Mihoshi Incident Part 2 BY: Derek Sherman MSTIED BY: Timothy McLees & Jamie Jeans JAMIE JEANS: This was one of the funniest fanfics I had ever MSTied. It was also fun to work with Timothy Mclees on this. TIMOTHY MCLEES: Well, I was finally able to get back to this story. My little thing for my site's 1st year anniversery. It was a really fun fan- fic and I appreciated Jamie's help, especially with tweaking the host segments. LEGAL STUFF: All characters and concepts of Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to Best Brains Inc. All characters of Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer Inc. This fanfic belongs to Derek Sherman. Now, on to the story!!! ________________________________________________________________________ On the bridge of the Satellite of Love, frost covered the openings of several vents while a strong cold wind blew through the air. Shivering as he came onto the bridge, Mike Nelson surveyed the vents and rubbed his hands together to keep them warm. Decked out in winterwear, he was doing his best not to freeze. A few minutes later, Tom and Crow came onto the bridge, dressed up for a day at the beach. Both were decked out in tank tops and shorts, but Crow had suntan lotion on his beak while Tom was wearing a pair of black sunglasses. "Have you guys noticed how cold it is," Mike asked. "Damn you, El Nino! Damn you to *HELL!*" Crow shouted in his best Charleton Heston voice. "It is not El Nino, Crow. The heating is just down, silly," Tom said. "Oh yeah. But Kiyone programmed a little treat in the Holocabana. Let's go guys!" "I hope it's warm in there," Mike said. Mike and the bots went to the Holocabana, stepping from the frigid interior of the satellite to that of the hologram room. All stopped and stared at the beautiful tropical resort set out before them, taking in the scenery. The day was lovely and sunny, casting its warmth down upon their heads. Some where off in the distance, a dog could be heard barking, several young men were playing frisbee, and there was several lovely sunbathing ladies. Among them was Kiyone, in a blue & white one piece swimsuit, shades and a sun hat. Mike & the bots passed by a wooden sign with the words "Costa Del Sol" painted in dark blue paint. Mike, quickly took his woolly coat off, revealing a Minnesota Twins tank top and Hawaiian trunks. Mike & Tom trotted over to Kiyone while Crow wandered about, distracted by all the women sunbathing. Sitting up, Kiyone noticed their approach and waved them over. "Yoo hoo, guys, over here!" "So, what do you think?" she asked as soon as they had come beside her. "Sweet program, Kiyone! Beautiful weather and lovely...ummm...scenery! Yeah...," Tom commented. "Oh *WOW*," Crow said as he continued to wander about, his gaze elsewhere. "Well, Crow seems to like it," Mike said. "This is going to be a blast! Do a little surfing, some volleyball. Say, Kiyone? You want something to drink? Brought my mini-cooler with me." Kiyone smiled coyly. "Oh, no need to bother, Mike, my "companion" is fetching some drinks for me." "*Well!* A simulated hunk, huh? I didn't think you were into that," Tom said. Kiyone merely shrugged. "I'm betting he's quite the gentleman." "Oh yeah. Wait, here he comes now," Kiyone said upon seeing her companion. "Well, I can't wait to meet this..." Mike said. "Your margarita, milady," Kiyone's companion said, handing the detective her drink. "Why, thank you!" Mike & Tom were frozen with shock as soon as they had been able to make out the gentleman. Standing roughly at about Mike's height, he had a muscular build, which was beginning to tan, and wore only black swimming trunks. Crow, tired, for the moment, of looking at the various women in bikinis, turned to look at Kiyone's companion and keeled over as soon as he did. With his past-waist lenght white hair swishing slightly behind him, the gentle man looked over Mike and the bots with his green, slightly simmering, eyes. Mike could only stutter the man's name while Tom muttered incoherently. "Is there a problem?" the gentleman asked. Finally getting past the surprise, Tom told the holocabana to pause the program. The gentleman, and every other ongoing activity on the beach, froze. "SEPHIROTH!?!" Mike was finally able to say, voice full of shock and disbelief. "Kiyone, you chose one of the most twisted villains in video game history as your Mystery Date!?!" Kiyone stood up and placed a hand on the frozen hunk's chest. "Relax Mike! I did some personality tweaks, and he's just a lovable tiger..." She smiled. "Still, that is just too creepy!" Tom said. Laying on the ground, Crow shouted, "Send in Bahamut Zero!" Mike sighed. "Great, now Crow's in shock." Kiyone shrugged. "Sorry, guys. I guess I'm just a sucker for green eyes." The light from the Sun suddenly turned a bright red, tinting everything a light crimson. "Great! And now that damn asteroid's going to crash in," Tom said. "No it isn't," Mike said. "It's just the lighting program. Grandis Granva's calling." "Magic Voice, save and end program," Kiyone commanded. "Righty-o," replied Magic Voice. The beach and people dissolved to reveal the balsa framework of the Holocabana Kiyone sighed and pulled on a robe. "What is it now, B-Ko?" DEEP 13 B-Ko, garbed in a white lab coat, smirked into the camera. "Oh-ho-ho! I've found a little treat you will be, *particularly* interested, Kiyone," B-ko started. "It involves your companions mis-adventures in the Star Trek: Next Generation universe. I found it hiding within Forrester's old files. Enjoy, the second half of "The Mihoshi Incident"! Oh-ho-ho-ho!" SATELLITE OF LOVE Kiyone facefaulted at the news. "Someone let Mihoshi loose in *STAR TREK!?!