Well, I've had this in my head for a long time, but never sat
my butt down and wrote it.  But after reading the several other
versions of the song on the TMFFA, I just had to,
because, well, they all sucked, really bad. One of them was 
basically the original song, with just a few words changed! So 
here it is, my version of "The Real Slim Shady" about Tenchi and Pioneer's
extremely annoying habit of re-writing what was an excellent story-arc, that
being the original OAV story arc.  This version may not be the best ever,
but it's certainly better then the other's I've read.

Props to Shinji Ikari, The 10 O'Clock Assassin for his awesome rap 
song-fics, keep it up bro!

Send feedback to eraser1976@hotmail.com


THE REAL SLIM TENCHI
A songfic by: IAN SAGAT

(Washu on a megaphone): "May I have your attention please! May I
have your attention please! Will the OAV Tenchi please stand up!
Will the OAV Tenchi please stand up!"
(five versions of Tenchi all stand)
"*Sigh*, we're gonna have a problem here."

Y'all act like you never seen an Earth person before,
jaws all on the floor like "Damn!" Ryoko just burst in the door
and started grabbin' your ass just like before, then Ayeka
gets sore and starts blowin' up all the furniture. (Mihoshi: "AAH!")
It's the return of the...oh, wait, no way, your kidding, 
they didn't just change the story arc again, did they?
And Dr. Clay said...nothin' you idiots! Dr. Clay's brain-dead,
D3 erased his head! (Washu: "Ha-Ha!")
Alien women love Tenchi M., (jiggy-jiggy-jiggy) Slim Tenchi, I'm sick a' him,
look at him, walkin' around like he don't know what, like he don't gotta clue,
(Ryoko: "Yeah, but he's so cute though!")
Yeah, Washu's gotta couple of screws up in her head loose,
but it's no worse then what's going on in Ayeka's bedroom. (a whip cracks)
Sometimes I just wanna jump in the TV and cut loose,
but can't, even though Tenchi's punk ass just can't choose,
"I can't choose either one! I can't choose either one!"
Fuck that shit Tenchi, grab 'em both and have some fun!
And that's the next movie the animators need to draw,
"Tenchi The Movie 4: No Need For A Manage A Trios"
Of course Pioneer won't stay on course, by the time hit the fourth
show they'll change the story again, won't they?
We ain't nothin' but hentai's, well, some of us sick guys who'd rather 
see Sasami's inner thighs. (slurping noise)
But if we get off on anime and lemon jokes, then there's no reason
Ayeka and her brother can't elope. (Tenchi: "groan")
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote, Ryoko swing your pantyhose,
sing the chorus, here we go!

(CHORUS)
I'm Slim Tenchi, yes I'm the real Tenchi,
all you other Slim Tenchi's can just hit the bench,
So won't the OAV Tenchi 
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.
I'm Slim Tenchi, yes I'm the real Tenchi,
All you other Slim Tenchi's can just hit the bench,
So won't the OAV Tenchi 
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.

Gainax don't have to change plots to sell video's,
(Pioneer): "Well we do, so fuck them and fuck you too!"
You think we gave a damn about "Shin Tenchi"? (Sakuya: "Phhttt!")
Most of the critics can't even stomach it,
and that lame ass villain Yugi. (Yugi: "Hey!")
"But Ian, what if Tenchi gets laid, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So us guys can buy the fifth series this year?
So we can make rich those fatcats up in Pioneer,
shit, Ayeka and Ryoko better switch me chairs,
so I can sit next to Pioneer and AIC,
and here 'em tell me why they won't do a third OAV.
Little pricks fucked the shows up for Toonami,
"Sorry but American kids can't handle 2D blood or nudity."
I'll just go to the mall and get the DVD,
and show the whole world how Ryoko watches Tenchi pee! (Tenchi: "AAH!")
I'm sick of all the censorship groups, all you do fuck shit up, 
it's not like Japan's here to destroy us!
(Tenchi): " And there's a million others just like me, who fuss like me, 
who just can't get a fuck like me, who dress like me, walk, talk, 
and act like me, they just might be the next best thing, but still 
not OAV!"

(CHORUS)

I'm like a head trip to listen to 'cause I'm only givin' you
things you talk about with friends up inside the chat rooms.
The only difference is I got the brains to say it in a song
while I'm hittin' a bong, and by the way for a long 
time I've wanted Mihoshi in a thong.
I just get on my PC and spit it and whether you like to admit it
I just writ' it better then 90% of you writers out there.
That's because kids eat up these Tenchi shows like values,
it's funny 'cause at the rate he's going when he's thirty,
he'll be the only person in the college dorms not flirting. 
(Nobuyuki: cat whistle)
Nobuyuki's pinching girlie's asses while he's jacking off to movies
and he's jerkin' but he lost his home movies of the onsen.
And every where he goes a new Tenchi girl could be lurkin',
she could be workin' at Burger King, drooling on his onion rings.
(Ayeka: "ewww")
Or in the parking lot screaming "Tenchi, I wanna fuck!" with her panties
down and her t-shirt up. 
So would the real Tenchi please stand up, and put one of those hands on
each girls butt and be proud to have five horny girls and five of your shows
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?!?!

(CHORUS x2)

(Tenchi): "Heh, I guess there's a little Tenchi in all of us."

Fade out.