THE MST AVENGERS EPISODE 3 AN MST OF "10-CHI RETURNS" BY THE MST AVENGERS WITH HELP AND JOKES FROM THE HUMAN LAUGH'O'METER: MINAKO DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING HERE DOES NOT BELONG TO ME SAVE FOR THE HUMOR, IF ANY. AND IF THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR GETS PISSED BY THIS MST, I TAKE IT THAT I HAVE DONE ONE HELLUVA DAMN GOOD JOB. THANK YOU. ================================================================================================= The MST Avengers are: The Psychomatic Poet (Helloooooo!!!) Asuka Soryu Langley (Guten tag!) Chang Wufei (I am JUSTICE!!!) Quatre Raberba Winner (Can't we all just, get along...?) Lord Raptor (YO! I'm da Raptor-man!!) Washu Hakubi (Remember; it's Washu-CHAN!) Min-ohki(Mi-YAAAA!!!) ================================================================================================= Sick and tired with all the lousy lemon fanfics that have flooded into his dark domain, the demon god known as The Psychomatic Poet has brought together a team of oustanding anime characters to help him in his mission of crushing the worst kind of lemon fanfics out there yonder and to mete out... Asuka(little girl): Watcha doin', Mr Man? Mr Narrator: Uh, I'm narrating... Asuka(little girl): Why...? Mr Narrator: Because I'm a narrator... Asuka(little girl): Why...? Mr Narrator(irritated): Because that's my job. Asuka(little girl): Why...? Mr Narrator(annoyed): Because I need money. Asuka(little girl): Why...? Mr Narrator(red in the face): Because...(looks at readers) ARRRRGH!!!! WHY AM I EVEN TALKING TO YOU?!! YOU'RE RUINING MY NARRATION!!!! SCOOT!!! SCOOT!!!! Asuka(little girl): OkayIloveyoubyebye!!!(Skips away.) Mr Narrator: SHEESH!!! ...and to mete out justice to the writers who have so blatantly abused their rights to write fanfics. These crusaders against bad lemons are known as The MST Avengers and this, is their story... ================================================================================================= The sun was shining, the birds were singing and Ricky Martin's sick little bon-bon was shaking. All in all, it was a peaceful day at The Ichiban Theatre... Asuka(entering the R&R Room): Hi guys! What's...huh? (Asuka stops halfway through her sentence to see Wufei and Quatre tossing several pieces of carrot here and there. She is even more surprised when she sees Min-ohki jumping about after the carrots.) Asuka: What are you doing? Quatre(throws carrot into the air): We're teaching Min-ohki how to catch! Min-ohki(snaps up the carrot in mid-air): Miya *chomp*! Quatre(throws another carrot): Get the carrot, Min-ohki! Min-ohki: Miya *chomp*!! (She sees another carrot.) Miya *chomp*!! Wufei: Ouch!!! Min-ohki: Miya? Wufei(his fingers red and throbbing): You're supposed to get the carrots after I throw them, Min-ohki! Min-ohki(nodding): Miya miya! Asuka: Stop picking on the cabbit. Wufei: We're not picking on Min-ohki! We're just refining her primal feline instincts, right Quatre? Quatre: Ermm... Wufei: Right! Asuka: All I know is that, if I find out that you're bullying Min-chan, you'll have to answer to "DA HAMMER!!!", ja? Wufei(picks up another carrot): And just what is "The Hammer!!!"? Asuka: Noooo...it's "DA HAMMER!!!"!!! Wufei(waves his hands about [Min-ohki is attracted by the bright orange carrot]): Okay...so what is this "DA HAMMER!!!" thing? Asuka: This!! (Asuka brings out her big mallet. Inscribed on the mallet are the words "DA HAMMER!!!".) Wufei: I'm sorry I asked... Min-ohki: Miya *chomp*!! Wufei: OWW!!! Min-ohki! Min-ohki: Miya! Asuka: Good Min-chan!! Wufei: And what do you mean by that, woman?! Quatre(rolls his eyeballs up): Here we go again... Min-ohki: Miya... (The other members of the MST Avengers are all spending their free time in their own way. Raptor is listening to some metal music with his headphones; Washu-chan is enjoying a little snack of hot tea and Danish, her holo-console never far from where she was sitting; while the Poet, only the Poet, would be up to something weird. Engrossed in a chess game with Death himself, Poet makes his final move...) P.Poet: Ah-ha! Gotcha now! Death: I don't think so...(Death makes his counter-move.) Check-mate, my dear Poet... P.Poet: Whoa! Killer move!! Good thing my life didn't depend on that game! Death: That and the previous thirty games we've played so far... P.Poet: Yeah well, I never knew how to really play chess anyway... Death: I see... (At that moment...) *BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!* Washu-chan(starts typing at her console): Uh-oh kiddies!! We have company!!!! The "BAD LEMON" kind!! P.Poet(to Death): Well, gotta go! Next time, we'll play checkers. I'm much better at checkers... Death(retrieving his scythe): Okay...checkers it is then. Goodbye for now... (Death vanishes into thin air.) Asuka: What is it, Washu-chan? Washu-chan: You guys won't like this lemon one bit. Not one bit at all... Quatre: What's so different about this lemon? Washu-chan(screwy-faced): It's written by Purge. P.Poet: WHAT?! THAT IDIOT ESCAPED MY HUNCHBACKS AND ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH ANOTHER FREAKIN' LEMON?!! Wufei: Yuck-O-Meter reading? Washu-chan: It's an eight-out-of-ten. Do we MST it? P.Poet: By all means!!! Ju... Wufei: JUSTICE!!!! P.Poet: Thank you Wufei. Justice must be done!! Raptor(oven timer): DING!! Asuka: And what does that mean? Raptor: Voila! Justice...is done! And it's fresh from da oven too! Asuka: *Groan*!! Washu-chan: Down-loading the lemon. Ready to be MSTed in five minutes! P.Poet: ALRIGHT!!!! GIMME AN 'M'!!! Others: 'M'!!! P.Poet: GIMME AN 'S'!!! Others: 'S'!!! P.Poet: GIMME A 'T'!!! Others: 'T'!!!! P.Poet: AND WHAT DOES THAT SPELL!!! Others: MST!!! P.Poet: AVENGERS!!! All(fists AND paw in the air): YEAH!!!! (And with that, they all shuffle out of the R&R Room and proceed to the Projection Room.) *** (In the Projection Room, sitting from left to right are Quatre, Wufei, Lord Raptor, P.Poet, Min-ohki and Asuka. Washu-chan is above them, sitting at the projector.) Washu-chan: Two more minutes!! Others: 'kay!!! P.Poet(Julius Caesar): Let the beer flow!!! Others(except Quatre): HAIL CAESAR!!!!!! (The icebox full of Yebisu beer pops up with a 'poof'.) Quatre: None for me please. Raptor: Why? Quatre(vertical lines descend on his face): Remember the "Carrot Incident"?! Raptor: Oh yeah... P.Poet(Julius Caesar): Carrots for the cabbit!! Others: HAIL CAESAR!!!!!! Min-ohki(in humanoid form): MI-YA MI-YA!!!!! Washu-chan: And five, four, three, two... P.Poet(Julius Caesar): Then let the MST...BEGIN!!!! Others: HAIL CAESAR!!!!!! (The screen turns on.) >Shinji The 10 o'Clock Assassin P.Poet: The 10 o'Clock Doofus. Asuka: The 10 o'Clock Idiot. Wufei: The 10 o'Clock Asshole. Raptor: The 10 o'Clock Johnsonizer. Others(to Raptor): You win. Min-ohki: Miya miya? P.Poet: Yes Min-ohki, you are correct. We do not, I repeat, we DO NOT like this guy. Min-ohki(looking thoughtful): Miya. P.Poet: You're welcome. >http://members.xoom.com/Shinji_2200/KNSImpact.htm >tyree3@pacbell.net >This fanfic contains sex and harsh language. Asuka: Please tell me something I DON'T know... >Viewer's discretion is strongly advised. All(disbelieving): Uh-huh. >If not; then you can go watch the Disney Channel for all I care. P.Poet(shudders): EWWWWW!!!!! Wufei: What's with you? P.Poet: Ever read a yaoi lemon on Chip and Dale before? All(shuddering violently): EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > ************ P.Poet: Al Capone and the St. Valentine's Day Massacre! Others: Huh? P.Poet: Never mind... > The next day, at the Society for the Prevention of the Use of >Underaged Anime Girls for Lemons... Raptor: What da Hell's goin' on? Wufei: I dunno. P.Poet(to Washu-chan): What gives? Washu-chan(shrugs): It's in the fic! >Shinji: P.Poet: So he DID escape from my hunch-backs. (Cracking his knuckles.) I will not make the same mistake again. >But I made these girls over 18 years of age! WHAT PART >OF "OVER 18 DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND??!!" Asuka: Read my lips; the...part...where...Tenchi...johnsonizes...Mayuka... Raptor: Kepish, punk? P.Poet(Purge): Duh, nope? Huh huh!! >Clerk: Oh, the parts where you include incest. Asuka: Eargh!! That too. Quatre: Don't remind us... Min-ohki(puzzled again): Miya? P.Poet: He included incest scenes of Tenchi and his mother in his previous fic... Min-ohki: MIYA-BLEH!!! P.Poet: That's the exact same words that I would use. >Shinji: Oh, excuse me. Wufei: Okay, you're executed. >"Super Taboo" is a sex manga brought to the US by Eros Comix, and it became >one of the top selling comics here. It had incest pouring out of it's pages! Quatre: I'm sorry to tell you that this is actually "Tenchi Muyo!". P.Poet: By-the-Devil!! The bugger's actually a fan of incest!! (Looks at readers.) Can you believe it?!(I'm guessing that you are all shaking your heads in utter disbelief.) >Clerk: I see... All: So can we... >Shinji: I'm also a writer of a bunch of Eva lemons! P.Poet: My condolences to all the Eva characters... Asuka: Thank you. > Why didn't you attack me then?! Wufei: Back then, the MST Avengers weren't formed yet. P.Poet: Oh, rest assured that we will search THOSE lemons out and MST them as well...heh heh heh... Asuka(mumbling incoherently): ...... Quatre: Asuka, why have you gone all red in the... Raptor(whispers to Quatre): She's afraid of us seeing what Purge mighta written 'bout her in his Eva lemons... Quatre: Oh. Asuka(still mumbling): ....... >Clerk: Because it was the creator's fault. Asuka: Was not!! Eva kicks MAJOR ASS!!!! Wufei: No! Gundam Wing kicks ass!!! Raptor: No!! Dark Stalkers!!! Washu-chan: Tenchi-Muyo's the best!!!! Asuka: EVA!!! Wufei: GUNDAM WING!!!! Raptor: DARK STALKERS!!!! Washu-chan: TENCHI-MUYO!!! Asuka: EVA!!! Wufei: G WING!!!! Raptor: DARK STALKERS!!!! Washu-chan: TENCHI-MUYO!!! Min-ohki(to Quatre): Mi-ya miya? Quatre: My head hurts... P.Poet: Don't tell me you're going to grow carrots out of your ears again? Quatre: Don't remind me. Washu-chan has already gotten ALL of the growth formula out of my system and I do not care to repeat that feat again. P.Poet: A pity. Could've been useful as a party trick. Quatre: Don't push it Poet. P.Poet: 'kay. >Shinji: And why is it that I'd get kicked in the groin for doing >lemons like these; Wufei: What?! Someone kicked him in the groin for doing that and it wasn't us?! All: DAMN!!!!! >and yet everyone else is making, AND COLLECTING MIND YOU, hentai pics of >Sasami, Ruri, Skuld, Quatre: That would be your friends, right? Asuka: His very very very HENTAI friends... >and...! OH LOOK!! IS THAT A NAKED CHIBI-USA UP THERE??!! All(cringing): AHHHHHH!!! NAKED PIC OF IDIOTIC PINK-HAIRED WHINEY-VOICED BRAT!!