Dolphin "Newjersey" Silverwolf (DolphinSWf@aol.com) MST Division Causality - MST #4 : "Ryoko's Love, Prologue Ch. 1-3" Why MST a good fic? Sometimes you just gotta look at the lighter side of things. Author's note/Disclaimer: All names, concepts, and indicia thereof are property of their respective owners. (e.g., Neon Genesis Evangelion belongs to Gainax/ADV, Those Who Hunt Elves is owned by ADV, Inu-Yasha is drawn by Rumiko Takahashi, Tenchi Muyo! belongs to Pioneer/AIC, "Event Horizon" is copyright Paramount Pictures, "Tubthumping" is by Chumbawumba, MST3K theme song and MST3K are copyright Best Brains, and Cutter and ElfQuest are the creations of Wendy and Richard Pini of WaRP graphics.) The only things I claim for my own are Newjersey Silverwolf and the work I did on the MST. On another note, I am anticipating flames from MSTing a reputably good fic. However, I must state that a healthy individual has the capacity to laugh at oneself. Also, judging by the results of the TMFFA voting booth, this is a popular fic. People who have read it ought to get the jabs and jokes. The vast majority of the hentai comments (pretty much all of them) are the result of the MSTers' perceptions of the fic (sick minded little bastards) and do not necessarily reflect the fic author's intended meaning. Query> SHOULD WE SUBJECT THE MSTERS TO A GOOD FIC? MAGI DELIBERATING........DONE. MELCHIOR: Affirmative. BALTHAZAR: Affirmative. CASPER: Affirmative. RESULT: 3-0 FOR SUBJECTING THE MSTERS TO A GOOD FIC. MISSION LOG #4: "RYOKO'S LOVE PROLOGUE" NERV TOP SECRET YOU NEVER SAW THIS, WE NEVER HAD THIS CONVERSATION, AND AS FAR AS YOU ARE CONCERNED, YOU DO NOT EXIST. BALTHAZAR: NERV-MST Episode 3, reeeeeeeel one! OPENING THEME v.0.1 (To the MST3K theme song) In the not-distant-enough future, Post Third-Impact A.D., The Event Horizon ripped a hole Across causality. A secret group by the name of NERV Tried to find what purpose the hole could serve... Well, the Fourth Impact left them alive, So they had to seal the hole up before Impact number Five! (OH...NOT AGAIN!!!) RITSUKO: I'll test a group with fanfics! The oddest I can find! (la la la) They'll watch them while I monitor Their sync ratios and minds! (la la la) Now keep in mind the mission fails If the world happens to end, But the crew just doesn't know why NERV Has to rearrange their friends... Current Roll Call! Shinji! ("I mustn't run away...") Lina! ("DRAGON SLAVE!!!") Cutter! ("AYOOOOAH!") Celcia! (Elder of the Elves!) RYOOOOOOOOOOOOOKO! (Space pirate!) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, Well Ritsuko knows the facts. But if you're looking for NERV's MST, Then have a seat and just relax! For NERV's latest conspiracy...Causality! Door 1: Entry plug images fade. Door 2: Entry plug ejects, pull back from Eva-01. Door 3: Cage closes as the two chain-link barriers slide together in overlapping arrangement. Door 4... Query> SHOULD THE DOOR SEQUENCE BE INCLUDED IN THE MST? MAGI DELIBERATING......DONE. MELCHIOR: Negative. BALTHAZAR: Negative. CASPER: Negative. RESULT: 0-3. PROPOSITION OVERRULED. The story opens in the synchronization test bed, where Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sorhyu are undergoing synchronization tests. The test plugs are set up with their ends pointed into the pool of LCL, as is usual for a synch test, and Misato Katsuragi and Ritsuko Akagi are in the control booth with technicians Maya Ibuki, Shigeru Aoba, and Makato Hyuga. RITSUKO: Shinji, synchronization ratio 23%. He's dropped off from his usual 46%. Asuka's doing well, synchronization ratio 51%. MISATO: Well, she has had time to recover. I'm not surprised about Shinji...given what we've just put him through, he's taken a pretty brutal assault. MAYA: Shinji's synch ratio's up by two points. MISATO: Um...Ritsuko? RITSUKO: Yes? MISATO: What do these synch numbers mean? RITSUKO: Hell if I know. All I know it has to be above ten percent for Eva activation, it can get really high at times, and at 400%, it turns the pilot into LCL. MAKATO: Dr. Akagi, these readings just got a little wierd... RITSUKO: What? MAKATO: There's a lot of noise in the synchronization tank. I can't figure it out... Misato goes to the window. Down in the pool of LCL are Cutter, swimming nude in the LCL, Celcia, lying on a towel top of the empty entry plug, trying to get a tan from the overhead lights, Lina Inverse, windsurfing across the pool with a little help from... LINA: VORMEDALE WIND! ...and Ryoko, on her back, floating over the pool with a glass in her hand (which has an umbrella in it). RYOKO: You know, this isn't such a bad place to vacation. Makes for interesting scenery. CELCIA: And lousy tanning. Why couldn't we have gone to the beach? LINA: Hey, I don't want to be left behind when the causality hole finally gets fixed. And you know it's that water-ski competition in the Geofront lake. VORMEDALE WIND! Ritsuko and Misato facefault. Ritsuko activates the comm out into the testbed. RITSUKO: Just what are you doing down there? RYOKO: Having a Pi–a Colada. Want one? RITSUKO: Ryoko, we're trying to do synchronization tests! We don't need thought noise from everyone else polluting the readings! CUTTER: Hey, you brought us here, we just want to go home. MISATO: Cutter...you're not naked, are you? CUTTER: Wolfriders are kinda rustic that way. CELCIA: CUTTER NO ECCHI! CUTTER: HEY! It's a custom, all right?! Suddenly the lights go to red, a klaxon sounds, and the PA system blares. PA: First stage alert. All personnel to first stage alert. LINA: Guess it's out of the pool, guys. RYOKO: Cutter, I hope you have a towel... After some time, the MSTers are assembled in the NERV briefing room. All are dressed in their plug suits. Around the table: Shinji Ikari (Angst-filled Eva pilot) Ryoko (Genetically-engineered space pirate) Lina Inverse (Beautiful genius sorceress...but NEVER mention her chest) Cutter (Elfin chief of the Wolfriders) Gendo Ikari (Shinji's Father, Commander of NERV) Ritsuko Akagi (The doc of NERV) RITSUKO: Well that was a day shot. We got zilch in the synchro test readings because your presence made them all invalid. MISATO: Oh lay off, Ritsuko, it's not the first time we've had to deal with thought noise. Shinji was doing rather well despite that. RYOKO: So what's with the alert? Why are we all here this time? What's the crisis? GENDO: There is no crisis. All turn to look at Gendo, who, as usual, has his hands propped up in front of his face. GENDO: This will be another trial of the Entry Theater. All of you are going to take on a fic of great popularity. This will be the first time we've done something like this. LINA: Wait...wait a second. Did I just hear that right? You're going to give us a popular fic? GENDO: Correct. RITSUKO: We will be operating on a fic which has scored #1 in the top ten Tenchi Muyo fanfics on the Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction archive. It's largely considered required reading by Aeka-Hating-Ryoko-Loving-Idiots. Ryoko visibly shudders. SHINJI: What? Ryoko, I thought you'd like having a fan base. RYOKO: Fans and supporters of my relationship with Tenchi...I can appreciate that. But the AHRLI's? Every time I think about them it feels like I'm beling stalked by Kagato again. They're unthinking! They're rabid! I don't need them to fight my personal battle with Aeka for MY Tenchi! MISATO: Well...this fic isn't like the stuff we've subjected you to. Some people, intelligent people, actually consider the writing good. However, we must investigate. CELCIA: So who's riding the sixth seat? RITSUKO: Sixth seat? CELCIA: There are five of us. We usually take six on an MST, and that little incident with the progressive knife put Newjersey off the active roster. CUTTER: That is true...I'm missing a wolf-friend. RITSUKO: Well, fortunately, a preliminary analysis indicates you shouldn't need a linguist this time. As for the sixth seat, we are bringing in another special guest. LINA: You know, given the fact that the causality hole is our problem, I question the motives for bringing people through it and further scrambling this reality. Enter a rather surly-looking half-demon, Inu-Yasha. His hair is silvery, flowing down behind his head. Poking through his hair on the top of his head are his doglike ears. Around his neck is a string of rosary beads. His fingers terminate in pointed claws. His eyes are yellow...pretty much Inu-Yasha. The only thing different about him is his garb. He wears a salmon plug suit. INU-YASHA: Would someone tell me exactly WHY I was yanked out of my own dimension to this...this... CUTTER: Well, probably one of those random things. INU-YASHA: I was too close to having the Shikon Jewel in my grasp...just a few more shards! GENDO: That's all well and good, Mr. Yasha... INU-YASHA: That's Inu-Yasha, old man. GENDO: Why don't you just sit down? At the word "Sit," the beads activate, and Inu-Yasha immediately faceplants. The room is silent for a moment. MISATO: I thought that only worked for Kagome... INU-YASHA: How do you know Kagome?! SHINJI: I believe it's called "Manga." INU-YASHA: Just let me out of here, or you'll feel the carress of my claws! RYOKO: Just try it, dog-boy. GENDO: ENOUGH! Ritsuko, are you sure this is a good move? RITSUKO: It's the best option we have. GENDO: Very well then. All of you, into the theater. The 5 MSTers enter the Entry Theater. The seating order is...Ryoko, Inu-Yasha, Celcia, Shinji, Lina, Cutter. Watching in the control block in Central Dogma is Ritsuko, Misato, Maya, Shigeru, and Makato. RITSUKO: Filling the Entry Theater. INU-YASHA: Feh. Do they expect me to drown? RITSUKO: Power supply connected. Commencing activation system. Initiating first stage connections. Voltage climbing to border-line. Initiating second stage connections. Theatre has activated. MISATO: LAUNCH! >Tenchi Muyo: Ryoko's Love... CUTTER: I smell a Lemon. Oh High Ones, do I smell a Lemon. RYOKO: Cutter, the fic hasn't even started yet. >Prologue Chapter 1:Introducing, Yui! SHINJI: Mom?! >By Long T. Tran >Completed 2/16/98 >Revised by Navaash > LINA: Release version C. > >Disclaimer: >The characters you are about read are characters created by AIC/Pioneer. >Don't sue me. > SHINJI: Well, we'll see just how good this fic really is, and maybe we won't have to serve your ass a paper. >Author's notes: > INU-YASHA: Feh. >This is the revised and hopefully corrected version of chapter one, you might >notice some added changes and different rearrangements. CELCIA: So what is this, the "King James Version" of "Ryoko's Love?" >And for those who read the original draft of this chapter a few weeks or days >ago, prepare to be surprised a little bit. > LINA: In other words, they're still in beta testing. >What you are about to read is a Tenchi FF set in the OVA universe, but it will >start 20 years in to the future. As this series progresses the story will be >taken on the present day and it will also take place in other different >various time periods. INU-YASHA: Make up your mind! Past, future, present?! At least my story follows a continuity with respect to characters! >I won't be including Kiyone or Mayuka in this FF, sorry fans. I'm going to >introduce new characters in this series, Yui, Onimaru and many others. CUTTER: Should we be worried about Self-Insertions and other things? >So, without further a do, let the series begin... > >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ > RYOKO: Oh no...that's the same kind of page break Tank Cop uses. I have a seriously bad feeling about this... >April 24, 2018 > SHINJI: Eighteen years after Second Impact... LINA: The survivors of the nuclear holocaust named the war against the machines "Judgement Day..." >It was another typical day for the students at Okayama High School. Everybody >sat in their desks, bored and struggling to stay awake while trying to take >in Sensei's stale lecture about the Tokugawa Shogunate. One such student, Yui, SHINJI: Is that mom? CUTTER: Don't think so...your mom is a biomechanoid run on an S2 engine. SHINJI: I meant BEFORE that! >sat in the second of four rows, a 17-year old girl full of life. Standing at >5'7 with yellow yet human eyes, she was possessed of athletic prowess hidden >within the frame of a perfect lady. Her long, soft, cyan hair RYOKO: Is that a resemblance I see before me? CELCIA: Uh, Ryoko, keep in mind the Anime laws of physics...hair can take any color of the visible electromagnetic spectrum. >was tied up in a >beautiful ponytail. She stared blankly out the window, watching a beautiful >day pass by, envying the birds flying around of their own free will. Lost in >her thoughts and daydreams, INU-YASHA: Having the direction sense of Ryoga inside her own head... LINA: My train of thought has been derailed...and it's still going. >she hated to waste beautiful days like this at >school. > >*I wish I was out there. I bet it feels nice,* she thought. > >"Miss Masaki! Will you please turn around and pay attention!" shouted Sensei. > >"Oh! Uh...Y-Yes, sir," she said, her face turning red. "Sorry." > CELCIA: Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't embarrassment usually signified by a sweatdrop, and arousal signified by blushing? CUTTER: I don't think even the Anime laws are set in stone. SHINJI: If they are, I sense a disturbing relationship taking place in this classroom. RYOKO: Wait a minute..."Miss Masaki," cyan hair, yellow eyes...is anyone else drawing some conclusions here that are quite appealing? INU-YASHA: Washu had fun with Tenchi and a petri dish? Ryoko scorches Inu-Yasha with a plasma bolt. INU-YASHA: You really started making me angry. >Sensei sighed. "Just like your father, it clearly runs in the family." > >Yui's classmates started laughing. > >"Class! Quiet down!" Sensei shouted again. The students immediately quieted >down. The old educator calmed down a little. "Ok, now where were we? Ah >yes...the Tokugawa government later took control after the war..." > >*I can't wait until school's over,* Yui thought to herself. > >Two hours later, school finally ended and Yui was at her locker trying to open >it. The door was jammed. She had always had trouble opening her locker. >Mainly because of one reason... CUTTER: ...the bomb squad was once again responding to a threat. LINA: That was random. > >"Stupid locker! I hate it when this happens!" she said, struggling with the >locker door. She finally forced the locker to open, and a tidal wave of love/ >secret admirer letters, small gifts, INU-YASHA: Burnt offerings... SHINJI: Letter bombs... CUTTER: Animal carcasses... LINA: Drug shipments... >and even a few crushed CELCIA: ...skulls... >flowers came >pouring out. Burying her knee-deep in to the pile. Yui's best friend, Misato SHINJI: MISATO?! MISATO: I don't think that's me, guys... INU-YASHA: You're right, she actually looks sober. MISATO: HEY! >Matsumiya, walked by and stopped in front of Yui. > >"Looks like the love magnet has her hands full again," Misato joked. > >"Oh shut up, Misato!" Yui barked. > CUTTER: Arf! Arf! Arf! RYOKO: SHADDUP, CUTTER! >"What are you going to do with all that? Read them or...the usual?" said the >silky black-haired girl, with cheerful eyes and a warm smile. LINA: Her smile. That explains global warming. SHINJI: The way Misato phrased that sets her up for a double entendre. > >"The usual." Yui growled at her predicament, picking up the letters, gifts, >and flowers and throwing them in to a nearby trash can. As the letters fell >into the trashcan Yui could hear hearts being shattered; athletes, nerds, and >even some senseis could be heard crying in the background. > SHINJI: Wait! I was just kidding about those disturbing relationships! CUTTER: Don't you just hate being right? LINA: First she's barking, then she's growling. Was there a Ryoko/Newjersey romance going on? RYOKO: That was your one free chance, Lina. Next time, you die. >"Don't you have any time for love, Yui?" Misato asked. > >"Nope. Not interested right now." Yui began to make her way towards the >main doors. INU-YASHA: Masaki. Not interested in love. Yep, she's definitely Tenchi's daughter. RYOKO: Oh you son of a... CELCIA: Ryoko, I've got a better idea. SIT! Inu-Yasha slams facefirst into the theater floor. RYOKO: Really that simple, huh? INU-YASHA: I'll get you for that, you elven bitch. > >Misato watched Yui walking off, then looked down and noticed a letter on the >floor that Yui dropped LINA: Yui dropped the floor? Wow. She can bench a lot! SHINJI: That strength...she IS my mom! RYOKO: Shinji, did that description sound like an Eva to you? Don't jump to conclusions! >while putting the rest in the trash. Picking it up, she >realized the letter belonged to the biggest jerk in the whole school: the >Student Council president, Katsuhiko Jinnai. CUTTER: Okay, if we assume that this is a Tenchi-based fanfic, it's been invaded by Evangelion, and now El-Hazard. CELCIA: Oh boy...the causality hole has affected the fic as well! >Misato smiled deviously. > LINA: MWAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm going to be EEEEEEVIL!!! >"I'm going to have fun with this letter!" Misato laughed, putting the letter >into her book bag. > >After passing through the doors, INU-YASHA: Figuratively or literally? RYOKO: Literally has my vote. That would mean she gets it from my side of the family. >the next routine was the part that Yui hated >the most. She had to try to make her way to the gate without making contact >with any of the guys. CUTTER: ...You see, all of the males at this school had contracted the Ebola virus. LINA: Eeeeeeww! Cooties! >Nevertheless, her hopes were usually in vain; a freckled >boy with lazy eyes, and bad green teeth, walked up to her. > SHINJI: Smashing, Baby! CELCIA: That's kind of a reach, that description and Austin Powers. SHINJI: It was the bad teeth from the first movie. Closest thing I could come up with. >"Uh... hello, Yui. Can I walk you home?" he said, nervously. > >"No," she replied bluntly. > >The boy became shattered RYOKO: See, that's what happens when you get careless with liquid nitrogen. >and turned pale; he stood as still as a statue as Yui >kept on walking. She was halfway towards the gate when a handsome stud of a >jock walked up to her. He had perfect gleaming teeth, nicely combed hair, and >a strong athletic build. ALL THE GIRLS: YOWZA! > >"Say pretty, you look tired," he said confidently. > >"Tired from what?" she asked, not looking at him. > >"Tired from running around in my mind all day." He smiled, and a sparkle >shined across his perfect set of teeth. > All the girls facefault. LINA: He was cute until he said that. That has got to be one of the lamest pick-up lines on the planet. >"Why don't you go away and bench-press yourself to death?" she said cruelly. >"That is the lamest pick up line I've ever heard!" > Silence for a moment, then... INU-YASHA: Lina...shut up. >"B-but...b-but..." The jock all of sudden looked very small. He started to >grind his teeth. > CUTTER: Be me alive or be me dead, I'll grind my teeth to make my bread! CELCIA: Faerie tale references coming from an elf? There is something seriously wrong with that. CUTTER: Look who's talking. >"Frogs make better sounding mating calls than that!" > INU-YASHA: Bud... RYOKO: ...weis... SHINJI: ...er... >"I...I..." The jock struggled with his words. "BUT I LOVE YOU!!!" he shouted >with tears streaming down his cheeks. The jock ran off crying like a little >boy. > >Yui sighed in exasperation. *Why must I go through with this EVERY single >day?* RYOKO: It's the sex appeal factor from Tenchi. LINA: Tenchi? Sex appeal? BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Ryoko blasts Lina into the wall. >Yui finally reached her bus stop. She waited a few minutes and a bus stopped >in front of her. As the doors to the bus opened, she heard a low rumbling, ALL: EARTHQUAKE!!! >turned around and saw a mob of all the boys in her school running, trying to >catch her before she got on the bus. All were shouting for her. "YUI! WE >LOVE YOU! WE WANT TO DATE WITH YOU!" CELCIA: I'm sorry, you want Akane Tendo. She's at Furinkan High School. SHINJI: Ye gads...it's the Kuno clones. > >"Oh no! Don't they ever give up?" she shouted. > >Yui hurriedly stepped onto the bus, the driver perturbed to see the mob >running towards it. > >"Jeez...Hurry up, get in! Why must you put me through this every day?" the >driver said angrily. Yui quickly took haven within the bus. INU-YASHA: Missing capital, fifteen yard penalty. > >"Floor it!!" she shouted. The driver quickly put the bus in gear and burned >rubber, speeding away from the school grounds. SHINJI: Okay...I don't care what the author says. A bus engine is built for torque, not brake horsepower, and they are diesel-driven. It takes a lot of RPM's to burn rubber out of a dead stop, and I seriously doubt a bus engine is built for that. LINA: Maybe Misato's driving. SHINJI: She's not THAT bad. >The boys all simultaneously waved good bye. > >The bus rumbled along through the late afternoon, going towards the country- >side, things finally calming down. Yui looked out the window, gazing at the >countryside. RYOKO: No really, you think? She wouldn't be gazing at the Tokyo Skyline? >Yui always wondered why her father didn't want to move out to the city; CUTTER: Probably the smog, the crime, or the giant monster attacks. Take your pick. >it could've been more convenient for her, not having to spend so much money on >bus passes. On the other hand, she started to think about the countryside's >natural beauty throughout the seasons. Serene orange-red autumn days, snowy >winter wonderlands, hot green summer days, and of course, her favorite spring >time cherry blossoms. INU-YASHA: Cherry blossoms equal nostalgia. > >*Oh well, the countryside was always beautiful year round. It would be crazy >to try to move somewhere else,* Yui sighed. CUTTER: *Was?* What happened to it now? > >Yui began to think about today's special occasion. Aunt Sasami, Aeka RYOKO: *Aunt* Sasami?! That would mean Tenchi and Aeka... LINA: Ryoko, calm down! Tenchi's already related to Aeka and Sasami by royal blood, it could mean anything! SHINJI: Now who's jumping to conclusions? >and Mihoshi are all coming back home to visit. > >It was always fun having them coming by and visit, CUTTER: Mihoshi always makes a splashy entrance. CELCIA: You crashed the Ryo-oh into the lake again! Why do I EVER let you drive?! >especially Aunt Sasami. Yui loved her aunt's cooking and even though Sasami >was grown up, INU-YASHA: Feh. Figures. That means the author can make a Sasami Lemon now without worrying about statutory rape laws. >Yui always had fun being around her. Aunt Sasami always came by to visit at >least 3 times a month, staying at her house for days at a time. RYOKO: Practically speaking, wouldn't that mean she stays at the Masaki residence all the time? >Her aunt always had a cheerful attitude LINA: No, really? I always thought she was a cynical little bitch! >to keep things going; that was one of the reasons why Yui loved being around >her. Sasami had another name she also went by SHINJI: ...because having been recently promoted to the ten most wanted by the Galaxy Police, she had to keep an extensive list of aliases handy. RYOKO: Watch how you talk about Sasami-chan, Ikari. >...Tsunami, LINA: Surf's up! >but she preferred to be called Sasami by her friends and family. Yui has >always admired her aunt's tremendous beauty; after all, she was a goddess just >like CUTTER: ...Belldandy. >Yui's grandmother Washu. She looked so elegant with her long blue hair, pink >colored eyes RYOKO: *Grandmother* Washu! See? There! I've gotta be the mother! INU-YASHA: Blue hair, pink eyes. This is the wierdest form of albinism I've ever seen. >that always emitted a delightful aura of joy, strong cheerful laugh with >healing power, and not to mention she also possessed the universe's most >powerful energy! CELCIA: Who got da juice? She got da juice! SHINJI: The force is strong with this one... > >Aeka, however, was a different story. RYOKO: ...she was the same bitch as always. SHINJI: Isn't that being kinda...AHRLI-ish? RYOKO: I have a right to say that, I have first-hand experience. >Aeka didn't visit as much as Sasami, mainly because of LINA: ...Noboyuki's restraining order. >her duties as the Empress of Jurai. Before her ascension to the throne 17 >years ago, her great-great grandparents Azusa, Funaho, and Lady Misaki decided >to retire from the throne, leaving it empty to Yosho, Aeka, and her father. INU-YASHA: Well, yes, that's how it usually happens. The previous ruler has to vacate the position of power before the new ruler can take it. >Yosho obviously didn't want the throne because he still felt strongly attached >to the Earth; CELCIA: Damn super glue. >he was very adamant about dying on Earth. Although it would take thousands of >years before he actually died... > >*I guess he just doesn't want to get involved with the politics,* Yui thought >to herself. > CUTTER: I got sick to death with all the damn recounts. Who'd have thought Florida would care about Juraian politics? >Her father was also considered to take the throne, but Azusa was very adamant >about keeping her father away from there. The king of Jurai had a tremendous >prejudice against her father, the reason being he was an earthling. RYOKO: That "earthling" could form Light Hawk Wings with sufficient power to overwhelm a black hole! You'd think Azusa would be proud of that! SHINJI: So? LINA: Shinji...how... SHINJI: I'm sychronized with an Eva, remember? It's just careful manipulation of the Eva's AT field. ASUKA: Shinji, you little show-off! How come you have to best me at *everything?!* >What pissed her off the most was the way Azusa always looked down at him, as >if he were some lowlife commoner. Yui always hated being around Azusa; to >her, he was always pouting about something. RYOKO: Well, he *is!* > >*As if my father actually cared about taking the stupid throne in the first >place!* she thought angrily. *At that time, mother was pregnant with me!* > CUTTER: But wouldn't that be incentive for taking the throne? I mean you'd think the Emperor of Jurai would get some medical benefits, including prenatal care. RYOKO: Eh, I've looked into it. The dental plan's okay, but the medical plan sucks. Piracy has much better benfits. CELCIA: I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I can't believe the space pirates have unionized. >Naturally, Aunt Aeka RYOKO: There! *Aunt* Aeka! Hah! She couldn't be Yui's mother! INU-YASHA: Ryoko, you're assuming that just because her last name is Masaki, that Tenchi was the father. RYOKO: Just *what* are you implying? INU-YASHA: Noboyuki with Sakuya or Kiyone. RYOKO: Why I... SIT! Inu-Yasha faceplants into the theater floor. RYOKO: Celcia, you're right, this is much easier. LINA: He does have a point. We haven't had much disambiguity as to Yui's parentage other than her surname. All we've done is narrow it down. Also keep in mind that based on the inherited traits of this child, there's still one more mildly disturbing possibility. RYOKO: And that is? LINA: Noboyuki and adult Ryo-Ohki. Silence for a second, then all of the MSTers vomit into the LCL. LINA: Oh Cephied, someone hit me before I say something like that... >became the new ruler of the Jurai Empire. When Aeka's >husband temporarily stepped in to rule the empire, Aeka would come by to visit >about once every 3 months, staying at the house for 2 or 3 days before she had >to return home to perform her duties. SHINJI: Even with hyperspace transport, that's gotta be a helluva commute! >During those 3 days, Aeka would always >teach Yui about the importance of being her own individual, maintaining >respect, and teaching responsibility. CELCIA: You see, Yui, if you have two big logs, you can always get your way. >To Yui, Aeka was the perfect example of being a lady. RYOKO: That bitch! Corrupting the poor girl... >Aeka was always elegant in every aspect; although Aeka was the Empress of >Jurai, she also knew how to have fun. LINA: Yes, glomping Tenchi and arguing with Ryoko. What could be more fun? >Every time Aeka came by to visit, she would always challenge her to a CUTTER: ...drinking contest... RYOKO: No way, elf-boy. Aeka can put away sake like nobody's business. >singing contest on the karaoke machine. She was good at singing and always >told Yui that she was a lot like her mother. > INU-YASHA: Does that mean that Aeka chewed Yui out, too? >"You have a good singing voice, Yui!" her aunt always said. "Always remember >that this is one of your talents and you have to keep refining your talents in >order to insure a full and joyous life." SHINJI: Since when did Aeka become Yosho? > >Mihoshi was also expected to visit, but Yui doubted that Mihoshi would be able >to, considering the fact that she CELCIA: ...was a bumbling idiot with the direction sense of Ryoga... RYOKO: That's a little unfair. Mihoshi always seems to find the lake well enough. >was always busy at the Galaxy Police >Headquarters with her new job as Deputy Commander. CUTTER: That's like putting Wile E. Coyote in charge of a Roadrunner hunting party, isn't it? >Mihoshi was like a big >sister to Yui, even though she was a little airheaded. LINA: Understatement #1. >Mihoshi was always there >for Yui, especially during her times going through that certain phase called >puberty. CELCIA: Um...uh...well...when you get to that...certain special age, you see...uh...I can't explain it! WAAAAAAAAAHHHH! >Her father was at a loss when it came to 'female' growth and >development; INU-YASHA: ...so he took a trip to Jusenkyo. SHINJI: Oh, too bad, you fall in "Spring of Drowned Girl." That one very popular lately. >when Sasami or Aeka weren't around, Mihoshi would be the one to >take care of her, making sure that Yui would come out a perfect young lady. > >When neither Aeka, Mihoshi, or Sasami were around, her grandmother Washu took INU-YASHA: ...her virginity. RYOKO: SIT! SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT!!! Inu-Yasha hits the Entry Theater floor once for each "sit." >care of her. In all of Yui's life, Washu had been protecting her since she >turned the tender age of 4. Since Yui's mother died, her mother's mother >was the perfect choice. It was somewhat strange that her grandmother insisted >that she be called little Washu... CUTTER: She's twelve! Why shouldn't she be called "little?" >but Yui didn't mind having a grandmother >who looked a lot younger than her. She loved Washu dearly and that was that. > RYOKO: The next Hentai comment I hear will be met very painfully. Cutter and Shinji close their mouths. Inu-Yasha is still trying to peel himself off the theater floor. >Whenever Yui asked a question, Washu was always straightforward with an >answer. LINA: Usually that answer took several hours to complete. CELCIA: Gramma, where do babies come from? RYOKO: Well, dear, when a man loves a woman very very much, his autonomic nervous system will activate on the parasympathetic side. This diverts blood flow to the penis, and also the nose in the case of Anime males. The woman has a similar reaction, though blood flow is instead diverted to the labia, and in the case of Anime females, the face. Meanwhile the male... CELCIA: Never mind, forget I asked. >She never avoided a question. Washu always said that Yui was very much like >Ryoko, full of spirit and always INU-YASHA: ...perpetually horny for Tenchi. RYOKO: SIT! They never learn, do they? CELCIA: It's been getting worse since the last MST. >strong willed. The only questions that Washu didn't answer concerned how her >mother died... RYOKO: I'm...WHAT?! LINA: Now, now, Ryoko, there's still a lot that's up in the air. I mean she could still be the daughter of Noboyuki and... RYOKO: SHUT UP, INVERSE! >and that bothered her. Every time Yui asked, Washu simply replied by telling >her CUTTER: ...to shut the hell up before she busted out her subspace computer and turned her into a newt! >that her father would answer that question in due time; what was even more >disturbing was the fact that she couldn't recall any memories from her >childhood, missing memories from ages 4 to 5. She only remembered bits and >pieces. > >Yui looked at her watch. *It won't be another 10 minutes until I reach home.