Hello to those reading this. I hoped everyone liked my last few MSTing's for I will have plenty more where that came from. Especially with this whole series of Tenchi fan fics to MST. Really bad. The first was OK but the rest of the series gets worst from there on as the series progresses. I should know, I looked into them. Oh yeah, this fan fic brings back the guest star from my very first one: Samantha Jones! By the way, this is my fifth MST fan fic. Anyhow, time for the legal stuff. Legal Stuff: All the characters and concepts of Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to Best Brains Inc. Please don't sue me for I am merely borrowing your characters and not actually placing any claim on them. Except for Samantha Jones, that is. She is my character. To Adam Chris Leigh, please have a sense of humor when you read this. On with the fan fic! ________________________________________________________________________ (DOOR SEQUENCE) 6...5...4...3...2...1... (Mike and the bots took their seats in the theater and sighed heavily, waiting for the fan fic to start. Suddenly there was a flash of light to Tom Servo's left, briefly illuminating the theater). MIKE: What the..? CROW: Huh? TOM: Who? (When the flash of light receded, Samantha Jones was once more on the Satellite of Love). SAMANTHA: Hi guys! (Looks around). Oh no. Did I come in at a bad time? MIKE: You sure did. Dr. Forrester is treating us to a series of Tenchi fan fics. SAMANTHA: That doesn't sound too bad. Have you ever read the one I was in? TOM: No not yet. Anyhow, this one is a self insertion Tenchi crossover fan fic. (Samantha is silent for a moment before fiddling with her wrist teleporter, obviously trying to teleport away). SAMANTHA: Huh? It's not working! (Suddenly Dr. Forrester's image fills the screen with the background of Deep 13 behind him). ALL: Gyah! DR. FORRESTER: I knew that you would be back some day Samantha so I made a transdimensional barrier to prevent you from leaving the ship. Now, not only will I break the will of a mere mortal and two robots, but that of a vigilante's as well! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! SAMANTHA: Oh yeah! Well you had better hope that I stay up here because if I get back down to Earth.....(Cracks knuckles and eyes blaze white. An evil chuckling can be heard). (Dr.Forrester swallowed a lump in his throat and quickly signed off, leaving the fan fic to start). CROW: It's good to have you back regardless of the circumstances Samantha! SAMANTHA: Thank you Crow! TOM: Well said. MIKE: Yeah. CROW: Thanks. Besides, it's nice to have a hot babe up here. Hubba, hubba! EVERYONE ELSE BUT CROW: (Groans). > > INTERLUDE >Establishing Shot: Darkness, then Fade in. Earth, the big round globe >hogging the entire view TOM: The Earth hogs everything whenever it comes over: the beer, the pizza, the junk food.... > >with only a boarder of black emptiness around it. >The view pans backwards and suddenly a hand engulfs the Earth and >squeezes it until it shatters into huge asteroids. BOTS: (Cheers). SAMANTHA AND MIKE: HEY! > >Then Darkness again. A young girl's face (SASAMI) suddenly appears >and her eyes shoot open, showing the pinkish hues beneath her lids. SAMANTHA: I never would have figured it out if you had put that name there Mr.... Who wrote this anyhow? MIKE: Adam Chris Leigh. SAMANTHA: Thanks. > > AZAKA (O.S.) > Princess Sasami. CROW: Are you sure it's Sasami? It might be someone else... > > >SASAMI turns her head, MIKE: Completely off her shoulders. Oh the humanity! > >then sits up at the waist. She is in a white >colored capsule with its transparent lid hanging a few feet above her >head. TOM: Sleep Chambers provided from the set of Aliens. > >AZAKA, a columnar wooden servant is beside her. CROW: Are you sure? He might not be. > > SASAMI > What is it Azaka? CROW: I was having a good dream..... MIKE: Crow.... SAMANTHA: That was Sasami you were talking about! CROW: I'm sorry. That was sick, even by my standards. > > AZAKA > We are nearing a planet that Aeka > believes to be the one we are looking > for. She is already out of Cryo-stasis > and is on the bridge. > >SASAMI puts a hand to her head and shakes away the stasismares. TOM: So stasismares is a term. MIKE: It is now. > > SASAMI > Alright Azaka, I'll come to the bridge > in a moment. > >On the Bridge, AEKA is standing in front of a large tree looking into a >big screen. KAMIDAKI is to her right performing scans on the planet. CROW: (Surgeon) We found this ugly growing cancer in a place called Washington D.C. It'll have to be removed. TOM: (Makes Death Star laser noise). CROW: (Surgeon) The operation is a success! The planet can now make a full recovery. > > KAMIDAKI > We are within full scanning range > Princess Aeka. MIKE: So you were only doing partial scans before... > > AEKA > Proceed with the scans, see if you > can find that scurvy wretch Ryouko SAMANTHA: Scurvy wretch? TOM: Again with the slaughtering of the original script of the OVA series. SAMANTHA: You mean this guy is crossing the OVA and TV series of Tenchi with himself in it? MIKE: Yup. SAMANTHA: I have a feeling that this will be even worst then Dirty Moon. CROW: ORGY! > >Various screens appear within the big one up in front, several things >are displayed on the smaller screens, such as Sine waves, CROW: What are Sine waves? SAMANTHA: And the Sines win 5-0 over the Yankees! (Makes crowd cheering noise). > > spectral >analysis', and infrared scans. Of course, these things are useless >compared to the information displayed in the screens which we can't see. ALL: Huh? TOM: That made no sense whatsoever ALL: Like this fan fic. > > KAMIDAKI > The planet is called Earth, its within our > district. There are high levels upper life > energy, as well as various unknown sources. SAMANTHA: This guy needs to take some grammar lessons. > >Ones of the screens lights up red. MIKE: Damn! There goes life support. > > KAMIDAKI > I have found the energy pattern you > specified Princess. Its in a highly > localized area of plant life, however, > I'm am also reading a strong Jurai > energy sequence. TOM: It's the sequence of love. > > AEKA > Could it be ... Yousho? > My fiancé? > > KAMIDAKI > The energy sequence is being masked > by some other more powerful signal, we > cannot identify the individual causing > the signal. CROW: How can they find it if the energy sequence is being masked? Oww my head. > > SASAMI (O.S.) > Aeka ... MIKE: what does that O.S. mean? SAMANTHA: Over sleepy? TOM: Odor sensitive? CROW: Oops Sorry? > >SASAMI walks onto the bridge with AZAKA following close behind. >SASAMI comes over to AEKA and looks at the screen showing Earth. MIKE: I will make as many short sentences as possible to infuriate the reader. BWAHAHA!!! > > SASAMI > Big Sister? Did I hear you talking > about Yousho? > > AEKA > Well I ... I was just saying how I hope > this is the place where that Pirate Ryouko > has gone after she trashed all of Jurai. SAMANTHA: Thrashed? Aeka does not talk like that! TOM: We know Sam, just smile and nod. CROW: This from the bot who's head explodes due to his nitpicking. > > SASAMI > I wish you could think of > something else, we've been chasing > planets in this sector of space for the > last few hundred years. MIKE: Yeah! Those planets can certainly move! > > AEKA > I know Sasami, but I feel we are close > to a conclusion. We will finally reap the > rewards for our long hard work. > > SASAMI > What reward is worth all this? TOM: A box of chocolates? > > KAMIDAKI > I have pinpointed the source and laid > in a course. > > AEKA > Very good, take us in. > >We see the ship slowly heading towards Earth. CROW: (Makes noise of a plane engine cutting out and crashing). > > A Twisted Plot Production SAMANTHA: No argument there. > > In Association with > Tempest Creations > > Written and Directed By > Adam Chris Leigh MIKE: The devils successor. > > FULL CIRCLE > > Based on > Tenchi Muyou! created by > Masaki Kajishima > > Dedicated to > The Men and Woman who make > The #TenchiML chat room stay alive > Even when I'm not there to do so. CROW: Hmph! When he's gone, all his friends in the chat room discuss how bad his fics are. > > Episode 2: That which Speaks SAMANTHA: Should not speak again unless it has something good to say. > > >TENCHI is sweeping up the area around the temple, ADAM is painting >the side of the temple. ADAM stops for a second and TENCHI looks >over to him. TOM: (Tenchi) Are you still here? > > ADAM > You know, this is exactly how I imagined > spending my spring season. CROW: Inserting yourself into a fan fic? That's a surprise to me....NOT! > > RYOUKO (O.S.) > That's because you don't have an active > imagination. > >RYOUKO appears with her arms draped around TENCHI, he looks >obviously annoyed by this. CROW: Who would be annoyed with someone like that wrapped around you? SAMANTHA: Tenchi is a very shy guy. > > TENCHI > Hey! I - Don't you feel bad not > doing any work? MIKE:(Ryoko) No. > > RYOUKO > Oh, all you two ever talk about is work. > Tenchi, why don't you come play around > with me? CROW: Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. > > ADAM > Sounds like a threat ... > >A bolt of energy hits the ground in front of ADAM, the stone sizzles >a bit with the enormous energy it was just hit with. He looks over >to RYOUKO who has her normal grin on. TOM: (Ryoko) Damn I missed! SAMANTHA: (Ditto) I gotta remember to make it look like an accident. > > ADAM > Hey! I'm working with paint here, you > could set the whole place on fire. And > I doubt that Grandpa would like having > a charred temple. TOM: So now he's able to talk back to people who could kill him in a microsecond. MIKE: Another charge to the list? TOM: Yes. SAMANTHA: How many so far? TOM: Too many to count. > >MIHOSHI walks up the temple stairs with YOUSHO, she is playing >with some device that looks cubic in nature. > > TENCHI > Oh, Hi! Mihoshi! Grandpa! > > MIHOSHI > Good Afternoon! > > RYOUKO > What cha' got there MIHOSHI? > > MIHOSHI > This? Oh this is a utility tool given > to all Galaxy Police personnel, in > an emergency its supposed to be able > to do anything. CROW: (Mihoshi) Including becoming my favorite se-MMPPFFHH!! MIKE: No..... > > ADAM > What can you make it do now? > >MIHOSHI gets a tear in her eye. > > MIHOSHI > I can't remember! Waahhhhhh! TOM: Why is this guy writing Mihoshi as being so incompetent? MIKE: Maybe he has something against her... > > YOUSHO > There, there, Mihoshi. I'm sure you'll > figure out how to make it do something. > >The cubic tool begins to glow a yellow light. SAMANTHA: (Cubic tool) Self Destruction Sequence activated. > > YOUSHO > There you go, you got it to > do something. > >The light starts to get blinding. (Everyone in the theater covers their eyes). MIKE: Oww! Turn it down! > > TENCHI > Perhaps you can make it stop now > Mihoshi. > > MIHOSHI > I didn't make it start. Oooh, I bet I > know what this means ... > > ADAM > What? TOM: (Mihoshi) The cake is done. > >The temple and the area around it get dark, as they look into the >sky a large, plant looking ship appears. SAMANTHA: (Stoner) Wow the acid is really kicking in man. I can see trees fly! MIKE: (Ditto) I am so baked > > MIHOSHI > It's a proximity detector. > That's a Jurai royal family ship! > >They all look up into the sky and see the ship settle over a nearby >lake. They all rush off to the lake to get a closer look. YOUSHO >stays back for a second, then follows. The ship settles above the >lake. CROW: Must. write. like Shatner. speaks. > > ADAM > I wonder if this is a good thing TOM: Heh! Adam will probably destroy the ship or something at the rate he's been going so far. SAMANTHA: The ship suddenly takes aim and kills Adam with a laser blast. It then leaves. MIKE: Feeling dark Samantha? SAMANTHA: Grrrr.... > > RYOUKO > I don't think so ... > >Aeka is still on the bridge looking to the big screen. Suddenly a >smaller screen appears with a zoomed in picture of RYOUKO's face. >Aeka suddenly turns red. CROW: DING! The Aeka is done, honey! > > AEKA > There's the pirate that took Yousho > away from me! KAMIDAKE! Target that > Pirate! TOM: But in the OVA series, she only fires a warning shot..