******* MST 3K! ******* Disclaimer: I don't own Tenchi Muyo!, it's characters or their respective likeness. I didn't write this fic. All the characters MSTing it are mine. Except for the guest MiSTer. This is REALLY, REALLY nasty, you have been warned. BY READING ANY FURTHER KNOWING THIS, YOU WAIVE YOUR GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO BITCH, WHINE, MOAN, OR COMPLAIN. Ireland has pretty country sides. Furthermore, I can't be held responsible for any content of this word file because apparently my cats have learned how to type. Love and kitty treats, §ápphír€ <3 Electra <3 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* MiSTers! Melanie Bryce (The Shy One) - Hello everyone! Gwenavere Donovan (The Boss) - Salutations. Tempest (Slutbunni) - Oooo, you're cute. Are you busy tonight? Kalinda (Vamp) - Does my hair look alright? Oh, hi everybody. Jarred (Sweetie) - Hello all you lovely people! Dominick (He's just there) - Hi. Uhhh, I came with Mel. Deangelo (The Smooth One) - Hello, my you are looking beautiful today. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (Dominick and Jian, one of Sharyna's MiSTers, are sitting the TV room. Dominick is sprawled out on the couch, Jian is sitting on the recliner. The floor is littered with a bunch of fast food wrappers, dirty dishes and assorted cans of empty sodas and beer.) Jian: Hey Dom, check this out. (Lets out a very loud belch.) Dominick: Dude! Nice one! Jian: Thanks, man! (Suddenly, a silence falls.) Jian: . . . . (Blinks.) (A looong silence.) Jian: So. . . Dominick: So, whaddaya wanna do? Jian: I dunno. What do you wanna do? Dominick: I dunno. What do you wanna do? Jian: . . . Dominick: . . . Jian: So. Whaddaya wanna do? Dominick: I dunno. . . (Deangelo stalks into the room holding a piece of paper.) Deangelo: Anyone want to hear my latest draft of my letter to Schmuck? Jian: (Yawning.) No. Dominick: Dude, he's gone. Let it go. Deangelo: I can't! He mutilated my character! Brain cell by brain cell! (Before Deangelo can get off on a rant Jarred walks in and looks around.) Jian: Hi there, Eternal Virgin! Jarred: (;_;) You're mean! Dominick: Come on, Jian. If you start making fun of him he'll start crying again and that's MUCH more annoying them him babbling on about Jessica Simpson. Jian: What?! I mean, come on now! He's been with that sweet Kalinda chica all this time, and I'll bet you that he hasn't even kissed her yet! Jarred: Hey! I have! Just. . .not on the lips! Dominick: Doesn't count, Jarred. (Suddenly there is a very loud noise followed by the song "Do You Love" by Natalie Imbruglia.) Deangelo: (O_O!) What the hell is that?! Jarred: I'm scared!!! Dominick: (Walking over to M's laptop which is laying next to her secret stash of Dr. Pepper that the boys found.) Hey, it's her bad fic searcher. Jian: I thought M was supposed to turn that off? Dominick: She probably forgot. You know how forgetful she is. Jian: Yeah, the Boss's told me stories. (o.O) Dominick: Hey, look at this! It's a Tenchi Muyo lemon! (Looks around.) Wanna MiST it, guys? Jian: (Shrugs.) Well, it's something to do. . . Jarred: But Dominick, you don't have permission! Jian: (Wise guru, patting Jarred on the head.) Remember Jarred, "it is always easier to get forgiveness than permission." Dominick: Wise words. Jian: (Bows.) I know. (^-^) Deangelo: (Whispers to Jarred.) I think this Jian fellow is a bad influence on Dominick. Dominick: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Come on, guys, are we MiSTing or what? (Drags Deangelo and Jarred off in the direction of the MiSTing Room.) Coming, Jian? Jian: Yeah, on my way! (Snags a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and follows.) