<-- Basic MST Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. If it were, I'd be a rich mofo. Dave Lister and Red Dwarf are property of Grant Naylor Productions. Mihoshi and Tenchi Muyo are property of AIC and Pioneer. Raziel and Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver are properties of Crystal Dynamics and Silicon Knights. The stinker fanfic being ripped into today happens to be a very sick lemon, so the +18 or over rule is in effect. Remember kids, drink deep or dive not into the plasma pool. --> Enter the Realm of the CBaR. This massive fortress/popular watering hole is located on a multiversal crossrift, and beings travel to and from different dimensions and alternate worlds. One such being (that's me, BTW), having a skewed sense of humor and a love of MST3K, decides to set up his own MST operation. In his craft, the Freak-Of-Nature, he scours the Multiverse for those he'll deem worthy of aiding him in his mission. >From the Masaki Household and the Miho-Kiyo Residence, Mihoshi Kuramitsu >From the Galactic Mining Vessel Red Dwarf, Dave Lister >From the Wasted Plains of Nosgoth, Raziel In his quarters, he waits for the chosen to be summoned and arrive to his hall. He waits . and listens. "Smeggin' hell?" Ahh, Mr. Lister has arrived. "What's going on here?" Miss Mihoshi is here. "Yah!!!!!" "Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!" Judging from Dave's and Mihoshi's screaming, Raziel must have arrived. "What sort of madness is this! Where am I! Who is responsible for this!" Yep, Raziel is here. Time for me to introduce myself. As the space-faring miner, Galaxy Policewoman, and reanimated vampire watched, the doors opened and a lone figure walked out. "Gentleman, Lady, Soul Reaver, welcome," the young man said. "Please have a seat and make yourselves comfortable." And with that, three rather comfy chairs materialized directly behind the three and moved just enough so that they fell into them. As they landed in the chairs, ropes quickly formed to bind Raziel to his chair. "What manner of deviltry is this? Unbind me now, sorcerer, else face my wrath!" Raziel snarled as Dave and Mihoshi watched in fear. "Patience, Raziel. If I didn't bind you right away, you'd had attacked me from the start." "Excuse me, sir," Mihoshi shyly interrupted, "but who are you people anyway?" "Yeah, who are you? And what the smeg is that thing?" Dave gestured towards the bound Raziel. "Yes, I suppose introductions are in order." "Everyone, listen up. Since you have no idea who anyone here is, I'm going to introduce everyone. This", gesturing towards the somewhat dingy-looking man, "is Dave Lister. He lives on a mining vessel named Red Dwarf, where he lives with a hologram, an android, and a fellow who evolved from cats." "The young lady here is Mihoshi Kuramitsu. She's a Galactic Policewoman who currently lives on Earth with her partner, Kiyone, and her friends Tenchi, Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, and Washu." "How do you know so much about me, sir?" "I know lots of things about you, my dear." "Peering into their minds, sorcerer? Ravaging their memories? What's your game, fiend!" "Weeping Creeping, calm down Raziel! First off, I'm not a sorcerer, I'm a demonling. Second, I didn't read their minds, I just know who they are. As I know about you, Raziel. Formerly a vampire-hunting Seraphan warrior, upon your death your corpse was reanimated by the vampire Lord Kain. After ruling at his side for millennia, Kain ripped away your newly grown wings and cast you into a watery vortex, there to burn away in torment for all time. And you burned and your body wasted away into your present form until you were saved by the Elder, and cast with the goal of destroying the very Vampire legions you once led." Mihoshi and Dave both stared at the bound creature next to them for a bit, then quickly moved away from him. "Smegging hell. He went through that?" "He's scary!" "Very well then, demonling, who are you to interrupt me from my mission? What do you want?" "The freaky thing has a point, man. Who the smeg are you?" "Yes, sir, would you please tell us who you are?" "Well since you all asked, I'll tell you. I am Demonicuss. Child of Hell, Orphan of the CBUB, Brat Prince of my little domain. As for why I've summoned all of you here," he gestured to his guests, "I want you to help me MST some fanfics." "What?" The cry came from all three. "Okay, let me put it this way. I'm going to show you some fiction that someone has writ, and I want you to help me make fun