MYSTERY TENCHI THEATER 9000 In the not to distant future Next Friday AD There was a kid named Tenchi Not to different from you or me He lived with six aliens One of which was a scientist He was the kind of kid they all did love But he really didn’t like it so hid in Washu’s lab Washu: “We’ll send him cheesy fanfics” Ryoko: “The worst, we can find” lalala Ayeka: “He’ll have to sit and read them all and we’ll monitor that door” lalala Now keep in my Tenchi can’t control When the fanfics start or end He’ll have to sit and read them all With the help of his captive friends Lab Rat roll Call Usako! Tenchi! Ran! Stoooooooorm! If your wondering how he eats and breaths And other science facts lalala Just repeat to yourself it’s just a rip off I should really just relax For Mystery Tenchi Theater 9000 **the camera comes through the doors 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6** **Tenchi walks in from the side** Tenchi: Hi everybody, I’m Tenchi, you might not know what I’m doing in here, but I’m hiding out from all the girls outside Storm: Your hiding out from all the girls outside…you puss! Tenchi: Shut up storm! Anyways, I don’t know how long I’m going to be in here Ran: Speaking of which, Lady Gidiva and her court are calling **There is a shot of Washu looking at them all** Washu: Well It seems that our little boy toy and some of his friends are down in my lab, no worries, I’ll just flush him out with a few horrible fan fics **Lab** Tenchi: Do your worst Washu Ran: Hey, while your at it, could you send me some beer? Usako: Is that all you think about, booze? Ran: yeah, so **Living room** Washu: Well, if you want to play hard ball, your first fan fic is a dilly called “Malevolent Veracity” enjoy! **Lab** **lights are flashing and the room is shaking** Ran: Ohhh, we got fan fic sign!!! **The all scatter as the camera goes through the doors** ( 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ) **They all walk into the theater, Tenchi holding Storm and Ran right behind them, Tenchi and Ran take their seats while Tenchi sets Storm in the seat next to him** Tenchi Muyo! Belongs to Pioneer LDC and AIC. Ten: I do not! Ran: No, that’s just the disclaimer Ten: oh ********** MALEVOLENT VERACITY Perfect Hatred Storm: What ever… ********** The massive walls of the cathedral sprawled over everything in sight. Ten: Stately Wayne Manor Beautiful archaic engravings were smattered all about the walls Ran: Because the artist got pissed Of the most magnificent building. The walls themselves were made of a dark brown wood, given a reddish finish. Storm: And it looked like diarrhea They spanned hundreds of feet into the air of the cathedral. Ayeka stood in the center of the cathedral. Ran: (ayeka) oh lord, please forgive me for my animal like lust for Tenchi… Ten: Hey! On the far wall, was a massive stained glass window. Storm: A few minutes later, rocks came flying through it Through that window, light poured through into the ancient citadel, giving it a benevolent, yet almost haunting glow. Ten: And it also made it look like someone peed on the floor Pews spanned throughout the length of the massive room. The sterility of this undisturbed citadel filled Ayeka’s nostrils, making the chapel smell... holy. Ran: And of old people playing bingo The princess looked around herself in confusion, wondering what she was doing within such a large structure, and how she got there. Ayeka looked at her hands. Ten: (Ayeka) When was the last time I washed these things? After staring at them for a moment, she turned them over, Ran: (Ayeka) Jeez look at all those liver spots! and looked at the back of them. Still unable to decide if she was sleeping or awake, she pinched one hand. Flinching slightly, she confirmed to herself. "I am awake." Storm: (Ayeka) Maybe, I can never be to sure now a days Ten: What’s up with people pinching their hands to see if they are awake? Ran: Its just one of life’s little mysteries "You must have faith in your own power." Ran: (Darth Vader) The force is strong in this one! Through her curious crimson eyes, Ayeka looked all around the massive room. There was nothing other than herself that appeared to be alive. Ten: And I’m not so sure about that either Nothing. Blinking, she tilted her head, Ran: **makes some dog whimpering sounds** and looked at the stained glass window which was encompassing the majority of the front wall. Ten: (Ayeka) Gee, that stain glass window encompasses the majority of that front wall Set in ancient glyphs and archaic artistry, Ayeka could discern Storm: That she was horny Ran and Ten: STORM!! that