Date: Mon, 25 May 1998 16:00:20 -0500 To: ffml@fanfic.com From: Andrew Subject: [FFML] [ffml][spam?] Top Ten Lists. This series of Top Ten list is in honor of Megane 6.7, who created a Top Ten list sometime ago. I've always wanted to do one of these, and since I couldn't come up with nearly as creative of a list for the Ranma ½ series, I'm doing one on some of the other series... Therefore, without further ado, may I have a drumroll? [Andrew watches as a bass drum rolls across the stage.] That's NOT what I meant... Top Ten Things that Ryo-ok-hi would NEVER say in a fanfic... 10) "Moo!" 9) "Pu!" 8) "Bwee!" 7) "Bud...weis...ER..." 6) "Meow!" 5) "Oh, you fell into the Spring of Drowned Supermodel. Very happy story..." (Ooops. That's actually from "Top Ten Things that the Jusenkyou Guide would NEVER say in a fanfic, if he was in one.") 4) (Ryo-ok-hi puts on a top hat and dances with a cane while singing): "Hello, my baby! Hello, my darling! Hello, my raaagtime gal!....Baby, my heart's on fiiire!..." 3) (As a Spaceship): "Commercial sign in five seconds." 2) "Woof!" And the number one thing that Ryo-ok-hi would NEVER say in a fanfic... 1) "Tenchi, can I have your Cheeseburger?" Ta da! Okay, don't clap your hands all at once, now. Anyway...drumroll, please? [Andrew watches as a oil drum full of breadrolls appears on stage.] (*sigh*) It's SO hard getting good help these days... Top Ten things that Belldandy would NEVER say in a fanfic... 10) "Kami-sama, can I see if there's a loophole in Keiichi's wish?" 9) "You know, you are rather SHORT for my taste." 8) "For the last time, it's Verdandi!" 7) "Hello, Acme Cleaning?" 6) "Come on, Keiichi...where's your backbone?!" 5) "Keiichi no baka!" 4) "Ya...doncha know?" (Hey, she's a NORSE Goddess. She'd fit in Fargo, as a Lutheran.) 3) "God Damn It!" 2) "Actually, my father is Bill Gates." And the number one thing that Belldandy would NEVER say in a fanfic... 1) "I love you...Skuld-chan." Da-da! Okay... Drum roll, please! [Andrew watches as a bunch of monkeys come out beating on drums. Rings on fingers! Rings on thumbs! Dum Dee Dee Dum Dee Dee Dum Dum Dum...] (sigh) That was my favorite Dr. Seuss baby book... Top Ten things that Washu would NEVER say in a fanfic... 10) "What?! I flunked Calc I?!" 9) "Can someone help me to program my VCR?" 8) "What?! I didn't get accepted into Mensa?!" 7) "Ryoko not my daughter!" (Slap!) "She's not my sister!" (More slaps!) "Okay...she's both my daughter AND my sister!" 6) "I don't know. Ask Ayeka, she knows more than I do." 5) "Sasami, can I cook tonight?" 4) "Oh, my god! They killed Kenny!" 3) "I didn't even make it to Final Jeopardy!" 2) "I LOVE Jerry Springer!" And the number one thing that Washu would NEVER say in a fanfic... 1) (Drunk, singing): "I've got friends in LOOW places where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases...I'll be okay..." One more... Mastro... [An orchestra appears and starts to play the theme song to "Sailor Moon."] What, you were expecting the 1812 Overture or something? Top Ten things that I'd like to see Sailor Moon say/do in a fanfic, anime, or manga... 10) "You are SOO disgusting, Oscar!" 9) "Kunzite...isn't that somekind of precious gem...oh, it's just SEMI-precious." 8) "Oh...to hell with this power of love crap!" (Usagi pulls out a BFG 9000 and blows the demons to smithereens, and then some.) 7) "If I see one more new Sailor Something...I'll kill her!" 6) "I'm gonna take Martial Arts!" (Fill in with any kind of martial art special move saying.) 5) "Could we have something better to wear then these fuckin' uniforms?!" 4) "Save your own sorry ass...Tuxedo Kamen!" 3) "Oh, I'm SOOOO scared. Gag me with a spoon or something." 2) "Okay, Queen Bezryl, so in return for not attacking Earth, you get to torchure Chibi-Usa as much as you want..." And the number one thing that I'd like to see Sailor Moon say in a fanfic, anime, or manga... 1) "I don't wanna be a princess! They're too boring!"