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (The boys are in the MiSTing room. Dominick is holding a large remote and randomly pressing buttons.) Dominick: OK. . . it's got to be one of these buttons. . . (Presses one at Random.) (Lights flash, and a disco ball drops down and crashes on the floor.) All MiSTers: . . . . . . Jian: Uhhh, we'll clean that up later. Deangelo: I'd make an educated guess and say that it is not that one. Dominick: Then. . . it's got to be. . . one of these! (Presses another button.) >Tenchi Muyo! And all of the characters in this fan Jarred: Yeah, that's it! >fiction is owned by AIC and Pioneer. I own nothing, Jian: Nothing at all? Deangelo: Not even a functional brain. >except for the story. Dominick: Which isn't saying much. >Please, don't sue me! Deangelo: I can't sue you, I'm not a lawyer. Dominick: Plus, I doubt you have money. Jian: Plus, I'm not bored enough. Yet. >Warning: If you are underage, do NOT read this fic! Deangelo: Yes, children should not be exposed to such horrid trash when they are young and innocent of how stupid most people are in the world. Jian: But they watch Barney... Deangelo: True. >Carrots Carrots Carrots Dominick: Is that the name of the fic? Deangelo: Obviously. Jarred: Are they going to eat carrots? I like carrots. Especially on salads. Jian: (-_-;;;;) . . . . . . >"Hmm.what will I do?" Sasami asked herself. Dominick: Get a job. Deangelo: Free yourself from the horrors that no doubt await you in this lemon! Jian: Sing and dance around like a puppet. >She had finished Deangelo: Scrubbing the toilets. Dominick: With her tongue. Jarred: Dominick! That's disgusting! Dominick: (Pointing to Jian.) He made me do it! Jian: Hey! Did not! >breakfast a lot earlier than she expected. She was getting bored and > >impatient. "I guess I'll have a snack." Dominick: A snack. . . yeah. . . (Snickers.) Deangelo: What's so funny? Jian: (Snickers as well.) A snack. . . Deangelo: I must be missing something. Jarred: You must be missing a lot of things in your old age. Deangelo: What?!?!?!?! (Gives Jarred a glare. . . . . OF DEATH!) Jarred: (Sobbing.) I'm sorry! I'm sorry! >She said. While she was looking though the cupboard a couple magazines >fell >out. Jian: Oh look, Dom, she found your stash of porno mags. Dominick: Tempest found them first! And now I have none! Deangelo: Ah, to be a sex-starved 20-year old again. Dominick: Yeah, now you're just sex-starved. Jian: Ooo! >"Oh no I better clean this up." She said as she picked up a magazine. >"Oh!" >She shouted, looking at a porn magazine. Deangelo: Hey, look at that. The plot just made a break for it. Jian: It's trying to run out of the fic! J: Go, little plot! Go! Save yourself while there's still time! >By this time she was bored enough to do anything, so she started Dominick: Standing on her head. Deangelo: Trying to find a way out of this bad lemon-to-be. Jian: Brushing her teeth. >flipping through the pages. She noticed that some women were pleasuring >themselves with food. Dominick: (A woman "pleasuring" herself with food.) Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! Oh! You are SOOO much better than a man! You don't leave the toilet seat up or leave me unsatisfied in bed! I love you! Deangelo: Personal experience, Dominick? >Then she noticed that she had some extra carrots. Dominick: Oh, what a surprise. Jian: No kidding. I'm just shocked at this "coincidence." Deangelo: Exactly. >So she picked it up and started sucking on it. Dominick: Hah! She sucks! Jian: . . . dude, that was too bad of a pun even for me. >This was getting her horny, she started thinking of Tenchi, Dominick: (Thinking.) Carrot. . . . Tenchi. . . . Carrot. . . . Tenchi. . . Yeah, I can see the connection. >and she had seen his cock before when she saw Washu's video camera > >screens. Dominick: Okay, so Tenchi's dick looks like a. . .carrot. With a long sharp point on the end. (o.O) Jian: More like a BABY carrot. (Snickers.) >They had been placed in secret and she kept them a secret for her own > >reasons. Deangelo: Her subscription to PlayGirl ran out. >And since she had often watched them she knew what to do, with her body > >and others. Dominick: She has other bodies?! Jarred: Sasami's a serial killer!! No!! >Sasami then remembered that Washu was recording all of this. Jian: And selling it on the 'net. >She threw a towel on the camera making it look like an accident. Dominick: Yeah. Deangelo: Sure. Jian: Riiiiight. >She then continued sucking on the carrot. By this time she was getting >really >horny. She could feel her panties getting wet, Dominick: And slimy. Jian: And