Author's note/Disclaimer: This is an MST. All names, concepts, references, and indicia thereof used herein are property of their respective owners. The only things I claim for my own are Newjersey Silverwolf and the work I did on the MST. Query> IS IT FEASIBLE TO SUBJECT THE MSTERS TO AN ABSOLUTELY SICK LEMON FIC? MAGI DELIBERATING........DONE. MELCHIOR: Affirmative. BALTHAZAR: Affirmative. CASPER: Affirmative. RESULT: 3-0 FOR SUBJECTING THE MSTERS TO AN ABSOLUTELY SICK LEMON FIC. MISSION LOG #6: HACKYMAN NERV TOP SECRET MISSION LOG? WHAT MISSION LOG? I NEVER SAW A MISSION LOG. BALTHAZAR: NERV-MST Episode 3, reeeeeeeel one! OPENING THEME v.0.1 (To the MST3K theme song) In the not-distant-enough future, Post Third-Impact A.D., The Event Horizon ripped a hole Across causality. A secret group by the name of NERV Tried to find what purpose the hole could serve... Well, the Fourth Impact left them alive, So they had to seal the hole up before Impact number Five! (OH...NOT AGAIN!!!) RITSUKO: I'll test a group with fanfics! The oddest I can find! (la la la) They'll watch them while I monitor Their sync ratios and minds! (la la la) Now keep in mind the mission fails If the world happens to end, But the crew just doesn't know why NERV Has to rearrange their friends... Current Roll Call! Filia! ("NAMAGOMI!!!") Lina! ("DRAGON SLAVE!!!") Newjersey! ("It belongs in a museum!") Aeka! (First Princess!) Harry! (The Boy Who Lived!) GOOOOOOOOOOOOOKU! ("KAMEHAMEHA!!!") If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, Well Ritsuko knows the facts. But if you're looking for NERV's MST, Then have a seat and just relax! For NERV's latest conspiracy...Causality! The scene opens in the aftermath of the previous MST, inside the entry Theater. Newjersey is frantically clawing his way through the escape hatch, Aeka is fighting down panic and the urge to summon her shield units (which would not function too well in the liquid-filled space), and Filia is trying to cut the wall with her laser breath. NEWJERSEY: This damn...metal! Why won't it cut? WHY?! RITSUKO: Well we reinforced and hardened a new alloy to prevent severe damage from inside the entry theater... The holographic space is momentarily disrupted when Lina, in anger, launches a flare arrow through Ritsuko's image. RITSUKO: Ooohkay, I'll call back later. GOKU: You know, this really is not a good situation. LINA: And what clued you in on that fact? AEKA: I hate this place! I want to go home! Ritusko's face appears on screen again. RITSUKO: Okay, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that it doesn't look like any more Adam fics are approaching. HARRY: And the bad news? RITSUKO: There's a problem in the entry theater control system. We can't open it up. Life support is still functional, as is communication, but that's about it. AEKA: YOU LISTEN TO ME! I AM THE FIRST PRINCESS OF THE ROYAL HOUSE OF JURAI! YOU WILL NOT HOLD ME HERE AGAINST MY WILL! RITSUKO: We're working as fast as we can. Suddenly, Washu's face appears in another comm window. WASHU: Have no fear, the most genius scientist in the universe is here! NEWJERSEY: Washu? Is that really you? WASHU: You were expecting...someone else? AEKA: Little Washu, can you get us out of here? WASHU: Of course! Though with the interference from the causality hole, it's not going to be easy. You see we've got a window coming up in which interference is minimal. I can switch you out of the entry theater providing I can find someone of a similar mass to exchange with. Shouldn't be too hard... NEWJERSEY: Get me out of here! AEKA: Wait your turn, I'm a princess! I take precedence! FILIA: Let me