*" "Brace yourself, Kiyone," Mike warned. "WE HAVE MIHOSHI SIGN!" The bots cheered as they all rushed out of the Holocanbana and made their way to the theater. (DOOR SEQUENCE) 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... KIYONE: Man, I can only imagine the trouble she's gotten into while I've been gone... >Chapter 4 - Take Me to Your Leader TOM : Do not run away. We are your friends. (laser fire) CROW: Aaaiiiieee... > Troi thought for a moment. "There are three distinct personalities >present on that ship. One is quite calm, almost amused, and very >curious. If I didn't know any better I'd say it was the mind of a >child. MIKE: Oh, Alicia Silverstone! KIYONE: As if! CROW: Anything else? TOM: Geez, give me a break! I'm only guessing here! > The second is on the verge of - no, beyond the verge of panic. >I'm having a hard time picking up distinct emotional impressions from >that one." KIYONE: Stupid Kenwood receiver! I knew I should have bought the Pioneer one! TOM: Shameless product plug # 1. > "I'd probably be on the verge of panic myself if I was in their >position." Riker observed. MIKE: And I don't mind saying: I'd wet em! > > "An hour! We have to wait an hour before we can talk to them!? >Is that what you're telling me?" CROW: Nooo... He's telling you that all the coffee machines are out. TOM: Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee... KIYONE: Kiss up. >Mihoshi looked at Yukinoko's >articulated "head" with tear-filled eyes. "What'll we do?" CROW : *I* can think of a few things! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge... MIKE: Uh... No. > "Mihoshi?" Sasami asked, but the distraught woman wasn't >paying any attention to her. "Mihoshi?" KIYONE: We are sorry. All lines are busy at this time. Please try again later. > "Meow?" TOM: Excuse me? MIKE: I think that's just Ryo-oh-ki. TOM: I should hope so! > > Sighing softly, Sasami looked down at her feet and was silent >for a moment. CROW: Maybe I should push her out the airlock now. >When she looked back up, her eyes were glistening >with tears. "Mihoshi?" she said softly, her voice quavering, >"I'm scared." > Mihoshi's eyes flicked over the the young girl who was gazing >up at her pleadingly. Taking a deep breath, she wiped her eyes >and glanced at the display, where the unidentified ship was >hanging motionless. "No need to be afraid, Sasami." MIKE: Underdog is here! ALL : Underdog!!! dun-dun-dun-UNDERDOG!!! > she said >softly. Then, louder, "I am a member of the Galaxy Police. We're >trained to handle any situation with professionalism and calm!" KIYONE: Oh, you're one to talk, Mihoshi! MIKE: She handles any situation as calmly as a person would handle a math problem after having four bottles of Jolt at three in the morning. TOM: Now where did *that* come from? >She began to smile. "There's nothing to fear! Nothing at all!" CROW : I AM A JUSTICE SANDWICH! > A slight smile flashed across Sasami's features. "Really?" MIKE : Well, no. > As the transporter field faded, they got their first look at >the unidentified ship's crew. KIYONE: Hell of a jump cut. TOM: And jump! Might as well jump! > >--- MIKE: ... --- TOM: What was that? MIKE: Just completing the signal for SOS. > >Mihoshi abruptly realized that she was no longer in her closet. CROW: And that she was nude! KIYONE: CROW!!! >A second later she realized that there was a crowd of strangers >staring at her. Or, more correctly, trying to avoid staring at >her. "W- w- what's g-going on?" TOM: Here's the wind up... > There was a tug on her pant leg. Sasami whispered "Mihoshi! >You're top's not on!" MIKE: And the pitch!!! CROW: Ah-HA! I was right. Courtesy breasts, thank you! TOM: Ooooo... KIYONE: Now that's just gratuitous! > "What?" Looking down, she realized that Sasami was right. TOM : Hmmm... I got tan lines. >Then >she remembered - she had been rooting through a pile of clothes, >looking for a clean vest and shirt after taking off her tear-soaked >ones... after taking off... "AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!" KIYONE : Oh, Mihoshi! Can't take my eyes off of you for two seconds. MIKE : That's our Mihoshi! > Sasami jumped off of the transporter pad to get clear of >Mihoshi's flailing arms. "Hello." CROW : I'm always friendly to complete strangers! TOM: Actually, that's completely in sync with her character. > From her position on Sasami's head, Ryo-Ohki blinked. "Meow." > Riker cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Hello. Sorry for >bringing you here on such short notice..." He glanced at the >transporter pad. KIYONE: Geez Riker! You need a girlfriend, bad! MIKE: Bet ya Troi is coming up behind her with a mallet in her hands. TOM: That would be Akane. CROW: But this is a crossover with anime. > Mihoshi was a blur of motion as she attempted to both cover >herself and pull on the vest she was holding. "Oh my! Oh my! This >is sooooo embarassing! Oh, God, why doesn't this fit? Oh, my!" KIYONE: Oh man... TOM : Please excuse my friend here. She drinks a lot of Jolt. CROW: JOLT!!! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!!! MIKE: Here we go again. >Averting his eyes, Riker continued, KIYONE : Ahem, yes, well then... MIKE : Excuse me a moment while I get the camera. > "... but we had no other >way to contact you." He straightened. TOM: Well you could have waited until communications was back up, dickweed! KIYONE: Why, you little sexual deviant! You were planning on this all along, weren't you? > "I'm Commander William Riker, CROW: Master of Darkness! TOM: Blue Thunder of Furikan High School! KIYONE: Emerald Champion of Rokugan! MIKE : Lord of the Dance! KIYONE : Oh gods, no! > >and you're aboard the Federation starship Enterprise." CROW: The Looovvvvvveeeeeeee Boat!!! > "Pleased to meet you." Sasami gushed, thrusting out a hand. "My >name is Sasami." > Riker took her hand in his and shook it. "Sasami, is it?" TOM: So her name's Sasami, then? KIYONE: I guess so. MIKE: Naw! It's Pixy Misa, of course my name is Sasami! > Before Sasami