* >She closed her eyes, relaxing her mind and trying to regain one of her early >childhood memories. > SHINJI: Error 404: memory not found. Please check the URL and try again. > *** > >In her mind, it was pitch black, CELCIA: Eh, that movie was okay. >but the only thing that kept it from being >lonely were voices and sounds from her early past. Gradually, the pitch >darkness lifted away and she found herself in the fields of the countryside >near her house. Little Yui had mid-length hair; there was a lot of tall grass >around her and she was looking at a pink flower with a little yellow butterfly >on it. CUTTER: Oh High Ones, I think I need an insulin injection. >Behind her a woman stood, wearing a pink dress that only a mother could wear, >her spiky hair tied back and yellow gentle eyes watching over her like a >guardian angel. > >"What do you think it is, Yui?" asked the soothing voice of her mother, Ryoko. > RYOKO: HAH! I knew it! INU-YASHA: Well, that could still mean... RYOKO: SIT! No way in HELL would I marry Noboyuki! >"Mm...Bu-fly?" > SHINJI: The Vampire Slayer? >"That's right Yui! But it's called, But-ter-fly." She kneeled down next to >Yui, >holding her child close to herself and pointing things out. > >"But-ter-fly?" > >"Yes, butterfly," Ryoko said warmly. "Just like you, a butterfly. Always >beautiful and always flying." > LINA: *Always* flying? Must have been a challenge to change that baby's diaper... CUTTER: Lina, PLEASE! Parenthood aside, I'm still having flashbacks from "My Little Baby Cabbit!" INU-YASHA: Come on, Ryoko can fly too. I'm sure she could handle her daughter in mid-air. CELCIA: look out below! >"Oh, Mommy!" Yui blushed and giggled, hugging her kneeling mother. > >"Mommy will always be with you." She hugged Yui and laughed a healthy laugh. > >Then the memory faded away and Yui found herself back on the bus. Wish you >were here, Mom. Yui looked down and gave out a small sad sigh. > > *** CELCIA: Fly specks. They have been aiming. > >The bus finally reached Yui's stop. She left with a mute expression on her >face, hating the commute between home and school. > SHINJI: A *mute* expression on her face? I think the author's mixing sensory symbols. >*The commute always takes too damn long!* she thought to herself, making her >way up through the hill. > >After a minute or so of walking, a thought struck her; she realized that >tomorrow would mark the 13th year since her mother's death. She decided to >pick up several yellow flowers along her path; after picking up enough yellow >flowers, she made her way towards the gravestone. The gravestone was located >near the shore of the lake, behind her house. LINA: In recovering her childhood memory, Yui forgot about pronouns. > >Ryoko Masaki >Died 25th of April in the year of 2005 > RYOKO: Oh...this is so sad...I'm dead and there's my daughter...oh Tenchi, I'm sorry I couldn't stay... INU-YASHA: GAH! Ryoko! Get off me! >Yui put the bundle of flowers in front of the gravestone and put her hands >together, praying CELCIA: ...that she would never find herself in a crappy Lemon fanfic. >for her mother's spiritual well-being. After a minute of >silent prayer, she stopped and tried not to shed a tear. > >*It has been 13 years since CUTTER: ...my last confession. LINA: Go in peace and sin some more. RYOKO: SHUT UP! This is a solemn moment! >you left, Mother. I hope you like the flowers I >picked for you. These flowers were our favorite,* she thought to herself. >She wiped a tear from her eye and headed back home. > >She went through the doorway and took off her shoes. > >"I'm home!" she called out. The house was quiet. > >"Miya!" Ryo-ohki cried out running down the stairs. > CELCIA: Translation: "Carrots! Gimme carrots! I gotta have my fix!" >"Hello, Ryo-ohki!" Yui said joyfully, letting Ryo-ohki jump on to her >shoulder to nestle her cheek. Yui smiled. "And how are you doing today?" > >"Miya! Miya!" the cabbit answered back. > CELCIA: Translation: "I gotta have my carrots! I killed Tenchi because he wasn't picking carrots fast enough! Gimme my carrots now, biatch!" RYOKO: You know, I miss Newjersey. Celcia, your translations suck. >Ryo-ohki was usually a cabbit half the time; the other half she would spend in >humanoid form. As a humanoid Ryo-ohki would help Yui with chores around the >house; being helpful was in Ryo-ohki's nature, not to mention her overactive SHINJI: ...carrot eating binges. >playfulness. Ryo-ohki and Yui were the perfect pair when it came to playing >games. Usually they played 'chase the cabbit', where Yui and Ryo-ohki would >play a game of tag with Ryo-ohki in cabbit form. Whenever the cabbit was in >humanoid form, they would dance, play video games, or dress up. Every so >often, though, Yui would get the opportunity to pilot Ryo-ohki the spaceship. RYOKO: She would have inherited her. Take good care of my daughter, Ryo-ohki. INU-YASHA: Feh... >The fact that Washu insisted on watching her every time she did this was a >pain, but a minor one at that. CUTTER: That must have been an interesting way to get her license. LINA: Okay, Yui, now apply gentle pressure to the accelerator and gently let off the clutch... Cutter imitates a squeal of tires, Shinji imitates a car crashing, and Celcia imitates the cabbit's "Miya!" LINA: Very good, Yui, but you should have put Ryo-Ohki in first gear, rather than reverse. >Yui could remember the first time she took Ryo-ohki out SHINJI: *BLAM!* *BLAM!* >for a spin like it was just yesterday, and Washu's compliments about how well >she could handle the starship. > >"I wonder what time it is?" Yui looked over to the wall clock. It read >4:30pm. > >*That's odd. Where is everybody? Shouldn't they be here by now?* > >"Oh Yui!" a voice shouted out from the kitchen. It was her grandfather >Nobuyuki. > >"Yes grandfather?" She walked into the kitchen to find him cooking up some >food. Nobuyuki had already developed a set of gray hair, but still had that >thin mustache. She loved being around her adorable grandfather - even though >he was a little nosy at times. LINA: Understatement #2. >Her father, Tenchi, told her that he was much worse >when he was young, LINA: Understatement #3. >always getting a camera at a moment's notice hoping to catch her father in >some sexual situation. Fortunately for Yui, Nobuyuki had toned down a lot. RYOKO: A castration with a light sword can do wonders that way. > >"Ah Yui! How's my favorite granddaughter doing today?" he said cheerfully. > >"I'm doing fine grandpa." Yui stepped towards the fridge and opened the door, >retrieving a bowl of carrots for Ryo-ohki. > >"And how's school?" he asked. Yui sat down on a stool at the counter, >watching Nobuyuki cook. SHINJI: Noboyuki can cook? CUTTER: Well, I looted the chemistry stockroom for Ultra-Energy Matter, I conquered the administrative offices, and anyone who got in my way felt the sting of my energy blade. > >"Oh the usual, straight A's and all. CELCIA: This has the hopelessly idealistic stereotype structure of a self-insertion fic. >Where's Washu?" Yui asked, looking >around. > >"Oh she's in the lab, doing her usual research," Nobuyuki replied. > INU-YASHA: Ten to one she's been playing EverQuest. >"Oh. I see...," Yui said. Throughout most of Yui's life, whenever Washu wasn't >taking care of her, she would spend most of the daytime in her laboratory. >Yui had never stepped foot in to that dimensional lab, mainly because Washu >forbid it. SHINJI: Narrative edited by Shampoo. >Once in a while, Yui would try to break in to the lab herself but instead >of finding the dimensional lab, she would open the door under the stairs and >find a closet instead. LINA: So Yui was just waiting for Washu to come out of the closet? >Just what was it that Washu was hiding from her? INU-YASHA: Her erotic torture chamber, maybe? > >"Miya! Miya!" Ryo-ohki jumped off her shoulders and onto the counter to eat >the carrots. > >"So...you talked to any boys lately?" Nobuyuki asked deviously. "Your father >tells me that you get thousands and thousands of secret admirer letters >everyday." > >"Oh grandpa!" She said embarrassingly. > >"Oh what's there to be shy about? All I want to know is how well my >granddaughter is doing in her sexu --- uh, life development." RYOKO: Nice save, Noboyuki, but I know what you meant. You are marked for death. CUTTER: Ryoko, you're already dead. RYOKO: don't remind me! > >Yui pretended to not hear Nobuyuki's last remark. "Well, you know how they >are these days." INU-YASHA: Indeed I do, nudge nudge, wink wink. > >"No, how are they?" > >"You know...immature and always wanting some weird commitment. CELCIA: Oh yeah, there's always something wrong with a man who wants a commitment. >The main reason why they want to know me is that they want to get laid." LINA: If I hear one more "chicken" joke, I'm going to slay the whole student body with a lightsword! > >"Oh, I see. That's understandable," he said, cutting up some vegetables then >putting them in a frying pan. > >"So, grandpa..." began Yui, deciding to change the subject. > >"Yes, Yui?" he asked. > >"How was your day at the office?" > >"Oh, you know. Those young architects I just hired were really talented; I'm >having a hard time trying to decide which one of their blueprints to approve >for the contractors." RYOKO: Keiichi knows his engineering exceptionally well, but Skuld is godlike in her design capacity, if I could only understand those divine symbols she uses... > >"Oh really?" > >"Yeah... and I had to fire an employee today, as well." > >"Oh really? Did you finally fire that lazy bum you were talking about for the >past 2 weeks?" > >"Yeah, I finally fired that idiot, Kaji. He was really wasting my company's >time," he said with satisfaction. "That'll teach him a lesson about eating up >the Masaki Firm's finances!" SHINJI: So Kaji went on to eat up NERV's time and money instead. INU-YASHA: Has it ever occoured to you that maybe the author's just drawing too many names from Neon Genesis Evangelion? > >"Isn't it great to be your own boss?" she said with a smile. RYOKO: Yep, that's one of the great perks of piracy... > >"Yes indeed!" he exclaimed, while stir-frying some noodles in the frying pan. > >Yui looked around and frowns a little. > >"Have my aunts arrived yet?" she asked. > >"Oh! Forgive me!" he said loudly, LINA: I thought you said "ants" and called the exterminator! The rest of the MSTers groan. >"I've been meaning to tell you." > >"Tell me what?" > >"They won't be coming until tomorrow, Saturday." > >"What? Why?" She was clearly disappointed. > >"A formal meeting came up on the planet Jurai and it required presence of both >Aeka and Sasami." > >"Gee, I hope it's nothing like a crisis or anything serious." > >"Nah, it's just one of those budget meetings." He said, adding some soy sauce >to the noodles. CELCIA: Given the Juraian life span, that could mean they'll be in that meeting for a couple of centuries or so. > >"Oh, well that's good." Yui was relieved. > >Then her great grandfather Yosho walked in to the kitchen. Throughout Yui's >life Yosho always looked old - but oddly enough hadn't aged a bit either, >having the same appearance for most of her (relatively short) life. > >"I see that you've arrived home, Yui." He sat down at the table across from >her. "How's your day?" > >"Just another fine and beautiful day wasted at school," Yui replied, getting >up to fetch the teapot for Yosho. > >"I see...very interesting." Yosho smiled. "Don't worry, Yui. You'll be >spending the rest of what's left of daylight outside." > >"What do you mean by that, grandpa Yosho?" She asked, getting a teacup from a >cabinet. SHINJI: Well, you see, all of the deficit spending we did over the years to fix this house when your mother and aunt were fighting finally caught up with us. The bank is reposessing our house and the shrine. We are homeless. > >"Your father has graciously asked me to call for you." He watched Yui set the >teapot and teacup in front of him. CUTTER: I'm even supposed to use 1-800-COLLECT and save you up to 44%. > >"Call for me?" she said quizzically. "Call for me for what?" She poured a cup >of tea for Yosho. > >"For practice. He decided that he wanted to practice with you." Yosho sipped >his tea. > >"What?! Now?!" Yui asked and Yosho nodded. "But I'm so beat!" INU-YASHA: Not as beat as you'll be if you don't get your little bee-hind to the training ground pronto, missy! Now git! > >"He's waiting for you at the training ground. He's expecting you over there >by 5 o'clock." > >"What?! That only gives me 10 minutes to get ready and run up there!" LINA: I can do math! >"Then I guess you'd better go." he said, sipping his tea. > >"Great! I hate it when he does things like this!" Yui stormed out of the >kitchen at lightning speed to her room upstairs. > >Nobuyuki watched in amazement at how swiftly Yui flew out of the kitchen. >He walked over to the table where Yosho was sitting and served him a plate of >noodles. > >"Goodness! She's fast! I can barely see her run!" Nobuyuki said in awe. > >"Indeed." Yosho picked up his chopsticks and set the plate of noodles in >front of him. "Very much like her mother." > > *** CELCIA: *splat splat splat* Damn bugs... > >Meanwhile, out in the training ground, Tenchi RYOKO: TENCHI MY DARLING! Ryoko flies at the screen, arms open to take Tenchi in a hug, when she is immediately bounced back by the AT field. > sat on a large, smooth boulder >patiently waiting for Yui to come SHINJI: YAAAAAHHH! That's INCEST! CELCIA: Shinji no HENTAI! >out for practice. With the bokken resting on >his right shoulder, he watched the cherry blossoms bloom, CUTTER: *achoo!* Damn Allergies. >noting its resemblance to pink snow falling to the ground. He grinned, never >tired of the countryside's natural beauty. Tenchi was in his mid-thirties; >though he looked 21, he still had the same short spiky hairdo. Basically he >hadn't changed much in years due to the root of his ability to form Light Hawk >Wings at will and his connection to the cosmic space trees. LINA: The root of his ability, i.e., his fan base. > >Nowadays, he'd taken over his grandfather's duties as a Shinto shrine priest, >going by a modest salary. He wasn't worried about paying off the bills >because of his father's architectural firm; it was bringing in more than >enough money to last another 80+ years. RYOKO: So in other words, not very long in the scope of the Juraian lifespan. SHINJI: I bet he's still making bank on his own series, though. >Life was good. ALL: That's debatable! > >"I wonder what's taking her so long?" Tenchi said, looking at his watch. It >read 4:59 p.m.; if she didn't make it in time, he was going to have to double >her chores, just as he had promised. CELCIA: YEESH! Tenchi's a stickler for punctuality! >He stood up from the boulder and >stretched. > >"DAMMIT DAD! I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THIS TO ME!" Yui yelled out. RYOKO: HAH! Is that unambiguous enough for you? I'm her mom, Tenchi's her dad! CUTTER: I guess that's it, then. Congratulations, Ryoko. Sorry you're dead and all that... >She appeared >in front of Tenchi in a blurry flash, wearing her practice outfit and holding >her bokken in her right hand. > >"Jeez! Don't do that! You almost gave me a heart attack!" Tenchi said, trying >to regain his composure. INU-YASHA: Damn, so close, and yet so far. >Uh oh, she's pissed at me. Better give her THE >SMILE, he thought. SHINJI: No! Not THE SMILE! Anything but THE SMILE! CUTTER: Most parents I know of give THE GLARE...maybe Juraians have a new approach. SHINJI: With my dad, I can't tell...I've never seen him do anything *but* glare. > Then he smiled. "Yui! I knew you would make it in time!" > >"I know it's important to practice and all, but you just gotta give me more >notice!" Yui noticed her dad's smile and began to calm down. There was just >that thing about him every time he smiled. > >*How does he do that?* Yui found herself completely depleted of anger. > >"As much as I want to, Yui. I couldn't," he said. "But this is the only way I >can train you to expect the unexpected." CELCIA: Why doesn't he have Mihoshi crash into the lake at random intervals? RYOKO: With her track record, she can be expected to do that nowadays. >Admiring his daughter's honesty, it >reminded him of all his time spent with Ryoko nearly 14 years ago. Yui acted >so much like her mother that it was one of the driving forces that kept him >alive and happy. LINA: His pulse, respiration, and brain activity might have had something to do with that too, but...nah. > >"Yes, I know," she said, beginning to smile. > >"Besides, the bright side to this is the fact that you don't have to do any >chores today!" Tenchi put his hand on her shoulder. > INU-YASHA: Cutter, can I have some of that insulin? >"I guess." Even though I'll do them later on, anyways, she thought to >herself. > >"Shall we begin our practice?" > >"Hai!" she said. > >"Ok, then. We'll start with a normal exercise and after that we'll spar. >We're just having a short practice today." > >"Ok. Which exercise are we going to do?" > >"I'm going to test your speed and reflexes. I'll test them by throwing this >pebble at you." He held up a small pebble. "This is how your grandfather >Yosho taught me how to keen my senses and reflexes." RYOKO: Let me get this straight. Yosho taught Tenchi martial arts by throwing rocks at him? > >"Ok. How are we going to begin?" she asked. SHINJI: Weren't you listening, Yui? I'm going to throw rocks at you! That's how we're going to begin! > >"We'll try it stationary, then we'll go on from there. I want to see how much >you've learned so far." > >As far as Yui could remember, she had been practicing sword fighting for most >of her life since she was 6. As she practiced with her father throughout her >life, she gradually discovered her hidden abilities, abilities that most >normal humans would never be able to do: Lina gets out a clipboard. LINA: Okay, let's go down the list... >being able to levitate herself from one foot to 20 feet off the ground; RYOKO: Check. >moving at speeds faster than a sprinting cheetah; SHINJI: Check. >literally flying; being three times stronger than the world's strongest >weightlifter; CELCIA: That's debatable. I don't think I've seen her bench press a bulldozer. >and quick reflexes that rivaled that of a cat. Most of her abilities were >inherited from her mother. > INU-YASHA: No, really, ya think? >Yui placed herself in her Jurian battle-ready stance. > SHINJI: ...totally naked, on her back, legs spread apart... >"Ok...ready?" Tenchi asked. Holding up the pebble, he prepared to throw it at >her. > >She nodded yes. > >"Here it comes!" he yelled, immediately throwing the pebble. The rock sped >its way towards Yui, who deflected it easily. > >"How's that?" she said confidently. > >"Very good," he said. CUTTER: Considering I gave you plenty of advance warning. > "Not bad for your first time, but can you handle 3?" > >He suddenly threw 3 more rocks at her, each successfully deflected off Yui's >bokken. > INU-YASHA: A quick hint, Tenchi, maybe if you throw the rocks at places other than the bokken, she might become more skillful. >"Excellent, Yui! Now let's move it up one level." > SHINJI: Kick it up a notch! >"Alright." She began to float 5 feet off the ground, grasping her bokken >in both hands. > >"Ok, now start flying around me, and at the same time try to deflect these >rocks as they come to you." > >She began to fly around him in a wide circle, exceeding speeds of 25 MPH. Cutter starts making a siren sound. LINA: Okay, pull over, Yui, let's see your license! > >"Ok, I'm ready!" she said in mid-flight. > >"Here they come!" He threw 2 rocks at her, each successfully deflected. CUTTER: The shields are too powerful, cap'n! > >Yui smiled, obviously pleased with her progress. > >"Don't think I'm done yet, Yui." Tenchi grinned and instantly threw a volley >of rocks at her. > >Yui saw the barrage of rocks flying at her, noting that it resembled a swarm >of bees. *WHOA! DAMN!* CELCIA: Wow...she has Ryoko's powers, but she's allergic to beestings. >She quickly dodged a good number of rocks and proceeded >to deflect the rest. As soon as she'd batted away the last rock, a second >barrage came flying at her. Focusing her attention on each rock, she started >to swing her bokken, knocking the rocks away. She was becoming pleased with >her abilities. She felt a surge of adrenaline coursing through her body. >These were the feelings she lived for, the rush and the exhilaration! RYOKO: Having your dad throw rocks at you is fun! > >Tenchi was amazed to see his daughter doing very well. He got many feelings >of satisfaction, watching the way she skillfully deflected his barrage of >rocks. Watching her bokken cut through the air, swiftly and surely, he >realized that he was running out of pebbles to throw at her, so he decided to >do the next best thing. INU-YASHA: ...he pulled out his Glock and opened fire. LINA: Dodge this. >Without warning, he charged at her with his bokken, ready to do battle. SHINJI: Dad! Save that for mom! Celcia whacks Shinji with a rolled-up newspaper. CELCIA: Shinji! You just have to get worse, don't you? RYOKO: I'm dead in this fic, remember? By that double entendre, you just made Tenchi into a NECROPHELIAC! Shinji vomits into the LCL. SHINJI: I'm with you, Lina...someone hit me *before* I say something like that... > >As soon as she'd stopped the last rock from the last wave, Yui realized that >the barrage had stopped and quickly spotted her father running straight >towards her. She immediately blocked his bokken before it could even touch >her. They were bokken-to-bokken to each other, struggling at each other's >strength and trying to maintain their balance. RYOKO: ...which was rather odd, considering that Yui was flying at the time and not balancing *on* anything. > >"So dad, I see that you have ran out of rocks to throw at me," Yui said with a >grin. CUTTER: I read the narrative. LINA: Yui, would you choose a tense? Subjunctive or past tense, but pick one and stick with it! >She jumped back away from him and went on the defensive. > >"Not really... I was tired of watching you play with rocks, so I decided to go >straight INU-YASHA: That implies Tenchi was gay befo......you know, that is really doing nothing more than irritating me. RYOKO: Oh. Forgot. SIT! Inu-Yasha faceplants again. RYOKO: Ironic. He's more powerful than Newjersey, but he's much easier to subdue. >to the spar," Tenchi said. He lunged at her and she blocked him with her >bokken. > >*She's very quick. If she keeps this up, she'll be able to beat me and >possibly even grandpa,* Tenchi thought to himself. Tenchi was finding it >harder to break through her defenses; she was quick enough that he had to try >to find a way to outsmart her. CELCIA: If she inherited her mother's intellect, that shouldn't be too hard. RYOKO: Bitch. > >Yui was pleased by her ability to block her father's attacks, but he was still >quite strong and just as fast as she was. She tried not to think ahead of >herself. > SHINJI: Always your mind on where you are! What you are doing! >"You're becoming more and more like your mother, Yui. Strong and quick," >said Tenchi as he threw blows and swings at Yui. Although Tenchi had never >really practiced sword fighting with Ryoko, there was that one time... CUTTER: ...and that one time resulted in Yui. RYOKO: Ooooh...clever. > >"Thanks, it runs in the family," she replied, blocking and deflecting her >father's attacks. > >She found herself bokken-to-bokken again with her father. Trying to maintain >her stand against her father's strength, she was surprised at how strong her >father was. He's pretty strong for a man of his frame, she thought. SHINJI: Size matters not. CELCIA: Says you. Little human. SHINJI: SHADDUP, CELCIA! How would you know?! Celcia is strangely silent. CUTTER: Celcia, you haven't... CELCIA: Well how many elves are there at NERV? I didn't mean to see Shinji... CUTTER: CELCIA NO HENTAI! I'm a mated elf! LINA: Wow, he picked up that phrase fast. > >Tenchi was feeling the same way about his daughter. She was definitely >strong, he thought, barely able to hold up against her. If she were as strong >as her mother, his bokken would have splintered by now. > >Through the rush of the sparring, Yui was struggling against her father's >bokken, RYOKO: Not ONE more double entendre about the bokken, Ikari. Shinji shuts up. >then she suddenly felt a surge of energy coursing through her body, pulsating >up into her left arm. This was something new, a sensation that she had never >felt before. INU-YASHA: Wow, when Juraians go through puberty, they don't mess around! >She felt the energy coursing through the veins of her left arm, gradually >focusing on to one point, her palm, despite the fact she still held a tight >grip on her bokken. > >"Uhh...Dad! Something's happening to my left arm!" she said nervously to her >father, pulling away from him to end the spar. > >"What?" Tenchi noticed his daughter's sudden withdrawal and stepped back. >"What's wrong, Yui?" CELCIA: I haven't had coffee in four minutes and... RYOKO: Wrong kind of withdrawal, Celcia. > >"I don't know," Yui replied. She dropped her bokken and looked at her left >palm to the point where the energy was concentrating. With no warning, an >energy ball materialized on her left palm. Yui was awestruck. "Dad, what's >going on? What is this thing doing on my palm!?" SHINJI: This is the wierdest zit I've ever seen! > >"I'm not sure." He came in for a closer look. "Yui, don't do a thing. Let me >see what it is..." > >He held up her left arm and gazed at the wad INU-YASHA: Ugh...maybe Shinji was right about the "bokken..." REST OF CAST: SIT!!!! Inu-Yasha faceplants hard enough to put a dent in the theater floor. >of energy. He carefully examined >the ball; then with a pop, it disappeared. > >"What do you think it was, dad?" asked Yui. > >"I'm not sure but I do have an idea," he said, thinking hard. That energy ball >resembled an energy discharge, he thought. Is Yui finally regaining her >powers? CUTTER: Well that would be rather odd, considering she didn't have that one to lose yet. > >"Dad? What are you thinking about?" Yui asked again. > RYOKO: Wild, passionate sex with Ryok... REST OF CAST: We get the idea! >"Yui, could you by any chance try to recreate that energy ball?" Tenchi asked. > >"I'm not sure, but I'll try," Yui said. Then with so much as a tiny thought, >the energy ball rematerialized. That time it came as a nervous impulse. > CELCIA: Uh oh...if she can set off her powers with nervous impulses, she's kinda dangerous to be around when she's nervous. LINA: Oops! I thought the safety was on! >Tenchi looked at the energy ball again and smiled. > >"Ah! Looks like Yui finally developed her very own energy discharge!" rang >the voice of Washu, who was walking towards Tenchi and Yui. Ryo-ohki followed >Washu as well in her humanoid form. Ryo-ohki was carrying a tray holding cups >and a pitcher of water. Ryo-ohki sat down on the boulder and set the tray >down next to Washu. > >"Good afternoon, Washu!" Tenchi