Hello all! Thanks for stopping by, I am the author of this MST and I'd just like to tell you 
all what a pleasure it is to see you. Hopefully you read the introduction but if not, that's ok. 
You don't need to right now, but you might need to for the next ones. ^_^ 
Wait, I still have to say the characters don't belong to me, oh I just did!
So without further ado, I give you 



Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Voyages Of The  "Ecchi Ai"

Ep. EA-01B: The Test

An MST of "mortal cabbit" by Clayton Overstreet


Ketran entered the bridge of the sol and took a moment to look around 
"God, I miss this show" 
Just then gypsy entered, holding a newspaper in her mouth "hey Ketran, what's up?"
"Y-you know me?" 
Washu as magic voice answered that question:
I have programmed them to think that you were sent there instead of mike when Joel escaped
"Ah, that's a nice contrivance Washu"
"Thanks" 
 Just them tom ran up to Ketran "ket! ket! Crow's jumping on my bed with golf cleats again! 
"What?" 
Tom grabbed Ketran and somehow started to drag him to his room, "C'mon, you have to 
stop him!" 
"Oh, ok let's go!" 
They leave the bridge 

Tom's room 

It's a normal room except that there are hundreds of underpants strewn all over the place and 
a poster of a blender on the wall
We pan to the bed 
Crow is indeed in golf cleats and holding a 9 iron 
"I will win the masters!"
Ketran is trying to grab him but cow seems to be covered in Gatorade
"Crow, what are you doing?" 
"I am not crow, I am tiger woods! FORRRRREEEEE!!!!!" 
LOOK OUT!
Crow has swung the 9 iron and it flies out of his hand and hits the ceiling shattering the 
lights 
The room is suddenly immersed in complete darkness 
We think tom is talking but it's hard to tell "This always happens when he eats wheates, you 
should have seen him when Jordan was on the box" 
Ketran: (sighing) we'll be right back.

And we cut to commercial 


Don't you feel special? ^_^

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We open to what we can only imagine is tom's room, it is still pitch black,  

Crow: bloody marrryyyyy!
Ketran and tom: shut up crow!  
Gypsy comes on screen with a tiny lantern in her mouth. It barely lights the room but it is 
enough to see the crew. She spits it onto the bed
Tom: Hey, thanks gyps!
Ketran: Yes, much appreciated.
Crow: awww!
Gypsy: well it was getting creepy for a minute there 
Ketran: can you please try to get the lights fixed gypsy?
Gypsy: sure no prob, the Nanites are already working on it 
Ketran: Thank you bunches
Ketran blindly slaps around for the consol until he hits the button.
Wait there is no button in your room, is there tom? 
You should really just relax Ketran
 THE KALXONS BLARE 
BOTS: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!WE'VE GOT FICTION SIGN!!!!!!!
They run into the theater 
Ketran shrugs and walks calmly into the theater  

The doors 

6: it's a fridge; you take your snacks and move on. 

5: a spinning roulette wheel, you get in one of the niches and ride it to the other end of the 
room 

4: it's death; he asks if you are dead. You of course say yes, and he opens the door

3: it's heaven, and since I'm a male, it's full of beautiful women. You make a pass at one 
and they all run your Hentai ass out of there. but you do get the brunet's number ^_~

2:  it's a river, you try to cross but a huge crocodile tries to eat you! 
 Suddenly Steve Irwin jumps out and wrestles the croc to the ground 
"Chock a bloc! He's a bit of a rascal he is!"
You get his autograph and move to the next door...  

1: a soothing piano plays from somewhere you cannot see. It makes you want to stop and 
listen. But the croc from door 2 has eaten Steve and is coming strait at you 
You run to the. 


Dog bone 

Ketran: Why did do you guys yell when the klaxons go off? 
Bots:  Tradition 
Ketran: Oh
Tom: Can you help me over the grate? 
Ketran: Sure tom 
Crow: so what was your name again?
Ketran: My name is Ketran
Thunder crashes, a horse rears up, a cannon fires, and women all over the world feel a chill 
for no reason
Tom: Wow! How'd you do that? 
Ketran: I typed it  
Bots: What?  
Ketran: Nothing
They sit down. Crow at the right, with Ketran taking mike's place and tom at the far left
Crow: Hey, the fics starting     

>I don't own these characters or profit from them. 


>Mortal Cabbit 

Tom: shouldn't that be "Mortal Kabbit"?
Ketran: but if it were, wouldn't we make fun of that? 
Crow: yes, yes we would 

>By, Clayton Overstreet

Ketran: ha! Like a Clayton can beat any Mster 
Tom: true
Crow: we younged him up good!


>Prologue

>  Tenchi sighed as he saw the royal ship appear in the sky over his house. Every 
>Time the royal family stopped by something bad happened.
Crow: tenchi's still couldn't get the smell out of his rug from when they stopped over the last 
time
> Tenchi was afraid that 
>one of these days Ryoko would do something that would end up getting her 
>executed. Not that Aeka would mind.
Ketran: hell, she'd flick the switch 
>  And that was the main problem with Aeka, Tenchi thought. She showed love, but 
>only to people she felt deserved it due to lineage. 
>She hadn't even started
Crow: potty training yet
Ketran: what?
Tom: just smile and nod
> to 
>like Ryoko when the pirate had saved her from Kagato, almost getting herself 
>killed in the process.
Ketran: she is a bitch 
Crow: you just begging for the Aeka fans to hurt us aren't you? 
Ketran: phhhhrrrrttttt!! ; p
>  But while Aeka pretended to like everyone and looked down on most, Ryoko 
>pretended to hate everyone and liked all of them, even the princess. 
Ketran: Ok, I'm starting to like this guy
Tom: traitor
>Tenchi had 
>been thinking of telling Ryoko how he felt about her this weekend,
Tom: thus ruining the series and aeka's life 
> but with the 
>royals here that would have to wait. Besides there was the other problem of age. 
>Not Ryoko's or his, but what his would be. Even with his Juraian heritage and 
>the extra life given him by Tsunami, Tenchi would still age,
Ketran: so she's not?
Crow: Well, she was trapped in the shrine for god knows how long 
Ketran: Yeah but she came out a corpse
Crow: But she rejuvenated 
Ketran: But by her own accord she was a child once so she must age 
Washu as magic voice: Ok! Shut it, in this universe the Jurains have sacred water and the 
trees of life so Tenchi will not die either! Satisfied?
All: Fine 
> albeit slowly, and 
>if he wasn't killed, he would still die of old age eventually and he wasn't sure 
>if it was right to do that to Ryoko.
Crow: Look at Noboyuki, he's only around thirty and he looks horrible!  
>  He had considered asking Washu about it, but didn't want to take the chance 
>that her solution would include putting his brain in a jar.
Tom: Or other pieces of his antimony for that matter 
>He started to put 
>his gardening equipment away, but realized that he still had half the field to 
>plow and this would give him an excuse to avoid Asuza, who really didn't seem to 
>like him at all. Smiling Tenchi got back to work.
Ketran: (as Tenchi just hope they forgot their "equipment" this time
>  Back at the house Sasami, Aeka, and Yosho came out to greet their parents. 
>  "Mommy!" Aeka and Sasami yelled as they hugged Masaki. 
>  Masaki was crying, "Oh Sasami! Aeka.
Tom: and masaki uses the Cold Shoulder to Aeka! 
Ketran: score one for the Mihoshi of the royal family!
> I missed you so much."
>  Ryoko was sitting in the door with Mihoshi and Kiyone 
Ketran: Wait a.
Tom: she's not in this series yet!
>(Who had joined up with them several months before)
Tom: oh, fine! Just us a plot contrivance, see if I care! 
Ketran seems mad for some reason
>. Kiyone was looking at Aeka in surprise and said, 
>"She... she called her mommy!" She burst out laughing. 
Ketran: Kiyone would not laugh at anyone's misfortune, even aeka's 
>She was so busy laughing 
>that she didn't notice Mihoshi and Ryoko move away from her or see Masaki walk 
>up to her and look at her angrily.
Crow: Duck and cover! 
They all duck under the seats
>  "Are you mocking my daughter?"
Tom: (pops up) why not? Everyone else is!
Ketran: would you stay down!? 
> Masaki asked. Kiyone stopped laughing and 
>looked at her in shock. Masaki grabbed each of Kiyone's cheeks. 
Ketran: (dreamily) I want to do that 
Crow: Sayyyy...
Tom: Not those cheeks Hentai!
Both: awwwww..
>"Nobody mocks my
>children!"
>  Kiyone moaned in pain and saw Sasami standing behind her mother >holding up a 
>sign. She began reading it out loud. 
Ketran: (reading) "We love The Rock"? 
Tom: How does that help?
>"I'm sorry pretty lady, I didn't mean to 
>insult anyone."
>  Masaki smiled. "Oh that's so sweet. Come give me a hug!" She let go >of 
>Kiyone's face and hugged her so tightly that Kiyone was sure >something was going 
>to snap. 
Crow: Like us 
Ketran: Oh, it's not that bad 
>  Funaho shook her head at Masaki, and then looked at Yosho. "Do you >know why we 
>are here?"
>  Yosho shook his head, "No mother, I do not."
Tom: We've just gotten your report card and we are most displeased  
>  Sasami giggled from next to his leg. "I do, Tsunami told me all >about it. It's 
>some kind of tournament right?"
>  Funaho nodded. "That is correct Sasami. Why don't we wait until >Tenchi gets 
>here before we tell them about it though."
Ketran: (As Sasami) Why? He's a wuss! Hell, I kick more ass then him! 