of it. Crack jokes, make witty observations, do whatever, just make it funny." "And this is why you've ripped me across the cosmos? To make me a jester, forcing me to mock and laugh for your amusement!" "Calm down, Raziel. I picked you for two reasons. One, I like a challenge. Two, I know that in that cauldron of hatred and rage that is you, there's a wit in there." "Well then, Demonicuss, why's me and the girl here?" "Well Dave, you're funny by nature. Your experiences on the Red Dwarf made my laugh many times, like the time you caused the JFK assassination because you wanted curry." "The hell did you know that?" "Like I said, I know lots of things." Demonicuss said with a smirk. "But what about me, Mister Demonicuss, sir?" Mihoshi asked, "Two reasons, my dear. Not only are you rather funny yourself, but the majority of the fanfics I want to hit involve you and your friends." "Really?" She said with wide eyes. "People write about us? That's so cool! I kinda feel important and special now!" Mihoshi beamed with pride. "Don't be, hun. A good number of the fanfics stink horribly." "Oh." Mihoshi said glumly. "Well then, introductions are out of the way," Demonicuss went on, "time to get down to the MSTing. Computer," his voice rang out, "List the fanfic to be used today." Viewscreens materialized out of nowhere. As sirens sounded, a picture of a cartoon lemon with a frowning face popped up on the screens. "Oh dear, a lemon right off the bat." "A lemon? Are you going to make lemonade, Mister Demonicuss?" Mihoshi asked. "Not really, Mihoshi. Lemons are fanfics with sexual content." "So, in essence, we're gonna be watchin' a porn?" "Kinda sorta Dave, only most porn are actually better than lemons." "Can we watch a porn then?" "Nope." "Damn." "I don't think I should be watching this, Mister Demonicuss." "Sorry Mihoshi, but if it makes you feel better, Dave, Raziel, and myself will be stuck with you watching it as well." "What makes you think I'll be joining in all in this drivel, Demonicuss?" Raziel snarled. "You don't really have much of a choice, Raziel. Buck up. After this, I'll send you all back to whence you came." The viewscreens popped the image of a Japanese film. A samurai proclaimed, "Merciful Buddha!" "Oh shit." Demonicuss swore. "What the heck was that?' "That, Dave, was my Very Bad Flick Warning. Every time a real stinker arrives, that warns me." "So does that mean that we won't have to watch it?" "Regrettably not. Let's go to the Theatre." And with that, the four were transported to a large theatre. As the lights dimmed and the screen dropped, Dave, Mihoshi, Raziel (still bound to his seat), and Demonicuss steeled themselves for what was going to be hell. >Extremely Sick Sex Fest Mihoshi: Oh my God. Raziel: And this is what we have to witness? Dave: Don't suppose you can just shoot me now, eh Demonicuss? Demonicuss: Just buck up, everyone. Try to think happy thoughts. >By the fucked up mind of AAA-PhuckNut Dave: So this is the bloke who wrote this stinker? Demonicuss: Yep. Dave: And he's proud of it? Demonicuss: Like the man said, he has a fucked up mind. Raziel: Such deviance must not go unpunished. >Disclaimer: >This Fic is extremely disgusting and filled with sex so Mihoshi: So we shouldn't have to watch? Demonicuss: Afraid that's wishful thinking, Mihoshi. Mihoshi: Why do I have a bad feeling in my stomach? Dave: Premonition of utter smegginess? Demonicuss: Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me, Mihoshi. You guys may need these. *Demonicuss produces airsick bags for Mihoshi and Dave* Mihoshi: Uhh, thanks, I guess. >you have to be 18+ to read this, oh, and read at your own risk. Raziel: What if you have no say in the matter? Demonicuss: Just visualize something nice. What's something nice that you want to do, Raz? Raziel: Never call me that. As for something nice, ripping your head off will suffice. Demonicuss: *gulps* >All the characters in this fic are owned by AIC and Pioneer, I do not >claim these characters. Demonicuss: Thank Jeremiah for that! Mihoshi: Who? Demonicuss: Bullfrog. Dave: Friend of mine. Couldn't understand a word he said, though. Demonicuss: True, but he always had some mighty fine wine. Mihoshi: *giggles* I know that song! That's funny! Demonicuss: *bows* Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all night taking your requests. Raziel: May I request that you be silent? _______________________________________________________________________ Mihoshi: I dare you to step over that line! Demonicuss: I'm a-stepping! Mihoshi: I dare you to step over this line! Demonicuss: I'm a-stepping! I take it that this will continue until I fall off a cliff? Mihoshi: Yep! I got that from a Bugs Bunny cartoon! Demonicuss: God Bless the Uber-Wabbit. Raziel *grumbles under breath* Mihoshi: What did he say? Demonicuss: I don't think we should try to find out. > Tenchi woke up extra early this morning Demonicuss: Around four o'clock. On a Sunday. Dave: What was that about? Demonicuss: Inside joke. >before Ryoko would show up so that Tenchi could test out something >he's always wanted to do... Demonicuss: (Tenchi) I want to FLY! *Rest of group stares at Demonicuss* Demonicuss: What? >"Yes! No body will be bothering me for at least 2 hours!" Tenchi >gleefully said. Mihoshi: (Tenchi) I can go back to bed! No one should be up at four in the morning! Demonicuss: Try telling that to Peter Suzuki. Mihoshi: Who? Demonicuss: Pete's a fanfic writer and another MSTer. He runs Anime Port No. 9 Raziel: For the Gods, there are more cretins like you? Demonicuss: Nope, there are no cretins like me. Wait a sec. Raziel *chuckles* >"Now will be the perfect time to do what I've always wanted to do! Demonicuss: Beat Heihashi on difficult mode? Mihoshi: Get the carrots picked before Ryo-Ohki arrives? Dave: Finally grow a pair and pick between Ryoko and Ayeka? Raziel: Finally just take one or the other? Mihoshi: Take them? Take them where? Dave: Mihoshi, when the Grim Blue One said "take", that's not what he meant. Raziel: If he were any sort of a man, he'd take both. Demonicuss: My God, Raziel finally cracks a funny! >SUCK MY OWN DICK!!" Tenchi beamed very proudly. All: o_0 Raziel: What did he just say? Mihoshi: *panicking* Ohmygod, hedidn'tsaywhatIthoughthejustsaid,didn'the? Demonicuss: I'm afraid so. Dave: So this is OOC. Demonicuss: Dave, that is the frickin' understatement of the year. Mihoshi: Isn't, you know, /that/, physically impossible? Dave: Yeah, no one has a tallywacker that long. Demonicuss: Correction. Ron Jeremy does. And believe you me, when he wants his lovehorn played, he doesn't need to do it himself! > Tenchi then got a big erection at the thought of this. Demonicuss: *singing* Dear Tenchi, I don't think I love you, anymore. All else *stares* Demonicuss: What? Haven't any of you heard of Rodney Carrington's song "Letter to my Penis"? All else: No! Demonicuss: Well you should, it's funny. >Tenchi then bent forward as far as he could, Dave: (Tenchi) BRAAAPPPP!! Whoa, I knew I should have laid off that wasabi! >but it just wasn't quite enough though, he was so close... Demonicuss: Just inches away from THE, Brian Boitano. >He pushed himself farther and farther and finally Demonicuss: Broke his neck, killing himself instantly. Mihoshi: The funeral was an embarrassment. Couldn't get the casket to close. Dave: That's almost as embarrassing a way to die as getting an aneurysm while swimming at the YMCA. >got it! Mihoshi: All 151? Raziel: A spine? Demonicuss: The realization that he was in a lemon? Dave: The realization of what he was doing? "YES!" Tenchi managed to mumble out as he stuck his dick into his mouth. All: Ewww! > Tenchi moaned as sucked his own dick faster and faster. Dave: Funny. He moans, and we groan. All: *groan* Demonicuss: I'm so disgusted right now, I'm not going to bother with yelling about the jackass's poor grammar. >After a half-hour of dick sucking action, Demonicuss: I'd wish I had Kung-Fu Grip Action. Beat the crap out of AAA- PhuckNut. Mihoshi: I don't feel too good. >he finally blew his nut into his mouth. Dave: Afterwards, he blew a bazookoid round into his mouth, killing himself. Mihoshi: I think I'm going to be sick. Demonicuss: Remember Mihoshi, If you gotta spew, spew into this. *points out airsick bag* >Tenchi swallowed his own seed very happily, Mihoshi: I know I'm going to be sick *turns green* Demonicuss: Dave, you'd better step back a bit. Dave: Come on Mihoshi, breathe deeply, calm down. >"MMMMM! Absolutely FUCKING delicious!" Tenchi said after swallowing >his jizz. Mihoshi: Oh No! *throws up in bag* Demonicuss: Oh dear. Dave: *pats Mihoshi's back* There there love, get it out of your system. Raziel: Congratulations Demonicuss. You've managed to make her vomit. I hope you feel pleased. Demonicuss: I didn't know! Geez Mihoshi, I'm sorry. > Little did Tenchi know though, that he wasn't the only one >commiting bizzare sexual acts this lovely morning... Demonicuss: As well as bad spelling and grammar. Mihoshi: Oh no, there's more of it! Dave: This is truly