Following a strange accident involving a carload of strippers and a tanker truck 
of baby oil, two friends arrive at a nearby ER and are subsequently pronounced 
DOA (dead on arrival).  After living lives as sarcastic, cynical bastards, Jerry 
and Bob soon end up in hell. However, Satan is quick to realize their potential 
and after a short period of the required wailing and gnashing of teeth, Jerry 
and Bob are promoted from tormentees to tormentors. Their assignment: the 
punishment of the twisted little fruits that write lemons. They eagerly accepted 
the assignment.

Jerry the Juicer- A being of moderation. Physically at least. He is of average 
height, slightly below average weight technically (he's not overweight), and 
very non-descript physical features. He blends into a crowd easily. Which he 
used to his advantage back on earth... He is dressed in plain, dark clothes, as 
most denizens of hell are, and slouches slightly on Satan's Couch. The only 
unusual thing about this otherwise bland character is the air of danger and fear 
that seems to permeate the area around him and the dark intelligence that lurks 
behind his eyes. That and the juicer that he always carries which is perpetually 
covered in a mysterious, and slightly disturbing slimy substance.

Defiler Bob- The world shuttered when he was born and rejoiced in his death. He 
is Jerry's best friend. Defiler Bob got the title "Defiler" from what is know in 
Hell as the "weasel incident". He is currently wearing just a pair of tight 
black leather pants and an evil grin. He has long black hair parted down the 
middle. Two beady red eyes can be seen from beneath his hair. In sharp contrast 
to his hair and clothes is his ghastly pale skin. Though Jerry is the wittier of 
the two, Bob is by far the more sadistic and has the ability to summon lesser 
demons to do his will.        

Ben Sagle (Bestial Necromica of Sadistic Glee)- The demonic familiar drawn from 
the darkest aspect of Jerry and given to him when he was appointed one of 
Satan's personal minions. Ben is about two feet tall with large leathery wings, 
and wicked teeth and claws, dripping with caustic sarcasm. (oddly silent in this 
episode)

Pep‚ (Putrid Entity of Pure Evil)- This is Defiler Bob's familiar which is draw 
from his sadistic nature and was given to him around the same time Jerry 
received Ben Sagle. Pep‚ looks like an ordinary bunny rabbit with white fur. But 
under all that beats the black heart a sociopath.   

Satan's Couch- A piece of demonic furniture created by the Prince of Darkness 
himself, specifically for the use of Defiler Bob and Jerry the Juicer in their 
torment of lemon writers. It can change shape and size depending on the needs of 
Jerry and Bob. It also adds its own comments occasionally. It has become a good 
friend of and co-tormentor with Jerry and Bob. (also unusally quiet this time)

Winky the one eyed Christmas elf- Winky resides in one of the projection rooms 
of the Multiplex of the Damned. Winky was sent to hell after Mrs. Claus found 
him making strange shadow puppets in the Doll Room of Santa's Workshop.

So with out further ado let's light this sucker up!

<Warning this is a Lemon fanfic; which means that it is adult oriented and has 
sexual content. If you are under legal age or easily offended by this kind of 
material, then please hit the back button on your browser.  This is also my 
first lemon fanfic and it's not that great and it may not make that much sense. 
NOTE: none of these characters are mine and are the property of somebody else.> 

Jerry: Who, I'm sure, is thrilled about what's being done to his or her 
characters.

<Please send all comments or suggestions to: Mike_Forever@hotmail.com>

Bob: We already have.

	* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

<It was a quiet day at the carrot patch and Tenchi was hard at work picking some 
carrots for lunch.  Sasami had nothing to do that day so she decided to go help 
Tenchi.  On her head sat Ryo-ohki who miayed contentedly for she knew that they 
were going to the carrot patch. Tenchi looked up form his work and saw Sasami 
walking down the road wearing shorts and a T-shirt. Tenchi was sweating 
profusely and decided to take off his shirt, to reveal a muscular chest, in an 
effort to cool off.  Sasami saw Tenchi hard at work and noticed how cute he was 
when he was bare-chested.  Tenchi had always had a secret crush on Tenchi>  

Jerry: Nothin' like self-lovin'.

<and didn't know how to approach her.>

<As Sasami came into full view Tenchi's dick started to grow in his shorts.>  

Jerry: Notice the subtle lead in, the way Tenchi's reaction is carefully 
foreshadowed by Sasami walking by! Crimey! Is he really that lonely and 
desperate?  

Bob: It's always the quiet ones.

