The Average Disclaimer : the names, concepts, and weird personal quirks of the characters I use are property of their respective owners. I do not claim to own any of them, and I shall not in the future. Hope is an actual, real person, and she appears through her own will...that, and she's a really nice ol' gal. Dae is my own creation, and to this day I still have no idea why I made him.... Steven is also a real person, and wishes to say hi to everyone. In space, no one can hear you scream. However, in the case of one Ryan Russin, they can certainly hear you curse. Aboard the deck of the dreadnought-class flagship Great Fox, a young man sits in a pile of bolts, scrap metal, and wiring. His long, wavy brown hair is tied back carelessly. Dirt and grime appear in patches over his pale skin. In front of him sat a strange contraption, an odd hybrid of machine and paper mache. Throughout its long, tupe like body, wirings, nails, and a really large soda can poke out. RYAN : *standing* Dammit, dammit, son of a bitch! The tired, frustrated young man kicks the apparatus, whereupon a bright blue glow begins emmiting from the control panel. Gears girate, pistons move, and (strangely) a cow moos. The long haired maniac rushes to the control panel, where he begins typing. RYAN : It works! Holy crispy crap, it works! Smiling a genuinely evil smile, the grungy boy types a few more commands into the machine, stands back, and beams. An hour later, the same young man, this time with his hair down and neatly combed from an apparent shower, is standing next to what appears to be a doorway that leads to nowhere. RYAN : Hello, ladies and gentlemen! I am Ryan, your MST host for the evening aboard the Great Fox. Now, one may ask why I have entered the MST community... Ryan walks over to the derranged machine seen earlier, his hand gesturing to the monitor attached to it. RYAN : Now, there are many MST groups at TMFFA, such as the JEDRI, the Escher, and the Causality gang. I make no claims to differ from them in targets -- I, too despise horrendous fanfics, and it wracks my brain trying to figure out how some of the bastard writers had even made it out of the womb. An image appears on the monitor. Its Richard Nixon. RYAN : For the use of example, lets say this is AAA-Phucknut. Now, any MSTer knows, and fears, the name of Phucknut. He's evil, pure and simple. Now, what do most of the MSTers wish to do to this antichrist? The image of Richard Nixon is suddenly and violently shot multiple times. RYAN : This is what we'd like to do; unfortunately, such an act is illegal in most of the free world. So, the best most can muster is to slap-happily bash such vile crap.I wish to carry the torch of my forefathers, and as they have, really make fun of bad fics. Ryan, after typing a few commands on the keyboard, walks back over to the odd doorway seen earlier. RYAN : As any MSTer knows, you must have a crew. Without one, its really not much fun experiencing the pain alone. The first thing I need is a pilot; as it happens, I stole the Great Fox from the Star Fox team, and i really have no clue as to piloting it. Currently, we are safely in orbit with mars. We can't stay here for long, though, as may find us.... *presses a button on the side of the door* Now, may I present to you the pilot of the Great Fox, my esteemed colleague, "Psycho" Steven Matters! From seemingly nowhere, a tall, lanky young man steps through the doorway. He his drabbed in black clothing, with various chains and spiked bracelets adorning him.His hair is equally spiked. Steven stands there, a perplexed look on his face. STEVEN : Where the hell am I? RYAN : Welcome aboard, Steve m'boy! STEVEN : *still perplexed* um...Ryan, where the hell am I and why am I here? RYAN : Your aboard the Great Fox, and you are now its pilot! STEVEN : *deadpan* Your kidding, right? I still have my learners permit. I don't know how to drive a spaceship! RYAN : *slaps Steven on the back, still smiling* Well, your gonna learn! *shoves Steven aside* And now, on with our second guest. Now, I've picked this one out of pure pleasure, as I enjoy both his comic book series and games immensly. Let's give a hand for Tal'Set Tan'Celle'Nyo, a.k.a, Turok The Dinosaur hunter. Turok steps through the portal, looking strangely calm. He takes a look of his surrounding. Seeing the strange contraption, he walks over to it, peering at the computer screen . TUROK : *to Ryan* This is a transdimensional gateway accelerator, is it not? RYAN : Why, yes it it. How did you know? TUROK : You don't become the slayer of dimensional aliens, psychotic androids, and vicious dinosaurs without seeing a few of these. Although I've never seen one so.... RYAN : Original? TUROK : I was going to say half-assed, but original works. RYAN : Er....right. Anyway, onto our next guest. When one MST's a Tenchi fic, you just HAVE to have an anime character. Having a love for kung-fu and western movies, I'm bringing another favorite of mine, from the series Cowboy Bebop, Spike Spiegel. Spike Spiegel walks through the doorway with a cup of coffee in one hand, a bagel in the other, and a look of bewilderment etched across his face. He stands there, mouth wide. RYAN : Welcome, Spike. SPIKE : ........ RYAN : Um...Spike? SPIKE : ........ RYAN : ........ STEVEN : ....... TUROK : *looking at the other three: Are you three going do that all day, because I would really like to know why I was brought here. RYAN : *snaps out of it* All in good time, Tal'set. TUROK : ....how did you know my true name? DUO : .... STEVEN : *shakes Spike's shoulder* Um...dude? You okay, man? *to Ryan* I think there's something wrong with him. RYAN : Don't worry, he'll snap out of it. STEVEN : Oh...can I have his bagel? RYAN : Yeah, sure. While Steven starts eating the bagel, Turok walks over to Ryan, grabbing him by his shirt collar, and lifts him several inches off the floor. TUROK : I will repeat this only once: Why am I here? RYAN : Or you'll do what? Kill me? That won't accomplish anything. It certainly won't get you back to the Lost Land. Turok, with a look of dawning knowledge, puts Ryan down. RYAN : Besides, isnt this a nice alternative from sleeping with one eye open, hunting from day to day? TUROK : *scratches chin* Well, now that you mention it... RYAN : ...And eating stinky dinosaur meat, and not showering for weeks on end, and having to deal with that whiny little bitch, Joshua, and... TUROK : Um...Okay, I