Kurdt Dharma MST of Sasami's 16th Birthday Kurdt Dharma was the name. He was a veteran musician, a former arena head liner turned club band front man. He was doing well. Until that fateful day . . . Kurdt was in his hotel in New York City, where his band was playing later that night. He was watching the Man Show, and was getting pretty excited about the girls on trampolines. It was just getting to the part with the guy who could gulp down a mug of beer in less than a second, when everything turned black. A deep, ominous voice said to him, "You have been chosen." "What do you mean?" replied Kurdt, "The good part was about to come on!" "You have been chosen." "What the hell do you mean? Who are you?!" "I am the Emperor of the radical nation of Pingo Pongo, fool!" shouted the voice. "Right. Now what am I doing here?" asked Kurdt. "You have been chosen to be the commander of the MST starship Mumberthrax, on which you and your crew of three will live and MST bad, strange, and stupid Tenchi Muyo fan fics. There is a bathroom on the side of the theater for vomiting and other mishaps which is easily accessed by . . ." "Hey, just wait one damn minute!" yelled Kurdt, "What is this starship Mumberthrax you're talking about? I have to live on a starship?" As soon as he finished his question, Kurdt found himself standing in a lounge area, but it somehow looked different than other places he'd been. It was illuminated only by lava lamps, the rugs were a psychidelic orange, almost Mexican-looking pattern, and there was a LOT more alcohol from many different countries and even different planets behind the bar. There was a big, dark, round mahogany table in the center of the room. "Nice place." "Our top engineers designed it," said the Emperor. "Now, about your crew." "What about my crew?" "You must choose three people to comprise your crew." "Well, okay. But I'll only stay around if the rest of the ship is this nice! Now, the first person I'll pick is . . . Ozzy Osbourne!" Ozzy appeared in front of the big table, dazed. "What the bloody 'ell is this? This is no goddam strip bar! Ooh, lots of booze, though," said Ozzy. "Next," said Kurdt, "I will pick Aisha Clan Clan, from Outlaw Star!" Aisha appeared next to Ozzy. Startled, she looked around the room. "What the hell just happened?! I'm not supposed to be here! Nice decor, though," she said. "Except for this guy I'm standing next to." "Hey, I'm the Elvis of heavy metal! Give me some respect." "I'll give you respect if I deem you worthy of it, for I am from the Ctarl Ctarl Empire! We are the supreme power in the universe!" "Lastly," said Kurdt, "I will choose Duo Maxwell, from Gundam Wing!" Directly to the left of Aisha appeared Duo. "Hey, man, wazzup? Nice place you got here. By the way who the hell are all of you?" "Well," answered Kurdt, "I have been chosen to command the starship Mumberthrax by some wacko calling himself the Emperor of Pingo Pongo . . ." "I heard that," boomed the Emperor. "Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I have chosen you three to be my crew. Our mission is to MST bad Tenchi Muyo fan fiction. This starship is where we will live for the duration of our mission. The Emperor says to me that the ship is equipped with everything we may need, from showers to AM talk radio." "Is the booze real?" asked Ozzy. "See for yourself." At that, Ozzy jumped behind the bar and sampled some of every alcoholic beverage. "So, what is this MST you speak of?" asked Aisha. "Basically, we watch bad fan fiction in the theater, and make smart-ass comments. Or just be strange. Anything goes, really." "Cool, man!" Duo exclaimed. "Do we get popcorn?" "Five varieties," said the Emperor's voice out of thin air. "No butter, butter, extra butter, cheese, and vodka." "I call the vodka!" screamed Ozzy from behind the bar. "I thought you got over your alcoholism?" said Kurdt. "I did, in a manner of speaking. I drank so much, that it takes several hundred gallons to immobilize me!" "That's nothing compared to me! I can drink as much of anything as I want!" said Aisha. "Okay, guys, now that we know our mission, let's christen the starship Mumberthrax with an MST of a horrible fic, Sasami's 16th Birthday, a lemon by Gray Fox. Or Rob. He says you can call him either." "Ooh, smart. Two names. Great way