Hello again, and welcome to Norad III, the MSTing Battlecruiser. As always, I do not own these characters, except for myself, and of course I don't own any characters in the MSTed fic. Megaman X belongs to Capcom, Washu Hibiki belongs to Pioneer, Meis Triumph belongs to Atlus and Red Company, Samus Aran belongs to Nintendo, and Captain Invictus of the Ultramarines First Company and Warhammer 40K belongs to Games Workshop. With that said, on to the descriptions of our heros, and then to the MST. Also, my spellcheck is broken, so there may be a few mistakes. You will also have to read my last MSTs to get some of the jokes in this one. NEVER FORGET 9-11-01 These are the tales of the crew of the Terran Battlecruiser Norad III. They were trapped there by Dr. Wily, who forces them to read bad fanfiction. And, just to give you an idea of what we look like, here are some descriptions. JS: Formerly a bald human seventeen-year-old, but was recently changed by Washu to have one attribute from each MST crew member. He now has an arm cannon called the J-Buster, a blue sword called the J-Saber, a helmet with ocular sensors in it, acid spit, and he didn't want anything from Meis. Megaman X: Last robot created by Dr. Light before his death. Leads the Maverick Hunters fourth unit, as Captain. Can interchange armor parts, and use a variety of weapons. Wearing the Ultimate Armor, a black and cool-looking armor that allows him to hover in midair, take lots of damage, and use a special Giga Attack. For this time around, armed with the weapons from Megaman X2. Samus Aran: A bounty hunter from deep into the galaxy, her family was killed in a space pirate attack. Wears a special suit of Power Armor that was built by the Chozo, or Bird-People. This version of the armor is the Varia suit. Armed with an array of different energy beams, that can charge up to become more powerful. Has optical sensors built into helmet for better sight in the dark. Hates all perverts, especially Meis. Washu Habuki: One of three Goddesses: Herself, Tokimi, and Tsunami. Self-proclaimed "Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe", and nobody except maybe Yume has the brains to contest that title. Wears her old Science Acadamy clothes, and is armed with her Holoputer. She is 20,000+ years old. Also has a small forcefield generator, because of a certain pervert's continued insults toward a certain purple-haired princess. Has her hair inside a hat, so that it doesn't catch on fire in case anyone decides to use fire weapons. Meis Triumph: Possibly the luckiest guy in the world. He has twelve beautiful women all falling for him, and he isn't afraid to date them all! Wears a cloak, white pants, and a brown shirt. Has his trusty W- Blade at his side, and also can call upon many powerful beasts of magic to aid him. (For example, if Samus was trying to kill him again, he would summon Aquoon, the water dragon.) Probably the biggest pervert in the world, and proud of it. Has a high threshold for pain, possibly because of the constant beatings he gets from the other MSTers. Captain Invictus of the Ultramarines First Company: From the year 40,000, is second-in-command of one of the most powerful Space Marine Chapters in the galaxy, the Ultramarines. They are one of humanity's greatest achievements. He is eight feet tall, wears a suit of Terminator Armor.(Very large, bulky suit of all-enclosing mechanical armor, increases senses and reaction time one-hundred-fold.) Armed with a Storm Bolter(Huge double-barreled gun with detonate-on-contact ammunition) and a glowing blue Power Sword.(four foot long blade, with a matter-disrupting field around it, basically allows him to cleave through anything) Has three hearts, four lungs, can spit acid, see in the dark, hear a pin drop from a thousand paces, run at speeds of up to thirty miles per hour, and is about the most loyal person to the Emperor of Humanity you can find. Also wearing an Iron Halo, which gives him a powerful forcefield. Well, everybody, it seems Wily wants us to do another MST. *Groan* Yeah, I know. It's a pisser, ain't it? So, what one is it this time? According to my readings, it's called, "ANIME DEATHMATCH: RANMA �, VS. TENCHI MUYO". (Eyes sparkling) REALLY? The one by Peter Suzuki? I LOVE that fic! Except for the part where he *******************. OOPS, wasn't supposed to say that! (Pulls out memory eraser and zaps the other MSTers) Huh? What was I saying again? Oh yeah, we're MSTing a Peter Suzuki fic. Who's he? Who is he?! WHO IS HE?!! (brown nose) He's only one of the best MSTers out there, not to mention a great fic writer! (Whispering to Invictus) What a suck-up. *BLAMBLAMBLAM* (Blowing smoke away from his J-Buster) I heard that, Meis. ^__^; Anyways, we should get going, before ol' not-so-tall, dark, and ugly shows his face. -----------Incoming Transmission----------- So, you really think that highly of me, Washu? >__<; Crap, he heard me! Just for that, you don't get any snacks to munch on! No, not that! Yes, that! (Thinking) Whew, I thought he was gonna eject me out an airlock or something. Well, everyone, grab your snacks and get in there. But Washu, no snacks for you! (All but Washu grab snacks and enter the theater) I can't believe I'm MSTing a Peter Suzuki fic! He's my idol! Well, him and KsaWarrior. (Sarcastically) Wow, what an honor. (Aiming J-Buster at Invictus's leg) Take that back or you'll have a stump. Okay, okay! Hey, anime