get the picture. RYAN : And--Oh...sorry, went off the handle there. Spike, having since snapped out of his trance, looks around the interior of the Gateway chamber, eyes scrutenizing the Accelerator. He takes a sip of his coffee, and brings his other hand up to bite his now-missing bagel, only to bite air. SPIKE : Hey....where's my bagel? RYAN : *adjusts shirt* Right. Let's move on, shall we? Now, for our final guest, I'm going to pull yet another friend of mine. Coming all the way from Billercia,Mass, may I present Hope. A young woman steps out of the doorway...well, not quite steps out as thrashes around violently. Her hair is long and multi-colored. She is tall, with light, fair skin and a leather jacket. She is screaming, and it takes a moment for everyone to realize that she is singing. HOPE : WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING REAL, WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING TRUE! : -_-; Hope continues to thrash around and singing, unaware of her surroundings. TUROK : *To Steven* Who's that? STEVEN : *shrugs* I dunno, but I know what she's singing. SPIKE : Oh? What? STEVEN : Nine Inch Nails "Wish". Turok and Spike look at each other, and just shrug. HOPE : I'M THE ONE WITHOUT A SOUL, I'M THE ONE-- RYAN : *waving a hand in front of her face* um...Hope? HOPE : NO NEW TALE TO-- She stops her self-moshing and singing, stopping and looking around in amazement. She spots Ryan, and her eyes grow big. HOPE : Ryan-Chan! Hope grasps Ryan in a bone-crushing hug. Ryan's face turns red, then to a blueish-purple. RYAN : *struggling for air* Gah...huh.... HOPE : *nuzzling into his neck* oh, Ryan! How are you? I haven't talked to you in days! RYAN : Er...cant... STEVEN : *walks over to Hope* Um...your crushing Ryan... Hope stops crushing the life out of Ryan, which Ryan promptly falls to the floor, gasping for air. She turns to Steven. HOPE : ...Who are you? STEVEN : I'm Steven. And you are...? Hope, however, doesn't answer, as she has now walked over to Spike, looking up at him in wonder. SPIKE : *looking at Hope* ...yes? HOPE : Aren't you Spike? SPIKE : Um....yeah, how'd you-- Spike never finishes his sentence, as Hope immediately glomps him in loving affection. Turok looks on in amazement, then in disgust. SPIKE : HEY! Get offa me! You made me spill my coffee! HEY!!! RYAN : *dusting himself off* Right....let's all go to the conference room, where I can all tell you why you are here. TUROK : This better be good.... Steven, Ryan and Turok all walk out through a door on the far right. Hope continues glomping Spike, much against Spike's wishes. SPIKE : Hey! Guys, c-can I get some help here?! She won't let go of--HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY PANTS?! OW! L-leggo! Several minutes later, the crew sit around a large, round table. Ryan is sitting back, sipping coffee, while Steven drinks from a can of Dr. Pepper. Turok stands against a refridgerator. Hope is clinging to Spike, nuzzling his arm. Spike looks at her with a look of fear. SPIKE : Um...can we get her a muzzle? TUROK : *looking at Ryan* So why are we here? RYAN : *not looking up from his coffee* Your here to MST bad Tenchi Muyo fanfics. Steven does a spit take, while Hope looks at him in horror. HOPE : W-w-wha? STEVEN : Your insane! What the hell did you smoke?! Spike and Turok look at each other in confusion. SPIKE : Whats Tenchi Muyo? TUROK : What's a fanfic, for that matter? Steven turns to both of them, a look of dread across his face. STEVEN : Tenchi Muyo is a japanese cartoon, named 'anime'. You, Spike, are part of an anime called Cowboy Bebop. A fanfic is a written story that involves the characters from movies, comic books, and animes, who are often written into love triangles, impossible situations, and sometimes crossovers with other characters from other storylines. Now, some of these "fics" are quite good, even spectacular, but many are horrendously written. We, unfortunately, have to watch horrendous fanfics of Tenchi Muyo. Spike and Turok listen intently, and when Steven is done, they look at each other with a look of dawning horror. Hope, meanwhile, has her hands around Ryan's neck, strangling him. HOPE : How could you drag me into this! What is you malfunction?! I'm going to rip your balls off and shove them down your throat!! Ryan struggles against her, gasping for air. Spike walks towards the pair, pulling out a .44 magnum. Turok, upon seeing the weapon, dives at Spike, bringing him down to the floor. The .44 goes off, shattering the coffee machine. Hope stops choking Ryan, and all look to Spike and Turok, who are struggling on the floor. Turok easily overpowers Spike, and pins both of his arms on the floor. TUROK : Listen to me, boy! If we kill the little weasel, who will send us home? We will be stuck here. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Spike nods in assurance, and Turok lets him go. SPIKE : *to Ryan* Why did you drag us, of all people, to do such a...horrendous thing? RYAN : 'Cause I like ya. SPIKE : Oh.... Hope gets off of Ryan, and sits back in her chair. HOPE : Ryan, honey, sweetheart...you know I love ya and all, but why do I have to go through this? What did I do to deserve this?! RYAN : You violated Dae's programming. Do you know how long it took to reprogram him from thinking he was a porn star? Hope looks down, blushing, and all except Ryan look at her. STEVEN : Um...I think I'll just leave that as is.... SPIKE : ....... Ryan gets up, gesturing to Steven. He points to a door leading out of the lounge. RYAN : Steven, that way leads to the control cabin. There, you will pilot the Great Fox. There should be books and tutorials and how-to's on piloting the ship. SPIKE : Wait....he gets to pilot and we get to endure pain? What gives?! I can pilot! RYAN : I've seen you pilot the "Baby", and I wouldn't trust you with a remote control car. SPIKE : *red faced, looking at Turok* PLEASE can I kill him? HOPE : So, uh....what fic are we MSTing, anyway? RYAN : Ah! I'm glad you asked! Hope rolls her eyes, mentaly smacking herself. RYAN : Now, I'm not going to do AAA-Phucknut or Tankcop.. most of theirs fics have been MSTed to death. I'm going to whip up an idiotic crossover of...well, Idiotic proportions. TUROK : Why do I suddenly have a bad feeling? SPIKE : *patting him on the shoulder* You'll find out soon enough, I fear.... _______________________________________________________________________________ All are in a spacious theater. The seats are stadium-style, with a large screen at the end. They are sitting in the front row, in this order : (from left) Spike, Turok, Ryan, Hope. TUROK : *looking around* Hm....nice. SPIKE : Eh, i've seen better.... HOPE : Whoa, we got fic... Disclaimer: I do not own tenchi and all the other peoples besides the announcers, cuz I made them up. everybody else is owned by somebody else...I'm also not making any money off of this...im bored so I did this ,ok!!! HOPE : No! It's not okay! RYAN : Bored isn't an excuse. Gengis Kahn was bored, and look what he did. SPIKE : He took over most of Asia. If this guy gets bored even further, imagine what he could REALLY do. *All shudder at the thought* I like to keep as much money as I can so DON'T sue me!! SPIKE :Yeah, let's not sue him, let's just beat him to a state of paralysis so he can never write fanfics again. TUROK : Sounds good to me. this is a lemon so kids don't read this!! And if you can't stand the cussing than don't read this. HOPE : Okay, does that mean we can leave? RYAN : Nope. Doors are locked until the fic ends. HOPE : Damn. By: Wazupmetal title: WRESTLE MANIA: TENCHI STYLE ________________________________________________________________________ SPIKE : Gah! Lines! "Hello!! And welcome to United Planetary pSycho's federation or UPS for short!! I'm....," HOPE : Hey, hey! Lawsuit! He can't use UPS. SPIKE : Well, now he can. A strange tongue pronounced a foreign word... "if u can't understand that, im also called 'cock sucker.'" TUROK : This'll have to pass for humor for now. RYAN :Until actual humor is found please enjoy this substitute. "And im bloodclaw, one of the hosts of this show, and good to be here cocksucker!" HOPE : *giggles, then lets out a full-blown laugh* The crowd roared with excitement. Signs everywhere were being held up like 'kick his ass seabass!' or something like that. RYAN : Yeah, something like that. It's not like you wrote this or anything. Cocksucker turned his head toward the camera saying, "Good to have you here!Tonight's fights are going to be great indeed. First match we have Tenchi..., hatsuma...,kokato...,and goku!!" HOPE : This guy had to drag Goku into this fic, what the hell?! TUROK :Another name dragged through the mud. RYAN : More like violently thrown into the mud, stomped on, and then shot. Tenchi's nose started to bleed "....... why am I doing this?" SPIKE : Don't ask us, we don't know why you're here either. Cocksucker continued, " This is a' everybody for himself match' . Our second match is a long awaited one.Ayeka, princess of juria, vs. ryoko the ex-space pirate!!!" The crowd roared, screamed, TUROK : Beat, choked, maimed... and shouted as loud as they could. SPIKE : Until they went hoarse and went home. The end. RYAN : Amen. Meanwhile Tenchi quietly prays, still in the back, slaps his face, "lord help me......I'll pray every night and ask forgiveness too, if you let me live....I don't care about the others.... just let me live...PLEASE!!!" HOPE : I'm sure God appreciates your self centered wish, but do to high caller volume it cannot be granted. Please try back later. RYAN : Please leave a message after the beep. "And our final fight is between sasami, washu ...vs. kiyone and mihosi with guest ref.,a mystery ref...... so we'll find out later. Now lets take it to the ring with Miss . ....wats her name??" SPIKE : Excuse me, it's pronounced "What's" not "Wats". RYAN : Sorta like Earthworm Jim, but....not. HOPE : (immitating Earthworm Jim) Groo-vay! "Thanks ,I'm chokeoncum HOPE : "Chokeoncum"? There's a South Parkism and a half. we are with one of the fighters..hatsuma.....huh?" TUROK : Huh? HOPE : What? SPIKE : Where? RYAN : Oh! Prince of Space! *all look at him* RYAN : What? with that hatsuma started to go humping crazy on her leg. He moaned, "oh ryoko....why don't you understand me....." and started to cry, still humping chokeoncum. HOPE : What the shit is going on? SPIKE : Did the ozone layer finally give out, what is this? RYAN : I'm writing it off as an acid-induced hallucionation. HOPE : But you don't take acid. RYAN : I wish....maybe then, I might know what's going on. "Oh my god! Get of, of....oooooh.... me!" TUROK : Apparently someone wants someone else to get 'of' of them, whatever the hell that means. she started rub his balls. RYAN : And then pulled them off like a paper towel. SPIKE : Ooooookay...this is rather random. TUROK : And stupid. The referee yelled, "lets get it..." "Excuse me.... um can I leave??? I really don't want to die...." The ref replied, "Sorry son you know the rules!" HOPE : Tenchi, not obeying or understanding the rules, was beaten senseless by Mills Lane, and never appeared in a fic again. Ever. SPIKE : Woohoo! Full of rage tenchi grab his sword and swings for his head, "JESUS, LET ME OUT OF....here....oops!" TUROK : Yes, I accidentally swung my sword straight at your head and it just happened to cut your head off. It's not my fault. with that the bell rung ,the ref's head rolled out of the ring, and hatsuma still humping away. SPIKE : (as Mills Lane's severed head) What the hell did you do that for?! "Man he just killed our referee!! I hope he...." TUROK : Gets mauled by rabid chihuahua's. "Damn it man! it's starting so shut up!" bloodclaw yelled at cocksucker,as kokato ran towards hatsuma. TUROK : What is shutting up?! What's going on?! RYAN : Hey, remember us; the audience? Could you at least make some sort of attempt to tell us what's going on? "You bitch! that's my hoe!" kokato yelled," Get off of her!" "GGGGGRRRRRRRRRR!!! She's mine!!!" the horney hatsuma contined with the humping. And a hard kick to the balls got hatsuma's attention. "Ugh............"his hands cupped on his balls,"damn.... that's it for me..."Hatsuma moaned, and started to puke his brains out. TUROK : This scene has nothing to do with anything, but let's just focus on it anyways. RYAN : One kick to the gonads and he goes down? Please! HOPE : Mind if I test that idea on you? RYAN : Er....no,thats okay.... Kokato grabbed him with one hand ,by the neck, started to beat the living daylights out of him. SPIKE : Let's jump up there and help with the beating. ALL: Yeah! While chokeoncum ran away towards her dressing room, kokato was enjoying the noises the hatsuma made when his bodily fluids squirt out of him. RYAN : The writer apparently has a short term memory. He seems to forgotten entirely that this is