Joe "JS Smitty" Smith (Whazzup316@cs.com) Miscellaneous The N.S.S.S.O.L: The Assassin-A-Thon WARNING: This is a really long MST, and for the full number of laughs, read one story at a time! ************ I do not own any of the characters (except for myself) portrayed here, and have no intention of owning them. Each of them (besides myself) are owned by their respected companies. My apologies to the companies for the horror I put them through, especially Asuka. ************ (A dark cloud lingers over the dark castle, from inside, a sinister laugh erupts) HA HA! AT LAST! IT IS COMPLETED! (Ranma and Vegetta are standing outside a door staring nervously at each other) He's finally lost it. I don't think he had it to begin with. We shouldn't have let him stay up that late. How was I supposed to know that THAT show could screw him up that bad? (Asuka walks up next to Ranma) What's going on?! Is it Joe again? Dammit, this is the second time he's woken me up. I think it's serious this time.\ Don't tell me he tried to play Beethovens Fifth with just a comb and piece of paper again? (Vegetta and Ranma both start to sweat) No, he's flipped his lid this time. We made the mistake of letting him stay up till twelve thirty to watch Gundam Wing 08th MS Team. So? (Both Ranma and Vegetta motion her to the door, they open it showing an extremely large room with a large object covered with a white sheet in the middle of it, they hear JS's voice from under the sheet) (crazed) So...they think they get away with that, eh? Last night was the last episode of the series. (he looks at the object) I'm guessing he didn't take the ending too well. (pops out from under the sheet near the bottom) They think they can leave me high-and-dry like that? Well I won't take it. AND WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO KIKI?! (sweating) Okaaayyy...but what's with that giant thing? (ignoring her) AND NOW, WITH THIS NEW FOUND TECHNOLOGY! I SHALL BE RID OF THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL! (shaking his head) He's not making any sense. Like he ever does. (The giant sheet slides off of the figure, and everyone except JS go bug-eyed. It's a giant mobile suit three times as big as a Gundam, four arms, a Gundam's head, and it has this nasty brown-rust like color to it) He built THAT in several hours?! (JS starts cackling like Jinnai again) (flies into the room) Okay, who the hell is making all the...(looks up at the mobile suit)...GAH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! (JS continues to laugh) (starts moving towards him clapping her hands) All right Frankenstein. You made your point. Now let's get moving, you said we were doing something special today. (Continues to cackle, everyone else blinks in shock) Wow. He ignored Asuka. He's really lost it. Like he ever had it. (looks back and sees Ranma looking at the ground) What's the matter with you? Well it's a long shot, but there might be some way to snap him out of it. (he looks at Asuka, as does everyone else) (quickly starts shaking her head) Uh-uh! No. No. NO! I will not do it! (smiles evily) Come on. He likes you the best. (pretends like she's thinking) You know what, maybe he's better off this way. (glare at her) Asuka. (starts to sulk) All right all right. (mutters under her breath) They're lucky my Eva's not here. (She walks up to the cackling weirdo (trust me, I am weird [if you haven't noticed ^_^]) and takes a deep breath. She reaches behind her and pulls out her mallet) ASUKA! (drops mallet) Okay. NOW I'll do it. (she turns to JS, then back to the group) But I won't like it. (Asuka takes another deep breath and then...[hey, I got to give myself SOME dignity, shouldn't I ^_^]...whips him around and kisses him on the lips. His body seems to spark with pleasure as the kiss goes on, as she releases he does that Daffy Duck thing and turns into water, Asuka starts walking out the door, wiping her mouth) (smiles evily) So...how was it? I don't want to talk about it. (Silence for several seconds) (same as Vegetta) You liked it, didn't you? I SAID I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! (She walks out the door, Vegetta and Ryoko look at each other and nod their heads) She liked it. (Ranma walks over to the now solidified JS who is unconscious at the moment) (starts slapping him across the face) Wake up. You said we're doing something today. (slowly opens his eyes, then jolts awake and looks around the room) Where- where am I?! (he looks up at the Gundam) Woah! What the hell is this thing doing here?! You built it. Don't you remember? I did? Yeah, you were going to use this Gundam to (makes quotation marks with hands) "seek revenge" or something like that. (standing up, ignoring him) Yeah yeah, Gundam shmundum. This is going to make one HELL of a lawn ornament. Right. Now let's get this stupid thing over with. (Everyone walks out the door into the main lobby, where Asuka is having some tea, JS starts sneaking up behind her ready to pounce on her) (mildly sips her tea, to JS) If you value your life, you won't do that. (JS snaps his fingers) So, what are we doing today? Today is a very special day, today we're reviewing four fics all done by the same author. Let me guess who you got the idea off of. No. Besides, we don't do Tank Cop fics. (The others silently whisper "Yes!") We get an author who's just as persistent, though. And he is quite known for his fics where the leading male character screws almost every other woman in the series. (ponder who it could be) I'll give you a hint. (JS pulls out a tape recorder and presses "Play". A few seconds pass before a [SHWING!] and a [SPLURRT!] was heard. Asuka does a spit-take with her tea and everyone looks at him bug-eyed.) NOT HIM! (puts tape recorder away) Oh yes. At first I wasn't planning on MST'ing his fics, but as you can see, I decided against it. But we only know of two BAD Tenchi Muyo fics that he's done. Well I shall have you know that he has done two fics about a show closely related to Tenchi Muyo. (ponder the choices) Need another hint? (Pulls out the tape player, puts in a new tape and presses "Play." Several seconds pass before several well known phrases like, "I'm gonna die!" and "My God! What a MAN!" were heard. Everybody else shakes their heads ruefully) I don't think we should do those being as they AREN'T Tenchi Muyo. (under her breath) Like that's going to stop him. (to Ranma) Do I have to bring up a certain MST special between two extremely well known MST'rs against a certain bad fic writer? (sulks) No. Good. Now, on with the- Hold it! (Everyone stops and looks at him) (sweatdrops) Well, uh...you see...before I came here, I mailed a letter to someone, asking her to help us MST a fic. (Everyone starts scrambling for the kitchen) Save the food! Save the food! (picks himself from a face-fault) No, not Akane. Someone else. (Everyone turns around and looks at him nervously) You asked someone OTHER than Akane? Uh-huh. (a little nervous) Well, uh...in that case, we'll just review this thing until she gets here. Hold it! A damsel (who is most likely cute) is coming over to help us with a fic, and you have the gall to start without her. Yeah, what about it? I can't believe you people. We will wait here like civilized people until she comes over. Civilized people? (points to JS's shirt) So "Turn and Cough." is what civilized people wear? This is my favorite shirt, all right? Well in that case what'll we do until she gets here? (Everyone thinks about something until a light bulb appears over JS's mind and he smiles with delight...then the light bulb goes back out and he has to flick it to turn it back on) (points finger to group) Anybody ever seen "Friday Night Rocky Horror Picture Show"?! Yeah, so? (runs down a hall) Follow me. ************ (Several minutes have passed and the main lobby's lights are dimmed down. Five figures are standing in the darkness before a spotlight appears on every person, their heads are hanging down and "Time Warp," music starts to play and Vegetta slowly raises his head) (Note: My apologies to any fans of the song "Time Warp" if I get the words wrong.) (singing) It's astounding....Time is, fleeting....Madness, takes its, toll....But listen closely.... (also raises her head;singing) Not for very much longer.... (looks at Ryoko, returns to singing) I've got to, keep control.... (Beat picks up) (quickly raises head, starts singing) I will remember...! Doing the Tiiimme Warrrppp...! Drinking...these moments when...the black fleets will help me! (singing) And the void will be caallliinnnngg...! Let's, do, the Time Warp again! (singing)It's just a jump...to the left! *BUM, BUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM!* (you get the idea) And then a step to the ri-I-iiiight! Put your hands on your hips! *BUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!* And bring your knees in ti-I-iiight...! But it's the pelvic thr-u-ust, that really drives them insa-a-aaane...! Let's, do, the Time Warp, again! It's so dreamy....oh fantasy FREE me! So you can't see me...no, not at all. In another dimension...with voyeuristic intention...well secluded,_I_see all. With a flip of the mind switch... You're into the Time slip! And nothing...will ever be the same... When we start our sensation... LIKE YOU'RE UNDER SEDA-TION! Let's, do, the Time Warp, again! (singing quickly) Well I was walking down the street, just a having a beat, when this snake of a guy, gave me an Ev-il eye! He shooka me up, he took me by surprise! He had the pick axe track (Author's note: I don't know either.), and the DEVIL'S eye. Scared of me, and I better change! Time ain't NOTHING what'll do it again! Let's, do, the Time Warp, again! Let's, do, the Time Warp, again! (A figure walks in to see them singing) It's just a jump...to the left! *BUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!* And then a step to the ri-I-iiiight! Put your hands on your hips! *BUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!* And bring your knees in ti-I-iiight...! But it's the pelvic thr-u-ust, that really drives them insa-a-aaane...! Let's, do, the Time Warp, again! Let's, do, the Time Warp again! (The song finishes up and everybody starts giving high fives, not noticing the figure) That was sweet! I hate to admit it, but, you're right. The hentai finally got a good idea. (from behind the group) Excuse me. But I was invited here. (Everyone turns around to see a red-haired girl with horns, a tail, and a skimpy little battle-suit only covering her breasts and pelvic region, everyone goes bug-eyed except for JS, who nearly passes out) Why was I invited here? (starts making incoherent syllables as his face goes beet red) What Don Juan means to say is that you're here to review a horrible fic written by a weird author. Eh? Sorry, I was the one who invited you here. Just to spice up the theater a little, but you'll see what we do when we start reviewing the fic. (He motions her to the large metal door behind him, as he and everyone else except JS and Vegetta go in. As Mink walks past JS her shoulder accidentally nudges him and he stiffens up) (picks up the stiff JS, his feet collect a large piece of the floor) Let's go Romeo. This was your idea. ********* (In the theater, the seating is, from left to right, Ranma, Asuka, JS, Mink, Ryoko, Vegetta) So what we basically do is we make fun of someone else's stories that they thought up? Yep. That's mean. It's what we do since our anime series are over. (has recovered) And because all of us, except for me and Mink, have seen a couple of these fics, I made sure to erase all memory of the fics before entering the fic. NOOOOOO! (jump JS) I don't like this already. >Shinji The 10 o'Clock Assassin, alias Purge Raizah (as Daffy Duck) Alias John, ALIAS Johnny, alias Jack, ALIAS Jackie! Shut up. (to Mink) See? It's that simple. >Terror-Dack-Chill and Mobile Otaku Band. As well as >Temple Of Teal-Dressed Goddess, Rolento's Evil Mission, >Team Yagami, Izumi Maki Fanclub, and >Society To Prevent Cruelty To Shinji Ikari (sarcastically) Yes, the wonderful S.T.P.C.T.S.I. >tyree3@pacbell.net (as old geezer) Evil! (everyone stares at him nervously) Peter has K'thardin, Ksa has Tank Cop, I have the 10 o'Clock Assassin. >This is a rewrite of this fanfic. Thanks to Shade and Spencer Trace for catching my mistakes. (to Vegetta) Five hundred yen that they ditched him in the middle of the fic. You're on. >WARNING: This fanfic contains SEX! Viewer's discretion is strongly advised. All >the characters portrayed in this fanfic are 18 years or older. ALL OF THEM!!! (stands up) GOD IS GOOD! >Oh! And the "Lemon Commandment" of Incest has been broken! (sits back down) As I said, God is good to everyone else >The characters of Tenchi Muyo belong to AIC and Pioneer. >* * * * * * * * * * * * (Asuka glares at JS, he smiles at her) >10-CHI CLAN 10-chi? What happened to the other nine chi's? Shut up. >"The Quickies" Too easy? Too easy. Way too easy. >* * * * * * * * * * * * (stands up, puts hand against chest) I pledge allegiance...to the flag... >It's morning. The sun beats down upon the Masaki household as the alarm >goes off in Tenchi's room. (as alarm) Yeah that's right! Every morning I wake you up and what do I get for my troubles, NOTHING! Not that kind of off, sit down. Whay! This is fun! (whispers to Asuka) Isn't she so cute when she says that? (dully) Way. >He opens his eyes and tries to focus them. Then he >rolls over to find that he's not alone; Ryoko's right next to him, waking and totally >naked. (blinks in shock) Okay, this is not fun anymore. Welcome to our world. >Ryoko: Good morning, Tenchi. >[SHWING!!] (does three pelvic thrusts towards Asuka; as Garth) Shwing, shwing, shwing. (Asuka mallets him in the face) (before Mink can ask her) Yes, they do that all the time. >Tenchi: Oh no, Ryoko! Not in the middle of the morning! (singing) In the morning! In the evening! Ain't we got fun?! >Ryoko: Yes, Tenchi. I want it... right... now... >Tenchi curses himself as he grabs Ryoko and slams his mighty Johnson into >her. Hello. Guy's been buying too many t-shirts. >Never mind that, as soon as he's in, she's already lost deep in hyperspace, he >thought. He just wants to get her off and be done with it... >[SPLURRRT!!] Woah! (pulls out whips and cracks it at the screen) Back demon! Back! (as Steve Irwin) Here we see the vicious spittin' cobra. This unique creature has its own remarkable of way of luring its victims into its grasp. You enjoy doing this, don't you? >Tenchi grabs some clean clothes and leaves his room. Ryoko's on the bed >feeling as stoned as Mt. Everest without the snow. (sarcastic) Ha ha. It is to laugh. >-=**=- I'd do a joke on the scene changes but they've been used to death. (as Chinese philosopher) You learn quickly my son. >He goes into the nearest bathroom, but the door's locked. Suddenly the door >gets opened from the inside. It's Aeka, the princess of Jurai, wearing only her >bathrobe. Lemon scene in ten seconds. >Aeka: Oh, my apologies. The other washroom is still in repairs (from me >and Ryoko fighting over you). Your father said it was okay to... (as Aeka) Screw my brains out. >[SHWING!!] (stops stopwatch) Hmmm...a second off. >Too late! Tenchi pushes her back into the bathroom and flings off her towel. Ole! >He takes her by the thighs and slurps his tongue at her soft petals. When did Aeka start growing flowers there? MINK! (in la-la land) She's perfect. >This is not exactly what Aeka wanted... That's why there's a three digit number called 9-1-1. >Change that! This is what Aeka wanted all morning! That bitch! I knew she was scheming all these months! >Tenchi stuck his mighty Johnson into the princess's most sacred love canal. Her >majesty was already gone. (as Tenchi singing) Oh where, oh where has my Aeka gone! Oh where, oh where could she be! Didn't somebody else use that joke? I don't know, I should look into that. >Her "Queen's English" has been reduced to Latin, Hold on, I took a Latin class. Tenchi...please...stop...I'm...going...to...puke.... >to Greek, I'm also skilled in Greek. I...wonder...if...Ryoko...is...available... *BLAM BLAM BLAM* *KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPP!* (looks at Ryoko) You know, if you're into that kind of stuff, I got a friend who's like that. (JS, Ranma, Asuka snicker, Ryoko's body starts to spark) >and finally to just prehistoric grunts. Unga wunga! Ooga booga! Hee haw! Hee haw? (Mink shrugs) Hay bay-bee! Hay bay-bee! (others stare at him nervously) Yes? Have you not read The Far Side? >[SPLURRRT!!] (as clerk) Will that be paper or plastic? >Sigh... Tenchi took his shower. Then he puts on his day clothes, being >careful not to awaken her royal highness from her royal high, and leaves the >bathroom. So, sex can be a less lethal way of getting high? Let's ask Vegetta. I believe he's the only one here who's done it. You can all kiss my fucking ass. >-=**=- >Tenchi then goes downstairs, and then realizes not to make as much noise. Ooh, Tremors. >Just then, a pair of mechanical "grab-bots" appear from out of nowhere and try to >capture him. Weren't grab-bots a cheesy plot to some stupid movie? (Others shrug) >With squirrel-like speed and agility Tenchi tries his best to defend >himself from said attacks. Dammit! If I controlled green mana I'd have several squirrels bouncing all over the place. ................ Magic: The Gathering has squirrels? >But they were too powerful for him to handle. And he then gets dragged into Washuu's lab producing >heavy protest. (over unknown loudspeakers) Any comment on "Washu is spelled with one 'U' DAMMIT!" and I'll turn them into Pokemon again! >Shackled to a table within a darkened room, Tenchi soon catches a view of >his kidnapper: Washuu, sporting the "Ritsuko Akagi (tm)" look. (as Yakko and Wakko) HELLOOOOOOOO NURSE! (as Dot) Guys... >Washuu: I'm here to collect your sperm samples again, Tenchi. >[SHWING!!] (as freak show director) Everyone marvel at TENCHI! The man with the amazing Johnson! (ditto) Come one! Come all! >Tenchi doesn't have a choice at this matter. Washuu opens her nyloned legs >wide to give him a view he'll never forget. JESUS! (slaps his hand on Mink's forehead) I can SEE! It's a miracle! (shaking head) NO! NO! NOT HER TOO! (points to Asuka) What's with her? She doesn't like it when I take riffs off of other MST'rs. Oh...(turns to camera) Sorry Cav and Doscher! >Then she frees his mighty Johnson from its cage (A giant wildcat jumps from the back row and lands in front of JS) *RRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!* (Everyone except Ranma and JS scream and jump behind their seats, Ranma just screams and passes out) Wha-what the hell is that?! (pets the cat) My wildcat beast Johnson. (Others face-fault) >and proceeds to submerse it into her tight pussy. (as Russian sailor) Comarades! We are going under! (ditto) Dive! Dive! Dive! (Others stare at them nervously) (wakes up) Where is it?! Where is it?! >Tenchi's cock doubles in size, and Washuu uses every known trick in the Universal Kama Sutra book to >get him off. His fuse >goes short very quickly, (makes TNT noises) *Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssttttttt...* *BOOM!* (wince and cross legs) ASUKA! (to Mink) And that's all you got to do to get them to stop if they're bothering you. >and Washuu feels it as well. >She pulls him out, grabs the bucket nearby, and performs fellatio over it. >[SPLURRRT!! SPLURRT!!] Will that be cash or credit? >Washuu: My-my, Tenchi. That's all you can give? (as Tenchi) Considering that Ryoko and Aeka got me first I'm surprised I gave ANY! >Tenchi: I couldn't help it. Ryoko and Aeka got to me first. >Washuu: Oh, damn my luck! (dully) Yes...damn your luck. >-=**=- >Despite his morning troubles Tenchi manages to have some breakfast and be >on his way to the city. Along the way he almost passes the Miho-Kiyo residence >only to realize that he's suppose to pick up something from them. Some condoms and a bottle of spermicide. I said it before, I'll say it again, I expect that from HIM (points to JS) not you. >He knocks on their door... >Kiyone: Who is it?! (in hick voice) It's the rotorooter man! I brought my snake and Lube oil in case the tube ain't slippery enough! (Others stare at him nervously) >Tenchi: It's me, Tenchi! >Mihoshi: Alright! It's Tenchi! Come on in! >And he does what he says, only to find out that the Miho-Kiyo duo are >currently trying out the latest in summer swimwear! (starts rumaging through his coat) KLEENEX! I NEED KLEENEX! >[SHWING ONCE MORE!!] (sarcastic) Ooh, how creative. >Mihoshi: Wow! Whatta big Johnson you got there! (as old lady) The better to screw...