the being in the window was Tsunami. Frowning, she began to take slow steps down the sea of red carpet towards the front, examining the window closer. Ran: Closer, closer, yes, that’s it Next to Tsunami, there was a being that seemed so familiar, yet she could not discern who it was. It was... so familiar... Ten: In a stranger sort of way "We're not making fun of you, Ayeka! Ran: We aren’t? Or... at least... *I'm* not." Ten: What a liar… Sniffling once, tasting the scent of the musty citadel, Ayeka stopped her advances. Storm: (Ayeka) Retreat!!! Ten: (Ayeka) Of course, its Willard Scott! Ayeka’s curiosity to discern the identity of the mystery figure was beginning to consume her. Ran: Storm, you say anything perverted Storm: Fine, you take all the fun out of everything For some reason, one which she couldn't explain, Ayeka began to shake. Ten: Well at her age, I don’t doubt it Her hands began to tremble. As she lifted them to look at them, her forearms began to tremble, as well. Ran: Then she started to get footloose and fancy free YEAH! Ayeka was blinking, very afraid of the strange sensation of fear that was coursing through her very being. Storm: Doing 90 "What... what is this that I am feeling?" Ran: Oh how should I know? Washu sighed, and turned on her hover pillow to face Ayeka. She shared a long look at the princess, studying the purple haired woman's features for a few moments before speaking. Storm: **takes in a deep breath** Ten: Don’t even think it Storm: **lets it out** "You *do* know that it still isn't ready, don't you?" Ran: Okay the, go finish it! Ayeka sighed. "Yes, Miss Washu. I'm aware. I just want to know *how* much longer am I going to have to wait." Ten: (Ayeka) For the man of my dreams Washu smirked and shrugged. "I don't know. You should know better than any of us. It's *yours*, after all." Storm: Well, the author sure knows how to be vague Ayeka sniffled, clasping her hands together. Ran: Clap on, clap off! "Very well, then. Sorry to trouble you, Miss Washu." Ten: (Washu) Yeah the next time you try it… Ayeka began to turn from the scientist. Storm: (Ayeka) Where did this stain on the wall come from? "Ayeka." Ran: (Washu) Stop beating up my daughter! Ayeka stopped. "Yes?" Ten: (Ayeka) What is it now! "Sometimes things don't always appear in the way that they really are." Storm: (Washu) They are normally lamer Ayeka arched an eyebrow, Ran: It’s the people’s eyebrow! Storm: (The Rock) If ya smellllllll, what the rock, is cookin’! and turned to look at the petite scientist. "Umm... what do you mean by that?" Washu closed her eyes. Ten: (Washu) How dense can she be? "Sometimes what you see with your eyes isn't always the truth. Ran: So seeing isn’t believing? Sometimes you can experience things, and then believe you know what it is that you have experienced, but in the end, Storm: **sings** It doesn’t even matter! you know *nothing*." Ayeka frowned. "I'm not sure I understand." Ran: (Ayeka) Maybe Mihoshi could explain it to me Washu opened her eyes, and locked her gaze with Ayeka’s. "You will, Ayeka. In this situation, that is something you must remember. You *will* understand." Ten: Or die trying Ayeka let this new information sink in, then turned in silence. She walked to the door of the lab, and opened it. "Thank you, Miss Washu," she said quietly before shutting the door behind her. Ran: (Washu) Don’t slam that *BANG* door… "What is it that I fear? Do I fear... Do I fear the answer?" Storm: (JFK) We have nothing to fear, but fear itself! Ayeka continued to stare at her trembling hands. Her breath was quickening as her fear was mounting. Storm: Oh the jokes I could make with that Her eyes were trembling with fear as she watched the small blur created by her fingers as they continued to shake back and forth. Ran: Since she’s shaking, lets give her a martini Ten: (James Bond) Shaken, not stirred She stood in the citadel, bathed in the now ominous twilight set by the stained glass window. "Who is that girl in the window? Why am I shaking? What is it that I am afraid of? Why am I *here*?!" Storm: (Ayeka) Why couldn’t I be at that Mr. Big concert Ayeka put her hands down quickly, and looked back up at the stained glass window, and frowned. "Tenchi... give me strength..." Ran: Yeah Tenchi, give her strength Ten: Shut UP! Ayeka began to walk closer. Storm: Closer, closer, yes, that’s it "Everything will be fine, Ayeka. So... so you should cheer up!" Ran: (voice) Damn it! The sun beat down gently on the grassy field. The clouds in sky did not amply float by, however. Storm: shouldn’t that end with a comma? They