(Starts to hold back tears). MIKE: It'll be okay Tom. CROW: Fan boy! TOM: Jerk! SAMANTHA: (Sighs) Bots... > > KAMIDAKE > Yes, Princess Aeka. CROW: (Kamidake) Yes Princess Aeka. Anything else Princess Aeka. Sheesh! One more command and I quit. > >The ship suddenly lurches towards the shore, one of the cannons >emerges from the side and points at RYOUKO. Everyone starts to >shake nervously. SAMANTHA: Usually at this point, everyone would start running. MIKE: In a good fan fic, but this is not a good fan fic. > >AEKA's voice comes on over an amplified speaker. TOM: 50% off all Space faring craft! > > AEKA > Ryouko, you will surrender yourself > at once to be tried for your crimes > against the Juraian Empire > >ADAM turns to RYOUKO, MIKE: (Adam) I'm good looking aren't I? OTHERS: (Make gagging noise). > >who doesn't seem to be at all shocked by this. > > ADAM > That would be you, gorgeous. TOM: Just keep adding to the list Adam. SAMANTHA: Why? what was this one? TOM: Hitting on someone right before they are about to be blown away. > >RYOUKO throws her arms around TENCHI. CROW: Where they flew through the air until falling into the lake. > > RYOUKO > Tenchi! You must protect me from this > vile creature! > > TENCHI > Uhhhh ... Protect you? How can I protect > you against THAT?!! MIKE: You could scream like a girl and run? > > ADAM > Looks like an overgrown shrub. I bet > my Flo-bee could take it out. ALL: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! SAMANTHA: And another charge, right Tom? TOM: You got it! > >AEKA turns to KAMIDAKI > > AEKA > Is this thing on? Why aren't they > listening to me? CROW: They're sleeping. > > AZAKA > Princess Aeka, regarding Ryouko's crimes > against the Emipre ... > > AEKA > Later Azaka. I'm busy. > Kamidaki, fire a warning shot into the > lake. > > KAMIDAKI > Are you sure that's wise? They haven't > fired at us. > > AEKA > Just do it! MIKE: Aeka learned her Diplomacy from the IRA. CROW: (IRA spokesman) Remember, if it's harmless and has not done anything to you, blow it away just to be sure! > > KAMIDAKI > Yes, your highness. > >AEKA's ship fires off a shot into the lake, the wave that ensues >thoroughly drenches the gang. SAMANTHA: Does this guy think everyone would just stand around and wait for a wave to soak them? CROW: At least Adam got hit. > > RYOUKO > She is Evil, Tenchi! You must protect > us! MIKE: (Dr. Forrester) I'm evil! > >ADAM runs over to MIHOSHI, takes the cubic tool, and begins to mess >with it. ALL:BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! > > ADAM > This thing must be able to turn into > some sort of weapon. ALL: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: Another charge. At this rate, I'll have enough to put Mr. Leigh away for life. > > MIHOSHI > Hey! Don't mess with that ... MIKE: Thus showing that she is not all that dumb. > >ADAM moves parts of the cube around until it starts to shake. >Shocked, he holds it up and looks at it. SAMANTHA: Wait for it..... > > ADAM > I hope this is normal ... > > MIHOSHI > Oh, that's normal. SAMANTHA: Wait for it...... > > ADAM > What a relief > > MIHOSHI > For the self-destruct sequence. ALL:BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! > >Everyone facefaults and stares at MIHOSHI. CROW: Hey! It wasn't her fault! It was that idiot Adam! > > ALL > SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE?!! > >ADAM looks around, then at the cubic tool in his hand. TOM: It blows up, killing him. The End. MIKE: Now *you're* feeling dark. TOM: Bite me. > > ADAM > Uhh, here Ryouko, you take this. CROW: Oh sure. Pass off your mistakes to others. > > RYOUKO > Oh thank you so ... AAAAHH! > I don't want this! SAMANTHA: This guy is really getting annoying! He makes everyone else seem stupid! > >RYOUKO throws the cubic tool at AEKA's ship. A screen on the >Bridge of AEKA's ship shows the small, cubic, tool landing on top >of the ship. MIKE: (Aeka) Finally, the mail has arrived. > > AEKA > What's that? > > KAMIDAKI > It appears to be a Galaxy Police > Hyperdimensional cube. It seems to be > in the final stages of Self-Destruct. > > AEKA > Oh. TOM: (Aeka) AAAAAHHH!!!!! > >The cube explodes on the side of AEKA's ship, a large plume of >smoke is created that blocks out all view of what's left of the Ship. CROW: So one little cube exploding takes out an entire ship. Oh yeah.....Real believeable. > > RYOUKO > Oh well, the witch got what she > deserved. ALL: (Singing) Ding Dong! The witch is dead! The wicked witch is dead! > > TENCHI > Wow ... MIKE: (Ash from Army of Darkness) Groovy. > > ADAM > I wonder if that person is okay TOM: Once again showing that Adam contributes nothing to the story except for some odd lines. > > RYOUKO > I'm sure she isn't, come on > Tenchi! Lets play! CROW: (Ryoko) Yup! I'm always happy after I've killed someone! > >AEKA's ship, Ryo-ouh, moves out of the cloud of smoke to settle right >above everyone. SAMANTHA: Squishing them into the ground. > >The ship has a black char mark, but is otherwise >unaffected. AEKA's laugh is heard over a loud