Dolphin "Newjersey" Silverwolf (DolphinSWf@aol.com) MST Division Causality - MST #5 : "Tales of Adam 02: Adam's Return" Adam's back...and the rant/riff ratio suddenly jumps. Will the NERV MSTers survive? Who will get voted off the fic? Author's note/Disclaimer: This is an MST. All names, concepts, references, and indicia thereof used herein are property of their respective owners. The only things I claim for my own are Newjersey Silverwolf and the work I did on the MST. Query> IS IT FEASIBLE TO SUBJECT THE MSTERS TO A HORRENDOUS FIC? MAGI DELIBERATING........DONE. MELCHIOR: Affirmative. BALTHAZAR: Affirmative. CASPER: Affirmative. RESULT: 3-0 FOR SUBJECTING THE MSTERS TO A HORRENDOUS FIC. MISSION LOG #5: "TALES OF ADAM #2: ADAM'S RETURN" NERV TOP SECRET YOU BALTHAZAR: NERV-MST Episode 3, reeeeeeeel one! OPENING THEME v.0.1 (To the MST3K theme song) In the not-distant-enough future, Post Third-Impact A.D., The Event Horizon ripped a hole Across causality. A secret group by the name of NERV Tried to find what purpose the hole could serve... Well, the Fourth Impact left them alive, So they had to seal the hole up before Impact number Five! (OH...NOT AGAIN!!!) RITSUKO: I'll test a group with fanfics! The oddest I can find! (la la la) They'll watch them while I monitor Their sync ratios and minds! (la la la) Now keep in mind the mission fails If the world happens to end, But the crew just doesn't know why NERV Has to rearrange their friends... Current Roll Call! Shinji! ("I mustn't run away...") Lina! ("DRAGON SLAVE!!!") Newjersey! ("It belongs in a museum!") Aeka! (First Princess!) Harry! (The Boy Who Lived!) RYOOOOOOOOOOOOOKO! (Space pirate!) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, Well Ritsuko knows the facts. But if you're looking for NERV's MST, Then have a seat and just relax! For NERV's latest conspiracy...Causality! All is not well in the halls of NERV, for the halls are alive...with the sound of gunfire. The scene is vaguely resemblant of the End of Evangelion, except the invading forces are not the UN troops, but rather particularly fanatical AHRLI's. The AHRLI's have penetrated well into NERV, and some of the fight has ended up in the control room of Central Dogma. Gendo Ikari, the Supreme Commander of NERV, is still at his command desk, hands in front of his face in the usual pensive gesture. He is presently wearing kevlar body armor, as is Fuyutski, who is standing in his usual position just behind and to one side of Gendo. GENDO: Fuyutski. FUYUTSKI: Yes? GENDO: Do you ever have the feeling of Deja Vu? Two stray bullets narrowly miss Gendo, putting holes in the NERV logo just behind the command desk. Gendo calmly takes one hand away from his face (the part where his glove was before is inflammed from the forced removal of his hands), reaches under the desk and withdraws a handgun, which he uses to fire three shots into the combat zone. Suddenly Ryoko descends through the celing in her red combat garb, light sword in hand. On her face is an expression of rage. AHRLI #1: Hooray! It's Ryoko! She will punish these NERV infidels! RYOKO: Infidels? AHRLI #2: Ryoko shall vanquish Aeka and... RYOKO: I appreciate having a fan base, guys, but my relationship with Tenchi and my competition with Aeka... ARE NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!!! FUYUTSKI: In retrospect it was smart to get OAV Ryoko. On the surface, Eva-01 (piloted by Shinji Ikari) and Eva-02 (piloted by Asuka Langley Sorhyu) are squaring off with heavy artillery and airborne VTOL units. ASUKA: So Shinji... SHINJI: What? ASUKA: I'll bet I can hit that tank over those hills there. SHINJI: Well, okay... ASUKA: Oh come on, Shinji, where's your sense of competition? SHINJI: I just don't think it's a good idea to get cocky now. ASUKA: Cocky? I'm not cocky, I'm just the best Eva pilot here! SHINJI: If you say so... ASUKA: What's that supposed to mean, Third Child? SHINJI: Asuka, the last time I got cocky and competitive I ended up getting sucked through an Angel into the sea of Dirac. ASUKA: Hmmph. Well you're just too stupid not to know your limits, Ikari. SHINJI: Sorry. ASUKA: What IS it with you and that conditioned response? You always just say "sorry" when you're confronted! SHINJI: Sorry! Meanwhile... AHRLI #3: I don't understand it, why don't they attack? AHRLI #4: You tell me. Down in NERV headquarters, the firefight continues. The fight has progressed to the wide-open space of crisscrossing conveyors and bridges connecting several portions of NERV. An improvised barricade of chewing gum, construction paper, and MRE's protects a small group from the onslaught of AHRLI infantry penetrating the hallways. Misato Katsuragi has her back to the barrier, and she's in full body armor. Harry Potter, in olive drab robes, wearing a vintage World War II helmet, is peeking over the top of the barricade. Aeka Jurai, in her battle gear, is also behind the barricade. AEKA: Oh this is just so stupid! I should have been going back to Jurai! I was only supposed to be here for one fic! MISATO: Princess, with all due respect, shut up and shoot! Misato turns over and fires prone at the oncoming troops, the full-auto spray emptying the M-16 clip in three seconds. She ducks back to slam another clip home. HARRY: REDUCTO! Uh...PETRIFICUS TOTALUS! REDUCTO! STUPEFY! IMPEDIMENTA! MISATO: What the hell is that? HARRY: Those are spells...there are just so many of them and I don't have anything that'll sweep an entire hallway. MISATO: Whatever works... Misato aims over the barricade and fires. AEKA: Azaka! Kamidake! The guardians of Jurai appear on either side of Aeka, topped with Vintage World War I combat helmets. GUARDIANS: Yes, Ma'am? AEKA: I command you to put those scoundrels to death! GUARDIANS: Yes Ma'am! Azaka and Kamidake float over the barricade and open fire upon the AHRLI's. Several screams are heard, and the cacophony of laser fire and automatic weapons fire increases. Within a minute, however, splinters start flying over the barricade, and a very bullet-riddled kamidake falls over the barricade, making Harry scramble out of the way. KAMIDAKE: Medic... HARRY: Uh oh...they're advancing...and bringing in more troops! MISATO: Oh great...they know you're here, Aeka. I don't think they're going to stop. Crap! I'm empty! I need another clip! HARRY: ACCIO CLIP! A spare magazine tears itself from one of the dead AHRLI's pockets and sails over the barrier. HARRY: ACCIO CLIP! ACCIO CLIP! ACCIO CLIP! AEKA: I can't stand this! I have to do something! MISATO: Aeka, wait... Aeka stands up, calling on her Juraian powers to shield herself. Quickly, she starts unloading force bolts on the advancing AHRLI's. Upon seeing Aeka, they surge forward with fanatical determination, hoping to overwhelm her shield and facilitate her demise. NEWJERSEY: Lupus to Foxhole, Lupus to Foxhole. Misato scrambles to pick up the radio. MISATO: Newjersey? Where the hell are you? NEWJERSEY: I had to raid the armory and stop by the bathroom. I'm bringing some heavy armament but I need a clear space to come in! MISATO: I'd love to oblige but we've got a problem. The AHRLI's know we've got Aeka here, so they're going to start dumping troops on us! HARRY: Wait, I've got an idea! Harry aims his wand carefully at one of the AHRLI's ammunition bags. HARRY: ACCIO PIN! In a moment Harry shows the pin in his palm to Misato. Misato suddenly gets a horrified look on her face, grabs Aeka by the side of her battle outfit, and pulls her down behind the barricade. A second later, the grenade which previously had that pin goes off, cooks off the other grenades in the ammo satchel, and annihilates a couple battalions of AHRLI's when the explosion chain-fires their ammunition. Ouch. Suddenly the Indiana Jones theme music blares over the NERV public address system, and Newjersey, in werewolf form, swings in on his whip. Nobody can see the fine leather jacket or the pistol belt due to the fact that he has bandoliers of ammunition, ammo boxes, a minigun, a pair of fifty-caliber machine guns, and a Mk.13 30mm automatic grenade launcher slung all over his furry body. He lands heavily on the blasted bridgeway, coils his whip, and starts dancing in place... NEWJERSEY: Ow! Hot floor! Ow! MISATO: Quick! Fall back to the cafeteria! AEKA: Why the cafeteria? MISATO: Trust me, while we have the time to move, let's move there! Back in the entry plugs... SHINJI: Let's just get rid of these guys and go home! A full-spread AT field ought to do it. ASUKA: And suddenly you're a combat expert, Shinji? SHINJI: Asuka, come on, we're wasting time! ASUKA: You're the one who's wasting time, Third Child, you're always slowing me down! SHINJI: Sorry. ASUKA: And don't apologize! SHINJI: Asuka, we're not getting anything done arguing. ASUKA: And who's fault is that?! SHINJI: Sor... ASUKA: Shinji, you idiot! SHINJI: Asuka, the AHRLI units are still here... ASUKA: Well if you weren't slowing me do... SHINJI: Asuka, Eva-01 is running on an S2 engine! You're limited by that power umbilical! If anything, you'll slow me down! ASUKA: Oh you think so, Third Child? I'm amazed an idiot like you can even synchronize! SHINJI: Asuka, stop acting like a bitch and let's just get this job done! Eva-02 rounds on Eva-01, and every AHRLI on the surface of Tokyo-3 sweatdrops. ASUKA: What did you say?! AHRLI #3: Oh to hell with it, OPEN FIRE! SHINJI: You heard what I said, stop acting like a bitch! A hail of gunfire and artillery starts pelting the two Evangelions. ASUKA: Now look what you've done, they're shooting at us! SHINJI: That's IT! I've put up with you for two Impacts already...dammit, out of my face! ASUKA: Oh bring it on, Shinji! Eva-01 charges Eva-02, and Asuka rolls with the force, throwing Eva-01 to land on a group of tanks. SHINJI: Oh yeah?! Eva-01 picks up a tank and throws it at Eva-02, who blocks the flying armored vehicle and sends it crashing onto two more tanks. Shinji, seeing an opening, lunges at Eva-02, punching it in the gut region. Asuka knees Eva-01 in the groin, Eva-01 headbutts Eva-02, skewering a VTOL on its cranial mast. Eva-02 stumbles back, then tears open a supply bunker and brings a pallete rifle to bear. Asuka, grinning