fans! The question has popped up time and time again. "Who would win in a fight; Tenchi or Ranma?". Tenchi, hands down. I don't know, that Tiger Blaster thingie seems pretty powerful. Wanna make a little wager, then? Alright, you're on! I bet....my power sword! And I bet..hmm...a weapons chip! Whoa, high stakes, high stakes! Well, I have to tell you that I've been wondering that too. Sure Tenchi has the 'Wings Of The Light Hawk', but Ranma could just be tricky enough to find some way to bypass that. What if Ranma fought Tenchi in girl form? He'd probably pass out with a nosebleed. Sure Tenchi beat Kagato, Kain (abet with some help from his friends), and Yuzuha. But certainly Pantyhose Taro, Herb, and Saffron were no pushovers either. True, true. Sure Tenchi can put up with Ryoko and Ayeka (And survive), but Ranma has to put up with Akane (Nuf said). Yeah, with her cooking, every day is survival training! (A hammer comes out of nowhere and clobbers Meis) *KLONG* OW! Well, I'm here right now to solve the question of who would be the better fighter. And I'm going to do so as only I, PETER SUZUKI, can do. By brutal battles between the cast of both series, in an attempt to find out who are the better weirdoes. . . HEY! Who says I'm weird? (Raise hands) You don't count. Okay, which of you jerks put THAT in the cue card? (Snickers) Anyway, Peter Suzuki is (kinda) proud to present; ANIME DEATHMATCH: RANMA �, VS. TENCHI MUYO. (Mortal Kombat) It has begun... The series "Ranma �" is the work of Rumiko Takahashi, and "Tenchi Muyo" is owned by Pioneer LDC, and AIC. All rights are reserved to them, and I'm just borrowing the characters right now for some fun. (Oh, and if anyone else should show up, they are owned by other people too. Just to let you know. ^_^ ) And there's your standard disclaimer. Round 1. Ranma Saotome vs. Tenchi Masaki. Geez, he gets straight to the good parts, doesn't he? We are gathered in a large stadium, for this event. Thousands of people are in the stands, all of them shouting at the top of their lungs. Most are cheering for Tenchi to win. The rest are either telling Ranma that if he wins this he will die, or that if he does not win this he will die. Either way, he dies! Ranma is currently stretching his limbs, getting ready for the fight. He's gotta be a relative of Gumby's. Tenchi seems to be saying a prayer for a short, painless battle. FAT CHANCE! The referee announces for the two combatants to take their places, at the center of the arena. "GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!" What the hell? Don't look at me! Tenchi and Ranma both walk over to the referee, who is at the center of the arena. "What did you just say?" Tenchi and Ranma both ask the referee. That's what we'd like to know. The referee does not answer, and turns away leaving the two confused teens, at the center of the arena. Tenchi and Ranma both shrug, and take fighting stances toward each other. ROUND ONE, FIGHT!! They are about to attack when *SPLASH!!!* Ranma is suddenly drenched in ice cold, soda. Now THAT'S Ranma's luck for ya. A bunch of slightly older teenagers, in the stands behind Ranma, are laughing at the boy, now turned girl. "Get out of here, Saotome!!" Shouts one of them. "Yeah, this is supposed to be a 'Man-To-Man' battle! No GIRLS allowed!!" jeers another. Um, how did they know he turns into a girl when splashed with cold water? "Grrrrr. . . FIERCE TIGER DOMINEERING BLAST!!!!!" Shouts Ranma, launching her chi attack at the offending boys. After three seconds, all that is left of rows five through nine, and consequently the offending boys, is a smoldering hole. O__O;;; Whoa, that was harsh. I'll say. Maybe we should recall our bet? (Grinning) Not a chance in hell. Ranma, in front of the entire shock-frozen audience, takes off her shirt to ring out the cold soda from it. "Stupid, pig-headed, Does he have an electrified pig fetish like that other author? STOP INSULTING PETER! no good, rotten, butt-faced, O__o; How can you be "butt-faced"? Like this! >)(< O__O!!! How did you do that? (Xelloss) ^__^ THAT, is a secret! squirrel for brains, perverts! I think Akane has rubbed off onto him. Sometimes I wonder if Akane was RIGHT about guys." Ranma quickly put her shirt back on, and faced Tenchi. "Now then, where were. . . we?" Tenchi has fainted, and blood is still streaming out of his nose. NOOOO! GET UP! Hey, I was right! Ranma stares in confusion, as Tenchi falls forward, with a *thunk!* A majority of the crowd boos, BOO! as Ranma is declared the winner. "Geez. I guess that guy's not been eating right, or something." Said Ranma. WINNER: Ranma. Grumble grumble. Here's your weapons chip, as promised. ^__^ YAY! What does this one do? It's called, "Rising Fire". It allows you to shoot fireballs from your fists straight upwards. COOL! (Shoots fireballs) WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?! WE JUST REPAIRED THE HULL BREACH FROM WHEN I MUTATED! YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE ANOTHER HOLE! ^__^; Oops, sorry. Round 2. Akane Tendo vs. Ryoko Habuki. (Sarcastically) Gee, I wonder who'll win. (put finger to chin as if thinking hard) Akane and Ryoko stand at opposite ends of a boxing ring. (Judge Mills Lane) I want a good, clean fight. Let's get it on! "I can handle her." says Akane, with more than a little confidence. "Are you sure, Akane?" asks Akane's eldest sister, Kasumi. "She looks really tough." Oh, she's just the most wanted space pirate in the galaxy. (Sarcastically) Sure, you can take her! "So what? She doesn't even know martial arts. This will be easy." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "Sure, Akane." says Akane's other sister, Nabiki. "Now just sign your name here." Nabiki holds out a piece of paper, and a pen. Knowing Nabiki, it's a will. Akane picks up the paper, and starts looking it over. "What's this?" "It's your will, to your next of kin." Answers Nabiki. Yeah, who called it? Akane tosses the paper back at Nabiki, along with the pen. The pen misses hitting Nabiki, and goes flying into the audience. There is a scream of pain heard from the audience, but no one takes any notice of it. (Person) GAH! MY EYE! YOU HIT ME IN MY FREAKIN' EYE! Anyway, Akane and Ryoko turn toward each other, as the referee walks to the center of the ring, to tell the two combatants to go to the center of the ring. "GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!" That's really starting to get on my nerves. Akane and Ryoko walk to the center of the ring. "What did you just say?" Akane and Ryoko both ask the referee. The referee does not answer, and turns away leaving the two confused women, at the center of the arena. Akane and Ryoko both shrug, and take fighting stances. "I'm going to kick your butt across Japan!" shouted Akane. "HA! Give it your best shot, little gir-*WHAM!!*" Ryoko is cut off, as Akane's mallet collides with the space pirate's face. (Announcer 1) First blood goes to Akane! Wasn't that a good one, Jim? (Announcer 2) Yes, that's gotta hurt. And what did I say about calling me Jim? "HA!" Akane smiles, smugly. "Looks like I wi- *CRUNCH!!*" OH NO! Did Ryoko crush her skull? I want to know who's been letting him watch "Superman"! Akane looks in horror as Ryoko crushes the mallet with her bare hands, Oh, that's all. and glares at Akane. Ryoko grabs Akane by her shirt, and picks her up into the air. Ryoko then starts twirling Akane above her head. "Around, and around, and away you GO!!!" Ryoko flings Akane into the air, and out of the area, into the sky, and out of the camera's field of vision. To coin a horribly made mockery of an anime show, "Akane's blasting off agaaaaaaaaaain!" WINNER: Ryoko. DUH! ROUND 3: Ryoga Hibiki, vs. Mihoshi Kuramitsu. This is going to be messy. Oh no, this is the one I don't like! The setting for this battle is at a football field. All of a sudden, the entire Patriots team comes onto the field and stomps all over Mihoshi, ending the battle abruptly. You don't like Mihoshi? Doesn't it show? The two combatants do not seem to be paying attention to each other, ---And Ryoga takes a few steps and winds up somehow in L.A. Oh come on. His sense of direction can't be THAT bad. You obviously have never seen any Ranma episodes, have you? Well, I have seen a few.. as Mihoshi is currently checking her bazooka (You know, that giant gun she uses from time to time, that isn't supposed to be loaded, yet somehow manages to fire and destroy stuff, anyway), *sigh* Yes, I know what you're talking about. and Ryoga seems to be having an argument with some of the judges, who are in the bleachers sipping potato whisky, and singing off key. . . Ryoga does not know that last part, because he can neither see, nor hear them. Did that make sense to you? (Shake their heads) The referee walks to the center of the field, to tell the two combatants to go to the center of the field. Here we go again. "GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!" ARGH! All eyes nervously turn toward the referee, who simply does not answer, and walks away. Everyone shrugs, and went back to what they were doing. Ryoga continues complaining to the judges. "I will NOT fight a girl, you hear me!!! It is amoral, unchivalrous, and just plainly something that I DO NOT DO!!! OH NO! Here comes the part I hate! (Covers eyes) And if you can't understand that, then *BLAM!!!*" "And if you can't understand that, then BLAM?" What does that mean. Oh, you'll find out soon enough. Ryoga was suddenly silenced by a plasma blast, from behind. ........ Peter.he.he..couldn't. He wouldn't. Well guess what? He just did! "Oops! I guess the safety WASN'T on." Observed Mihoshi, Now she's gone too far! She can destroy my lab, she can screw everything she touches up, but she does NOT have the right to KILL! as she let go of the trigger, and looked to see what damage was done. She saw that she accidentally made a rather large hole in the bleachers, And she also saw the remnants of Ryoga. (Sobbing) It...gets worse. How could it possibly get any worse? but did not see anyone injured. She did however see a pile of roasted pork-chops, on the ground in front of the hole, that smelled absolutely delicious. O__O!