[Disclaimer: Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its characters are the property of Best Brains Inc. Tenchi Muyo! and its characters are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC, Inc. "Scissors" is the property of Emily "Mink" Koh. This story belongs in a locked compartment at the bottom of disused bathroom in the basement of a condemned building (until then, it belongs to Mike Fenton). If you do decide to sue me, please be gentle--I have a delicate disposition.] >*** Deep 13: (TV's Frank and Dr. Forrester concoct >another 'dark' plot to take over the world.) > >TV's Frank: Maybe we should do something nice for Mike. >I'm starting to feel sorry for him. > >Forrester: (heavy sarcasm) Yes. What a great idea! We >could send up a nice pizza, some more friends--give him a >nice little greeting card! > >TV's Frank: Hey, yeah! > >Forrester: (irritated) Don't be stupid! We're not doing >any such thing! > >TV's Frank: But it's obvious we're never going to torture >him enough to take over the world. I think he's beginning >to enjoy all this. > >Forrester: Yes... He's becoming a masochist... Hey! >Yes, of course! That gives me another brilliant idea! >(laughing maniacally) > >TV's Frank: (begins laughing sympathetically) > >Forrester: (pauses for a moment to glare at Frank, then >hits him) Cut that out! > >*** Satellite of Love: (Mike Nelson and the 'bots are >standing around, as Mike uses an electric razor--shaving >his chin. He looks up, a little surprised.) > >Mike: Oh, hi Dr. Forrester! I was just finishing up my >latest idea for our invention exchange. > >Forrester: (display) Really? And what might that be? > >Mike: (holding out a strange knife) It's a burin-bottle >opener. You see--(gesturing with it)--when you're done >with all your engraving, you can just kick back and open >up a frosty one. (he demonstrates with a bottle of soda) >Pretty cool, huh? > >Forrester: (display) Oh! How terribly useful! Well, my >invention is not quite as creative as yours, but it does >share one similarity-- > >Mike: Oh? What's that? > >Forrester: (display) It has a hard, sharp edge as well. >(he gestures with a large wedge-shaped object) You see, >this is a sanity wedge. (he gestures to Frank) It slides >neatly into the folds of a fedora, and slowly divides you >from your sense of reality. (he puts the wedge on Frank's >hat) > >TV's Frank: (display) Hey, this is kinda cool! (looking >at his hands) This is such a trip! > >Forrester: (display) I guess it works better if you have >a connection with reality to begin with. (looking back >around at the display) Until then, I've decided to gouge >out your sanity with a fustian little fantasy called >"Scissors." It's based on something called Tenchi Muyo!-- >some little dramedy that spellbound people about a >thousand years ago. > >TV's Frank: (display, watching something else) Hey! I >like this! Poor Ayeka! I wonder if she knows that >Katsuhito is really Yosho? > >Forrester: (display) Yes, I think it should do nicely. >See ya! > >(A red light starts blinking.) > >Mike: (alarmed) Argh! We have fanfic sign! > >*** Theater: (Mike and the 'bots appear in silhouette) In spite of this cheerful season, here's a somewhat dark 'fic I came up with. Some inspiration after reading a dark CCS 'fic featuring Tomoyo. Anyway, I don't like the ending. Fixing it. Working on it. Comments and crits demanded! ^_^ >Crow: We are yours to command! >Tom: (to Crow) Hey, don't be rude! >Mike: Yeah. After all, we are commenting and crit'ing, >aren't we? >Crow: Oh! That's what we do? *** SCISSORS A TM! Ryo-ohki Fanfic by Emily "Mink" Koh >Mike: Okay. So far, so good. >Tom: Where's the disclaimer? >Crow: Oops! It's lawsuit