Disclaimer: The cast and concept of Tenchi Muyo are all mine! Ayeka (steps out with a smoking .44 Magnum Ruger Super Redhawk in her hands.) Actually, we're property of Pioneer and AIC. So don't sue this poor man. (gestures at the bleeding corpse of the writer. He's got it bad enough as it is. (Looks down and sees some blood soaked cards.) Oh my! I'd better take care of this. Let's see. IT says here to email all criticisms to lighthawkwings@masakishrine.com. ANd this card says it's dedicated to...Shin! Oh, wait. There's more writting under the blood. (wipes away the blood.) Ahh. It's dedicated to Shinobu. THis is the first fanfic he's ever read, so have pity on him. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- (Scene: The Masaki house. Tenchi has gathered all the others around for an announcement.) Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take one! Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Ryoko. Ayeka: But what about me? I love you, Lord Tenchi. Tenchi: So? I don't give a rats ass what you think, bitch. *Blam!* Director: Cut! Cut! (Glares at Ayeka who is holding her smoking magnum) Ayeka! You're not supposed to shoot Tenchi. *Blam!* Or Ryoko. *Blam!* Or yourself! Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take two! Tenchi: After much deliberation, well, only about five minutes of it, I have decided to marry Ayeka. Sasami: Shouldn't we be worried about Ryoko? Tenchi: Oh just ignore Ryoko. She'll be upset for awhile, but she'll get over it and be happy for us. Sasami: Then shouldn't we be worried about the fact that Ryoko is right behind you with a switchblade? Tenchi: What? (Ryoko proceeds to slash Tenchi's throat, leaving him slumped over, his life bleeding out onto the table.) Director: Cut! Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take three! Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry, under Juraian law, Haruna and Sakuya. *Blam! Blam!* Cut! Cut! Ayeka, you aren't supposed to shoot Haruna or Sakuya. *Boom* Ryoko! You are definitely NOT supposed to blow Tenchi up with a LAW rocket! Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take four! Tenchi: Ah! What a great idea, Ryoko. Eloping instead of getting pizza. Hi Ayeka! Um, what are you doing with that flame thrower? *Foom!* Sasami: (out of the room) Ayeka? Did they bring the pizza? Director: Cut! Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take five! Tenchi: I'm so glad I married you Ryoko. Sasami: Shouldn't we be worried about Ayeka? Tenchi: Ayeka? I haven't seen her around. She just kinda disappeared. Oh well. Who cares. Sasami: Shouldn't we at least be worried about the C4 she planted under the house. Tenchi: What? *Boom* Director: Cut! Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take six! Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Kiyone *Blam!* Director: Cut! Ayeka! Ayeka: (who has drawn her magnum, but has yet to aim or fire) I didn't do it. (mutters) unfortunately (All turn to look at Kiyone) Kiyone: (smiling innocently and holding a smoking blaster) What? Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take seven! Tenchi: After much deliberation, and a night of wild passion, I have decided to marry Sasami Ayeka: There he is officer. Tenchi: What's going on. Officer: This lady reported that you had sex with a minor. Tenchi: What? No! She's over 700 years old. Officer: Yeah, right. Save it for the courts, Pedo. Director: Cut! Ayeka! Ayeka: (flashes innocent eyes) What'd I do? Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take eight! Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry a girl I just met on the street. *Blam! Blam! Blam! Boom!* Director: Cut! (Stares at Ayeka holding her magnum, Mihoshi and Kiyone holding their blasters, and Ryoko holding her LAW rocket launcher, and sighs) Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take nine! Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to become a monk and swear off women. *Blam!* Director: Cut! Nobuyuki! You're not even supposed to be in this scene! Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take ten! Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry every girl in the series and- RYoko: (pulls her switchblade out from Tenchi's stomach) The hell I'm gonna share you with every bit part slut that shows up. Director: Cut! Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take eleven! Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Ryoko. I'm sorry, Ayeka. I know this must hurt you, but it would hurt you and Ryoko even more if I kept on lying to myself and to you. Ayeka: I'll kill you all! Tenchi: Sheesh! Ayeka. Why are you acting like such a bitch? Ayeka: (Taken aback) I don't know. I think I should go. (runs off) Director: Cut! Tenchi!!! Tenchi: What? What'd I do? Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take twelve! Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Washu. Washu: I'm so happy! Ryoko! Aren't you happy for your mommy? Ryoko: (aiming her LAW rocket launcher) Just stand right there and I'll be happy. *Boom!* Director: Cut! Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take thirteen! Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry both Ayeka and Ryoko *blam!* *boom!* AYeka: (lowering her gun.) Did he say... Ryoko: (lowering her rocket launcher) oops! Director: Cut! Goddamn it! Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take fourteen! Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided not to marry for another twenty years, and another 3 series, thus ensuring that the series will never die. Ryoko: (fighting with Ayeka over her magnum) Give me the gun! Ayeka: No! It's my gun! I get to shoot him! RYoko: No fair! I'm outta rockets! Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take (yawm) fifteen Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry-*blam!* Director: Cut! For the love of- Stagehand: ZZzzzzzzzzzz Tenchi: Um Director: (nerve-wracked and stressed out) Just go! Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry, well, Um, that is...I'll, um...Aggh! I can't do it! (Tenchi runs over to Ayeka, seizes the magnum.) *blam!* (the director drops to the floor. Tenchi proceeds to drop the gun and jump out the window.) Ayeka: (goes to the window and watches Tenchi run over the horizon) My! How quickly he runs. Ryoko: So I guess the show's canceled? Ayeka: Apparently. Ryoko: Wanna catch a movie? Ayeka: Okay, come on Sasami Sasami: Coming. (The three leave. Mihoshi, Washu, and Kiyone start arguing over who's going to tell the producer.)