AnimePort#9 MST. MST#4 The MST of: "Aikan Muyo" Chapters 2 & 3. DISCLAIMER: My following apologies to the following people and/or companies for borrowing and/or creating parodies of their characters, and stories; Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ video, AnimEigo, Pioneer LDC, AIC, U.S. MANGA corps, Kosuke Fujishima, Nintendo, Creatures Inc., GAME FREAK Inc., Best Brains Productions, My third grade math teacher, and all others who would be insulted by this MST (Original FanFic writer, optional.). ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Somewhere in the vastness of the multiverse, there is a certain focal point of the worlds. A place where our reality and those of our favorite comic books meet, and are able to cross. At this place was constructed a huge station, technically advanced in ways that surpass even the most futuristic of realities. In this place research is conducted on the fictional stories that are created by the ever adoring fans of the comics. FAN-FICTIONS. One man from our reality, a sponsor of the station, has been given the task of leading the research on the stories, by bringing together the most unique group of people from the anime realms. The place is "AnimePort#9". These are the reviews. . . ____________________________________________________________________________ _________ Technical note: MST’d by the following group of people and/or characters. PETER SUZUKI. PRISS ASAGIRI. RANMA SAOTOME. AYEKA JURAI. Documentation made by the following; B-KO DAITOKUJI. Begin recording of research documentation. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ In the lounge, the MST group, and B-ko of course, were gathered at the big green table. They were discussing today’s Fan Fiction selection, and why it was chosen, for this would be the first time a Fan Fiction story was searched for, and selected not at random, but by choice. "So we’re doing ANOTHER one of the ‘Aikan Muyo’ series?" Asked Ranma, scratching the top of his head. "Yes." Replied B-ko, holding a letter of some sort. "Apparently someone named ‘Denise Huston’, did NOT like our MST of the first chapter in the series." "She sighted that MST’s are supposed to be for BAD Fan Fics, only." Explained Peter. "Miss Huston obviously does not understand that WE are not supposed to review only the bad ones." Commented Ayeka. "But is it really right for us to go after ANOTHER chapter in the series?" questioned Priss. "Wouldn’t that just make this Denise person, more angry?" "Possibly, but we have to make the public understand that people can make fun of the good things, as well as the bad." Said Peter. "So, when are we going to start?" asked Ranma. "As soon as my computer finishes loading the Fan Fiction story into the projector, the signal should blare." Said B-ko, looking toward the control booth. Just then, the signal to start sounded. *ARE YOU READY TO ROCK!?!?!* "YEAH!!!" everybody shouted. *I SAID, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK!?!?!?!* "WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!!!!" everybody shouted. *THEN LET’S ROCK!!!!!* "BO DOH-DI YO-DOH!!!!!" the members of the Fan Fiction Research group yelled, as they rushed into the theater. B-ko smiled. "It’s party time!" and she quickly went into the control booth. =========================================================================== (The MST group goes into the theater. . . in a ‘Conga Line’, with Ayeka leading, Ranma behind Ayeka, Priss behind Ranma, and Peter bringing up the rear. Four seats sit in the center of the row. As the MST group makes their way to their assigned seats, they chant.) ALL(chanting): Ooga chaka, ooga, ooga, Ooga chaka, ooga, ooga, Ooga chaka, ooga, ooga. (And of course, they sing off their assigned lines before sitting down.) AYEKA(singing): I have got this feeling, deep inside of me! RANMA(singing): Girl you just don’t realize, what you do to meee! PRISS(also singing): When you hold me, in your arms so tight! PETER(singing as close to ‘on key’ as he possibly can): You let me know, everything’s all right! ALL(still singing): IeeeeeIeeeeeIeeeeeem, I’m hooked on a feeling! You have got me believing, that you’re in love with meee! (They then sit down in their appropriate chairs, laughing and cheering.) AYEKA: Three cheers for us! PRISS: Doing the ‘Dancing Baby’ song, in a MST. RANMA: Are we cool, or what? PETER: Boo yeah! >Aikan Muyo >Chapter 2 - No Need For Breakfast RANMA: Then how about brunch? PRISS: Once again with the food jokes, by Ranma Saotome. AYEKA: His mind seems to be always on his stomach. PETER: And he’s proud of it. RANMA: Thanks. . . I think. > >"You're so distant honey, you're