could reply, Mihoshi's wild gyrations brought her to >the edge of the transporter pad. Her foot slipped over the edge, and >she yelped a piercing "YAAIIEE!" as she lost her balance and tumbled >off the pad. CROW : She flies through the air with the greatest of ease, the world's one and only, the flying trapez! > "Look out!" Riker yelled, CROW: She's gonna blow! MIKE: CROW! CROW: As in *explode*, Mike. My mind's not always in the gutter! Hmph! > grabbing Sasami and dodging to one side. > Mihoshi tumbled past them, shrieking all the way, and crashed into >a startled Worf and his two security men in a blur of arms and legs. TOM: And she picks up the spare! KIYONE: Spare? Looked like a strike to me! >From somewhere within the pile, a female voice muttered a single word. >"Ouch." KIYONE : Worf, on behalf of the Galaxy Police, I apologize for this. MIKE: Poor Worf! CROW: Poor Worf?! I highly doubt that! > Riker jumped to his feet and ran over to the tangle of bodies. >"Worf!" > The two security men climbed to their feet, revealing the Klingon >beneath, Mihoshi (still shirt-less) lying on top of him. He spat out >a lock of blonde hair and grimmaced. "I'm here, Commander." TOM : Day's looking brighter already! MIKE: Good heavens, no! What would Dax think!?! CROW: And they haven't even meet yet! This could cause a paradox! KIYONE: Oh, like they haven't dealt with those before! > "Are you alright, Lieutenant?" Doctor Crusher inquired, leaning over >him with a tricorder. CROW: Oh boy! Worf's getting everyone today! > "I will be, Doctor," Worf barked angrily, "as soon as you get this... >this 'person' off of me!" TOM: Didn't she say who she was yet? > "Miss Mihoshi?" Riker asked, touching her softly on the shoulder. > "Mmmm?" Mihoshi mumbled, raising her head up and looking around the >room. "What happened?" Then she glanced down into a the face of an >extremely irritated Lieutenant Worf and her face went pale. "Eeep." MIKE : Is she really this big of a ditz? KIYONE: 'Fraid so, Mike. CROW: Which means that this fanfic is keeping the characters *in* character! TOM: Now there's a first! > "Mihoshi!" Sasami said, pulling on one of Mihoshi's arms. "Mihoshi, >get up!" KIYONE : You are embarassing me, *young lady!* > She looked at Sasami, then back down at Worf. "What? OH! Oh, yes. >I- I'm sorry, so very sorry." She climbed unsteadily to her feet. TOM : Hmmm... Needs new shocks. Old ones are shot to hell. > "Mihoshi." Sasami said simply, holding out her shirt and vest. > Looking down, her face went chalk-white. Mihoshi snatched the >clothing from Sasami's hands and clamped it to her breast. "Oh, this >is so embarrassing." > Picard let his eyes wander across the command officers seated before >him. KIYONE: So he changed scenes, then? CROW: Should he be allowing his eyes to walk around free like that? > He allowed each of them time to collect their thoughts before >speaking. MIKE: Going to have to give Troi a few more minutes. TOM: Ouch. >"So what do we know about our guests?" CROW: Absolutely nothing!!! > Geordi LaForge spoke first. "Well, Captain, we've thoroughly >scanned their ship. There doesn't seem to be any major structural >damage, and their on-board systems can repair most of the sub-systems >that *were* damaged." > "Most of them?" Riker asked. > "Yes, sir." Geordi rose TOM: Rise on my command! Ohhmmm... CROW: That's sick and obscure, Tom. > and walked over to the wall display. He >called up a schematic of the ship's drive systems. MIKE: Unfortunately, they weren't home at the moment so they had to leave a message. >"Their engine >system were badly damaged. The materials used in the construction >of their drive system are rather unique." CROW : It's composed of...Fruit Loops. Can't really explain it. KIYONE: Aww man! Not again! > "Can't we simply replicate the required materials?" Picard asked. TOM: Well if they could do that, then the fanfic would end way too soon. > "Doubtful, sir." Data answered. "Our scans of the ship also >revealed that it has undergone a quantum shift, resulting in the >ship's materials being out of phase with our own. It would be >extremely difficult to replicate materials with the same phasic >shift, and utilizing materials without the shift could have >catastrophic results." MIKE : Stuff would happen, it would be bad. KIYONE: Her ship has a severe case of technobabble, then? TOM: See? I told ya! > "So they're not of this dimension?" Worf grumbled. "That would explain >many things." CROW : A dimension not of sight but of the mind... MIKE: Mihoshi has a mind? KIYONE: Okay, now that was a little harsh, wasn't it? > "Still sore, Lieutenant?" Riker dead-panned. He turned to Councillor >Troi. "Deanna, have you sensed anything more from them?" > "Possibly, sir." Geordi answered. TOM: The hell? MIKE : Oh, do *you* have mental powers too, Geordi? Crow: Okay, if I see Geordi wearing one of those big swarmy hats, then I'm leaving! > "The ship is enveloped in a >reversed neutrino field, which would weaken the beam considerably. We'd >need to re-configure the tractor beam emitters to counter the effects >of the field, TOM: I counter the tractor beam with Intense Cheese (tm) MIKE: Well, in response, I attack with my Rabid Totoro enchanted with Sarcasm! CROW: Fanboys! KIYONE: Must... not... pass... out from... technobabble... > and to account for the phasic shift." > "How long?" Picard asked. > "An hour, maybe more." KIYONE: That long for a pizza? Next time, I'm ordering from somewhere else! > Riker smiled. "Hard to describe, sir." TOM: Gods! Y'Know, generic scene breaks are starting to look really good right now. > He looked at Worf. "A ditzy >blonde, MIKE: And here I thought they didn't have name calling in the future. >a young girl, and a small fuzzy animal. Hardly what I would >call a competent crew." > "Agreed." Worf hissed through his teeth. "Especially