The StarShip TeaCup Chronicles: MST of 'Washu's Name is Spelled with One 'U' 
Damnit'

It is the 24th Century. A riot on a prison spaceship, the STARSHIP TEACUP, means 
that for the 
prisoners that survived to return home, they must MST Fan-Fics by authors. 
Unlike most MSTers, 
they now want to sit through the evil pieces of writing that should never had 
been written, never mind posted up on Fan-Fiction sites the world over in order 
to get home.

However, there is a disturbance in the force. A new part of the ship has been 
discovered, which houses other convicted felons, who must also do their 
community service. Private Conor O'Neill had been searching for files on how 
many Fan-Fics they must MST before they are released. He found out that there 
were 5 classes on the ship. The renegades were Class 1, which was reserved for 
super evil killers, such as Insane. This new level, according to O'Neill, was 
Class 2 of the ship. This class was let loose when the doors were opened when 
all the ofFicers were killed. All hell broke loose, but, the Class 2 prisoners 
soon calmed down and formed a healthy community. There has been no news of the 
other 3 classes, but the others don't really care. Evil Tina, being evil and 
all, decides to let out only 2 females in an attempt to level out the number of 
males to females on the MST team. Tots cries.

Emma C, who is found who was an actual officer on the starship, before she was 
thrown in jail for spending too much time on the Internet, concludes that only 6 
people may MST at any one time. Therefore, two MSTers must be kicked off the 
squad, and allowed to MST some other time. Insane tells the team that he must 
stay because he's the leader of the renegades. Tina wants her and the other two 
females, Caggie, and Betty, to stay as well. Tots cries.

Therefore, there is room for only two more people who may be allowed into the 
team and into the 
chance of leaving the starship before anyone else. Sane Shane, Tots, Jammy and 
Jammy must battle for supremacy. Sane Shane makes a deal so that he gets onto 
the next Fic with Insane, and goes off the competition. Tots has a staring 
competition with Jammy. Jammy wins and Tots is thrown off the squad. However, 
Jammy then realises that Tina is holding some sort of sharp metal object and 
lets Tots go back on. Tots laughs.

And so, the MSTers are as follows:

Insane - Known as 'Mad Shane' before he took the name of Insane up permanently, 
he is the leader of the renegades. Was responsible for finding and killing Ryo-
Oh-Ki, the evil writer of 'At the Carrot Patch', he showed his true colours and 
lived up to his name. Has been walking about the ship calling people 'chief' and 
attacking doors. God knows why. He is wearing a sleeveless shirt and tracksuit 
bottoms. His hair has grown back a bit.

Tots - Having told everyone he beat up Jammy, Tots has been showing off his 
power. He has none of course. Tots was supposed to find Ryo-Oh-Ki, but instead 
went for a round of golf. Twat. Responsible for opening the doors to the cell, 
and that's really the only thing he's useful for. Wearing shorts and a football 
top, Tots shows he's a supporter to the end. However, Tina didn't like the 
football team and beat him up.

O'Neill - Let into the group by default, O'Neill has kept quiet and has been 
giving Tina strange looks. No-one really cares. Tried to kill a cat before 
finding out it belonged to Sane Shane. Suffice to say, he was not pleased. 
O'Neill has been quite boring recently. Shame. He is wearing an expensive shirt 
and jeans.

Tina - A curious orange. Tina was described last time as someone who was 
extremely evil and in tune with 'The Dark Place'. However, she decided not to 
use how powers of evil. Strange really. This seems to have drained Insane's 
powers as well. However, now with more females around her, she has seemed to 
have relaxed and been slightly more evil. She has ditched her blood red top, and 
is instead wearing a shiny black leather top to match her long coat and 
trousers.

Caggie - A newcomer, Caggie has gotten on quite well with the other MSTers. She 
was thrown in jail for indecent exposure and doesn't seem very unhappy about it. 
The locks to her cells in her block were opened as soon as all of the other 
ofFicers were killed by Insane's renegades. She has been living on gruel all 
week and is happy to be in the Class 1 deck where you get to have 3 flavours of 
gruel, as well as ham. She is wearing a nurses uniform for some strange reason 
and her blonde hair is tied up in a bun.

Betty - Caggie's partner in crime, so to speak, Betty has also gotten on well 
with the other MSTers. She had led a brief rebellion in the cell block against 
the remaining ofFicers. This was quickly stopped when the ofFicers had to be 
rushed off to help fight Insane's renegades.. Betty is wearing a set of clothes 
that resemble that of a teacher, including the short skirt, shirt with open 
buttons, and, worryingly, a whip.

Other people worth mention:

Emma C - An ofFicer on the ship, thrown in jail for racking up the phone bill by 
staying on the 
Internet. At first, the renegades reaction when they found out Emma C was an 
officer was much to be desired. However, they soon relaxed and all is well 
again. Unfortunately, Emms Mc can still not be found. Emma C is trained in the 
act of MSTing and works as in the projector room. Will occasionally talk.

Neurotic Distortion - The house band who work with the MSTers. Kieran, the 
guitarist was 
responsible for killing Ryo-Oh-Ki. There was much rejoicing. Sean, the vocalist, 
did damn all, and Ryan did even less. Sad gits. Lets hope they talk this time.


Note: The text within < and > refer to the Fan-Fic being MSTed. The text within 
- and - refers to the actions of the MSTers. I use script for whenever the 
MSTers add little tit-bits because its easier to write than like what I'm typing 
right now. There will, however, be a little intermission in the middle, where 
the MSTers set out to destroy the vile scum who wrote the Fic. You might want to 
get something to drink or something.
	Also, this Fic is a lemon. There are scenes of explicit sexual nature. 
Don't say you haven't been warned.
	On with the show.


-The theatre lights go on as the six MSTers make their way to their seats. Sane 
Shane and Jammy 
watch from a safe distance as the door is closed. Screens come down from the 
roof and show the 
various foods on offer. They make their selections and the food is brought out 
to them by Emma C-

Betty: Right people, when do we kill?
Insane: Usually during the interval.
Betty: -Tuts- I wanted to have some weapons.
Emma C: Oh wait, that reminds me.

-She disappears for a second and returns with the weapons in their cases. She 
places them out on the table behind the MSTers-

Emma C: This Fic is kinda evil if you love all the Tenchi characters. You might 
want these just in case you want some killing early.

-Betty cheers and runs over to the table, followed by the others. Soon, most of 
the weapons have disappeared, most of them held by Betty-

Emma C: But remember, you must finish the Fic, so you might not want to kill 
him/her/it until you have gotten to a really bad bit in it.
Tots: Works for me.
Tina: C'mon, on with the Fic.

<DAMNITALL PEOPLE WASHU IS SPELLED WITH ONE FREGGIN U!!!!!!!!!!!!!>

Caggie: What a nice start to the Fic.
Tots: Nice lad this fella.
O'Neill: It's true though. It is spelt with 1 U.
Insane: Spare us the English lesson. It can be spelt loads of ways its just that 
some people spell it with 
about 2 U's. Fools.

<if your gonna spell it with more than one use 15!!!!!!>

Tina: That's exaggerated.
Betty: Yeah. 15 U's would take up too much space.
Caggie: Take to much time to pronounce. It'd be like Washuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
Insane: Very nice Caggie.

<the moral to this story is 'friends don't let friends spell washu with 2 u's' 
and remember....>

Tots: Shouldn't the moral be after the story? Not before it begins?
O'Neill: I somehow doubt that this Fic has anything to do with Washu having one 
U in her name.
Insane: All agree?
Betty, Caggie, O'Neill, Insane and Tina: Aye.
Caggie: All opposed?
Tots: Nay.

-Tina hits Tots with a blunt object of some sort she takes out from her 
assortment of weapons. Tots falls over like a fool. Everyone points and laughs 
at him-

Tina: That'll teach ya.

<i take no responsability for any complexes this story may give you.... but 
please do enjoy it......>

-Tots gets up-

Tots: I'll get you back. Timmy.

-Everyone gives Tots a weird look. Except for Tina who gasps-

Insane: Timmy?
Tots: Yes, I know her secret.
O'Neill: What secret?
Tots: Just wait.
Betty: Complexes?
Insane: What?
Betty: The bit up there. He says you'll get complexes from reading this.
Insane: And the bastard won't even take responsibility for them.
Betty: Hold me.
Insane: Only if you hold me.
Caggie: Me too.

-The three hug each other and look around in fear as the others give weird 
looks-

<Washu's Name Is Spelled With One 'U' Damnit>

Caggie: He said that before.
Betty: It's the title.
O'Neill: Some bloody name. -Shouting at the screen- You suck at making up 
titles.
Insane: Gee O'Neill, you sire told that Fan-Fic. What next? Kicking chickens?
Caggie: Whipping ponies?
Betty: Poking terrapins?
Tina: Slapping turkeys?
Tots: Erm...

<Ryoko woke up one morning and scratched her head. Today was the day.>

Tina: The day you escape from crappy Fan-Fics?
Caggie: The day Tenchi makes his mind up?
Betty: The day there's a half-price sale on spuds down at Hendersons?

-Everyone looks at her-

Betty: What? I like sales.

