AN MST OF "10-CHI CLAN "The Quickies"" BY THE PSYCHOMATIC POET WITH HELP AND JOKES FROM THE HUMAN LAUGH'O'METER: MINAKO DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING HERE DOES NOT BELONG TO ME SAVE FOR THE HUMOR, IF ANY. ================================================================================================= High above Earth's atmosphere, two Gundams lift off from two seperate space colonies and begin their descent towards Earth, the mostly green in color and fiercesome Gundam Nataku from Space Colony L5 and the deep blueish-purple and regal Gundam Sandrock from Space Colony L4. As both Gundams readied themselves for atmospheric re-entry, Quatre Raberba Winner's voice came onto the intercom, the Sandrock Gundam pilot sounding unnecessarily apprehensive. Quatre: So this Psychomatic Poet person tunes into your console late one night and invites you and me to watch a movie? Chang Wufei, the Chinese pilot of Gundam Nataku, was still holding back several pieces of information from his Arabian friend. The truth was that The Psychomatic Poet had cordially invited them both, to MST a lemon fanfic this evening at The Ichiban Theater. Not wanting to scare the pure and demure Quatre away before any MSTing could be done, Wufei had unceremoniously decided to keep quiet about the lemon details. Wufei: Uh-huh. Quatre: I find this very weird. Are you sure you're telling me everything? Wufei(panics): Uh...Zhen zhao gao('Oh dear' in Chinese)... Quatre(narrows his delicate eyebrows): Wufei... Wufei: Uh...Oh look! There's the theater! Sure enough, both Gundams had passed through the atmosphere unharmed and were now hovering directly above the theater. Wufei: Now if I can just find a parking space... Quatre: Uh...Wufei, what about over there? (Wufei looks over to where Quatre had pointed to and sees several huge colorful neon signs flashing "FREE PARKING SPACE FOR GUNDAMS!!! TONITE ONLY!!!") Wufei: I don't believe this... Quatre: Looks like your friend has made ample preparations for accommodating us. Wufei(sweat-drops): Looks like it. (As both Wufei and Quatre land their Gundams beside the theater and alight onto the pavement, a yellow cab pulls up from nowhere and screeches to a stop in front of the brightly lit theater. The door opens and out steps a cute little red-head in a baby-pink spaghetti-strap top and a milk-white mini-skirt. Wufei and Quatre nose-bleed uncontrollably.) Asuka(slams the door to the cab and blares): BAKA!!! Don't think I didn't see you leering at my legs, you hentai!!! (Wufei and Quatre sweat-drop.) Jamaican cab-driver(scrolls down the front window): Hey mann! You haven't paid me my fare yet! Asuka: Dream on! You used me for your perverted sexual fantasies and you still want me to pay!!! Tough!!! Jamaican cab-driver(throws his hands into the air): Arrgh!! Just mah luck meetin' ye! (The cab-driver curses loudly in his native tongue and drives off in a huff.) Asuka(stands on tiptoes and shakes her right fist): BAKA-HENTAIIII!!!!! (A strong gust of wind blows and lifts up Asuka's very short skirt which reveals her clean white panties. Wufei and Quatre's nose-bleeds worsen.) Wufei(holds his hand to his nose): Kleenex! I need Kleenex!!! Quatre(whips out a box of Kleenex from behind him): Here!!! (Asuka turns around and spies the Gundam pilots stuffing several pieces of tissue up their nostrils.) Asuka: And who are you two jokers supposed to be? Wufei(with Kleenex up his nose): What do you mean jokers!!!? I'll tell you who I am! I am justice! I am...huh? (Just then, a crackling portal opens up in the middle of the group and out steps THE PSYCHOMATIC POET!! [Dracula pipe organ music, please.]) P.Poet(as The Red Guy from 'Cow And Chicken'): Hellooooo! I'm so pleased to see that our little MST group is INTERACTING...so well! (The Poet observes Asuka's less-than-modest dressing and the Kleenex in Wufei and Quatre's nostrils.) P.Poet(sweat-drops): Very, very well... (Wufei catches The Poet's drift and begins to deny most vehemently...) Wufei(quickly removes the Kleenex from his nostrils): Oh no ho ho!! I...It's not what you think!! Errr... Quatre and I started fighting and we just punched each other on the nose at the same time!!! Yeah, that's it!! We punched each other on the nose! Honest!! Right, Quatre?(Elbows Quatre in the ribs.) Quatre: Ouch! Wufei, why did you elbow me in the... Wufei(glares at innocent little Quatre and hisses): Just nod and agree with me!! Quatre(nods like there was no tommorrow): Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!!! P.Poet(more sweat-drops): Yeah, right Wufei. And I'm the Queen Mother of England... Wufei: Freak accident!! I'm claiming freak accident!!!! (Calms down all of a sudden)And anyway, who are you supposed to be? P.Poet(produces a dashing smile): I am...THE PSYCHOMATIC POET!!! DEMON GOD OF DARKNESS(Everything goes dark)... Wufei, Quatre and Asuka: Hey! What gives!! P.Poet: AND ALL THAT IS WRONG WITH HUMANITY!!!!(The light comes back on to reveal a bunch of mis-shapen hunchbacks crowding around everyone and going "Duh duh duh!!!") Wufei, Quatre and Asuka: EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! P.Poet: And yes, I'm the one who has invited all of you here. Thank you for coming! Asuka(noticing the hunchbacks getting a tad too interested in her): Would you MIND calling off your freaks-of-nature first?! P.Poet: Certainly, certainly!! How forgetful of me! Ha ha! (As the Poet snaps his fingers, the hunchbacks disappear and the fluctuating portal closes as well.) Wufei: So you're The Psychomatic Poet, huh? P.Poet: Indeedy do. Asuka: I had expected someone freakier, but I guess you qualify for that category. P.Poet: Hey!! I detest that!! I AM a very freaky person. (Silence consumes the scene as everyone doesn't know what to say. The wind blows and a tumble-weed tumbles by. Long vertical lines descend on the group and everyone sweat-drops.) P.Poet: Okayyyy, why don't we start by introducing yourselves to each other and to the readers as well? Asuka: What readers? P.Poet(points to you): Those readers. Asuka: Oh! (The Poet's suggestion seems to break the ice as Wufei steps forward.) Wufei: I am Chang Wufei of Space Colony L5 and the pilot of Gundam Nataku!!! I AM JUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!(Giant images of Nataku in action looms up behind Wufei as he stands with his fists raised.) Asuka(whispers): What an ego! P.Poet(sighs): That's Wufei for you...(stops whispering) How's about you being next, Asuka-chan? Asuka: I will be next and don't call me 'Asuka-chan'! We've only just met! P.Poet(proceeds to get fresh with Asuka by putting his arm around her): All the more reason to cement our new-found friendship by calling you 'Asuka-chan' more often, Asuka-chan! (Asuka responds by taking off her right shoe and countinuously bashing The Poet's head with it.) P.Poet(trying to parry Asuka's shoe): Ow ow ow ow ow, hey, quit it, ow!! If you, ow, don't, ow, stop, I'm going to have to spank you! Say, that's not a bad idea at all...OW!!!! Asuka(puts back her shoe): That'll teach you to mess with me!!(Twirls around to face the readers and puts on her sweetest look possible.)Hiii!!! I'm the prettiest, smartest and not to mention, the cutest little red-head you'll ever get to meet in your pathetic, dysfunctional lives!!! The exclusive pilot of Eva-02, I am Asuka Soryu Langley!!!!(Images of Eva-02 in action looms up several times larger than Wufei's.) Wufei(whispers): What an ego! P.Poet(sighs): That's Asuka-chan for you... Asuka(eyes-a-twinkling): I was also invited here by The Psychomatic Poet as the best mecha pilot to ever grace the universe... P.Poet(with eyes as big as dish-plates): Oh boy... Wufei: What!!!! I thought you invited me as the best mecha pilot to ever grace the universe?!!! P.Poet: I can explain... Asuka: You? The best mecha pilot? Who, are you kidding? Wufei: Insolence!! You dare speak to the best mecha pilot in this manner, woman!! I am Chang Wufei!! I am JUSTICE!!!! Asuka(hands on her hips): You're mud, that's what you are! Mud spelt backwards, that is... Wufei: Ooooo, you wascawy woman!!! You're lucky that I don't fight with girls!! Asuka: Why? Because you're too scared that we'd kick your egotistical butt back to your little space colony and beyond? Wufei: By Nataku, woman!!!! I'll show you who's going to kick who's butt... P.Poet(steps between both parties): Now, now, there's always an amicable way to settle everything, just like Neville Chamberlain and Nazi Germany, Kofi Annan and Iraq and Bill Clinton and Kosovo... (shakes his head)what am I saying... Wufei and Asuka: Huh?! P.Poet: Never mind that. Okay, okay, I invited Asuka-chan as the best FEMALE mecha pilot to ever grace the universe and Wufei as the best MALE mecha pilot to ever grace the universe... is that fine with everyone? Asuka: Well... Wufei: I guess... P.Poet: Good! Now, we can proceed to the theater... (The Poet gets interrupted by sounds of someone crying. Everyone turns to look at the source of all the sobbing...) Quatre(with tears streaming down his face like Niagra Falls): >Sob< If Asuka is the best >sob< female mecha pilot and Wufei is the >sob< best male mecha pilot, then where does >sob< that leave me...