>  Sasami smiled and nodded;
Tom: just smile and nod everyone 
> ignoring the odd looks she was getting from the 
>others. Asuza stepped forward and looked around him. "Things have not changed 
>much... who are you?" He looked at Noboyuki.
>"I'm Noboyuki, Tenchi's father. 
Ketran: (as Noboyuki) Yep, fruit of my loins he is! 
>I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you last time 
>your highness, I was at work."
>  Asuza looked him over, 
Crow: Nice ass. 
Tom: Crow I never knew you were into that!
Crow: Oh shut up, gumball head! 
>"So you are the man who married my lost grandchild. I 
>see." Noboyuki looked nervous, afraid that he had offended the emperor. Then 
>Ryo-oki cam walking up in her toddler form and bowed to Asuza. The cabbit-girl 
>was so cute Asuza couldn't help but smile. 
Tom: (as azuka) you will be my third consort get on the ship!
>  Masaki then proceeded to hug everyone, including Ryoko who had tried to sneak 
>away before it was her turn.
Ketran: (as Masaki) oh no, EVERYONE is getting a hug! 
> Mihoshi and Sasami seemed to be the only two left 
>standing afterwards. Noboyuki then lead everyone indoors to watch television and 
>wait for Tenchi to get home. 
Crow: (as Noboyuki) come on Asuza, I'll show you my Hentai collection
Ketran: (as Asuza) do you have dbi? 
Crow: hah! Do I have dbi?

>  Tenchi came home at about sunset, putting his tools away and cleaning up in 
>the carrot shed's sink.
Tom: do they have a carrot shed?
Ketran: if they did I would think Ryo-oki would have eaten it by now
> Then he headed towards the house. He had been hoping 
>that the royals had only wanted to speak with Aeka, Sasami, and Yosho, and then 
>would leave. The fact that they were still here told him that whatever it was, 
>he was a part of it. 
>  He forced himself to smile as he walked through the door.
Tom: something he did all the time
> "I'm home!" He 
>called out. Almost immediately he felt invisible arms wrap around him, causing 
>him to smile for real. "Ryoko..."
Tom: (as person behind Tenchi) what do you mean, Ryoko!? 
Ketran: (as Tenchi) oh, I'm sorr- masiki! 
Crow: (also as Tenchi) why are you grabbing me there!? 
>  Ryoko appeared and whispered in his ear, "Welcome home my Tenchi." He blushed 
>as usual, but Ryoko noticed he was still smiling. She was just about to kiss him 
>when...
>  "Miss Ryoko, get your filthy hands off of lord Tenchi this instant!" Aeka 
>yelled. 
Tom: (as Ryoko) Dammit! I just washed my hands! How did they get so dirty?
Ketran:  (rubbing his hands together) hands. won't. come. clean!!! 
>  Ryoko almost yelled back at her, but remembered Tenchi's rules about fighting 
>when they had company.
Crow: Especially if said company could level the planet 
> Knowing that Tenchi considered her the only one out of 
>her and Aeka who would listen to the rule had made it stick with her.
Ketran: that and the industrial super glue
> Squeezing 
>Tenchi one last time she teleported into the living room with the others. 
>  Aeka grabbed Tenchi's arm, "Are you alright? She didn't hurt you?" 
Crow: oh look you have a smudge! Let me get that yos- I mean Tenchi!
>Before he 
>could answer she dragged him into the living room. 
>  Tenchi retrieved his arm and bowed to Asuza and his wives. "Welcome back."
>  Funaho and Masaki grinned, but Asuza eyed him as coldly as always.
Tom: God, chill! He wants Ryoko, not Aeka! Take the blue pill!
> Tenchi 
>smiled nervously and looked around at the others. They seemed to be adapting to 
>the royalty easily, except for Kiyone who wasn't used to them yet. When he 
>looked at Ryoko she blew him a kiss. 
> Tenchi blushed and sat down quickly.
Crow: I think he's trying to hide something 
Others: crow.
>  Asuza nodded to Funaho who stood up and looked around her. "Every thousand 
>years on every world there is a tournament held by the gods where in mortals 
>fight for their patron deity. The winner of this tournament keeps control of the 
>world where the fight is held for another millennium.
Tom: hey down in front!
Ketran: sit down! Gundam is on! 
> If the world's chosen 
>champions loose the majority of the matches then it is taken over by the other 
>god."
>  Funaho stopped and looked around at them. "If this happens Jurai and all the 
>worlds under it's control will be under the control of someone other than 
>Tsunami. They may decide to destroy the universe."
Crow: Oh great I see were this is going 
Ketran: couldn't use the game could you? Oh no, that's too simple! Let's use the movie! 
Tom: but what if the new god wants to renovate?
 
>  Tenchi and the others looked at her in shock. Washu stood up and looked at 
>Funaho. "Who is this other god?"
Ketran: (as Funaho) Bacchus, The god of wine
Bots: Cool! Bye Tsunami! 
>  Funaho bit her lip. "We aren't sure, but we do know that they are the new 
>ruler of Outworld.
Tom: Where? 
Ketran: (as Funaho) Gods, are you clueless? 
> Apparently Shao Khan was killed and his brother Rayden was 
>elevated to elder godhood.
Ketran: (as Tenchi to Yosho) do you know any of these people? 
Tom: (as Yosho to Tenchi) no, I think they spent too much time in the mushrooms 
> Another god was chosen to be the ruler of Outworld 
>while the position of Earth's thunder god remains open."
>  Washu sat down and nodded, "I see."
Crow:  (singing)-London, I see Toronto, 
Tom: (singing) Funaho Dammit, close your kimono!
>  Sasami looked around at all of them. "Tsunami told me she would like you to 
>fight in the tournament for her. But only if you want too, because it's very 
>dangerous."
>  Ryoko snorted, "Why would we agree to do something like that?"
>  Washu looked at her. "Well the winners get immortality or if they already have 
>it, some equally good prize."
Crow: A brand new car!
>  Tenchi looked up, his worries about the danger of the fight leaving him. "What 
>do you mean immortality?"
Ketran: you know, never dieing. 
Tom: like a vampire, only without the fear of Italian cooking 
>  Asuza grinned. "Didn't you ever wonder why Aeka and Sasami had to be put into 
>cryogenic suspension when we didn't? Masaki, Funaho, and I all fought in the 
>last tournament.
Tom: Wait, masaki fought in the last mortal combat, and survived? 
Ketran: Well, maybe she ripped all their faces off  
> Even though Juraians live longer than humans we usually age at 
>least a little bit in a thousand years."
>  Tenchi bit his lip thinking. This could be the perfect chance to live as long 
>as Ryoko. He could finally ask her to marry him. "I'll do it."
>  Aeka smiled, "Me too. That way when Tenchi and I are married we can be 
>together forever."
Ketran: (as Han Solo) oh, GREAT..
>  Ryoko growled, "Well then I'm in too. And incase you forgot princess, Tenchi 
>is going to marry me! Right Tenchi?"
Tom: (as Tenchi) yes ma'me!
>  Tenchi stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. Funaho stepped in.
Crow: and got hit by a truck  
>"We'll discuss this later, now we need to know if anyone else will be in this. I 
>have also agreed to participate."
>  Yosho nodded, "I will as well."
Ketran: ok, you might die
>  Mihoshi stood up, "As a Galaxy police officer it is my job to protect the 
>galaxy, so I'll fight too."
Tom: (snapping a salute) corpse number two, reporting for duty! 
>  "Same here," Kiyone said.
Ketran: She dies, so does the author
Bots: huh? 
Ketran: I'm a Kiyone fan  
>  Washu stood up. "I'm in too."
All: O-kay. 
>  Ryo-oki hopped into Ryoko's lap and looked up at them. "Meow!"
>  Ryoko smiled, "Ryo-oki says she wants to fight too."
>  Everyone looked at her surprised. Asuza asked, "Are you sure that's a good 
>idea?"
>  Ryoko looked up at him. "She can fight, trust me."
Ketran: Wait until you see her in the Cammy one piece 
Tom: Ket that was really wrong! 
Crow: yeah, Cammy's in street fighter!
Ketran: oh, right... 
>  Sasami looked at her sadly. "I hope she doesn't get hurt."
>  Washu frowned. "That's only nine. The tournament has ten matches.
Ketran: but what if it's a five way split?
Tom: well... then we ja ken po 
Crow: until the others die of boredom
> Who's the 
>last?"
>  Masaki rolled her eyes. "Serio."
All: Pah hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ketran: Corpse, horribly disfigured corpse right there!
>  They all looked more surprised than when Ryo-oki had volunteered.
>  Asuza cleared his throat. "Despite his fight with Tenchi last time Serio is a 
>master of the Jurai energy and a fantastic swordsman."
>  They all looked unconvinced. Tenchi looked at Funaho again, "If this is a 
>tournament there must be rules."
Tom: we can't go all Willy nilly now, can we?
>  Funaho nodded. "Yes, there are. The fights are to the death, unless you either 
>yield or your opponent spares your life. The gods are not allowed to participate 
>unless another god wishes to fight them. If someone is challenged they must 
>either accept or yield. But if you do not give an answer then nothing happens. 
Crow: these seems to be really lame rules
Ketran: well, we can't blame him for that, right?
Tom: we can sure as hell try!
>And finally, you are only allowed weapons that you can carry."
>  Kiyone chewed that over. "Does that mean we're allowed to use our guns?"
Crow: yes sweetie unless you can't carry them 
Ketran: grrrrrrr..
>  Funaho nodded, "Yes, but I have to warn you now that it may do no good."
>  Noboyuki looked at Tenchi. "It sounds to me like this is going to be very 
>dangerous. You could be killed."
Tom: (as Tenchi) Well thank you for that blinding flash of the obvious dad! 
Ketran: (As Asuza) And my lost granddaughter married this?
>  Tenchi nodded. "I know dad." He stopped and glanced at Ryoko who was telling 
>Aeka that she wished she could fight her instead. "But I think it will be worth 
>it."
>  Noboyuki put a hand on his son's shoulder. "Just come back to me."
Tom: Someone needs to clean up around here 
>  Tenchi smiled. "I promise dad."