supposed to be about a wrestling match. HOPE : If you could call this drivel writing... Meanwhile....Goku TUROK : Forgot for a sec there. ...which now he gone crazy from too many concussions from earlier battles,(for example fighting friza, SPIKE : "Friza"? Who the hell is Friza? RYAN : I think he means "Freeza" SPIKE : Oh. androids, and other people or things)yells, "Tenchi how could you...you....wait ....your not Tenchi... HOPE : your Bob Hope! your an android!! SPIKE : He is? TUROK : I...I guess, I dunno. NO!!! NOT AGAIN!!" and started to power up. HOPE : Is this like Ozzfest where there's two different stages? RYAN : I guess The Tenchi and Goku fight is on the second stage by the way it seems. Poor Tenchi puts his hands in his face.." Oh god....... I wish I got laid before I died..." SPIKE : And whose fault is that? HOPE : It's not like that entire house of girls wanted you but you refused them all or anything. Goku, charged past the bloody pulp of hatsuma and punched and kicked Tenchi with super speed. Tenchi, now with all of his bones broken, lay limp in a corner. Goku, at point blank, put his fingers like guns and quoted, "You feel lucky, punk!" RYAN : Okay, that's three grammatical errors and a slightly misquoted line in one sentence. I'm gonna keep track of these things for a while if it's okay with you guys. TUROK : I really don't give a rat's ass what you do, Ryan. RYAN : Alrighty then. with a huge anime sweat drop he replied, " Not ...not...really... I just..." And, Goku, fired the energy blasts. "yyyaaaa!!!" RYAN : Improper comma use. Tenchi, though now filled with holes fell,"uuuuugggghhhhgh..." RYAN : Stupid sentence. Meanwhile...kokato continued to beat what was left of hatsuma. Finally he dropped him. "Fool! You thought you could defeat me! Hu?" RYAN : "Huh" is spelled incorrectly. HOPE : Okay, stop now. RYAN : Sure. TUROK : Oh, I think I just got what's going on. They started the fight without letting us know officially. EVERYONE ELSE: Oh. Hatsuma jumps into the air saying," YES! Time to DIIIEEEE!!!" He charged his energy attack, and fired, "YYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAA hahaahhaahah!!! Die bastard!" SPIKE : (immitating Kokato) No. Kokato smiled as he grabbed the incoming energy balls,"Nice...but not good enough!!" And smacked hatsuma into an energy sandwich, "die you poor, Idiotic pimp." hatsuma instantly died from the blast. HOPE : Pimp? TUROK : ...Did anyone catch what the hell that was? SPIKE : Nope. RYAN : Nada. HOPE : Uh uh. RYAN : For God's sake this dude needs to go back to third grade and learn proper sentence structure if he wants his writing to be somewhat comprehensible. "One down, one to gooooo!! Umf! What in sweet...??!" HOPE : What in sweet strawberry-and -vanilla ice cream? RYAN : Huh? HOPE : I'm hungry, sue me. Goku latched on to kokato and started to weep..., " I've killed a man!!! How could I...? SPIKE : You blasted him with multiple energy blasts, remember? I had a noble heart...how could I.... I can't take it anymore...im going to kill myself ...bye...bye... I loved the earth so...." TUROK : Well what the hell did you expect to happen when you riddle a human with high powered energy attacks?! RYAN : Swiss cheese? HOPE : Don't start. kokato interrupted, " NNNNNNOOOOO!!!!!! NOO! Please no!!" Bloodclaw yelled, " Run!!! Get down!!" HOPE : Get funky!! with that a bright explosion filled the arena. RYAN : Kokato fall down, go boom! The roof started to shake, but that was all. Bloodclaw jumps down to look at the ring. The explosiononly TUROK : The WHAT?! "Explosiononly", what the Christ is that supposed to mean?! RYAN : It means "fanfic jump up my butt". SPIKE : I see. killed kokato, the ring had a little bit of ashes, but Goku still lived. " Damn it to Hell! I can't even kill myself!! I give up! " And leaves. TUROK : Be productive. Go kill the author! Bloodclaw yells, " The winner..is....Goku....I think.....oh well I still think Goku's a pussy!" RYAN : A boo haha! Say that to his face and see what happens. "Well look who he had to fight against..." cocksucker mumbled "True that!! Anywho...we have a special - between the fight - performance. It will be made by Noboyuki and yosho! They will be performing one of their favorite hentai scenes." TUROK : ...What? HOPE : Uh... SPIKE : Oh, Jesus tap-dancing Christ... Bloodclaw mumbled, "man..this is going to be so gay" ALL : We agree! Cocksucker replied, "yup" Noboyuki stuck his ass up in the air, in the ring. He yelled," Ready, pops?" HOPE : No, stop now. "As I ever will be," yosho calmly replied. HOPE : I mean it. He grabbed his hips, "OOh don't be too hard." HOPE : I said NO! "Hardy har, har. Have I ever been too hard on you?" HOPE : I swear to God I'll scream rape. Noboyuki thought for awhile," now that I think about it..." RYAN : (immitating Nobiyuki) What the hell am I doing?! "Nevermind!" yosho yelled as he began to pull down his pants. ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! "Oh no! Not this time!" said bloodclaw as he jumped into the ring again, "No gays allowed in the stadium or on this planet!!! Go back to hell!!" he pulled out his sword. SPIKE : Oh, for once I'm glad to see him. "Isn't that too rash, think before y.....o...uuu...." he was too late, bloodclaw cut yosho in half. RYAN : On the side bloodclaw leads a life as a Klan's member. HOPE : Oh, like Mr. Hat? RYAN : Uh....yeah... "NNONONONONONO!! Don't hurt me! I'm actually an insane person who believes that he's a woman, so don't hurt me!" TUROK : Oh, THAT will work... noboyuki was on his knees, "sorry! " was all bloodclaw could stand before he stabbed him too, "Darn,so pretty, so close.......oh well..." was his last words HOPE : "Were" his last words, you mean. The crowd yelled in union,"' thank god! That WAS gay!'" And so the 'clean up crew' began to clean the ring. RYAN : I think I've figured it out....Bloodclaw is an SI. SPIKE : A what? STEVEN : *over intercomm* SI--self-insertion. HOPE : So...Bloodclaw is the author? SPIKE : Seems that way... TUROK : Great, we're dealing with a homophobe... ______________________________________________________________________________ ________________ SPIKE : Hey, Nascar burnout marks. HOPE : Neat. *A few minutes later* HOPE : Yes, a few minutes later the world blows up, the end, can we leave now? "Welcome back to UPS and we go straight to the next fight! Between Ryoko and Ayeka!" HOPE : Damn, the world didn't blow up. SPIKE & TUROK : We wish. The referee signaled the bell and immediately Ryoko phased out. STEVEN : *over intercomm* Ryoko is clearly a Magic the Gathering creature. TUROK : What? HOPE : You'd have to be familiar with the game to understand. TUROK : Oh. Ayeka confused by the move, turn her head just to meet the fist of Royko. Ayeka fell flat on her face. She moaned in pain... SPIKE : She's easily confused, isn't she? RYAN : More like severely out of character. She wouldn't have been blindsided by Ryoko so easily. She would have either used her logs for defense, or bonked Ryoko with her giant mallet. HOPE : Or not in this fic to begin with. RYAN : Good point. Ryoko with a victorious smile laughed, " Tenchi!!! My love, we will be together forever as soon as I kill Ayeka!! HAhahahah!" She yanked Ayeka up and kneaded her in the gut. SPIKE : She kneaded her? How is that possible? Is Ayeka made of cookie dough? HOPE : New, Play-do Ayeka! "Oomph!!" she coughed up blood and tried to stand up " You fool, *hack*(more blood), don't you know......" Ryoko yelled, "know what?" Ayeka smirked at her ignorance.. "Lord Tenchi is ....DEAD!!" RYAN : Dead Jim, dead. TUROK : Shut the fuck up. RYAN : Mkay. Ryoko's eyes flared up,"WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Ayeka charges towards Ryoko, "You herd me, there's nothing more to fight about, let's end this!!" And does her most powerful punch on Ryoko. Bloodclaw mummers," Looks like a deathblow by Ayeka.. ,uh?" In a unbelievable move, ryoko grabbed Ayeka's arm and flips her, a amazing countermove. SPIKE : Yes it was 'a' amazing counter move. Too bad it couldn't be shown. "Tenchi, will always live!" "GET over it!" SPIKE : No! I won't GET over it. HOPE : GET me a pizza! With EXTRA cheese! RYAN : Dude, that was bad. HOPE : I know. But I'm hungry. Ayeka had enough, she paralyzed ryoko using the 'ryoko trap' washu made for Ayeka. RYAN : Oh, the handy dandy 'ryoko trap' that Washu just HAPPENED to build to capture her daughter Ryoko. Right. "Ha! Now prepare to die!" she unleashes a fury of punches on ryoko. HOPE : Has Ayeka, the stuck up little princess, always been this skilled at hand-to-hand combat? TUROK : Let's not bother asking. "uhng!! Stop that Ayeka! It tickles!" And for a moment, less than a second, SPIKE : Ayeka's hair turned plaid. TUROK : There was a riff in time and space. HOPE : A cow exploded. RYAN : Fred Durst wasn't a sellout ego-fueled asshole. the paralyzing rays stopped. Ryoko sent an energy blast that finished off the 'Ryoko trap'. Ayeka flew back from the blast, and stunned from the fact that Ryoko destroyed Washu's trap.... "Impossible...no matter...I will destroy you!" "Not in this life time! Miss prissy pants, bitch!" SPIKE : Oh, now that is just motherfucking inappropriate. And sent a high kick to Ayeka's head. RYAN : (immitating Master Chop-Chop Onion) Kick, punch, its all in the mind! Ayeka stumbled but recovered quickly and charged again at Ryoko. "Prissy bitch, my ass!!" ALL: *snickering* She gave everything she had on these hard and fast, not to mention furious, attacks. Ryoko blocked and dodged a few. Till finally a combo of double punches and a side kick sent Ryoko back to the corner, hard. "Not bad princess, but not good enough!" HOPE : (as Black Melmet) Evil will always win, because good is dumb! "Wait listen to me! There's still no need to fight! Lord Tenchi is DEAD!!" Ryoko screams, "NOOO! HE'S STILL ALIVE! YOU LIE!" RYAN : (immitating Invader Zim) No! You lie! You liiiiiiie! Ayeka, doing everything to convince her, continues, " Well if he's still alive where is he!Hum? Don't know, eh, Ryoko?" HOPE : (stereotypical Canadian accent) You don't know, eh? Come on, what's that all aboot, eh? Ryoko eyes started to tear up at the thought of Tenchi's death. Ayeka pushed the final button on Ryoko, TUROK : The "off" button. "And if you loved him soooo much why didn't you save him? I thought you really truly loved him. I didn't see you try to rush the ring. Well I did but the ......." SPIKE : Why is Ayeka speaking Ryoko's lines for her? TUROK : I guess she misread the script or something. and she went on and on and on. SPIKE : Until the end of time. A tear of Ryoko fluttered to the canvas of the ring, she started to shake, her eyes turned to blood red, her fangs grew an extra 3 inches long. The anger, no Rage consumed her. HOPE : Her eyes turned blood red and fangs grew from anger but no rage consumed her. Sure. RYAN : When did she grow fangs? SPIKE : Probably when we weren't looking. Electricity formed around her, though Ayeka didn't notice till now, " I guess you came to your senses, now all we...have to.........oh dear......" TUROK : Oh dear, it appears that I am about to have my ass handed to me. That slighly disappoints me. RYAN : Good one. TUROK : Shut up. RYAN : Mkay. by then Ryoko was in the air, gathering as much energy as she could, Ryoko smirked, " And anyways I must iracicate all the annoying people in the universe. HOPE : So you're gonna get rid of boy bands, girlie bands, 80% of rap artists, protesters, Saddam Hussein, bad fanfic writers, assholes, Fred Durst, posers, sellouts, egomaniacs...and the list goes on. SPIKE : Damn, she's got her work cut out for her. Sorry princess! Time to go where you belong. In the grave! YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAA!" At First it look like she would fire her energy blast, but instead she kept on 'powering up'. TUROK : Yes, "Powering up" as you kids call it these days. Ayeka stood frozen with huge multiple anime sweat drops on her forehead."