Following a strange accident involving a carload of strippers and a tanker truck 
of baby oil, two friends arrive at a nearby ER and are subsequently pronounced 
DOA (dead on arrival).  After living lives as sarcastic, cynical bastards, Jerry 
and Bob soon end up in hell. However, Satan is quick to realize their potential 
and after a short period of the required wailing and gnashing of teeth, Jerry 
and Bob are promoted from tormentees to tormentors. Their assignment: the 
punishment of the twisted little fruits that write lemons. They eagerly accepted 
the assignment. 

Jerry- A being of moderation. Physically at least. He is of average height, 
slightly below average weight technically (he's not overweight), and very non-
descript physical features. He blends into a crowd easily. Which he used to his 
advantage back on earth. He is dressed in plain, dark clothes, as most denizens 
of hell are, and slouches slightly on Satan's Couch. The only unusual thing 
about this otherwise bland character is the air of danger and fear that seems to 
permeate the area around him and the dark intelligence that lurks behind his 
eyes. After the last MST he dropped his title of the Juicer and retired the 
Juicer of Death.

Ben Sagle- (Bestial Necromica of Sadistic Glee)- The demonic familiar drawn from 
the darkest aspect of Jerry and given to him when he was appointed one of 
Satan's personal minions. Ben is about two feet tall with large leathery wings, 
and wicked teeth and claws, dripping with caustic sarcasm.

Bob- the world shuttered when he was born and rejoiced in his death. He is 
Jerry's best friend. Bob had the title "Defiler" for awhile from what is know in 
Hell as the "weasel incident", but after what happened to the lemon writer 
Azathoth in what is known as the "frying pan incident" Sasami now holds that 
title. He is currently wearing just a pair of tight black leather pants and an 
evil grin. He has long black hair parted down the middle. Two beady red eyes can 
be seen from beneath his hair. In sharp contrast to his hair and clothes is his 
ghastly pale skin. Though Jerry is the wittier of the two, Bob is by far the 
more sadistic and has the ability to summon lesser demons to do his will.

Pepe (Putrid Entity of Pure Evil)- His name is pronounced like that horny skunk 
from Looney Tunes. This is Bob's familiar, which is draw from his sadistic 
nature and was given to him around the same time Jerry received Ben Sagle. Pepe 
looks like an ordinary bunny rabbit with white fur. But under all that beats the 
black heart a sociopath.

Satan's Couch- A piece of demonic furniture created by the Prince of Darkness 
himself, specifically for the use of Bob and Jerry in their torment of lemon 
writers. It can change shape and size depending on the needs of Jerry and Bob. 
It also adds its own comments occasionally. It has become a good friend of and 
co-tormentor with Jerry and Bob.

Winky the one eyed Christmas elf- Winky resides in one of the projection rooms 
of the Multiplex of the Damned. Winky was sent to hell after Mrs. Claus found 
him making strange shadow puppets in the Doll Room of Santa's Workshop

	*	*	*	*	*	*  

Disclaimer and Foreword: Tenchi Muyo! 

Jerry: You don't have to shout, we know who he is.

and its characters are copyrights and trademarks of AIC, Pioneer, and whoever 
else may own the rights to it, so please don't sue me (it's not like I have any 
money anyway :P).  

Bob: Okay I have seen this type of crap on a lot of fan fics, and it has to 
stop. Pioneer will not go after an author just to get money that's just icing on 
the cake. The reason they sue people is to get them to stop fucking with their 
creation. So top with the lame "I'm a poor little thing with no money" bull 
shit, it stopped being cute along time ago. 

However, this story is my original creation and is copyrighted by me. 

Jerry: He went through all the trouble and governmental paperwork to copyright 
this load of camel dung? I doubt it. But, if he did...well that's just sad.

Please don't copy it and claim it as your own. 

Bob: Who would?

	I would like to thank I.LOVE.RYOKO for his help in writing this chapter 
(namely the dialogue in the latter half of the story).  This is my first attempt 
at writing fanfic, so any criticism, good or bad is welcome. Send any messages 
to kingvegeta80@yahoo.com.  I am also known as SSJ4 Raditz 

Bob: Yah a dragon ball fan, this should be good. ** Tries to hold back the 
laughter. ** 

and (in chat rooms only) as Demarax.  