<"Man I have to get Tenchi down to his new job as a drug tester or we won't get 
any money.">

Insane: A drug tester? What in the name of-
Tots: Oh wait I got one, kicking chickens.

-Everyone looks at Tots in silence-

O'Neill: Insane already said that. And you're a bit late there Tots.
Caggie: Poor Tots. Has all that banging on the head finally took it's toll? 
You're late at that too.
Tots: Shut up bee-atch.

-Silence-

Caggie: What did you say?
Tots: You heard me, you're a bee-atch.
Tina: Tots, you remember what happened to Jammy when he made fun of a girl?

-Tots remembers back to when Jammy made fun of Tina and got shot-

Tots: -Quietly- Yes.
Tina: There's a good. Whatever you are.

<What Ryoko told Tenchi when she got him the job was that they needed money for 
food and repairs on the house.>

Betty: Does Nobuyuki not work?
O'Neill: And doesn't Washu fix the house? For free?
Insane: I think this is just a rouse for some evil killing-type action.
Caggie: Killing?
Insane: Yes Caggie. I'm afraid this Fan-Fic has fallen ill to the dreaded 
'Tenchi goes mad and kills all' disease. This is usually caused whenever the 
author is so screwed up that he either hates Tenchi or all the characters so 
much that he fantasises about killing them.
Tots: It's sad really.

<The real reason was Ryoko's 5,000 dollar a day heroin habit.>

Insane: Hmm. I saw Ryoko drink in the cartoon, but never inject herself with 
heroin.
Betty: Can you not drink heroin?
Insane: What do you mean?
Caggie: In Trainspotting, he gives the dog the heroin.
O'Neill: Yeah, but it's not as good as the injection.
Tina: How would you know O'Neill.
O'Neill: Me? Heroin? No.
Tina: Erm, O'Neill, I didn't say you took heroin.
O'Neill: Look, just get off my case alright?
Tina: Erm, okay then. -Edges away from O'Neill-

<What everyone didn't know was that Ryoko was a needle freak.>

Tots: Ahhhhhhhhh! She's like that guy out of HellRaiser. PinFace!!!!
Tina: Twat. It means that she's addicted to needles.
Caggie: So she's a heroin addict? This is not going to end well.
O'Neill: Stop calling me a needle freak. I don't take heroin, okay?
Insane: Lets all just leave him alone.

<Yep she shook like a vibrator if she didn't shoot up every 6 hrs.>

Insane: Now, what would a vibrator shake like? Tina, What does a-

-Tina hits Insane with assorted instruments of pain, including some dairy 
products. He falls to the floor-

Emma C: Oh, that's where my milk went.
Caggie: What the hell is an hr?
Betty: Is that not short for hour?
Tots: Every 6 hours?
O'Neill: No I don't do it that often.
Tina: He's getting worse.

<So she went into Tenchi's room and woke him up.>

Tots: What? No moves in on him? No 'trying to get in his bed' attempts? She 
really must be a heroin addict.

-O'Neill is about to shout at Tots when his eyes suddenly glaze over and he 
mumbles for a bit before passing out-

Tina: What the hell happened to him?

-Insane stands up, sees O'Neill, passed out, and pushes him off his seat, before 
sitting in it-

Insane: I see O'Niell's grew bored of this Fan-Fic.

<"Time to get up for your new job. You don't want to be late." Tenchi looked up 
with his eyes half shut, "Ok Ryoko just leave the room so I can change.">

Caggie: Tut tut. This fella isn't very optimistic.
Betty: What do you mean?
Caggie: His eyes are half open, not half shut.
Insane: At least one of us sees the world sunny side up.
Tots: What? Is there some fried eggs here?

<So Ryoko left. Anyway it was time for her little 'Friend' to come by.>

Tina: Who? Sasami?
Tots: Washu?
Caggie: Ayeka?
Betty: That's not her friend.
Caggie: Good point.

<She went into the bathroom and took off her shirt.>

Tots: Oooooooohhhhhh, I didn't know Ryoko had that sort of friend.
Tina: Then why's she trying to get Tenchi.
Insane: It's madness, that's what it is.

<She made a needle materialize out of thin air and her white powder.>

Betty: Ryoko has a friend that's also a heroin addict?

-O'Neill stirs in his passed-out state before going back to sleep-

<She took a spoon from out of the cabinet that was hidden behind some towels and 
bent it.>

Insane: If she made white powder and a needle materialise, why would she have to 
hide a spoon?
Tina: You are a spoon.
Insane: And your a half-price, bargain-bin whore. But you don't hear me whining.
Tina: I'll let you off with that because it was a good slag.
Kieran: Show your support people.

-Everyone claps politely-

<Putting the powder in the spoon she heated it up using her power.>

Betty: Dear God, she's making heroin.

-O'Niell's eyes flicker open before he drifts off again-

Caggie: To think. There wasn't even a disclaimer at the top. It should warn 
children there's drug references in this.
Insane: It's telling you how to make the stuff isn't it?
Caggie: Unfortunately. It should be called 'Kids, Don't Do Drugs, Dammit.'
Insane: Maybe there'll be some sort of death due to drugs, therefore telling 
kids not to take drugs.
Tots: Would you two shut the hell up, as if anyone would ever read this never 
mind kids.

<Within minutes it was a clear liquid and she poured it into the needle.>

Tina: Oh right.
Betty: What?
Tina: I thought it was a needle. It's a syringe.
Tots: God Timmy, you're a twat.

-Tina gives Tots a dirty look as O'Neill wakes up-

O'Neill: Oh. What happened there?
Insane: You passed out.
O'Neill: Ah right. Dead on. What all's happened?
Tots: Ryoko is a heroin addict and is about to take some more now.

-O'Neills right eye twitches at the sound of the word 'heroin'-

<Then she lifted up her right breast revealing a series of needle marks. The 
needle pierced her skin and she injected the contents into her body. Immediately 
she started to feel better.>

Insane: O'Neill do you want to take this away?
O'Neill: Why?
Insane: Oh no reason. I just thought you had something to say about drugs.
O'Neill: Erm, okay. Well, for one thing, heroin is injected through the arm. 
With a belt. And it doesn't make you feel better automatically. It takes a while 
before you get high. Not that I would know anything about that of course -
Coughs-
Tots: Sure O'Neill. Whatever you say, mate.

<Tenchi knocked on the door startling her. Everything disappeared and her shirt 
materialized around her body.>

Tina: How could she do all that while high?
Caggie: She has amazing co-ordination.
Insane: Do you Caggie?
Caggie: Oh more than you would think.
Betty: Same here. Fancy a game of Twister tonight Caggie?
Caggie: I'd love to. Care to join us Insane?
Insane: Erm, eh, s-sure.

<She came out and put her arms around Tenchi. "So are you ready for your new day 
at work?">

Tots: New day at work?
O'Neill: She means first day at work.
Tina: I think the author is trying to disguise the fact he can't write properly 
by making it look like Ryoko is stoned.
Caggie: So, all this drug thing is to make it look like he can write a good 
drug-induced rambling?
Tina: That's the gist of it, yeah.

<"Really are you sure a drug tester is the only job that was open? I mean 
couldn't of you found me a job without the threat of personal harm to me? Like 
burger flipper or a seal clubber or a porn star. Anything would be better.">

Tots: What's a seal clubber?"
O'Neill: I dunno. Someone who dresses up like a seal and goes to raves?
Betty: Someone who beats seals. Awwwwwww the poor wee seals.
Insane: Tenchi wouldn't be a good porn star. He wouldn't know what to do with a 
girl.
Tots: Neither would you Insane.
Caggie: Ohhh, you're inexperienced eh? I can change that.

-Insane blushes-

 <"Oh quit your whining you little wuss" Ryoko said and pushed him gently, "Just 
take it like a man and get going.">

Tina: Gee, Ryoko must be stoned, she made fun of Tenchi.
Tots: Where's Ayeka? Usually she would come in at this point to stop Ryoko 
touching Tenchi.
Insane: Oh no.
O'Neill: What?
Insane: I just had an evil thought.
Betty: Pray tell.
Insane: Well, if this is one of those Tenchi-Kills-All Fan-Fics.
Caggie: Yeah.
Insane: And Ayeka is in it.
Tina: Go on.
Insane: Then Sasami is in it.

-Everyone screams-

Tina: No, never. They would never kill Sasami. That's illegal, that's immoral, 
that's pure evil. Even I have limitations.
Betty: Oh the horror.

<They went downstairs and she walked him to the door. "Have a good day," she 
said and pushed him out the door.>

Insane: Mick Foley said 'Have a Nice Day' as Mankind.
Tots: Where the hell did you see that?
Insane: WWF re-runs on TV.
Tina: How does Tenchi know where the drug tester place is? She just pushed him 
out the door.
Caggie: These Fan-Fics don't make much sense do they?
O'Neill: I doubt it.
Betty: Oh dear God!

<She waited a few minutes when she came to a realization.....>

Tina: -As Ryoko- Aw crap, I'm in a dumbass Fan-Fic.
Insane: -As Ryoko- I can simply do a Washu and tie Tenchi up. Like she does in 
so many other Fan-Fics.
Tots: -As Washu- That through his experiments, Heisenberg concluded that the 
accurate 
measurements of one of 2 related observical quantities, such as position and 
momentum, produces 
uncertainties in the measurement of the other. He even figured the parts of the 
uncertainties of the position, and the uncertainties of momentum, equal to or 
greater then "h" over 2 "pi", where, "h" equals Planck's constant. It means that 
observations in quantum mechanics always leave uncertainty.