>sniffle< >sniffle<...And I didn't even get to introduce myself... (The vertical lines and sweat-drops make yet another appearance...) Asuka: Oh brother...you can be the most sissified mecha pilot to ever grace the universe then... Quatre(looks up at the others with big watery eyes): >Sob< >sniffle<...WAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wufei and P.Poet: ASUKA!!!! Asuka: Geez! Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!! P.Poet: I'm sorry too, Quatre. I forgot all about you and your intro. Wufei: Yeah! If I'm the best male mecha pilot in the universe, than you have to be the most charming one. (Quatre stops crying and stares at the other three MSTers.) Quatre: >Sob<...really? Wufei and P.Poet: Uh-huh, uh-huh!! Quatre(turns to Asuka): Really? Asuka: Yes! Yes! Anything to stop you from staring at me with those sick puppy dog eyes of yours!!!! P.Poet: Now...why don't you intoduce yourself to our readers. Quatre(cheers up): O-okay... (Quatre shuffles nervously into the middle of the screen and puts his hands behind his back shyly.) Quatre: H-hello, I'm Qua-Quatre Raberba Winner from Space Colony L4. I-I-I'm also th-the pilot of Gundam Sandrock...(Quatre gushes like a little schoolgirl and runs out of the scene just as images of Sandrock in action appear behind him.) Asuka(whispers): What is he! A girl scout? Wufei and P.Poet(sigh AND shake their heads simultaneously): That's Quatre for you... (With everything in order[We seriously hope!!!], the four MSTers adjourn into the wide and spacious Ichiban Theater where they meet up with Washu-chan...) P.Poet: Everyone, this is(sucks in a big breath)...The Greatest Most Brilliant Scientific Genius in the Universe, Washu-chan!!! >Pant, pant< Washu-chan: You forgot to say 'cute', Poet. P.Poet: Uh, sorry 'bout that, Washu-chan! And she's cute too! Washu-chan(begins to tap her right foot): The whole thing, Poet... P.Poet: Aw c'mon, the whole thing? Washu-chan: The whole thing. P.Poet: Okay, the whole thing it is...(takes in another big breath)... EveryonethisisTheGreatestMostBrilliantAndCUTESTScientificGeniusintheUniverseWashu-chan!!! >Pant, wheeze, pant, WHEEZE, koff, koff< Washu-chan: Thank you, Poet!(Turns to the bewildered MSTers)Hiyeee!!! Quatre(whispers): What do we do? Asuka(whispers back): Just do what she does! Wufei, Asuka and Quatre: Ermmm...Hiyeee!!! P.Poet(gaining back his breath): Washu-chan will be our projectionist for tonight. She's also here to make sure that none of us runs out of the theater screaming in the middle of the lemon fanfic that we're going to MST. Asuka: Cool!! Quatre(tugs at Wufei's sleeve and asks innocently): Wufei, what's a lemon fanfic? Wufei(everyone stares at him turning red): Uh oh! Erm, uh, well, it's a, a...a thing where people, err, do things... Asuka(folds her arms): Oh, very enlightening, Wufei... P.Poet: You mean you didn't tell him? Wufei: How could I?! I mean, you try telling it to him!! (Takes and shoves Quatre's face into The Poet's own.) P.Poet(staring into a face of pure adolescent innocence): Uhhhhhh.........okay, okay!!! You're right! I can't bring myself to tell him!!!! Asuka: Oh, how hard can this be! I'll do it! (Asuka goes up to Quatre and covers her eyes with both her hands.) Asuka: A lemon is a fanfic that writes about established characters in any anime engaging in all sorts of sexual intercourse, either hentai or yaoi or both!!! (Brings down her hands and sees...) Wufei and P.Poet(with large waku-waku eyes staring at Asuka): No one, and I mean absolutely no one, could've explained that better than you!!! Quatre(face-faults as the concept sinks into his mind): Eeeeeeewwwwwww!!!! Washu-chan: If you're all quite finished, I have to get to projection room to prepare the fanfic for MSTing. P.Poet: Okey-doke. We'll be seeing you, Washu-chan! (Washu-chan floats up to the projection room in a hover-chair and leaves the MSTers to themselves...) Asuka: Well, let's get to our seats! P.Poet: Not just yet. Asuka: Why's that? P.Poet: We're waiting for another MSTer...and he should be here right about NOW!!! (Just as The Poet finishes his sentence, a pale blue hand erupts from the ground beneath Asuka and sends her jumping into The Poet's arms and Quatre into Wufei's.) Asuka: AAHHHH!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT?!!!!! P.Poet: That, Asuka-chan, is Lord Raptor! (The hand gropes around the carpet and a muffled voice is heard.) Lord Raptor: Hmmm...feels like carpet...I hope it isn't another women's changing room... (The radical zombie from Dark Stalkers slowly emerges from the ground. His punk mohawk pops out first, followed by his hollow, skeletal face and the rest of his body.) Lord Raptor(shakes the debris off his body): YEEOOOWWW!!! Subterranean travel rocks, bay-bee!!!(Hits the right side of his skull-head and several pebbles drop out from his left uh, ear. Erm, ear-hole. Errr...ARRGH!! Whatever the heck that was left of his ear!) P.Poet(in some sort of erotic ecstacy): Don't let this stop don't let this stop don't let this stop puh- lease don't let this stop...... Asuka(notices Poet's mumbling and realises that she is still glomped onto him): BAKAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUT ME DOWN YOU HENTAIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Pounds Poet with her delicate little fists as she screams soprano.) P.Poet: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow oooooooo...S&M ow ow ow ow ow ow!!!!!!!!!! Asuka(begins to throttle Poet's neck): PUT-ME-DOWN!!!!!! P.Poet(choking): 'kay!!(Grudgingly puts Asuka down.) Wufei: Quatre. Quatre: Yes? Wufei: Please get down. Quatre(realisation dawns): Oh, sorry!(Gets down from Wufei.) Lord Raptor(gives Poet a hi-five): How's it goin, Poet!!! Hur hur hur!!! P.Poet(receives Raptor's hi-five): Totally rockin', Raptor!!! Hur hur hur!!! Wufei(whispers to Quatre): They kinda remind me of two really annoying idiots, but I just can't quite figure out who... P.Poet: Everyone, this is Lord Raptor and as you can see, he is a vicious and bloodthirsty killer zombie.(Wufei, Asuka and Quatre cringes.)And Raptor, they are Chang Wufei, Asuka Soryu Langley and Quatre Raberba Winner. Lord Raptor(very enthusiastically): Hi guys! Pleased ta meet ya!!! Wufei and Quatre: Errr...hi Mr Raptor... Lord Raptor: My friends call me Raptor, my dinner calls me Mr Raptor... Wufei and Quatre(look at each other before returning back to Lord Raptor): Err...hi-five Raptor-man!!! Lord Raptor(returns the hi-five): Coolness!!!! Asuka(still fuming): So why'd you invite HIM as well! He's beginning to make the place smell funny... Lord Raptor and P.Poet(both of them look at each other, bring out two black Stratocasters from behind them and begin to engage in some serious head-banging): 'CAUSE WE'RE FELLOW HEAD-BANGERS, MAN!!!! WHITE ZOMBIE!!! METALLICA!!! RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE!!! AC/DC!!! YEAH!!! (The others look on in disbelief as the head-bangers begin to work into a few riffs of 'Enter Sandman'.) Washu-chan: HEY!! Cut the racket and get to your seats! The show's about to start and I'm arming the security systems! Lord Raptor and P.Poet(hiding the Stratocasters behind their backs): Yes Ma'am!!! Asuka: I wonder what she meant by arming the security systems...? (Distracted by the sounds of an argument, Asuka exits from her thoughts...) Quatre: I'm not going in there!! I don't want to watch a watermelon!!! P.Poet: Quatre, it's called a lemon... Quatre(starts towards the exit): I don't care!! I'm not watching one!!! (Not having completed three steps forward, Quatre finds himself surrounded by three figures...) P.Poet(darkened face): Looks like we'll have to... Lord Raptor(darkened face): ...tie him up... Wufei(darkened face):...and drag him in there with us... P.Poet, Lord Raptor and Wufei(break into malicious laughter): MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Quatre(shivering like a leaf): I-I'm-m n-not g-g-g-going...... Lord Raptor: Don't say we didn't warn ya...Get'im boys!!!! (Giant dust-clouds start to form as P.Poet, Lord Raptor and Wufei descend on Quatre.) Asuka(sweat-drops): Boys will always be boys... (After a short but good tussle, the dust-clouds settle...) Wufei(dusting off his hands): Now, that wasn't so bad, was it, Quatre? Lord Raptor(looks down at tied-up and gagged figure): That was easier than duping Sasquatch with a buncha' bananas, heh heh!! Quatre(standing among them): But I didn't get tied up... (Lord Raptor and Wufei stare at Quatre momentarily before staring at each other.) Wufei: If he isn't down there on the floor... Lord Raptor: ...and I'm standing here with you...that means... P.Poet(somehow manages to un-gag his mouth): PTOOEY!!! YUCKS!! EERGH!! YOU IDIOTS!!!! WHAT IN THE HECK DIDJA TIE ME UP FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREAKIN' HELL!!! JEEEZZZ!!! (Wufei bends down to The Poet.) P.Poet: HEY! WHAT IN THE FREAK ARE YA TRYIN' TO DO!!! OH NO YOU DON'T! YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT PUTTIN' THAT CLOTH BACK INTO MY MOUTH!!! HEY! HEY! (STUFF!!!