appeared to be a hazel color, and they appeared to be caught in some sort of time-lapse motion, Ran: Whoa, the LSD is kicking in! all moving at speeds that clearly suggested the wind was moving at incomprehensible levels... even though it was not. Storm: Yeah, go figure The gentle breeze blew through the tall, green grass. Whipping up the scent of the tranquil field, the wind carried on, as if it was pleased with what it had stirred. In the field is where they lay. Ten: Or the fact that it blew down some trailer parks Tsunami was sitting down in the field with her legs stretched out, and one hand to her side on the ground. Storm: Chiggers crawling all over her She was dressed in her beautiful extravagant raiment's, with a peaceful, benevolent expression on her face. Ten: (Tsunami) Where the hell is that pizza I ordered? Ayeka lay with Tsunami. Ayeka’s head was resting in Tsunami's lap, Ten: Uhhh, guys, should we be seeing this? and she was curled into a fetal position. She simply let Tsunami stroke her long purple hair, as she felt the grass as the wind swept it against her, and smelled the scent of the field. Ran: Hey, aren’t they sisters? Eventually, Ayeka spoke. "What is happening?" Storm: (Ayeka) How come the drugs are just now kicking in? Tsunami continued to smile peacefully at Ayeka as she ran her fingers through her hair. Ran: (Tsunami) Gee your hair is soft, I simply must know what you use "Many things are happening." Ten: Yeah, people are dying and other people are giving birth and somewhere there is a war going on Ayeka took in a long scent of the field, and of Tsunami. "What is happening to me? Why am I *here*?" Storm: (Ayeka) I wanted to go see the three tenors! Tsunami continued to calmly caress Ayeka’s hair. Ran: Now this isn’t right! "Sometimes... sometimes we don't know what is real." "...real?" Ten: (Tsunami) You took the words right out of my mouth bitch! Tsunami nodded. "Sometimes... sometimes things go beyond what we can understand. What we are *meant* to understand." Storm: (Ayeka) Funny, your starting to sound like Washu "I am not allowed to know?" Ran: (Tsunami) Um, no "Sometimes the things that are our own selves hinder us. It is a strange concept... our very beings, being who they are, restrain us from bettering ourselves and allowing us to be what we want to be." Ten: (Ayeka) So I guess I can forget being a barmaid huh? Ayeka closed her eyes. "I'm... holding myself back?" Storm: (Ayeka) Am I retaining water? Ran: Storm!! "Perhaps... but it is not your *will* which holds you back from Ran: (Tsunami) Me yourself. It is simply *you* who holds you back." Ten: Remember Where there is a will there is a way "I... I'm afraid I don't understand, Tsunami." Tsunami tilted her head and continued to smile at Ayeka. "I know, Ran: (Tsunami) Someone who needs a backrub child. I know you don't. Remember, though. Sometimes even the things in which we think we know are true... sometimes become lies. In your world... the world of mortals... there is no certainty. Storm: It’s funny like that There is no basis for mutual understanding. You place yourself at a comfortable distance from Ten: (Tsunami) Me that which you do not understand in hopes that it will either go away, or you will simply come to understand it on your own." Ran: (Tsunami) Or die trying Ayeka felt her neck go limp, and her head fall further into Tsunami's lap. "So I've been living a lie?" Ten: Yes, she has been living a lie "No," Tsunami assured her gently, "I simply mean that what you see with your eyes is not always the truth." All: Heard it! Ayeka blinked. "I've... heard that before... somewhere." Ran: Hey, isn’t that what we just said? Tsunami smiled again. "You have heard many things, Ayeka." "You... you won't love me... because... because I'm not the real Sasami!" Ten: Get away, just get away! Ayeka sighed into Tsunami's embrace. "What will I do? How will I find the answers, if you will not give them to me?" Tsunami looked up at the sky. Storm: (Tsunami) Nothing says I wouldn’t sell ‘em to ya "Memories which become part of the sky..." "Memories?" Ran: **sings** Memories, I’ve got, memories Tsunami nodded. "From memories is where your knowledge will come. The only certainty that you can draw from yourself or others is what you choose to believe or react to." "I..." Storm: (Ayeka) am getting bored, leave me! Tsunami shook her head, once again running her hand through Ayeka’s hair. "Love is pain, sometimes." Ten: Yeah, it I is, I know that for a fact Ran: Aw, poor Tenchi… "Love? My... love... is confusing me?" Ran: Well it sure isn’t the question of