THE MST AVENGERS EPISODE 2 AN MST OF "AT THE CARROT PATCH" BY THE PSYCHOMATIC POET *** Asuka: What do you mean 'by The Psychomatic Poet'? What about the rest of us? Wufei: Yeah! We have to suffer with you too! P.Poet: Now, now guys...I'm the one doing all the work to document and send our MST to Gensao... Asuka: Says who! Raptor: Wise men says ta give credit where credit is due... Washu: Listen to the zombie. P.Poet(irritated): So what do you guys want? Wufei: Our names up there with yours, right Quatre? Quatre: Right! P.Poet(feigns helplessness): Et tu, Quatre? Then fall Psychomatus Poetus!! Washu: You're not kidding anyone, Poetus... Asuka: Either you give in to our demands or we give what's coming to you! P.Poet(sticks out his tongue): Tough nuts to that!! My final answer is still 'NO'!! N-O with a capital uhh...'N'! Raptor: Then youse is askin' for it! (Everyone gathers around Poet.) P.Poet: Hey! What are you people going to do! HEY!! OUCH!! THAT HURTS!!! EEEK!!! OW!! OW!! STOP IT!!! *POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE* Wufei: Do as we say or continue to suffer our wrath!! P.Poet: NO!!!! OW!!! OW!!! OW!!!! HEY!! NO LONG FINGERNAILS!!! *POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE* Asuka: Well...? Ready to surrender yet? P.Poet: OWW!!! OKAY!!! OKAY!!!! I'LL DO AS YOU SAY!!! EEEEE!!!!! (Everyone stops poking Poet.) Washu(as Snagglepuss): C'mon, c'mon, get started already! P.Poet(inspecting the dozen upon dozen or so bruises on his body): Sob sob... *TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE* *** THE MST AVENGERS EPISODE 2 AN MST OF "AT THE CARROT PATCH" BY THE MST AVENGERS WITH HELP AND JOKES FROM THE HUMAN LAUGH'O'METER: MINAKO DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING HERE DOES NOT BELONG TO ME SAVE FOR THE HUMOR, IF ANY. AND IF THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR GETS PISSED BY THIS MST, I TAKE IT THAT I HAVE DONE ONE HELLUVA DAMN GOOD JOB. THANK YOU. ================================================================================================= The MST Avengers are: The Psychomatic Poet (Helloooooo!!!) Asuka Soryu Langley (Guten tag!) Chang Wufei (I am JUSTICE!!!) Quatre Raberba Winner (Can't we all just, get along...?) Lord Raptor (YO! I'm da Raptor-man!!) Washu Hakubi (Remember; it's Washu-CHAN!) *** P.Poet: There! You people happy now?! The Rest(nodding): As a matter of fact, yes, we are. P.Poet(grumbling): ...Ruhbarbrhubarb...over-inflated egos...ruhbarbrhubarb... *** ================================================================================================= Sick and tired with all the lousy lemon fanfics that have flooded into his dark domain, the demon god known as The Psychomatic Poet has brought together a team of oustanding anime characters to help him in his mission of crushing the worst kind of lemon fanfics out there yonder and to mete out... Wufei: JUSTICE!!! Mr Narrator: Hey! How did you get in here?! Wufei: I don't have to answer to you! I AM JUSTICE!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! Mr Narrator: SECURITY!!!! Wufei(being dragged away by two OZ soldiers): You can't do this to me!! LET GO OF ME! HEY! HEY!!! Mr Narrator: That's better...Ahem, now where were we? Oh yes! ...and to mete out justice to the writers who have so blatantly abused their rights to write fanfics. These crusaders against bad lemons are known as The MST Avengers and this, is their story... ============================================================================= In the Relaxation & Recreation Room of the Ichiban Theater where the various members of The MST Avengers were spending their free time, Asuka was on the phone chatting happily with Hikari. Lord Raptor was tuning and polishing up his favorite electric guitar. Quatre was catching up on some reading while Wufei was busy assembling a plastic Gundam model kit of Nataku. As for Washu-chan and Poet, they were nowhere to be seen. Asuka(on the phone): Yeah, so I'm stuck here with a bunch of unbelievable weirdos. Sometimes, I think I'm the only normal person around here... Raptor & Wufei(silently): It sure takes one to know one... Wufei: It's been a while since we saw any action around here, huh? Raptor: Yeah. You'd hafta admit, things have been pretty quiet lately. Wufei: I beg to differ...(and points to the yakking Asuka. Raptor sniggers.) Quatre: Well, it's better than being made to watch another awful orange again. Once was quite enough for me. Raptor & Wufei(vertical lines descend on their foreheads): Quatre, it's called a lemon... Quatre: Whatever. Asuka: Really?! Toji did that?!! What? Oh, you gotta go? Okay. I'll call you next time. Ja ne!