to send in your taxes," said Duo. "Great to see that you're already in the spirit, Duo!" said Kurdt. The new crew of the starship Mumberthrax, Kurdt Dharma, Ozzy Osbourne, Aisha Clan Clan, and Duo Maxwell headed out of the lounge, into the turbolift, and into the theater. ______________________________________________________________________________ Kurdt Dharma and the crew of the Mumberthrax cheerfully present Mumberthrax MST #1: Sasami's 16th Birthday! Disclaimer: Aisha Clan Clan is the property of Anime Village, as is Duo Maxwell. Tenchi Muyo! is the property of Pioneer. The Emperor of the Radical Nation of Pingo Pongo is the property of Scott Adams. The "Moment of Zen" is property of Comedy Central. Ozzy Osbourne is not the property of anyone except for, perhaps, his wife. He is not the raging alcoholic that I portray him to be. The character I use in my MSTs is a representation of Ozzy from twenty or thirty years ago, not of him in the present. ---------- : Pretty nice. Good seats. It's missing one thing, though: gum on the floors. Gum stuck to the floor gives a theater a lot of character. : I know, man. They never give you enough candy in the little boxes, so you have to use what's on the floor. : That is absolutely disgusting. : To each his own, I guess. : Hey, let's get this thing started! Disclaimer: I do not own tenchi muyo or any other charter's they belong to they people who made them up and blah blah blah you get the point right : My, what an impressive intellect this author has. : People who have to use "blah blah blah" instead of something substantial shouldn't even be writing fan fiction. so please dont sue me it's not like you will really get anything from me anyway's the story is just for fun Important stuff: I would like to thank my friend zero cool for the creative thoughts and the inspiration : Was "blah blah blah" one of those creative thoughts? and you will see some of his things on this web site pretty soon and I would also like to thank my brother dkn for his help with this to and I well be writeing two more sequels to this so I hope that you enjoy my first story. Story descprtion: And this story is a lemon and should not be read by children well IM sure that they wouldn't understand it anyway's : Good description! It's a lemon and kids won't understand it! What a magnificent wealth of information! : Stupid writers . . . baaaaaad. Other important things: if you see (these around anything it is me adding my smart ass comments to my story) and just to let you know saki is cheap beer and Fb stands for flash back. And just in case you are wondering sasmi has already turned into tsunami and she is 16 : Smart-ass? Shouldn't those be reversed? : This guy must be really flexible. It's the only was to explain where his head got where it is. The author: I'm the author of the story so you can call me Gray fox or Rob : Hey, look! It's Gray Fox or Rob! : Great to see you, Gray Fox or Rob! : Have a smoke, Gray Fox or Rob! : I don't think so. Gray Fox or Rob has had too much already. Sasmi's 16 birthday and She confesses her love to tenchi It was the morning after sasami's 16 birthday and she was going to Confess that she loved tenchi so she waited until it was night time and she went up to his room and he was still awake and she said : Does the word "and" serve as a period in this author's mind? What an idiot! : When you're an idiot, you're not constrained by little things like grammar and syntax. Remember that while watching this. "tenchi i have something that i have to tell you i have wanted to tell you this for the longest time" said sasami. "What is it what do you want to tell me" said tenchi I.....I...love....you. "What did you say Sasami it sounded like you said you love me is that right sasami. Said Tenchi. Yes Tenchi i love you said sasami then tenchi just looked at her weird and she ran off crying and locked herself in her room and did not come out for 1 week : My God, this twit Tenchi is pretty clueless. : That's an integral part of the show. Tenchi is a clueless wimp until his life or any of his friends' lives are in danger. : Great, a soap opera with a weenie for a main character. so she finally went up to tenchi when he was sleeping and kissed him and this woke him and he quickly said sasami I love you to I always