>  As they entered the Jurai system Tenchi stood looking out at the stars. It had 
>been three days since they had left Earth. 
Ketran: whoa! How is that possible?
Tom: what? 
Ketran: if the trip is three days long, why, why, why, were Aeka and Sasami put into stasis?
Tom: good question 
>And the farthest Tenchi had even been 
>had been away from Earth was orbit. Knowing the universe was a big place and 
>seeing how big it was were two entirely different things. 
>  From behind him he heard someone step into the room. They walked up behind 
>him. "Kind of overwhelming huh?" Ryoko asked. 
>  Tenchi nodded, "Yeah, but how did you know what I was thinking?"
Crow: no, I was talking about your deodorant. God, did you roll in it?
>  Ryoko smiled and slid her arms around his waist. "I know more about you than 
>you think Tenchi."
>  He blushed and said, "I believe it."
Ketran: He always was an effeminate one 
>  They both stared out at space for a while. "Tenchi?"
>  "Yes Ryoko?" He said.
>  Ryoko bit her lip.
Tom: wow, the lip biting sure is thick today isn't it? 
> "If we don't make it through this I just want you to 
>know... I really do love you. I always have. And the time I've spent with you 
>and the others has meant more to me than anything else in my life."
>  Tenchi reached down and rubbed her hand. "I know Ryoko. I feel the same way." 
>He felt a tear drop onto his neck.
Ketran:  (as that guy from jfk) the tear is shot directly from his right eye. now it completely 
misses his face and cheek. It has to pass around the cheek, ricocheting off his limp wrist, it 
then has to turn, in mid-air mind you, to land on the left hand side of his neck. 
Tom: That is one magic tear.

>  "Why did you agree to do this Tenchi? I saw the look on your face when they 
>told us about this and I know you weren't exactly concerned about Jurai or even 
>Earth... not really."
Tom: well, I want that years supply of gummy bears 
>  Tenchi saw Ryoko's reflection in the glass (or whatever it was) ahead of him. 
>He saw the tears on her cheeks as she looked at his reflection too.
>  "Because I..."
Crow: wait I have to bite my lip again
> He stopped, and then turned to look back at her. "Because I 
>don't want you to ever be lonely or sad Ryoko. And you would be if I were to one 
>day grow old and die."
>  Ryoko frowned. "So you purposely put your life on the line, just to see if you 
>can live as long as I do? That has to be the stupidest,
All: yep
> most idiotic...
All: also true
>" Tears 
>fell from her eyes again. "...Sweetest thing anyone has ever done." She fell 
>across him, holding him tightly to her. "But if you or I die..."
>  "That won't happen Ryoko. We'll get through this." Tenchi slowly put his arms 
>around her back, the view outside momentarily forgotten.
Crow: Oh Jesus, Goro rip their damn arms off already!!!!
>  Two days later Tenchi and the others were informed that the tournament would 
>begin in exactly two hours.
Tom: Wow, that's not a lot of prep time is it?
> Sasami had agreed to let Tsunami use their body for 
>the duration of the tournament,
Ketran: unfortunately Tsunami being stuck in astral form for millennium immediately went 
to the nearest bar and got EXTREAMLY plastered..in Sasami's body
> so that she could guide them to where they 
>needed to go.
>  Following behind the goddess most of them were looking around in amazement at 
>the planet around them. Over the last few days they had seen a lot, and Tenchi 
>had to agree that this was indeed as beautiful a place as Aeka always said it 
>was.
Tom: (as Aeka) told you so! 
> Even Aeka, Sasami, and Yosho seemed impressed. It had been over seven 
>hundred years since they had last been on the planet after all, and the last 
>they had seen of it Ryoko had burned most of the cities to the ground.
Crow: (as Godzilla extras) ah! no! It is Ryoko!
Tom: there is no escape! 
Ketran: run, run away!
>  When they had arrived on the planet there had been a press conference at which 
>Ryoko formally apologized for what Kagato had made her do.
Ketran: (as Ryoko) I'm really sorry that I was controlled by an evil entity 
Bots: (as Jurai populace) s'all right.
> Since the royals had 
>already explained what had happened, nobody really seemed to hold a grudge 
>against Ryoko. Well except for Aeka who always held a grudge against her. 
Ketran: cough-SLUT-cough 
>  Serio had joined them on the way towards the tournament gathering and had 
>spent the last ten minutes telling them how great he was. Mihoshi whispered in 
>Kiyone's ear, "Is it just me, or does he look like the grown up version of 
>ChibiUsa on Sailor Moon?"
Ketran: Ok, I hate chibiskank more then anyone, and even I don't think she deserved that
Tom: Yeah, that was low Clayton. 
Crow: He's more like that guy from Ranma, what was his name? The Blue something.
>  Kiyone snorted getting a look from Serio. "You commoners and your disgusting 
>noises."
Thunder crashes and Ketran seems to be emitting a faint glow
Crow: that was his name, blue thunder! 
Ketran: Did he just *insult* miss Kiyone?
Crow: (looking at Ketran) Oh crap...
Tom: Ket stay frosty.. 
Ketran: (not calming down one iota) Oh I'm an iceberg Tommy. 
>  The others rolled their eyes and walked in silence, letting Serio ramble on. 
>Tenchi whispered to Funaho, "We don't have to win every match do we?"
>  Funaho shook her head, "No, just the majority."
>  Suddenly Tsunami stopped at a vacant lot.
Crow: So there are vacant lots all around the amazingly beautiful main streets of Jurai?
> The others stopped behind her and 
>waited for something to happen. It didn't take long.
Ketran: Phhhhhhrrrrrrrtttttttttttttt!!!! 
>  Clouds filled the sky and the sound of thunder could be heard.
Crow: Damn, that was one divine fart!
Tom: it even smelled like roses!  
>A bolt of 
>purple lightning hit the lot in the dead center and the air began to ripple. 
>When it all cleared there was a group of people standing there, with a strange 
>woman sitting on a thrown in the middle of them.
Ketran: I am queen Baka from the dark moon!
Tom: and my horribly inept monsters will flail around like monkeys and destroy you! 
>  Tsunami and Washu gasped and at the same time said, "Tokimi."
>  Tokimi stood up and looked at them. "Welcome to Mortal Kombat."

>Serio vs. Reptile
All: Well this won't take long 

>  Tokimi looked over the group on at a time. All of them, even Washu, felt an 
>almost uncontrollable urge 
Ketran: urge!?!
Bots: she's got the urge!
Ketran: natural botanical!
Crow: she's got the urge to herbal!
Tom: gonna herbal in the shower, for another half an hour! 
Bots: she's got the urge! 
Ketran: (as dr. Ruth) wait till she tries the body wash!

And we break

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The bridge is made up like a classroom with a giant chalkboard dominating the right side of 
the wall
Tom, now dressed in a lab coat, is trying to figure out the timetable of the trip. Crow looks 
on, also dressed as a scientist.
"Ok, so Aeka and Sasami were in stasis for at least seven hundred years, earth time."
Crow shook his head " I agree with you on that. So um, so how were they able to get to Jurai 
in three days? 
"Ok I think I've got it! They wanted to get away from Aeka for as long as possible, so they 
froze her and let her drift!"
Crow shook his head, "no that doesn't hold tom. Since Sasami was on the ship to and she's 
the lovable one"
Tom slumps in defeat
"Damn well I'm stumped" 
Just then Ketran walks in holding a piece of paper 
"Hey guys look what Washu sent me seems overstreet sent us a reply on the travel time 
question!"
"He really did? Creepy"
"So what does he say?" tom inquired. 
Ketran looks down at the paper "ok let's see here.... 
                     "That is an easy one. You see Aeka and Sasami spent centuries combing every                 
corner of the galaxy. It took them seven hundred years just to get to Earth. Any more 
questions just ask."
They all just stare at the paper 
But that makes no sense! They weren't even awakened until the guardians found the tree's 
signal! How long can it take to run a cursory check on all the systems from earth to Jurai?
Washu again as magic voice answered " it would take around -
Washu is cut off by the klaxons
Tom was dumbstruck "no, say it again! I didn't hear you! noooo!"
He is dragged into the theater   
  
