Disclaimer:  Tenchi Muyo and all characters involved are 
property of AIC and Pioneer, and I'm not in this to make money.

	"NOCTURNAL EMISSION!"
	It was three AM, and the screaming of the universe's 
greatest scientist awoke nearly everyone in the Masaki household 
at once; Ryoko in the rafters, Aeka and Sasami in their bedroom, 
Mihoshi on the living room couch, and Tenchi in his bed, his 
pajama bottoms around his knees.
	"Washuu?" Tenchi said groggily, rubbing the sleep out of 
his eyes.
"It's nothing, go back to sleep!" Washuu tried to push the 
covers back over him with one surgical-gloved hand.  The other 
was holding a test tube filled with a splot of viscous whitish-
clear goo.
"Washuu?!" Tenchi realized what was going on and sprang 
from his bed as Washuu gleefully fled.  Tenchi took off after 
the cackling redhead and promptly fell flat on his face...his 
pajama bottoms had fallen to around his ankles and tripped him 
up.
Of course, Sasami had to walk in.
"Tenchi, what's going on?"  Sasami scratched under Ryo-
Ohki's chin and studied Tenchi quizzically.
Tenchi flushed and dove back under his covers as the parade 
began:
"Lord Tenchi, I heard a shout.  Are you quite all right?"
"Can't a demon get any SLEEP around here?"
"Tenchi, was Washuu in your room?  Why didn't you wake me?  
I would have gotten my camera!"
"Is it morning?  I hope so; I want to watch my cartoons.  
Sasami, what's for breakfast?  I'm starving!"
"Miyaaaa..."
Tenchi pulled his quilt over his head and prayed for a 
quick death.

No Need for Sperm.