have then she slowly started to kiss him. and moved her tongue in his mouth and he did the same to her then rokoyo flew in and started to cry then she left the room : Wouldn't Ryoko have killed Sasami instead of leave? : No, because this author probably hasn't even seen the show. then sasami locked the door and told tenchi "I want you to touch me and voiltelt me and take my virginity away i want you so bad tenchi". : (As Sasami) Voiltelt me, Tenchi, voiltelt me! : (As Cartman) I have been VOILTELTED! OK my love said tenchi as he slowly unbuttoned her shirt and she took off her pants and then tenchi started to go down on sasmi and she started to moan and yell then he started to go faster and lick harder until she cumed all over his face and tenchi said "hmmm sasami did you know you tasted like cotton candy" : (As Tenchi) It feels like I'm back at the circus! : Great! Where's the elephants!? wow tenchi that was wonderful it loved every second of it said sasami well now it is my turn to give you pleasure oh yes please do that sasmi then she quickly grabbed his cock and put it in her mouth she started sucking fast and hard until she basically had tenchi searming. : Searming? What's that? : It's what you're best at. : ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT SEARMING MEANS SCREAMING!? : Yeah, I think that's what it's supposed to mean. : I DO NOT SCREAM TOO LOUD!!! : Aisha, dude, take a pill. : I WILL NOT! YOU CAN'T TALK TO A CTARL CTARL LIKE THAT!!! And about to cum and after a few more licks he did and she said wow tenchi you taste very salty and kinda sweet well after that tenchi said that he did not want to take away her virginity yet he would wait i few days for them to tell every body that they are going to get married and then on there honey moon they would have sex : So, what they just did wasn't sex? : No. Remember, Bill Clinton made the rule that oral sex is no longer sex. : Jeepers Cripes! I haven't had sex in a long time, them! This is so depressing . . . so they both went to sleep together and in the morning at breakfast sasmi and tenchi told every body and Ryoko and Ayeka started crying and sasmi told them to get over it and that she wanted them to be her bride maids and koyione and mosihi and washu didn't care because those three were lesbians. : Lesbians? Since when were they lesbians? : I don't know, but I sure hope someone writes a fic about those three. : You are so disgusting! A three-way is hardly exciting anyway! On Ctarl Ctarl, we have giant parties . . . : Hey, man, that's just not right. Go no further. (Hey this is me the writer of the story gray fox : Hey! What happened to the "Or Rob" part? : Maybe the IRS got to him when he filed his taxes. : I kinda liked calling him Gray Fox or Rob. A unique name is a good thing, right? Like Moon Unit and Dweezil. : Well, at least I don't have a dumb name like Ozzy. : Watch it, missy, or you'll find yourself without a head. yeah I know that it is kinda fucked up isn't it and kinda gross but hey at least I'm making sasami look good and not pick on her like every body else does expect for me and zero cool ) anyway's it was 2 day's before there wedding and they were both very nevors about it was about 12:00 at night : What happened to that last sentence? : I've seen this kind of thing before. He jumped through a ripple in time and started writing an entirely different sentence. : Maybe the author is just stupid? : Yeah. and sasmi and tenchi were just lying in bed talking to each and sasmi said "im not sure if i can wait until are wedding night I want you so bad" so do i said tenchi "but can you please wait for me please" : (As Tenchi) Please wait for me! I'm a wimp and I don't wanna have sex yet! I might get scarred for life! yes i will since i love you so much " then tenchi kissed her and they went to sleep so that night ryoko and ayeka took sasmi out of the room and they started beating the hell out of her : Sisterly love is a wonderful thing. and she was screaming and trying to fight back but the knocked her out and she woke up the next morning with bruises and she had a black eye : (As Jesse Jackson) Ah do believe that the "black eye stereotype" is hurtin' black people all over the world. Why not "injured eye" or "hurt eye"? Having a black eye is racist, and we