the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Mihoshi: You think it's bad! When I go back home, every time I look at Tenchi, I'm going to see him, see him, wahhhhhh!! *breaks down crying* _______________________________________________________________________ Demonicuss: The Thin Black Line. Raziel: Must you make pointless jokes all the time? Demonicuss: Someone's gotta. > Noboyuki proceeded up the stairs to the shrine to meet his >father-in-law, Yosho. Dave: Looks like Noboyuki's peeped on the girls one time too many. Demonicuss: And we have Whoop-Ass sign! Hopefully. >"Grrr, he's late again." said Yosho. Raziel: One should never be late for ones own funeral. > Yosho opened up a orange blow-pop to satisfy his sucking need >while he waited for Noboyuki to arrive. Dave: Why do I have a bad suspicion that sucking will come into play later? Demonicuss: Already has. This whole damn lemon sucks, and will continue to do so. Mihoshi: I got another bad feeling. Raziel: *whispering to himself* I can get through this, this is nothing to me, I have slain my brothers and stood up against Kain, this is nothing to me.. >"Oh no! Im late again! I hope father isnt angry!" said Noboyuki. Demonicuss: For mispellign werds! *chuckles* > Noboyuki finally arrived at the shrine and apologized to Yosho >for being late, > >"Im sorry for being late, Demonicuss: (Noboyuki) But I'm kinda an idiot! >honorable father." said Noboyuki. Mihoshi: (Yosho) Don't be. Be sorry for being hentai no baka! Raziel: What? Demonicuss: Looks like our Soul Reaver needs to brush up on his Japanese. Mihoshi: It means "perverted idiot." Raziel: I've never heard of Japan. It doesn't exist on Nosgoth. Mihoshi: Well, what does exist on Nosgoth, Mister Raziel? Raziel: Dead things. Mihoshi: What killed them? Raziel: I did. Mihoshi: *turns white* >"That is ok." said Yosho as he threw his blow-pop into the trash. Dave: At least he doesn't litter. >"Shall we get started? Would you mind if I could go first?" asked >Noboyuki. Dave: Of course you're going first, Yosho's gonna whoop your ass! Demonicuss: (Yosho via Stone Cold) If anybody here wants me to open a Can of Whoop-AssT on this sunofabitch, gimme a Hell Yeah! Demonicuss, Mihoshi, and Dave: Hell Yeah! >"Yes you may go first Noboyuki, because I was first last time." said >Yosho as he started to warm up his mouth muscels some more. Dave: What the hell's a "muscel"? > Noboyuki then took off his pants to reveal a large schlong. >Yosho then started to work his mouth magic on Noboyuki's cock. Demonicuss: Oh Christ no! Mihoshi: Not again! Raziel: More perversity. I could be hunting Kain down but no. Dave: Great. Now they've gone poofter. Demonicuss: It's worse than that. Mihoshi: Yosho is Noboyuki's father! Dave: Oh no, not only is it gay sex, but it's incestuous gay sex. >"Mmmmmm, that feels so good father." moaned Noboyuki. Dave: We now take you to the REAL Maskai shrine. Demonicuss: (Yosho) I sense a disturbance in the Force. Dave: So that was the best you could do, Demonicuss? A lame Star Wars reference? Demonicuss: Hey, this stinker is taxing me. > Yosho then worked faster on Noboyuki's penis, slowly turning his >penis orange from the blow-pop. Mihoshi: Did we really need to know that? Demonicuss: I like knowing things, but sometimes knowledge is bad. >"Ooooohhhhh, YYESSSSSSSSS! here i come!" yelled Noboyuki. Demonicuss: About time, too. 'I' Hey, 'I' came! Now I can properly capitalize my words! Dave and Mihoshi: And here we go! *run towards exit* Demonicuss: Don't bother. The doors lock during fics. No one leaves. > Noboyuki then exploded into Yosho's mouth. Demonicuss: Killing both instantly. Raziel: Still telling the same tired jokes? Demonicuss: They're not old, they're classics! >Yosho held it in his mouth then stood up and kissed Noboyuki and spit >half the jizz into Noboyuki's mouth so that he could swallow some too. Demonicuss: *turning green* They really didn't need to tell us that! Mihoshi: Why is this mean man making my friends act so wrong? Demonicuss: I'll figure that out when I beat the shit out of AAA-PhuckNut. >"mmmm, very tasty, Noboyuki" said Yosho. >"Yes I agree very much." said Noboyuki. Demonicuss: The sirloin is just superb! Dave: Don't mention food right now, I'm not in the best of health. > Just then Ryo-ohkie walked into the shrine, a very hungry Ryo- >ohkie. Mihoshi: He even misspelled Ryo-Ohki! What kind of sick person is this author! Demonicuss: He's a sicko who's just got a ticket to AssKickVille, courtesy of myself. >When she saw Noboyuki's orange penis she