Anime Fanfic Theater 1030

By RKoren "Spencer" 1030 (RKoren1030@aol.com)

Legal stuff: MST3K is owned and copyrighted by Best Brains inc.
Lina Inverse is property of SOFTX, H. Kanzaka/R. Araizumi, as well as Software
Sculptors.
Tenchi Masaki and Kamidake are property of Pioneer LCD and Masaki Kajishima.
"How Washu Stays Young" is property of Ryan Mathews (Mathews@ix.netcom.com)
"Tenchi's Shoes" is property of Christopher Angel (c_j_angel@hotmail.com)

Experiment 8: Tenchi Muyo Spamfic double feature ("How Washu stays young" and
"Tenchi's shoes".)

Begin Theme song (Sung to the MST3K theme song)
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In the far and distant future
Shin-Seiki Detriot A.D.
T'was a regular joe named Spencer Trace
Just the same as you or me.
He ate and slept and worked and played
Yes, his name was Spencer Trace.
Then a chick name Bella and a guy name Frank
Yep they knocked poor Spencer on the head and shot him into space.
Spencer: GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!
Bella: We'll send him cheesy fanfics
The worst, we can find! (La-la-la)
He'll have to sit and read them all
And we'll moniter his mind! (La-la-la)
Now keep in mind he can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (La-la-la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his Anime friends!
(Zwweeeeeooo!)
ANIME ROLL CALL!
KAMIDAKE! (Pleasure to meet you!)
TENCHI! (Hello there!)
LINA INVERSE! (Don't get in my way!)
YOOOOOOOOOOO! (Special Anime guest star!)
If you're wondering how he gets through it all
Through all those crazy fics! (La-la-la)
Just repeat to yourself that he has some guts
And it's really just for kicks!
Watch Anime Fanfic Theater 1030 (BWANNNGG)
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[1...2...3...4...5...6...Bridge]

(The bridge has been altered again. This time it looks like the stage of a
talk show. Kamidake's voice is heard.)

Kamidake: And now, it's time for the Spencer Trace hour!
(The applauding of the audience rings throughout the stage, besides the fact
that there is no audience. Spencer Trace appears between the rows of seats,
holding a microphone and dressed like Jerry Springer.)

Spencer: Greetings, people. I'm Spencer Trace. Today we discuss... Super-
Saiya-jin hermaphrodites and the love lives they lead. I have here today,
Oscar. Along with his three lovers, Artemis, Fifi LeFume, and Lola Bunny.

(The camera zooms to Lola, looking very pissed.)
Lola: Hey, listen. I have nothing to do with this freak here! He simply used
self-insertion to MAKE me fall in love with him... her... it!
Oscar: Oh, c'mon, Lola baby. You do remember that I was the one who took your
"V".
Fifi: Zhut up! You feekesh peeg!
Artemis: GET ME THE **** OUTTA HERE! I HAVE NO INTREST IN HIM/HER/IT!
Oscar: Hey! SHUT THE **** UP!
Lola: LISTEN YOU SCRAWNY ASSED CAT ****ER! WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU!
YOU MUST BE SOME KIND OF ****** TO WRITE SELF-INSERTIONS WITH ME IN IT!
(Oscar throws a ki-blast at Lola, turning her to ash. Fifi then grabs a chair
and throws it at him. It misses and crushes Artemis. Fifi and Oscar then begin
fist-fighting until they are hauled off by security.)

Spencer: Well that was an..... intresting and mature conversation. Coming up,
Gontrerman and the furries he...
(Tenchi and Lina enter the room, interrupting him.)

Spencer: Yes?
Lina: The Dirty Pair are calling.
Spencer: Ah, camel poo.

[DEEP 42]

Bella: Nice talk show you got there, Spency. And speaking of junk, I'm sending
you two fics for the price of one!
Frank: It's two Tenchi Muyo SPAMfics! The first one is about how Washu stays
young, and the second is about Tenchi's shoes!

[SOL]

Tenchi: Tired of boring old canned ham?
Lina: Then try...

(Klaxons blair)

All: SPAMFIC SIGN!!
(The three scramble into the theater.)

[6...5...4...3...2...1...theater]
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>(I prefer "Quickfic" to "Spamfic", since I don't consider this >spam...)

All (Singing): Spam, spam, wonderful spam. Oh glorious, glorious spam.

>----------

Tenchi (Rod Sterling): You have crossed into a dimention not of sight and
sound, but of SPAM!
Spencer and Lina: It's SPAM!

        >Sasami walked into Washu's lab to find the scientist working >on a
project.  Washu brightened as she noticed her.  "Ah, just what I >needed. Come
over here and help me out!"

Spencer (Praying): Oh please, oh pleeeease don't let this turn into a
Washu/Sasami lesbian scene!