must stop it. : That was absurd. : Hey, he says things like that every day. so when tenchi asked her what happened she told him and he got so mad at those two that he would not even talk to them so that went on for a couple of hours : He only stopped talking to them for a couple hours? His lover was beaten and he's mad for two hours? : Tenchi's a very . . . forgiving person. : He's a wimp. until ryoko and ayeka had said they were sorry for doing it and it wont happen again : (As a little kid) I'm thooooooooooo thowy! I'll never, ever, ever do it again! I promith! : A kindergartner's apology is hardly adequate for an adult. But, I suppose that's all Tenchi needs to forgive someone. so the next day the day before the wedding washu and mosioh had just came form the osen (Like drunk, singing sailors) Oh, we're sailing on the osen, that's the life for us! We're sailing on the osen, we'd never take a bus! Oh, a sailors' life is the life for me, sailing on the osen and sea, oh we love the osen, and that's the life for us! (who built that floating bath room anyway's) and they could tell that they had been having sex so later that day washu mosihi and koyione went on a vacation and they took koinyioe's space ship : Hey, guys! Let's count how many different ways this guy can spell Kiyone's name! : One, two, three, four, five, six, seven . . . and washu and mosihi and koyione left and they said that they would be back tomorrow in time for the wedding ayeka was still mad that tenchi picked her little sister over her but sasami was grown and she is 16 and tenchi is 20 (yeah I know it's not legal) : If you know it's not legal, why don't you call the cops? : And why does this author insist on inserting his ass-smart comments? but sasmi was really hot and tenchi always loved her anyway's so ayeka tried to convince tenchi that he could have a second bride lord tenchi ayeka searmed : (Clutching his head) Stop searming! It's hurting my ears! : Yeah, Ayeka has that effect on people. "please pick me as your second bride please i beg of you please" well can you give me so time to think about it" yes said ayeka as she walked out of the room then sasmi came and they started to talk then she said tenchi i cannot wait until tomorrow night so that i can have sex with you it is going to be so great said sasmi" : (As Beavis and Butthead at the same time) Heh . . . sex . . . heh heh . . . cool. I'm gonna have sex. Cool. Heh heh. It's gonna be great. Heh . . . cool. yeah said tenchi especially because you taste like cotton candy so. So tenchi have you chosen your second bride yet "no not yet I am having I hard time making up my mind because i have to pick between ayeka and ryoko and well there is only certain things I dont like about them for example ayeka is a prissy bicth sometimes and ryoko is a mean crazy bicth that never leaves me alone sometimes : "Never leaves me alone SOMETIMES? So, she never leaves him alone only sometimes? : That's really skewered thinking. I never would have thought you'd pick up on it, Ozzy, darling. : Hey, I'm smart! I can read the labels on beer! but you sasmi you are perfect "said tenchi and with that one word sasmi started to unzip his pant's and started to give him a blow job she started sucking really slow and she was mostly licking the top of his head : It's so . . . so . . . EMOTIONAL! (Starts to sob.) : Man, you're a sick individual. : Hey, I gotta be me. tenchi almost screamed with pleasure then all of a sudden the door brusted open and in came ayeka and ryoko and they were almost got then ayeka said what where you two doing oh nothing at all said sasmi and tenchi well we descied now you have to pick who your second bride will be no not now said sasmi now leave us alone" shut up you little bitch said ryoko "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM BOTH OF YOU" said tenchi : "Said Tenchi"? Shouldn't it be more like "screamed", or "yelled"? : Or, perhaps, "exclaimed with a passion beyond mere language"? : Ooh. Deep. so then both of them ran out of his room crying like little babies (yeah I know I'm kinda mean to ayeka and ryoko but hey the desver it for beating the hell out of tenchi's bride) : Yeah, like they deserved being ignored for the eternity of all of a couple hours. so after all of that tenchi said to sasmi