(hit my Asuka's mallet) (vein popping out of forehead) Do you know how old that joke is? >Kiyone: I guess we should do something about it. (as Mihoshi) Let's cut it off and show him how it feels to be Johnsonized! (The guys pass out and the girls look at her strange) Even that's too much. (leaning over a bucket) Why am I having flashbacks of our last MST? >A coin gets tossed. Mihoshi calls for heads. (getting up) And boy, is she going to give it too! (Asuka mallets him, Ranma and Vegetta get up) >The coin shows tails and Kiyone ends up giving him head. (Everyone stares nervously at JS) >Tenchi's trapped within the world of total pleasure as she gives his mighty Johnson a tongue massage. (looks at Mink) You know, I am a pretty good masseuse with my hands. Really? (mallets him) BAKA HENTAI! Geez! I was being serious! >[SPLURRRT!!] Pen or pencil? Why do you keep making those analomies? I think they're funny. >Kiyone's whole face was covered with his sticky, white cum. (as Kiyone) GACK! Canth breat! Canth breat! (Everyone else except JS turns away in disgust) (with shimmering eyes) What a woman. >Kiyone: Mmmm... Delicious. ^_^ But I don't think we're done with you just >yet. >She then tells him to go over to Mihoshi, who was already getting herself >ready for the ultimate in manhood. (stifle a laugh) Yeah...right...Pfft! >In no time he starts thrusting into her like a piston. (starts making car stalling noises) >His actions cause the beautiful scatterbrain... to actually start thinking >rationally. ........... Wow. It's the seventh sign. I'd say about the six, two popular Canadian stars haven't been killed on American soil. (others stare at him nervously) What? >Kiyone is puzzled by this, but her train of thought is cut short as Tenchi >returns the favor and gives her pussy a full tongue massage. Hmm...did those two go to the same masseuse school? >After making her explode like a firecracker Pop. Corn. (Everyone else stares at him nervously, he smiles back) >Tenchi leaves her gushing pussy and slushes his Johnson between her large, heaving breasts. What's that gonna accomplish? >[SPLURRRT ANOTHER TIME!!] (turning green) Never mind. >With the two ravishing ladies tonguing themselves after a hot post-morning's >orgy, Tenchi leaves their apartment with the thing he neaded: a new tube of Bengay BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! He did that on purpose! That damn bastard did that on purpose! >and a bottle of "Painkillahz." Word up. >-=**=- >"My language is harsh! (chanting) Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me! NYAH! >And coarse like the sands of time! You will be STRUCK! With a tidal wave of words!" Tenchi's at Tokyo >University's History >5 class watching a film about the Reformation, where Martin Luther and his followers ............. Martin Luther's fight for freedom should NOT be in this fic. >take a stand against the spoiling of religion. >After class Tenchi's about to leave when he hears a certain voice... (scared) No. No, not her. >Sakuya: Afternoon, Ten-chan. ARGH! SAKUYA! Christ! He's beginning to spark! (Sparks start flying out of his ears) (restraining him) I never knew anyone who had such a hatred for her. Ever seen Magical Girl Pretty Nobuyouki? >[SHWING!!] Geez. Remind me never to say hi to this guy. (crazed) I'm going to hurt her. Squish her. Blow her up into many pieces. Write a fic dedicated to her demise. Asuka, you're going to have to do it again. (complaining) Aw...do I have to? >Tenchi: AAACK!! Hi... Sakuya... >Sakuya: (Comes over towards him.) Isn't it amazing! The past can be so cool >once you take the opportu... (Notices his painful hard-on.) (has somehow cured himself) AH-HA! So it was a fake! Hard-on. Not clip-on you idiot. >Tenchi... >Let's go... ^_^; >Sakuya takes Tenchi to the nearby cheap motel All that little skank can afford. >where she removes her panties from under her ravishingly short skirt. AH! The horror! The horror! I'm blind! I can't see! I can see that Ranma shares the same feelings about her. >She leans on the wall as Tenchi, overdriven with lust, "Johnsonizes" her as well. (Everyone looks nervously at Mink, she giggles nervously) >Sakuya screams with pain as well as estacy, One or the other, make up your mind. >since she's not used to the immence "banging" like Tenchi's alien >girlfriends were. (through unknown loudspeaker) I AM NOT! I REPEAT! I AM NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND! Okay, we're all going to slowly continue this fic. >But she loves him SO much that she allows him to do anything he >wants to her, knowing that his mighty Johnson can get both of them off. >[SPLURRRT!!] CD or cassete? >Afther about an hour of this, Ah, so he was drunk when he wrote this. That explains it. Pay up. Dammit. >Tenchi and Sakuya left the motel promising to meet (and screw) again. >-=**=- >Maybe the rest of the day will... Aw, screw it! As much as we'd like to see him try, it's impossible for him to. If there's a will, there's a way. (as Freakazoid) D'oh! Dumb! Dumb! Don't give the authors bad ideas! Dumb! >Tenchi thought as a Ryo-Ohki-style spaceship hovers over his head. .................. He couldn't. He wouldn't. (sparks flying from body) He'd better not. >He tries to run, but he's immediately captured by the ship's tractor beam. >Tenchi's soon shackled (Again?) to a cross in the center of a dark room >where infamous bounty hunter Nagi conjures up a way of using him as bait for >Ryoko. (breathe a sigh of relief) >For some reason she has the heat up too high. "Has the heat up too high"?! It's your fucking ship, turn the heat down! That's a request we could dream of. >So she decides to remove her black cloak. She ends up revealing to poor Tenchi her ravashingly slender >body wearing a see-through fabric nightgown. O_O! I can't stop them this time. (as Wayne and Garth) WE ARE NOT WORTHY! WE ARE NOT WORTHY! >[SHWING!!] >Nagi smirks at the large bulge in his pants, deciding to have a little fun. So...what? Is she going to play hopscotch with it or something? With how big it apparently is I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it could. >She strikes down upon her prey like an eagle and shoves his painfully mighty Johnson >into her. She manages to get it all in despite the immence pain caused from such >manhood as his. But it looks like it's Tenchi's turn to be lost in hyperspace. >[SPLURRRT...!!] >Nagi has succeeded in making him explode into her. (dully) Boom. More like a pop. >She allows herself to have an orgasm in front of him, "Allows herself?" I must say it's pretty easy to fake one but it's kinda hard not to show you're getting one. (others stare at her nervously) Did I say that out loud? >to hear her cum as she drenches his mighty Johnson, mixing her liquid with his... (reading ingredients) Add two eggs...a cup of sugar... >Mitsuki: FREEZE!! You are under arrest! Come out with your hands out, >NOW!! AW JESUS CHRIST! (angry) Well we know what's going to happen next, don't we guys? (angry) Maybe she just wants him to fill out an Incident Report! >It's Mitsuki in her Galaxy Police ship. It seems that Nagi has spent too much >time in the "No Spaceship Docking Zone." More like "No Johnson Zone!" I'd say around "No Fucking Zone!" I don't know, he is docking his spaceship into her. (others stare at him) >Nagi: Damn...! >-=**=- Okay, that thing's pissing me off. What the hell kind of scene change is that?! >Mitsuki: Are you alright? >Tenchi: I'm not sure. I've been having sex with women all day. (face-fault) Why don't you tell her your shoe size as well? >Mitsuki: Tell ya what: Take a little rest. Lay on my bed for a while. Okay? (as Mitsuki) Oh, and don't worry about that thing around your Johnson, it'll just be my mouth. (others turn a shade of green) >Tenchi: Why, thanks Mitsuki. (She's not really as mean as Kiyone said she is.) (through unknown loudspeakers) HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TAKING A SHOWER WHEN SHE'S IN THE OTHER STALL?! ....... One of these days I'm going to find out where they are broadcasting that from. (to Kiyone) You dropped the soap, didnt you? SHUT UP! >While Tenchi slept Mitsuki takes the opportunity to try out those neat street >clothing she's got from Mihoshi. Apparently she's making a bit too much noise. (dully) Apparently. >Tenchi wakes up to see what the commotion's all about, just to be greeted by a very >sexy-looking Mitsuki, exposing her light-blue underwear whilst she was putting on >her leggings. *KLUNK* What was that? (waving smelling salts in front of JS's nose) Joe passed out from losss of blood. (getting up) I DIDN'T STEAL THE COOKIES FROM THE COOKIE JAR! >[SHWING*2!!!] AH! HE GREW ANOTHER JOHNSON! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! >Mitsuki: Oh no. Guess I was too much stimulation for you there, huh? >Tenchi: Mitsuki... Help me... (as Tenchi) Cut...it...off... (turning green) >Mitsuki: Alright, alright. Here you go, kid. (as Mitsuki) Have some candy. (as Tenchi/little kid/Jerry Louis) Thank you funny lady with the annoyingly red hair and legs that go for miles! (as Jerry Louis) FROINLAVIN! >Tenchi viciously stabs his might Johnson into the depths of her sex canal. >But after a while he notices that the expression on her face didn't change. Well, someone finally realized how "mighty" that thing really is. (hit by Ryoko) Ow! >Tenchi: Uh... Mitsuki. You're... not... >Mitsuki: Oh, me? I do this all the time. This is how I rise through the police >ranks. (face-fault) >And besides, I earn some pocket change that way. So, screw to >your heart's content. "Pocket change?" So twenty's and fifty's are just loose change for her? >"Screw" was the word that immediately set him off. His manhood >continuously plunges into her like a raging demon. (dully) Roar. >Her power universal is so good; it's bringing him to the brink of eruption. Mitsuki, after years of her pussy >being plunged into, finds herself moaning louder... >[SPLURRRRTT!!!] Scented or non-scented? >Mitsuki: (How can this be? I've had dicks as big as these before... But >obviously this guy knows how to fuck a lady. Oh really...then how come I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANY YET?! Well, considering this story you just did. >I should do more Jurai-blooded Earthlings from now on!) >Tenchi: Mitsuki... I have to go... >Mitsuki: Go? And why's that? (as Tenchi) Well, you see, when a person's bladder get's too full with your liquid wastes... We know the details Asuka. >Tenchi: My friends are worried about me at home. >Mitsuki: Oh. I'm sorry... I just need you to help fill out this Incident Report, >please. (Everyone stares at JS nervously) (blinks) >Tenchi: *_*; It doesn't change, does it? (bursting) No it Goddamn doesn't! >-=**=- >Tenchi finally makes it back to the Masaki household, (bursting, sarcastic) Gee, I wonder who could be next?! (ditto) Wait! I know! He said something about incest, didn't he?! It's probably Achika! (ditto) Yeah! Good idea! OR...it could be Yugi, or Yuzuha! (ditto) Anything's possible according to the Assassin! I wouldn't be surprised if it's Yume! (writing in notebook) WAIT! Let me write these down! (Mink starts to sweat) >but Mayuka runs him over trying to greet him at the door. (Everyone freezes. JS's pencil snaps on the board and a tumbleweed rolls across their feet) I'm not a big fan of the show. Who's Mayuka? (Ryoko slam a copy of Manatsu No Eve into her chest. Mink walks to the back of the room and into a door, she emerges several seconds later) HE WOULDN'T! >Mayuka: Daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! I'm so glad that daddy's back!! NO YOU'RE NOT! NO YOU'RE NOT! >Tenchi: Ouch... Mayuka. You weigh a ton! >Mayuka: Did you bring me anything, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy?! NOTHING! THERE IS NOTHING IN HIS PANTS THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT! >Tenchi: [That Mayuka is so cute... AAAARGH!! (with Tenchi) AAAARGH!! >I'M NO PEDOPHILE!!] YOU GODDAMN BETTER NOT BE! >Uh... No, I didn't. Sorry. >Mayuka: Awww... Well, that's okay! Daddy can give me something else! YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING ELSE! YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING ELSE! (as Filbert) I'm naseous. I'm naseous. I'm naseous. I'm naseous. >Right, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy?!! ^0^ >[SHWING!! AAAAAHH!! NOT WITH HER!!] (with Tenchi) AAAAAHH!! NOT WITH HER!! >Mayuka: Oh, what a big thing you got between your legs, (running around the room) HE SAID NO PEDOPHILIA! HE CAN'T GO BACK AGAINST HIS WORD! (is clinging tightly around JS's neck) MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! (clinging around Mink) I WISH I COULD! I WISH I COULD! >daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! [Massages her hand over the bulge in >his pants.] THAT'S NOT A PLAY THING! LET IT GO! >Tenchi: [The better to fuck your...] AAAARGH!! No, Mayuka! I can't... Aw, >fuck it! NO DON'T DO IT! >Tenchi's animalistic urges take over once again. He frees his mighty Johnson >and pounds the living daylights out of his own blood relative. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! (wrapping tighter) AND I NEVER MADE OUT WITH DICK SAUCER! (choking) Mink...dear...you're...choking me.... >Mayuka howls outworldishly as she feels herself get banged and filled and violated repeatedly for minutes >on end... >[SPLURRRTT!!] NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO! >An uncontrollable shockwave hits Tenchi as he empties his seed into her. URGE...TOO...SICKENING...CAN'T...MAKE...JOKE...ABOUT...GARDENEING! >And he keeps on filling her; he's unable to stop his torrent of semen squirting from >out of his manhood. It ends up spilling from out of the lucious daughter's pussy >and onto the floor. WAAAAHHHH! I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! >Mayuka: Oooooohhh... That was the greatest, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! >Let's do this again and again and again and again, forever and ever and >ever, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! (as Tenchi) NO! LET'S NOT DO THIS FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER! >Tenchi: I'm going to hell for this... I just know I'm going to hell for this... And we'll be your personal guides. (Mink and JS notice they're hugging each other, they let go and blush) (sheepishly) Sorry. (ditto) Me too. >-=**=- >After a good dinner, Of twelve gallons of water. >Tenchi decides to hit the bed early. Then he's going to sleep in it. Not bad. >He knew it's going to be one of those days again tomorrow: The fighting, Ayeka and Ryoko. >the explosions, Ayeka and Ryoko. >the swift mood changes, Ayeka and Ryoko. >the havoc, Ayeka and Ryoko. All right! You made your damn point! >the drama, Washu and baby Taro. >and ultimately the fucking. Tenchi Masaki and the entire woman cast of TENCHI MUYO! >This is terrible. He wished he'd never freed the demon, Ryoko, from her prison. What does freeing Ryoko have anything to do with your immortal chicken? Immortal chicken? (snickering) I thought it was funny. >Just then, a soft light appears in the middle of the room. >Tenchi gets up to see what it is, thinking it's probably Ryoko or Washuu trying to get another fuck from him. You got a problem with that? Yes. >But then, it turns out to be the High Goddess of Jurai Tsunami; wearing >the Juraian ceremonial robe, a weak smile on her face, and nothing else. We wish! Shut up. >Tsunami: Well, Lord Tenchi. It seems that it was a busy day for you. (as Tenchi) You bet, I went to NINE different job interviews today! >Tenchi: Well... heh. The only complaint is that it's taking it's toll on me. I >can't keep doing this forever, you know. According to the author, you can. Look who's talking Mr. A Bad Side Story. Hey! I admitted that that was a bad fic, all right! >Tsunami: But you have drunk the water from the tree of life, Tenchi Masaki. >You will be able to last for centuries. There is no need for you to >worry about that. >Tenchi: You've got to excuse me, Miss Tsunami. All I want right now is sleep, >pure unadulterated sleep. (pretends he's screaming from far away) YOU'LL BE SOOORRRRYYY! >Tsunami: Then let me send you to dreamland, Lord Tenchi. >And with that, the High Goddess of Jurai flings off her robe to reveal... JCPenny's winter sports apparel. YAAAAYYYYY! BOOOOOOOO! >A Juraian summer string bikini swimsuit! YAAAAAAYYYYYY! BOOOOOOOOOOO! >[SSSSHHHWWWWIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!] Wow. He got good hang time on that one. (as Tsunami) I'M BLIND! I'M BLIND! I CAN'T SEE! (Everyone else except JS turn away with a green face, JS falls out of his seat laughing) >Tenchi: .......... Let's eat... Actually, I'd rather not. Wow! That coming from Ranma! >Tenchi takes the high priestess by the waist and kisses her in the mouth. He >moves her bikini aside and starts slamming her with his mighty*2 Johnson. Tenchi! What have we told you about using Miracle Grow to masturbate with?! JOE! (Mink falls off her chair laughing) >It ends up being more than she can handle, but is too lost into the fusion of pain and >pleasure to tell him to stop. Tenchi's animalistic behavior pounds away at >Tsunami's soft turquoise-haired palace as she releases a "tsunami" of primordial >juices onto his shaft, balls, and legs. (dull sarcastic) Ha. Ha. It is to laugh. >He feels it coming, and he removes himself from her gates (as the guard from Monty Python and The Holy Grail) None shall pass! (as Monty Python) What's this? >as he rolls her over and prepares to unleash his furry all over her >supreme goddess busoms. >[SSSSPPLLLUUURRRRTTTT!!!!!!] He put extra letters on the [SHWING!], why not on the [SPLURRT!]? >Tenchi's mighty*2 Johnson fires blast after blast of jizz all over Tsunami's >face, hair, and breasts. She grabs his Johnson and slurps the rest of his stickiness >from his member. >_< WE DIDN'T NEED TO SEE THAT! >-=**=- >He's now in his dreamscape. He's laying back on a tree at the school park, >waiting for his mother. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! >And here she comes, wearing that lovely Japanese school outfit and her hair in a long ponytail. It's >Achika. >Tenchi: Oh mom! I'm so glad I can see you again! Surpirsed she could, being his mighty*2 Johnson is blocking most of his body. (mallets him) I said I expect that from Joe! >Achika: (Gives him a hug.) Tenchi, my son. I'm so proud of you. You're >growing up to be a healthy boy. Sex crazed, but healthy. >Tenchi: Mom. My life is so messed up now. I'm having sex with all these >alien girls. And I can't seem to stop myself. (singing) STOP! IN THE NAME, OF LOVE! (Everyone else stares at them nervously, they look at each other then turn away and blush) Now that was embarrassing. >Achika: And they can't seem to stop you either? >Tenchi: They don't wanna stop me! I mean... What if I were to suddenly end >up banging Sasami? You would meet a horrible death. >Achika: I believe it's been taken care of. The author of this fanfic may be a >pervert, but he's not that sick. (All stifle a laugh) Lady, have you ever even seen his Eva lemons? (stops laughing) He makes Eva lemons? >Tenchi: But I just did Mayuka! >Achika: I believe he was using the Mayuka from our second Tenchi Muyo >movie. A couple words come to mind when she says that... BIG FRICKIN DEAL! >Tenchi: This is nuts! No. Johnson's don't eat nuts. (everyone stares at him nervously) What? >I'm turning into a sadistic pervert just like my dad! I may not have lived with Nobuyuki all my life, but I don't believe he's sadistic. (light bulb over head) Lemon idea! (Everyone else jumps him) >Achika: Tenchi dear... Your dad's not a sadistic pervert. >Tenchi's dad, young Nobuyuki, is in his room, butt-nekkid AAAAHHHH! (clawing at his face) The mental images! The mental images! (as Crow) The colors! >and totally evaporated from having way too much sex with Achika. >Achika: I AM!! [Flings up her skirt to give her future son a good long look.] If a Johnson pops out of their I'll scream. >[SSSSHHHWWWWIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!] AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Easy! It's just Tenchi! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! >Tenchi: MOOOOOM!!! I....!! Can't.... Oh, forget it! >Tenchi grabs his future mother and leans her back to the tree. He then frees >his mighty*3 Johnson AH! HE'S FRICKIN' GHIDORAH NOW! (in bad dub) We must leave. Godzilla is near. >and slides it into her pussy, which is wet like the Pacific Ocean and flowing with girlcum like the Nile >River. So, Achika is the REAL Queen of the Nile! >He bangs his own mother continuously and mercilessly, all sence and logic past the point of no return. >Achika's currently holding on for dear life, screaming out her son's name as he gets >ready to ignite once again. Someone should replace his "Johnson" with dynamite. (sickened) The images. The images. >[SSSSPPLLLUUURRRRTTTT!!!!!!] >-=**=- >Tenchi's eyes snap open, bringing him back into the real world. That was >the world wet dream he had since the alien girls bunked here. But somehow he still >feels that great warmth and wetness along his Johnson. Someone's in bed with >him. (bored) What else is new? >Tenchi: (I wonder who it is this time. If it's Ryo-Ohki, I'm committing >suicide.) There'll be no need for that, for we shall be beat you to it. >He flings off the covers, and a beautiful girl had his mighty cock all into her >mouth and down her throat. It can be said that it was the best "deep throat" >performed by anyone within this series. Only... This girl is... Well....? Oops, sorry guys, reel stopped. >Miaka: VANILLA ICE CREAM!! (face-fault) >Tenchi: [Grimacing] Dammit, Miaka! Why the hell do you gotta come all the >way from "Mysterious Play" to suck _my_ dick?!! (spanish accent) Fifty dolla! Fifty dolla to anyone who can suck _my_ dick! (Asuka's about to hit him over the head with her mallet but Mink stops her...and torches him with her fire breath) >Miaka: [With his dick still in her mouth.] Because it's the biggest. Bigger >han Tamahome, Hotohori, Nuriko, Mitsukake, Tasuki, and Chichiri >combined. That'd be really helpful if we knew who they were. >Tenchi: That's it! I'm turning gay! Maybe Nuriko's still available... .................. Ryoko, you can have Tenchi, all right. Just don't invite him here. >THE (very disturbing) END Very. >* * * * * * * * * * * * >Next Fanfic? >Mikado Ichiban VS Asuka 120% & Advanced Variable Geo: >Phrank's Day (Of Getting) Off >someday... Nice try Assassin! Well, I gotta get going. The People potion won't be here forever. (grabs her leg) No! Don't go! You're fine without the potion! (struggling to get him off) It's the only way! I don't care! Dick can kiss my ass for all I care! Don't say that about Saucer! He doesn't appreciate what he sees! You don't need to change! (Mink stops and blinks. Everyone else stares bug-eyed) (to Vegetta) Well, I'm thirsty, how 'bout some drinks? Don't mind if I do. Oh look at the time, I gotta take a shower. (The three leave, steam starts puring from Asuka's ears) (still to Mink) I like the horns! I like the tail! I think you look better with them! (gets him in a headlock) You grope me! You goose me! You grab all the parts of my body I like to keep hidden! And you go and do THIS! (choking) Asuka-chan...I can't breathe... Maybe you should let him go. I...am just fine...you go do what you were doing... Okay. Don't leave...okay passing out now. (passes out) (An hour has passed since the last fic, JS is walking down the hall) (muttering) It isn't my fault that she has a bad temper. (walks up to a door, knocks on it) Hey Vegetta! Break's over! We got another Assassin fic! (silence) Vegetta? (He reaches for the door but stops as a familiar tune is heard, his eyes go wide with nervousness. He opens the door and peaks in to see Vegetta in his BBD's dancing to...) (singing) It's not unusual, to be loved, by anyone! (instrument) It's not unusual, to go out, with anyone! But when I see you going out with (notices JS, the record does one of those screeching stops as the two stare at each other, nervously, and sweating) Uh...Vegetta, fic's ready. Really? Uh, any guests? Yeah, Shayla Shayla from El Hazard. Um, aren't we doing an El Hazard fic? Yeah, so? Oh, just wondering...and Joe. Yeah. You tell anyone about this and you'll be introduced to a whole new level of pain. Roger. ***************** (Seating arrangement from left to right: Ranma, Shayla, JS, Asuka, Ryoko, Vegetta) This had better be good. (under his breath) Like Akane's cooking. Why are you over here Asuka? An experiment. >: The following fanfic is a lemon; containing sexual content >and harsh language. (dully) Whoopee... >Viewer discretion is advised. All those >participating herein are 18 years of age or older. (sarcastically) Yeah...right. Just like Mayuka was? >The characters used >herein belong to their respective copyright holders. Who would have guessed? A decent disclaimer. It almost makes up for the story. Almost. >************ >The year is 2520; 20 years after the "Second Impact," "Second impact?" (sarcastically) Great, an El Hazard-Evangelion crossover. That just made my day. >5 years after >it was found to be "orchestrated" and it's orchestrators were dealt with >in a severe manner. They were sent from first string to second string clarinet. (Everyone else snickers) >One afternoon, at an Osakan military base... >Everyone: AAAAAWWW SHIT!! (as Fujisawa) Someone else is out of alcohol! Good impression. You know, it almost seems as if he was asking for it. >Everyone within the site of the large notice on the wall was >complaining about it. The Red Guard, the