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! >Clerk: THAT IS ENOUGH!! 10 o'Clock, P.Poet: That's one Helluva dumb name to call yourself. Asuka(eyeing Poet): Reminds me of somebody I know... P.Poet(Joe Pesci): Are you makin' fun-a-my name? Are YOU makin' fun-a-my name? Am I an idiot with a funny name sittin' here just for your amusement? Asuka: Uh-huh. P.Poet(settles down): Just checking. Others: Uhh... >I'll have you know that we're keeping a very sharp eye Raptor(Clerk): And we're goin' ta poke ya wit our very sharp eye. Asuka: Raptor, he didn't mean it literally. Raptor: Oh. Asuka(exasperated): Zombies! >on you for now on! We refuse to put up with more of your mindless >fuck-a-minute fuck-a-thons! P.Poet(getting worked up): HEY!! That's MY LINE!!!! THE BLOODY IDIOT PILFERED MY LINE!!!! HE... Others: Shut up Poet. P.Poet: ...grumble grumble... >And don't think we can't do anything to you. We have the technology. >Shinji: (Sneering.) Raptor: Hey! I can see Purge's nose hair from here! P.Poet(sarcastic): Thank you for that bit of totally useless information, Raptor. Raptor: Uh, ya welcome? Others(slapping foreheads): Zombies! > I see...And hey! >Clerk: What is it? >Shinji: #1: Puff Daddy is still number one on the rap charts. P.Poet(annoyed): You want rap? Nobody and I mean NOBODY raps better than... P.Poet & Raptor: ZACK DE LA ROCHA!!!!!!!! RAGE-AGAINST-THE-MACHINE!!!!! (They do Zack's trademark grunt.) UHHHHH!!!!!!!! Others: SHUT UP!!!! P.Poet & Raptor: Okay okay!! >#2: South Park is making a killing on cable. Wufei(news anchorman): And police report that a charred body belonging to a certain Purge Raizah has just been found. Apparently, he was standing too close to a person who was trying to light up his fart. P.Poet: Definately Kenny... >#3: End of Evangelion is still being praised as the number one movie for > five years. Asuka(jumping up and whooping): WOO-HOO!!!! I guess that settles our argument! Wufei(grumbling): I still think Gundam Wing is better... Raptor(grumbling): I still think Dark Stalkers is better... Washu-chan(grumbling): I still think Tenchi Muyo is better... P.Poet & Quatre: Give it a rest... >And #4: Pokemon is one gigantic "chicken-fight," and yet children all over >the US are trying to "catch them all." P.Poet: Peter Suzuki's gonna burst a gut when he reads this. Asuka: Who's Peter? P.Poet: Another MSTer. Darn good at what he does too. Min-ohki: Miya miya? P.Poet: Oh, "Pokemon" is about these cute little pocket monsters that people catch and train to become champion pokemon fighters. The story revolves around this pokemon trainer, Ash and his pokemon, Pikachu. Min-ohki: Miya...miya? P.Poet: Pikachu's a little yellow mouse-like pokemon who goes 'pika pika'. Min-ohki(thinks for a while): Pi...ka? Pika! Pika pika pika!!! Pi-ka!! P.Poet: Uh, Min-chan? Min-ohki: Pika pika? P.Poet: N-never mind...(Looks at readers.) Hey, who am I to ruin something good here? >Explain to me why is that? > But the clerk didn't listen to him. He's currently hearing the latest >Puff Daddy jam. P.Poet & Raptor: You want rap? Nobody and I mean NOBODY raps better than... Others: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!! P.Poet & Raptor: ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!! Asuka: And I don't wanna hear another 'peep' out of you! P.Poet: Peep. (Poet is exposed to the most painful experience as Washu-chan zaps him with a laser; Wufei lands a barrage of martial-arts kicks at him; Asuka bashes him with "DA HAMMER!!!"; Min-ohki throws a whole bunch of carrots at him and Quatre gets Rashid and The Maganacs to beat the crap out of him.) Raptor: Uh, youse gonna be alright, man? P.Poet(has turned into a pool of liquid but still defiant): *peep*... (Again, Washu-chan zaps him with a laser; Wufei lands a barrage of martial- arts kicks at him; Asuka bashes him with "DA HAMMER!!!"; Min-ohki throws a whole bunch of carrots at him and Quatre gets Rashid and The Maganacs to beat the crap out of him.) Raptor: POET!!! SPEAK TA ME!!! P.Poet(you tell me what he looks like now): ................. >His desk is filled with paraphernalia from South Park >and Pokeman. Quatre: Poke-man? Asuka: Maybe it's some guy who likes to poke people? Raptor: Weird... >And his computer screen has a screen saver that replays >the dreaded "mastubation scene" from the End of Eva. Asuka: Baka hentai Shinji-kun(not Purgy-boy)... Quatre, Raptor & Wufei: What the heck is he DOING?!!!! AND IS THAT ASUKA BESIDE HIM?!!! Asuka(extremely agitated): YOU DID NOT SEE THAT!!!! YOU DID NOT SEE THAT!!!!!!!!!! Washu-chan: I believe you guys call it 'beating the meat'... Min-ohki(kinda screwy-faced): Miyack... >Gee, that explains everything! Wufei: No it doesn't. Quatre: Yes it does. Wufei: No it doesn't. Quatre: Yes it does. Wufei: No it doesn't. Quatre: Yes it does. Wufei: No it doesn't. Quatre: Yes it does. Raptor(with a vein throbbing on his forehead): KNOCK IT OFF!!!! Wufei: Knock it off! Quatre: You knock it off! Wufei: You knock it off! Quatre: No you knock it off! Wufei: No you knock it off! Quatre: You knock it off! Raptor: If the both of ya ain't gonna shut up, I'm gonna show youse somethin' really bad. Quatre: Oka... Wufei: We dare you!! (Raptor pops both his eyeballs out and juggles them.) Min-ohki(her fur stands on ends): MIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quatre(turns green in the face): AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Wufei(attempting to hold his barf in): HURK!!!!! Raptor: Mweh-heh heh!! Asuka: Don't scare Min-chan, Raptor!! Raptor(to Min-ohki as he pops his eyeballs back in): Oops! Sorry 'bout that... Min-ohki: Miyaaaa...... > That night, the 10 o'Clock Assassin is in front of his computer >trying to Quatre: Kiss it. Wufei: Lick it. Asuka: Suck it. P.Poet: Johnsonize it. Raptor(eyes widening): So that's what ya call "cyber-sex"... Asuka(to Poet): I see that you're still alive... P.Poet(smirking): Alive 'n' kickin'! Wufei: Keep that up and we'll make sure that the only thing you kick is a bucket. P.Poet: You guys are no fun, you know that? >figure out a way to clean up his most MST'ed fiction to date. Quatre: That, I believe, is an under-statement. Asuka: Just how many times has his fic been MSTed? Washu-chan: At the last count; a grand total of FIVE times. Asuka: Definately an under-statement. >Shinji: Okay, let's see... Removes sex scenes with Achika and > Mayuka... Asuka: That's not enough. How about you disappearing off the face of the Earth, hmmmm? P.Poet: Maybe if you're good enough, Santa just might make that wish come true, Asuka-chan. Asuka(with Bambi eyes): I'll be very very good!! *BLINK BLINK!!* P.Poet: Miya-bleh... >Huff... Quatre: Is he...? Others: What? Quatre: Purge seems to be fornicating as well as redoing his fic at the same time... All(except Raptor): Eeeewwwwww....... Raptor: Forna-what? P.Poet: Having sex. Raptor: Oh! (Expression changes slowly but surely.) Eeeeeewwwwww...... Asuka: Exactly. >Probably remove the Tsunami and > Mitsuki sex scene as well... Quatre: Please do. Wufei: And while you're at it, please remove ALL of the lemon scenes too. P.Poet: Then this wouldn't be a lemon, would it? Wufei: Then we wouldn't need to MST this awful thing, wouldn't we?! Asuka: Makes a lotta sense. Min-ohki(nodding enthusiastically): Miya miya miya miya!!! Raptor: Don't nod that hard, Min-ohki, or ya head might fall off. > ************ P.Poet: The return of Al Capone and his Tomy Gun!!! Others: Say what?! P.Poet: Forget it! > 10-CHI RETURNS Quatre: Returns to haunt us, that is... Asuka: How right you are, Quatre... > or > BECAUSE I LOVE TENCHI MUYO Asuka: Or The Stupid Lemon. Wufei: Or One of The Most MSTed Lemons I Have Ever Seen. P.Poet: Or The Lemon That-Wouldn't-Die!!!!!! Raptor: Sounds 'bout right. > ************ P.Poet(gangster): You'll never take me alive, coppers!!! Never!!! Look Ma, top of the world!!! Wufei: You know Poet, you've got to start telling jokes that we can understand, okay? P.Poet: No-kay. Wufei: Good... hey waitaminute!!!! > It's morning at the Masaki household. P.Poet: Was it an early dawn morning or a mid-morning or a late morning or was it just a plain old morning, hmmmmm? Others(shouting into Poet's ears): IT WAS A PLAIN OLD MORNING, YOU IDIOT!!!!!! P.Poet(head is still shaking): I-I-I-I-he-heard-y-y-you-the-the-the-first- t-t-time-ROUND!!!!! >The sun shines through the window, causing Tenchi to wake up before his alarm goes off. Wufei(Tenchi's alarm): SHH-WINNNNNNG!!!! (Everyone breaks into peals of laughter.) Asuka: Stupid, but funny...hahaha... Raptor: That was a classic... Wufei: Thanks...haha... >He opens his eyes Raptor: And his eyeballs pop out! Min-ohki(kinda angry): MIYA!!! P.Poet: Min-chan says not to remind her of your little eye trick... Raptor(sheepish): Sorry. Min-ohki: Miya miya. P.Poet: Min-chan says okay. >and tries to focus them. Quatre(Tenchi): Fourty-five degrees to the right...seventy degrees to the left and...there! All focused!! >He then rolls over to find... Raptor: A dead body. Asuka: Purge Raizah. Washu-chan: Seriyou. P.Poet: A naked gay man who's very interested in Tenchi. Others: You win. P.Poet(The Red Guy): Thank you. >Ryoko's smooth body right next to him. He also finds out that she's very, >VERY unclad. Asuka: To make it very simple; she's buck-naked. >Ryoko: (Smiling) Good morning, Tenchi. Wufei(Tenchi): Good morning Miss...RYOKO!!! YOU'RE SO VERY VERY UN-CLAD!!!!! Others: Buck-naked. Wufei(Tenchi): WHATEVER!!! > Now Tenchi; already groggy from a year of sex, sex, P.Poet: ...sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex...... Asuka(restraining herself): Not one more word, Poet, not-another-word. (P.Poet remains silent for a while before...) P.Poet: Peep. (All Hell breaks loose as laser zaps; cries of "Heeya!"; *BONK!!! BONK!!! BONK!!!!*; sounds of carrots whizzing through the air and shouts of "We are here Quatre-sama!!" are all heard. Poet-becomes-mud. Period.) Raptor(to the puddle that was Poet): I'd hate ta tell ya, man, but youse were really askin' fer it. >and more sex; goes automatic. Quatre(robot): Must-have-sex! Must-have-sex! >He kisses Ryoko in the mouth Wufei(Tenchi): Uh, care for a mint, Miss Ryoko? *ZAP!!!!