so were we now let me give you pleasure sasmi tenchi whispered into her ear OK sasmi giggled (so what do you think of my story so far ) : SUCKS. SUCK ROYAL POO POO. so tenchi started to unzip her short shorts : Remember, they're not just shorts, they're SHORT shorts! and he slowly slide off her dark blue panties and saw her young virgin vagina and then he started to eat her out he was slowly licking her outer lips and then she started moaning loudly and she said WOW!!!!!! (Everyone jumps up.) : Well, that was rather startling. : Why did he do that, man? Tenchi are you sure you have never done this before it feels so wonderful sasmi said and a passionate voice tenchi kept going faster while blushing after what sasmi had said then he opened up her vagina all they way and started to suck on her inner pussy : Tastes just like chicken! then she cumed in his mouth and he drunk every last drop of it and she pass out it was so intense and then tenchi put her panties back on her and put her short's back on her and she was half way awake and tenchi said I love you sasmi and she said in a tired voice I love you to tenchi (yeah I know that it is kinda getting sappy but for you hard core sex people that love these things just because of the sex like somebody I know who reads them all the time : Hey, we don't really care about who you know. : Must be pretty stupid to know this author. it gets better with the sex stuff later on when they are on there honey moon). The next morning the sun rose high up in the sky and tenchi thought to himself that today was the day when he would merry his true love sasmi. Fb tenchi remembers the very first time that he saw sasmi and he knew from that moment that he loved her and wanted to marry her. : Wow, a completely useless, lame, and unintelligent use of a flashback. THE END (so what did you think of my story yeah I know it was kinda gross and I was mean to ayeka and ryoko but hey I think that they desvered it for what the always do to tenchi and sasmi anyway's there are two more sequels : NOOOOOOOO!!! that I will write in not time trust me I am very creative : Creative enough to say "Blah, blah, blah in the disclaimer? and I got my boy zero cool for inspiration if I need it anyway's I hope you enjoyed every little word : . . . No matter how badly it's spelled. of my excellent story) oh and one more thing email me your comments at RobDaMan14246671@aol.com : Oh good, it's over. : That was painful to watch, even for a mighty Ctarl Ctarl. : It's over, so let's go convalesce in the lounge. (The curtain closes, and the crew makes their way to the lounge.) : Okay, everyone got their alcohol of choice? : Yep, all forty-seven. : Alrighty then. Right after the show, we need to bestow ratings on whatever piece of crap we had just seen, on a scale of 1 to 5. First rating is "Stupidity". : 5 : Okay, that was rather unanimous. Next is "Grossness". : I would have to say a 2. It just didn't have enough violent sex for me. I was left somewhat disappointed. : I'd give it a 1. It just doesn't match the Ctarl Ctarl's appetite for incredible and strange sex. : Right. I have come to the conclusion that you're both deranged. Duo, what about you? : It was just a lame attempt at a lemon. I'll give it a 2. : Good. I'll give it a 2 as well. Next is "Originality". : It's a 3. You don't see as many Tenchi/Sasami fics as you do Tenchi/Ryoko or Tenchi/Noboyuki. : I'll give it a 2. The sex scenes are pretty unoriginal. It's something a six-year old would think of. : I'll give it a 5. (Everyone stares unblinkingly at Duo.) : What the hell are you drinking, Duo? : It's original because he found a multitude of different ways to spell Kiyone's name. Never have I seen that done before. It also has such bad grammar and spelling that it's very difficult to discern what he's trying to say. Now THAT'S original, man. : You know, that actually makes some sense, albeit not very much. I suppose I'll give it a 2. Now, "Overall Quality". : 1. : Okay, the average scores are as follows: Stupidity, 5; Grossness, 1.75; Originality, 3; and Overall Quality, 1. Good, now we can rest and try to get over what we've just seen. : Come back soon, ya hear? When the Mumberthrax flies through space again! END And now, your moment of Zen: "We meeeeerily await your ID code!!!!