that.... that >'Policewoman.'" He looked at Picard. "If she is a typical example of >a law enforcement officer, then I would hate to see what the >criminals are like." KIYONE: Hey! Don't judge all of GP upon my partner. Why, back in Io, I was doing patrols and... > Picard nodded slowly. "Perhaps, but it would be premature to judge >an entire culture on the actions of one individual." KIYONE: Thank you! Someone has a little sense here! TOM: Settle down Kiyone... KIYONE: Sorry for ranting, but this is somewhat embarrassing. > He rose to his >feet. "Picard to Crusher." CROW: RISE PICARD! OHHMMMM... > "Crusher here, Captain." There was a muffled crash in the background, >and an unidentified woman shouted "Oh, my!" MIKE: When did Kasumi show up? CROW: Oh, I've seen Ranma/Star Trek fics before. If she does pop up, I'm outta here. TOM: I wouldn't mind seeing Ranma go at it with Worf. > Picard exchanged baffled looks with Riker. "Is everything alright, >Doctor?" MIKE : She's *blonde*, Jim! KIYONE: Cute, Nelson, real cute. CROW : Damn it, Picard, I'm a Galaxy Police Detective, not a doctor! > "Perfectly, Jean-Luc." came the reply. "We've just had a small >accident down here. TOM: She wet em. MIKE: Now that was just bad. CROW: And wet. > Nothing we can't take care of." Another crash. >"I think." KIYONE: That's coming out of *your* pay, Mihoshi. TOM: Uh, Kiyone? They don't have money in that future. KIYONE :You're *kidding?* >Beverly sighed and shook her head slowly. "There's no need to apolgize, >Mihoshi. That med table was old and in need of replacing anyway." MIKE: Kept on saying that all the patients needed was love for some reason. > "Are you sure?" Mihoshi asked, staring at the bits of optical >conduit and electronic components poking out of the med table. "I >mean, all I did was bump into it, and..." CROW: Man, StarFleet must be cutting way back if there equipment falls apart *that* easily! TOM: Uh... Must be made in America! > "I said that it was okay." Beverly said. "Honestly, it is." > "Well, if you say so..." Mihoshi said slowly. KIYONE: So slowly, in fact, that it took her an hour to say those five words. > Turning away from the mess, Beverly motioned to one of the med >techs. "Run a micro-cellular scan on her, please." Almost as an >afterthought, she added, "Be sure to check for abnormal neural >activity, too." > "Yes, ma'am." the tech replied, somewhat nervously. MIKE: Right! One medical scan thingy coming up. TOM : Feh! It's a Game Boy! C'Mon! KIYONE: Shouldn't we be pleased that someone is finally getting around to doing this? > "Nevermind." To Ryo-Ohki she said, "Let's see if I can get you >some carrots." Beverly walked over to the replicator. "Computer, I'd >like three Earth-specific carrots." CROW: Now how specific are those carrots? TOM: Very specific. >There was a brief pause, then >the replicator hummed and MIKE : You've got mail. >three perfectly formed carrots appeared >in the opening. "Ah, here we are, just li-" > In a blur of motion, Ryo-Ohki leapt up to the replicator, grabbed >the carrots, and ran back to her position beside Sasami where she >began munching happily. CROM: Awww, how cute. Kill it. TOM : *Furry* *little* *things!* I hate furry little things! KIYONE: They haven't learned anything with their experience with tribbles, have they? MIKE: Now what is so wrong with tribbles? They're so cuutte!!! CROW: AHH! Where did you get that?! MIKE: Oh this? I found him walking around last night! > "Ah... right. Okay," Beverly flipped the tricorder open, "Let's >start with you then, Ryo-Ohki." Before she could start, TOM: And your bill comes to... KIYONE: Hmm? > however, she >was interrupted by a piercing shriek from the opposite end of sick bay. KIYONE: Hey! You read ahead! TOM: Well I need to do something to make this interesting, this isn't half bad. >"What is it now?" Beverly turned to see the med tech who had been >running the micro-cellular scan on Mihoshi dashing across the room. CROW: Ironically, the readings came out stable and normal. KIYONE: Now that *is* ironic! > Mihoshi had leapt to her feet and was spinning in a flailing >circle. "Oh no! Where is it! I just had it, where could it have >gone?!" CROW: Her bra? KIYONE: CROW!!! >Her voice was increasing in pitch with each revolution. "I >can't have lost it, I just *CAN'T*!" MIKE : ow. Ow. OWIE. *OW!* TOM: She's becoming Mariah Carey. CROW: And here I thought that was Alanis Morissette. > Sasami jumped from the bed. "Mihoshi! What's wrong?" > Beverly positioned herself for a flying tackle, TOM: Here comes a flying clothesline! > then thought better >of it. CROW: Drat! KIYONE: No more pro wrestling for you two. > "Miss Mihoshi! Please *CALM DOWN*!" she shouted. "If you'll >tell us what's wrong, I'm sure we can help you." TOM : I had four bottles of Jolt in a row!! WHEEE!!!! MIKE: Enough with the Jolt jokes already! > "Wrong? What's wrong? *Everything's* wrong!" Mihoshi shrieked. >"First Ryoko blows up the bathroom, then we get stuck in an alternate >dimension, and my chest gets exposed to half the galaxy..." > "There were six people, Mihoshi." Sasami pointed out. CROW: Oh, everything's about *you* isn't it? KIYONE: Hey, Mihoshi isn't *that* whiny, c'mon. > Picard looked around the bridge, thinking. MIKE : I wish Sherman would warn me before he changes the damn scene. CROW: Can I please use the smoke joke here? Please? TOM: *No.