The Taking of AIC A Tenchi-Muyo! fanfic by Keiichi Masaki (keiichi_dono@hotmail.com, keiichi_dono@altavista.net) Tenchi and company are the property of Pioneer and AIC. This fic was inspired by all the bitching on the Tenchi ML over the past few months about the "poor quality" of Manatsu no Eve (whoops, I mean Daughter of Darkness) and Shin Tenchi (whoops again, I mean Tenchi in Tokyo), the anime film Otaku no Video, and the old adage (which is probably the motto of fanfic writers the world 'round), "If you want something done right, do it yourself." (Cue opening theme--"Otaking" from Otaku no Video) They could be seen from kilometers away. They could be heard from dozens of kilometer away. They made no overt signs of violence, but all in their path decided that discretion was the better part of valor and got out of the way. There were millions of them, some in the forms of their favorite anime or manga characters, others brave enough to retain their original identities. There were giant pandas and kawaii teenage schoolgirls in skimpy fukus and adorable pets of every conceivable type, from cabbits to hot-springs penguins. There were mecha, Valkyries and Evangelions and Gundams and even less well-known models. The guards around the building, some of whom had been military veterans, screamed and ran. For the foe they faced, you see, was no ordinary foe, who can be disarmed by grabbing their weapons (although many in the crowd were armed). These were people whose weapons were their words and imaginations, the ones who sat at computers and poured their hearts and souls into something that not many people can understand, the ones who regarded writing as a labor of love instead of a necessary chore. These were fanfic writers. And they had come for their revenge. It had started slowly, with barely-heard complaints about decaying quality in certain series. The complaints had become better-heard as some series were left unfinished, or new products did not stand up to the expectations of the otaku. Finally, a convocation of fanfic writers was called, to discuss what could be done about the crisis. Representatives of every major anime fandom group was there, from the influential Anime Fan Fiction Ring to the small-but-devoted Temple of the Teal-tressed Goddess, Kiyone Makibi. For weeks the options were debated, to the point where it seemed as if all was lost. But then some wiseass quipped, "Why don't we take over?" The entire assembly laughed at the joke, for it was a much-needed break of stress. However, some started thinking about it, and the more they thought, the more sense it made. You see, fanfic writers are not all college students with too much free time on their hands. Some have actual careers, and in important places. Over the next few months, arrangements were made, and money changed hands. And now, the dream of every fanfic writer--recognition as a professional--was at hand. The assembly ground to a halt in front of its objective, the headquarters of Anime International Company, or AIC. This was the company that most fanfic writers had a beef with, and thus this was the starting point. In the front lines, nearest the main entrance, a young man best described as a younger, stockier Ryoji Kaji minus the stubble and plus a mustache hefted his megaphone. By a consensus of his fellow Tenchi-Muyo! specialists (and due to the author's ego), he had been elected spokeswriter for the AIC invasion. Looking around nervously, he raised the megaphone to his lips, preparing to speak-- --and one of the third-story windows opened, a white flag tentatively poking out, as if expecting to come under fire, before waving around frantically. Beside him, a 185-cm tall man with thinning blond hair relaxed. "Wow," he said. "That was almost too easy." "No kidding," said the oversized and foul-smelling cabbit with an eyepatch and a backwards-turned Yankees cap. "To tell you the truth," commented the muscular young man who bore a familial resemblance to a certain teal-tressed goddess, "I feel almost disappointed." "I'm not," murmured the spokeswriter. "I hadn't decided what to say." All the otaku around him facefaulted. At the negotiations table, two days later "....we'll give you anything you want, anything!" The CEO of AIC looked quite frantic. The otaku negotiating team mentally decided that bringing in several Evas with them had been a good idea. The head negotiator for the otaku, a young man whose major mark on fanfic writing had been an uproariously hilarious spoof on a very dark anime, considered for a moment. "We only want one thing, for all of us...." The CEO gulped, afraid that the ranks of writers outside would descend upon him now, to tear him limb from limb for the poor quality of the last Tenchi movie. "We want to be on your writing staff!" The CEO facefaulted. He recovered quickly. "That's it?" The young man who headed the Tenchi delegation nodded. "Who better to write anime? For us, it's a labor of love." Epilogue: IAC (International Anime Channel, #789 on your cable box) Mondays: Original Series (TV) (Tenchi Universe, Ranma 1/2, Evangelion, etc.) Tuesdays: Original Spin-offs*** (Evangelion R, Tenchi Muyo TV, Thy Inward Love, etc.) Wednesdays: OVA Surprise* (Tenchi-Muyo!Ryo-ohki, El-Hazard: The Magnificent World, Macross Plus, etc.) Thursdays: Alternate Worlds** (Mugen Tenchi Muyo!, Neon Exodus Evangelion, Heaven and Eternity, etc.) Fridays: Movie Time* (Tenchi Muyo in Love, End of Evangelion, Super Dimensional Fortress Macross: Do You Remember Love?, etc.) Saturday: Mature Themes** (Aikan Muyo, La Blue Girl, The Misato Chronicles, etc.) Sunday: One-shots and Spoofs*** (Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut, Iron Roses, Inevitabilities) (Note to guide: The titles listed above are indicative of the types of series that can be found each night, and are not the only series that can be seen that night. Nearly 50% of all the series, movies, etc. are fanfic-based and are relatively accurate as far as the source material is concerned; the nights with asterixes are indicative of the number of fanfic- based anime that night: *=10-40%, **=41-75%, and ***=76-100%. In addition, many of the series have episodes that are much longer than the others (i.e., Heaven and Eternity #14; Mugen Tenchi Muyo! #12; just about every episode of Aikan Muyo) and thus qualify to be shown on both their series' home night and on the movie night. If you have a fanfic that you would like to see adapted into an anime, please contact the Chief Adaptive Writer-Editor at keiichi_dono@hotmail.com. Thank you!) (Cue closing theme--"The Lost Way of Otaku" from Otaku no Video) Author's notes: Oh, if only this could happen. Don't think that I'm unaware of the current financial problems in Japan right now, I am. This is meant to be a joke, a fantasy. I think every fanfic writer has a fantasy about their stories being made into real live (figuratively speaking, of course) anime. Thank you to Michael "Brazil" Borgwardt, Patrick "Seion" Stewart, and Joe "Chi-ohki" McKenzie for providing me with physical descriptions--and thus inviting yourselves into the story. For the rest of you, I asked and asked and asked, and they were the only ones who responded. I tried to include you in as part of the masses. My apologies to Andrew Huang for featuring you without your permission. This is for everyone who's ever seen a TV show or read a book and thought, "I could do better than that." Keiichi Masaki, High Priest of the Temple of the Teal-tressed Goddess, Kiyone Makibi Member of the Kiyone Ring and the Tenchi Ring Co-writer, Mugen Tenchi Muyo! http://members.xoom.com/RC_Books/mugen1.html Visit my Temple of the Teal-tressed Goddess http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Palace/9909 ICQ #: 18044248 "I am the one you think I am." --Katsuhito "Yosho" Masaki "The carnival comes and goes. If you wait for a while, it'll always come back to you." --Ryoko