thought it was a carrot, Mihoshi: Giving proof positive that carrots don't help your eyesight. >and she became overjoyed. She lunged at Noboyuki and bit off his >whole dick in one swift chomp. >"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Noboyuki screamed as his cock was bitten off. Dave and Demonicuss: "Aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!" Mihoshi: Ewww. *winces* Demonicuss: Medic! Medic! I've lost my Jimmy! A man's not a man without his Jimmy! Raziel: Enough with the pathetic jokes! Dave: Hey Raziel, that was painful to read. No one, not even a perv like the author's concept of Noboyuki, should have his wedding tackle bitten off, and you just sit there and not even wince! Demonicuss: *chuckles* That's 'cuz Raziel already lost his. Dave: What? Mihoshi: What's a wedding tackle? Can you use it to fish? Raziel: What are you going about, Demonicuss! Demonicuss: Dave, take a good look at Raziel. When he burned in the vortex, he lost some things. Dave: *looking at Raziel* Oh brother. Raziel: You dare to mock me after dragging me here? Demonicuss, you will die. Demonicuss: Like to see you try, Raz. > Suprisingly though, Noboyuki seemed to be not mad at all. Demonicuss: Being unconscious and all. Dave: That morphine IV helped too. Mihoshi: Where's Mister Raziel? *Raziel's chair stands empty. The ropes used to bind Raziel hang there limp* Demonicuss: Uh oh. Forgot he could enter the Spectral Realms. Dave and Mihoshi: What? Demonicuss: It's kinda like teleportation. Now, where on my ship could he be? *Raziel's fist goes through Demonicuss' chest.* Demonicuss: *weakly* Ask a stupid question.. *Raziel rips Demonicuss in half* Demonicuss's top half: Ow! That hurt, you jerk! Raziel: How can you live through that, demonling? Demonicuss: Semi-immortality. That, and the fact that I can do this..* Demonicuss's chest hole grows dozens of writhing tentacles with which he uses to stand up* Dave: Now that's disgusting! Mihoshi: I'm scared! Demonicuss: *pulling himself together* What, haven't any of you seen John Carpenter's The Thing! Brilliant film! Raziel: So what now, bastard. Demonicuss: Two things. Raziel, I'm sorry I made fun of your not having, uhh, certain parts. Second, can we just continue with the lambasting of the crappy fic? Raziel: Do I have a say in the matter? Demonicuss: Well, you could just mope around until the end, or you could relax, sit down, and mock this sucker with Dave, Mihoshi, and me. Raziel *sits in chair* >"Noboyuki! Your penis was just bit off and you dont care at all??!!" >beamed Yosho. Demonicuss: (stoned Noboyuki) Huh huh, dude, my penis is like, moving, but not moving. Dave: (Noboyuki) I've always felt like a woman trapped in a mans body. Mihoshi: Does that mean that he's going to wear dresses now? Demonicuss: Knowing pervo there, he may have already done it. >"No, actually I kinda like it. Cause now I got an extra hole for you >to fuck!!!" said Noboyuki proudly. Raziel: Someone sic that Ryo-Ohki creature on the waste of meat right now. Mihoshi: That's just wrong. Just wrong. Demonicuss: Now how in the Hells can he do that? Dave: I don't know, I really don't care, I just don't want them to even try. >"Ahh yes! I see! I can insert my penis into the hole on the little >remaining stub where your cock used to be!" said Yosho very excitedly. Dave: Gee, thank you, Mr. Wizard. Raziel: I see this as more of a torture than a damn pleasurable experience. Demonicuss: Damn right this is torture, and we're all suffering. > Yosho then removed his robe and stuffed his old schlong into >Noboyuki's penis stub. He then rapidly fucked Noboyuki. Demonicuss: I'm sorry gang, I can't think up anything funny right here. Mihoshi: It's okay, Mister Demonicuss, we're all having trouble right now. >"Oh yes! Its so smooth!" yelled Yosho. Dave: Thank you, Bic! > Noboyuki was in total exctasy from all the pleasure he was >getting from Yosho fucking him in his small intestine. Ryo-ohkie just >watched with a puzzled look on her face, Mihoshi: Then she realized what was going on and got real sick. Demonicuss: She summoned up Monty Python's killer rabbit to get medieval on the sickos as well as AAA-PhuckNut. Dave: And there was much rejoicing. Raziel: Yip-freaking-ee. >then she just left and headed back to the house. Raziel: It's sad when the animal has to get the owner fixed. >"Here I come!!!!" screamed Yosho. Demonicuss: (Yosho) Hold that damn door open, you whippersnapper! I'm not as quick as I used to be! > Yosho then dropped a steaming hot load into Noboyuki's