<Soon Tenchi's hard-on became too hard to hide, comfortably.  Sasami, by this 
time had noticed the bulge in Tenchi's pants.  Tenchi kept working despite his 
discomfort.>

Bob: (doing a surprisingly good imitation of Sasami's voice) Sorry, but I don't 
do miniatures

Pep‚: tee hee

<Ryo-oki had now dug a tunnel under the ground to get at one of the carrots.>  

Jerry: He must have gone straight through Sasami, poor girl. I would have taken 
the thing off my head as soon as it started digging. Oh well, that's just me I 
guess. 

<She nibbled at the first carrot she came to. The carrot was relatively large 
and would take a lot of time to eat.  Tenchi came to the carrot that Ryo-oki was 
chewing on and was unable to rip it from the ground.  Sasami asked Tenchi if he 
needed any help and bent down close to him glancing at his bulge, trying not to 
let him notice.  Sasami squatted down next to Tenchi and started to pull on the 
carrot.  After much effort the carrot was torn from the ground, carrying the 
little cabbitt> 

Bob: Too easy.

<Ryo-oki with it, and sent Sasami and Tenchi flying.  Tenchi fell on his back 
and Sasami fell on top of his stomach face down.>  

Jerry: ...By some miracle of aerodynamics, Sasami spun in the air for no reason, 
to face the opposite direction. Why you ask? Because if she was standing next to 
Tenchi she would have fallen on her back, the same as Tenchi, that's why. Oh 
didn't think about that did you?!
	
<Tenchi and Sasami both moaned slightly in ecstasy as Sagami's pussy was mashed 
onto Tenchi's stiff dick. >

Bob: Why is Sasami moaning if Sagami is the one getting her pussy mashed?

 <Sasami enjoyed what she was feeling and started to move her hips up and down 
on Tenchi's bulge.  Tenchi was slightly dazed and as he came out of it he looked 
down to see his fantasies come true.  Tenchi reached down and lifted Sasami's 
tight shirt over her head and flung it aside.  Sasami was meanwhile undoing 
Tenchi's short's as well as her own.>  

Jerry: Define undoing. Was she unraveling their shorts thread by thread? You 
usually simply unbutton or unzip shorts. 

<Tenchi lay totally naked under a half-clothed Sasami.  All Sasami was wearing 
was her under-garments. Tenchi leaned forward between Sasami's young tits> 

Bob: What tits? She's 12 you slimy little pervert! 

<and undid her front-clasp bra with his teeth.>  

Jerry: His teeth? Oh come on! Most guys can't do it with their hands and a pair 
of scissors!

<Tenchi removed the bra with a small tug.>  

Jerry: If the clasp is in the front then the bra would wrap around her back, 
right? So to get it off Tenchi would have to pull it down and off one of her 
arms, then the other or pull it straight through her chest. In other words, a 
small tug ain't gonna do jack shit. 

<Tenchi's hands moved down and grabbed the crotch of Sasami's panties.  Sasami 
started to get really wet now.  Tenchi slipped the pink frilly panties in a 
swift motion.>  

Jerry: Slipped them where? Or did he grab them and lose his grip? Maybe her 
panties were actually chasing him and he managed to elude them, he gave them the 
slip.
 
<Sasami raised up to allow her panties to come off, then she settle> 

Jerry: It's called the past tense dumb ass. 

<herself down on Tenchi's stiff prick.  Tenchi held Sasami on the tip of his 
prick and told the virgin Sasami that this would hurt a bit, Sasami didn't care 
much because she wanted Tenchi so badly.>  

Jerry: Okay, is she balancing on the end of his "stiff prick"? That would 
require some amazing skills, not to mention amazing penile strength. Kudos to 
Tenchi.

<Tenchi forced all of Sasami's weight down as fast as he could.> 

Jerry: Are they suddenly in zero gravity?

<Sasami cried out in pain as her pussy gave way to Tenchi massive prick was 
split open.> 

Bob: Oh fuck! Now that had to hurt! 

Jerry: A few problems here. First, her pussy is not sealed shut. Yes, the hymen 
is there, but it is a thin membrane, not kevlar. It sounds like Tenchi has to 
rip a hole in her steel plated abdomen to have sex with her. Secondly, after 
"gave way" the sentence makes no sense, whatsoever. Lastly, sweet bean curds of 
Alderon, did his "prick" just split open?!?! In which case, um... ouch. Maybe 
she did have a steel plated abdomen.

<The pain> 

Jerry: From having her abdominal cavity perforated. 

<quickly subsided and was soon replaced with pleasure. Tenchi lifted Sasami 
until only the tip of his dick was left inside Sasami.  Tenchi brought Sasami 
back down and lifted her slowly back up.> 
  
Jerry: Is he pretty much bench pressing her through out this whole thing? 
Wouldn't that get tiring? 