Mr. Cool. PETER: And don’t you know it. >You lock up your feelings, you're nobody's fool. PRISS(Mr. T.): I pidy da po foo! (Ayeka, Ranma, and Peter all get large sweatdrops on the back of their heads.) >You're facing the world with your fist clenched tight. >Tough guy, tough guy, facing the light. RANMA: And loving it. B-KO(from the control booth): Why do you guys insist on making fun of the songs? PRISS: Because it’s funny. >Don't forget to remember, she's coming up in back. >Even you surrender, surrender to her sweet attack. PETER: Woah! (British accent) Things are getting a mite dark, wouldn’t you say? AYEKA(British accent): Indubitably. > >Ambush, ambush, come from behind! RANMA: Hit the deck! PRISS: We’re under attack! >Ambush, ambush, capture your mind! PETER: Hey! Give that back! >Ambush, ambush, I'm in disguise! PETER(kid from the ‘Trix’ commercial): It’s the rabbit! AYEKA(ditto): Silly rabbit. >Ambush, ambush, take you by surprise!" ALL: SURPRISE!!! >-- "Ambush", Heart > >The birds outside sang to greet the warm sun as its rays streamed down through the window above >Tenchi's bed. (Everyone starts singing the song "Rockin’ Robin".) >But even as the dawn shed a friendly glow, a sinister shadow lurked and watched. PETER: I place my bets on Ryoko. How about you guys? PRISS: Ryoko. RANMA: Definitely. AYEKA: And who else could it be, but Ryoko? OTHERS: Good point. AYEKA: Naturally. >With >swift, predatory grace the dark menacing shape drew nearer. Unsuspecting,Tenchi slept on. >The hunter PETER(Elmer Fudd): Was wery, wery quwiet. Wuh-huh-huh-huh. AYEKA(nature show host): Here we see the Ryoko, sneaking up on her unwary prey. Unfortunately for the hunter, her victim will most certainly not appreciate her intentions. >rose, preparing to strike, and gazed down at him with hungry yellow eyes. "Ryoko," he murmured, AYEKA(left eyebrow twitching): . . . . . . . . . PRISS: Then again. . . . PETER: Just keep watching. Something seems too simple about the plot so far. RANMA: No kidding. >twisting slightly in his sleep. "That's right, Tenchi," she answered quietly, not wanting to wake him just >yet. *This is perfect!* AYEKA: No, it is NOT! >thought Ryoko. *He's dreaming of me, PRISS: And that’s the reason why. AYEKA: You got that right. >and when he wakes up...* PETER: He’ll start yelling at you to get out of his room. RANMA: And then Ayeka will come in after you, and you two will blow up the house. AYEKA: We do NOT blow up the house. Only parts of it. >She clasped her >hands and her eyes sparkled with joy. PRISS: Gah! Too, bright! Can’t, see! PETER(imitating Priss): Need, acting lessons! (Ayeka and Ranma laugh, as Priss glares at Peter, who acts as if nothing had happened.) >"Oh, Ryoko, please, please," continued Tenchi. Ryoko leaned >forward eagerly, listening. "I can't hold back much longer. Please, Ryoko, I'm begging you..." PETER(Tenchi): Stop it with this scene. It’s making Ayeka sick. AYEKA(looking unhappy): Why must the author do this to us? RANMA: I think it’s in our contract, somewhere. >Her eyes >widened and her heart sang like the birds outside. PRISS(singing): All the little birdies on ‘Jay Bird, Street’, love to hear the robin going- PETER(through megaphone): TWEET, TWEET, TWEET!!!!!!! (Priss glares once again at Peter, while Ranma and Ayeka stare nervously at him.) PETER(Animal from the ‘Muppets’): Tweet, tweet, tweet! Bye-bye birdie. PRISS(pissed): You’re REALLY asking for it, you know. >Slowly she bent down to plant a kiss on his >lips. "Please, Ryoko, let me go. I have to go to the bathroom!" (And somewhere in the distance, a cow can be heard.) *Moooo!* ALL(large sweatdrops): . . . . . . . PETER: . . . . .Well, when you gotta go, you gotta go. (Peter is suddenly bombarded with mini Jurian guardians, little stuffed P-Chans, and ‘Night Saber’ action figures. Priss takes careful aim, to hit Peter in an EXTRA sensitive area.) Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop it! Cut it YEOW!!! >Ryoko face-faulted and collapsed on the >floor. RANMA(lumberjack): TIMBER!!! PETER(in a REALLY high pitched voice): Priss, that was a very ‘low blow’. PRISS(sarcastically): Really? I hadn’t noticed. >Slowly, she got up, rubbing her forehead, her face pulled into an annoyed smirk. Then her >expression softened into a smile as she looked down at him again."That's the last dry dream you're going >to have of *me*, Tenchi," she promised. "From now on, they're all going to be nice and *wet*!" AYEKA: Oh, great! Now she is going to have Lord-Tenchi wet the bed!! RANMA(MIB agent): Is she a ‘clean’ alien? PETER(Zed): You wish. Bring the sponge. > >Tenchi sprints down the school hallway towards the