* This is Picard doing the thinking, not some twit. > "What function does this >'cube' of yours perform, that you need it so badly?" MIKE: Oh, dear... TOM: Well, on Mihoshi's behalf, at least she realizes just *how* important the control cube is. > Mihoshi shifted her weight from foot to foot. "Well, it's a standard >control cube... you use it to transport from place to place, to summon >important items, to... um...." she scratched her head, "to... well, it >makes some excellent coffee, by the way. Did I mention that?" MIKE: Yes, give him info on an object that bends time & physics to the owner's will. Real cute. KIYONE: Baka. TOM: You just watch, Mihoshi gets her hands back on the control cube and uses it to accidentally turn Q into a human being. > Picard leaned to the side. "Councillor?" > "I sense no deception from her, Captain." Troi answered. "She *is* >desperate to get this cube of hers back, but there's no malice in her >desire for it." KIYONE: Thank you Miss Exposition! TOM: She and Sailor Mercury would get along great for telling us what we already know. CROW: Troi in a fuku... MIKE: Forget Troi! *Seven of Nine* in a fuku! KIYONE: Ummm...OK. MIKE: What? >Troi concentrated for a moment. MIKE: Okay. You can use the joke here. CROW: The smoke started pouring out of her ears. >"If anything, I think >the device is more of a security blanket for her." > Riker, who had been listening carefully, nodded. "It might be worth >it to get this cube for her," he glanced at Mihoshi, who was still >listing uses for her control cube, KIYONE : Push this button and it makes taffy! TOM: I wouldn't mind some taffy right about now. > "if it will serve to calm her down." CROW: Someone get the tranq darts! > "Good point, Number One." Picard agreed. "Considering the damage >done to sick b-" > "Captain," Worf interrupted, "We're being hailed." > Riker jumped to his feet. "Romulans?" MIKE: Again with the Romulans! Aren't there any other villains in this story? What about the Borg, or Jem Hadar, perhaps? Heck, even the Hirogen! Move on, already! KIYONE: How about a free lance mercenary? The Star Trek universe has to have some of those around! > "Negative, sir." Worf frowned. "The signal is coming from her ship." CROW: The calls are coming from inside the ship! TOM: Why's that frightening? CROW: Not sure, actually... KIYONE: I think that's the computer of her ship calling. >He indicated Mihoshi with a curt nod. > "...hot chocolate, although I haven't quite figured out how to get >it to add those teeny marshmallows..." MIKE: She keeps going and going and going... > "I thought there wasn't anyone else aboard." Picard turned to face >Worf. "Did our scans miss something?" TOM: See what happens when you add Windows 95 to your computer? > "Scans still show no life signs aboard that vessel." Data replied. > "Then who the hell is hailing us?" Riker inquired. CROW: A computer AI, maybe. Like the one on the *Enterprise*. Sheesh! MIKE: The Enterprise doesn't have an AI, just a computer. CROW: Fanboy! TOM: Well, it's true. > "There's one way to find out." Picard rose to his feet and tugged >the hem of his shirt. TOM : Hike down your shirt just like mine! KIYONE: To cover up that butt crack! > "Mister Worf, on screen." MIKE : Now what use will I be hanging from the viewscreen? TOM : Damn it man! Just do as I command! > The view of Mihoshi's ship winked out and was replaced by the >face of Yukinojo. "Mihoshi! What happened to you!" CROW: Oh good, the disgruntled Widget is back. *Lovely*. MIKE: I still think it looks like Cambot. KIYONE: I know your pain, Yukinojo. > "...and it's great at emptying out the trash containers on the >ship," Mihoshi grimmaced, "they get so yucky sometimes. It's also >good for getting those little dust rabbits out from under the-" TOM: Especially the vorpal dust rabbits. CROW : "Look at the bones!" MIKE : What? KIYONE: Not you, silly! > "Mihoshi." Picard stepped up to her. "Who is that?" > "Oh, that's just Yukinojo." She smiled. "My ship's computer. Why?" > "Computer." Riker sighed wearily, falling back into his seat. >"I'm getting too old for this." TOM: What? It's not like this ship doesn't have one. Shouldn't be *that* big a surprise. MIKE: Like I said, the computer on the Enterprise doesn't... CROW: We know already! > He glanced over at Troi, who was >trying to stifle a smile. "What?" MIKE : You're laughing at my gut, aren't you? Well, I'm working on it! TOM: He did get a little beefy near the end, didn't he? KIYONE: Couldn't they have shaved off the extra fat using the transporter beam? CROW: I think that's against StarFleet regulations or something. > Picard sighed. "Transporter room three? Energize." MIKE: What?! Is that damn rabbit pounding his drums around here again? > "Perhaps we could leave her over there." Worf wondered aloud. > Riker laughed. "Why, Mister Worf. She's hour guest. It would be rude CROW: Even though she demolished half of the med lab single handedly. TOM : "Be a pest, be a pest, put our patience to the test!" >not to bring her back." > "Perhaps, Commander, but it would also be safer." Worf's attention >was drawn to a warning tone. "Captain! Romulan warbird decloaking!" KIYONE : Let's see here. Keep the story interesting up until *this* point, then toss in old enemies and my chapter is done! MIKE: You found this story interesting? > "Red alert!" Riker commanded. "On screen!" TOM: The *evil* Romulans again. This story concept is almost Ratliffian. CROW: And it's getting old, too. > The main viewscreen shimmered, changing to reveal a Romulan warship >decloaking directly opposite Mihoshi's ship. MIKE : This is reserved parking, you creep! KIYONE : We're gonna have to give you a ticket, ma'am. You're blocking traffic for miles around. > "Captain, their weapons are armed and locking on us!" Worf reported. Mike: And here we see the Romulans going after the Enterprise. Again. TOM : Wake me up when this is over, okay? ZZZZzzzzzzzz... > "Transporter room three, get Mihoshi back here!" Riker ordered. > "I've lost the lock on her, sir." the transporter tech replied. "I >can't re-establish it!" > "Is it the Romulans?" Picard asked. CROW: Of course! Everything's the Romulans fault. Blocked transports, the trade deficit, El Nino, Radford U. getting into the NCAA tournament. MIKE: Now that's just cheap! I