...Oh my..." RYAN : Watch it, you almost showed an emotion there. Suddenly Ryoko stopped and lifted two fingers straight up, and formed a baseball sized energy ball. HOPE : (as baseball heckler) Hey, batta batta batta! "So is that what you want, Ryoko? Fine! I'll have to use my trump card, LIGHTHAWK WINGS PREPARE TO FIRE!!" The energy swirled around charging up to fire. RYAN : Feh. Vegita would scoff at that. HOPE : And his attack names are any better? The crowd went wild at the sight of SPIKE : The exit sign. TUROK : The author on a spit. RYAN : Strippers. HOPE : *smacks Ryan*Ryan no Hentai! the charging up of powers. "Oh lord..... tell everybody to prepare for a huge blast... we need our workers to live or there's no show!", as the microphones caught bloodclaw behind stage, the crowd still continued to scream TUROK : Furiously at the author. in appoval. RYAN : Of the author getting the death penalty. Ayeka, now hovering with Ryoko, finally released the lighthawk wings' power, "LIGHTHAWK WINGS, FIRE!!" SPIKE : No. The beam, a light blue, HOPE : Just thought you'd like to know what color it was. RYAN : It's a giant freeze pop! Run! was flying at Ryoko at an incredible speed. "Hahahahah! Good bye Ryoko!" SPIKE : Flying towards Ryoko at an incredible speed it would have hit her long before Ayeka could even start her sentence, judging by the relatively small distance apart the two are from each other. RYAN : You have to remember that the proper laws of physics don't apply in crappy fanfics. HOPE : Or anime, for that matter. Ryoko waited at the last minute, the baseball-sized ball transformed to a small moon sized ball. SPIKE : Okay, a moon sized energy ball would have taken up the entire stadium and then some, scorching every living thing within AT LEAST a 100 mile radius. HOPE : What did I just tell you? SPIKE : Sorry. "YYYYAAA!" And the sphere energy charged towards the light hawk's beam. Both of the powerful energies where in a stalemate in midair. Slowly the lighthawk's beam began to push Ryoko's energy back. "Hahahahahahahhaha soon Ryoko will feel my wrath! Hahahahahah!" As soon as ball of energy touched the ground, both them exploded! "OH my GOD!!" RYAN : They killed Kenny! HOPE : You bastards! Bloodclaw couldn't believe it as the two energies annihilated the ring. As Ayeka continued to be a cocky cunt , she felt a tap on her shoulder. "No! It couldn't be!" RYAN : It can't BE! You're INVISIBLE! *All look at him* RYAN : What? She turned her head (like a dumbass), SPIKE : I thought she turned her head more like a retarded rabbit. to meet Ryoko with hundreds of energy balls floating around her. " Shields up!" she yelled, only to hear the 'error' noise. SPIKE : Error. You're body has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. RYAN : (Immitating Ayeka) Damn you, Microsoft! "What? Oh no! I've must have used all the energy......" Before she could finished her sentence, TUROK : Judging by the punctuation she had plenty of time to finish her sentence, but whatever, I didn't write this crap. Ryoko sent the balls of death at Ayeka! "NNNNNNNNNNOOOOO!!" ALL: YEEEEEEEEES!! BOOM! BOOM!! BBBBoooooooooooooooommmmm!!!! RYAN : BOOMSTICK! Smoke filled the arena, and a lifeless body fluttered to the ground to only greet it with a THUD! HOPE : Hi, my name's Thud, how's it going? Ayeka moaned in pain. Ryoko slowly lowered herself to ' finish her off'. HOPE : Hey, hey, HEY! Continuity! Ayeka's body was lifeless and now she's alive and moaning?! TUROK : I'm not suprised. "Finally Ayeka you will die..... What on earth? " As new energy ball flew past her and killed Ayeka. "Hey she was mine!" SPIKE : She was my bitch! *all look at him odd* SPIKE : What? The man yelled back, "Well since I killed a person in cold blood it doesn't matter that I kill again!! I'm now a Bad guy!!!! HAHAhahahahahahah!!!" RYAN : He's turned into Vegita apparently. HOPE : Vegita, seeing the horrendous writing, proceeded to use his Big Bang Attack and annihilated the authors home state, thus destroying him and his entire bloodline. The End. SPIKE : Just a little dark, don't you think? HOPE : Do I care? "Oh man! It's the pussy boy, Goku! Can I kill him please?!" Bloodclaw pleaded. RYAN : Ha! I sincerely doubt your ability to do that! "You know our rules, we can't inter...." SPIKE : No, no intering for you. but bloodclaw had other ideas. "I know but I just really hate his guts!!" TUROK : Hey, what'd his organs ever do to you? And bloodclaw grabbed for his sword. HOPE : ......accidentaly grabbing his penis, forcefully ripping it from his body. *all the males groan* HOPE : *snickers* Meanwhile, Goku and Ryoko where in a middle of punches, kicks, and blocks. Both where equal in power till Goku jabbed her in the gut. "Ack! Why you dirty son of a..... SPIKE : (immitating Ryoko) What's the word? oomph!" SPIKE : (immitating Ryoko again) No, that's not it. Damn. and got elbowed in the face. She fell towards the ground trying to recover from the attack. Too bad Goku fired his spirit bomb at her! " What the hell?" and was overcome by the blast. All was left was her ashes. SPIKE : Dammit, she didn't get to rid the world of all the annoying people! And she was hot too, what the hell?! TUROK : Calm down, it's only a fic. SPIKE : I don't care! This author needs to die! RYAN : Unlike Bob the Defiler and Jerry the Juicer, we can't extract revenge on idiot lemon writers, so just sit down and shut up. *Spike sits down, grumbling and looking sullen* "The one thing I hate more than anything is jackasses like you!!!" And with a single swing from behind, Goku's head was lobbed off. RYAN : Oh COME ON!! Monstrous energy blasts of death barely phase Goku, but swing a sword at him and it's all over?! HOPE : The sword would have broken and Goku would have turned bloodclaw's ass inside out, handed it to him, and stuffed it down his throat. TUROK : We only wish... The cut was clean, and the crowd went wild. Blooclaw smirked, and put the sword in the sheath with the blood still covering the sword. RYAN : And he doesn't take proper care of the sword either! You're supposed ot wipe it off before you sheath it again, jackass! " What a fight! Just wait for the third and final; with no interruptions...hopefully, match. Washu and sasami Vs. kiyone and mihosi and our mystery referee! It's sakuya!" TUROK : Well, it's not a mystery referee anymore, ass bag! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ --------------- SPIKE : So Bloodclaw took out the lines too, huh? TUROK : Probably. But who cares, the fic sucks. SPIKE : Good point. * Few minutes later* " What that brat?!" Washu exclaimed "Yup! It's that slut that wants Tenchi real bad! But isn't Tenchi dead? " Sasami explained. HOPE : Yes, she explained it in the form of a question. "Yes, but you know....!!! I know, I've got an idea!" as the two mini washus appeared giveing her prasie , RYAN : Aw, they gave her prasie wasie. " You're the greatest!" "Thank god she's easily asmused." sasami said as she and the others went towards the middle of the ring. TUROK : (immitating Washu) What'd you call me? Sakuya, as usall was thinking of Tenchi, when Washu interruped her daydream , " Umm.. before we start. I would like to give you something" She wipped out a ordiary looking dildo. She wispered, "It's Tenchi's size." HOPE : (immitating Sakuya) That's just a twig...oh, I see. *all look at her odd. She doesnt notice* "I though it would be ... well bigger." Sakuya frowned at the sight. "Don't worry just go enjoy yourself... faraway, very far away." RYAN : As a matter of fact why don't you just sit out for the rest of the fanfic. SPIKE : Save yourself some trouble. "ok!" She giggled and ran away TUROK : (immitating Sakuya) Tee hee! Im perverted! "um...Washu what did you do this time?" Sasami gave a confused look. "Simple! Everytime she sticks it in her, millions of spikes pop out to tear apart her vigaina. ALL: OH MY GOD!!! SPIKE : *hurls* HOPE : I've been scarred for life... TUROK : Of all the horrors i've seen, this tops it on pure evil. She will never enjoy cilmaxes ,never ever again!That stuiped slut, HAhahahaha!" RYAN : Probably because she'll be DEAD. SPIKE : *whiping the barf from his lips* Ugh... RYAN : Your cleaning that up, you know. Washu smiled to her self as the the mini washu's appeared again. " You're the greatest! No one can touch you!" HOPE : Doink, I touched you. The bell rung and Kiyone charged towards Washu, "No one, huh?" and punched her all the way out of the ring. "I'm tired of you being the smart ass!", Mihosi interrupted," but she is the smartest..." "shut up Mihosi!" and gave her a swift side kick. "I'm sorry! I won't ever do anything bad again." HOPE : Yeah, right. Betcha anything that 5 minutes form now, she crashes the ship in the Masaki lake for the uptenth time. "Well ok. Next time I'll won't be so easy to ya." Mihosi jumped with joy," Yea! Yup!" HOPE : Boo! No fair, she didn't die. Sasami charged at mihosi," You stupid hoe!" and let loose a fury of punches and jabbes. SPIKE : Woohoo! Let's see what other skills she can pull from her ass. TUROK : So shes attacking a gardening tool? RYAN : Your thinking too far into the fic. HOPE : Yeah, you may want to quit that. It'll just cause Shinji-like behavior... RYAN : (immitating Shinji) I musnt run away, I mustn run away... "oowie!" *All snicker* "shut up! get over it!" and continued to beatup mihosi. Then the loudest noise came over the ring, SPIKE : MOOOOOOOOOOOO! " RRREEEOOOOWWW!!" "What the hell?" " Hey Kiyone, is that Rho-oike?" " I don't think so... it looks like a human figure." RYAN : It's the new GI JOE figure! SPIKE : (as TV commercial announcer) Its the new Ryo-ohki GI Joe figure! It comes with carrots, a built-in meow, a kung-fu grip, and the magical ability to get its name mispelled every time! HOPE : Remember to believe in magic, or I'll kill you. Washu exclaimed," Yes! It's Sakuya! Thank Ya Jesus!!" Kiyone shook her head," For once I agree! Amen!" The lifeless Sakuya swiftly fell on the ground with a thud, to only hear the noise again. TUROK : The phrase "lifeless" has been used before, I'm not believing that she's dead. "RRRREEOOWW!" Suddenly Washu exclaimed," Oh my god! Look! It IS Rho-oike!" RYAN : Just butchered the hell out of the spelling of the little cabbit's name, huh? SPIKE : (immitating Ryo-ohki) My name's been horribly mispelled, and I AM PISSED OFF! Rho-oike transfromed into the huge robot/mech looking form, she came crashing down from the ceiling. SPIKE : (sarcastic tone) I'm so sure she did. RYAN : God, its Shin Tenchi Ryo-ohki... TUROK : Huh? RYAN : Tenchi in Tokyo. EVERYONE ELSE : Ah. "RRRRRRRRRREEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!" "Umm... Bloodclaw what the hell is that?" cocksucker asked. "That's Rho-okie, a cabbit ... wait, what the hell? There seems to be something stuck up her ass!" TUROK : Her head! "REEEERRREEEOOOWWW!!!" "Hey is that a dildo? Washu, is it?" RYAN : Imagine a world where animals learned the use of dildos for a moment if you will. *all pause for a moment, then shudder* HOPE : Ah, dude... "WHAT?!" She started to blush, "I don't know what your talking about, Kiyone." "Oh... I see it's the one you gave to little miss slut. Wait, Why is it up Rho-okie's..." TUROK : ...Nose... Then it hit her. SPIKE : The dildo shot out of its ass and hit her. RYAN : ...exploding on impact, killing everyone in the arena. The End. "EEEWWW!! That sick bitch! That horney little...UGH!! Why I ought..." HOPE : To finish my sentences. SPLAT!! With a quick drop hand Rho-okie freckin squished her... really, inhumanly flat. "RHO-OKIE! NOO! Kiyone!! Why Rho-okie WHY? SPIKE : (gangsta' voice) How the fuck should I know, bitch?! WAAAAAAAAA!" For the first time, Rho-okie spoke! RYAN : Instead of just meowing incoherintly! "Shut your hole, and know your role! Now beat it!" and kicked her into orbit where she died of colliding space junk. TUROK : She, not knowing who "she" is, died of colliding space junk. Okay. Was that supposed to make some sort of sense, or...what? RYAN : Your thinking too hard... "Wow a cabbit that talks! I must study her more! Amazing!!" "Your not studying anything anymore you freak!" and chopped washu in half and fired her eye lasers at the rest of her remands. RYAN : The fuck's a remand? TUROK : Your mother, now shut up. "Rho-okie its me sasami, your best friend!" Rho-okie turns towards sasami, her eyes gleaming red. "Sasami, you! All these years all I wanted was a freckin carrot! HOPE : It's spelled "freaking". That or "Frickin'" if you wanna sound like Dr. Evil. RYAN : (immitating Dr. Evil) Throw me a frickin bone here. But no, you have to use them in those god-awful food, that you cooked for those ingrates! With the help of tenchi, by growing those carrot patches I have learned the fine art of carrot growing! I do not need you any more. Now I can have...REEEOOOWW!!" TUROK : You can have "REEOOWW", what the hell is that? SPIKE : I think its a french delicacy. A gargle came from deep from Rho-ioke's belly. She turns her back towards samami, and grabbed her stomach in pain, "Roew! Roew! What...?! What's going on...!? ROEW!" RYAN : Chest burster! FFFART! Rho-oike let the biggest one go! It was Bigger than anybody has ever let go. It stunk, really bad. In fact there was a haze over the arena. HOPE : Must be the Rainbow Festival. TUROK : *lights up a peace pipe, takes a hit* oh yeah... Once the haze cleared, samasi stood firm in the ring. Even though see had a dildo stuck in her chest. SPIKE : The dildo must have shot out of the cabbit's ass, made a full U-turn and somehow flew straight at Sasami's chest at a force great enough to impale her. TUROK : *High off his ass* whoa...thats uncool, man... "Well, bloodclaw, that thing that was stuck up her ass is gone...but