AnimePort#9 MST. MST#3 The MST of: Tenchi Gay?! DISCLAIMER: My following apologies to the following people and/or companies for borrowing and/or creating parodies of their characters, and stories; Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ video, AnimEigo, Pioneer LDC, AIC, U.S. MANGA corps, Kosuke Fujishima, Nintendo, Creatures Inc., GAME FREAK Inc., Best Brains Productions, My third grade math teacher, and all others who would be insulted by this MST (Original FanFic writer, optional.). ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Somewhere in the vastness of the multiverse, there is a certain focal point of the worlds. A place where our reality and those of our favorite comic books meet, and are able to cross. At this place was constructed a huge station, technically advanced in ways that surpass even the most futuristic of realities. In this place research is conducted on the fictional stories that are created by the ever adoring fans of the comics. FAN-FICTIONS. One man from our reality, a sponsor of the station, has been given the task of leading the research on the stories, by bringing together the most unique group of people from the anime realms. The place is "AnimePort#9". These are the reviews. . . ____________________________________________________________________________ Technical note: MST’d by the following group of people and/or characters. PETER SUZUKI. PRISS ASAGIRI. RANMA SAOTOME. AYEKA JURAI. Documentation made by the following; B-KO DAITOKUJI. Begin recording of research documentation. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Our team of researchers are at the moment, in a strange land. A city, forever cloaked in darkness, and somehow dead. Dead still, dead silent, even the trees were rotting, and had no leaves. A couple of streetlights were the only source of illumination. The four MST’ers were dressed in battle fatigues. In other words: Ranma had on his usual Chinese clothing; Ayeka was dressed in her Jurian battle clothing, and carrying her whip; Priss was in her hardsuit; And Peter was dressed in his large, green jacket, and carrying a bazooka that was labeled "Have a nice day. ^_^". All of them were looking around, as if expecting something to appear at any moment. And they ALL were rather bored. "Please explain to me, just WHY are we doing this?" asked Ayeka. "We are supposed to be testing out these hologram games, for the holodecks on other space stations." Explained Peter. "Thankfully, this is the last one. I kinda liked the ‘Bamby hunting range’, one though." "Would you stop reminding us, already!" said Ranma. "Were trying to forget about that one, ya know!" Images of flaming bunny parts went through the minds of all four of the researchers. THE HORROR! THE HORROR! Well. . . Peter was sadistically smiling, but then again, that was just him. Suddenly, Priss stopped them. "Wait! My scanners are picking up something." "I hope it’s edible." Said Ranma. "I’m starving." "Would you kindly stop thinking about your stomach, for once." Commented Ayeka. "Hey, quiet. I hear something." Said Peter, cupping his ear toward the mist filled area of the city park. The others followed suit. . . Well, the side of Priss’ helmet extended outward to form a sound sensory disk, but that was natural. All four of them heard faint screams coming from the mist. "Something’s coming through." Said Priss, readying her arm cannon. "Ready for combat?" Ayeka got in front of Priss, and materialized her shield units at the edge of the mist. The tendril of her whip glowed bright green, indicating that she was using a laser setting of some kind. Peter knelt down to Ayeka’s right, and aimed his bazooka at the center of the mist. Ranma stood at Ayeka’s left, and took combat stance, his ‘Confidence’ aura very visible. "Ready." Said Ayeka, Ranma, and Peter. Out of the mist, the shapes of monsters appeared. The sizes ranged from six-feet, to about two-feet in height. The goblins were getting closer to the edge, and approaching the visibility range. "Ready. . ." said Priss. "Aim. . . FIRE!!!" (Due to the graphic violence in the scene following this, I have edited out the content for your viewing convenience. Meaning that I will skip the violent, and gory part, and go to the next scene. Thank you for your time.