* Wufei(blackened): What the...?!!! Washu-chan: Make fun of my daughter again and you're toast kiddy... >and soon slams his cock into the wiley alien. Asuka: Hey! Did you guys see that?! He doesn't call it a johnson anymore!! Wufei: Amazing!! Quatre: Quite so! Raptor: Totally! Washu-chan: But the scene is unchanged and it still SUCKS!!! Wufei: Amazing!! Quatre: Quite so! Raptor: Totally! > On the other end, she's pretty amazed Wufei: Yeah. Imagine Purge not using the word 'johnson'... >at the fact that it's been over one Earth year now, and he's still at his >peak performance. Asuka: That means the warranty on his johnson hasn't run out yet. Others(dull): Woo-hoo. >Whatever Washuu had sneaked into his food that day must've done wonders for >his sexual drive. (Poet immediately snaps into attention as him and all the other MST Avengers stare at Washu-chan with these really big round eyes.) Washu-chan: How could I have forgotten that the idiot had written me into the stupid fic as well... P.Poet: You know, Washu-chan, since this thing you slipped into Tenchi's food is even more powerful than Viagra, I suggest that you...(dollar signs pop up in Poet's eyes.) KA-CHING!!! Washu-chan: I DO NOT HAVE THOSE KIND OF THINGS!!!!! AND DON'T MAKE ME ZAP YOU AGAIN POET!!!! > After a while Ryoko explodes Asuka: And makes a huge bloody mess in Tenchi's room. All the guys: ...... >under the power of his cock P.Poet(mighty voice): BEHOLD MORTALS!!!! BEHOLD THE POWER OF...COCK!! Others(trying to stifle their laughs): Hahahaha...!! >before Tenchi shoots his seed Wufei(machine-gun): BRRRRRRT!! BRRRRRRRT!! BRRRT!! BRRRRT!!! Raptor(hand-grenade): Wheeeooooooooooo...BOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!! Quatre(shotgun): Krick! POW!! Krick! POW!!! P.Poet(flame-thrower): FFFWWWWOOOOOOSHHHHHH!!!! BURNNNNNNN!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Asuka: For goodness sake!!! You guys make seed-shooting sound like World War Two or something!! Washu-chan: Or would you prefer it the good old-fashioned way? Asuka(thinking back [Read: SSSPLUURRTTT!!!]): BRRRRT!! BRRRRT!!!! >and empties himself into his first alien "friend." Quatre: Yes, like Purge is a (makes inverted comma sign) "great" lemon writer. Raptor: Yeah, like he's a (makes inverted comma sign) "really great lemon writer". >He then takes some clean clothes Wufei: And throws them back down after deciding that he wants to run around the place very very unclad. Asuka: Buck-naked. Wufei: Whatever. >and leaves the room wondering P.Poet: Why do birds fly. Quatre: Why do bees hum. Asuka: Where do babies come from. Wufei: Whether the chicken came first or the egg came first. >why he isn't so groggy from all that vaginal muscular pressure on his cock. All: Ohh......I DON'T see...... >-=**=- P.Poet: It's a...it's a...a... >(It's a scene change.) P.Poet: Okayyyy... > He goes into the nearest bathroom, Quatre: Which was three miles down the road. P.Poet(Tenchi): Bladder-gon-gonna-BURST!!!! Must-hur-hur-HURRY!!! >but the door's locked. Wufei: So he kicks the door down, goes in, emptys his bladder before leaving the bathroom and forgetting to wash his hands and zip up his pants. Others: Oui!! > Tenchi was just about to pout Raptor: That's it!!! There's just too much Britney Spears out there that even dopey over there is startin' ta pout like her too!! Others: Eeewwww!! Sissy girl!!! Sissy girl!! Tenchi is a sissy girl!!!! P.Poet(Tenchi): No I'm not!!! Others: Yes you are!! P.Poet(Tenchi): Huh!! Now I'm going to pout! >when the door suddenly opens from the inside. It's Princess Aeka, wearing >only her bathrobe. Both of them are surprised at first, Asuka(Aeka): OH!! IT'S TENCHI-SAMA!!! I'M SO SURPRISED!!!! P.Poet(Tenchi): OH!! IT'S AEKA-SAN!!! I'M SO SURPRISED TOO!!!! >but she greets her lover (and great^? grand-nephew?) Wufei: There he goes again. Purge seems to worship incest or something. Asuka: He needs help. Raptor: Lotsa help. Washu-chan: Lots and lots of help... Min-ohki: Pika pika pika pika... Others: ...... >with a weak smile. Quatre: This is a weak smile...(^-^) Asuka: And this is a strong smile...(^_^) Wufei: And this is money smile...($_$) P.Poet: And this is freaky smile...(0_o) Others: ...... Washu-chan: Yucks!!! Poet! Don't bulge your eyes out like that!! They look disgusting!! P.Poet: Okay Mommy. Washu-chan: And don't call me 'Mommy'! P.Poet: Okay Mom. *ZAP!!!!!* P.Poet(kinda medium-rare): Okay Washu-chan... >Aeka: Oh. My apologies, Lord Tenchi. The other washroom is still > in repairs (from me and Ryoko fighting over you). Quatre: Fighting over Tenchi heralds a damaged washroom? I don't get it... P.Poet(Ryoko): TENCHI'S MINE!!! Asuka(Aeka): NO!!! HE'S MINE!!!! P.Poet & Asuka(Ryoko & Aeka): MUST DESTROY WASHROOM!!!! >Your father said it was okay to use this one right here. P.Poet: I hope Noboyuki isn't lurking around with a camcorder... Washu-chan: We can only hope... >Tenchi: My apologies, your highness. But I really have to use the > restroom now. Wufei(Tenchi): Which is of course, unless you would want to see me wet my pants, your highness. > He tries to go in, but the princess is still in his way. Raptor: Looks like she does want ta see the sissy wet his pants. >Aeka: If and only if... You allow me to join you. All(dull): Uh-huh. > Obviously, the attempt to avoid her majesty this morning is an >utter failure. And so, he goes in as her highness closes the door >behind him and locks it. > And so, after what seemed like the longest piss ever, P.Poet(takes in a huge breath): Pissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss*gasp*ssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss......*gasp* Was that *gasp* long enough? Asuka: I'm not talking to you, Poet. >Tenchi soon felt like the weight of the world had fell off his shoulders. Raptor: Oh no! He pissed da world off!! Wufei: That was a dumb joke. Raptor: Better than what I'm seein' here at any rate. >He then finds the weight of Princess Aeka on his shoulders Asuka(Aeka as little girl): I wanna ride piggy-back!!! >as she wipes some of the piss (as well as the stench of Ryoko's "baggy pussy") All the guys(0_0;;): Baggy pussy?!! All the gals(->_<-): DON'T LOOK AT US!!! WE DON'T KNOW!!!!!! >from his cock with a washcloth. P.Poet: Makes more sense than using sand-paper for that, huh? Others: ...... >She then positions herself against the door which Tenchi wanted to go out >through. Wufei: Quick! Flush yourself down the toilet!! >Aeka: Now now, Lord Tenchi. There's only one way out. Asuka: We can see that. > Poor Tenchi All(dull): Uh-huh. >had no choice but to pleasure her highness. He kisses her in the mouth Wufei(Tenchi): Care for a mint, your highness...? (Suddenly, Wufei finds himself surrounded by small wooden logs.) All: What the...?! *KAZAAKAZAAKAZAAKAZAAKAZAAKAZAAAAAA!!!!!* Wufei(blows smoke out of his mouth): ...yeesh...(Snaps back into normality and turns to Washu-chan.) I wasn't making fun of Ryoko!!!!! Washu-chan: It wasn't me!! Wufei(looking around): Then who the... (One solitary wooden log appears in front of Wufei. A note is attached.) Wufei(reading the note): I do not have bad breath. Signed Princess Aeka. P.S. Make fun of me at your own risk. (Looks up at the others.) Sounds serious, guys. P.Poet(rubbing his hands in glee): Sounds like a challenge...heh heh... >as he plays with her small breasts and cunt. She returns the favor by >massaging his massive hard-on; P.Poet(Aeka as Forrest Gump): Momma always said to massage someone's massive hard-on when he plays with your small breasts and... (Enter the logs.) *KAAAAZAAAAAAAAKAAAZAAAAAAAAAAKAZAAAKAZAAAAAAKAZAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* P.Poet(o_0): Electro-shock therapy is FUUUUUNNNNNN...... Asuka(to Raptor): He really has a very high threshold for pain, doesn't he? Raptor: Tell me 'bout it. >being careful not to let it explode before it's proper use. Quatre: Something sort of like a grenade. > Tenchi then lifts up her left leg as he slides his cock into her. P.Poet(singing): You lift her left leg up, you slide your johnson in, you slide your johnson out and you shake it all about... Others: YOU-ARE-SO DISGUSTING!!!!! P.Poet: And all is right with the world. >The thing to note is that he really doesn't like putting his cock into her >highness Raptor: Then put it in her low-ness!!! >because she's SO FUCKING TIGHT!!! >The fact that she has the flattest chest instantly gives away her secret. P.Poet(eyeing Asuka): Hmmmmmmm...? Asuka: What are you looking at?! P.Poet(turns away): Uh, nothing, nothing... Asuka: Hentai!! >And it's always the same: He hammers it in Quatre: With a nail and mallet. >, he EXPLODES Asuka: And dies horribly. >and empties himself into her... P.Poet: Which means, even after that long piss he had, he wasn't done yet. Others(irked): MIYA-BLEHH!!!!!! >Aeka: Tenchi! You done it again! P.Poet: And this wasn't the first time as well. Others(even more irked): EEEAARGHH!!!! >You came and didn't give me the chance to come with you! HOW DARE YOU!!! > And next comes the apologizing, the butt-kissing, P.Poet: The boot-licking. Wufei: The apple-polishing. P.Poet: The... Raptor: We get da idea, Poet!! >and ultimately the pussy-licking. Not that licking her highness's soft fleshy >petals is anything bad, mind you. All: Don't mind us. >But she had the sex-drive of an 18-wheeler; meaning that Wufei: She's going to run him over like road-kill. >it will take him about an hour or two to get her off Quatre: Get her off where? Is she going away? >using his tongue, fingers, Asuka: ...legs, knees, toes... Wufei: ...nose, ears, chin... Raptor: ...shoulder, armpit, elbows... P.Poet: ...hair, eyebrows, ankles... >and unreliable cock. Raptor: Who's 'unreliable cock'? P.Poet: Someone who goes...(in a very small voice)*behold mortals. behold the power of......cock.