<Tenchi continued this motion while lifting his hips up to meet Sasami's 
downstrokes.> 

Jerry: Aren't they his down strokes? 

<Sasami started to gyrate> 

Jerry: Ooh, gyrate...somebody bought a thesaurus. 

Bob: Aren't we special.
	
<her hips from side to side, trying to increase the friction inside her love 
hole.> 

Bob: Shakespeare himself could not have put it more elegantly.  

Editor's Note: The amount of sarcasm that accompanied that line was so thick you 
could cut it with a knife, and serve it on small crackers.

Jerry: Yeah, I'm sure she calls it her "love hole", it's such a soft, feminine 
term. Why does she want friction anyway, is she trying to set fire to Tenchi's 
shorts in an attempt to get away from him?

Jerry: We break now from our regularly scheduled porn to bring you this urgent 
mutated freak update. 

<Ryo-ohki was, meanwhile, still working away at the tip of the carrot.  She had 
no idea of what was going on at the surface.  Ryo-ohki felt small tremors in the 
ground from Tenchi's humping action, but thought nothing of it.> 

Jerry: This genetic catastrophe update has been brought to you by the creator of 
Tenchi, who would like to say: "What the fuck?! You little pervert!" Thank you. 
We now return you to your lonely little loser fantasy porn about two non-
existent animated characters.

Bob: You left out the fact that one of these non-existent characters is a 12-
year-old girl.

<Back at the surface both Sasami and Tenchi were reaching their climax.  There 
was much labored breathing and moaning between the two of them.> 

Jerry: No one is quite sure why the breathing was coming from in between them. 
One theory holds that Tenchi may have punctured one of Sasami's lungs during 
"entry", which would create the sounds. Another theory states that the breathing 
is in fact a manifestation of the creator who was either having an anxiety 
attack or moaning from the intense psychological pain caused by what was 
happening to his characters.  

<Tenchi slowed down a bit to try and prolong the pleasure for both of them.  
Ryo-ohki heard all the screaming and came up to investigate.> 

Jerry: If this were a horror movie, instead of just horrible, this would be the 
point where the killer axed the cat-rabbit freak in the back of the head.  

Bob: I wish who ever wrote this would get an ax to the back of the head.

<She dug a tunnel along-side the carrot she was just eating and popped her 
little head out. She watched curiously as Tenchi and Sasami screamed in ecstasy 
as they both climaxed.>

Bob: And ever since then Ryo-ohki could no longer look at Tenchi or Sasami with 
out becoming violently ill.  

<Both exhausted, Tenchi and Sasami decided to rest for a while.> 

Jerry: Why is Sasami exhausted? Wasn't Tenchi bench-pressing her body while she 
basically just laid there? 

<They just lay there to catch their breath and relax their muscles. When they 
were rested Tenchi made the first move by rolling over and reaching for the 
carrot that Ryo-ohki was nibbling on.> 

Bob: He wouldn't...
	
<Sasami looked up curiously and smiled at the thought of what Tenchi was about 
to do. 	Tenchi dusted off the carrot a bit, kneeled down in front of Sasami 
and stuffed the carrot up in her pussy.>  

Jerry: Then Ryo-ohki walked over and got all up in Tenchi's face for wastin' a 
perfectly good carrot. Unfortunately, homey Ryo didn't play that kinky carrot 
shit, so she pulled out her nine and busted a cap in Tenchi's lily-white ass. 
Then she done pimp slapped Tenchi's bitch, took her carrot out of Sasami's love 
hole and went back to getting her snack on. Anyone out there that actually 
"speaks" Ebonics and wants to complain about the prior passage can e-mail me at 
get_over_it@gofuckyourself.com.

Bob: Oh, now that was just fucking wrong! Satan get this bastard down here NOW!

Mean while back on earth the sick fuck that goes by the pen name "Ryo-ohki" is 
walking down the street when a large semi-truck, filled with carrots, jumps the 
curve and slams into the dumb mother fucker. After being stuck under it for 
three hours he finally dies a very slow and painful death. And there was much 
rejoicing.  

<Ryo-ohki gave a whelp of protest and ran to Sasami.  She watched Sasami's pussy 
swallow the carrot and then jumped in after it.>  

Jerry: How big is this thing? I know how big a cat is and I've seen some damn 
huge rabbits.  Now this thing is just "jumping in"? It doesn't even have to 
wiggle in a bit; it just hops right in? Isn't this the same opening Tenchi 
previously had to use the Jaws of Life to open? 