        >"I brought you some lunch!"

Spencer (In a high pitched Japanese girl's voice): I made you a tofu sub and
some sushi sticks.
Lina and Tenchi: HAI! DOMO ARIGATO, SASAMI-CHAN!
Spencer: Yeah.. whatever the hell that ment.

        >"Thank you so much!  Set it down over there, okay?  Now I want >you
to stand at this console here and follow my instructions."  Washu >began to
undress.

All: LESBIAN SCENE!! NOOO!!
(Tenchi screams and runs to the door. But once he touches it, over a thousand
volts of electricity surge through his body and send him flying across the
room.)

Lina: Wh-what the hell was that!?!
Bella (over the P.A.): Oh yeah, just in case you guys tried to escape during
the experiment. I have electrified the doorway. Now sit down and enjoy!
(All groan.)

>Sasami found a small table and set down the bento.

Spencer: Bento... ver?
Lina: Oh sweet god, no.

>"What are we doing?"

Tenchi: Hopefully not what we think you're gonna do.

        >Naked, Washu stepped onto a small pedestal.  "If this works, >I'll
gain the ability to remodulate temporal quantum flux!"  Sasami >gave her a
confused look.  "Never mind.  I'll demonstrate when we're >done.  Just hit the
green button."

Lina: Watch in suspence as she HITS the GREEN BUTTON!

>Sasami did as she was told.  A transparent tube slid down over
>Washu.   "Now enter 45791 on the digital pad, and hit 'GO'."  Sasami >did so,
and a humming noise began to build.

Spencer: So it turned on her vibr...
Tenchi: Spencer!
Spencer: Oh, poopie.

>Energy glowed within the tube, caressing Washu's body.
        >"Yes!" exclaimed Washu.  "It's working!  It's-- wait.  >Something's
wrong.  Sasami, adjust the polar dynamic."

Lina (Washu): Okay now, just a little to the right. Ohhh yeah! Now move it up
a bit. OHH YES! YES! YES!
Tenchi: This is too much like those damn Herbal Essence commercials.

        >"What's that?"

Spencer (Washu): Heehee, it's my vibra-
(Lina throws a fire-ball at Spencer before he can finish his sentence.)
Spencer: owie.

        >"It's the button next to the---AAAAAGGGHH!"  Washu yelled as >energy
crackled within the tube.  "Oh, shit!  Abort!  ABORT!!"
        ">I don't know how!" cried Sasami, panicking.  "What should I >do?!"

All: GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE!

        >"Just...  AUUGGGGHHH!"  Energy crackled again, then glowed
>white-hot.  "EEEEEEAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH--!"

Spencer: BRAIN-FREEZE!!

>Washu's screams were cut off as she was quickly incinerated.
        >"No!" cried Sasami.  "WASHU!!"  She ran over to the pedestal >as the
tube, now charred black, raised back into the air.  Sasami >fought her way
through the smoke, coughing.  Nothing remained of Washu >but a small pile of
gray ash.  "Washu!!"

Lina (Stan): OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED WASHU!
Tenchi (Kyle): YOU BASTARDS!!

        >Around Sasami, Washu's lab came to life.

Spencer (Washu's lab): I'm playing by MY rules now!

>A monitor began to display a message: "GENERATING REPLACEMENT CLONE".
        >Doors slid open, reveleaing a large tube.  The tube filled >with a
pink liquid.

Tenchi: Check it out, the world's largest bottle of pepto-bismo!
Spencer (Bored tourist): I've seen bigger.

>The liquid began to fade in color as nanomachines inside the mixture
>assembled the molecules into a new Washu, first the skeleton, then
>internal organs, muscles, nerves, then finally, skin and hair.
>The monitor display "LOADING MEMORIES: 0%", then counted up to
>100%.

Lina: About 39 hours later.
Tenchi (Washu): Damn Windows!

>The now clear liquid drained from the tube, a flash of light dried her >skin
and hair, and out stepped Washu.  She checked herself over, >seemed satisfied,
and walked over to Sasami.

Spencer (Washu): Now that that's over, LET'S GET IT ON!
(Tenchi and Lina scream)

        >"Well, what happened here?"
        >"You--  You just--"

Tenchi (Sasami): Were showing me your orgasm-inducing machine when you
suddenly fried yourself.

        >Washu grabbed a handful of ash and let it run through her >fingers.
>"Oops.  Looks like it's back to the old drawing board."  She looked at
>Sasami, whose cheeks were still wet with tears.  "Don't worry about >it, kid.
This isn't the first time I've fried myself.  Probably won't >be the last,
either."

Lina (Washu) It'll happen EVERY episode!

        >"This has happened before?" sniffed Sasami.
        >"Are you kidding?  This," said Washu, clapping the ash off her
>hands, "was Washu #2,716.  I'm Washu #2,717."  She picked up the pile >of
clothing and began to put it on.