toughest and most violent >private militia service, are to head for the Congo the following week. Some big hairy apes are going on a rampage. (points to JS) Then why is the leader still here? (sarcastically) Ha. Ha. I'm busting a stitch. >And said militia soldiers are not pleased about it. >Hawkeye: What is it with these guys anyway? That place is naturally >dead right about now due to all that fighting, in-fighting, and >out-fighting! (as Hawkeye) And middle-fighting! And side-fighting! And front-fighting! >Ifurita: Ifurita?! What's she doing there?! She may have been the cause of "Second Impact." (Others ponder this) (Author's note: Oh...I am going to get the SHIT beat out of me by Eva fans.) >Perhaps maybe there's something that they need us to find >because the local army couldn't. Like a hairbrush and curling iron? I want to know how the hell she keeps her hair all fluffly like that. >Gostface: Damn, man! (as Ifurita) I'm not a man, I'm a woman! That's probably what Makoto has to say when he goes drag. (Shayla growls at him) >I wanted to do this new album before I'd go >and do anything else! This is bullshit, man! Constipated >bullshit! .......... Wow, that's a new one. >Shinji: Well at least the higher-ups aren't telling us to go there in >only our swimsuits. Shinji, nobody wants to see you in a swimsuit. (Asuka glares daggers at him) Then again... >Just then, Sergeant Tanya Natdhipytadd (who really looks and acts >like Kiddy Phenil, but she's still a wild cheetah at heart) walks in. (as Dr. Evil) Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Whoever the hell she is. >Gostface: Hey, Tanya! We need to speak to you! >Shinji: It's about the Red Guard going into the Congo! (as Tanya) Yeah, those monkeys are eating them up! >Tanya: And what about it? >Ifurita: Look, we understand. We are the toughest private militia the >world's ever known. I don't think water pistols and BB guns are top notch guns for the "toughest private milita". (notices Asuka glaring at him) What? >Through our efforts we've managed to >bring to its knees the power-hungry corporation once known >as Nergel. Is he the son of Eliza Thornberry, who wanted to name him after her dad, but decided for something that sounded like it instead? (JS snorts like Nigel) >Tanya: Yes? >Hawkeye: But isn't going to the Congo too much?! There's still all >types of diseases flying around back there! Ah, so the Wicked Witch of the West is controling the apes. (to the fic) Keep going! Keep going! We're on a roll! >Tanya: If you'd really had a complaint, you could've came to me >and said something yesterday. You had all the time in the >world. Or you could have just asked Ifurita. She has about ten-thousand years left. What was that? (acting like nothing happened) Nothing, nothing. >But just then everybody starts turning pale. All that time >somebody could've said something was spent watching the "Great >Competition." Mink and Shampoo going all out in a best three-out-of-five mud wrestling match? (grabbing crotch) Woah! There it goes! >And the ground shook with a mighty thud from all the >facevaults made. And mountaons rose... ...and oceans formed... ...and valleys erupted... (JS runs his finger through Asuka's clevage, she stares at him evily before he teleports next to Ranma) >Shinji: Well, I guess we're going. >Gostface: Damn, fool! I can feel my life draining away, now! >Ifurita: I'm saddened. My warranty will be null and void by that >time. O_O! Damn woman! It's Jinnai! He does it to intimidate you! You don't have a warranty! (snaps her fingers) Damn. >Hawkeye: (Smacks her over the head.) WHAT'VE YOU GOT TO >COMPLAIN ABOUT??!! You're a machine, aren't ya?! >Ifurita: You'll be surprised, Hawkeye. You'll be surprised what I'm >able to suffer... Dammit. And we had a good thing going with the killer apes joke too. Another day, another dollar. >-=***=- >I little side-story of mine. Hawkeye is from Marvel's "Avengers," >Ghostface Killah is that MC from the "Wu-Tang Clan," and Shinji Ikari >is... Well... My Shinji Ikari. Hey, you don't own him. I think he's talking about himself. Well he should find some other name to use for a SI. (whispers to Ranma) You think she's forgotten about it yet. (whispering back) Give her another five minutes. >Ifurita "outlasted the Energizer Bunny." As Makoto knows, she keeps going and going and going and going and going and going and going...(blasted by Shayla) I am a little sensitive about the "I" subject. >So I'm pretty sure she outlasted Makoto as well. >************ >EL HAZARD >The Magnificent World >"QUIT PINING OVER IFURITA!!" YOU SHOULD START PINNING UNDER HER! (everyone stares at him nervously) What? >************ >Present day (sort-of) Rostalia. Right next to Roshtaria. >If you're looking for Makoto >Mizuhara, he can still be found in the library; (as Makoto reading a book) A is for apple. (Shayla blasts him) >reading through all the >literature there is about the past technology that was used in old El >Hazard, and dreaming about his only love that's named Ifurita. (dully) My heart will go on. I am not jealous...it is just a crush...that's all... Dammit, I need to make an El Hazard fic where Makoto and Shayla hook up, Qawool has nothing on her. (leaps across Ranma and hugs JS) Thank you! (JS laughs pervertedly) >He's gone through several already, finding a wealth of knowledge about this >world and its inhabitants. Like how they keep newcombers for several years before crushing up their bones and eating them. (as Makoto) Waitaminute... >But is he even remotely one step closer to >finding a w- A what? A woman? A wife? A... >Nanami: (In Demonic Soun Tendou Death-head Mode) MAAA-KOOO-TOOOOOOOOO!!!! (Everyone gets a cold chill running through their spines) She does that good. I am beginning to remember this is sort of like 10-Chi Clan. >Makoto: WAAAAAAHH!!! Nanami! What the...?! >Nanami: (Now sitting on his lap, looking angrily at him.) Hey! What are you doing on his lap?! You are not a dog...well... >And just how much LONGER are you going to be in this library, >Makoto?! What does this weapon of mass destruction have >besides tits that I don't?! HUH??!! (Everyone is stunned silent for several minutes) (turning to Ranma) Have we seen Ifurita's tits? No I don't beleive we have. >Makoto: Well... Let's not get carried away, Nanami-chan. I'm just >trying to find a way home for us... Home is where the heart is. Even if it is mechanical. Oooh, low belt. >Nanami: Oh really, now... (as Makoto) Yes, really, now get off. >And with that, Nanami's hands go at Makoto's pants crotch and >pulls out his member. (rests head against hand) Here we go again. (angry as all hell) She did WHAT?! (JS pays no attention to her and teleports back to his original seat, Asuka whacks him upside the head) >She then parts her panties by the side and stuffs his confused manhood into her. Well Assassin, you have once again managed to ruin another one of Pioneer/AIC's best shows. (still mad) She's...doing...WHAT?! >All the while Makoto's still in shock of >the things rapidly happening to him. I think all of us are still recovering from it. >Nanami: Can Ifurita do this? (Humps on top of Makoto's manhood.) ................ (calmed down for some reason) Have you been in Fuji's stash lately, Nanami? _I_wouldn't be surprised if the Assassin was into it too. >Can she take your cock and put it into her? Where is she >gonna put it, Makoto? She's a machine after all! And ten-thousand years old. (smiling) Oh, you know what they say, the older the better. (Everyone gets a whack at him) >(Stg oin g! We're on a rolarts to >hump faster on him.) WELL??!! AREN'T YOU GONNA >SAY SOMETHING??!! IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME, >MAKOTO??!! Nanami, you need help. May I recommend a certain psychiatrist? (from the fic) SHUT UP YOU CYAN-HAIRED BITCH! ......................... (to JS) Would that be the fourth or the fifth wall? (shaking head) I really don't know. >The young man just sat there stunned for a while; trying to digest >the situation into his head. We're still in the process of chewing it. >Why is his childhood friend slamming his >penis into her? His childhood friend... Except for that one time when she tried to play "house" with him and Jinnai. Tragedy struck. >Nanami: MAA-KOO-TOOOOO!! AHHHH! DON'T DO THAT! >Makoto: Nanami-chan... I'm sorry... What? And we have already gone OOC. >This causes Nanami to stop humping on him and stare at him with >eyes as beady as her brother's. I think Jinnai has possessed her. My Lord, she's evil now. >Makoto then takes his arms and wrap >them around her, burying his head into her shoulders. O_O! (almost crying) Ma-ko-to... >Makoto: I... I didn't realize... Hey... How long have I been here? Too long! Too long! Go take a cold shower! >Nanami: ........ Just what we say! >Makoto: I've been studying hard to find a way back to her. But I'd >forgotten about you. I'd forgotten... Oh no! What about the >others! (Three figures walk into the theater) Hey, who are you three? Oh us? We're "Plot", "Characterization", and "Quality". We've done all we could for this thing, but it's no use. Oh, so you're leaving? Yeah, sorry, but we can't do a thing for this fic. See ya 'round. (The two groups wave bye to each other) Nice guys. Yeah, too bad they don't stay around for a lot of lemon fics. >Nanami: (Her shock turns into a cold stare.) Others, Makoto? >Makoto: Shayla must've been worried about me. And Rune, and >Fujisa (panicky; waving arms wildly) You do NOT want to be thinking about Fujisawa now! You do NOT want to be thinking about him! >*Smack!* Ouch, you shouldn't hit a guy there. (The guys shiver with the thought, the girls smile at each other) >Makoto: OW! What's that for?! >Nanami: _I'M_ on you're cock, Makoto. Not "Shayla," not "Rune," >and definitely not "Ifurita!" Frankly woman, we'd be more happy if NO ONE was on his cock. >Don't have me ride on your >cock and then start talking about "Others." GOT THAT?! (as Makoto) Yes oujosama. Ayeka in another life. >Makoto: ...okay... I'm sorry... >And with that, Makoto scoots all the books aside and lays her on >top of the table. Playing "Spin the Bottle" the hard way. Real hard. >He tries to find the energy needed to start up his sex >drive so he can do his childhood friend. Geez Vegetta, he takes longer to power up then you do. Bite me. >Nanami's cute face... What about it? >Nanami's lovely hair style... What about it? >Nanami's pert breasts... What about it? >Nanami's strong thighs... What about it? >Nanami's warm, wettening pussy! Now you're getting disgusting. >His manhood had no >trouble at all getting hard. (dully) Yippee... >Nanami grunts lightly at the sudden sensation >of a cock growing into her pussy. (as Makoto) Oh no! Nanami! Something's wrong with my cock! It won't stop growing! (as Makoto's cock [oh shut up! I know Peter used this!]) I...KNOW...WHERE THIS IS...HEADING...AND...IT ISN'T...GOING TO...HAPPENNNNNN! (JS starts making sounds of his cock strangling Makoto, everyone glares at them) What? What'd we do? >And she starts feeling better as >Makoto starts to hump away at her with new determination. In hoping that Shayla would walk in and they'd have one big orgy. (reaches up to hit him, but decides against it) I'll let you live for now, 'cause I know you're going to do something even worse later on. Well if you aren't hitting him, then I will. (Asuka hits him) >Meanwhile, from behind a small hole at the entrance, an eye takes >witness of the whole sex scene. A tear starts to form in said eye... (sarcastically) Gee, who could it be? (trying not to cry) Be quiet! A preistess can show her feelings if she wants to! We weren't even making fun of that. >Makoto's now sitting down on the chair as Nanami takes his cock >by the mouth and sucks on him. (as Makoto) Dude this sucks! (Shayla and Asuka punch him in the head) >Makoto's seem some great beauties >whilst in El Hazard; but nothing's more pleasing to the eyes as his best >friend performing fellatio on him. In E minor? (everyone stares at him nervously) What? It sounds like something from a concert or something. >Nanami Jinnai. The girl who stuck >by him since childhood. He moans out her name as he empties his seed >into her mouth. There goes the Assassin again, planting flowers where they're not supposed to. (Ryoko hits him) Ow! >And he empties some more into her mouth as he feels >the suction upon his cock. She's swallowing his seed, his childhood >friend is swallowing his seed. Yes! His childhood friend! SHUT UP! >Nanami: And that was for free, Makoto. You won't get this type of >service from anyone else! Actually, Denny's is pretty good on service. (everyone glares at him) >But just then, they both hear a lady crying from behind the door. >And then the sound of footsteps running from the door. Nanami shrugs >it off; (sarcastically) Big surprise. >but Makoto knows exactly who that cry belongs to, adding to >Nanami's chargin... Nanami uses credit cards? (everyone glares at her) What? Everyone's allowed one disgusting comment. >Makoto: SHAYLA! >-=**=- (as Jerry Louis) Hello funny thing that resembles nothing on this Earth! >Shayla-Shayla flops onto her bed, crying her heart out into her >pillow. (pretends he's Shayla crying) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *blurp* Ooh, that ain't good. One more time...just one more time and you're going to get it. >She hates being defeated; whether the competition be >microwave-oven, Microwave oven??? (looks at Shayla, then at Vegetta) You take this one. Sorry, don't have a joke. >bitchy lesbian, You should emphisize that. Which one, "bitchy" or "lesbian"? Both. >or snooty businesswoman. She >couldn't take the stress anymore... >But there was a knock on her door. Knock, knock. Who's there? Makoto. Makoto who? Ma-kot-o go to the bathroom. (The two start laughing when they notice everyone else staring at them nervously) That was sad. Pathetic, even for you Asuka. Like your jokes are any better. (thinks about it) Hmmm...I guess your right! (gives her a hug, but...) Waitaminute, larger, squishier, (squeezes twice) yet firmer..(looks up at REALLY pissed off Shayla) Hi Shayla. (too mad to speak) Grr...get...off... (still hung on) Oh this is gonna hurt, isn't it? (It hurts...) (Back in the theater, everything is a mess. If it's not on fire, it has already burned to the ground. JS is in front of the movie screen in a crumpled state with his leg twitching, Ryoko comes in with some folding chairs) Since Washu isn't here to restock our chairs, these will have to do. (to JS) Bastard. Good job, I couldn't have done any better myself...well, maybe with my Eva I could. All right everyone, this may be out of character but let's get this stupid thing over with. >Shayla: GO AWAY!!! >Makoto: Shayla... It's me... Gee, surprised Makoto could get up after that. You're next pretty boy. >Shayla: M... M... Makoto? >Makoto: Shayla... I just wanted... This is odd, the Assassin is actually trying to put in a romantic scene... >Nanami: (Right behind him) You to be the next to get fucked, Shayla! (sweatdrop) ...and then again... >Makoto: (Smacks Nanami upside the head) THAT'S NOT WHAT >I'M HERE FOR!! Well it doesn't really matter 'cause you're going to get it anyway. I'm glad to see you're back to normal. Why thank you! ^_^ (has healed himself) Did I miss anything? (stunned) How the... (The others shake their head) >(Back towards Shayla's door) Shayla, >please don't feel sad. I didn't mean to break your heart at >all... How was he supposed to know that you checked into the Heartbreak Hotel? (others glare at him) What? >As he spoke, Shayla opened the door to show him a look of >bitterness on her face. And milk on her breasts. (Shayla WHACKS him in his head) OW! >Shayla: Gee, I don't know Makoto. You pretty much enjoyed having >your thing sucked by that bitch over there. I even heard you >call out her name. (as Makoto/Timmy) Nanami! Come home! (Everyone starts singing the theme to Lassie) >Makoto: Well... That's because she wanted me to forget Ifurita... (sarcastically) Yeah...right. >Nanami: (Rubbing her cheek from the slap) Uh, Nanami, he hit you in the back of the head. (as Nanami) Oops, sorry. >And I guess he needed >more help. That's why he came to you. (seductively) Yeah Makoto, I can take Ifurita off your mind. (as Makoto) No thanks, she's fine just where she is. (everyone glares at him) What? >Shayla: Hey! It ain't like I'm gonna- >Nanami: Oh no! He came to _you_ for some more fucking. So let >him find out for himself who the better girl is. I'll just be in >my room... MASTURBATING! .......... (gives the thumbs up; cautiously) You do that. (ditto) You go girl. >And she walks off; leaving Makoto too flabbergasted to say anymore and Shayla to silently go "bullshit." We've been saying this ever since this fic started. >Makoto then turns to look >at her, hoping to atleast walk out of this alive. But instead he's greeted >with a sharp punch to the shoulders. And the curse of OOC strikes again. >Shayla: Damn, Mako. You just dumped your girlfriend. ..........since when was she your girlfriend? (to Assasin) Are we missing something here? Did you forget something? >Makoto: Ow! You didn't have to hit me. >Shayla: (Punches his shoulder again) And why not? You're gonna >be doing a lot of "hitting" on me. I don't remember that wuss boy ever hitting on you. Wuss boy? Yeah, wanna make something out of it? (goes SSJ4) Um...nevermind. All right! Vegetable man got someone to back down! (Him and Vegetta high five each other, Ryoko hits both of them) (mad) And then there are others. >Shayla then drags him by the collar into her bedroom and, with >near-superhuman strength, flings him onto the bed. Ole! (as Makoto) Hey! Waitaminute! I'm not a cape! Well you're going to be wrapping around her now. >She then sits on his >crotch and removes his cock from out of his pants. Ah! It's detachable! (Shayla blasts him) >Makoto: Hey, whoa! Wait a minute! Why don't we "get into the >mood first?" ......... Kid, women want to get into the mood, men don't need that foreplay crap. But I like foreplay. (Everyone stares at him nervously) What? I'm not a pervert all the time! Geez! >Snorting out of the fact that he _would_ say something like that, >she takes his cock and rubs it along her panty crotch. What the hell's a "panty crotch"?! O_o' How the hell should we know?! >And in no time at >all it's gotten hard. Makoto's moan is the sign that her idea for >"foreplay" works. Define "foreplay". The definition isn't even close to what you two are doing. >So she pulls her panties aside and slides his cock into >her. Safe! (hit him) DON'T START THAT AGAIN! >Shayla starts slamming her butt onto Makoto's lap as her >moistening pussy slides up and down his cock. >Shayla: Ooh shit, Makoto! Does your girlfriend do you like that? (as Makoto) Depends. Who's my girlfriend? I cannot believe how totally wrong this is. This is only the beginning. >Do you like it when... OH!! >Makoto decided to be on top of her. So she grabs her legs and >rolls her over. Waitaminute, did Shayla grab her own legs and roll over, or did Makoto become female all of a sudden? Well, Makoto does have some (glances towards Shayla) feminine qualities. >With one hand he grabs her by her ankle so he can >penetrate her better. And with the other hand he helps remove her shirt >so he can feel at her breasts. And what nice breasts they are. I'm only letting you live because............ Yes? (worried) I...don't...know why. (eyes go wide, looks over at Asuka) Sorry honey, you're out of the picture. (jumps towards Shayla) MY LOVE! (Shayla is quick to this and blasts him back to his seat) I'll think of a reson. (to Asuka, in pain) You're back in. (sarcastically) I'm sooooo happy. >He licks his tongue on one of her nipples, >and then he goes and kisses her deep in the mouth. (as Makoto) My head! My head! I can't get it out! (Everyone hits him) >Meanwhile, Nanami's in the next room fingering her cunt as she >listens to the sex within the other room. I was always wondering why she gets so happy for no reason. >She's on her third orgasm as of >late and is wondering why Makoto didn't blow his wad into her yet. I don't think he had to sneeze then. (everyone stares at him nervously) >Then it hits her: (makes noises of something hitting something) *WA-BONG!* (as Nanami) Ouch. >He obviously likes "dark meat." (Everyone facefaults) (while getting up) I don't know. Shayla does have a nice tan, but she's not dark enough. She's not the white meat, but not dark enouh to be the dark, she's more like the...the...(snaps his fingers trying to think of an answer) The gibblets. (snaps his fingers and points at Vegetta) Exactly! (Shayla blasts JS while Ryoko hits Vegetta upside his head) >Makoto: Aaaauuuhhh... Shhhhayyylaaaaaa... >Shayla: Aaaaa... Give it to meeeeee.... (as Makoto/Daffy Duck) Do you really want it? >And the extra wetness from Shalya's orgasm causes Makoto to go >over the edge and shoots his seed into her. And once again, Makoto becomes a gardner. Just be thankful he isn't using Miracle Grow. (everyone glares at him) What? >He humps his cock into her >for the last time. And, with his cock still inside her pussy and going >automatic, he falls asleep between Shayla's breasts... So Makoto isn't a stick-shift anymore? (everyone else stares at her nervously) What? >-=**=- >Mishtal: WHAT??!! NO WAY, MASOMICHI!! I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU LEAVE ME!! (singing) I'm leaaavvinggg...! On a jet plane! Don't know when I'll be back again! >Fujisawa: (Picking up his backpack full of stuff) Miz, will you just >QUIT IT!! This is something a man has to do! Climbing a mountain again, huh Fuji? What's his problem? Doesn't he like flat ground? AND OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES! >If I can't >complete myself, then I'll be useless to you as a man! Phew! Thank God! Someone who's IC! (to Fuji) Geez. You don't have to climb every mountain in El Hazard just to prove yourself. It comes from the heart! (Everyone stares at her nervously before a low murmur of clapping arises) Well put. Couldn't have said it better myself. >Mishtal: Then why don't you just fuck me if you wanna be a man that >badly?! O_O! Nevermind about my previous comment! >Fujisawa: 'Cause life ain't just all about sex! WHAT?! (Everyone else, including Ranma, hit them) >You look great and all, >but there's even a greater spirit calling me; begging me to >come to it. (as Fuji) It's a small building on the fourth floor... (ditto) ...with the golden arches over it. >Mishtal: And what am I suppose to do while you're gone?! I'm >STILL HORNY!! (in hick accent) Like a porcupine on a hot day in the concrete! (ditto) HOOOOOOO-WEEEEEE! >Fujisawa: ^_^; Well, you can practice abstinence. I'm sure my student >Makoto needs someone to look up to in that area. He doesn't need practice! He's doing a good job on it right now! Listen, just because YOU had to take a year of Health class and learn about it the hard way. (crying) But it's not fair...