restroom, ALL(slight southern accents): Run, Tenchi! Run! >hoping he manages to hold out long >enough. He vaults ten or twenty feet at each stride like a champion Olympic hurdler as he speeds >through miles and miles of corridors. PRISS: Man, he must REALLY need to go, is he’s running like THAT. >He'd managed to squirm free from Aeka, AYEKA(as Shampoo from ‘Ranma1/2’): Airen! Wo ai ni! >but then Ryoko had >grabbed him and wouldn't let go. PRISS(Ryoko as Happosai from ‘Ranma ½’): Sweeto!! PETER(to Ranma): Bet this brings back memories. RANMA: Yup. Gets me thinking about the good old day. >Washuu-sensei had stopped her physics lecture and switched to biology >without breaking stride, AYEKA: Because that is just the kind of genius she is. >pointing out to the class the various symptoms of male human sexual arousal. PETER(student): Hey, teach! We’re pretty clear on that topic! Can we go home now?! I have to uh. . . study! (The others stare nervously at him.) >His dad had sat in the corner in a director's chair,repeatedly yelling "Action!" and focusing spotlights >while a movie camera rolled. RANMA(Nobuyuki through megaphone): AND I WANT REALISM, PEOPLE!!! REALISM!!!!!!! >Kiyone and Mihoshi had merely stood and watched.Shouldn't they have >arrested Ryoko or something? PRISS: Or at least not be eating popcorn, and. . . . . Hey, wait a minute!!! They’re MSTing the dream sequence!!!! THAT’S OUR JOB!!!! PETER: Calm down, they’re NOT MSTing the Fic. They’re just watching the show. >It was a good thing Sasami-chan hadn't been watching all that. AYEKA: Big deal. >"Hi, >Tenchi, where are you going?" asks Sasami, somehow managing to walk beside him at a hundred miles >per hour or so. RANMA(Tenchi): Sasami? Have you been working out, or something, lately? AYEKA(Sasami): No. I am just breaking in my running shoes. >"Uh, nowhere, Sasami," answers Tenchi. His feet leave the ground PETER(Tenchi as Superman): I must go up, UP, AND AWAY!!! RANMA(Tenchi as Buzz Lightyear): To infinity. AND BEYOND!!! >and he soars towards >the restroom. ALL: He soars through the air, with the greatest of ease! The world’s one and only! The flying Tenchi!! >Suddenly, Ryoko rises up in front of him, PRISS(Tenchi): Hey! Move it outta the way, sky hog!! >but he passes through her like mist AYEKA: I always knew that Ryoko did not have much substance. >and lands on >the tips of his toes at his destination. RANMA: Touch down! PETER(SS agent): The Eagle has landed. >Hurriedly he shuts the bathroom door behind him. He unzips his >fly, stands in front of the toilet, and aims, ready to relieve the pressure that had been building up while >Ryoko held him down. But nothing happens. At first. PRISS(Ryoko): Hey! Watch what you’re doing! I’m trying to work this thing, you kno- (Priss is clobbered by a large mallet labeled "Pirate Masher", from off to her left.) *WHAM!* -Ow. . . . RANMA: Watch it, Ayeka! I’m between you two, ya know. >Then his penis starts to expand monstrously. AYEKA(blushing): Lord-Tenchi. . . . . PRISS(recovering from the hit): He certainly is. RANMA(nonchalantly): Big deal. . .(realizes what he just said) Um. . . . . PETER: Bad choice of words, Ranma. >A ringed bulge forms and moves up and down its length as if it were a python bodybuilder flexing its >muscles. RANMA: Uh. . . . . AYEKA: I do NOT like the mental image, that last sentence brought to mind. >Tenchi begins to sweat profusely, ALL: NOOO!!! NOT THE SWEATING BIT, AGAIN!!!! >his heart races, his mouth dries, and down the hall he can >hear >Washuu-sensei continue to point these facts out to his fellow students. PETER(Washu): Upon the later stages of arousal, the male’s you-know-what will swell to a monstrous size, and form a ringed bulge that moves up and down his length as if it were a python bodybuilder flexing its muscles. RANMA(student): Will all of us get that big, or does size really matter? (Ayeka and Priss get large sweatdrops on the back of their heads.) >His perspiration has flooded the >restroom up to his shaking knees. >His penis swells even more. AYEKA: Now how is he going to fit that back into his pants? >Unbalanced by its weight he falls >backwards and it smashes through the ceiling. PRISS: Uh, shouldn’t he be falling forwards? >Chunks of wood and plaster cover his face, blinding him. >He reaches to wipe away the debris as his manhood rises, unstoppable, into the stratosphere. RANMA: Strangest flagpole I’ve ever seen. > >Tenchi awakened as his fingertips brushed something warm and soft pressed against his face. He opened >his >eyes, but still couldn't see anything. Something was blocking his sight. Tentatively he tried to push >whatever it was away. In the meantime, his slowly- awakening mind PETER(VERY slowly): Twoooooo pluuuuus twooooooo, eeeeequuuuals twoooooo deee twooooooo. >attempted to sort out interesting >sensations working their way up from somewhere near his waist. ALL: Uh-oh! >He discovered that not one but *two* >objects were obstructing his vision, one resting on each eye. Vaguely rounded. Smooth. Warm, too. Firm >yet malleable at the same time. By now very urgent messages were racing up the length of his spine and >rudely demanding that his brain grant them immediate audience. RANMA(robot): WARNING!