^_^;) P.Poet: HRGHHFFMOFFMMFFT>>FWEEKIN<gag< wrong reel, wrong reel!! (The big giant 3-D purple dinosaur begins to giggle and prance about before Washu-chan stops the reel and the screen returns to normal.) Washu-chan(sheepish): Heh heh! Sorry about that. P.Poet(gasping for air): This had better not be one of your >GASP< infamous pranks. Washu-chan(innocently): What? L'il ol'me? P.Poet(viens a-throbbing): Just, just play the right reel this time... Washu-chan: Roger that! (Washu-chan replaces the reel quickly and flicks the holo-switch on again.) Lord Raptor(as Samuel L.Jackson in Jurassic Park): Hold on to ya butts! >Shinji All(except): Whew! She got the right one. Asuka(almost chokes): Hey! When did Shinji-kun ever write a lemon? P.Poet: Don't ask me, I'm just as whacked out as you are... >The 10 o'Clock Assassin, Asuka: The 10 o'Clock Assassin, my ass!! P.Poet: And what a cute ass that is! Asuka: Danke...hey wait-a-minute!(Realizes that she has just been zinged.)You're asking for a beer can in the mouth, buster. P.Poet: Uhhh...this is really good beer, huh guys... Asuka: Don't try to change the subject, you worm!!! P.Poet: Oh look! Something's coming up on the screen! >alias Purge Raizah Asuka: Now I know for sure that this baka is not Shinji... P.Poet: Whew... >Terror-Dack-Chill and Mobile Otaku Band. As well as >Temple Of Teal-Dressed Goddess, Rolento's Evil Mission, >Team Yagami, Izumi Maki Fanclub, and >Society To Prevent Cruelty To Shinji Ikari Wufei: I wonder what these organisations are? Lord Raptor: I dunno. >tyree3@pacbell.net >This is a rewrite of this fanfic. Thanks to Shade >and Spencer Trace for catching my mistakes. P.Poet(sips some beer): Must've been lots of them. >WARNING: This fanfic contains SEX! Quatre: Eeewwwwww! >Viewer's discretion is strongly advised. P.Poet: Hah! >Snort!!< >All the characters portrayed in this fanfic are 18 >years or older. All: So?!! >ALL OF THEM!!! All: SO??!! >Oh! And the "Lemon Commandment" of Incest has been >broken! P.Poet: Why that dirty lowdown stinkin'... Lord Raptor: Wufei, ya know those organisations ya asked me about? Wufei: Yeah? Lord Raptor: I think they're probably dedicated ta slayin' lousy lemon writers like 'Purge Last Night's Dinner Inta The Toilet' here. Wufei: Most definately. >The characters of Tenchi Muyo belong to AIC and >Pioneer. All(except Quatre): Duh!!! >* * * * * * * * * * * * P.Poet: Oooo!! Looky Asuka-chan! Stars! Asuka: Oh brother! > 10-CHI CLAN > "The Quickies" Asuka: I don't like the sound of that title... Quatre: Me neither... >* * * * * * * * * * * * P.Poet: Ooooo! More stars!!! Asuka: Shut up, Poet!! > It's morning. The sun beats down upon the Masaki >household as the alarm goes off in Tenchi's room. All(except Quatre, sings The Everly Brothers' song): Wake up, little Susie, wake up! >He opens his eyes and tries to focus them. P.Poet: I...can't see! >Then he rolls over Lord Raptor: Good doggie! >to find that he's not alone; Wufei: Dragnet music, please. >Ryoko's right next to him, waking and totally naked. Quatre(closes his eyes and covers them with his hands): Aaahhhhhhh!! She's naked!! Asuka: Get a grip, Quatre! She's just naked; they didn't even get started on anything yet! >Ryoko: Good morning, Tenchi. P.Poet: Saying 'ohayo' would be sexier... (Asuka punches him in the stomach.) P.Poet(gags): Pain! Asuka: Huh! Hentai! > [SHWING!!] Wufei: Whoa! Asuka: Ack! P.Poet(as Robin): Holy speedy erection, Batman! What should we do? Lord Raptor(as Batman): Tricky situation, Boy-Wonder! I think we should slice it off with the Bat-a-rang! Quatre: He's got a monster in his pants!!!! (All the other MSTers face-fault.) Asuka(to Wufei): Is he for real? Wufei: Oh he's real, alright...REAL innocent, that is... >Tenchi: Oh no, Ryoko! Not in the middle of the >morning! P.Poet: I've heard about 'the middle of the night', but this 'middle of the morning' thing is something new... >Ryoko: Yes, Tenchi. I want it... right... now... Quatre: Ermm, guys, what is it that she wants? (Everyone face-faults. Again.) Quatre: What?! Asuka: Oh nothing...she just wants to play 'Hide The Salami'... Quatre: Oh... (The other MSTers stare at Asuka.) P.Poet: Hide the salami...? Asuka: If you can do better, then DO IT!!! Wufei(screwy face): I'm never touching salami again... Lord Raptor: Why not 'Hide The Banana' I wonder... Wufei(very screwy face): I'm never touching bananas again... > Tenchi curses himself P.Poet(as Tenchi): I'M SUCH A BASTARD!!! ARRRRRRR!!!! DAMN ME!!!!! DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! Asuka: Stop doing that before you pass out on the floor, you idiot. P.Poet: Then you can give me mouth-to-mouth, eh? Asuka: No, Quatre'll do that... Quatre(smiling): I'm very good at first aid... P.Poet: AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! NO YAOI! NO YAOI!! Asuka: That should shut him up...(looks at her watch)... for about five seconds or so... >as he grabs Ryoko and slams his mighty Johnson into her. Quatre: Hrgh!!! Lord Raptor(as a commentator): Welcome back to Ani Wrestlin', sports fans!!! The top match tonight features 'Mighty Johnson' and 'Ryoko HA-KU-BI'!!!! And as you can see, sports fans, Mighty Johnson has just SLAMMED BAMMED inta Ryoko!!! A below-the-belt thrust!! WHERE'S THE REFEREE?!!!! P.Poet: I wonder why they call it a Johnson? Couldn't they call it a Tom or a Harry or a Purge Raizah or a... Wufei: Poet? P.Poet: Hmm? Wufei: That's disgusting. P.Poet: What's so disgusting? Wufei: Imagine calling yours a Purge Raizah... P.Poet(shudders): Ergh! Sorry. Quatre(to Asuka): I thought you said that they were going to play 'Hide The Salami'?!!!! Asuka: I did. Quatre: Then why did that person stick his-his-his... Wufei: You're starting to sound like a snake, Quatre. Quatre: His pe-pe-pe-pe... All(except Quatre): HIS PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quatre: Yeah! That's right! Why did he stick his thingy into her-her-her... All(except Quatre): HER PUSSY!!!!!! Quatre: Whatever!!! That isn't 'Hide The Salami'!!!!!!! Asuka: It is. Quatre: Then where's the salami?! Asuka(pointing to Tenchi's johnson): See that? Does it look like a hairy salami to you? Quatre: Yeah...no NO!!! Asuka: Ah-ha!! And isn't he hiding it inside her, hmmmmmm?!!!! Quatre: Ah, erm, ah... Wufei(whispers to Lord Raptor): I can't seem to tell who's beginning to get more and more hentai; Asuka or Poet? Lord Raptor(whispers back): I think they're both as hentai as the other... Wufei: Ahhh... >Never mind that, as soon as he's in, she's already lost >deep in hyperspace, Lord Raptor: Wow! Talk about technological wonders! Asuka: What? Lord Raptor: Forget everythin' bout all yer Gundams and Evas and what-the-hells cuz having sex can open up the portal ta hyperspace! P.Poet(a light-bulb appears above his head): How's about comin' with me to hyperspace, Asu... (Asuka sprays a fine mist of beer from her mouth and onto The Poet's face.) Asuka(turns back to the screen): No thank you. I'm allergic to space travel. P.Poet(face dripping with beer): I think I'll just sit here, shut up and think about how dumb I look... Asuka: Good idea. >he thought. He just wants to get her off and be done with >it... > [SPLURRRT!!] Quatre: Eeeeewwwww!!! P.Poet: Holy shit! Lord Raptor(turns to a shade of pale green): Orrg! Asuka: Bleah! I'm agreeing with Quatre on this one... Wufei: Huh! Me and Meiran can last much longer than... those...two? (Wufei finds the others staring at him with really big eyes.) Wufei(turning red): Er...erm...pretend that I didn't say anything... All(except Wufei, nod): Alrighty then... Quatre: Trowa, Heero and Duo should be interested in what you just said... Wufei(in shock): You couldn't!!! (Quatre breaks into a grin. ^_^) Wufei: You wouldn't!!!! (Quatre breaks into an even bigger grin. ^__^) Asuka, P.Poet and Lord Raptor: He could. He would. Wufei(heads in his hands): I'm doomed!!!!! Quatre: >Snicker!< > Tenchi grabs some clean clothes and leaves his >room. Ryoko's on the bed feeling as stoned as Mt. Everest >without the snow. P.Poet: That's it?! No story, no plot and OOCs aplenty!!! Asuka: Will you relax? You're going to burst a vein. And it's just only the beginning. P.Poet: That's exactly my point! >-=**=- > He goes into the nearest bathroom, but the door's >locked. Suddenly the door gets opened from the inside. >It's Aeka, the princess of Jurai, wearing only her >bathrobe. Lord Raptor: Oh boy. Wufei: We all know what's going to happen next... P.Poet: Duh!! Asuka: "Hide The Salami' time. Quatre: I can't bear to look!! Asuka: Wimp! >Aeka: Oh, my apologies. The other washroom >is still in repairs (from me and Ryoko fighting over >you). Your father said it was okay to... > [SHWING!!] Lord Raptor: Hoo-ha!!! P.Poet: Looks like he's been lifting weights with that thing, eh? > Too late! Tenchi pushes her back into the bathroom >and flings off her towel. P.Poet(as David Letterman): WHAT?!!! Asuka: Talk about rough fore-play... P.Poet: I'll be gentle with you, Asuka-chan...IF you want me to... >BONK!!!!!!!!