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
> to bow to the woman before them and offer up their 
>souls to her with a smile. 
All: we love to see you smile!
>Tenchi realized that this was what it was like to 
>meet a full goddess. With a supreme effort everyone managed to remain standing, 
>and only by looking at Tsunami.
>  "I assume you have been informed of the rules?"
Ketran: (as Tokimi) no? To bad!
> Tokimi asked. They all nodded. 
>"Then there is no need for formalities. If you lose this galaxy is mine. My 
>people will be challenging you and will choose where you fight.
Crow: oh that's real fair! 
Tom: I think I'll kill...you! And we're going to where I want to go to do it! 
> The rest of you 
>will be able to watch, but not interfere once it has begun. If anyone attempts 
>to cheat you will be kicked out and someone else will have to fight in your 
>place. Now unless there are any questions, let us begin."
Crow: question:  how did you get to be the ruler of outworld, whatever that is?
Ketran: shut upa your face eh?
>  A man in a green and black ninja outfit stepped forward and walked towards 
>them. Before he could reach them Serio stepped confidently forward. The ninja 
>looked at him, his expression unreadable behind his mask. "I am Reptile. I 
>challenge you to Mortal Kombat. Do you accept?"
>  Serio smiled and nodded. "I accept."
Ketran: twenty on the ninja
Crow: you're on  
>  They both vanished and a glow appeared above Tokimi's throne. As it came into 
>focus everyone could see Serio and Retile stood facing each other on 
>scaffolding, over a vat of green liquid. Tokimi's voice filled the area. 
>"Begin!"
>  Serio drew a sword that looked similar to the master key 
Crow: just really shorter 
Tom: phallic symbol burn!
>and faced his 
>opponent. Reptile took a stance facing him and they began slowly and carefully 
>moving towards each other. Suddenly Serio rushed forward swinging his sword with 
>precision.
Ketran: (singing) I swing with precision, with the greatest of ease, the daring young slob on 
the flying trapeze!!!!!!!
Crow: Wow, they don't get anymore obscure then that
Ketran: I'm not even warmed up yet 
> Tenchi and the others had to admit, he was pretty good. But Yosho and 
>Tenchi began to see flaws in his technique as the two fought. Reptile was doing 
>wonderfully, dodging Serio easily. 
>  Then the pink haired wuss began to get the upper hand.
Tom: Oh that's bullshit!
> Reptile was backed to 
>the edge of the scaffolding. Serio stopped and looked at him. "Do you 
>surrender?"
>  Reptile looked at him calmly... and vanished.
Ketran: (to crow) loser 
Crow: Shut up! I have a gambling problem...
> Serio looked around himself in 
>every direction. Next to him Tenchi heard Kiyone talk to Mihoshi, "I think I can 
>still see Reptile's shadow. See right there?"
Ketran: see? She can do anything *sigh*....
>  Tenchi and the others looked where she was pointing and saw something move. 
>Serio suddenly jerked back and grabbed his jaw. Then again and again.
Ketran: you know, I just realized whose love child he could be .
Bots: who? 
Ketran: if Kuno from Ranma got with chibiskank
Tom: that, is.... evil 
Crow: that was his name, Kuno!
Tom: you know someone's gonna write that now. 
A moment of silence passes as that sinks in 
All: poor Kuno
> Serio 
>jumped back and swung his sword. Reptile appeared again, dodging the sword. 
>Serio laughed and began advancing again.
>  Reptile grabbed the side of his mask and pulled it off, revealing a lizard -
>like face. Serio was so surprised that he took a step back.
Crow: (as serio) oh! you startled me!
> In fact several of 
>the people around him gasped too. Then Reptile opened his mouth and spit in 
>Serio's face. 
Ketran: I love reptile, he was my fav. when I played that game
>  Serio dropped his sword and screamed.
Ketran: (imitating Serio) You commoners and your disgusting noises.
> The acid Reptile had spit on him ate 
>away at half his face, letting skin and blood drip onto the steel grating at his 
>feet. Reptile vanished again.
Tom: wow! He's better than Sigfreid and Roy put together!  
>Everyone watched as Serio was lifted into the air 
>by his invisible adversary (sorry if it sounds like I'm over using the 
>thesaurus) 
Ketran: hey, it's better then using the same words over and um, over 
>and was literally ripped to pieces, which fell into the vat below 
>him.
Crow: and you know, he's never looked better 
>  The image faded and Reptile appeared with the others by Tokimi. The goddess 
>stood up from her thrown and looked them over, no longer smiling. "Flawless 
>victory."

>Mihoshi vs. Subzero
Ketran: I think I know were this is going, fifty on the blond!
Crow: You're on!

>  Tenchi and the others were unnerved. That had been one of the single most 
>horrible things they had ever seen.
Tom: and they saw dubbed Aeka sing
Ketran: brrrrrrrr! Don't remind me man! 
> Aeka was visibly shaking. Mihoshi was 
>whining to Kiyone about not wanting to fight the monsters while Kiyone tried to 
>calm her down.
Crow: whoa! Easy girl! 
> Tenchi was watching the other side to see would come forward 
>next. It didn't take long.
>  A man in a blue ninja suit, very similar to Reptile's began walking towards 
>them. Everyone watched as he stopped in front of them and looked them over, 
>walking slowly down the line.
Tom starts to hover back and forth across the seats
Tom: (as drill sergeant from full metal jacket) you are the lowest bunch of maggots I have 
ever had the misfortune to gaze at! 
(Looks at Ketran) You make me sick! 
(Looks to crow) You! Drop and give me fifty!
Ketran: Chill little brada!
> Finally he looked into Mihoshi's eyes. "I am 
>Subzero and I challenge you to Mortal Kombat."
Crow: subs always was a ladies man
>  Taking a slow breath Mihoshi nodded. "I accept." As she and Subzero began to 
>vanish Mihoshi took one last look at Kiyone.
Ketran: oh no, you better NOT be thinking that thought you're thinking...
He starts to shimmer with the beginnings of anger ki 
> "Kiyone, if I don't come back I 
>want you to know that..." 
Ketran: don't do it Overstreet 
His hair is slowly rising
Tom: whoa..
>Once again the image appeared above Tokimi. "I love 
>you."
Ketran is surrounded by an amethyst ki, his eyes are glowing a deep emerald 
Crow: Shit.
Tom: stay cool man. 
Ketran is now visibly shaking, the ki has grown a good three feet off of him and a low hum 
is filling the theater  
Ketran: (in a monotone voice) I am cool, calm and collected, I can stand this, I'm not full of 
rage, just don't finish the thought Overstreet... 
> Mihoshi finished.
>  Kiyone bit her lip, watching Mihoshi and whispered, "I love you too Mihoshi."

Ketran: 
GRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom: Get down!!!!!!
The bots spot a conveniently placed bomb shelter
Tom: to the safety of the shelter! Hurry crow! 
Ketran is rising off the ground; the ki has turned a deep emerald 
He raises his fists as the bots dive into the shelter   
You will die Overstreet! I will find you and reptile your ASS!
He fires a ki blast at the screen, which of course does nothing, and he passes out 
Crow: (peeking out of the shelter) ok, that was bad 
Tom: but at least he'll stay down for a while
>  In the image Mihoshi looked at Subzero nervously. "Now how does this work?"
>  Subzero laughed. "Let me show you." He held out his hand and a beam of ice 
>shot towards Mihoshi.
Bots: (singing) coooldfinger! 
> Letting out a squeal she ducked and it hit the wall behind 
>her. The stone froze, and then cracked into tiny pieces. 
>  Mihoshi looked up at him. "Please don't do that. I catch cold very easily."
>  The people around Tokimi laughed, while Tenchi and the others 
Tom: also laughed 
>watched her. 
>Mihoshi pulled out her gun and pointed it at Subzero, firing it in time to 
>shatter the ninja's next ice beam.
>  Subzero aimed his other hand at the floor, freezing a path between his and 
>Mihoshi's feet. Mihoshi looked down, then slipped falling onto her butt. "Ouch!"
Crow: did we really need the ice for that to happen?
>  Subzero slid across the ice towards her. Reaching down he picked her up by her 
>uniform and pulled her to his face. "Now you die." In his right hand a very 
>sharp ice cycle formed.
Tom: he's going to kill her with a bicycle built for two!?
Crow: that was NOT in the song!
> He raised it up for the killing blow. 
>  Kiyone watched in horror, letting out a small sob. "Mihoshi... no." Yosho put 
>a hand on her shoulder.
Ketran:  (mumbling from the floor) watch the roaming. 
>  In the image Mihoshi suddenly sneezed and two small globs of spit hit Subzero 
>in the eyes. He immediately dropped the ice and Mihoshi, backing away from her. 
Tom: ha! Never doubt the amazing powers of Mihoshi!