-The others look at Tots in awe-

Betty: What the flaming flump was that?
Tots: I said the whole of Washu's ramblings in Washu's Science Song she sings on 
the kareoke.
Insane: What? Did you just memorise it?
Tots: -Hangs head in shame- Yes.

<there might be some really neat drugs at the doctor's office.>

O'Neill: As if she just suddenly wanted drugs just cos she had a heroin 
addiction. If she had one, she would only want heroin, not other drugs.
Caggie: What if one of those drugs is viagra?
Tina: That wouldn't help Conor.
Caggie: Why?
Tina: Cos he's already got the sex drive of a lonely dog.
Insane: How would you know?
Tina: Erm, he told me.
O'Neill: Erm, yeah. Dammit, erm, Tina. I told you not to, erm, tell any. one.

<"Screw this heroin habit, I'm going for the big time drugs.">

Insane: See if one of those drugs is viagra, I hope Sasami isn't around when he 
takes it.
Tina: Yeah, that last Fic was evil. -Shudders-

<She ran out the door and into the clear blue day.>

Betty: Oooooohhh, description.
Insane: Let's hope that's the most of the description.
Betty: What do you mean?
Insane: The last Fic had a bit too much description. And was viler than some 
sort of Tots-Tina hybrid.
Tina: Hey! I'm sure a Tots-Tina hybrid has plenty more things that are viler 
than it.
Insane: Such as?
Tina: -Thinks for a bit- I'll get back to you on that.
Tots: How can she go into the sky?
O'Neill. She can fly, jackass.
Tots: You've been doing some flying recently haven't you O'Neill?

<She made it to the office where Tenchi was supposed to be at and went inside.>

Caggie: Tenchi left like, about a minute ago. Why couldn't she just follow him?
Insane: Let's not really ponder stuff like that. If it doesn't make sense, you 
can assume the Fic is a lemon. Or something that George W. Bush said.

<She walked around until she found a room where she found what she was looking 
for.>

Betty: And that room would be?
Tots: The bogs.
O'Neill: Some sort of suicide room to get outta crap Fics for ever.
Caggie: A room full to the brim with crappy Fan-Fic authors waiting to be mass-
murdered?
Tina: Nice one.

<Tenchi was sitting in a room in his underwear alone.>

Caggie: Woohoo! Time for some porn for the ladies now.
Tots: It's Tenchi in his underwear. That's not porn.
Tina: Would you rather see Tenchi stark-bollock-naked raping Sasami?
Tots: -Thinks for a bit- Go Tenchi and his boxers!

<"Hey......" Ryoko thought, "This might be a good chance to get Tenchi's Big 
Johnson.">

Insane: What the hell?
O'Neill: What's a guy called Johnson doing with Tenchi while Tenchi's in his 
underwear?
Tots: Is this author trying to make it out that Tenchi's gay?
Tina: You're gay Tots.
Tots: I could say the same about you Timothy.

-Tina glares at Tots-

Caggie: She's obviously talking about Tenchi's penis.
Betty: But what a name. I have more creative names for his penis than Big 
Johnson.
Insane: Such as?
Betty: We'll see later on Shane, see if any of them match yours.

Insane: -Blushes- Erm, ok. And it's Insane. To differentiate from Sane Shane.
Tots: Can I come?
Insane: No.

<She went on in and tried to put her hand down his pants.>

Tina: To find his 'Big Johnson' no doubt.
Tots: That's very blunt.
O'Neill: Yeah, like would she not even try to come onto him first or something?
Insane: She's been trying that for the last few years.
Betty: I hope we don't have to wait that long Insane.
Tots: I swear. Are you two nymphomaniacs are something?
Caggie: Why do you say that Tots?
Tots: Cos you're making all these comments about Insane.
Caggie: Don't worry Tots, we love you too. -Winks-
Tots: -Blushes profusely- Erm, ah, yeah. Thanks. Ahem.

<"Hey Ryoko what are you doing?" Tenchi asked.>

O'Neill: Look at that. He just says what are you doing. Not even a howdy-do. 
Manners Tenchi.
Tots: So O'Neill, what would you do? Say hello, bring her for some tea, then ask 
why the hell she's trying to grope you?
Insane: Let's ask Tina.
Tina: What are you talking about?

<But before she had a chance to answer a nurse walked in with a tray of pills.>

Insane: Caggie, that nurse is wearing the same uniform as you. But you look 
better in it.
Caggie: Yeah, and you know what that means?
Insane: You're gonna have to get changed?
Caggie: Unfortunately not Shane, It means that he's gonna take the drugs. Here 
comes the big viagra part kids.
Insane: Avert your eyes Tots, lest you get them poked out.
Betty: Somehow I doubt that this is gonna end very well.
Tots: What do you mean?
Betty: Well, not all drugs involve sexual, erm, deeds.
O'Neill: She's right you know.
Tina: So what else could happen?
Betty: Let's watch.

<'Ok kid you get to pick what you want to try...' The nurse told Tenchi.>

O'Neill: Woohoo! Selection.
Insane: O'Neill, just for the record, what kind of pill would you pick?
O'Neill: Hmmm. That's a hard question. Probably the smallest. Less chance of 
having loads of 
different drugs in it and ending up having an overdose.
Caggie: Wise choice.

<'Here this one!!!' Ryoko cut Tenchi off as she picked up a multi-colored pill 
and shoved it into Tenchis mouth.>

Tots: Ooooh, multi-coloured. Psychedelic.
Betty: Erm, Tenchi never spoke. How could Ryoko cut him off?
Tina: Maybe, whilst holding onto his Big Johnson, she leaned over and ended up 
cutting him off.

-The lads wince as they get what Tina's talking about-

O'Neill: Tina, that is evil.
Tina: Yes, but you'd love it.

-O'Neill shrugs-

<'Ok the phobia drug....' The nurse said as she scribbled down some notes on her 
notepad.>

Caggie: What notes?
Tina: Maybe the notes that he took that one.
Betty: For future reference just in case he dies, so she can take the same one.
Tots: What would that do?
Betty: She can kill herself and exit from this Fic.
Tots: Oooooooh, very good idea.
Insane: Question: what does this phobia drug do?
O'Neill: What do you mean?
Insane: Does it give you phobias? Or does it get rid of them? Or does it trigger 
them? Or what?
Betty: Well, if it gets rid of them, then he won't be afraid to release his Big 
Johnson and make sweet love to Ryoko!
Tots: Woohoo!
Caggie: But, my dear Betty, you must remember, that this is a crappy Fic. I 
doubt any good can come of it.
Betty: Oh yeah. Let's see then.

<'So uhhhhhh...hey when do I get paid???' Ryoko whispered to the nurse. 'Only if 
he lives...' The nurse responded. 'Oh damn...'>

Insane: Damn?! What the hell? The love of your life is gonna die Ryoko, you 
should be at least a tiny bit unhappy about that.
Tots: Crack whore.
Tina: Bitch.
Betty: Woman whose morals and ethics are non-existent. For shame.
Caggie: You go Betty.

<Suddenly Tenchi started to convulse violently as he fell on the floor,>

O'Neill: Nooooooooo! Tenchi's dead.
Tots: He had a rich and wonderful life.
Caggie: Let us pray for him.

-They pray silently for a few seconds-

<then he jumped up and kissed Ryoko!!!>

Betty: He's alive! Alive! Alive!
Tots: Good lord!
O'Neill: It's a godsend!
Caggie: You know Betty, maybe you were right. Tenchi's sex drive has started to 
go through the roof. Maybe he did take viagra.

<'Wow!!!' Exclaimed Ryoko. Then Tenchi gently sat Ryoko down in a chair and took 
her clothes off, after witch he continued to caress her body gently.>

Tots: There's a witch in there?
O'Neill: Where did she come from?
Caggie: Maybe he's talking about the nurse.
Betty: Ooooh kinky. They're gonna make sweet love while someone watches.
Insane: Never did that before.
Betty: We can teach you then.
Tots: Can I come?
Caggie: I sure as hell hope so Tots, or else we're in kind of a rut.

<Ryoko was becoming very exited now!>

Insane: So am I.
Tots: Me too!
Caggie: Same here.
Betty: I always am excited.
O'Neill: I can see a pattern emerging here
Tots: Great minds think alike.
Tina: Then why aren't you thinking differently from the others?

<Finally Tenchi started rubbing Ryokos neck. The whole time the nurse kept 
taking notes.>

Betty: Very kinky Tenchi.
Caggie: Apparently, there's a spot on the neck that can cause immense pleasure 
when pressed during sex.
Tots: Do you know where that spot is?
Caggie: Yes.
Tots: Woohoo!