< Asuka(setting the giant mallet behind her): That rough enough for you? P.Poet(with a big bump on his forehead): Ooooo...wittle boo birdies...fwyin' round me head...round 'n' round 'n' round... >He takes her by the thighs and slurps his tongue at >her soft petals. Quatre: Those aren't petals!!!!!! Asuka: Yes they are; only they aren't flower petals. >This is not exactly what Aeka wanted... Change that! >This is what Aeka wanted all morning! P.Poet: WHAT?!!! Asuka(very unhappy): This Purge guy seems to think that all girls have a very one track mind on sex... >Tenchi stuck his mighty Johnson P.Poet: Here we go again... >into the princess's most sacred love canal. Her majesty >was already gone. Her "Queen's English" has been reduced >to Latin, Wufei: Latin? Lord Raptor: Too much Ricky Martin these days. Wufei: Oh. >to Greek, Wufei: And this? Lord Raptor: I dunno...too much Yanni? Asuka: What's next, prehistoric grunts? >and finally to just prehistoric grunts. P.Poet(as a country bumpkin): Hooooo-weeee!!!! Well, I'll be dang-nabbed!!! Wufei: How DID you know... Lord Raptor: Youse watched this before? Asuka: Nope. Never. Quatre(innocently): Then that means you must've done it before... >BONK!!!!!!< Quatre(dazed): By the sands of Arabia...and the crescent moon...... Asuka(sets the same mallet down again): Any smart remarks from any of you and you get a mallet on the head, got it? P.Poet, Wufei and Lord Raptor: Got it... > [SPLURRRT!!] Asuka(groans): Not again! Quatre: I feel faint... Wufei: Must he do that so loudly?!!! Lord Raptor(turns to a shade of darker green this time): Gorrg!! > Sigh... Tenchi took his shower. Asuka: For he had stupidly 'splurtted' himself in the face. All the guys(shudder): Eargh!!! >Then he puts on his day clothes, P.Poet: On his johnson. Asuka: Poet!!! P.Poet: Sorry. I couldn't help myself... >being careful not to awaken her royal highness from >her royal high, and leaves the bathroom. >-=**=- > Tenchi then goes downstairs, and then realizes >not to make as much noise. Just then, a pair of >mechanical "grab-bots" appear from out of nowhere >and try to Lord Raptor: GRAB his JOHNSON!!!!! Asuka: RAPTOR!!!! P.Poet and Lord Raptor: Hahahahaha!!! >capture him. With squirrel-like speed and agility >Tenchi tries his best to defend himself from said >attacks. Lord Raptor: HEY!!! Anybody got NUTS?!! Quatre: What for? Lord Raptor: Ta feed the human squirrel over there, MAN!!! P.Poet: After doing it twice in one morning, he still can move with 'squirrel-like speed and agility'? I don't believe this... Wufei: Purge must've been 'INTERACTING' with squirrels way too long...catch my drift? Lord Raptor: Youse got that one right, China-man! (Wufei and Lord Raptor 'clink' beer cans.) >But they were too powerful for him to handle. P.Poet: Kill'em with your johnson, you wimp!!! COME ON!!!! Lord Raptor: Yeah! Spray'em wit'cha sticky stuff!!! What am I saying...? >And he then gets dragged into Washuu's lab producing >heavy protest. > Shackled to a table within a darkened room, >Tenchi soon catches a view of his kidnapper: Washuu, >sporting the "Ritsuko Akagi (tm)" look. P.Poet: WHAT?!!! Asuka: Hey, Washu-chan! You're in this lemon!! Washu-chan(looks up from her 'The Greatest Most Brilliant And Cutest Scientific Genius in the Universe Weekly' magazine): WHAT?!!! P.Poet: Wasn't that what I just said? >Washuu: I'm here to collect your sperm samples >again, Tenchi. > [SHWING!!] Wufei: He doesn't get tired, does he? P.Poet: Can you make a crow sing an aria? Wufei: Point taken. > Tenchi doesn't have a choice at this matter. >Washuu opens her nyloned legs wide to give him a >view (Everyone stares up at Washu-chan in horror.) Washu-chan(indigniant): That's not me!!!! Asuka: That's what you say... (The MSTers stare even harder.) Washu-chan(turns beet-root red): JUST WHAT ARE YOU INSINUIATING!!!!! >he'll never forget. P.Poet: This is one fic I'd like to forget in a hurry... >Then she frees his mighty Johnson from its cage P.Poet(as a tiger): RRRROOAAAAARRRRR!!!!! Lord Raptor: Whoa! Wild animal! Put it back inta the cage!! Put it back!! Quatre: If only Trowa was here; he'd whip that wild beast right back into its cage!!! Wufei: And Heero would self-destruct with it...BOOM!!! Johnson a la shreds... P.Poet: Hey hey hey!!! I don't want nightmares about exploding johnsons late at night, Wufei! Wufei: Oops!! Sorry. >and proceeds to submerse it into her tight pussy. Lord Raptor: It's goin' ta strangle Mister Johnson to death... P.Poet(wide-eyed): I never knew... Washu-chan: BUT THAT'S NOT ME!!!!! >STARE!!!!!0_0;< Washu-chan: WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE BELIEVE ME?!!!!! >Tenchi's cock doubles in size, Wufei(dully): Yee-ha. Lord Raptor(dully): Cow-a-bunga. >and Washuu uses every known trick in the Universal >Kama Sutra book to get him off. Asuka: Is there such a book? P.Poet: I think this writer got it mixed up with his dairy... Asuka: Check that. >His fuse goes short very quickly, and Washuu feels >it as well. (Everyone looks at Washu-chan.) Washu-chan(here-a-vein, there-a-vein): NO-I-DON'T- FEEL-IT!!!! >She pulls him out, grabs the bucket nearby, and >performs fellatio over it. Washu-chan(horrified): AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! > [SPLURRRT!! SPLURRT!!] Lord Raptor(turns bright green): >SNORK!!< Quatre: No more! No more! Asuka: I'm going to get sick... Wufei: Me too... P.Poet(waves his hands wildly): What is he trying to do?!! Put out a fire?!!! >Washuu: My-my, Tenchi. That's all you can give? All(including Washu-chan): WHAT?!!! Like that's not enough?!!! >Tenchi: I couldn't help it. Ryoko and Aeka got >to me first. P.Poet(sarcastic): Oh yeah, like, we need to be, y'know, totally reminded! >Washuu: Oh, damn my luck! Asuka: Better luck next time, eh, Washu-chan? Washu-chan? Washu-chan(mumbling psychotically): I'm going to kill him! Oh yes, kill him and strangle him and maim him and maul him and dissect him and lobotomize him to find crap in that peanut-sized brain of his and then I'll burn him and throw him to my Cee'non limpets and......mangle...... slash......HAHA...... P.Poet(very scared): We'd er, better not er, antangonize Washu-chan, huh? Asuka(also very scared): J-Ja! Wufei: You've got my vote... Quatre: G-Good idea! Lord Raptor: I-I don't think I wanna die a second time... Washu-chan: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! All(huddle together): MOMMYYYYYYY!!!!! >-=**=- > Despite his morning troubles Asuka: So now he thinks it's troublesome... >Tenchi manages to have some breakfast All(extremely relieved): Whew!! No Sasami lemon scenes!! >and be on his way to the city. Along the way he >almost passes the Miho-Kiyo residence only to realize >that he's suppose to pick up something from them. P.Poet(in disgust): How convenient...like the captain of The Titanic realised that he was supposed to sink it... >He knocks on their door... Lord Raptor: With his knuckles or his freakin' johnson? P.Poet: Raptor, that's a mystery that'll remain buried under tons of dust in the drawers of The X-Files... Wufei: X-Files theme, please!! >Kiyone: Who is it?! All(except Quatre): It's me, Johnson. >Tenchi: It's me, Tenchi! All(except Quatre): Damn!! >Mihoshi: Alright! It's Tenchi! Come on in! Asuka(as Mihoshi): Alright! It's Johnson! Wait here while I pour boiling water all over you! All the guys: Ouch! Hot stuff!!! > And he does what he says, only to find out >that the Miho-Kiyo duo are currently trying out >the latest in summer swimwear! > [SHWING ONCE MORE!!] Wufei(shrugs): Shwing once, shwing twice; who's counting? Lord Raptor(twanging his electric guitar): Old McDonald had a farm, ee-ii-ee-ii-oh; And on his farm he had a horny Tenchi, ee-ii- ee-ii-oh; With a shwing shwing here, and a shwing shwing there; Here-a-shwing, there-a-shwing, everywhere-a-shwing-shwing... Asuka: Very cute, Raptor, VERY cute... >Mihoshi: Wow! Whatta big Johnson you got there! >Kiyone: I guess we should do something about it. Asuka: Yeah, like, cut it off and fire it to the moon so that he can't use it anymore! P.Poet: Nightmare city, here I come... > A coin gets tossed. Mihoshi calls for heads. >The coin shows tails and Kiyone ends up giving him >head. Tenchi's trapped within the world of total >pleasure P.Poet(as Tenchi): AAAAHHHHH! I'M TRAPPED!!!! Lemme out, lemme out!!! >as she gives his mighty Johnson a tongue massage. Asuka: Just how do you give someone a tongue massage? P.Poet: Step one: Get a fiery red-head who's 14 years old, 3/4 German and 1/4 Japanese and preferably an Eva pilot. Step two: Get her naked and on a bed so that you can... >STOMP!!!< (Asuka stomps on The Poet's foot hard.) P.Poet(holding onto one foot and hopping up and down): Ow ow ow why'dja do that for?!! Asuka: That's for harrasing me!!! P.Poet(still hopping up and down): But I was just narrowing down the factors!!! Wufei: C'mon Poet, that woman just stepped on your leg. How painful can that be? >STOMP!!!