out of here so I can hurt the Mazoku who's responsible for this! WASHU: Look, it's not that simple, and I can get you all out as long as we all act within the time window... HARRY: This place sucks! I'm missing quidditch practice! GOKU: I really have to get back. If the dragonballs fall into the wrong hands, then... WASHU: Look, really, I can get you all out, but we... NEWJERSEY: I've got a class to teach! I have a Ph.D! AEKA: You don't have the affairs of a whole world to deal with, so I should go first! LINA: You two wait in line! I'm hungry, dammit! Washu hits a few keys on her subspace computer, and Goku and Aeka disappear. In their respective places are Parn, from Record of Lodoss War, and San, from Mononoke Hime. Both of them, upon realizing that their environment is now liquid, start swimming for the top of the entry plug. Parn is having a bit more difficulty due to his armor. LINA: What the... FILIA: Oh no, they don't know this is LCL, isn't it? Newjersey pushes off of the floor, and with his big arms, grabs both San and Parn. NEWJERSEY: Come on! Don't panic! This is LCL, not water! Breathe! San and Parn continue to struggle. Parn goes for his blade, while San is biting at him. NEWJERSEY: OW! Breathe, dammit! Breathe! After a minute of struggle, unable to hold their breaths any longer, San drowns in the fluid, followed by Parn. The two take shallow breaths, unused to entry plug fillings, but breathing oxygen-laden liquid. SAN: I feel sick... NEWJERSEY: It passes in a minute...WASHU! WASHU: Yes? NEWJERSEY: WHY did you have to bring in two more people? Why couldn't you have put in two equal masses, like chunks of rock? WASHU: There wasn't time to do adequate mass measurements. Speaking of time, the window's up. I can't exchange any more of you. ALL: WHAT?! WASHU: Well if you would have listened... RITSUKO: Don't worry, we're still working on the entry theater control. We should have you out in a few hours. LINA: Oh joy. Could you SPEED THINGS UP?! RITSUKO: I wish we could, but that stint with the AHRLI's has us spread a bit thin. There is some good news, though. You won't get bored in there. PARN: Speaking of which...where is "here?" SAN: HUMANS?! RITSUKO: Parn, San, meet the MST crew. This is Lina Inverse, FIlia Ul Copt, Harry Potter, and Newjersey Silverwolf. SAN: How did I end up with all these humans?! What kind of sick joke is this?! FILIA: San, not all of us are human. But we are all in the same mess now. Besides, aren't you human? SAN: I am not human! I am a wolf! NEWJERSEY: What a coincidence! So am I! Want to go for coffee when this is over? SAN: Let go of me, you pervert! San kicks Newjersey in the gut, causing him to release both her and Parn. Newjersey shifts to human form. LINA: It's amazing, isn't it? We anime females seem to know instinctively what a pervert is, no matter what cultural frame we come from. RITSUKO: Ahem. As I was saying, we have a couple of fics... HARRY: Aw come on, not more of them? FILIA: Ritsuko, you can't be serious, just throwing them into a fic when they've already been through the trauma of LCL? RITSUKO: Commander Ikari's orders. We're using the entry theater time. Your fics today will be a pair of lemon fan fiction items concocted by one...Rick "Hackyman" Schain. NEWJERSEY: Ritsuko...you can't be serious, not after what we've just been through! RITSUKO: Maya, prepare to reconnect the main power. LINA: She's serious. FILIA: Why those sadistic... LINA: FILIA! PARN: I'm not afraid. What could be worse than the threat of Cardice's resurrection? SAN: I'll gut you, human! San leaps for the screen, but is thrown back when she hits the AT field