small >intestine. Demonicuss: The shock of which killed him instantly. *A strange creature appears, decks Demonicuss with a pie, and disappears* Mihoshi: What was that? Demonicuss: Ahh, so that was Little Running Gag. >"That felt so great!! Dave: (Noboyuki) It was so great that I don't want to live anymore. Raziel: I'll be obliged to give aid in shuffling him off the coil. >It was almost as good as getting fucked in the ass by an elephant!!" >said Noboyuki excitedly. Demonicuss: (Chef) Ain't nothing worse than waking up drunk next to an elephant. Dave: Or a pot-bellied pig. Mihoshi: The parking cone I can get, but it's the policewomen's hat and the suspenders that I don't understand! >"You have been fucked in the ass by an elephant before??" questioned >Yosho. All: You poor bastard. >"Yes it was pure exctasy!" said Noboyuki. Demonicuss: Problem was, I couldn't walk for a month. >"Damn! You are one lucky bastard!" said Yosho. Mihoshi: You got that one bit right. And I'm not talking about the luck part. > They both french kissed each other, then got dressed and headed >to the house for breakfast. Demonicuss: (Tenchi) Hey dad, why are you bleeding from the crotch? Dave: (Noboyuki) Mind your own damn business, Mister Self-Fellatio _______________________________________________________________________ > Tenchi had already gotten up and waited in the kitchen for >Sasami earlier this morning. Demonicuss: Oh God no, let this not be. Dave: Wishing that this crapper would end, eh? Demonicuss: No, I think it just got worse. Mihoshi: How so? Demonicuss: Well, Sasami's here. Mihoshi: So? This might be a "lemon" and a nasty one at that, but I think that the perverts who write these have enough good taste and sense of decency to leave Sasami out of the nasty parts. Right, Mister Demonicuss? Demonicuss: . Mihoshi: *a little disturbed* Right, Mister Demonicuss? Demonicuss: There are some sick motherfuckers out there, Mihoshi. Mihoshi: Oh my, oh no, not her! Not Sasami! Raziel: So some of these lemon writers write about sex with an underage child? Demonicuss: Yes. Raziel: Then they will die. Dave: I agree with the grim one. > Everyone else arrived in the kitchen after smelling the good >cooking. Mihoshi: *sniff, sniff* I smell something good! Demonicuss: I smell a clich,! Mihoshi: What? Demonicuss: I'll explain later. >"Watcha cookin Sasami?" asked everyone else as they came into the >kitchen. Demonicuss: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam. Dave: Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam Demonicuss and Dave: *singing* Spamity Spam, wonderful Spam! Spamity Spam, wonderful Spam! Mihoshi: Huh? Raziel: What are you idiots blathering about? Demonicuss: Haven't you heard of Monty Python? Mihoshi: I don't think so. Dave: Aww, you haven't lived. Demonicuss: I'll lend you a tape. >"Oh I cooked something we've never had before!" said a very proud >Sasami. > >"And what may that be?" asked Ryoko. Demonicuss: Pea Sandwich? Dave: Canned Toast? Mihoshi: Uhh, Spam? *to Dave and Demonicuss* It must be good stuff if you and that Python guy sing about it so much. Raziel: A fresh human heart. Dave, Demonicuss, and Mihoshi: WHAT? Raziel: It was a delicacy where I came from. Tasty as well. >"Elephant Penis!" said a happy Sasami. Mihoshi: Ugh, I lost my appetite. Demonicuss: And knowing how you eat, that's saying a lot. >"Sounds delicious!" said Ryoko and Ayeka. > > Yosho and Noboyuki just looked at each other and smiled. Dave: (Yosho) That's funny! Noboyuki got fucked in the ass by an elephant, and now we're going to eat an elephants cock! Demonicuss: I prefer the term 'wang'. Funnier. >"All done! here ya go guys!" said Sasami. All: Check please! > Sasami placed the platter with a giant sausage looking thing on >it, down on the table. Everyone dug in and complemented Sasami on her >excelent cooking. Demonicuss: As opposed to her "excellent" cooking. Mihoshi: Sasami, you are a good cook. But why did you cook an elephant's, an elephant's.. *you know*! Dave: Problems, Mihoshi? Mihoshi: I just can't say it! Demonicuss: It's okay, Mihoshi, we understand. >"Hey guys, I got something to show all of you." said Sasami. > >"What is it?" everyone asked. Demonicuss: It's a dead body down by the railroad tracks. Wanna see it? Dave: That's sick, Demonicuss. Demonicuss: Hey, I needed a movie to quote and it was either "Stand By Me" or that now overused one. Mihoshi: What quote? Demonicuss: I see dead people. Mihoshi *gulps* Dave: Ahh, good choice there. > Sasami then jumped on the table