greeted. > >"Hello, Tenchi." Washu looked at the energy ball, studying it intensely. "OK, >Yui, I'm going to teach you your first lesson about using an energy >discharge." SHINJI: First, rub your feet on the carpet. Now touch a doorknob. > >"Um...ok," she said. > >"Tenchi, why don't you go over there and sit with Ryo-ohki? You're done with >your lessons with her for today," said Washu. > INU-YASHA: You must go to the Masaki shrine. There you will learn from Washu, the Jedi Master who instructed me. >"Sure, ok. Since you're the only person qualified enough to teach her," he >said with a smile. Washu's out of her lab, she finally decided to step out, >Tenchi thought. LINA: Now I can finally use the internet line she's been tying up for 13 years. Time to access www.juraibridegroomtraining.gov... >He hadn't stepped into the lab for the past 13 years. Ever since >the death of Ryoko, Washu had been in that lab almost every time she had free >time. She's hiding something. But he figured that he'd find out eventually. SHINJI: Yep. She's just waiting for that perfect time to get her "sample." RYOKO: As hentai as that was, Ikari, it's frighteningly possible. > >Tenchi sat down next to Ryo-ohki, who proceeded to pour him a cup of water. >"Thank you Ryo-ohki!" > >"Miya!" said the smiling humanoid. CUTTER: Shouldn't she be a felinoid? INU-YASHA: Or a lepinoid. SHINJI: I'm leaning towards carotenoid. RYOKO: Do you think that anyone would get those riffs? LINA: Yeah. Any science geeks who read this MST. RITSUKO: I heard that! >She turned her attention to Washu and Yui. > >Tenchi watched Yui and Washu intensely; this was bringing back happy memories >and buried memories. *It's almost time to reveal to Yui her concealed >memories,* he thought with some worry. CELCIA: She'll have to endure all those Lemon fics stored away in her cereberal cortex... > >"Okay, Yui! Now that you have the energy discharge on your palm, try >throwing it like a baseball." Washu looked for and found a suitable target, >pointing at INU-YASHA: ...Kagato, who some other pathetic author decided to resurrect yet again for his fic. Of course, the author landed Kagato in some other author's fic... SHINJI: I am actually starting to get bored with this. Tenchi, defeat me and get it over with, I was about to have brunch with Satan. >a nearby rock. "Throw it in that direction." > >"Ok...like this?" Yui hurled the blue discharge at the rock. BOOM! > >"Just like your mother, Yui," Washu said proudly. LINA: Your aim sucks. CUTTER: MY CAR!!! Ryoko flies up out of her seat, and snipes Lina and Cutter with energy bolts. RYOKO: "Your aim sucks" indeed. > >"Wow! That is cool!" Yui's eyes were bulging out of their sockets. "I'm >doing that again!" She threw out another energy discharge, this time aiming >it at the lake. A huge pillar of water exploded into the sky. > >Washu clearly saw that Yui was already aware that she had inherited her >mother's abilities, but how far was her potential? Now that she had finally >regained most of her powers - and some new ones CELCIA: Okay...when did she lose them to begin with? >- Washu felt the inevitability >of having to break the news of Yui's past to her. LINA: Yui...I'm sorry to have to tell you this...but you were concieved as the result of a Lemon fic. > >"Alright Yui! Next and finally, I'm going to teach you how to materialize your >own energy sword." > >"You mean, like my mother's?" > SHINJI: No, more like your father's... CUTTER: That small, huh? Ryoko returns to her seat, then blasts Shinji and Cutter. >"Yes, like your mother's." > INU-YASHA: That would mean her mother's really Ranma Saotome... RYOKO: SIT! Inu-Yasha faceplants right into the same indentation he made earlier. RYOKO: I'm surrounded by Hentai! >Yui brought out another energy discharge out of her hand before Washu could >say a word. > >"I'm ready, Washu!" > >"All you have to do to bring out your sword is close your hand on the >discharge," instructed Washu. > >"You mean like this?" Yui closed her hand on the energy discharge and a blue >energy sword forming from the compression. "Wow! Just like a light saber >straight out of Star Wars!" > >"Star -- what?" Washu asked. All the MSTers facefault. LINA: You've got to be kidding me...the self-proclaimed "most genius scientist of the universe" hasn't seen Star Wars? It's like...required viewing or something! > >"Never mind," Yui said, remembering that Washu didn't really watch American >movies that much - if at all. > >"Now that you have your very own sword, why don't you test it? See how it >works!" INU-YASHA: What's there to explain? You swing it at something, it cuts! RYOKO: Knowing mom, she'd figure calculus into the theory somewhere. > >"Ok!" Yui said excitedly. She ran over to a nearby tree and began to swing at >it. Before she could take another swing, the trunk sliced into two, sliding >off and falling on the ground. CUTTER: Is it just me, or do trees in anime always have that delayed reaction response whenever cut with a high-velocity blade? SHINJI: It's not just you. > >Tenchi and Ryo-ohki both clapped their hands, impressed. Tenchi used it as a >distraction to give a quick glance to Washu. Washu picked up on the eye >contact. > RYOKO: Mom, don't even think about it... >"Ok, Yui. Time to call it quits," Washu said, smiling. > >"What? You mean I'm done *already*?" Yui asked. > >Washu nodded. > >"That's all? Isn't there more to learn??" Yui asked, hoping for more surprises. > >"Nope, you have graduated. CELCIA: No more training do you require. >You've learned all that you needed to learn. The >only thing that's left is..." > >"Is what?" Yui asked excitedly. > CELCIA: Vader. You must confront Vader. >"...is to practice and master those abilities." > >Yui was disappointed. "...Alright." She walked over to Ryo-ohki and her >father, Ryo-ohki pouring a drink for Yui. "Thank you, Ryo-ohki." > >"You'd better head back to the house with Ryo-ohki, Yui," Tenchi directed. >"I need to speak with Washu alone." > >"Yes, I understand." She picked up her bokken and left with the cabbit. > >Tenchi waited until Yui and Ryo-ohki were out of earshot, then turned to >Washu. Washu was standing there, thinking to herself. LINA: Heh...with my daughter out of the way, you're MINE, Tenchi. > >"Well, she finally regained all her powers -- and some new ones," he said. >"What do you think will happen next?" SHINJI: But she hasn't...oh forget it. If Pioneer won't maintain continuity with a single Tenchi series, maybe we can overlook a few small breaks in continuity with a few character details. RYOKO: Watch what you're willing to tolerate, Shinji. What if ADV made a "Shin Eva?" Shinji barfs. > >"Tomorrow I will be permitting you and the others in to the lab," said Washu. > >"Your lab?" he said curiously, not expecting this turn of events. "You're >finally giving us access to your lab?" > >"Yes." She then silently walked off. > CUTTER: I will be charging admission and giving discounts to AAA members. >*Man, what's with her anyways?* Tenchi thought, trying to figure out why >Washu had been acting so reclusive for the past 2 weeks. INU-YASHA: EverQuest, Ultima Online, or Minesweeper. Any of the above would do it. >*Oh well, I'm going to go find out tomorrow, if not sooner or later...* > > *** LINA: Damn birds! I just washed the car! > >It was late in the evening, almost everybody curled up in bed. The exception >was Washu, typing intently on her keyboard in her dimensional laboratory, >monitoring the progress of the operation in front of her. There was a gigantic >cylinder casing standing in the center, with all manner of monitors and com- >puters connected to it. Though the cylinder itself was made of glass, a large >black shroud hung over it, concealing what was inside. SHINJI: Another Rei Ayanami?! > >For the past 13 years, Washu had struggled and despaired in trying to stop the >deterioration of the specimen within. RYOKO: Maybe she shouldn't have had it out of the refrigerator that long. >Up until 2 weeks ago, she had found no >concrete INU-YASHA: A little hint, try the sidewalk. >way to stop the rapid degeneration -- but now, there was none. Only >time stood in the way of the complete regeneration of the contents within, a >process which she monitored closely. CUTTER: How? She's got that black shroud around it! >And after the process was complete, there >was still one thing left to do. Ryo-ohki was the only one aware of the >process; LINA: Uh...okay...so the genius scientist doesn't know what's going on inside her own lab?! >on Washu's mind was how everybody else was going to react to the revelation. >She shot a glance at the regeneration monitor. Tears began to well up in her >eyes. *Finally, after all these years...* > >The monitor read: > >Regeneration at 85%. Estimated time of full regeneration: 48 hours. CELCIA: Eh, at least it's faster than a Windows 2000 installation. > > *** LINA: Three-round burst. > >Yui lied on her bed in her father's former room, INU-YASHA: ...having successfully murdered Tenchi to get the Masaki fortune. >looking up through the >skylight, watching the stars glimmer and twinkle. The clock right next to >her read 1:30am. She couldn't sleep; not after all that SHINJI: ...coffee... >excitement she'd been >through today, she couldn't! Now that she'd learned most of her father's >sword techniques and gained most of her mother's abilities, she thought about >the only abilities she hadn't gained from her mother yet: teleportation and >passing through walls. RYOKO: Oh, those, you get those in the upgrade. >But she knew she would gain them eventually, and when she did... CUTTER: ...She would get out of this place, marry Gendo, and have an angst-filled son... > >*I'm going to be the world's greatest fighter!* Yui smiled. She closed her >eyes and her mind wandered off into dreams... > Ryoko, Celcia, and Inu-Yasha spit at the screen. > *** CELCIA: Bingo. > >In the second master bedroom, Tenchi slept soundly in his king-size bed. The >second bedroom had been added to the house after his wedding with Ryoko; it >was built as a wedding present from his father. SHINJI: I'd be suspicious if my father wanted me living so close to home. LINA: You're still bitter about the Eva thing? >The bed was also from his father too, meant for two. CUTTER: If it's from Noboyuki, better check it for hidden cameras. >Unfortunately the bed hadn't been shared by anyone else >in 13 years. Tenchi missed being close to his late wife. He missed her >warmth, INU-YASHA: Okay...Tenchi missed being close to his *late* wife? Maybe Shinji was right about that necrophilia... RYOKO: Don't make me say it again, Inu-Yasha. INU-YASHA: What? After being dead for 13 years, you wouldn't exactly have that much warmth left! RYOKO: SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT... RITSUKO: Enough! You make him do that too many times, you're going to punch a hole in the Entry Theater! >her touch, and the feeling of being whole. Now for 14 years, he slept... CELCIA: That long? Wasn't he awake just a while ago? >alone. > >In his dresser, the Tenchi-ken's hilt containing the 3 gems that once >belonged to Ryoko was reacting to a familiar energy source. The gems were >giving out a faint glow... > INU-YASHA: SHIKON JEWELS! MINE! LINA: INU-YASHA! WAIT! THAT SCREEN HAS A... Inu-Yasha jumps at the screen, but he is thrown back by the AT field. INU-YASHA: What in the nine hells... SHINJI: You had to find out sooner or later. > >Ending Song: > >The Lonely Moon The cast hums "Fly Me To The Moon" >(tragedy) > >I am lonely like the moon CUTTER: You know, where I'm from, there are two moons. >You are faraway as the earth >Now you say I light your thoughts LINA: Get away from my thoughts with that zippo lighter! >Night After night >Soon you forget > CELCIA: Who? What? Huh? >We are drifting in this dance >I can feel you circle my thoughts RYOKO: I'm getting dizzy... >Keeping such a graceful distance >So close but somehow apart > SHINJI: Non-sequitur theater. >Sometimes I cry for you >Knowing you don't want me to LINA: o/~ It's my fanfic and I'll cry if I want to... o/~ >Sometimes I whisper to the stars up in the sky > >That I want to find the way to your soul >Kiss in the sun when morning comes you don't seem to count the hours >When we are not together >I've seen a tender fire in your eyes INU-YASHA: Get the extinguishers! >Yet when I'm gone you carry on >I float in this emptiness SHINJI: Just a day in the Eva. >Till at last love returns >With the night and the lonely moon > > >End of Pt.1 Chapter 1! The cast cheers. CUTTER: First hurtle, guys. > > > >I hope you liked it! Send me your C&C! SHINJI: He wants our Command & Conquer? That's a kewl game! Maybe we should burn him a copy. >I'm dying to know what you think! RYOKO: You killed me. It sucks. >And stay tuned for Pt.1 Chapter 2 ! > LINA: Same Tenchi time, same Tenchi channel! > >Author's second note: > >Some of you might object to this, but I decided to put this song in this FF >because I liked the mood of the song. This song always gives that edge of >sincerity and lovingness. INU-YASHA: *Lovingness?* Is that even a word?! CUTTER: Isn't that a weapon? The Spear of Lovingness? SHINJI: That's *Longinuss,* Cutter. This isn't "Sailor Eva." >This is one of the elements I hope to write in this >FF series. That's my reason for putting the song on here. > >I would like to give special thanks to Navaash, Random and Lord Talon. Who >were gracious enough to give some of their time and energy to help me edit >this FF. > RITSUKO: Cut power. Begin LCL drain. Eject Entry Theater. MISATO: Break time, guys. Grab a shower but keep your plug suits on, we've got two more to go. Cutter, Celcia, meet me in the briefing room. Several minutes and a shower later, Shinji is trying to grab a moment's peace using the popular spot for such an activity, the roof. This is rather odd considering the nearest available roof is one of the pyramidal faces of the NERV headquarters. Fortunately Shinji's plug suit provides enough friction to put some butt prints on Gendo's office window. Shinji is soon joined by Inu-Yasha, who grabs some surface nearby. INU-YASHA: Hey. What are you doing up here? Shinji points at the previous narrative. INU-YASHA: Feh. Who needs the fourth wall. Inu-Yasha situates himself against Gendo's window next to Shinji. INU-YASHA: I thought this was going to be a challenge. SHINJI: We've had worse, Inu-Yasha. Believe me. There's been a running joke about you being Ryoko and Ranma's love-child. INU-YASHA: Ryoko, that bitch... SHINJI: Speaking of which, have you seen some of the names in this fic? INU-YASHA: Yeah, so? SHINJI: Just wondering...there's Yui, Kaji, and Misato. There are too many Evangelion names in there for it to be a coincidence. I mean, there was even a Katushito Jinnai! That's definitely someone from El Hazard. Too specific to be coincidental. INU-YASHA: Shinji, maybe you're reading a little too deep into it? SHINJI: Maybe, but this is NERV we're talking about. If you read deep enough, you can find a lot more truth than you bargained for. Also, there is the causality hole. Who knows the depths of its effects? INU-YASHA: Eh, you have a point. Okay. So we can say that fic authors tend to arbitrarily decide which surname a married couple takes, right? SHINJI: Right. So we can't follow married names with much certainty. INU-YASHA: Well if the Yui in this fic is your mother...I don't know how you explain the lack of resemblance... SHINJI: NERV, remember? They screw with genes all the time. INU-YASHA: True. Okay. So if Yui's your mother...and Ryoko is Yui's mother...then that would make Ryoko... Meanwhile, in the NERV cafeteria, Lina is, as usual, really putting away the calories. The dirty plates pile up as she attacks serving after serving. Ryoko is leaning back in a chair, having something lighter...it is yet untouched by Lina, probably because Ryoko's guarding it. RYOKO: Wow, Lina, you're really going through that stuff. LINA: *bitechompmunchmunchgulpchompgulpcrunchchomp* Ritsuko, apparently exhausted, sits down in a chair. RITSUKO: Having to deal with that causality hole is painful. RYOKO: Oh? What happened to Celcia and Cutter? RITSUKO: Oh, I'm putting Celcia in Eva-02 for a while to do some synchronization experiments. Cutter's gone home. RYOKO: Lucky little... LINA: *bitechompmunchmunchgulpchompgulpcrunchchomp* RITSUKO: I'm trying to see how this next segment goes without elves. RYOKO: You know, Ritsuko, there's something I don't get. Usually, when an MST is done, it's done to a bad fic. I mean we've seen Leaf-Chan, Tank Cop, and Adam. But this fic is at the other end of the extreme. RITSUKO: Probably observer bias. You get Tenchi in this fic, after all. RYOKO: What I do to get Tenchi is my own business. My point is that this is actually a well-written fic with continuity with at least one Tenchi Muyo series. The characters have changed, but they haven't changed radically. This is not what I'd think of as MST bait. RITSUKO: That may be true, but this is the experement we are running. RYOKO: You realize that we're setting ourselves up to get seriously flamed. MST's are traditionally reserved for bad fics, and not only would the author see this as assosciating his fic with bad work, but so would a bunch of AHRLI's. We could cook off a major conflict here. RITSUKO: Nothing that NERV hasn't done before. RYOKO: What? RITSUKO: Er...never mind. In the meantime, we still need to control for another variable, that is, the werewolf factor. Newjersey's still recovering. So I pulled a substitute. RYOKO: Who, Jon Talbain? RITSUKO: Not exactly... Ryoko is quickly glomped from behind by Shinji. RYOKO: What the... SHINJI: GRANDMA! RYOKO: SHINJI, GET OFF ME! LINA: *bitechompmunchmunchgulpchompgulpcrunchchomp* Ritsuko ducks under a table while Shinji hugs Ryoko. Apparently Ritsuko anticipates death by plasma bolts for the pilot of Eva-01. SHINJI: I had to have family elsewhere! Oh, Ryoko, Grandma! RYOKO: WHEN DID I END UP IN "SON OF DARKNESS?!" PA: Would the MST group please assemble in the briefing room. Repeat. Would the MST group please assemble in the briefing room, please. Back in the huge office of Gendo Ikari, where he still has his gloves up in front of his face in that same pensive gesture...he puts the phone down. It is clear why he has his hands in that gesture...as his right glove is still dangling from his face. GENDO: Fuyutski. FUYUTSKI: Yes, Commander Ikari. GENDO: Krazy Glue is tenacious stuff, isn't it? FUYUTSKI: Yes, it is. GENDO: Fuyutski. FUYUTSKI: Yes? GENDO: Who is responsible for the butt-prints on my window? FUYUTSKI: That would be Shinji and Inu-Yasha. GENDO: And who would be the person out there right now cleaning them? Outside the window off to Gendo's right, a man in coveralls is on a rapelling line, spraying the windows and applying a squeegee. The man has shoulder-length green hair and carries a blonde-haired doll in the crook of his arm. SERAVY: Oh, just a passing-by window washer. ELIZABETH: And I'm his assistant. Later, in the briefing room, Misato is sitting at the table where Gendo would sit, she being senior in the chain of command. Ritsuko is standing by her side. Around the table are Shinji (hugging Ryoko), Ryoko (trying to pry Shinji off), Inu-Yasha, and Lina. RYOKO: WILL YOU LET GO OF ME? SHINJI: Okay, grandma. RYOKO: I'm NOT your grandma! INU-YASHA: So you deny being Yui's mother? RYOKO: She's the daughter of me and Tenchi! I wouldn't deny loving Tenchi! SHINJI: GRANDMA! RYOKO: I'll get you for that, Inu-Yasha... MISATO: If we could have your attention? LINA: Sure. Okay, we're through the first part, now what? Once again, we're short two MSTers. MISATO: Well, we did manage to use the causality hole once again. First, we have to install the Werewolf factor. Riiya, would you come in here? Enter Riiya, a blue-haired boy with a ponytail wearing, you guessed it, a plug suit. He has his hands in the pockets. On his right wrist above the sealing switch is an ornate bracelet. RIIYA: Hello. When's lunch? SHINJI: Uh...Lina ate it. RIIYA: WHAT?! RITSUKO: We'll get you some food before the MST, Riiya. LINA: Oh gee, Ritsuko, how come I never get fed before an MST? RITSUKO: .... RYOKO: Okay...so we've filled out the fifth seat, but what about the sixth? What's the variable this time? MISATO: Eh heh...funny you should ask. Princess, would you come in, please? Enter...Princess Aeka, Ryoko's rival for Tenchi's love. She is already wearing a plug suit, and as soon as she enters, her demure look turns murderous. RYOKO AND AEKA: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! RITSUKO: Amazing, this didn't happen with the Cav and Dav experiments. RYOKO: Ritsuko, you ditz! Both she and I are out of the same continuity! That's why! When I was in Cav and Dav's theater, they pulled Aeka out of the TV continuity! She's OAV Aeka! Of COURSE she'll know me! MISATO: Are you sure this is a good idea? SHINJI: Grandma, who's she? RYOKO: STOP CALLING ME THAT! AEKA: Ryoko......you're...a grandma? BWAHAHAHAHA!!! RYOKO: Laugh now, Aeka...just wait until you see what's awaiting you. AEKA: HAHAHAHAHA! GRANDMA! Later, in the Entry Theater, the MSTers take their seats. The seating order is...Ryoko, Shinji, Aeka, Inu-Yasha, Lina, Riiya. In central dogma are Misato, Ritsuko, Maya, Shigeru, and Makato. RYOKO: Hope you've been well fed, Riiya. RIIYA: Yep! RITSUKO: Filling the Entry Theater. RIIYA: What the... AEKA: Oh my, what is this... RITSUKO: Power supply connected. Commencing activation system. Initiating first stage connections. Voltage climbing to border-line. Initiating second stage connections. Theatre has activated. MISATO: LAUNCH! Eva-02 launches on its catapault...despite the fact that Celcia, who was riding for a sync experiment, is still in it. MAYA: Er...wrong button... MISATO: Ergh...let's try this again. LAUNCH! >Tenchi Muyo: Ryoko's Love... AEKA: ...Forever unrequited. RYOKO: You wish. AEKA: And just *what* do you mean by that? LINA: Aeka, just to give you warning...this may be especially painful for you. >Prologue Chapter 2: Nightmare, Memory, and Revelation INU-YASHA: Aren't those three books of the Bible? SHINJI: No, that would be Revelation, Air, and Heart. >By >Long T. Tran >Revised By Navaash > > >Disclaimer: > >I don't own these characters, AIC/Pioneer owns them. RYOKO AND AEKA: Much to our dismay. >I'm just writing this >because I have no life and I have a huge ego problem. SHINJI: Think you could share some of that ego with me? I think I need a transplant. >I don't intend to make >money off this because I don't want to get a lawsuit. I'm too poor for that. >Ask my friends if you don't believe me. > LINA: Well, you must still have friends, this fic wasn't half bad so far. I can't figure out why we're MSTing it. SHINJI: Because Ritsuko wants to see what would happen? RIIYA: Because Gendo is an incredibly sadistic bastard? LINA: A little of column A, a little of column B. > >------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > RYOKO: EEEYACK! AEKA: What? What's the matter? RYOKO: Nothing...just a force of habit. Every time I see that kind of page break, I keep thinking "Tank Cop." Something this author really doesn't need to be identified with. AEKA: Why are you sucking up to the author? RYOKO: Just trying to be a little objective here. >Late April 2005 RIIYA: 12:04 p.m. LINA: Going for that X-files effect there? > >Yui SHINJI: Grandma! Ryoko tries to pry Shinji off again while Aeka is trying, and failing, to stifle her laughs. RYOKO: This isn't funny! Shinji, get OFF! >awoke to find herself lying on her stomach. Barely conscious, all she could >hear were loud explosions. She opened her eyes, only to be greeted by hazed >vision; all she could feel was smoldering heat and the vibrations INU-YASHA: LEMON ALERT! SHINJI: What?! What are you talking about? INU-YASHA: She's lying on her stomach, barely conscious, her vision is blurry, she feels smoldering heat and vibrations. She's probably under the influence of a date rape drug or something... RYOKO: Inu-Yasha...I don't think we've seen any hentai content since this fic started. You are one sick-minded half-demon. Either that, or I slammed you into the floor one too many times. AEKA: You would be so violent, Ryoko. RYOKO: Hey, it wasn't my fault, lady! That necklace Inu-Yasha wears has some wierd spell or something on it. Every time someone says 'sit...' Inu-Yasha faceplants into his usual indentation in the floor. INU-YASHA: OW! HEY! AEKA: Oh my....isn't that only supposed to work for one person? LINA: Yeah. Kagome. I don't know why it reacts to everyone here. Might be the problems with causality, or the fact that this is NERV and wierd stuff happens here anyway. AEKA: Well, then, let me try. SIT! Inu-Yasha faceplants again. INU-YASHA: they are all going to die... >of a violently moving floor. She wanted to stand and find out what was >happening, but the rest of her body only responded with pain. In time, her >vision returned to her, and she could see. RIIYA: Be *healed,* sister Yui! REST OF CAST: Ayyyyyyyyyyy-MEN! > >There were two combatants ahead, engaged in mortal combat as they leapt at and >charged at each other. One of them was in a magnificent red-and-black striped >bodysuit and appeared to be projecting Light Hawk Wings; Yui finally >recognized this to be her mother SHINJI: Grandma!!! I love you, Grandma! RYOKO: Shinji, I am NOT your grandmother! AEKA: Well, considering you're over two thousand years old, it's certainly possible... RYOKO: You are NOT helping! >when she noticed the red gems, LINA: Shikon Jewels! INU-YASHA: MINE! RYOKO: That was too easy. ACK! Shinji! Quit hugging me! I gotta be a mother to Tenchi's child before I can be a grandmother! SHINJI: Well technically... RYOKO: Don't you dare spoil the surprise for her. SHINJI: Okay, I won't, grandma. RYOKO: And stop calling me grandma! >one in each wrist and one in the base of her neck. As her vision cleared, she >saw that the wings befitted an angel; SHINJI: Angel?! Oh no, is the pattern blue? RIIYA: Another force of habit? LINA: 'Fraid so. >her mother was also wielding an incredibly wicked-looking red lightning bolt. > >Satisfied, Yui glanced at the other combatant and was instantly intimidated by >her appearance. AEKA: Eeeek! It's an SI! >This woman wore a peculiar black-and-white battlesuit, had short mid-trimmed >red hair, bright green eyes, and wielded an unmistakably dark energy sword in >her hands. RYOKO: If you should happen to see her, call America's Most Wanted at 1-800-CRIME-00. >She shot a glance at Yui, and a surge of pain wracked the young one's body. > RIIYA: If looks could... REST OF CAST: HEARD IT! >*Too much hurt! Too much to bear!* Yui thought... then she screamed. > >"Yui!" yelled Ryoko, looking over at her screaming four year-old daughter >while trying to fend off her enemy's blade. AEKA: i.e., Social Services. RYOKO: That was low, Aeka. AEKA: Well, a pirate would not make a fit mother...or grandmother... Shinji glomps Ryoko again. >Horrified at seeing Yui being tortured by high-voltage electricity, INU-YASHA: As opposed to being tortured by a 9-volt battery... MISATO: Watch the nitpicking, guys. >Ryoko became gravely worried about her daughter's health. > RIIYA: No, really, ya think? SHINJI: Do you worry about my health too, grandma? RYOKO: Shinji...