* Asuka(annoyed): The idiot meant "AN unreliable cock"! P.Poet & Raptor: Oh!! >-=**=- >(Kohran from Sakura Wars after an explosion.) Wufei: I *so* do not get that. Quatre: Same here. > Tenchi then heads downstairs... (Aw, fuck it.) And decides to P.Poet: Aw, f*beeeeep* it. Alright! Who the f*beeeeep*k is editing me?! Washu-chan: I am. I don't want to receive any complaints from our readers, so stuff it with the 'f' word, Poet. P.Poet: Aw, f*beeeeep* it. >pay a little visit to Washuu's laboratory; P.Poet: Aw, f*beeeeep*k it. >hoping that she isn't doing anything P.Poet: Aw, f*beeeeep*k it. >weird this morning. P.Poet: Aw, f*beeeeep* it. Others(totally irritated): SHUT THE F*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* K UP POET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.Poet: I knew you guys would crack sooner or later...mwa-ha, mwa-ha, mwa-ha-ha...! >Washuuu: All(except Washu-chan): WASHU IS SPELT WITH FIFTEEN 'U'S, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Washu-chan: That's not funny... >Well, good morning my dear Tenchi. Would you like to take > part in one of my experiments today? Washu-chan: Because I'm short of one more lobotomy patient. >Tenchi: No thanks. I just came here to slam my cock into your pussy > so hard; your title of "Universe's Greatest Scientist" will be > reduced to "Fourth Greatest." Nothing more. All(0_0): ......... Wufei: And boy, is he direct or what?!!! Others: WHAT!!! >Washuuuu: All(except Washu-chan): WASHU IS SPELT WITH FIFTEEN 'U'S, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Washu-chan(grinding her teeth): Do me a favor, guys; zip up your fat lips and put them into your pockets. (Not having any lips to speak of, Raptor un-hinges his lower jaw and stuffs it into his pocket.) Min-ohki(her fur stands on ends again): MIYAAAAMIYAAA!!!!!! P.Poet: Raptor? Raptor: Ar? P.Poet: Washu-chan meant it as a figure of speech. Raptor(after a while): Aaarr...! >Oh, that's a mean thing to say about me. And I had > something special cooked up for you, today. Washu-chan: I hope you like mud-pies...LOTS of them... >Tenchi: (Shakes his head violently...) Asuka: And it falls off. >Hey! What is it with all these "u's" after your name? Quatre: Is Purge trying to make a funny? P.Poet: It seems to be, Quatre. Asuka: But it's not working. >Washuuuuu: Washu-chan: SHUT UP!!!!! Others: But... Washu-chan: JUST SHUT UP!!! Others: But... Washu-chan(>_<): SHUT!!!! >I'm not sure. People were complaining about the proper way my name was spelt... Washu-chan(strom-clouds are gathering above her): My-name-is-spelt-just-FINE!!!!! Quatre(to Wufei): Did you complain about Washu-chan's name? Wufei: No. (To Raptor.) Did you? Raptor: Hell no! (To Poet.) Whata 'bout youse? P.Poet: Pfffff...no!! (To Min-ohki.) Miya miya? Min-ohki(shaking her head): Miya! (To Asuka.) Miya miya? Asuka: Nien, I didn't do it. > Author takes break to check Japanese dictionary, taking a note that > the name of the greatest scientist in the solar system Washu-chan(with steam coming out of her ears): I'M THE GREATEST SCIENTEST IN THE UNIVERSE DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >means "Eagle Feathers:" Asuka: And "Purge Raizah" means "Turkey Butt". All: Pffff...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! P.Poet(laughing): Tur-tur-turkey BUTT!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Washu-chan(Slappy Squirrel): Now THAT'S...comedy...hahaha... > Washi = Eagle Asuka: Purge equals Turkey. All(now laughing even harder): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! > Yuu = Does One's Hair All: Raizah equals BUTT!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Raptor: HAHAAHAHAA*bonk*...(laughs his head off.) Others(0_0!!): AHHH!!! Wufei(picking up Raptor's head): Uh, Raptor... Raptor's head: Thanks. > Washiyuu... Wasyuu... Washuu... Washu... > Oh, I see! All: See what?! > Goujira... Godzilla! P.Poet: And an akamafoofoo to you too. >Tenchi: Forget this! Can we screw now, MS. WASHUU? Washu-chan: NO!!!!!! >Washuu: Not today, unfortunately. My real body's currently in the > chamber for a centurial prognosis All: WHEW............. >and the only spare body I have on stock had no vagina. So... All: .......NOT!!!!!!! Washu-chan(her hair is frayed): WHAT?!!! > Second point down. Quatre: Was there ever a first point? Wufei: Nope. Quatre: Just checking. >Ms. Washuu IS doing something weird. But his grief soon turns into estacy P.Poet: What the HELL is "estacy"? Raptor: I dunno. Haven't felt it before. >(albeit a sick one) Asuka: Yes. A very sick one indeed. >as the small prodigy Washu-chan(covering her eyes): I DON'T WANT TO WATCH AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!!!! >takes his cock out Asuka: And burns it. All the guys: ASUKA!!!! >and does amazing things to it with her tongue and hands Asuka: ...legs, knees, toes... Wufei: ...nose, ears, chin... Raptor: ...shoulder, armpit, elbows... P.Poet: ...hair, eyebrows, ankles... >. >[ADVERTISEMENT] P.Poet: Oh good! Commercial break! > And now, you too can own the highly controversial Universal > Kama Sutra! All(dull): Whee. >Only $24.95! WHAT A BARGAIN!! All: WHAT A RIP-OFF!!!! >Available RIGHT NOW at your local Tower and Virgin CD/Video/Book > Store! GET IT TODAY!! >[END ADVERTISEMENT] Asuka: This ad sucks. Wufei: You said it, woman. > Tenchi totally loses it Asuka: He lost his johnson inside Washu... All the guys: DON'T SAY IT ASUKA!!!! >as he shoots his seed into the red-haired scientist's mouth. Quatre: Me thinks I am going to puke. Wufei: Me thinks me don't wanna watch anymore. P.Poet: Me thinks me going to lose me lunch. Asuka: Me thinks you should all shut up and puke. >But she's unable to swallow it all P.Poet(turns very green now): Me thinks we need PAPER BAGS!!!! (Poet snaps his fingers and paper bags appear in the hands of each MST Avenger, and they all immediately puke into the bags.) All: BARF!!!!!!!!!!! >and has to contend with having his white, gooey sperm splurt All: BARF!!!!!! BARF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >all over her cute face and hair. All: BAARFFFF*GAAAAASP*AAAAARFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >(Shut up! All: BA... > Or do you want me to put Sasami in this as well?) All(holding all sorts of deadly pain-inducing battle weapons): WE DARE YOU!!!!! >Washuu: See? Almost as good as the real thing, huh? All: HELL NO!!!!!!! > At this point, poor Tenchi Wufei: Poor Tenchi?! What about poor us?!! >couldn't decide whether to facevault or go-hard again... All: FACE-FAULT!!! FACE-FAULT!!!!!!! FOR THE SAKE OF SANITY; FACE-FAULT!!!!! >-=**=- >(Shermie after being caught in her own "spiral.") P.Poet: Noooo...Shermie after being KOed by Blue Mary's Dyna-Swing... Others: Who and what?! P.Poet: King Of Fighters characters. You guys wouldn't understand... > Despite this morning's "cock-shootings," Asuka: So, someone went around with a sawn-off shot-gun to shoot other people's... All the guys: SHUT!!!!!! Asuka: Heh heh... >Tenchi manages to have some breakfast P.Poet: I thought he already ate a pussy for... *ZZZZAAAAPPP!!!* *HEE-YAA!!!! BASH BASH BASH!!!* *BONK!!! BONK!!!! BONK!!!!* *POK POK POK POK POK!!!!!!!* *WE ARE HERE QUATRE-SAMA!!!!!* *KAZAAKAZAAKAZAAAKZAAA!!!!!* P.Poet(black as coal): *...break...fast...?* >and is currently on his way towards Tokyo University. >He nearly passes the Miho-Kiyo apartment along the way before his >mind starts to click again. Wufei: And we all know what's going to come up next, right guys? Quatre: Be still, my heart. >Tenchi: Oh, what the hell. Might as well do something for the Miho- > Kiyo fans. All: NO NO!!!! WE AREN'T THEIR FANS!!! DON'T DO IT!!! > He goes up to the door of said apartment and knocks on it... Raptor: Wit his johnson. >After a couple seconds the door opens to reveal the lovely "Teal-Dressed >Goddess" Raptor: Da who? >Kiyone; All(dull): Uh-huh. >sporting the luxurious swim suit she wore during the >"Mugen Tenchi Muyo" lemon sidestory. >Kiyone: Oh. Hi, Tenchi. >Mihoshi: ALRIGHT!! IT'S TENCHI!! COME ON IN!! Asuka(Mihoshi): OH NO!! IT'S HARD-ON TENCHI!! LET'S BAMBOOZLE THE HECK OUTTA HERE!! > And he does so, looking towards Kiyone who's silently insulting >the bronzed bubblehead. Asuka: Oh look! Bubbles!! Min-ohki: Pika pika miya!! Quatre: This is interesting; a cabbit who speaks two languages! >Not wanting this to turn into another bad Miho-Kiyo fiasco Wufei: It already is, it already IS... >, Tenchi comes around her back and kisses the cheek >of the goddess with the red headband. Wufei: And the yellow ear-rings. Quatre: And the blue spectacles. Asuka: And the white sneakers. Raptor: And da black stun-gun that she gonna use on somebody's freakin' johnson. Others: Oui!! >He then looks toward Mihoshi who's wearing the same style swimsuit, >only with less material on it. Asuka(Mihoshi): It was on sale!!! > Tenchi's cock grew to fuller than full mast Wufei(pirate): Ahoy there me maties!!! P.Poet(Cap'n with cabbit Min-ohki on his head): Arrr!! Shiver me timbers, ya scurvy land-lubbers!!!! Cast-off!!! Min-ohki: Miya pika!! Others: Ay-ay Cap'n!! P.Poet(Cap'n): Arrrr!!! >when he caught the mere glimpse of the lovely Mihoshi. But he saw Kiyone >first so... Asuka: He went and put his johnson on ice just in case it exploded. All the guys: Hentai... Asuka(threatening): WHAT WAS THAT?!!! All the guys: Nothing nothing!!! >He asks the goddess P.Poet: Where? >who was at the now-closed doorway P.Poet: Oh. >if she didn't mind being boinked by him. And an answer had already been >given when she unzipped his fly and removed the bulge from his pants. P.Poet(@_@!!!!!!): BY THE DEVIL!!!!! SHE CHOPPED IT OFF!!!!! Others: MIYA-BLEHHHH!!!!!!!!!! >She licks away at his member, All: YUCKS!!! >and in no time flat his seed was already flying from his cockpiece Raptor: AND THE FREAKIN' THING'S STILL ALIVE!! GYAAAA!!!!! All: GYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! >and onto the lovely Kiyone. P.Poet: ACKPTH ACKPTH!!!! Min-ohki: PIKACK MIYACK PIKACK!!! Raptor: URRRRRRR...!!! Others: HURKK!!!!! > She then takes his shrinking member and slithers it into her wet >and waiting pussy, P.Poet: EXTREMELY SICK VERSION OF A DILDO!!!!!!! All: HURRR*gulp*!!!!! >causing him to go hard once more. [Tenchi notes again that whatever Washuu >gave him had really done some wonders for him. His refraction time has been >cut very short.] Washu-chan: BUT I DIDN'T GIVE HIM ANYTHING!!!!!! >He takes her by the waist and slams his cock into her, watching in awe and >amazement as Mihoshi licks all of his come off Kiyone's face, hair, and >breasts. All: PTOOOOEYYYYYY!!!!!!! >And added to the immense pleasure is the loud moaning Quatre(>_<): TURN IT OFF!! TURN IT OFF!!!! >and torrent of lady-cum Wufei: FLASH-FLOOD!!!!!!! AHHHH!!! >caused by his love for her All: F*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*K YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! >and his large cock. P.Poet: THE DETACHABLE DILDO-THINGY!!!!!! All: BLEHHH!!!!! > Far from being through, Raptor: AWW NO!!!! >he then takes Mihoshi by her cute bottom Asuka: IT'S-NOT-CUTE-AT-ALL!!!!!!! >and slowly slides his cock into her as he plays with her large breasts. >It feels so good as he continuously slides his member in and out of her, >causing the lucky GP officer All: LUCKY MY FOOT!!!!!!!! (They all pass out from screaming too much.) >to moan even louder than Kiyone had. Speaking of Kiyone, she's now >between the legs of her love and roommate; adding more pleasure to them >with her expertice in tongue-fu. Mihoshi soon loses her control P.Poet(waking up): Who?! What?! Where?! >and another torrent of lady-cum is caused; falling all over Kiyone's face. P.Poet: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (Passes out again.) >Tenchi then exits her canal, rolls her over, and sprays his semen all over >the bronzed blonde's face and breasts; which were still bouncing (Suddenly, The Warner Brothers AND Sister and Winston Churchill appear from out of nowhere.) The Warner Brothers AND Sister(bouncing on Churchill's