "I'm not what you think I am, Rhjamiz..." (Ken): Damn straight! (Kevin): I don't know if I can handle this. "What's that supposed to mean, Ryoko?" (Nagi as Ryoko): It means I'm being butchered as a character, both mentally and physically. Ryoko threw the blanket she had on her to the side, showing she was now in one of Tenchi's T-shirts that he had outgrown, and it hugged Ryoko's cleavage nicely, and a pair of underwear. "Ryoko?" Ryoko slid her hands down, leaning forward so that the shirt blocked Rhjamiz's view, (Lobo): With Ryoko, the shirt wouldn't be the only thing blocking the view. (Kevin): I'm going to let that slide because it most likely will sound tasteful compared to what is probably about to come. and began sliding her underwear off, manuevering perfectly so that Rhjamiz's couldn't see. Finally, she tossed her underwear to the side, and sat upright, her legs spread. Rhjamiz's eyes went wide. (Seven): Shields to maximum, brace for impact. "R-Ryoko! Th-that's a... a..." Ryoko nodded, on the verge of tears. "Ryoko... but, how can you still love Tenchi?" (Ken): Kevin, why the hell are we watching this!? I can't even joke about it. It's too bad! Ryoko shook her head, remaining silent. Rhjamiz stared into Ryoko's eyes, as if piercing her soul, and saw the hurt behind the tough, outer layer that Ryoko usually showed off. "I'm sorry..." "Prove it..." "Prove it?" Rhjamiz was confused. She stared down at the one thing that had caused her to hurt Ryoko so bad: Ryoko's cock. (Everyone): *dead silence* She crawled down on her hands and knees and sat there for a moment, waiting for... no reason... Ryoko reached her hand down and stroked herself. "It needs attention..." Rhjamiz leaned forward, now on her elbows and knees, and flicked her tongue briefly over the tip of Ryoko's cock, (Kevin): Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I can't take it, turn it off! Turn it off! (Ken): Thank God. (Washu over intercom): Actually you can than me, I'm the one who stopped it. (Seven): Can we go now? (Washu): Sorry, but my experiment has just started. However, I'll be merciful. I have a good one, and it's not a lemon. (Nagi): Good. (Washu): It's actually a cross over. (Kevin): Fair enough, lets get started then. An Xover story by Thomas Holmes Summary: Meet the new, improved Sakuya! (Kevin): Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! Put the other fic back on, I'd rather watch that! (Washu): Don't be a baby. It's not that bad. (Kevin): It's worse, it's Sakuya! Devil woman! And she's in for the fight of her life! (Kevin): Please God, I'm begging you. Let her lose. She must die and burn in hell! Copyright stuff: Tenchi In Tokyo (Nagi): I'm just glad they left me out of that one. and other series are copyright Pioneer Pokemon (Lobo): Pokemon? He's going to have pocket monsters in this fic. (Ken):...Uh, Lobo? How did you know that's what Pokemon was an abbreviation for? (Lobo):*nervous* Wha...ho...uh...I uh...well I just...uh overheard it somewhere...yeah that's it, I overheard it. Nothing more than that! Nothing at all, what...what you looking at? is copyright Nintendo, Creatures, GAMEFREAK. Table of Contents: Prologue (or: No Need to Steal a Prologue from Majora's Mask) (Ken): So does that mean Tenchi is going to be robbed by a mischievous skull kid who leads him into a strange alternate world before turning him into a shrub? Chapter 1: Tenchi (not) In Tokyo (Seven): It seems we have some good fortune. (or: No Need for Magic) Chapter 2: Sakuya's Return (Kevin): Nooooooooooooooooooooo...ohmp! (Washu): Enough already! We get it, you hate Sakuya. If you yell like that any more I'm going to use you as a crash test dummy for the safety devices I'm installing for Mihoshi's ship. (Kevin): Iv bin gut (Washu): What? (Kevin): I'll be good. (or: No Need for a Short Chapter) Chapter 3: Sakuya's OTHER Secret??? (or: No Need for a Rival) Chapter 4: Team Rocket Rocks Tokyo! (Lobo): Alrigh...um, I mean, whatever. (Ken): Lobo? (Lobo): I said never mind! (or: No Need for Jessie and James) Nintenchi! (or: No Need for a Power Switch) Episode 1 Sak's