time! >Tom: Yeah, right! (snorting) Like that ever stopped me >from getting sued! (looking around) What? -------------- She's disgusting to watch. >Crow: 'Just look at her.' >Mike: Where? >Tom: (snide) I think this a literary device. You ever >heard of perspective ambiguity? >Crow: Nope. Sorry. >Mike: I think that's where you're supposed to guess what >the author means. It goes with the subtext--adding to the >sense of perspective and reflecting the hinted action. >Tom: It mainly just forces you to read it more than once, >though, just to figure out what the hell is going on. No... what am I saying? I'm attacking the wrong person. I'm more mad at him. He is much more disgusting to watch. >Mike: Yeah! I hate that disgusting Noboyuki. It's disgusting to watch both of them, actually. >Crow: Whoa! Did she just call Achika disgusting? >Tom: No, I think she means Mihoshi and her grandfather. >Crow: Oh... They're easily taking a pair of scissors and ripping out my heart with with every touch exchanged, with every fight exchanged, with every smile exchanged. >Mike: Wait, guys! I think she's really talking about >Ayeka and Yosho. >Tom: Oh? Oh, I see. Yeah! Boy, do I feel silly! Oh, he tries to be fair. He swears not to choose between us. He doesn't say that out loud, of course, but isn't it obvious? He's loved her from the start. He's too kind, and that's his weakness. It's going to get him killed someday. >Crow: Wait a minute, Mike! Ryoko's in love with Yosho? >There's something screwy going on, here! >Tom: Yeah! Why would Ayeka want to kill Yosho, anyway? >Mike: Hmm... God. When did I become so cold? >Crow: Oh! Now, I get it! Ryoko fell in the lake again, >and her brain froze up! That explains that monologue. >Tom: Now, it all makes sense. She's watching us, I can tell. >Mike: Okay, who's this? >Tom: Well, if that was Ryoko--to begin with--then this is >probably Ayeka. Stop. Freakin'. Watching. Us. >Crow: Psycho Ayeka, you mean. >Mike: Who knew Ayeka could be such a paranoid bitch? Oh, she has every right to, I suppose. She's been staring at me all day with those icicle eyes all the time. >Tom: Golden icicles? >Crow: Eww! That's disgusting! >Mike: That's pretty low, even for us. She never used to be like this. At times when I used to hang all over Tenchi, she'd fly at me, full of verbal assaults. And I was loaded with comebacks. >Crow: That damn Ryoko-- Always with the verbal >assaults... >Tom: Really? Since when did Ayeka used to hang all over >Tenchi? >Mike: Yeah, this can't be Ayeka. >Crow: So, who the hell is this? Sasami? Washu? But ever since a few weeks ago... those silly fights have turned into strange looks. She's stared at me with those cold eyes... those unforgiving eyes. I didn't know she was capable of doing that. >Mike: Oh, I see. Hey, guys. This is Ryoko talking. >Crow: Ryoko? Oh, yeah. Now, it makes sense. >Tom: Yeah. Okay, who was that first one, then? What has gotten into you, you idiot? >Crow: Wait! Is that insult directed at Ayeka, herself or >Tenchi? >Tom: How about all three? >Mike: (thinking hard) Okay, the first monologue was >Ayeka. This one is Ryoko. Ayeka, Ryoko. >Tom: Got it. Thanks, Mike. And then... if she's not looking at me like that, she looks at me with tenderness. Aeka has *never* looked at me that way. It's not in an affectionate way -- it's a way that creeps me out. It's a blank look that shows tenderness, but there's a void underneath it all. >Crow: See? I told you this was Ryoko. >Tom: You lier! >Mike: All right, calm down. I'm still trying to figure >out why Ayeka is so cold. Doesn't anyone else notice? Am I the only sane being? >Crow: The only being who isn't totally confused, anyway. She must have something