maliciously, opens fire on Eva-01, who deftly dodges the automatic fire as it rips through VTOL's and tanks and dramatically reduces real estate values. Soon the rifle clicks empty. ASUKA: Aw SHIST! Eva-02 swings the rifle like a bat, catching a VTOL in midair and sending it at Eva-01. ASUKA: Home run! SHINJI: ... Eva-01 kicks a tank like a football at Eva-02's head, but Eva-02 ducks at the last minute. The tank goes sailing into the sky with the requisite anime sparkle. ASUKA: Missed! What the... Eva-01 has the positron cannon, relic of the showdown in Tokyo-3, and is wielding it like a rifle. Shinji tries to make the sights line up... SHINJI: Target in the center, pull the sw...target in the center, pull the swi...DAMMIT! Stupid positrons, why the hell do they have to be affected by magnetic and electrical fields! Oh to hell with it! Eva-01 pulls the trigger on the positron cannon and reloads the fuse, again and again, while he tries to center Eva-02 in the recticle. Unfortunately the gun siezes when the barrel overheats, and he tosses the gun aside. The now melting barrel lands on a line of tanks, heats up their internal magazines, and cooks off the ammunition. Back in Central Dogma, the firefight continues. AHRLI's have regrouped and are now pouring into the cafeteria, where the lunch tables now serve as barricades. Misato and Harry operate the fifty-caliber machine guns, throwing the Geneva Convention to the wind (of course Geneva was kinda totaled in Third Impact). Newjersey is standing on a table in human form, mowing down oncoming lines of troops with the minigun, when just as his magazine empties, he jerks convulsively from several bullet impacts, and falls backwards. AEKA: NEWJERSEY! NEWJERSEY: Ow... AEKA: Oh no...you've been... NEWJERSEY: Shot. Yeah. Give me a few seconds. Aeka sweatdrops. NEWJERSEY: What do you expect? I AM a werewolf. Excuse me. Newjersey picks up the Mk.13 and sets it on the table, firing grenades all across the cafeteria. AEKA: Misato, you said we'd have an advantage here? Aside from not starving to death, I don't see what the advantage is! Newjersey spasms again as he takes more bullet impacts, then collapses. HARRY: I thought werewolves were stronger than that! NEWJERSEY: Harry, these bullets might not kill me, but they still HURT! MISATO: Yeah, we do...HEY LINA! Lina Inverse pops up behind the serving counter. LINA: What? SHIT! Lina ducks as gunfire swings in her direction, pelting the pots and pans with profuse projectiles. LINA: I can't eat with all this gunfire! Someone tell those guys to knock it off! MEGA BRANDO! A large explosion blows a hole in the line of AHRLI's. MISATO: Lina, can't you unload something larger on them? LINA: How MUCH larger?! MISATO: I don't know! Waste them all! LINA: Are you sure? MISATO: JUST DO IT! LINA: Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows, in thy majestic name buried in the flow of time. Newjersey, recognizing this, ducks, pulling Harry and Misato down behind the barricade. Aeka continues to lay down covering fire. LINA: I hereby pledge myself to darkness, against all who stand to oppose me. All fools that stand in our way shall be annihilated by the power that we both possess! Aeka ducks as Lina emerges from behind the counter. LINA: DRAGON SLAVE!!! In the main control room, Ryoko dusts off her hands, and then is nearly upset from her standing position by the sudden shockwave. The force of the explosion in a tight space would make one think that Fifth Impact had occoured. Several hours later, in what's left of the NERV briefing room...the battle-weary combatants are assembled around the scorched, blasted, and bullet-riddled table. The only remaining chair has been commandeered by Gendo. Most people are seated on bits of debris, milk crates, anything reasonably effective. Around the table: Shinji Ikari (Angst-filled Eva pilot) Asuka Langley Sorhyu (Condescending Eva Pilot) Ryoko (Genetically-engineered space pirate) Lina Inverse (Beautiful genius sorceress...but NEVER mention her chest) Harry Potter (Young Wizard in training, famed for overthrowing the Dark Lord) Gendo Ikari (Shinji's Father, Commander of NERV) Fuyutski (Gendo's right-hand man) Ritsuko Akagi (The doc of NERV) Misato Katsuragi (NERV Operations Commander) Aeka Jurai (First princess of Jurai) Newjersey Silverwolf (Lycanthropic archaeologist, specialist in the Aekaprise Crew) GENDO: Captain Katsuragi, your report. MISATO: We managed to secure the Geofront and drive off the AHRLI's, but we sustained great losses. Our security force is at 20%, and it will take months to repair the battle damage. GENDO: Dr. Akagi. RITSUKO: Eva units 01 and 02 were returned to the cage intact, though they both are in need of repairs to the outer casing. It looked like they were going at each other with progressive knives. GENDO: Shinji, Asuka, do you know what kind of trouble you are in? SHINJI: I've had it up to here with her, father. But if I don't pilot Eva-01, nobody else can. GENDO: That doesn't matter. Shinji, Asuka, you're both grounded. You're both to be home by seven after school and there will be no TV or video games. ASUKA: WHAT?! SHINJI: Cool! ASUKA: Shinji, you idiot, he just grounded us! He isn't even my father! SHINJI: Are you kidding? This is the first time he's actually treated me like his son! ASUKA: .... RITSUKO: Now, on to new business, we have to assemble the group for another fic... NEWJERSEY: Wait a second...don't we get a break after that firefight? GENDO: No. RITSUKO: As I was saying before I was interrupted...we need to assemble a group for the fic. As Shinji has just been grounded, he is sidelined this time. As are you, Ryoko. RYOKO: WOOHOO! AEKA: Wait a minute! I thought I was supposed to be going home! MISATO: Apparently not. AEKA: AZAKA! KAMIDAKE! I COMMAND YOU TO PUT THAT SCOUNDREL TO DEATH! RITSUKO: I hate to break it to you, Aeka, but the Guardians are presently being repaired. AEKA: DAMMIT! RITSUKO: At any rate, we now have two open slots for the MSTing crew. So, we... Suddenly, a figure in a white cloak with long flowing blond hair, huge earrings, and a rounded conical hat materializes in the room. She is recognizable as Filia Ul Copt, the dragon maiden from Slayers Try. FILIA: Sorry, am I late, I... Filia catches sight of Lina. FILIA AND LINA: What are you doing here?! Don't ask me, I don't know! How'd you get roped into this, anyway? RITSUKO: Filia, glad you could make it. You're right on time. This is Filia Ul Copt, former priestess of the Fire Dragon King. She will be filling in one of the seats for the MST crew. LINA: Why are you here? FILIA: I took a wrong turn somewhere and...well...I want to go home. I heard this place had some way to get me back. NEWJERSEY: Great. Another victim of the causality hole. RITSUKO: Well, the next guest is kind of a long shot. We had to do some tricky work with the causality hole to bring him into play. Enter an orange-clad Super Sayin with spiky black hair. The person is Goku, from the Dragonball series. GOKU: Hi! I'm Goku! Nice working with you people! FILIA: Um...hello... LINA: You brought Goku into this? HARRY: Who's Goku? NEWJERSEY: You don't know who Goku is? HARRY: I don't watch much TV. RITSUKO: Goku's abilities as a Super Sayin will be helpful in dealing with the upcoming fic... AEKA: Okay...hold on. Before you go any further...what is the upcoming fic? If it's another ode to Ryoko... MISATO: This one's a bad one, guys. Believe me, you'll need everything you've got for this. GOKU: Got for what? Are we recovering the Dragonballs or not? LINA: Uh...Goku...we're going to need to brief you before we do this. GOKU: Do what? GENDO: Go to first stage alert. All of you, into the theater. MISATO: Goku, Filia, you'll find the plug suits in the locker room. FILIA: Plug suits? AEKA: We'll explain when we get there. The 6 MSTers enter the Entry Theater. The seating order is...The seating order is, from left to right, Aeka, Newjersey, Filia, Goku, Lina, and Harry. Watching in the control block in Central Dogma is Ritsuko, Misato, Maya, Shigeru, and Makato. RITSUKO: Filling the Entry Theater. FILIA: What...what is this stuff?! GOKU: Uh oh... RITSUKO: Power supply connected. Commencing activation system. Initiating first stage connections. Voltage climbing to border-line. Initiating second stage connections. Theatre has activated. MISATO: Do you have any idea what the hell you just said? RITSUKO: I used to, I'm not so sure anymore. MISATO: Oh well. LAUNCH! > Adam's return NEWJERSEY: Oh great. Another Impact. > By > A. Richmond NEWJERSEY AND LINA: NOOOOOOOO!!! LINA: Oh Cephied have mercy on us! It's him...not him again! AEKA: Lina, I don't understand... LINA: Aeka, your first MST experience was an easy ride. THIS is painful to even the most seasoned MSTer. > > >(For the previous events refer to 'the meeting of a new friend') FILIA: Well that doesn't sound so bad...maybe I should look it over... NEWJERSEY: Filia, are you NUTS? FILIA: I don't understand... LINA: Oh you will, Filia. By the end of this, you will. > > >chapter 1: It begins (again) > >It had been two days from when Adam left the Masaki residance & >things were back to what passed for normal. AEKA: If anything ever passed for normal around the Masaki residence, but I guess Ryoko and I would be arguing, Sasami would be...oh screw it, you know the drill. > Washu was woking on a >portable device for creating LINA: ...delicious tasting fruit smoothies! NEWJERSEY: EUREKA! I've invented the blender! >gateways to other realms, when >suddenly there was a swirling of black that resembled a whirlpool >but it was vertical & from it stepped a shadowy figure but before >it could reveal its AEKA: STOP RIGHT THERE! I don't want this guy to reveal *anything,* thank you very much! > identity Washu pointed a huge gun at the >shadow & stated HARRY: Stop your run-ons and go back to hell where you belong, before I send you there in a very painful manner! FILIA: Oh Cephied, the run-ons, the horrible run-ons, I'm getting dizzy... GOKU: What speed...what incoherence! I'm having trouble following this! NEWJERSEY: Supposedly you're incredibly fast, being a Super Sayin. That's why you were brought here, to help us combat this. LINA: We should have treasured that first line, where he made proper use of the period key. >"This is my lab & no one gets in unless I say so" >so the figure replied in a voice Washu had heard before but >couldn't place "well can I come in?". AEKA: Hmm, let me think. NO! *BLAM! BLAM!