While Jerry is trying to come to grips with Sasami's depth, a faint scream is 
heard. This scream gets louder and louder, then you see the author of this 
monstrosity smack the ground and bounce about three or four times before coming 
to rest at Bob's feet. 
Bob: So you're the sick little bastard that wrote this! Well I'd like you to 
meet a friend of mine (Bob snaps his fingers and a six foot tall carrot with 
arms, legs and a face with a rather pissed off expression appears). Meet Tad, 
he's not very happy about what you did with one of his cousins. (Tad picks up 
the bruised and tattered author and is about to do unspeakable things to him 
when Bob, Jerry and the others give him a look of disgust). Tad do you mind, 
take it to the other room. 

Winky: (rather cheerfully) Bring him up here! 

<Sasami squealed with delight.  Tenchi lifted Sasami and crawled under her, 
laying her on his chest face-up.> 

Jerry: Is she paralyzed or just really damn lazy? 

Bob: I'd say paralyzed because there is no way she would let Tenchi do this to 
her.

<Tenchi stuffed his cock up her tight, little asshole.> 

Bob: Speaking of which. Hey! Tad! Don't bother with the lube, that bastard 
doesn't deserve it.

<Ryo-ohki crawled up farther into Sasami's pussy in an effort to retrieve the 
stolen carrot.> 

Jerry: Again, how big is the damn thing? Is it the only love hole visible from 
space? 

Bob: Dude, enough with referring to it as "love hole"! I mean we're demons and 
all, but we have to have some sort of limits.

Jerry: Limits?! You're the one having him ass-raped by a giant carrot? I was 
merely following the context of the lemon.

Bob: Good point.

<Ryo-ohki, realizing that it would be impossible to pull the carrot out, sat and 
nibbled at the carrot.  Ryo-ohki had to come up for air every once in a while, 
this increased the friction in Sasami's pussy.>  

Jerry: As mentioned before, friction during sex is a bad thing. Why do you think 
there are so many lubes, oils, and lotions out there?

<By this time Sasami was thoroughly enjoying herself.  Sasami's tight ass 
muscles loosened up slightly, as Sasami began to relax.>  

Bob: Hey what 12-year-old girl wouldn't enjoy a nice round of anal sex while at 
the same time having a carrot and a cabbit in her vagina.

Editor's Note: Pep‚ is now choking and coughing because of the amount of sarcasm 
in the air. 

Jerry: Personally, I've never gotten the whole anal sex thing. If her ass 
muscles (highly technical term there) relax while her anal sphincter is being 
held open, wouldn't all the fecal matter (shit, for all the brain dead idiots 
out there) start leaking out? 

Bob: I think there is a fetish that revolves around that kind of thing.

Pep‚: Really? 

Bob: Yeah, there are some guys out there who just spray their pants when...

Jerry: So, this happens all the time...

Bob: Well, not all the time, but let me finish. There are some guys who spray 
their pants when a girl squats in front of them and drops a steaming load.

Satan's Couch: I like things a little cleaner. It's easier on the upholestry.

Jerry: Anyway, back to the lemon.
 
<Tenchi began to move up and down and lifted Sasami in an effort to get some 
friction> 

Jerry: There's that damn friction again. Hey Tad, do you have any sandpaper?

Winky: I do!

Pep‚ shudders.

<on his dick.  Tenchi slowly increased the pace at which he pounded his meat 
into Sasami.>  

Jerry: Since Tenchi is moving Sasami the whole time (lazy bitch) isn't he 
actually pounding Salami, I mean Sasami into his meat? 

As Bob and Jerry are watching this bit of monkey shit, in the distance they can 
hear what sounds like a six foot tall carrot scream "What's my name?!" followed 
by the sound of a pervert being slapped around then the sound of that same six 
foot carrot screaming "Say my name bitch!!!" and after about five seconds they 
hear a meek voice say "Tad".

Pep‚: Tee hee, he's a carrot's bitch.

<At the same time Tenchi reached around to tease his lovers' clit.  His other 
hand grabbed Sasami's tiny pink nipple on her left side.> 

Jerry: So how is he going to lift here lax body up and down if he has his hands 
there? A nipple and a clit aren't exactly good handholds. 

Bob: Talk about a titty twister. 

Ben, suddenly behind a set of drums, delivers a rim shot.
 
<Sasami brought her right hand up to her breast and ran little circles around 
her nipple with her index finger.  Her other hand moved down and reached between 
her legs.  She continued down until her hand met Tenchi's balls,> 

Jerry: ...at which point her hand and his balls exchanged pleasantries and 
decided to go for a walk in the park followed by a light brunch. They finally 
returned half an hour later...

Bob: That was just plain sick.

Jerry: Do I have to play the Tad card again?