(glances towards Asuka) Don't even think it. (tickles her chin; whispers in her ear) I swear I'll be gentle. (Asuka mallets him right in the face) >But Miz Mishtal turns boiling red at what Masomichi said to him. >-=*=- Great. It just evolved into a cyclops. >Meanwhile, Makoto's now in the washroom/spa. His thoughts are >consumed of the goings-on that happened to him since this morning. (JS starts making crunching noises) What are you doing? Consuming his thoughts. (Everyone gets a sweatdrop) >Nanami coming by the the library, mad at him because all he was >thinking about was Ifurita. And in actuality, Nanami WAS his first. Another thought we didn't need to know. (give the thumbs up; sarcastic) THANKS ASSASSIN! >Then there was Shayla. He didn't want to leave her out. But it >would've turned out for the worse. Property damage and health insurance would've shot through the roof. >Nanami and Shayla would've >caused an argument that might've caused some property damage as well >as some damage upon himself. See? (to Shayla) Isn't she cute? You really don't want me to answer that question. >But it didn't happen... >Makoto would've contemplated about the fact that he should be >studying his work instead of "fucking around" if he hadn't felt another >presence within the spa waters. Fuck. >He turns around to see... Miz Mishtal. (blows a kiss to readers) GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY! >In her bare-naked glory. Right in front of his eyes. Be careful those things don't poke your eyes out. (Everyone hits him upside the head) >Makoto: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE??!! THIS >IS THE MEN'S WASHROOM!! Like that's going to stop this plot. But don't you remember, he left with the other two. Oh yeah. >Mishtal: Which is why I'm here! >Makoto: (Quickly turns around to avoid the site of her naked body) Dear Penthouse... Shut up. >Did you and Mr. Fujisawa had a fight again? It was more of a "Fuji telling off Miz," fight. There was no arguement. >Mishtal: Yes! I wanted a fuck, and he said that I should be abstinent! Too late. >The NERVE of that bastard! And why don't YOU look at >me, Makoto?! Am I THAT hideous?! Well.... >Makoto: No! It's just that I don't wanna end up having sex with you! >That's all! YOU TELL HER! That's not going to stop the Assassin. >Mishtal: But I WANT you to have sex with me! (Everyone rubs that spot in between their eyes) >Makoto: You're 30-ish, right? (as Miz) Actually, it's about eight-ish. >But Mishtal walks toward him and wraps his arms around him. >The feeling of two breasts behind his back causes him to have a >nosebleed. After having sex with me and Nanami you get a nosebleed NOW?! He doesn't get nosebleeds. Ryoga gets noesebleeds. Tenchi gets nosebleeds. Keiichi gets nosebleeds. Not Makoto. Yeah. He was in a bath scene with three naked women, one of them Shayla, whom he fell right between her breasts. (Shayla blushes with the mention of that scene) He does not get nosebleeds. Look into it. >But then he notices that her grip around him's getting >stronger. Just think Vegetta, if that were you or me, we'd be breaking every bone in his body. (thinks about what he just said) Oh shit! You just LOVE giving people bad ideas, don't you? (tries to hold Asuka's hand) I'm a bad boy. >Mishtal: Now Makoto... This could either end in one or two ways... (as Miz) The hard way... (ditto) ...or the HARD way. (everyone glares at him) >In utmost pleasure... Or in utmost PAIN. A smart little >scientific genius like yourself would not have any problem in >a decision like this... So she's trying to screw Washu? (JS is then introduced to the floor, hard) >Wanting to get back to work as soon as he can, Makoto finally >gives up. He takes his "mighty oak" No no no no no... Stick with Johnson, Assassin. Stick with Johnson. (getting up) I'm going under www.nicknamesformalegenitalia.com to see if that's where he's getting these from. >and slides it into Mishtal's "baggy >pussy..." Hello. I got a feeling of dread. >There was a saying that goes "you get better with age." (Everyone glares at JS, he smiles innocently) >Either that, or it was something in the spa water. Whatever it was, Makoto was >cumming like a firehose inside her pussy; and in about third of the time >it took for Nanami or Shayla to get him off. >Mishtal: Good heavens, Makoto. Did I cause you to have a >"premature ejaculation?" And you just caused me to have an "overstressed stroke." (through a megahorn) Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. (grabs the megaphone and shoves it in his mouth) SHUT UP! >Makoto: [Jesus H. Christ! As a man of strong religious belief, I request that you don't do that again. >This woman's a Dark Horse! (Everyone makes sounds of a horse neighing) >What was Ms. Fujisawa thinking?!] (as Fuji/Ed) Absolutely...nothing. >Mishtal: But you know, I'm not satisfied yet. So if you kindly do the >honors... (as Maokto) But I'm not the groom, why should I cut the cake? (everyone stares at him nervously) Shut up! That was lame. I know. >He understood as he lays upon the spa floor and takes Mishtal's >pussy into his mouth. I think it would be kind of hard to stuff a cat in his mouth. (everyone hits him) OW! >He slides his tongue along her pussy lips, tasting >her juice that's mixed with his sperm. Mishtal, from the other end, >moans in pleasure. Who is she in? (HAMMERS him) SHUT UP and BAKA HENTAI! >She gives him a point for knowing how to orally >handle a woman; doing so by taking his member into his mouth and >sucking on him. That's the first time I've ever seen anyone age 30 years in a minute. (Others think about this comment before turning green) >But she tries not to have him orgasm to quickly as she >did with her pussy. ...I wonder what a cat looks like when it has an orgasm. (others stare at him REAL nervously) >After a while Makoto had sped up his pace, licking and fingering >her box as it starts to drool the gooey liquid that's falling onto his face. No...not the woman too. Dammit! It's penis, and vagina! Or dick and pussy! GET IT RIGHT! >Mishtal, meanwhile, finally reaches her orgasm and moans loudly and >uncontrollably. And after she falls off of her plateau, I'd say more of a plains. (hit by Shayla) Hey, how come you hit him and you blast me?! You're more fun to hurt. >she takes him back into her mouth. DEEP into her mouth. She gives him the best >blowjob that any man would go to war for. I don't know, Bulma... (green) SHUT UP VEGETTA! >Makoto would've howled in >great pleasure if it weren't for Mishtal's pussy all into his mouth. (A wolf howls in the distance, everyone looks at JS, he shrugs) Wasn't me. >His >cock shoots his seed all into her mouth, and he kept shooting as Mishtal >manages to swallow it all... (pretends he's cocking a shotgun) *CHKK-KKKK!* *BLAM!* (as Miz) Give me another! (Vegetta does it again) (same) Give me another! (Vegetta repeats) (notices everyone else glaring at him) Okay Vegetta, I think we're done. >-=**=- >Afura Mann is with Rune Venus in her chambers. OH, HERE WE GO AGAIN! Waitaminute. (goes through a computer file) This is exactly the same direction 10-Chi Clan went. Hmmm... No, think about it, Tenchi had sex with three women, all seprately, then he had sex with Mihoshi and Kiyone at the same time. (points to screen) See? (Others make noises of agreement) >Their >discussion is about Makoto and his constant search for a way to control >the "Eye of God." I think you should be more worried about how he's going to control his dick. Watch it woman. >And then it went on a sick tangent, somehow, about >the escapades of Princess Fatora and Alielle as they try to "score" with >either Shayla-Shayla or Nanami. (Shayla shivers at this) Sort of like a porn "Fugitive." Fatora and Alielle are the cops, except their is no "Good cop: Bad cop" in this one, they're both bad. >Apparently Afura is trying out the >"Earth Slang" in order to look more acceptable. But she's annoyed that >the elder princess is speaking through her puppet once more. Her what? >Afura: Princess Venus. I'm glad that you're able to restrict >Mizuhara from actually using the "EOG." "EOG?" (to JS) You don't know what that means either? Nope. I'm not down on the lingo. Hell, I waste most of my time writing stories. >But what of his drive towards the finding of Ifurita? (as Rune) Oh, if take a left at Main, he should make it there within the hour. (everyone else chuckles) >MrHappy: (Really Venus speaking high-pitched through her puppet.) ..................... (eyes never leaving the screen) And today, Rune Venus's part will be played by Mr. Garrison. >You shouldn't worry, my dear. The princess has told Ms. >Jinnai about it and she's currently dealing with the problem. .................. (to Rune) Are...are you alright? >Afura: Venus. Will you please stop speaking through your puppet? I never knew Rune was a ventriloquist. (shakes her head) She isn't. >Venus: And why should I? A princess can make a fool out of herself >if she wants. ................... This is disturbing. (a light bulb has appeared over his head) Hey Vegetta! I got one word for you! Blackmail! (Vegetta smirks) >Afura: Look: Just because Fatora runs around... Naked? She's too priveliged to do that. She only does it when me or Nanami is in a room with her alone. (Everyone else sweats) >Makoto: (Knocking on the door...) Hello? NO! GO AWAY! YOU'RE BODY IS DOING SOMETHING TO THE WOMEN! TURN BACK! TURN BACK! >Afura and Venus look towards the closed door. Apparently >Makoto needed some expert help in searching for his teacher. (Asuka mallets JS) I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! You were about to. >And what >better help is there than the princess' royal guards? He's been let >inside... (as Afura and Rune) Come on in! (everyone else stares at them nervously) I never knew you had it in you Asuka. >Only to find his hard-on returning and sticking out of his pants >again. Great. We have another Tenchi. The man who gets hard on eye contact. >The "Harem" outfit seems to be the choice of attire for most of >the women in Rostalia. Harem? What does a harem outfit look like? >(Baggy pants showing the legs through the clear >vail, large breasts sticking out... ........... (shocked) Wow. I never knew Afura wore things like that. I don't care if she does, the image is... (hit him) WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT IT! >Afghanistan this place ain't.) Ooh... (cringing) I bet he feels ashamed writing that now. >The >words "fuck" and "screw" are continuosly bombarding the young >Mizuhara's mind. (JS starts making sounds of airplanes flying overhead while Asuka makes bombing noises, giggles all around) >But he mustn't sink that low. Not in front of royalty, >and definitely not in front of Afura. Like that's going to stop them! >Venus: (Noticing his hard-on) Why, hello Makoto. Would you like >to take a seat near me? (as Makoto) Sure. Be careful though, I might poke your eye out. JOE! >Makoto: Well... No. The thing is... (as Rune and Afura staring at his crotch; quizically) Yes... >Afura: (Also noticing his hard-on) That thing is going to bust if it's >not handled immediately, Mizuhara. (reading label) Caution. Highly volitile. May explode under pressure. (Ryoko makes exploding noises) Too late. >Afura takes the silently protesting Makoto by the shoulders and >walks him to the bed Venus is sitting on. The two then gently drag him >down to his seat next to the princess, with the young bookworm sitting >next to him. What the hell are they going to do with that?! (turning green) We don't want to know. >Makoto's manhood is saluting for all the world to see. (dully, not singing) Hooray for the red, white, and blue. >Makoto: N-no! I'm not here for this. >Afura: Then what are you here for, Mizuhara? >Makoto: Well... It's about Mr. Fujisawa-aaahh... Oh no! He became Fujisawa! (as Fuji) Hyper Fujisawaaaaaaaaaaaaa DICK! >(His manhood >getting fondled through his pants by the two ladies.) >Venus: Masomichi Fujisawa? (as Makoto) Who? >Makoto: Yes... He left... Miz... And she... OH GOD!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?! ............. (getting out of seat slowly) I'm going to go start praying now. (ditto) That's a good idea. (Stopped by the other MST'rs) >By this time they've gotten his manhood from out of his pants. >The two had also started licking his cheeks. Why are they licking his butt? >As they continued to fondle >his cock, But I thought they were licking his butt. I guess they're taking "Half past the monkey's ass, and a quarter to it's balls" too seriously. (others glare at him) What? >the two ladies had laid him down upon the bed. They laid >down with him; their crotches near Makoto's face... And they soon start >sucking upon his cock and testicles... (as Homer Simpson) Mmmm! Makoto testicles. (Everyone hits him) >Makoto's mind is now in a different timezone once more. He >smells the fresh scent of women all around him as he starts to remove >the Arabian pants. I thought he was wearing dress pants. >First he undid the princess', and then Afura's. Oh... >He >puts his hands in both of the women's boxes, causing them to moan >silently as they still continued to suck on his cock. (as TV game show host) All right Makoto! Which one will you choose? Box #1? Or Box #2? Remember folks, Makoto has no idea what's underneath the boxes. (A clock starts to tick in the background as Vegetta looks like he's thinking about something) >Afura: His balls are moving... His first round is about to end. *DING DING* (as ring announcer) And round two is about to begin! >Venus: Then we shall take him by his head and lap up his essence. >Afura? (as Afura) Go away, I'm busy. I am so glad this thing isn't real, or I'd be having a talk with the wind bitch. >Afura: My pleasure. >The two ladies take their tongues and slurp on the head of his cock >as fast as humanly possible. (JS starts yapping like Dino, but stops when everyone glares at him) >This causes Makoto to moan loudly as his >balls empty yet another load through his cock. (pretends he's cocking a gun) *CHHKKK-KKKKKK!* Want another one?! Bring it on! *KA-BOOM!* (Shayla blasts JS and Ryoko blasts Vegetta) >It shoots onto Afura's >side of the face where her hair hangs, but they were both able to clean >the shooting cum from his cock; causing some more of it to fly from his >headpiece... Since when did Makoto get a hood ornament? (others glare at him) What? >Makoto is soon kneeling on the bed, watching in awe as Afura and >Venus lick his cum off each other's faces. He feels at their breasts; their >softness and warmth, the way they move about when he caresses them... (as Maktoto) You seem a bit tight around here. Have you been under a lot of stress? >Afura: Okay, Mizuhara. Who do you want to "shove it in" first? >Venus: We have all the time in the world, so don't rush... (looks at wrist) Actually, I'd prefer if you did, I'm on a busy time schedule right now. >He puts his cock within the elder princess first. He grabs her by >the waist and starts slamming his cock into her. He feels the inner walls >of her pussy and listens to her as she moans out his name. (as Rune) FATORA! (as Makoto) Uh-oh. There seems to be some confusion, I'm not your friends Fatora. (Both of them get a slap across their face) >He then takes >out his cock and puts it in Afura, who was masturbating at the time. Taking lessons from Nanami, huh? >He >grabs her by the waist and slams it in her, listening to the way she >moans. Her pussy feels... It feels good, but how does it differ from >Venus'? Wouldn't know. Wouldn't care. Well I do. (Everyone hits the hentai) >He starts to alternate between the ladies. Gee, looks like an Alternate Universe. (others groan) Oh it was lame! I know! Shut up! >He couldn't tell the >difference between them through their vaginal openings. But he could >distinguish between them by the way the gasp, pant, and moan out his >name: Whereas Rune kept mistaking his name for Fatora, and Afura kept mistaking it for Shayla. (he's suddenly lifted into the air by a strong gust of wind as flames swirl around him) WHAT THE HELL?! (There's a giant explosion, and JS flies high into the air, others cheer and wave flags) >Venus is a little higher in pitch than Afura... Never mind. He's >about to cum again. o_o" No way did he write that. >Venus tells him to get on top of her and place his cock between her >breasts. He did so and he was so amazed at the softness of the breasts >his cock's inbetween. How are you amazed? You were giving them a massage just five minutes ago. >In no time at all his seed flew out of his cock; >first making a mess on Afura's face, and then all over Venus's face... >And finally along the top of the princesses chest... (falling) WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *CRASH!* *twitch, twitch* (he quickly gets up; as Brak) Can I ride that again?! I haven't had that much fun since I ate gunpowder and lit a match! (he is lifted into the air again) WWWWWWHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (others get a large sweatdrop) >-=**=- >The next day, Princess Fatora and Alielle are back to their old tricks >again as they try to score with the other ladies of Rostalia... NO! NOT THESE TWO! STICK WITH THEIR SEXUALITY! >To no >avail. So they're basically stuck with pleasing each other. It's going >into the early evening; (falling, singing) IN THE MORNING! IN THE EVENING AIN'T WE GOT... *WHUMP* ...fun. >and the two lesbians are already sticky with their >own sweat and juice. (dully) Whoopee... >Alielle: (Nudging Fatora) Hey, sister? >Fatora: What is it? >Alielle: Something's missing... (as Fatora) Shayla and Nanami? (hit by Shayla, somehow) >Fatora: Another woman. I hope this isn't permanent. >Alielle: (Taking her chances) Well, maybe we should try a man >instead. WHAT?! This isn't Alielle! She's some evil clone sent to destroy Roshtaria! The REAL Alielle would never say anything like that! (For unknown reasons Jinnai's laugh erupts throughout the theater, everyone stares at JS nervously, he shrugs) Wasn't me. >Fatora: Excuse me. But what have I been telling you about men? >Alielle: That they're scum, and insignificant, and are only good in >creating babies? HEY! For once, I agree with them. Same here. Men are not women's breeding stock! (chanting) Oh yes you ar-areeeee! (looks at Asuka) Well, I guess something is better then nothing. >Fatora: So; why are you bringing this up when you KNOW it pisses >me off? >Alielle: Well, to tell you the truth... I'm beginning to lose interest in >other women. WHAT?! That does it. Jinnai has suceeded in conquring El Hazard. Don't even try to fight it, it's inevitable. >Fatora: Oh, really now? >Alielle: And I was hoping, in a far-off chance, that you would feel >the same way. (Everyone is silent, a tumbleweed rolls across their feet) >(A long pause of silence save the birds chirping outside.) Ah...the anime birds...how I missed those. (turns to camera) And for you readers out their, the tumbleweed thing was our action, the other was the Assassin's. >Fatora: Okay... So, what if we now decide to chase men from now >on. Who would be your first target? (sarcastically) Gee, I wonder who it could be? >Alielle: Why, Makoto of course. ^_^ >-=*=- >Matoko Mizuhara was lucky enough for Rune Venus to have her >guards bring breakfast to him. How the hell can you eat anything?! >He was even luckier that he was able to >eat everything since all he ate the other days were women's pussy. (sarcastically) Thank you for pointing that out to us. >Right now the young man wanted to hit the books again and continue on >with his research of Ifurita's key so he and his friends can get back >home. This type of luck he doesn't have anymore... Neither do we. >Fatora: (Busting into the room with Alielle in tow) A fine how-de- >doo to the great foreigner, Mizuhara! (sarcastically) Oh, great. Fatora is Ned Flanders now. (as Ned Flanders) Howdy ho, neighborino! >Makoto: HEY!! HOLD ON A MINUTE!! I still hadn't dressed up, >yet! Like that's going to stop them. >Alielle: You don't need to be dressed up, silly. >Fatora: Because as of today, you shall be having non-stop sex with >the both of us! (banging his head against the wall) Why? Why? Why? (banging his head aganst the chair) I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. >Makoto: (Grimacing) Hey. I just had sex with five women the last >couple of days. One woman too many in my humble >opinion. One?! Try four sweetheart. Only from Shayla. What was that? (like nothing happened) Nothing. Nothing. >Alielle: And what of two more? (Gets nudged by Fatora) What is it? >Fatora: Five women you say. (Walks over towards him and starts >stripping his clothes off) I thought he didn't have any clothes on. Smile and nod. >And who are said five women you >had sex with? And...why are you interested? >Makoto: Well there's Nanami, and Shayla, Rune, Afura, and then >there's Mishtal... (sarcastically) Yes, can't forget Miz. What the hell?! Is he just standing there letting them to that?! >Alielle: Miz is married. Right? >Makoto: Well she had a fight with Mr. Fujisawa again and she needed >a "dildo" to cheer her up... ~_~; .............. (bug-eyed) That was wrong. Makoto...is a... (JS puts his hand on hers, she looks at him and he shakes his head) >Fatora: So what we have here is failure to be hard and sex-driven. And don't forget to communicate. >Alielle: Don't worry! We'll fix it right up! (dully) The fixer, quicker picker upper... >The two ladies soon start kissing, licking, and fondling his >manhood. Makoto had no choice but to give in; hoping that no bondage >will be used in this escapade. (sarcastically) Yeah, that's all we need is some S&M (to Ryoko) Is something the matter with him? He hasn't been perverted for a while. And this bothers you...? >-=*=- >A young lady is walking through the shopping strip towards the >palace of Rostalia. Her blue hair, wild yet with stern organization, (dully) Helloo Qawool. >flows with the little wind produced at that time of day. She's the newest >candidate to become one of the "Three Priestesses of Muldoon" and the >successor of the now married Miz Mishtal. Seen that, know that. Been there, done that. (hit by Asuka and Shayla) I didn't mean it that way! >But right now she wishes to >go into a clothing center. Upon going in, she checks her wallet to make >sure she hasn't been pickpocketed. Yeah, be a real shame that the new Water Priestess is pickpocketed on her first day (makes qutation marks with his fingers) "on the job." What does (makes quotation marks with fingers) "on the job" mean? Has anyone here been paying attention to this fic? >She wants to find the best clothing >and look the best she can so she can impress the people herein; and >especially the guy who claims to be from another world... (let their heads hang over the back of their seats, a bell-like sound is heard in the distance) Oh boy. >-=*=- >Makoto continuously thrusts his manhood into Fatora's tight pussy >as Alielle licks the combined sexes from underneath. (looks nauseated; sarcastically) Yummy. Once again, all forms of hunger has fled my body. >And then he >switches to Alielle's even-tighter pussy and thrusts his manhood into her >whilst Fatora glides her tongue about his meat and her clitoris. (singing) Ain't this keen...ain't this neat...put your lips...around my meat...