(Puts down the receiver.) (Right at that moment, the door to the R&R Room opens and in steps the Poet unceremoniously with Washu-chan following behind him, the inter-galactic scientist of a genius busy typing away at her hovering holographic console. Sitting on top of Poet's head, is a cute little animal with cobalt-blue fur, bright yellow feline eyes and a yellow gem on its forehead, munching contentedly on a big orange carrot.) P.Poet(The Red Guy): Helloooooo... Washu-chan: Hiya kiddies. The Rest: Uh, hello... Animal on top of Poet's head: Mi-ya! (A few minutes of silence ensues...) Raptor: Okaaayy, don't tell me...mmmm...ya doin' somethin' new wit ya hair, right? P.Poet(imitating a buzzer): Nope. Wrong answer, Contestant No. 1. Wufei: Either that's a strange growth on your head or I need glasses... P.Poet(in a sarcastic tone): You do. Especially the really swirly-whirly kind that Mousse wears. One more guess and you're all outta here. Quatre(turning to Asuka): Well, what looks like a cat... Asuka(turning to Wufei): ...and has the ears and a tail of a rabbit... Wufei(turning to Raptor): ...goes 'miya'... Raptor(turning to Quatre): ...and loves carrots more than life itself... Asuka, Quatre, Raptor & Wufei(O_O!!!): It's a cabbit!!! Cabbit(hops onto the table): Miya!! P.Poet: Bingo baby-cakes!! Quatre & Asuka(rushing to cuddle the cabbit): That is the cutest little animal I've ever seen!!! It's soooo cute!! P.Poet(cringing at Quatre's actions): It's a she... Wufei(slapping his forehead): Quatre! Quatre(cuddling the cabbit): What? Wufei(shaking his head): N-never mind... Raptor: How didja get her? P.Poet: Well, that would be all thanks to... Washu-chan(still typing): ...yours truly... P.Poet(imitating Predacon Megatron): Ah YES...I managed to persuade Washu-chan to clone another cabbit for us to adopt as our new mascot. Asuka: So, what's her name? Quatre: I wanna call her Fluffy!! (Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY including the cabbit, face-faults. Even Washu-chan stops typing momentarily.) Quatre: What'd I do wrong this time?! P.Poet(left eye twitching): I, er, have already, er, given her a name. She's called Min-ohki. Min-ohki(looks up from her carrot): Miya miya!! Asuka: That's a nice name. P.Poet: I thought so. I decided to name her after Washu-chan's other daughter, Minagi. Wufei(petting Min-ohki's head): Heh heh, cute little furball... (Suddenly, Wahsu-chan's holographic console begins to emit several electronic beeps.) Asuka: What's that? Washu-chan: That, kiddies, is the sound of a bad lemon fanfic. (Lightning flashes and thunder rolls. Dracula pipe organ music plays.) The Rest: GASP!!!! P.Poet: What's the reading on the Yuck-O-Meter? Washu-chan(serious): It's getting a nine out of ten reading guys; this is some really bad stuff. Wufei: Oh great. Just great. What can be worse than a nine-out-of-ten-yucks lemon fic? Washu-chan(wincing slightly): Sensors have confirmed that it's a Sasami lemon as well. Wufei: Me and my biiiiiiiiiig mouth. Asuka(narrowing her eyebrows): Yes, you and your biiiiiiiiiig mouth. Wufei: Shut up, woman. Raptor(shaking his head): Not another one-a-them pedophile shit... Quatre(kneading his temples): Why must people keep churning out these blueberries... Others(face-faulting): Quatre, they're called lemons. Quatre(still kneading his temples): Whatever. Washu-chan(turns to Poet): Well? Do we MST it? P.Poet: I know I'm going to regret this horribly by waking up in the middle of the night and screaming my lungs out, but for the sake of upholding the dignity of the 'Tenchi Muyo' characters, this lemon will have to be MSTed and the writer, severely punished. Hit it, Washu-chan! Washu-chan: Right! Downloading lemon. Data to be transferred to trans- juxtapositional modulating projector. I shall be seeing you all in the projection room. (Washu-chan exits the R&R room.) Wufei: This is going to be bad. Very very bad. Raptor: Well, there ain't no point mopin' bout it. Let's go. P.Poet(corny heroic voice): Come Avengers!!! To the AVENGER-MOBILE!!!!!! (Starts to sing old Batman theme song and runs out of the R&R room, flapping his arms.) Asuka: Just when I thought this idiot could be serious for once, he shows me a whole new level of cheesiness... Wufei: No, corniness. Asuka: Wha...?! Wufei(walking out od R&R Room): He's more corny than he is cheesy. Asuka: I'll give him that. Min-ohki: Miya miya? Asuka: C'mon Min-ohki. I'll give you a lift. Min-ohki(hops up to Asuka's head): Miya!! Asuka: Let's go. *** (As the others settle into the leather seats, Asuka and Min-ohki walks into the projection room last. Min-ohki hops off Asuka's head and in an instant, transforms herself into a blue, furry girl.) Min-ohki(smiling): Miya! Wufei: Well I'll be dog-goned... Raptor: ...and dang-nabbed! Quatre: Golly golly golly! Asuka: Sugoi!!! P.Poet: Oh! I forgot tell you, Min-ohki is able to change herself into this humanoid form at will. Cool, huh? Min-ohki(plops down beside Poet): Miya! (Sitting from left to right are Quatre, Wufei, Lord Raptor, P.Poet, Min-ohki and Asuka.) P.Poet: And not forgetting the MOST important item...Yebisu beer!!! (Poet snaps his fingers and an ice-box appears in the empty seat beside Asuka, who promptly hands out the cans of beer.) P.Poet: And of course, carrots for Min-ohki. (Poet snaps his fingers again and a whole basket of carrots drops behind Min-ohki's seat.) Min-ohki(reaches behind for a carrot): Miya miya miya!!! Asuka(opening a can of beer): Just what the doctor ordered. Wufei(also opening a can of beer): This is going to help make this lemon go down easier. Raptor(already gulping down his second can): I'm hopin' ta get drunk even before the damn thing starts. Quatre: I still think alcohol is bad for your health. Wufei: You do