Back! (or: No Need for a Comeback) Prologue (or: No Need to Steal a Prologue from Majora's Mask) On the planet Jurai, there echoes a legend. A legend held dearly by the Royal Family that tells of a boy... A boy who, after battling evil and saving Tokyo (Ken): Wait, they tell this on Jurai? Do they even know that Tokyo exists there? crept away from that land that had made him a legend... Done with the battles he once waged in the frozen city, he embarked on a journey. A secret and personal journey... A journey begun with a beloved and invaluable friend... A friend with whom he parted ways when he finally fulfilled his heroic destiny and left the illusionary world... (Kevin): Wow, that is a rip off of Majora's Mask. (Lobo): You realize who the 'invaluable friend' is, don't ya? (Kevin): Don't remind me! Chapter 1 Tenchi (not) In Tokyo (or: No Need for Magic) (Tenchi against a black background, saying the following paragraph.) " She said she would remember me. But that didn't make any sense, because... (Kevin): she wasn't real! You were tricked! It was all a trick! Forget about her, move on! You've got better women at home, much better! I'd rather see you with Sasami than... (Washu): He'll be back shortly, just continue on without him. she was just... a shadow... But there was a strange object she had given me there... a triangle... with an S..." (Ken): This fic brought to you by the letter S (Lobo): For sex. (Tenchi in his bedroom.) Tenchi woke up thinking about Sakuya. (Kevin): *very far away* Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! Who wouldn't, in his position? (Seven): What position. He has his choice of five women, ranging from semi- willing to will-jump-in-bed-in-a-second. Why would he spend his time thinking about someone who never really existed. He unconsciously reached back in his pocket. And it was still there. It shouldn't be there, (Lobo): a condom? but it was. The triangle. Didn't the paper... yes! (Flashback: Tenchi and Sakuya somewhere in the dream world.) (Nagi): This format is really weird. (Ken): True, but then again, the format we're being written in isn't that different. (Seven): But we're in an MST, so it makes sense. Writing a normal story like that is just, strange. "Take this and read these words," said Sakuya. "Sakuya... enter this triangle... and regress to reality!" At these words the triangle had glowed... (end of flashback) "Regress to reality..." That was the key. Was it still glowing? Yes! And now he saw... the lock. He said the words he had learned then... "Sakuya ... release your lifeforce NOW!" (Lobo): Hold up, I'm confused... (Seven): Hardly a rare event. (Lobo): He's going to bring Sakuya back to life, with a piece of paper? (Nagi): Looks like it. (Lobo): Damn! The room was filled with light... Chapter 2 | Sakuya's Return (or: No Need for a Short Chapter) "By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!" (Ken):...the hell? (Nagi): What the...? (Seven): But how...? (Lobo): Oh great, Captain Planet. That guy's a bigger panzy than ol' supe's. "I always wanted to say that." "It's YOU!" said Tenchi. "Yes, it's me." said Sakuya. (Ken): Wow, talk about your unfunny and totally lame lines. "But... how?" asked Tenchi. (Nagi as Sakuya): You tell me. I was in the most wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone, with all these little guys in red suits who poked me with pitchforks. "Actually... I don't know..." said Sakuya. "Want to watch TV, Sakuya?" (Ken): Oh yeah, that's how I would greet a recently resurrected girlfriend. Wow your alive, hey how about some TV, I think 'Who's Line is it Anyway' is on now. "Sure, Tenchi!" (Tenchi's living room.) They flipped through the channels and saw this report. Chapter 3 Sakuya's OTHER Secret??? (Ken as Tenchi): You have a secrete Sakuya? (Nagi as Sakuya): Yes Tenchi, I'm sorry I never told you but...I'm a lesbian. Ryoko is my true love. (or: No Need for a Rival) "The city is being devastated (Ken as News anchor): We'll tell you which one, after the commercial. by a strange person calling herself The Illusionator. (Lobo): *Very sarcastic* Ooooooooo, the