< (Asuka stomps onto Wufei's foot very hard and now we have two idiots hopping up and down and saying "Ow ow ow ow ow!!!") > [SPLURRRT!!] > Kiyone's whole face was covered with his sticky, >white cum. Asuka: I'm not going to look at that. Uh-uh. Quatre: AHHHH!!! HER FACE!!!! Lord Raptor(turns extremely green): I think I'm about ta lose my lunchuurrrr... Wufei: Uh guys...I don't think Raptor's feeling too well...he looks kinda green... Asuka: He's a zombie. He's supposed to look green. Wufei(pointing to Lord Raptor): Not like that he's not... (Asuka, Quatre and Poet looks over at a very neon green Lord Raptor.) P.Poet: Hey, Raptor. You feelin' okay? Lord Raptor: Sure...no prob...don't you worry bout me, cause I'm the Raptor Man...oh man my stomach's churnin'... P.Poet: If you say so... >Kiyone: Mmmm... Delicious. All(except Quatre): NO FREAKIN' WAY!!!! >^_^ But I don't think we're done with you just yet. P.Poet(now back in his seat): He's going to die if this goes on any further. His johnson's going to explode. Quatre(covers his eyes with his hands): Tell me when all of this is over... > She then tells him to go over to Mihoshi, who >was already getting herself ready for the ultimate >in manhood. In no time he starts thrusting into her >like a piston. Wufei: It didn't explode, Poet. P.Poet(disgusted): So I stand corrected...sue me... >His actions cause the beautiful scatterbrain... to >actually start thinking rationally. All(except Quatre, pretend to cough): Bullshit, bullshit!! Asuka: So now sex can make you smart? Give me a break... or better yet, give Purge's bones a break. >Kiyone is puzzled by this, but her train of thought is >cut short Wufei: The Orient Express has just gotten derailed, I see? >as Tenchi returns the favor and gives her pussy Asuka(happily): Okay Quatre! You can watch now! Quatre(opens his eyes): Thank yo... >a full tongue massage. Quatre: AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Wufei, P.Poet and Lord Raptor: ASUKA!!! Stop scaring Quatre!!! Asuka: Heh heh heh!! >After making her explode P.Poet(shields his face with his hands): Watch out!! She's gonna BLOW!!!!! All: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! >like a firecracker All: Whew... >Tenchi leaves her gushing pussy P.Poet: Gush gush gush... >and slushes his Johnson Lord Raptor: Slush slush slush... Asuka: Will you all stuff it with the sound effects, thank you very much!!!!! P.Poet, Lord Raptor and Wufei: SLUSH SLUSH SLUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...... Asuka: Aaargghh!!! You perverts!!! P.Poet, Lord Raptor and Wufei: Heh heh heh heh heh!!! >between her large, heaving breasts. > [SPLURRRT ANOTHER TIME!!] Wufei: Wow! The surround sound system in this theatre is really good! I can hear the 'splurt' as if it was just beside me! P.Poet, Quatre and Asuka: You did... (Wufei turns to see what Asuka, Quatre and Poet was already looking at. Lord Raptor had just purged all of what he was worth onto the seat in front of him.) Wufei: Eargh! Lord Raptor: I don't feel so gooooooo......>BARF!!< P.Poet: Washu-chan!! Washu-chan(busy stuffing lobotomy tools into a small voodoo doll): Yes? P.Poet: Stop the reel for a minute... Lord Raptor: >BARF!!!!< P.Poet: Oh boy, someone's going to have a hard time cleaning that up...(simply points to the convulsing Lord Raptor.) Washu-chan: Ahhh, somebody doesn't have the stomach for very disgusting lemon scenes...(stops the reel) Okay!!! P.Poet: Thanks! (The MSTers move to the next aisle, bringing along the sickly Lord Raptor with them. Sitting back in the same sitting arrangement, The Poet gives the thumbs-up to Washu-chan.) P.Poet: Lights!! Camera!!! Washu-chan: And action! Wufei: You sure you're still up to it? Quatre: Yeah...you look kind of pale...even for a decomposed body. Lord Raptor(Mexican accent): Mucho gracias, Quatre, I feel SO much better now... > With the two ravishing ladies tonguing themselves >after a hot post-morning's orgy, Tenchi leaves their >apartment with the thing he neaded: P.Poet: Typo! Typo! Asuka: Stuff it, Poet. >a new tube of Bengay and a bottle of "Painkillahz." Lord Raptor: For his own consumption, or for his johnson's? Wufei: I don't think I want to debate on this one... >-=**=- > "My language is harsh! And coarse like the >sands of time! You will be STRUCK! With a tidal >wave of words!" Tenchi's at Tokyo University's >History 5 class watching a film about the Reformation, >where Martin Luther and his followers take a stand >against the spoiling of religion. P.Poet(as Martin Luther King): And I can see......The Promised Land! A place where crappy lemons and their crappy writers do not exist!! The Rest: Hear ye, hear ye!! > After class Tenchi's about to leave when he >hears a certain voice... All(except Quatre): HEY! JOHNSON!!! >Sakuya: Afternoon, Ten-chan. All(except Quatre): Damn!!! > [SHWING!!] P.Poet(very pissed): She just said 'afternoon', fool. She did not hitch her skirt up and asked you to screw her. There is no need for you to 'SHWING'. Asuka: >Groan!< He'll 'shwing' to just about anything... Wufei(disgusted): Yeah...we could read out addresses from a telephone book and see him explode in ecstacy... >Tenchi: AAACK!! Hi... Sakuya... >Sakuya: (Comes over towards him.) Isn't it amazing! >The past can be so cool once you take the opportu... >(Notices his painful hard-on.) Asuka: And kicks him really hard in the johnson. POW! All the guys: Ouchie!!!! >Tenchi... Let's go... ^_^; > Sakuya takes Tenchi to the nearby cheap motel Asuka(in disgust): How romantic! BLEAH!! >where she removes her panties from under her ravishingly >short skirt. She leans on the wall as Tenchi, overdriven >with lust, "Johnsonizes" her as well. P.Poet(whacks his forehead): Oh great!! Now, you can 'johnsonize' people as well!!! Just how stupid can this get?!!! Lord Raptor: I have no idea how this punk coins his own terms, but I have a piece-a-advice for him; DON'T!! >Sakuya screams with pain as well as estacy, P.Poet: We have another TYPO!!!!! Where the Hell did this guy learn how to spell? Wufei: 'The School Of Shithead Johnsonizers' would be a good bet... >since she's not used to the immence P.Poet: Hello there Mr Typo! I see you! Asuka: All I see is a big nut... >"banging" like Tenchi's alien girlfriends were. But >she loves him SO much that she allows him to do anything >he wants to her, knowing that his mighty Johnson can get >both of them off. > [SPLURRRT!!] Asuka: ARGH! Can't he stop splurting?! It's starting to really get on my nerves!! Wufei: You mean to say that it wasn't already annoying from the beginning... Lord Raptor: I can take this! I can take this! I can take this! > Afther P.Poet: And... The Rest: We know, we know; he has another typo... P.Poet(glumly): Thank you very much... >about an hour of this, Tenchi and Sakuya left the motel >promising to meet (and screw) again. All: >GROAN!!!< >-=**=- > Maybe the rest of the day will... Aw, screw it! Wufei: Well, he's been doing just that from the very moment he woke up... >Tenchi thought as a Ryo-Ohki-style spaceship hovers >over his head. He tries to run, Asuka: Run! Run like the wind and never look back! >but he's immediately captured by the ship's tractor >beam. Wufei: He just had to stop and screw the roses... > Tenchi's soon shackled (Again?) to a cross in >the center of a dark room where infamous bounty hunter >Nagi conjures up a way of using him as bait for Ryoko. >For some reason she has the heat up too high. P.Poet(really sarcastic): Oh yeah......for 'some' reason, she has the freaking heat up too freaking high... >So she decides to remove her black cloak. She ends >up revealing to poor Tenchi her ravashingly P.Poet: I spy with my little eye... Asuka: Give it a break, Poet... >slender body wearing a see-through fabric nightgown. Asuka: Oh for crying out loud!! She's supposed to be an inter-galactic bounty hunter, not an inter- galactic hooker!! The Rest: Hear, hear!! > [SHWING!!] > Nagi smirks at the large bulge in his pants, >deciding to have a little fun. She strikes down >upon her prey like an eagle Wufei: Yes!! Finally, finally someone had the guts to whack his johnson in!! >and shoves his painfully mighty Johnson into her. Wufei(as David Letterman): WHAT!!! Asuka: You guessed wrong, Einstein... >She manages to get it all in despite the immence Asuka: Aren't you going to say anything? P.Poet: Why? Oh! Thanks for reminding me! TYPO!!!! Asuka: Ack!! I just zinged myself!!! >pain caused from such manhood as his. P.Poet(passes around ear-plugs): Ear-plugs? The Rest: Check! >But it looks like it's Tenchi's turn to be lost >in hyperspace. P.Poet: Now! (Everyone stuffs the ear-plugs into their ears and close their eyes.) > [SPLURRRT...!!] (Everyone removes the ear-plugs and re-open their eyes simultaneously.) Lord Raptor: Whew! That, was a close one! Asuka: You can say that again! Lord Raptor: Whew! That, was a close one! Asuka(rolls her eyes upwards): Zombies! > Nagi has succeeded in making him explode >into her. She allows herself to have an orgasm >in front of him, to hear her cum P.Poet: She sounds like a moose in heat... (The other MSTers all stare