Tenchi Muyo is copyrighted by Pioneerd LDC and AIC Monty Python is owned by those guys who brought us something completely different. ***************************************************************** * TENCHI PYTHON PRESENTS * * THE JURIAN INQUISITION * * and * * THE ARCHITECT SKETCH * ***************************************************************** ANNOUNCER(YOSHO): New Year's Eve, Eighteen-hundred Eighty-seven. TENCHI: Trouble down at mill! AEKA: On, no! What kind of trouble? TENCHI: I don't know! Mr. Makibi told me to come and say "Trouble down at mill" that's all. I wasn't expecting a kind of Jurian Inquisition-(sound of a axe lopping of someone's head) RYOKO: NOBODY EXPECTS THE JURIAN INQUISITION! Our chief weapon is suprise! Suprise and fear! Fear and supri-Ah! Our two weapons are Fear, suprise and ruthless efficiency-Ah! Our three weapons are Fear, suprise, ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the Emperor-Ah! Amongst our weapons are such elements as fear, suprise...Come in again. TENCHI: I didn't expect a kind of Jurian Inquisition!(axe sfx again) RYOKO: NOBODY EXPECTS THE JURIAN INQUISITION! Amongst our weapon are such diverse elements as fear, suprise, ruthless effeciency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Emperor and a fleet of tree-aarrgg!! Cardinal Mihoshi, you'll have to do it. come in again. TENCHI:(monotone voice) I didn't expect a kind of Jurian Inquisition (axe sfx AGAIN) MIHOSHI: Uhh..Nobody..uhh.... RYOKO: Expects.. MIHOSHI: Ahem! Nobody expects the Jurian Inquisition! In fact those who do expect- RYOKO: Our chief weapons.... MIHOSHI: Our chief weapons are...uhh..suprise and uhh...fear! RYOKO: STOP THAT! STOP! Our chief weapons are suprise, blah,blah,blah! Cardinal Washu, read the charges! WASHU: That's 5000 yen for a full sketch, 700 for a quickie. What'll you have? AEKA: Sketch, please! SCENE: A conference room with Tsunami, Kiyone and Nagi. TSUNAMI: Next up is the design for the residential block we'll be putting up and I though it be best for the architects themselves to show us their designs. That's probably the fist arichitect now. (Noboyuki enters) Mr. Masaki of Masaki and Morisato. NOBOYUKI: Good morning. This is a model of a twelve storie block combining classical Neo-Geogian features with the efficientcy of modern techniques. The tenents arrive here at the entrance, are carried along the corridor on a convaier belt in extreme comfort past murals depecting Jurian scenes towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily sound-proffed. The blood pours down these shoots and the mangled flesh pours down into these large- KIYONE: Excuse me, did you say knives? NOBOYUKI: Rotating knives, yes. TSUNAMI: Are you proposing to slaughter our tenents? NOBOYUKI: Does that not fit in with your plans? KIYONE: No, it does not. We asked for a simple block of flats. NOBOYUKI: Ahhh. I had not fully divined you attitude towards the tennents. You see, I mainly design slaughterhouses. Pity. Mind you, this is a real beaut. None of your blood caked to the walls and flesh flying out the windows inconverting the passers-by. My life has been building up to this. TSUNAMI: And well done, but we wanted a block of flats. NOBOYUKI: Well, might I ask you to reconsider. You wouldn't regret this. Think of the tourist trade. KIYONE: I'm sorry, but we wanted a block of flats and not an abituaur. NOBOYUKI: Ah, yes. Well that's the kind of blinkard, Jurian, pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage! You sit there on your cute little behinds not giving a damn about the struggling artist, you excrement! You whinning, hipocritical toadies with you Pioneer LDC's and TV sets and your bleeding Masonic handshakes! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME JOIN, YOU BLACKBALLING BITCHES! WHY I WOULDN'T BECOME A FREEMASON NOW IF YOU GOT ON YOUR LOUSY, STINKING KNEES AND BEGGED ME! TSUNAMI: Sorry you feel that way, but we did want a block of flats! NAGI: Nice, though, the abituaur is! NOBOYUKI: Oh, shove the abituaur, it's not important. But if you could put in a good word for me I'd love to become a Mason! Masonry opens so many doors! I'd be real quiet. I was bit on edge just now. If I were a Mason I'd sit at the back and not get in anyone's way. KIYONE: Thank you. NOBOYUKI: I've got a second hand apron. TSUNAMI: Thank you! NOBOYUKI: I nearly got in at Amano. NAGI: Thank you! Have we anyone else to see? KIYONE: There's the Jurian Inquisition. TSUNAMI: I didn't expect the Jurian Inquisition!(you know the sound by now) RYOKO: NOBODY EXPECTS THE JURIAN INQUISITION! Our chief weapon is suprise. That's all. Just suprise. MIHOSHI: What about fear? RYOKO: Alright, suprise and fear. WASHU: And an almost fana- RYOKO: SHUDDUP! You're acused of heracy on three counts: Heracy by though, heracy by word, heracy by deed and heracy by action-uh, four, four counts. Now you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin heracy. Reject the works of the-two last chances-and you shall be free-three last chances! You have three last chances! Unrighteous creatures, how do you plead? Heh heh heh! (pauses and looks around)Where did everybody go? Cardinal Washu? CARDINAL WASHU! WASHU: I was just having some tea and Spam with these.... EVERYBODY: Spam spam spam spam! Spam spam spam spam! SPAMIDY-SPAM!!!- SASAMI:(dressed as Pretty Sammy) STOP THAT! STOP THAT! It's silly! (everybody looks at her and begins to snicker) What's so funny? CUE ENDING MUSIC TENCHI PYTHON IS TENCHI MASAKI RYOKO ORIKASA TSUNAMI JURAI MIHOSHI KURIMITSU WASHU HABIKI KIYONE MAKIBI Also starring Aeka Jurai Noboyuki Nagi Hunter Sasami Jurai EXECUTIVE PRODUCER...........KATSUHITO MASAKI PRODUCER.....................SASAMI JURAI DIRECTOR.....................NOBOYUKI MASAKI CARTOONS BY..................AIC RESIDENT ASS-KICKER..........SEION MAKIBI RESIDENT ASS-KISSER..........MITSUKI RIPPED OFF FROM..............MONTY PYTHON RIPPED OFF BY................PATRICK "SEION" STEWART RIPPED OFF AT................alliemae@mail.earthlink.net ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I WAS BORED! NOW DON'T ASK!