tummy): BOINKY BOINKY BOINKY!!! (Poet comes to again and sees The Warner Brothers AND Sister bouncing on Churchill's tummy.) P.Poet: What in the freak...?! >about from Kiyone's hand playing with her roommate's still-sensitive pussy. > Tenchi then looks at the clock... He's got an hour before his class >actually starts! This guy has to go! >But not before giving the lovely Miho-Kiyo duo a deep kiss goodbye to each. (Stalin pops up from out of nowhere as well.) Stalin: I want to bounce on Churchill's tummy too!! Churchill: Okay...... Stalin(bouncing on Churchill's tummy): BOINKY BOINKY BOINKY!!! P.Poet: Hey! That looks like fun! I wanna bounce on your tummy too!!! Churchill: Okay...... P.Poet(bouncing on Churchill's tummy): BOINKY BOINKY BOINKY!!! *** (At The Warner Brothers' studios...) Steven Spielberg: Hey! What's going on? Someone: I dunno! Steven Spielberg: And who's the weird-looking guy bouncing on Churchill's tummy?! Someone: We're transmitting on the wrong frequency!! Steven Spielberg: Well?! Someone: Well what? Steven Spielberg: Well...cut the transmission!!! Now!! Someone: Right! Cuttin' the transmission, Steve... *** (As the other MST Avengers begin to come to, The Warner Brothers AND Sister, with Stalin and Churchill vanish as mysteriously as they appeared...) P.Poet(landing on the floor): BOINKY*BLAM*ouch!!! Asuka: What are you doing?! P.Poet(excitedly): You guys are not going to believe this!! While you were all unconscious, The Warner Brothers AND Sister came out of nowhere and were bouncing on Churchill's tummy going "BOINKY BOINKY BOINKY!!!", and and then Stalin popped up and wanted to bounce on Churchill's tummy and then Churchill said "Okay" and Stalin started bouncing on Churchill's tummy going "BOINKY BOINKY BOINKY!!!" too and I thought it was a lotta fun so I asked Churchill if I could bounce on his tummy too and he said "Okay" and then I started to bounce on his tummy going "BOINKY BOINKY BOINKY!!!". Then you guys came to and then they disappeared but I thought I was still bouncing on Churchill's tummy going "BOINKY BOINKY BOINKY!!!"but I wasn't so I landed on the floor going "BOINKY*BLAM*ouch!!!"!! (Everybody face-faults, sweat-drops, vertical-lines; and the whole works as they try to comprehend Poet's words.) P.Poet: WHAT?!! Wufei: We know you're stressed out; we are too...but try to make sense sometimes, okay? P.Poet: B-b-but... Quatre: You need to sit down... P.Poet: But I did see them!!! Asuka: We know, Poet, we know... Min-ohki(nodding her head): Mi-ya miya pi-ka... P.Poet: But-but...(Turns to the readers.) You saw it, didn't you?! I did bounce on Churchill's tummy going "BOINKY BOINKY BOINKY!!!", didn't I?! Wufei(whispering to Quatre): Now he's starting to talk to himself... Quatre(whispering back): Yes, I'm worried about Poet too. (Looks back to the screen.) Well, at least the previous papaya scene is over... Others: Quatre! It's called a LEMON!!! Quatre: Whatever. >-=**=- >(Hideaki Anno after meeting some really pissed-off fans of Eva. With >MALLETS!) Asuka(brings out "DA HAMMER!!!"): It's Turkey Butt after being bonked with "DA HAMMER!!!"! Others(bowing down): All hail "DA HAMMER!!!"!! > My language is harsh! And coarse like the sands of time! And you >will be struck! STRUCK!! With a tidal wave of words!" P.Poet: We don't MST this phrase. Wufei: Why? P.Poet: Comes from a guy whom I respect alot. Others: Oh. > Tenchi's in his History 5 class watching a film about the >Reformation, where Martin Luther and his followers take a stand against >the spoiling of religion. "Well, that's what happens when you leave it >out in the open for too long!" P.Poet(standing up): Hey!! That's from Peter Suzuki's MST!! THE BUGGER PILFERED PETER SUZUKI'S......!!! Washu-chan: Shut up and sit down, Poet! P.Poet(shuts up and sits down): Woof, woof... Min-ohki: Miya miya... >jokes one classmate who's seen way too many "Cash Money Records" videos. > After said class Tenchi's Raptor: What da freak is a "said class"? P.Poet: It's a class that teaches you how to "said". Raptor: How do ya do a "said"? P.Poet: I dunno, but it sure sounds cool... Others: IF YOU TWO IDIOTS GO INTO THAT DUMB "BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD" ROUTINE AGAIN!!!!!!!! WE'RE GONNA MURDERIZE YA!!!!!! KEPISH?!!!!!! P.Poet & Raptor(0_@;;;): ............. >about to leave when he hears a certain, yet soothing, voice... Raptor(soothing voice): HEY MAC!! YA FLY'S OPEN AND YA WEARIN' UNDERWEAR WITH'EM LITTLE RED HEARTS!!!! GEEZZZ!!! WHAT KINDA FREAK ARE YA?!!! >Sakuya: Good afternoon, Ten-chan. P.Poet(disgruntled store-worker): HEY CHARLIE!!! The lady here needs TEN Chans!! Are them Chans still in stock?! Wufei(Charlie): We're fresh outta Chans!!! P.Poet(disgruntled store-worker): THANKS CHARLIE!! I'm sorry lady, but you'll hafta buy your Chans somewhere else. Asuka(disappointed Sakuya): Aww fiddlesticks! >Tenchi: Uhh... Hi, Sakuya. How are you doing? Asuka(Sakuya): Fine thank you. And if you even so much as come nearer to me, I'll make sure that you'll never get the chance to hear the pitter-patter of little Tenchis running around your house. Ever. All the guys: Oui!! >Sakuya: I'm doing fine! Hey, ain't that Mr. Fujisawa so cool? >Tenchi: Yeah, he is cool. But I'm thinking about dropping the class. >Sakuya: Huh? How come? >Tenchi: Well... I've been too busy. On top of my other two classes I > got... (A hard-on in my pants again!) Wufei(Tenchi): Oops!! Accidentally spoke my mind again! >Some other projects to deal with. P.Poet: And we ALL know what kind of projects they are, right guys? Others(dull): Uh-huh. >Sakuya: Well, I'm so sorry to hear that, Ten-chanyouain'thidin'thatcockfromme. >Hey! How about we go someplacesoyoucanboinkmewiththatlargecockofyours >and get a soda? P.Poet: Fine!! How about Turkey Butt go up to his mother andscrewthefreakinlug nutsouttahertosatisfythatfreakinincestuousappetiteofhis and ask for a cookie? Washu-chan(to Poet): Woah there Silver!! You can make fun of the writer, but it's not right to drag his family members into it. P.Poet: Oh. (Turns to the readers.) Sorry 'bout that outburst, Purge's mom!!!! AND I MEAN IT!!!! > And by this point, Tenchi knew exactly what she's been saying. All: DUH!!!! >He takes her to the nearest janitorial room which is not being used. Raptor: Of all the freakin' places he uses, he uses a FREAKIN' JANITORIAL ROOM!!!!! Wufei: Is this stupid or what? All: WHAT!!! >And as soon as he closed the door, Sakuya was already sliding along side >him in eagerness. P.Poet: SH-QUIP SH-QUIP SH-QUIP SH-QUIP...... Asuka: What was that?! P.Poet(Sherlock Holmes): Elementry, my dear Asuka-chan! Elementry! That is the sound of Sakuya sliding alongside Tenchi in eagerness! Elementry! Asuka(face-faults): *Groan* I should've known... > He lifts her left leg, Washu-chan(with the others staring sinisterly at Poet): Wanna try and sing that little ditty of yours again, hmmmm? P.Poet: Uhh...no? Washu-chan(still staring sinisterly at Poet): Gooood!! Asuka: And you had better mean it! >going under her ravishingly short skirt, and pushes aside her frilly underwear >to lick at her soft, moistening pussy. P.Poet(Tenchi): Ptoooey ptoooey ptoooey!!! Sakuya, did you just, by any chance, go to the little girls' room? Others: POET!!! P.Poet: BUT I DIDN'T SING THE DITTY!!!!! Others: AARRGHH!!! >His tongue massages the girl's dampening entrance, causing her to moan >loudly. "Thank God for soundproofing," All(stand up, look up and shake their fists skywards): DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!! Loud Booming Voice: WHAT I'D DO WRONG *THIS* TIME?!!! (All the MST Avengers look at one another.) P.Poet: That was just a figment of my imagination, right? Others: Uhh...right. Just uh, figment of uh, our imagination... Min-ohki: Pika... Quatre: So let's just uh, get back to uh, the-the grape-fruit, shall we? Others: G-good idea! (They settle back down.) >he thought as he causes her dam to break after a while. Wufei(cupping his mouth): The dam has broken!! The dam has broken!! Quatre(hysterical): WE'RE ALL GONNA DROWN!!! AHHHH!!!!!! > Tenchi then takes his cock out P.Poet(gasps): IT'S THE FREAKIN' DETACHABLE DILDO!!!!! All(horrified): GYAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >and somehow manages to slide it into her. Sakuya cries in sheer pain, noticing >out much larger he's become sence she was last done by him. Quatre: This whole sentence doesn't make any "sence" to me. P.Poet: Well-said, Quatre, well-said. >Overdriven by lust, Tenchi Wufei(sleazy car salesman): Hey buddy!! You're gonna LURVE this new model!!! A 1999 production of the Lust-Driven Tenchi!!! Suuure there were many previous models that didn't live up to expectations!! But this baby'll give you satisfaction guranteed!!! And LOOK!!! It comes with a detachable dildo too!!! SUPER!!!! So buddy, do we have a deal? Others: ...... Asuka: Sleazy, is definately you, Wufei... Wufei(realizes what he just said and holds his head in his hands): I've been hanging around with Poet for too long...*sob* P.Poet: Oh yeah!! Prove it! Sing the ditty with me!!!! Others: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! >starts drilling a deeper hole into his latest girlfriend Raptor(drill): ZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!! Wufei: SPLOOSHHHHHHH!!!!!! P.Poet(foreman): Well gooooooool-ly! Looky like we hit a gusher!! Wufei(slaps his forehead): Oh no! I did it again!! >as he slams his salami into her. Asuka(standing up): Hey!! HEY!! THAT'S MY LINE!! TURKEY BUTT PILFERED MY...!!!! Others: SHUT UP ASUKA!!! Asuka: ...... Wufei: I may not know much French, woman, but...touche!! Asuka(sits back down): Oh shut up... > Sakuya has been sent past the "point of no return." Quatre: Bon voyage!!! Raptor: Hasta-lavista, bay-bee!!! Asuka: BYE-EE!!! And don't come back now, y'hear!!! >And Tenchi blows yet another load into yet another beautiful girl today. Asuka: And therefore killing her instantly. Wufei: You're sick, woman. Do you know that? Asuka: Ever heard of " If you can't beat them, JOIN them"? >And OH DOES THAT FEEL SO GOOD!!! All: No. > The janitor who had caught them leaving, on the other hand, did >not find it so pleasing... P.Poet: Yeah! He wanted to do a threesome with them but NOOOO...they had to... (Everyone inches ever so closer towards Poet.) I think I'll stuff my pie-hole now... >Janitor: Goddamn you kids! That's the fifth time you used that place > in about a month now!! Raptor: That sure explains why a huge patch of mould has been growing in da janitorial room... Asuka: Ewwww...yucks!! Quatre: Pity the poor janitor... >-=**=- >(A crab with no claws.) Quatre: A Purge Raizah with no arms. Wufei: And no legs. Asuka: And no brain. P.Poet: And no johnson. Washu-chan: Yay. > Later on, Nagi is outside the Masaki Shrine trying to Wufei: Escape this fic. >figure out a way to capture the (former) space pirate Ryoko without causing >some unneeded reaction from the other residence: Aeka will have a fit Asuka(Aeka): She's mine! Nobody gets revenge on her except for me! >("She's mine! Nobody gets revenge on her except for me!"), P.Poet(to Asuka): You're good. Asuka: Always have been. >Sasami will cry for centuries, Quatre(Sasami): Boo hoo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo hoo... >the two spacecops won't like it one bit, Asuka(Mihoshi): Ano...who's Ryoko? Wufei(Kiyone): Mihoshi!! Have you forgotten already?! Ryoko's that...