*mmf*...you should worry about your own health if you don't let go of me... >"Onimaru!" Ryoko screamed at her foe, RIIYA: BEAUTY SERENE ARROW! MAGICAL SHOOT! SHINJI: HIRYUU-SHOTEN-HA! INU-YASHA: STEEL-CLEAVING FANG! AEKA: OJOSAMA TO OYOBI! LINA: DRAGON SLAVE! Ryoko dives behind her seat, carrying Shinji with her. AEKA: What... RYOKO: Aeka, meet Lina Inverse, she can cast a spell with the effect of a small tactical nuke. We're in close quarters. You do the math. LINA: Come on, I have to do a lot more before I can cast Dragon Slave. And besides, I think "Onimaru" is a person, not a technique. Ryoko and Shinji resume their seats. SHINJI: Hey Aeka, isn't that Newjersey's whip? AEKA: Oh...I'm just borrowing it. I did teach him how to use it, after all. Hmmm...maybe I should go over this autograph again. This liquid is wearing it off. >face to face, sword to sword. "You'll pay for what you've done to my daughter! RYOKO: Damn right she'll pay. >Why? Why Yui and not me?! Yui didn't deserve that! INU-YASHA: Yui didn't deserve to marry Gendo, either. SHINJI: Grandma! RYOKO: Shinji...once again...I am NOT your grandma! AEKA: I don't think Tenchi would want to marry a single *grandmother,* Ryoko. Face it. Your chances are shot. RYOKO: Just watch the fic, honey, and you'll see who gets the last laugh. >I'm going to kill you, Onimaru!" Tears welled up in her eyes. > >"Not until you pay YOUR price from our last battle, Ryoko!" scowled the green- >eyed woman. LINA: You still owe me twenty bucks! >"Your bearing of this child is to my advantage and will be the contributing >factor to your own death!" > >"Shut up, you bitch!" Ryoko swung her sword in pure rage at Onimaru, scoring INU-YASHA: ...with her. RYOKO: SIT! Inu-Yasha faceplants yet again. RITSUKO: We are going to have to reinforce the floor of the theater, aren't we? RYOKO: The time I spent with Cav and Dav is going to haunt me, isn't it? >a direct hit on Onimaru's arm. Onimaru stepped back in pain -- then suddenly, >to Ryoko's surprise, she proceeded to regenerate the wound there, wiping it >from existence in little more than a few seconds. Onimaru then threw out a >dark energy wave from her sword at Ryoko; Ryoko put up her Light Hawk Wings >just in time to shield herself from the blast. AEKA: Just a minute...Ryoko can form Light Hawk Wings? RYOKO: They haven't released that part of the OAV yet, Aeka. Just watch. > >Yui could only guess what was going on; she was confused through the pain. >Suddenly, she was lifted off the ground; somebody was picking her up! She >looked up and saw her father, Tenchi. AEKA: Wait...if Ryoko is Yui's mother...and Tenchi is her father... then... RYOKO: Thaaaaats right, Aeka. AEKA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! TENCHI! HOW COULD YOU? INU-YASHA: And if Yui is Shinji's mother... RYOKO: SI......ACK! SHINJI! SHINJI: Grandma, it's true! You're my grandma! RYOKO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! INU-YASHA! HOW COULD YOU? >He was using his Light Hawk Wings, shining brightly in all his splendor. A >sense of profound relief swept over Yui. RIIYA: Real good, Tenchi, now could you use those black-hole-overwhelming Light Hawk Wings and cover your wife's ass?! RYOKO: I'm wishing I could do that right now, myself. > >"D-daddy?" She felt her father's healing aura, her pain beginning to subside >a little. > >"I'm here, Yui," he said soothingly, holding the fragile girl in his arms. RIIYA: Who's yo daddy? never mind. > >"D-daddy...I want t-to g-go home," Yui said, resisting the urge to shiver >lest she lose more blood. blood. "I'm s-scared." > >"Don't worry, your mommy and I will get you home." Tenchi held Yui closer, >trying to keep her from shivering, keeping her warm and secure. He looked up >to see Ryoko locked in battle with Onimaru. SHINJI: Well, that's role reversal for you...the male takes care of the offspring, the female engages in combat? LINA: Sorta like you, except your dad couldn't give a damn. >From an initial glance, Ryoko was >holding out well, but she was obviously injured; a stream of blood poured >from her forehead. INU-YASHA: Well, if this is anime physics, she should have about nine or ten liters left. She'll be fine. >The sudden sound of footsteps from behind caused Tenchi to >instinctively turn; it was Aeka, wearing her full Jurian battle suit. RYOKO: ...From Ralph Lauren of Jurai! > >"I've arrived, Lord Tenchi!" Aeka yelled out. She noticed Yui in Tenchi's >arms, then looked across the chamber to see Ryoko fighting Onimaru. Aeka >watched the battle with great concern for Ryoko's safety, SHINJI: Isn't that a bit of an incongruity? AEKA: Shinji, I'll have you know that I would of course be concerned for Ryoko's safety in such a situation! There are times when such petty squabbles must be put aside for the sake of others! RYOKO: Yep, she's definitely OAV Aeka. Shin Aeka wouldn't have given a damn. SHINJI: I guess I was wrong, grandma. RYOKO: DON'T CALL ME GRANDMA! >unable to help due to the unstable energy in the air. > >"Aeka! Take Yui back to Mihoshi's shuttle!" Tenchi said, carefully handing >Yui over to the Juraian queen. "And head back to Earth as soon as possible! >That's your priority!" INU-YASHA: Feh. Yui will really be safer in Mihoshi's shuttle. AEKA: She's not an airhead in every continuity. INU-YASHA: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the fact that she crashes the shuttle in every continuity! AEKA: Oh, my, you're right! TAKE HER TO THE RYO-OH OR THE RYO-OHKI IF YOU VALUE THAT CHILD'S LIFE! > >"I will Tenchi, but what are you going to do?" Aeka asked. > >"I have to help Ryoko. But don't worry about us -- get Yui off this >godforsaken ship!" > >"I understand, Tenchi. Good luck," she said, holding on to Yui with care. LINA: And when Ryoko dies in battle, I can put the moves on Tenchi! AEKA: I AM NOT OUT OF SHIN TENCHI! I have more decency than that! > >"Daddy? Where are you going?" Yui asked, scared at what she felt was about >to occur. > >"I'm going to go help your mother. We'll meet you back home, I promise." He >kissed Yui on her forehead, turned, and charged into the battle. > >Aeka dashed back towards Mihoshi's shuttle, carrying Yui in her arms. As they >made their way out, Yui watched the struggle over Aeka's shoulders, her father >trying to get to the heated INU-YASHA: ...orgy! RYOKO AND AEKA: SIT! Inu-yasha faceplants into the floor, twice as hard as normal. >battle between Ryoko and Onimaru. > >Tenchi ran as fast as he could, trying to reach Ryoko in time to head off >the collapse of her Light Hawk Wings. A few moments passed -- it seemed they >were miles away -- and he saw that Ryoko was now clearly losing her focus on >holding her wings; they seemed to flicker on and off as if a dying light bulb. SHINJI: Stupid rolling blackouts. > >*Oh no, I'm too late!* Tenchi thought in horror. RIIYA: I knew I should have paid my electric bill sooner! > >Onimaru, confident that she held the advantage, threw out another energy wave >at Ryoko, pushing the Light Hawk Wings aside and enveloping Ryoko within. >Grasping her dark blade, she charged into the envelope, poised to strike. > >"I have you now, Avatar." Onimaru said with evil confidence. "Prepare to die!" INU-YASHA: Ryoko Saotome, prepare to die!!! > >"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" RYOKO: ...I feel so relieved. >A horrifying, bloodcurdling scream came from inside the >energy envelope. It was Ryoko's voice. > >"Ryoko!" Tenchi screamed, hoping to hear any response from her. Nothing. LINA: ...except for the aforementioned bloodcurdling scream. >Suddenly his instincts kicked in as he turned and shielded himself from an >attacker from behind. He turned and found himself facing Onimaru's shadow. SHINJI: Wait! Tenchi! That could suck you into the sea of Dirac! > >"You won't kill me that easily!" Tenchi yelled at the shadow. *I must get to >Ryoko before Onimaru overpowers her!* > >Then with a loud hiss, the energy envelope fluctuated and dissipated. Ryoko >was still alive, her face showing immense pain as she held on to Onimaru's >dark blade, holding it inches from her abdomen. Her hands began to bleed from >the searing darkness... then her gems began to glow with an angelic >brightness. RIIYA: She's gonna transform into Magical Princess Sexy-Up! >She channeled the energy of the gems, generating an energy discharge to >attempt to nullify the dark blade. > >Ryoko let out a battle cry -- INU-YASHA: SPOOOOOOOON! > Onimaru's blade started to react to Ryoko's energy discharge -- then a huge >explosion occurred. > RYOKO: Uh, this can't be good. >The force of the explosion sent a piece of shrapnel into Aeka's side, causing >her to fall over with Yui in her arms, Aeka yelping in pain. AEKA: Now this is a little one-sided...Ryoko's bleeding out of her head and still able to fight, meanwhile I take a tiny piece of shrapnel in the side and I go down? It's not fair! LINA: Well, I have heard that this fic is required reading for AHRLI's. >As Aeka tried to >regain her bearings, Yui painfully crept out of Aeka's arms and back to the >battlefield. Having heard her mother's scream before the explosion, she did >not want to leave her parents behind. > >"Yui! Come back!" Aeka yelled out, struggling to stand up, doing her best to >ignore the intense pain. "You can't go back there! You must come home with >me!" > >Yui ignored Aeka; she didn't want to run away while her parents were in >danger. SHINJI: I mustn't run away...I mustn't run away...I mustn't run away... >She finally reached the doorway to the chamber; the first thing she saw was >Tenchi fighting Onimaru's shadow. > >Tenchi turned around to find Yui standing in the doorway; an expression of >horror went across his face. "Yui! What are you doing here? I told you to go >back home! It's too dangerous!" INU-YASHA: There's an overpowered SI here and it'll write us all into a tentacle Lemon if we're not careful! RIIYA: Uh...this character isn't really an SI. LINA: No. There never was, really, but the high power on this antagonist brings SI's to mind. Apologies to the author. INU-YASHA: Wow. The MSTer apologizes to the author. This is a first. > >Yui didn't respond. Tenchi continued to fight the shadow with his Light Hawk >Sword. > >Suddenly, an unmistakably evil voice rang out. "So, the 'Miracle Child' has >returned to witness her mother's death!" > RYOKO: I'm gonna be the Harry Potter of anime! >Yui looked over to where the true Onimaru stood. She could only watch in >horror as her mother was being beaten down to the floor, pummeled into the >ground by Onimaru's fists and stomped on by the green-eyed woman's boots. SHINJI: So Onimaru is on all fours jumping up and down on Ryoko? INU-YASHA: Unless she has detachable body parts. >Ryoko continued to endure the beating unwilling to give up. She tried to >stand, but was knocked back down by a punch to the face; RIIYA: o/~ I get knocked down...But I get up again...You're never gonna keep me down... o/~ >she vomited blood from the gag reflex >and collapsed backwards. AEKA: That's one powerful punch to drop Ryoko twice! LINA: It's anime physics. Cool moves either get slowed down or repeated in time. >As Ryoko struggled to get up from her position, Onimaru bended down and picked >her up by the neck. > >"This time you've lost, Ryoko!" Onimaru said proudly. "How does it feel to be >the one receiving all the damage?" > >"I've had worse," Ryoko replied, her voice struggling from the pain. INU-YASHA: You liar! SHINJI: Come on, ya pansy! > >Ryoko was held up in the air like a twisted trophy; her suit was torn, she >was cut and blemished, LINA: ...her nails were broken, her hair was messed up... RYOKO: Lina, this hair can't be messed up by anything short of a nuclear blast. LINA: Oh? Let's find out. Darkness beyond twilight... REST OF CAST: NO!!! >and there were bloodstains everywhere. She futilely >tried to free herself from the red-haired woman's grasp. > >Not wanting to look into her enemy's face any longer, Ryoko turned her head, >only to see something worse: her daughter standing in the far doorway. The >look of unadulterated terror on Yui's face caused Ryoko to break into tears. >*Why must Yui see this happen to me? WHY?* SHINJI: It must be a tradition by generations. I saw mom disappear in the Eva facility...mom saw grandma get killed... RYOKO: Shinji, would it matter if I beat the fact into your head? > >"Yui..." Ryoko begged, her voice giving out. "Please...don't watch..." > >Yui stood paralyzed, not knowing what to do. > >"You should've listened to your mother, little girl." Onimaru said, hefting >Ryoko into the air as far as she could go with a triumphant smile. > RIIYA: She lifted her with a smile?! Those are some strong lips! >"Please don't kill her!" Yui begged from afar, watching helplessly as Onimaru >materialized a sword in her free hand. The dark sword was shining fresh and >glorious, darker than the depths of night. LINA: Oh no...the narrator is going to use the Dragon Slave?! Oh wait. That would be Ragna Blade. >She pulled it back, preparing to >strike... > >*** INU-YASHA: And she struck three times. *stabstabstab* > >Yui forced herself to wake up; she was sweating hard, eyes wide open, trying >to forget the re-occurring nightmare. And she hyperventilated, she tried to >forget the memory that haunted her for most of her life. Why did it keep >reoccurring? Why must she have this same nightmare? She knew that it was a >memory - but couldn't remember anything beyond that. SHINJI: Have you ever had a dream, Yui, that you were so sure was real... > >She finally calmed down and looked over at the clock. 10:30 AM. *Time for >breakfast.* She got up from bed, and changed out of her pajamas into her >casual wear, a pair of black close-fitting shorts and a short-sleeved shirt >that said 'hello'. INU-YASHA: Whoa...her chest is greeting me... RYOKO: SIT! And the word produces the usual effect. >She tied her long cyan hair back into a ponytail, then >looked over to a picture attached to the wall mirror she was looking into. >It was a picture of her mother. In the picture, her mother was wearing a >light blue colored dress with a black bow tie; it was one of her favorite >casual outfits, according to her father. Yui stared at the picture for a >while, focusing on her mother's smile; her mother was a very beautiful woman. Aeka snickers, Ryoko glares at her. >She then looked at herself in the mirror and studied her resemblance to Ryoko. > >*** AEKA: And she looked like three asterisks in a row. > >Meanwhile, Aeka and Sasami had already arrived downstairs; they'd been at the >house since dawn. Tenchi was also already awake, sitting in the living room >on the couch across from Aeka. Sasami was in the kitchen, happily cooking up >some breakfast with Ryo-ohki LINA: Mmmmm...cabbit omlettes. RIIYA: That is sick, Lina. >on her usual spot on the top of Sasami's head. >Aeka sipped her tea, enjoying her conversation with Tenchi. > >"So that's all that happened at the meeting?" Tenchi asked. > >"Yes; the representatives were all happy about passing the bill." Aeka said. INU-YASHA: In fact, it only took two bottles of laxative. LINA: FIREBALL! I make the puns! >"In fact, they were so happy that they all decided to proclaim a new holiday." > >"What? Another new holiday?!" Tenchi exclaimed. RYOKO: Wow. They really got bored without me terrorizing them. > >"Yes. It's called, 'Hooray, We Finally Passed the Bill Day!' Shoji named the >holiday himself." > >"Only Shoji would have the SHINJI: ...complete and utter lack of originality... >sense of humor and charisma to give a name like that >to a new holiday." > >"Yes, he would," Aeka replied. > >"Very interesting. I guess I can't blame him for being so happy; after all, >the bill took at least two years of deliberation," Tenchi noted. > >"Yes, 2 very LONG years." She smiled. RYOKO: Say, Aeka, what would the Juraian year translate to in Earth time? AEKA: I haven't thought about that too much...but I'll grant you this, 2 years to get a bill passed is a record. RYOKO: That long? AEKA: That short. > >"So, how's the Empress of Jurai business been coming along?" he asked. "And >how's Shoji? How long has it been now, 17 years?" > >"Yes, 17 years..." she replied, "...since I took his hand in marriage." LINA: It's still sitting in a jar of formaldehyde with the ring on the finger. RIIYA: Took his hand...what is it with magic users and puns?! If they came up in her spells, she'd be more dangerous than Chacha! > >"My, how time flies." > >*18 years have passed since you married Ryoko as well,* thought Aeka to >herself. RYOKO: Um...okay...if I could nitpick just a tiny bit here? But...that implies that I married Aeka. Aeka barfs. Inu-Yasha snickers. RIIYA: Gross! Isn't that the same stuff we breathe? That's all floating around now! SHINJI: You learn to live with it. With some of these fics, you hope to choke to death on it. AEKA: Me? Marry HER?! RYOKO: You missed the first section of this, Aeka. There was a fleeting El-Hazard reference. INU-YASHA: Yeah, but so far there have been many names taken from EVANGELION! SHINJI: GRANDMA! RYOKO: Shinji, will you STOP THAT! >She felt a little depressed, naturally; it was supposed to have been HER who >would marry Tenchi, not Ryoko... AEKA: Um...which continuity is this? LINA: Try not to nitpick too much. This is a good fic. We rarely get these. > >*How selfish of me to even think of that!* she thought, getting upset at her >own thoughts. She greatly admired the display of love the Masaki men showed >for their deceased wives: Yosho and his wife; Nobuyuki and Achika; and, of >course, Tenchi and Ryoko. SHINJI: A display of love for dead wives? It sounds like they're hitting on corpses or something. There's that necrophelia again... RYOKO: I think he means "devotion," Shinji. SHINJI: Sorry, grandma. RYOKO: AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! > >Aeka started thinking about how naïve she used to be, hoping to win Tenchi's >love in the old days; it took her a while after the wedding to finally accept >the reality that she was never going to have him. Ever since Shoji came >along, though, winning Tenchi's heart didn't matter all that much to Aeka >anymore; LINA: ...now what mattered was winning Tenchi's spleen. >she >was still fond of Tenchi, but not as much as before. For 17 years now, she >had been happily married. > >Another thought flew across Aeka's mind. She started thinking about the state >of the family since Ryoko's death; Aeka felt fortunate that she had been able >to help Tenchi raise his daughter. After the funeral, Yui didn't speak to >anybody for 11 months. What would've happened if she hadn't ever been there >to help? SHINJI: She would have sunk into a depression, run away to live with a teacher, then get called back to pilot a giant biomechanical war machine. >It was her duty -- and her right -- to help Tenchi. Now, 14 years later, >instead of being Tenchi's 2nd wife, she was something else...something a >little better. She was Yui's godmother, and RIIYA: ...she could make Tenchi an offer he couldn't refuse. RYOKO: EEEEYYYAAAHH! THERE'S A CABBIT HEAD IN MY BED! >still a close friend to Tenchi. Aeka felt >more like a guardian angel than a friend or family member, watching over the >two throughout the years with a protective eye. She smiled at the thought. > >Tenchi looked over at the wall clock. 11:00 AM. > >"Well, it's time to visit Ryoko," he said, getting up from the sofa and LINA: ...blowing his own brains out with a Glock. Ryoko facefaults. AEKA: Well...that's one way to go to your deceased loved ones... >heading out the back door. > >"Let me accompany you, Tenchi," Aeka said, standing and following Tenchi out >towards the lake. > >"By all means," Tenchi replied. > >Sasami stepped out of the kitchen, clad in cooking apron and cabbit on her >head. SHINJI: Of course, that was all she was clad in. AEKA: You mean I can actually have clothes on in this fic? Whew! I have been in way too many lemons. > >"Breakfast is ready!" She looked around and realized she was alone. *Where are >Tenchi and Aeka? ...Right. They must be out at the lake visiting Ryoko's >grave.* > >Washu emerged from her lab, stretching her arms and yawning. She looked very >tired from working the whole night. > >"Good morning, sister Washu," greeted Sasami. SHINJI: Since when did Washu become a nun?! RIIYA: I think that's a term of endearment from one woman to another, when they consider themselves close enough to be sisters. SHINJI: You know, I should have known that...I think we're all dubbed. > >"Oh, good morning, Tsunami." Washu took great care to seal the lab door shut. > >Sasami groaned a little bit at the sound of her other name. She didn't hate >the name Tsunami; she was just too used to the name Sasami. > >"Oh...sorry, Sasami." > >"It's ok, Washu," Sasami smiled. Her smile was quickly replaced by a serious >expression. "I know that you were up all last night working on her." > >"So you know about Ryoko," replied Washu. INU-YASHA: INCEST! RYOKO: SIT! > >"Yes. I've known about everything for quite some time now," Sasami said. >Ever since Sasami had fully assimilated with Tsunami 8 years ago, AEKA: Resistance is futile. > her >perspective on the universe had increased exponentially. She was able to see >different dimensions, different time periods, and different lives, all >intermingling with each other in one unified continuity. SHINJI: It was like one bad trip in the Entry Plug... INU-YASHA: Or a trip through the bone-eater's well... LINA: Or a poorly-written soap opera... >Sasami would sometimes get headaches from looking at so many things all at >once; fortunately for her she could turn her high-dimensional perspective on >and off at will. > >"Really?" said Washu. > >"Yes. Really," Sasami replied. > >"How long has it been since I got your attention?" Washu asked. "I'm assuming >2 weeks ago..." RYOKO: Sasami? Sasami...Sasami, will you quit being distracted by shiny objects? Put your attention span in this reality, please! > >"Yes, that's right. Of course, I have no objections of her coming INU-YASHA: I think the author just set himself up here... Aeka grips her headband and her little shield units appear around Inu-Yasha... SHINJI: AEKA, WAIT! THIS IS LCL! IT'S AN ELECTROLYTE AND CONDUCTIVE TO... The shield units discharge, electrocuting everyone in the Entry Theater. ALL: Ouch... >back," >Sasami said with a smile, "even though you're breaking that cardinal rule of >life and death." The dormancy of the gems could be attributed to Ryoko's >death; now, though, Sasami could feel the gems' active algorithms. LINA: So the gems can write software now? RYOKO: I think she means *biorhythms.* > >"I knew you wouldn't object, Sasami. ...And I'm not breaking that cardinal >rule at all," Washu said with a grin. "It's more like cleaning Ryoko up and >putting her back together again. RIIYA: So going to Washu for medical care is like taking a trip to Jiffy Lube? AEKA: Yes, for only $19.99, you can not only have your engine flushed and injectors cleaned, but you can have your driver treated in the same way! >Only at a very atomic level-" Washu frowned. "-and I don't plan to do that >ever again." > >"Well, if that's how it really is, then I won't think about it any further," >Sasami said. "By the way, when is she going to be reunited with us? ...Her >family?" > >"Well, the regeneration process has already been underway for quite some time >now; it won't be finished until tomorrow. That's the easy part!" > >"What's the hard part?" INU-YASHA: Oh, that would be her skeleton. RYOKO: A non-hentai comment from the half-demon? This is new. > >"The hard part... is getting her memory back intact." > >"I see." Sasami's smile faltered. > >"Which is a no big deal for a genius scientist like myself. That is, >unless..." Washu began, dropping a hint. SHINJI: ...which promptly shattered on the floor. AEKA: Oh darn, those hints are kinda fragile. > >"...unless I help?" > >"Yes. To help speed things up a little bit," she said, trying to maintain her >proud façade. > >Sasami paused and thought about Washu's offer, then smiled. > >"I'll be more than happy to help you out, sister Washu." LINA: I'll make a contribution to the convent. Is one million Jurai enough? > >"Thank you, Sasami." > >"Don't even thank me. I'm just returning the favor." > >"Thanks anyways," Washu said gratuitously. > >"Ryoko did save the universe on two separate occasions. Otherwise, Tokimi >would've taken over..." INU-YASHA: ...but instead, now Bill Gates can take everything over and hold the universe hostage with crappy operating systems! AEKA: And I thought Ryoko was bad... > >"Yes, she did." Washu beamed with maternal pride. "The universe and the fate >of all life that exists in it fell to her, and she performed well." > >"When do we start?" > >"First thing tomorrow morning. I just need to get the basic schematics down >before we can start anything." > >"Alright. Does this mean you'll be using the bridge of the Tsunami?" > >"Yes. The bridge is an absolutely essential element in restoring Ryoko back >her memories." RIIYA: Wouldn't that be like setting up her the bomb? RYOKO: Yes. All her memory are belong to her. >Washu started back into the lab, but before she could fully step through the >door, Sasami called out her name. > >"Washu." > >"Yes, Sasami?" > >"Aren't you going to have breakfast? The food is still fresh and warm!" she >said, smiling the way only she could smile. > >"Looks like I'm going to have to pass on your offer. Sorry... I'll wait until >lunch." Washu walked back in to the lab, the door closing tight behind her. > >"I'd better go get Yui before the food starts to get cold." Sasami began to >make >her way upstairs. > >*** SHINJI: The triple attack of the tiny throwing stars! > >Meanwhile, Tenchi and Aeka stood in front of Ryoko's gravestone at the shore >of the lake. Aeka was already deep in the middle of her silent prayer; Tenchi >was about to start his when he noticed a bundle of yellow flowers lying at the >base of the grave. Tenchi smiled softly; he instantly knew that Yui had placed >them there, being her favorite flower. The very sight of them brought back an >old memory... > > *** RIIYA: He remembered three asterisks in a row. LINA: Hey, I wonder how Celcia's doing. Meanwhile, atop Tokyo-3...Eva-02 seems to be lost. Not lost as in a Ryoga-sense, but lost as in... CELCIA: What the hell am I doing?! Celcia, still in her plug suit, is riding in Eva-02's entry plug. MISATO: Celcia, calm down, we'll get you Eva-02 back in the cage. Er...Ritsuko, shouldn't we have another Rei around? RITSUKO: I destroyed all the backup dummies, remember? We lost our last Rei in Third Impact. I think she went on to do MST's with Ksawarrior. CELCIA: Will you cut it out with the background and tell me how to stop this thing?! RITSUKO: Maya, eject the entry plug. MAYA: no good, the signal's not being recieved. Like the last time. MISATO: Haven't you ever considered fixing the emergency eject mechanism? RITSUKO: There's a thought... MISATO: Celcia, walk your way over to the catapault pad. We'll retrieve you from there. CELCIA: Okay... Eva-02 starts walking its way back, following the power umbilical. ASUKA: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY EVA-02, ELF?! CELCIA: It wasn't my idea to go on a synchronization test! RITSUKO: She's doing rather well, apparently. She's already synchronized. GENDO: What does this mean, Dr. Akagi? The Eva starts to deviate from its course, walking right into a building. FUYUTSKI: Watch where you're driving. ASUKA: YEAH! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING! DON'T SCRATCH MY EVA! CELCIA: I can't help it! I've got all these comm windows open! I can't see where I'm going! GENDO: It would seem that the elf has the right kind of attributes for an Eva pilot. ASUKA: What?! RITSUKO: She can readily synchronize with Eva-02. CELCIA: Could you take this to another line of communication so I can see? ASUKA: You stay out of this! MISATO: Honestly, Asuka, you're so territorial over Eva-02! If we want her for a pilot, we'll build her her own Evangelion! RITSUKO: I don't know, Asuka's sync ratio tends to fluctuate a lot... ASUKA: Ritsuko, you're not helping! CELCIA: Guys, I can't see! Where am I going? Which way is the ejector pad?! Yet another comm window opens, with another window opening immediately after. The first comm window shows a smiling man with shoulder-length green hair wearing the uniform of a NERV technician. The figure in the second comm window also has a NERV tech uniform, but is very much doll-like in appearance. CELCIA: Come on, can't you keep my vision clear? ALL OTHERS: Who are you?! SERAVY: Oh, I'm just a passing-by Eva technician. ELIZABETH: And I'm his assistant! GENDO: You know, you two look familliar. SERAVY: No, we never met before. CELCIA: Will you just tell me how to stop this thing?! SERAVY: Oh, that's easy. All you have to do is break synchronization with the Eva unit. By default, the Eva should deactivate. CELCIA: How do I do that?! ASUKA: Oh, that's easy. Used to happen to me all the time. All you need to do is close your mind to the Eva, and your sync ratio will plunge. CELCIA: Okay... Celcia closes her eyes and concentrates for a few minutes, then... SHIGERU: No good. Sync ratio's holding steady. MISATO: then we go with the original plan. Celcia, get the Eva back to the ejector pad. CELCIA: I can't SEE the ejector pad! All of these communications windows are open! Another window opens with a banner advertisement. "See hot XXX porn free! click here!" RITSUKO: *sigh* Banner ads. Great. Let me close this... The window closes, and then klaxons can be overheard through the Comm. MISATO: What the... MAKATO: What's happening? MAYA: It's the Magi! They're being overloaded! MISATO: Oh no...it's one of *those* banner ads! If you close the window it opens another twenty! CELCIA: WHAT?! Suddenly every spare square centimeter of the entry plug's visual field is covered with miscellaneous banner ads for pornographic sites, stockbroker sites, MP3 sites, auction sites, more pornographic sites, sites on how to firm your tomatoes, matchmaker sites, and other such information that seems to pervade the web. SERAVY: Oh well, usually my suggestions work. I guess you're screwed. Seravy's and Elizabeth's comm windows close, replaced by an ad for low-price Anime. CELCIA: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! In a panic, Celcia flails in her seat, trying to sweep the banner ads away. With her synchronization to the Eva, she grabs the progressive knife. MAYA: Progressive knife engaged! RITSUKO: Eject the power cord! MAKATO: No effect! The signal's not being recieved! The banner ads have crashed the Magi! MISATO: I told you we should have installed spam-blocking software, but nooooo...you needed the clock cycles for Seti@home... Celcia feels the knife in her grip through the synchronization link, and in her panic, starts slashing at the banner ads and comm windows. Translated through the Eva, these movements take the progressive knife through arcs and stabs into the ground, and Eva-02 starts digging a very big hole. Meanwhile, back in the Entry Theater... SHINJI: Well, the safest place to be is inside an Eva. I'm sure she's fine. > >Early 2003 > >It was another beautiful day at the Masaki household; the sun was out and the >weather was nice and warm. Tenchi was out in the carrot fields, plowing the >ground, when suddenly he felt a rush of air beat up against his legs. *THOOP!