- -Peter Suzuki.) "Three, point two seconds. Not bad." Said Priss, checking the internal clock in her hardsuit. It was horrible. Bones, balls, and chewy toys all over the place. Fluff, and cotton littered the ground, and super deformed body parts were scattered everywhere. Metal pin darts, courtesy of Priss, stuck out of a few unfortunate ones. The lucky ones got incinerated by either Peter’s bazooka, or Ranma’s Chi blast. The UNlucky ones got slashed to pieces by the laser trail left by Ayeka’s glowing whip, or electrocuted by her shield units. The four members of the Fan Fiction research group, stood triumphantly over the fallen forms of the cast of ‘Sesame Street’. "Poor things." Said Peter, trying not to laugh insanely. "The letter ‘A’ never had a chance." "Why would we have to fight THESE guys, anyway?" asked Ranma. "Not that I really mind, though. ‘Big Bird’ had it coming. But still. . ." "DIE! DIE! DIE, YOU EVIL CREATURE!!!" screamed Ayeka, still whipping at one of the fallen ‘Muppets’. "THIS IS FOR THAT IDIOTIC SONG, I HAD TO LISTEN TO, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT SINCE SASAMI HEARD IT ON YOUR STUPID SHOW, VILE DEMON!!!" "Ayeka," said Peter. " ‘Cookie Monster’ is dead. You can stop whipping him-uh, IT now." Ayeka stops, but is still muttering " ‘C’ is for cookie." In wanton anger. Suddenly, B-ko’s holographic face appeared over the carnage. "Hey guys. The Fic is almost. . ." B-ko’s eyes bugged out, as she viewed the remains of the ‘Sesame Street’ cast. "WHAT THE BLAZING HELL, DID YOU DO!?!?!?!" "W-what do you mean?" Peter asked. "Aren’t these the monsters in-" "NO, YOU IDIOTS!!!!" screamed B-ko. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THEM, FROM THE MONSTER THAT WAS CHASING THEM!!!!" "Monster?" all four researchers wondered out loud. The visage of the REAL monster, appeared overhead. It spoke with its pre-programmed words, being unable to realize that the ‘heroes’ already screwed up. "BWA-HA-HA-HA!!! FOOLISH MORTALS!!! YOU DARE DEFY MY WRATH!?!?! SO BE IT!!! I SHALL MOMENTARILY SPARE THE EXISTANCE OF THOSE WEAKLINGS, IN ORDER TO END YOUR MISERABLE LIVES!!! BWA-HA-HA!!!" "Geez! That thing sounds like Kuno." Said Ranma. The monster landed in front of the MST group. It was a dragon. . . sort of. Parts of it were made up of machinery, and other parts out of organic stuff, even wood. "Well, lets get to work." Said Peter, aiming his bazooka. The Fan Fiction writer, and his three anime friends attacked the twenty foot dragon thing. The fight lasted longer than the previous one. It took four seconds. "An erector set, a rubber mask, a pile of missing left socks. . ." Said Peter, looking over the remains. "B-ko sure didn’t design this." "Yeah," said Ranma. "She could do MUCH better than this." Ayeka and Priss agreed with Ranma and Peter. None of them noticed that B-ko’s face was turning a bright shade of red. "Guys, get inside the theater, NOW." Said B-ko, through clenched teeth. "But the signal hasn’t started yet." Argued Peter. Just then the signal to start, blared. *BOOM! SHAKA-LAKA, BOOM-BOOM!!