Tenchi wasn't speaking to Washuu.
He was livid.  Why didn't anyone else see this as a 
violation of his privacy?  His life hadn't been his own for a 
whole year already, but this was too much.  Ryoko poking her 
head through the bathroom wall while he was on the toilet, he 
could handle.  Aeka constantly telling him to stand up straight, 
choosing his clothing in the morning, and otherwise grooming him 
for royal Juraian marriage, he could tolerate.  He could even 
stand it if Washuu put doors that led to different dimensions 
all over the house.  But his body fluids were his, darn it.
Washuu had joyously advertised all over the house that she 
had finally gotten her sample.  Even Sasami knew.  Ryoko and 
Aeka had both privately told him that they forgave him as long 
as he promised not to ever do it again.  Rather kind of them, he 
thought darkly as he sipped his miso soup.  As if he'd had a 
choice to begin with, or enjoyed it even a little bit.  He'd 
been having a perfectly nice wet dream, and then Washuu had 
shouted and he had seen what was going on.  And now Washuu had 
mass-reproduced the sample and was keeping it all in a freezer 
the size of a small house in her lab.  There was no way he could 
flush that much jism down the toilet.
So he sat at the breakfast table and did his best not to 
look anyone in the eye, and hardly even noticed that Aeka and 
Ryoko were being strangely quiet.
...I'd only need a little, Ryoko schemed.
...Not even a teaspoon, Aeka plotted.
...And then I'd have a baby by the man I love!  Ryoko 
mentally rejoiced.
...And then he'd HAVE to marry me!  Aeka connived.
"Oneesama, could I have the soy sauce?"  Sasami broke the 
silence.
Both Aeka and Ryoko reached for the soy sauce container.  
Ryoko was a bit too fast for Aeka, but didn't have the princess' 
grace; she knocked the soy sauce over and spilled a river of it 
across the whole platter of grilled fish and into Nobuyuki 
Masaki's lap.
Nobuyuki fled upstairs to change.  Tenchi slapped his 
forehead with the palm of his hand and sighed.  Washuu beamed at 
Aeka and Ryoko.  "What on Earth could the two of you be 
thinking?"
Aeka stood the bottle upright and muttered something about 
Ryoko's beastly table manners to cover her own embarrassment.  
Ryoko gave Aeka a pinch under the table, but her heart wasn't in 
it.
"Something's going on in those brains of yours," Washuu 
observed vaguely, finishing her tea.  "I have to get back to the 
lab."
"Hey, Washuu?  Dear sweet Mom?"
"No," Washuu told her.
"But you don't even know what I want!"
"I know by your tone that you're up to no good."
"I have to leave," Tenchi said, standing up.  "Whose turn 
is it to walk me?"
"Hers," Ryoko and Aeka chorused, pointing to each other.
"Huh?" Tenchi's jaw dropped.
"You did yesterday," Ryoko informed Aeka, tail beginning to 
quiver agitatedly.
"Yes, but I walked him home alone last night while you were 
out on an errand.  So I willingly give up my turn this morning.  
It is only fair."  Aeka dabbed genteelly at her mouth with a 
napkin.
Tenchi was flabbergasted.  The morning argument had never 
gone like this before.
"I'll walk you, Tenchi," Sasami said.  "I guess I can do 
the dishes when I get back."
"Sasami, I don't like the idea of you walking home alone," 
Aeka said.  "Ryoko, why don't you go with them?"
"Oneesama, you're acting weird," Sasami said.
"She's not acting," Ryoko informed Sasami.
"So are you, Ryoko.  You guys never do this.  Right, 
Tenchi?"
"What?" Tenchi was busy wondering if the nocturnal emission 
thing had ruined his friendship with Aeka and Ryoko.  Usually 
they were beating each other up for the chance to walk him to 
the bus.  It was hard on the ego.
"I'll walk you both!" Mihoshi said, standing up too fast, 
bumping into the table and knocking over the soy sauce again.
In the end they all walked him.
It was a strange, silent and shuffling procession.  Ryoko 
actually walked instead of sailing overhead like she usually 
did.  She and Aeka spent the entire walk eyeing each other 
warily.  Mihoshi was smart enough to keep quiet for once.  She 
and Sasami walked ahead of Ryoko and Aeka, wide-eyed and tight-
lipped, nervous.  Tenchi headed up the march, dismally looking 
forward to a rotten day at school.
"Cheer up, Tenchi!" Washuu said, catching up to him.  "Just 
think about all the amazing things I can do now that I have your 
sperm!"
Somehow Tenchi didn't find that thought comforting at all.
Washuu leapt into Tenchi's arms.  "You don't think I'd do 
anything mean with it, do you?"  Washuu batted her eyes at him.
Tenchi thought about this for a moment while he carried 
Washuu.
"Hey," Washuu said, "if drinking after Ryoko was like 
indirectly kissing, what do you suppose...?"
Tenchi dropped Washuu unceremoniously on the ground.
"Tenchi, your bus is here!" Mihoshi pointed out.
"Gah!  I'm late!"  Tenchi hauled ass after his bus.  "Wait 
for me!"
When Tenchi had caught his bus, Washuu stood up and dusted 
herself off.  "All right, ladies," she said, looking directly at 
Ryoko.  "Home."
Ryoko disappeared with a grin on her face.  She'd have a 
good twenty minutes before the others walked all the way home.  
Silently, she thanked Washuu for the head start.
"Why did you let her go, Washuu?" Aeka demanded.  "I just 
know she's planning to sneak and steal..."
"Chill out, Aeka," Washuu said, looking surprisingly 
unconcerned.  "It's a nice day.  The cherry blossoms are 
beautiful.  And we have a long walk home ahead of us!"  Washuu 
smiled.
Aeka gave Washuu a strange look.
Ryoko tiptoed over to the freezer, more for theatrics than 
out of fear that anyone would hear her, and stretched her 
fingers, preparing to crack the code.  A split-second after her 
fingers touched the keypad, her vision filled with cloudy blue 
and she inhaled a good noseful of water.  She was in the lake.
Coughing and spluttering, she erupted from the water and 
teleported into the kitchen again.  She opened the door to 
Washuu's lab and stormed toward the freezer.
She touched a key on the keypad.  It happened again.
Angrily, Ryoko teleported back into the kitchen again, 
dripping water all over the floor, and got every chopstick she 
could find out of the sink.  Striding angrily and noisily (being 
wet had sort of ruined her mood for theatrics) into the lab once 
more, she lost every chopstick she touched to the keypad until 
she used one of Washuu's.  When the keypad responded to the 
touch with a cooperative "boop", she cackled with glee and tried 
another key.  This key also gave her an affirmative tone, and 
she wriggled with delight.  She tried a third key and waited.  A 
red crab shape over red crossbones came up on the screen.
"Wrong combination!  Damn it."  Ryoko prepared to launch 
the chopstick out the window, but stopped herself.  It's no big 
deal, she thought.  Mom might be the greatest scientist in the 
universe, but she also uses the same three combinations to lock 
everything.  Ryoko tried another combo.
Second time was a charm.  The freezer door opened docilely 
and Ryoko, tittering delightedly, walked confidently in and was 
transported to the men's bath this time, where she saw something 
that scared her more than anything else she had ever seen or 
experienced, more even than Kagato, Nagi, and Yousho combined.
She saw Nobuyuki naked.
Slapping a hand over her eyes lest she be blinded, and 
stammering garbled apologies lest he get up and try to grab her, 
she backed slowly out through the closed door.
Nobuyuki sat in his bath, soap in hand, and watched her go, 
perplexed.
With an insane growl in her throat, Ryoko phased through 
the floor and into the kitchen, and opened the door Washuu's lab 
for the last time that morning.
"Ryoko, what are you doing?" Sasami asked her.
Ryoko closed the lab door and covered it with her body as 
if trying to hide its very existence from Sasami.  "Nothing," 
she lied.
"Why do you have Washuu's chopstick in your hand?"  Sasami 
pointed.  Ryoko hid Washuu's chopstick behind her back.
"I was just, uh, starting on the dishes for you." Ryoko 
smiled innocently.
"That would explain why you're all wet.  If you really want 
to do the dishes, you can.  I'd like to watch cartoons with 
Mihoshi."
"Uhhh..."
"This is really cool of you, Ryoko.  Now I can watch Space 
Police Policeman instead of just listening while Mihoshi watches 
it.  Thank you!"
"You're welcome...?"
As Sasami was walking away, grinning from ear to ear, Ryoko 
thought she heard her whisper, "suckerrr..."
Ryoko had a sneaking suspicion that she had just been 
duped.  With a defeated sigh, she picked up a plate and turned 
on the hot water.