and stripped naked quickly. Mihoshi: Oh no, what's going on? Dave: Looks like we got a perv of a writer here. Demonicuss: Better get the Justifier ready. Mihoshi: Who? Demonicuss: *reveals a large, wicked looking club* The Justifier. Raziel: Demonicuss, allow me to aid you in killing the pervert. Dave: Likewise. Mihoshi: Couldn't we just arrest him? I'm a Galaxy Policewoman, you know. >She then grabbed Ryo-ohkie and masturbated with her head. Mihoshi: You're right, let's kill the bast. the bast.. Dave: Come on girl, spit it out. Demonicuss: You can do it, Mihoshi. Mihoshi: The, the Bastard! Wow, I swore! Demonicuss: How do you feel? Mihoshi: Different. >"Wow thats a great trick!" Tenchi said. Demonicuss: (Sasami via Bullwinkle) Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my.. Mihoshi: Don't finish it, Demonicuss. > Ayeka then grabbed ahold of Ryo-ohkies legs and spread the >little cabbits pussy lips apart and started to lick them viciously. Demonicuss: Okay everybody; what's the most disturbing scene so far? Tenchi's, Yosho and Noboyuki's, or this one? Dave: This one. A freaking animal's involved! Mihoshi: Yeah, plus what they're doing to Sasami! Raziel: Can I vote for the entire damn thing? >After a while the little cabbit had an orgasm at the same time that >Sasami had one. Both their female cum covering the table. Mihoshi: Eww. Dave: I agree. Eww. Demonicuss: Cleanup, aisle seven. Oh yeah, and ewww. >"Hey Ryoko... I got something I need to tell you." Tenchi said. Mihoshi: We're in a bad lemon, and we have to get Washu to get us out of it! >"Ok Tenchi, lets go to your room." Ryoko said as she grabbed onto >Tenchi and teleported them to Tenchi's room. >"Ryoko... I... Mihoshi: I need you to get us out of this lemon! Raziel: I need you to put me out of my misery. Demonicuss: I want you to buy booze for me. Dave: I want to have sex with you. Mihoshi: What? Dave: Hey, it's either Ryoko or Ayeka, he eventually has to choose. >I... WANT TO FUCK YOU LIKE A WILD ANIMAL!!" Tenchi said nervously to >Ryoko. Dave: Am I right or what? *a scream is heard from far away* Mihoshi: What was that? Demonicuss: Looks like someone on Anime Port 9 just got to this part. >"Oh Tenchi!! You dont know how long I've waited for you to say that!!" >said Ryoko very excitedly. Demonicuss: (Ryoko) Of course I'll get you booze! You want any smokes with that? > Tenchi then felt a sudden wave of insanity come over him as he >grabbed onto Ryoko and shoved his penis into her. Demonicuss: Well, you could feel love or lust, but I doubt that you'd feel insanity at the height of passion. Dave: Unless you consider the jackass who wrote this piece of filth. Mihoshi: Agreed. That guy's definitely insane! >"OOOOOOOHHH TENCHI!!! YEEEEEEESSSS!!!" screamed Ryoko. Mihoshi: (Ryoko) YOU FOUND THE CAPS LOCK, NOW TURN IT OFF, PLEASE. >"GGGGRRRRROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRR!!!!" screamed Tenchi as his eyes >suddenly glowed red. Demonicuss: Go Tenchi! Get the power up and win the game! Dave: He's hulking out! > As soon as Tenchi's eyes turned red, his penis just suddenly >grew massive in girth and length. Demonicuss: Behold, puny mortals, behold the power of.Wang! >It grew so big that all the blood went to his penis Dave: So? That's what happens when you get an erection. Mihoshi: *blushes* Could we change the subject? >and he fainted. Mihoshi: Poor Tenchi. Dave: All that blood and only enough to run one head. Demonicuss: With all the nosebleeds he gets when he sees one of the girls naked, I'm surprised he has any blood at all. Raziel: All that fine blood, all wasted. >His penis got so big it pierced through Ryoko's body and straight up >through her head, splitting her whole body in half vertically. Dave: Table for Vlad the Impaler. >Each half of her body slid off Tenchi's penis and each one slid down >to opposite sides of the bed. Dave: (Tenchi via Officer Albrect) I thought you were, you know, invincible. Demonicuss: (Ryoko via Eric Draven) I was, I'm not now. Besides she can split herself into duplicates. Getting cut in half couldn't kill her. Mihoshi: So why did the writer let her die? Dave: Didn't get his facts right? Demonicuss: I'm leaning towards "Fricking idiot doesn't care, he just wants to write his shitty fic." Dave: (via Snagglepuss) With one hand, even! >Then Tenchi's penis went back to its normal size and Tenchi woke up, >"whaaa... whaat happend?" Tenchi said as he woke up. Dave: Why is my wanger bloody? Demonicuss: Good use of the term wang there, Dave. >"OH MY GOD!!" Tenchi