* NEWJERSEY: I think I see the problem. The author appears to use periods in places where punctuation isn't necessary, thus creating a period shortage. > >1 hour later: > >Sasami was preparing to cook lunch when suddenly all the food was >prepared to be cooked & when she turned to see what caused this FILIA: ...her eyes fell upon the miracle of the Cuisinart. LINA: That's right! You had prior MST experience with Ksawarrior and the Animeport #9 crew, didn't you? FILIA: I'll be okay, Lina, I trained with Tank Cop fics. Newjersey pats Filia on the shoulder. >she saw that Ryo-ohki had disappered, then she heard Ryo-okhi >talking to someone GOKU: So apparently "someone" speaks fluent cabbit? > & she heard a man's voice & as she crept to see >who it was the man said he needs to see a few people & that he >would be back for lunch. HARRY: Apparently Ryo-ohki met Hannibal Lecter. NEWJERSEY: Only a little bit of a reach there... >When Sasami tried to ask Ryo-okhi who it >was Ryo-okhi just replied "a friend". AEKA: Oh no, is this author putting my sister into the "Magical Girl Pretty Sammy" continuity? FILIA: Better that than a "Sasami Lemon" continuity. > Ayeka was just relaxing out >in the sun when a shadow fell on her, AEKA: OW! Alec Baldwin, get off of me! > "Ryoko I suggest that you >let me be or else there will be trouble!" the a male voice spoke: >" I'm so sorry to of disturbed you Princess" LINA: You see I had this problem at Jusenkyo... HARRY: Uh oh...I think I gave my daughter the superhormone treatment instead of those vitamin supplements... > & the shadow was gone GOKU: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of bad fic writers? >before she could open her eyes. Ryoko was sitting out in the >forest when she felt a pair of arms embrace her, the reaction was >"Tenchi, what powerful arms you have so muscular....Wait a minute >Tenchi isn't muscular, NEWJERSEY: OUCH! Slam on Tenchi there? AEKA: Newjersey, when you can defeat super-powerful galactic criminals and generate Light Hawk Wings without the need of a starship, you don't need the bod of Arnold Schwarzenegger. > who are you?" & when she turned around the >pair of arms were gone, GOKU: ...and the shameless SI character stood there spurting blood from the stumps where his arms used to be. HARRY: You know, given your first impression, isn't that a bit dark for you? >thats strange thought Ryoko, & when she >turned back Adam was sitting there drinking her AEKA: ...blood. > sake. "what do you >think your doing? thats my sake!" yelled Ryoko at Adam, whose >reply was sort & sweet: "I'm drinking it" ALL: NO, REALLY?! > stunned Ryoko just sat >there as Adam finished of the 2cm of sake she left FILIA: Hold on...why's he using a linear measurement for a volumetric quantity? AEKA: Moreover...Ryoko might not be my favorite person in the world but she does not knock down sake daily! NEWJERSEY: You're trying to find sense in an Adam Redmond fic. Don't. Sometimes it's not worth the effort. > & he disappered >when he finished it. The next person to recive a visit was Tenchi, >"hey, there Tenchi!" GOKU: Could I borrow some super glue to keep my commas from jumping around? And some extra periods, too! > Tenchi looked up from his work & saw nobody >around & then continued his work "hey, don't be ignorant say hi >back HARRY: Okay, "hi back." Satisfied? LINA: This person hasn't mastered the use of proper punctuation, and he's calling TENCHI ignorant? >or aren't you glad I came back?" then it dawned on Tenchi, he NEWJERSEY: ...wasn't glad Adam came back. He activated the Tenchi-ken and swiftly cut through the space Adam was occupying, ending his life and freeing the world from his fics. The end. >looked up at the sound & saw the air shimmer & be still as the >owner of the voice teleported. FILIA: Ah! Another period! Treasure it well, we may never see one properly used for a long time. > Kiyone & Mihoshi were walking in >the forest when they saw the bush move as if someone was sitting >on it & then they heard a voice HARRY: Kill your partner and drink her blood... >"My, my aren't we both looking >pretty today?" & then the bush moved as if the person was standing >up, NEWJERSEY: Noboyuki, put your pants on before I arrest you for indecent exposure! *WHAM!* FILIA: hmmph! There's one in every group, it seems... > this freaked Mihoshi out & she started to cry when she >reconised the voice LINA: WAAAH! I don't wanna see Adam's exposed crotch! HARRY: STUPEFY! >was wasn't scared anymore just as the air >shimmered as he teleported LINA: Newjersey... NEWJERSEY: I am NOT wasting my time to translate that. >to see Minagi Who was reading a book >that Adam left behind called AEKA: "Becoming a Shamelessly Overpowered, Egotistical, and Grammatically Corrupt Self-Insertion Character for Dummies," by Adam Redmond. HARRY: And of course it would have to be a bestseller, outselling the books of my author... LINA: ...in every galaxy in every universe... NEWJERSEY: ...and required reading for every man, woman, and child... >'the tricks & games of a pool/snooker >table" NEWJERSEY: ...the Minnesota Fats guide to the Kama Sutra. *WHAM! BAM!* Newjersey is pounded under the force of Filia's mace and Aeka's mystical hentai mallet. NEWJERSEY: I may be a gentleman...but be forewarned, if any woman gives me a reason I will pay her back for this. FILIA: You'd hit a woman?! LINA: Filia, it's his version of gender equality. It's not like there are any weak women in Anime anyway. >when she felt someone next to her she turned & there was >nobody there & when she turned back to read the book it was gone & >there was a stranger reading it in front of her. "hey whats the >big idea!" HARRY: I'm stealing the periods from this book! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! > Minagi shouted as the stranger disappered. GOKU: And don't come back! > >At lunch all the people who was visited told the others about the >expiriance & just as they agreed that they knew who it was Adam >appeared in the door way. "well, well what do we have here? a sake >bandit, an interdimentional traveler, a disturber of peace, a >rogue chef, a nosy parker & with serial complimenting of ladies" AEKA: Quick! Command the Guardians to put that scoundrel to death! >"thats right, & theres a few more charges but I won't go into >that", came the reply. NEWJERSEY: Oh please, he'd better not go into *that...* > >chapter 2:New allies, LINA: a.k.a. Filia and Goku, >new enemies GOKU: a.k.a. Adam and his fics. > >The next few hours were just flying past AEKA: Washu's been messing around with space-time, hasn't she. > when Adam explained what >he had been doing, HARRY: ...being an egotistical bastard, being unbeatable, and stealing the periods from sentences... >helping Washu & play games with Sasami, when it >was time for bed Adam said that he would go home to his bed & come NEWJERSEY: I am not even going to dignify that with a double entendre riff. >back tomorrow but the girls begged him to stay for the night AEKA: Uh...WHY?! NEWJERSEY: It's one of his SI powers. He listed off a bunch of them in the last fic we got from him. Any anibabes are instantly attracted to him. FILIA: But...all I'm feeling right now about Adam is hostility! LINA: Yeah, he only has the animal magnetism in his wildest dreams. >& >they got Tenchi to let him stay. HARRY: Of course they only had to play on his unfortunate habit of taking on alien tenants. >then there was the argument where >he would stay, ALL: In HELL WHERE HE BELONGS! >first Ryoko said he could stay in her room & she >would sleep with Tenchi, AEKA: SHIN RYOKO! THE BITCH MUST DIE! GOKU: Aeka, calm down! > this was disapproved of NEWJERSEY: Passive voice doesn't tell me anything. Who disapproved of the arrangement? Tenchi? Adam? Washu? Yosho? >so she said she >could stay with Adam AEKA: Oh dear...on second thought I wouldn't even wish THAT on Shin Ryoko. >& Adam said no, then Washu said he could >sleep in the lab FILIA: I have a nice paper-lined cage to keep him in, too. Hope you like hamster wheels, Adam. LINA: Eh, he spent most of the first 'Tales of Adam' in a comatose state, she would be used to it. >but he turned it down because the girls would try >& have their way with him being retained HARRY: Dammit, there goes our plan to vivisect him in his sleep! >but Washu's inventions, >then Minagi said he could sleep in her quarters GOKU: You know, I don't think a pile of loose change makes for comfortable bedding... LINA: FIREBALL! You're new here so let me make this clear...