know what we're going to be watching this time, don't you Quatre? Quatre(thinks for a while): On second thought, let me have a swig of that. P.Poet: Hurray for Drunks 'R' Us!!!! All(dull): Hurray. Washu-chan: Okayyy...it's fun time kiddies. All(dull): Hurray. Asuka(suspicious): You're not going to show us that big dumb purple dinosaur again, are you? Washu-chan(mock shock): What? Moah? Nooo! (Washu-chan grins devilishly as she flicks the switch on. The blank screen lights up and four dumpy weirdos appear on the screen.) Four dumpy weirdos on screen(waving): Eh oh!! All(blood drained from their faces): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Washu-chan: My my! What long breaths you have! Hehe!! P.Poet(covering his eyes): Shut it off!! Shut it OFF!!!!!!!! Washu-chan: Why? Don't you think they're precious? Four dumpy weirdos: It's time to do the Wiggly Butt Dance!!! All: HECK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Washu-chan: Well, I think I'll just leave it on for a little longer. (Washu-chan is suddenly bombarded by a barrage of beer cans and carrots.) Washu-chan(ducking the barrage): OKAY OKAY!! I'M SHUTTING IT OFF!!! Geez... can't you people take a joke? (As the screen goes blank again, another barrage of beer cans and carrots rains down on Washu-chan.) All: JUST PLAY THE STUPID FIC!!!!! Washu-chan: ALRIGHT!! I GET THE PICTURE!!! YOU CAN STOP THROWING NOW!!!! Raptor(breathing heavily): It's bad enough that we hafta watch these sick lemons... Asuka(a bit breathless from all that screaming): But we can do without Washu-chan's pranks... P.Poet(still in shock): NO...Wiggly-Butt-DANCE! NO! NO! NO! Quatre(waving his hand in front of Poet): Uh, Poet? Poet? Earth to Poet...? Please come in...? (Turns to others.) Houston, we have a problem... Asuka: No we don't. Others: Wha... Asuka: We don't have to listen to his corny puns. Others: Oh... > Warning this is a Lemon fanfic; All(dull): Cow-a-bung-ga. P.Poet: Warning, this is an MST of a Lemon fan fic. If you have just eaten your lunch, feel free to lose it now. Thank you. Others: Ewww...!! Asuka: Hey! When did you kick in?! P.Poet: The moment the fic started. It's a curse. Asuka: Shoot! >which means that it is adult oriented and has sexual content. Raptor: We know, WE KNOW... Quatre: Passh me another can. Wufei: Hey, you might want to take it easy on that stuff, Quatre. It's only the beginning. Quatre: Thatsh what I'm tryin' to f...f...forget!!! >If you are under legal age or easily offended by this kind of material, >then please hit P.Poet: The writer of this fanfic. >the back button on your browser. All(armed to the teeth with weapons of extreme destruction): Shoot! >This is also my first lemon fanfic P.Poet: I have a feeling that it's not going to be his last... Wufei: Not if The MST Avengers have anything to say about that. >and it's not that great and it may not make that much sense. Wufei: Does any lemon make any sense to you guys? Others(unanimous shaking of heads): Nope. Wufei: Just thought I'd check. >NOTE: none of these characters are mine and are the property of somebody >else. P.Poet: Thank the Devil!!!! >Please send all comments or suggestions to: Mike_Forever@hotmail.com P.Poet: Please take note of that name. We shall be shredding him into confetti shortly afterwards. Raptor: I wonder what kinda recipes require shredded human flesh... Asuka: That's disgusting!!!! Raptor: What?! Asuka: How can you bring yourself to eat a pervert like him? Quatre: Yeah, you might g...get indigeshtion or conshtipation or shomethingsh like that...*hic* oops, 'scush me... Raptor: I think we'd better not let Quatre drink any more beer, huh? P.Poet: Nonsense!!! Beer is good!!! Beer is for everyone!!! Drink!!! DRINK!!! Quatre: I'll *hic* drink to that!! Wufei: You can forget about that thought, Raptor. Raptor(vertical lines on his face): I'll say, what with Drunks 'R' Us' poster-boy around... >It was a quiet day at the carrot patch P.Poet: How quiet was it, hmmmm? Was it very quiet or extremely quiet or rather quiet or extremely quiet to the nth degree or... All: SHUT UP POET!!!!! P.Poet(meekly): As I was saying, it was a quiet day at the carrot patch... >and Tenchi was hard at work picking some carrots for lunch. Min-ohki(hearts in her eyes): MIYA!!! P.Poet: For those of you who do not speak cabbit, that meant "CARROTS!!!". Thank you. Asuka: What did we just say... P.Poet: Uh...shut up Poet? Asuka: Bingo! NOW DO IT!! P.Poet: ...... >Sasami had nothing to do that day so she decided to go help Tenchi. >On her head sat Ryo-ohki who miayed Wufei: Miayed? Raptor: She must've had a sore throat on that day. Wufei: Oh... >contentedly for she knew that they were going to the carrot patch. Min-ohki(munching on a carrot): Miya... Asuka: Yes Min-ohki, we know that you love carrots. Min-ohki(shaking her head): Miya miya!! Asuka: Okay. So you adore carrots. Min-ohki(shakes her head again): Mi-ya miya! Asuka: How about, you worship carrots? Min-ohki(nods excitedly): Miya!!! Washu-chan: That about sums it up. >Tenchi looked up form his work and saw Sasami walking down the road P.Poet(singing): There she goes just-a-walkin' down the street, sayin'... Others(deadpan): Boom ba dee-lee dee-lee dum dee-lee do... P.Poet: Alright! >wearing shorts and a T-shirt. Tenchi was sweating profusely and decided >to take off his shirt, to reveal Raptor: A hairless chest. Wufei: A pierced nipple. Quatre: TWO pierced nipples. P.Poet: A chest-burster alien. (Starts making gagging-screechy sounds.) *BONK!!!