Anime Fanfic Theater 1030 By RKoren "Spencer" 1030 (RKoren1030@aol.com) Legal stuff: MST3K is owned and copyrighted by Best Brains inc. Lina Inverse is property of SOFTX, H. Kanzaka/R. Araizumi, as well as Software Sculptors. Tenchi Masaki and Kamadake are property of Pioneer LCD and Masaki Kajishima. "Mihoshi in Slayers' Land" is property of Joe (mihoshi_rules@hotmail.com) Experiment 6: Mihoshi in Slayers' Land Begin Theme song (Sung to the MST3K theme song) ______________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ In the far and distant future Shin-Seiki Detriot A.D. T'was a regular joe named Spencer Trace Just the same as you or me. He ate and slept and worked and played Yes, his name was Spencer Trace. Then a chick name Bella and a guy name Frank Yep they knocked poor Spencer on the head and shot him into space. Spencer: GET ME DOWN FROM HERE! Bella: We'll send him cheesy fanfics The worst, we can find! (La-la-la) He'll have to sit and read them all And we'll moniter his mind! (La-la-la) Now keep in mind he can't control When the fanfics begin or end (La-la-la) He'll try to keep his sanity With the help of his Anime friends! (Zwweeeeeooo!) ANIME ROLL CALL! KAMIDAKE! (Pleasure to meet you!) TENCHI! (Hello there!) LINA INVERSE! (Don't get in my way!) YOOOOOOOOOOO! (Special Anime guest star!) If you're wondering how he gets through it all Through all those crazy fics! (La-la-la) Just repeat to yourself that he has some guts And it's really just for kicks! Watch Anime Fanfic Theater 1030 (BWANNNGG) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- [1...2...3...4...5...6...Bridge] (Spencer is all alone. He searches his surroundings as if he wasn't supposed to end up here.) Spencer: What the... this isn't the bridge I remember. Uh, Tenchi? Lina? Kamidake? Anyone here? (Suddenly, a man dressed in a loose-fitting toga floats into view. Hovering next to Spencer and smiling.) Spencer: And you are...? God of self-insertion: I am the God of Self-insertion. Spencer: Self-insertion? So you're the cause of all those fics with the ego- stroking authors altering their favorite anime to fit their needs and fantasies? God of self-insertion: Indeed. Oscar, Cadwell, Gonterman, Leigh, I have seduced them all to the self-insertion side. Spencer: My god! So what do you want from me!? God of Self-Insertion: Join us, Spencer. Spencer: NEVER! God of Self-Insertion: But with self-insertion, your wildest dreams can come true. You can solve all the problems in "Ranma 1/2", have all evil destroyed in "Slayers", win the respect of the senshi in "Sailor Moon"... (He moves closer to Spencer. His face now only inches from his face, his voice drops to a whisper.) God of self-insertion: Make sweet love to Ryoko in "Tenchi Muyo". (Spencer leaps backwards.) Spencer: B-BEGONE FOWL DEVILSPAWN! (Suddenly, deformed versions of Oscar, Gonterman, and Chris Cadwell show up and grab Spencer.) Oscar: Super Saiya-jin power! Gonterman: PHRACK!! Cadwell: The new Tuxedo Mask! Spencer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (Spencer wakes up. Instead of Oscar, Gonterman, and Chris shaking him, it's Tenchi, Lina, and Kamidake.) Spencer: I-I was dreaming... I encountered this guy who called himself the God of self-insertion. And.... Tenchi: Never mind that, Sonny and Cher are calling. [DEEP 42] Bella (Mockingly): Oh, did I disturb the little baby from sleepy-bye? [SOL] Spencer: And for today? [DEEP 42] Frank: A crossover between Tenchi Muyo and Slayers. It's call Mihoshi in Slayers' land. Bella: ENJOY! [SOL] (Klaxons blair) All: CROSSOVER SIGN! AAAHHHHHHH! (Tenchi, Spencer, and Lina scramble into the theater.) [6...5...4...3...2..1...Theater] ______________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ >Mihoshi in Slayer's Land >By Joe (mihoshi_rules@hotmail.com) Lina: I could be wrong, but could this guy be a Mihoshi fan? Spencer: It's a possibility. >It was midnight and Mihoshi was sleep walking Tenchi: Now I never seen Mihoshi do that. Spencer: Perhaps when *you* were