life! Tsunami chuckled softly. "Love is the most confusing emotion of all, Ayeka. There is not a mortal alive who could understand absolutely Storm: I can anything *completely*. Let alone the most perplexing emotion of all." "I don't... I don't want my love to be pain." Ten: (Ayeka) or my pain to be love, or love my pain, or… Ran: Shut up… "Free will, Ayeka." Ran: Free Will, wasn’t that a whale? Ayeka sat up, and looked at the goddess in the eyes. Storm: (Ayeka) God I love your eyes She felt almost overwhelmed by the awesome presence that dwelled behind those beautiful eyes. "Tsu- Tsunami. What do you mean by Free Will?" Ten: (Tsunami) You know that whale Tsunami continued to smile back at the princess. "Pain and love are choices. There is no way in this reality that you can Ran: (Tsunami) Have a monkey stop their genesis, however, you can create their exodus at any time you wish. Because you have something that makes you sentient. Not only the ability to recognize your own existence, but the ability to chose. Ten: (Tsunami) If you want to kill yourself or not You can choose to acknowledge your love, or you can choose to ignore it. The same applies to pain." **Ran lets out a loud scream as if in pain** "To pain," Ayeka whispered, looking down at the long grass. She blinked, and looked back at Tsunami. "But... how is this all happening? How are you talking to me?" Tsunami smiled. "My children." Storm: Bob Ran: Jerry Ten: George Storm: Sally Ran: Chief? Ten: McCloud! "I would rather die... than forsake any of them!" Ten: Then prepare to die! Ayeka grit her teeth as she continued to march. Step.. Step... Step.... Ran: ba rump bump rump bump baaaaaaa rump bump Her feet made almost no sound as it touched the red carpet of the Storm: How many times is she going to go there? cathedral beneath her. The view of the gigantic stained glass window continued to grow larger as she walked closer and closer. Ten: Any of you feel like this fan fic is repeating itself? R and S: YES! The hauntingly beautiful tapestry of glass glinted every now and then as the light passed through it at different angles. Ran: It was really cool! Ayeka’s determined expression glared back at the woman next to Storm: Kiyone Tsunami in the glass. The glass was high up on the wall, above a small flight of stairs and Ten: Munchkins a podium which addressed the massive congregation of the citadel. Ayeka stopped at the steps which led to the podium, realization dawning on her. Ran: She was catholic She closed her eyes, and felt a tear stream down her face. The girl in the window was her. It was her. All: Who? She couldn't recognize herself. She was merely familiar with herself. Ran: She doesn’t look in mirrors all to often At a distance, Ayeka couldn't recognize even herself. Mutual understanding... true love... these things were nothing. Storm: As stated by Sigmund Freud Only when it was right in front of her could she even *see* it. Ten: Then maybe she should open her eyes? Even herself. Ayeka wiped away the tears and opened her eyes. She blinked, and her eyes went wide. Ran: (Ayeka) I left the iron on! Standing in front of her, at the top of the small stairs was a small girl. The girl was no more than five years old. She wore a ring of flowers in her hair. Her hair was dark purple, and it fell back behind her in two separate ponytails. The little girl looked down at Ayeka through two timid, crimson eyes. It was herself. Her inner child. Ayeka sniffled as she looked at herself. "What are *you* doing here?" Storm: (Ayeka) Shouldn’t you be inside me? The child closed her eyes. Ten: (child) I want my mommy!!! **Sniffs** Her grip tightened around another ring of flowers she held in her small hand. "He's never coming back." Ran: Okay, this is starting to make me mad, WHO!? Ayeka frowned. Little Ayeka began to sniffle. "He left me. He's gone. He's never... never coming back." Ayeka didn't respond. Storm: Phht, Typical… "Now is your time to grasp the future!" Ran: (Ayeka) No, I don’t want to! Ayeka blinked. Memories. All of them. Everything that she was. She was simply the sum of all of her memories. Ten: So her memories don’t add up to much do they? Every instance that had occurred in her life was what made her what she was. Little Ayeka smiled down at her. "It's all a dream." Ran: Some dream, first she was in a church, then she was having a romantic moment with Tsunami, then she was back in a church, Ten: We get the point Ran… Ayeka looked back at Little Ayeka, somewhat surprised. Storm: I would be too if I saw my inner child The once saddened girl grinned down at her with an