protecting it. PARN: What in the... LINA: An AT field. They use that to keep us from destroying the screen during exceptionally bad fanfics. Of course if the fic is an Angel, we have to try to break through that to destroy it. PARN: What? Destroy a holy creature? LINA: There's nothing holy about these Angels, Parn. At that point, Ryoko phases through the theater wall. RYOKO: Hey everybody, I had a good time off, how was your day? NEWJERSEY: Um, Ryoko...we're about to have a bit of a problem here...I don't think Ritsuko's done with us yet. If I were you, I'd run while you can. RYOKO: What? NEWJERSEY: More fics. Ryoko turns and tries to fly through the wall, whereupon she is bounced back. RYOKO: What...a TELEPORT BLOCK?! RITSUKO: I had Washu install one, in case you managed to break out of a fic catalepsy and try to phase out. RYOKO: Now I wonder why I haven't tried that before... LINA: How did Filia get out, then? RITSUKO: Oh...she's capable of transiting via alternate planes. We can't quite block that. HARRY: Guys, I think we ought to take our seats. Seating is, from left to right, San, Newjersey, Lina, Harry, Ryoko, Parn. SAN: Hmph! Of all the places to... Newjersey shifts to wolf form. NEWJERSEY: Feel better? SAN: Well...a little... HARRY: Everyone hang on, here it comes... >Disclaimer: This Fanfic contains Adult content such as naked people hugging, >violence, etc. RYOKO: Big deal, that's an R-rating, tops. I don't think that kind of advisory means anything too nasty. LINA: When have we been able to trust the accuracy of content assessment by any fic author? RYOKO: Good point. >So it's recommend that your 18 or else you probably won't understand it >anyway. HARRY: Stop the fic, I'm underage! You can't show this to me! NEWJERSEY: Shinji already tried that excuse. PARN: I'm overage, and I'm not sure I'm going to understand this. >Also, I do not own Tenchi Muyo or anything related so please don't >sue my ass! SAN: Hmmm...do you think Lady Eboshi would stop destroying the forest if I set a restraining order on her? NEWJERSEY: I don't know...stranger things have happened because of the causality hole. Still, I'm thinking a lawsuit may be pending. LINA: Copyright infringement? NEWJERSEY: Infliction of emotional distress, depending on how this fic goes. > >It all started one day, Tenchi woke up to Rhoko jumping on his stomach >naked. HARRY: This is clearly the WRONG way to do CPR. SAN: I don't know, when I was very little I did this with mother. LINA: San, I'd imagine the wolf goddess Moro is a bit more resillient then Tenchi is. > >TENCHI: What the fuck are you doing you crazy bitch? LINA: I'm on the Tenchi Trampoline! Wheeee! NEWJERSEY: Somehow I don't imagine Tenchi having the cojones to use profanity. RYOKO: Tenchi's just sensitive, that's all! I know he's going to choose me when he's ready. > >RHOKO: What? I know you want me Tenchi. RYOKO: Okay, who the hell is Rhoko? PARN: Looks like a typo. RYOKO: If it's a typo, it's a consistent one. What if it's one of those cases where we have two similar names applying to different characters? Like Masaki and Misaki? NEWJERSEY: It's never good to read too deeply into these things. RYOKO: Says you. Two fics ago I got a grandson and a son-in-law...contacts with NERV. > >TENCHI: No, I don't now GET THE FUCK OFF ME! HARRY: My liver is jammed all the way up into my rib cage and my intestines are pounded flat! PARN: Nothing says "I Love You" like internal bleeding. > >RHOKO: Geez, sorry Tenchi. RYOKO: Looks like Rhoko read the phrase "Jump his bones" in a very wrong way. > >Rhoko leaves the room. Tenchi gets up and leaves the room. He immediately >hears Ayeka and Rhoko fighting over him again. RYOKO: Oh yeah? Well I think Tenchi will like this beer because it tastes great! LINA: No, he'll like it because it's less filling! RYOKO: Tastes great! LINA: Less filling! RYOKO: Tastes great! LINA: Less filling! > >AYEKA: What the hell were you doing in Tenchi room? PARN: Trying to crush him to death, apparently. NEWJERSEY: o/~ In the Tenchi Tenchi Tenchi Tenchi Tenchi room... o/~ RYOKO: We do NOT need a Disney lawsuit, furball. > >RHOKO: None of your goddamn business you dumb slut! NEWJERSEY: "Dumb slut?" Only a little ooc there... > >AYEKA: I'm not the slut, you are you um...uh...PENNYHOE! RYOKO: Pennyhoe? SAN: Silly person! HARRY: Nerfherder! LINA: Raw Garbage! RYOKO: No, no, like this. NAMAGOMI! LINA: RYOKO?! That was just too much like Filia to be...oh hell, you're not human anyway. RECOVERY! > >RHOKO: How dare you! HARRY: So if Rhoko is anything like Ryoko...the firefight should begin any minute now. > >Rhoko storms off to her room. The MSTers stare at the screen in shock. NEWJERSEY: Okay, this is just wrong. Rhoko can't be Ryoko. If it were just a typo, she would have started shooting at Aeka. SAN: I'm scared...and I don't know why... Newjersey murrs. NEWJERSEY: I feel like a shameless self-insertion right now...but this feels too good to complain. > >AYEKA: Tenchi, Tenchi, I wrote you a song do you want to hear it? > >TENCHI: It's not like I have a choice. PARN: Yes you do, Tenchi, it's called strategic retreat. Or, to put it another way, RUN! > >AYEKA: Ok, here it goes; Hey Tenchi your so fine, your so fine you blow my >mind, Hey Tenchi (clap clap, clap clap) Hey Tenchi! LINA: Hey Hacky, this fic sucks, this fic should just fuck a duck, hey Hacky! (crap crap, crap crap) hey Hacky! > >TENCHI: You dumb hoe! That's already a song. HARRY: Aeka doesn't strike me as a hoe...or any piece of gardening equipment. RYOKO: This has "Tenchi the Thug" written all over it. > >AYEKA: Well SORRRRRRRRRY! > >Ayeka leaves to her room. > >TENCHI: Man, one of days I'm gonna punch her right in her face! NEWJERSEY: Pow! Right to the moon! > >Yosho runs into the room wearing nothing but a skirt that is way too short. The MSTers jaws drop. PARN: Tell me that's really a kilt. TELL me he's just playing a Scotsman... SAN: I'm SCARED! I'm actually scared! San throws her arms around Newjersey's neck and hugs him out of abject terror. NEWJERSEY: SAN...ACK! I can't breathe... > >YOSHO: TIM-MY! > >Yosho then runs up to Tenchi and shoves his hard erection into Tenchi ass, >ripping his pants. ALL: EEEYAAAAAAAHHHHHCKKK!!! LINA: Being ass-raped in and of itself isn't bad enough to this author? HARRY: Right...through...denim?! There has GOT to be a serious defiance of human physiology going on here... NEWJERSEY: Never underestimate the power of Juraian wood... PARN: Okay, maybe Cardice is still worse but this is getting very close...I'm so glad that Deed isn't here to endure this. >Being the fag that Tenchi is it only took him about 10 >seconds to cum all over his pants. HARRY: I'm sensing some hostility towards the character of Tenchi. RYOKO: Forget "Tenchi the Thug." This has "Tenchi on a Plate of Sashimi" written all over it! >A few seconds Yosho cums in Tenchi's >ass. Yosho runs away screaming TIM-MY leaving Tenchi surprised but still >pleased. PARN: So did Yosho just shout a chunk of narrative there? > Seconds after that Washu runs in the room. SAN: Oh please, don't let her get violated either... > >WASHU: Tenchi! Have you seen Yosho? > >TENCHI: Yeah he went over there. NEWJERSEY: Eeew, nasty, at least I can say I'm housetrained! SAN: What?! You're some domesticated