Jerry: Isn't that a laxative?
Bob: I thought it was a hemorrhoid ointment.

Now enough with the pleasantries. On with the fic. 
		

	"Bonds"

Jerry: James Bonds.
Bob: How cute. ** Takes out a large bottle of J.D. ** I have a feeling we will 
need this.
	
Chapter 1, "The First Night"

Bob: Winky!
Winky: What?
Bob: Is this another lemon?
Winky: ** holding back the tears. ** No.
Bob: Oh, this kid just dodged a bullet.

	"Mama, please release me!  Mama!  Don't leave me here!  Don't leave me 
behind, please!  I don't want to be alone!  It's dark and scary," Ryoko cried. 
Her mother, Washu, who was watching her little Ryoko with a video camera, had 
her tied up in the subspace laboratory.  Left in the dark and bound by various 
cables, wires, and restraints, Ryoko was feeling scared out of her mind.  

Bob: Why is she scared, she's a Demon ain't she? Down here that constitutes as 
foreplay. 

She was also left wearing nothing but a red tank top, 

Jerry: If this turns into some kind of bondage thing...**grabs Ye Olde Staff of 
Bludgeoning and heads over to the hellevator, finger poised over the up button** 

which made her feel cold as well as scared.  

Winky: that explains the erect nip... ** Bob wiggles his nose and the 
temperature in the projection room drops to absolute zero, and Winky shatters. 
** That should teach him. **wiggles his ears and Winky comes back together**     

She hated the cold, and even more so, she hated being alone in the dark.  These 
things reminded her of the cave she had been sealed in for 700 years, the years 
before she first saw young Tenchi.  Tenchi; after such a long dark night, she 
finally found something, someone, who made her happy.  Though he was only aware 
of her when he was a baby, Ryoko was content in watching Tenchi grow up in front 
of her eyes.  

Jerry: Through the miracle of time-lapse photography.

And then there was the day he freed her from the cave, and she was finally able 
to be with her T!

**Ben jumps off the couch then bounces off the ceiling. He crawls back onto the 
couch, visibly shaken.** That was the loudest damn T I've ever heard.
Pepe: **pulls his left ear down and starts talking into it** Hello, hello! I'm 
deaf!

enchi.  

Bob: We at the Multiplex have come to expect typos, (Editors note: We ourselves 
is prone to them. And yes we did that on purpose. We's not that stoopid.) but 
damn kid! Did you have a seizure or something? 

But now Ryoko was left in the cold darkness again, and there was no Tenchi to 
keep her company.  She had been in the lab for about an hour now, but it felt 
like forever.  She wanted to be with Tenchi so bad now.  "Tenchi," she cried out 
weakly.  "Tenchi.  Please help me. Tenchi!"

Bob: Okay, this is lame. ** Takes a shot. **  

	Tenchi bolted upright from his sleep.  "Ryoko?"  He thought that he heard 
her calling his name.  He looked over at his clock.  It was 12:37 a.m.  Looking 
back out into the dimly lit room, he called out again.  "Ryoko?  Is that you?  
Hello?"  There was no response.  Tenchi shifted over to sit at the edge of his 
bed.  "I guess I was dreaming," he said to himself.  But then he heard it again.  
"Tenchi."  It was Ryoko's voice, but it was like a whisper in his head 

Jerry: Damn voices.
Ben: Mine usually tell me to hurt people...and set things on fire... **his eyes 
glaze over as he slides off the couch. He runs back to the projection room and 
kicks in the door. Winky's scream is immediately followed by the click of a 
lighter.**

and not an actual sound.  

Bob: ** takes a shot. ** That didn't make any sense, if this kid was trying to 
be poetic he just failed miserably. 
Jerry: Ben's episode probably detracted from it a bit.

The voice also sounded sad and panicked.  Tenchi started feeling worried.  

Jerry: Frankly so am I. **walks back to projection room and drags Ben away from 
a Cajun-style Winky** I thought I took that lighter away from you.

"Something's wrong," 

Bob: Yeah it's this pathetic excuse for a fan fic. 
 
he thought.
	