* >Startled a bit, Tenchi realized that something had latched onto his legs. >Looking down, he saw his 4 year-old daughter, Yui, hugging him and giving him >a big smile. RIIYA: Wait a minute...wasn't Yui 4 years old in 2005? AEKA: Well...it could be the Juraian life water or something. Funaho is a convenient source for that. Or she could have spent some time in cryostasis. Sasami and I spent some time drifting on the Ryo-oh in stasis, so she might look eight even though she's really over seven hundred years old. RYOKO: I got it. Let's call this time discrepancy "The Washu Effect," and not nitpick over it, okay? > >"Hello, daddy!" Yui said. > >"What's daddy's little miracle trying to do? Give him a heart attack?" LINA: Two attempted heart attacks since this fic started. I think Tenchi needs to lower his blood cholesterol. >he said, >laughing and picking up Yui and holding her in his arms. > >"No, silly daddy!" SHINJI: ...Trix are for kids! >laughed Yui in return. "I just want to say hi! ...Hello dad!" Yui hugged her >father tighter, putting her head on his shoulders. > AEKA: Cranial transplant courtesy of Washu. >"Well, I'm touched," Tenchi said, his smile shining. "Hello to you, too," he >whispered in her ears, holding Yui tightly in his arms. > >Then Yui held her head up, looking into her father's eyes. "Oh!" > >"What is it, Yui?" he asked. > >"I want to give you something." LINA: It's my head! I decapitated myself just for you, daddy! RYOKO: Do I call that perverse or just surreal? >She reached into her pocket. > >"What? You want to give daddy a gift?" > >"Uh huh!" she said affirmatively. "Hold out your hand and close your eyes." > >"Alright," he said, following his daughter's instructions. > >"No cheating OK?" Yui said, reaching into her pocket. > >"Don't worry, I won't," Tenchi reassured her, waiting patiently. > >"OK! Open your eyes." > >Tenchi complied, and saw a yellow flower in Yui's hand. > >"This is for you, dad," Yui said, trying to place the flower onto her father's >earlobe. INU-YASHA: Gee, thanks, but last I checked, my ears weren't pierced... RYOKO: No problem, I'll just pierce them for you! *ka-CHONK!* INU-YASHA: EEEEYYYAAAHHH! > >"Thank you, Yui." Tenchi leaned his head over to make it easier for Yui to >place the flower onto his ear, and she did so. > >"Don't thank me," she said. > >"What?" Tenchi asked, a little surprised. "Why not?" > >"Because it's mommy's gift to you." > >"Oh really?" he said, smiling. > >"Uh huh. And she has a message for you." > >"What message?" Tenchi asked curiously. > >"Um...let me see..." Yui was thinking hard, trying to remember the set of >instructions her mother had given her. RYOKO: Yui, if he tries to marry Aeka, kill them both. AEKA: HEY! SHINJI: Grandma, you wouldn't! RYOKO: ...and if you meet a man named Gendo, avoid him like the plague!!! > >Tenchi waited patiently for a few minutes. > >"OH! I remember!" Yui exclaimed. "Mommy wants me to tell you to scream out her >name out loud. Then mom will tell you the message." > >"OK," Tenchi said. "You want to help daddy?" > >"Um, OK!" > >"On three, OK?" > >"OK." Yui said, beaming with enthusiasm. > >"One... two... RIIYA: FIVE! LINA: Three, sir... >three!" he counted. All of the MSTers blink. AEKA: The Monty Python bit, ladies and gentlemen. > >"MOMMY!" "RYOKO!" they yelled at the same time. RIIYA: ...Yui yelling "Ryoko" and Tenchi yelling "Mommy..." > >Tenchi and Yui waited a few moments. Tenchi then felt a breeze of air behind >him; INU-YASHA: Damn burritos. >he turned around to sees Ryoko standing there smiling at himself and his >daughter. Ryoko walked up to Tenchi and Yui, putting her mouth close to >Tenchi's >right ear and whispering, "I love you, my Tenchi." > AEKA: You...DEMON! SHINJI: ACK! INU-YASHA: Listen, Princess, it's a fic! AEKA: SIT! Inu-Yasha faceplants right on top of Aeka...dropping her right on top of Shinji. SHINJI: oh that really worked. The MSTers return to their seats. >Tenchi smiled and faced Ryoko. Ryoko turned and looked at him, then gave him >a small but sensual kiss on his lips. Tenchi was still holding Yui in his >arms; she was staring at them kissing. > >"Ooh!" Yui said teasingly. "Shame! Shame! Shame!" > >"Oh, you little tease!" Ryoko said, smiling and patting her daughter's head. > >All three of them began to laugh... then everything disappeared but the flowers. LINA: So only the flowers were real, then? > *** > >"Tenchi, are you alright?" Aeka asked, noticing Tenchi's flower-induced >hypnotic trance. SHINJI: Damn those hallucinogenic Juraian flowers! > >"Huh?" Tenchi said dumbly, realizing he was back in the present day. "Oh! >Uhh...sorry," he said with a tinge of embarrassment. INU-YASHA: Was I spontaneously time-travelling again? RYOKO: You were tripping out on flowers. > >"It's alright. No need to apologize," Aeka assured him. SHINJI: Have they released that episode yet? > >Tenchi and Aeka were silent. A few minutes passed by before Aeka decided to >speak up. > >"It's been 13 years since she died." > >"Yes... it has," he said with sadness, trying to repress the memory of the >last few painful moments he had spent with Ryoko. > >Aeka noticed Tenchi's expression. *Great, now I made him sad. I really put my >foot in my mouth this time.* Aeka decided to leave him alone for a moment, >looking down at the engraved gravestone: > >Ryoko Masaki >Died on the 25th of April in the year 2005 RYOKO: I finally get Tenchi...so why do I have to be dead?! SHINJI: Maybe it's the Captain Kirk effect. AEKA: I'm sorry, the what? SHINJI: The Captain Kirk effect. Star Trek. Every time Captain Kirk and some woman mutually love each other in a television episode, that woman will inevitably die. Since Tenchi's the lead character, when he fell in love with Ryoko, she was pretty much destined to bite it. AEKA: I...see. So marrying Tenchi would be... LINA: A deathtrap. Correct. > >She began thinking about the irony of it all, to see the gravestone placed >here at the shore of the lake. This had been the very location where Ryoko >had taken Tenchi's hand INU-YASHA: ...using her lightsword. *slash* RIIYA: AAAAAARRRRRGGH! RYOKO: You know, maybe cutting off appendages could be fun. Let's find out, Inu-Yasha. >in marriage; several years later, she'd died in his arms here. > >Tenchi picked up the yellow flowers and sniffed them, taking in their aroma. >His sad expression disappeared, replaced with a soft smile. LINA: Oh Cephied...Tenchi's stoned again. SHINJI: Where can I get some of those flowers? >After a minute, he >began to pray with the flowers clasped in his hands. > >Aeka stood there, watching him pray; she admired his devotion for Ryoko. > >*** > AEKA: There they are. Three tiny black flowers. >Meanwhile, back at the house, Yui was still staring at herself in the mirror, >finding many ways to compare her resemblance to her mother. She was also >thinking about how she resembled her father as well. RIIYA: She doesn't have...male...body parts down there...does she? > >*I have the color of her eyes, except they look more human than feline; I have >my father's ears, my mother's nose; hmm...I also have her hair color,* Yui >thought to herself and smiled. INU-YASHA: And her voluptuous knockers. RYOKO: Should I be flattered by that remark, or offended, knowing who it came from? > >"Admiring yourself, Yui?" Sasami asked jokingly, walking into Yui's room. > >"Aunt Sasami! I didn't know you were here!" Yui said, turning and running over >to Sasami. She gave the blue-haired goddess a big hug. > >"Hello, Yui," Sasami said, returning Yui's affection and smiling warmly. LINA: The EPA should restrict those smiles. I think they're contributing to the greenhouse effect. > >"Why didn't you wake me up when you arrived?" Yui asked. > >"I was about to, but decided against it," Sasami answered. "Besides, you were >sleeping so peacefully." > >"Thank you for your consideration," Yui said, her mood changing. "Although I >can't say much about the way I woke up." She looked to the floor. > >Sasami was puzzled at the last remark, before intuitively figuring out what >Yui was talking about. > >"Oh... I see," Sasami said. "You had that nightmare again, didn't you?" AEKA: It was those Lemons, Sasami! I'm so scared I'll end up in one! > >Yui nodded yes, still looking down in depression. Sasami decided to give Yui >another hug, her warmth lifting Yui's spirits. She smiled, glad that Aunt >Sasami was here to make her feel better. What would Yui ever do without her? INU-YASHA: Probably what she did anyway. Marry Gendo and get integrated into an Evangelion. SHINJI: GRANDMA! RYOKO: Shinji...ack...need air... RIIYA: Wow. Now that's strength. > >"OK, let's go have breakfast!" said Sasami. "You know how much I hate it when >the food gets cold." > >"Sure," Yui said. "I hate it when I see you frown. ...Makes you look older," >she added fiendishly. LINA: MWAHAHAHAHA! Talking about her age...makes me feel eeeeeevil. > >"Oh, is that it?" Sasami said loudly. "Well, let's see if you can beat me INU-YASHA: ...with whips and chains like Aeka does. AEKA: SIT! Inu-yasha...well...does the usual thing. AEKA: You know, this is too easy. Hammerspace hasn't seen much use yet with him around, has it? RYOKO: You have no idea. >in a >race downstairs!" > >"OK! Fine, you're on!" Yui said with excitement. *I've never raced her before, >hmm... she does run a little slow... I'll beat her RYOKO: SIT! INU-YASHA: ACK! HEY! I didn't say anything! RYOKO: I know. That was pre-emptive. >like it was nothing!* > >"Are you ready?" asked Sasami. > >"Ready when you are!" > >"On your mark..." RIIYA: ...by Hayao Miazaki, creator of Princess Mononoke. > >Yui knelt down. LINA: ...And prayed to Tsunami. RYOKO: Yui, dear, I'm standing in front of you, you can just tell me. > >"Get set..." > >Yui was preparing herself mentally. > >"And Yui?" > >"Yes?" Yui asked. > >"Don't hesitate to use your abilities." AEKA: Use the Force, Yui... RIIYA: That has got to be an old joke. AEKA: But a classic! > >"Are you sure?" Yui asked, making sure Sasami wasn't going crazy on her. > >Sasami nodded. > >*Oh man! I'm really going to beat her INU-YASHA: I wasn't going to say anything. AEKA: Oh...well, this is too much fun. SIT! INU-YASHA: You royal pain in the... >in no time flat!* Yui thought, giddy. > >"Alright..." Sasami finished her countdown. "GO!" > >Yui stormed out of her bedroom at lightning speed, SHINJI: Isn't storming assosciated with anger and stomping? RYOKO: This actually being somewhat of a good fic, I'd say not to nitpick, but you're right, Shinji. SHINJI: Thanks, Grandma. RYOKO: DON'T CALL ME GRANDMA! >zipping through the hallways >and growing overconfident as she got to the stairway. Using her flying >abilities >up to this point, she didn't dare plant her feet on the ground, lest the >friction slow her down. In a snap she was down the stairs, mere feet from the >dining room where Sasami's delicious food was waiting, when suddenly she came >to a dead stop. LINA: ...with her anti-lock brakes! > >"Huh? What the...?" Yui's surprise was natural, she couldn't move an inch. >Suspended in mid-air, she could feel a forcefield of some sort around her. >"Hey! I can't move!" > >*Of course! How could I be so forgetful!* she angrily thought to herself. Yui >turned her head and saw Sasami floating down the steps; she realized that >Sasami was using her goddess powers. RIIYA: She has the power to stop flying objects. Wow. > >"Hey, not fair! You're using your omnipotent abilities!" > AEKA: You're as bad as a self-insertion character! SHINJI: Omnipotent abilities are the only kind of abilities I have. >Sasami giggled, floating down beside Yui and touching down on the floor of the >dining room. She looks back at Yui and happily said, "I win!" > >The force field around Yui disappeared, setting her free. She looked at >Sasami and frowned. > >"Ah, look! Now who's the one who's frowning and looking out?" Sasami said, >pointing a finger at Yui and trying her best to keep from busting her gut. INU-YASHA: ...She failed miserably. Her finger slipped, and Yui's gut busted, spilling entrails all over the floor. > >Yui's frown disappeared as she realized that her Aunt Sasami, the goddess, had >just played a practical joke on her. *I can't believe I fell for it!* ALL: o/~ Wah wah wah wah wahhhhhhhh.... o/~ > >Sasami couldn't hold it in any longer, RIIYA: The bathroom! Where's the bathroom? I gotta go...I...ooohhhh...too late... REST OF CAST: Ewwwwww... >bursting out into laughter; the unreadable look on Yui's face was just too >hilarious to her. RYOKO: Ancient Hebrew! I can't read it! HA HA HA HA HA HA... > >Yui watched Sasami laughing and rolling on the floor; it was a funny sight >for her to see, a grown-up laughing like a frolicking hyena. Yui started to >laugh with Sasami; soon enough, the only sound heard in the house was the two >of them laughing. SHINJI: Did I miss something? I don't get the joke. LINA: I'm not sure there is one to get. > >Ryo-ohki walked into the room from the kitchen, finding Sasami and Yui rolling >on the floor laughing at each other. The two of them suddenly stopped upon >noticing Ryo-ohki, moments later, they started to laugh at her. > AEKA: Hmmm...maybe I should tell Tenchi about the leaky bottle of nitrous oxide I left in the hall closet...nah. >"Miya?" said Ryo-ohki, wondering what had gotten into them. A bead of sweat >formed on her humanoid head. > >*** LINA: ...and dripped three times on the page, smearing the ink. > >Tenchi finished his prayer, placing the yellow flowers back at the base of the >gravestone. Aeka smiled, placing her hand on Tenchi's shoulder. He looked >over to Aeka and softly smiled. RYOKO: AEKA! GET YOUR DAMN HAND OFF MY TENCHI! AEKA: Really, Ryoko! Tenchi isn't some toy, he is a real person with his own thoughts and feelings! RYOKO: I know that! AEKA: Then stop acting like a Shin Tenchi bitch! RYOKO: I'm calm, I'm calm, it's just a fic, it's just a fic... > >"Thank you for being here, Aeka." > >"No need to thank me, Tenchi. LINA: And we have a new episode title. > I do what I do." RIIYA: Yes, but what does she do? SHINJI: What she does, she does. INU-YASHA: Does she? > >Tenchi grinned at her remark. "Come on, let's go eat; I'm starving." > >As they proceeded to walk back towards the house, Tenchi decided to chatter a >bit with his once-pursuer. > >"So, Aeka..." he began. LINA: ...you know, the restraining order does say you can't come within fifty yards of me. > >"Yes, Tenchi?" she asked. > >"When is Shoji coming over?" > >"Hopefully he'll be here by next Monday." > >"Really!" Tenchi said, excited to see him again. INU-YASHA: GAY LEMON! RYOKO: Well, the alternative is marrying Aeka... AEKA: WHAT DID YOU SAY, DEMON?! RYOKO: Now who's acting like a Shin Tenchi bitch? Geez, princess, I was actually kidding there. As much as we are in competition, I'm glad to have a worthy rival. I might have had to contend with Sakuya, you know. AEKA: Well...I suppose. And this is a fic, after all. Oh by the way, Inu-Yasha... INU-YASHA: DON'T... AEKA AND RYOKO: SIT! INU-YASHA: ...say it... > >"Yes," Aeka confirmed. > >"Great! I can't wait! Yui will love to hear this, as soon I can tell her," >he said joyously. "She just adores being around him." AEKA: First Tenchi, now Shoji! Why is it every time I get a man, some demon-girl has her eyes on him too?! RYOKO: Just be glad you're still alive. Tenchi has Captain Kirk syndrome. RIIYA: Wait a minute...something's just wrong with that. Isn't that incest? INU-YASHA: Not unless they do it, Riiya. Riiya starts looking sick. RITSUKO: That, and the fact that Shoji and Yui aren't blood-related to begin with, so they don't have to worry about the effects of inbreeding. Even if they were related, some aspect of Juraian genetics filters out the expression of deleterious recessives assosciated with inbreeding, so if they did have intercourse... Riiya barfs. LINA: Too much information, Ritsuko. > >"By the way, Tenchi, I've been meaning to tell you some good news." > >"Really? What is it?" > >Aeka blushed a little bit. > >"What? What is it?" Tenchi asked, his curiosity overwhelming him. > >"I'm At that point, a gigantic vibrating blade punches through the screen from the back with enough force to not only pierce the Entry Theater and the screen, but the AT field protecting it. The LCL empties in a rush, the current threatening to pull the MSTers out of their seats and into the adjoining space. The MSTers except for Riiya hang onto their seats. Riiya, meanwhile, is pressed into the back of the theater, his hands on either side of the gigantic blade giving him a frictional grip good enough to keep it from cutting him in half. His werewolf strength, despite being enough to keep him from being bisected, does not keep him from being embedded in the back wall under the force of the knife. RYOKO: *cough, sputter* What...the hell...is that?! SHINJI: It's a progressive knife... Eva-02's progressive knife! INU-YASHA: Feh. Like it compares to the Tetsusaiga. AEKA: What timing...when i was just about to give Tenchi some good news. A quick cut to Central Dogma... MISATO: Whew...we got the Magi rebooted just in time to disconnect that power cord. Good thing the internal batteries only hold a minute of power. MAYA: Eva has stopped activation inside the cage. RITSUKO: After she cut a hole right down through all those layers of special armor with that knife... ASUKA: Wow, my Eva did that? MAYA: Auto eject sequence activated! RITSUKO: NO! Not in the cage! With a grating sound of metal on metal, the knife slides out and Riiya, with the ultimate sweatdrop on his head, falls out of the hole. RIIYA: That was too close... SHINJI: You outpowered an Eva? That's strong. A muted explosive pop can be heard from the other side of the entry theater wall. LINA: What was that? The entry plug's escape rockets can be heard, as well as the plug ricocheting around the next room. RIIYA: Sounds like a rocket. RYOKO: Something's bouncing around out there... Ryoko walks over to the very large hole cut by the progressive knife and looks outside. She has a split second of the entry plug rocketing towards her before the plug hits the Entry Theater, tearing the hole wider and smashing Ryoko into the back wall. AEKA: RYOKO! RIIYA: This isn't happening...this isn't happening...wait...maybe it's a plot by the Evil Magic Lord... SHINJI: Grandma! Oh no...GRANDMA!! RYOKO: I told you... I'm not your grandma. INU-YASHA: Then I guess you don't have a daughter named Yui... RYOKO: SI... INU-YASHA: WAIT! Ryoko, come on...let's talk about this before you faceplant me again. RYOKO: Give me one reason why. Inu-Yasha strides up to Ryoko and whispers in her ear. Ryoko gets a thoughtful look on her face. RYOKO: You've got me intrigued. Let's talk about this later. LINA: Um...aren't we forgetting about someone? RYOKO: Who? AEKA: CELCIA! Later, in Central Dogma, in the Eva control block, just below the command station of the Supreme Commander... The MSTers, having showered, are all assembled, still wearing the plug suits. RYOKO: Okay...what gives? This fic is well-written, it actually involves some character development, it's actually good! WHY are we MSTing it? MISATO: I'm sure the readers have been asking themselves that same question since they started. Ritsuko, would you please clarify? RITSUKO: The fact that a piece of work is good does not necessarily mean it cannot be made light of, heckled, jibed at, or in our case, MSTed. Though generally poor-quality works are typical MST targets, the heckling of good works has been the province of periodicals such as Mad Magazine. AEKA: That still doesn't mean we're not going to get flamed for this. MISATO: The only thing that we've had a complaint about thus far from the higher-ups is a percieved defamation of Rei Ayanami. SHINJI: But Rei hasn't even been in the Entry Theater! RITSUKO: Maya, review the last mission log. MAYA: Yes, Sempai. One of the screens clears, displaying the interior of the Entry Theater. >SHINJI: From being more cocky than Asuka to having less emotion than Rei. >All he needs is more angst than me and he can pilot all 3 Evas. SHINJI: Well it's true! Rei hardly shows any emotion except to my dad! MISATO: Then there was that remark about the way she keeps blowing herself up. SHINJI: That's also true! The first time she tried to take out an angel with a kamikaze trip and an N2 mine! The second time...she self-destructed her own Eva to destroy another Angel! MISATO: Well...I guess you're right. GENDO: Captain Katsuragi, please get to the relevant issue. MISATO: Oh yes. Well, the entry theater has been severely damaged. RYOKO: No shit. MISATO: At any rate, we will have to finish the experiment with some other means. LINA: Can't you give us a break? RITSUKO: Lina, you will be getting some relief from the Entry Theater. We need to make an exchange of crew members. You will be engaging unit 02 directly in combat. LINA: What? RITSUKO: We need to gather data on your magical abilities. In order to do that, we need to run some tests. We will need you to engage Asuka in unit 02. LINA: And I get to use my magic? RITSUKO: We would prefer if you did. We will have Tokyo-3 in battle formation, so you will be able to use your full gamut of spells, providing, of course, they won't give us a Fifth Impact. LINA: Damn. Guess no Giga Slave, then. All right. Bring her on. RITSUKO: In order to fill out the sixth seat and establish parameters that are close to our baseline, we will be doing a dual exchange. We have decided to send Inu-Yasha back to where he came from. INU-YASHA: ALL RIGHT! Those Shikon Jewel shards are as good as mine! AEKA: Wait...WHY HIM?! RITSUKO: He's too much of a liability. The investigation of the damage to the Entry Theater revealed several dents in the floor from repeated impacts. RYOKO AND AEKA: Eh...heh heh... RITSUKO: So, filling our fifth seat will be a veteran to the crew. Enter Harry Potter, the young wizard-in-training, famed for overthrowing the most powerful dark wizard of his world. His robes, however, look like they're made in a sort of Eva motif. RITSUKO: Welcome back Harry Potter, everyone. Harry, do the plug robes fit? INU-YASHA: Just what we need...another kid. SHINJI: What's that supposed to mean? INU-YASHA: Nothing personal. Not every fourteen-year-old can boast the track record of saving the world all the time, taking phenomenal abuse, and on top of that, being forced to do it by his own father. HARRY: Well, being here is still better than... RYOKO: What happened? HARRY: Ritsuko misjudged the causality hole's transport accuracy, and it sent me into "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets." I had to endure Gilderoy Lockhart AGAIN. RYOKO: Who? HARRY: Um...let me think...annoyance factor of Naga squared. Lina shudders. AEKA: Well, now that we have our fifth person, who's filling in the sixth seat? MISATO: Well...we had to contract out for this one. In a column of light, Washu appears, her subspace computer conveniently at her fingertips. WASHU: Hi, everyone! RYOKO: MOM?! You're MSTing this one too? WASHU: I'm not wearing any plug suit, sweetie. Actually I'm here to fill you in on your partner. See, NERV actually contracted my aid in helping to bring back an old friend. SHINJI: Rei? WASHU: Well...I'm working on that. A very good guess, though. You see, with the influence of the causality hole, things not directly within my influence can be slightly affected. So in order to avoid adverse affects in the regeneration, I had to take the reconstruction in stages. I would like to present the intermediate stage of Rei version 4.0... A few keystrokes, and a holographic screen appears, upon which is seen the growth tank in Central Dogma. Within the orange liquid is... WASHU: I give you...Rei-ohki! Practically everyone in Central Dogma, except for Gendo, Fuyutski, and Washu, facefault. The figure looks like a nude Rei, but she has fuzzy ears which stick out from the sides of her head, a la Merle from Escaflowne. In her forehead is a small red oval gem. RYOKO: Rei...OHKI? SHINJI: What did you DO to her?! WASHU: I simply regrew her genetic material using some existing backup tissue cultures I had in the lab, a little manipulation of basic cellular matter, and the gracious use of NERV's lab facilities. RYOKO: Uh...*why?!* WASHU: Ryoko, trying to work across causality interference is quite difficult. One slip-up and you would have had to deal with Rei-oko! RYOKO: You have a point. The holographic screen clears. GENDO: Thank you, Dr. Washu. WASHU: Oh please, call me "Little Washuu!" GENDO: We will have to deal with the situation and set up a temporary theater. SERAVY: I have an idea. Why not use the main control center? Right next to Gendo, in exactly the same pensive pose, is a familliar-looking man with shoulder-length green hair. He is wearing the exact same clothes as Gendo, right down to the glasses. Next to him is a doll wearing the same clothes as Fuyutski, but scaled to fit. SERAVY: You have everything you need to perform the experiment right here. The big main display will serve very well as the screen, and the audio outputs can be modified to produce the greatest surround-sound effect. As for LCL, I'm sure Dr. Akagi can either fill this place or come up with a substitute to compensate for any disturbances in the measurements. There is a moment of silence, then Gendo's eyes flicker to his doppleganger. GENDO: Just who the hell are you? SERAVY: Oh, I'm just a passing-by Supreme Commander of NERV. ELIZABETH: And I'm his subordinate. SERAVY: In the meantime, why don't you take an hour break so everyone here can set up the control room for you. You can get acquainted and bring yourselves up to date. WASHU: Well, I guess my work here is done...bye! RYOKO: NO! MOM! WAIT! GET ME OUT OF THIS... Washu disappears in a column of light. Seravy is similarly gone in a puff of smoke along with Elizabeth. GENDO: Fuyutski. FUYUTSKI: Yes, commander? GENDO: That person who was up here seemed very familliar. I want him killed. RYOKO: Okay, dog-boy, my mom just left me to fend for myself here, and I'm not too happy. Before you go back to wherever you came from, tell me how I can make the best of Shinji's mistaken identity problem! A few minutes later, in the elevator... RYOKO: Okay, start talking. INU-YASHA: It's so simple, Ryoko. I'm surprised you haven't hit upon it. Think about this. The fic describes your daughter as being named "Yui," and there has been a lot of Evangelion references early on. Yui. Misato. Kaji. That would imply a very interesting parallel. RYOKO: We've been through that. So what? INU-YASHA: Will you think about it? It means your son-in-law is Supreme Commander of NERV! Given Japanese cultural customs...you're looking at a helluva lot of perks! And all you have to do is humor the kid! Think of what that'll do for your standing with Tenchi...that you now have access to a multitrillion-dollar organization! RYOKO: Hmmmm... An hour later, in the briefing room... SHINJI: And that's basically the whole story. HARRY: So let me get this straight. Ryoko's your grandma? Wow. And I thought I was the only kid who had an infamous criminal for a relative. 'Course my relative was innocent, but... SHINJI: It just sounds kinda contrived. RIIYA: Well that would be the MST author's fault, but he's allowed to do that. I dunno, what do you think, Rei? REI: Miya. RIIYA: Never mind. SHINJI: Oh Rei, what have they done, reducing you to a one-word vocabulary... REI: I can still speak, you know. SHINJI: Rei! That's wonderful! REI: Hai. Enter Gendo, followed by Fuyutski. Gendo takes a seat. GENDO: Now that we are all assembled...where's Ryoko? Ryoko emerges through the floor, right next to Gendo. RYOKO: Here I am, son-in-law. GENDO: ...Son-in-law? RYOKO: Didn't you expect this when you married Yui? Haven't you followed the fic? Yui's my daughter. AEKA: Ryoko, what are you... RYOKO: Oh princess, isn't it wonderful? I have a son-in-law! AEKA: What are you up to, you...demon?! RYOKO: Oh come now, Aeka...I have family to consider. GENDO: Return to first stage alert. All of you, into central control. SHINJI: Here we go again... The MSTers assemble in central control, roughly in front of the 3 Magi. There are seats already set up for them, and a sizeable cooler of... HARRY: ...beer? Carrots? RITSUKO: It's the closest thing we had on hand to LCL. And we don't have enough time to waterproof every console in the place. We'll be working to fix the Entry Theater as soon as possible. SHINJI: But we're all underage! MISATO: Shinji, you're an Eva pilot, and this is by order of NERV. Drink up. SHINJI: Oh boy... The MSTers take their seats. The seating order is...Ryoko, Shinji, Rei, Harry, Aeka, Riiya. AEKA: Well, we can see what happened to me before we were so rudely interrupted by Eva-02. MISATO: LAUNCH! At the same time, two catapaults fire, one carrying Eva-02, the other carrying... LINA: EEEEYYYAAAHHHHH!!!! And the fic resumes. >pregnant." There is a moment of silence from the MSTers as this sinks in. SHINJI: Well, I guess I should say...congratulations, Great-Aunt Aeka! AEKA: Pickles! Ice cream! I need pickles and ice cream! And carrots! Dammit, Ryo-ohki, I need those! REI: Miya. Over my dead bodies. (Author's note: that waS NOT a typo.) RYOKO: Okay, princess, before you get too much into this fic too, I might as well tell you what I'm up to. Meantime, have a beer. Ryoko glides over to Aeka, puts a can of Sapporo in her hands, and whispers in her ear. AEKA: Oh my...so you're doing this to... RYOKO: Uh huh. AEKA: Well...I suppose it's okay. > >"What?! Really?! Wow!" Tenchi exclaimed. "Congratulations, Aeka!" > >"Thank you, Tenchi." > >"So how long have you been pregnant?" he asked. RIIYA: Six months. I have a very thin fetus. . HARRY: Nice trick. > >"About a month and a half now. I wanted tell you personally, but Shoji wanted >me to wait until he arrived. He wanted to be here to share in on the >celebration." > >"Don't worry; your secret is safe with me," he assured her. HARRY: Two days later, an article appears in the National Enquirer. REI: First princess of Jurai pregnant with alien child! Also the exclusive on the princess-pirate-pauper love triangle! > >"Thank you, Tenchi." > >"I knew you were putting on a little bit of weight," he added mischievously. > >"What?! Am I already getting large?" she exclaimed, checking her figure. RYOKO: Heh heh heh... AEKA: And just what does that imply, Ryoko? > >"Just kidding," Tenchi said, smiling. Aeka returned the same. > >Tenchi and Aeka eventually reached the house; Yui noticed Aeka walking through >the doorway. > >"Aunt Aeka!" greeted Yui, walking over to Aeka and hugging her. > >"How are you doing, Yui?" asked Aeka. > >"I'm doing fine," Yui said, "and yourself?" > >"I'm fit and healthy." REI: With the exception of the yeast infection and the Juraian flu...oh yeah, and there might be a case of hemorragic fever going around... SHINJI: Rei, have another beer? REI: Hai. > >"Come on! Let's eat!" Yui said with excitement, walking over to the table. >Sasami was already eating her bowl of rice; Ryo-ohki was eating her carrots in >humanoid form. Aeka sat down next to Yui; Tenchi sat down next to Ryo-ohki. HARRY: Given this information, what is the most probable seating order? a) Aeka, Tenchi, Ryo-Ohki, Sasami, Yui; b) Aeka, Yui, Tenchi, Ryo-ohki, Sasami; c) Tenchi, Aeka, Yui, Sasami, Ryo-Ohki; d) Tenchi, Sasami, Ryo-Ohki, Yui, Aeka; or e) not enough information given to solve this problem? > >"Your father tells me that you were doing very well at practice yesterday," >said Aeka. > >"Oh... he did, did he?" Yui said, smiling at her father. > >"He also said that you almost got the upper hand over him." > >"Well..." Yui said, trying to be modest. "I didn't exactly - you know he still >has the advantage..." RIIYA: He's the damn title character! He *would* have the advantage! RYOKO: Wow. You get slightly agressive when you get drunk, don't you? RIIYA: I ain't agressive, biatch! >Yui was cut off by her father. > >"On the contrary, Yui," Tenchi said with pride. "I think you've learned almost >everything you need to learn. Now all you have to do is master REI: ...bait. SHINJI: Rei?! AEKA: Er...well...she does have emotions after all. SHINJI: Yep, just got to looshen her up a bit...heh heh heh... RYOKO: Rei, shit. I mean SIT. AEKA: Five beers, Ryoko...maybe you better slow down. SHINJI: She's not Inu-Yasha, grandma. RYOKO: Schorry, forgot. RIIYA: DAMMIT, SHINJI, DON'T CALL HER GRANDMA! RYOKO: Riiya, I am! RIIYA: Damn you Ryoko! Now you tell me...