BGlanders unfortunately presents... A Friendly Dinner *** SCENE: An all-too familiar coffee shop. Sitting at a table is Seion, Cyraqs, Misa, Trakal and Ronoken. Each is sipping a cup of tea and just enjoying some time away from their respective authors (well, almost all of them) SEION: Well it's sure nice to take a break from Patrick's series, I must say! CYRAQS: I hear that! Jeez, sometimes I wonder about the mental stability of our creators. RONOKEN: Indeed. MISA: Well, at least Brian has switched gears in his writing style. SEION: Really? How so? MISA: Well, for starters I'm not confined to the lemon section anymore... CYRAQS: Damn. MISA: What was that? CYRAQS: Um... err... nothing. SEION: Then in that case, I'll say it. Damn! (Misa proceeds to beat the crap out of Seion) SEION: All right all right! Uncle uncle!!! MISA: Hentai. (Misa goes back to sipping her tea as Seion crawls back into his seat) SEION: Man I hate getting beat up! But I guess someone here would know a little about that... TRAKAL: Are you trying to imply something, pansy boy? RONOKEN: He doesn't need to try. TRAKAL: Hey now! I'll have you know I went up against the toughest criminal in the galaxy! CYRAQS: And look what happened to you! Boy, the janitors must have had a field day with you... TRAKAL: Hey now! Is this pick on the Drallthi day or what? SEION: Gomen, Trakal. I won't pick on you anymore... (They sit in silence for awhile) SEION: So how many times WERE you reincarnated? TRAKAL: Well its getting up there, I know that... HEY! (Trakal whips out a GP canon and proceeds to fry Seion in his seat) SEION: ......Ouch. TRAKAL: Welcome to my world! RONOKEN: Seion, would you like to be put back together again? SEION: Please. (Ronoken calmly snaps his fingers and Seion is as good as new) SEION: Wow! Thanks bud! RONOEKN: No no no... thank you. SEION: Huh? Aww man, you took my soul, didn't you? MISA: Baka. (She sips her tea as her cabbit miyas) RONOKEN: Nothing in this world is free, mortal. SEION: Damn it jinn, gimmie back my soul! RONOKEN: Not a chance, tiger boy! (Seion chases Ronoken around the restaurant while the others calmly watch) MISA: So Cyraqs, what has K'thardin been making you do in his series lately? CYRAQS: Well, in the last update, Passionate Sasami, I... MISA: EXCUSE ME?!? CYRAQS: ...Oh darn. (Misa whomps on Cyraqs as Trakal sips his tea) TRAKAL: Gee, you'd think they'd have our order ready by now... (Seion comes back to the table with a goofy grin on his face and a wadded up piece of paper in his hand. A few moments later, a very bruised Ronoken joins him.) TRAKAL: So my GP wanna-be, what have you got there? SEION: My soul, thank you very much! I had to beat the crap out of Mr. Evil there to get it back. RONOKEN: You're no fun. SEION: Say, whadaya mean 'GP wanna-be?!' I'm one of the best, thank you very much! TRAKAL: Says you! If you were the best, then how come they sent me back in time? SEION: Why waste such a perfect specimen like myself on a suicide mission? TRAKAL: You self-righteous son of a...! MISA: Please people, can we just have one meal together without any acts of random violence? CYRAQS: You're one to talk! You've already proceeded to go postal twice since we got here! Aren't you supposed to be Sasami in an adult form? She's nice and sweet and... well you get the drift. MISA: Well Mr. My-hair-got-caught-in-a-bottle-of-bleach, when you're written to be from the same reality as Kagato's Revenge, you have the God given right to be cranky every once in awhile! TRAKAL: I thought the whole point of your story was to fix that problem. SEION: And I thought the whole point of your character was to meet a pathetic and pointless death, but we can't be right all the time. TRAKAL: Oh yeah? Eat this! (Trakal once again fries Seion with his GP canon) CYRAQS: That looked painful. Say Trakal, I hear you've been reincarnated again. (Trakal turns the canon on Cyraqs) CYRAQS: I'm just making small talk! Jeez... RONOKEN: Seion, would you like to be put back together again? SEION: Sure I... D'OU! (Ronoken snaps his fingers and Seion is fixed, but this time he is holding a rather large gun in front of Ronoken's face) SEION: Give it back or I'll make you cream of wheat. RONOKEN: Humph. (Ronoken slides a piece of paper over to Seion, who this time eats it) TRAKAL: Um, Cyraqs. You were saying something earlier? CYRAQS: Yeah. I heard that in a new series you were reincarnated again. TRAKAL: Yep! This time I'm a little boy! MISA: That's so sweet! TRAKAL: Yeah. I thought it was pretty cool. It keeps me in a job and besides, not too many one-shot-wonders from the TM cast can say they're still employed! CYRAQS: Speaking of which, I saw Achika at the welfare office again. Poor girl, I wonder why she can't seem to get any work... SEION: Well, I'm glad I don't have that kind of problem! After all, my god and master Patrick gave me dashing good looks AND a great personality! RONOKEN: You know Trakal, I can make it so you never have to be reincarnated again... TRAKAL: Touch my soul and you'll fry, demon boy. (They sit in silence for awhile, then their food arrives) KINTAROU: Thank you for waiting! That was three specials, one order of grilled bugs and a plate of sweet potatoes. CYRAQS: Who ordered the sweet potatoes? Misa? MISA: Don't look at me. RONOKEN: The sweet potatoes are mine. (They all stare) RONOKEN: ... I like sweet potatoes. KINTAROU: Okay... I'll be back to check on you shortly. Enjoy! MISA: I know him from somewhere... CYRAQS: Wasn't he in Aikan Muyo? SEION: Ack! You're right! He was Nagi's little bitc... MISA: Shut your mouth! SEION: Just talkin 'bout Nagi. (They proceed to eat. As they do, two people approach the table.) ADAM LEIGH: Hi guys! I heard that an SI convention was around here... ROSE: So we though we'd join in! CYRAQS: Um, this is the original characters fic. The Self-insertion fic is down the hall. ADAM: Thanks! MISA: I feel bad for them, getting these fics mixed up all the time. TRAKAL: Well, if you travel full circle long enough, you do start to ask yourself 'why me?' SEION: Baaaaaad joke. TRAKAL: What? What did I say? MISA: Never mind. We'll just pretend it didn't happen. (They continue to eat.) CYRAQS: Say Misa, um, can I ask you a question? MISA: Sure! CYRAQS: You're um, uh, assimilated with Tsunami, right? (Seion bops Cyraqs on the head) SEION: Not another word, I know where that was going! MISA: No, it's all right. You see, I am really just Sasami's future self. She and I have many of the same interests, and together we have lots of fun! As for Tsunami, well... she assimilated with us so we could exist together. CYRAQS: So you're a good guy. MISA: Of course I am. Please, name one fic where Sasami was the villain. Come on, I'll even bet you twenty bucks you can't think of one. (They think about it) RONOKEN: Evil Susami. MISA: Excuse me? TRAKAL: You heard the jinn. RONOKEN: Pay up, my dear. MISA: Humph! All right all right just gimmie a sec... (Misa roots through her purse while the others continue on) SEION: Hmm, Ronoken, do you mind if I ask you a question? RONOKEN: Not at all. SEION: What's the deal with you anyway? I mean, are you a good guy or a villain or what? TRAKAL: Hear hear! I mean, we're all a little off, but at least we're heroes in the end. Now you... I've never been able to figure out just where BG was taking your story. CYRAQS: So what? Like anyone can follow the crap BG puts out. MISA: Don't start! Talk about bad fan fiction, he preached the horrors of Sasami lemons for months, then turned around and wrote one. BG: Yeah? So? (In the distance, a shattering sound can be heard) MISA: What was that? RONOKEN: I believe it was the fourth wall. SEION: What a jerk. He can't even write a parody without sticking his big nose in. TRAKAL: Actually, I believe hypocrite is a better word to use in this case. SEION: And what about your master? You've died more times than Kenny and she still insists on bringing you back! CYRAQS: Please! You're nothing but some puffed up glorified ego trip for some pimply-faced loser! SEION: Takes one to know one. CYRAQS: WHY YOU LITTLE...! MISA: ENOUGH! If you children can't play nice, then I'm going to have to separate you! (They sit in silence for a bit) RONOKEN: They started it. TRAKAL: DID NOT! MISA: Grrr... Ryo! Teach them some manners! (Misa's cabbit switches to