(spys Washu-chan aiming her laser at him)...sexy dreamy babe of a pirate who's so beautiful that everyone can't resist drooling over... (Enter the logs.) *KAZAAAKAZAAAKAZAAAKAZAAAA!!!!* Wufei(crispy): I can't win...I just can't win... >Washuu will try to blow the world up, (They all look at Washu-chan nervously.) Washu-chan: Don't be silly... Others: Whew...... Washu-chan: ...I'd probably blow up at least a couple of worlds... Others(face-fault): ...... >and Tenchi will actually cause his hidden power to come out of hiding. Raptor: What hidden power does da sissy have anyways?! (Enter the logs.) *KAZAAKAZAAKAZAAAKZAAA!!!!!* Raptor(well-done zombie): Duhhhhhhhhh...... (Another log appears with a note.) Asuka(reading note): And stop making fun of Tenchi-sama as well!!! Signed Princess Aeka. P.Poet: TENCHI IS ONE BIG FREAKIN' WEEEEE-NIE!!!! *KAZAAKAZAAKAZAAAKZAAAKAZAAAKAZAAAAAA!!!!!* P.Poet(fried): HE'S STILL A... *KAZAAKAZAAKAZAAAKZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!* P.Poet(refried): ...AND A... *KAZAAKAZAAKAZAAAKZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!* P.Poet(totally fried): That felt gooooooooood...... Asuka: Must you keep doing that? P.Poet(still totally fried): It's a hobby...... Min-ohki: Pika... >Nagi: Damn you, Ryoko. You're just too comfortable within the > safety of this household. Just how long are you planning to > hide in there? P.Poet(Nagi): Come out, come out, little Ryoko!!! Others(Ryoko): Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!!! P.Poet(Nagi): Then I'll just have to set this flamethrower on "Well-Done"... BURNNNNNNNNN-HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! Others(Ryoko): EEEEEEEEEK!!!!! > She soon notices Tenchi coming from down the street. P.Poet: You guys wanna do it? Wufei: Oh...what the heck, let's do it! P.Poet: Alright! A-one, a-two, a-one-two-three! (Sings.) There he goes just- a-walkin' down the street, sayin'... All(singing): DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH!!!! P.Poet: Alright!! (Everyone tries very hard to stop laughing, but it's too hard to do so.) >He then catches a glimpse of her, thinking it's Ryoko wanting to have >another sexual discussion with him and marched straight towards her to >put an end to it. But as he gets closer, he soon recognizes her as the >"intergalactic bounty hunter," Asuka: Turkey Butt got the term right, but will he get the meaning right too... Wufei: You tell me, woman! Asuka: Hmmm...I don't think so... >and decided that maybe he should go the other way... Quatre: Too late. P.Poet: Waaaaaay too late. >Nagi: Tenchi Masaki! P.Poet(neurotic Tenchi): Tenchi? Who's Tenchi? I'm not Tenchi! Who are you talking to?!!! I'M NOT TENCHI!! STAY BACK! STAY BACK!! YOU'RE STANDING IN MY PERSONAL BREATHING SPACE!!!!! Raptor: That my man, is one Helluva good impersonation of George Costanza... P.Poet: IMPERSONATION?!!! I'M NOT IMPERSONATING ANYONE!!!! WHO'S IMPERSONATING WHO?!!! Wufei: Someone needs to dunk his head in a pail of ice water... >(Stopping him in his tracks with her words.) Raptor: So what? She talks and her words solidify inta stone and fall around the sis...(Enter the logs.)...the lead male character? Wufei: You tell me. > Ryoko is a coward not to challenge me one-on-one. Are you > a coward as well? P.Poet(Tenchi): Yes I am yes I am!! I'm a big big coward!!! Can I go home now? (Enter the logs.) P.Poet: OKAY OKAY HE'S A BIG BOLD HERO THAT NOBODY CAN DENY!!!!! (The logs vanish.) Asuka(grinning): What happened to "It's a hobby", Poet? P.Poet: There are certain limits to my endurance, alright?! >Tenchi: Look. I don't wanna have sex with you. I'm already sore > from doing six women as of today. Quatre(shaking his head): The irony of it all... Wufei: Why so? Quatre: He says he's sore, but we all know he's going to do it with Nagi anyway. Wufei(shaking his head): The irony of it all... >Nagi: And will it hurt you to do one more, Masaki? All: Yes. >Or am I just too hideous to be even considered worthy of your mighty salami? P.Poet(trying to stop himself): Hurrrrr......ah, what the Hell. NO!! IT'S HIS HIDEOUS SALAMI THAT ISN'T WORTHY OF YOU!!!!! *KA-ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* Raptor: Ho boy!! P.Poet(reduced into a pile of ash): *...for the sake...of the mst...man...just for the sake of the mst...* > Come to think of it... Nagi can be quite attractive when she wants; >despite the freakish hairstyle and the large revenge streak. All: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF TURKEY BUTT!!!! >She has the three sizes that are somewhere between Kiyone and Mihoshi, Asuka: And there we have it folks!! Another meaningless sentence!!! Let's all give the idiot who wrote it a big hand!!!! (Raptor detaches his right hand and gives it to Asuka.) Asuka(hair standing on ends): YEEEEEECH!!!! GET THAT AWAY FROM MEEEEEE!!!! Min-ohki(fur standing on ends): PIKAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Quatre: Uh, Raptor... Raptor: I know what she means. Wufei: Then why'd you... Raptor: I just wanted ta see her freak out. Heh heh heh... Min-ohki(throwing carrots at Raptor): Pika pika pika!!!!! Raptor(dodging the carrots): Ouch! Okay!! I won't do it again!!! OWW!! >and she should be checked out during the episode where the "bathing suit >contest" was held. All(dull): Uh-huh. > Tenchi soon has Nagi in his room. Quatre: This does not bode well... Washu-chan: Shouldn't Ryoko and Aeka burst into Tenchi's room by now or earlier before? P.Poet(shaking his head): Washu, Washu, Washu-chan!! Really!! This lemon was written by Turkey Butt. Do you think HE'S going to let Ryoko and Aeka burst in just like that? Washu-chan: DUH! What was I thinking?!! >Nagi: I'll be just a mere doll to you. Wufei: That means she'll be appearing in "Toy Story 2". P.Poet(Buzz Lightyear): To infinity, and BEYOND!!!! >Do with me whatever you like. All(dull): Uh-huh. Quatre: We seem to be saying "Uh-huh" a lot... Others: Uh-huh. Quatre: Shouldn't we change it to something else? Others: Uh-huh. Quatre: On second thought, it's fine the way it is... Others: Uh-huh. >Tenchi: No way, Nagi. I like for you to participate in this as well. Washu-chan: Always the gentleman... > And with that said, causing the hard-boiled bounty hunter Raptor: I like my bounty hunters raw 'n' running 'bout. Quatre: Didn't your mother ever teach you not to play with your food? Raptor: Nuh-uh. >to sigh heavily, she removes her firm-fitting battlesuit with the flick of her >wrist. Wufei(mock astonishment): Whatever will they think of next?! >She lays on his bed and spreads herself wide so he can get a majestic view >of her. All the gals: CLOSE IT UP!!!!! All the guys: Relax; isn't this part and parcel of a lemon... >But what caught his attention more was the many >scars the bounty hunter picked up whilst on the job. >Tenchi: Oh my! You got a scar there as well?! All the guys: CLOSE IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!! > Nagi can only give out a weak sneer(?) as Tenchi goes in and licks >at her only softspot. After she moistens a bit, she tells him to get on >the bed with him. He does as he's told as Nagi removes the enlarged member >once more and goes down on it like nobody's business. Asuka: Then...why are we here? >The two soon placed themselves into a 69 position. Quatre(@_@!!): Never, ever, ever, EVER mention that number in front of me again! >And sometime later, Tenchi's face is covered with bounty-hunter-lady-cum P.Poet(sarcastic): Oh, I just MARVEL at Turkey Butt's sense of detail... >while Nagi makes him blow his load all the way down her throat; Quatre(with his eyes covered): Is she dead yet? Wufei: I can't really tell... >an amazing feat for someone who already has a cock halfway down her throat. >And after shooting a large load of cum, it's still hard. Asuka: It's dead, but it's still hard. Just amazing. Washu-chan: So that's what they mean by "DIE HARD"!!! All the guys: Not you too, Washu-chan!!! Washu-chan(to Asuka): You were right. That WAS fun! Asuka: Told you so. > Nagi then positions herself over a zonked-out Tenchi; who she >immediately wakes up. >Nagi: It's not sleepytime yet, Tenchi my dear. You still have a job > to perform. Raptor: Uh, so now he's a gigglo? Wufei: Technically speaking, yes. P.Poet: But he does it for free. > She then slides his throbbing member into her... AND OH GOD >SHE'S SO TIGHT!!! Loud Booming Voice: SO WHAT HAS HER TIGHTNESS GOT TO DO WITH ME?!!!!!!! All(sweat-dropping): ...... P.Poet(turns to the readers): What's next? The Devil himself? *POOF!!* (A little red demon with wings and a tail alights on Poet's shoulder.) The Devil: How'dja guess? P.Poet(kneading his temples): I'm gonna need a LOOOOONG vacation after this... >Well... Not as tight as Sakuya... Aeka's the tightest... >But Nagi is about SO FUCKING TIGHT that he would've >exploded into her instantly... Asuka: That would make for a gruesome find the next morning. Wufei: I don't have anything left to puke now... Other guys: Me too... >Had it not been for her womanhood clamping around the base of his cock; >unabling him to come at that instant. >Tenchi: You seem to have had some experience in this before... >Nagi: It's an alien thing, baby. "Predator," "Star Trek & Star > Wars;" they ain't got nothing on the rest of us! Raptor: Wanna run that by me again cause I didn't quite catch it da first freakin' time round? P.Poet: This will no doubt tug a few heart-strings for Predator, Star Trek and Star Wars fans...of which I AM!!!! >Tenchi: But it isn't fair. I want to explode right now if you don't > mind. P.Poet: AAYYY SHUT UP YOU F*BEEEEEEEEEP*KING BRAT!!!!! (Enter the logs.) P.Poet: AND IF YOU SO MUCH AS ZAP ME ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA COME LOOKING FOR YOU EVEN IF IT MEANS TELEPORTING MYSELF INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE YOU ARE TAKING A NICE HOT BATH!!!!!!! *GAAAAAAASP* (The logs immediately disappear.) Others: ...... > This causes another sigh from the bounty hunter as she lets him >exit her supernatural cunt... Raptor: Again, this phrase reminds of someone from "Devilman Lady"... P.Poet: You mean the one who has snapping tentacles OOZING out from her you- know-what? Raptor: Yep! Wufei: What kinda show is that supposed to be?!!! P.Poet & Raptor: You kids wouldn't understand... >But not all the way out. She only keeps the head of his cock in; >massaging his meat as fast as she can. This sends the poor guy All(dull): Uh-huh. >into supernova as he empties himself once again into the wiley semi- >villain's sexual entrance. Asuka(toll-bridge operator): Please pay the toll. > After said second blast, he falls onto her body exhausted from >all the sex with ladies from another planet. Wufei: Wasn't he supposed to be this great sex machine who could never tire out no matter how many times he's done it? Asuka: What happened to the "you have drunk the water from the tree of life" crap, huh? >And Nagi soon has his head along her breasts, Quatre: Which one? P.Poet(Sherlock Holmes): Elementry, my dear Quatre! Elementry! We shall just see! >so he can lick at and around the nipples, P.Poet(Sherlock Holmes): It would seem to be the head that is afixed on the neck, my dear Quatre! Elementry! Quatre: Uh, thanks Poet, I think... Asuka: Stuff that phoney British accent down your food-hole, will ya?! P.Poet: Why? Does it annoy you? Asuka: Yes! P.Poet: Then...