Illusionator. What does she do, embarrass you to death by making it look like your running around in your underwear? She is looking for a young boy named Tenchi, seeking revenge for his defeat of Yugi..." (Nagi as Anchor): All of which we learned from the Illusinator herself, who was kind enough not to kill our camera crew until after the interview we had while she was trashing the city. said the anchor. They flipped it off. "WHAT! She's BACK?" said Sakuya. (Ken as Tenchi): Why not, your back. "Who? Who's back?" asked Tenchi. (Seven): The Illusinator, obviously. He was confused that Sakuya actually knew this person. "Yugi's other rejected creations told me all about her at the gap between dimensions. (note: Zelda: Ocarina of Time players who have the Forest Medallion will recognize this place.) (Nagi): Gee, don't make it too obvious that you ripped off the Zelda series. She was one of the most hated enemies of all Yugi's creations. She turned rogue and refused to follow Yugi's directions, even after she had taught Yugi all her powers..." (Lobo): Huh? Wait, Yugi created the Illusionator, but the Illusionator taught Yugi her powers. But then the Illusionator couldn't have been created before Yugi learned her powers, but then Yugi wouldn't have her powers to create the Illusionator, so...uh, how could... (Seven): Someone stop him before he gets any more confused. said Sakuya. Suddenly, the tw ,o heroes (Ken): What luck, it's the tw, o heros. Not to be mistaken with the TWO heros, the finest airline heros around. were transported to the city. (The streets of Tokyo. A gigantic "Nintendo" sign is visible in the background.) "She's here!" shouted Sakuya, (Seven): Technically, you are actually there, since you moved and she didn't. (Lobo): What happened to you? (Kevin): *calmly and slowly* Well, Washu made good on her threat. She used me as a crash test dummy. That's why my clothes and hair are all messed up. But after she was done and going over the results, Mihoshi showed up. Washu mentioned something about all her labs being interconnected through pseudo- space. Anyway, Mihoshi asked about me and when Washu explained what had happened, she got all excited. Said something along the lines of 'I can't believe you'd take such a risk for me, your so sweet.' Then she kissed me. It was kind of nice. But then she started messing around with Washu's computer, and I ended up back here. (Ken): So how do you feel? (Kevin):........good. (Washu): *among the sounds of alarms* No don't touch that! Just stop! No, wait!*Explosion* Dammit Mihoshi! (Kevin): So, how's the fic going? (Nagi): Well, it's better than the first one. (Kevin): Okay, well I'm ready. over the strange noise. ZEEuuZEEEuuuuuZEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.... Suddenly, there was another bright flash, and The Illusionator appeared. (Kevin): Who? (Seven): Just follow along as best as possible. And another, and another, and another, until they were surrounded by images of the Illusionator. (Ken): Gee, image someone called the Illusionator being able to create illusions. Didn't see that one coming. "Well, well, well. Look who's here." said The Illusionators in unison. "Two of my greatest enemies, here at once! But how did you get here, Sakuya?" (Nagi as Sakuya): I took the bus. "That's none of your business." said Sakuya. "But it's me you want, isn't it? Tenchi just beat your creator, (Seven): Actually he didn't. He convinced Yugi to surrender because there was no reason to fight. It was really a rather anti-climatic end to the series. and you just got mad enough to attack!" (Nagi as Sakuya): even though you went rogue and rebelled against Yugi and so have no real reason to fight for revenge. "Enough back story. Let's get on with it." said the Illusionator clones. So Tenchi tried to destroy The Illusionator, (Kevin): Right, Tenchi is such an aggressive person. He always attacks before attempting to reason. (Ken): And what was he using to attack with. Since this is Shin Tenchi he can't use the light hawk wings or the Jurai power. The only weapon of power he has