DOG?! NEWJERSEY: Housetrained, not domesticated. The only things I fetch are my coffee, my archaeological journals, and my grant checks. HARRY: Yeah, he *went* over there, but he *came* over he... RYOKO: Thank you, Lina. > >WASHU: I was trying to make a never aging pill, but instead in turns people >into a perverted and horny version of Timmy from South Park. NEWJERSEY: Doesn't Funaho produce Juraian life-water, which has the longevity effect? I'm questioning Washu's motives here... LINA: I thought that didn't work when a royal tree took root. RYOKO: Nah, in "Here comes Jurai," Yosho showed he was putting on an illusion. > >TENCHI: Let's find him! PARN: Oh that's nice, after being sodomized by his grandfather, he really wants to find him again. > >Tenchi and Washu run after him. NEWJERSEY: I'm having a hard time believing that Tenchi would be running after having something jammed up his ass. HARRY: How would YOU know?! NEWJERSEY: Without going into too much detail, Juraian customs agents take their jobs WAY too seriously. HARRY: Question withdrawn. > >YOSHO: TIM-MY! > >WASHU: It came from outside! NEWJERSEY: Now THAT's some range Yosho's got. > >Tenchi and Washu saw Yosho outside with his dick shoved up Rho-ohkie's ass. The MSTers' jaws collectively drop. RYOKO: It's "Magical Girl Pretty Noboyuki" all over again?! NEWJERSEY: I'm just shocked at the physical impossibility of it... SAN: I think I'm gonna be... San barfs into the LCL. > >RHO-OHKIE: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! HARRY: "Reek." Let's go with that as the description of this fanfic. PARN: o/~ REEK! REEK! REEK! REEK! o/~ RYOKO: My ship has enough firepower to go head to head with Juraian flagships...and it gets VIOLATED?! > >YOSHO: TIM-MY! > >Yosho cums so hard it shoots Rho-ohkie 10 feet in the air and she lands in a >mud puddle. LINA: There's no way...it's just not physically possible...OF ALL THE STRANGE POWERS HE HAD TO BRING FROM JURAI, WHY DID THIS HAVE TO BE ONE OF THEM?! > >WASHU: Get away from her you sick pervert! RYOKO: Well, at least mom's taking responsibility for her lab accidents. > >YOSHO: TIM-MY! > >TENCHI: I'm going in my room. PARN: No! Tenchi! Bad crown prince! You go in the toilet, not your bedroom! > >Tenchi goes back inside and sees Noboyuki on the couch. CAST: Uh oh... > >NOBOYUKI: What happened to you, you look like a mess! > >TENCHI: Your father in-law raped me. > >NOBOYUKI: Are you ok? SAN: Please don't be going where I think this is going... > >TENCHI: To tell you the truth, I liked it, A LOT! CAST: NOOOOOOOO!!! > >NOBOYUKI: REALLY! Well do you like this? > SAN: I can't look... >Noboyuki stands up then takes off his pants. RYOKO: Wow. Noboyuki's wearing "Power Rangers" underpants. > >TENCHI: WOW, Noboyuki, you're so...BIG! HARRY: You really need to lose some weight, Dad. > >NOBOYUKI: I know, now suck my COCK! NEWJERSEY: LEAVE THE ROOSTER OUT OF THIS! Oh no, I can't believe I just said that... SAN: Better that than the alternative... > >Tenchi gets on his knees and starts his dick sucking incest. All the MSTers barf. > >NOBOYUKI: OHHHHHHHHHHHH! Here it COMES! > >Noboyuki cums so much in Tenchi mouth LINA: This line has been brought to you by Shampoo. >he chokes on it and dies a couple >minutes later RYOKO: HACKYMAN YOU BASTARD! KILLING TENCHI IN SUCH A DEGRADING WAY AS THIS! WHEN I FIND YOU... PARN: Ryoko, SIT DOWN! >(hey, I don't like Tenchi the character, CAST: NO, REALLY?! >I think he's kind of >a retard, no offense to anyone). CAST: WE'RE OFFENDED! > >NOBOYUKI: Uh oh! > >Noboyuki runs in his room. SAN: So after committing second-degree murder, Noboyuki takes a run on