sleeping. Tenchi: For Pete's sake, she sleeps away 19 hours of the day! >and happened to get into Washu's laboratory. Lina (Mihoshi): I came through the door. Tenchi (Washu): You came through the door, Tenchi and I came through sub- space. >Mihoshi walked into an interdemensional chamber and her hand hit the >transwarp switch Lina: What're the chances of that? Tenchi (Washu): 3 in 1,103,143,122. Spencer (British accent): Such luck. >and then glittery blue swirls surrounded her. The molecules were >forced to separate Tenchi (Stoned junkie): Whoa.... the colors, man. The COLORS! >and reappear on an unfamiliar land in an unfamiliar world. >A world of magic and the sword. Tenchi: So she ended up in Jurai? Spencer: Then that wouldn't be much of a crossover. >"Ah! That was a good sleep," Mihoshi yawned, looked around then, >realizing she is not in her bed. "Wow! Where am I?" Mihoshi continued, >as she got up to her feet to search her surroundings. Lina (Mihoshi): Well I know that I'm not in my bed. >Mihoshi walked past some trees and heard a running >stream. Spencer (Stream): Only two more laps to go! Tenchi: Think that's weird? If so you should check out the waterfall that's doing jumping-jacks. Lina (Mihoshi): The water around here is certainly buffing up. Spencer: This is no place for wimpy water! >She followed the sound of the river til she came to a >group of apples in a small pilenear a some oak trees. Tenchi: "Small pilenear a some oak trees"!? Spencer: Oh, god... Lina: If only we still had that Cloning machine. >Then Mihoshi walked toward the apples, and suddenly she heard a >snap! Spencer: Owchies! Tenchi (Mihoshi as Mr. Burns): That rib always breaks. >A rope under some leaves closed around her feet and >she was quickly raised 20 feet into the air, suspended by her feet. Lina: I guess this is where Zangulus and Vrumugun appear. >About 20 feet in the air, hanging upside down, Tenchi: Hey! You already told us that! >she heard something approaching. "What's that?" thinks Mihoshi, >till she saw something, something big and green. All (In badly dubbed Japanese voices): AHH! GODZILLA! WE MUST FLEE! GODZILLA! AHH! RUN! OR THE GODS SHALL HAVE OUR LIVES! I TELL YOU SO!! >Then she sees them, Spencer: It's THEM! >two of them, Tenchi: Two times the "THEM!", two times the horror! >then another, Lina: and another and another and another and it just goes on like this! Tenchi: The horror, the HORROR! Spencer: No one can stop the horror of THEM! Lina: By the way. Who are THEM!? Tenchi: Dunno. >then three more came into sight. They're big. They're mean. And >they're All: THEM! >trolls. All: Oh. >Mihoshi started panicking and screamed, "Kiyone! Please >help me!" (Tenchi can't help but start laughing.) >She did not realize that Kiyone was not in her new land. >The trolls were now about 20 feet away. Mihoshi screamed, >"Someone, anyone, please help me!" Tenchi (Kiyone): You're on your own, kid! >Then three figures came into view. "Hold foul creatures!!! Lina: Hold the ending quotations author!!! >"Who can't help but to torture a young girl? As justice is my >witness. That girl shall be free from your evil torment." All (blandly): In the name of the Moon we will punish you. >a voice called out to the trolls from high in the trees. It is none >other than the hero-worshiping, justice-loving princess Amelia Wil >Tesla Seyruun. Lina: I've had it with that girl. Tenchi: Huh? Spencer: Buy "Slayers" vol. five to find out. Lina (advertiser): At your local media and/or video store! >Below her on the ground were Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev >with his hand on his magical sword, the Sword of Light which >slew the mighty beast Zanifer in one stroke. Lina: How many times have I heard that one? Spencer: Including the websites? >"Oh! Thank you for coming to save me!" said Mihoshi in her >gleeful voice of relief, swinging upside down in the wind. Tenchi (Mihoshi): Now can someone get me down? The blood rushing to my head is making me pass out. >Amelia lost her footing and fell