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD! DON'T TOUCH THEM! As she started munching on one of the pork-chops, CANNIBAL! CANNIBAL! Well, technically, she's not a human, so it wouldn't be cannibalism. We don't need your brains right now, thank you very much. she wondered where her opponent went. He was there, just a minute ago. She CAN'T be THAT dumb. Oh, believe me, she is. WINNER: Mihoshi. ROUND 4. Azusa Shiratori, vs. Misaki Jurai. It's the end of the world as we know it! The scene for this battle is a poorly lit section of what looks to be a large shopping mall. Good-bye, pet store! The two combatants are nowhere to be found at the moment, and murmurs from the audience state that the combatants have not been seen since the fight was set up. The referee walks to the center of the field, to tell the two combatants to go to the center of the field. "GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!" The mannequins in the store windows nervously turn toward the referee, who simply does not answer, and walks away. The mannequins are alive?! I think it was to further the joke, dear. And if you say, "You called me dear!", I'll turn you into a water sprite. The mannequins shrugged, and went back to mannequining. For a few moments, nothing happens. Then *CRASH* *WHAM* *OOH! SO CUTE!!!* Horror of horrors! Misaki and Azusa exit out of store windows, each holding several miscellaneous items in their arms, and running at full speed into other stores. Shiratori crashes into a 'Kay Bee, Toys'. Moments later, dozens of 'Furbys' can be heard, claiming to be dying, and incapable of breathing. (Furby) GOODBYE, CRUEL WORLD! Misaki rushes into a pet shop. Just a few moments later several animals can be heard, being crushed to death. Ewwwwww. If she hurt any hamsters, I'll kill her! Why do you like hamsters so much? I prefer guinea pigs! Because, one, I'm allergic to guinea pigs, and two, I have a seven-year-old dwarf hamster. What's so special about that? (Proudly) They're only supposed to live to be two and a half. O__O! "Who was the idiot that decided to have the battle HERE?" asks someone in the audience. Unfortunately, this got the attention of the two 'combatants'. Ohboy. Misaki and Azusa both look toward the audience, who all consecutively get large sweatdrops on the back of their heads, ---Which then floods the mall, drowning everybody. and then calmly exit the battle area. Now THIS part I like. "GYAA!!! THE'RE LOOKING THIS WAY!!! RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! HELP ME!!! HELP ME!!! MOMMY!!! WHERE ARE YOU MOMMY!?!?! TOSHI, YOU'RE FIFTY YEARS OLD, SO STOP CALLING FOR YOUR MOMMY, ALREADY!!! O__o; ^__^ HAHAHAHAHA! AAH!!! GODZILLA!!! MOOO!!! HEE-HAW!!! HEE-HAW!!! QUACK!!! QUACK!!! I don't recall turning anyone into a water sprite. ^__^ HAHAHAHAHA! QUICKLY, LOAD THEM UP, TWO BY TWO!!! THE END IS UPPON US!!! The only thing I don't like is that one spelling mistake. WE ARE ALL DOOMED!!! HELP!!! NEIL, DID YOU EAT YOUR CHUNKY SOUP!?!?! (Neil) No, mother! HELP ME!!! OH GOD, I THINK THE'RE COMMING Okay, two spelling mistakes. THIS WAY!!! FEETS DON'T FAIL ME NOW!!! THE CHAMPAGNE'S NOT CORBELL!!! AAH!!! GODZILLA!!! YOU ALREADY SAID THAT! GOD SAVE BILL GATES!!! Why would you want to do that? CROOOOOW!!! EEA, IE, EEA, IE, OH!!! SENATOR SONNY BONO, WHITE CURTOSY PHONE!!! SENATOR SONNY BONO, WHITE CURTOSY PHONE!!! ...... id he make this after his death? I'm not sure. AAH!!! GODZILLA!!! OOH, EE, OOH, AH, AH!!! TING TANG, WALLA WALLA BING BANG! OUCH!!! YOU STEPPED ON MY FOOT!!! WELL THEN WALK ON THE BOTTOMS!!! BA-DA-BUMP!!! That was a joke? MAYDAY!!! MAYDAY!!! WHERE'S MY BABY!?!?! WHERE'S MY BABY!?!?! YOU'RE STANDING ON ME, MOM!!! I guess the question is...how could you not know they were standing on someone else? It has the same principle as Mihoshi eating someone else. WILL THE PERSON DRIVING THE BROWN PINTO PLEASE GO TO THE PARKING LOT, YOUR CAR IS ON FIRE!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I love that! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, PEOPLE!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! THAT DOOR SAYS 'PULL' YOU Retard! Jackass! son of a bug! Schmoe! Maverick! Idiot! FOOL!!!" Oh. And before you can say, We're not even going to bother this time. "GYAA!!! THE'RE LOOKING THIS WAY!!! RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! HELP ME!!! HELP ME!!! MOMMY!!! WHERE ARE YOU MOMMY!?!?! TOSHI, YOU'RE FIFTY YEARS OLD, SO STOP CALLING FOR YOUR MOMMY, ALREADY!!! AAH!!! GODZILLA!!! MOOO!!! HEE-HAW!!! HEE-HAW!!! QUACK!!! QUACK!!! QUICKLY, LOAD THEM UP, TWO BY TWO!!! THE END IS UPPON US!!! WE ARE ALL DOOMED!!! HELP!!! NEIL, DID YOU EAT YOUR CHUNKY SOUP!?!?! HELP ME!!! OH GOD, I THINK THE'RE COMMING THIS WAY!!! FEETS DON'T FAIL ME NOW!!! THE CHAMPAGNE'S NOT CORBELL!!! AAH!!! GODZILLA!!! GOD SAVE BILL GATES!!! CROOOOOW!!! EEA, IE, EEA, IE, OH!!! SENATOR SONNY BONO, WHITE CURTOSY PHONE!!! SENATOR SONNY BONO, WHITE CURTOSY PHONE!!! AAH!!! GODZILLA!!! OOH, EE, OOH, AH, AH!!! OUCH!!! YOU STEPPED ON MY FOOT!!! WELL THEN WALK ON THE BOTTOMS!!! BA-DA-BUMP!!! MAYDAY!!! MAYDAY!!! WHERE 'S MY BABY!?!?! WHERE'S MY BABY!?!?! YOU'RE STANDING ON ME, MOM!!! WILL THE PERSON DRIVING THE BROWN PINTO PLEASE GO TO THE PARKING LOT, YOUR CAR IS ON FIRE!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, PEOPLE!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! THAT DOOR SAYS 'PULL' YOU FOOL!!!", Is it over? Yes, finally. everyone in the stands exited the area, leaving just a camera facing Azusa and Misaki, who are now standing in the middle of the path, between the shops. Good-bye, camera! "Where did everybody go?" Misaki and Azusa both asked at the same time. They then turned toward the camera, that was still facing them. "OOH! SO CUTE!!!" They then rush at the camera. We suddenly see Misaki's armpit, then darkness. There is a sudden *CRUNCH!