at Poet.) P.Poet: What?! (The other MSTers continue to stare at Poet.) P.Poet: DOESN'T IT?!! >as she drenches his mighty Johnson, mixing her >liquid with his... Wufei(winces): Suddenly, I don't feel like opening my mouth to drink my beer... P.Poet: Me too... Lord Raptor: Me three... Asuka: Me four... >Mitsuki: FREEZE!! You are under arrest! Come >out with your hands out, NOW!! P.Poet: I've heard of 'come out with your hands UP', but 'come out with your hands out'...? Asuka: It definately sounds stupid. Lord Raptor: At least it's better than 'come out with your johnson out'... > It's Mitsuki in her Galaxy Police ship. It >seems that Nagi has spent too much time in the "No >Spaceship Docking Zone." Lord Raptor: More like the "No Spaceship Fucking Zone". >Nagi: Damn...! >-=**=- >Mitsuki: Are you alright? P.Poet: He's been 'johnsonizing' people for the whole freaking day with his freaking little pal of a johnson; what do you think?! >Tenchi: I'm not sure. I've been having sex with >women all day. All(except Quatre): DUH!!! >Mitsuki: Tell ya what: Take a little rest. Lay >on my bed for a while. Okay? >Tenchi: Why, thanks Mitsuki. (She's not really >as mean as Kiyone said she is.) > While Tenchi slept Mitsuki takes the opportunity >to try out those neat street clothing she's got from >Mihoshi. Apparently she's making a bit too much noise. Lord Raptor: How much noise can ya make from trying out clothes, huh? Wufei: Just as long as it doesn't sound like a moose in heat... >Tenchi wakes up to see what the commotion's all >about, just to be greeted by a very sexy-looking >Mitsuki, exposing her light-blue underwear whilst >she was putting on her leggings. > [SHWING*2!!!] P.Poet: Jeez! This guy has a more powerful mojo than Austin Powers!! Lord Raptor(as Austin Powers): Yeah, baby, YEAH!! My mojo!! Asuka: That's disgusting! Lord Raptor: Heh heh! Sorry! >Mitsuki: Oh no. Guess I was too much stimulation >for you there, huh? >Tenchi: Mitsuki... Help me... >Mitsuki: Alright, alright. Here you go, kid. Asuka: This is so stupid... > Tenchi viciously stabs his might P.Poet: Sh! I see something! Asuka: What?! What?! P.Poet: A typo! Asuka: You're hopeless! >Johnson into the depths of her sex canal. But after >a while he notices that the expression on her face >didn't change. P.Poet: Can it be true? Can it be that he's weakening? Wufei: Don't get your hopes too high up, Poet... >Tenchi: Uh... Mitsuki. You're... not... >Mitsuki: Oh, me? I do this all the time. This is >how I rise through the police ranks. And besides, >I earn some pocket change that way. So, screw to >your heart's content. > "Screw" was the word that immediately set him >off. His manhood continuously plunges into her like >a raging demon. Lord Raptor: Somehow, this phrase reminds me of someone from 'Devilman Lady'... The Rest: I don't wanna know... >Her power universal is so good; it's bringing him to >the brink of eruption. Quatre: Shouldn't we get ready? P.Poet: Oh! Thanks for reminding me, Quatre. Okay guys, one for the money... >Mitsuki, after years of Asuka: Two for the show... >her pussy being plunged into, Lord Raptor: Three to get going... >finds herself moaning louder... Wufei: And GO GO GO!!! (STUFF!!!>_ [SPLURRRRTT!!!] (After a while, everyone opens an eye to look around. >_0? ) All(un-plugging their ears): It's over... >Mitsuki: (How can this be? I've had dicks as big >as these before... But obviously this guy knows how >to fuck a lady. Wufei: With all due respect madame; YOU are no lady! >I should do more Jurai-blooded Earthlings from now >on!) P.Poet: No, you should start earning your pocket money by some other ways before you contract a horrible disease called syphilis. Lord Raptor: Or gonorrhea. Wufei: Or AIDS. Asuka: Will you all stop that!! >Tenchi: Mitsuki... I have to go... P.Poet(as Tenchi): I have to go and 'johnsonize' myself. The Rest(shudder): Eearghh!! >Mitsuki: Go? And why's that? >Tenchi: My friends are worried about me at home. Lord Raptor: No, they're worried bout yer johnson. >Mitsuki: Oh. I'm sorry... I just need you to >help fill out this Incident Report, please. >Tenchi: *_*; It doesn't change, does it? >-=**=- > Tenchi finally makes it back to the Masaki >household, but Mayuka runs him over trying to greet >him at the door. >Mayuka: Daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! I'm so glad >that daddy's back!! Lord Raptor: Daddy? Say, do ya remember that Purge-ass said something about the incest commandmant being broken? P.Poet: Yeah, what about it? Lord Raptor: Does the phrase 'daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy' mean anythin' to ya people? P.Poet(in shock): No way!! You mean...!! Asuka(points to Mayuka): Not with her!!! Wufei: Kisama!! Quatre: Not incest!! No!!! For the love of Venus, noooo!!! >Tenchi: Ouch... Mayuka. You weigh a ton! >Mayuka: Did you bring me anything, daddydaddydaddy >daddydaddy?! >Tenchi: [That Mayuka is so cute... AAAARGH!! >I'M NO PEDOPHILE!!] All: YOU'D BETTER NOT BE!!!!!!!! > Uh... No, I didn't. Sorry. >Mayuka: Awww... Well, that's okay! Daddy can >give me something else! Right, daddydaddydaddydaddy >daddy?!! ^0^ > [SHWING!! AAAAAHH!! NOT WITH HER!!] All: OH NO!!!!!!! P.Poet: I THOUGHT HE SAID THAT EVERYONE WAS ABOVE 18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FREAKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >Mayuka: Oh, what a big thing you got between >your legs, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! [Massages >her hand over the bulge in his pants.] All: NO NO!!!!!!!!!!! >Tenchi: [The better to fuck your...] AAAARGH!! >No, Mayuka! I can't... Aw, fuck it! All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > Tenchi's animalistic urges take over once >again. He frees his mighty Johnson and pounds >the living daylights out of his own blood relative. P.Poet(enveloped in a dark blue aura of 'ki'): YOU INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE!!!!!!! Asuka: THE PERVERT!!!!! OH, OH, I JUST CAN'T LOOK!!!! Wufei: BU KE YIIIII!!!!!!(Chinese for "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!!!!") Lord Raptor: CREEPIN' HELL!!!!!! Quatre: SAVE THE LITTLE GIRL!!! SOMEBODY SAVE THE LITTLE GIRL!!!!! >Mayuka howls outworldishly as she feels herself get >banged and filled and violated repeatedly for minutes >on end... > [SPLURRRTT!!] All: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > An uncontrollable shockwave hits Tenchi as he >empties his seed into her. And he keeps on filling >her; he's unable to stop his torrent of semen squirting >from out of his manhood. It ends up spilling from >out of the lucious daughter's pussy and onto the >floor. All: STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!! Lord Raptor: Madness!! This is madness!!!! >Mayuka: Oooooohhh... That was the greatest, daddy >daddydaddydaddydaddy!! Let's do this again and again >and again and again, forever and ever and ever, daddy >daddydaddydaddydaddy!! Asuka: That, was the single, most disgusting, vile, foul and peverted lemon scene I have ever SEEN!!!!!!! Wufei: I AM JUSTICE!!!! AND I WILL ANNIHILATE THE LIKES OF THESE HENTAI SCUM WITH MY FURY!!!! P.Poet(EXTREMELY PISSED-OFF): WHY DON'TCHA GO FRIGGIN' SCREW YER OWN MOTHER, PUNK!!!! Lord Raptor(shaking his head): I feel sorry for any children that this writer has or is going to have... Quatre(looks half-demented): >SobTenchi: I'm going to hell for this... I just know >I'm going to hell for this... All: YA DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!! >-=**=- > After a good dinner, Tenchi decides to hit the >bed early. P.Poet: Does he have no conscience?! Did he just forget what he just did!! Lord Raptor: So what if there ain't any Sasami lemon scenes...what's the difference? Asuka: It's all just as perverted. >He knew it's going to be one of those days again >tomorrow: The fighting, the explosions, the swift >mood changes, the havoc, the drama, and ultimately P.Poet: The 'johnsonizing'...aw man, I don't feel funny no more... Wufei: We know how you feel, Poet, we know... >the fucking. This is terrible. He wished he'd >never freed the demon, Ryoko, from her prison. Asuka: I wonder which idiot freed Purge from HIS prison... > Just then, a soft light appears in the middle >of the room. Tenchi gets up to see what it is, >thinking it's probably Ryoko or Washuu trying to >get another fuck from him. All(except Quatre): DREAM THE FREAK ON!!!!!!!!!!!! >But then, it turns out to be the High Goddess of >Jurai Tsunami; P.Poet: Hey, what's she doing here? >wearing the Juraian ceremonial robe, a weak smile >on her face, and nothing else. Wufei: You know her? P.Poet: I'm The Demon God Of Darkness And All That Is Wrong With Humanity; of course I know The Great Juraian Tree Goddess Tsunami!!! Asuka: Do you gods and goddesses give yourselves your own titles or did they just fall out from the sky, hmmm? P.Poet(left eyebrow twitching): Never mind that! >Tsunami: Well, Lord Tenchi. It seems that it was >a busy day for you. >Tenchi: Well... heh. The only complaint is that >it's taking it's toll on me. I can't keep doing >this forever, you know. Wufei: You have to be joking... P.Poet: By the looks of it, your stupid johnson will outlive even the apocalypse... >Tsunami: But you have drunk the water from the >tree of life, Tenchi Masaki. You will be able to >last for centuries. Lord Raptor: Him or his freaking johnson? >There is no need for you to worry about that. >Tenchi: You've got to excuse me, Miss Tsunami. >All I want right now is sleep, pure unadulterated >sleep. >Tsunami: Then let me send you to dreamland, Lord >Tenchi. Asuka: Hit him over the head with a mallet! Go on! That'll send him to dreamland in no time at all. > And with that, the High Goddess of Jurai flings >off her robe to reveal... A Juraian summer string >bikini swimsuit! Lord Raptor: Yikes!!! P.Poet(clawing his own face): NOOOOO!!!! NOT NOW!!!! NOT HER!!!! NOT HERE!!!!! ARRRGHHHH!!!! Wufei: Someone give him a sedative before he starts clawing us as well... >BONK!!!!!!