speaker. MIKE: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! > > AEKA > Kamidaki! Azaka! Get them. > > AZAKA & KAMIDAKI (sim) > Yes, Princess Aeka. > >The guardians fly out of Ryo-ouh towards everyone. Floating logs >appear around RYOUKO, TENCHI, ADAM, and MIHOSHI and paralyze them. >AZAKA and KAMIDAKI, one by one, engulf them. SAMANTHA: And again they stand there and do nothing....Me and this Adam guy are gonna have a serious talk when I get back down. > >On the bridge of >Ryo-ouh, AEKA is laughing at her handy work. CROW: But it was the Guardians who did all the work..... > >TENCHI's eyes flutter open, he is laying in a grassy circle with thick >vines hanging down around it. > > TENCHI > Huh? Where am ... I bet I know where > I am. Oh, I just wanna go home. > I wonder how I can get out of here. TOM: And here Adam portrays his knowledge of the Tenchi characters by showing that Tenchi only cares about himself and no one else. > >As TENCHI walks through a pair of vines, they quickly stiffen CROW: Getting horny.... MIKE: Do you want a time out? > >and >close around the opening TENCHI was trying to get though. TENCHI >tries to get through many times, and each time the vines close >around the opening. Finally he pulls out a small knife and attacks >one of the vines by whittling it slowly away. > > TENCHI > Hah Ha! Take this! SAMANTHA: And this! And this! At this rate, I'll be out in five years! BWAHAHA!! > > SASAMI (O.S.) > What are you doing? MIKE: Again with the O.S. > > TENCHI > I'm trying to get out of here. > Huh? > >SASAMI is outside of the cage of vines, she walks closer to the cage >and to TENCHI. SASAMI giggles. CROW: For no apparent reason. MIKE: Naw. She just remembered this good joke Aeka told her a little while ago. CROW: Oh! You mean the one about the Juraian going into the bar with the energy sword and a space pirate.... > > TENCHI > Who are you, little girl? > > > SASAMI > I'm Sasami. > > TENCHI > Sasami ... Are you a prisoner here too? SAMANTHA: (Sasami) Of course I am! That's why you're in the brig and I'm walking around free. > > SASAMI > No, Silly. This is our ship. > > TENCHI > Your ship, so that means ... Are you > an alien from the planet Sasami? > > SASAMI > No, we're from Jurai. What's your name? > > TENCHI > Oh, how silly of me. I'm Tenchi. TOM: More slandering of the script. > > SASAMI > Hello Tenchi! Will you > play a game with me? > >SASAMI raises up a control for the cage, as she points it to the >vines they move away like curtains. TENCHI wearily walks out of the >grassy cage, then looks around quickly. MIKE: (Tenchi) I'm free. FREE!! > > TENCHI > Thanks Sasami, hey, do you know how > I might get out of here? I'm here by > accident, I really have nothing to do > with any of this. > > SASAMI > I'll so something for you, if you do > something for me. > >ADAM's eyes flutter open, he's lying in a grassy circle with thick >vines hanging down around it. CROW: Alright! Now we can do some major riffing! TOM: Who wants to bet he gets everyone free all by himself? MIKE: Like that was hard to guess. After all, he is the self insertion character. SAMANTHA: He already damaged a Juraian ship, so of course he'll figure a way out of this when the star of the series couldn't! > > ADAM > Eh? Oh man, where am I now? This > is getting way annoying. TOM: (Hopeful) The self insertion is getting annoying? Then you'll stop? MIKE: Don't get your hopes up. > >ADAM conducts the same experiments as TENCHI did in the last scene, >with the same amount of success. CROW: Instead, the vines grab him by the throat and throttle him mercilessly. MIKE: Geez! Now you're sounding dark! TOM: (Darth Vadar) Come Mike. Join the Dark side. > > ADAM > Now this IS an interesting predicament. > I wonder if someone will rescue me. > I'm gonna die. ALL: YAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! > >RYOUKO's eyes fly open, she's being held upside down by the two >guardians, KAMIDAKI and AZAKA. AEKA is standing in front of her. MIKE: Short sentences provided by a dull imagination. > > RYOUKO > Well hello, Princess, you'll excuse me if > I don't bow before you. TOM: And yet more slandering of the script. (Starts to sob) SAMANTHA: (Puts comforting arm around Tom) Don't worry Tom. Everything will be alright. TOM: (Brain melting) GAH! > > AEKA > O ho ho ho ho! Ryouko, I finally have > you before me, now I can bring you back > to Jurai to pay for your crimes! O > Ho ho ho ho! MIKE: Run on sentences brought to you by bad grammar. > > RYOUKO > Oooh, I'm so scared. > >The guardians send jolts of electricity through RYOUKO. She screams >in pain. > > AEKA > You SHOULD be scared of the Jurai > judicial system, you'll pay dearly for > you actions against Jurai. > > AZAKA > Princess Aeka, about those crimes ... > > AEKA > Oh, what is it now? > > KAMIDAKI > During your cryogenic sleep, an amount > of 697 years occurred. CROW: (Aeka) I was out that long? Why didn't you tell me?! > > AEKA > So? > > AZAKA > So by the Stature of Limitations, no > crime committed on Jurai shall be held > against a person in an excess of 700 years. > >AEKA cringes. SAMANTHA: At the thought of having the author in the story. > > KAMIDAKI > And as of this morning, the 700 year > mark passed and the Galaxy Police > destroyed the file of crimes concerning > Ryouko. CROW: One more run on sentence and I'm going to sleep. > > AEKA > Whaaat?!! TOM: HE SAID THAT...... MIKE: Please don't. > > RYOUKO > Ha Hahah! Well, your highness, it looks > like I have nothing to fear. > >AEKA growls and the guardians send large amounts of electricity >through RYOUKO, she screams until the pain becomes unbearable and she >faints. The electricity stops. CROW: Since when did Aeka become a sadist? TOM: Now he's slandering the characters! > > AEKA > Wrong you still have much > to fear. > >A small spherical DROID comes up to AEKA. MIKE: (Droid) I'm not touching you. Does this bug you? > > NURSE DROID > Aeka. Its time to sleep. SAMANTHA: And to learn proper grammar. MIKE: Okay everyone, that's enough grammar and spelling flames for this story. OTHERS: (Whiny voice) But they're so easy! > > AEKA > Not now, I'm busy. CROW: (Whiny voice) Can't you see I'm torturing someone?! > > NURSE DROID > I promised the Queen that I'd keep > you on a regular schedule. Now its > time for bed. > > AEKA > Oh, alright. Put this > ... thing, in a cell. > > AZAKA & KAMIDAKI (sim) > Yes, Princess. > >AEKA follows the DROID off, then she quickly turns around and yells out. > > AEKA > And find that Juraian sequence! TOM: The sequence of love! > >TENCHI and SASAMI walk down a path with cages similar to the one >that TENCHI was in on all sides. They come to a ridge and look out >to see the closed structure that is AEKA's bedroom. CROW: Time to sneak a peek! wink wink, nudge nudge. SAMANTHA: One more comment like that and *I'll* call time out. CROW: I'll be good. > > SASAMI > There she is. > > TENCHI > And you want me to get the hilt to > her sword? TOM: It's the sword hilt! SWORD HILT! DAMN YOU ADAM! TRY TO GET SOMETHING RIGHT IN THIS TWISTED STORY OF YOURS!!!! MIKE: You gonna be alright? TOM: (Smoke starts to rise out of his dome and he's breathing heavily). I will. This just hurts. > > SASAMI > Yes. > > TENCHI > But isn't it hers? > > SASAMI > Awww, just get it. CROW: Sasami: the next Nabiki. > > TENCHI > Okay okay. > >TENCHI walks off towards AEKA's bedroom. When TENCHI is gone, SASAMI >walks back the way they came. AEKA is lying on a giant bed, asleep, >and clutching, very tightly, to Yousho's sword the Tenchi-ken. >TENCHI pauses for a moment at the foot of her bed. SAMANTHA: Back good grammar! I drive you away with too many commas in the wrong places and too many short sentences! HUZZAH! > >ADAM is sitting in his cage staring up at where the vines are >controlled. CROW: Now here is where he gets out. > > ADAM > I need to get out of here. No one is > gonna rescue me, I must find a way > out myself. MIKE: (Adam) Wait a second! I'm the author! I can take over the entire universe if I wanted to! Getting out of here will be a snap! > >ADAM stands up and moves closer to the vines. Just as he reaches >them, they tighten up and block his passage. As he walks backwards, >they slowly loosen and relax their grip. CROW: Adam IS McGuyver. > > ADAM > There must be a way to get out of here. > If only I had my FloBee ... TOM: What the heck is a Flobee? > > VOICE (V.O.) > There is a way ... > >ADAM quickly spins around, looking for the source of the voice. > > VOICE (V.O.) > The Vines of Jurai are sensitive to > movement, and do not all act of one mind. SAMANTHA: After years of psychiatric treatment and countless drugs, the voices still come to haunt Adam. > > ADAM > Who's there? Hello? > Movement, huh? TOM: Wait for it people...... > >ADAM reaches into his pocket and pulls out a paintbrush. He walks >closer to the vines but stops before they close up. He throws the >paintbrush at the vines then quickly dashes out of the cage just as >the vines tighten, narrowly missing him. ALL: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > > ADAM > Ha! Now lets see if I can find the > others. I wonder if grandpa > wants that paintbrush back. CROW: Naw! He doesn't mind it when people use his stuff and never returns it. > >TENCHI is still where we left him, standing at the foot of her bed. >He slowly walks to the side of the bed and tries to take the sword >gently. AEKA's grip is too tight for ADAM to get the sword. ADAM >walks to the other side of the bed and tries again, with no luck. MIKE: Huh? TOM: What the... CROW: But isn't he.... SAMANTHA: Repeat after me Adam, Proof reading is our friend. > >He finally crawls on top of her and uses all his strength to pull >the sword from her grasp. CROW: Seems like someone is acting out his fantasies.... MIKE: I should hit you for that but you're probably right. CROW: Probably? I'm dead on the mark. > > TENCHI > Come on, Let go ... TOM: ( Game show Announcer)It's the amazing switch a character scene! Watch as the crowds cheer on the excitement! ALL: (Bored) Yay.... > >AEKA's eyes flutter open and see TENCHI right above her. TENCHI >quickly grabs her mouth when he sees she's about to scream. > > TENCHI > No, don't scream. This is not what > it looks like! > >AEKA's throws TENCHI off her bed SAMANTHA: Ow, my head hurts from just reading that. > >and screams out. TENCHI lands >with a thud and looks in his hand to see he' s holding the Tenchi-ken. > > AEKA > AZAKA! KAMIDAKE! Get that Earthling! > Kill him! > >TENCHI runs out of the room and into the fields with super sonic >speed. TOM: So now Tenchi is the Flash all of a sudden! (More smoke starts to boil out of his dome). MIKE: Careful Tom. You're close to overloading. > > AEKA > My my, he runs awfully fast. TOM: MORE SLANDERING OF THE SCRIPT!!!! AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! (Head Blows up). KABOOM!!! SAMANTHA: Oh no! Mike, is he gonna be alright? MIKE: He will be when his head grows back. CROW: He certainly is one sensitive fan boy. > >TENCHI runs through the field with the Guardians following him, >firing at him, barely missing. > >ADAM is walking down a field of cages. MIKE: (Adam) What should I do now? I know! I'll defeat Kagato all by myself and have *all* the girls fall in love with me! Yeah, that's it! > > ADAM > How on earth am I suppose to find my > way out of here? This place looks more > like a Zoo than a ship. CROW: You'll figure something out. You're the writer after all. > >Snoring is heard from a nearby cell. ADAM moves closer