>"Ah! My eyes!"
>  Mihoshi looked up. "I'm sorry, I told you I catch cold easily. Are you 
>alright?"
Crow: no, I'm not all right!
>  Subzero moved his hands away from his eyes. Mihoshi gasped as she saw that 
>they were completely frozen over, just like the wall had been. "Oh I'm sorry."
>  Subzero smiled
Tom: s'all right
> and shook his head in amazement, just before his eyes shattered 
>sending shards into his brain. Slowly he sank to the ground, blood dripping from 
>his eyes. The image vanished and Mihoshi appeared with the rest of her friends. 
>  Tokimi looked at her. "You win."
>  Kiyone threw her arms around Mihoshi and held her tight. Mihoshi hugged her 
>back. "I was so scared Kiyone."
>  "Me too Mihoshi..." Kiyone said. 
Ketran: (getting up and looking haggard) I told you that ditz would somehow win, so pay up 
crow
Tom: you do realize that we don't really exist, that this is all a hologram?
Ketran: ...damn 
>Kiyone vs. Kano
Ketran: No need to bet- Kiyone 
> As Kiyone and the others congratulated Mihoshi on her defeat of Subzero, 
>another person detached himself from the other group and walked up to the 
>others. His right arm and half his face seemed to be made out of a silvery 
>metal.
Tom: And the rest of him was made of cherry jell-o
> His right eye glowed red as he looked over Kiyone. His eyes stopped on 
>her badge and he grinned. 
>  "A cop, I like killing cops. Maybe I'll have a little fun with you before I 
kill you. Bet you'd like that huh?"
Crow: Not again 
All look at Ketran who is completely calm
Ketran: What? Like Kiyone can't handle this second rate crook?
> Kiyone glared at him, waiting for him to issue the challenge. He laughed and 
>smiled at her. "Fine, then here it goes baby. My name is Kano and I challenge 
>you to Mortal Kombat."
>  Kiyone looked at Mihoshi who smiled back at her. "I'm sure you can do it."
Ketran: Hell yes!  
Crow: But Ketran, I thought you hated the lez Kiyone 
Ketran: Hey! I think above sexual preference when I look at talent 
Bots: Oh 
Ketran: And if she really is a lesbian, there's always akane-niichan
Bots: (giving him weird looks) 'kay
>  Kiyone turned back to Kano. "I accept." 
>  Kiyone found herself standing on a sidewalk. The sky was dark and the area 
>around her was quiet. She looked around for Kano, but couldn't see him anywhere. 
>  "Where are you?" She yelled out.
>  Suddenly something heavy hit her from behind, sending her flying forward. From 
>behind her she heard Kano say, "Right here cop." 
Tom: You'll never take me alive!
>  Kiyone looked and saw him holding a trashcan over his head. It had a dent in 
>the side about the size of her head. "Not one for fair fights are you?" She 
>asked.
>  Kano laughed and threw it at her. "Nope, never seemed like a good idea to me."
Crow: (as kano) Me with an idea, who'd have guessed that huh?
>  Kiyone rolled away before the can could hit her and was quickly on her feet. 
>Kano charged her, swinging his metal arm straight towards her face. Kiyone 
>ducked and grabbed his arm, pulling at it so that his momentum took him into the 
>wall.
All: Ole! 
>His arm slid through the brick easily, but his face hit the wall with a 
>metallic clang.
Tom: Ow! 
Ketran: That _had_ to sting!  
>  Pulling out of the wall Kano turned back to Kiyone who had her gun pointed at 
>him. "What do you think you're going to do with that thing sugar?"
>  Kiyone looked at him coldly and pulled the trigger. A yellow beam shot out and 
>hit Kano in the metal part of his face,
Crow: ha ha
> then bounced into the side of the 
>building, blowing a hole in it. Kano cursed and held up his arm to block the 
>shot that followed. Even so, one hit him in the other arm, opening a three-inch 
>hole.
Ketran: Told you, no need to worry
He begins to file his nails
> Bleeding he ran into the alley with Kiyone on his heals. 
>  When she turned the corner Kiyone got a metal fist in her face.
Crow: Um Ketran?
Ketran is still filing his nails 
> Dropping her 
>gun she jumped back, holding her forehead. She couldn't see anything; there was 
>blood dripping into her eyes. Kano laughed and stepped out of the alley after 
>her.
Tom: Ketran? You might want to see this
Ketran is working on his other hand
> "Little pig lost her gun huh? Well lucky for you I've found it."
>  Kiyone angled her head towards the sound if his voice and smiled. "You 
>Wouldn't dare."
>  Kano laughed. "Oh really?" He pointed the gun at her, and then pulled the 
>trigger.
Crow: Ketran? 
Ketran: (Putting the file away) just watch 
> A huge explosion engulfed his body, shattering his eye before the fire 
>consumed the human parts of him. Kiyone wiped the blood from her eyes in time to 
>see Kano's arm and the metal part of his face land at her feet.
Ketran: Told you she wouldn't have a problem
> Smiling she 
>crushed it and watched as the red light of his eye slowly dimmed.
>  Kiyone turned and found herself with her friends again.
Tom: Oh Ross, I missed you! 
>Mihoshi hugged her 
>first, followed by the others. "You were terrific Kiyone." Mihoshi said.
Crow: smoke?
Ketran: I hate you crow
>  Washu nodded. "Pretty smart using the biosensors in your gun like that."
>  Tokimi looked at Kiyone from her thrown. "You win."
Ketran: As if there was any doubt 

>Ryo-oki vs. Motaro 
Tom: I sense a strange one here 
Ketran: well, it would match the tone of the Fic

>
>  Tenchi and the others stared as a huge monster headed towards them. It had 
>huge ram-like horns in it's head and a thick tail.
tom: on his head?
> Aside from that it looked a 
>lot like a centaur. It came over and looked them all over, then snorted. "None 
>of them look to be worth my time."
>  Aeka was about to say something when Ryo-oki hopped forward. "Meow, meow 
>myah!"
Tom: damn cabbit! We almost had her in the ring with the centaur! 
>  The creature looked down at the little cabbit confused. Ryoko smiled. "She 
>said she is Ryo-oki and she challenges you to Mortal Kombat."
Tom: I believe we have the single most obscure line in history 
Ketran: I bet this whole Fic was written for that one line
>  The monster laughed. "Fine, if she wishes to die. I Motaro, accept."
>  Tokimi smiled, "As the challenger Ryo-oki may choose where to fight." 
>  Ryo-oki thought about it, and then meowed at Tokimi. The goddess nodded and 
>both she and Motaro vanished. Tenchi turned to look at Ryoko, "Think she can do 
>it?"
>  Ryoko smiled confidently. "I doubt farm boy there will last two minutes."
ketran: (as tenchi) you shouldn't make fun of us farm boys royko
>
>  Ryo-oki appeared facing off against Motaro. They were on an asteroid floating 
>in space. 
Tom: well, that pretty much guarantees the Ryo-oki win
>Motaro looked down at her and stomped his hoof, shaking the asteroid 
>and causing Ryo-oki to fall over. "This is just pathetic."
>  Ryo-oki righted herself and hissed at him angrily. She suddenly jumped at 
>Motaro. Motaro laughed and flicked his tail, planning to hit her.
crow: instead he hit on her 
>Ryo-oki 
>grabbed onto it and bit down hard, taking out a chunk of muscle.
>  Motaro roared in pain and began beating his tail against the ground, slamming 
>Ryo-oki into the rock.
Crow: hey, no one treats the peoples champion that way! 
Tom: no more wrestling references please
> The cabbit managed to hang on until he flicked his tail 
>upwards, sending her flying into the air. Watching her tiny body disappear into 
>the sky Motaro laughed. 
Ketran: (as krankor) ah!... ha... HAAAA..... 
>  In the sky Ryo-oki let out a long yowl and transformed into a huge spaceship.
Tom: (motaro as homer) d'oh!
>Motaro's laugh caught in his throat. Red energy began to form around the tips of 
>Ryo-oki's spikes. 
Tom: there's something wrong with that but I can't tell 
>Then it shot out directly into the asteroid shattering it and 
>sending Motaro flying into space. As the monster left the atmosphere of the 
>asteroid he began clawing at his own throat, unable to breath.
Ketran: well, ripping chunks out of your throat will make it hard to breathe
> A few minutes 
>later his legs stopped twitching and he was totally still.
>  Ryo-oki appeared on top of Ryoko's head, meowing happily. 
>  Tokimi nodded. "You win."
>Yosho vs. Baraka
Tom: well let's hope it's a little more interesting then the last one