* "There, NOW it started." Said Peter. "Lets go, guys!" A door opened next to Peter, apparently out of nowhere. Peter then entered. "Right." Said Priss, removing her helmet, and following Peter. "Let’s do it!" cheered Ranma, as he followed Priss. "Hey! Ladies first!" shouted Ayeka, rushing into the theater. After the door closes, B-ko looks sadly upon her destroyed creation. "Maybe I’m just loosing my touch." She muttered, and then left. =========================================================================== (The four enter the theater. Four seats await them, at the center. Ayeka takes the far left seat, Ranma takes the next one, Priss takes the seat next to Ranma, and Peter sits in the last seat on the right.) PETER: I liked shooing the ‘Sesame Street’ gang, the most. How about you guys? RANMA: Loved it, loved it. PRISS: I just wish that ‘Ms. Piggy’ was there. I always wanted to make bacon out of her. AYEKA: Hey, I think that the story is starting. PETER: You’re right. Got your thermoses, Ranma? RANMA: Right under my chair. What about your bullhorn? PETER(holds up megaphone): Right here. OTHERS(silently): Damn. PETER: You guys say something? OTHERS: No. PETER: Okay. Hey, the Fic’s starting. >********************************************************************** AYEKA: With this many stars, it had better be good. >Tenchi Gay?! ALL: . . . . . . . . . . PRISS: Then again. . . AYEKA: Amazing. I hate this story, already. >It PETER: Sucks. >was any normal morning at the Masaki Residence. (Group makes exploding noises, and then beaks off into giggles.) >But little did they know how suddenly this day would >drastically change. PRISS: Evidently, for the worse. RANMA: If the title was any clue. >Tenchi woke up to the sweet smell of Sasami's cooking and as usual Ryoko's >watchful >eye's. "Ryoko! PETER(Tenchi): You left your eye’s in my room, again! >I thought I told you not to do that anymore!" Tenchi exclaimed. RANMA(Tenchi): You know how much that grosses me out! >"But Teennchhii!" (The MST group all covers their ears, at the sound of Ryoko’s whiny voice.) PRISS: Arrgh! Make it stop! AYKEA: I can not believe she can sound like that! > Ryoko >moaned RANMA: More like ‘screeched’. >" What if Ayeka comes and gets you in the night?" AYEKA: As if I could. PRISS & RANMA: Huh? PETER: Washu had a special lock placed on Tenchi’s door, that dumps anyone who enters without knocking, into the lake. Ryoko just phases through the wall. AYEKA(muttering): Anything above a tap, and Ryoko hears me. >"Mmmm…Why do I have to live like this?" RANMA: Do you want a list? >Tenchi muttered as he walked down the hall to the bathroom. AYEKA(Tenchi): Ryoko! How many times must I tell you, not to follow me in here!?! PETER(Ryoko): I don’t know. How many? >After several minutes Tenchi left the >bathroom and headed for the kitchen. PRISS: Because we all know how hungry we get, after just going to the bathroom. >Ryoko stepped in directly after and immediately noticed the toilet >seat down. "Wow I thought only girls put the seat down and I sure I heard him flush it" PETER: Maybe someone should tell the author of this Fic, that there are some things that a man can NOT do while standing up in the bathroom. RANMA: Amen to that. >Ryoko said with >amazement. ALL: Who’s "amazement"? >" Breakfast, everybody! " Sasami yelled as she slide the porcelain plates on to the low >wooden table. PRISS(Sasami): Get it now, or starve! AYEKA(to Priss): Hey! That was not very kind. Sasami is always a sweet, and lovable little girl. RANMA(to Ayeka): What if she steals Tenchi, from you? AYEKA: Then I shall always REMEMBER her as being a sweet, and lovable little girl. >Everyone came rushing from all places to come eat Sasami's delicious platter. PETER: And the food was nice, too. >" Hmmm… >" Tenchi said as he scarfed down Sasami's tasty food AYEKA: I always knew that Ryoko would be a bad influence on Lord-Tenchi. He has begun to copy her eating habits. PETER: Actually, it’s Mihoshi who does the ‘scarfing’ at the table. Ryoko just eats a lot. AYEKA: Not where I come from. >" so Sasami , when are you going to teach me PETER(Tenchi): how to capitalize the first letter in my sentences? >to >cook like this ? " " Well , Tenchi , on Juria AYEKA(Sasami): I never learned how to spell ‘Jurai’, correctly. >the women do all the cooking " " Well that's wh … " Tenchi >started to blurt out before he stopped himself . " What was that , Tenchi ? " Washu asked . " Oh , >nothing " RANMA(peeved): And just WHAT is wrong, about a guy wanting to learn how to cook!?!?! PRISS: What was that all