<Suddenly Tenchis neck started to twitch and the last thing Ryoko saw was a 
bulging vein on his 
forehead before he pulled the space pirates head clean off, or not so clean.>

-Everyone sits there, stunned-

Insane: I did not see that one coming.
Tots: Screw the thing tonight. I'm not in the mood now.
Caggie: Oh well, its just me, Betty and you Shane.
Insane: It's Insane.
Caggie: Yeah, but I feel that Shane is easier to scream than Insane.
Insane: Why would you want to scream Insane?
Betty: Take a wild guess Shane.
Insane: Oh I get it. If, like I'm sleeping or something and you want to wake me 
up.
Betty: Erm, yeah Shane, that's it.
O'Neill: So, here, what was Tenchi's phobia?
Tina: Good point. Did that drug disperse Tenchi's fear of getting caught when he 
killed Ryoko and decided to kill her cos he can't get away with it?
O'Neill: Well that's weird. Tenchi loves them all. Why would he just want to 
kill one of them?
Insane: Again, this Fic doesn't make sense on the best of times, I doubt it will 
make much sense later on.
Tots: It seems to be just an excuse to kill everyone.

<The nurse finished the notes and told Tenchi to come back tomorrow for more.>

Tots: Oh yeah, in the medical profession, when the patient tears a head off a 
person, its overlooked.
Tina: -Shakes head- Tut tut. I'm very annoyed at that. The author just murdered 
Ryoko without even having some sort of repercussion.
Caggie: So, if this is a Tenchi-Kills-All Fan-Fic, then there's how many left?
Betty: Lets see, Tenchi, Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, Nobuyuki, Yosho, Mihoshi, Kiyone, 
Washu, Ryo-
Ohki. That's ten.
Insane: Ryoko's dead.
Caggie: So there's nine left then? Dead on.

<"Hmmmmmmmm....... I'll just have Mihoshi drive me." Tenchi went home and slept, 
the next 
morning Mihoshi came over and picked Tenchi up.>

O'Neill: Can Mihoshi drive?
Tots: She can drive spaceships.
Caggie: Yeah but do they have a car?
Tina: Who really cares? This Fic hasn't made sense so far, I doubt it will make 
sense.
Betty: Another thing, did he just go home and sleep? He's just up, lazy bugger.
Caggie: If he had a night of erotic entertainment with us Betty, then that would 
be understandable, 
since we can tire people out pretty easily.

-Insane looks worried-

<'This was really nice of you Mihoshi! Since Ryoko signed me up for this I have 
to finish the week of drugs out.' Tenchi explained.>

Tots: Would he not even go, "Where is Ryoko anyway?"
Caggie: Maybe that phobia drug has a side effect which makes him think that 
everything he does is okay. Or maybe he forgot about it already.
O'Neill: Hmmm.
Insane: What are you thinking about O'Neill?
O'Neill: Well, if he took this phobia drug, and suddenly he isn't afraid to do 
things, maybe his phobia was that he was afraid of the consequences of his 
actions.
Betty: Ooooooh. Sciency. Tell us more.
O'Neill: Well, I bet he's afraid of the consequences because he doesn't want any 
of the girls to fall out with him if he picks one. So now that that's gone, due 
to the drug, he isn't afraid to do things since he isn't afraid of the 
consequences.
Tina: Oh, very good Conor.
Kieran: Show your support people.

-Everyone claps as Conor blushes under the attention-

<'It's no problem Tenchi! Really!'>

Tina: -As Mihoshi- No Tenchi, it's no problem, I'll just drive to the very place 
where, just 24 hours ago, Ryoko died in an evil and painful way.
Caggie: What did they do to her body anyway?
Betty: Probably take it away for research purposes or something.
Insane: You know what would be cool?
Tina: What?
Insane: If one of those drugs was a solid version of the G-Virus, you know the 
virus from Resident Evil. That would kick ass. Tenchi running about, mutated 
into a massive monster version killing everyone with his claws.
O'Neill: We've already got one of those. Its called Tots.
Tots: Stop slagging my hideous deformity.

<She giggled as she peeked over and wondered to herself,>

Caggie: I wonder if Tenchi was the one who killed Ryoko?
Betty: I wonder if Tenchi works out.
O'Neill: I wonder what is Tots' hideous deformity?
Tots: I wonder how to get Tenchi's Big Johnson?
Tina: What's Tots' hideous deformity

<You guessed it.....How to get Tenchi's Big Johnson!!!!>

O'Neill: That, Tina, is his hideous deformity.
Caggie: That's not right Conor.
Tots: No, actually it's true. It is.

<When they arrived they didn't even wait, Tenchi and Mihoshi went straight back 
and into the same room.>

O'Neill: Wait for what?
Tina: To wait in the waiting room, dumbass.
O'Neill: Shut your mouth, you bitch-ass crack-whore.
Tina: -Gasps- Needledick.
O'Neill: -Gasps- You promised you'd never tell. -Turns away from her-
Tots: Oooooooohhhh, fight.

<Tenchi was told to strip all of his clothes and Mihoshi refused to leave then.>

Caggie: Neither would I.
Betty: Tenchi has a rather nice package there doesn't he?
Insane: Jesus, we don't need you two to narrate the layout of Tenchi's genitals.
Caggie: Why Shane, are you getting a good enough look as it is?
Tots: Ooooooooohhhhhhh, fight.
Insane: It's not a fight jackass. It's a slag.
Tots: Please excuse me. Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhh, slag. Happy?
Insane: Ecstatic.

<'Ok take your pick...' The same choice of pills and the same nurse.>

Tina: How in any way could that help research?
Tots: Pray tell Tina.
Tina: Well, if it's the same choice of pills, what if he takes the same one? It 
wouldn't help at all.
O'Neill: Tots, tell that woman over there that it would help see if an overdose 
has any different effects.
Tots: Tell her yourself you lazy bitch.

<Tenchi grabbed a random pill and suddenly wondered why he was asked to strip!>

O'Neill: Should he not swallow it? Or does it dissolve through his skin?
Tina: I think we were supposed to use our intelligence and guess that he took 
it.
Betty: What does this drug do? Make you wonder why your naked?
Tots: Sometimes I wonder that.
Tina: Let's watch, see if Mihoshi dies a horrible death.

-Everyone boos-

<Why was he asked to strip anyway???>

Betty: You already said that.
O'Neill: Maybe this drug makes him ask stupid questions over and over again 
until the words have no meaning.
Insane: Like 'chew'.
Insane, Betty, Tots, Caggie: Chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, 
chew, chew, chew, 
chew.
O'Neill: Oh my mind is already numbed because of this Fic, don't numb it 
further.
Tina: Caggie, tell that Conor fella that no-one really cares.
Caggie: No one really chews Conor. I mean, cares. Chew.

<Suddenly it was as if he would read everyone's mind, The nurse was thinking to 
herself how 
impressive Tenchi was and Mihoshi was wondering if he had God in his pants.>

Tots: -Singing- What if God was in his pants?
Insane: -Singing- His testicles are the size of ants.
Caggie: -Singing- No one cares what he really wants.
Betty: -Singing- Just looking to escape this Fic.
O'Neill: I could have been a bloody sergeant, but noooooooooo, I had to get 
stuck on this godfosaken prison ship.
Insane -Whispers to Tots- O'Neill's talking to himself.
Tots: -Whispers to Insane- Who cares? It's only O'Neill.
Betty: Wait a sec. How is Tenchi impressive to the nurse?
Tina: His body.
Insane: His hair. On his head.
Caggie: His mind. Nurses like me like minds.

<Suddenly the voices got louder and louder,>

Insane: Apparently, I do what the voices in my head tell me to do.
Tots: Who told you that?
Insane: -Looks at Tots. He starts to nod and shake his head and whisper to 
himself. After a while, he smiles- Erm, no one.

<and then Tenchi ran over and grabbed one of the doctors packages of gauze and 
rammed it down the nurses throat suffocating her without even thinking twice.>

Caggie: Oh dear God.
Betty: This guys going to hell.
O'Neill: Tina's going to hell.
Kieran: If I'm going to hell, I'm bringing everyone with me.
Ryan: Even me?
Kieran: Hell no, you owe me money you twat.
Ryan: I miss a party? Arse.
Sean: Can I come.
Kieran: I dunno, you stole my underwear last week, I had to walk around with an 
unfurnished 
basement. It was disturbing.
Tots: Actually, Kieran, I have them. -Throws Kieran some torn boxers- You might 
want to wash them or something.
Kieran: Erm, here, you keep them Tots.

<Then he walked over to Mihoshi who was quite frightened now and just stood in 
front of her.>

Insane: Boring git. He just stood there.
Tina: Maybe he's thinking up a master plan to kill her.
Tots: Maybe he went blind.
Caggie: What if he kills her in a terrible painful and gory way?
Tina: Don't you worry Caggie, I have a plan. -Twiddles fingers in maniacal glee-

<Mihoshi didn't move, suddenly Tenchi grabbed her by the breasts and threw her 
onto the exam table>

Caggie: Good God!
Tots: Would that not rip them off?
O'Neill: Rip what off?
Tots: Her, erm...
Insane: Breasts.
Betty: Boobs.
Tina: Mammary glands.
Tots: Less of it now. I don't think the ladies are very comfortable with us 
talking about women's, erm, assets.
Caggie: Not really.
Betty: Yeah. We rather enjoy it.