(Comes back in with an even more bombastic British accent.) Elementry. my dear Asuka-chan!! Elemen... *BONKABONKABONK!!!!!* P.Poet(*_*): ...try? >before falling prey to the attack of the "slumber fairy." Asuka(Sailor Moonish voice): Slumber Fairy...Attack!!! Others: Brrrrr...!!! >-=**=- >(Two punks on the floor searching for the small meth pills, Wufei: Turkey Butt and his friend. >but are unsuccessful because they're already high. So they end up >hitting each other in the heads and therefore caused brain damage >onto themselves.) Asuka: Definately. > And this is why a guy like him should never have weeks off... >Ever! P.Poet: And this why we shouldn't read Turkey Butt's lemons. EVER!!! > The next morning Tenchi meets up with the ladies in the living >room. Quatre: OH NO!!!!! Wufei: Why are you...BY NATAKU!!!!! Asuka: AH MY GODDESS!!! NO!! Min-ohki(turns into cabbit form and hides behind Asuka): MIYAAA!!!!! Washu-chan: Please don't let me be in it...PUH-LEASE!!!!!! Raptor: Don't tell me it's gonna be a...!!! P.Poet: HUGE GIGANTIC GROUP F*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*K!!!!!!!!!!! All(shielding their eyes in terror): AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >It's about time to reset the "Weekly Schedule." All: Say what?!!! >So he takes the folded-up pieces of paper and places them in his father's >hat. He shakes the hat up ("No cheating, Ryoko." "Alright, alright!") and >gives each of the pieces of paper to the ladies. The schedule will be as >follows... Asuka: They're...they're drawing lots! Quatre: They are? Raptor: Huh?! >Sunday=Mihoshi (YAY!!) Asuka: Boo. >Monday=Sakuya (Alright!) Quatre: On no! >Tuesday=Aeka >(I shall prepare something extra special for you, Lord Tenchi.) Wufei: You mean being "emptied into" wasn't special enough already?! P.Poet: I shudder to think what's even more "special"... >Wednesday=Ryoko (I'll see you, princess. And then I'll raise it!) P.Poet: ...I really do... >Thursday=Nagi (Hmph. Haven't won yet.) Raptor: Cuz youse already lost. >Friday=Kiyone (It's kinda sad, really...) All: We all know and understand, really... >Saturday=Washuu (My real body should be ready by then.) Washu-chan: AAYYY STUFF IT ALREADY!!!!!!! > One thing will be for sure, though: Whatever Washuu had placed >into his food that night... It's gonna be in his strict nutritional >plan if he ever wants to see another decade. ~_~; P.Poet: So the person to blame for this stupid lemon is Washu-chan? Washu-chan: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M TO BLAME?!!!! P.Poet: Relax, Washu-chan! I was only joking... Washu-chan(dead-pan): Ha, ha... > THE END All: YES!!!! Raptor: Let's get the freak outta here! > The Tenchi gang are at the movie theatre; Quatre: It's not over yet!! Others: WHAT?! >watching the last part of the film run its course... P.Poet: Just like this MST must run its course as well. ON WITH THE MST!!!! All(after pausing for a while): DAMN YOU TURKEY BUTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >Tenchi: So, girls. What do you think? All the gals: Well, to be extremely honest...it sucked. Min-ohki: Miya pika! >Ryoko: He took out the parts about Mayuka and Achika. Everyone > was complaining about that. Wufei: Any sane person with average moral values would've complained about those two scenes!!! >Aeka: Hmph! I'd rather have his own mother touch him instead of > you! P.Poet(screaming the words out): YOU ARE ONE SICK BUNNY AEKA!!!!!!!! *KAAZAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAAAA!!!!!!!* P.Poet(barbecued Poet): *oui*...me gonna get aeka fer thissss... >Ryoko: Oh yeah! And don't tell me that you don't wanna touch him > either, you shrew! >Aeka: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!! > Another Ryoko Vs. Aeka fight ensues until Washuu hits the both >of them with her prized "zapping laser invention thingy." Washu-chan: For your information, I don't have a "prized zapping laser invention thingy"...BUT what I do have, is a prized pit of Kreelian Pirahnians that I would like Turkey Butt to jump into... >Kiyone: I'm actually surprised that the 10 o'Clock would go back and > clean up this piece of garbage. All: We are too. Raptor: We thought he was just goin' ta sit 'n' mope around wit his "Super Tab-a-whatsit" shit and stop writin' lemons altogetha. >Mihoshi: Why are you being so mean? All: Because we like it. >We get to have sex with Tenchi! (Giggles.) Quatre: Bad point...BAD BAD invalid point...*sob* >Kiyone: Well, I wanted to have sex with him alone. The whole > romance thing gets ruined when you're around me. >Mihoshi: That's not true, Kiyone! You and I are great together! >Kiyone: No, YOU're great together. I'm better alone with Tenchi. >Sakuya: So, you're an intergalactic bounty hunter. Nagi's your > name? Asuka(Nagi): Noooo...I'm an inter-galactic hooker and Gi-na's my name... WELL OF COURSE I'M NAGI THE INTER-GALACTIC BOUNTY-HUNTER!!!!!!!!!! SHEEEESH!!! >Nagi: Yes. And you must be Sakuya; "Tenchi's latest girlfriend" Wufei: Our condolences... > from Shin Tenchi Muyo. >Sakuya: Correct! > They take a moment to stare at each other... P.Poet: If they strip down and have spontaneous lesbian sex right there and then, I'm going to scream... >Nagi: Your behavior spooks me, kid. >Sakuya: And you look like you should be in a band or something... > The gang then exit the theatre deciding on whether to hurt the >author some more All: YES!!! YESSSSSSS!!! HURT HIM!!! MAKE IT VERY SLOW AND PAINFUL FOR HIM!!!!! >or actually "thank" him Wufei: From where I come from, we Chinese have a phrase for that. Quatre: What is it, Wufei? Wufei: ZHUO MENG!!! Asuka: And it means... Wufei: "DREAM ON!!!" in Chinese. Others: Oh! >when they suddenly find another large group of movie-goers exiting the >theatre nextdoor... Throwing up, or trying to make it to the restroom so >they can throw up there. Raptor: They musta been watchin' da same lemon we're watchin'. >Tenchi: (Grabbing one person. P.Poet: If the sissy and that one person strip down and have spontaneous sex right there and then, I'm going to scream... >) Are you alright?! >Person: No I'm not...! Wufei(Person): Just saw..."10-Chi Returns"...must PUKE!!!!! >Kiyone: What's wrong? Is it the movie you just saw? Others(pointing to Wufei): What he just said. > But the person was unable to speak due to some of his food exiting >the way it came in. All he could manage to do was point at the names of >the movie over the door. Needless to say, the Tenchi gang was shocked. > FRIDAY GROSS OUT DOUBLE FEATURE: > "POT" W/ > "TENCHI ON A PLATE OF SASHIMI" Asuka: What are those? P.Poet(left eye-brow twitching): Those are two very sick lemons that rate over TEN on the Yuck-O-Meter... Others: YOU'RE KIDDING!!! P.Poet: And if we have a chance, we'll MST them some time in the future... BUT BE WARNED..."Tenchi On A Plate Of Sashimi" is one Helluva puke-o-rama... (Lightning flashes and thunder rolls. Dracula pipe organ music plays.) Others(in horror): GASP!!! >AUTHOR'S RAMBLINGS: P.Poet: This is where he gets to whine and gripe. >I like to thank everybody who's said that my "10-Chi Clan: The >Quickies" lemon fanfic was bad-bad-BAD!! All: Ya freakin' welcome. Wufei: Well, come to think of it, it wasn't that "bad-bad-BAD!!"... Raptor: Yeah, it was more like "BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD ARRRGHHHH SUCKS LIKE FREAKIN' BULLSHIT BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" bad... Wufei: Exactly. >I'm surprised on how intolerant you people are out there in the web world. P.Poet: And we're surprised that you are actually a big fan of incest relationships... Asuka: We are also hoping that you do not have a sister... Min-ohki(nodding): Pika pika. >In fact, I didn't want to go back and fix this fic. Raptor: THEN WHY DID'JA YA STUPID ARSE?!!!! >I wanted it to be a cornerstone of a fic that I should never do. Asuka: Make that corner-stone into a great big boulder block so that you won't forget. >But then I read (or tried to read) Washu-chan: So sad...he's illiterate... Others: Sad... >lemons from all the other authors out there. And I must ask: Where is >the line drawn between "fuck-a-minute fuck-a-thons" and "Tentacle demon >does everything that walks while getting high on crack and vomiting all >over the place?" P.Poet: There ain't no line to be drawn, Turkey Butt...but don't you think those fics and yours are just as stupid and pointless as one another? Quatre: Furthermore, you included some really perverted incest scenes in your last fic... >Tenchi Muyo belongs to AIC/Pioneer. Everything else belongs to their >respected creators. P.Poet: Thank the Devil!!! Raptor: Otherwise, "Tenchi Muyo!" woulda become "Super Tenchi Tab-a-whatsit Incestuous Pedophilia Group F*beeeeep*ks-a-Hard-On-a-Ping-Pong-Thong"... All(shuddering): BRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! >And remember: Quatre: To always brush your teeth after every meal and eat your vegetables! Washu-chan: Sound advice. Min-ohki(toothy smile): Miya? Washu-chan: Yes Min-ohki. We can see your white pearly teeth. Min-ohki: Pika miya! >The 10 o'Clock Assassin isn't really a bad shot. P.Poet: He's just a "BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD ARRRGHHHH SUCKS LIKE FREAKIN' BULLSHIT BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shot. Raptor: That was my line, Poet... P.Poet: And it was so good that I had to pilfer it. >I just have multiple targets to shoot. There's a difference! ^_^ All: No there's not! =P Asuka: Washu-chan, is it over yet? Washu-chan: Looks like it kiddies. All(breathes a huge sigh of relief): Whooooooo...... P.Poet: Well Avengers, any comments? Quatre: I think he's trying to break his previous record of "Most MSTed Lemon". Wufei: Turkey Butt is one brave guy. Not that bright but real brave... Raptor: He took da incest scenes out. BIG FAT HAIRY DEAL!! He came back wit an even dumber plot! Min-ohki: PI-KA-BLEH!!! Asuka: He's a fan of a comic that has incest pouring out of its pages. What more can I say? P.Poet: What about you Washu-chan? Washu-chan(Inferno): HE WILL BURNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! P.Poet(face-faults): You know that's MY line, Washu-chan... *** The very next day, at the Society for the Prevention Of The Use Of Under-Aged Anime Girls For Lemons... Purge: I wonder why they want me back here... As Purge Raizah, aka Turkey Butt, walked towards the reception counter, he notices something a bit more different from the last time he was here. The poster of naked Chibi-Usa had been taken down and was replaced with a tasteful poster of Blue Mary striking her kawaii victory pose. Instead of Puff Duddy dribbling out of the speakers, it was the raw, powerful vocals of Zack De La Rocha that filled the whole place as Rage Against The Machine's "Wake Up" was playing out deafeningly loud. Even the clerk was someone new. On his desk, were miniature skeletal zombie figurines while the screen-saver on his computer replayed the tremendous fighting scenes from "Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz". Purge: Uh, hello? Clerk(rapping): REP DA STUTTER STEP THEN BOMB A LEFT UPON DA FASCISTS!!! YEAH!!! (Looks up and sees Purge.) Clerk(The Red Guy): Oh helloooooooooo......WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!!! Purge: I uhh...was told to come here again? Clerk: Well now, who are you then? Purge: Where's the previous guy? Clerk: Oh, he's on leave...said something about a terrible, terrible headache... Purge: Hmm...is that so... Clerk: Yes, and as I was saying, WHO ARE YOU?!!!! Purge: My name's Purge Raizah, but I'm better known as Shinji The 10 o'Clock Assassin... Clerk: Purge Raizah? THE Purge Raizah? Purge: Yeah? Clerk: Well why didn't you say so...! I simply loved your work on "10-Chi Returns"! Love it! Purge: HEY!! I already took out the inces...huh? You loved it? Clerk: Yes! I can just see it, up there with the FINEST lemons in the world!!! Purge: You-you can? Clerk: Of course!! With someone of your calibre, why, we could take the world by storm!!! *** (In another room...) Asuka(looking into TV monitor): I can't believe he's actually bringing himself to say all those things... Washu-chan: Craziness can make one do a lot of weird things, Asuka. Quatre: Indeed. Min-ohki: Miya! Wufei(entering the room, his arms full of items): Hurry up with those stuff Raptor!! Raptor(his arms full as well): Okay okay! I may be a zombie, but I ain't got four arms, man!! Wufei(to Washu-chan): Is it time to get ready? Washu-chan: I do believe so...it's fun time kiddies! *** Clerk: ...and the management adored your fic as well!! Purge: Really? Clerk: Yes! In fact, they're dying to meet you in the other room. Don't keep them waiting shall we? Let's go go go! Purge: Then I'm dying to meet them too! Clerk(smiles devilishly): I know you are...I know you are... But Purge just could not shake off the little nagging ominous thought of trouble brewing as Zack De La Rocha growled out the words "HOW LONG! NOT LONG! CAUSE WHAT YOU REAP IS WHAT YOU SOW!!!"... *** Purge woke up to find himself secured tightly on an emergency crash-cart. He struggled to get loose, but the straps had been pulled as tightly as possible. Purge: LEMME OUTTA HERE!!!! Min-ohki(in cabbit form): Miya pika? Purge: ARRGH!! CABBIT!! Washu-chan(in her nurse's uniform): Well well well! Now look who's awake? Asuka(also in nurse's uniform): If it isn't good old Purge Raizah! P.Poet(taking off the clerk disguise): Hey Nursie Asuka-chan! You look real cute in that outfit of yours! Asuka: Shut up Poet! Purge: Washuu? Poet? Asuka? You-you're the MST Avengers!!! You tricked me!! Wufei: Details, details!! Quatre: The important thing is that you are here. P.Poet: We're so glad that you still can remember us. Purge: Why are you doing this to meeeee?!!!! P.Poet: Once wasn't enough. Twice wasn't enough! You had to go back and come up with a third crappy lemon that retained the same freaking plot!! Why do you think that we won't be coming after you... Purge(panicky): Wh-what do you want with me?! Washu-chan(sinisterly): Oh nothing much. After reading your "10-Chi Returns", we thought that we ought to curb that hyper-sex drive of yours...BY CASTRATING YOU!!!!! RAPTOR!!!!!!!!!! *BRRRRRRRAUPABRAUPABRAUPABRAUPABRAUPABRAUPABRAUPA!!!!!!!!!!* Raptor(right hand morphed into a large chainsaw): WHERE'S DA PATIENT DOCTER?!!!!! Purge(freaks out): AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Washu-chan: Someone gag the patient, please? Asuka(stuffing a piece of cloth into Purge's mouth): Gladly. *POOK!* Purge: MMMRRFFF MFFF MURGH MRRRFF!!!! P.Poet: Now you sound like Kenny... Raptor(aiming his chainsaw at Purge's groin): Don't worry; this won't hurt a bit... IT'S GONNA HURT A LOT!!! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Purge: MMMMRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFF-(Purge Raizah faints.) Raptor: He fainted yet? Washu-chan: Yep. Raptor(morphing his hand back): Good...I didn't feel like dirtyin' my chainsaw on him... P.Poet(kicking at Purge's head): THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE PERVERTED THINGS THAT I HAD TO SAY JUST NOW YOU DIRTY PUNK!!!!! TAKE THAT!! AND THAT!!! AND THAT!! Washu-chan: Stop kicking him already Poet!!! And don't forget what we're here to do. P.Poet: Aww...fudge!! (Kicks Purge in the head one last time.) Washu-chan: Okay, now hand me the glue... Asuka(passes the glue): Here... (A few minutes later...) Washu-chan: We're done! You guys do know that what we're about to do is very childish, right? Others: Goo goo ga ga... Washu-chan: Right. Your turn, Poet. P.Poet(rubbing his hands in glee): Payback time! Heh heh!!! (With a wave of Poet's hand, a portal crackles into existence.) Raptor(kicks the crash-cart into the portal): Adios, compadre!! Wufei: I can't wait to see how this one turns out... Quatre: Me too. Min-ohki: Miya miya!! *** For the second time in a day, Purge woke up to find another surprise for him. Lying in a huge field of lush green grass and colorful flowers, Purge was surveying the area when he realized that both his index fingers had been glued up his nostrils. Purge(nasal voice): AAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! THEY GLUED MY FINGERS UP MY NOSE!!!!!!! *** (Far, far away, back at The Ichiban Theater, The MST Avengers are watching Purge screaming on one of Washu-chan's surveillence ports.) Wufei: How very perceptive of him... P.Poet: Read the note! Read the note!! Asuka: Pipe down, willya! Washu-chan: Will one of you kiddies quit breathing on me? Raptor: Sorry... Washu-chan: Errgh... Quatre(behind everyone): What's going on? Let me see!! Min-ohki: Pika? *** Purge(nasal voice): I don't believe it! It's so childish of them to...huh? (Purge sees the note that is stuck to his chest. After much difficulty, due to the immobility of his hands, Purge finally has the note unfolded.) >Hellooooo... >(Imagine this as The Red Guy from Cow and Chicken speaking. It would make >your little predicament a bit more funnier to bear. For us at least.) >We have sent you to a place where SEX AND INCEST DOES NOT EXIST!!!!!!!! >Here, there is someone who is both dedicated and reliable enough to help >REHABILITATE AND GUIDE YOU ALONG THE WAY!!!! We hope that by doing so, you >can become A BETTER PERSON YOU SNIVELING LITTLE WIMP!!!!! >Thank you. >From: The MST Avengers >P.S. Have fun with your new friend... (The moment Purge finishes reading the note, the ground seems to shake and tremble as gigantic foot-steps thump up behind Purge. Feeling a little tinge of fear creeping in, Purge makes a slow turn around...) Purge(nasal scream): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Large purple dinosaur: Hello *giggle* !!! Why! You must be my new friend *giggle giggle*!!! And you know what *giggle*? I just LOOOVE to hug my friends *giggle*!!! Purge(scooting backwards in panic): NO!! NO!! DON'T COME NEAR ME!!! STAY BACK!! STAY BACK!! *HHHHHUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!* Large purple dinosaur(hugging Purge): I love you *giggle giggle*!!! Purge(gasping): Can't...breath...cut-cutting...off...cir-cir-CIRCULATION... Large purple dinosaur: Oh look *giggle*!! You have your little fingers stuck up your little nose *giggle*!!! Let me help you *giggle*!! Purge(turning blue): ...don't *gasp* don't...yank...them... *SHHHHHHHH-CRRRRRRRRRRRIIPPPPPP!!!!!* *** Raptor(wide-eyed): Now that has gotta hurt!!! Asuka: Did you see what the dinosaur did to his nose?!! Quatre: Poor thing... Others: WHAT?!! Quatre: I meant the dinosaur. Others: Oh! Wufei: Okay. Mission accomplished. So who's for Chinese tonight? Asuka: Why is it that you're always the one who gets to choose?! Wufei: It's my divine right, woman! Asuka: I don't care! I want pizza!! Wufei: Chinese!! Asuka: Pizza!! Wufei: Chinese!! Asuka: Pizza!! Wufei: Chinese!! Asuka: Pizza!! Wufei: Chinese!! Quatre: ...and... Asuka: Pizza!! Wufei: Chinese!! Quatre: ...and... Asuka: Pizza!! Wufei & Asuka: HEY!!! Chinese AND pizza!!! Raptor(pats Quatre on the back): Way ta go, peace-maker... Min-ohki: Miya miya miya!! Quatre: Thank you. Washu-chan(to Poet): I hope you're in the mood for moo-gu-gai-pan and pepperoni pizza with extra cheese tonight, Poet... P.Poet(opening a portal): Sure go ahead without me. I still have er, some important business to attend to... Washu-chan: Okay, seeya later kiddy. P.Poet(disappears into portal): Yeah, seeya... *** (Inside the Floating Onsen...) Aeka(calling out): I'm going in first, Sasami-chan!! Sasami: Hai!! Aeka(takes a dip into the warm water): Mmmmmmm...... (A portal suddenly opens up behind Aeka...) Aeka(turns around): By the goddess...!!! What is...!!! Someone(The Red Guy): Hellooooooo......!!! Aeka: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone: MAN!! THAT'S GOTTA BE THE FLATTEST...... (Enter the logs.) *KAZAAAAAAKAZAAAAAKAZAAAAAAKAZAAAAAAAAKAZAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!* ================================================================================================