I don't have. >Tom: All right, now I'm confused. >Mike: It's the classic third in the love triangle, guys. >This is Tenchi! It all makes sense, now! >Crow: Oh, hey! Yeah, you're right. Ayeka, Ryoko, now >Tenchi. The charm? The beauty? The wit? >Crow: Or, maybe not. Hey, Mike. Who the hell is this? >Tom: This is some mysterious third. >Mike: No, wait a minute. This is Ayeka again. I see. >It's just going back-and-forth. >Crow: Like ping-pong-- >Tom: All right, enough with the quips. I'm getting into >this... But I possess charm, don't I? I am charming, aren't I? If I had the ability to make him blush before, I should be charming. >Mike: Hmm... >Crow: I don't know, Mike-- >Tom: I'm not sure. This is some really morbid form of >Ayeka, if it is Ayeka... Or was that merely because he was embarassed to be in my presence? >Mike: Maybe this is Zero. >Crow: Oh yeah. I forgot all about her. >Tom: Wait. Didn't she assimilate with Ryoko? >Mike: Maybe this is set in between episode 10 and 11. >Tom: (muttering) You are such a buffoon, Mike. Aren't I beautiful? I have the money to buy splendid garments, and I heard Funaho-okaasama calling me one of Jurai's exceptionals, and I believe she was referring to the beauty genre. High cheekbones... and the trademark hairstyle I adopted from previous queens. >Tom: No, it can't be Zero. Funaho never met Zero--at >least, I don't think she ever did... >Crow: Who does that leave? Ryoko again? >Mike: Well, that's just silly. Why would we section- >break into Ryoko again? >Crow: Look, she said 'previous queens.' I'm putting >twenty bucks on Ayeka. Morbid, or not, it's the best >guess. >Mike: I got twenty bucks says it's Zero. Maybe Dr. Clay >had a run-in with Yosho a while back. >Tom: You two are nuts. (flipping through a dictionary) >'Okaasama'... Strange, I can't seem to find that word... Am I witty? I can't say that she's witty. She's a duck most of the time, but she has an inner radiant thing that shines at certain times. Any fool can see that. >Crow: A 'duck?' >Tom: (waxing sage) A colloquialism for a dupe--an easy >mark. You know, like Mike, here. >Mike: Thanks a lot. Is that it? Do I not have a radiant shine inside? >Crow: Radioactivity! That's the answer! >Tom: Yeah. Now, if only we could figure out the >question... It *has* to be something. >Mike: Yeah, just look how successful 'she' is-- >Crow: Whoever the hell 'she' is-- >Tom: All right, I think Mike was making that point. Trademarks. >Crow: Patents. >Tom: Service marks. >Mike: A good 1-800 number. Trademarks. >Tom: Before you ask, it's called 'dramatic repetition.' >Crow: Also known as, 'milking it for all it's worth.' >Mike: It's also useful for clever double-entendres. >Tom: Don't say it-- >Crow: Oh, like birth marks! >Tom: (sighing, as Mike hits Crow) I warned you. I got it. >Crow: (annoyed) Got what? Please? Would somebody >explain this to me?! >(Tom and Mike exchange a shrug.) Where is she going? "Excuse me, I'm not feeling well," she says. >Tom: 'I just read a confusing fanfic,' she says. >Mike: No, her head would be spinning, if she did that. Bullshit. >Crow: Uh-- >Mike: (putting a hand over Crow's beak) Forget it, Crow. She has trouble keeping her feelings inside her face. Today, she's doing better than usual. I can't see an inch of her feelings on her face, and I couldn't guess how she was -- except that there was that void look on her face again. >Tom: Okay, there's the word 'void' again. That's >obviously Ayeka being described by the narration. >Crow: If only we had a clue who the narrator was-- >Tom: Well, Ayeka felt compelled to excuse herself, so-- >Mike: Oh, I see! This is Sasami. You see? Ayeka, >Ryoko, Zero-- >Crow: Ayeka, actually. >Mike: --Sasami. I got it. >Tom: I doubt it. Sasami gives me a worried look. >Crow: Well, there went your theory! Kaboom! >Tom: Yeah, you could hear it go. >Mike: Oh, come on! I still think this is Sasami--looking >in a mirror, right? >(Crow and Tom look at each other sadly.) You idiot. You're worrying everyone. >Tom: Okay, Mike, you bonehead. This is obviously not >Sasami. Sasami would never call someone an 'idiot.' >Crow: Yeah, the last one to use that word was... uh-- >Mike: Ryoko. Remember? She called Ayeka an idiot. >Tom: Actually, I don't think that ship has sailed yet. >Mike: Huh? >Tom: Yeah. I think she was actually calling Tenchi an >idiot. >(Mike wobbles, dizzy with confusion.) Appetite decreasing. No longer smiling. >Crow: Attention span decreasing. No longer reading. >Tom: Confusion increasing. No longer comprehending. >Mike: (folding his arms) I still say it's Sasami. She >just has low self-esteem. You're drowning in worry. >Crow: 'Bloop, bloop, blurble, blub, blub, blub...' >(Mike hits Crow again.) >Tom: Thank you. That was just annoying. Aeka. Return to your normal self. >Mike: So, we've firmly established that she's talking >about Ayeka. Who else would care so much what Ayeka >thinks? >Tom: How about Ryoko, Mike? >Crow: Huh? >Tom: Yeah. I got it, now. Ayeka, Ryoko, Sasami-- >Mike: Sasami was third? >Crow: Oh, right. So, the mysterious third theory was >right! >Tom: (annoyed) --then Ryoko. >Mike: Oh! >Tom: By the way, you both owe me twenty bucks. >Crow: Forget it, Tom! You never said a peep! >Mike: Yeah. You had your face in that dictionary. If I wasn't so worried, I'd punch you right now. >Tom: Hmm... Then again... Sasami always did love my tresses. She took care each morning to brush my hair, and then arrange them in my trademark hairstyle. >Mike: Okay, this is either Mihoshi or Ayeka. >Tom: Don't forget, Mike--'trademark.' >Crow: Yeah. That means, 'Hey, you dumbass. This is >Ayeka speaking.' >Mike: Evidently, Sasami stands there muttering >resentfully, as she brushes Ayeka's hair. >Crow: Or Ayeka likes to brag. >Tom: Or just a verbal coincidence. Not everything is a >direct cause-and-effect, you know. But... my hair. >Mike: There's a sentence you don't often hear Ayeka >actually say. >Crow: No, she's more likely to say something like, >'But... my towel!' It's too strict, too refined, too proper. >Crow: Yeah, she needs a mohawk. >Mike: Dye it blonde. >Tom: You are a sucker for blondes, aren't you? >Mike: (smiling) No comment. It's who I am, isn't it? >Tom: 'Because I'm worth it...' >Crow: What a shock! Ayeka is vain! >Mike: Come, now. This is just a passing fancy. It's not >like Ayeka to do anything drastic, you know. No. No. >Crow: Whoa! Ayeka has depth! >Tom: Now, that's a shock. >Mike: Not to me. I think Ayeka is a closet guru. >Crow: There's a closet you wouldn't see me in. >Tom: Don't go any further, Crow. You don't want to know. I can be better! I'm not a stuck-up snob, Tenchi-sama. >Tom: Tenchi called her stuck-up? >Crow: What a jerk! >Mike: Uh-- Her hair is wild, chaotic, exciting. >Crow: Tenchi is a girl!? Whoa! >Tom: Attack of the dangling modifier... >Mike: I think she just leaped over to Ryoko. It's who she is. >Mike: You see? >Crow: Oh, thank goodness! I hate to be that confused. And she's not hiding it. She's unpredictable, and leads us into all sorts of troubles. But she carries an air of enthusiasm... she's so hard to get mad at. Get mad seriously, that is. >Tom: Yeah. Being tied up and gagged and then called a >slut is nothing to be mad about. >Crow: Ayeka only play-fights for Tenchi's love. She >doesn't really take it seriously. She really-- >Mike: Crow, if you finish that, I'm going to hit you so >hard... >Crow: Sorry, Mike. I get carried away, sometimes. I have to change. >Tom: Hey, Mike. Didn't you just say that Ayeka would >never do anything drastic? >Mike: Um... That's what makes her her. >Crow: Well, she did torture Ryoko with the Tenchi-sword, >that one time... >Mike: That was before she really knew Ryoko. >Tom: In the Platonic sense, Crow. >Crow: Uh-- Oh... That's what makes Tenchi love her. >Tom: Yeah, it's the hair. It's not your paranoid >delusions of persecution or low self-esteem. >Crow: Or the fact that you're cruel and obnoxious. Because of her self... her self... >Mike: Another double-entendre? >Crow: Her shelf... her shelf... >(Mike hits Crow again.) >Tom: Thank you. Sasami keeps a pair of scissors in her dresser drawer. >Tom: For just such an occasion. >Crow: Right next to her copy of 'The Wall'. >Mike: Huh? >Tom: (groaning) Bad Pink Floyd joke. I'll tell you >later, Mike. "She hasn't joined us for breakfast," Sasami keeps murmuring. >Tom: Mike, this is not Sasami. >Mike: (sullen) Okay. >Crow: Yeah, this is Mihoshi. Shut up. Shut up. >Mike: I always get alarmed when people don't show up for >breakfast, myself. God, what am I saying? She's worried. >Crow: Okay. When is she ever not worried? >Mike: Uh... >Tom: You remember episode 2 when Tenchi and Sasami leaped >into the tree? >Mike: Oh yeah, whenever Tenchi is around... >Crow: Now, there's a coincidence... "I wonder if I should check on her?" >Tom: Wherever she might be, that is, heh heh eh, oh >boy... (looking around) Hey, I thought it was funny. >(Crow snickers.) Quit worrying. You carry too much of a burden. >Mike: Actually, I'd love to be a kid living on a strange >planet, who never does anything except sit around reading >or making food. >Crow: You'd make a lousy kid, Mike. >Tom: Not to mention, a lousy cook. "She might be sick... she wasn't in bed last night..." >Crow: Yeah. Sick people just hate to be in bed. >Tom: I always cut firewood when I'm sick. >Mike: (annoyed) Thank you, guys. You're just a kid. You don't need to get involved. >Tom: 'Involved?' Okay, let's dance in the mine field for >a minute-- >Crow: Sounded perfectly innocent to me-- "Ryoko? Are you okay?" >Mike: Uh-- >Crow: Before you say anything, Mike. Look at the next >paragraph... Tenchi gives me an awkward look, and stares at the cracked set of chopsticks in my hand. >Mike: (sheepish) Oh! For a moment there, I thought it >was Sasami with the worried question. You know, the whole >spiel about being worried-- >Tom: Nope. We just leaped over to Tenchi. The dangling >modifier strikes again... I think... "What? Oh, yeah. Just stress. Stress." >Tom: Yeah, that confirms it. Stress over that idiot. >Crow: You see? I told you. She was calling Tenchi an >idiot. >Mike: Uh... Looks to me like she's calling Ayeka an >idiot. >Tom: I say, she's calling herself an idiot. Anyone want >to place a friendly wager? >Mike: Twenty bucks? >Crow: You're on, cowboy! And then, she comes down the stairs, and I'm ready to strangle her. >Mike: Yes! >Crow: Crap! >Tom: Hmm... Oh well. You win some, you lose some. It's me. >Crow: 'Hiroshi Negishi. I'm makin' another movie!' >Tom and Mike: No!!! It's who I am. >Crow: (imitating Popeye) I am's that I am's and that's >all that I am's. Turn away from her. >Tom: Mihoshi? >Mike: Sasami? >Crow: Dorothy (you know, from the Wizard of Oz)? I'm better. >Tom: New and improved! Now, colder and more void than >ever! I'm... I'm... >Mike: The Princess Phantom of the Opera! >Crow: (flinching) Whoa! That's cold! Even I wouldn't >sink that low! >Mike: (a little mortified) Whoops! >Tom: Shame on you! "Aeka-san?" >Crow: Uh-- >Tom: Crow, look down... His words erupt the silence that invades us all. >Crow: Oh! Almost