< Quatre: Poet!!! Are you alright?!!! P.Poet(looking like one of his deformed hunchbacks): Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................ Asuka(smiling): All you had to do was ask. Wufei: I was only joking, woman... > [SSSSHHHWWWWIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!] >Tenchi: .......... Let's eat... All(showing their middle fingers at the screen[Yes people, even Quatre; so you can all close your jaws now.]): EAT THIS, YOU INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE!!!!!!!! > Tenchi takes the high priestess by the waist >and kisses her in the mouth. He moves her bikini >aside and starts slamming her with his mighty*2 >Johnson. Quatre: What does 'mighty*2' mean? P.Poet: Between you and me, Quatre; I don't have the slightest idea what that shit means. Lord Raptor: What did I tell him bout comin' up wit his own terms!!! I tell him ta stop and what does the idiot do? He goes and comes up with 'mighty*2'!!!! JEEEZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!! >It ends up being more than she can handle, but is >too lost into the fusion of pain and pleasure to >tell him to stop. Asuka: If I ever get my hands on him; IT'LL BE ALL PAIN AND NO PLEASURE!!!!!! P.Poet(murmuring to himself): Under normal circumstances, I'd be saying something about what she just said, but somehow, somehow, I know that I'll get mashed with four mallets if I did... >Tenchi's animalistic behavior pounds away at >Tsunami's soft turquoise-haired palace as she >releases a "tsunami" of primordialjuices onto >his shaft, balls, and legs. Wufei: Ughh!! Get that away from me!!! Get that away!!! Quatre: Why are you so scared, Wufei? Isn't that normal for you and Meiran? Wufei(out pops a vein): THAT'S NOT FUNNY QUATRE!!! Quatre: Then why are they laughing? (Points to the chuckling MSTers.) Wufei: AHHHHH!! Wo so bu liao le!!!!(Chinese for "AHHHHH!! I can't stand it anymore!!!!") >He feels it coming, P.Poet: ...The Grim Reaper, coming to collect his johnson's soul! Lord Raptor(as Tenchi): Oh nooooo!!!!! Not my johnson!!!! Anything but my johnson!!!! >and he removes himself from her gates Asuka: Of Hell! >as he rolls her over and prepares to unleash his >furry all over her supreme goddess busoms. P.Poet: Before we stuff up our ears, I have something to say. The Rest: What? P.Poet: HE'S GOT ANOTHER TYPO!!!!! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! (And quickly stuffs his ears.) The Rest: YOU CRAZY FOOL!!!!! Quatre: Hurry!!!! He's going to... > [SSSSPPLLLUUURRRRTTTT!!!!!!] The Rest: AAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! POET!!!!!!! > Tenchi's mighty*2 Johnson fires blast after >blast of jizz all over Tsunami's face, hair, and >breasts. P.Poet: Face, hair AND breasts...note that there should not be a comma... Wufei: It's finally happened, he's gone mad!! Lord Raptor: Nuts!! Asuka: Kaputz!! Quatre: Bonkers!! P.Poet: Typos of the world BEWARE!!!! For I am... TYPO-MAN!!!!!!(Laughs like Earthworm Jim.) AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! EAT CORRECTION FLUID!!!!! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Wufei: Quick!! Hit him over the head with the mallet!!! HARD!!! Asuka: You're not joking this time? Wufei: HECK NO, WOMAN!!! Asuka: You said it!!! >BONK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!< P.Poet(*_*): Heyyyyyy......the flying cows are laughing at me...... Asuka: Did it work? Did it work? Wufei: I don't know. Quatre: Is he going to be alright? He's beginning to hallucinate... P.Poet(*_*): ...Quatre is SO pretty...hee hee hee...... Lord Raptor: Hey man! Don't go psychedelic on me!! >She grabs his Johnson and slurps the rest of his >stickiness from his member. Asuka(hands a can of Yebisu to Wufei): Here! Splash some cold beer on him!! Wufei(takes the can of Yebisu from Asuka): Wakey wakey, Poet! >SPLASH!!!!< P.Poet: Who! Huh! What! Where! The Rest(greatly relieved): Whew! P.Poet: Wha happened? Wha happened?! Lord Raptor: We'll tell you about it some other time... >-=**=- > He's now in his dreamscape. Lord Raptor(screws up his brows): This is, The Twilight Zone. Wufei: Twilight Zone theme, please! Lord Raptor: Be horrified, as we take you on a trip into...TENCHI'S FANTASIES!!!! The Rest: AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! >He's laying back on a tree at the school park, P.Poet: I hope he's not going to johnsonize the tree. Asuka: Poet!! P.Poet: Sorry. Asuka: Yes, you should be! Think about the poor tree if he did!! >waiting for his mother. And here she comes, >wearing that lovely Japanese school outfit Wufei: I smell whiffs of Lolita Syndrome wafting about... Lord Raptor: Heh! For a minute there, I thought it was me. (Everbody else face-faults.) >and her hair in a long ponytail. It's Achika. >Tenchi: Oh mom! I'm so glad I can see you >again! >Achika: (Gives him a hug.) Tenchi, my son. >I'm so proud of you. You're growing up to be >a healthy boy. Asuka: Yeesh!! Not to mention that he also has a very healthy and active sex life. P.Poet: Now I feel kinda jealous...I don't even have a life of any kind. >Tenchi: Mom. My life is so messed up now. >I'm having sex with all these alien girls. And >I can't seem to stop myself. Wufei: No...it's your johnson you can't seem to stop. Quatre: Maybe he should go cold-turkey... Asuka(as Siegmund Freud): Und zyou are azzicted to sex, zyou say? Very inzerestzing! >Achika: And they can't seem to stop you either? >Tenchi: They don't wanna stop me! I mean... >What if I were to suddenly end up banging Sasami? P.Poet: If you do, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS YOU FREAKING SHIT-HEAD!!!! Quatre: Yeah! And-and I'll pilot Sandrock and p-pound you in-into the ground! (Everyone turns to stare at Quatre.) Quatre: Di-Did I do something wrong again? Asuka: You know what, Quatre? Quatre: N-no, what? Asuka: That was the most agreeable thing you've said for the whole of this evening. Quatre: T-thanks! >Achika: I believe it's been taken care of. The >author of this fanfic may be a pervert, but he's >not that sick. All: OH YES HE IS!! OH YES HE IS!!! Wufei: He... Quatre: ...is a... P.Poet: ...sick... Lord Raptor: ...to the core... Asuka: ...PERVERT!!!!! >Tenchi: But I just did Mayuka! Asuka(as Tweety Bird): Ooooo...he did, he did! He did just do Mayuka!!! Bad putty cat!! Bad!!! >Achika: I believe he was using the Mayuka from >our second Tenchi Muyo movie. Lord Raptor: So?!!! Pedophiles are pedophiles! Shit is shit! No matter now you package it, shit is still shit!! P.Poet: She's kidding me!!! Her son has just told her that he raped a young girl and she doesn't think it's wrong?!!! What kind of mother is she?!! Asuka: Bad mommy cat!! Bad!!! >Tenchi: This is nuts! P.Poet: You tell me!! >I'm turning into a sadistic pervert just like >my dad! Wufei: You know what they say; like father, like son. >Achika: Tenchi dear... Your dad's not a sadistic >pervert. P.Poet: What do you mean that Noboyuki isn't a pervert?! Asuka: Bad daddy cat! Bad!!! P.Poet(murmuring to himself): I really have this sudden impulse to kiss Asuka for being so gosh-darn cute... > Tenchi's dad, young Nobuyuki, is in his room, >butt-nekkid Asuka: If you say the word 'typo' one more time, you're going to get a swift 'bonk' on the head with the mallet. P.Poet: Okay! Asuka: Good. P.Poet: TYPING MISTAKE!!!! The Rest: SHUT UP!!!!!! >and totally evaporated Lord Raptor: Oh man! He's turnin' inta a gas. Wufei: Yeah. Hentai gas with a capital 'h'. >from having way too much sex with Achika. P.Poet: Oh no!!! Asuka: What now? P.Poet: Call me kooky, call me crazy, but I have a very bad feeling that this is going to be another... >Achika: I AM!! [Flings up her skirt to give her >future son a good long look.] P.Poet: ...INCEST SCENE!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!! > [SSSSHHHWWWWIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!] All: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! >Tenchi: MOOOOOM!!! I....!! Can't.... >Oh, forget it! > Tenchi grabs his future mother and leans her >back to the tree. He then frees his mighty*3 Johnson >and slides it into her pussy, which is wet like the >Pacific Ocean and flowing with girlcum like the Nile >River. P.Poet(frothing at the mouth and spouting gibberish): Hamana hamana hamana hamana hamana...... Quatre: NOT HIS OWN MOTHER!!!!!! PERVERSION!!! PERVERSION I SAY!!!! Lord Raptor: GARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! >KLUNK!!!!