a treadmill. Right, that makes sense. NEWJERSEY: That's kind of a reach, San. >Just after that Rhoko and Ayeka walk in the room >(not fighting believe it or not). RYOKO: I'd believe it, considering THAT'S NOT ME!!! > >AYEKA: Oh my god! Tenchi is dead! LINA: You bastards! NEWJERSEY: Old joke, but priceless timing. > >RHOKO: Now we have nothing to fight about! > >AYEKA: I know; I might as well become a lesbian now! > >RHOKO: Yeah, me too. PARN: Do snap decisions like this happen often in the Tenchi universe?! HARRY: About as often as there are poorly-written lemons. > >Rhoko and Ayeka look at each other then start to kiss. Rhoko rips off >Ayeka's shirt and starts to lick her breasts. San buries her face in Newjersey's fur. SAN: MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! > >AYEKA: I always had a secret crush on you. > RYOKO: Standard Lemon Plot #23, right there. >Rhoko inserts PARN: ...fifty cents for the first three minutes. Thank you for using AT&T. >her finger into Ayeka's pussy and starts to massage her clit. > >AYEKA: OHHH, AHHH! LINA: Looks like the author has an abundance of "H's" he needs to use up. > >YOSHO: TIM-MY! > >RHOKO: What the fuck was that? RYOKO: If "Rhoko" has the same kind of telepathic link with "Rho-Ohkie" that I do with Ryo-Ohki, then she wouldn't be asking that question. > >Yosho runs into the room. > >YOSHO: TIM-MY! > >All of a sudden the perved out Yosho falls to the ground with a carrot >shoved up his ass. HARRY: It's a mystical Shinto Warding Carrot! > >AYEKA: What was that all about? LINA: We're still trying to figure that out. > >Then they see Rho-ohkie standing there with a happy look on his face. SAN: "His" face?! Is it just me, or did Rho-ohkie just change gender? RYOKO: I think this might be the prequel to "Sammy's Little Secret!" > >THE END ALL: FINALLY!!! > PARN: Oh no. It can't be...that's another line marker. NEWJERSEY: Shit...I just remembered...didn't Ritsuko specify a PAIR of fanfics? LINA: Round two, guys... >Disclaimer: This Fanfic contains Adult content so it's recommend RYOKO: "It's" of the world reccomend that you conjugate verbs properly. This announcement paid for by gender-neutral pronouns through Anime Against Grammar Abuse. >that your >18. SAN: My eighteen what? Is there anything particular I need to have eighteen of right now? > If you aren't 18 then you probably won't understand it anyway and if >you can't read you'll have an even harder time. HARRY: But if you can write and can't read, you'll end up turning out fics like this anyway. >Also, I do not own Tenchi RYOKO: You better believe it. >Muyo or anything related so please don't sue my ass! All I have is an old >skateboard, a cheap computer, and a hacky sack that beads are falling out >of. It's not like you'll sue me anyway. NEWJERSEY: You're right. We'll just skip the judicial system and have you put to death. LINA: A bit violent there? >Sorry but I don't have e-mail, but >feel free to write to me at: > >Rick Schain >2033 Stonehaven Dr. >Corona, CA 92879 RYOKO: Target confirmed. Prepare nuclear strike. > >It all started one day, SAN: Doesn't it always? >hold on, HARRY: I have to use the bathroom. >it might have been the day after that, PARN: Someone needs to get this guy a calendar. >wait, HARRY: Now what?! >who cares it doesn't matter. LINA: What you just read should have been edited in the final version. >Back to the story. Tenchi woke up on RYOKO: ...Me. HARRY: ...The Souja. PARN: ...Lodoss. NEWJERSEY: ...a plate of Sashimi. >his own today. Which was a shock to him. CAST: PIKA-CHUUUUU! > >TENCHI: Wow! What a nice sleep, wait a minute, no one woke me up. SAN: Didn't