made a faux pas! >Mike: Too late. "You... you look different," Tenchi says, with much difficulty in his voice. >Tom: 'You look like Ryoko! Marry me!' >Crow: 'Eww! Get away from me! You're a freak!' >Mike: Sasami keels over, quivering in a fetal position. Mihoshi makes a squeaking noise, and we all shoot her a look. >Tom: People who live in glass houses... >Mike: Huh? >Crow: Another Negishi reference, Mike. >Mike: Oh. We should stop slamming the poor guy. Hasn't >he had enough? >Crow: Hmm... No. "It's... it's a nice haircut," Washu manages to say. >Tom: Hey! We forgot all about her! >Crow: Secretly, Washu is dancing for joy. >Mike: Hence, the slight pause. "Isn't it?" Aeka says, her mouth full of... nothingness. >Crow: What? >Tom: (rolling his eyes) The sound of one hand clapping-- >Mike: It's a cultural thing... I think... There's no expression in her voice. >Crow: No, I think it's emotive nothingness--not the >concept of nothingness. >Tom: You mean, she's like a robot. >Mike: That's it. >Crow: A robot with a mohawk! But there's some in her eyes. >Mike: No, that's just a contact lens. Glittering mockery. >Tom: What does that look like? >Mike: Anytime Ayeka is in a good mood. >Crow: You mean, drunk! >Mike: Uh, yeah... Her hair is shorter now. Much shorter. >Crow: In fact, she's bald! And a chaotic mass of purple hair, wild and all over the place. >Tom: Boy, did Crow step into that, or what? >Mike: High-five! (Mike holds his hand up, lamely.) >Tom: Uh... Sorry, Mike. Can't move the arms, remember? >Mike: Oh, yeah... Oops! He'll love me now. >Crow: Boy, I hope this isn't Tenchi speaking... >Tom: Why not? There's this rumor going around-- >Mike: Okay. That's enough of that. >Tom: What? I smile at them with expression flooding back into my face. It's a somber smile, and I sit down. "Well? Don't I get breakfast around here, or what?" I ask in a very loud voice. Startled, Sasami hands me a donburi rice cup, clattering it onto the kitchen table with shock. "Oneesama..." "Really. What's with the stumbling?" I ask. It's not me! This abrasive voice... is... Not me... "O-Oneesama, I..." >Mike: Okay. That's enough. Ayeka's having a bad >nightmare, right? >Crow: I sure hope not. This is too cool! >Tom: Yeah, Dr. Forrester must be nuts if he thinks this >is bad. (looks around) I mean, more nuts than normal. "Stop stuttering. It ruins this nice morning," I snap. >Crow: Every morning should be this nice. >Tom: Yeah, Sasami. Stop ruining it. God. >Crow: That would be Tsunami-- >Tom: With whom, coincidentally-- >Mike: Please don't finish that thought-- Where are these words coming from? >Crow: From Washu, who's playing a horrible practical joke >on you. >Tom: From your inner child--who once was a robot servant >of an evil genius scientist-- >Mike: I think you got her mixed up with Ryoko. >Tom: Oh... And then she runs away. Tenchi-sama and Mihoshi-san excuse themselves quickly to run after Sasami, and Washuu-san sits in an uncomfortable silence. >Crow: Hiding her grin... Trying desperately not to >chuckle. I'm... it's not me. >Mike: You see? She's just having a bad dream. It's not Ryoko-san, either. >Crow: Huh? I'm... >Tom: Sorry. Just lost me, too. >Mike: Oh, I get it. She's really awake. Oh, my! The slap came. >Crow: Whew! Just before reality could sink in. And she deserved it. >Tom: For stealing my hair style. The third offense is a >beheading! Filthy right deserved it. >Crow: Yeah. Now, Ryoko's going to have to grow her hair >long. Hey, Mike. You can chip in, any minute, now. >(Mike babbles to himself.) "IDIOT!" I screeched. "What are you doing? What are you saying?" >Tom: 'Don't you know those scissors are just for cutting >fabric? Now, you've ruined