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!! AYEKA(ditto): Intruder alert! Intruder alert! >Just a second, said his brain. I'm trying >to figure out why there are two breasts on my face, and I can only handle one thought at a time this early >in the morning. PRISS: You can only handle one thought at ANY time in the morning! >Breasts? PETER: No, they’re extra warm cantaloupes. OF COURSE THEY’RE BREASTS!!! >Hmmm... yes, that's what they are. Come to think of it, they're pretty big, so >that probably means they belong to... PRISS: Not Washu. AYEKA: Or Sasami. RANMA: Mihoshi, maybe? PRISS (ducking her head): Incoming. (Ayeka hits Ranma into the air.) *WHAM!!!* (The cursed martial artist flies over Priss and Peter.) PETER(to Ranma): Fly safely! (Watches Ranma land, with a loud *WHUMP!*) Ooh. Bet that hurt. >Look, that's very interesting, but something's going on down here >that we think you should know about... PETER: And you may or may not like what it is. AYEKA(to Peter): Do not make me have to come over there. PETER: I won’t. (Ranma does a jump over Peter and Priss, and lands back at his own seat.) RANMA(large bruise on his cheek): You didn’t have to hit me so hard, Ayeka. AYEKA: Oh, yes I did. >At this point Tenchi became fully aware of the sensation of >something slippery clasped tightly around the shaft of his penis and slowly sliding up and down its >length. In his state of semi- consciousness he'd dismissed it as a continuation of his dream, RANMA: Well surprise, it’s not. >but he >definitely felt it now. He tried to get up, but immediately two sets of hands gripped his wrists and knees, >pinning him. PRISS(WWF announcer): One. Two. Three, you’re out! AYEKA: You are supposed to get OFF of him, now! >The ring of pressure glidedup and off of his cock. Then he felt what could only be a kiss >being planted on the tip of it. Someone's lips lingered for a moment, then their tongue began washing >back and forth across his balls. He struggled and tried to get up again. Whoever was holding his wrists >forced his shaking hands to cup the breasts resting on his face. Erect nipples poked into his palms, and >above him a female voice moaned softly. PETER(Tenchi): Oops! Went to the wrong place. >Then his hands were empty again and his arms were yanked >roughly outwards onto the mattress. At the same time, his head was lifted from the pillow and brought to >rest on someone's knees. Tenchi blinked as the morning light struck his eyes. Then he froze. Ryoko >stared down at him through her cleavage, smiling. PRISS(Ryoko): What’cha doing down there? RANMA(Tenchi): The breast stroke. (Priss is hit over the head by Peter, and Ranma is hit over the head by Ayeka.) *BONK!* *BONK!* PRISS & RANMA: What did ya do that for!?! AYEKA & PETER: The joke. >Tenchi quickly resumed his futile attempts to get free. >A warm mouth impaling itself on his cock stopped him, and he lay paralyzed. *OK, so if it's not Ryoko, >who is it that's...* PRISS: You know, that IS a good question. AYEKA: Ryoko probably has a double of herself, at Tenchi’s waist. PETER: What makes you say that? AYEKA: Just a hunch. >Fingers gently grasped the base of his penis as the unseen mouth withdrew. First a >wild mane of cyan hair, then yellow cat-like eyes, then lips pulled into a mischievous grin rose up >through the covers. ALL(speechless): . . . . . (Peter points to Ayeka, and to the tip of his own nose.) >Tenchi's eyes bounced up, then down, >switching between the two identical faces a >dozen times. ALL: Boingi, boingi, boingi, boingi. . . >He redoubled his efforts to escape and his penis stiffened even further as his mind and his >hormones independently considered the implications. RANMA(Tenchi): Oh, great! Now there’s two of them! AYEKA(ditto): As if ONE of them was not enough, already! >Both Ryokos giggled simultaneously. PRISS: Ryoko, in stereo. >"Ohayo, Tenchi," PETER(Tenchi): Oklahoma, Ryokos. >cooed the one between his legs. "What are you made of? Stone? AYEKA(to the others): Do NOT answer that. OTHERS: We weren’t. >I thought I'd *never* wake you >up!" PRISS: Well, he’s certainly ‘up’, now. AYEKA(angrily): Priss! PRISS: Okay, all right, I’ll shut up. Geez. >She pulled herself entirely above the covers and lay across his legs to hold him down, then propped >up her head with one hand while reaching down through the blankets again with the other. Her fingertip >traced idly up and down his penis. Then she looked directly into his face and slowly licked her lips >suggestively. No, *not* suggestively. Demandingly. RANMA: No, it’s definitely suggestively. PETER: Ayeka graciously taught us all about what ‘demandingly’ looks like, and that’s not quite it. AYEKA: Why thank you. . . . Wait a minute. >Imperatively. Without the slightest hint that she >would accept anything less than to wrap those lips around him and drain him dry as a husk. PRISS: So he thinks she’s a vampire? RANMA: Uh, I don’t think I’d want to see him, holding a steak over her. AYEKA: Or hear her say where she would want him to put IT. PETER(Brooklyn accent): Yeah, I got yer T-bone, porterhouse, right here! (The others stare at him nervously. Even the characters in the Fan Fic are looking warily at him.) What? You lookin at me? You lookin at me? >"I was >*really* enjoying that, Tenchi," she breathed sensuously. "Were you?" (Ayeka glares at the other MST group members. They stay quiet.) >Deep inside his brain two primal >voices clashed in violent struggle. RANMA(Caveman): Unga-Bunga! PETER(ditto): Me no understand wheel thing! AYEKA(large sweatdrop on the back of her head): Uh. . . Just what are you two doing? PETER & RANMA: Guy stuff. PRISS: Yeah, right. >One wanted to know what in the world he was afraid of, PETER, PRISS, & RANMA: Ayeka finding out, and killing him. AYEKA: You got that right. PETER: Once again, a catch phrase by one of us. >and >commanded loudly that he lie back and stay still. But the other, louder, warned of the fate of prey that >hesitate to flee. PETER: He gets shown on "When Animals Attack." >His mind locked in debate, Tenchi just stared back at her. PRISS(telephone operator): Tenchi is not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, and put some clothes on, he’ll get back to you shortly. >Ryoko pouted, and under the >covers her hand softly wrapped around the shaft of his penis. "Do you want me to suck your cock some >more, Tenchi?" she asked, slowly stroking him, and her lustful voice managed to plead and insistat the >same time. "Please tell me, Tenchi. Did you like that?" Still he stared blankly at her. RANMA(Tenchi): Duhhh. . . . Tell me about the cabbits. >"I want to make you >cum in my mouth, Tenchi," PETER: Bet that tastes terrible. PRISS: Actually, it tastes kind of salty. (Everyone else turns toward Priss, staring nervously at her.) Oops. Uh. . . At least that’s what I heard. . .um. . . RANMA: Just watch the Fic. You’re not fooling anybody. >she said, her eyes never wavering from his, "but I'll stop, if you tell me to." AYEKA: And pigs shall fly. >The heated argument in his head continued, one voice shouting that Ryoko was lying, RANMA(sarcastically): Gee, what ever gave you THAT idea? >she had no >intention of stopping, ALL: Well, DUH!! >and that he needed to escape, *now*, and the other screaming that, yes, she *was* >lying, and he damn well better *not* escape. PETER: I’m beginning to think that the only reason that voice is not as loud, is because it is originating from somewhere further away from his ears. >His unmoving eyes peered out into empty space. RANMA: Space. The final frontier. PRISS: One minute. Two minute. Three minute. >Ryoko let >out a sigh, wishing he'd at least *say* something. "Well, Tenchi, if you can't decide, I guess I'll have to >help you make up your mind," AYEKA: His mind is at the OTHER end, Miss Ryoko. >she said. Her feral gaze locked on him for a long moment, promising him >that he was about to be run to ground and devoured. PETER: Actually, she looks like she’s about to do something that Ayeka will not like. >Her hands grabbed his knees again. She sank >through the blankets like a phantom. And as her mouth descended on him once more, his eyes closed >tight and his involuntary moan rang in her ears like music. Ryoko's head bobbed up and down PRISS: I hope this doesn’t turn into a ‘Bobbit’ rip-off. OTHERS: *URP*! Priss!! >as she >engulfed and released Tenchi's penis, again, again, and again. PRISS: She keeps sucking, and sucking, and sucking, and (Priss is hit over the head, by Ayeka.) *BONK!