the narrator say that already? > >He looked at his alarm clock (which he doesn't set cause Ryoko always wakes >him up) RYOKO: Now I am wondering WHY Tenchi hasn't confessed his love to me if he relies on me in that way. PARN: What if he's gay? RYOKO: LIKE YOU SHOULD TALK! YOU'VE GOT DEEDLIT ALL OVER YOU AND YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE! > >TENCHI: OH MY GOD! It's already 11:30! LINA: I have to be in a crappy Lemon! > >He was surprised at how quiet it was. He walks outside his room to find >Sasami walking down the hall. NEWJERSEY: ...with a loaded gun. > >TENCHI: Hey Sasami! > >SASAMI: Oh, hey Tenchi! > >TENCHI: Not that I'm complaining, but... SAN: Why are we in a crappy Lemon? > >SASAMI: Yes Tenchi? > >TENCHI: Why is it so quiet this mourning? HARRY: Let us mourn the death of all decency in this fanfic. The cast bow their heads. RYOKO: It's quiet. TOO quiet. > >SASAMI: I don't know but Ryoko RYOKO: YES! He got my name right! > and Akeka Ryoko facefaults. LINA: We've secretly switched the first princess of Jurai with Akeka. Let's see if Tenchi notices the difference. > weren't fighting at all today. In >fact, I think they're playing tennis outside (if you're asking when they got >a tennis court, Washu built it a couple days ago, anyway it's my story and >they get to have whatever the fuck I want). SAN: When did Sasami get THAT kind of mouth on her?! PARN: Wait a minute...is Sasami writing the fic now? NEWJERSEY: Misplaced parenthetical, ten yard penalty. > >Tenchi couldn't believe this so he went outside to check it out for himself. >There he finds Ryoko and Akeka playing tennis just like Sasami said. HARRY: If this is a Lemon, then this is the most obscure metaphor I've ever seen. > >TENCHI: Wow, you guys are being nice to each other! > >AKEKA: Yes, we solved are differences. LINA: Damn, I think there's a bug in Akeka's grammar... RYOKO: Mom probably has Aeka tied and gagged in her lab somewhere. > >RYOKO: Yeah, we figured neither one of us is going to get you to put out any >time soon. Now we don't have anything to fight about. NEWJERSEY: So they finally realized Tenchi is gay? RYOKO: SHUT UP, FURBALL, HE IS NOT GAY! HARRY: Well what if this is the Shin continuity, and he's fallen for Sakuya... Ryoko blasts Harry and breaks down crying. > >Ryoko and Akeka start giggling. >TENCHI: Wow...ok bye. PARN: He took that well... > >He almost felt a sort of relief at first. So he decided to take a walk. NEWJERSEY: Oh yeah, right, what every man does after having his sexual prowess insulted. >Just down the way he saw Yosho and Noboyuki playing hacky sack. His new >found boredom made him decide to try to play this hacky sack game LINA: Shouldn't Tenchi be picking carrots right now or something? >(I know >that they never played hacky sack on the show before but this isn't the >show). CAST: Really? We never knew. > >TENCHI: Hey guys! > >YOSHO: Hey Tenchi, join the HACK! LINA: TIMMY! SAN: YAHHHHH! GET IT AWAY! NEWJERSEY: DON'T DO THAT! > >Yosho kicks it over to Tenchi. Tenchi tries to kick it to Noboyuki but >instead he kicks it into the muddy marsh that was nearby. RYOKO: I don't remember there being any muddy marshes on the property. SAN: Should I be drawing a diagram for this hacky-sack tournament? > >YOSHO: God damn it Tenchi! That was our only hacky sack! LINA: We'll have to slice off your scrotum and use that! All the guys wince. > >NOBOYUKI: Good going dumb ass! Let's go Dad. > >As they walk away Noboyuki punches Tenchi right in the face. PARN: A bit violent around here, aren't they? > >TENCHI: OWWW! Damn it! I miss the girls fighting over me. I'm so