is the sword formed from the crystals he gave the girls. And I don't see them around anywhere. but every time he tried, it was a brick wall. (Kevin as Tenchi): Ya! *smack*Ow! Ya! *smack*Ow! Ya! *smack*Ow! She switched places too fast. "Tenchi, wait! I'll do this." said Sakuya. "YOU?" said Tenchi. (Ken as Tenchi): You almost got taken out by a giant mechanical rat, what makes you think you can handle a real threat? "What, you think I'm powerless or something? (Lobo): Yes, cause you are. Now, because of some strange occurrence, I think I have... ahem... special techniques." hinted Sakuya. (Lobo): Ya know, I's heard the same thing from a hooker before. (Kevin): Normally I'd yell at you, but since it's Sakuya, I'm going to thank you instead. So she shouted m (Nagi as Sakuya): M! Damn, why didn't it work? "ILLUSION... POWER... VISION!" She looked around with her special illusionary vision, and waited until the real Illusionator was right in front of her, and shouted "ILLUSION... FIRE... BALL... ATTACK!" (Kevin): Maybe it's just me, but wouldn't it make more sense for the Illusionator to use moves named like that. I mean really, what's up with all the illusions? She held out a hand, and a fireball shot out of it, straight at The Illusionator! The Illusionator now went on the attack, sending blocks crashing down on them. (Ken): Tetris attack! Oh no! Sakuya used fireballs to burn up the blocks. "Very creative!" (Lobo): No it isn't. (Seven): Definitely not if Lobo doesn't think so. (Lobo): Hey thanks, glad someone finally agrees with me. (Seven): *quietly* Idiot. said The Illusionator. She then changed to an enormous size. (Insert Mario sound here for when you get a Super Mushroom.) (Ken): Insert Mario's low time music, because this is going downhill fast. So Sakuya shouted "ILLUSION... SUPER... FIRE... ATTACK!" and sent an enormous star-shaped fire sculpture straight at The Illusionator. "SAKUYA used FIRE BLAST." said Tenchi. (Nagi as Sakuya): No you idiot, I used illusion super fire attack. Men! I swear, you never listen. She went flying really fast and kept going into the air. "I'm blasting off again! No wait... for the first time!" yelled The Illusionator. (Ding!) (Lobo): Hey! No one rips off Team Rocket and gets away with it! Why that dirty fragging... (Ken): Uh Lobo? (Lobo): What!? Oh, uh, I's mean um...Team who? No wait! (Kevin): Lobo, do you watch Pokemon? (Lobo): Of course not! I's just uh, oh geez, think, think, think, uh...*Groans* Okay fine, so I's watch Pokemon. Go ahead and laugh. (Kevin): Hey, it's alright. I used to watch it too. (Lobo): Really? (Kevin): Yeah...then I recovered from my concussion. (Lobo): I'll give ya a concussion! Let me outta this damn chair! And so, Gonce again (Seven): I believe Gonce is the name of an instrument on the planet Flon. It's like an accordion. (Ken): Accordions , the day is saved, thanks to... (Kevin): frosted flakes? They bring out the tiger in you. (Nagi): the author suffering a sudden and lethal heart attack? (Seven): the local authorities? (Ken): Superman? (Lobo): Hey! I's don't want to hear that boy scouts name in my presence. The Powerpuff Girls? Too many. Ash, Misty and Brock? They would be toast! That interdimensional rift that just opened up right next to Tenchi and Sakuya? Interdimensional rifts can't save the day, silly. Goku? Wrong... INTERDIMENSIONAL RIFT??? (Ken): What the hell is this? (Kevin): Basically the same thing we just did, so shut your mouth before someone accuses us being hypocrites. Watch out!!! Chapter 4 Team Rocket Rocks (Lobo): Damn right! (Ken): I guess it takes a loser to like a loser. (Lobo): Hey! Why don't ya try saying that to my face! (Ken): I would if I could out of this chair. Tokyo! (or: No Need for Jessie and James) (Kevin): Finally, the author gets one right. How do I know all this stuff happened? (Kevin): Because you're the author and your making it all up as you go along. Duh. I was there. There were actually EIGHT crystals, not seven (the last one was kept by Tenchi as well), and when the, in my brother's words, "psycho monkey" stole them, one remained, rolled