<where he put her feet into the bracers and tore off all of her clothes.>

Betty: What the hell kinda drug did Tenchi take?
Caggie: Is it viagra?
Betty: Viagra doesn't make you hear things.
Caggie: Yeah, but it makes you horny.
Tina: He was hearing voices a minute ago. It must make him paranoid or 
something.
O'Neill: I'm hearing voices now.
Insane: God O'Neill, stop ignoring Tina, just make friends again.
O'Neill: Who's this Tina you're talking about?
Tots: Jesus, you are such a child.

<Tenchi was now chanting what she wanted to hear, "I've got God in my pants!" 
over and over.>

Betty: Shall we sing?
Insane: Let's.
Tots: -Singing- What if God was in his pants?
Insane: -Singing- His testicles are the size of ants.
Caggie: -Singing- No one cares what he really wants.
Betty: -Singing- Just looking to escape this Fic.
Tina: -Singing- And find his way home.
O'Neill: Erm, eh, -Singing- And a partridge in a pear tree.
Kieran: That deserves a clap.

-Everyone claps politely-

Ryan: Now don't do that again, cos if you do, you'll put us out of business, and 
I'll kill you.

-Everyone laughs-

Sean: We aren't joking.

-Everyone is silent-

<Mihoshi who was quite excited now began fondling her body trying to further 
turn Tenchi on.>

Tots: What the hell? Why? He just committed cold blooded murder by suffocating a 
nurse, and she's trying to get laid by him?
Insane: In instances like this, we just assume that the author is a jackass.
Caggie: That's been affirmed about 20 times in this whole Fic.

<Tenchi quickly grabbed all of the surgical instruments he could find and 
started ramming them into Mihoshi who soon blead to death.>

-Everyone except for Tina grabs the bags in front of them and vomit into them-

Tina: I've seen worse.
Insane: -Wipes mouth of vomit- Like what? Actually, don't tell us.
Tina: Okay, I've got an idea anyway.
Betty: Tell us Tina.
Tina: Okay, follow me.

-Tina stands up as the lights come on and the Fic stops. The others stand up 
with her and exit the theatre-

-~=*^*=~-

-Inside the containment room, where all the authors of the Fan-Fics lie in 
suspended animation, the MSTers enter-

Tina: Okay, here's the idea. Since the Fic is going to get even more evil, I 
suggest that, instead of going out to find the author ourselves, we release him 
and send out some of my evil space demons after him. Whenever they find him, 
they chase him about for a bit, poke him with sticks and stuff. And then, when 
we're ready, they'll bring him back and he'll get a good kicking from us.
Tots: And me.
Tina: Yes, you too Tots.
Insane: Seems pretty reasonable. Now where is the little blighter?

-Suddenly, Tots, who had been running around the room, ran up to Insane-

Tots: Shane!
Insane: It's Insane.
Tots: Whatever, right, here, wait til ya see!
O'Neill: What's that boy?
Tots: Writer. Yer man, wadda ya call him?
O'Neill: What's that Tots? You've found that evil writer of the Fic? You've 
found. erm. who is 
the author of this Fic?
Caggie: Apparently, some guy called Ray Moore. And his friend Steve.
O'Neill: Okay then. What's that Tots? You've found the evil writer of this Fic? 
You've found Ray and his mate Steve?
Tots: Erm, no. Just Ray.
Betty: What? I wanted to kill two people.
Insane: That's okay, we can kill some other fool.

-Insane starts looking about the tanks, reading the authors name and the names 
of their Fics that they are convicted of. He stops at one-

Insane: Okay. I found some sad git. His name is Stu Pidfuk.

-The MSTers giggle like schoolgirls-

Tina: Is that his real name?
Insane: Might be his pen name. He wrote a saga on how Tenchi raped everyone from 
Magical Girl 
Pretty Sammy Magical Girl to. -Goes quiet-
Caggie: Shane? What else did he write?
Insane: Erm, you don't really want to know. Let's just assume he's a wanker and 
needs killed.
Tina: With a name like that, I'm sure he is.

-Insane walks over to Ray's containment unit and opens it. There is a hissing 
sound as the water is drained and the wires connected to him fly off him. The 
door opens and he falls out. Insane then opens. Stu Pidfuk's capsule, sending 
him out in much the same way. As the two authors open their blood-shot eyes and 
focus on the MSTers, their faces contort into an expression of dread-

Tina: Right, listen you two, you both suck at writing and your Fics are 
terrible. If you want to survive, get the hell away from me.

-Ray's eyes widen as Tina points a semi-automatic at him. He wipes some of the 
fluid off his black clothes, that Stu is also wearing-

Ray: What the hell? Fics?
Tina: Yeah dumbass, the lemon Fics you wrote.

-Ray holds his head in his hands. Stu steps forward-

Stu: But I only wrote those for fun. I didn't mean no harm.
Tina: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. Either get your asses outta here or 
I'm gonna shoot you so much that you're ass will be called the only natural lead 
mine in this prison.

-Ray and Stu look at each other before running out the door-

Tots: You go Timmy!
Caggie: Yeah Tina. I'm impressed.
Betty: It seems me and Caggie aren't the only dominators on this ship.

-Insane, Tots and O'Neill gulp-

Tina: Thanks. C'mon back to the theatre to we finish this.

-The MSTers all leave the containment room-

-~=*^*=~-

-The MSTers enter the theatre-

Caggie: Did you notice how all those people in there wore the same clothes? All 
black.
Insane: Yeah. Apparently it's standard issue suspended animation uniform. 
Supposed to keep you 
warm while keeping you alive or something. Isn't that right O'Neill? -No one 
answers- O'Neill? - Still no one answers- Where is he?
Tots: And where did Timmy go?
Betty: What's all this about Timmy Tots?
Tots: Well, since she isn't here, I might as well tell yas. Right, when Tina was 
a child-

-Tina and O'Neill run in. They see the MSTers and start walking at normal pace. 
They fix their 
clothes which are ruffled-

Insane: Where the hell where you two?
O'Neill: Erm, no where. Where were you? Oh look, the Fic is starting.
Caggie: No it's not.
Tina: Yes it is. Emma! Start the Fic up.

-The Fic starts up again as they take their seats-

Caggie: Where were we?
Tots: Tenchi had killed Ryoko, Mihoshi and a nurse by taking drugs of some sort. 
It sucks.
Tina: That reminds me.

-She says some words in some strange language and holds a stone tablet in her 
hand. A portal of some sort opens beside her and she chants something. Suddenly, 
two creatures jump out of the portal. They have green skin and wings on their 
back. They closely resemble the flying Gremlin from Gremlins 2-

Tina: These are my two little friends, Gorman and Oliver.

-Gorman and Oliver make chattering noises and flex their wings-

Tina: Gorman, Oliver, I want you to look for 2 guys who are walking around the 
ship. They are 
dressed all in black. Don't hurt them, just bring them to me okay?

-Gorman and Oliver squeak and flew through the door-

Insane: Nice lads. I'm gonna take em out for a pint later on.
Tots: On with the Fic!

<Tenchi then left and when he got home asked Kyone to give him a ride tomorrow.>

Betty: He just left her body there?
Caggie: What an evil guy.
Tots: Is that not spelt Kiyone?
Insane: It is, but I think that Kyone is also an accepted spelling. Its a bit 
confusing since it's just how you write it, but they both mean totally different 
things.
O'Neill: This lesson in spelling and Japanese brought to you by Professor 
Insane, MD.
Insane: Cheers O'Neill.

<The next day it was a new nurse (what else the old one is dead!!!) and the same 
selection of pills.>

Tina: I dunno. That whole idea just annoys me.
Tots: Maybe O'Neill was right. It's for overdose purposes.
Tina: Tots is making too much sense. Let's kill him.
O'Neill: Nah too good for him.

<This time Tenchi was drooling while picking at the pills, he managed to pop one 
into his mouth and put most of the rest in his pockets>

Caggie: He managed?
Betty: Maybe he was so exhausted from killing the other three people that he 
could hardly put them in his pockets.
Insane: Wonder what drug he took.

<while Kyone flirted with he nurse.>

-They all stare goggle-eyed-

Tots: Kiyone's a lesbian?
Tina: It says 'he nurse'.
Betty: Maybe that's a typo.
Caggie: One of many.
Tina: So it should be 'the nurse'?
O'Neill: Yeah, but Kiyone might be a lesbian. She does live with Mihoshi after 
all. And she would do anything for Kiyone.
Tots: Eww, yuck.
Insane: What's that Tots? You don't like that?
Tots: All that oral shit does my head in.
O'Neill: Hmm. Oral shit. That's you Tots. Talking verbal diarrhoea.

<All the sudden when he looked at Kyone he saw a monster, continuously changing 
shapes and 
colors.>

Insane: Told ya! Resident Evil drugs.
Tina: But Kiyone didn't take the drugs, Tenchi did.
O'Neill: Ooooh, psychedelic. Groovy man.
Tots: -Looks funny at O'Neill- Pot-smokin' hippie.