>  The next challenger headed towards Tenchi's group. By now they were all 
>feeling very confident.
Ketran hums a dirge
 >This man looked as odd as the others had though. He had 
>huge metal teeth and long blades attached to his arms. He walked straight 
>towards Yosho and looked into the 'old' man's eyes. 
>  "I am Baraka, and I challenge you to Mortal Kombat."
Tom: damn I bit my tough! Anyone have a turnakit?
Ketran: sure tom (he holds up a 1/144 model of a Gundam)
Crow: now *that* was obscure
>  Yosho turned to Tenchi and handed him the Master key. "Tenchi, give Ryoko all 
>of her gems back now."
> Funaho looked at Yosho worriedly and said, "But that means they won't be 
>keeping you alive any more." 
 > Yosho nodded. "I know, but if I die here it won't matter any more and if I win 
>I won't need them."
Ketran: makes sense 
Crow: for once
>  Tenchi took the sword and closed his eyes, concentrating. Suddenly a gem 
>appeared on Ryoko's neck and right wrist.  
>She closed her eyes as her body began 
>glowing blue. 
Tom: is it cold in here?
> Yosho's body changed, becoming young again. Aeka looked at him in total shock, 
>"Yosho you're..."
Crow: (as Aeka) a total hottie!
>  Without letting her finish Yosho grabbed the sword and turned back to Baraka. 
>"I accept your challenge."
>  Ryoko was rubbing the gem in her neck as Yosho vanished. As one the group 
>turned to look at the image above Tokimi again.
>  Yosho and Baraka were already fighting. They seemed to be in the middle of a 
>desert. Yosho swung the sword at Baraka, who actually blocked it with his own 
>blades. But despite that Yosho was obviously in control of the situation. He was 
>backing Baraka up step by step,
Ketran: this seems familiar 
> cutting his arms and face in several places. 
> From beside him Tenchi heard Funaho whisper, "Hurry Yosho, you don't have much 
>time." 
>  Tenchi looked at her confused. "Why doesn't he?"
Ketran: wait a minute, I remember this!
>  Funaho pointed up at him. "Because he won't last. See for yourself."
>  Tenchi looked up again and saw what she meant. Yosho's swings had begun to 
Ketran: (as sarcastic as any one human being can be) Gee I hope obi-wan can help him this 
time!
>slow down and a streak of gray was working its way through his hair. Wrinkles 
>were spreading over his face, turning him into the old man they all knew.
Crow: (as jar jar binks) isa Yosho gonna die? 
>  Baraka began to get the advantage, pushing the old man back into his own 
>tracks in the sand. Yosho seemed to be blocking his attacks though, until he 
>suddenly stopped in his tracks.
Tom: I think he burned out the thesaurus 
Ketran: and is now using the big book of rhyming words
Crow: back, tracks, attacks. It's a  possibility
> Baraka was as surprised by this as anyone and 
>stopped also staring at the old man.
 > Tenchi yelled out, "Grandpa, what are you doing?"
Ketran: sorry, had to fart
 > Yosho's hair had started to fall out, and his skin was tight around his bones. 
>He looked almost like Ryoko had when Tenchi had released her from the cave. 
>  Examining his hand Yosho's face was perfectly calm. The sword flashed blue and 
>vanished from his hand, appearing in Tenchi's. Yosho turned back to Baraka and 
>bowed his head, accepting death. 
>  Aeka let out a loud scream as Baraka's blade swung towards Yosho's head... it 
>never landed. Yosho's body crumbled to dust 
Ketran: they'll need the Orrick 8-pound vacuum to pick up grandpa
Bots: that was sick!
>before it hit him and the blade 
>passed right through. A breeze blew across the sands, taking Yosho's remains 
>with it. 
>  Tears fell from Aeka's face. Tenchi put a hand on her shoulder, but she 
>shrugged it off. Finally she turned to Ryoko. "This is all your fault!" She 
>screamed.
Tom: How!?! 
Ketran: The gems, I guess
Tom: Oh yeah, (thinks on it) but, they were her's in the first place! 
>  Funaho stepped in, "No it isn't Aeka. Yosho knew what was going to happen."
> Aeka looked at her venomously. "How can you say that? You were his mother."
Crow: (as Aeka) be on my side you stupid little consort!
>  Funaho nodded. "I know. That's why I know that he knew he was going to die." 
>Aeka turned away without another word, watching the other group, ignoring her 
>friends entirely.

>Washu vs. Smoke
Tom: (as Mr. MacKay) Smoking is bad m'kay? 

> A dark gray robot walked towards them. As it looked at them a thin red beam 
>slid over each of them. Washu was watching with interest. "It's scanning us..."
Crow: undressing us with his eyes... 
>  The robot's head turned towards her. "Affirmative. Calculations complete. 
>Mental and physical capabilities means that you would be my most dangerous 
>opponent. I Smoke, 
Ketran: that's bad for your health man
>challenge you to Mortal Kombat."
>  Washu bit her lip, then grinned and nodded. "I accept, just let me slip into 
>something a little more comfortable." Her form wavered and changed to her adult 
>self.
Crow: yeah baby!!!!
Ketran: be calm, little buddy 
Ketran stares at the adult Washu 
Ketran: (speaking into tape recorder) note to self: get Washu to change into hotter adult form
>Then she and Smoke vanished.
>  Up in the image Tenchi and the others saw Washu and Smoke appear in a 
>junkyard. Smoke's rib cage opened revealing missile launchers. He fired at 
>Washu, who disappeared in a cloud of smoke and dust. 
> When it cleared Washu was standing in a glowing energy field. Her hands were 
>out in front of her, her holographic computer out in front of her. "My, you are 
>a piece of work. Not as advanced as what I'm used to but you could be fun."
Tom: Smoke, run. Run like you've never run before! 
Ketran: and never stop  
>  Washu pushed some buttons on her computer and Smoke suddenly stiffened up. 
>Washu laughed and pushed another button. The robot turned to face the people 
>watching, then began to do a square dance. Pieces of him began falling onto the 
>ground, until only one leg was bouncing around.
Ketran: (As black knight) it's just a flesh wound!
Tom: but you have no body! 
>  Washu reappeared next to her friends and smiled up at Tokimi. Tokimi snorted 
>and smirked at her.
Crow: how is that possible? 
Ketran: what did sasami tell us to do before?
Crow: just smile and nod.
Ketran: right
> "Flawless victory. Though I'm not sure that that was 
>entirely fair."
>  Washu laughed. "Fairs are for tourists Tokimi.
crow: but I wanted cotton candy!
> Anyway I didn't break any 
>rules."
>  Tokimi nodded. "Yes, I know. You won Washu."

>Funaho vs. Sheeva
Tom: Ok, she has to die the author can't just kill Yosho
Ketran: Just wait tom; by the end Tenchi will be emperor 


>  Funaho watched as another monster came towards them from Tokimi's group. This 
>one appeared to be female, but not like any girl any of them had seen before.  
>She stood seven feet tall, had four arms and red eyes. Her skin was tan-gold and 
>she had three fingers on each hand. Her hair came out of the back of her 
>otherwise baldhead in a long black ponytail. She let her gaze flow over Tenchi, 
Ketran: who instantly fell in love with her 
Logs appear around Ketran 
One has a little note on it that reads 
"Peter says hi"
Ketran:  (to logs) bring it ojosama imo! 
kaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaapppp!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ketran: (slightly charred) yummy! 
Suddenly the theater began to glow a deep red 
Ketran: oh, that's crap ryo-
Ka-POW!
A red energy ball connects with Ketran turning him into a pile of ash
Ket: (pile of ash) groovy....
>Ryoko, Aeka, and finally Funaho.  
>  "I am Sheeva and I challenge you to Mortal Kombat." 
>  Funaho looked up into her eyes, "I accept."
> Funaho felt a cold breeze hit her in the face. Looking around her she saw that 
>she and Sheeva were standing on the top of a huge stone pillar. It was square 
>and when she glanced over the edge she saw nothing but a dark abyss below her. 
>Whether it was truly bottomless or not, didn't matter.
Crow: she had enough bottom for all!! 
Ketran: crow 
> It was deep enough that 
>either way if she fell down there. She would not be coming back. 
>  Keeping an eye on Sheeva, Funaho began circling her, looking for any weak 
>points. Sheeva
Tom: isn't sheeva a cat food?
> merely stood in the middle, watching Funaho closely. Funaho moved 
>in, getting close to Sheeva with each pass. Finally Sheeva couldn't wait any 
>more and swung at her.
>  Funaho grabbed her arm and flipped Sheeva over her head. Sheeva landed on her 
>back, shaking the pillar as she hit. She was still smiling though. "Not bad... 
>for a human."
Crow: She is not a human, she's a jurain! Just because she looks like an earthling doesn't 
make her one!!!!!!
Ketran: um, crow? She is a human 
Crow: huh? 
Ketran: yeah, Asuza picked her up on earth, she is Terren 
Tom: then why is he pissed that Aeka is interested in Tenchi?
Ketran: (shrugs his shoulders) mystery of life tom
>  Pressing all four of her palms onto the ground, Sheeva shot straight up into 
>the air. Flipping she landed on her feet. Funaho tried to back up, but Sheeva 
>grabbed her. "Now it's my turn." Pulling back her fists she began punching 
>Funaho mercilessly. Funaho kept hitting and kicking Sheeva with all her 
>strength, but her blows didn't so much as bruise the monster. 
Tom: Where's guku when you need him?
>  This went on for five minutes until Funaho was a limp and bloody mess in 
>Sheeva's arms. Sheeva raised Funaho above her head and began walking to the edge 
>of the pillar. She raised Funaho above her head and looked 
Crow: up her dress
>down into the 
>darkness beneath her. 
Crow: same thing 
 > Suddenly Sheeva stopped and shook her head, dropping the unconscious empress 
>onto the ground behind her. Looking up at the sky Sheeva yelled out, "There is 
>no point in killing an unconscious enemy. I choose to spare this one's life."
Tom: well, that is not going to work 
Crow: so the whole mortal kombat theme of ruthlessly slaughtering your victims, is 
shattered? 
Ketran: yep, seems that Clayton is a tree hugging hippy 
The logs return this time with a note that says 
"Leave the tree huggers out of this!"
Ketran: sigh, well this is getting old
KKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!
Ketran is covered in burn marks and his head is on fire
Ketran: oh man, MY HAIR!
Crow: oh, it will wash right out
>  Sheeva appeared before Tokimi. Tokimi smiled at her and nodded. "As you know, 
>I am not Shao Khan. I understand about honor Sheeva. You win... you will be 
>gaining an additional reward later."
Tom: Good girl, you get a treat! 
> She looked at her other remaining 
>followers. "But I also don't condone going easy on people just to gain my 
>favor." They nodded and bowed to her.
Tom: so what happened to those other guys?
Both: who? 
Tom: those guys that were talking about clay in the last ep of muyo 
Ketran: this is a Fic; it doesn't have to touch all the bases if the author doesn't want to 
Crow: oh fine, take his side, you AUTHOR  
>  Meanwhile Tenchi and the others were gathered around Funaho. Her face was a 
>swollen mass of bruises and cuts. Her jaw and skull were both cracked and her 
>arms and legs were all broken. Tenchi looked at Washu, "Can you help her Washu?"
>  The scientist shook her head. "I don't know Tenchi. We will have to see. I'll 
>put her in stasis until after the tournament.
Tom: we can take her out of stasis in 200 years 
> " Pushing a button on her 
>computer, Washu enveloped Funaho in a green light. "At least... it's almost 
>over."
Ketran...nah, it would be lame to say something here 