* Ow! >Tremors of fear and waves of pleasure >swept through him. One moment he wanted desperately to tear away and flee. The next he wished just as >much to beg her to never stop. But neither impulse won. Above him, the duplicate Ryoko -- the only part >of his mind still capable of rational thought had decided that's what she was, since theother had done all >the talking -- PETER(pulling out megaphone): This looks like a job for- OTHERS(ducking): Oh, no. Not again! PETER: "Mr. Bullhorn"!!! OTHERS: Make him stop. Make him stop. PETER(through megaphone): THEY ARE _BOTH_ THE REAL RYOKO!!!!!!! SHE JUST DEVIDES HERSELF INTO TWO PEOPLE, EACH WITH HALF OF HER ORIGINAL POWER!!!!!!! >brought her breasts down onto his face and began to slide them back and forth. RANMA(sports announcer): And Ryoko comes out with a left, and a right, and another left! Tenchi is being murdered out there, folks! >After a few >minutes, she pulled her knees out from under him, floated up in the air vertically, and pressed her hands >firmly down on his shoulders as she started french-kissing him. Between his legs original Ryoko >stopping sucking his penis and let it slip most of the way out between her lips. Tenchi cringed as he felt >pointed, carnivorous teeth hook under the ridge of his glans, (Both Peter And Ranma shudder.) PRISS: That’s supposed to be spelled G-L-A-N-D-S. >preventing it from escaping. Sweat >drenched his body and soaked into the sheets. PETER: Why is it that, in every scene of this series, TENCHI IS ALWAYS SWEATING!?!?! RANMA: Forget about Ryoko sucking. Tenchi will be a dried out husk, just from all the SWEATING he’s been doing. >Ryoko's rough tongue playfully darted and danced around >the head of his cock, brushing against it's sensitive skin like warm, wet velvet while her sharp fangs held >it captive, and the unresolvable combination of terror and pleasure threatened to drive him mad. AYEKA: Hey! I am the one who is supposed to specialize in THAT!!! (The others stare nervously at Ayeka.) . . . . Well, it IS the truth, is it not? >Suddenly, duplicate Ryoko tensed. "Someone's coming," she hissed. PRISS(Ryoko): And it’s not Tenchi. >"No, he's still got a ways to go yet," PETER: The author is getting the commas confused with the periods. >original Ryoko replied from under the covers. "That's not what I meant! RANMA(sarcastically): You’re kidding! >Someone's coming up the stairs. PRISS: I won’t say it. It’s too easy. >It's probably Sasami fetching Tenchi for breakfast." "Damn! PETER(Ryoko): Seems EVERYONE want’s Tenchi for breakfast. AYEKA(warningly): I heard that. PETER: Sorry. >Alright, hold him down, and keep him >quiet. I'll take care of this." Ryoko gave Tenchi's penis a lick. "I'll be back, I promise," she purred. Then >she whisked through the room and out the door. Sasami walked up to Tenchi's bedroom door and saw >Ryoko standing next to it, holding a slip of paper. "Ohayo, Ryoko. What's that?" PRISS(Ryoko): I think it’s a slip of paper. >"Tenchi left a note >taped to his door," answered Ryoko, handing it to Sasami. "`I decided to sleep late today, so please don't >wake me up. Please save my breakfast for me. Thanks.'" AYEKA: Is Sasami reading that note, or is it just what the note says? RANMA: Who cares. >Sasami paused for a moment, a disappointed >look on her face. "But the miso soup won't be as good when it's reheated. And Mr. Masaki isn't here, >either. PRISS: Why should it matter if HE’S there? >Oh, well. Come on, Ryoko, before it gets cold. "Sweat beaded on Ryoko's brow. "I'm, uh, already >having breakfast, Sasami. I'll be down later. Thanks anyway." "Oh? What are you having? I'll fix it for >you tomorrow if you want, Ryoko." PETER(Ryoko): Why, Tenchi; Breakfast of champions! AYEKA(angrily): PETER! PETER: Okay, okay. Geez! > >...As Sasami headed back down to the kitchen, she happened to meet >Aeka halfway up the stairs. "Isn't Tenchi-sama going to have breakfast?" asked Aeka worriedly. "Is he >sick?" >Sasami shook her head. "He decided to sleep in. He'll be down later." Aeka looked around. "I >don't see Ryoko, either," PRISS(Sasami): Oh, she’s going down, right now. AYEKA(angrily): Please refrain from doing that!!!! >she commented, starting to walk down the stairs with Sasami. "Ryoko said she >was having breakfast in bed." "That lazy woman!" cursed Aeka. AYEKA: You go, girl. (The others stare nervously at Ayeka, but do not say anything.) >"Ryoko's a nice lady. But she is kind of >weird sometimes." PETER: So she can fly through walls, throw energy bolts, and create a sword out of nowhere. What makes you think she’s weird? >Aeka chuckled. "Well, I'll agree with you about the second part, Sasami," she said. >"And more than sometimes." "I've just never heard of someone having *salami* for breakfast before." (Peter, Priss, and Ranma all get large sweat drops on the back of their heads. Ayeka seems to have turned to stone.) AYEKA: . . . . . . . . . PETER: Five, four, three, two, one. AYEKA(outraged): THAT. . .THAT. . .OOOOH!!!!! THAT BLATANT, OVERSEXED, DIRTY MINDED- (Ayeka’s shield units appear all over the theater, and electrify all around them. Peter, Priss, and Ranma are all shocked by lightning, as the loud crackling of energy drowns out Ayeka’s long string of curses. Finally the shocking stops.) AYEKA(still mad): AND WITH A CHERRY ON TOP!!!!!!! OTHERS(burned to a crisp): Ouchies. . . . >Aeka laughed for a moment, PETER, PRISS, & RANMA(still burnt): Says who? AYEKA(finally noticing the other MST group members): Oh my god! What happened to you three!?! (Peter, Priss, and Ranma all glare at Ayeka. The princess has the good sense to sit down, and look sheepish.) >but stopped. Something told her these bits of apparently-innocuous >information added up to something very *bad*, but she wasn't sure exactly *how*. AYEKA: I am not that stupid. I would see that kind of plot from a mile away. I have spent years training in when, and how to know when someone is plotting something. PETER: By the way, how do you know that one of the other girls is not trying to get Tenchi, right this minute? AYEKA: Because I ordered Azaka and Kamidake to guard Lord-Tenchi from the other girls, unless given direct instructions not to. RANMA: Say, don’t they follow orders from Sasami, as well? AYEKA: . . . . . . . . .(Looks like she is about to cry.) I think I just screwed up. >Tenchi had decided AYEKA: To tell Ryoko to stop. PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL(bored): Yaaay. >to sleep in. Ryoko was eating salami in bed. *That* surely was appropriate, thought Aeka with >amusement. PRISS: For how much longer? RANMA: I’d give it another couple of seconds, tops. >That dirty-minded Ryoko was probably pretending that she was... ALL: What do you mean, "pretending"? >Aeka froze in her tracks >and blinked. AYEKA: Do not just do something! Stand there! (The others look nervously at Ayeka.) Uh, I mean, get up there, and stop what Ryoko is doing, you fool! >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!..." screamed Aeka, RANMA: Why is her scream trailing off, like that? AYEKA: Well, I can only hold so much air in my lungs. >tearing back up the stairs as fast as her legs would carry her. PRISS: Which when concerning Tenchi, is pretty damn fast. AYEKA: You got that right. >Ryoko sucked insistently at Tenchi's penis. PETER: She just keeps blowing, and blowing, and blowing, and blowing, and blowing, and- (Ayeka throws the seat in front of her at Peter, sending the Fan Fiction writer tumbling into the isle next to him.) *WHUD* *WHUMP* (Time seems to stop as Peter slowly gets up, brushes himself off, and sits back down into his chair.) PETER: blowing, and blowing, and blowing, and blowing, and blowing. . . . . >He was close, she could tell. PRISS: Well, of course he has to be close, otherwise she couldn’t be- RANMA(to Priss): SHH! (In attempted Pig-Latin) Not-ay here-ay. Ayeka-ay is-ay too-ay close-ay. (Priss gets a large sweatdrop on the back of her head, Ayeka rolls her eyes, and Peter facefaults into the chair in front of him.) PETER(muffled by the chair): Gourry Gabriev, eat your heart out. >At last he had stopped struggling, AYEKA(confused and worried): Stopped. . . .struggling. . . ? PETER: Oh, great. She killed him. >instead thrusting his pelvis upward, PETER: Oh, wait. He’s still alive. RANMA: Dangit! Now the stupid lemon scene will continue. AYEKA: Just take the good with the bad. >driving deeper into her mouth. PRISS: But is the good really worth it? >*Well, that's a step in the right direction*, RANMA: For you, maybe. >she thought delightedly. She >paused and licked the underside, >then resumed. "...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!..." >came the sound of a rapidly-approaching scream PETER: Being closely followed by Ayeka. AYEKA(attempting to speak Spanish): Andele! Andele! Este, moove, quickle, nowe! >. *Oh, hell!* swore Ryoko. *Sorry, Tenchi, but I'm >going to have to rush this a bit.* (Group makes vacuuming noises.) >She dismissed her doppleganger so she could give her task her >undivided attention, RANMA: Uh. . . . Was that just a pun? PRISS: Wonderful. Now we’re the victims of a read-by, punning. >then pressed lips and tongue and fingers into play, applying as much raw >stimulation as rapidly as she could. She felt his whole body tensing up just as the door slammed open. >"...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" PETER(to Ayeka): You know, you’d be much more intimidating if you didn’t gasp for air, between your screaming. AYEKA: I shall keep that in mind from now on, Peter. >Tenchi arched his back. He moaned, and >for a moment that was the only sound in Ryoko's universe. AYEKA: Shoot! I was not screaming loud enough! >*This is it!