(Sasami, dressed in a professor's robes and hat, comes onto the stage
carrying a small baton and remote control. She sets these on the podium and
smiles at her audience.)

SASAMI: Good afternoon, minna-san! (bows) Welcome back to Cuteness College,
where we teach you how to deal with life in an adorable and nondestructive
manner. Today, we answer mail. (Picks up letter and begins to read aloud.)
"Dear Cuteness College, my family and I keep getting bugged by those stupid
paparazzi. How do we deal with them? Signed, Little Freedom in London."
(Smiles reassuringly at the camera, giving the impression that she's
looking directly at "Little Freedom in London.") Well, Little Freedom, I
think we have just the solution for you. (Holds up remote control and points
at screen behind her.) Here is what you need: one giant cabbit. (Picture of
a Corolla-sized cabbit appears on screen.) We've set up a
demonstration video with myself, Dai-ohki the giant cabbit, and Kyosuke
Kasuga (Picture changes to Kyosuke from KOR.), a talented young photographer
who graciously consented to act as the paparazzi. Let's watch.

(Lights dim; still picture changes to video at night, around the Masaki
house. Kyosuke is lurking around, dressed in dark clothing, with a camera
and night-vision lense--okay, so he's an off-world tabloidist ^^. He
is creeping nearer to the Masaki house.)

KYOSUKE: My boss says this place is supposed ‘t have some serious
weirdness goin' on. (cackles to self) I snag some shots here, I can
finally get off this damned planet.... (his eyes dart over to an uncurtained
and lit window) Perfect. (starts to focus his camera when a mi-ya in bass
tones is heard behind him. Naturally, Kyosuke jerks and turns around.
Sitting behind him on its haunches is a Corolla-sized brown cabbit.)

CABBIT (in the cabbit equivalent of warning tones): Mi-ya.

(Close up on the cabbit leaning in closer to Kyosuke. Gradually, the
cabbit's face takes up the entire screen, and the camera continues to
focus on on its ever-opening mouth. Background music during this time is the
music from Jaws ^^.)

KYOSUKE (off-screen): Aaaaaaagh!

(Cut back to the porch of the Masaki house. Sasami emerges, dressed in her
typical clothes and a carrot apron. She looks sternly at the giant cabbit,
who comes waddling up with Kyosuke's legs sticking out of its mouth.
The fact that these legs are struggling and his his muffled voice can still
be heard indicate that he is still alive.)

SASAMI (in her patented Stern-Sasamir voice): Dai-ohki, spit that paparazzi
out right now! You don't know where he's been!

(Dai-ohki looks at Sasami for a moment, then bobs its head in
acknowledgement and spits Kyosuke out. Once Kyosuke is free, his cringes in
fear while staring at Dai-ohki for a long moment before running off
screaming.)

(Video ends.)

(Scene shifts back to Sasami o stage.)

SASAMI: If you need one, contact Cuteness College at 1-800-TOO-CUTE, or
visit our website at http://www.cuteness_college.edu.jri.

(End credits begin rolling.)

SASAMI (waving cheerily): Next week, we respond to Totally Desperate in
Tomobiki and his "how do I get rid of the insane alien girl who won't
leave me house and is convinced that I'm her husband" problem! See you
then!

(Fade to black.)

Sasami is the property of AIC, Pioneer, and TV Tokyo.

Kyosuke belongs to Izumi Matsumoto and Animeigo.

Cabbit belong w/ Sasami, but the giant cabbit concept is MINE ^^! Contact me
if you want to use it.

Thanks for reading!



Keiichi Masaki, High Priest of the Temple
of the Teal-tressed Goddess

http://www.yume-no-kuni.com/kiyone-sama/
(after Xmas)

"A person's own truth is so simple that most
ignore it to concentrate on deeper truths."
--Ryouji Kaji

"I may not be as smart as Baloo, or your mom, or even
that judge.  In fact I'm not. But I -do- know you've got
to have imagination."
"Why?"
"Because you can't see it here--" (indicates hands) "--if
you don't see it -here- --" (indicates head) "--first."
--Wildcat and Molly, Talespin