* Asuka: SHUT UP!!! (Looking thoughtful) Oops! Was it to hit you with the mallet first and then say 'Shut up' OR the other way round...? P.Poet(with a bump rising out of his forehead): The other way round, Asuka-CHAN! The other way round... >a muscular chest P.Poet: That's a muscular chest?! All: HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Asuka(wiping tears from her eyes): That's gotta be the best joke I've heard all day!! Wufei: Haha, muscular, haha...he..he looks more like a stick insect!!! Quatre: That'sh a good one Wufei!!! HAHAHAA!! Raptor: I've seen more meat on some old bones than on HIM!!! AH-HAHAHAHAHA!!!! >, in an effort to cool off. Sasami saw Tenchi hard at work and noticed >how cute he was when he was bare-chested. Asuka: Yeah, if you like insects!!! All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Raptor: This is killin' me!!! HAHA!!! I'm gonna laugh ta my second death!! Washu-chan(stifling her laughs): Haha, now now children, ha, we shouldn't make fun of other people's, haha, dis...disabilities!!! HAHAAHAA!!! >Tenchi had always had a secret crush on Tenchi and didn't know how to >approach her. (Everyone stops laughing at once.) P.Poet: This is not funny anymore. Asuka: How does one have a secret crush on oneself? P.Poet: Go ask the genius who wrote this. Washu-chan: I think I'll use this to black-mail Tenchi... P.Poet(The Red Guy): Ooooo...black-mail... > As Sasami came into full view Tenchi's dick started to grow in >his shorts. P.Poet: He's aroused by his own "muscular chest". Others: Ewwwww...!!!! >Soon Tenchi's hard-on became too hard to hide, comfortably. Quatre: Watch out!! It'sh going to bursht!!!!! Asuka: We're not that lucky, Quatre. Quatre: Yeah, you're right. >Sasami, by this time had noticed the bulge in Tenchi's pants. Wufei(cups his mouth): Please refrain from staring at Tenchi's crotch, little girl!! Please refrain from staring at Tenchi's crotch!! Raptor: That's not really funny. Wufei(still cupping his mouth): You will be disappointed!!! Raptor: Now that's funny!! >Tenchi kept working despite his discomfort. P.Poet(The Red Guy): Ooooo...we have a tough guy over here...! All the other guys: Ooooo.......!!!! Min-ohki: Miya miya? Asuka: What's it with you guys?! Wufei: It's a guy thing, you wouldn't understand. Asuka: Something that dumb would have to be... Wufei: YOU DARE MOCK ME!!! WOMAN!!!!!!!!! *BONK!!!!!!* Asuka: Yep. Go knock yourself out. Wufei(with a bashed-in face): Duhhhh.......... > Ryo-oki had now dug a tunnel under the ground to get at one >of the carrots. She nibbled at the first carrot she came to. The >carrot was relatively large and would take a lot of time to eat. Min-ohki(looking at her carrot): Miya miya... >Tenchi came to the carrot that Ryo-oki was chewing on and was unable >to rip it from the ground. Sasami asked Tenchi if he needed any help >and bent down close to him glancing at his bulge, trying not to let >him notice. Asuka(neurotic Sasami): I'm not staring at your bulge, Tenchi-niisan. P.Poet(neurotic Tenchi): And there isn't a bulge in my pants, Sasami-chan. Wufei: You two sickos were made for each other... *KA-BONK!!!!!!* Asuka: Don't tell me you've already forgotten about my mallet, hmmm? Wufei(dazed): Pain... Min-ohki: Miya? P.Poet: It is very painful, yes? >Sasami squatted down next to Tenchi and started to pull on the carrot. >After much effort the carrot was torn from the ground, carrying the little >cabbitt Raptor: CABBIT IS SPELT WIT ONE 'T', DAMMIT!!!!!! Quatre: Indeed. Jusht ash Shashami ish shpelt wish two 'a'sh, DAMM*hic*IT!!!!! P.Poet: AND WASHU IS SPELT WITH FIFTEEN 'U'S, DAMMIT!!!!!!! Washu-chan(with a vein popping out): No it is not and don't remind me of that idiotic fic. >Ryo-oki with it, and sent Sasami and Tenchi flying. Quatre(Sasami as Rose): I'm flying, Jack! I'm flyi*hic*ing! Raptor(Jack): Good. Now I can push ya overboard. P.Poet: I hated Titanic. The usher had to throw me out because I was laughing too loudly when I saw Jack pop up as a frozen popsicle. Heh heh heh!! I'M THE FREAKING KING OF THE WORLD!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! (The other MST Avengers stare at Poet as sweat-drops appear on their foreheads.) P.Poet: WHAT?! >Tenchi fell on his back Wufei: ...and breaks it, therefore killing him instantly. End! Quatre: And I'll drink to *hic* that *hic*!! Wufei: Quatre, you really have to stop drin... P.Poet: Drink!! DRINK!!!!! Wufei(slaps his forehead): I give up! >and Sasami fell on top of his stomach face down. Tenchi and Sasami both >moaned slightly in ecstasy as Sasami's pussy was mashed onto Tenchi's stiff >dick. Raptor(French chef): And voila!! Ve have a po-tah-to-masher!! Asuka: Thank you Raptor, I'm never touching mashed potatoes ever again! Min-ohki(screwing up her face): Miya-bleh!!! P.Poet: Yes and a very good miya-bleh to you too. >Sasami enjoyed what she was feeling and started to move her hips up and down >on Tenchi's