*I* make the puns! FILIA: Lina, whatch where you're casting! That hurt! > on her ship but >this was turned down by Adam as well becaue only Minagi had access >to the ship. so it was decided that he would sleep on the sofa. AEKA: ...but then the sofa rejected the idea because that would mean having Adam in close proximity. >The >night was very eventful as Adam crashed on the sofa, GOKU: ...then the sofa immediately asked for his license and proof of insurance. NEWJERSEY: Well, looks like I'll have to put you under arrest for writing while under the influence! >first Ryoko >sat on the beam to see if he changed his clothes LINA: That's disgusting. He probably hasn't changed his clothes in years. NEWJERSEY: You're not kidding. I can smell him across the AT field. > & watched as he >snapped HARRY: ...and mowed down everyone in the house with a glock. Then he put the pistol in his mouth and pulled the trigger. The end. FILIA: WOW. That is dark. Harry, you are scaring me... HARRY: Filia, this is a normal reaction to this kind of fic. You hope for a quick end by any means necessary. > his fingers & his jeans became track suit bottoms & his >shirt a sweat top, he then removed his boots & took his hat off & >shook it once & it changed into a hood, LINA: Oh crap, it's become "Tenchi the Thug!" > he also took off a pair of >sunglasses & put them on the table. later that night Ryoko tried >to get a peek at his face & when she gave up tryed on his >sunglasses & althrough on one side they were mirrored they where >like normal glasses on the other side. AEKA: ...Hmmm...these would work better if Adam put the mirroring on the right side of the lenses. All I can see with these are my own eyeballs. >A few miniutes later Minagi >came down & tried to sneek a kiss off of him but everytime she >tried he turned over, & when she gave up he said "goodnight >Minagi", Then it was Washus turn at tring to get something FILIA: Well...she does have a tendency to want to take "samples..." AEKA: Yeah, from Tenchi. > she >tried to remove his NEWJERSEY: ...still-beating heart... AEKA: Newjersey, Washu is not homicidal. NEWJERSEY: No, but she is the most genius scientist in the universe, and I would not insult her intelligence by implying that she wouldn't make the smart move. AEKA: Hmmm...you do have a point. >clothes so that when some one came down in the >morning it would look like she had her way & then he would be all >hers GOKU: Is anyone else sensing anything wrong with these scenarios? LINA: Welcome to the world of 'out of character.' >but she couldn't do anything because when she tried she >couldn't move her arms " bastard" whispered Washu, "you called?" >said Adam in responce. HARRY: He ADMITS it?! What a thicko! > >In a galaxy far, far away, NEWJERSEY: Call George Lucas! Tell him to sue this bastard for copyright infringement! >there was a lone ship the 'Galoob' All the MSTers blink. LINA: It's...a toy. GOKU: Given the aptitude of this author, shouldn't it be called the "Fisher-Price?" NEWJERSEY: Nah, that's too advanced. "Playskool" would be more appropriate. >& on >borad was a crew of three people: Duke who looked like Kagato but >has hazel eyes & cyan hair with a part in the middle, AEKA: ...if you see this individual, call your local animal shelter immediately. > Ai who >looked like Washu & Ryoko crossed with purple hair & red eyes NEWJERSEY: Okay...I'm having visions of a hideous mixture of body parts from Washu and Ryoko, with purple hair and red eyeballs in strange places. HARRY: Newjersey, I hope that's only because you've been reading too much H.P. Lovecraft. >& >then there was Gelvar who was 8 foot tall, he had spikes coming >rom his heels FILIA: Spike heels...oh Cephied, a cross-dressing villain. Well...I suppose it's his right to do that... > & elbows with huge fangs protuding from the sides of >his mouth, GOKU: He needs braces something awful. >he was brown with black tiger stripes & he was all >muscle. NEWJERSEY: No bones, no nervous system, no vital organs, no skin. Just a pile of muscle. > Duke said "I have locked on to a planet that will serve >our puroses well about 6.9 LINA: Okay, raise your hand if you're surprised to see that particular arrangement of digits. Nobody raises their hands. >million lightyears from our current >position" "well whats keeping us from this place?" said Gelvar >"course set, engaging SNES drive... now" HARRY: You know, we'd get there faster if we were powered by a Playstation 2. > & with that the ship >disappered heading towards earth. Destination: The Ookayama >prefacture. > >chapter 3:The truth ALL: THIS FIC BYTES! > >"Look Tenchi, I'll come clean AEKA: Good, you can start by taking a shower! WITHOUT any descriptions, please! >this isn't just a friendly visit >because I have a feeling that you will need some help with what >will happen in the next few days" said Adam, NEWJERSEY: You see, my presence here will cause all of your powers to suddenly have no effectiveness whatsoever, and we will be facing an overpowered villain. I will heroically save the day while you are knocked senseless and dying. >"Why whats >happening?"asked Tenchi but Adam only shook his head. GOKU: No "Why whats" are happening here, Tenchi. >Then the >phone rang It was Hiwa Takashi, she telephoned Tenchi because she >was dying & she arranged a visit, which pleased Tenchi. HARRY: It pleases me that my visiting friend is going to die! AEKA: Since when was Tenchi a sadistic bastard?! FILIA: Well if Hiwa dies, she'll be in a better place than this fic. >When she >arrived she met Adam & Caught LINA: Oh Cephied, no! Another SI character named "Caught!" GOKU: Lina! Get a hold on yourself! It's just a capitalization error! >up with had gone on in the time they >hadn't seen each other & later that day Adam checked Hiwa out ALL: NO! PLEASE! NO! > to >see what he could do for her after all she was Tenchi's friend & >he had not long ago absorbed a lot of different doctors knowlege NEWJERSEY: Newsflash, Adam, Dr. Dre, Dr. Giggles, and Dr. Seuss are not medical professionals! HARRY: Hey Newjersey, aren't you a doctor? NEWJERSEY: It's "Dr. Silverwolf, Ph.D.." I'm not an M.D., sorry. > & >was dying to try out the new found knowlege with out the other >person trying to play doctor with him. AEKA: He's deluding himself again. > He soon found that he may >have a way to stop her dying. > >Meanwhile in the orbit of the earth was the 'Galoob', the crew >was just putting the finishing touches to their plan to take over >& then use the resoures to build weapons of mass destruction, FILIA: Cliche bad guy plot #452. >"Lets get this over with because the quicker we capture this >planet the sooner we rule it" said Gelvar. "what sort of >resistance will we recive?" asked Ai, readying her assault bio- >cannon "well our scans show that there is very little that would >stop us, about the only things that will stop us is a 'nuclear >missle', a 'H-bomb' or something called an 'A-bomb' but I doubt >they will use these weapons as they can also destroy a very large >area & contaminate the soil as well as the water" LINA: And all that stands between us and death is an overpowered SI. REST OF CAST: We're doomed. >said Duke playing >with his wrist mounted auto-cannon. "well lets go then!" said >Gelvar getting up & picking up his weapon, a laser gattling gun >with a grenade launcher on the barrels. GOKU: There's Sake in them thar barrels! > >chapter 4:The phoenix > >"I have some good news concerning Hiwa & unfortunatly I also have >some bad news" said Adam when Tenchi asked him when everyone had >gone to bed. Then Sasami walked past holding the soft toy of a >cute little dinosaur that Adam gave her, AEKA: Don't mind me, I'm just going to use the Cuisinart to shred this piece of shit Barney doll that Adam gave me. >"well I want the bad news >first" said Tenchi when Sasami was gone " We might need to go on a >quest & what we bring back might not work but that will be a last >reserve after I try a few other things, I just hope we don't have >to go on the quest because..." HARRY: ...it would actually mean having a plot in this story. >Adam trailed off looking grim, "if >I could see his face he would look really depressed" thought >Tenchi. NEWJERSEY: Then again, since I know he's still here, I *am* really depressed. >"the good news is that I have several ways that may work >but if they don't or if Hiwa is allergic we're in deep shit, >especially if shes allergic". FILIA: A quick hint here, Tenchi...call the doctor? A *real* doctor? > >Adam spent the next few days trying everything he could but none >of it was working, GOKU: ...because he failed to recognize that it was his inability to use the period key that was killing her. >Adam almost admitted defeat but then he >realised what he could try, Vampires blood has amazing healing >proertys, & he was half vampire plus he already had a rapid >healing ability before he was bitten, & he also drank someones >blood which had the healing propertys & it sped his healing up, NEWJERSEY: You know...we did NOT need the SI background combined with the shitty grammar! > so >he decided to gather his friends with healing abilitys & draw >blood from them & himself, mix it & inject Hiwa. HARRY: Oh, what a plan. Load her up with who-knows-how-many blood-borne pathogens and incorrect blood types. FILIA: The good news is, you're not dying from a fanfic-spawned disease. The bad news is, you're now infected with HIV, herpes, Hepatitis A and B, and Ebola Zaire. >He told Hiwa the >plan, when she heard him say that he was half vampire she got very >scared but then she calmed down & agreed to have it done, but LINA: ...Then she panicked because she realized it was Adam doing this. >first Adam needed a sample of her blood & she was blood type o, & >this is the blood type that mixes with any other. NEWJERSEY: No, O is the "universal donor" because the red blood cells don't present A or B antigens. Type O blood can be donated to anybody because the anti-A and anti-B antibodies can't cause agglutination of red blood cells. AEKA: Where are you going with this little biology lesson? NEWJERSEY: Well, if Hiwa's blood type is O, her body is producing both anti-A and anti-B antibodies. If Adam starts throwing in blood of any type other than O, the antibodies in her bloodstream will agglutinate the introduced blood cells. The cell agglutinations will be like blood clots. LINA: Could you just get to the damn point alre... NEWJERSEY: IN PLAIN ENGLISH...because Adam doesn't know his blood types, he'll cause Hiwa to have a stroke, suffer brain damage, and most likely die. >So the next day >Adam set off on his quest for blood & sent the others on a quest >in a different world for a Phoenix Feather. HARRY: You know, you could probably get them at any general store in the area of Furinkan. > Adam Visited Woverine >from the x-men LINA: I told you never to come back to this dimension, bub. >& got a sample of blood & a date with Rogue, GOKU: Uh, quick hint here, giving Wolverine a cut and trying to smear his blood all over your hand does not constitute a blood sample. Nor does having Rogue absorb your powers so she can kick the shit out of you constitute a date. >then >he visited Morrigan & Lilth for blood, they was glad to give him >some in return for a kiss, AEKA: ...though when he kissed Lilith, he merged with her and suddenly ignited Third Impact in that dimension. >he then met with Demitri for blood, >Demitri agreed only if he could bite Adam & they struck this deal, There is a pause, the MSTers blink as they absorb this image, and then everyone vomits