to get a >better look to find MIHOSHI sleeping in the cell. ADAM slaps >himself on the forehead. SAMANTHA: YAY! Hit yourself again! > > ADAM > MIHOSHI! How can you sleep at a time > like this?!! MIKE: (Mihoshi) Because you wrote me to. > >MIHOSHI stays asleep, ADAM gets a discouraged look in his eyes. He >looks around the cell until he finds a small device hanging near the >cell. He picks it up and when he does the vines around the cage open >up. ADAM quickly moves inside and shakes MIHOSHI until she wakes up. SAMANTHA: Oh no. I sense great pain coming. MIKE AND CROW: Why? SAMANTHA: That was a Jurai key he just picked up and used. Aeka told me that only those of Jurai Royal blood can use them. And he just used it. CROW: Looks like another charge to add to Tom's list when he comes to. > > MIHOSHI > What happened? Where are we? > > ADAM > You don't remember? MIKE: (Mihoshi) Now I remember! I'm in a bad fan fic with the author. > > MIHOSHI > Nope. Not at all. Did we find that > Space Pirate? > >ADAM hits himself again in the forehead then proceeds to help >MIHOSHI to her feet. SAMANTHA: Does this guy have something against Mihoshi? In an emergency, she dosen't act like that. > > ADAM > We are on an alien spaceship. We > were captured by these big logs and > placed in cells. I have just rescued > you, and now we need to find the > others. Understand? > > MIHOSHI > Ummmm... Nope. > > ADAM > How did you ever get to be a cop? > Never mind, just follow me. MIKE: You're right Sam. He does have something against her. > >ADAM walks out of the cage with MIHOSHI following. He walks down a >path for a while until they come to a tree with a hole near the roots >of the tree. CROW: Which he trips over and smashes his head open. The end. SAMANTHA: My sentiments exactly. > > ADAM > I think I saw someone jump into this > hole. I think it would be prudent if > we follow. What do you think Mihoshi? MIKE: Sure Adam. *Whispers to Crow* Get the tranquilizer darts. We've got a live one here. > >MIHOSHI is standing by a nearby cage, laughing at one of the animals >in it. > > ADAM > Why me? SAMANTHA: Because you're an idiot? > >ADAM grabs MIHOSHI, still laughing, and jumps with her down the hole. >As they fall, blue lights appear around them and they disappear, only >to reappear on the bridge and land with a thump. > > ADAM > Ouch! ALL: YAY!! > > MIHOSHI > Oww, that hurt. > > ADAM > Well that certainly is not a trip I'd > like to repeat. CROW: Although hurting you I would like to do over and over again. > > RYOUKO (O.S.) > Hey! Yoohoooo! Adam! I'm over here! MIKE: Those damn letters again. > >ADAM turns to see RYOUKO in another one of those cages. RYOUKO >is by the vines and waving at ADAM and MIHOSHI. SAMANTHA: (Ryoko) Move out of the way Mihoshi so that I can have a clear shot at Adam. > > ADAM > Ryouko! I've been looking for you! > > RYOUKO > Well ... Now you've found me! > Let me out of this cage will ya? > > ADAM > Now now, what's the magic word? > > RYOUKO > Don't mess with me! SAMANTHA: You tell him girl! CROW: Stick it to the man! TOM: (Head fully restored but slightly cracked) Death to the infidels! SAMANTHA: You're back! (Hugs Tom while others look on, slightly jealous) TOM: (Smug) Yup. No fan fic can keep me down for long! > >ADAM rushes over to the cage and uses the device on it. The vines >part and Ryouko hovers out of the grassy circle. > > ADAM > Come on, lets get Tenchi and get > out of here. CROW: Get out of here you say? Okay. (Gets up to leave) MIKE: He meant himself and his friends Crow. CROW: (Sitting back down) Drat! > >TENCHI runs down a path in the field of cages with shots from the >Guardians nearly missing his feet. > > TENCHI > Ohh, just want to go hooome! TOM: (Tenchi) I'm selfish damn it! > >TENCHI comes over a ridge to see SASAMI standing beside the path >looking at TENCHI. She waves to him and the guardians as he >approaches. CROW: Are you sure it's Tenchi? It could be someone else. > > SASAMI > Hi Tenchi! > >TENCHI runs past and picks up SASAMI, the shots from the Guardians >still missing him by mere inches. SAMANTHA: (Southern Accent) Today on the Hunting Enthusiast, sponsered by the IRA, we will discuss the term: Overkill. > > TENCHI > Those monsters are trying to kill me! > > SASAMI > Their not monsters, > their my sister's. MIKE: (Sasami) And Ratliffs been teaching me how to spell! > > TENCHI > Whatever they are, their gonna shoot > me! TOM: No....They are already shooting at you. MIKE: Nitpicking will only detonate your head again. > >TENCHI approaches a pond of water where the path he's following >forks. SASAMI points off to the left. > > SASAMI > Go that way Tenchi. > >TENCHI obliges and runs left. CROW: Leaving Sasami behind. > > SASAMI > Jump in there Tenchi, they can't > get you in there. > > TENCHI > Are you sure? SAMANTHA: (Sasami) No. > >TENCHI jumps down the hole and the sounds of the Guardians hitting >the side of the tree are heard. On the way down SASAMI is cheering. >The blue lights surround them, and they appear on the bridge. > > TENCHI > Oouch! > > ADAM (O.S.) > Tenchi! MIKE: Again with the OS! > > RYOUKO (O.S.) > My Tenchi!! > >RYOUKO flies over to TENCHI and wraps his arms around him. She >then moves back a bit and looks at SASAMI. > >RYOUKO > Who's this, Tenchi? TOM: Whoa! Something went wrong with the script there. > > TENCHI > Uhh, This is Sasami. TOM: Hey it's fixed! ALL: Yay. > > SASAMI > Pleased to meet you. > > ADAM > Hi Sasami! I'm Adam. SAMANTHA: (Adam) I'm the self inserted character. CROW: (Sasami) AH! Run away! > > SASAMI > Hi Adam! > > RYOUKO > Enough with these introductions, > lets get out of here! CROW: Okay. (Gets up to leave). MIKE: Uh. No Crow. CROW: (Sits back down) Can't blame me for trying. > > AEKA (O.S.) > I'm