bulge Raptor(still as French chef): ...to mash up ze very big po-tah-to for her new recipe, wee? Others: MIYA-BLEH!!!! >. Tenchi was slightly dazed and as he came out of it he looked down to see >his fantasies come true. P.Poet(circus-man): Yes ladies and gentlemen!!!! Just look down to see your wildest fantasies come true, yessireebob!!! Just look down!!! Washu-chan: And yet another thing to black-mail him about... >Tenchi reached down and lifted Sasami's tight shirt over her head and flung >it aside. Quatre: Yay!!! I jusht love a parade*hic*!!! (Everyone face-faults and sweat-drops.) >Sasami was meanwhile undoing Tenchi's short's as well as her own. Tenchi >lay totally naked under a half-clothed Sasami. Asuka: Ugh! Yucks!! I do not, I repeat, I do not want to see this!!!! P.Poet: AHHHH!!! RUN!!!! PEDOPHILIA!!!!! PEDOPHILIA!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!! Raptor(reaching for a dozen cans): More beer!!! More beer!!! Must get DRUNK!!!!! Wufei(to Asuka): Please hit me with the mallet!!!! PLEASE!!!!! Min-ohki(covering her eyes): MIYAAAAA!!! >All Sasami was wearing was her under-garments. All the guys(closing their eyes): MUST RESIST PERVERTED TEMPTATION!!!! MUST RESIST!!!!!!! >Tenchi leaned forward between Sasami's young tits and undid her >front-clasp bra with his teeth. Tenchi removed the bra with a >small tug. Tenchi's hands moved down and grabbed the crotch of >Sasami's panties. P.Poet(car alarm): WOOP WOOP WOOP!! Please remove your FREAKING hand from the little girl's crotch!!!! WOOP WOOP WOOP!!!! Asuka(to Tenchi on screen): Why don't you go and grab the udder of an old Danish moo cow!!! P.Poet(0_0): Where did that come from? Asuka: I just felt like saying it. >Sasami started to get really wet now. Asuka: And she got so wet that she drowned Tenchi to death with her fluid. End! All the guys: ASUKA!!!! Asuka(sticks out her tongue): So sucks to you! It's my turn to make the jokes now! Wufei(shaking his head): And Meiran asks me why I'm not in the mood sometimes ...SHEESH!!! >Tenchi slipped the pink frilly panties in a swift motion. Raptor: The question ta ask is, did he slip'em ON or did he slip'em OFF? Washu-chan: I never knew Tenchi was into cross-dressing... Others: Cross-dressing?! MIYA-BLEH!!!!! >Sasami raised up to allow her panties to come off, P.Poet: Put those back on!!! Put those back on!!!! NO!!! NO!!! Why aren't you listening to ME?!!!! Others(0_0;): ...... >then she settle herself down on Tenchi's stiff prick. Tenchi >held Sasami on the tip of his prick and told the virgin Sasami >that this would hurt a bit, All: DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!!!! IT'S GOING TO HURT A LOT!!!!! IT'S GOING TO... >Sasami didn't care much because she wanted Tenchi so badly. All(disgusted): ...never mind... >Tenchi forced all of Sasami's weight down as fast as he could. >Sasami cried out in pain Raptor: What did we tell her? Just what did we tell her? Huh! Kids these days! Never listen ta sound advice! Wufei: You sound like her dad. Raptor: Shut up and drink yo beer! Others: Yeah, DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Raptor: Shut up!!! >as her pussy gave way to Tenchi massive prick was split open. Asuka: And Tenchi was sentenced to death for murdering Sasami with his prick. End! P.Poet(turning green in the face): Excuse me while I puke my heart out... Asuka: Be my guest. Wufei(left eyebrow twitching): ...... > The pain quickly subsided and was soon replaced with >pleasure. Tenchi lifted Sasami until only the tip of his dick >was left inside Sasami. Tenchi brought Sasami back down and >lifted her slowly back up. Tenchi continued this motion while >lifting his hips up to meet Sasami's downstrokes. P.Poet: And this is how Tenchi trains for the "Mr Scrawny Wimp" contest. Others: Shut up, Poet. >Sasami started to gyrate her hips from side to side, trying to >increase the friction inside her love hole. Quatre: I'm not *hic* drunk enough! I'm not *hic* drunk enough!! P.Poet: And this is how Sasami trains for her audition as the newest member of the Spice Girls. Others: SHUT UP, POET!!!!! > Ryo-ohki was, meanwhile, still working away at the tip >of the carrot. She had no idea of what was going on at the surface. All(relieved): Whew!! Thank goodness!! >Ryo-ohki felt small tremors in the ground from Tenchi's humping >action, but thought nothing of it. Wufei: Just leave the cabbit out of this. The cabbit does not need to know about this. > Back at the surface both Sasami and Tenchi were reaching >their climax. There was much labored breathing and moaning between >the two of them P.Poet: Because somebody, somebody just had to crack a fart while climaxing!!! Others(>_<): POET!!! That was DISGUSTING!!!!! Wufei(out pops a vein): THAT DOES IT!!!! (Starts whacking at Poet.) DO*WHACK!*YOU*WHACK!*KNOW*WHACK!*THAT*WHACK!*THESE*WHACK!* DISGUSTING*WHACK!*JOKES*WHACK!*ARE*WHACK!*RENDERING*WHACK!* ME*WHACK!*IMPOTENT*WHACK!*AT*WHACK!*THE*WHACK!*MOST*WHACK!* CRUCIAL*WHACK!*OF*WHACK!*MOMENTS*WHACK!*WHEN*WHACK!*I'M*WHACK!* WITH*WHACK!*MEIRAN!!!!!! P.Poet(unrecognisable pile of mush): *ye-ah*...? Wufei: SO STOP IT!!!!!! I'M TRYING TO LEAD A NORMAL AND HEALTHY SEX LIFE HERE!!!!! P.Poet(unrecognisable pile of mush): *'kay*... Wufei: THANK YOU!!!!! Others(;@_@;!!!!): ...... Min-ohki(worried): Miya miya? P.Poet(unrecognisable pile of mush): *ye-ah*...