screamed as he saw Ryoko's mangled body halves. Mihoshi: He killed Ryoko! Demonicuss and Dave: You bastards! Raziel: This must be something lesser creatures do. >"It must have been that bitch Ayeka!!" Tenchi screamed not knowing >that it was actually him. Mihoshi: Now I know both Tenchi and Ayeka, and I think that Tenchi doesn't think of Ayeka as a, a, you know. Dave: Time for some detective work. You wake up naked, your penis is covered in blood, and there's a girl ripped in half. What the hell do you do? Demonicuss: Have another shot of Jack, go back to bed, and pray the mess is gone when I come to. Mihoshi: Try to figure out what happened? Raziel: Wait for the Melchahim to come to feed on the corpse, then kill the beasts. Dave: What the hell kind of an answer's that? Demonicuss: Dave, Mihoshi, just be grateful you don't live in Nosgoth. > Tenchi then ran down to the living room and up to Ayeka, who was >sitting on the couch by herself, > >"You filthy hore!!!! Dave: You took my 'w'! >You killed my Ryoko!!!!" screamed Tenchi. Demonicuss: Hello, my name is Tenchi Masaki. You killed my Ryoko. Prepare to die. >"Wha.." is all that Ayeka got to say before Tenchi attacked. Demonicuss: "Gwaa!!" is all that Tenchi got to say before Ayeka's guards flash- fried him. > Tenchi grabbed one of her nostrils and stretched it to >acommodate his penis. Raziel: You humans aren't that flexible, aren't you? Mihoshi: *gulps* No, Mister Raziel. Sir. >He then rammed his hard cock up into her nose, shattering all her >facial bones around her nose. Demonicuss: I've heard of "fucking with your head", but this is absurd! >His cocked pierced up into her brain, then he blew his load into >her brain. Demonicuss: I'd comment about overuse of "brain", but I'm holding back waves of nausea. Anybody want to cover this one? Mihoshi: (turning green) Nope. Dave: (also turning green) Sorry. Raziel: Don't even bother to ask. >He pulled his penis out and watched as Ayeka wriggled around on the >couch, then finally died. Dave: As well as my chances to enjoy dinner tonight. _______________________________________________________________________ THE END Mihoshi: Hurray! Raziel: Finally, now I can leave this damn place. Dave: About damn time. Demonicuss: Well, that wasn't too terrible. Mihoshi: Wasn't too terrible! That thing! Demonicuss: Trust me, I've read far worse than that. >Well how did you like my second fan fic? Dave: Second?!?! This barmy git has made more?! Demonicuss: Afraid so. The stupid bastard even MST'ed one of his own fics. >Pretty fucking disgusting isnt it? All (in unison) No Shit, Sherlock! >Send me your comments at: viperz00@winfire.com Demonicuss: Dear AAA-PhuckNut, quit writing crap! The only ones who read your shit are us poor MSTiers who don't know better. Raziel: If you're done, then take me back to Nosgoth. Now. Demonicuss: Hang on, let us leave the Theatre. And with that, the four found themselves back in the Hall. Demonicuss waited for his three guests to reorient themselves from the warp, and then asked, "So, how was it?" Dave replied, "Well, it was nice to get out of the Dwarf for a while, but I rather spend my time doing things more enjoyable than joking about crappy stories." Mihoshi thought for a while and answered, "Well, I kinda liked making jokes, but why did we have to watch that ugly thing?" Raziel just stood and glared. Demonicuss strode up to the fuming Soul Reaver. "Well Raziel, what did you think?" "All you've done is waste my time, demonling. Send me back before I lose my patience." Demonicuss sighed and said, "Okay everyone, I'll send you back home. But keep this in mind. One day soon I will call you back to me. And hopefully I'll have a better fanfic to rip into. 'Till that time, I bid you good day." And with that, he created the rifts to send his team, his Naughty Devils, back home to rest, relax, or continue their missions of vengeance, until he needed to summon them again. --Author's Notes Well, that was my first MST of a lemon fanfic. I'd like to thank Bryan Weber, Peter Suzuki, Loden Taylor, and the other Masters out there for making such funny MSTies that I decided to try my hand at it. A Fuck You within a Thanks to AAA-PhuckNut, for writing such a shitty, twisted, and just plain evil story for my first MST. Here a lesser man would say, "Quit writing shit!", but I'm not that lesser. Let me know hat you think of my work. Is if okay, mediocre, poor, or great? Got praise, criticism, advice or a death threat for mocking your shitty story? E-Mail me at dwendorf@usa.net