Disclaimer: Tenchi and Co. are owned by AIC and Pioneer who should be rewarded. Many catchphrases are poperty of WWF ECW and WCW who should be better financed. Baha Men wrote 'Who Let The Dogs Out', and should be certified. This is one of those ghastly, but hopefully hilarous spins on the society we have at the moment, which seems to me to be a collection of totally rubbish songs (ANTE UP! Yo whack whack wooom!), drug culture, drinking, smoking, swearing, dumbass catchphrases and sleazy sex. And today we ask... WHAT WOULD POP CULTURE DO FOR TENCHI? (Nobiyuki is reading 'Forum', when Tenchi comes in) Tenchi: Yo! Dad- can I use da phone man? I gotta bell Ayeka. Nobiyuki: As long as y'all not makin' no booty calls or nuttin'. I ain't standin for another girl gettin' down by you- I swear I give ya an ass whoppin' next time. Tenchi: Yo dat's some crazy ass shit, Dad. I ain't made no dirty calls since at least an hour ago. Nobiyuki: Then use the goddam phone- I goin' out to get stoned. Tenchi: Bring me back a bong. Nobiyuki: Right on. Catch ya' later son- don't go feelin' on no alien white women. (They do the streetwise handshake and a high five, then Nobiyuki leaves) Ryoko: Man, Tenchi, yo' Dad is sure one f**ked up mother. Tenchi: He's not my mother, you crazy bitch. You been smokin' crack or somethin'? Ryoko: Tenchi, you dirty dumbass ho-monger! Not every pimp and whore in this city does like you do. Tenchi: Shut yo' trap. Your my bitch, beeyotch. Just cos yo' da home coming queen, prom queen, may queen and all the other first beauty girls in high-school, don't mean yo' got one over on the MAIN MAN, man. (Mihoshi enters and sees Ryoko) Mihoshi: Hi girlfreind! Ryoko: Hi Mihoshi! Oh sweetie- your lookin' like the cabbit's ears and no foolin'! Mihoshi: I gotta go shopping now...with Butch! Ryoko: Who the hells that? I thought you were walkin' out wit' Daniel. Y'know? Captain of the football team? Mihoshi: That was SOOOOO yesterday. BUTCH is captain of the baseball team! Ryoko: I thought Greg was! Mihoshi: No- GREG was captain of the BASKETball team. I'm going out to have coffee with him and get some new shoes. Ryoko: Catch you later hon. Mihoshi: And don't you forget it! (Mihoshi leaves) Ryoko: Oh she is SOOOO shallow! I just can't bear her. So false and uptight. Little ho! Tenchi: Then why don't you tell her? Ryoko: And miss out on the chance to bitch behind her back? Tenchi, guy- you have got to be kidding me! (Phone rings. Tenchi picks it up and listens for a second.) Tenchi: Wazzzzzzzuppppp! (pause) Tenchi: Wazzzzzzzuppppp! (another pause) Tenchi: Ryoko! Pick up the phone! Ryoko: Wazzzzzuuupppp!!!!! Tenchi: Wazzzzuuuuppppppp!!!!! Ryoko: Ayeka! Pick up the phone! Ayeka: What'supppppppp? Ryoko: Wazzzzzuuupppp!!!!! Tenchi: Wazzzzuuuuppppppp!!!!! Ayeka: Sesami! Pick up the phone! Sesami: Wazzzzup!! Ayeka: Wazzzupppppppp!!! Ryoko: Wazzzzzuuupppp!!!! Tenchi: Wazzzzuuuuppppppp!!!!! Sesami: Yosho! Pick up the phone! Washu: We don't have this many phones in the freakin' house! Ryoko: Mom! Stop ruining our fun! What the hell are you doing here anyway? Washu: (says nothing) Ryoko: Well? Washu: (pause) WAZZZZZZZZZUPPPPPPP!!!!!! Sesami: Wazzzzup!! Ayeka: Wazzzupppppppp!!! Ryoko: Wazzzzzuuupppp!!!! Tenchi: Wazzzzuuuuppppppp!!!!! Washu: My throat is sore now. Should we stop? Tenchi: Like- don't even go there girlfreind! Kiyone: You ain't all that, sugar baby! Ryoko: Ooohhh...you are one nasty girl, Kiyone. We're talkin butt ugly here. Kiyone: What the hell you getting your tits up at me for, prom queen! (cat fight ensues) Ayeka: Yo! What about me- what about Ayeka? Tenchi: Whatya gonna do when the Tenchi 4 7 gets medieval on yo' ass? Ryoko: The Ry-ock says- Know you roll- and SHUT THE HELL UP! Washu: Give us a hell yeah! EVERYONE: Hell yeah! Sesami: Yo! Can u smell what Sesami's cooking? Tenchi: What? You didn't know? Your ass had better call someboddddyyyy! Ayeka: Oh it's true, it's damn true. Ryoko: Prove me wrong. (Amagasaki enters) Amagasaki: Yo, shorty wazzup? Hey- what's up with all these thick girls? Tenchi I had no idea yo' were into group sex. Tenchi: I'm not you sick queerball. Amagasaki: Yo! I ain't gay. Dat's what my ex-girl said cos I dumped her- she wan' make me feel mad. But it ain't working- Tenchi: What? That whole bag of viagra? Amagaski: Yeah. (Nobiyuki and Yosho enter, both completely stoned) Yosho: Man, I got the munchies. Pass me that huge person-shaped bar of chocolate! Tenchi: Grandad, you stoned old gaywad! That's Mihoshi! Yosho: And I could just eat her up. Is that caramel on top or just her hair? Nobiyuki: Dad, you are one retarded butthole. Tenchi: Well, I guess this is Tenchi's final thought: My dad and grandad are stoned retards, my adopted sisters are all prostitutes, my mates are all pimps and I'm a sterotypical foul-mouthed dumbass American\Japanese fusion...I'm glad AIC and Pioneer never got in to pop culture! (pause) Kiyone: Yo! Who let the dogs out? EVERYONE: Who, who, who who? Well- I know it was terrible and had a lot of gratuitous language in it, but that's the way (if we're to believe various movies, songs and books) that most of us live our lives from day to day. I wish I was the one who they made movies, wrote and sang about- not just a guy who writes Tenchi fan fiction for every hour of the day while trying to avoid all aspects of pop culture mentioned at the beginning- execpt perhaps the sleazy sex. And the dumbass catchphrases. Oh, and the drugs of course. Anyways- I hope you enjoyed it despite its completely 4th rate nature. All the best Jim 'Diabolo' Moore