Spencer: So Washu has the "Kenny Syndrome"?
Tenchi: I guess so.....

>----------
>
>Well, it makes sense to me!  :-)

All: But it doesn't to us!
(The three run to the door but are electrified once they touch it.)

Frank (On the P.A.) Sorry, guys.  There's another spamfic for ya!
(They take their seats again, grumbling to themselves.)

>------RM

Spencer: Radioactive Man?
Lina: Revolting Mail?
Tenchi: Really Mixed-up?

>[Opening shot: Tenchi fighting with Ryoko outside the school - scene >ends
with Tenchi cutting off her hand.]

Lina (Ryoko with a british accent): 'Tis a flesh wound.
Tenchi (British accent): What do you mean!? I completly chopped your hand off!
Spencer (Same): I'll just kick you to death! C'mon you yellow bastards!!

>Washu:  Is it the hair?

Lina: What does Tenchi's hair have anything to do with the scene we just saw!?
Tenchi: As if YOUR hair is any better!
Lina: It is!

>[Scene of Yosho versus Ryoko when Kagato first attacks.  Closeup on
>Tenchi-ken.]
>
>Washu:  Is it the sword?

Tenchi (Kagato): Tenchi, same name as the sword. Tenchi cannot be copied. Very
clever, Tsunami. You've won, boy, for now.
(Spencer and Lina groan.)

>[Tenchi fighting Kagato, includes the manifestation of the LHW - ends >with
Kagato's destruction]

Lina: Isn't LHW some new video player or something like that?

>Washu:  Is it the Wings?

Tenchi (Little boy): Daddy, teacher says everytime a bell rings, an angel gets
his wings!
Spencer (Dad): Your teacher's fulla snot, kid!

>[Tenchi versus Yakage's robots (second Viz graphic novel) - close up >on
Tenchi's shoes, with a recognizable swoosh on them.]
>
>Washu:  Is it the shoes?

(The trio looks down at Tenchi's shoes.)
Lina: No, I don't think so..

>[Tenchi manifesting the LHW and defeating Yakage - closeup on the >shoes.]
>
>Washu: It's gotta be the shoes!
>
>[Fade to black, letters appear on the screen.]

Tenchi: Never underestimate the power of spam!

>NIKE.  JUST DO IT.

Spencer: DO THE DEW!
Lina: But beware of the penguins!
Tenchi: So bad it's gone!

>[Fadeout]
>
>***************

Tenchi: I give the movie "Fadeout", about 15 stars!
Lina: This spamfic, on the other hand. Doesn't deserve even one star!
Spencer: The doorway's open guys.
Tenchi: Then let's get the hell outta here!
(The three exit the theater.)
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[1...2...3...4...5...6...Bridge]

(The Spencer Trace show continues.)

Spencer: Today I'm interveiwing two lemon writers. The first is Robert Tsunai,
the infamous "KiddyHentai" and author of "ChibiUsa's seventh birthday". Along
with the Author of "Ami-chan".
(The camera zooms in on the two. Tsunai is wearing a shirt that says "Rini is
hella sexy" and the Ami-chan author's face is blurred out to protect his
identity. Spencer sits opposite to them.)

Spencer: So guys, what have you been doing these days?
Tsunai: Chibi-Usa Hentai! And lots of it!
Author: Well, I've already done rape stories about Ami, Makoto, and Minako.
Next I'm planning to make lemons about Rei, Usagi...
Tsunai: AND CHIBI-USA!?
Author: Yes, maybe Chibi-Usa.
Tsunai: WHOO-HOO!
(Spencer can't handle it anymore. He throws his chair at the Author and starts
beating the snot out of Tsunai.)

Spencer: YOU ****ING BASTARD! I KILL YOU SCUM! YOU ****ING SON OF A ****
****** AND ***** WITH ***** **** **** YOU **** **** *****!!
(Lina and Tenchi pull Spencer away from the two. He struggles like a stubborn
child until Lina puts a sleeping spell on him.)

Author: Owchies.
Tsunai: Thanks, there're just some people who can't understand us.
Lina: No, we just took so we could take care of you ourselves.
(Tenchi creates a Wing of the Light Hawk while Lina prepares a dragon slave.
The two authors look at eachother, knowing it's the end of the line for them.)

Author and Tsunai: Oh, poopie.
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Anime Fanfic Theater 1030 by: RKoren "Spencer" 1030

How Washu Stays Young by: Ryan Mathews (mathews@ix.netcom.com)

Tenchi's Shoes by: Christopher Angel (c_j_angel@hotmail.com)

Mystery Science Theater 3000 by: Best Brains Inc.

Stinger: NIKE.  JUST DO IT.