into the LCL. FILIA: DISGUSTING! GOKU: The fic, or the fact that we vomited into the same stuff we have to breathe? FILIA: The fic! I can see less of it with this crud floating around... >Adam next went & got blood from Adrian Farinheight Tepes alis >Alucard in return for an item that Adam reproduced using his >watch. NEWJERSEY: Precious blood in exchange for the time of day. Methinks Adrian got ripped off. >Then it was off to meet with Tenchi & the gang, When he met >up with them LINA: ...they got in Ryo-ohki and did a drive-by on the Tendo Dojo. >they was attacked by a strange bug HARRY: Yo, homies, we was attacked by dis bug, see? AEKA: Word. >that had a jaw >made of three mandibles & a pair of wings, this was soon defeated ALL: Yay. >& they soon got to the Phoenix's lair, when they found the Phoenix >it was being attacked by a very large monster with 4 heads, each >with a symbol of an element, NEWJERSEY: It must be the hideous fusion of Tarot and Elemental! REST OF CAST: What? NEWJERSEY: Check out Cav and Dav's MST of "The Switch." The fic sucks but the MST is masterfully done. >Adam was the first to attack by >taking out a small black ball which soon grew in size & he threw >it at the monster & said GOKU: FETCH! >"Go! Pikame" & out of the ball sprung a >golden Pikachu, Adam then said "Sarah, Attack!" & with that a >mouse came out of his breast pocket & jumped to the floor & before >it hit the ground it became a wolf that was twice the size of a >normal one, LINA: ...whereupon it obeyed Adam's command and pounced him. It dug its jaws into Adam's neck and snapped his spinal column like a twig. >& it flew at the beast biting & clawing, "Pikame, >transform into Mewtwo & use pyshco-beam". Then the others sprung >into action. the battle between Adam & the others against the >beast raged for hour when they finally slayed it, FILIA: Oh ha ha ha, that Tenchi gang, they really slay me! > Adam checked the >Phoenix to find it was dying, Adam decided to try AEKA: ...CPR...then the Phoenix begged to die. >& heal the >creature by using fire magic but it just turned the Phoenix to >ashes. "well that was clever! there goes Hiwa's chance up in >ashes, HARRY: And my command of language up in language! >now what if that plan with the blood goes wrong?" said >Ryoko, & almost on cue the Phoenix was reborn from the ashes, & it >spoke NEWJERSEY: Aw, hell, Adam, not YOU again! >"Thank you for ending my misery & defeating that creature, >now bring your friend forward so that I may help you for helping >me" GOKU: I read this fic too, so I know why you're here. >& with that Hiwa walked forward & Phoenix spoke again "don't >be afraid child for I won't hurt you" & with that the Phoenix >spread its wings & suddenly Hiwa was covered in AEKA: ...phoenix droppings... > a bright red glow >& soon after the glow faded & when Adam scaned here using a >strange looking block he said she was cured. LINA: And Adam was able to tell this from looking at a Rubik's Cube. >After they thanked >the Phoenix they left for their own world & it was then that Ryoko >noticed the bite mark healing on Adam's neck & the lipstick on his >lips. FILIA: so Adam's a transvestite into bestiality. I never would have guessed. What? You know a good riff like that at the right time will make a Mazoku's head explode. > >chapter 4:the home coming NEWJERSEY: All over the driveway, too! Disgusting! *WHAM!* Newjersey is knocked senseless by Filia's mace. > >When everyone got back Ryoko asked Adam to come outside, Adam >agreed, not realising that the two succubuses had been wearing >lipstick, HARRY: Succubi. The plural is succubi. > Ryoko was furious at the things she had noticed when >they went outside, he had two different lipsticks on his lips, AEKA: Two different shades of lipstick? If you're going to dress and act like a woman, at least try to make an effort! >a >bite mark on his neck & his clothes were crumpled. GOKU: I don't have anything to do with you, but I'm going to act like a wife suspecting infidelity anyway, and hurt you severely. >"So by the >looks of things you enjoyed getting laid, LINA: Yep, crawling up a chicken's ass is yet another one of my special powers. >I mean getting the >blood" it was then that it dawned on Adam what she had ment, Rogue >had crumpled his clothes by hugging him, FILIA: So all this time, his indestructable wardrobe was actually made out of construction paper? > Morrigan & Lilith were >wearing lipstick & when Demitri had bit him he wasn't healing very >fast, HARRY: Uh uh. Sorry. You said you had advanced healing abilities, so that mark should be gone by now. >"look it isn't what it looks like, NEWJERSEY: Okay, stop right there. Telling a woman that in Anime is a sure way to end up in low earth orbit. If a guy in an awkward situation tells a girl "it isn't what it looks like" or "it's not what you think," the first thing she's going to think is "oh it really IS what it looks like." FILIA: Isn't that a little unfair? NEWJERSEY: Just reporting observations. FILIA: Welcome back, by the way. >One vampire agreed to >give me blood if I gave him mine & it was a guy, the lipstick is >because two female vampires would only give me blood if I kissed >them & my clothes are crumpled because an old flame hugged me, oh >& if you must know, I'm going out with that old flame friday!" AEKA: Why that dirty womanizing BASTARD! Leading Ryoko on like that! >the >last part made Ryoko flinch as if was burned. LINA: "She" was burned! Look! Her pronoun must have been incinerated! >Adam apolagized, >Ryoko replied: "I'm s.s.s.sorry NEWJERSEY: s.s.s.sorry. You know, that is the strangest IP address I have ever seen. > I acted the way I did, it was >because HARRY: Some dumbass fic author can't write my character worth shit... >I...." Ryoko was cut off as a huge ship FILIA: ...skimmed the ground on the landing approach, bisecting her through the torso. >started to >descend. "Holy shit!" excalimed Kiyone when she saw the ship >"thats the Galoob, flew by the three most wanted criminals in >seven universes! AEKA: Barbie, G.I. Joe, and Hot Wheels! >they destroy planets, shoot first & don't bother >to even think about asking questions later" "thats bad isn't it?" >asked Mihoshi, GOKU: You know, knowing how dedicated Mihoshi is to her GP duties, she doesn't strike me as being THAT airheaded. NEWJERSEY: Note to self, must add "line breaks" to things to teach this author. > to which Adam replied "yes, exetremely bad" as he >walked into the room with Ryoko "so what will we do?" asked Ayeka LINA: I'm confused. Who's talking now? >"well I think we should get more info on these scum" replied Adam >with a glint in his eye. GOKU: As an SI author, I have the power to scroll freely across time and space! HARRY: Prepare to fast forward! AEKA: Prepare to fast forward! HARRY: Fast forward! AEKA: Fast forward! > >"captin, we're Ready to dis-embark" said Duke "good, bring our >guest out of cold storage & prep him for action" said Gelvar with >an evil grin. NEWJERSEY: Did he say...an "evil" grin? > Duke soon got to the room marked 'stasis chamber' >once there he began typing on a console & soon a glass cylinder >was retracted from the centre of the room "welcome back sensei" LINA: Must be the Japanese equivalent of "Welcome Back Cotter." >said Duke with a grin. Adam started to crack his knuckles louder >that Kiyone could talk without shouting FILIA: Yes, I have the power to give myself arthritis! > " & with that I *crack* AEKA: Could you stop that?! It's making me sick! >think that we should *crack* NEWJERSEY: ...the author's neck between the third and fifth vertebrae. > let them make *crack* FILIA: Why is Kiyone, a galaxy police officer, condoning an alien narcotics market? HARRY: ...and then sell the *crack* to people who smoke *crack,* like the author. > the first >*crack* move so we find out what they plan to do *crack*. once we >know their plans then *crack* we formulate a *crack* plan, Adam do >YOU *crack* have any ideas that *crack* won't get any of us >killed? *crack* well?" LINA: What? I couldn't hear you over the cracking of my knuckles. > "as a matter of fact I do, thank you very >much, HARRY: And let me remind you that I know more about combat tactics than all of the officers of the Juraian military. >I prepose that one of us (gesturing to himself) should sneak >aboard & find out their plans & throw a spanner into the works" GOKU: It takes a stupid man to use cliches as tactical moves. > " >what are you crazy!" cried Ryoko, Washu & Minagi together AEKA: Do you really want me to answer that? >" you >could get killed!" said Kiyone worriedly she then made her voice >return to normal NEWJERSEY: Why would Kiyone be worried about...oh yeah, it's that "chick magnet" effect the SI seems to have. FILIA: I'm just worried because he "could" get killed. I wouldn't be so worried if I knew he was *guaranteed* to get killed... > "anyway I said that none of us would be killed" LINA: Okay, who's talking here? >"as I said last time I was 'killed' 'you cannot kill death', & >anyway I done more dangerous stuff than this HARRY: And lookee here, after I done more dangerous stuff, I's still here! > & look I'm still >breathing" he said holding his breath at the end. NEWJERSEY: Maybe he'll asphyxiate if he stays like that. > >chapter 5:Kagato? GOKU: Where do supervillains come from? > >Adam suddenly doubled over & then stood up again is if nothing >happened AEKA: Uh...I'm not constipated! >"well that was strange, I never felt like that since I >slayed Dracula & his mistress for killing someone close to me. LINA: Oh Dracula, if only he'd aimed a little better, he might have hit Adam. > Oh >shit! I can feel something I don't want to be feeling, its..." FILIA: ...remorse...for writing this fic! > he >trailed off just as Kagato materilised in front of him, but he was >different HARRY: Well duh, he should have "materialized." >he was taller, more built & lots of energy just oozed >off him. NEWJERSEY: Sorry, I hadn't had a chance to take a shower this morning. >"well your all looking rather fine & healthy, this fine >day" spoke Kagato sarcasticly, "well looks like you & I have >something in common, we both have new friends" HARRY: And we both are here as the result of some lame-ass writer. >he said as he >looked at Adam with evil intent unaware that Adam was giving him a >look that could kill an elephant for what he had done to the >others. FILIA: What had an elephant done to the Tenchi cast? I don't remember seeing an elephant in this fic! LINA: With our luck, Redmond will somehow figure an elephant into the equation somewhere. > "alas for the time has come to start the fun" & with that >he moved with amazing speed with a right jab to Tenchi that sent >him across the room, AEKA: Uh, has the author forgot about the Light Hawk Wings or Tenchi's martial arts training? >Adam had released a blast of pshyic blast at LINA: I guess NERV hadn't downsized the department of redundancy department after all. >Kagato who just turned & swated him like a fly HARRY: WOOHOO! Go Kagato! NEWJERSEY: You're actually cheering on the bad guy? HARRY: Adam's the real bad guy here, remember? NEWJERSEY: True. That psychic blast of his must have had enough power to toast a whole eighth of a slice of bread. >to which Adam >responded with a devastating volley of kicks which Kagato blocked >with amazing force & speed & suddenly countered by grabbing Adam's >leg & snapping it off like a twig. GOKU: Well, looks like the author has his power levels right! LINA: I just have to ask...what are those power levels measured in? GOKU: Hell if I know. > "well I have other business to >attend to so I'll take whats mine & leave"& with that he grabed >Ryoko by the neck & flashed The MSTers blink. AEKA: He really wasn't wearing anything under that trenchcoat, was he? >a pair of fangs & was gone, "shit! he >pulled off my leg, oh & took Ryoko with him, bastard! FILIA: Oh that's really nice how he leaves Ryoko as an afterthought. HARRY: It's kinda hard to be altruistic when you've just been dismembered, Filia. >hey Tenchi >you ok?" Adam asked as he crawled over to his leg, which he picked >up & held to the stump which soon rejoined with the severed limb NEWJERSEY: Now THAT's a detatchable body part. >"bastard he ruined my last pair of jeans, GOKU: and he made me soil my last pair of underwear, too! > I'm going to kill him & >bring Ryoko back by lunch!" he said as he picked up his sword & >teleported up to the ship. HARRY: ...where he missed the teleport coordinates, and ended up sharing space-time with the engine exhaust. The end. > >"well did you enjoy yourself? I see that you brought back a >trophy, mind if I 'borrow' her when your finished?" asked Duke >looking at Ryoko who was out cold, Kagato replied "she isn't for >that purpose FILIA: She's only for stripteases and lapdances. AEKA: Silly Kagato! Ryokos are for kids! > & yes I did enjoy myself" then came a message over >the intercom "come to the brige for breifing" NEWJERSEY: Ah. My underwear is ready. > "I'll secure her >while you continue up to the bridge" said Duke to Kagato, when >Kagato had left Duke tied Ryoko up & started to undress her just >as Adam materilsed with his sword in his hand. HARRY: Oh SHIT! Lemon scene! Group rape! Filia, hit me with that mace! PLEASE! > Duke never had the >chance to even draw breath or even think of turning around. Blood >spurted all over the room covering Adam & Ryoko LINA: And now let us re-enact the elevator scenes from "The Shining." > when suddenly the >intercom came on "Duke where are you?" "same place your heading" >replied Adam as he warped FILIA: ...logic, reality, and the English language. >back to the others. "what the hell >happened?! no one can get in without the sensors detecting them & >it looks like Duke was caught unaware but at least he died with >little or no pain just look at the clean cut" GOKU: Wow. One of these villains is really skilled in forensic science. > said Ai when she >came to see the source of the strange voice on the intercom & >noticed that the blood formed a message that read: You will all >pay. AEKA: Mastercard, Visa, and American Express accepted. Sorry, no C.O.D.'s. NEWJERSEY: Dammit! Nobody accepts C.O.D.'s! > >Ryoko was going to be fine but still Adam sat by her bed day & >night almost as if he was protecting her from danger & had pointed >his sword to Washu whenever she came quitely to check on her >daughter, LINA: Wouldn't Washu just type C:\>DEL ADAM*.* on her holotop, and be done with him if he tried that? > Adam was vigilent with sitting with her day & night not >sleeping or eating, with what was left of his lunch two days ago >next to him, FILIA: Adam has bullemia. > he even canceled his date with Rogue saying that HARRY: ...he wanted his SI powers all to himself and he didn't want Rogue sucking any of them from him. >something had came up NEWJERSEY: Wouldn't that motivate him to try seducing Rogue instead? *BAM!* LINA: Yep, the translator for "Zero Wing" edited this. > & that he won't be around for a while, then >Ryoko opened her eyes to find that Adam was sitting there holding >her hand on one side & tenchi sleeping on a chair not far away on >the other. "m.m.my what a surprise to find you sitting t.t.there >holding my hand" AEKA: Hold on, Adam's on one side, Tenchi's on the other, how can they be holding the same hand? GOKU: Maybe Tenchi's really a Super Sayin. AEKA: Seems a bit overdone in terms of powers, but better Tenchi than Adam. > said Ryoko surprised, trying to keep her feelings >in check but failing as tears rolled down her face, "don't worry >your safe, HARRY: It might get scared and unlock itself if it's too worried. > I killed the bastard who was gonna rape you NEWJERSEY: No you didn't, Adam, you're still here. FILIA: You recovered fast... > & I left >them a little message" said Adam as he wiped her tears away, she >tried to sit up but Adam made he lie still, "now as you we're >saying when the ship appeared" he said to Ryoko who turned her >head to face the ceiling as she beagn to try & say the words she >had been trying to say to Tenchi for what felt forever "I.I.I..I >think t.t.that I.I.I AEKA: H.h.h.have t.t.this c.c.c.c.compulsion t.t.to a.a.a.a.a.add p.p.p.periods t.t.t.t.to e.e.e.e.every w.w.w.w.w.word. > (she cleared her throat) GOKU: She has to narrate herself. This is sad. > l.l.l.love..." "I >know, you love Tenchi but when I'm around you love us both. Well >I'm sorry about it if it tears you apart inside but its a power >that I cannot control" LINA: Bullshit! It's called editing, you putz! > & he turned to go when Ryoko called him >"Adam its not that, I think that its really love but if it isn't, >I'll still enjoy being with you" NEWJERSEY: Adam, how much morphine did you give her?! >"Ryoko, I don't.." Adam started, >"you don't what? don't love me? don't think that I'm good enough? >don't think I'm what?" FILIA: Adam doesn't think she's man enough for him...then again, Ryoko's not a man at all, so that should go without saying. > "I don't think you can handle the attention >from other women that I attract, HARRY: o/~ I'm...too sexy for these girls, too sexy for these girls, too sexy for any world... o/~ > I mean Washu, Minagi & Kiyone >have become attracted to me & you could lose Tenchi & I don't want >that as it can be extremely painful to lose someone close, I know" ALL: BULLSHIT! >& with that Adam left. GOKU: ...Never to return. REST OF CAST: WE SHOULD HOPE SO! MISATO: Uh, guys, I've got some bad news... LINA: Don't tell us. "The pattern is blue." The fic is an Angel. MISATO: how did you know? NEWJERSEY: Think about it. If a fic is this bad, either the fic or the author is the evil target that must be destroyed. Since the author isn't here...well, use your deduction. GOKU: I guess this is why they wanted me in here, huh? MISATO: You got it. This time we fight overpowered characters with overpowered characters. GOKU: Oh well, guess I better get ready. > >chapter 6: Adam's past FILIA: If we go back and erase it, then Adam will cease to exist in the present! > >Ryoko sat on the roof as was startled by Washu who said "penny for >your thoughts" NEWJERSEY: Shouldn't it be "yen?" > "men" was the reply from Ryoko AEKA: With the exception of Tenchi, I haven't seen a real one since this fic began! > "well tell your mom >about it then" GOKU: You know, isn't Washu a few centuries late for her and Ryoko to be having "the talk?" >& so Ryoko explained that she loved both Adam & >Tenchi but she didn't know who she should choose & that she didn't >want to be hurt by them AEKA: If she chooses Adam, then my path to Tenchi is clear...but I wouldn't wish Adam on my worst enemy! Oh the dilemma... >& Washu said that only she can a decide. & >they both watched as Adam sat & watched the sun go down & quitely >say "I miss you Louise, still" FILIA: I miss you too, Thelma. NEWJERSEY: Okay, I guess the lessons have failed...he's using some sort of punctuation here, but...ahem...YOU CANNOT SUBSTITUTE AN AMPERSAND FOR A PERIOD! GET IT THROUGH YOUR SKULL, REDMOND! > & he soon jumped into the lake & >started to HARRY: ...drown & water filled his lungs & he was deprived of oxygen & he died. GOKU: You do that too well. > swim at great speed for the other side & when he got >there he looked back & saw Ryoko & Washu who waved & he turned >away & walked in to the forest out of sight. LINA: Where he was eaten by wolves. The end. Newjersey growls. LINA: What? I know it's an overgeneralization, usually wolves don't attack humans unless they see them as a genuine threat. But don't you think any means of his demise would be acceptable? NEWJERSEY: It's still a debasement to wolves, implying that we'd have anything to do with his flesh! LINA: What do you suggest, then? Newjersey pulls his pistols out. LINA: Ah. >Lunchtime came & went >& still there was no sign of Adam, They soon explored the forest >but couldn't locate him FILIA: This can't be good. GOKU: Why? He's gone! FILIA: Don't you understand? It's like a horror film. You have to have the body on hand to be sure he's dead! HARRY: It's a trick. Get an axe. >& they went back to the house to discover >a note from Adam which said: 'I must leave as I have some business >to attend to, please contact me using the watches on the table if >anything happens but only if something happens. Adam' FILIA: Just put the watches in the