bored. >Maybe, they like me, and this is all just a trick! I know what I'll do! HARRY: Here it comes... > >Tenchi goes inside and hears Ryoko in the shower. RYOKO: Why would he hear me in the shower? We have an onsen. > >TENCHI: Perfect. > >Tenchi goes inside the bathroom. He strips completely naked and jumps in >the shower. RYOKO: YES! SCORE! NEWJERSEY: Well...er...congratulations, Ryoko...do we have to watch? > >RYOKO: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TENCHI! RYOKO: WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, DO IT SOME MORE! The rest of the cast pukes into the LCL. > >But before she could finish the sentence Tenchi's small dick was already >inside of her. RYOKO: I think I'll be the judge of size, thank you very much... > >RYOKO: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE! SAN: I'll GUT THAT SON OF A BITCH! HARRY: San...that's an AT field. I don't think a spear will go through it. Not that spear, anyway. > >TENCHI: Shut up bitch! I know you like it! RYOKO: Oh yes, statement of the obvious. PARN: Do we REALLY need to know that?! > >Ayeka heard this and called 911. NEWJERSEY: ...Having somehow slipped her bonds, escaped from Washu's lab, somehow subdued the impostor Akeka, and found her way to the United States, where 911 actually works... > >AYEKA: My friend is getting raped right now! Ok, you're on your way, >thanks. LINA: You know, this is Aeka here. She has two powerful combat cyborgs at her command, why would she wait for the police? > >Ryoko tried to fight back but Tenchi was too strong. NEWJERSEY: Tenchi? Strong?! BWAHAHAHAHAA! Ryoko blasts Newjersey. >A few minutes later >police knocked down the door of the bathroom just as Tenchi was cumming. >The police grabbed him and threw him on the hard tile floor and started >hitting him with nightsticks. RYOKO: YOU MORONS! THAT SHOULD BE THE FIC AUTHOR YOU'RE HITTING! PARN: For once...I have to agree. > >OFFICER1: You sick son of a BITCH! Take this! HARRY: What is it, antibiotic? > >TENCHI: RODNEY KING! > >OFFICER2: SHUT UP PERV! I'll probably get a medal or something for this! > >After a good hour or so of beating, LINA: ...they switched to "puree" for a smoother texture before adding chives and butter. >the officers finally took him to prison NEWJERSEY: After an HOUR of beating? Shouldn't they be taking him to the hospital?! Or the morgue?! >for rape and possession of Marijuana (that was actually Yosho's). They >didn't bother giving him a trial SAN: Don't they have some form of "due process" in Japan? > they took him straight to a federal pound >me in the ass prison. RYOKO: Freudian slip there by the author. PARN: I'm not surprised. >His term is life and every night his big black cell >mate does him up the ass with his 12 inch nigga cock. LINA: I'm feeling very ill...very...very ill... > >THE END > CAST: FINALLY!!! Suddenly the entry theater jolts and the LCL drains as the main entry port opens. The MSTers scramble to get out in the current, and as they emerge in the rush of clear orange liquid, they sprawl on the floor. SAN: That was pure HELL! NEWJERSEY: Trust me...it gets worse. Much worse. LINA: Cephied...FOOOD! GIVE ME FOOD! HARRY: This has got to be hell! PURE HELL! WHY, tell me, WHY do we have to go through this? RYOKO: It's gotta be some sadistic plot cooked up by SEELE. This is beyond just studying the causality hole and combating Angels. Suddenly, the first stage alert buzzer goes off. NEWJERSEY: Oh hell, not again, we just got out of there! MISATO: Everyone get up to the meeting room on the double! We're switching out the lineup and getting ready to scramble! SAN: Does this ever end? ~FIN~