>Aeka's disgrace
Ketran: (As masaki) you have some mud on your face sweetie
Pooh, pooh! Here let me get it... 
Crow: (as Aeka) Mooooom!
>: Ryoko vs. Scorpion
Ketran: hmmm I think this might be good 
Crow: trying to be positive?

>  A woman dressed in bright green walked towards them. Her face was deathly calm 
>as she looked over the last three. Whether it was fate, or just the evil plans 
>of the author,
Tom: I'll take "evil plans of the author" for one hundred Alex
> Aeka, Ryoko, and Tenchi were all that was left to fight. The 
>others stepped back, allowing the woman a clear view of them. 
>  Finally she looked at Aeka. "I am Jade and I challenge you to Mortal Kombat. 
>Do you accept?"
>  Aeka stood up and looked her right in the eyes. "No."
Bots: Cooooop out! 
Ketran: But I wanted to see Aeka die! It's not FAIR!
>  The others looked at her in shock. "But Aeka..."Kiyone began.
>  Aeka shook her head, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. "I just can't 
>do it. After what happened to Yosho. Funaho, and Serio... I just can't do it."
Tom: There's that Jurai pride for you! 
>  Jade sneered at her, much the way Aeka always did to Ryoko. "You are a 
>coward."  
All: buck buck bakawww!
>Turning she left Aeka standing there. Aeka couldn't stop crying. "I... 
>I couldn't do it... I just couldn't do it!"
Ketran: here Aeka, I think you need to read this book, it might help you 
Crow: "The Little Engine That Could"?
>  Tenchi put his hand on her shoulder. "Nobody blames you Aeka. Most people 
>wouldn't have agreed to fight in this."
>  She shook him off. "No, don't say that Tenchi. I am a coward."
Tom: Now go commit seppuku! Go on! That's a girl! 
>  Ryoko was about to tell her that she wasn't a coward when she felt someone tap 
>her on the back. Turning she saw a yellow ninja this time. He looked into her 
>eyes with blank, white yes of his own. "I am Scorpion, and I challenge you to 
>Mortal Kombat. Do you accept?"
>  Ryoko nodded. "You bet." Her own eyes glowed yellow, while the gems in her 
>wrists and neck glowed red.
Ketran: (as Amish guy) it glowed an evil glow it did
> Ryoko blinked and suddenly found herself in a 
>forest. She grinned and looked around. "So you're hiding from me Scorpion?"
>  From behind her she heard Scorpion yell, "Get over here!"
Tom: (as scorpion) and clean your room!
> She turned to look 
>at him and got a spear in her gut. "Aaaah!" Looking down she saw a chain 
>sticking out of her stomach.
Crow: when you get heartburn, get Alka-Seltzer  
>It began pulling her towards Scorpion.
>  Ryoko reached down and pulled the chain out of her stomach. She almost lost 
>her hand 
Ketran: well, she can always grow it back
>as the spear at the end tried to bite her hand off. Teleporting away 
>she healed her stomach. Then she found herself wrapped in Scorpion's chains 
>again. 
>  "You aren't the only one who can teleport. Let's take this somewhere a little 
>more fun." Scorpion said. Before she could answer Ryoko found herself
Crow: in a bedroom 
Ketran: crow you are so looking at a time out 
> falling 
>into a dark pit. She hit the ground hard. Looking around she saw piles of 
>humanoid bones strewn all around.
Tom: hither and thither?
Crow: wily nilly?
Ketran: hanky panky?  
> The only light came from fire, spitting from 
>the walls. Ryoko looked around for Scorpion and saw him on scaffolding above 
>her.
>  Ryoko growled and fired a huge ball of energy at him. Scorpion disappeared 
>before it hit, blowing up the catwalk.
Ketran: (singing) On the catwalk, shake your little thing on the catwalk....
> Ryoko looked around and decided that 
>enough was enough. Closing her eyes her entire body began to glow. Blasts of 
>light shot from her body in every direction. When Ryoko opened her eyes again 
>all that was left was her, Scorpion, and a huge crater. 
>  Scorpion looked directly at her and pulled his mask off. His face became a 
>skull, which opened its mouth, spitting fire directly at Ryoko. Ryoko laughed 
>and swept it aside. "If that's the best you have, let me show you something."
Tom: (as rocky) again? 
Ketran: (as bullwinkle) now, nothin' up my sleeve 
ripp!!!!! 
And presto! 
Crow: (as a bear) graahhhhh!
Ketran: (as bullwinkle) Gotta get me a new hat
Tom: (as rocky) and now here's something we hope you really like.

Break////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
///////////
Ketran is out of the holodeck and sipping some tea Washu is sitting on the other side of the 
table zorak is nowhere to be found 
"So how am I doing so far?"
Washu wiggles her hand in the "so-so" fashion
"Whatever, Ketran miffed. "But I have a question for you Washu" 
"Go ahead" 
"How was I attacked in the theater? I mean it was all a hologram, right?"
Washu grinned  
"Well it is and it isn't, you remember the scene in "first contact" when picard removes the 
failsafes in the holodeck?"
"You did that? Why? I was almost killed!"
"But it was more real that way wasn't it?" Washu grinned as she took a sip from her mug.
"Oh, so you removed the failsafe to give me a better feel for the real thing?" 
"Uh, right that's why I did it, yeah"
"But how was I able to survive it?" Ketran was confused, for all he knew he was 100% 
human. 
"You spend to much time with anime characters, you must have picked up some of our 
inherent recovering powers" Washu guesses 
"Anyway," Ketran said, changing the subject." did you get in contact with those people like i 
asked you to?"
"Yeah, they'll be here in about a week"
"Why so long Washu?"  
"Mantis boy played around with the teleporter and shorted out the transdimental matrix"
"Damn, oh well, I'm off" 
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

> A 
>thin Mist 
Ketran: those are the best Girl Scout cookies
>began to form in front of her. It grew and swelled until it was a blob 
>about 30 feet high. Suddenly it grew arms and legs. Evil red eyes popped into 
>existence, looking directly at Scorpion.
Tom: oh yeah she can control that thing now right?
> Scorpion shot out one of his chains 
>into it, but it had no effect.
>  Grabbing the chain the demon pulled Scorpion into the air and swung him 
>around. Finally it threw him into the wall of the crater, cracking his skull and 
>causing a huge explosion. When the fire and dust cleared there were two Ryoko's
All: double your pleasure! Double your fun! 
>giving each other five and bumping hips. "Oh we are bad!"
>  Tokimi smiled at her as she reappeared. "You win. But be warned, if your next 
>fighter fails the battle will be between Tsunami and me. I guarantee that if it 
>comes to that she will not survive."
Tom: (as Sasami) um, I forfeit, you win!  