them!' "I'm... I'm..." >Crow: Hungry? Light-headed? Giddy? >Tom: Hey, Mike! Help us out, here! >Mike: Uh... Please, make it stop! >Tom: Huh? I can't help it. >Tom: Oh. Well... >Crow: I'm compulsive. It runs in the family. >Tom: (sigh) Nice save. My hands fly to her hair, and pull it. >Tom: 'Hey! Ow! That really hurts!' "Your hair! Your hair! What did you do to it?!" >Crow: 'Your bangs are longer than mine! What's up with >that?' "Nothing, nothing!" >Tom: The void returns. "Nothing, huh?" I yank harder. >Crow: Confess, I say! The guilt is plain! She shrieks, and pulls away. >Mike: (flinching) Mommy! >(The 'bots look at him, very concerned.) "Can I say identity crisis? Go apologize! To Sasami!" >Tom: Yeah, Sasami is so calm and composed about her own >identity. She'll really appreciate it when you bring it >up. >Crow: Uh... Tom, I think that was her point. >Tom: Oh! "I can't, I can't." >Crow: I c-- >Tom: Don't even think about it! She's breaking down. She's crying now. >Tom: (looking at Mike) Tom to Mike. Tom calling Mike. >Come in... >Crow: I think we lost him. "Why? WHY?" >Tom: Pie... Pie... in the... (chuckling) face... >Crow: Leave the clever puns to a pro... >Tom: Hey, I'd like to see you do better. "It's... it's me! Why should I apologize for being myself?" >Crow: Zits! Zits! Hey Mike! Come on, man! You're our >anchor! I slap her again, harder, and she crumples to the ground. >(Mike sinks slowly out of shot.) "It's NOT you! You're gentle, you're smart, you're the polite Aeka! Not this monstrously unbearable bitch!" >Tom: Okay, stop the 'fic. I think you beat him, Dr. >Forrester. He looks completely brain-fried, to me. "No! You're wrong! You don't know me at all!" >Crow: Yeah. I think Mike's in a coma. Weird. After all >the crap we've seen--he gets done in by a relatively >harmless 'fic. I stop. >Dr. Forrester: (appears on the screen) Yes! I knew it. >I've rendered him insane! (laughs villainously) > >Frank: Okay, now what? > >Dr. Forrester: Now... Well... Uh... Just a minute. > >The 'bots start chuckling. > >Dr. Forrester: Wait a minute. I did have a plan. Hmm... >I just can't remember what it was... > >Crow: Well, it's okay. At least we don't have to pay him >the twenty bucks we owe him. > >Dr. Forrester: Frank? What the hell was my plan? > >Frank: Huh? Oh, I don't remember. I thought you were >the one who came up with the plan in the first place. > >Dr. Forrester: This is just great! I finally drive >Nelson insane and I can't even remember why I was doing it >in the first place. Argh! > >(The display flickers and goes dark.) > >Tom: Hey, Mike. You're just fakin', right? Right? > >Crow: Uh... No, I don't think so... > >*** Roll credits > >Zinger: > >"Your hair! Your hair! What did you do to it?!" [All flames, death threats, etc. should be addressed to me: Mike Fenton . Thanks for letting me crush, crumble and chomp your work, Mink!] *** Hey Mink! You mind if I post this (it might be considered a little offensive): *** >I don't mind at all. ^_^ That was very funny! > >Unfortunately, the end was cut off, I think? At the end? Or is that just >me? (After the Zinger thing.) Thanks. I never repost someone else's work w/o permission (if I can help it). Well, let's see... Mike Nelson was insane and Dr. Forrester was stumped, so it seemed a little silly... Yeah. The 'zinger' (or 'stinger' as most people call it) is a kind of epilogue that MST3K always did after the final credits. *** (ryokosheart@aol.com) Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE Mystery Science Theater!!! Ahhhhhhh! What a horrible thing to do to such a beautiful story... Ahhhhhhhh!!!! (again) *** Pretty funny, though, don't you think? *** (ryokosheart@aol.com) yeah... it was