*, and we loose video feed. There goes one expensive piece of equipment. Y'know, I always wondered; why didn't they turn to each other, say "Oh so cute!" and kill themselves? The world may never know. WINNER: Do YOU want to go back, and find out?!? ROUND 5. Ayeka Jurai vs. Ukyo Kuonji. Good-bye, Ukyo. I don't know, if she can get inside her forcefield, she can smack Ayeka around a LOT. Key phrase being, "get inside her forcefield". The setting for this fight is at a tennis court, This is one big-ass stadium! with the spectators seated in the bleachers. The two combatants are at opposite ends of the court, readying for combat. The net is removed, and the referee walks to the center of the court, to tell the two combatants to also go to the center of the court. "GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!" *KA-WHUBBA!!!* I think something killed him. Let's hope so. Ayeka and Ukyo walk to the center of the court, and nervously inspect the 6 X 4 X 3.5 Buddha statue that crushed the referee. HALLELUJAH! "MOM! Why the hell did you do that for?!" said a woman in the audience, who had very spiky, cyan colored hair. (Sarcastically) Gee, I wonder who that could be? "Because that joke was getting really old, Ryoko dear." Replies a much shorter woman, with even more spiky, crab-red hair. (Turn to Washu) You use Buddha statues to kill people? NO! Remember, this is just a fic! Washu types on her keyboard a bit, and a large portal opens up under the statue/crushed referee, thus removing the obstruction from the court. Ukyo and Ayeka both shrug, and the fight commences. Suddenly; Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's that tomboy from the Ranma �! (Worm from Worms Armageddon) HERE SHE COOOOMES!!!! Akane falls from the air, with the greatest of ease, and lands on Ayeka. "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *WHAM*!!!" Akane's impact sent her and the Jurian princess to the bottom of a human shaped crater. SPLAT! "Hey, I got good hang time with her." said Ryoko, Yeah, that was pretty amazing. from the bleachers. Suddenly, two large floating logs, one marked with a blue marking, the other marked with a similar red marking, appear next to the crater. "Oh my god! She killed Ayeka!!!" exclaims the blue marked one. "You bastard!!!" exclaims the red marked one. Stupid, stupid, STUPID guardians! Akane pulls herself out from the hole she just made, and glares at Azaka and Kamidake. "What . . . did . . . you . . . call . . . ME!?!?!" Here is Azaka and Kamidake before insulting Akane. ( () () And here is Azaka and Kamidake after they insult Akane. ( <> <> "Uh-oh." Say both guardians at the same time, gaining large sweatdrops on the back of their heads. Akane pulls out a bright, shiny, brass mallet, and chases after the two flying logs, intent on showing them how her new mallet can violently force large pieces of wood straight into the ground. And thus, our thesis is proven! O__o; "THE WINNER; UKYO!!!" Announces the announcer. Ryoko teleports over to the crater, and looked down the hole. "Yo, princess. You okay?" A faint voice can be heard from the hole. "Miss Ryoko, I presently have soil in my ears. Could you please lean a bit further toward me, so I could understand you?" Ryoko leans more toward the hole. "I said; Yo, princess. You o- GACK!!!" Ayeka is now currently gripping Ryoko's neck, and shaking the former pirate 's head like a rattle. Ayeka's a baby! Ayeka's a baby! (Logs) *KRRZZZAAAAAP!* PAIN! After a minute of this, Ayeka attempts to crack Ryoko's head open, to get at the nutty filling. I'm allergic to nuts. You're allergic to everything, aren't you? =__= Pretty much. Ukyo is paying no attention to this whatsoever, as she just realized that she had to now thank Akane for helping her to win. WINNER: Ukyo. ROUND 6. Shampoo (Cat form) vs. Ryo-oh-ki (Cabbit form) This should be good. The two combatants face each other, trying to make each other angry. "Nyao!! Meroow!! Hisss!!" said Shampoo. "Miyaaa!!! Merouyaaa!!!" replies Ryo-oh-ki. We'd translate what they were saying, but there may be younger viewers watching, uh reading this. The signal to start the fight is about to start, but suddenly a cry rings through the air. "POKEBALL GO!!!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! KILL IT! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!! (Starts shooting maniacally at the screen) A red and white ball rebounds off of Shampoo, and sucks her up into the ball. "Who would've thought that we would find pokemon around here?" said a young boy, with a red baseball cap. Next to the boy is a large yellow mouse with a lightning bolt shaped tail, a young girl with her red hair tied into a ponytail on one side of her head, and a slightly older young man who's eyes are abnormally squinted. EVIL! Isn't that Peter's line? Either his or Ksa's, but everyone has their bane, and mine is *shudder* Pokemon. And also Sasami lemon writers. I HATE PEDOPHILES! "I don't think I've seen a cat pokemon like that, Ash." Gee, maybe because it's not a Pokemon. Says the girl. Suddenly, Shampoo breaks out of the Pokeball, and glares angrily at the three people who tried to capture her in that ball. Where did these people come from, anyway? This was the third time today that someone tried to capture her in one of those balls. It's a rough life. Well, she would show these three not to mess with her. Ash, Misty, Pikachu, and Brock ran for their lives, from the rage driven cat that was trying to reduce them to scratching posts. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor electric mouse pokemon would keep Shampoo from extracting her revenge. So, Shampoo's now a mailwoman gone postal? Ryo-oh-ki got a large sweatdrop on the back of her head, as she watched what happened. Suddenly, a net dropped over her, and she was quickly strung into the air. "BAH, amateurs!" Said a handsome young man, with dark blue hair, who was also holding the net. Aw crap, not THEM! What's so bad about Team Rocket? You obviously never had a younger sister who loves Pokemon. I have had that STUPID motto of theirs stuck in my head for the rest of my days now, thanks to that damn show! Well, I've made up my OWN motto for them! To infect the world with retardation! To spread our idiocy to every nation! To-- *THWACKTHWACKBLAMBLAMBLAMKLONGPOWCHICKENBONK* PRETTY STARS!(Falls unconcious) "To think that those meddling kids would take the chance of loosing a new cat type pokemon, by capturing it in a regular Pokeball." Said a tall, beautiful, red hared young woman. No, she's an ugly ghoul! "WE, on the other hand, take no chances of loosing it." I hope he means "LOSING" it. "That, and you's guys are too poor to even afford a regular Pokeball." Comments a odd looking, talking cat, with a gold coin attached to its forehead. "Shut up, Meowth." Said the man and woman. "Make me." said Meowth. CAN DO! No entering the fic! Crap. Well, they did not notice, but Ryo-oh-ki was as mad as hell, and she was not going to take it anymore. Taking a cue from 'Tenchi In Tokyo' (Shin Tenchi Muyo), (Starts glowing red) I HATE SHIN TENCHI! BURN! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*KLONG* (Puts hammer away) You're not going demon on us again. Ryo-oh-ki transformed into ROBO-OH-KI!!!!!!! *KLONG* OW! I wasn't going to do it! Just making sure. She easily broke out of the net, when she changed from a simple cabbit, into a large, pink, --stupid looking, gay, ugly, satanic-- robot warrior. Team Rocket watches in horror as ROBO-OH-KI!!!!!!! cracks her knuckles ominously, and with a roaring battle cry of "MIYA!!!", goes into action. *CRASH* *WHAM* *BAM* *BODYSLAM* *RANDOM* *NOISE* *OF* *ROBO-OH-KI* *GETTING* *MIDEVIL* *ON* *TEAM* *ROCKET'S* *BOOTOX* *BOOOOOOOM* Oh, very clever. Normally, I'd tell you to stop, but until he stops using Pokemon and Shin Tenchi, I'll let things slide. "LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET IS BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAaaaaaaain . . . ." Okay, that takes care of ONE problem... WINNER: To be continued. ROUND 7. Cologne vs. Katsuhito (Yosho) Masaki. ATTACK OF THE WRINKLES! We arrive in the dark arena where the battle is already in progress. The fight had already gone on for many hours, and there was seemingly no end in sight. It was an intense struggle to see who was the fastest, the strongest, the cleverest, and the best at the art of combat. So, what is it? Boxing? Kung-fu? Sword fighting? Karate? A good ol' fashioned shoot-out? Well?! What is it? "Got any twos?" asked Cologne. "Go fish." Said Katsuhito. (Facefault) GO FISH?! Yes everybody, this is the most intense battle we have seen so far. Who will come out the victor? How will there be any conclusion to this battle? WHAT will be the conclusion of this battle? What will happen if there is a tie? Will they bring a foreign object into the ring? Neil, did you eat your chunky soup? AGH! One of the silly quotations ran away and took up residence in this paragraph! Who wrote the book of love? ^__^ I did! Why the hell am I writing this? Who removed the fourth wall? What is the meaning of life? And the most important question of all "Got any threes?" Will Cologne have any threes?!?!? "Sure, here." The withered prune on a-uh, Yeah, he might want to rephrase that. I mean the leader of the Chinese Amazon tribe, obviously did not realize that she had just literally thrown the battle away. Katsuhito added the card to the one he had in his hand, and slammed them down on the table. "WINNER, MASAKI!!!" I would've lost, if I were him. Why? You'll see. announced the announcer over the loud speaker. In a calm and mature manner, Katsuhito stood up, and started doing a victory dance. All the while saying "Nyah-Nyah!! I win!! You loose!! Ha-Ha!!" Yes, but did she LOSE? Cologne shrugs, puts down the rest of her cards, and jumps into Katsuhito's arms, saying "AIREN!! WU AI NE!!" >__< Ewwwwww. Told ya. Katsuhito's scream was the scream heard around the world. I would've killed myself right then and there. WINNER: Katsuhito (technically) ROUND 8. Hikaru Gosunkugi vs. Kain. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (Recovering) Oh, this'll be short. In this corner, weighing at roughly two thousand gallons, considering that he is technically an aqueous life form, and standing at seven feet, two inches tall, the A-1 class criminal, Kain!!! And over here, in this corner, an absolute NOBODY! And in this corner, weighing at ninety seven pounds, one ounce, at the height of a little over four and a half feet, standing in a puddle of his own piss, with a snot bubble in his nose, and tears streaming down his face, the challenger, Hikaru Gosunkugi!!! EXACTLY! WINNER: Kain. There wasn't even a need for a one-second battle report. ROUND 9. Shampoo vs. Ryo-oh-ki, again. (Shampoo) *SQUISH* We are back in the previous battle area between the two combatants. Shampoo wipes the last few bits of Ash from her claws, ...... SHE'S A CANNIBAL TOO?! Well, it never actually said she ATE them.. and readies for the attack. Ryo-oh-ki changes back to cabbit form, and does likewise. They are about to attack, when a loud noise was heard. The noise of two people crashing through a brick wall. "OOOH!!! SO CUTE!!!