Back in Washu's lab, Ryoko was still crying for Tenchi.  Washu, still observing 
her daughter, started feeling a little sorry for Ryoko.  Conjuring up her little 
holo-computer, Washu began tapping a few keys.  The lab brightened up quite a 
bit from the near-total darkness it had been in for the past hour.  "I guess I 
should release her now," Washu said, pressing a few more keys on the board.  The 
restraints holding Ryoko released their captive.  The space pirate fell to the 
floor with a dull thump.  Ryoko got to her feet and tried to get her bearing 
right, momentarily disoriented from her emotional distress.  "You're free now, 
Ryoko," Washu thought to herself.  "Go to your Tenchi."  Ryoko spotted to lab's 
entrance 

Bob: that was confusing. ** Takes a shot. ** 

and made a mad dash towards it.

	Tenchi was about to get up and find out what was wrong when he heard a 
door slam open downstairs, followed by the sound of someone running up the 
stairs and down the hallway towards his room.  

Jerry: Tenchi immediately thought: "Oh crap! It's the cops!" Then ran to the 
bathroom to flush his stash.

There was some knocking on his door, accompanied by some muffled sobbing.  

Jerry: Those cops will try anything.

"Tenchi?  Are you awake?" Ryoko called out in a soft, quiet voice.  Tenchi stood 
up and walked to the door.  He slid open the door, revealing Ryoko's shadowy 
form on the other side.  He couldn't make out any details due to the darkness, 
but it was obvious that she was upset from the choked crying he heard.  

"Ryoko?  Are you okay?  What's wr-," he was cut off when Ryoko 

Jerry: ...was shoved aside by a large man wearing a flak jacket who then rushed 
Tenchi.
Bob: Dude, it's over. Give it up, that little subplot is going nowhere.
Jerry: Well, all right.

reached out and wrapped her arms around him.  She was surprisingly gentle, 
especially compared to the usual aggressiveness of her embraces.  He also 
noticed that she was shaking like a leaf.  

Jerry: Has anyone actually seen a leaf shake?
Pepe: Once, but I was tripping on acid at the time, so it was hard to tell.

"Ryoko. What happened?  Are you alright?" Tenchi asked with concern.

	"Washu left me alone in her lab.  It was so cold and dark in there.  I 
hated being alone," Ryoko said as she continued crying into Tenchi's shoulder.

	"It's alright, Ryoko.  I'm here with you.  You're not alone anymore."

Bob: Thank you Captain Obvious.
  
Tenchi stroked the back of her head to comfort her for what appeared to be an 
emotional moment for her.  As he continued to caress the back of her head, he 
noticed how soft her hair was despite its hard and spiky appearance.  In all the 
months he knew her, 

Jerry: Months? Those girls have only known Tenchi for a few months? Actually, 
that make senses. If they knew him for very long they wouldn't be trying to get 
in his pants constantly.

this was the first time he actually paid it notice.

Bob: For a DB fan this kid is coming off a bit fruity.   

	After a few minutes passed, Ryoko's crying subsided.  "Are you feeling 
better now?" asked Tenchi.

	"Yes," Ryoko assured.  Her voice told otherwise.

Jerry: You can never trust a voice. They'll turn on you everytime.

	"Do you think you'll be okay tonight?"

	"Yeah," Ryoko said.  But despite her words, she continued to hold on to 
Tenchi.

Jerry: So she just lied to his face!
Bob: When did Tenchi become this smooth, and Ryoko this pathetic? 

	"Okay.  Well, let's try to get you to bed."  

Jerry: An expensive dinner and cheap alcohol usually does the trick.

Tenchi grasped Ryoko's shoulders and pulled away from her embrace.  When he did, 
Ryoko's heart seemed to cry out so loud that he could hear it.  

Jerry: Her internal organs are telepathic now? 

"Tenchi.  Stay with me," her voice whispered in his head.

Jerry: **pins Ben to couch** Don't even think about it.

	"Huh?  Did you say something, Ryoko?"

"Uh, no.  I didn't say anything."  Ryoko was confused by the question.

Bob: Telepathy or schizophrenia? You be the judge. 

	"Never mind.  I'll take you to your room."  Tenchi opened his bedroom door 
and stepped out into the hallway.  He motioned for Ryoko to follow him.  She 
reluctantly approached the doorway that separated Tenchi's room from the 
hallway.  She began to take a step out of the room, but as she did, she felt the 
cold loneliness that was in her heart return again. 