afraid that won't happen, Pirate! > >AEKA walks onto the bridge with AZAKA and KAMIDAKI at her sides. CROW: Not giving her much room to move around. > > AEKA > Sasami! Are you the cause of these > prisoners escape? Azaka! Kamidaki! > Get them! > > AZAKA & KAMIDAKI (sim) > Yes, Princess Aeka. > >The Guardians move forward towards the group. ADAM suddenly jumps >in front of them all and points the device at them. MIKE: (Singing) Here he is to save the day! ALL: Yay. > > ADAM > Stay right there! I've got this ... and > I don't know how to use it! TOM: He admitted it! Adam admitted that he didn't know something! (Angels appears and everyone starts to sing Hallelujah). > > AEKA > O ho ho ho ho ho! That silly key won't > do anything against MY key. (Angels disappear and singing stops). TOM: Key! Did she say he has a key!? But only Royal Juraians can use keys! (Starts to sob). CROW: We know. Samantha explained it to us earlier. > >ADAM points the key at various things which, on command, do nothing. >ADAM slowly shrinks back with the others. MIKE: Adam then proceeds to get his butt kicked. > > RYOUKO > Quickly, Tenchi! Do something! > > TENCHI > What can I do? I don't know > how to fight these things! > >The Tenchi-ken begins to glow in TENCHI's hand; vines from above swing >down and entrap the Guardians. > > AEKA (aside) > How is he doing that? The > master Key, its reacting to him. How > is that possible, its only supposed to > react to people of royal blood. CROW: How come she didn't notice Adam holding a key? SAMANTHA: Because this story has the characters out of character and has no sense of continuity whatsoever. CROW: Oh. > > RYOUKO > Ryo-ohki! Come quickly! > >A loud "myaah" is heard in the distance and suddenly a spike from a >large ship spears into the bridge and is sticking out of the ground. SAMANTHA: I was wondering when that cute cabbit would appear. TOM: The cabbit came out of nowhere. Yup. This is certainly keeping up with the inconsistency that is Adam's writing. > > RYOUKO > Quickly Tenchi! Lets go! > >RYOUKO puts TENCHI in a head lock and drags him into the ship. ADAM >and MIHOSHI soon follow. > > SASAMI > Bye bye, Tenchi, Adam. CROW: (Sasami) He's gone! YAY!!! > >Inside Ryo-ohki, RYOUKO walks to a pair of globes that are near a >chair and puts her hands on them. MIKE: Not..a..word... CROW: What? > > RYOUKO > I'm going to bring her down to Earth. > As long as she's up here she can > still be a danger to us. > > TENCHI > Are you sure that's necessary? > > RYOUKO > Hey! Whose side are you on anyway? > If you care for Aeka so much, you can > go join her. TOM: I won't notice the slaughtering of the script for my head will only explode. SAMANTHA: Good call. And besides, we're almost done. > >Ryo-ohki turns around in space, and, because it has currently speared >Ryo-ouh, ALL: NAH! You don't say! > >both ships start heading towards Earth. As they get close >to the atmosphere, re-entry heat begins to scald both ships. ALL: OH OW OW! > > AEKA > Ryouko! What are you doing?!! You'll > kill us both! Quickly, Azaka! Release > the outer hull! CROW: (Aeka) Our relationship has become too smothering. > > AZAKA > Yes your highness. SAMANTHA: (Azaka) Again with the commands. That's it! I quit! > >Most of Ryo-ouh detaches from the ship and flies away from the ship. >The parts slow down the decent of the ship as it crashes into the >lake, skidding along the shoreline for miles. MIKE: Inconceivable once you take into account that the lake is only about a mile long or so. > >TENCHI, ADAM, RYOUKO, SASAMI, MIHOSHI, and NOBOYUKI are sitting at a >table eating and watching Television. On the news is reports of people >seeing the crash. SAMANTHA: There sure were allot of people out there in the woods that night. > > NOBOYUKI > Hmmm, last night was an interesting > night. > > TENCHI > Don't remind me, Dad. > > NOBOYUKI > And what are you so upset about? > Everyone got back safe and sound TOM: (Noboyuki) No way will I be upset that my son was kidnapped by a crazed princess and nearly killed. > > RYOUKO > Thanks to my ship. You know, I risked > my life to save us all. > > SASAMI > But it was our ship that took all the > damage, so it was Ryo-ouh that saved > us. > > RYOUKO > Oh, so that's why re-entry > wasn't so bad. TOM: I won't even comment on this....I am so sick by it all. > > NOBOYUKI > Hey, weren't there four of you girls? CROW: Well the house was getting crowded so we had to trim out the cast. > > ADAM > Aeka is outside trying to pull her ship > out of the lake. > > ALL (sim) > Ohh... > >AEKA runs into the house and stares at SASAMI. SAMANTHA: (Aeka) Why didn't you tell me it was lunch time?! > > AEKA > Sasami! What are you doing in here, > eating with that ... thing! You must > help get Ryo-ouh free from the lake! > > SASAMI > But the ship is too big for the two > of us to pull out. > > AEKA > But we must try! We can take it out > piece by piece! MIKE: A good option considering that it *is* in pieces. > >AEKA runs back out to the lake. > > ADAM > Geeze, all that time in space must > have gotten to her brain. TOM: Did we ask for your opinion Adam? I don't think so. > > RYOUKO > It figures it would happen eventually > to a person like her. TOM: Nor yours! > >AEKA is pulling on one of the pieces of the ship hanging over the >coastline. CROW: Coastline? Since when did Tenchi's house move to the coast? > >She pulls on the piece until it breaks off. She falls >backwards holding the piece. MIKE: That's 8633 pieces....8634 pieces... > > AEKA > Where is that Sasami? We can't get > stuck here! We just CAN'T! SAMANTHA: (Aeka) I've got to get to my hair stylists! > >AEKA trips and the piece of ship flies out of her hand and his the >ship; the ship sinks even farther down into the lake. MIKE: And we have the end! ALL: YAY!!!!!! > >Authors Notes: ALL: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! > > In retrospect, I wish I had watched the OAV episodes before writing the >first story. They have much more attention to detail and more plot than the TV >epsiodes. But I can't change the first episode anymore, so I'm not going to. >From now on, this series will be a blending of the OAV series and the TV >series. The Best of Both Worlds as you would have it. CROW: Or a horribly mutated hybrid. Me, I believe the latter. SAMANTHA: Why is he telling us this? TOM: I believe the proper term is gloating. MIKE: In this case, it should be apologizing. SAMANTHA: Hear hear! > > The Voice will be explained later, right now all you should know is that >the voice is helping Adam. For what reasons, we wont know until the next part >of the story. CROW: Or simply because you don't have the reason to explain it to us now. > > Tenchi Muyou! was created by Masaki Kajishima and brought to North >America by Pioneer Ltd. MIKE: We would wish to apologize to the creators and distributors of the above mentioned companies and people for the deranged slandering of such a great anime. > >Tempest Creations, Starlight Pictures, and Twister >Plot Productions are all alias' for the same company which is respective of >myself at present. TOM: Bet ya he has those aliases because he has people hunting him down for writing other bad fan fics. SAMANTHA: Wouldn't be surprised. > >While others will join me in the future, ALL: Not if we can do anything about it! > >at the moment >those companies are composed only of me. > Created and Posted on Wednesday, June 24, 1997. > All work is copyright (c)1997 by Adam Chris Leigh. All Rights Reserved. SAMANTHA: You guys have a time machine? MIKE: No. SAMANTHA: Damn. TOM: Now we have the end. ALL: YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! (All get up and leave, Samantha carrying Tom in her arms). (DOOR SEQUENCE)...1...2...3...4...5...6... "Well that's the second worst fan fic I was forced to read. How *do* you guys get through it," Samantha asked. Mike is working on Tom's head, the robot currently resting upon the countertop with the lights on it, using sealant to fix the cracks on his dome. "Well I would have to say practice, lots and lots of practice," he answered. "Which we get plenty of, what with all the movies and fan fics he sends up here," Crow added. "So what are you doing," Samantha asked. "Preparing a special bad fan fic absorption liquid for Tom. It goes in his head so that's why I'm sealing up all the leaks." "Oh." "And...there! I'm done. Now for the liquid." Mike ducked under the countertop and started to rummage around for the liquid. As he was doing so, Gypsy came in. "Hi Gypsy," Samantha said. "Hello Samantha. When did you get here?" "At the beginning of the fan fic via my wrist teleporter." "Ah." "Only now I can't get out of here because Dr. Forrester placed some kind of dimensional shift barrier thingy to prevent me from teleporting away." "He would do something like that Sam," Gypsy replied. "What's wrong with Tom?" "Oh I'm making a couple adjustments to him so that he doesn't explode again. You know how sensitive he is to his favorite Anime's being slaughtered in such a way," Mike explained, standing up with a bottle of golden liquid. "Hey guys, the Mads are calling," Crow pointed out, seeing the red light flash. Mike tapped the light and then proceeded to pour the liquid into Tom's dome. DEEP 13 "So," Dr. Forrester began, a big smile on his face. "Are we all going loony yet? Chewing the linoleum? Quacking for no reason?" SATELLITE OF LOVE "If that's the best you've got doc, then you might as well quit while you're ahead. That was too easy," Samantha bragged. To her side, a reactivated Tom, Crow, and Mike were shaking their heads and mouthing no. DEEP 13 "Too easy eh? Well let's see what you think once I get out the lemons. BWAHAHAHA!!!!" SATELLITE OF LOVE "Great going Samantha," Tom said. "Yeah! The doc probably has a store of Oscar fan fics hidden somewhere for this express purpose," Crow said. "Geez I'm sorry guys," Samantha said. A thoughtful look replaced her sad one. "Who's Oscar?" DEEP 13 The mad scientist would have kept on laughing had not Frank interrupted. TV's Frank was looking much better, what with his hair almost completely grown back and the green glow on his skin dulled to a slight tint. "Uh Clayton...We have a problem," he began. "What is it? Is Mihoshi back again?" The scientist actually looked a bit worried. "Uh no...." Before Frank could explain, he was violently shoved aside by a young man in his late teens. "Oh shut up Frank," the young man started, the words coming out like an ugly snarl. "Listen here Doc incompetent! I'm taking over!" Dr. Forrester looked at the young man, surprise in his eyes before being replaced by terror. "Adam Chris Leigh!" "That's right," the arrogant writer said. "And I'm inserting myself in here because you aren't doing anything right! Why I could break these guys spirits in no time! I could even take out your satellite with my Flo-bee...." The writer babbled on about how he could do everything better then the mad scientist, leaving Clayton to wonder how he was supposed to get rid of this latest threat. Frank came back onscreen and reached for the button. Before he touched it, Dr. Forrester looked into the camera and whispered, "Help me...." BLIP! FWOOSSSHHHH!!! ________________________________________________________________________ Kind of a fitting revenge for the doctor, ain't it? Well my next fan fic will be a lemon. Even though I don't like them, I have to do one in order to keep up with the continuity of the storyline. Any C & C can be sent to: xwing@perf.bc.ca