about? PETER: Don’t ask. >Breakfast was over and everyone was starting their chores, all except Ryoko of course whom >quickly teleported next to Tenchi who was walking slowly upward towards the shrine to sweep. AYEKA: Ryoko NEVER does her chores. PETER: Because you, and Washu made them so that Ryoko couldn’t get close to Tenchi. AYKEA: And your point is? >"Tenchi" >She said unusually girlish like RANMA: Actually, it’s not that unusual, considering that she IS a girl. >"Let's get married!" PETER(Tenchi): Let’s not, since Ayeka would kill us. AYEKA: You got that right. OTHERS: We know. >" Rrrrrrrr " Tenchi PRISS: tried to get his motor started. >growled "I confess, RANMA(Priest): But confessions are not until two-o-clock. >I confess to >this world AYKEA: But what about Jurai? >I'M GAY!!!!!!!!!" He shouted with all his might and even the birds flew off in fright from >nearby trees. AYEKA(eyebrow twitching):. . . . . . . . RANMA(bird): No! No! It can’t be true! We must warn the others! PRISS(ditto): Oh, the humanity! PETER(ditto): The horror! > At the very next moment Ryoko did something she had not done in her whole life…She PRISS: threw up. RANMA: cried. PETER: wet herself. AYEKA: died a horrible, screaming, death. >fainted. PETER: And there was much rejoicing. ALL(bored): Yay. >Tenchi watched as Ryoko slowly rolled down some steps ALL(singing to the ‘Slinky’ tune): She rolls down stairs, rolls over in pairs. . . >and then stopped, AYKEA: Oh, fiddlesticks. And here I was hoping she would end up in the lake. >only then did Tenchi >notice PRISS: That he wasn’t gay. RANMA: Or so we hope. AYEKA(to Ranma): That was my line. >that her skin was quite pale. PETER: She should really get out in the sun, more often. AYEKA: More often than what? *Ba-doom! Crish!* >Everyone came rushing at hearing the anger in Tenchi's voice. " Oh >my, What happened to Ryoko? Are you all right Ryoko? Are you sleeping?" Mihoshi asked densely. PRISS: Who’s "densely"? PETER: To answer Mihoshi’s questions in order; She fainted, no, and how do you expect her to sleep upside-down like that? >"Lord Tenchi are you all right did that evil monster hurt you?!" RANMA: I think the author forgot a comma, somewhere in there. >Ayeka asked worriedly. AYEKA: No, no, no. I asked Tenchi, not "worriedly". >" I'm fine" >Tenchi said angrily. PETER: I thought he said, "I’m fine"? PRISS: Can we stop it with these puns? >"Just get Ryoko back to the house." "What happened" Sasami asked. "I'll tell you all >later," he said in a low voice. PETER: Oh, great. NOW he tries to sound masculine. (Ayeka’s whip wraps around Peter’s waist.) Hey! Wait! (Peter is flung into the air.) AIIEEEEEEE!!! AYEKA(dangerously): Anyone else? RANMA & PRISS (large sweatdrops on the back of their heads.): No. . . AYEKA: Good. >"Just get Ryoko to the house" he said again as Washu somehow made >Ryoko float and head for the house with everyone following. RANMA(little boy): Mommy! Mommy! Can I have a balloon like that!? PRISS(mother): When you’re older, dear. When you’re older. PETER(from up in the rafters): Hey! Can somebody get me down!?! RANMA: Sorry, Peter! We don’t have a ladder down here! >Ryoko's heavy eyelids started to open only >to Tenchi's loving face hovering over her with some other familiar faces. "Gay? gay!" PETER(still up in the rafters): Yeah, that’s what he sEEEAAAAAAAH!!! (Peter falls from the rafters.) *THUD!