Jerry: Or it could have been the force field installed on his door to keep out 
all the sex-crazed girls he lives with. What a fruit.

 It felt much worse this time.  "Ryoko?  What's wrong?" Tenchi asked, concern 
returning to his voice.

	"Tenchi, I'm sorry for asking, but can I spend the night here with you?"  
Ryoko's voice was shaky and nervous for fear of being refused her request.  "I'm 
still scared about being left alone and-"

	"It's alright.  You can sleep in here.  But only for tonight."  

Bob: How sweet. ** Takes a shot. **

Tenchi came back into the room and closed the door.  He gave Ryoko another 
comforting embrace and led her to his bed.  

Jerry: Damn he's good.
Pepe and Ben: Go Tenchi! Go!
Bob: Make sure you use protection. You don't know where that space pirates been.
**They all start doing the Wave.**

"You can stay here tonight."

Bob: **Snaps his finger and Barry White starts playing through out the theater, 
he looks over to see Jerry, Ben and Pepe giving him a strange look.** It just 
felt like the right thing to do.

	"Thank you."  

	"You're welcome.  It's no problem"

Ryoko sat down on the edge of Tenchi's bed.  She reached over to get a Kleenex 
from the nightstand to dry her tear-streaked face.  Tenchi walked over to his 
desk and turned on the small florescent light so he could see better.  He then 
proceeded to grab a spare futon for himself from the closet.  When he turned 
around, he noticed that Ryoko was naked from the waist down.  He immediately 

Jerry: ...had a massive aneurysm and began bleeding profusely from the eyes, 
ears and nose.
Ben: That was kind of nasty.

blushed a bright red and faced away from Ryoko.

	In an unusual move by Ryoko, she grabbed Tenchi's bedsheets and covered 
herself up with them.  She, too, blushed a bright red.  She remembered all the 
times in the onsen, 

Jerry: The whoza? Whadafuk?

when her nudity scared Tenchi away.  As lonely as she had been feeling, she 
didn't want to risk that result again.

	"I'm sorry, Tenchi.  It's not really my fault.  Washu made me take them 
off so she could run tests on me.  

Ben: Those tests...the memories...**he curls up into the fetal position and 
begins sobbing uncontrollably**

I was so upset that I forgot.  I'm so sorry.  Please don't leave," Ryoko 
pleaded.

Jerry: Why the hell would he leave? It's his damn room.

	Tenchi looked back over to Ryoko.  Those last few words hit him hard.  
"I'm not going to leave.  Why do you think that?"

Bob: Because you're spineless. ** Takes a shot, then looks at bottle. ** What 
would I do with out you Jack? 
	
"Well, you usually try to run away whenever we were in the onsen together."

Jerry: Eh? The what?
Bob: It's the  bathhouse moron. 
Jerry: Ohhh, I gotcha now.

	Tenchi laughed nervously.  "Heh.  Well, uh, that was different.  Then you 
always tried to...

Jerry: Ride the meat express?
Bob: Play hide the salami?
Ben: **suddenly perks up** Slide down the fireman's pole?
Satan's Couch: Pound the Posteurpedic?
Pepe: Ride the rocket?
Winky: Bang him 'til he passes out?


well, let's not get into it."  

Jerry: Too late!!

He leaned over and rolled the futon out next to the bed.  "Don't worry about it.  
Let's just try to get some sleep."

Bob: A part of me wishes this were a lemon.
Pepe: Why?
Bob: It wouldn't be as stale. **Takes a shot.** 

	"Okay."  Ryoko lay down on Tenchi's bed and covered herself up.  She could 
smell Tenchi's scent on the pillows and sheets.  

Ben: Ewwww...

She felt so relaxed and comfortable.  It was more than enough for her to drift 
away into a blissful slumber.

	Tenchi laid back down into his sleeping location on the floor.  He sighed 
heavily as he looked over to Ryoko, who had curled up on the side of the bed 
that Tenchi was sleeping next to.  Her expression was so peaceful and quiet.  
Tenchi wondered how such a warm smile could also belong to a notorious space 
pirate.

	"She's not a space pirate anymore.  Besides, she was under Kagato's 
control when she was," Tenchi thought to himself.  Tenchi put the thought out of 
his mind.  