now it's in sasami. EWW! And you know where it's been!" While cocksucker and bloodclaw try to find him a doggy bag, sasami uses all her might to pull out the dildo, while Rho-oike turns towards sasami. "Fine you won't listen to me," pulls out the dildo, " Take this!" RYAN : Just ignore the hole in your chest, it'll be fine. TUROK : *giggles* And throws it with all her might. "That was quite desperate, wasn't it." Rho-oike commented, " Oh well," And, with her lasers, shot it in midair. HOPE : Y'know, of all the characters in the Tenchi Muyo Series the only one I really wanted to die was the goddamn cabbit. So what the hell is this bullshit? TUROK : Dude, man, the cabbits the shit! *wavers around for a little bit, then falls out of his chair, giggling* RYAN : Remind me to throw away his stash... It burned to a million pieces. "Now it your turn! Die!" Rho-okie arms turned into gun barrels and she started to fire! "Hahahahah!" Sasami though small was very agile and could run like crazy to dodge the bullets. SPIKE : No she couldn't, shut your fucking mouth you idiot. HOPE : Wow, a little harsh, don'tcha think? RYAN : No, i think it was perfectly acceptable. *Turok gets back into his seat, a little less high now* HOPE : Welcome back. TUROK : Eh, shut up... "Oh ...*huff*...god...*puff* ...somebody help...*huff puff*" TUROK : That reminds me.... *Turok takes out his peace pipe, which is promptly knocked out of his hands by Spike* TUROK : Dammit... *looks at peace pipe* I'm too high to go get it... "No one is here to help you now! HAhahah!" All of a sudden a robotic voice came from the broken pieces. "THE PRODUCT MODEL 1457-69 HAS BEEN BROKEN OR HAS RAN OUT OF POWER. THE NUCLEAR FUSION CORE IS USTABLE. SPIKE : Gotta watch out when nuclear powered dildos become 'ustable'. TUROK : Can a fusion core fit into such a small device? And since it's broken apart how can it still- RYAN : Stop before you give yourself a brain hemmorhage. TUROK : Good idea. PLEASE EVACTUATE UP TO 3 MILES FOR MINIUM SAFTEY RANGE. YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS, 9...8...7... " RYAN : Yes, you have ten seconds to get three miles away, so unless you're Sonic the Hedgehog you're screwed. STEVEN : *over intercomm* Wouldn't he just go Super Sonic? RYAN : Oh yeah... "...?!?! Wa?" SPIKE : Don't look at us, we're just as confused as you. "Well, sasami, time to say good bye. I must be going." and transformed into the spaceship version of herself. "Reow!" and took off at top speed. " 5... 4...2.." "Hey what happened to 3?" "SORRY JUST KIDDING, 3...2" TUROK : The nuclear core apparently has a built in listening device. HOPE : (immitating King Arthur from The Holy Grail* 1, 2, 5! RYAN : *as knight* 3 sir! HOPE : 3! *chucks a shoe at the screen* "Well I'm bloodclaw saying good..." BOOOOMMM! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ SPIKE : Thank holy shit! Good God I thought it would never end. -------------------------------------------- Thanks! TUROK : You're NOT welcome! email me at wazupmetal@bolt.com or tennesseetopdog@aol.com SPIKE : Can you send mail bombs through email? TUROK : Let's go find out. HOPE : Let's. ___________________________________________________________________________ Later, in the conference room... RYAN : So, what did ya think of our first fic? Everyone glares at him with malice in their eyes. RYAN : oooooooookay then...I take it you didn't like it... HOPE : Fuck no, we didn't! SPIKE : Gimme a good reason why I shouldn't drop you right here and now! RYAN : Wanna get home? Spike shuts up. Steven walks in, going to the fridge and taking out a can of Mountain Dew. STEVEN : So, how'd it go? TUROK : It was ghastly...even the Campaigner showed some mercy. RYAN : Steven, shouldn't you be piloting? Steven looks at Ryan, then to the soda can, then to the door. STEVEN : I should, shouldn't I? Everyone looks at each other, eyes wide with horror. The ship suddenly and violently shakes, throwing everyone around. Turok smacks into the table, Hope tumbles into a corner, Ryan rolls into the fridge, and Spike lands at the door. Steven, somehow keping his balance, walks over to the door and goes through, heading to the cockpit. HOPE : I'm still hungry... RYAN : Oh, shut up! We have bigger worries than your cravings... Stumbles over to the door, looking into pilot cabin. Steven is sitting on the floor, rubbing his cheek. Sitting in the pilots chair is, what appears to be, a minuature version of EVA02, attempting to pilot the Great Fox. RYAN : What the shit? The EVA turns to Ryan, hopping off the chiar and walking to him. EVA : HELLO RYAN. Ryan simply stares at it. Hope walks over to the cabin, looking over Ryan's shoulder. She spots the mini EVA and squeals with delight. HOPE : DAE!! Hope pushes Ryan aside and runs over to the EVA, hugging it. RYAN : Dae? What the hell is he doing here? HOPE : I brought him with me, silly! Turok and Spike walk in, looking at the tiny EVA. TUROK : What in the world is that? RYAN : Thats....Dae. He's an artificial intelligence with shape-changing properties. I created him awhile back.....still don't know why I created him... HOPE : *hugging Dae with glee* He's my buddy! STEVEN : *gets up, looks to Ryan* Is this the same Dae that had its programming violated by Hope? RYAN : *sighs* the one and the same, unfortunately... SPIKE : So, uh....what are we gonna do with it? RYAN : Nothing, really...he could repair the ship, should it ever be damaged..... HOPE : I want him to stay! Hes my friend! STEVEN : More than a friend, from what i've heard... HOPE : *blushing* so I have a mecha fetish! Is there a problem with that? STEVEN & RYAN : YES! SPIKE : Um...guys... Everyone turns to Spike. SPIKE : *points to controls* Someone needs to pilot.... All turn to the controls in horror, scrambling to the controls. ________________________________________________________________________________ ~NOTE~ TUROK belongs to Acclaim. Spike Spiegel and the Baby belong to Bandai Entertainment. The Great fox belongs to Nintendo and Nintendo of America. EVA02 is property of A.D.V Films. Tenchi Muyo! and characters belong to Pioneer/AIC. Thanks go out to Hope for her cooperation, and Psycho Steven for many of the jokes, riffs and puns. Steven should be releasing an MST of his own pretty soon, so check it out. STINGER : "The one thing I hate more than anything is jackasses like you!!!" And with a single swing from behind, Goku's head was lobbed off.