<So Tenchi did the only humane thing....>

Caggie: Murdered himself to get out of this Fic?
Betty: Took an overdose, hereby getting rid of all the drugs stashed in his 
pockets?
Tina: Go on a mad killing spree and murder everyone?
Insane: I pick door number 3.
O'Neill: Is there a cash prize?
Tots: You've got enough money O'Neill. Posh fruit.
Insane: Mmmmmmm fruit.
Caggie: Peaches and cream eh?
Betty: Hold the peaches.

<he found the closest metal pipe and beat Kyone's brains in.>

-They MSTers sit with open mouths-

O'Neill: That's humane?
Insane: I can't believe it.
Tots: What? That this author can be so evil?
Insane: No. Tina was actually right!
Caggie: Right, so that's Ryoko, Mihoshi, Kiyone and a nurse. Magic.

<He kept hitting her until the steel pole was so far buried into his skull it 
was irremovable.>

Betty: Where did he get a steel pipe?
Insane: Tina, send some more vicious devils after that bitch.
Tina: Okay, give us a second.

-Tina mumbles again and another portal opens up. A large monkey-like creature 
jumps out. It's 
knuckles drag along the ground. It is followed by a spider-like creature about 
the size of a dog. It's top half resembles that of a wolf, while it's bottom 
half is arachnid-

Tina: Meet my new friends, Caldwell and Hewdon.

-The creatures make noises as if to introduce themselves-

Tina: Go my pretties! Go find the author of this piece of crap.

-The creatures crawl/stumble out of the room-

Tots: They better be toilet-trained.
Insane: Notice how Tina sounding like the Wicked Witch of the West there? Not a 
coincidence.

<Tenchi giggled insanely and went home. The next day him and Sasami walked to 
the doctors office together.>

Tots: Bloody hell!
Caggie: What's that Tots?
Tots: It said 'insane'.
Insane: About time he talked sense.
Betty: Why would Sasami go to the doctors office?

-All their eyes widen-

Tina: He wouldn't dare. No-one would kill Sasami.
Insane: Wanna bet?
Betty: Oh, I can't watch.

<When they got there Sasami hid behind a curtain to watch as Tenchi got 
undressed for the tests,>

Caggie: Here's a question: Why does he need to strip?
O'Neill: He asked himself that a few minutes ago.
Tots: I think it's really just an excuse to get naked.
Tina: And what an excuse.

<with her hand up her little dress she was wondering...>

Tina: Oh God. Kiddie porn. And kiddie masturbation. This is not my day.
Tots: What's she wondering?
Insane: Hmmm. Let me guess.

<yah yah yah we all know by now...>

Caggie: No we don't. Please tell us you piece of cow manure.
Betty: That's too good for him.
Insane: Bet you a pint Tots it's his Big Johnson.
Tots: No.
Insane: C'mon Tots. A pint.
Tots: No.
Insane: Please?
Tots: No.
Insane: Arse.
Tots: Not today.

<How to get his Big Johnson!!!!>

Insane: Dammit. I could have had a pint there.
Caggie: I think we all saw it coming.
O'Neill: Hehe. You said come.
Tots: Twat.

<After Tenchi popped the pill marked 'Anti-Vampirism'>

Betty: Does this get rid of vampirism from his body or does it make him want to 
kill vampires?
Tots: I doubt that would matter, really.
Betty: Good point.
Insane: If there's vampires, will Buffy be here.
Tina: Who?
Insane: -Sighs- My knowledge is wasted on you people. Watch re-runs for Christ's 
sake.

<Sasami decided to suprise him while the nurse took the pills away and walked 
out from behind the curtain totally naked.>

O'Neill: Who did? Sasami or the nurse?
Tina: Sasami.

-O'Neill screams-

<Tenchi quickly looked over and grinned,>

Tina: What's he thinking about?
Insane: A pint says that he's going to kill Sasami.
Tina: Stop betting or I'll send some demons after you!
Insane: That reminds me Tina. Whatever happened to my evil powers of doom?
Tina: Oh yeah, I decided to get rid of them.
Insane: Why? I was gonna have fun with them. Make the demons beat up Tots or 
something.
Tina: Because your not evil enough.
Insane: Bitch.

<he walked over and grabbed her feeling her young body all over>

Caggie: Oh no!
Betty: Paedofile!
Tots: It's 'At the Carrot Patch' all over again!
O'Neill: Avert your eyes, it might take on other forms.

<just before he bit into her neck and sucked all of her blood out.>

Insane: Didn't see that one coming.
Tina: Why did he feel her then?
Tots: Try and get some good place for veins.
Caggie: How do you know Tots?
Tots: Erm. Jammy told me.

<The next morning Tenchis testing was over, but he still had some pills he'd 
stolen from the other day.>

O'Neill: He didn't even go home.
Caggie: This isn't going to go down very well.
Betty: With who?
Caggie: With my stomach.
Tina: That reminds me.

-Tina creates yet another portal and this time, a griffin hops out and sniffs 
about-

Tina: Let me introduce you to Alinden. Alinden, kill.

-Alinden runs off to hunt down the two authors-

<He popped one labeled 'Viagra' just before Ayeka brought him his morning tea.>

Caggie: Right, kids, this is the big sexual part. Its is where you learn to fuck 
kids.

-The MSTers look shocked-

Tots: Caggie! That's not talk for a nurse to come out with.
Betty: Oooh, you're a bad girl Caggie. And I have a whip. Care to use it Shane?

-Insane nods his head madly-

<'Hey Ayeka....commere!!!' Tenchi ordered uniting her robes.>

Tots: -In the tune of the song they play at baseball games- Porn, porn, porn, 
porn, porn, porn, porn, porny porn, porn, porn, porn!
Insane: Shut the hell up Tots.

<'Ohh lord Tenchi!' Ayeka yelled as his hand slid up her leg. Tenchi and Ayeka 
were soon in his bed with clothes on the floor and Ayeka wondering how she got 
Tenchi's Big Johnson?!?!>

Betty: It's those magical blue pills. Do wonders for ya.
Insane: Do you have any?
Betty: Yes. Lots.
Insane: Woohoo!!!

<After the climax had come>

O'Neill: Hehe. Come.

-Tina smacks him-

<and gone Ayeka was screaming and Tenchi still going. 'NO STOP TENCHI ENOUGH I 
CANT 
TAKE ANY MORE!!!!!!' Ayeka yelled.>

Caggie: Hey look, the author has found the caps lock.
Tots: Turn it off man!
Betty: No can do Tots. Once he takes the little blue pill, he can't be turned 
off for a while.

<'TOO BAD BITCH!!!!!!! HERES ALL THE SEX YOU EVER WANTED YOU LITTLE WHORE!!!!' 
Tenchi yelled at her.>

O'Neill: Ayeka's not a whore.
Betty: And why isn't she being a dominatrix?
Tots: Tenchi's kind of raping her. She wants him to stop, and she won't.
Tina: I'm getting ready for more monsters.

<Before long Ayeka had died, screwed to death.>

Insane: Can that happen?
Caggie: Yes.
Insane: Will you do it?
Caggie: No. I'll be gentle.
Tina: I won't.

-Insane looks a bit scared but calms down when Tina opens the portal again, this 
time releasing a three-headed dog-

Tina: This is Bill.
Tots: Bill?
Tina: Yes. Bill.
Tots: Isn't that a kinda weird name?
Tina: What do you mean?
Tots: Well, it's all these cool names. Hewdon and all, then all you see is... 
Bill.
Tina: Whatever. Bill, kill what's-his-name.

-Bill growls at Tots before plodding out of the theatre-

<Then Tenchi left the body in his bed and popped a handful more pills. 
'Hmmmmmmmmmm what 
next???' He wondered.>

Tots: Keep taking drugs until you take an overdose and finally get out of this 
shitty-ass Fic?
Betty: Let's pray for it.

<He started walking aimlessly around the house totally naked until he came to 
the kitchen where he picked up a potato peeler and a bottle of bleach.>

Tina: Why would he do that?
Betty: Maybe it's like Hannibal Lecter. He's gonna tear someone's face off.

<Thats when his dad got home.>

Betty: Such as him.
Insane: Not Nobuyuki! He's the best.

<'TENCHI!!!! show some decency son!!! theres ladies in this house now!'>

Tina: -Tenchi- Oh no there's not dad. I murdered them all.
Caggie: Except for Washu.
Insane: Woohoo! Washu!
Tots: With one 'U'.

<Were Nobukis last words before Tenchi took the potato peeler to his fathers 
face. Peeling to the BONE!!!!!!>

Tots: Not just any old bone. But it peeled to his BONE!!!!!!
Insane: Scary stuff.
O'Neill: You know what else is scary?
Insane: Tots?
O'Neill: Yeah. But, also the fact that we aren't disgusted by this.
Caggie: We've grown immune to the death and pain.
Betty: Tina, aren't you gonna send out some more wee creepy demon things?
Tina: Nah, I've sent out 6 already. I'm sure they'll bring the bastards home.

<Then he grabbed the ivory hilted BUTTER-KNIFE!!! He took the butter-knife and 
the bleach and 
left the room.>

Betty: He's very descriptive about the butter knife. It's ivory hilted.
Tots: What does that mean?
Caggie: It means the hilt is made of ivory.
O'Neill: Tots you're a twat.