almost sadistic expression, Ran: (child) I am the dark lord, bow down to me, hehe the haunting light behind her from the stained glass window adding to her eerie persona. Storm: On the shores of Lake Erie Ran: D’oh! "Everything. Everything that you live is a dream. A lie." Ten: Just like my life…oh god help me! Ayeka frowned, and began to walk up the stairs. "Your life is nothing but a farce. You can be so easily stimulated. Storm: Speaking of stimulated T and R: STORM!!! By suppressing thoughts and memories, you delude yourself into thinking that you are someone that not. That you're something that you aren't. Ran: But who cares? You live a lie because you are nothing more than a lie yourself." Ten: (child) So my life is a hollow lie? "My children." Ran: Jack Ten: Rob Storm: Ben Ran: Chief Ten: McCloud! Ayeka reached the crest of the stairs, and stood looking down at her somewhat frightening inner child. Little Ayeka continued to grin up at Ayeka. Ran: (child) Your mine bitch! "You can't even bond with me." Ayeka closed her eyes, feeling tears streaming down her face. Ten: Down her chin, down her neck, down her chest, down her legs She opened her mouth slightly, taking in the air of the citadel through it. Storm: She then started to cough something fierce She sniffled, and opened her eyes again, looking right up at the image of Tsunami. "Tsunami... Tenchi... give me strength." Ran: HA! Fat chance of that happening! Little Ayeka frowned, but realized it too late. Ten: It was time for bed In a moment, Ayeka’s hands were wrapped around Little Ayeka’s throat. Storm: Child abuse, child abuse! The younger frame of the inner child had no chance against Ayeka’s fully developed form, and resulted to do nothing more than futilely struggle. Ran: (borg voice) Resistance is futile Ayeka stared down menacingly at her inner self as she crushed the life from it. Little Ayeka’s eyes began to dilate, and she feebly hit Ayeka’s arms with her small fists. Storm: (child) uh! Ten: (voice) In this child’s body! Ayeka listened to the voices in her head, and felt all feeling slowly drain out of her body. Her hold on her inner child did not lessen, in fact, it tightened as Ayeka became more and more relaxed. Ran: (child) I’m going to tell my mommy! She seemed to be entering a warm trance. Storm: Or chose to kill children, its up to you really Her inner child's face was ghostly white, and was becoming slack in her grip. Her eyelids fluttered, and she whispered "He's... gone… come back to... me...", before closing her eyes, and all life slipped All: BOO!!! away from her body. Ayeka let go immediately, the small frame of Little Ayeka hitting the floor with a thud. Ten: **Thump!** Washu took in a short burst of breath through her nose as she looked at the readouts on her terminal. Ran: (Washu) The Cubs lost again… Sighing to herself, she rubbed her eyes. Ten: (Washu) I’ve got to lay off the coke… "Lady Ayeka... I warned you." Pressing a few more commands, she activated the final system. Storm: Suddenly, 20 little Ayeka’s appeared She sighed. "You did well, Ayeka. You have become one with it. I hope I managed to help in some way." With that, Washu continued to work. And she smiled. Ran: Talk about someone being happy at their work Light began to flood into the citadel through the massive stained glass window. Ayeka blinked, and covered her eyes. As she did, she felt an Ten: huge pair of hands around her throat intangible presence enter the room with her. It was not there physically, but Ayeka could feel its presence all around her. Next to her. Part of her. Storm: Which part? Ran: Coke or Pepsi? Ayeka blinked. Ten: **crying** at the cost of a small child! Storm: (voice) But you have a weird way of showing it Ayeka felt tears streaming down her face as the bodiless light began to seep into her being. "Yes... I chose to love." Ran: (Ayeka) But I’m sorry I did She closed her eyes, smiling, despite the tears. "And I chose to live." Ten: **while all three walk out of the theater** Now get me my gun **the camera comes through the doors 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6** Tenchi: Well, that was new Ran: Yeah…lets hope that never happens again Tenchi: You said it… Storm: Well, I like it **Tenchi and Ran start beating up Storm as the camera goes to the living room** Washu: Well, then by all means, I’ll keep sending you more! As long as you hide out in my lab, you’ll keep getting bad fan fics **lab** Tenchi: So then it will basically be a game of will power? **living room** Washu: Basica…Mihoshi! Don’t push that button! **the screen goes black**