(the others try to hit him, but he teleports behind them)...see me smile...see me grin...as I watch...(a mallet is thrown right into his face, he slowly floats to the ground before passing out) (patting Asuka's back) Good throw. Comes from experience. >And >then a new position is tried where the two lesbians rub their pussies >together. (Ranma starts making scratchy sounds, then Vegetta makes an explosion sound) (shriek) HEY! We had every right to do that. >Makoto lays on the bed, his soldier saluting victoriously, (as army general) Soldier! You are a disgrace to this regiment, this unit, and the DAMN COUNTRY! Get down and give me twenty! (as lazy soldier) All right. (gets down on the floor and holds up a twenty dollar bill) Is there anything else you want me to do? (The others get a sweatdrop) >as >the lesbians rub the opening of their pussies along it. What followed >shortly after was an orgy of orgasm release: Makoto started first as his >sperm shot straight up and then back down upon his cock and the two >pussies that were rubbing him. (has miraciously healed) Look guys! Old Makoto is going off! SIT DOWN! >And the two ladies did a simultaneous >explosion; drenching Makoto's softening cock with their own fluids. If that thing starts to pickle, I'll scream. We'll all scream. >An hour of resting later, Makoto realized that he HAD TO GET >UP as it was about time to meet the new Priestess of Muldoon. (dully) Whoop-pi-di-dooo... >He curses himself for being magically transferred to a place where the term: >"a quick shower" is compared to the term: "a snowball's chance in hell." (Everyone snickers) All right! The Assassin got a good joke in! Let's give him a hand! (Everyone then starts throwing fake hands at the screen) >But as fanfiction luck would have it; two maids were called in, by Rune >Venus, to get the three cleaned up and ready in an equivalent of thirty >minutes. (Makoto being the easiest to do...) Oh, yeah right! >-=*=- >Venus: (Using her dreaded puppet again, much to everybody's >dismay) Poor Rune. Doesn't know the dreaded "Garrison Syndrome" has gotten to her. Well, I heard the best remedy for it is find a sixteen year old boy who's six foot one, starting varsity tackle, and has never had a girlfriend in his life, and... No. But... No. (JS stays silent for several minutes, then he opens his mouth to say something) No. (He stays quiet now) >I like everybody to meet the successor to the "Water >Priestess of Muldoon," Qawool Towles. Actually I prefer cotton towels. (Vegetta pulls out a drumset and does a rimshot) >Qawool: [What's with the puppet?] We don't know. >Hello! It's a pleasure to meet all >of you! It's certainly a pleasure to meet the "other-worlders" >who had helped protect Rostalia from harm! (as Qawool) Then they helped save Roshtaria. >Everyone's here; save Fujisawa who's still climbing mountains. >Makoto's amazed by the sheer power of Venus' maids when it comes to >washing a body. There's a difference between "washing" a body and "screwing" a body you know. Thank God we didn't have to see it. >He's smelling like a fresh rose during the spring, (as Ed) Makoto reminds me of fresh cut spring flowers, spread across a babbling brook, with a hint of lemon. >and the royal clothing he wears is enriching on his essence. He then takes a >l ook at th new priestess. What's a "l"? Forget that, what's a "ook"? You two are pushing the limit. What?! What we'd do?! >She's kinda cute; her small figure and all. >But, thankfully, she's not enough to cause him to get hard. I'd give him about five minutes. You're on. >Qawool then walks over towards Makoto. They're now looking >face-to-face at each other. Makoto's getting nervous now. She's just >standing there, smiling at him. ............................ (clinging to Asuka) She's scaring me. >Makoto: [I don't know what's running through your mind as of now. >But if you think you're going to have sex with me, then >you're way off!] Actually she's closer then you think. (Shayla growls at him) >Qawool: You must be Makoto Mizuhara, right? >Makoto: Uh... Yeah... >Qawool: You're my hero, Makoto. You're the only man powerful >enough to bring Ifurita under your control. (smiles evily) Yeah, UNDER HIS control. (Shayla blasts him) >Makoto: That's not true! I merely gave her a sense of awareness >and... Pleasure? (Shayla blasts him yet again) You know, I think the readers are getting bored of that. (Shayla blasts her, but not as bad as JS) >Qawool: Makoto? Can we talk in private, please? (as worried Makoto) When you mean private...you don't mean...? (as floozy Qawool) What do you think? >The poor Mizuhara had no choice but to comply as she leads him >from out of the gathering hall. >He's also unfortunate to learn of her full >strength as she grabs the back of his head and pushing him to the >nearest... Bathroom? Kitchen? Living room? Family room? Dining room? Den? >Makoto: [BEDROOM?! (as if they just got it) Oh! >Oh for Tokimi's Sake! Tokimi?! How does he know he know who Tokimi is? Who's Tokimi? Yeah, who is she? (to JS) She apparently hasn't watched her own show. Apparently. >I'm not gonna do >someo- Alielle! AH! Where?! >But I don't wanna do another one!] And we don't want to see you do another one. What was with Alielle? Was she peeping on them? >Qawool: (Throws him onto the bed) Now let's get one thing clear as >of now, Mizuhara! The Demon Goddess Ifurita had been a >plague on my ancestors for generations. Sorry, haven't seen Alternate World. Don't know what you're talking about. Then why am I here? Because, you're hot, sexy, beautiful, and I DO have the internet. (kinda gets it) Oh... >And for someone to >fall out of the sky and soon gain control of these bitches... >It's no laughing matter! (Everyone starts laughing) (still laughing) What are we laughing about?! (ditto) Don't know, but it's funny. >Makoto: And your point...? (as Qawool) Oh sorry, it's right at the end of the sentence. (Vegetta pulls out the same drumset and does a rimshot) >Qawool: We had holidays set up for you, Mizuhara. The young ladies >of our town would have group masturbation sessions with the hopes >of having sex with you. ............................ (staring blankly at the screen) I don't whether I'd be EXTREMELY turned on or EXTREMELY freaked out. Freaked out. I told Nanami not to go wandering around El Hazard like that, she may rub off on people. (Everyone else looks at her strange) You're never going to get off that. (smiles evily and shakes her head) Nope. >Makoto: Oh crap! Hold on a minute! I don't know if I should >deserve all this! ............... Well that answers part of my question. >Qawool: Huh? >Makoto: First of all: I've done like seven women as of late... >Qawool: And you believe that one more's gonna kill you? (starts praying) Please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please. >Makoto: Wait 'till I finish! There's still one woman I'm very much in >love with. (starts praying) Please let it be me. Please let it be me. You know what they say, don't let a dream die a dream. (Everyone else stares at him nervously) >Qawool: And so that's why you're always in the study hall. You want >her back into your arms again. I understand. BUT RIGHT >NOW...!!! AH! NANAMI DOES THAT SO WE DON'T NEED YOU DOING IT EITHER! >Makoto: (*Sobbing*) >Qawool: Okay. How about this: You can either be dragged kicking >and screaming, or you can pull out your dick... (as Makoto) All right. (reaches for her pelvic region, and a popping sound is heard, she holds up a dildo) What else do you want me to do? (The guys faint while the girls stare at her REAL nervously, Ryoko looks at the thing in her hands before she screams and throws it to the back of the theater, she begins to wipe her hands on her kimono) WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?! EXACTLY WHAT THE HELL WE'D LIKE TO KNOW! >The poor genius decided that it would be less painful if he gave in. Are you forgetting a certain person who thinks about you every minute on the minute for days on end? (getting up with Ranma and Vegetta) Ifurita? (Shayla blasts him back down again) >So he removed his cock from out of hiding. PEEK-A-BOO! >Qawool gives him an order >to sit on the bed as she kneels down between his legs and gave him the >Rostal version of a "Brentwood Hello." (shocked) Hello! >She gently licks upon the head >of his cock as it starts to grow. You're really getting aHEAD in life aren't you Makoto? SHUT UP! What's the matter girls? Afraid Makoto is HEADing in the right direction? VEGETTA! >Makoto is amazed with how well she >does a blowjob. He's been blowed several times before, but with her >it's like she puts more care on how the guy feels instead of just putting it >in her mouth and sucking into he goes off. Isn't that the point? (others stare at her nervously, she smiles at them) >He then sees a bright glow eminating from her. He must have turned her on. (others snicker) >So he takes her by >the chin and brings her face to his, kissing her in the mouth. The taste >of his own cock is in her mouth. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Ranma quickly douses himself with cold water while JS starts to claw at his tongue while Vegetta starts scrubbing his with a toothbrush) >But now he realizes what he must do. >He takes her by the shoulder and waist as he guides her onto the bed. Pilot to bombadeer, pilot to bombadeer, release semen, over. Bombadeer to pilot, bombadeer to pilot, shove it up your ass, over. (everyone besides JS snicker) >He then tries to find a way of removing her clothing... But she helps >him by disconnecting the buttons and hooks which held her clothing >together. (as Qawool's clothing) Free! Free at last! Whoopie! >And so he kisses her again; and he starts kissing downward. >He licks about her pert breasts, which were free of the clothing that was >in their way, and alternates from left to right. (as Makoto) Wax on...wax off...wax on...wax off... SHUT UP YOU IDIOT! >He then licks around her >belly button and then down between her legs. (as commercial woman) Come eat at Qawool's All You Can Eat Buffet. Tonight there's a special on fish, cheese, and certain other food items that can be related to a woman's vaginal. Tonight only, so come hurry. (everyone stares at her nervously) >Her underwear already bunched around the ankle of her left leg, Bill Engval joke coming to mind... DON'T SAY IT! >Makoto's tongue dives deep into her pussy and starts servicing her from >there. I still Denny's has the best service I've ever seen. (hit him hard) WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP?! >The taste of her pussy... The taste of women's pussy will always >be different. But Qawool's taste is something wonderful; like a small >hint of fresh perfume that could only be found at the best department >stores. (fake a sneeze) *AH-CHOOMACY'S!!* >(*Ah-CHOOMACY'S!!* Hey! >Excuse me.) Not excused. >Small moans and cries >were echoed from her mouth and throughout the room. And the constant >pleasure of her g-spot Godzilla Stopping or Preventing Oblideration Total? (others stare at him nervously) What? >had suddenly caused her to shudder as she flooded >Makoto's mouth with her pussy juice. >Meanwhile, everybody's outside the room with SHOCK etched >out on their faces. That's what happens when you get too close to Pikachu. Thank God they didn't get too close to Squirtle. >Nanami and Shayla then started sobbing. Expected. >Fatora and Alielle's jaws dropped. Expected. >Afura starts to look pissed. Expected. >Mishtal starts to foam in the mouth. Slightly shocked. >And Rune Venus had realized too late that it was a >very, very bad idea to have Qawool come here. (groan) Oh, NOW you think about it! >Makoto's manhood has been revitalized with new energy as it >plunges into Qawool's tight pussy. (still woman) It's been reborn! OH NO! >He grabs her by the waist, doing her >doggy-style, (A wolf howls in the distance, everyone looks around but finds nothing) >as the sensation causes the new water priestess to drool >from her mouth and her pussy. (JS starts panting like a dog, then he looks over to Asuka who's glaring at him, his tongue's still hanging out. He quickly retracts his tongue and continues to watch the fic) >But she wanted more. She wanted >more. She wanted more. I believe he's trying to tell us something. I believe you're right. I'm not getting a clear image, but I think it's "She wanted more." >Qawool: Makoto, please stop. YES! THANK GOD! >Makoto: (Stopping) Why? Did I do something wrong? >Qawool: No. I just wanted you to take your cock and put it in another >place of mine. A very special place. (stares in shock) She's already given him head... (ditto)...and has got her in the pussy... ...................OH NO! >She then reaches her arms from behind, grabs his throbbing cock >from out of her pussy, and proceeds to open up her butthole... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >Makoto: Now this is getting insane here! I've been through some...! >Qawool: Shhhh... Relax your dick, hon. After this, you'll start >feeling good. (No one can say anything as they remember what they had for a mid-afternoon snack) >Makoto figured that Qawool seems to know what she's doing. (stop puking) Yeah...right! (continue puking) >And so he takes the head of his cock and slowly pushes it into her very- >tight ass. There was a loud wail from Qawool, but it was muffled due to >her face being buried into the pillows. (as Stan) Oh my God! He's kiling Qawool! (as Kyle) You bastard! >And besides; he was told not to >stop until she said so. I don't remember that. The Assassin is having a mental breakdown. >His cock continued on its journey up her ass; >despite the wailing getting louder. (as the Seven Dwarves singing) Hi ho! Hi ho! Up Qawool's ass we go! >But the sensation was too great for him. He felt like he could >explode any second now. (as Scotty) She cana take anymore, he'll blow Capn'! Shut up. >His cock was 2/3 the way up her ass; (he finds some warm water) Two inches then? (Shayla hits him) Wow! Ranma can do math! >but if >he'd even move a millimeter, this would be the end for him. >Qawool: Makoto? Come here. (as Makoto) But I'm already cumming over here. (Everyone smacks him upside the head) >He then follows the order as his head came closer to Qawool's; her >arms wrapping his around her chest as she has him grab her breasts. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! How is that humanly possible?!!!!!!! That thing must be made out of rubber! He wasn't kidding when he said he was Miz's "dildo." (Others stare at Ryoko nervously) I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM, ALRIGHT?! >Qawool: How does it feel? >Makoto: I feel like I'm about to shoot into your butt, Qawool! It'd be a catASStrophe. (others stare at her nervously) >Qawool: Then do it. That's why you're here. Now, thrust... >And so, with the strength he had despite the incredible pleasure, he >thrusted his cock into her ass. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (turns to camera) I just what to remind you readers that this story had no influence with mine! >And it felt great. Qawool started to wail >into the pillows once more. He thrashed once again... And he suddenly >felt a bolt of lightning run through his body. (JS starts firing bolts of lightning from his hands at the screen, but they don't do anything) >A stream of white shot out >of his cock and into the depths of her ass... >-=*=- ........... That...could be taken...SO WRONG! >The next morning, Masomichi Fujisawa came back from the >mountains in hopes of seeing everybody again and getting another free >drink. (as narrarator) But mostly for the drink. >What he received instead was an extremely irate Miz Mishtal >forcing him into some bondage So Fuji, how are those marrige counsel meetings going? (as Fuji) HELP MEEEEEEE! >(despite his new-found strength due to >the mountain weather) and a spreading rumor about Makoto Mizuhara's >new perversion in doing women by their asses. Not all women, just Qawool. >Makoto: THAT'S NOT TRUE!!! (sarcastically) SURE it isn't. >************ >Meanwhile, back to the future of Earth... Ifurita's holding a >trinket that she had gotten from when Makoto Mizuhara was still alive. Eh? >It took him about ten years to find the deep secrets of the "Power Keys." What the-? >But he found it. Ifurita would've done her thingy-thing with the couple >guys from "Fushigi Yuugi" if he hadn't shown up in time. What the hell's a thingy-thing? >Time... Humans don't have enough of it. Waste chemicals have >too much of it. And Ifurita's cursed with it... ....................... Was that actually a... ...serious moment? >Shinji Ikari, seeing Ifurita in her state, comes by to see if he can >cheer her up. There's a doubt that he'll be able to, but... When you're in an Assassin fic. ANYTHING'S...possible. >Shinji: Ifurita... (Her head turns his way) If you feel sad, then >opening yourself up would make you feel better... (as Shinji) Close your eyes, open your mouth and you'll get a big surprise. (as Ifurita) THAT'S big?! >Ifurita: (Then notices some new metals on his jacket...) >PROMOTED??!! Get the hell outta here! (as Ifurita) No, really, get the hell out of here. >(Punches him in the shoulder) (The MST group watches as Shinji slams into a wall, they get a sweatdrop) >Shinji: OW!! [I'm lucky this lady didn't punch my shoulder off!] >What was that for?! I only came to cheer you up! Don't think it worked. >Ifurita: (With a VERY LARGE sneer on her face) The little rodent >finally gets boosted in the ranks! I'm cheered up alright! >This calls for a "threesome!" A WHAT?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >You! Me! And a six-pack of >Woodchuck! (Everyone's mouth hangs wide open) >Shinji: Holy Shit, Rita! Hey! >At this end, Ifurita drags the protesting future lieutenant off to the >nearest bar... (Everyone stares blankly at the screen) >************ >*The End?* >*Or A New Beginning?* (They continue to stare with their mouth's wide open for several hours) (Back in the main room, Shayla and JS are siting facing each other, Shayla is pretty pissed) Oh yeah, you have sex with Jinnai and all, and then from what I can remember Fatora now believes that you're in love with her, but besides for that it's a pretty well written fic. What...the...hell...?! (JS now realizes that she is pretty mad, he gets a large sweatdrop) Um...oh yeah! There was this other one, I beleive it's called the "Fire Dance" or something like that. It's possibly the best El Hazard lemon I've seen. You're dancing and all, then you take Makoto to a room and...well...you know. (suddenly becomes releived, looks at him) Really? (JS nods his head, Shayla giggles, which causes JS to do a spit take with his coffee) What the hell was that for? Have you never heard a woman giggle? (wipes coffee from mouth) Shayla, I've seen you giggle...you can't. (the gem on her head activates) What the hell does THAT mean?! (JS pulls out a miniature TV from behind him, inserts a tape, and plays it. The scene from Ep. 4 plays where Shayla is asking Makoto how do "Earth People" like to receive thanks, then to the scene where she "giggles.") Besides for Alielle's squeal, that's the only thing in the world that sends shivers up my spine. (He is then met harshly by Shayla's fist, a figure enters from behind him) Hello, is Ranma Saotome here? (JS blinks several times in shock, as does Shayla) (points to her) Who's she? Ranma's fiancee, his first I beleive. Huh? First of all, I wanted to help you guys with this THING he's been doing. Between you and the other guy...uh... Peter? Yes. He's been very busy. (holds up a picnic basket) I also brought him some lunch. (starts to sweat) Uh, yeah, I'll be sure to give it to him. (Asuka walks in, and notices Akane, then the basket in JS's hands) Look Asuka-chan, Akane brought us some lunch. How nice. (also sweats) Oh really? You didn't have to. Really. (smiles) Least I can do. Now where is he? (All three point to the kitchen, Akane walks in. Asuka and Shayla watch her go in, and JS studies this "food") (picking up a riceball) Well, it's not too hard to screw up a riceball. (he opens his mouth wide and bites down, unfortunately, the riceball seems to be made out of cement, or something like that, and the sound of JS's teeth being cracked echoes through the room) Ow.... I better get going, although I don't know how to get back to El Hazard. (points down the hall) It's down that way. Oh...I'm going to need a dentist. (starts to rub his jaw) (Shayla starts to walk away, then she looks back at JS) Oh what the hell. (She walks up to him and gives him a peck on the cheek, he freezes up and Shayla leaves) (waves her hand in front of his face) Hey, bonehead. Wake up. Hmph. Hey Vegetta! (Vegetta comes running in, scared of something, he sees JS, groans and picks him up, his feet collecting more cement, they walk into the theater) Wait Akane! Shut up! I'm going in whether you want to or not (Akane storms into the theater, Ranma cautiously following) ************ (Everyone enters the theater except...) Hey Vegetta! Where's Ryoko? Well...uh... Yes? Well, you know how she's been hitting me and blasting me, and I wasn't doing anything about it. Well, that seemed too out of character for me, so I... (from outside the theater) AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Everyone except Vegetta gets a sweatdrop) (crosses his arms over his chest) Well I had to get even with her. But Vegetta, that only makes you even more out of character. The Vegetta everyone knows would blast her right then and there, not come up with some kind of trap. (Vegetta thinks about this, before sulking back into his seat) (groans) Alright, if you really need to be in character you can blast... (Vegetta blasts him) (sighs) Just not the same. (charred) Ow... (comes storming in; pissed off) Alright! I'm ready! Hey Ryoko, what... (Ryoko glares at her, she shuts up) (Seating order from left to right: Ranma, Akane, Asuka, JS, Ryoko, Vegetta) >Shinji The 10 o'Clock Assassin (as Rolf) May your spine be as punctured like the back of a sea urchin! WHAT?! >http://members.xoom.com/Shinji_2200/KNSImpact.htm (sweating) He has a website? >tyree3@pacbell.net >This fanfic contains sex and harsh language. (arching an eyebrow) What's that? (sweating) Nothing, nothing at all. You are SO dead. >Viewer's discretion is strongly advised. If not; then you can go watch the Disney Channel for >all I care. (singing) You got a friend in me. (ditto) The circle of life! (ditto) It's just the...BEAR necessities! Please, don't get us into anymore trouble then we already are. >************ >The next day, at the Society for the Prevention of the Use of >Underaged Anime Girls for Lemons... ............... Maybe we MST'rs have pushed him a bit too far. ......naw... >Shinji: But I made these girls over 18 years of age! WHAT PART >OF "OVER 18 DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND??!!" The over. (others stare at him nervously) >Clerk: Oh, the parts where you include incest. Now listen, it is true to fact that that was one of the worst fics written, but incest has nothing to do with pedophilia. Unless it's your baby daughter. That is true. >Shinji: Oh, excuse me. "Super Taboo" is a sex manga brought to >the US by Eros Comix, and it became one of the top selling >comics here. It had incest pouring out of it's pages! (Everyone glares at JS, he stuffs a manga he was reading under his seat) >Clerk: I see... Said the blind clerk... >Shinji: I'm also a writer of a bunch of Eva lemons! Why didn't you >attack me then?! (making final preperations to her Eva) Oh, don't worry, we will. >Clerk: Because it was the creator's fault. >Shinji: And why is it that I'd get kicked in the groin for doing >lemons like these; and yet everyone else is making, AND >COLLECTING MIND YOU, hentai pics of Sasami, Ruri, >Skuld, and...! OH LOOK!! IS THAT A NAKED CHIBI- >USA UP THERE??!! Really? I can barely see the tits from here, (Asuka is about to mallet him but is beat by Akane, who apparently hits somewhat harder then Asuka does, JS twitches a little bit and slowly sinks into his seat) Living with Ranma has its advantages. (twitches) That...hurt... >Clerk: THAT IS ENOUGH!! 