<He shoved the last of his pills in his mouth and quickly searches his pockets 
for more. 'DAMN I'M OUT!!!!!!' 'hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..............' Tenchi said as 
he got a maniacal grin on his 
face.>

Insane: Finally! The torment is over. All the drugs are gone.
Tots: But wait Insane!
Insane: Yes Tots?
Tots: He's got a maniacal grin!
Insane: Oh no! What can this mean?
Tots: He's becoming as mad as you.

<'Oh Washu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Tenchis innocent sounding voice rang out in the 
scientists lab.>

Caggie: Notice it's innocent sounding. Those drugs are making him smart.
Tots: How?
Caggie: He's making Washu think that he's all innocent, when he's just killed. 
how many people?
Tina: Ryoko, the nurse, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Sasami -They all shudder at the 
thought- Ayeka, 
Nobuyuki. That's it I think.
Caggie: What about Ryo-Oh-Ki?
Tina: She doesn't seem to be here.

<'Yes Tenchi???' Washu with one U Answered. 'Do you have any of those 
experimental drugs here???' He Answered.>

O'Neill: They both answered each other, yet they both asked questions.
Tina: Maybe it's like a game show where you must answer by asking a question.
Insane: What are you talking about?
Tina: What are you talking about?
O'Neill: Will you two shut up?
Tina: Why can't you?
Insane: See? Perfect examples of a joke gone wrong.

<All the sudden his eyes bulged out of their sockets (which is unusual for an 
anime character)>

Tots: Not unusual for people on this ship though.
Insane: Shut your ass Tots.
Tots: What? Why are you so annoyed all of a sudden.
Insane: Think, with you're little pig-brain. Washu is what age?

-Tots thinks-

O'Neill: Oohohohoh!!! Me, ask me!
Insane: -Sighs- O'Neill?
O'Neill: 7,000 years old.
Insane: Correct. But does she look it?
Tots: No she looks like a. 12-year-old.
Insane: Inddeed.
Betty: There's only 1 'D' in 'indeed'. You're becoming like this author.
Insane: No Betty, there's 2 'D's' in 'Inddeed'. It's copyrighted ya see. Now, as 
I was saying, since Washu looks like a 12-year-old, it's kinda like kiddie 
death, the same way as Sasami.
Caggie: By Jove! It's true. Bravo Shane.
Kieran: Show your support people.

-Everyone politely claps-

<as he saw Washu with the biggest bong he ever saw in the middle of her lab, she 
was using a 
baseball bat to pack the weed.>

Tina: Conor, it's your turn.
O'Neill: Okay. A bong is supposed to be packed tight. If she was using a 
baseball bat to pack the cannabis in, then she could never smoke it because the 
smoke wouldn't get back to her through the bong. If you know what I mean.
Tina: Very good Conor. See? I told you he'd come in handy.
Insane: You're right for once Tina.

<'DEAR GOD WASHU THATS A LOTTA CANNABIS!!!!!!' He called it that because he was 
still half high on the pills.>

Caggie: If he was high on the pills he wouldn't know what she was doing, never 
mind call it by its proper title.
Betty: And since when was Washu a pot smoker?
Tots: Maybe that's why she's so eccentric.

<'Well help me will ya???' Washu yelled at him as she stuffed more weed into the 
bong.>

Betty: She must have had some already, cos she's a bit annoyed.
O'Neill: That's only if you have a bad trip. It usually just makes you paranoid.
Tots: How do you know all about these drugs O'Neill?
O'Neill: Erm. Read about it?

<Tenchi grinned wildly as he snuck up behind the mad scientist and got his 
lighter out of his pocket.>

Caggie: Look, Tenchi's gonna help Washu light the bong.
Betty: Then why is he grinning wildly?
Caggie: Isn't it obvious? He's excited cos he's gonna get all doped up to the 
heavens.

<'Sure Washu, with one U, I'll help you....'>

Caggie: What did I tell you? Tenchi's a good boy.
Betty: Yeah, I suppose you're right.
Tots: It seems it's all going to end nicely after all.

<Suddenly Tenchi beaned Washu, with one U, upside the head with the baseball bat 
and threw her 
into the bong with the weed.>

Caggie: -Gasps- Oh dear God!
Tots: I guess it isn't going to end nicely after all.
Insane: He beamed her upside the head? Was there a hole in her head for him to 
stick the bat in and crack her from the inside?
Betty: So is Washu dead?
Tina: If she is that would bring the amount of deaths to a grand total of. 8. 
Amazing.

<Tenchi then light the bong up and started smoking.>

Tots: Smoking can kill you.
Insane: So can being in this Fic. And Tina.

<Later after 98 pounds of weed and one mad scientist named Washu, with one U, 
Tenchi went to find his grandpa, his dear old loving grandpa.>

O'Neill: 98 pounds of cannabis? Is that legal?
Tina: I dunno. Wait a sec. Do you hear that?

-There is a screaming sound as Gorman, Bill, Oliver, Caldwell, Hewdon and 
Alinden come in. 
Caldwell is carrying the authors in, who seem to be wrapped in a spider-wed-like 
substance, possibly from Hewdon. They bring them up the ceiling of the theatre, 
where Hewdon tries them up so that they hang like meat-

Tots: Look, it's those people who wrote this evil Fic. And some others 
apparently.
Insane: Shall we kill 'em now?
Caggie: No. Vengeance is a dish best served cold.
Betty: With gravy.
Caggie: Yes, with gravy.
O'Neill: With roast spuds.

-They all salivate as they think of the magnificent meal of vengeance-

Tina: -To the Monsters- Okay, thanks guys, you're work here is done.

-The monsters squeak as Tina chants and sends them back to wherever the hell 
they came from-

Tots: -Wipes tear from eye- I'm gonna miss those guys.

<'Hey grandpa....' Tenchi yelled as he stumbled into the shrine where his 
grandpa was smoking his pipe.>

Tots: Did Tenchi's grandfather ever smoke a pipe?
Caggie: What's his name anyway? Yosho?
Insane: That's his real name. He changed it to Katsuhito when he came to earth.
Tina: Why did Tenchi yell it all over the shrine? It's not all that big.
O'Neill: Notice that he's still high.
Tots: How do you know?
O'Neill: He 'stumbled' in.
Tots: Good call O'Neill.

<'Hey wait a second....that isn't tabaco.....GRANDPA YOU'VE GOT>

Insane: Some sort of smokeable cyanide?
Caggie: Marijuana? No, wait that's already been used.
Betty: You actually have tobacco it's just I'm too high to see it really is 
tobacco?

<(yep you guessed it....WEED!!!!).>

Caggie: You already used that!
Tots: Unoriginality. Tut Tut. 

-Tots throws popcorn at Ray's hanging body-

Insane: A pox on him.

<wow grandpa I didn't know you got smoked up...'>

Betty: Does that mean he sets himself on fire?
O'Neill: No, it means that he takes marijuana.
Tots: You've did that a few times haven't you O'Neill?

<Tenchi giggled and tried to take the pipe to get a hit but his grandpa clubbed 
him upside the head with his wooden sword.>

Tina: Why would he want hit?
O'Neill: I think he's talking about having a hit of marijuana.
Tina: Oh right. Okay. That seems to make sense.
Insane: Notice how it seems Washu and Tenchi both have this hole in their head 
that they can be hit upside in.

<'Come on grandpa....I want a hit!!!!' Tenchi yelled.>

Caggie: Tenchi's getting all annoyed. It's all that sexual tension. He needs 
release.
Tots: He just raped Ayeka. Screwed her to death.
Caggie: Yeah, but he took viagra. That could make him keep on gettin horny.
Tots: Good point Caggie. You seem to know a lot about sexual matters, don't you?
Caggie: More than I let on, Tots.

<'mmmmm...NO!!!!!!!' His grandfather yelled back at him. 'Damnit grandpa gimmie 
some weed!!!' 
'mmmmm...NO!!!!!!!' His grandfather repeated.>

Betty: Everyone wants the dope. Why? Tenchi's just after 98 pounds of weed.
Insane: And a mad scientist named Washu.
Tina: With one 'U'.
O'Neill: There seems to be this ongoing joke with repeating. Yosho, or Katsuhito 
or whatever said 'mmmmm...NO!!!!!!!' twice.
Caggie: Maybe it's some sort of prophesy. Did the bible predict an antichrist 
would come when things came in pairs?

<'Thats it!!!!! Die you old fart!!!!!'>

Caggie: Show respect to you elders boy!

<Tenchi exclaimed as he jumped behind his grandfather and slit his throat with 
the butter-knife 
quickly grabbing the pipe and smoking it all.>

Insane: Are butter-knifes sharp?
Caggie: Maybe ivory-hilted ones are.
Tots: Is Yosho not a master swordsman and martial artist?
Tina: Yeah, why?
Tots: Cos if he is, then he could stop Tenchi from killing him.
Tina: Must be the drugs.
Insane: Okay, so Tenchi has killed Ryoko, Mihoshi, the nurse, Kiyone, Sasami, 
Ayeka, Nobuyuki, 
Washu and Yosho. That's 9.
Tots: Bastard.
Betty: Here, what happened to the bleach?
O'Neill: I think we should ask the author.

-They all stand up and turn towards the hanging authors. Their beady eyes show a 
look of fear-

O'Neill: Emma! Can we kill these fools now?