< (His jaw falls off and lands onto the floor.) Asuka: NIEN!!! NIEN NIEN NIEN NIEN NIEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wufei: SAVE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE NATAKU!!! SAVE ME!!!!! >He bangs his own mother continuously and mercilessly, >all sence P.Poet: ...hamana hamana another typo hamana hamana hamana... >and logic past the point of no return. Asuka: QUICK!!! THE EAR-PLUGS!!!! >Achika's currently holding on for dear life, >screaming out her son's name as he gets ready >to ignite once again. > [SSSSPPLLLUUURRRRTTTT!!!!!!] All(;>_<;): We didn't hear that! We didn't hear that! Lord Raptor: I feel sorry for Purge's mother... Quatre(looking totally demented): HA HA!! HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! The Rest(@_@;;;?): Q-Quatre? Quatre: MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I MUST DESTROY EVERYTHING!!!! Wufei: Oh no...not again... P.Poet: Quatre! Do you know what you're saying?! Quatre: Of course!! I will take Sandrock with me and destroy the universe!! Only then can I be sure that all these perverted lemon writers will be annihilated and obliterated!!! Asuka: You're beginning to scare me, Quatre! Quatre(gets up from his seat): COME SANDROCK!!!! Wufei: Grab him!! (Quatre struggles to get to the exit with Poet, Asuka, Wufei and Lord Raptor all lugging onto his limbs.) Quatre: Hur!! Let go of me! I have a mission to complete! P.Poet: Oh no you don't! Quatre: Oh yes I do!! Wufei: Snap out of it Quatre!! This isn't "Gundam Wing"!!! Quatre: I don't care!!! I have a universe to destroy!! Asuka: What do we do?! P.Poet: You're the one with the mallet; what do you think?! Asuka: You guys hold onto him while I get it! Quatre: Quit biting me, you zombie!!! Ouch! Lord Raptor: Blargh!! Chomp!!! Quatre: EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! P.Poet(calls out to Asuka): Bonk him before Raptor really gets hungry!!! Asuka: Here we go!! >BONK!!!!!!!!< Quatre(totally dazed and confused and with a big bump on his head): ...By the shifting deserts of the night and the sand in my eye... Wufei: >Huff huff< Let's drag him back to his seat. >Drag drag drag< >Plop!< Asuka: Whoo! Does Quatre get into those moods often? Wufei: Only when he's very, very, very stressed... P.Poet: I can understand; this lemon can make anyone stressed. Lord Raptor: Ick ack org. P.Poet(sweat-drops): Uh, I think you need this... (hands Raptor his lower jaw bone.) Lord Raptor(fits back his jaw): Thanks; I needed that. >-=**=- Quatre(wakes up and feels his head): Ouch...erm guys? Why is there such a big bump on my head? The Rest: We'll tell you about it some other time... > Tenchi's eyes snap open, bringing him >back into the real world. P.Poet: Welcome back. Now we can all kill you for fantasizing about johnsonizing your own mother. All: Yay. >That was the world wet dream he had since the >alien girls bunked here. But somehow he still >feels that great warmth and wetness along his >Johnson. Asuka: Slugs. Slugs are sliming along his johnson. All the guys: Eeeeewwwwwww! >Someone's in bed with him. Wufei: >Groan!< Tell me something new... >Tenchi: (I wonder who it is this time. If >it's Ryo-Ohki, I'm committing suicide.) P.Poet: What now? After covering mindless sex, orgies, incest and pedophilia, does this writer also want to include bestiality as well? Lord Raptor: Talk about twisted... > He flings off the covers, and a beautiful >girl had his mighty cock Asuka: Oh now he calls it a cock... P.Poet: So which one do you prefer to call it; a johnson or a cock? Asuka: Personally, I prefer to call it a... All the guys: Yes......? Asuka: WHY YOU DIRTY LITTLE PERVERTS!!!!!! >BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK!!!!!!!!!!!< P.Poet: Ooo my achin' head...!! Lord Raptor: Asprin! I need asprin!! Wufei: Hao tong!! (Chinese for "Pain!!") Quatre: Now I have two bumps... Asuka: Serves you right! Huh! >all into her mouth and down her throat. Lord Raptor: Whoever she is, the poor girl's gonna choke to death on that thing. Imagine; a dead body gorging on your... Wufei: Don't say it. Lord Raptor: Right. >It can be said that it was the best "deep >throat" performed by anyone within this series. >Only... This girl is... Wufei: Drumroll please! All: Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt! Ching! >Miaka: VANILLA ICE CREAM!! All: WHO AND WHAT?!!!!! >Tenchi: [Grimacing] Dammit, Miaka! Why >the hell do you gotta come all the way from >"Mysterious Play" to suck _my_ dick?!! >Miaka: [With his dick still in her mouth.] >Because it's the biggest. Bigger than Tamahome, >Hotohori, Nuriko, Mitsukake, Tasuki, and Chichiri >combined. P.Poet: What a great skill. Quatre: Why? P.Poet: How many people do you know can speak with a cock up the mouth? >Tenchi: That's it! I'm turning gay! Maybe >Nuriko's still available... All: AHHHHHHHH!!!! NO YAOI!!! NO YAOI!!!! > THE (very disturbing) END Asuka: No doubt a most disturbing end... Wufei: Finally...it's really over... Quatre: Lemon finish! Yay! >* * * * * * * * * * * * > Next Fanfic? All: HECK NO!!! > Mikado Ichiban VS Asuka 120% & Advanced Variable Geo: > Phrank's Day (Of Getting) Off > someday... P.Poet: What bullshit is this? Lord Raptor: Oh, just pure and unadulterated bullshit, I guess. Asuka: And why is my name up there? Lord Raptor: You don't suppose he's going to write a lemon about you...? Asuka: NOOOOOOO!!!!! It can't be!!! I'd rather die than be in a Purge lemon!!!!!! P.Poet: Just he try writing a lemon about Asuka and I'll make sure that he lives through the rest of his life as "Omelete Face"... Wufei: Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel like kicking this guy's ass. P.Poet: That isn't a bad idea. The Rest: What isn't a bad idea? P.Poet: Ladies and gentlemen; I have a proposal... (The very next day...) >Type type type type type< Purge: More hentai! More orgies! More incest! More pedophile sex acts! MORE!!! HAHAHA!!! (A portal opens up behind Purge.) Purge: Huh? What's going on?! (Suddenly, hordes of mis-shapen hunchbacks pour out from the portal and buries Purge under their combined weight. More and more hunchbacks keep on streaming out.) Hunchbacks: Duh duh duh duh duh...!!!! Purge: ARRRRRRGHHHHH!!!!!!!!! GET OFF ME!!! GET OFF ME!!!! P.Poet(As The Red Guy): Helloooooo......I see that you are enjoying yourself, hmmmm? (Out of the corner of his eye, Purge sees five figures standing a short distance away from the hunchback pile.) Purge: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!!!! P.Poet: We, are the newly formed MST Avengers, and we are here to mete out... Wufei: ...JUSTICE!!!!! P.Poet: Thank you, Wufei. You; did you really think you could write literary bullshit like "10-Chi Clan 'The Quickies'" without getting any form of retribuition? Did you think that we would stand by idly and do nothing about it? I don't think so... Purge: But I... Lord Raptor: Save it, punk! Huh! Incest and pedophilia! How LOW can ya GO? Purge: I can explain!! It was, errr, these voices in my head!! Yeah! Yeah, and they told me: Purge, you must write very, very dirty lemons filled with incest and... Asuka: You've been a bad boy... Quatre: And as our duty, we will punish you in the name of all the other respectable fanfic writers out there! Wufei: That's telling him, Quatre! Purge: WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME?!! P.Poet: Oh, I don't know. That's up to my hunchbacks to decide, heh heh... Purge: AAAAHHHHH!!! THEY'RE DROOLING ON ME!!!! Hunchbacks: Duh duh duh... Asuka: Have a nice day... Purge: NOOOOOOOO......!!!!!!!! (A final muffled scream is heard as the MST Avengers exit Purge's house via a portal.) Wufei: That felt good. Asuka: Uh-huh. P.Poet: We should do this more often. Quatre: Yeah! Lord Raptor: So youse sayin' that we make The MST Avengers permanent? P.Poet: Yep! Together, we shall crush all the lousy fuck-a-minute fuck-a-thon lemons and dispense... Wufei: JUSTICE!!!!! P.Poet: Thank you, Wufei. And dispense justice to their shit-head writers! All: Hear hear!! Asuka: Be afraid, lemon writers. Be very afraid... P.Poet: We'll be back! ================================================================================================ The Poet thanks: First to be thanked is, of course, Minako, for being a very accurate Laugh-o-meter. I would also like to thank Asuka, Quatre, Wufei, Lord Raptor and Washu-chan for showing up at the MST. Thanks guys!!! Grudgingly, I "thank" Purge Raizah for writing this piece of shit, because if it weren't for his lemon, the MST Avengers wouldn't have come together and had so much fun lambasting his fic. Fuck you very much. The Poet speaks: Hope you readers will find this MST funny. Enough people with big sledgehammers have told me that I couldn't make a hyena laugh. Even on a good day.