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! Ryo-oh-ki and Shampoo both stare in horror for a few moments, and then scramble away as fast as they can. They are quickly followed by a woman with dark blue hair, and a brown hared girl in a pink dress. "Josephine!! Josephine!!" "Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty!!!" "NYOOOW!!!!!" "MIYAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Goodbye, Shampoo and Ryo-ohki. WINNER: Misaki and Azusa. Of course. ROUND 10. Kiyone Makabe vs. Happosai. "HELP!!! HELP!!! GET IT OFF OF ME!!! GET IT OFF OF ME!!! HELP!!!" Well, what do you expect? WINNER: Happosai. ROUND 11. Washu Habuki vs. Ranma Saotome. "HELP!!! HELP!!! GET IT OFF OF ME!!! GET IT OFF OF ME!!! HELP!!!" WINNER: Washu. (Look at Washu) Was he a boy...or a girl when you did that? >__<* LEAVE ME OUTTA THIS! Besides, I wouldn't just jump on him. I'd grab him, take him to my lab, and THEN jump on him! (All but Washu facefault) ROUND 12. Soun Tendo & Genma Saotome vs. Azaka & Kamidake. (Bart Simpson) SMASHY SMASHY! The battle arena is pretty much empty. Only the two teams of combatants are at the center. Azaka and Kamidake look worse for wear, many mallet dents still in their surfaces. Well, looks like Akane got medievel on their asses. Meis, they don't HAVE asses. Soun and Genma actually look thoughtful. "You know, Tendo. I've been thinking." Why does Shampoo have blue hair, while everyone else has normal colored hair? Well, except for female Ranma. "Oh, then please by all means continue, Saotome." "Remember when the master used to have us train by forcing us to make firewood, by smashing tree stumps into smaller pieces?" Azaka and Kamidake get large sweatdrops on the backs of their upper portions. They do not like where this conversation is going. (Genma, to Azaka and Kamidake) ^__^ Hello firewood! (Azaka) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! "Ah, yes. We must've gone through hundreds of trees, before the master would let us finally warm ourselves by the fire." "So, I was wondering. If we did all of that, and we are even more stronger than we were back then, then why should this be a hard battle for us?" Aren't Azaka and Kamidake something OTHER than wood? Like metal or something? After all, they DO have circuitry. "Good point, Saotome." "Uh-oh." Say both Azaka and Kamidake, at the same time. "GET EM!!!" Soun and Genma both try to strike at the rapidly retreating guardians. " 'This'll be easy' you said! 'They can't possibly be as bad as that girl with the hammer' you said!" Well, you were WRONG! "Just hush up, and keep running!!!" I never knew Azaka and Kamidake had legs. The two logs were chased right out of the arena. WINNER: Soun and Genma. ROUND 13. Washu Habuki vs. Happosai. "HELP!!! HELP!!! GET IT OFF OF ME!!! GET IT OFF OF ME!!! HELP!!!" The scene for this fight is in Washu's lab. Washu is standing behind a desk, with Happosai strapped to a metal table in the background. Okay, maybe he won't touch me after all. "Good evening." Says Washu. "For those of you just joining us, our previously scheduled experiment of examining the anatomy of a toad, has been canceled for . . ." A TOAD?! A FREAKIN' TOAD?! I'd be dissecting a Gagutian or something interesting like that! But aren't they extinct? "WOO HOO!!! EXAMENE ME BABY!!! OUCH. That was painful. He misspelled "examine". Take my temperature! Take a sperm sample! (Throw up) I needed a checkup, cutie pie!" yells Happosai from the background. I hope my fic self kills him. Washu turns several shades of green, that clash with the color of her hair, and tries to continue. My fic self managed to keep her stomach in check. " . . . obvious reasons, and will not be done ever again if I can help it." Happosai gives a disappointed groan from the background. "So instead, I shall be doing a cooking lesson today." Washu puts on a chef's hat. BAM! "Ooo! I bet I'm the main course, yeah baby?" says Happosai. Washu tries desperately to keep her smile. "Today, we shall be learning to make 'Chard Pervert Flambe'. He misspelled "charred". Every author is allowed a few mistakes, okay? First, take one pervert." "I'm not ONE pervert! I am THE pervert, sweet-cheeks!" (Pulls out rocket launcher) NEVER call me "sweet cheeks"!!! *SCREEEEEEEEEEBOOOOOM!* "And dump him into your incendiary furnace." Washu pulls a lever, sending Happosai down a hole. BURN! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (To Invictus, as Homer Simpson) I think Washu's gone a little crazy. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaah!!!" *FOOOOOOOM!!!* A large gout of flame from the hole, signals the end of the pervert. HALLELUJAH! "That concludes the lesson for today. Tomorrow we'll-" "Hey!!! You tried to kill me!!! I've fallen!!! And I'm badly burned!!!" ACK! He's still alive! Okay, so that was not the end of him. *THUD!!!