*hic* >your >techniques!" > >"But, dad!" Yui began, trying to head off her father's next statement. *I >better think of something to say, before he makes his speech; I better stop >him before...* Yui was too late. "Oh no," she whispered to herself. HARRY: Never in the field of human conflict, have so many, spent so much, for so few. RIIYA: Working men of the world, Untie! SHINJI: four score and seven years ago... REI: Give me liberty or give me another beer... > >"Ever since she was 6, I've trained her to be the best sword fighter! She >learned things faster than I ever did, when I was young!" Tenchi said, >standing up and curling his fist into a ball. Tears of joy streamed down his >cheeks. "Now, 11 years later, she almost bested me! RIIYA: Damn you Mizuhara! Damn you and your one-upmanship! >She's grown quicker and stronger! Nobody will ever be able to beat her now! >You're going to be the greatest and bravest sword fighter of all time! I'm so >proud of you, Yui! SO PROOUD!" he finished with a yell. SHINJI: Would thatsh be a Shoun Tendo moment? AEKA: Maybe it's more of a Genma Saotome moment, because Yui is Tenchi's daughter. HARRY: Whoa. Feeling slightly off here...maybe I oughta slow down. REI: That would be the beer. > >Tenchi exhaled and looked at everybody sitting at the table. Yui held her >face in her hands, RIIYA: OH FUCK! She cut off her face?! >extremely embarrassed. Everybody else had stopped eating, >staring at Tenchi wide-eyed; beads of sweat loomed on their heads. > >"What?" he asked. "Why's everybody looking at me like that?" RYOKO: Honey, you're having Shin flashbacksh again. AEKA: Ryoko, that's quite enough! RYOKO: Hey, Prinschesch, lighten up! It'sh party time and NERV'sh buying! *hic* >Tenchi heard Yui sigh in the background; SHINJI: So how does an Eva sigh? YUI: *sigh* like that, son. All the MSTers stop and stare at the screen. HARRY: That wash just plain wierd. *hic* >he cleared his throat and decided to change the subject. >"By the way, your uncle Shoji is going to come by and visit." > >"Really?! Uncle Shoji? When?" Yui replied, looking up at her father with great >enthusiasm. > >"I think he'll arrive on Monday." AEKA: ...Traffic permitting, of course. I spent a good fifty years in a backup along the Intersystem once. Someone spilled paint on the starlanes. > >"Alright!" Yui exclaimed. "I can't wait! It's been 2 years since the last >time he came by to visit. I wonder if he's interested in seeing me practice? >He'll be so amazed to see my new abilities!" > >"Abilities? What new abilities?" Aeka asked Yui, bemused. RYOKO: Are you making fun of my daughter, bitch?! AEKA: Ryoko, I think he said *bemused* as in confused or bewildered, not *amused,* or something like that. RYOKO: Oh...shorry. AEKA: Wow, touchy when drunk, aren't we? > >"You mean Dad didn't tell you?" Yui said to Aeka, giving Tenchi a curious >look. Aeka nodded no. REI: Just how the hell do you nod your head "no?" HARRY: I don't think it's atomic...anomic...catanamoic...physhically possible. > >"Well, I was thinking that it would be better if you told your aunt first." >Tenchi said to Yui. > >"Oh," Yui said, understanding what her father meant. She looked over to Aeka >and the group around the table, outstretching her hand in a showy way. "Well, >here it is!" SHINJI: It'sh dad on a plate of Shashimi! RYOKO: Shinji, uh...Newjersey declared that joke officially old a long time ago. SHINJI: Eh, the lancsh of Longinuss is older than that joke and we still use that from time to time... RYOKO: Doesn't matter...*hic* I need another beer... RIIYA: Who gives a shit! It's funny! BWAHAHAHAHA! >She formed a blue energy ball on her hands, then turned it into >an energy sword. > REI: ...which promptly skewered Yosho through the forehead. HARRY: Oops...sorry, great-grandpa. *hic* >"Oh my! You can form your own energy sword!" Aeka said with amazement. "That's >really interesting... like mother, like daughter." > >"You really think so?" asked Yui. > >Aeka nodded. > >"Well, why not? I guess I really am turning out like mother!" Yui said >happily. AEKA: I'm gonna be a pirate slut just like her! RYOKO: What'd you say?! AEKA: Slipped out. Sorry. > >"Maybe you can ask Shoji to practice with you," suggested Aeka. > >"Gee, you think he'll be willing enough to volunteer?" Yui asked with a glint >in her eye. > >"I'm sure he's willing, Yui," replied Aeka with a smile. "After all, Shoji >used to serve RYOKO: ...burgers at a local Denny's. AEKA: What?! RYOKO: We're square for the "pirate slut" crack. SHINJI: Rei, pash me another beer, will ya? REI: Hai. You shouldn't drink so much. SHINJI: Fuck you, Rei, thish ish for shience! I'm helpin' Ritshuko test the Heineken Unshertainty Prinshiple! REI: *hic* that's *Heisenberg* Uncertainty Principle. SHINJI: No, it's *Heineken!* "Pash me another, it'll be different!" >as a Juraian Royal Knight." > >"I'll ask him as soon as he arrives," Yui said, proceeding to eat up her rice >bowl. > RIIYA: *hic* Damn! She really goes through that porcelain, doesn't she? >Washu walked out of her lab, tightly closing the door for the last time, and >sat down next to Sasami. The blue-haired goddess looked to Washu and smiled. > >"Changed your mind?" Sasami asked. > >"Yep," Washu said, picking up her bowl of rice and tearing into it. "I >realized that I haven't eaten a thing in 2 weeks!" HARRY: Two weeks?! Damn, even Hermione wouldn't go without food for two weeks! Can't she use her laptop and program some take-out into the lab or something? > >"You have got to be kidding!" Yui said with concern. "What have you been doing >in that lab??" > >"Yes, Washu. Please tell us," Tenchi continued. "What have you been doing >in there for the past 13 years?" SHINJI: Playing EverQuest. RYOKO: Plotting ways to get a sample out of Tenchi. RIIYA: Plotting how to take over the damn world! REI: Making an erotic torture chamber. Ryoko charges up an energy bolt, fires, misses, and hits Harry. HARRY: Oww... RYOKO: Whoops! Heh heh heh... Ryoko charges and fires again, this time hitting Rei. REI: Miya-ouch. *hic* > >"Let me finish eating, will ya!" Washu barked out between bites . "I'll tell >all of you as soon as I stop starving!" RIIYA: Washu's a fuckin' anorexic?! Ye gads, get some food in her!!! HARRY: Shuch language...do you always get like this when you're *hic* drunk? RIIYA: Lay the hell off, Pothead, I've only been drunk twice! HARRY: Twice?! RIIYA: Episode 6 of Chacha, and right now. > >"Does this mean that we'll be finally be able to go in to your lab?" Yui asked >Washu, trepidation and excitement mixed in her voice. > >Washu nodded yes, continuing to demolish her rice bowl. She was quiet and had >a slight looked of concern on her face. AEKA: I think I spilled a vial of plutonium...maybe I should tell them to wear closed-toed shoes in the lab instead of sandals. > >"Oh, wow! This is going to be interesting!" exclaimed Yui. "I've never stepped >into your lab before!" Yui smiled, her anticipation growing. "I wonder what's >inside it?" > >Tenchi observed his daughter's growing anticipation. Yui's desire to enter >Washu's lab brought back memories of himself exploring Ryoko's cave RIIYA: Boy, did he ever! BWAHAHAHAHA! RYOKO: Well, that's how Yui was concieved... >when he >was younger. Like her father, Yui was forbidden from stepping inside the lab; RYOKO: That's a firsht. I thought mom had more trouble trying to get him INTO the lab. >like her father, she was curious. > >*Like father, like daughter,* Tenchi thought to himself, sipping his tea. > >While Yui continued to grow excited, Riiya and Shinji start snickering. RYOKO: I'm gonna blast the two of you as soon as I figure out which two out of the eight I'm seeing you really are... AEKA: Allow me. RYOKO: Thanksh...hey, how come your shtill shober? Oh right...you *can* put that shtuff away. >Sasami and Ryo-ohki observed her with >great concern. > >Half an hour later, after Washu had finished eating, everybody gathered in >front of the once-closet door. Washu opened the door carefully, allowing the >group to walk in. Being her first time in here, Yui was amazed to see the >huge open spaces of Washu's lab. *How can something so big possibly fit in a >space so small?* RYOKO: That's a shecret between me and Tenchi. REI: In that cashe, shouldn't it be, how could something so shmall fit in a shpace so... Ryoko fires off a barrage of energy bolts. When the smoke clears, there are a bunch of blast marks around where Rei was sitting. Rei appears unscathed. REI: Eep. *hic* >Yui wandered off to explore the lab, Aeka close in tow. > >"It's so amazing! What do you think of it, Aunt Aeka?" > >"It's amazing, although it's not the first time I've been in here." > >"That's right!" Yui said in realization. "I was so excited to be here that I >almost forgot that you used to come here before I was even born!" HARRY: Yep, I couldn't get the sample from Tenchi, so I tried Aeka. Aeka punches Harry across the jaw. HARRY: oooh...pretty snitches... >Yui looked >at >a huge tank to her side; a giant alien whale swam inside it. Aeka looked over >across the room to sees Tenchi walking towards a black cylinder. > >To Tenchi, the lab still looked the same 13 years after he'd last set foot in >it. The lab still had its aquariums, its creatures, and its RIIYA: ...requisite tentacle-demon-like-machine. SHINJI, HARRY, RYOKO: KYYYYAAAAAAHHH!!! KANASHII NO IMI! REI: Miya? RYOKO: Another beer...I need another beer... AEKA: What? HARRY: Kanashii no Imi was the firsht fic we ever did. It featured a "requisite tentacle-demon-like-machine." I need another beer too...oh boy...more alcohol... SHINJI: I mustn't stay sober...I mustn't stay sober...I mustn't stay sober... >glass tubes; there >was really only one difference: a black glass cylinder in the center of the >lab. AEKA: Makes a great convershation piece, doesn't it? Ryoko looks at Aeka, finally seeing that the alcohol has started to affect her. Then she looks at the cooler. RYOKO: Hey, how many of those have you had? AEKA: I dunno...I lost count at about number twelve. *hic* WASHU: Ah, no problem, I can resupply you. A few keystrokes on Washu's holotop, and the cooler is refilled with beer, carrots, and ice to keep both cool. >It had several computers and monitoring systems attached to it, the contents >hidden due to the glass being black, obscuring its contents. He didn't >remember it, and was compelled to get closer to it for some reason he couldn't >explain. As he strained to get a glimpse at its contents, Washu and Sasami >walked up behind him. RIIYA: Now, Sasami! Grab him! That sample will be *mine!* > >"Washu, what's in this cylinder? A new invention?" asked Tenchi. > LINA: Sore wa himitsu desu. >"Not exactly," said Washu. She pushed a sequence of buttons on the cylinder's >control board. > >Yui was still looking at the alien whale, baffled to see something so huge >kept inside a small tank yet remain so happy. RYOKO: Well Tenchi'sh shorts are kinda small yet... AEKA: DON'T finish that thought, Ryoko! *hic* >Aeka was still by Yui's side; >however, the Juraian empress was monitoring the activity across the room. *I >wonder why they're all gathered around that black tube?* ALL: o/~ Dun...dun...*dun*....dadun.....bom bom bom bom bom bom bom... o/~ >Sensing the need to be there, she >tugged at Yui's arm. SHINJI: ...and ripped it clean off! REI: Miya. Eh, I'll just regenerate it later. AEKA: Wow...I'm really quite a disarming character! Ryoko, drunk enough to laugh at this pun, does so and tips backwards off her seat, hitting the floor behind her with a thud. HARRY: Ryoko? You okay? RYOKO: Ah...spilled m'beer... > >"What is it, Aunt Aeka?" Yui asked, turning to face her. > >"Let's go over there; we need to see why they're all gathered around that >tube." > >"Alright," Yui said. They began walking towards the black cylinder where >Tenchi, Washu, Sasami, and Ryo-ohki were standing. REI: Miya. Hey, check it out, we're all evolving! GENDO: Fuyutski. Maybe we've been going at this artificial evolution thing all wrong. > >Washu was entering some more commands into the control panel when she noticed >that Yui and Aeka were coming to the scene. She stopped and turned to Tenchi. > >"Tenchi, what I'm about to show you is very important. I'm only expecting 2 >types of reactions from you. Positive... or negative." > REI: We think we might be able to use you to jumpstart Noboyuki's car. AEKA: Tell me whether you think this tube is half full or half empty. RIIYA: You may or may not be pregnant. RYOKO: I really don't want to know... >"What? What is it, Washu?" Tenchi asked, now really wanting to know what was >within. > >Washu pushed a button; the black glass on the tube became transparent. > >Everybody except Sasami and Ryo-ohki gasped. > >A familiar woman floated in the tube, SHINJI: It's Rei! *hic* Hi, Rei! Shinji waves at the screen, upsets his own balance, and falls over onto Ryoko's lap. SHINJI: Sorry gramma... RYOKO: S'alright. >wearing a blue spandex suit in equally >blue water; she was in suspended animation, not twitching in the slightest. AEKA: That usually happens in shtasis... > >"M-mother?" Yui's shock was the greatest; never in her life had she ever >expected to see her mother Ryoko again! She stepped up to the glass tube, >placing her hand on the glass; that action released a flood RIIYA: Oh boy...water metaphors...excess of beer...I gotta piss... SHINJI: Just go in the plug suit. *hic* RIIYA: Wha?! SHINJI: The plug shuit. HARRY: Shinji, you're not wearing a nappy under there, are you? SHINJI: Harry, the suit has a waste elimination system and micro-recycler for prolonged sorties. You think NERV wouldn't think about something like that? >of buried memories >to her consciousness unbidden. As tears began to well up in her eyes, she >could say nothing as she simply stared at her mother. Sasami, feeling the need >to act, walked up to Yui and put her hand on the youth's shoulder. > >*Tenchi and I were at Ryoko's grave today... If Ryoko's here... then who's in >the grave?* thought Aeka. She hesitantly looked over to Tenchi. RYOKO: Jimmy Hoffa. AEKA: Disco. > >Tenchi just stared at Ryoko, having no idea how to react. Could he be >overjoyed that he was looking upon his wife's beautiful visage once more... AEKA: BUCKET! RIIYA: DAMN, Aeka, that wasn't even going anywhere! Aeka runs over to the row of consoles, leans over the edge to the vertical drop to the floor below, and vomits. HARRY: Well, thatsh convenient...*hic* >and still be upset with Washu? > >"Is this the real Ryoko?" he asked after an uneasy pause. "...Or is she a >clone?" > >"She's the real Ryoko; the genuine article," answered Washu as neutrally as >she could. REI: Did you think I'd give you a Radio Shack knockoff? HARRY: That's kind of a reach, Rei. REI: Miya. *hic* > >Tenchi's voice turned serious. "Washu... how long have you had Ryoko here?" > >"Since the day she died." > >Those words caused Tenchi's temper to break. "You mean to tell me that you've >been working on her for the past 13 years, and didn't bother to tell me or >anybody else! Not to mention the fact that we performed a sacred funeral for >her and her body wasn't even present!" RYOKO: I HATE it when that happens! I work all this time for a funeral and the deceased doesn't even bother to show up! > >Hearing her father's yelling, Yui took her attention from the glass tube's >contents and looked to her father and Washu, listening to her father's words. >This was the boldest thing Washu'd ever done that Yui was aware of; she now >needed to hear a good reason from the scientist to justify her actions. Why >all the secrecy, SHINJI: Blame dad. REI: Blame Xelloss. HARRY: o/~ Blame Canada! Blame Canada! o/~ >and why was her mother here now? Those two questions took >up all of Yui's mind as she listened. > >"Let me explain myself to you clearly, Tenchi; it won't do either of us any >good if you scold me further," interrupted Washu. > >"Fine... go ahead. This had better be good." Tenchi was visibly strained in >his effort to keep himself calm. > >Washu's voice was assuring yet stern. "I always have my reasons, Tenchi. AEKA: The most obvious being that I'm the most genius scientist in the universe! > I >rarely make my decisions out of pure emotion. ...The very moment that Ryoko >died, I had to switch her body with a double and instantaneously place her >here in the this unit." > >"Why?" > >"Because of the residual energy that was left by Onimaru's sword. If she was >ever buried here on Earth, without my intervention, there could've been a >worldwide catastrophe." SHINJI: Aw, not another Impact! >Washu's expression turned intensely grim for a moment. >"The dark matter radiation left on Ryoko's wounds was concentrated enough to >burst into massive fallout." > >"Then why wasn't I affected by this radiation? I was the closest person to >her. In fact, she was in my arms!" Tenchi retorted, his anger bubbling for a >moment. RYOKO: Then it dropped to a gentle shimmer with shtirring. Washu added parshley and sherved on fresh pashta. Tenchi's anger. Sherves four. > >"Because at that time, she was still alive." > >"You mean she was turned into a time bomb?" he asked. SHINJI: Tenchi, where have you been? Women are time bombsh once a month! > >"In a manner of speaking, yes, she was. Ryoko was used by Onimaru as her >last-ditch effort to inflict some kind of damage to this universe. REI: ...in the event that Tenshi ni Narumon failed... >If she'd died >before I'd done something... every biological organism on this planet would be >dead right now." HARRY: Damn, check it out! Earth Girl Ryoko! > >"OK, OK, we get what you're saying!" Yui interjected, deciding to resolve one >of her questions. "Then why the big secret? Why did it take you so long to >finally tell this to us?" RYOKO: This is Washu...she doesh'nt do short explanations...*hic* > >" 'Why the big secret'? Allow me to explain. I wanted absolutely no risks at >all that would hinder Ryoko's regeneration. The moment I teleported Ryoko >into this unit, her body exploded." The MSTers blink. RIIYA: Daaaaaamn...she went out with a bang, didn't sh... RYOKO: That was the worsht pun I've heard! REI: Miya. *hic* > >"E-exploded?" Yui shivered, not liking the mental picture of that description. RYOKO: I don't like it either! SHINJI: I mustn't say sober......I mustn't stay sober...... > >"I'm sorry to frighten you, Yui. I'm laying down the facts to you straight." > >"It's alright, Washu." Yui said, clearing her mind. "I understand; I should've >expected an answer like that sooner. Please continue." > >"When Ryoko's body exploded, it was reduced to atomic particles," continued >Washu without a break. "I could've regenerated her body within 2 weeks, REI: But then Everquest came out with a new expansion so I just *had* to try it. >if not >for the problem of the dark matter radiation. So for the past 13 years, I had >to tediously examine and pick off any radioactive particles attached to >Ryoko's bio-atomic matter. RIIYA: Dark matter? Hell, Washu's uninstalling Windows from Ryoko! >It required a lot of patience and a *lot* of peace and >quiet." > >"But Washu, why weren't we allowed into the lab?" said Yui, satisfied that her >first question had been answered. > >"This unit's parts are so delicate that even a few decibels of sound waves can >cause it to malfunction. AEKA: And then I'd have to start all over again by sacrificing Sasami to Cthulhu and it's such a pain to clean all that up. Oh don't worry, Tsunami keeps bringing her back. SHINJI: The "Kenny Effect," ladiesh and gentlemen. *hic* >I'm the only one here with enough physical discipline >to slow my heart and breathing rate to the lowest possible working conditions. RYOKO: Oh, that's fair, mom, and Yosho, the disciplined Shinto priest, can't? >That is why I had to lock everybody out of the lab and why I've kept silent >for the last 13 years. If I told anyone, you probably would have tried to get >into HARRY: ...my pants... Ryoko runs to the railing and pukes again. >the lab... and potentially cause the unit to malfunction, which would have..." >Washu paused. "...lost Ryoko at an atomic level. > >"Only 2 weeks ago, the machine was able to expel the last of the dark matter >radiation from Ryoko's atoms. It was at that time that I began the >regenerative process. Now that she's almost fully put together again, I deemed >it safe for you all to step inside." AEKA: Hmmm...but the machine's components are sound-sensitive...and she's not completely regenerated yet...that would mean...oh dear. > >"What is Ryoko's status right now?" Tenchi asked, calm and collected now that >he had heard Washu's response. > >"She's 97% fully restored." > >"What happens after she's fully restored?" REI: You know, I really haven't thought that far ahead...I don't know, wanna find out? > >"W-ell, even though she will be restored, she isn't quite FULLY restored yet." > >"What do you mean?" Yui asked. RIIYA: It means that I don't have the slightest fucking idea what the hell I'm doing!!! > >As Yui and Washu spoke, Tenchi took a quiet step backwards, attempting to >remain unnoticed. RYOKO: Tenchi, your wife diesh and you *hic* lose your shpine? > >"She will be completely restored in every way except one: her memory." > >"She's going to forget who we are?" Aeka said in surprise. > >"Yes, but don't worry," Sasami assured the group. "Washu and I are thinking of >a solution. We'll start on her as soon as her regeneration is complete." REI: Miya *hic* heh heh heh...nudge nudge...wink wink... > >Washu stepped in front of Yui, placing her hands on her granddaughter's >shoulders and looking at her with sincerity. "We'll all be reunited with your >mother soon, Yui. We can forget the past 13 years now." > >Yui looked away from Washu's eyes, not knowing how to react. Things were >happening too quickly right now... a few minutes ago, her mother was dead; now >she was here in the lab, floating in stasis. > >Suddenly, the women heard the lab door slam shut behind them. They all knew >the same thing: Tenchi had deliberately left them. AEKA AND RYOKO: TENCHI YOU INSHENSHITIVE BASHTARD!!! *hic* LEAVING ME LIKE SOME CHEAP... HARRY: ACCIO BEER! The as-yet-unopened beer can flies right out of Riiya's hands, bouncing off of Aeka's head, knocking her unconcious. Harry, being drunk, is unable to control the spell, and the beer can goes sailing over his head and cold-cocks Ryoko. REI: Thanks, I think...*hic* HARRY: I just wanted a beer... > >"I'll go talk to him," Aeka volunteered, stepping towards the door. Yui >quickly tugged at Aeka's sleeve, motioning her to stop. > >"Wait, let me talk to him. It'll be better if I go and speak to him myself." > >"I understand, Yui," Aeka said, stepping aside. "Only you and your father >could truly RIIYA: ...prevent forest fires. >discuss this matter." > >"Thank you, Aunt Aeka!" Yui hugged her aunt, then ran out of the lab. > >Sasami watched Yui fly out of the lab; Washu signaled for Ryo-ohki to quietly >follow suit. The humanoid nodded, turning into a cabbit RIIYA: FOOD! REI: Miya-ouch. RIIYA: Your leg tastes terrible. REI: Then why did you bite me?! WASHU: He didn't break the suit, did he? I'd hate to have to filter out lycanthropy in addition to other restorations... REI: No, it just HURTS! >in a poof before >departing the lab. Aeka stepped to Washu's side in silence, not knowing how to >react to this sudden turn of events. > >"Why are you sending Ryo-ohki after them?" she asked. > >"I'm sending her because I'm very concerned for Tenchi. He was angry that one >minute, then all of a sudden he was very quiet the next." HARRY: Unless I'm mistaken, the next step is the homicidal rage. RYOKO: Unghhh...what happened? HARRY: Welcome back. > >"What did you expect, Washu?" said Sasami in a uncharacteristically accusatory >tone. "After all, you did keep his wife a secret for the past 13 years, >betraying him to believe that Ryoko was RIIYA: ...a lesbian... RYOKO: Is the Cav and Dav "the Shwitch" experiment going to haunt me for the resht of my life? Shinji jumps from his seat and throws a punch to Riiya. Riiya shifts to wolf and the two engage in a drunken brawl. SHINJI: LAY OFF MY GRAMMA! RIIYA: YOU SON OF A BITCH, DON'T HIT ME! >dead-" > >"I know that, Sasami!" Washu barked in frustration. "I didn't do this on a >whim, you know... you thought that I would do this without consideration for >Tenchi's feelings? REI: They're important variables to consider in my psychological experiment! >I'm not that cold-hearted! AEKA: I'm just insane! HARRY: Well I'll be damned, you're back too. Shinji and Riiya continue to brawl. RYOKO: Aeka, would you? Aeka summons her shield units, which, in her drunken state, not only zap Shinji and Riiya, but herself as well into being stunned. >I was absolutely prepared to bring Ryoko >back but I wasn't prepared to know how Tenchi would react. I don't expect him >to forgive me right off the bat; but knowing Tenchi, I'm sure he'll find a way >to re-evaluate and adjust to this revelation... like he always does." REI: He usually simmers down after he runs out of places to hide bodies. > >Sasami was stern. "Let's just hope you're right, Washu, because if he >doesn't...the one person who you should worry about more is Yui." > >Washu didn't flinch at Sasami's words, though realizing that Yui would be even >more hurt if Tenchi didn't find a way to adjust to this sudden situation. RYOKO: *hic* What about ME?! Am I going to have to spend more years trying to get him to notice me again?! AEKA: Heh...maybe I get a chance now! SHINJI: Aren't you married to Davner? AEKA: Who? RYOKO: Oh *hic* right...you're OAV Aeka. >Right now, the only thing Washu could do was to watch the events unfold >through Ryo-ohki, and hope for the best... while preparing for the worst. > >*** REI: *hic* Inkjet's leaking again. > >Yui floated out of the lab, hovering around the house in search of her father >without success. Then as she doubled back through the hallway, she heard a >peculiar thumping sound coming from outside, near the lake. RIIYA: Oh no...tell me that's not what I think it is... SHINJI: Tenchi's shummoning the shandwormsh of Dune! >Yui flew out of a >nearby window and landed close to her father in stunned silence. > >Tenchi had pulled out a sledgehammer from the tool shed; with it, he was >destroying the monument representing the biggest lie of his life. REI: ...his spine. REST OF CAST: Uh...ow. >In the most >poignant thing Yui had ever seen him do, he was destroying and renewing his >perspective on life. With each jolting sensation of the hammer's impact to >its target, a piece of his soul burned away and resurrected itself at once. RYOKO: So what took Washu 13 years to do, Tenchi could do in sheconds? *hic?