sticky. Jarred: Ewwww... >so she started rubbing herself. She kept sucking and rubbing. She was >about to have an orgasm when she stopped sucking, Dominick: Sasami will NEVER stop sucking. (Jian cues the rim shot.) >she slid her panties off and penetrated her pussy. Jarred: What is she doing to the kitten?! Jian: Jarred, a pussy is not a kitten in a bad lemon. It's. . . (Glances at Jarred's sweet innocent stare.) Um. It's, a, uh, thing hentai lemon writers use. Yeah. . . Dominick: You weren't too far off with that "Eternal Virgin" crack, Jian. >Then she took the carrot and started pushing it in and out, harder and >faster. Deangelo: Look! Look at that! Jarred: At what? Deangelo: At that! Jian: What? Deangelo: That, over there! Dominick: What, the underage girl having sex with a carrot? Deangelo: No, no, THAT!! (Points to a corner of the screen.) Jarred, Jian, and Dominick: WHAT?! Deangelo: Look! It's the character's dignity! It's going to follow the plot! Jian: Hey, he's right! It's crawling for dear life! Jarred: Hurry, dignity! >Ryo-ohki had been awakened by moaning coming from the kitchen, so she >went >to investigate. Jian: No, little cabbit! Turn back! Turn back! Jarred: Yeah, turn back before it's too late! >When she got there she was delighted by what she saw, All MiSTers .. . Jian: . . . Well. Never knew that cabbit had such perverse tastes. Dominick: No kidding. >she could see a carrot appearing and disappearing, and >she heard Sasami moaning and saying "Oh yes! Oh yes!" Dominick: (TV Evangelist.) Repent! You are a sinner Sasami! A SINNER! If you do not repent then the black hole of hell will be waiting for you! Damnation! DAMN- Deangelo: (Clamps a hand over Dominick's mouth.) Just shut up. . . >So Ryo-ohki ran towards the carrot and bit it. She missed and got Sasami's > >Finger. Jarred: Serves her right! >"Ouch" Sasami yelled in pain. Then she noticed what Ryo-ohki wanted. Jarred: World peace! Jian: A way out of the crappy lemon! Dominick: A very large knife. >"Oh I see, you want the carrots." She got up and cut up a carrot in small > >pieces. Jian: Wait a minute. . . wasn't she visualizing the carrots as dicks earlier? And now. . . (Eeps and covers himself.) Deangelo: (Doing the same.) For some reason I do not trust that girl with a knife. Dominick: Ha! She doesn't know how to use that thing! Mel, get that knife away from her and-oh. She's not here. (Eeps and covers himself as well.) Jarred: Oh no! (Follows suit.) >She then sat down on the floor and gave a small piece to Ryo-ohki. Then >she >stuck the others in her pussy, sticking each one farther and farther back >until >all of the carrot pieces were inside her. Jarred: Eeewwww! Jian: How is she going to get them *all* out? And what if one gets stuck there and she has to take a piss? Dominick: Ah, the eternal dilemmas of the character in a bad lemon. >"Come on come and get them Ryo-ohki, you naughty girl." Deangelo: (Ryo-ohki) Make me, you nymphomaniac child! >Ryo-ohki had already tasted a carrot covered with Sasami's pussy >juices. Deangelo: And it tasted like Gwenavere cooked it. Jian: D-man! That was cold! You're lucky she ain't here! Jarred: (^O^) Yeah, that was mean! Deangelo: Look, I love the woman to death, but she can't cook. >And she loved it and wanted more. So she dove right between Sasami's >legs, and she then reached in and grabbed one. Jarred: But what if the cabbit reached in a little TOO far. Or if she got stuck, or- Deangelo: Jarred, try not to think about it. >"Oh Ryo-ohki you are cheating, from now on you can only use your >mouth to get them. Like bobbing for apples! It will be fun!" She said. Jian: Yeah. Riiiight. Dominick: "It'll be fun", says the nympho in the bad lemon. Somehow I doubt that. >So Ryo-ohki tried it, he couldn't get his head all the way in, Sasami was >too >tight. All MiSTers: (O_O!!) . . . . . . Jian: My god! The cabbit got a sex change! Dominick: At least now it isn't a *homosexual* pedophiliac bestiality lemon. >Then Ryo-ohki just stuck her paw in and out until she had about five carrot > >pieces. Jian: O-kay...