*ah'm o-kay*... >. Tenchi slowed down a bit to try and prolong the pleasure for >both of them. Ryo-ohki heard all the screaming and came up to >investigate. Min-ohki: Miya!! Miya!! Raptor: Don't go up there!! Ignore the screams!! Asuka: And another one bites the dust... >She dug a tunnel along-side the carrot she was just eating >and popped her little head out. She watched curiously as >Tenchi and Sasami screamed in ecstasy as they both climaxed. Quatre: From the way they were shcreaming, I thought they were being tortured inshtead. Raptor: Oh, but they ARE being tortured; by the writer who put'em there in the first place. > Both exhausted, Tenchi and Sasami decided to rest for >a while. They just lay there to catch their breath and relax >their muscles. Asuka: No need to hurry on our account.... >When they were rested Tenchi made the first move by rolling >over Raptor: Good doggie! Wufei: Didn't you use that joke before? Raptor: Uh-huh. So? Wufei(dramatic): A new joke!! My kingdom for a new joke!!! Raptor(grumpy): One more word outta youse and you're snack, kipesh? Wufei: Okay okay, shuttin' up...geez... >and reaching for the carrot that Ryo-ohki was nibbling on. Asuka: So now he's hungry? Quatre: Shomehow, I doubt *hic* it...sheriously... Min-ohki(nodding): Miya miya miya!!!!! >Sasami looked up curiously and smiled at the thought of what >Tenchi was about to do. Asuka: So he's going to eat the carrot...big deal!! Quatre: Ash I shaid... P.Poet: OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wufei: So, you've recovered. P.Poet: THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW!!! HE'S GONNA... >Tenchi dusted off the carrot a bit, Others: What?! P.Poet: HE'S GONNA... >kneeled down in front of Sasami Others: WHAT?!!! P.Poet: HE'S GONNA... >and stuffed the carrot up in her pussy. P.Poet('-_-'): ...do just that... Others(@_@): ....... (Min-ohki drops her jaw and the carrot she was eating.) Asuka(whacks Poet): WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US ABOUT THIS EARLIER?!!!! P.Poet: I was trying to!! Asuka(>_<): EAAARRRRGGGHH!!!! HOW DISGUSTING CAN THIS GET?!!!! Wufei: I'm never going to eat carrots ever again... Quatre: Me to*hic*too...*gulp!* >Ryo-ohki gave a whelp of protest Min-ohki: Miya!!!!! Wufei: It's Ryo-ohki, not Min-ohki... >and ran to Sasami. She watched Sasami's pussy swallow the carrot Asuka: Carrot is for eating, NOT FOR USE AS SEX TOY!!!!!!!! P.Poet: I dunno...either Juraians don't use their mouths to eat carrots, or Tenchi's feeding Sasami the wrong way round... Wufei: What's next, then? Maybe a nice long cucumber, pickles perhaps, or a zucchini...? >and then jumped in after it. Quatre: Nope. They gonna ush *hic* a cabbit next...*GULP!!* Wufei: I have a really biiiiiiiiiiig mouth. Asuka: WHAT?! THE CABBIT DID WHAT?! P.Poet: HOLY SHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Raptor(->_<-): Please wake me up when all-a-this is over... Min-ohki: MIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.Poet: Once again, for those of you who do not speak cabbit, that was "WHAT IN THE HECK ARE THEY DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Thank you. Washu-chan: Excuse me while I run into the streets screaming... GYAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!! >Sasami squealed with delight. Asuka(deadpan): Oink, oink. P.Poet: She squealed with delight, Asuka. Asuka(still deadpan): Oink, hee, oink, hee. P.Poet: Okayyyy...... >Tenchi lifted Sasami and crawled under her, laying her on his >chest face-up. Tenchi stuffed his cock Quatre: ...A-DOODLE-DOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! *hic* Heeheehee...*gulp!* Asuka(staring at Quatre): Quatre, how many cans of beer have you finished? Quatre: I *hic* I *hic* I don't know...All I *hic* DO know ish that I don't have enough fingersh and toesh to count'em anymore *hic*...heeheehee... Asuka: Quatre, you're beginning to scare me... >up her tight, little asshole. Ryo-ohki crawled up farther into >Sasami's pussy in an effort to retrieve the stolen carrot. Min-ohki(shaking her head): Miyaaaa...... Wufei: This is so sick... Raptor: This is so stupid... P.Poet: This SUCKS!!!! BIG TIME!!!! How can anyone even begin to describe this ludicrous piece of writing?!!! Asuka(hands Poet a thick book): Here. P.Poet: What's this? Asuka: A dictionary. P.Poet(sarcastic): Haha, Asuka. Haha. >Ryo-ohki, realizing that it would be impossible to pull the >carrot out, sat and nibbled at the carrot. Ryo-ohki had to come >up for air every once in a while, this increased the friction in >Sasami's pussy. Min-ohki: MIYA-BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.Poet(uses dictionary to hit his head): This cannot be happening*WHAP!!*This cannot be happening*WHAP!!!*This cannot be happening*WHAP!!!!* Raptor: Hey, ya might wanta take it easy, Poet! P.Poet: How can I take it easy*WHAP!!!!!*when two of my favorite characters *WHAP!!!!!!*in 'Tenchi Muyo' are being degraded like this*WHAP!!!!!!* Quatre: And come to think of it, they're not even engaging in normal shex! Of all the shex actsh they had to do, it had to be the kookiesht and kinkiesht shtuff... *WHAP!!!!!!!!