Jerry: Yes, good, no more thinking for you boy.

Satisfied that he had helped a friend in distress, he resigned himself to sleep.

***

Tenchi blinked his eyes open slowly.  

Pepe: How do you blink your eyes open?
Bob: Like this...**stands up and faces everyone**
**Everyone cringes and looks away**

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and tried to adjust to the darkness.  He 
looked up at the clock, which read 

Ben: 4:20? You know what that means!
**Everyone cheers**

3:14 a.m. 

Ben: Damn.

 He tried to shift to a more comfortable position, but found that he was 
weighted down.  His eyes now adjusted to the dark he now saw what the problem 
was.  Ryoko lay almost on top of him, her head resting on his chest and her arms 
wrapped around him.

Jerry: What a whore, taking advantage of him in his sleep like that.
Bob: I've had an experience like that, but it was after a kegger and the chick 
was about twice as wide as Ryoko and about three times uglier. 

"Even with all that room, she still climbed in with me."  Tenchi sighed 

Bob: And that's a bad thing because...

at what he should have expected.  He tried to free himself without waking Ryoko, 
but after a few unsuccessful attempts, he decided to give up.

"I guess I'll have to stay here until morning.  Oh well.  It won't be so bad."

Bob: Just wait till Ayeka finds you two. ** Takes a shot. **
Pepe: Someone is going to get disemboweled. 
  
Tenchi closed his eyes and tried to fall back asleep, but found it surprisingly 
difficult with Ryoko pressed up against him.  She was so close, but for once it 
didn't make him nervous.  Instead, he found her proximity strangely comforting.  
He could feel the rhythmic beating of her heart, the slow rise and fall of her 
chest as she took in each breath, and the warmth of her body.  Instinctively, he 
wrapped his own arms around Ryoko.  

Bob: The shear sweetness of this fic is making me nauseous.
Pepe: I think it's just the hard liquor.
Jerry: I think it's jealousy.
Bob: Hey, I've done a lot worse. **pulls out a several Polaroids**
Jerry: Damn man!
Ben: How could you? I mean the logistics of it are mind-boggling. 

He gazed down at the placid look on her face.  It seemed to glow with joy from 
the warm embrace.  Overwhelmed by the emotion growing within him, Tenchi lowered 
his head and gave Ryoko a small kiss on her forehead.  "I think I'm actually 
starting to like her.  She's not so bad once you 

Jerry: ...get her in the sack!

get to know her."  He closed his eyes once again, and after a short while, he 
fell back to sleep.

Bob: **Takes a shot, then tosses the shot glass behind him and downs the rest of 
the bottle.** Oh that's the stuff.  Over, So soon? Well if I wasn't totally 
trashed I would go topside and kick this Goodman kid's ass just for wasting my 
time. 

To Be Continued

Bob: I'll be waiting, Try not to disappoint me again, okay child. 
	
*	*	*	*	*	*	

Jerry's Final Thought

That was pretty boring. But, I would like to take this time to explain a few 
things. First, the hellevator. If you've read our previous MST, you'll remember 
it as a plain old elevator. I can't teleport, so I have to use the hellevator to 
get to different realms. Secondly, you may have noticed we were cheering on 
Tenchi. We will only do this if Sasami, Washu (in her child form) and Ryo-ohki 
are far, far, far, and oh yeah, hella far way away from the action. Any of the 
other girls are fine with us.

Bob's Two Cents

Normal this would be when I say something funny and/or disturbing, but after 
sitting through that not only I am plastered, but very annoyed.   So the next 
MST should be extra graphic just so I can make up for this one.  I have learned 
one thing from this MST and that is not to pick one at random, but to read the 
damn thing beforehand to make sure it worthy of my skills.  So 'til next time I 
will leave with the immortal words of my dear friend and mentor here in hell the 
almighty Greased Weasel. "Come child and I will show you the things nightmares 
are born of." Good Night, ** cringe ** God bless, and remember always to use a 
rubber.  

As always the lines are open, all comments can be sent to 
tormentors_of_the_damned@yahoo.com. Pepe would now like to say a few words " In 
case of an emergence my ** CENSORED ** can be used as a floatation device."

~fin~