incenerator, then. Redmond wrote this fic so nothing's really going to happen. > so everyone >took a watch & on each was a name AEKA: Funny, this watch has the name "Mavado" engraved on it. NEWJERSEY: Who's Timex? Does anyone have the name "Timex?" >& when they said the name a >voice responded with "unit activated, hello master, I am a mini >computer which has been given to you by my inventer, Adam >asskicker, please enjoy my services" LINA: So they have a watch that talks, calls up an annoying SI, and probably can't indicate the correct time. Wow. What service. > Washu looked at hers & smiled >& to her surprise hers said "don't take me apart as I will self- >destruct" Washu's smile soon faded. GOKU: Okay, let's try this. Goku stands up, and in the blink of an eye, leaps off his seat, directing a devastating punch at the screen. However, the AT field bounces him back, and he caroms off the celing and rear wall before landing on the floor again. GOKU: OW! What was that?! NEWJERSEY: An AT field. Usually you need another AT field to erode the phase space, but if you direct a lot of brute force at it, it'll crack. The problem is, it takes an incredible amount of force. > >Adam was standing at a grave quietly talking to the gravestone, >when a he heard footstep behind him, he didn't even move as the >person laid a hand on his shoulder & said "I'm sorry about what >happened I tried to save her but we were too late" HARRY: Here lies Nano, virtual pet of Adam Asskicker. > "I know but I >can't help it, the pain died hard & I'm falling in love again" "we >all must let go sometime, the sooner the better. FILIA: In your case, Adam, we would hope so. Preferrably sooner...Satan is waiting. NEWJERSEY: Uh, Filia, wouldn't the equivalent from your world be Shabranigdo? LINA: FIREBALL! Keep Adam out of my world, furball! > goodbye it was >good seeing you again" & the person was gone. Adam turned away >said goodbye to the gravestone which read: 'Louise Richmond wife >of Adam, may her soul rest in peace.' AEKA: You kidding? Any place is a better place as long as it's not with him! > Adam had carved the stone >while greving, it was carved very beautfully with angels, NEWJERSEY: Hey, there's Sachiel, there's Israfel, theres Sandalphon... > roses & >a pair of figures holding GOKU: ...severed... >hands carved on it, it was hard to tell >that a such a thing of beauty had been made from a sad event. LINA: It wasn't. "Made in Taiwan." > Adam >noticed that his wifes grave was the only one that wasn't defaced >or broken, HARRY: Let's go tag some gravestones! NEWJERSEY: Hey, isn't that the gravestone Adam visits? HARRY: EEEEWWWW! I'm not going near that! GOKU: EEEYAAAAHHH! Goku launches another attack, aiming for the AT field, but is bounced off again. This time he lands on his feet. GOKU: I think I put a dent in it...that thing is tough! > her death was not easy to take first came the bloood >lust ALL: BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! > then the deaths of many innocents & then he slept of 3 years >& was woken up by res-erection of the creature that had killed >her, Dracula. AEKA: Um...the way the author placed that hyphen, you'd think he'd WANT that double entendre... NEWJERSEY: Okay, that is SICK! I would NOT want to be awakened by someone else's erection, let alone that of a walking corpse! What, nobody's hitting me? FILIA: That hentai was clearly from the fic, Newjersey. > When the Belmont decendant & Alucard enetered >Castlevaina, bodys of the creatures lay scattered everywhere, the >cause of this massercare, a lone man with incredable powers that >were unmatched even by Dracula. ALL: SPIDER-MAN! > When they discoverd Death LINA: Death is one of those things you just accept, you don't need to experiment to prove its existence! >he was >being attaked by a man wearing strange clothes & was fighting bare >handed & was winning agaisnt the creature whose touch is instant >death, HARRY: Pikachu on a triple espresso? >yet still the man proceded to rip death apart & when he had >finished the little pieces that were once death disappered & NEWJERSEY: ...without the ultimate ending, all lesser endings were meaningless. Hence, there were no more periods to end sentences with. >when >the man turned to face Alucard, a shiver ran down Alucards spine & >the Dhamire couldn't even bare the man looking at him because FILIA: Bare...as in remove the clothes of? LINA: Filia, don't go there. Besides, it's impossible. In the first fic, they tried to remove his clothing, it was held to the body by some strange force. oh Cephied, I'm remembering this crap! >of >the urge the man felt to kill was overwhelming even to Alucard. >later when Alucard had met with Dracula he was almost killed & the >Belmont was almost dead as well, Dracula was gloating when the man >came from the shadows & the battled with Alucards father with such >anger & other emotions GOKU: Well that's a little vague! YAH! > that overwhemed him, Dracula was not just >scared but terrified & the man had soon killed, no, totally >destroyed the lord of the undead with his bare hands. NEWJERSEY: That shouldn't be too hard. FILIA: Yeah, but you can get claws at a moment's notice. NEWJERSEY: And you're a dragon. What's your point? FILIA: Touche. > The castle >instead of crumbling like it normally did when Dracula was >destoryed seemed to warp in to something worse, after that the >killing began, HARRY: Wow. The castle must be warped if Dracula's destroyed BEFORE the killing started. Didn't the author say something about the blood lust and killings before all this happened? > it didn't take Adam long to realise that he had >become worse than Dracula, he was a monster so bad it was >unspeakable NEWJERSEY: Hastur? HARRY: Voldemort? FILIA: Barney? REST OF CAST: You win. >& so he left the Castlevainia world & locked this >memory away into the back of his mind forever, or so he hoped. LINA: The people of the Castlevania world are serving you, Adam Asskicker, a class action suit for the release of unspeakable horrors upon the denizens of the realm. > >Chapter 7: Adam's return > >That night Ryoko sat watching & praying that Adam would return AEKA: ...in several tiny pieces... >safely, when she saw a light coming from the ship outside & >suddenly Gelvar, Ai & Kagato were standing outside by the lake & >they each aimed a weapon at Tenchi's room & fired, GOKU: It's an alien drive-by! > Ryoko screamed. FILIA: OH FUCK! WE'RE STILL IN THIS FANFIC! >Tenchi woke to find himself in a very large bed with HARRY: ...Ryoko... Aeka growls. NEWJERSEY: You do that really well...are you sure you're not a werewolf? > a letter by >the side, it said:I saved you but you got an injury, rest & I'll >be back. signed guess who? Tenchi got out of bed & went exploring >& soon dicovered that he was in a large house that had a picture >of Adam LINA: I...am...dead...and...this...is...hell! > in a room full of videos & other stuff which looked like a >libary but was marked study. AEKA: In other words...it's a Hentai collection to rival Noboyuki's. > Meanwhile Ryoko & the others who were >woken by the blast launched an attack on Kagato, Ai & Gelvar & >they were getting beaten HARRY: ...by Aeka and her toys... AEKA: WHY YOU... LET ME GO! I'M GOING TO KICK THAT LITTLE SHIT RIGHT THROUGH THE AT FIELD! > when suddenly they heard "oooyyaaajjii!" ALL: AAAAAAA!!! >& they looked up to see a large beam vaporise Kagato & Ai, NEWJERSEY: Someone left the safety off the Zeus cannon. LINA: Newjersey, shut up! Not everyone's seen that movie yet! > & once >the beam died down Adam landed where Kagato had stood a few >seconds before & said "well you didn't call me, never mind >Tenchi's safe, GOKU: I cracked it and found all his love letters to one of the Tenchi girls. I forgot which one after I burned the letters. > he's at my house". Tenchi had contined to explore >when he discovered that Adam was also living with a number of >women, three to be exact, HARRY: Is that in reference to the age of the women? AEKA: Given this author... I wouldn't be surprised. > a pir of twins who were trying to shoot >him & FILIA: So four girls are trying to shoot Adam? > a third who was blonde & was firing rings of energy from her >arms, 'great just like home!' thought Tenchi hopping over the >banister just for the twins to jump in front of him & the blonde >on behind him, LINA: I didn't know Tenchi was into choreography. > "w..w.wait I'm a f..f.friend of Adam's" & then >suddenly the women stopped advancing & looked at him the blonde >one spoke first saying "hey your Tenchi Masaki" Tenchi just nodded >as he noticed that she was wearing a pair of tight silk p.j.s, & >the twins were wearing nightgowns that left very little to the >imagination, AEKA: So now that they know it's Tenchi, they start their advances again?! I'LL KILL THE BASTARD WHO WROTE THIS! NEWJERSEY: GET IN LINE! > " hey shouldn't you be getting rest if Adam sent you >here?" Tenchi just nodded & asked if he could sit in the study, >the girls looked at each other huddled together LINA: Long bomb on two, on two! BREAK! > & then they let >him in & told him not to make a mess & leave it how he found it & >if he needed anything then call them, HARRY: Yeah...I'd like a cold shower and some proper punctuation. > the blonde introduced >herself as Sonja, the twins as Ani & Una. GOKU: What do you know...they all look like Rei. > >The battle raged on against Gelvar all night with everyone >sustaining an injury execpt Adam who dogded every blow & gave >Gelvar many back, ALL: Of course... > Adam managed to knock Gelvar over & then Adam >used a technique that left no sign of the creature execpt scorch >marks. LINA: HAPPO-FIRE-BURST! >The next moring NEWJERSEY: Switch that "m" for a "b" and you've described the fic. >Ryoko asked where Tenchi was Adam replied >"he's at my house I wonder how he's coping with the twins & Sonja" >"with who?" asked Ryoko, "My personal trainer/personal assitant & >a pair of massuse FILIA: A pair of *Mousse?* Wow. Leave him without his glasses and he seriously gets lost. And cloned! > who are also people who follow me down to the >ring when I westle" HARRY: But of course I get my ass kicked in *wrestling.