into Washu's lab, into one of her experiments, and into my hand. (Seven): If that was true, how would Tenchi have been able to create the sword with one of the crystals missing. (Ken): He wouldn't have, and Yugi would have vaporized him and won. I found out what it was, and instantly went the opposite way, into Washu's lab, (Nagi):This is the most pathetic SI I've ever seen. (grabbing the experimental triangle while I was in there) past all the confused people, (I hope nobody noticed me.) (Ken): Damn! If Ryoko had seen him running around with one of the crystals at that time she would have thought he stole them, killed him, and spared us all the horror of this fic. and out. There I lived in secrecy until Yugi froze Tokyo (and outlying areas.) I followed Tenchi up to Yugi and WHAM! I accidentally was sent to the dream world too. (Seven): I'm so certain that a being with Yugi's powers and abilities would be unable to notice him running around, especially while carrying one the crystals. That would be like trying to sneak into Borg space while broadcasting " Here I am" on all frequencies. I was the one who put the paper with the incantations and the triangle on the ground where Sakuya could find them. (Kevin): So it his fault Sakuya is alive!? I'll kill him! (Lobo): Hey bro! Come back, we're still floating through space remember? (Nagi): Shut up! If he gets himself killed we might be able to get out of this MST. (Lobo): Oh, good thinking. I carefully researched this idea, and I made sure it worked. And it did. Of course, you know I'd be there to witness Sakuya's first real fight. (Ken as author): seeing as I am Sakuya's only fan. But I wasn't thinking it would come to this. Anyway! The interdimensional rift had just opened up, and three voices chimed in with their famous motto... "Prepare for trouble, Tokyo!" said the woman. "Make it double , 'cause here we go!" said the man. (Lobo): To protect the world from devastation! "To protect the world from devastation!" said the woman. (Lobo): To unite all peoples within our nation "To unite all peoples within our nation." said the man. (Lobo): To denounce the evils of truth and love! "To denounce the evils of truth and love!" said the woman. (Lobo): To extend our reach to the stars above! "To extend our reach to the stars above!" said the man. (Lobo): Lobo! "Jessie!" "James!" (Lobo): Team Rocket, blast off...Ump! (Nagi): Thank you Washu. (Washu): No problem, that was more than I could handle, even for the purpose of my research. (Ken): Hey Washu, what about me? (Washu): What about you? (Ken): Hey! (Seven): May I be released, Little Washu? (Washu): Of course! (Seven): Thank you. (Ken): Uh, Little Washu...? (Washu): Forget it, too late now. (Ken): Dammit! "Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!" said Jessie. "Surrender now, or prepare to fight!" said James. "Meowth! That's right!" "Oh no! Not..." "Team Rocket!" shouted the heroes. (Lobo): Why would Team Rocket be afraid of themselves? (Ken): That's not who the author was referring to when he used the term 'heros'. "Who'd you expect, King K. Rool?" said James. (Nagi): I think someone here plays too much Nintendo. "This should be an easy Pokemon battle." said Sakuya. "But Pokemon don't even exist!" said Tenchi. (Seven): Amazing, he actually got one right. Pokemon don't exist in the Tenchi universe. In fact, he shouldn't even know what Pokemon are. Jessie and James were confused. "Well, you thought I di )dn't (All): Huh? (Nagi): Didn't this person even bother to spell check his work? (Ken): Obviously, he di)dn't. exist anymore, and I could. Why can't Pokemon?" said Sakuya. She shouted "ILLUSION... POKE... BALL... CREATION," (Nagi): Enough with the illusions, isn't anything real in this fic? < A portal opens and Washu drags Kevin's body through with her. He is blue and shivering, while taking deep breaths of air. His eyes and hair are frozen.