* P.Poet(*_*): So many stars I seeeeee...here and there and everywhere... Wufei: Uh, are you going to be alright, Poet? Poet? P.Poet(*_*): ...must be the American flag...OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEEEE......!!! >By this time Sasami was thoroughly enjoying herself. All: WAS NOT!!!! >Sasami's tight ass muscle loosened up slightly, as Sasami began >to relax. Tenchi began to move up and down and lifted Sasami in >an effort to get some friction on his dick. Asuka: Okay, so what happens when there's too much friction on his dick? Wufei: I dunno. What? Asuka: The goddamn thing's gonna burst into flames. Quatre: Looksh like he should've *hic* ushed shome kind of lubricant *hic* huh? Wufei, Raptor & P.Poet(very quietly): I am going to scream now. >Tenchi slowly increased the pace at which he pounded his meat into >Sasami. P.Poet(Tenchi): Let's see...I've already used my own dick, a large carrot and a cabbit...now what else can I use? Ah! A large slab of meat should do the trick! Others: SICK!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS SO SICK!!! P.Poet: Personally, I thought that was pretty funny. (Faces an onslaught of beer cans and carrots.) OW!! OW! OW! OWWWW!!!! EEEEEKK!!!!!! OWW!!! Asuka: NOW SHUT UP!!!! >At the same time Tenchi reached around to tease his lovers' clit Asuka: By calling it names. >. His other hand grabbed Sasami's tiny pink nipple on her left >side. P.Poet: HONK HONK!!! HONK HONK HONK!!!! Raptor: AAAAOOOOOOOOGAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Wufei: BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quatre: DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Min-ohki(0_0;): ...... Asuka(clenching her teeth): We do not need any more sound effects. It is already very stupid as it is. All the guys: Heh heh heh... >Sasami brought her right hand up to her breast and ran little >circles around her nipple with her index finger. Her other hand >moved down and reached between her legs. She continued down until >her hand met Tenchi's balls, P.Poet(Sasami's hand): Hello, Tenchi's balls!! Raptor(Tenchi's balls): Hello, Sasami's hand!! P.Poet(Sasami's hand): Whatcha doin', Tenchi's balls? Raptor(Tenchi's balls): Oh nothing much, just HANGING around with a dickhead and an asshole!! P.Poet & Raptor(simiultaneously): HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!! Min-ohki(pointing to Poet & Raptor): Miya miya? Asuka(a vein on her forehead): The less you understand about these PERVERTS, the better, Min-chan... P.Poet: Awww...c'mon Asuka-chan, where's your sense of humor? Raptor: Yeah!! Asuka: It took one look at you and went into hiding. All(except Poet): Hahahaha...... P.Poet(slaps his forehead): Ack!! I don't believe I fell for that one... >she then gave Tenchi's balls a light squeeze. Asuka: And incidentally caused them to burst. All the guys: ASUKA!!!! Asuka: Heh heh heh...how does it feel to be on the receiving end? P.Poet: Ducky, Asuka-chan. Just ducky... >Tenchi returned the favor by pinching Sasami's nipple and clit >between his thumb and index finger. Quatre: Either I'm really *hic* drunk, or *hic* or *hic* or Tenchi hash very very long fingers...*hic* Asuka(wide-eyed disbelief): Pinching her nipple and clit between his thumb and index finger...?! That's not possible, is it? P.Poet: This is stupid lemon. Anything can and will happen in stupid lemon, yes? Wufei(to readers): And you think YOU'VE seen it all... >By this time Ryo-ohki was almost done the carrot P.Poet(Beavis): Hey Butthead! Raptor(Butthead): Yeah Beavis? P.Poet(Beavis): How do you done the carrot? Raptor(Butthead): I dunno Beavis, but it sure sounds cool! P.Poet(Beavis): Yeah man! Let's done the carrot, man! Hur hur hur!!! Raptor(Butthead): Yeah! We're done-ing the carrot, man! Hur hur hur!!! Wufei: That was pointless. P.Poet(Beavis): Yeah man! That was pointless, man!!! Hur hur hur!!! Raptor(Butthead): Yeah! So totally pointlesss, man! Hur hur hur!!! Asuka(irritated): Knock it off!! P.Poet(Beavis): Yeah man! Let's knock it off, man!! Hur hur hur!!! Raptor(Butthead): Yeah! We're knocking it off, man!! Hur hur hur!!! *BONK BONK BONK BASH BASH BASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* Mashed up Poet & Raptor: *hur, hur, hurrrrhhh...* Asuka(wielding her mallet): Ahh...silence, is golden. >and tried to push the rest of the carrot out through Sasami's >vaginal opening. P.Poet(workman): COMIN' THROUGH!!!! MAKE WAY MAKE WAY!!!!!!! >This gave Sasami a jolt of pleasure Asuka: Like a cattle-prod to a cow. Raptor: Like a red hot iron poker on someone's butt. Wufei: Like frozen salmon being smacked on someone's face. P.Poet: Like a cabbit trying to push a half-eaten carrot out of a vaginal opening. Others(0_0;;;): ............. P.Poet: WHAT?! >and brought her close to climax. Sasami let Tenchi know this >by tugging spasmodically on Tenchi's balls, Asuka: And ripping them clean off. (All the guys turn bright green as the image sinks in.) Min-ohki: Miya? Asuka(smirking): Choke on that one, guys. Heh heh heh! >Tenchi began to hump faster and faster trying to bring Sasami >and himself over the verge of climax. It worked, both of them >moaned