Bob: Will you get over it. It's my job.

<she then gave Tenchi's balls a light squeeze.> 

Jerry: ...to say welcome back.

<Tenchi returned the favor by pinching Sasami's nipple and clit between his 
thumb and index finger.> 

Jerry: So he folded her torso in half? That's the only way I can think of to get 
her nipple and her clit in the same hand. This would also break several ribs and 
her spine, more likely than not killing her. Oh well, she got her nipple and 
clit pinched together didn't she?

<By this time Ryo-ohki was almost done the carrot> 

Jerry: Yes, he had almost turned into "Done the Carrot", masked edible root 
crime fighter by night, disgusting plaything for perverts by day.

<and tried to push the rest of the carrot out through Sasami's vaginal opening.>  

Jerry: What happened to "love hole"? So the cat-rabbit is able to turn all the 
way around and push the carrot out? I think I'm starting to guess the size of 
Sasami's cavernous pussy. I believe her intestines and stomach have been removed 
to make more room for her vagina. This would also explain why she could loosen 
her ass without "unloading" all over Tenchi. 

<This gave Sasami a jolt of pleasure and brought her close to climax.  Sasami 
let Tenchi know this by tugging spasmodically on Tenchi's balls,> 

Jerry: Wouldn't that hurt like a bitch?!

Bob: I don't know, let's ask Tad. Hey Tad, give that freak's balls a tug. 

After that phrase was uttered a scream rattled the whole theater.

Jerry: I told you so.
 
<Tenchi began to hump faster and faster trying to bring Sasami and himself over 
the verge of climax.  It worked, both of them moaned and shuddered as they 
reached their second climax at the same time.  Cum began to seep out of Sasami's 
ass,> 

Jerry: ...since it was, in fact, only a slight depression on the edge of 
Sasami's cabbit filled vagina, it couldn't hold much of anything.

<Tenchi waited until he was limp before he withdrew from her ass.>  

Jerry: That was awfully considerate of him.

<Ryo-ohki had finally pushed the rest of the carrot out of Sasami's pussy and 
began to nibble on it.> 

Jerry: On her pussy? Ouch, have you seen the teeth on a rabbit, or a cat for 
that matter? And is it still sitting inside her?

Pep‚: (clicks his teeth together) I can do things that will make you cry!
  
<Sasami looked over to Tenchi and lovingly whispered "I LOVE You Tenchi.">

Bob: After what Tenchi just did to Sasami I would think that would be the LAST 
thing she would say.

<End of Part 1>

<Stay tuned for part 2-coming soon>

Jerry's Final Thought: A relationship that starts with vegetable and cabbit 
penetration and anal sex while said small mammal is still inside? I see a bright 
future ahead for these two crazy lovebirds. (sniffs) I think I'm going to cry. 
It's so sweet. (sniff, blink, blink) No wait. That's not a bright future I see, 
it's the headlights of an 18-wheeler. Hurray! Just what I've been waiting for! 
(Ryo-ohki (the pervert not the cabbit) stumbles back into the room, moaning in 
pain) Ah, just the freak I've been looking for! (grabs Ryo-ohki by the head, 
causing much screaming) I've got a fan here that wants to see you. (throws Ryo-
ohki in front of oncoming 18-wheeler -horn blares followed by a messy, wet thud) 
Ooohh, encore.

Bob's Two Cents: (snaps fingers and Ryo-ohki, the writer, reforms) Okay, now if 
you've seen the movie Little Nicky, you know what I'm about to do. And I will 
give you a choice. (walks him over to a mini-fridge) (Ryo-ohki selects the 
smallest carrot in the fridge, Defiler Bob shakes his head.) You have to do 
better than that. (Ryo-ohki picks up second smallest carrot, Defiler Bob sighs 
and takes the carrot from him) Okay, I'll let it slide this time, but next 
time... Tad hold him down. Pep‚ depants this kid will you.(Pep‚ gingerly pulls 
down Ryo-ohki's pants) Okay on three! One... (pulls back carrot) Two... (carrot 
quadruples in size) Three...(carrot quadruples in size once again as Bob swings 
forward) And sideways it goes! (Tad looks away and Winky manages to look 
offended) 

Satan: (walks into theater) Damn boy! I see you two are taking your work 
seriously. 

The End?

Send all comments to (for real this time): tormentors_of_the_damned@yahoo.com
Strangely appropriate isn't it. Any flames? Bring it on. Any suggestions for our 
next victim are also welcome. Hero worship is also always appreciated. Because, 
like the wang, the ego can never be too big. Pep‚ would like to take this chance 
to remind everyone: "There is a god and it lives in my pants."