atop Lina and Gourry. And >Lina said "You know you've really got to work on your intros." Lina: This is all too familiar to me. >Gourry pushed Amelia off and said "We can talk about this >later! Right now we have trolls to worry about and a girl to free." Spencer: Hey, since when was Gourry so quick-to-the-point? Lina: Smile and nod. >Then all three get up, ready to fight the troll that were about to >charge. Tenchi: So instead of a bunch of trolls we now have only one? >The trolls charged Lina and Gourry, now 30 feet away, then >22 feet. Lina cast a spell. "Flaire arrow!" Lina: That's "Flare arrow". >Lina yelled, as she launched them at the trolls. Three of the eight >arrows hit their mark, Spencer: And the remaining five? Lina: Hit Amelia! Tenchi (British accent): And there was much rejoicing All (Blandly): Yaaay. >putting holes into trolls Tenchi: "Holes into Trolls"? Lina: Hey, that rhymes! >and then the wounds healed a second after it was made. >The trolls that were hit by the Lina's magic spell were pushed 10 feet >back, while the others still charged. Spencer: Let me see here... they were about twenty-two feet away from them, then pushed back ten feet so now they're thirty-two feet away and... Lina: Do the math! >"Oh! Please save me! I'm getting sick swinging here!" Mihoshi >said, still swinging upside down, now with a face a shade of green. Tenchi: Hey, she's turning into a troll. >Gourry charged the trolls that the that the arrows missed, and >slashed them with his sword, but that had no effect for trolls >regenerate themselves instantly "Lina!Your spell had no effect and >neither does my sword!" Gourry said with sword in one hand, scratching >his head in wonder with the other. Lina: The author had already told us that! Spencer: What is this, a Slayers version of "Birdman"? >"Come on guys! Hurry up and save me! I don't want to be >lunch!" Cried Mihoshi. Tenchi (Mihoshi): I want to *eat* lunch, not be it! >"Lina! Do you want me to use the sword of light?" Gourry >asked with his needle in hand ready to seperate his sword blade >from the hilt. Lina: And Gourry won't ask my permission for him to use the Sword of Light. >"Gourry, no need for that. Point your sword towards me. I'll >enchant it!" Amelia said. Then Gourry pointed his sword towards >Amelia, then she said Lina (Amelia): OUCH! I said "at me" not "through me"! >"By the power of light, my magic and my hand >I ask that this sword have the power of failed regeneration." Amelia >chanted as she placed her right hand on Gourry's sword. Gourry's >sword turned a light blue and Spencer: Burned Amelia to a crisp? Tenchi (British accent): And there was much rejoicing. All (blandly): Yaaay. >this time when the trolls were cut they >turned into a powder and blew away in the wind. Tenchi: Where ever the wind may take them. >Mihoshi in her gleeful voice asked "Oh! thank you, uh ... could >youplease cut me down?" Lina: Youplease...? Uh..nevermind. Tenchi: Whocares. Spencer: Notus. >"Sure thing, miss," Gourry said, as if in one motion he jumped ?into the air, cut the rope, and caught her in his arms. Lina: Although he's still in mid-air? Spencer: We're dying out here! >"Oh! Thank you!, Mihoshi said," looking at Gourry. >"No problem, Excuse me, Miss. Could you please tell me your >name?" Gourry asked politely. >"Mihoshi Kurimatsu. Lina (Mihoshi as Janet Jackson): Mihoshi if you're nasty. >What's yours?" Tenchi (Gourry as James Bond.) Gabriev, Gourry Gabriev. >kindly asked Mihoshi, brushing her pajamas off. Spencer: HELLO! Lina: Please not in that sense. >Then Mihoshi thought, " Oh wow!!! he's >much more handsome then Tenchi." Tenchi: HEY! Lina: Well, that is true. >"Well Mihoshi, my name is Gourry Gabriev, " He said and as >he thought" Oh man, she's much cuter than Lina." Lina: HEY! Tenchi: See how it feels? >Suddenly their eyes turned heart shaped as they looked into >each other's eyes and Lina turned her head back and forth looking >from one to the other then she placed her right hand onto her >forehead and