hope Marissa smites you for that one. CROW: GULP! TOM: Sounds like another *REVENGE* fic to me! KIYONE: And stop kissing up! > Data checked his console. "Negative, Captain. The transporter is being >blocked by a randomized ionic field. MIKE : Oh, the usual, then? CROW: Randomized? Is this guy just throwing words together again? > The field is not being generated >by the Romulan ship." > "Then who?" Picard inquired. > Data paused. "Unknown." TOM: Of course it's unknown! It if wasn't we probably wouldn't have a chapter six and prologue! >And so ends chapter 5. Anyone care to guess who's behind the >"randomized ionic field" and other assorted problems, besides >Mihoshi herself? KIYONE: An author who had to pull a convenient plot twist out of his butt? MIKE: So it just ends like that? TOM: Oh wait, no, it's starting back up. No chapter title or anything. CROW: KIYONE: You're gonna flood it if you keep doing that! > >Sorry this has taken so long to get written, but it's undergone no less >than seven major re-writes. Hopefully the rest of the story won't take >quite as long to complete ^_^ MIKE: He does revisions! Now this is a refreshing change of place. TOM: Anime Fic Commandment #1: Thou shall not throw your 1st draft onto the web for all the world to see. > However, the same force that had attempted to block her scans of >the warp was at it again, returning false echoes, ghost images, and >generally making a pest of itself. CROW: Temporal forces are obnoxious that way. BOTS: MIKE: Stop it. BOTS: MIKE: Just...cut it out, okay? > There was a definite intelligence >behind the blocks, and Washu was beginning to suspect the identity >of her opponent. KIYONE : Ahhh...it's my nemesis Zordon! TOM & CROW : Who's that guy with the *big head*... KIYONE & MIKE: What? TOM :We'll tell you later. CROW: I swear, if the author suddenly brings in David Kintobor, I'm leaving! > "I'll let you know in a moment, Commander." LaForge turned to the >Engineering station. MIKE: That's awfully surreal. He'll turn into the engine core next, I bet. TOM: WOW! I didn't know Changlings had gotten onto the Enterprise! CROW: These sudden scene changed are starting to annoy. > "Computer, transfer Engineering controls to this >station." He sat down and began working. CROW : Now, let's see here... www.alt/pictures/hentai/startrek/ Voyager/SevenofNine.com >"There was a brief surge of >energy in the transporter field right before she was supposed to >re-materialize. I'm attempting to determine the cause of the energy >surge now." TOM: SURGE!!!! MIKE: I'm more of a Mountain Dew kinda guy, myself. TOM: Kiss-up CROW: JOLT!!!! KIYONE: Knock it off, already! > The glowering face of a Romulan woman filled the main screen. KIYONE: Now what is glowering? MIKE: I think it's supposed to be an alternate word for mad, or annoyed. KIYONE: Oh! Just like us then. >"Attention Federation vessel. I am Captain Kila of the Romulan Warship >Yev'ash. ALL: Genseundeit! >You have entered the Neutral Zone in violation of treaty. We >demand that you withdraw immediately." KIYONE: Nani? The Neutral Zone just snuck up on them? MIKE: Where are the warship Ka'bob & G'Nish? TOM: I'm just waiting for the Klingon ship Togg to show up anytime... CROW: You just love kissing up to Megane 6.7, don't you? TOM: What can I say? He writes me good. > "Is that a threat, Captain?" Kila asked warily. KIYONE : You stole my line, creep! MIKE: No, *I* am Captain Kila. how am I? TOM: And I'm Nick Danger! CROW : This is CNN > "An observation." Picard replied. > Captain Kila paused for a moment, thinking. Before she could say >more, an aide stepped up beside her and hurridly whispered in her >ear. MIKE : Captain, the keg has arrived. KIYONE : Alright! TOM : I'm not drunk!! Ish justsh ave a little drink! *HICUP* > Kila's eyes widened slightly and she nodded. "Captain Picard, >I shall.... consider what you have said. Now I have pressing matters >to attend to." KIYONE : Got to use the little Romulan's room. Toodles! CROW: Or she's seeing her agent about being placed in such a bad fanfic. > With that, the screen went blank. > Picard turned. "What was that all about?" TOM: Well, they didn't want to talk to you anymore so they hung up. > "Something's wrong." Troi answered. "Whatever it was that she was >told, it surprised her. Surprised her so badly that she doesn't >consider us to be much of a threat right now." KIYONE: Oh. Oh, *man!* MIKE: What? KIYONE: Oh you'll see... CROW: I have a bad feeling about this. TOM: You can say that again. CROW: I have bad feeling... TOM: > "That would have to be some surprise." Riker commented. Then he >frowned, turning the pink cube over in his hands. "You don't think..." CROW: KIYONE : TOM: This is going to be messy. MIKE: What? WHAT? >"I'll ask you one last time." the Romulan officer spat, TOM: MIKE: You just *had* to do that joke, didn't you? >"What are you >doing aboard this vessel?" > "I don't know!" Mihoshi whined, her voice raising in pitch with >each word. MIKE: D'OH! TOM: Oh gods! Mihoshi will cause more damage through clumsiness alone that Marissa does. CROW: Heck she hasn't been that bad... KIYONE: Oh, you have *no* idea! > "I was on my ship, and Yukinojo said that another ship had >arrived, so I decided to try and call up a cup of coffee, but my cube >wasn't working right, and then the Enterprise said that they were going >to beam me back - which is a really strange feeling, MIKE : You should have done that before you left! CROW : But I didn't have to go then! > I might add. Kinda >like sitting in a fizzy soda, not that I've ever actually *done* some- >thing like that, but I bet that that's what it would feel like if I >actually-" Tom: : Voice... too high... brain... hurting... losing... consciousness. KIYONE : Must... talk like... Kirk... ugh. > "Yes, Captain. She was found in the aft cargo hold." He shot a >withering glance at Mihoshi. ALL: DUCK! >"So far she hasn't been very cooperative." CROW : All she does is keep talking and talking and talking... Can we kill her now? > "Liar! Centurians!" Kila shouted. Two glowering Centurians entered >the room. "Take this spy to the brig!" KIYONE : INFIDELS! TOM: Gyah! That's creepy, Kiyone! KIYONE: Heh, thanks. ;) > "I see." Picard mused, looking at Sasami. "Sasami, we have a small >mystery on our hands, and we're hoping that you can shed some light >on the situation." He motioned towards his command chair. "Would you >like to sit down?" CROW : Perhaps you can point out this bluntly obvious solution. MIKE: Anime kids seem to be good at that. TOM: Just like Sasami knows that she'll get Tenchi instead of Aeka and Ryoko. CROW: No way! I say Ryoko gets Tenchi! TOM: Uh ah! Sasami! CROW: Ryoko! TOM: Sasami! CROW: Ryoko! TOM: Sasami! KIYONE: All right you two, that's enough of that! >"Hello? Hello!" Mihoshi's shrill cry rang out from the brig. "I need to >use the toilet! Please, let me out of here!" CROW: I could say something really sick here but... I like living. KIYONE : Smart bot. > Looking out from behind the force field, Mihoshi chewed her lower >lip. TOM: Now we're seeing scenes from ALIVE! CROW : Mmmm! I taste good! MIKE: Now that was just plain shameless. >"Where did everyone go?" she wondered aloud. "Why haven't they >come to let me use the toilet?" MIKE: I don't know, maybe because you're a prisoner? TOM : You are Number 6. KIYONE: Now that was obscure. > Her eyes wandered around the cell CROW: Quick! Catch them before they run away! TOM: That joke never grows old. >she found herself in, then focused on a small panel mounted on the >far wall. It was covered with symbols she couldn't understand. KIYONE: Uuhhh... CROW: Why'd they put the control panel on the *inside* of the cell? MIKE: Just smile & nod. TOM: Plot contrivances provided by Stephen Ratliff. > Walking over to the panel, she leaned forward slightly and pressed >on it. She yelped as the panel swung open with a loud *CLACK*, then >broke off of its mountings and fell to the floor. MIKE: 3d6 of Blind Luck is a wonderful thing, isn't it guys? TOM: And you say *I'm* a fanboy? CROW: I'm the god! I'm the god! > "Oh dear." she >muttered to herself, peering inside the exposed cavity. KIYONE : I did something evil, didn't I? MIKE: Remind me to rent that Ranma movie when I get back. I haven't seen it yet. > There were >numerous cables and conduits and small colored cubes, as well as >four objects that looked like buttons. TOM : Oh!!! Buttons!!! Is there a red one?!?! > "I know what this is!" Mihoshi announced happily. "Just like the >utility controls back at the Academy!" She frowned, slightly. "But >which one opens the door to the bathroom?" She closed her eyes, >concentrating. "Oh, I never was good at multiple-choice tests!" CROW : Actually, in most cases, several of the choices can automatically be eliminated. KIYONE : Does that work with True/False questions, too? CROW : Oh, man... > Eyes >still closed, Mihoshi began chanting. "Eeeny, meeny, miney, Moe!" >She stabbed the third button. Nothing. TOM: Warning! Warning! Self Destruct initiated! > "Meeny!" she said, stabbing the first button. Nothing. MIKE: And what did the first button ever do to you? > "Miney?" The second button. Still nothing. > "Eeeny?" she sobbed, pressing the fourth - and last - button. > There was a muffled sizzle, then the force field sealing the cell >flashed and went dark. MIKE: Man! She must be rolling sixes like crazy! > All too aware of the growing pressure in her abdomen, CROW : ALIEN! KIYONE: No, Crow, it isn't CROW : Oh, OK then. > Mihoshi >walked out of the cell, into the hallway beyond, and looked around. >"Hello? Hello? Is there anyone out here?" There was no answer. >"Guess I'm going to have to find the toilet all by myself." TOM: Now if this isn't a setup to some comic relief, then I don't know what is. > With that, she began walking. >-------------------------------------------------------- KIYONE: Hmmm. More Morse code MIKE: What does it say? KIYONE: I have no idea. > >And thus, Chapter 6 comes to a close - and Mihoshi is turned >loose on an unsuspecting Romulan crew ^_^ KIYONE : I have to admit, that was cute! MIKE : If B-Ko sends us more fics like this, heck, I'll be happy. CROW: That was actually fun! TOM : So it just ends like that? KIYONE: Hell, I'm not complaining. Thanks Derek! (DOOR SEQUENCE) 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... Once again, everyone was gathered on the bride of the SOL. Mike and Kiyone were sipping cold drinks in an attempt to stay cool in spite of the rising temperature. Crow, with the suntan cream still covering his beak, lay on the counter while Tom hovered close by, still in his beach clothing. A few minutes later, Gypsy came onto the bridge, wearing a sun hat. "Gypsy, I think you have the heating on a *little* too high," Mike said. "Sorry, guys. The climate control is really sensitive. Normal temperature should return within the hour," she replied. Kiyone placed the soda can to her forehead. "I should hope so. Whew!" "Well, look on the bright side," Tom said. "The fic was actually kinda fun." "Yeah," Crow agreed. "Shame it just ground to a halt like that. I'm actually curious what else happened to Mihoshi." As if his comments were magic words, a tanned, blonde, woman suddenly blipped onto the bridge. Everyone immediately recognized her as Mihoshi, holding her pink control cube and wearing her snug, orange & white battle outfit. Mike and the bots shouted in surprise, whereas Kiyone's face lit up in a smile. "MIHOSHI! Thank god you're here," Kiyone said. "Yeah, those Romulans invited me to tour this Klingon ship, and then just left without me! How rude! I managed to find this little satellite here, and decided to pay a visit," Mihoshi