>Tenchi vs. Shang Tsung
Crow: Isn't he dead?
Tom: he came back as a fighter

>  Tenchi looked at Ryoko and his remaining family.
Ketran: (as tokimi's group) Well, we've killed or ashamed most of the Jurai line in about five 
minutes, and that can't be bad!
> Funaho's battered body caught 
>his eye. Without saying anything to anyone he stepped forward,
Crow opens his mouth 
Ketran: crow, close your mouth, I don't want to hear it 
> not waiting for 
>the next person to come meet him. As he did another man stepped forward. Unlike 
>the others, he seemed to be perfectly normal. Tenchi looked him in the eyes and 
>the man looked back. "I am Shang Tsung. I challenge you to Mortal Kombat."
>  Tenchi nodded. "I accept." 
All hum a wedding march 
Ketran: mazal tov!
>  Tenchi looked around at the place where he found himself. It seemed to be a 
>normal fighting ring, except for the holes all over it. In the center was a huge 
>dragon symbol. Tsung grinned at him. "I see you admire my ring.
Crow: it's 750 carrots!
> But this is no 
>ordinary match. When I defeat you I will get your soul and your power boy... if 
>you have any."
>  Tenchi shook his head. "I don't plan on loosing."
Ketran: I have Velcro shoes on 
Bots: No puns please 
>  With no warning Shang shot his hand forward. A flaming skull came shooting 
>towards Tenchi. He managed to duck as the skull exploded behind him. Tenchi held 
>out the master key, summoning the sword. With a shout he ran at Shang and swung.
Ketran: (as umpire) striiiiiike one!
>The sword almost missed him, only cutting the sorcerer's cheek. 
>  Shang grabbed his face and cursed. "Not bad, but let's see you stop this." 
>Suddenly huge spike popped out of the floor and Tenchi was surrounded by people, 
>who hadn't been there before. "Here are some of the souls I've collected." 
Tom: (as shang) I still can't catch that twice cursed raiku, however... 
Crow: Gotta catch them all
>Tenchi looked around at all of them, the fell forward as one kicked him in the 
>back. Another took the sword from Tenchi's hand, the screamed as it sent energy 
>through him, turning him into a pile of dust. 
>  Unfortunately Shang had stepped between Tenchi and his sword. "What will you 
>do now?"
> The warriors around him all summoned different kinds of energy,
Ketran: special BEAM cannon! 
Crow: tri BEAM! 
Tom: destructo DISK!
> including 
>Shang Tsung.
Ketran (with as much fervor as before) whiffle BAT!!
>It was all fired directly at Tenchi from every side, and the 
>blinding explosion that followed engulfed him. Shang smiled and held out his 
>hand to claim Tenchi's soul. But something was wrong.
crow: wait a... this is a rubber soul!
tom: ha! fooled you!
>  As the smoke cleared Shang and his warriors could see a glowing shield around 
>Tenchi's body. Suddenly there was a flare of light, which evaporated all of 
>Shang's ghosts. Shang watched in shock as the shield moved over Tenchi, changing 
>his clothes and skin. Tenchi held out his hand and a sword formed in it. 
Crow: I hate that sword, who ever heard of a rounded point blade!
>  Shang laughed, still confident. "Ha, like a simple sword could harm me." 
Ketran: but this one comes with all the extras, even the monogrammed shoelaces!
Tom: damn 
>Shang 
>held out his hand to fire another volley of skulls at Tenchi. Before he could 
>Tenchi swung his sword. Shang laughed. "Lot of good that did. You're way 
>over..." He fell to the ground in two pieces.
The bots are applauding 
Tom: wow! What a great trick! 
Ketran: (As daffy duck as shang) stop applauding!! I'm not cut in half! Stop applauding!!!! 
> The ring's spikes also fell down 
>in a triangular pattern from where Tenchi stood. 
>  Turning Tenchi found himself being hugged by everyone, who told him how proud 
>they were of his fighting. 
All: (Deadpan) We are proud of your fighting
>Ryoko kissed him directly on the lips before either 
>of them remembered that Aeka was there. But for once the princess didn't seem 
>interested. Aeka didn't feel she had any more right to insult the pirate.
Ketran: not that it will stop her
Tom: Ketran please, she just saw her only brother die, and Tenchi has obviously chosen 
Ryoko, so now who is she going to marry?
Ketran: that was very mean tom... 
Tom: yeah, I guess it was 
Ketran (wiping a tear) I am so proud of you! Come here!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!   
>  Tokimi stood up and looked at Tsunami. "You have chosen your champions well 
>sister. I will see you next time."
Crow: (as bob vila) On "This Old Death Ring!"
> The clouds faded from the sky and as Jurai's 
>sun shone down, Tokimi and her followers vanished. 
>  Tenchi looked at Tsunami, who looked back sadly. "I am sorry Tenchi." 
>  Tenchi sighed. "My grandfather knew what was going to happen. And Serio knew 
>the risks.
Ketran: (as tsunami) no, I mean the whole coming on to you when I was in sasami's body 
> It's over now... right?"
>  Tsunami nodded. "For now."

>  Tenchi sat in the living room with Kiyone and Mihoshi on his right and Ryoko 
>on his left. Sasami sat on the love seat with Ryo-oki and Washu. They had just 
>finished telling Noboyuki what had happened. "Is Funaho alright?"
>  Tenchi nodded. "Yes, Washu was able to heal her."
Tom: wait I'm confused, now how did Funaho lose if she's an immortal?
Crow: what does that have to do with anything?
Tom: she is immortal, so she can't die  
Ketran: (looking pale) and Ryoko too, I guess 
Crow: so they can't die?
Ketran: supposedly
Tom: but then they couldn't really enter! It is MORTAL combat! Only mortals can enter!
Crow: so the good guys cheated? 
Ketran: I... I guess so... 
>  Noboyuki looked around. "Then why didn't Aeka come back with you?"
Tom: we left her there 
>  Kiyone looked at him. "Because she was ashamed. She said she needed some time 
>alone and that she might be back later."
>  Noboyuki was confused and he glanced at Tenchi, "But I thought she wanted to 
>marry you."
>  Ryoko shook her head. "She said watching Yosho die made her realize that she 
>didn't really love Tenchi like that."
Tom: (as Aeka) Mom! We're all out of Yosho!
Ketran: (as masaki) Just use the Tenchi honey! 
Tom: (as Aeka) oh FINE, if I have to....
>  Mihoshi, who had been staring at her hand for the last ten minutes said, "You 
>know it's weird."
>  Kiyone looked at her. "What is Mihoshi?"
>  "Well we don't age any more, but I don't feel any different. Do you?"
>  Ryoko snorted. "You think that's weird? How do you think I feel? The elder 
>gods made me the new Earth goddess of thunder. The only good part is that Tenchi 
>has to run the shrine now so we'll be working together."
Ketran: I knew it! Pay up crow!
Crow: Dammit! I and I was sure they would bring Yosho back from the dead to be the new 
rayden
>  Noboyuki grinned. "What I want to know is, who's going to be qualified to 
>marry you two to each other?"
Tom: well, we are accepting resumes
 > Tenchi blushed and looked at Ryoko. He had asked her to marry him on the way 
>back from Jurai. Unfortunately he had forgotten that his father would have to be 
>told. 
>  Sasami giggled. "Tsunami said she'd do it."
Tom: and boy will she 
Ketran: all night long 
>  Washu sighed and looked around at them. "Things are going to be very different 
>now." She was still in her adult form. "It's going to be so quiet without Aeka 
>around."
>  Ryoko grinned and put her arm around Tenchi. "In that case we'll have to make 
>lots of noise, won't we Tenchi?"
>  Tenchi's nose bled slightly and everyone else laughed. Kiyone winked at Washu, 
Tom: ok, now that was creepy 
Crow: so does kiyo have something goi- (looks at Ketran) um never mind
>"Things haven't changed that much"

>The End
Ketran:  my only friends, the end 

>Author's note
>  You know, I thought this would be funnier.
All: so did we 
> I mean seriously, didn't you laugh 
>at the title?
All: um, no 
> But once you get to the actual matches it begins to get pretty 
>repetitive.
Ketran: yep, but at least you used a thesaurus to keep it...different
> While I did get a little humor into this,
Tom: so did we 
> there is only so much you 
>can do once the killing starts.
Ketran: oh, I can give you some pointers on that if you need help
Tom: hey, can I use that line?  
>By the way, if you are a sailor moon fan please 
All: shoot yourself
>do not get mad about the Reeny = Serio joke.
All: Giggle at the joke again
Ketran:  no that was good 
>If you can do this better or want 
>to MST it, please do; just send me a copy first.
Ketran: done and done
> If you think this was a good 
>story, email me at clayton_n@hotmail.com 
Tom: his address looks like he's looking to the upper right
Others: what?
Tom: watch   n_n   :the serif is like the corona of the eye! 
Ketran: ok, no more surge for you for a while...
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


Washu is in the holodeck looking for Ketran but he is nowhere to be found.
Zorak walks in holding his arm, which has been burned off with a laser beam.
Staring at him Washu couldn't suppress a laugh, "so you went near the teleporter again 
huh?"
"Shut up! Zorak fumed. "It's a good thing I regenerate, where's Ketran?"
"I don't know, he was supposed to be here" suddenly crow t. robot walks up to Washu " 
Ketran says to meet him on the bridge"
"Oh thanks-"Washu stopped and looked at crow. "Who the hell are you?" 
"You've been in just about every MST known to man, woman and asexual being and you 
don't know who I am. Ah, the ignorance of youth..."
"Hey! I'm over t-...that's right!"
They all made their way to the bridge.
Ketran was there with another robot, this one looking like tom servo
"Hi all how are you?" the tom servo bot asked 
"Ket, what's going on?"
"Well with the rest of the crew detained I thought I'd whip up some fellow msters"
"But how? You don't know their programming-"
"Ah, but I do," Ketran all but crowed, "You have those PEC's. All I did was patch those into 
the neural receptors into their rebuilt bodies, and ta-da! The bots are reborn!"
Crow piped up "isn't it a hoot?"
All Washu could say was "I think I need a drink"
The end!


Author's notes 
Well it's done! I thought I'd never finish this thing! Oh well, it's a labor of love. 
Next time on the "Ecchi Ai", we will MST 
"Ryo-oki's Carrots" 
What will happen then? 
Find out next time! 


Zingers 

Then the pink haired wuss began to get the upper hand

And one more to finish 

 Ryoko smiled. 
"She said she is Ryo-oki and she challenges you to Mortal Kombat."