* That was. As we were saying, HALLELUJAH! "Ahem. Tomorrow we'll go through the importance of a portable dimensional portal system, as well as the advantages of having large stone statues around your lab." BUDDHA BUDDHA BUDDHA! O__o; WINNER: Washu. ROUND 14. Tatewaki Kuno vs. Ryo-oh-ki. (Kuno) SQUISH! This battle takes place in a grand arena. Although the stands were packed, they were now somewhat empty, O__o Huh? (Turning to Washu) Did that make any sense to you? Not a lick. as members of the audience started leaving for some reason. Kuno and Ryo-oh-ki, both in humanoid form, were at the center of the arena. Kuno was still making his beginning speech, and going on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on . . . As any Kuno should. "No one shall stand in the way of my might, for I am the spirit of the warriors past, the ultimate of the times, the best of the best of the best. I am he who shall smite all darkness from this world. I blah blah blah, big word, blah blah, really big word, blah blah blah, yakity smackity, blah (NOTE: Rather than subject you all to the rest of this speech, I'll just skip to the end. Is that okay with all of you?) THE BLUE THUNDER OF FURINKAN HIGH!!!!" *KRACK-KA-BOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!* And the lightning bolt strikes Ryo-ohki and frys her to a crispy brown. The sound of the lightning scares Ryo-oh-ki awake, and unintentionally set off her personal defense system. I never knew I installed a security system into Ryo-ohki. A laser beam shoots from the jewel on her forehead, reducing the Blue Thunder, into a pile of Black Soot. Okay, so it was the complete opposite of what I said. What a spectacular name change. *BEYOOOOOOOU* *ding* And he is done. Various members of the Ranma � cast, and the Tenchi Muyo cast rush to the scene. "OH MY GOD!!! SHE KILLED KUNO!!!" screams Nabiki. (Nabiki) Kuno baby! "HOW CAN WE EVER REPAY YOU!?!?!" says Akane, to Ryo-oh-ki. You would've thought they would say that about Happosai. Ryo-oh-ki pulls a wooden sign out of nowhere. [Carrots! Lots and lots of carrots!] Meanwhile, Ranma is talking to Tenchi. "Look, I didn't realize you were so sensitive about that sort of thing." Says Ranma. "Okay, just don't do that again." Says Tenchi. "My doctor says that I'm suffering from too much blood loss as it is. Hey, want a pork-chop?" O__O! CANNIBAL! "Hey, thanks. Where'd you get em?" "Oh, Mihoshi said she found them somewhere." "Lucky girl." says Ranma. "She finds free food just lying around, and I can't hide the lunch Akane made for me, to save my life." That's one deeeead Ranma. "OH, SO YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HID THE LUNCH I MADE FOR YOU!!!!" says Akane. GOODBYE! "Uh-oh." Would be the last thing Ranma would say for awhile. *WHAMMO!!!* I thought it would be *KA-WHUBBA* or something like that. "Honestly, he can be such a jerk, sometimes." Grumbles Akane. Sometimes? I thought she would've said ALL the time! "Uh, want a pork-chop?" says Tenchi, a large sweatdrop on the back of his head. >__< I think...I'm gonna be sick.... "Thanks." Says Akane. As she eats the pork-chop, it reminds her of something she was wondering earlier. O__O! (Throw up) (Recovering) I could barely handle the others eating Ryoga-chops, but AKANE?! That's going a bit too far. "Oh, by the way. Have you seen my pet pig anywhere? Small, black, wares a yellow bandanna, He used the wrong "wears". answers to the name of P-Chan?" "No, can't say that I have." Replies Tenchi, before taking a bite out of the pork-chop. Technically- We know, he's HALF human. End. THANK GOD IT'S OVER! Stop insulting Peter! AUTHOR'S NOTES: Actually I was inspired to write this when I read about another short Fan Fic about a battle between Tenchi and Ranma. I'm guessing Tenchi won. In that one, Tenchi won (Strutting around) Oh yeah, who called it?! *BLAM* OW! If I ever see you strut around like that again, your foot is not the only thing that's going to have a hole in it! the battle when Ryoko knocked Ranma out by hitting him on the head with a foreign object (Mayuka) . . . That movie SUCKED! It was horribly drawn! I guess that would mean sometimes stupid stories are inspired by other stories. But this one wasn't stupid! Well, except for the barbecued Ryoga bits. Okay, I admit that I'm feeling sorry about that last MST that I recently did. Just because some of the jokes are similar, in other MST's, I got a complaint. I'll hunt'em down! Well, that got me considering the fact that I really had no stories of my own that were MSTd. Because of this, I'm actually publishing this short Fic, with this notice. NOTICE: I decree that this Fic is probably the stupidest, dumbest, and most off beat Fic that I have ever allowed to be posted. NO! IT WAS GOOD! READ MY FREAKIN' LIPS! Someone, ANYONE, please MST this thing. Done that. Spencer, Shade, Brian, the guy who said bad things about "A Secret Confession", MST THIS DARN FIC!!! Team Rocket EVIL! makes an unscheduled guest appearance!! That's got to be worth a joke or two!!! Wait! Where are you going!? Don't leave!!! TOO BAD! I'm serious! I'd MST it myself, but my group would kill me in the first act, It's true. His group includes Ranma and Ayeka. I pity him, I really do. and besides I want to see some one else do it!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!! And there you have it. This will be up for grabs, to all who wish to try their hand at MSTing it. We already did! Have fun. ^_^ ALREADY DID!!! Peter Suzuki. MY IDOL! ----------All exit the theater---------- So, everyone, how did you like it? I KILLED HAPPOSAI! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! It was very nicely made, very few mistakes, but I still don't like the BBQ'ed Ryoga parts. Yeah, I didn't like those parts either. 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