* Ow. . . . >Ryoko said tensely RANMA: I thought she said. . . AYEKA: Say it, and you are going to be up where Peter was. RANMA: Okay, okay. Geeze! >" I'm sorry, Ryoko" Tenchi replied softly. PRISS: We’re sorry too. >" Really?" PETER(Tenchi): No, not REALLY. >Ryoko said as she put her arms around Tenchi 's >neck, pulled him down and gave him a big long French kiss. RANMA: Hey, Peter? PETER(pulling himself back up to his chair): What? RANMA: How would a gay man, react to being kissed by a woman? PETER: . . . This is just a guess, but I would say it would be similar to how a straight man would react, to being kissed by another man. PRISS(grinning evilly): And HOW would you know that, Peter? PETER(glaring at Priss): Like I said. It was a GUESS. >Tenchi had never felt this way before . ALL:??? >He >never wanted it to end ALL:?!?!? RANMA: I thought he said that he was gay? PRISS: I thought Ryoko already knew this? PETER: I thought that his being gay, was the entire point of the Fic? AYEKA: I thought that I would have interrupted this, by now? >but Ayeka had other plans she pushed Ryoko off of him but Ryoko retorted >quickly and through a fireball at Ayeka and hit her strait on. ALL(shocked):. . . . PRISS: Ouch. RANMA: And no commas in that last sentence. PRISS: Double ouch. PETER: And I believe that should have been "threw", not "through". PRISS: TRIPLE ouch. RANMA: Hey, Ayeka? You okay? AYEKA(still shocked): I-I am f-f-fine. I shall b-be fine. D-do not worry. >She did it, she had killed Ayeka. a cheer >rang out throughout the air (Ayeka glares at the other three members of the MST group.) PETER, PRISS, & RANMA(to Ayeka): It wasn’t us!! We didn’t do it!! >" yeaaaaaaa , you killed her" the crowd seemed to shout above Ryoko ALL(angrily): Get down from there!!! >starting >to kiss Tenchi once again. "Hey you guy's what's going on" said Nobouki, PETER(kid): Well, first Ryoko left her eyes in Tenchi’s room, and she had to come and get them, and then Tenchi went to the bathroom, and he left the seat down, and Ryoko was talking with this person named "amazement", and then Tenchi went down stairs, and everybody ate Sasami’s platter, because it was really good, and Tenchi was eating like Mihoshi, and he asked Sasami when she was going to teach him how to cook, and fix his sentences, but Sasami can’t help him, because she said that the women learn how to cook, and she can’t spell ‘Jurai’, and Tenchi forgot that he wasn’t a woman, and then everybody went to do their chores except Ryoko, because she’s a lazy bum, and the chores were to keep her away from Tenchi, so she went over to Tenchi and asked him to marry her, but Tenchi needed to start his motor, and then he screamed he was gay, and scared away all the birdies because he was gay, and everybody’s talking to these strange people such as "densely", and "worriedly", and then Ryoko fell down the stairs like a ‘Slinky’, and Mihoshi asked some questions, and Ayeka wondered if Tenchi was all right, and Washu turned Ryoko into a balloon, and floated her into the house, and Ryoko woke up screaming "Gay? gay!", and the author made a bunch of mistakes in punctuation, and then Ryoko kissed Tenchi, and Tenchi liked it, and that means that Ryoko can’t be a girl, because gay men don’t like to kiss girls, and Ayeka killed ‘Cookie Monster’, and I shot ‘Kermit The Frog’, because they were stupid looking, and Ayeka tried to push Ryoko off of Tenchi, because she wanted to kiss him, but Ryoko shot a fireball at Ayeka, which is weird, because Ryoko shoots energy blasts not fireballs, and Ayeka died, and a bunch of people above the theater cheered, because Ayeka had died, and Ryoko kissed Tenchi again, and then you walked in here, and asked us what we were doing, and the author forgot to put a question mark at the end of your sentence, and spelled your name wrong, and I have to go to the bathroom. (Peter walks out of the theater, and to the restroom.) PRISS: We’re DEFINITELY going to have to get him to stop drinking so much coffee. RANMA: But you have to admit, he’s never been funnier. >as he had just walked in from >a long day of work. AYEKA: Made longer by Peter’s speech. >"I'll show you what's 'going on'" Ryoko exclaimed happily who pulled a stunned yet >happy Tenchi for another deep kiss. "Oohhhh" Said Nobouki with new understanding PETER(walking back to his seat, and sitting down): Quick! Somebody call ‘Ripliy’s Believe It Or Not’! AYEKA: How could you finish that quickly, Peter? PETER: Oh, that. I just used a little trick I developed. The "Ten Second Whiz". (All of the other MST