and shuddered as they reached their second climax P.Poet(notices Wufei staring hard at him): Why are you staring at me? Wufei: Just making sure that that mouth of yours doesn't shoot off UN-necessarily... >at the same. time. P.Poet: How. Nice. Asuka: Yeah. How. Nice. Wufei: Stop. Talking. Like. That. P.Poet & Asuka: You. Stop. It. Raptor: Hur. Hur. Hur. Quatre: *Hic*. *Hic*. *Hic*. Min-ohki: Mi. Ya. Bleh. Washu-chan(cynical): Ha. Ha. Ha. >Cum began to seep out of Sasami's ass, Wufei: Somebody turn off the tap... Quatre: Why don't they jusht ushe another carrot to shtuff the leak u*hic*up... Raptor: Quatre is one weird mother when he gets drunk... >Tenchi waited until he was limp before he withdrew from her ass. Raptor: When he was limp or when his DICK was limp? Asuka: I don't wanna know, Raptor. I don't wanna know... >Ryo-ohki had finally pushed the rest of the carrot out of Sasami's >pussy P.Poet(Moby Dick): THAR' SHE BLOWS!!!!!! Others: WHAT?! P.Poet: Never mind... >and began to nibble on it. Asuka: After where that carrot's been?! Ewwww...... Min-ohki: Miyack! Miyack! Miyack! P.Poet: Don't cabbits just say the cutest things? >Sasami looked over to Tenchi Asuka: And puked. >and lovingly whispered "I LOVE You Tenchi." All: Well, we don't. >End of Part 1 All: WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!! >Stay tuned for part 2 All: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >-coming soon All(huge relief): WHEW............!!!!!!!!! Washu-chan: I am happy to announce that the show is over, kiddies. Wufei: And none the sooner! Min-ohki(turning back into a cabbit): Miya! Asuka: Well-worth the nine-out-of-ten-yucks rating... Raptor: I'll give it ta ya plain and simple; that was some bad shhhhhh-it... Quatre: Bring on another f*hic* f*hic* f*hic* ff...fic!! I *hic* can take it *hic*! Asuka(cynical): Yeah, right Quatre... Wufei: Hey Poet! You alright? You haven't said a word since the lemon ended. P.Poet(Inferno): BURN PEDOPHILE! BURRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Others: Uh-oh... *** Mike Forever was strolling around the neighborhood park trying to garner some inspiration for his next sick lemon fanfic. Just as he passed by a small bush, a little blue cabbit hopped up to him... Min-ohki(with a box in paws): Miya! Mike Foreverstupid: Why, hello there you cute little devil! Min-ohki(offers the box): Miya miya!! Mike Foreversick(taking the box): Is that for me...how nice! (Min-ohki bounds away.) Mike Foreverdickhead: Hey wait!! Come back!! I can use you for my next fic!!!! (Looks at box.) I wonder who it's from...waitaminute! There's a note here: >"Dear" Mike Forever, >Your fic sucks. >Your idea for a fic sucks. >Lastly, but in no way the least, you suck. >Thank you. >From: The MST Avengers >P.S. By the time you have finished reading this note, the box >you are currently holding will... *KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* (From a safe distance, four Avengers view the magnificent explosion.) P.Poet(Inferno): YOU WILL BURRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Wufei: Don'tcha just love fireworks... Asuka(patting Min-ohki's head): Good work Min-chan! Min-ohki: Miya miya miya!!! *** (In the R&R room of The Ichiban Theater, a portal opens...) Raptor(to Poet emerging from portal): So, how did it go, Poet? P.Poet: It was sweet, I'll tell ya. We blew him clear into the sky! Washu-chan: Okay kiddies, we have an e-mail here from Purge Raizah. P.Poet(puzzled): How in the HELL did he escape my hunchbacks? Raptor: Ya think that he might've johnsonized his way out? (Everyone shudders.) Asuka: So what does the e-mail say? Washu-chan: Well, he says his fic has been MSTed for the fourth time by four different MST teams and that he gets the picture. Wufei: It took him FOUR MSTs of his fic to get the picture?!! How thick can his skull be?! Asuka: Apparently, very, very, very, VERY thick. Washu-chan: He says that he's going to take his fic off TMFFA! Asuka: ALRIGHT!!!!! Wufei: WOO-HOO!!!!!!! Raptor: YEEEEEEHAA!!!! P.Poet(thrusting his pelvis back and forth): YES!! YES!! CAN YA FEEL IT?!!! HUH?!!! HUH?!!!! HUH?!!! Others(0_0;;;;): ...... P.Poet: WHAT?! Washu-chan: He also says that we're not very funny, especially when Asuka hits you guys with her mallet. P.Poet: Hey! I happen to like Asuka hitting me with her mallet. Wufei & Raptor: Speak for yourself! Asuka: Well, I can tell you one thing; we don't need a third-rate lemon writer to tell us if we're funny or not. I think we're pretty funny anyway. Min-ohki: Mi-ya!! Washu-chan: I agree, Asuka. Others: Yeah... Wufei(looking around): Uh...guys, where's Quatre? (Raptor and Washu-chan look at one another.) Raptor(sweat-drops): Well er...right after youse guys left, Quatre started ta get a MAJOR hangover and wanted ta take some asprin... Washu-chan(sweatdrops also): ...but of all the things he had to take, he took my newly-perfected super carrot growth formula pills by mistake... Others: He did WHAT?!! *** Quatre(in one of Washu-chan's specimen tanks with carrots growing out of his ears): I have a BIIIIIIIIG *hic* headache... Min-ohki(with hearts in her eyes): Miya.........!!! ===========================================================================