said, Lina: The dim with the dumb. Why am I not surprised? >"Oh no! Why me?" Because she was starting to get >feelings for her companion Gourry. Lina: And I am not! Tenchi (singing): Lina and Gourry, sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N... (Lina throws a fire ball at Tenchi.) Tenchi: Owchies. >Gourry took Mihoshi's hands into his and said, "You know, >you're nothing like Lina. You're chest's not flat at all." Lina: WHY THAT LOUSY SON OF A... Spencer: Whoa, Lina, settle down. Lina: I'M NOT FLAT! Tenchi: I have to take it, Mihoshi does have some "talent". Lina: WHY YOU... ELEMEKIA LANCE! (A green rod of energy strikes Tenchi down.) Tenchi: Ow. >Lina walked up behind Gourry and hit him in his side and >said, "What did you say?" >Gourry rubbed his side and said "Oh ... Uh ... Nothing that >has to do with you." Lina: IT HAD EVERYTHING TO DO WITH ME! Spencer: Uh oh. That vein on her forehead is popping up again! >Then Mihoshi in her ignorance said "Oh, that's not true. >You said, You know, Your nothing like Lina. Your chests not >flat at all." Lina: Bad move! (Tenchi and Spencer start humming the tune to "Taps".) >Lina fumed and very angrily and loud said, "What! How >dare you compare me to her like that. You Idiot!!!" Lina jumped up >>and on the way down she elbowed Gourry on the head. All: Owchies. Then after she landed she said, "Ah! That makes me feel a bit better" >Gourry rubbed his head and said, "You didn't have to hit me >so hard!" Spencer: Lina? Lina: Yeah, I'm alright. >"Well next time don't say that!" Lina replied in an angry tone >with her eyes narrowed. Tenchi: For Hell hath no fury like Lina Inverse's scorn. Lina: Damn Staight! >"Come on guys. Lets not fight each other. Lets save our >strength for the battle against evil and injustice!!!" Amelia said in >her cheerful voice. Spencer: Oh yeah, forgot about her. >"Please, don't fight!" Mihoshi said getting between Lina and >Gourry trying to separate them. Tenchi (Mihoshi as a Hippie): Make peace, not war, man! >"Hey Lina it's about lunch time, lets find a town and get >something to eat . I'm starved!" Gourry said rubbing his stomach." >Come to think of it, it has been a while since we ate," Lina >replied Lina: You're right! It is almost lunch-time, if you would excuse me. (Lina runs to the door but finds it locked.) Lina: Dammit! Spencer (Motherly voice): Young lady, you sit back down here and riff this fanfic like everyone else! (Lina sits down, cursing under her breath.) >Pulling out a map, Amilia said "there's a town one mile down >the road" Lina: Although we can't get pass the village without giving them a virgin sacrifice. Spencer (Gourry): I know! Let's sacrifice Amelia! >"Mind if I travel with you since I don't know where I am?" >Mihoshi replied, looking a little sad because she's a little without >her friends and in a unfamiliar land. Tenchi: "A little without her friends and in a unfamiliar land."? Lina: I'm looking for a "lost"! Has anyone seen a "lost" around here? >Amilai, Lina, Gourry, and the new acquaintance Mihoshi >walk down the path to a town to get some lunch and for Mihoshi, >well you'll see. All: Sadly. (All bolt out of the theater.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- [1...2...3...4...5...6...Bridge] Spencer: Well, it wasn't that bad. I mean, we could've ended up with another Sailor Moon Lemon. Tenchi: Or a Tenchi Muyo/Slayers crossover Lemon. (All shudder. A button on the control panel flashes.) Lina: Guess who's calling. All: THEM! [DEEP 42] Bella: Don't get too comfy, my lil' bits. I'm sending you the second part of the Mihoshi in Slayers' land crossover right now! [SOL] (Klaxons blair.) All: CROSSOVER SIGN... AGAIN!! AAAHHHHHHHH!! [TO BE CONTINUED] ______________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ Anime Fanfic Theater 1030 by: RKoren "Spencer" 1030 Mihoshi in Slayers' Land by: Joe (Mihoshi rules@hotmail.com) Mystery Science Theater 3000 by: Best Brains Inc. Stinger: You know, you're nothing like Lina. You're chest's not flat at all.