* > "are they.. pretty?" asked Minagi "why getting >worried are we girls?" answered Adam just as his phone rung >"hello? Oh, hi, how's Tenchi? oh, well I'm glad to hear it, I'll >pick him up in a bit, say, what did he do in the study? oh, ok, >right I'll finish up & pick him & my mail up, bye" NEWJERSEY: I don't want to translate that. Frankly, I don't care. > "I take it that >was them?" said Ayeka "no, it was Sonja" replyed Adam. > >chapter 8: The question AEKA: Where do babies come from? FILIA: What is the ultimate answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything? HARRY: What is the matrix? GOKU: If I'm going to penetrate that AT field, shouldn't I be charging up a Kamehameha? NEWJERSEY: Why would you need you start charging up now? GOKU: Well, doesn't it take a couple episodes of Dragonball Z to resolve one fight sequence? NEWJERSEY: You realize if this doesn't work... LINA: I know. Ragna blade. Then someone has to follow up with some sort of high-power attack. > >When they were alone Ryoko asked Adam AEKA: ...to leave before she called the cops. > what he had done when he >disappered & how did he know when to save Tenchi "well I went a >visited a grave, my wife's grave to be exact..." LINA: No woman would be caught dead with him, though. Literally, in this case. > "I'm sorry I.." >Its alright I feel better now & I came to save Tenchi because when >I came back I saw them point weapons at Tenchi's room AEKA: So now the author claims credit for saving Tenchi. Well if the author hadn't written that part about weapons being pointed at Lord Tenchi, he wouldn't have needed saving, now would he?! >" Ryoko not >sure what to do now becasue she had planed FILIA: Plane...to smooth wood by shaving it, as with a planing tool. So Ryoko's into carpentry? >to ask him what he felt >about her & as she thought about what to do, Adam spoke, almost as >is reading her mind " Ryoko I feel for you but I don't want you to >be hurt either by me or Tenchi & almost all the women who I have >been close to are dead or badly injured, HARRY: If he looked closely, he'd see that all of those wounds were self-inflicted. > thats another thing that >made me put up a wall to prevent from having to suffer like that >again" "Adam I want a truthful answer, did you read my mind?" NEWJERSEY: Read it? Hell, I wrote it! > Adam >just looked at her & she smiled "well?" "no" came the reply & then >they looked at each other, Adam gazing into Ryokos LINA: Oh, so there's more than one Ryoko now? Washu must have been cloning around in the lab again...oh forget it! Screw the pun, where's the damn apostrophe?! > amber eyes & >Ryoko looking in to the shadow that covers Adams face. Then >suddenly they pushed each other off the roof & into the lake AEKA: Okay, doesn't this violate some laws of physics? Even ANIME physics? >where >they where splashing each other & then after a while they raced to >the other side of the lake, Adam let Ryoko win FILIA: I swear, that ego needs a sound smack with Mace-Sama. >& then when he >admitted it while they sat on the side of the peir Ryoko pushed >him off but he just floated in mid-air HARRY: He can dish it out but he can't take it. > & settled back next to her >& when he sat there for a while she put her head on his shoulder, AEKA: See, Adam? I'm decapitating myself just for you! How does my head look attatched to your shoulder? >he put his arm around her shoulders & they sat & watched the >sunrise together. > >That day they sat & played a few games on the Playstation, NEWJERSEY: ...then they found that sitting on a Playstation game console is not too good for its normal operation. The game of hopscotch they attempted pretty much finished it off. > teased >Ayeka, helped Sasami, sabotged some of Washu's expirments GOKU: Mmf...well...they didn't...get to...her...*experiments* or they'd really...be hosed! >& >basicly doing things together. Washu was treating Adam just like >she does Tenchi, & so were the others execpt for Kiyone who was >being flirtious all the time with Adam. ALL BUT GOKU: BULLSHIT! > They went to town the >following day & they went shopping together played games in the >arcade & basicly had a good time & when they got back they got >changed & packed a lunch & Adam created a portal LINA: Adam, here is a lesson. This (&) is an ampersand. This (.) is a period. You are supposed to use the PERIOD to end sentences! >& they left on an >interdimential picnic. They went to a peaceful world sat down in a >beautiful field of various flowers & afer a whlie they had >something to eat & just sat there talking & then as they were >about to kiss there was voice AEKA: Ryoko...slay this man when he least expects it...then burn his remains. > "Ahem, well, well looky here if it >isn't Adam" Adam looked & saw Cupid standing there "won't The boss >be pleased to her that your here with another woman" FILIA: If I'm not mistaken, Eros, a.k.a. Cupid, is a god, so wouldn't he be the boss? HARRY: Maybe he's referring to himself in the third person. > "Cupid, we >finished a long time ago me & your 'boss' so just leave us in >peace & do your job" "but I'm being put out of a job with you >around" NEWJERSEY: With you around, females are becoming celibate by the billions! > " well I'm sure that if I pull a few strings down >below..." LINA: Because hell seems to be a great place for outsourced dieties. > "hey no need for that I'll leave. humph" Cupid left them >in peace & it was time to get back. "I have an idea, why don't we >phone Tenchi & say I'm staying with you for tonight?" "good idea! ALL: NO! WRONG! BAD IDEA! >if you want Washu to use her machine to open a portal to my bed >room by locking onto you & then she has the co-ordinates of my >bed! even better!" said Adam sarcasticly "well you have a point.. >I know you can stay in my room" " but can I trust you to keep to >yourself?" AEKA: Only as far as you can throw him, Ryoko. > "ooohh, I don't know maybe you can, maybe you can't but >theres one way to find out!" & with that they left for Tenchi's >house. FILIA: I hope she brings protection. A Glock should be sufficient. > >chapter 9: A4R4eva? NEWJERSEY: What now, a love triangle between Adam, Ryoko, and an Evangelion? > >The following day Adam & Ryoko were just sitting there doing >nothing, LINA: ...and not even a bottle of Viagra will get THAT to satisfy me, Adam! > when suddenly there was a chill & the from the water >rose, to Ryoko's horror, Kagato HARRY: Apparently someone forgot to flush. >" what? I fried you! you was a >scorch mark! how the?" "you are certinly powerful I will grant you >that but I don't die very easy unlike Tenchi..." NEWJERSEY: Instead, I die very easily unlike Kagato! > & with that >something that looked like Tenchi rose AEKA: Tenchi Rose?! LORD TENCHI, AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, YOU RUN OFF WITH SOME AMERICAN SLUT?! FILIA: AEKA! Calm down, you're reading too deeply! And this is a Redmond fic, after all! > from the water & was very >limp as if it had drowned GOKU: Hmmm...the water had drowned in itself. Very Zen. Let us meditate on that... REST OF CAST: GOKU! CHARGE YOUR KAMEHAMEHA ALREADY!!! GOKU: Oops...right. > "Tenchi!!! you bastard" you must die!" & NEWJERSEY: ...you stole all my proper quotes" & all my periods too" >with blinding speed Ryoko tried to implale Kagato with her >beamsword but he had moved & she had impaled the Tenchi clone LINA: Way to keep suspense there, Redmond. >instead Ryoko screamed as Kagato disappered laughing. Adam checked >the fake Tenchi over & said "that bastard! although it looked like >Tenchi, it wasn't" AEKA: I read the narrative. > Adam turned to Ryoko who was shaking badly even >when she knew it was fake she just couldn't stop shaking FILIA: Oh no, Ryoko's having an epileptic fit! >& even >when Adam held her she still shook. "get some rest & tell Tenchi >how you feel about him, it'll make you feel better & who knows he >may say he loves you back" & Ryoko just looked at him & they both >sat by the waters edge holding each other. HARRY: HANDS OFF, YOU HENTAI! > >It was quiet for the next few days, in the way that Kagato didn't >show up or ant trouble for that matter. NEWJERSEY: A couple of cans of Raid take care of everything. FILIA: Except this fic? NEWJERSEY: Got a point. >Adam & Ryoko had decieded >to go away for a few days to recover from what happened. Adam & >Ryoko had gone to a place that was very peaceful & whilst they >were there they visited some friends of both Adam & Ryoko, LINA: Okay, so if we're looking at friend of both Adam AND Ryoko...that is, any person who was a friend of both Adam AND Ryoko...then...they visited nobody. > Ash >Ketchum, Misty & Brock, the pokemon trainers, "say isnt your >Pikachu getting a little, well..." said Misty as Pikame was >attacking a tree with various powerful attacks like Solar beam, >"what makes you think that?" replied Adam as Pikame settled down >to rest beside his master. When suddenly they all heard "To, oh, >look! its Adam!" HARRY: Pikachu! Thundershock! > "Will you stop drooling & continue with the >motto" "yeah, Jessie" cried James & Meowth. "look we better get >back Ryoko, it was nice seeing you Ash. bye" Adam opened a portal >and left with Ryoko trailing behind him. When they got back, all >hell broke loose. FILIA: I.e., he wrote another fic. GOKU: KAME-HAME-HA!!!! Goku's Chi blast would put the positron cannon to shame, as it rips a hole in the AT field and pierces the fic. As the fic gives one last gasp... > >read Kagato's return for the rest. > ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! NEWJERSEY: LET US OUT OF HERE, DAMMIT! LET US OUT!!! FILIA: Oh sweet Cephied... FIN AUTHOR'S NOTES: Sadly I wish this MST could have gone better and not turned into one big uberrant. There is only so much one can do between one's imagination and the fic, which I may add, has been the most headache-inducing work I've ever encountered. The End of Evangelion-esque segment prior to the fic I wrote in as a response to the possibility that the prior MST of Ryoko's Love would anger some people who...well...would not look at the lighter side of a good fic. I may break off from this series for a while until I can find more Excedrin.