*now* it's a homosexual pedophiliac bestiality lemon. Dominick: Damn, that's a fast sex-change. >"Oh I see, >you can't get your head fully in." Dominick: And that's a bad thing? Jian: (Starts singing.) o/~ You say "psycho" like it's a bad thing...o/~ Jarred: I love that song. (^-^) Deangelo: Ah, the classic Meek-Haiygn Press hits... >Sasami said as she spread her legs wider and pulled open her pussy lips. >"Ok try again now, and remember no paws." Said Sasami. Dominick: Oh look, now the nympho's got *rules*. Jian: What is this, a sick sad deviant of "Look Ma, no hands"? >Ryo-ohki then dived in and started biting and eating the carrots. "Oh Ryo- >ohki! More! More!" Sasami screamed in pleasure. Dominick: Or horror. . . But we'll never know. >By this time Ryo-ohki had already eaten all of the carrots and was now just > >licking her pussy. They both tasted the same by this time. Jian: (Singing.) o/~ Do...your...carrots lose their flavor, in a pussy overnight...o/~ Deangelo: Jian! Jian: What? Deangelo: Stop it! You're making Jarred nauseous! (points to Jarred, who is slowly turning green.) Jarred: (Weakly.) Barf bag. . .(Takes the one that Deangelo hands him and vomits into it.) >Sasami was just about to orgasm when she hear Dominick: Freeze! This is the Animal Right Association! Jarred: Leave the cabbit alone! Jian: Remember the Alamo! Deangelo: Brush your teeth after every meal! >"Sasami what are you doing?" Ayeka had screamed it. "I wake up to > >screaming and moaning so I come down stairs and you are.are. Deangelo: Naked and masturbating with a cabbit. Welcome to the real world. Jian: It's the hard truth. >strutting your naked body for the whole world to see! And.and." Dominick: (Ayeka) And you look so much better than me! Jian: (Ayeka) Even after I had all that plastic surgery done! It's not fair! >"Having a whole tone of fun." Jian: A "tone" of fun? Which one is that? Jarred: What is a "tone" of fun, anyway? Deangelo: I have no idea. It must be a new hentai idiot term. Dominick: "A tone of fun"...high G? Deangelo: Congratulations Dominick, you have sunk to a new low. >Ryoko interrupted. "I'll have to try that sometime" Jian: (Sasami) Hey! Get your own sex-changing nymphomaniac cabbit! Dominick: (Sasami) Yeah! There's not enough to go around! >"What!?" Ayeka screamed. >"What, your telling me that doesn't look like fun." All MiSTers: (Ayeka) YES! >Sasami had been paying attention to both Ryo-ohki and her sister at the >same >time, Dominick: Oh look, she multi-tasks. Others: (Mock awe.) Ooooooooooooohhh... >when Ryo-ohki bit her love button, Dominick: (Bouncing up and down excitedly.) Love button!! Love button!! Love button!!! Love button!!! Mel, Mel, did you-agh. Right when I need her, too. >causing Sasami to have the biggest orgasm of her life. She had masturbated > >quite a lot since she first found out about Washu's cameras. Jian: O-kay. She has a camera fetish. Deangelo: That's rather disturbing. Jian: Truly. >"What is going on here" Tenchi asked. Jian: Sex, sex, and more sex. Oh, and some people are screaming. >Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com Dominick: Huh? Jarred: But I don't *want* MSN Explorer! Jian: We don't need no STEENKING MSN Explorer! Dominick: Yeah, we can get lost on our own! Deangelo: Ah. . .I believe this is the end. Jian: Oh yeah. That would make sense, wouldn't it. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (Dominick the boys are in the conference room. Dominick is at M's laptop typing away.) Dominick: And. . . done! It's posted! Jarred: Won't M be mad that you posted that without her here? Deangelo: Either that, or she'll be proud of us for taking care of ourselves and MiSTing and posting a lemon for her. Jarred: Hey, yeah! That's cool! I feel so self-sufficient... (Silence.) Jian: So, whaddaya wanna do? Dominick: I dunno.... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hey there everyone! Hope you enjoyed the MiST! If you did, why not sign up for our official News Letter? It's got MiSTs, Tempest's Advice Line, reviews, quotes, and other fun stuff! If you'd like to sign up, go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Meek-HaiygnPress, join and prepare yourself for the next News Letter! Have a nice day! Love, Mblow0t5