> (Nagi): Dammit Washu, why did you have to save him? (Washu): He's the author, how can I conduct my experiment without someone to write the MST? (Lobo): I could do it. What? I really could. (Washu): Seriously now, I need him alive. And before you ask, yes that is a warning. So don't try anything. < Portal opens and Washu leaves> pressed her hands together, and a Pokeball appeared in them. She threw the ball, shouting "Go! MEWTWO!" A Mewtwo popped out. (Lobo): A Mewtwo. There is only ONE Mewtwo! No more! (Ken): Remember, it's an illusion. (Kevin): S...s...s...s...so c...c...c...co...cold. "M-M-M-Mewtwo!" shivered Jessie and James. So they ran away back into the interdimensional rift. Tenchi and Sakuya stepped through the rift, (Nagi): Why? Why would they do that? Where's the motive? (Ken): Same place as the plot, characterization, and grammar. Getting wasted at the local bar and leaving the author with nothing to work with. and I followed... (Seven): Never to return. (Everyone else except Kevin): Hurray! (Kevin): I can't see! I'm blind! To Be Continued Preview of Next Episode Hey, this is Tenchi! (Seven): That is so run together you can't tell what's what. On our next episode, we get to be Pokemon trainers. (Ken as Moe): Oh, dear God NO! But Butch and Cassidy are wreaking havoc on Pewter City! And where were the rest of the gang during all this? (Ken): getting drunk? (Nagi): fighting? (Seven): Struggling to escape before the author included them in the story? (Lobo): Having sex? What? (Kevin): Plotting to kill Sakuya? Oh please oh please oh please oh please... All this and more on the next episode of the new Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction Series, Pika Power! (or: No Need for an Ultra Ball) Looks like we're not going to be home anytime soon... (Everyone): *groaning* Ohhhhhhhhh. ______________________________________________________________________________ -Lobby- (Washu): Better or worse? (Kevin): Worse (Washu): Better or worse? (Kevin): Worse. (Washu): Better or worse? (Kevin): Much worse. (Nagi): Washu, shouldn't you try going the other way? I mean, isn't the point of an eye test to find which lens helps improve his eyesight? (Washu): Oh this isn't an eye test. It's a fanfic tester. Better or worse? (Kevin): Oh God! No! That's horrible! (Washu): Perfect! I've found our next MST. (Nagi): Ah shit. (Washu): Oh, and one more thing. *shouting* May I have your attention please? (Lobo): Later, I'm winning. (Ken): No no no, come on, I can beat him! No, that's not how I kick, who programmed this thing. Where's my fireball? (Washu): *sigh* (Lobo): Ow. (Ken): That hurt. (Washu): now that have your attention. I would to announce an addition I'll be adding t the MST. (Kevin): Wait a minute Washu, this is my MST. You can't just add things in whenever you feel like it. (Washu): Actually I can. Your forgetting, you aren't the real author, only a written form of him by him. And he has decided to grant me the power to do whatever I want. (Kevin to Kevin): You son-of-a-bitch! (Washu): As you can see, you have no power in this MST. (Kevin the author): Neither do you Washu. I have sole power. (Washu): *seductively* But you'd be willing to share that power, right? ( Author Kevin): *Dreamily* Oh course Washu-chan. (Washu): Great! (Lobo): Whoa! Hey do that again! (Washu): What, this? (Lobo): Oh yeah. (Washu):< Rubs her hands down her body> You like what you see? Wait a minute, this isn't like me. Damn you Kevin, turn me back! ( Author Kevin): Sorry Washu, but you want power, you have to stay an adult. It's what everyone wants after all. (Washu): Point taken. Fine, I'll stay this way. *very quietly* For now. *Normal* Anyway, my announcement. I've decided to introduce guest stars to our MST. But not just any guests. I will be choosing people from your minds. People who you will have a strong reaction to. My first choice comes from Kevin. I believe he will be quite...excited. -to be continued- ______________________________________________________________________________ (Kevin): Who is it? ( Author Kevin): Just you wait. (Lobo): Hey, I's think it's a woman. (Seven): What tipped you off, the long hair or the slender form. (Nagi): It better not be who I think it is. (Ken): Hey, it's... (Washu): Goodbye everyone, see you next time.