battleship mode and opens fire on the table. When the smoke clears, only Ronoken and Misa are left unscathed.) TRAKAL: Not...again... CYRAQS: That hurt... SEION: I'm getting sick of this... RONOKEN: You know, I can fix you if you want me too... SEION: Hell no! TRAKAL: Not a chance! CYRAQUS: Um... well, I would like to be able to feel my spine again... RONOKEN: Done. (Ronoken snaps his fingers and all three of them are fixed) SEION: Hey! I said I didn't want your help! ... Does this mean you've got my soul again? RONOKEN: Freebie. That joke was getting old anyway. TRAKAL: So where were we? MISA: I think we were ripping on our authors. CYRAQS: Hey, look at the time! I've got to get going guys. K'th is starting the next chapter of H&E tonight and of course, you can't do a show without the star! SEION: Pre-Madonna. (Seion's beeper goes off) SEION: Darn! I've got another self-praise session with my shrink! TRAKAL: Well, while you're doing that, us REAL Special Operatives have to get back to work! SEION: Yeah, let's see how many criminals you bring in with the body of a three year old, Tantei. TRAKAL: Grrr.... MISA: I have to be leaving too. Ryo needs to get some exercise today. SEION: Blasting us to bits wasn't enough for it? MISA: Well... no. CYRAQS: Well, despite our little tiffs today, I'm glad we could enjoy this meal together. After all, it's anybody's guess as to how long our creators will keep using us in their fics. MISA: Well, let's try not to think about it. They'll use us as long as those people out there on the web keep reading about our adventures. SEION: Well, I'm off. Later folks! CYRAQS: Hey! Whose turn is it to pay? TRAKAL: It's the Prince of Darkness's turn, if memory serves. RONOKEN: Very well. Give me the check, but you're dropping the tip, Seion. SEION: Fine, fine... same time next week guys? MISA: Sure! This was fun... TRAKAL: If I can get off WORK for the afternoon, I will. You remember that little thing called WORK, don't you Seion? SEION: Keep pushin, bat boy, keep pushin... CYRAQS: Later folks! MISA: Good bye! RONOKEN: Misa, you can pay me that twenty dollars the next time we meet. MISA: Thanks Ronoken! Gee, I guess you're not all that bad of a person after all. RONOKEN: If you don't have the money, I'll happily take your soul as collateral. MISA: Never mind. (They all leave, save for the Ronoken) RONOKEN: Waiter! More sweet potatoes, if you please... KINTAROU: Yes sir! RONOKEN: Excellent... *** Hiya folks! This has been a spamfic. Any likeness to people, living or dead, is highly likely since most original characters are super-inflated versions of authors, myself included. I'd like to thank all of the authors who allowed me to rip on them in one way or another. I'd like to point out that an original character is sometimes something an author puts an awful lot of time, energy and emotion into, and for these men and women to have allowed me to mutilate their masterpieces took a lot of courage on their behalf. Thanks guys. And before anyone points out the obvious, yes this is just a cheesy spin off on another spam fic out there by a certain hypocritical author who was mentioned before ^^;;; And yes it was done on the fly. Just remember, it's a joke folks. Sasami and Tsunami are the property of the true forces of darkness: AIC and Pioneer. Seion is the property of Patrick 'Seion' Stewart Cyraqs is the property of David 'K'thardin' Nolen Trakal is the property of Karmin St. Jean (kinda) Misa is the property of Brian Burke Ronoken is the property of BGlanders Kintarou is the property of Happosai Adam Leigh and 'Full Circle' are the property of Adam Leigh Rose and 'Why Me' are the property of Rose Evil Susami is the property of Mecha Dude All characters and references used were with the original creators' permission. KARMIN ST. JEAN: Liar! PATRICK STEWART: Don't believe him! He's evil! EVIL!!!! DAVID NOLEN: He threatened our lives! Please people help us...! BRIAN BURKE: I just want to see my family again! We did what you wanted.... ALL: HELP!!! ^^; Once again, all characters and references used were with the original creators' permission. All flames should head towards BGlanders@aol.com