10 o'Clock, I'll have you know that >we're keeping a very sharp eye on you for now on! We >refuse to put up with more of your mindless fuck-a-minute >fuck-a-thons! Hey! Waitaminute! Didn't Poet use that first?! That bastard! >And don't think we can't do anything to you. >We have the technology. NO! NO! I CAN'T THINK OF THE MOVIE! DAMN! WHO SAYS THAT?! WHO SAYS THAT?! >Shinji: (Sneering.) I see... And hey! >Clerk: What is it? >Shinji: #1: Puff Daddy is still number one on the rap charts. Really? I prefer Limp Bizkit. Kid Rock is pretty good. (eyeing Akane) I'll just keep my mouth shut. >#2: South Park is making a killing on cable. Really? We got a satellite dish and we don't even get Comedy Central. (as Cartman) Respect my authority! >#3: End of Evangelion is still being praised as the number one movie for >five years. Is there a problem with that? Well, that one scene wasn't very comforting. >And #4: Pokemon is one gigantic "chicken-fight," and yet children all over the US are trying to "catch >them all." I only got around a hundred and twenty so because I'm the only one within a hundred miles of my house that still PLAYS that damn game, much less owns any anime tapes. The world is a cruel place. (glomps Asuka) That's why I got my Asuka-chan! ^_^ (mallets him) >Explain to me why is that? >But the clerk didn't listen to him. He's currently hearing the latest >Puff Daddy jam. His desk is filled with paraphernalia from South Park >and Pokeman. And his computer screen has a screen saver that replays >the dreaded "mastubation scene" from the End of Eva. Urg...See what I mean. (vein popping out of forehead) Out of all the scenes...he HAD to pick THAT one. >Gee, that explains everything! >That night, the 10 o'Clock Assassin is in front of his computer >trying to figure out a way to clean up his most MST'ed fiction to date. Sorry buddy, it IS the most MST'ed fic there is. What's the second one? I don't know...this one... >Shinji: Okay, let's see... Removes sex scenes with Achika and >Mayuka... Yes...please... >Huff... And I'll blow your house down. Please...don't use "blow" in his fics... >Probably remove the Tsunami and >Mitsuki sex scene as well... Those two weren't too bad...(notices everyone glaring at him)...considering... >************ >10-CHI RETURNS I keep asking you, where'd the other nine chi's go?! And we keep telling you, shut up. >or >BECAUSE I LOVE TENCHI MUYO That doesn't explain these fics. >************ >It's morning at the Masaki household. The sun shines through the >window, causing Tenchi to wake up before his alarm goes off. He >opens his eyes and tries to focus them. Okay...who replaced Tenchi's eyes with nine-millimeter lenses? Listen...I have a BIG problem with people replacing people's eyes with other items...no more. What's with her? Ever seen Tenchi on a Plate of Sashimi? No. Just thank God you haven't. >He then rolls over to find... >Ryoko's smooth body right next to him. He also finds out that she's >very, VERY unclad. Which Tenchi finds very, VERY boring. (glares at him) >Ryoko: (Smiling) Good morning, Tenchi. >Now Tenchi; already groggy from a year of sex, sex, and more >sex; goes automatic. (to Asuka) What? No stick-shift jokes? Overused. >He kisses Ryoko in the mouth and soon slams his >cock into the wiley alien. Cock? What happened to Johnson? I guess other MST'rs REALLY pushed him over the edge. Not far enough as I can tell. >On the other end, she's pretty amazed at the >fact that it's been over one Earth year now, and he's still at his peak >performance. What peak? I can barely see it from here. AKANE! You stole my line! (blasted by Ryoko) >Whatever Washuu had sneaked into his food that day >must've done wonders for his sexual drive. You know...I was wondering who payed five-hundred dollars for my Xestosterone9. ............. You don't want to know. >After a while Ryoko explodes under the power of his cock before >Tenchi shoots his seed and empties himself into his first alien "friend." >He then takes some clean clothes and leaves the room wondering why >he isn't so groggy from all that vaginal muscular pressure on his cock. Now he's trying to sound smart. >-=**=- >(It's a scene change.) Uh...yeah, we knew that. Actually it looks like Kohran from Sakura Wars after an explosion without the glasses. (others stare at him nervously) >He goes into the nearest bathroom, but the door's locked. Tenchi >was just about to pout when the door suddenly opens from the inside. >It's Princess Aeka, wearing only her bathrobe. Now we're not going to get confused with the whole bathrobe, towel thing are we. Oh, you noticed that too? >Both of them are >surprised at first, but she greets her lover (and great^? grand-nephew?) (sarcastic) Thank you for pointing that out to us. (with mallet) I hope you were being sarcastic. Of course I was! Look at the word in parenthesis right before I said anything! (smiling) I love jokes like that. >with a weak smile. ^-^ She looked like that? >Aeka: Oh. My apologies, Lord Tenchi. The other washroom is still >in repairs (from me and Ryoko fighting over you). We know! She said that in the last fic too! >Your father said it was okay to use this one right here. >Tenchi: My apologies, your highness. But I really have to use the >restroom now. If Tenchi had ANY idea of what has been happening for the past year, as he claims, he would hold it in. And yet another idea we can only dream of. >He tries to go in, but the princess is still in his way. >Aeka: If and only if... You allow me to join you. Hey Ryoko. Is you guys toilet big enough to fit two butts on at once? (Ryoko glares at him until another large mallet smacks him on top of his head. His eye twitches before turning to Akane) Dammit woman, this is what I do! I don't care, and don't call me woman. >Obviously, the attempt to avoid her majesty this morning is an >utter failure. Ah! Bestiality! (Everyone thinks about this for several seconds, before they turn an interesting shade of green and Akane tries to mallet JS again but is stopped by his ki) I can take Asuka's hits, as well as Ryoko and Vegetta, but you hit too damn hard! (He is stopped when Ranma's foot kicks him right in the nose) Thank you Ranma. No problem. (face scrunched in) I'm thinking of changing my crew members. >And so, he goes in as her highness closes the door behind >him and locks it. >And so, after what seemed like the longest piss ever, Tenchi soon >felt like the weight of the world had fell off his shoulders. And onto his head. Therefore ending his misery. Hey! What about me?! As she said, ending his misery. >He then finds >the weight of Princess Aeka on his shoulders as she wipes some of the >piss (as well as the stench of Ryoko's "baggy pussy") (stares in shock).............. (trying to comfort her) Now Ryoko, you're tougher then this, don't cry. (crying, angry) I AM NOT CRYING! I'M JUST GOING TO MAKE SURE THE ASSASSIN NEVER WRITES ANOTHER FIC AGAIN! (eyeing Ryoko) I kinda like her like this. (everyone stares at him nervously) Oh shit! Did I say that out loud? >from his cock >with a washcloth. She then positions herself against the door which >Tenchi wanted to go out through. (chanting [or singing, for those that have played the game]) Red rover, red rover, let Tenchi come over! >Aeka: Now now, Lord Tenchi. There's only one way out. >Poor Tenchi had no choice but to pleasure her highness. He kisses >her in the mouth as he plays with her small breasts and cunt. She >returns the favor by massaging his massive hard-on; being careful not to >let it explode before it's proper use. What she's doing is FAR from proper. >Tenchi then lifts up her left leg as he slides his cock into her. The >thing to note is that he really doesn't like putting his cock into her >highness because she's SO FUCKING TIGHT!!! How would the Assassin know she's "SO FUCKING TIGHT!!!" if he's......(blinks in shock) no. (smiling evily) This is my final chance to take revenge for goody-too- shoes princess. Hey Ranma, Ayeka is on Animeport 9, isn't she? Of course. And she's seen this fic before, right? Yeah, so? (smiles evily at Ryoko) She can come right back at you with the "baggy pussy" remark. Yeah, what about...(thinks about the whole conversation, looks as though she's about to cry) >The fact that she has >the flattest chest instantly gives away her secret. She doesn't have the flattest chest, Sa- (Akane, Asuka, and Ryoko all hit him in the back of the head, the two former using mallets) BAKA HENTAI! >And it's always the >same: He hammers it in, he EXPLODES and empties himself into her... >Aeka: Tenchi! You done it again! You came and didn't give me >the chance to come with you! HOW DARE YOU!!! o_O I guess after about a year of this she REALLY gets picky. (hit by Akane) OW! >And next comes the apologizing, the butt-kissing, Figuritively of literally? Knowing the Assassin, both. >and ultimately the pussy-licking. Not that licking her highness's soft fleshy petals is >anything bad, mind you. But she had the sex-drive of an 18-wheeler; Once again, I derail you readers train of thought as to HOW the Assassin knows this? And once again, I derail RYOKO's train of thought as to how he knows about your "baggy pussy"? (tears streaming) LEAVE ME ALONE! >meaning that it will take him about an hour or two to get her off using >his tongue, fingers, and unreliable cock. Oh, so now it's unrealiable. We knew that when this thing started. (still crying) STOP MAKING FUN OF TENCHI! >-=**=- >(Kohran from Sakura Wars after an explosion.) (Everyone stares at JS nervously, he observes the last line) I was close, although I added the glasses part. Actually, no you didn't, Peter... (reached over Akane and Asuka with hand over Ranma's mouth) I REALLY don't want to get on Peter's bad side, all right. >Tenchi then heads downstairs... (Aw, fuck it.) And decides to pay >a little visit to Washuu's laboratory; hoping that she isn't doing anything >weird this morning. This is Washu you're talking about here, weird is an understatement. >Washuuu: Well, good morning my dear Tenchi. Would you like to take >part in one of my experiments today? (as sarcastic Washu) It won't hurt...too much. >Tenchi: No thanks. I just came here to slam my cock into your pussy >so hard; your title of "Universe's Greatest Scientist" will be >reduced to "Fourth Greatest." Nothing more. O_O! How big does the Assassin think Tenchi's balls are? Apparently big enough that an elephant can balance on them. >Washuuuu: Oh, that's a mean thing to say about me. And I had >something special cooked up for you, today. Oh, speaking of which (reaches underneath her and pulls out a basket of food) here's your lunch Ranma. (sweating) Oh, I just ate. But you were complaing about how there wasn't anything to eat...(Ranma throws one of Akane's riceballs at him and it smacks him in his head and bounces off) (under his breath) Shut up! Are you trying to tell me something? >Tenchi: (Shakes his head violently...) Hey! What is it with all these >"u's" after your name? ............. >Washuuuuu: I'm not sure. People were complaining about the >proper way my name was spelt... I believe two u's is the proper way in Japan but it looks kinda of weird in the U.S. so they might have changed it. (announcer) And that was your daily FYI from our very own Ryoko Hakibi, GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY! >Author takes break to check Japanese dictionary, taking a note that >the name of the greatest scientist in the solar system means "Eagle >Feathers:" (Asuka giggles) What's with you? (smiling) Oh, just thinking of something. (sweating) Right. (under her breath) Turkey butt. >Washi = Eagle >Yuu = Does One's Hair So eagles in Japan are your modern hair stylists? (in gay accented voice) My stars...you scientific geniuses are such interesting people. I'm always SO interested in interesting people. Why, I was telling my girlfriend the other day how interesting, scientific geniuses are. (others stare at him nervously, returns to normal) Bugs Bunny, eat your heart out. >Washiyuu... Wasyuu... Washuu... Washu... >Oh, I see! >Goujira... Godzilla! (looking around the room) Where?! I want his autograph! >Tenchi: Forget this! Can we screw now, MS. WASHUU? And we're going back to the Assassin plot. What plot? >Washuu: Not today, unfortunately. My real body's currently in the >chamber for a centurial prognosis and the only spare body I >have on stock had no vagina. So... (Akane covers her mouth so as not to puke) (eye twitching) Oh...my...God... (covering her face with her hands) If her vagina is where her eye is supposed to be, I'll kill myself. (going SSJ4) I'm thinking of playing a little game I like to call Smear The Queer. >Second point down. Ms. Washuu IS doing something weird. Throwing Tenchi out of her lab? We wish. >But his grief soon turns into estacy (albeit a sick one) as the small prodigy >takes his cock out and does amazing things to it with her tongue and >hands. It looks as if Shade and Spencer Trace reviewed this fic as well. Actually this is the first mistake I caught. >[ADVERTISEMENT] >And now, you too can own the highly controversial Universal >Kama Sutra! Only $24.95! WHAT A BARGAIN!! Bargain my ass! I can get one over at B. Dalton's for fifteen bucks! (hit by Asuka) OW! (he looks at her for several seconds) That was just a love tap, wasn't it? (to Akane) You hit him from now on, I have no affect on him. >Available >RIGHT NOW at your local Tower and Virgin CD/Video/Book >Store! GET IT TODAY!! >[END ADVERTISEMENT] >Tenchi totally loses it as he shoots his seed into the red-haired >scientist's mouth. But she's unable to swallow it all and has to contend >with having his white, gooey sperm splurt all over her cute face and >hair. (All turn green) First Kiyone and now her. >(Shut up! Or do you want me to put Sasami in this as well?) Oh shit! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! >Washuu: See? Almost as good as the real thing, huh? Not really. I mean, masturbation just doesn't give you that same feeling as sex does. (Akane REALLY hammers him) (looks at JS's head stuck in the concrete then grabs Akane's mallet and observes it to hers) Nope, I don't see any difference. >At this point, poor Tenchi couldn't decide whether to facevault or >go-hard again... (as Inspector Gadget) Go-go Tenchi Johnson! (Vegetta makes several miscellaneous noises) Oh, that wasn't supposed to happen. >-=**=- >(Shermie after being caught in her own "spiral.") Like this spiral we're in right now. What spiral? "Spiral of Bad Fanfiction." Ah... >Despite this morning's "cock-shootings," (JS pretends he's cocking [no pun intened] a shotgun) (in hick accent) So Tenchi went chicken huntin', eh? >Tenchi manages to have >some breakfast and is currently on his way towards Tokyo University. >He nearly passes the Miho-Kiyo apartment along the way before his >mind starts to click again. (looks at Asuka lovingly) Please? (sulks and looks the other way) Oh, all right. (acts like a microwzve) *DING!* (as Tenchi) Woah, that hurt. (smiles to herself) I don't want to get on Priss's, Ayeka's, Peter's, B- ko's, and Ratchet's case, so I had nothing to do with it. (Vegetta and JS stare at each other nervously) (pointing at JS) IT WAS HIS FAULT, HE MADE ME DO IT! (ditto, but vice-versa) BULL! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO HAD ME AGAINST THE ROPES! (look at each other, then at Akane, they point to her and look towards the camera) IT WAS THE BROAD! (Akane mallets JS on top of the head and with her other hand, flings a frying pan at Vegetta which knocks him upside the head) Dummies. (rubbing a bump on his head) Boy, does she have a throwing arm. (eye twitching) And a hitting one. >Tenchi: Oh, what the hell. Might as well do something for the Miho- >Kiyo fans. (Everyone has suddenly changed into shirts with pictures of Mihoshi and Kiyone in a middle of a circle with a line running through them with the words, "Anti- Mihoshi" or "Anti-Kiyone on them [I just blew the whole joke, didn't I]) (hold up signs with same pictures) Who says we're Miho-Kiyo fans? >He goes up to the door of said apartment and knocks on it... After >a couple seconds the door opens to reveal the lovely "Teal-Dressed >Goddess" Kiyone; (as Chinese philosopher) Ahhh...wise choice of woman, for that, punishment will be reduced to hot rods under fingernails. >sporting the luxurious swim suit she wore during the >"Mugen Tenchi Muyo" lemon sidestory. You mean that ridiculous 59 ep. remake of Tenchi TV? You read it? No, so I can't do any jokes on her swimsuit, although she looks good in just about anything. >Kiyone: Oh. Hi, Tenchi. >Mihoshi: ALRIGHT!! IT'S TENCHI!! COME ON IN!! Boy, she's a little excited about seeing him. (as over caffinated Mihoshi) WELCOME BACK TENCHI! DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, I JUST HAD ABOUT FOURTY CUPS OF COFFEE RIGHT NOW AND A BAG OF M&M'S! >And he does so, looking towards Kiyone who's silently insulting >the bronzed bubblehead. Not wanting this to turn into another bad >Miho-Kiyo fiasco, Tenchi comes around her back and kisses the cheek >of the goddess with the red headband. Urd, Skuld, or Belldandy? I believe none of them wear a headband. Let's not try to think of anymore for the fact that there's about a thousand gods or goddesses in the anime world. (dazed, drooling) Urrrrrrrrrrddddddd........ (sweatdrop) He's crazy. That ain't even half of it. >He then looks toward Mihoshi >who's wearing the same style swimsuit, only with less material on it. (dully) Surprise, surprise... >Tenchi's cock grew to fuller than full mast when he caught the >mere glimpse of the lovely Mihoshi. (as pirate) Avast, ye mateys! Man the sail! Board the lifeboats! Swab the poop deck! (grabs a remote control fom JS's hands and smacks him in the forehead with it) DON'T EVEN THINK IT! >But he saw Kiyone first so... Well, you know the phrase, first come, first serve. Why are you so happy about that? Cause I was the first one! ^_^ >He asks the goddess who was at the now-closed doorway if she didn't mind >being boinked by him. And an answer had already been given when she >unzipped his fly and removed the bulge from his pants. (as Kiyone) Uh...no... >She licks away at his member, and in no time flat his seed was already flying from his >cockpiece and onto the lovely Kiyone. He has such wonderful names for the male genitalia. Johnson, cockpiece, mighty oak, what the hell's next? >She then takes his shrinking member and slithers it into her wet >and waiting pussy, causing him to go hard once more. [Tenchi notes >again that whatever Washuu gave him had really done some wonders for >him. (stomach makes odd noises) It's doing wonders on our digestive system too. (same stomach problem) Just think, after this is over, we'll have lost ten pounds. >His refraction time has been cut very short.] He takes her by the >waist and slams his cock into her, watching in awe and amazement as >Mihoshi licks all of his come off Kiyone's face, hair, and breasts. (starts making Dino yips) (as Kiyone/Fred Flintstone) Down! Down Mihoshi! C'mon! >And added to the immense pleasure is the loud moaning and torrent of lady- >cum caused by his love for her and his large cock. (singing) I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy... (ditto) I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need... (each hitting the man closest to them) THAT'S ENOUGH! (giving a Ranma a high five) Savage Gardens rocks! Hey Vegetta! What kind of music you like? (Vegetta mumbles something incoherent while JS snickers) >Far from being through, he then takes Mihoshi by her cute bottom And what a cute bottom that is! (At that moment several hunchback creatures comes out from the floor, pick JS up, and throw him against the shielded screen) *KKKKKKRRRRRRZ-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P* (leans next to the burned JS and smiles at him) I told you you were going to get into trouble one of these times. (has healed) Ain't so bad. Not like the time with the Eva though, that hurt. >and slowly slides his cock into her as he plays with her large breasts. I have said it before, and I shall say it again, I overpower all the women when it comes to breast sizes. I'm sorry Ryoko, but I just have to say that I feel as if Mihoshi and Kiyone beat you on that point. And I have to say I feel like blasting you. *KA-BOOM!* (charred) Fair enough. >It feels so good as he continuously slides his member in and out of her, >causing the lucky GP officer to moan even louder than Kiyone had. >Speaking of Kiyone, she's now between the legs of her love and >roommate; How can she be between Tenchi's and Mihoshi's legs? Simple, remove Tenchi and then you got it. (scrathing head) You know, I'm thinking of doing the Mihoshi rant for an MST. >adding more pleasure to them with her expertice in tongue- >fu. (sighs) Jokes are so much more boring the second time around. Damn! I didn't erase Ranma's memory completely! You don't have to! You don't have to! >Mihoshi soon loses her control and another torrent of lady-cum is >caused; falling all over Kiyone's face. Tenchi then exits her canal, rolls >her over, and sprays his semen all over the bronzed blonde's face and >breasts; (Vegetta makes noises of acid eating through something) That thing's more deadly then the Alien. (grins evily) Nothing's more deadly then the Alien. (Several hissing noises come from somewhere in the theater, everyone except JS starts to shake nervously) >which were still bouncing about from Kiyone's hand playing >with her roommate's still-sensitive pussy. "Still-sensitive?" So do women have a time period where their vagina's are turned off? (hit by all the girls and Ranma) OW! >Tenchi then looks at the clock... (as Greg) By using his penis as a sundial, I'd say it was around three o'clock. (as Ryan) By using his penis as a sundial, I can't tell what time it is. (hit by Ryoko) >He's got an hour before his class >actually starts! This guy has to go! But not before giving the lovely >Miho-Kiyo duo a deep kiss goodbye to each. HE KISSED DUO?! (JS starts power puking) >-=**=- >(Hideaki Anno after meeting some really pissed-off fans of Eva. With >MALLETS!) (grins evily) I don't need a mallet. (ditto) Neither do I. >My language is harsh! Should we? Why not? Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me! NYAH! >And coarse like the sands of time! And you >will be struck! STRUCK!! With a tidal wave of words!" We thank you Assassin for bringing back this scene unrelated to this "thing" you call a plot. There's Vegetta for ya. >Tenchi's in his History 5 class watching a film about the >Reformation, where Martin Luther and his followers take a stand against >the spoiling of religion. "Well, that's what happens when you leave it >out in the open for too long!" (Everyone blinks in shock) (blinks once more) Wow, deja vu. (to Asuka) At least_I_don't take jokes directly off of the original MST'er. I...(thinks about it)...improvise a little. (mutters, sarcastically) Yeah, and Vegetta wears a moo-moo. (leaps out of his seat and points his palm at JS) You come near me and blow you to smithereens. >jokes one classmate who's seen way too >many "Cash Money Records" videos. Mo' money, mo' trouble. Bullshit. >After said class Tenchi's about to leave when he hears a certain, >yet soothing, voice... Soothing like...fingernails against the chalkboard soothing? Or that noise cotton balls make when you rub it in between your fingers? Cotton balls don't make noise. (angry) YES THEY DO DAMMIT! I KNOW BECAUSE EVERY TIME I HAVE TO USE ONE, JUST TOUCHING IT MAKES THAT SCRATCHY, IRRITATING, SPINE CHILLING NOISE! (rubs a cotton ball between her fingers) Nope, nothing. (notices JS curled up in a ball and shivering, everyone starts to sweat) (passive) Please don't do that again. >Sakuya: Good afternoon, Ten-chan. God dammit! Where are the other nine chans?! SHUT UP! >Tenchi: Uhh... Hi, Sakuya. How are you doing? (as Sakuya) Well, besides the fact that I'm an ugly whore... (ditto) ...I'm just some psychotic kids play-thing... (ditto) ...my breasts make Lina Inverse look like Pamela Anderson Lee... (ditto) ...I haven't shaved my legs in three hundred years... (ditto) I'm just great! (ditto) ...plus I have this rash. .............you couldn't resist, could you? Just like I can't resist doing this. (He tries to leap at Asuka but Ryoko holds him back) Knock it off, we're running out of ideas as to how to beat the snot out of you. >Sakuya: I'm doing fine! Hey, ain't that Mr. Fujisawa so cool? (as Tenchi) Fujisawa? Who's Fujisawa? We don't have a Fujisawa. >Tenchi: Yeah, he is cool. But I'm thinking about dropping the class. Do you think he could even pick it up? (standing up) I COULD! OH NO! How could I have fallen prey to that corny joke?! *DING-DONG!* ................ Are you pretending you're a microwave again Vegetta? Hey! I said HE (points to JS) put me up to it. Oh, it's just the door, I'll go get it. (Leaves the theater, comes back a minute later with a letter) Here Asuka, mail for you. (takes letter) Mail for me? "Dear Whoever-you-are, If you make another crack at my breast size, you'll be on the receiving end of a Dragon Slave. Love, Lina" ............ Hmm, I guess she's real touchy on that subject. How'd she get this address? Well, it could be worse? (others stare at her) She could make her stay in a room for an hour with Nahga's preaching. (others nod in agreeement) And that laugh of hers. (shivers) Brr...I'm still having nightmares from The Scary Chimera Plan. The one with the ten clones of Nahga? (shivers more) Yes.... I didn't know you were a Slayers fan. (shrugs) Everyone needs a hobby. >Sakuya: Huh? How come? >Tenchi: Well... I've been too busy. On top of my other two classes I >got... (A hard-on in my pants again!) (dully) Thank you for pointing that out to us. >Some other projects to >deal with. (holds up some cards) Actually, you're supposed to deal cards. (everyone glares at him) What? >Sakuya: Well, I'm so sorry to hear that, Ten- >chanyouain'thidin'thatcockfromme. Wow, she's chaulked up on the caffine too. >Hey! How about we go >someplacesoyoucanboinkmewiththatlargecockofyours and >get a soda? Preferably just a soda. (going crazy) YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME FOREVER ASSASSIN, YOUR HORRIBLE PLOTS MIXED IN WITH YOUR TERRIBLE JOKES WILL COME TO A STOP! >And by this point, Tenchi knew exactly what she's been saying. >He takes her to the nearest janitorial room which is not being used. (Asuka starts making crunching noises) (as Sakuya) AH! I stepped on a cockroach! (as Tenchi) Watch out for that grease! (Asuka makes sounds of Tenchi and Sakuya slipping and also makes a snapping noise) (as Tenchi in pain) My penis... (The girls look next to the guys who stare at the screen, pale and motionless, the girls smile) >And as soon as he closed the door, Sakuya was already sliding along side >him in eagerness. (still smiling) Wow, good timing. There are fewer joys in life then scaring those three shitless. (glomps Asuka) THIS IS ONE OF THEM! ^_^ (Asuka HAMMERS him) See, it's all in the wrist. (in pain) Ow...ie... >He lifts her left leg, going under her ravishingly short skirt, and >pushes aside her frilly underwear to lick at her soft, moistening pussy. *MRRREEEEOOOOOWWWWW!!* (A ki blast hits him) (holding hands up; trembling) Don't do that again! (stares at him) Was that supposed to hurt?! >His tongue massages the girl's dampening entrance, causing her to moan >loudly. "Thank God for soundproofing," he thought as he causes her >dam to break after a while. (starts taking wax out of his ears) Soudproofing my ass... (covering ears) What about my ass?! >Tenchi then takes his cock out and somehow manages to slide it >into her. Sakuya cries in sheer pain, noticing out much larger he's >become sence she was last done by him. So Tenchi is a chef? (others stare at him nervously) What? I got to find somewhere to put these jokes. >Overdriven by lust, Tenchi starts drilling a deeper hole into his latest girlfriend as he slams his >salami into her. (Asuka pulls out a large salami, JS looks at her anxiously) (Asuka pulls out a cheese grater and starts slicing the salami in front of JS's face, he turns green and passes out, Asuka laughs) >Sakuya has been sent past the "point of no return." Wyoming? >And Tenchi blows yet another load into yet another beautiful girl today. Who? That thing? (to Asuka) He really does have a complex. Ah...he's just hiding his true feelings. >And OH DOES THAT FEEL SO GOOD!!! (smiling evily) You would know Assassin. You would know. (hit by Ryoko) OW! Well how the hell would he know?! (grins evily) Cause I told him. ............... Backing away. >The janitor who had caught them leaving, on the other hand, did >not find it so pleasing... >Janitor: Goddamn you kids! That's the fifth time you used that place >in about a month now!! (as janitor) And it's only the...(notices Asuka's mallet)...shuting up. >-=**=- >(A crab with no claws.) So that's Washu with no arms? (others stare at him nervously) >Later on, Nagi is outside the Masaki Shrine trying to figure out a >way to capture the (former) space pirate Ryoko The space pirate formally known as Ryoko. (as broadcaster; holds microphone next to Ryoko) So, what do you call yourself know? (Ryoko holds up a sign of a hand giving the middle finger) (sweating) Well that explains it. >without causing some unneeded reaction from the other residence: Aeka will have a fit ("She's >mine! AYEKA-RYOKO FIC! AYEKA-RYOKO FIC! (hit by Ryoko) (to JS) If it is, you're going to be in tractrion for the next six months. (eagerly) Can I help? >Nobody gets revenge on her except for me!"), Sasami will cry for >centuries, That is only possible in the OAV's. Really? I thought she was just as old in the TV's. >the two spacecops won't like it one bit, Washuu will try to >blow the world up, Arguements on that point? (silence) I thought so. >and Tenchi will actually cause his hidden power to >come out of hiding. (singing) Oh where, oh where has my ultrasuperpowerfulWingsoftheLightHawk gone?! Oh where, oh where could it be?! (covering ears) STOP THE TORMENT! ENOUGH ALREADY! (sulking) I think I sing pretty well. >Nagi: Damn you, Ryoko. (as Nagi/Jinnai) Damn you to ever lasting HFIL! (blinks in shock) (laughing) HA HA! Vegetta got censored! >You're just too comfortable within the >safety of this household. Just how long are you planning to >hide in there? >She soon notices Tenchi coming from down the street. (begging Asuka) Please, please, please, please, please, PLEASE! You brought it upon yourself. If you want to be as good as those two, DON'T STEAL THEIR LINES! But I love that song! Tough. >He then catches a glimpse of her, thinking it's Ryoko wanting to have another >sexual discussion with him and marched straight towards her to put an >end to it. According to The Assassin, there is no end to it. (slapping mallet against her hand) That better not have meant what I THINK it meant. (Others laugh nervously) >But as he gets closer, he soon recognizes her as the >"intergalactic bounty hunter," Boba Fett? Where? You know, I'm having a hard time beleiving that a fellow MST'r hates Star Wars. You're kidding?! >and decided that maybe he should go the >other way... >Nagi: Tenchi Masaki! (Stopping him in his tracks with her words.) >Ryoko is a coward not to challenge me one-on-one. Are you >a coward as well? Well, if you're talking about a fight to the death. Duh! But if you're talking about an all-out, strip down, no-holds-barred, hot pig sex. Then lady, that's your man! (Ryoko hits both of them) >Tenchi: Look. I don't wanna have sex with you. I'm already sore >from doing six women as of today. Gee, he wasn't sore in 10-chi Clan. Why is he now? Maybe the author's trying to substitute what he calls a plot for something more beleiveable. (look at each other...then shake their heads) Nah... >Nagi: And will it hurt you to do one more, Masaki? Or am I just >too hideous to be even considered worthy of your mighty >salami? (as Tenchi) Yes you are. (ditto) But could you show me that nightgown of your again? (everyone glares at him) What? >Come to think of it... Nagi can be quite attractive when she wants; >despite the freakish hairstyle and the large revenge streak. She has the >three sizes that are somewhere between Kiyone and Mihoshi, Three sizes? (singing) 36-24-36! (The girls punch them in their heads) >and she >should be checked out during the episode where the "bathing suit >contest" was held. "Checked out?" Hell, even Yosho said she was something. (hit by Akane) OW! >Tenchi soon has Nagi in his room. >Nagi: I'll be just a mere doll to you. Do with me whatever you >like. (as Tenchi/little girl) Ooh! First we can play dress-up! And then we'll have a tea party! And then we can lay on the bed and I'll show you my Ken doll while you show me Barbie! (EVERYONE hits him) >Tenchi: No way, Nagi. I like for you to participate in this as well. (as Tenchi/Shampoo) AH! I start talking funny! I feel that I want a man with girl-like qualities. RYOKO! HIT HIM! Gladly. (Ryoko hits Vegetta...hard) (rubs bump) Bitch. >And with that said, causing the hard-boiled bounty hunter to sigh >heavily, I prefer my bounty hunters to be scrambled. (everyone stares at him nervously) I like mine dippy! (Asuka mallets him) >she removes her firm-fitting battlesuit with the flick of her >wrist. She lays on his bed and spreads herself wide so he can get a >majestic view of her. JE-(stopped by Asuka's mallet) >But what caught his attention more was the many >scars the bounty hunter picked up whilst on the job. ......... I'm going to have nightmares for a while. (trying to peek in Asuka's pants) Do you have one too? (mallets him) Why? What's it to you? (rubs bump) I want to make sure I don't hurt you too bad. (HAMMERS him) BAKA-HENTAI! >Tenchi: Oh my! You got a scar there as well?! >Nagi can only give out a weak sneer(?) as Tenchi goes in and licks >at her only softspot. After she moistens a bit, Nagi has an automatic sprinkler system? (ALL GIRLS wallop him) This may not be a bad thing, letting him do all the talking. >she tells him to get on the bed with him. Usually, people want their dogs off the bed. Oooh..below the belt! (chanting) ASUKA! ASUKA! ASUKA! >He does as he's told as Nagi removes the enlarged >member once more and goes down on it like nobody's business. It happens to be MY business, thank you very much. (as Nagi) You're welcome. (everyone stares at him nervously, he smiles back) >The two soon placed themselves into a 69 position. Oh great, another 69 position. Hey Joe! You're the pervert of this ship. Would a 96 get the same reaction like a 69? (face turns red) I wouldn't know. (Everyone starts laughing at him) >And sometime later, Tenchi's face is covered with bounty-hunter-lady-cum while Nagi >makes him blow his load all the way down her throat; an amazing feat >for someone who already has a cock halfway down her throat. Perhaps the Assassin is taking "deep throating" a little too literal. (notices Akane's mallet) AH! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! >And after shooting a large load of cum, it's still hard. >Nagi then positions herself over a zonked-out Tenchi; who she >immediately wakes up. (as Nagi in a housewife voice) Honey. I just had this strange dream that you had sex with all the girls in the house. (as doped Tenchi) That was a dream? >Nagi: It's not sleepytime yet, Tenchi my dear. You still have a job >to perform. (as Nagi) Take the garbage out. (as Tenchi) AH MA! ............... That was wrong... Even I felt it to be a bit excentric. >She then slides his throbbing member into her... AND OH GOD >SHE'S SO TIGHT!!! So far, the only one who hasn't been "so fucking tight," is Ryoko...but she got a baggy pussy award. MY PUSSY IS NOT BAGGY! ............... That didn't come out right. >Well... Not as tight as Sakuya... Aeka's the >tightest... But Nagi is about SO FUCKING TIGHT that he would've >exploded into her instantly... (as G.I.R) Aw...I wanted to explode. (others glare at him) What? I love that show. (they continue to glare) >Had it not been for her womanhood >clamping around the base of his cock; unabling him to come at that >instant. >Tenchi: You seem to have had some experience in this before... What the hell? After a year of this you STILL don't know? That wimp never was quite on the ball. >Nagi: It's an alien thing, baby. (as Austin Powers) Yeah baby! Yeah! Shut up. >"Predator," "Star Trek & Star >Wars;" they ain't got nothing on the rest of us! >Tenchi: But it isn't fair. I want to explode right now if you don't mind. ............ Joe was so right, yet he was so wrong. (JS starts laughing like G.I.R.) >This causes another sigh from the bounty hunter as she lets him >exit her supernatural cunt... But not all the way out. She only keeps the >head of his cock in; massaging his meat as fast as she can. (singing) And you roll it, and you pack it, and mark with a "B"... SHUT UP! >This sends the poor guy into supernova as he empties himself once again into the >wiley semi-villain's sexual entrance. Is there a website where he gets these names from or is he just that dumb? Hmm...... >After said second blast, he falls onto her body exhausted from all >the sex with ladies from another planet. And Nagi soon has his head >along her breasts, so he can lick at and around the nipples, (glaring at Ranma) I know of your "chocolate" joke from a previous one of these...and if you know what's good for you, you'll keep it to yourself. (Ranma gulps) >before falling prey to the attack of the "slumber fairy." >-=**=- >(Two punks on the floor searching for the small meth pills, but are >unsuccessful because they're already high. So they end up hitting each >other in the heads and therefore caused brain damage onto themselves.) .............. This is a really disturbed man. (For no reason JS leaps out of his seat and starts running around the room squealing like G.I.R., everyone else gets a sweatdrop) I would like to change my answer Regis. >And this is why a guy like him should never have weeks off... >Ever! (JS returns, out of breath and sweat running down his forehead) >The next morning Tenchi meets up with the ladies in the living >room. It's about time to reset the "Weekly Schedule." So he takes the >folded-up pieces of paper and places them in his father's hat. (as Drew Carey) Okay...things Tenchi would never do. (Vegetta gets up, and walks forward a couple steps, before making jerking movements with hand next to his waist. Laughter erupts through the theater) (shuting off stereo) Love that canned laughter. >He shakes the hat up ("No cheating, Ryoko." "Alright, alright!") and gives each of >the pieces of paper to the ladies. The schedule will be as follows... >Sunday=Mihoshi (YAY!!) (as overcaffenated Mihoshi) WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! Passing out now... (makes sounds of Mihoshi falling, giggles all around) >Monday=Sakuya (Alright!) (singing dully) Monday, Monday... >Tuesday=Aeka >(I shall prepare something extra special for you, Lord Tenchi.) (in French accent) My wonderful cuisine of cultivated escargo and my favorite, french toast. (starts that French grunt, everyone stares at him nervously) What? I do a good Frenchman impression. >Wednesday=Ryoko (I'll see you, princess. And then I'll raise it!) (as Ryoko) I'll raise you three cocks, two johnson's, and a baggy pussy. (too angry to speak) You...are...pissing...me off...vegetable.... >Thursday=Nagi (Hmph. Haven't won yet.) >Friday=Kiyone (It's kinda sad, really...) (sigh) Yes...it is. >Saturday=Washuu (My real body should be ready by then.) Ah yes, how could I have forgotten about that? How could you forget when your lunch is six feet from your face? (to Asuka) Was that an insult on my cooking? No. Should I hit him anyway? Of course. (Akane mallets JS) (in pain) I...can...survive...minor...head...trauma.... >One thing will be for sure, though: Whatever Washuu had placed >into his food that night... It's gonna be in his strict nutritional >plan if he ever wants to see another decade. ~_~; You know, Washu could make a bundle selling that stuff. Wouldn't matter, she could just create money of her own. I have to go, school is starting tomorrow. (she gets up and leaves) (getting up) Yeah, and I just have to walk her home. (grab Ranma and push him down into his seat) Sit down. (observes Akane's "food") What are we going to do about her cooking? (bounces a riceball in his hands) Anyone for racquetball? >THE END >The Tenchi gang are at the movie theatre; watching the last part of >the film run its course... >Tenchi: So, girls. What do you think? Do you really want do know? >Ryoko: He took out the parts about Mayuka and Achika. Everyone >was complaining about that. And every other part in this fic. >Aeka: Hmph! I'd rather have his own mother touch him instead of >you! ........... Ayeka, or Aeka, you're under a lot of stress right now. Why don't you sit down and take deep breaths? >Ryoko: Oh yeah! And don't tell me that you don't wanna touch him >either, you shrew! Shrew...shrew... I liked hooligan better. >Aeka: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!! >Another Ryoko Vs. Aeka fight ensues until Washuu hits the both >of them with her prized "zapping laser invention thingy." So Washu's prized invention was named by Zim? Or Diib. They both speak the same way. >Kiyone: I'm actually surprised that the 10 o'Clock would go back and >clean up this piece of garbage. Didn't do a good enough job, I say. Like my mother tells me, "A job isn't worth doing if you half-ass it," or something like that. >Mihoshi: Why are you being so mean? We get to have sex with >Tenchi! (Giggles.) (as Kiyone) Yeah, I know, I have a little problem with that. As do I. >Kiyone: Well, I wanted to have sex with him alone. The whole >romance thing gets ruined when you're around me. What romance? Kiyone shows no interest in Tenchi whatsoever. Think about it, this is coming from the same guy who thinks Makoto should end up with Afura Mann. You're kidding? >Mihoshi: That's not true, Kiyone! You and I are great together! (shaking with excitement) Yes, you sure are. (mallets him) Pig. >Kiyone: No, YOU're great together. I'm better alone with Tenchi. How can you be together with yourself? It defies all laws that there is. Not the law of bad fan fiction though. >Sakuya: So, you're an intergalactic bounty hunter. Nagi's your >name? And this doesn't surprise you? >Nagi: Yes. And you must be Sakuya; "Tenchi's latest girlfriend" >from Shin Tenchi Muyo. Latest, and foremost...last. We can only hope. >Sakuya: Correct! >They take a moment to stare at each other... Kill her! Kill her! For God's sake, kill her! >Nagi: Your behavior spooks me, kid. Spooks all of us lady. Join the ASC (others stare at him quizically) The Anti-Sakuya club. Ah... >Sakuya: And you look like you should be in a band or something... Yes! Piss her off! C'mon Nagi! Kill her ass! Calm down. >The gang then exit the theatre deciding on whether to hurt the >author some more or actually "thank" him (sarcastic) Gee, that's a hard choice. Actually, I can think of two of the girls that would thank him, Ryoko and Washu...possibly Mihoshi. Please! Me thank him?! I've seen much better sex scenes between me and Tenchi. And they were more then three sentences long too. >when they suddenly find >another large group of movie-goers exiting the theatre nextdoor... >Throwing up, or trying to make it to the restroom so they can throw up >there. With this fic, however, I'm pretty sure all their stomach bile was gone before the Miho-Kiyo scene. >Tenchi: (Grabbing one person.) Are you alright?! >Person: No I'm not...! >Kiyone: What's wrong? Is it the movie you just saw? DUH! >But the person was unable to speak due to some of his food exiting >the way it came in. All he could manage to do was point at the names of >the movie over the door. Needless to say, the Tenchi gang was shocked. I must control myself. Pikachu joked used to death. (starts meditating) >FRIDAY GROSS OUT DOUBLE FEATURE: >"POT" W/ >"TENCHI ON A PLATE OF SASHIMI" Meditation done! Horrible stories broke my concentration! (trying not to throw up) Power puking on three everyone. >AUTHOR'S RAMBLINGS: >I like to thank everybody who's said that my "10-Chi Clan: The >Quickies" lemon fanfic was bad-bad-BAD!! Add in a couple "stinks", a few "disgustings", and one or two "horribles" and you got our view on it. >I'm surprised on how >intolerant you people are out there in the web world. In fact, I didn't >want to go back and fix this fic. Fine...then why is it here? Why are we here?! STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! (in Vietnemise accent) No! Not democracy! No union! To work! To work! >I wanted it to be a cornerstone of a fic >that I should never do. But then I read (or tried to read) lemons from all >the other authors out there. And I must ask: Where is the line drawn >between "fuck-a-minute fuck-a-thons" When you start taking phrases quoted by great MST'rs. LIKE YOU SHOULD TALK! >and "Tentacle demon does >everything that walks while getting high on crack and vomiting all over >the place?" Don't remember anything like that. Oh there is...trust me...there is. Be afraid...be very afraid. >Tenchi Muyo belongs to AIC/Pioneer. Everything else belongs to their >respected creators. >And remember: The 10 o'Clock Assassin isn't really a bad shot. I just >have multiple targets to shoot. There's a difference! ^_^ (dully) Ha. Ha. It is to laugh. That's three down, one to go! What's this next one? According to the Assassin, it's a prequel to "QUIT PINNING..." I have some work to do before then, so we get an hour break. Good, just enough time to get drunk. (while walking through door) And you'll all be oxidated before coming in here. (being held back by Ryoko) I'LL KILL HIM! I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KILL HIM! *********** (Ranma and Vegetta are sitting at a table drinking some beer and laughing hard) And Akane has this birthmark too...right on her butt! (The two start laughing even harder, JS walks by with a black hood on, and a white lab coat, the other two look at him nervously) What are you doing? Who? Me? I'm just mixing the pleasures of science and torture into one, that's all. (arches an eyebrow) Oh really? Yeah. Wanna help? Anything to get my character back. I got nothing better to do. (Two metal doors fly open to a large empty room with someone tied to a chair in the middle) Okay. (presses a button, three plush armchairs pop out from out of the floor) Ready to begin. (silence) Oops, almost forgot. Ranma, the gag. (Ranma goes up and removes the gag) Why?! Why are you doing this to me?! Oh Tenchi! Yes. Yes. Tenchi. Tenchi. Tenchi. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! (stares at them nervously) Uh-huh. Now to begin. Sakuya, you will be shown a series of pictures ranging anything from bad, to horrible. Ranma, Vegetta, I suggest you don't turn around. (he pulls out a remote and presses a button, a small screen drops behind them) Okay, number one...another Olsen twins movie. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (writing some things in a notebook) Good...now, Tenchi on a Plate of Sashimi 3. Hm-mm...now, couple more...Roseanne in a thong... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Okay...Rosie O'Donnell naked... BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG GGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! Great! Thanks a lot Sakuya! She's all yours Fatora. (Another metal door opens as Fatora stands at the doorway) Great! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH! Frightening, horrifying, yet erotic...thanks Sakuya! You're unwilling participation will help people in the future. NOOOOOO! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE! (The three walk through the door as it closes behind them, and another door closes, and another, the last one has a sign that says "Do Not Disturb." Ranma and Vegetta look at JS nervously) You are a confused man. (writing in notebook) Thanks. Is that really going to help people in the future? (tosses notebook into a nearby trashcan) No. (sweatdrop) Thought so. ********* (Everyone walks into the theater) Alright! This is the last one! Thank God! I thought it would never end I can't believe I'm sober already. (drunk; singing) Twenty bottles of beer on the (hic) wall! Twenty bottles of beer! There's always one person that ignores the effect of my machines. >Shinji Ikari The 10 o'Clock Assassin >tyree3@pacbell.net >WARNING!!! This fanfic contains SEX!! Like we CARE!! >Viewer's discretion is >adviced. It is also advised. >The characters portrayed herein are 18 years or older. So this takes place two years after Makoto arrives? >And if >that doesn't work for you, then you might as well throw all logic out of >the window now! (A man is heard screaming, everyone looks towards JS who's coming from an open window, clapping his hands together, he takes a seat) (notices everyone) What? I was just... WE KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING! >El Hazard is copyrighted by the great people at AIC/Pioneer. >* * * * * * * * * * * Ooh! I haven't played Caterpillar tm in a while! >Taken from the pages of "Makoto's Harem," removing all the drugs and >hierarchy, I bring to you... The worst piece of shit ever written? >AFURA MANN >THE MAGNIFICENT BABE Close enough. >* * * * * * * * * * * >Miz OH YESS! AH GOD!! OH FUJIS-AAAAAAHHH!! AH! AH! TURN THE STEREO DOWN! TURN THE STEREO DOWN! >Fatora: Goddammit!! Miz and Fujisawa picked a fine time to fuck >themselves silly! (picking wax from ear) What about Willie? >Indeed. On Earth it would be around 10:00 p.m. And that time >was agreed upon by Miz and Fujisawa as the perfect time to make >continuous love until morning ................ >(when they usually fall face first into their food). This upsets Princess Fatora terribly because her room is >right under theirs. I'd be a little upset myself. >Alielle: Don't be so angry, Fatora. Why don't we get our thing on >whilst they get theirs on. (as Alielle/Austion Powers) Come on baby. Let's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. >[Goes behind Fatora and plays >with her pert breasts.] I have to say, Fatora is almost as flat as Lina. (from somewhere in the theater) DRAGON SLAVE! DUCK! What? (A large energy blast erupts from nowhere and rips apart all the seats. As the smoke clears, everyone except Vegetta is charred, he's just got a small scratch) (pushing a piece of siding away) How the hell do they do that? (to JS) He told you to duck. (JS can't speak being as he took a great deal from the blast and is barely standing up) >Fatora: But you don't understand! Miz doesn't just let that guy >fuck her, she lets him drill a new hole into her! (Asuka waves her hand in front of JS's face) Who's going to do the perverted jokes until he's conscious again? >You know >what happens when he's sober! Speaking of which, how did I get sober? Late effect? >Alielle: Fatora, please. Let's just fuck and forget about it. [Looking >at her mate with her cute eyes as she starts to play with her >own self.] I can't see how any human being can stand that sort of irritability. What irritability? (points to Alielle's glimmering eyes) THAT irritability! (has healed) Aw...I think she's cute. He's baaaaaacckkkk. >Fatora: Well, okay. But I won't guarantee that I'll be as pleasant in >the morning... HAH! Fatora pleasent?! She's as pleasent as she is beautiful! (popping up from behind her) You're cute when you're sarcastic. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (holding up a near unconscious Ryoko) So Fatora...how was Sakuya? (taking a seat next to him) BLEAH! Don't remind me. >And Makoto is neither thrilled with this loud, continuous sex >because the library where he usually works at is down the hall from >Fujisawa's room. No. Actually it's more or less on the other side of the castle. She would know. (Faotra winks at Ryoko, Ryoko growls at her) >And an interesting book coupled with even more >interesting moans can give a man one mean piece of wood. HA! The same Makoto who chooses Ifurita over Shayla? HA! Yeah! What a worm! >The problem becomes bigger in the fact that there's no such >outlet to release his tention. Hell. They don't even know what electricity is, I don't think they can plug him into an outlet. (everyone stares nervously at her) >All the female workers are off limits. Off limits my ass! Say Fatora, you know that one that kept dressing Makoto in drag, I believe she had some sort of dark-blue hair...you think you could...you know... Sorry. First come, first serve. Damn! (hits him upside the head) Baka hentai. >He can't choose between Nanami and Shayla^2, Yeah, leave those two to me. Sorry honey, Shayla's mine. ..............What was that? Uh-oh. >he KNOWS he can't ask >Fatora, Rune and Alielle have fianc,s, Afura will look at him like >"What the fuck?! Get outta here!!", (as Afura) No, really, get out of here. Would you run that by me again? Shayla...is...mine... >and he can't bring himself off >because word will spread like wildfire that he's some kind of sicko. After the whole "QUIT PINNING" thing, I'm surprised they don't already. This is the prequel I beleive. And what makes you think that? (holds up a picture of Shayla giving him a peck on the cheek) This... >Makoto: I guess it's back to the cold shower for me... ~_~; Oh...NOW you think about it! Prequel...remember? Shut up. I'm leaving this conversation at this because of the readers, we'll talk after the fic. Fine by me. >-=- Oh great, another unknown scene change. >After said shower, he goes into his room and flops onto his bed. >He thought that he could finally get some sleep. (in deep monotome) Doooonnnn'tttt youuuuuuuuu believe ittttttttttt... >But he throught >wrong and he heard the moaning and the sex get louder. Miz and >Fujisawa decided to be adventurous tonight and take their fucking >outside in the cold night. Ow... (as Fuji) Uh, Miz...something's wrong with my... (hit him) WE DON'T NEED THE IMAGES! >At that point, Makoto's back has been >broken by that straw. (makes the sound of bones cracking) (as Makoto) Help! I've fallen and I can't get up! (to Vegetta) How do you do that so well? Do you KNOW who you're talking to? >Makoto: THAT DOES IT!! I DON'T CARE IF THEY HAVE THE >POWER OF OROCHI HIMSELF!! Who? He could be what they called God, but I thought that was Kami. >THESE TWO ARE >GOING TO DIE!! o_o" Well, following any basic lemon plot, and deducting by the title of the fic, Afura should be entering... >Afura: Makoto...? ...now. (to Ranma) Isn't she cute? >Upon hearing her voice, Makoto's whole body freezes like a >statue and turning into a color of one. What does one look like? Hopefully not like you. Ooh! Below the belt! >Afura: Can I... Can I stay with you tonight? (as Makoto) A sleepover! (as Afura) Yeah! We can tell stories, and try on make-up! Too bad he's already done those. (Others snicker) >Makoto: Uh... Sure! No problem! But how come? Have you been FOLLOWING the story?! >Afura: Because I'm lonely... (as Afura)...and constipated. (other stare at him nervously) I don't know where it came from either. >She sits upon the bed Makoto's standing on. He then tries to >calm down as he comes to sit next to her. >Afura: Every night I hear the two moaning and screaming and >fucking... (sarcastically) Yes...can't forget the fucking. >Every night I hear the same animal lust echoing >around the palace. Anyone seen The Animal? NO! >Every night it's Ms. Mistal and Mr. >Fujisawa. And on these same nights it's just me... And my >room... And my books... (as nervous Afura) Wow, Kama Sutra, how the hell'd that get in here?! >Makoto: [Clearing his throat, being nervous and all...] Afura... I been >meaning to ask you... (as Makoto)..what I mean to say is...(everyone else starts humming romantically) Afura...I love you...and...and what I need to ask you is...Can you get down and give me some of that hot windy love?! (Next thing he knows Asuka wallops him in the chin with her mallet, he goes flying past the rafters) He had to go and ruin a good thing. >But you'd seem to be the type of >person who would be against those sort of things... [Almost >loses it as he feels Afura's head on his shoulder.] Gee, what does this remind me of? Oh come on, nearly every anime show has had at least ONE scene like that. >Afura: Makoto... I'm against mindless, animalistic fucking. Dammit! >But >I'm not against just two people... Making love in the >coolness of a bedroom... All right, who left the window open? >And then sleeping in each other's >arms... >Makoto: [His hardon in full-mast.] You might be able to sail a submarine with it. Submarines don't use sails. Exactly. ^_^ >(That's it! >I'mgonnaripthischicken'sclothes >offandbangher'tilherheadfallsoff! >I'mgonnabangallofherholesand make her come... like... >no...) O_O" Hey I just thought of somethinhg, Joe has been up there for a long time, when is he going to come down? (Others look up at the ceiling for any sign of him) >[He then sees the beauty in her face, noting the >reflection of the moonlight, and tries a different approach.] From the rear? Geez, I didn't hit him that hard. >Afura? May I make love to you? (as bitchy Afura) Alright, but it'll cost you fifty bucks an hour. Waitaminute! There he is. (falling) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *WHUMP!* The hentai has landed. >Afura: Yes, Makoto. Please, make me a woman. >At that point Makoto calms down enough to start thinking >rationally. (gets up) No big surprise, at least it's not Mihoshi or someone like that. >He lays her on the bed, removing her light-green nightgown, >and kisses her in the mouth and cheek as he removes his large member >from his hidden place. Well, if it's that easy to locate it isn't very hidden is it? >His hand feels around her pink, perky breasts as >his other hand moves her panties aside and fingers into her moistening >pussy. (as a P.O.'ed cat) *MREEEOOOOWWWWW!* (Ranma passes out) Yep, he's gone. >He then finds her hymen there and realizes that this is her first >time. Great. He's got his stories mixed around. Well, if this IS the prequel, it is her first time. (grinning evily) Remember the wookie? (Ryoko also grins evily, everyone else gets a sweatdrop) >So he should atleast make it special. Afura takes his member by >her hand and massages it's length. Extra apostrophe. Shut up. >Makoto: Don't worry, Afura. I'll be gentle. (A scream is heard from outside the theater, everyone is startled but do nothing) >Afura: Makoto. I dont' want you to be gentle... >Makoto: Huh? Yeah, huh? Who was the one against animalistic sex? Frankly, I wouldn't mind a little rough and tumble. (Fatora goes to do something to Ryoko, but she holds a sword to her throat) ...with someone of the opposite gender... (JS goes to do something to Ryoko but another sword goes to his throat) ...preferably Tenchi. >Afura: I want you to stuffitinthereanddomelikearollofSwisscheese! ............. Always wondered how they get those holes in there. >ThenIwantyoutofillmewithsomuchcumthatmypussywillexplode!! (Others stick out their tongue in disgust) >Makoto: ^_^; Uh... You're kinda ruining the mood here, Afura... What mood? Do you know who's writing this? >Afura: Oops. Sorry. >He takes his member and starts to enter into her, easily bumping >into her hymen. (as German soldier) Hiel Hitler! (Asuka pounds him in the face with her mallet) [Author's note: I apologize to anyone who may be sensitive on that subject, I am in no way a Neo-Nazi.] >He's about to tell her that it'll hurt a bit. But when >he sees her going nuts and looking a sadistic pervert hiding in a girls >locker room, he decides to just plow her. (Ranma starts making noises of a large tractor, whereas Vegetta makes several miscellaneous animal noises) >What's heard next is the >sound of a chastity belt getting broken. What does a chastity belt getting broken sound like? (has appeared beside Asuka and reaches for her pants) I don't know, let's find out. (HAMMERS him) KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF! >-=- >Jinnai: And as you can see, my dear Queen Diva, my plan to >conquer the kingdom and take over all of El Hazard is... Using the series of orgasms being produced by four certain people? >Jinnai's speech to the queen of Bugreom has been cut short by >the loud roar that swept across the plane. Wow. Vegetta was right. >Everyone present during his >speech was left in a state of confusion. (sarcastically) Big surprise. >Q_Diva: Now what kind of weapon are these fools testing now?! I think they refer to it as a "Mass Orgasm." (sarcastically) Thank you for pointing that out to us. >Jinnai: I believe it's just some loud moaning, your magesty. ^_^; Another OOC, Jinnai would never refer to ANYONE as majesty. >-=- >Knowing that they had just woke up half the population of El >Hazard, Makoto and Afura decided to just start with a 69. 69 position number three. What? Nothing. >Makoto >takes her wetning pussy and slurps along her slit as Afura tries to >practice what she has learned from a book about oral sex. So she DID have a book on Kama Sutra. >She licks >about the head of his cock, then puts the tip of it into her mouth. She >then takes her tongue and runs it along his length. Basically, if she's had any Dum-Dum's, that's about how far she's going. (Others snicker) >Makoto is starting >to feel a bit of heaven and tries to give the same feeling to her. He >opens her pussy up with a couple of his fingers and tries to stick his >tongue deep into her pussy. (as Makoto) Doh! It won't open! (ditto) We'll have to use the Jaws of Life. (Hammered in the face by Asuka) >This goes on for a while until the two lovers managed to get each >other off. Makoto came first, filling his love's mouth with his seed. The Assassin may be a bad writer but something tells me he's quite the gardner. (sarcastically) What gives you that idea? >Afura followed afterwards; her cum causing a total mess on his face as >he tried to get it into his mouth. I just saw X-Men, and their was this one part where Toad... (hit him) WE'VE SEEN THE MOVIE! >She looks back at him and giggles a >bit at the irony: "He knows how to handle machines, but he's unable to >withstand a tidal wave of womanhood." Shame it wasn't Qawool or Miz, we could have made a great joke. >The two lovers switch their positions. Afura is now laying on the >bed, spreading her moistening pussy lips wide and seductively waiting >for Makoto's manhood to enter. (Everyone starts humming the Jeopardy ending theme) >Being given a pleasing sight like that, >Makoto fails to disappoint. What about Shayla? You're not going to start that again, are you? >He lays on top of her and slides his cock >into her pussy. And then, starting slowly, he humps away at her. >Knowing how annoying it is to hear sex being made all over the >castle, they tried to be a bit quiet with their lovemaking. Heh, heh, yeah right. >But a couple >of loud moans end up escaping as they start going faster with their sex. How could they go faster between male and female? (others glare at him) Stupid joke! I know! >But then it was all over. Like any sex with a man. HEY! Waitaminute...how do you know? Well...I...uh...I was drunk! Oh... >They tried to make the night last as long >as they can, but they both end up coming at once. Afura's loud >moaning and her girl-cum gushing all over his manhood sends Makoto >over the edge and floods her with his own cum. (Asuka makes sounds af Afura drowning, everyone chuckles) >He soon collapses on >top of her. And after a nice kiss goodnight, they both fell straight to >sleep... Or at least Makoto. STOP DISSING OUR GENDER! It's bad enough that the other two make us sick with their exploding penis jokes! (to Ryoko) Really? (Ryoko grins and nods) >-=- >Miz and Fujisawa are now deep in their hibernation after a long night's >fucking. (as Steve Irwin) Now watch carefully as the sleeping bears snore quietly...listen. (Fatora and Ranma make sounds of what I like to call "chain stoking" or really loud snoring) >-=- >Fatora and Alielle are covered with their own secretions as they sleep. Uh huh...yummy. Ah...the good ol' days. >-=- >Nanami and Shayla^2 have earned a large amount of money that night >showcasing their bodies. I'd pay money to see that show. I'd give my spot on the throne. (whispers to her) She's mine. >-=- >Rune Venus, with whip and S&M attire, Great. If it isn't bad enough that she's Mr. Garrison in QUIT PINNING she's Ayeka in this one. Quit pinning? A fic that's twice as worse as this one. You have sex with Makoto. WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >decides to have a bi' o' fun >with Londs, wearing a look of horror on his face as well as the El- >Hazardian equivilant of a speedo. ......................... (staring in shock) And if seeing her screw Makoto wasn't bad... (ditto) ...she's going at it with that old fart. >-=- >Loud moaning can be heard all over Bugreom as Jinnai gives Queen >Diva the taste of a good Earthling man... Yeah...that's right, he left Diva out of the last one. And this worries you...? >-=- >Ifurita, not wanting to spend a long boring lifetime waiting for Makoto, BUT SHE DOES! >decides to have sex with the nearest men in this new land. (And they >just happened to be a couple of guys, No no no no no no no! >one wearing shades, who're >reading a book called "The Four Gods Heaven & Earth..." But that's >another story entirely.) Phew! Who would that be anyway? Himself? Wouldn't be surprised. _I_also know someone who would put themselves in a lemon scene with several beautiful women. SI! He's an SI! He's not me! >-=*=- >The sunshine passes through the window and hits Makoto in the >face, waking him up. *WA-POW!* (as Makoto) Geez, it didn't have to hit so hard. (others glare at him) >Wow, that was a great dream! (chuckle sinisterly) Look beside you. >He dreamt of >having sex with one of the three beautiful priestesses of Mouldune. Where? Common spelling error, don't worry about it. >He >imagined as he saw himself shooting his sperm all over the lovely... >Wait a minute! Sorry, haven't got a minute. It's over...it's almost over. >He looks to the side to find... 1/3 of said beautiful priestesses in >his bed. Oh my God! He cut her into three halves! (dully) You bastard. >And then he flings the sheet off to find that... Did he just had >sex with...? A third of a priestesses body? Great, now he's a necrophiliac. >Afura: Good morning, Makoto-san. >[SWIIINNG!!] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU BASTARD! (convulsing) The shwing! He brought the shwing back! DAMN YOU ASSASSIN! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ASUKA! (Asuka continues to convulse) >Makoto: Uh... Good morning, Afura... -san. Would you like a quick >fuck before breakfast? [I CAN'T BELIEVE I SAID THAT!!] NEITHER CAN WE! (has Asuka in his lap, patting her back) There there. >Afura: Why sure, Makoto-san. (Smiling.) >Oh well... With all logic thrown out the window, said quick fuck >has been had. And it was great! Oh, and so was breakfast afterwards. Damn you! You almost forgot the breakfast! And there's Ranma... >* * * * * * * * * * * >THE END Bought damn time! Joe, Asuka's feeling better now, you can put her down. (blushing) No no, she's still trembling. (Asuka quickly returns to normal and looks down at JS, one thing leads to another...) (dozens of bumps and slashes) Dammit Asuka! You were the one who climbed on my lap! (in a fighting stance with her mallet) Don't touch me. Well, I guess I'd better be getting back to Shayla and Nanami. Hold on...you're engaged to Alielle. I'm the princess, I can do anything I want. (quickly hustles out of the room) (tries to run after her but stops) Oh...DAMN ROYALTY! (while she's leaving) Can't win them all. ..................................Yes I can! (hustles out of the room) (Fatora is wandering aimlessly in a place which ISN'T El Hazard) Dammit...where am I? I went to the same place I came from. (there's a rustle in the bush) What's that? (The bushes part as a large, red ogre like-thing towers over Fatora, she stares in horror) Okk want hug! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *********** Another four fics MST'ed and I feel great! I apologize to Peter Suzuki, Ksawarrior, and the Psychomatic Poet for borrowing their jokes, and I hope they are reading and liking my stories. I also apologize to you readers if you had a hard time reading this. I'm not very good at adminestering fics yet.