-There is silence. Laboured breathing and moans can be heard from the projection 
room-

Tots: What the hell? Emma! What are you doing?

-Emma C appears at the projection window. She is sweating profusely and panting 
heavily. She 
doesn't seem to be wearing anything on her top half, but the MSTers can only see 
from her shoulders up-

Emma C: Yeah? What do you want?
O'Neill: Can we kill these guys now?
Emma C: Erm, yeah, wait a sec. I'll be down.

-There seems to be an annoyance up in the projection room as clothes fly 
everywhere. It all stops and Jammy suddenly runs into the room. He, too, is 
sweating and seems to have gotten dressed rather quickly-

Insane: Jammy? What the hell are you doing here?
Jammy: Erm. I, eh, came to see the execution.
Insane: Your shirts on back to front.

-Jammy corrects his shirt and Emma C enters. She winks at Jammy and fixes her 
trousers before walking over to the hanging authors-

Emma C: Yeah, you can kill them.
Tina: Excellent. But how?

-There is suddenly a volley of bullets fired at Stu. His body convulses as it is 
riddled with hundreds of rounds, coming from an unknown source. Blood runs down 
and stains the cocoon red. Blood drips onto the floor. Jammy puts a bucket under 
the steady drip of haemoglobin-

Tots: Who the hell did that?

-Caggie comes out of the shadows, holding a smoking submachine gun. She blows 
the smoke away 
from the barrel-

Caggie: Like my sharp-shooting?
Insane: Wow Caggie, good shots!
Caggie: Thanks Shane.
Betty: Awww, I wanted to be the first to kill those guys.
Tina: There's still Ray left.

-Ray quivers in his sac of spider-web-

Tots: Let's watch the rest of the Fic before we kill.

-The MSTers nod as they make their way to their seats-

<Tenchi smiled having killed everyone in his family and decided to have a 
cookout.>

Tots: But there's no one to eat the food. Only him.
Tina: What is he going to cook? The carrots? -The MSTers shudder at the thought 
of 'At the Carrot Patch'- Ryo-Oh-Ki? What?

<He gathered up Washu with the one 'U' , his father, Ayeka, and grandfather.>

Betty: Oh you're not telling me.

<He threw them on a big grill he made in the garden and cooked them all to a 
golden brown.>

Betty: Oh no! He's going to eat them!

<He enjoyed his meal but he didn't have anything to drink.>

Caggie: The bleach!
Betty: Did he eat them? It doesn't say. It just says he cooked them.

<He went into the kitchen and saw the bottle he had brought in there and took a 
big swig.>

Caggie: Told ya it was the bleach!
Tots: Very good detective work Caggie.
Kieran: Show your support people!

-Everyone claps politely-

<"Mmmmmmmmm......... nummy." was the last thing he said.>

Betty: Would he not gargle for a bit in pain?
Tina: Maybe it's industrial-strength bleach. Powerful stuff.

<The last thing Tenchi saw before he died was clean freshly bleached floors and 
something white and pasty coming out of his mouth.>

Betty: Is that it?
Insane: Yes.
Betty: Woohoo!!!

-Betty grabs her sword and runs to the back of the theatre. She runs straight 
for the hanging Ray. It seems as if she is going to run into the wall, but, at 
the last second, she jumps and hits off the wall. As she flies towards Ray's 
dangling body, she slices. There is a splash of blood as Ray's decapitated body 
hits the ground and twitches. His head still dangles from the silky thread 
attached to the roof-

Insane: Come, let us attack the two dead bodies!

-The MSTers, as well as Jammy, Neurotic Distortion and Emma C run over to the 
bodies for some 
killing. After about 10 minutes of mutilation, they return to their seats-

<And the moral is............>

Caggie: Don't mess with us.
Tina: Don't mess with Betty.
Tots: Look both ways when you cross the road.

<Washu's name is spelled with only one 'U' Damnit!>

Insane: Close. Very close Tots.
Tots: Shut your mouth Shane.
Insane: Cheeky bitch.

<Get it straight or a plague of locusts will rain down upon you from the 
heavens.>

O'Neill: Bet ya they won't.

<Ok people here we go again...... It's me Ray!>

Betty: Hey Ray, how's it going? I killed you don't you know?
Caggie: Are you going to show off?
Betty: No, just for the remainder of this Fic.

<This isn't the first time I have written a story like this and have it put on 
here but for my friend it is.>

Tina: You have friends?
Tots: Shock horror!

<His name is Steve and he wrote me after reading 'What the Hell Is This' Wanting 
to co-write a story with me and this is what we came up with.>

O'Neill: Oh dear lord. Two people and they made this?!?
Tina: It proves that two heads aren't always better than one.

<As usual Send your comments to me at Goku89@juno.com and be sure to send them 
also to 
washu.masaki@mailexcite.com That's Steve's address.>

Tots: Getting flamed.
Insane: Shut up Tots.

<And Be sure to visit my website at: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Palace/6367/ 
And visit his at: http://www.icontechnical.net>

O'Neill: Just for badness, I'm not going to go there.
Tots: Such a rebel O'Neill.
Insane: Betty, you and Caggie don't seem to be adding to this a lot.
Betty: You see, this whole time, the Fic was adding up to the part where we 
kill. We've killed now and we don't need to contribute much now.
Insane: Yes, but for the MST to be successful, we must watch the whole of it.
Caggie: All of it?
Insane: Yes.
Betty: Even the start and end bits?
Insane: Yep. All of it.
Caggie: That sucks.

<And always remember the chickens are planning a revolt so kill all you see.>

Insane: Copyin' bitch.
Tots: I know. He copied our mad saying of chickens.
Insane: Let's exact our revenge on his lifeless body.

-With that, the MSTers leave the room. They then returned to attack the bodies 
again. Then they left, this time for real. Emma walks over to Jammy and whispers 
in his ear something about tonight. Then, as she leaves, Jammy sneaks over to 
the dead bodies and puts some torn flesh into a brown paper bag before exiting-

-~=*^*=~-

-It's Tots room. Insane and Tots stand there, talking-

Insane: So, another Fic next week then?
Tots: Yeah. What are we gonna do?
Insane: Don't you worry Tots, I have an idea.

-Insane twiddles his fingers in maniacal glee-

Tots: Why? What are you gonna do?
Insane: You'll see Tots. You'll see.
Tots: When?
Insane: Dammit Tots! That could have been a good ending! You just had to ruin 
it.
Tots: Okay, start again. Right, Take two!

-Insane twiddles his fingers again-

Insane: Okay, Don't worry Tots, I have an idea.
Tots: Why? What are you gonna do?
Insane: You'll see Tots. You'll see.

-Tots smiles and claps-

Tots: Very good Shane, an Oscar nomination there.
Insane: Damn right Tots. Damn right.

Authors note:

Well, there you go. My second MST. I actually prefer the first, at the moment 
because it was based on a particularly bad Fan-Fic. But, besides that, I'm 
pretty happy with this one. I hope you all like it too, and send any comments, 
complaints or whatever to my address, it's found on www.TMFFA.com. If you want 
to send an E-mail to my very own little sex godesses, Caggie and Betty, send to 
caggie_mc@hotmail.com and Helenmcs@hotmail.com.
	Oh, by the way, to find out what Insane's evil plan is, you'll have to 
read my new MST. It's coming soon. I swear.

Why I chose this Fic:

Well, I just want to clear some things up before Ray or Stu send me loads of 
hate mail. I just want to point out that I don't hate the author of this, Ray, 
nor do I hate the Fic itself. It actually was genuinely funny first time I ready 
it for the simple fact that it was too out-of-character, so much so that it was 
considered by me as a parody of the genre. However, it did contain the death of 
all of the Tenchi clan and I hate that.
	It's not that I don't like reading stories that have Tenchi going insane, 
it's just that they often contain things that take it too far. Things like 
Sasami naked or stuff like that. That's why I chose this Fic and I hope Ray will 
take it simply as a joke and not take it seriously.

Thanks to:

Christopher Totton, James Mc Guigan, Shane Mc Mahon, Conor O'Neill, Tina Seeley, 
Caroline 
McNally and Helen Mc Stay  for letting me use them as templates for my MSTers. 
Thanks also to 
Kieran Mackle, Sean Mackle and Ryan Mc Quillian for letting me use their band. 
Also to Emma 
Campbell for using her projector.
	Again, I wanna like to thank Jerry the Juicer and Defiler Bob for letting 
me use some parts of their fantastic MSTs. Thanks lads and lassies.

Dedication:

This is dedicated to the people who supported me when writing this MST. Thanks a 
lot!

Disclaimer:

Tenchi Muyo! belongs to Pioneer and AIC.
The Fan-Fic 'Washu's Name Is Spelled With One 'U' Damnit' belongs to Ray Moore.
The characters Tots, Insane, Sane Shane, Jammy, O'Neill, Caggie, Tina, Betty, 
Ryan, Emma C, 
Kieran and Sean, and the monsters Gorman, Bill, Oliver, Caldwell, Hewdon and 
Alinden are 
copyright of Mad Shane And Austie Enterprises Inc ,. All rights reserved.

Visit us at www.madshaneandaustie.cjb.net.