members get large sweatdrops on the back of their heads.) RANMA: So HE was the one who did it. PRISS: "Ten Second Whiz"? PETER: Uh-huh. Just ten seconds, and it’s all over. RANMA(grumbling): All over the walls, all over the floor, all over the ceiling. . . >"Tenchi I'm so >glad that you're finally after all these beautiful girls now!" AYEKA: He has NOT noticed that _I_ am dead, and on the floor? >"Nope just this one ,Dad" Tenchi said as he >went to one knee and looked intimately into Ryoko's soft yellow eye's "Ryoko will you please do me the >honor of letting me take your hand in marriage?". RANMA(Tenchi): Just your hand, Ryoko. I don’t really need the rest of you. . . Well, maybe everything below your neck, too. (Gets whacked over the head, by Ayeka.) *BONK!* OW! What’ya do that for!?! >After a moment Ryoko started smiling like no one had >ever seen Ryoko smile before. PETER: Wow. I didn’t think her teeth went all the way around, to the back of her head. >"YES TENCHI! I WILL MARRY YOU!! She said ecstatically. PRISS: As if THIS was a big surprise to anyone. >"Good" >Tenchi said plainly as he scooped Ryoko off her feet with and carried her up the stairs and then stopped >to look down on all the stunned people. AYEKA(Sasami): He just allowed Ayeka, to be killed. PRISS(Washu): He was supposed to be MY guenapig. RANMA(Nobuyuki): My name was spelled wrong. PETER(Mihoshi): Didn’t Tenchi say he was gay? >"I won't be coming down for a while" he said as Ryoko buried >her face in Tenchi's chest. Tenchi turned and carried her to his room…oops! I mean THIER ROOM. AYEKA(angrily): SHUT UP!! >Disclaimer: PETER: You know, most of the time these things come at the BEGINNING of the Fic. >We don't own Tenchi or any of the other characters even though we wish we "owned" >Ryoko, PRISS: But it’s hard to take care of a Ryoko. RANMA: You have to feed her, and clothe her, and keep her from fighting with Ayeka. AYEKA: Not to mention you have to put up with her fans, who write stories like this. >but we don't, she and all the other characters are property of AIC and Pioneer. You shouldn't sue >us anyway because as many Fanfic writers have put it "We don't have any money anyway". PETER: No DUH. >Were just >stupid kids who are sitting at a computer. AYEKA: Which explains the very idea for this story. >Dear Readers, RANMA: By the time you read this letter, I will have left for better skies. I know we have tried to work things out, but I believe it’s time that we both move on. >Are wondering why this Fanfic is weird? PRISS: No, but you’re going to tell us anyway, right? >It is >because we wrote this at 2:00- 4:00 in the morning (believe us Earl Grey tea helps and it o so good and >loaded up the wazzoo with caffeine). PETER: It didn’t help enough. >We would like you to mail us your comments at RYOKO (We are >big fans) AYEKA(sarcastically): Really? I never would have guessed. >39655@AOL.com or Blugoon (don't ask) ALL: We won’t. >@aol.com . Thanks for reading our Fanfic, Max >Gilliland & Rhys (pronounced Reese) Doyle AYEKA: Our deepest sympathies for having to read this story. PETER: We hope the men in white coats let you out soon. PRISS(big smile): Have a nice day. RANMA: We sure didn’t. (All four members of the MST group leave the theater. . . actually, SCRAMBLED out would have been a better term.) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Group assessment. To Fan Fiction writer. PETER: Why? WHY!?! Did you think that no one would notice? If you’re going to put out a weird Fic, then at least proofread it when you’re FULLY awake! PRISS: . . . . . . . I’m not speaking to you. RANMA: I thought the whole point of the Fic, was that Tenchi was supposed to be gay? *BONK!* OW! Cut it out, Ayeka! AYEKA: WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU!?!?! ____________________________________________________________________________ AUTHOR’S NOTES: All I can say is, I hope these people get professional help, and I DON’T mean psychiatric. Peter Suzuki.