* > This >gut reaction was the only way he could purge away a lie that he was led to >believe for the past 13 years. > >THOOMP! THOOMP! THOOMP! was the sound after each time he swung, more rock >falling away. > >"Father, stop!" Yui cried out. It was painful to watch him do this, but her >sentiments were exactly like his. She was concerned for her father more than >the marker; he looked so angry yet so liberated with each swing. > >THOOMP! THOOMP! THOOMP! > >"Father, please stop!" Yui yelled out, tears welling up in her eyes. > >No response; he kept banging away at the marker. The cast, being intensely under the influence of alcohol, immediately realizes the hentai double entendre, runs to the railing, and vomits. > >THOOMP! THOOMP! THOOMP! > >Yui couldn't take it anymore; she ran over to Tenchi and held him, preventing >him from swinging any further. > >"Father! It's gone now! It's destroyed! There's no need to smash it any >further!" said Yui, crying on her father's shoulder and hugging him tight. > >"I'm sorry you had to see that, Yui. It was the only way I could free myself," >he said to her quietly. "I mean, the both of us... I'm sorry..." He silently >wept with Yui. Holding her tighter, both fell to their knees and >catharitically >let it all out. Tenchi dropped the sledgehammer, the implement of destruction >landing next to the shattered remnants of Ryoko's gravestone. A few yards AEKA: Hey! *hic* Metric System! >away >from the rubble, the bundle of yellow flowers that had been picked by Yui the >previous day laid in the sun unharmed. HARRY: They was plastic. RIIYA: > > >To be continued... > > >The Lonely Moon >(tragedy) > >I am lonely like the moon >You are faraway as the earth SHINJI: Aw crap, can we just skip this? Query> CAN WE JUST SKIP THIS? MAGI DELIBERATING.....DONE. MELCHIOR: AFFIRMATIVE. BALTHAZAR: YEAH, IT'S BORING THE CRAP OUT OF ME. CASPER: NEGATIVE. I LIKE IT. RESULT: 2-1 FOR SKIPPING ENDING THEME The fic fast-forwards. >End of Pt.1 Chapter 2 > AEKA: ...chapter 2, verse 15, let us pray. > >Author's notes: > >Phew! There you have it! Chapter 2! Hope you liked it! Send me your C&C and >tell me what you think! HARRY: I think I need another beer. > Stay tuned for chapter 3! It's currently underway. > >I would also like to give special thanks to my pre-readers, Navaash, Random >and Lord Talon. We went through many trials together (especially deciding the >ending!) but hey, we pulled it off! The fic ends. RYOKO: How dry I *hic* am...how dry I *hic* am... Lina and Asuka enter the central control area to find all of the MSTers drunk. Lina has an arm in a sling, a patch over one eye, and a cervical collar. Asuka is on crutches with one leg in a cast, her head and chest are both bandaged. LINA: What the hell... SHINJI: Asuka...you're looking reeeeeeeally good right now...*slap!* Asuka, vein throbbing on her forehead, has her hand extended the follow-through of a hard slap. ASUKA: Shinji, you drunken ecchi! I expected drunkenness of Misato...but you?! RITSUKO: Er...oh yes. I forgot to plan for this. LINA: You what? RITSUKO: Well, I used beer in lieu of LCL for this experiment. It did wonderfully as a substitute in terms of measurements, but...well... LINA: And you didn't anticipate that? How OOC is that?! AEKA: Causality SUCKS! HAHAHAHA!!! HARRY: *hic* What happened to you guys? LINA: Well no thanks to Ritsuko, I've got compressed vertebrae from that damned catapault, among other things! Remember how I was supposed to engage Eva-02 in battle? Well, I used the Ragna Blade. Asuka glares at Lina. LINA: The thing went right through the AT field, but after the trip up the catapault I was a little on edge... ASUKA: A little?! You nearly cut my Eva in half! You sliced it from the torso to the pelvic region! SHINJI: So...*hic* why are there so many broken bones? RITSUKO: Well, Asuka, being as territorial as she is, ejected the entry plug, and the two got into a bit of a fight. LINA: A *bit* of a fight?! Ritsuko, were you watching? Asuka was furious! RITSUKO: I'll admit, I've never seen anyone pick up the progressive knife without an Eva before. HARRY: *hic* the Sana-chan effect! RITSUKO: Oh, well, we've managed to get the Entry Theater put back together and even installed a few upgrades. I guess you'll need to be sobered up first. Lina, Rei will be going into the lab for restoration. You'll be taking your usual spot in the Entry Theater. LINA: Oh joy. But how am I supposed to MST in this condition? RITSUKO: Oh you won't be. By the way, Riiya, we can send you back home now. Newjersey will be recovered shortly. LINA: What do you mean, "will be recovered shortly?" Ritsuko digs out her PDA, and enters a few commands. Everything fades to black, and there is a quick music stinger, a la Final Fantasy VII: o/~ o/~ o/~ o/~ o/~ 0..... o/~ And the scenery fades up on the NERV briefing room. HP/MP RESTORED! BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL 0.0! MISATO: Ack! I'm sober! Around the table are, Gendo, Newjersey, Shinji, Lina, Ryoko, Aeka, Harry, Misato, and Ritsuko. NEWJERSEY: Well I feel much better. Good to see you back, Harry. Aeka, long time no see. AEKA: Dr. Silverwolf? Oh. I...er...borrowed this... NEWJERSEY: And you even signed it again? and waterproofed it! GENDO: If you're done...we still have one more piece of this fic to do. LINA: And I guess we're the lucky ones, aren't we? NEWJERSEY: Must be. We always use a gender-balanced party of six. The cast files into the theater. The seating order is, from left to right, Aeka, Newjersey, Ryoko, Shinji, Lina, and Harry. RITSUKO: Filling the Entry Theatre. Power supply connected. Commencing activation system. Initiating first stage connections. Voltage climbing to border-line. Initiating second stage connections. Theatre has activated. MISATO: Maya, are you sure you have your finger on the right button this time? MAYA: Positive. MISATO: LAUNCH! >Tenchi Muyo: Ryoko's Love... >Prologue Chapter 3: Ryoko Returns Part 1 LINA: Version 4.0. >By Long T. Tran >Revised By Navaash > > >Disclaimer: > >I don't own these characters, AIC/Pioneer owns them. I don't intend to make >money off this because I don't want to get a lawsuit. I'm too poor for that. >But this is my story, so don't plagiarize! > >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RYOKO: ACK! NEWJERSEY: Ryoko, relax, it's not Tank Cop's work. AEKA: MASAKI RESIDENCE > >April 25, 2018, ~12:00 PM LINA: We've already done the X-files riff. > >Tenchi lifted his daughter Yui up from her knees with him, drained HARRY: ...her body of blood... NEWJERSEY: Vampires suck. LINA: FIREBALL! Maybe I didn't tell you...I MAKE THE PUNS AROUND HERE! >from the >destruction of his wife's false gravestone and its aftermath. RYOKO: ...this fic. WOOHOO! I'm NOT DEAD! AEKA: good for you. > >"Father... I'll be in my room." > SHINJI: Hentai remark...too much of a reach. >Tenchi nodded, watching Yui until she was out of his sight. He then walked a >few steps to the rubble, and began to throw the marker into the lake, hurling NEWJERSEY: Talk about a weak stomach. He throws a fragment of a gravestone and vomits. >as much stone and concrete as he could hold into the crystal-clear depths. >With each toss, he slowly completed the process of coming to grips with >everything that had happened in the past few hours. RYOKO: What? I'm not dead! I'm married to Tenchi! What's there to come to grips with? > >As more and more rocks submerged into the crystal-clear waters, Washu >approached Tenchi from behind. > LINA: ...and stabbed him right through the back with an energy dagger, sending him to be with his wife. AEKA: That...was a little dark, wasn't it? >"I'm sorry you had to do that to Ryoko's grave." > >"Correction, Washu. WAS Ryoko's grave," Tenchi said sternly to Washu; the red- >haired scientist didn't flinch. "Who's buried beneath here?" > >"Just a celluloid mannequin," Washu replied. HARRY: You mean all this time I've been screwing a... Ryoko blasts Harry. >"Look, I'm not here to be scolded >again. I've come here to apologize for my actions. I didn't realize I offended >you and your daughter as deeply as I did." > >"Don't worry about apologizing, Washu. You already apologized in the lab; >giving me a straightforward explanation about why you kept Ryoko's existence a >secret was good enough for me." LINA: Was there some big Ryoko cover-up? SHINJI: That's a new one. A cover-up of aliens by other aliens. It sounds feasible but it's the first time I've heard of it as a conspiracy. > >"What do you mean, Tenchi?" Washu was puzzled, a rarity for her. NEWJERSEY: So Washu being puzzled is a rarity. Washu is thus in character...why are we MSTing this fic, again? > >"What I did to Ryoko's grave was just my way of alleviating my anger towards >you. There's no reason to be sorry now." Not looking at Washu, he channeled >all his negative energy into the last remaining rocks in his hands. With a >silent >roar, he threw the rocks into the water with all his might. "It's all behind >us now. HARRY: So Tenchi's been throwing rocks over his shoulder the whole time? AEKA: Harry, think figuratively, not literally. >It's in the past... time to move on." Tenchi turned to face Washu as the >last of the rocks impacted on the water's surface. RYOKO: Wow. I don't remember the pond scum being THAT thick before... > >"I see," Washu said, admiring Tenchi's uncanny ability of being able to adjust >his perspective on life at a moment's notice. "I would still like to apologize >to you properly." She knelt down in a traditional manner, NEWJERSEY: Totally naked, legs spread apart... RYOKO: SIT! NEWJERSEY: NO! I'm not some domesticated dog! RYOKO: Oh right...we don't have Inu-Yasha around. NEWJERSEY: Oh Ryoko, you'll pay for that... > placing her hands on >the ground and her head on her hands. "Gomen nasai." > >"If it makes things easier, I accept your apology," Tenchi said, still >maintaining a serious tone. "Now please apologize to Yui." > >"I will. Don't you worry about it," Washu said, standing back up and starting >to make her way back to the house. "By the way, I'm gonna start on restoring >Ryoko's memory tonight." LINA: Washu's installing more RAM. > >"You are?" Tenchi asked, his negative funk SHINJI: o/~ Play that funky music, white boy... o/~ >lifting with that remark. "What can >I do to help?" HARRY: Just bring the bean dip and the beer. > >"Just bring yourself and Ryoko's gems to the lab tonight at midnight. You're >going to be playing a very crucial role in bringing her back." > >"Alright, tonight at midnight," repeated Tenchi, confirming Washu's >directions. "I'll see you then." Tenchi walked off to the shrine, ready to >perform his daily duties with Yosho. NEWJERSEY: Heh...daily duties, never heard them called *that* before... RYOKO: You never give up, do you? > >Washu stopped to watch Tenchi walk away, then continued to the Masaki >residence, heading straight for Yui's room. Hoping that Yui would be as >understanding as her father, she stepped up to the door, took a deep breath, AEKA: ...and huffed, and puffed, and blew the door down. NEWJERSEY: If you didn't sign my whip, I'd disembowel you for that remark. >and knocked. > >"Yui? Are you there?" SHINJI: Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chi... RYOKO: THAT'S MY GRANDSON, FURBALL! > >"Grandmother Washu?" asked Yui with a hint of anger and confusion. > >"Yes, it's me. May I come in?" > >"Sure. Come in," Yui said through the door. Washu opened it and entered; she >found her granddaughter lying on her bed, RYOKO: Any more hentai remarks? NEWJERSEY: I've exhausted them for a while. >listening to music through her >headphones. It was apparent to Washu that Yui was lost in her own thoughts. > >"What are you listening to?" Washu asked, trying to improve Yui's state of >mind. > >"'The Joshua Tree' by U2; it's an old American album. I find that this >music...is in sync HARRY: No, U2 is NOT N'Sync! N'Sync is beneath the level of the crud on the soles of my shoes! AEKA: Wow...a little vicious, aren't we? >with my emotions right now." Yui stopped the CD player and took off >her headphones. "So what brings you here?" > >"I wanted to talk to you about your mother," Washu replied without missing a >beat. LINA: Wow, she jumps right into Freudian psychology, doesn't she? >"Your mother... means everything to me. I love her very much... NEWJERSEY: Oh that just sooooo sets her up for an incestuous double entendre. >so much >that I had to cheat her own death. I knew that I would pay a terrible price >in the long run... in order to insure your mother's safe return, I had to lie >to you and to your father. I regret having to put you and your father through >that for the past 13 years..." Washu repeated the same motions she had used >with Tenchi. "Gome-" HARRY: ...but that was as far as Washu got before Yui formed her energy blade and beheaded her. RYOKO: Harry, what is with you?! HARRY: Sorry...I think this place is just affecting me. SHINJI: You know, I wish my dad would apologize to me for all the shit he put me through my whole life. > >"It's alright... I understand," Yui interrupted. "You did what you had to do >and you did it because your motherly instincts told you to." > >"Indeed," Washu said, relief starting to relax her as she stood. "Would you >like to come down to the lab with me to visit your mother?" > >The room suddenly became silent. > >"No, I'd like to stay up here for now. I appreciate the fact that you asked >me...but right now I need to be alone." NEWJERSEY: Nudge nudge, wink wink... > >"Alright. I'll be in the lab tending to your mother when you're ready. But are >you really sure you don't want to come down to the lab with me?" > >Yui considered Washu's offer for a moment, but nodded no in refusal. SHINJI: Okay...how the HELL do you nod "no?" That's gotta be anatomically impossible! That's the second time that's happened! RYOKO: You say that so much better when you're sober. SHINJI: Thanks, grandma. > >"I understand, Yui," Washu said with disappointment She began to make her way >out of the room. "By the way, your mother will be ready to see you first thing >tomorrow morning... but the door to the lab will always be open if you choose >to see her beforehand." > >"OK. Maybe I'll see you... maybe not. But I'll be there at midnight." Yui laid >herself back down on her bed, donning her headphones once more. > >Washu looked at Yui; with a smile, she continued out the door. > >As soon as the door closed, Yui gave out a small tired sigh and switched her HARRY: ...gender... RYOKO: Can we not involve Jusenkyo curses? >music back on. Underneath the spell of the soothing, soul-searching music, Yui >closed her eyes, considering all the possibilities that her mother's >resurrection could bring. AEKA: Well, if the words are "Till death do us part," Tenchi should be available again! NEWJERSEY: Uh...Aeka, I read the briefing, it shouldn't matter anyway. In this fic, you're married. > >*Don't think of it any more,* she thought to herself after a minute. *Just go >with the flow for now.* > >*** NEWJERSEY: Leaky fountain pen. Gotta fix that. > >As the clock ticked closer to midnight, Yui was sprawled out on her bed in >pitch darkness, listening to U2 and gazing up intently at the twinkling stars >through the skylight window. Ryo-ohki, who had wandered into the room after >Washu had departed, slept snugly in cabbit form on Yui's stomach, the teenager >gently petting her soft brown fur. Still lost in her thoughts, Yui didn't know >what to think: should she be happy? sad? betrayed? or something else? LINA: She could be hungry... AEKA: She could be stoned... SHINJI: She could be EVA-01... > >Several minutes later, Yui looked at her wall clock. Midnight. > HARRY: If I remember the horror movie motif, midnight's when all the bad stuff happens. >*Hmm... already Sunday. Time has passed by quickly today,* she thought to >herself. *This weekend has been one long roller-coaster ride; what else can >happen? NEWJERSEY: Well, there's Fifth Impact, Mihoshi could crash her ship into the lake again, Kain or Kagato could come back... > Dad was so fumed over Washu keeping mother a secret. However... we're >going to be reunited with mom and that's the only thing that really matters. >I wonder how Washu is going to bring mother back without losing any of >mother's memories?* SHINJI: She's probably got them backed up on Zip cartridges. LINA: Zip cartridges. Those things hold everything. RYOKO: Just make sure she uses the right ones, I don't want her MP3 collection running around my head for the rest of my life. > >The loud knocking on Yui's bedroom door somehow cut through the music in her >ears. The door slid open before she could motion otherwise, the light from the >hallway stinging her eyes. The silhouette of her father stood in the doorway; >despite the fuzzy brightness, she could see he was holding something in his >right hand. AEKA: Eww, dad, keep it in your pants, okay? Ryoko blasts Aeka. >Instinctively, she turned off the CD player. > >"Father? What is it?" asked Yui, rubbing her eyes in a semi-futile attempt to >clear her vision. > >"Yui, how are you feeling? Are you OK?" Tenchi asked, concerned. > >"I'm feeling better... how 'bout you?" Yui asked in return. > >"No different from you," he replied. "I've come to show you something. Is it >alright if I come in?" > >"Sure, come right on in," said Yui, HARRY: Just clean up when you're done. >sitting up and trying not to awaken Ryo- >ohki. Yui wanted to talk to her father about the reaction he displayed towards >the gravestone this afternoon; she carefully moved Ryo-ohki onto her lap to >allow her father to sit down next to her. > >She looked down at what he was grasping; ALL THE GUYS: >it was Tenchi-ken, the master key. NEWJERSEY: A hose by any other name... RYOKO: Do you ever learn? >It >looked no different from the last tie SHINJI: o/~ Isn't it awfully nice to have a Tenchi-ken...isn't it frightfully good to have a key... o/~ RYOKO: You are all being a bad influence on my grandson! > she had seen it... except, to her sur- >prise, the gems radiated with a soft glow. RYOKO: Wow...see, Aeka? They do that for me! AEKA: Tenchi! Why won't your gems glow for me? NEWJERSEY: Welcome to the Hentai Comment club. Ryoko blasts Newjersey repeatedly. NEWJERSEY: owwwww... > >"...They're glowing," she whispered. > >"Yes, Yui. This means that your mother's body is almost completely >regenerated," said Tenchi. As he held up the sword, the gems were starting to >glow even more brilliantly. RYOKO: Hey...hey, TENCHI! Save that for ME, okay?! That's our daughter!!! NEWJERSEY: Now who's making Hentai comments? RYOKO: Touche. >"These gems are linked to your mother; they will >play a crucial role in restoring her memories." > >Tenchi then put the master key into his pocket. Yui began to think back to >the events that occurred the previous day. AEKA: She flashed back to five minutes ago. Wow. >She looked over at her father; his face >was calm and reserved, a striking contrast to the distilled HARRY: ...moonshine... >rage she had seen >at the lake. When he had demolished the gravestone and the falsehood that went >with it, despite stopping him in the end she completely agreed with his >actions. After all, how else could one rid oneself of a 13 year-old lie? SHINJI: Answer: you can't. Just deal with it and pilot your Eva. RYOKO: When you've got lies, you've gotta have Tide. >At >least right now, she saw that her father was in his usual calm mood. LINA: Tenchi? CALM?! HAHAHAHAHA... > >"Father, about mother's gravestone..." Yui said, struggling to find the right >way to express her thoughts. > >"I know. What I did to your mother's gravestone was uncalled for..." > >"Actually, dad," she interrupted, "I wasn't going to shun you for destroying >mother's grave." > HARRY: I was going to demand that you commit seppoku instead. >Tenchi was baffled. "You weren't?" > >Yui nodded RYOKO: Please tell me she's not nodding "no..." > to her father in affirmation. CAST: Whew. >"I would've done the same thing that >you did. By destroying it, you destroyed the lie. Now we don't have to think >about it anymore. Really, I'm glad you did what you did... you had to." > >"I'm sorry you had to see NEWJERSEY: ...my Tenchi-ken... Aeka zaps Newjersey with the shield units...forgetting of course, the conductive properties of LCL. The jolt zaps everyone in the Entry Theater. A few minutes pass while everyone recovers... AEKA: Ow...sorry about that. RYOKO: Okay...I think the beer we had might have messed you up a bit. OAV Aeka would not do something so dumb under normal circumstances. >that, Yui," Tenchi said with a sigh. "But you and I >have been given a chance to live our lives with your mother again." > >"We have..." Yui trailed off, thinking. > >"As I swung the sledgehammer at the marker, several thoughts went through my >mind," said Tenchi with a pause, organizing his thoughts. HARRY: For the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. AEKA: Harry, will you stop with the dark riffs?! It's scaring me. > "I wanted to do three >things: HARRY: Get laid, get stoned, get drunk. AEKA: Marry Aeka, get that racist Azusa to accept my royal claim, and succeed him to the throne of Jurai. LINA: Ryoko, Aeka, and Sasami. RYOKO: LINA!!! SHINJI: Stop making fun of my grandma! >find a way to forgive Washu for deceiving us all, purge from myself >the lie that told me for 13 years that I would never see Ryoko again, and rid >myself of all the anger and disbelief surrounding your mother's reappearance. >After I did all that, I had to find a glimmer of hope so that I could accept >the possibility of starting a new life with your mother. > >"Mmmm." Yui completely empathized with her father; she knew that she would >have had similar, if not identical, goals. *We're so alike...* NEWJERSEY: Wait...so Yui wants to start a new life with...oh hell, forget it. I can't find a decent double entendre with that. RYOKO: Smart move, furball. > >"As I started to hit the gravestone, in that first split second, I realized >that I was reliving the cycle of the phoenix. LINA: I used the sparks from the hammer impact to light myself on fire so I could be reborn from my own ashes. It kinda hurt. >With each strike of the hammer, >my old self, which believed that your mother was dead, burned away. LINA: Oh Cephied, I didn't mean for him to actually do it! >Afterwards, >I felt reborn, prepared to begin anew. HARRY: speaking of which, I should have Washu change my... NEWJERSEY: Don't even finish that thought unless you want another painful lesson in literal versus metaphorical interpretations. > >"One more thing. Remember the flowers you placed at the gravestone?" > >Yui nodded. > SHINJI: They gave me one helluva high, Yui! >"I moved them away; they were safely away from me, never hurt." > >"Hmm..." Thinking back to that afternoon, Yui clearly remembered that she had >not seen the flowers anywhere near the debris. "I remember. The flowers >weren't near the gravestone... by relocating them, you were RYOKO: ...disturbing the crime scene, weren't you? Just what were you hiding about mom's death? >forgetting about the past, >but looking towards the future... right?" AEKA: My...the author never hesitates to explain every point. > >"Yes, Yui. That's absolutely right," Tenchi said, smiling about his >daughter's natural intuition. "The part of me you once knew, the part of me >that loathed myself for not being able to RYOKO: I will kill the first person who makes a "Viagra" joke. >save your mother, the part of myself that was filled with NEWJERSEY: Caramel... HARRY: Marshmallow cream... AEKA: Candy... SHINJI: GRANDPA IS *NOT* A PI„ATA!!! >grief and sorrow... is now gone. We've been given another chance to live life >with your mother again, and that's all that matters." > >"I'm happy that we've been given another chance, but..." Yui said doubtfully. > >"But what, Yui?" Tenchi asked. > >"What are we going to do if mom doesn't recover all her memories?" > >The remarks hit home for Tenchi. What *would* happen if she didn't recover her >memories? It took a second for him to think, LINA: Tenchi's hard disk needing the time to spin up... >but the conclusion was painfully >obvious: it would be no different than letting her remain 'dead'. Then he >remembered the object in his pocket, RYOKO: Later...later...save it for Ryoko... >the look of concern on his face going >away. He wrapped his arm around Yui and hugged her. "Don't worry. Washu and >Sasami have already thought of the answer." > >"Really, father? What is it?" HARRY: Forty-two! NEWJERSEY: And now let us have a moment of silence for the late Douglas Adams... The MSTers bow their heads in a solemn gesture. > >"The answer is in these gems," he said assurringly, taking the Tenchi-ken out >of his pocket and holding it up. NEWJERSEY: Dad! I don't need to see that again! > "Washu told me that they have all her memories and past experiences stored in >here. No need to worry." AEKA: And thus another Tenchi episode is named. > >"Yeah... you're right. After all, Washu is the universe's greatest scientist >and Aunt Sasami is - well - a SHINJI: ...frequent target of lemon writers... >goddess," she said with affirmation, purging away >all of her doubts. Yui began to smile in the warmth of her father's hug; it >felt as if the night sky had wrapped itself around her. LINA: Pardon me for nitpicking...but doesn't it get cold at night? > >Tenchi looked down at his daughter, a goofy RYOKO: Don't go there! Disney Lawyers are everywhere! >grin developing on his face. "So, >now the student teaches the teacher! You are daddy's little Miracle Child!" >He began to ruffle his daughter's cyan hair; she pushed him away with anger, >just as embarrassed as she had been at dinner last night. HARRY: And seeing the "Tenchi-Ken" doesn't faze her? AEKA: Why is it that this place takes everyone with a Y chromosome and knocks them out of character, turning them into total hentais?! NEWJERSEY: Maybe there's a hentai constant. In the presence of excess hentai, adverse effects occour. In the absence of hentai, other hentai enters to fill the void. > >"DAAAAAAD! Stop messing up my hair! RYOKO: If it's anything like mine, nothing can mess it up. It could stop a bullet. Newjersey pulls his pistols and fires several shots into Ryoko's hair, which ricochet every which way. NEWJERSEY: Well I'll be damned. Ryoko, you're not kidding. RYOKO: Newjersey...WHY?! > And I hate it when you call me that!" > >"I'm sorry, Yui," Tenchi said, his grin turning into a soft smile. "I just >wanted to lift your spirits a little bit." > >"You're always the optimist, aren't you, dad?" Yui grunted. LINA: I always thought that was Sasami's job. Tenchi was just the powerful weenie. RYOKO: Mmmmm...in more ways than one... AEKA: How the hell would you know, Ryoko?! I mean you would in this fic, but what about *you?* RYOKO: Aeka, don't shatter my delusions! > >"Well, I try to be," Tenchi replied, trying to defuse his daughter's anger. >"I'm sorry again, Yui." With fatherly care, Tenchi gave Yui an even gentler >hug. The cyan-haired youth's anger subsided as she thought about the last >remark. > >"I'm sorry to have burst AEKA: ...all over the living room like that, Dad. Aunt Sasami slipped and I just exploded. SHINJI: Well, I'm sure we'll be able to clean the blood off the celing. >out on you like that, father," Yui said >apologetically. > >"It's alright, Yui." Tenchi comforted his daughter a little more. "I just want >you to get some sleep, rest, and recover after what you've been through >today." > >A few silent moments passed; Yui's tension began to subside. She finally felt >warm, relaxed, and secure, after this emotional roller-coaster of a day. NEWJERSEY: Well, there's the roller coaster metaphor again. Who's up for Magic Mountain? >She >closed her eyes, her mind slowly drifting into a relaxed state. > >Tenchi held Yui close until she began to snore. Once he felt her body relax, >he smiled, HARRY: Ah, chloroform. Always handy for getting kids to sleep. > carefully tucking Yui into her bed. As Tenchi moved his sleeping >daughter around, Ryo-ohki woke up, groggy from being nudged to consciousness. > >"Miya?" > >"Shhhh," Tenchi said quietly, putting his finger on Ryo-ohki's little lip. >"Yui's asleep." > >"Sleep well, Yui. While you dream away, I'll be bringing your mother back to >us," he whispered, kissing his daughter's forehead. Ryo-ohki quickly hopped >on to Tenchi's head; LINA: ...and took a dump. SHINJI: Ewww...cabbit crap. HARRY: Wouldn't Ryo-ohki get impaled on Tenchi's spiky hair? AEKA: No...but if she jumped onto Ryoko's head, she'd get skewered. RYOKO: That's actually true. >together, they stepped out of Yui's room. As he closed the >door behind him, he glanced up at the cabbit. NEWJERSEY: You had to do that there, Ryo-ohki. Why don't you ever do that on Sasami's head? > >"Thank you for being there for Yui, Ryo-ohki," he said, petting the little >cabbit. "Would you be willing to watch over Yui tonight while I'm with Ryoko?" > >"Miya! Miya!" Ryo-ohki chirped RYOKO: So Ryo-ohki is a bird now? > happily. The cabbit hopped back down, phasing >through Yui's doorway. > >Tenchi watched the cabbit re-enter his daughter's room, then looked at his >watch. *Time to be in Washu's lab.