quickly explained. She looked at Tom and shrieked, "Oh, kawaii!", drawing him up into a hug. "Whoa! Waitaminute," Tom started to protest. "Um...say!" Crow looked on, envious. "No one appreciates me..." As he got off the counter, he saw the pink control cube. "Wait a sec, she has that dimensional Rubik's cube thingy!" "Hey," Mike said, now excited. "Can you get us back to Earth with that?" Mihoshi thought about it for a moment. "Well...I can try!" "Cool! Everyone, huddle up," Kiyone commanded. Mihoshi fiddled with her cube for a few seconds, twisting around sections of it. "GOT IT!" she said triumphantly. "No, wait..." Kiyone slapped herself in the forehead. "D'OH! Mihoshi!..." As suddenly as Mihoshi had appeared on the bridge, they all vanished. In a dimly lit cavern, with a pool in the far side of it, a *POP* resounded through the air and all five people appeared in midair. Shouting, they all fell into the pool, disappearing under the water for a few seconds before surfacing and coughing out water. Tom shook his dome to rid it of the water inside and commented ,"Adada-adada. I'm guessing that Mihoshi missed." "I'll say," Crow replied, coughing up a little water. Suddenly, the group heard the sounds of machinery approaching. "Guys, I think we have company," Mike said. A large bulky humanoid robot plodded into the water towards them. The bots got closer to Mike in fear. The mech stopped and panels on its huge shoulders opened up. They all flinched, expecting missiles, lasers or other implements of destruction. Instead, from each shoulder, a puppet popped up, both dressed in a blue tunic with spiked red hair. "The hell?" Tom said, moving out from behind Mike to get a closer look. As the group watched, the puppets began to talk. "Welcome, visitors, to the dimensional lab of the smartest and cutest genius in all the universe, WASHU! And here is the mistress of ceremonies..." "Oh dear," Crow said. Some where overhead a spotlight lit up and shined its light upon the lovely Washu, sitting on a rock with her trademark crab fans in her hands. "I see Mihoshi has been bringing in some of her *friends*. So," Washu said, hopping down from the rock. "What seems to be the matter?" "Well," Mike began, more then a little nervous. "She was helping us to get home, but it looks like she accidentally dropped us here." "Oh I'm sure I can help you out. It'll just require a few...examinations," Washu replied. Mike and the bots looked at each other, only one thought on their minds : "Uh-oh." * * * In Washu's lab, Tom & Crow stood to one side, various sensors attached to their bodies. Mike, shirtless, stands besides them and also has sensors connected to him as well as a weird piece of headgear. "Ummm," Mike said, nervous. "I'm sure you're an expert at this, ma'am, but how will this help us?" Washu, now dressed in a lab coat and goggles, turned to face him. "I'm merely getting some readings. Hmmm," she muttered, reading a screen. "It appears that you are not of this dimension. The most I could do would be to send you to where you were before Mihoshi brought you here." Tom, needless to say, was depressed by the news. "Back to the Satellite of Love. *SIGH* Oh well." Washu detached the sensors and headgear off Mike before speaking. "Of course there is another option." Finished with Mike, she removed the sensors off of the bots. "You said that you are the subject of experiments. I could make some arrangements, so you could help me with some *projects* of my own." She smiled coyly. Mike, blushing, quickly gave his reply. "Ummm...that's OK! We'll just be going." He ran out of the lab. "Yeah, Toodles," Tom said, quickly following Mike. "BYE!" Crow shouted, following Tom out of the lab. * * * Back on the bridge of the Satellite of Love, Mike and the bots blipped into sight. "Well," Crow started. "So much for our escape..." Mike noticed the red light blinking. "Great, now B-Ko's calling us." He tapped the red light. DEEP 13 B-Ko smiled nervously as she was flanked by a fully recovered Dr Forrester & TV's Frank. "Why, Dr Forrester, Frank, it's good to see that you've recovered," B-ko said. Frank rubbed his neck. "Yup, I've always been a quick healer." "B-Ko, about your *service* at Deep 13," Dr. Forrester started. "Yes..." "You've been doing a fine job here," he said, placing his arm around her. "In fact, I predict that you will be an essential member to my project for a long, *long* time!" Frank and Dr Forrester began their evil scientist laughter, with B-Ko joining in a few seconds later. However, her laughter became weaker and weaker as the full implications of the evil scientists words sunk in. Finally Dr Forrester and Frank turned to B-Ko. "HA-HA-ah-heh-heh. Ummm," B-ko said, smiling gently. "Gomen nasai?" Dr Forrester shook his head as Frank pressed the Button. *BLIP* Fwooosshhh... \ / \ / \ / 0 / \ / \ / \ As the screen winked off, B-ko's fading words could be heard. "Oh poopie!" ________________________________________________________________________ We hope y'all enjoyed this story! I'd like to thank Jamie for helping me out. I'd also like to thank Derek Sherman for righting this rather fun and amusing story. Also, I appreciate all the readers who have supported Tenchi's Vault of Anime MSTings over this past year. I'm really glad it's earned a niche in the MSTing realm! Tim McLees > Before Sasami could reply, Mihoshi's wild gyrations brought her to >the edge of the transporter pad. Her foot slipped over the edge, and >she yelped a piercing "YAAIIEE!" as she lost her balance and tumbled >off the pad. > "Look out!" Riker yelled, grabbing Sasami and dodging to one side. > Mihoshi tumbled past them, shrieking all the way, and crashed into >a startled Worf and his two security men in a blur of arms and legs. >From somewhere within the pile, a female voice muttered a single word. >"Ouch."