* He walked through the hallway, down the >stairs, and towards the closet door, where destiny awaited. > >*** AEKA: I think we're actually running out of things to say about these page breaks. > >The screen on Washu's computer read: > >Regeneration status: 100% complete. RYOKO: Stick a fork in me, I'm done. GENDO: Fuyutski, get the spear of Longinuss... NEWJERSEY: Yet another one who could do with a lesson in literal versus metaphorical interpretation. > >"OK, Sasami; put her through the Epidermal Filtering System." > HARRY: Yes, Meeeaster! >"Right," confirmed Sasami, typing a sequence into her keyboard. > >As Washu and Sasami worked away on the computers connected to the tank that >suspended Ryoko, Aeka stood a short distance away, watching her once-rival >float in the blue crystal liquid. The red-haired scientist typed a sequence >into the keyboard with precise yet speedy keystrokes; a huge rectangular >device SHINJI: FYI, Newjersey, we've already used the 2001 riff. NEWJERSEY: Shit. >materialized, connecting itself to the master cylinder. Aeka observed that the >device took up approximately half of the chamber they stood in; it was >composed of three different tanks. LINA: A Panzer, a Tiger, and an M1 Abrahms. > >The first tank included a small class tube which had already attached itself >to the master cylinder; RYOKO: And thus was assembled the automatic transmission. AEKA: What? Ryoko, that's a bit obscure... RYOKO: Never mind... >it held a thick white liquid within. The MSTers blink. NEWJERSEY: Don't tell me that's... RYOKO: ...Tenchi's...SAMPLE?! SHINJI: Now THAT's volume... All of the MSTers vomit into the LCL. >The second tank, >connected to the first tank, had clear non-conductive liquid in its confines. LINA: I'm betting it's corn syrup. AEKA: Mineral oil. >The third tank was unusual in comparison to the other two; it was empty. HARRY: I ran out of neato liquids to put in the tanks, all right? > >Ryoko's body, freed of the spandex outfit, Newjersey is drooling. Aeka whacks him over the head with a rolled-up newspaper. >drifted through the glass tube and >into the first tank. Washu, eye-strain starting to get the best of her, typed >a command into the computer. > >"AUDITORY STATUS MODE ACTIVATED," boomed a loudspeaker which had just emerged >from the machine. Wincing with the others, Washu punched in another >instruction: turn down the volume. NEWJERSEY: I'm sorry, Dave, I just can't do that. > >"Subject transferred to phase-1 tank. Initiating poly-dermal graft." > >Within the first tank, Ryoko's body was completely immersed within the white >liquid, hiding her from plain view. Aeka walked up to the tank, peering inside >and wondering what was happening. LINA: Oh, we're just marinating her in the same gel that they use to make Cadbury's Creme Eggs. SHINJI: Grandma, I hope you don't have diabetes... > >"Washu, what is a poly-dermal graft?" she asked, not well-versed in science >due to her sheltered upbringing. AEKA: OOC much? I've flown my own starship, I know enough about how it works without taking advanced biotechnology classes. I spent seven hundred years searching for Yosho. I may be a princess but I am NOT an idiot! Well...maybe Shin Aeka is...and being in an MST group has knocked me out of character a couple of times... > >"This first step is absolutely crucial to bring Ryoko back. What we're doing >is basically adjusting Ryoko's skin to adapt to the outside air." > >"Why? What's the point?" > >"Remember, Ryoko's body has been immersed inside that liquid for 13 years now. >If her skin was exposed to air without being properly processed, it'd melt >off!" HARRY: Cool! I wanna see that! SHINJI: No you don't! NEWJERSEY: That's what that stuff in the tank is, suntan lotion! > >"Oh... I see." Disgust was readily apparent in Aeka's voice. > >"Poly-dermal graft completed. Subject transferred to phase-2 tank. Initiating LINA: ...rinse cycle. AEKA: Oh shit! I forgot, Ryoko is "Dry Clean Only!" >epidermal scan and transition," the computer reported. > >Ryoko's body slowly drifted into the center of second tank, coated in white >from all angles. HARRY: Candy-coated Ryoko. >Tenchi arrived in the lab, standing next to Aeka and watching >his wife's body suspend itself in the fluid. The Juraian empress looked at >him, a bit concerned. > >"How is Yui doing, Tenchi?" she asked. > >"So far, so good," he replied. "She's feeling better; I just tucked her in." > >"Poor girl," Aeka said, thinking about Yui. "She's been in her room for 12 >hours now." RYOKO: Uh, is anyone keeping track of actual time here? NEWJERSEY: Nope. HARRY: Uh-uh. SHINJI: Not me. > >"I wouldn't worry about it any further, Aeka. She's feeling a lot better >now," Tenchi said to Aeka reassuringly. For a brief, unexpected moment, he was >silent. "I am really proud of her." > >"Understandably so," Aeka agreed. > >"Yui's very strong willed and very mature. I'm quite relieved that she's been >able to hold herself together LINA: Are you KIDDING?! She exploded! RYOKO: Only in our riffs, Lina. Besides, I'm the one that explodes in this fic. > after everything she's been through in the past >two days," Tenchi said, watching Ryoko's body being scanned by thin beams of >light. RYOKO: First I'm dead, then I explode, then I'm reassembled, ressurected, glazed like a donut and now Washu's computer is feeling me up! Oh gee thanks, I feel really good about this fic! >"I mean, look. Yui has regained her powers 13 years after mother died, >only to discover she's still alive." > >"It is a lot for any normal person to take in over a span of just 2 days," >Aeka agreed. "I hope she doesn't hold anything against Washu." LINA: It's one of those emotional roller-coaster metaphors that keeps getting overused. > >"Apparently, she seems to be sharing the same sentiments that I have." > >"Oh?" > >"Yui and myself are both willing to put Washu's actions behind us and just >move on in our lives. We're going to focus on life with Ryoko. Right now, we >both agree that this is more important than being upset at Washu." HARRY: Emminently logical, captain. > >"It's fortunate that a rift in the relationship between you and Washu didn't >open up. Otherwise, things could've been much worse..." > >"I know," Tenchi said solemnly, noticing that the white substance covering >Ryoko's body was starting to crumble in the presence of the laser light. As >the white layers deteriorated, Ryoko's beautiful skin was visible once more. NEWJERSEY: So why do women have to do such disgusting things to get their skin to look so good? I mean, really, mud, clay, other forms of glop... RYOKO: It's so we can get jerks like you to ask us out. NEWJERSEY: Ouch. > >Afterwards, Ryoko floated to the third and final tank. > >"Epidermal scan and transition complete. Skin condition: ready. Initiating >final phase," the computer reported. > >In the third tank, Ryoko's body was engulfed by a huge pillar of light AEKA: Uh oh, I just sent my daughter to Gaea. HARRY: This happens a lot around here... >coming >from the tank's emitters. Washu explained over the noise of the machinery >that this would re-adapt Ryoko's skin to adjust to any atmosphere. SHINJI: WHAT? LINA: I SAID, THIS WOULD RE-ADAPT RYOKO'S SKIN TO ANY ATMOSPHERE! SHINJI: WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A-KO, HAT, AND SPHERE? LINA: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HAT FEAR! > >After being bathed by the pillar of light, Ryoko's unconscious body started to >ascend to the top of the tank, now filled with water as part of the cleaning >process. > >"Final phase completed. Skin condition: normal. Initiating subject removal." RYOKO: Thank you for using AT&T. > >"OK, you two, it's your turn," Aeka said, the Guardians of Jurai appearing >right behind her on schedule. "Carry out the order as planned." > >"Yes, ma'am!" The logs vanished. > >Azaka and Kamidake rematerialized at the top of the tank. As Ryoko floated up >to the top of the container, the guardians immediately placed their forcefield >around her, slowly and carefully lifting Ryoko out of the water and drying her >off with AEKA: ...a high-velocity spin cycle. >the electrical energies of their forcefield shell. They awaited their >final order: NEWJERSEY: "I command you to put that scoundrel to death!" AEKA: You do that *too* well. >teleport Ryoko to the main bridge of the Tsunami. > >Washu walked towards Tenchi, having just completed another round of >computations on her computer. "Alright Tenchi, Ryoko's almost ready. Do you >have the gems?" > >"Yes, I have them," he said, holding out his Tenchi-ken. HARRY: Tenchi just whips it out for any of the girls, doesn't he? Maybe he thinks he's in a Lemon fic. SHINJI: Whoa...force of habit, there...forgot I was actually in a real fan fiction for once. >The gems on the hilt >were shining even more brightly then he had ever seen them. "What's next?" > >"I'm going up to the bridge of the Tsunami to finish up the final adjustments. >Sasami will brief you," NEWJERSEY: Then she'll pants you... >Washu told Tenchi. "I want you to listen to her >instructions *very* carefully." RYOKO: This Genius will self-destruct in sixty seconds. LINA: Must EVERYONE explode in this fic? > >"Don't worry, I will," Tenchi replied assuredly. > >"OK, then. I'll see you later." Washu suddenly teleported to her destination, >Azaka and Kamadake closely in tow. > >Tenchi and Aeka stood next to each other, knowing that they were just minutes >away from reuniting with Ryoko. SHINJI: Fifth impact, here we come. >Sasami walked up to Tenchi. > >"Tenchi, how are you feeling?" she asked. RYOKO: Don't...say...anything. > >"I'm just a little nervous, but I'm feeling fine otherwise," Tenchi said. "OK >Sasami, I'm ready. What do you want me to do?" > >"OK, Tenchi; before I give you the plan, let me explain to Aeka how this >works, because you know this already." AEKA: I am NOT an idiot! NEWJERSEY: Nobody said you were... > She turned to the Juraian empress. "The >reason that we need to use Ryoko's gems is because they've been with her most >of her life, especially the gem on her left wrist." > >"I see," Aeka said in fascination, recalling the hint her sister had given to >her earlier. "The gems record history as seen by Ryoko as well..." SHINJI: Wow, you have a director's cut of everything on your wrists, grandma? HARRY: Watch out, Tenchi fans will be after you in force. > >"That's right. We will use the gems to transplant Ryoko's memories into the >regenerated body." Sasami turned to Tenchi. "OK, Tenchi, here's the plan." LINA: Shouldn't Sasami have said that before she started on the plan? > She >produced a pair of black shorts, made of very thin cloth. > >"Uhh... what do you want me to do with these shorts?" he asked, nervously >eyeing the black cloth. RYOKO: I'd like you to chippendale dance for me in those shorts, Tenchi. > >"I want you to take off all your clothes HARRY: GAHHHHH! LEMON! >and put these on." > >Tenchi face-faulted. AEKA: As did the reader. > >"What?! *All* my clothes?" > >"Yes, all of them. What we're about to do must be free of static electricity >or otherwise. CAST: PIKA-CHUUUUU! >Any disruptive energy can tamper with the memory transfer." SHINJI: Damn sync noise... > >"I understand," Tenchi said, walking behind a huge computer to change out of >sight of the women. He changed into the shorts as quickly as he could. "Are >you coming along too, Aeka?" NEWJERSEY: Ewww...all over the lab, too. OW! > >"Yes, I am. I hope you don't mind." > >"I don't mind, Aeka. I guess it wouldn't hurt anybody." Tenchi walked towards >Sasami. "Now tell me the rest of the plan, Sasami." > >"We're going up to bridge of the Tsunami. Once we're there, you'll see that >Ryoko is being held above the water of the pool. Once you're in the pool, I >want you to hold Ryoko above the water line; SHINJI: Otherwise Grandma will drown. RYOKO: Don't be silly, Shinji...i can take hard vacuum, why worry about drowning? > after she's in your arms, give her LINA: ...booty... RYOKO: Yes, please...er, from Tenchi, I mean. AEKA: Riiiight. RYOKO: Are you implying something? AEKA: I think Cav & Dav's MST of "The Switch" gives all the implication necessary. RYOKO: You wanna go at it Shin style, bitch? HARRY: Guys, I don't want to spend the next few minutes unconcious again. >back all three gems. After that, wait for any further instructions that Washu >might give you." > >"Alright, that sounds simple enough." > >"Are you ready, Tenchi?" Sasami asked. > >Tenchi cleared his mind, taking in a deep breath. "Yes." > >"Alright. Here we go!" Sasami held up her hands, a bright light illuminating >the entire lab. As a sense of dislocation began to overtake Tenchi, NEWJERSEY: OW! My shoulder! My hip! > he could >feel the emblem representing his power materialize on his forehead. > >*** NEWJERSEY: Three asterisks? That's the sign of Tenchi's power? LINA: Always knew he was a wildcard... > >Inside the bridge of the ship Tsunami, the guardians of Jurai were already in >place, holding Ryoko steadily over the luminescent pool as they waited for >further orders from Washu. SHINJI: I'll have a Big Mac and a medium Sprite. HARRY: Do you want fries with that? > >"Careful, you two. Tenchi should be here any minute now," Washu said, glancing >about her surroundings. > >"Yes, ma'am!" > >Just standing in the bridge of the tree-ship Tsunami was enough to fascinate >Washu; for some reason, it was interesting for her to observe that the only >light sources were the other space trees within. It was dark and illuminating >at once, a peaceful environment which prompted the scientist to think, *Maybe >I should remodel my lab to be like this.* RYOKO: Okay...just thinking of mom as a Martha Stewart is very disturbing. > >Nearby, a bright envelope of light appeared in front of the main space tree, >unfolding itself to reveal AEKA: ...a Publisher's clearing house sweepstakes entry. Even on Jurai, they can't be escaped. >Aeka, Sasami, and Tenchi. The first thing Washu >noticed was Tenchi's clothing -- or general lack thereof. AEKA AND RYOKO: STOP NOTICING! > >"Ooooh! Nice butt, Tenchi!" Washu said fiendishly. "And you used to ask why >girls always took a liking to you?" > >"Um... can we get started?" Tenchi said, a sweatdrop forming on his head. "I >kinda want to focus on Ryoko right now." > >"Sure, OK. Whatever you want, Tenchi." Washu grinned. "Tsunami, LINA: Can I surf you? > take it from >here." > >"Right," Sasami said in compliance. *Will you PLEASE call me HARRY: ...with 1-800-COLLECT? >Sasami, Washu!* > >Tenchi began to feel himself being levitated off the ground by Sasami's >powers. He slowly descended in to the luminescent pool, holding onto the >Tenchi-ken tightly; NEWJERSEY: Huh huh huh...he's holding his Tenchi-ken...huh huh huh... AEKA: All right...I'm getting just a bit tired of the Tenchi-ken double entendre. That item is sacred to my people! HARRY: Can't you take a joke? AEKA: It was funny the first few times, but it's starting to wear a little thin. LINA: You know, I'll bet you've gone so hentai to compensate for the lack of it in this fic, I'll bet any of you guys can't go without making a hentai remark. NEWJERSEY: How much? LINA: The loser pays for the next dinner. RYOKO: Lina's betting food?! >he expected a cold sensation the moment his feet touched the water, but >instead of a cold chill he felt a NEWJERSEY: ...refreshing mint flavor. >warm sensation SHINJI: Check the color! >of soothing energy >coursing through his body as his feet entered. Eventually they touched bottom >as he found himself waist-deep in the waters. > >"OK, Azaka and Kamidake. Bring Ryoko into the water," Washu ordered. > >The pair of logs slowly lowered Ryoko towards the water, right above Tenchi. > >"Tenchi, I want you to place the Tenchi-ken ALL THE GUYS: *snort* >on to the bottom of the pool; >catch Ryoko after that. Once you have her in your arms, RYOKO: Walk and chew gum, and juggle carrots while avoiding Ryo-Ohki. > slowly submerge her into the >pool until the only part of her above the water line is her face." > >"I understand," acknowledged Tenchi. With a flick of his wrist he sent the >Tenchi-ken ALL THE GUYS: *chuckle* >towards the bottom of the pool, catching it underneath his foot. NEWJERSEY: DAAAAMN! Now THAT'S flexibility! LINA: HA! You lose, Newjersey! NEWJERSEY: Doesn't matter, I never agreed to the bet. LINA: What, you gonna welch out? NEWJERSEY: No, I never agreed to the bet. You can even check the mission log. The last time I took you out to dinner I nearly depleted my budget allocation. >The >next second, he stretched his arms out, his wife lying quietly in the force >field barely an inch above. Nearby, Aeka and Sasami stood besides each other >in attention. > >"Are you ready, sir?" Kamidake asked Tenchi. > >"Yes, I'm ready," Tenchi said, anticipating catching Ryoko's body. "Drop her." > >Azaka and Kamidake dispelled the forcefield, sending Ryoko into Tenchi's arms. RYOKO: Oh, Tenchi! HARRY: Uh...you don't know who he is yet. Your memory hasn't been restored. >As he caught her, he was surprised at her weight; she was lighter than the >last time he'd carried her. AEKA: Thanks to new ultra Slim-Fast! >Nevertheless, he smiled when he could hear her soft, >rhythmic breathing; he could almost feel her heartbeat as well. > >Tenchi proceeded to follow Washu's instructions, lowering Ryoko's body into >the water until only her face was visible. RYOKO: If only my face is visible in this liquid...i don't think it's water. > >"Alright, Tenchi," said Washu. "Just wait for the gems to react now." > >At the base of the pool, the gems embedded in the hilt of the Tenchi-ken began >to feel the presence of Ryoko. Reacting to her newly-reawakened energy, they >began to shine brighter than the most brilliant daylight. SHINJI: Hmmm...I wonder if I should tell Tenchi I've been storing nuclear waste in there... > The waters of the >Tsunami's pool began to shine with the light of the gems, eventually reaching >the same luminescence. As a result of the energy reaction, the emblem on >Tenchi's forehead began to glow. > >Ryoko's impulsive twitching brought Tenchi to attention; RYOKO: Ahhh...so that's the secret. Twitch impulsively. NEWJERSEY: This scene vaguely reminds me of Final Fantasy VII. >he had been observing >the glow of the water up to that moment. Things were looking up; her breathing >was becoming more active, her muscles were slowly contracting, and her closed >eyes were struggling to open. Excitement was clearly visible in his AEKA: DON'T SAY IT! Newjersey and Harry close their mouths. >eyes. > >"It looks like Ryoko's coming AEKA: I repeat... LINA: I think they got the message. AEKA: In that case...ahem......eeew, right in the pool, too! Newjersey whips Aeka. AEKA: Do I order you put to death, or do I complement you on being a fine student? >to," Sasami said to Aeka. > >"Yes, indeed. I hope her memory will be intact," Aeka replied. Azaka and >Kamidake phased in beside Aeka, taking up their usual posts as guardians. > >"She's waking up!" Tenchi yelled with joy. > >"Keep in mind, Tenchi, that Ryoko has not received any of her memories yet! >Please be ready to receive a negative reaction," advised Washu. NEWJERSEY: So I guess that mean's she'll run out and bust up Tenchi's gravestone. > >Tenchi looked down at Ryoko; as her eyes opened, they met her husband's for >the first time in 13 years. Tenchi's only thoughts were about the beauty in >Ryoko's yellow felinoid eyes; it had been so long since he'd seen them... SHINJI: Washu kept them in formaldehyde all this time. > >For what seemed like an eternity, Ryoko looked silently into Tenchi's eyes. >Then, without warning, she began to thrash about in the water, unable to react >any other way to this stranger looking at her. The panic in her eyes was so >evident that Tenchi was genuinely surprised; he was more surprised, though, >that the pool's waters were dimming. > >"Washu! What's going on?!" he yelled. > >"The brightness of the pool's light is a direct reflection of Ryoko's mood!" HARRY: That's the biggest damn mood ring I've ever seen! >Washu explained, having already realized the problem. "And we need it to be as >bright as possible, because as long as it's dim, she's in a very distressed >state, and that'll only hinder the memory transfer! If she's calm, the pool >will glow its brightest..." > >Sasami picked up where Washu trailed off. "She hasn't recovered any of her >memories yet. Try to get her to relax; she must be calm enough to allow the >memory transfer to begin." SHINJI: So that's why my net connection keeps dropping! I need to keep my computer calm! > >Tenchi looked down at his wife. Her panic had transformed into fright; like a >terrified child, she looked terribly sad, a stream of tears flowing down her >cheeks and into the rapidly-dimming pond. > >*She's as vulnerable as a lost child...* Tenchi thought to himself, looking at >his reflection on the pool's surface; only now did he notice the glowing >emblem on his forehead. *That's it! Actions speak louder than words!* He knew >what he had to do now; a plan began to form in his mind. LINA: Good thing someone's got a plan, I've been confused as to what the whole plan was from the beginning! I mean I've seen bits and pieces... > >The only feeling coursing through Ryoko, who as far as she could tell had just >been born, was high anxiety; she didn't know any of these strangers looking at >her, and she didn't know what was going to happen, so she was scared. All of >the fear within her, though, was coming from the stranger holding her in his >arms. RYOKO: Tenchi, why are you still scared of me? Oh no...are you SHIN?! >Again she thrashed about, unable to talk because she had no concept of >speech. HARRY: I am Doctor Sbaitso. >Then something caught her eye. The glowing emblem on the stranger's >forehead. Then it was the stranger's gentle eyes. Then it was the warm, >comforting energy emanating from him. A strange, but welcoming, voice entered >her mind. AEKA: Oh...schizophrenia? > >*Don't be afraid... we're here to help you. We are your friends and loved >ones; please let us help. You will not be harmed in any way.* LINA: Yeah right, that's what aliens always say before the anal probing. > >Ryoko realized that the voice was coming from the stranger cradling her in his >arms. She didn't understand the stranger's words for a second, but she did >understand the feelings and intentions within the message. She relaxed and >decided put her trust in to this stranger, waiting for another sign. NEWJERSEY: Slippery when wet. HARRY: Merge ahead. RYOKO: No tresspassing. > >Tenchi had figured out a way to communicate with Ryoko; since Ryoko's gems >were on the hilt of the Tenchi-ken, he instinctively felt a connection to >them. AEKA: Oh Lord Tenchi, why didn't you learn that lesson Yosho did with super glue? > As >the gems were connected to the same energy powering the Light Hawk Wings, LINA: ...a couple potatoes with copper and zinc strips in them... > he >was connected to Ryoko. As he projected his mental images outward, he hoped >that the gems would relay them to his wife. > >Washu, Aeka, and Sasami looked on; Ryoko's panicking suddenly subsided, the >light from the pool gradually shining brighter. > >*Thank goodness. Things are finally starting to looking up,* Aeka thought. > >Ryoko relaxed in the stranger's arms, waiting for his voice to speak again. >After several seconds, it came. ALL: HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU WANT US TO EXHAUST THE SAME DOUBLE ENTENDRE?! > >*Relax. All you have to do is relax. It'll all come back to you.* > >Starting to understand the meaning of the words, she followed the voice's >directions, noticing that her surroundings were gradually becoming brighter - >and warmer. SHINJI: Grandma, is that what happens when you drink great-grandma's mixed drinks? > The soothing currents of heat relaxed her even further. RYOKO: Ah...the Juraian Jaccuzi. > >*Now close you eyes and wait.* > >Ryoko slowly closed her eyes, allowing the darkness to enter her mind. For >several tense minutes, there was nothing else. Then the flood began. A cascade >of images, hundreds upon hundreds, millions upon millions. She was stunned by >the sudden rush of information, sensations, and memories; memories from >different moments in her life began to fill in the void of her past. NEWJERSEY: Oh crap, I'm having "Dark City" flashbacks. > >*** > >The memories flashed through her mind at an alarming rate. SHINJI: Where's the "freeze frame" on this entry theater?! > >She saw her first memories, taking her first flight with Ryo-ohki and gems >being handed her. > >She found herself sharpening her skills and superhuman abilities under >Kagato's cruel and ruthless supervision. HARRY: Wow. Kindergarten was a bitch. > >For a period of time, she discovered that she had looted and plundered the >galaxy under Kagato's control. RYOKO: Yet another reason why space pirates need unions. > >And then she saw herself invading Planet Jurai. After the attack, she had >been pursued by Yosho throughout space until the battle reached Earth. > >With a sword through her neck, she was defeated, stripped NEWJERSEY: Absolutely naked... LINA: FIREBALL! >of her gems, and >imprisoned in a cave. > >For almost 700 years, she felt alone in a dark and cold captivity, not having >any contact with anybody or anything for what seemed like an eternity. HARRY: Prozac...need prozac... > >Near the end of those 700 years, she saw Tenchi Masaki for the first time. >>From her cave, she watched him grew up into a handsome young man. > >Finally, she was inadvertently released from her imprisonment by Tenchi. AEKA: And thus begins the OAV series. > >Names and faces of people and places flashed through her mind, their signifi- >cance in her life becoming clearer and clearer with each passing second. NEWJERSEY: Okay, everyone, ready? Tenchi cast role call! >Kagato... RYOKO: Big bad guy! > Dr. Clay... AEKA: Silly putty! >Tokimi... LINA: Godess complex! >D3... SHINJI: Sequel to D2! >Onimaru... NEWJERSEY: Secret technique! >Seriyou... HARRY: Uh...voice actress! SHINJI: That's "seiyuu." >Azusa... RYOKO: The Emperor! >Funaho... NEWJERSEY: Mighty tree! >Misaki... AEKA: Her hugs can kill! >Zero... HARRY: Less than one! >Yosho... LINA: Tenchi's Grandpa! >Shoji... SHINJI: Uncle! >Nobuyuki... ALL THE GIRLS: PERVERT! >Mihoshi... ALL THE GUYS: AIRHEAD! >Aeka... AEKA: Me! >Sasami... NEWJERSEY: Lemon bait! >Washu, her mother... RYOKO: Genius! >Ryo-ohki... LINA: Carrot addict! >Tenchi... SHINJI: ...Muyo! >and Yui... ALL: Yuuuuuuuuui! HARRY: That's one "u!" > >Yui... NEWJERSEY: Redundancy! > >*** > >Washu, Sasami and Aeka silently looked on as Tenchi cradled Ryoko in his arms >in the brightly-lit pool. > >"Washu, what is Ryoko going through right now?" Aeka asked. LINA: If I had to guess...I'd say Pon Far. > >"Ryoko is basically reliving her entire life, although it may seem like only >seconds to us," Washu replied. "The memory transplant will seem like a >lifetime to her." SHINJI: So it's like going through puberty...in an Eva...on fast forward. Ouch. > >"I'm going to check on Ryoko's progress." said Sasami, activating the >Tsunami's view screen. On it, an image of Ryoko sitting in the warm spring of >the floating onsen was visible. HARRY: Noboyuki wishes he had it so good. > >"Where is Ryoko now?" Washu asked, turning to view the screen with Aeka. > >"Let me see," Sasami said, searching through the gems' database. "We are >exactly 18 years prior to the present date." > >"That's interesting," Aeka said, smiling. "A lot of things happened during >that year... 18 years ago." > >"Indeed, Aeka," Washu replied. "The year 2000 was a year that we will never, >*ever* forget." NEWJERSEY: Azaka and Kamidake crashed? AEKA: Don't be silly, Azaka and Kamidake are year 20,000 compliant. > >Tenchi overheard Washu's remark; he smiled softly at Ryoko. "Do you remember >that year, Ryoko?" Tenchi's voice was gentle towards his wife. "That's the >year when I stopped running away from you... and finally opened my heart to >you." LINA: Open-heart surgery works better that way. > >"H...heart...." Ryoko whispered softly. She again closed her eyes as the >pool's warm water comforted her like a blanket. She found herself reliving the >events of the year 2000.... > >... a year which, as Washu had said, would never be forgotten... RYOKO: Oh don't tell me...the story "Ryoko's Love" is one big flashback?! > > > >To be continued...as Ryoko's Love Alpha! The Main Storyline Ch.1A SHINJI: Street Fighter Ryoko's Love Alpha 1A! Coming soon from Capcom! > > > >Ending Song: ALL: Skip it! Query> CAN WE JUST SKIP THIS? MAGI DELIBERATING.....DONE. MELCHIOR: YEP. BALTHAZAR: UH-HUH. CASPER: AW COME ON, PLEASE? RESULT: 2-1 FOR SKIPPING ENDING THEME CASPER: DAMMIT. > >Author's Notes: > >There it's finally done! I've just finished writing this long introduction. >Yep, you read this right. The first 3 chapters you read were just the intro! >Now we'll start on the real story line, really soon! So stay tuned. HA! HA! >HA! HA! HA! HA! NEWJERSEY: Who narrated that last line? The Crypt Keeper? > >BTW, Yui's going to take a small vacation from this series. RYOKO: Can we? Please? I'm getting a bit sick of the MST's. >The main storyline >will not be needing her until very late in to Part 2. Sorry, Yui fans. SHINJI: So Eva-01 won't be activating anytime soon...that's good, means I get a break. > >2nd BTW, I have just completed my very own web site! The web site will be >home base for my Tenchi fanfics, please come by and take look at it! > >Here's the Address: > >http://members.aol.com/EvilDrTran/index.html MISATO: I just checked it, it's not working. The fic ends, and the Entry Theater drains. After all the MST'ers exhale the LCL from their lungs, Newjersey shifts wolf and shakes all the fluid out of his fur. AEKA: MUST you do that?! A few minutes later, the MSTers are in the briefing room, wearing their normal clothes. Newjersey is in human form. LINA: You know, of all the fics we could have done, this was actually good. I don't know why we had to MST this one. NEWJERSEY: Well you know, with a good fic like this, the rant/riff ratio is quite low. SHINJI: So why did we MST this fic? GENDO: THAT...is a secret. LINA: FIREBALL!!! AUTHOR'S NOTES AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS This is by far the largest fic I've ever done, so I would like to just make an all-inclusive acknowledgement of intellectual property. All characters/concepts included herein are property of their respective owners. I've paid homage to two of the MSTing greats, Cav and Dav. Keep up the good work, guys. The TMFFA needs it. I think I've thoroughly exhausted several riffs and puns, but some are classics and sometimes authors just walk into them. I hope you enjoyed the MST, and Long...I'm laughing with you, not at you.  But aren't you kinda human yourself? I am not human! I am a wolf! What a coincidence! So am I! Wanna go for coffee?