* her mind shouted, and she >clamped her lips tightly around the shaft, ready for him. Aeka grabbed Ryoko's leg and yanked with all >her strength just as Tenchi's cock began to twitch. The two girls landed in a heap in front of the door, PRISS(now dressed up as a sports announcer): Ooh! Now that was a major upset caused by the first princess of Jurai, if I ever saw one! RANMA(also dressed up as a sports announcer): Indeed you’re right, Priss. Looking back at the instant replay, we can all plainly see that Tenchi was lucky that those two didn’t end up castrating him, when Ayeka yanked Ryoko away like that. Let’s go now to the field, with Peter Suzuki. Take it away, Peter! PETER(dressed up as Howard Corsell, and standing next to Ayeka): Thank you, Ranma Saotome. I am here on the field with miss Ayeka Jurai. Miss Ayeka, you have just successfully stopped Miss Ryoko from effectively giving oral sex, to Tenchi. Tell me, are you planning on completing what Ryoko has started, or are you going to leave Tenchi hard, and unsatisfied? AYEKA(large sweatdrop on the back of her head): What the hell are you talking about? PETER: And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Heartfelt words of wisdom, from Ayeka Jurai. Back to you, Ranma! RANMA: Thanks Peter. Well, it looks like Ayeka and Ryoko are going to confront each other, about what just happened. PRISS: With the circumstances in question, and Tenchi likely to explode any minute, you can bet that this will be something to see. >and each turned to face the other in fury. Energy arced between them as they prepared to do battle. AYEKA: Definitely a shocking sight to behold. >Then >the gasping sound of Tenchi gulping huge lungfuls of air caught their attention. PETER: My god! He forgot his asthma medication!! >Simultaneously their >heads turned towards him, then down to the spreading wet spot on the covers between his legs. PRISS: And that’s what happens when you don’t let him go to the bathroom, before giving him a blowjob. PETER: Oh, not on the bed! How many times must you be told to go on the papers!?! RANMA: Bad Tenchi! Bad! Bad! No treat for you! AYEKA(unhappy): We got the point, already. >Ryoko >forced herself to calm down, then sighed with exasperation. "Damn it, Aeka, couldn't you have waited >another *five seconds*?" AYEKA: No! Because then you would have gotten away with it! >Aeka turned back towards her, and as she spoke her voice shook. "I demand to >know what you were doing sneaking into Tenchi-sama's room!" ALL(deadpan): Exactly what it looked like she was doing. >Ryoko blinked. "Uh, wasn't it >*obvious*, Aeka?" "I've had about enough of you!" Aeka declared, her body trembling as she glared at >the space pirate. "Jealous, little princess?" taunted Ryoko, PRISS: Little? PETER: Does she think she talking to Sasami, now? AYEKA(flatly): Ha-ha. Not funny! >smiling at her. "I refuse to allow you to break >into Tenchi-sama's private chambers like a common thief and interrupt his rest when he specifically >asked that he not be disturbed. But I forget, you *are* a common thief, Ryoko..." RANMA: Uh. . . . Is it just me, or did that sound a little cruel, even for Ayeka. PRISS: It isn’t just you. >"Aeka..." "...and you >care nothing for anything or anyone but yourself. Tenchi-sama graciously offers you his hospitality and >in return you assault him like a mindless ruffian. But then, you're that, too, Ryoko, I must >remember..." PETER(outraged): Now wait a minute! That’s going a bit too far!! >"Aeka...!""...and if it weren't for Tenchi-sama's sense of honor, he'd have thrown you out >the moment he set his eyes on you. AYEKA: Even _I_ think this is a little too cruel! I would never use such words, even if it was Ryoko who I was speaking to. >But someone like you hasn't the slightest idea what honor *is*, much >less how to respond with gratitude when it is shown..." >"AEKA!!" PETER(to B-ko): Fast forward through this part, please! B-KO(from the control booth): Gladly! *ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP!!!* (This is the sound of the Fic, in "fast forward") >"...instead you destroy his family's >property, PETER, PRISS, RANMA, & AYEKA: More. B-KO(orphanage cook): More!? You want more!?! (The others glare at B-ko.) Okay, okay. I was just kidding. *ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP!!!* B-KO: You guys just can’t appreciate good humor. AYEKA: On the contrary. We DO appreciate good humor, and that is why we did not like your joke. >disturb the peaceful harmony of their home, *ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP!!!* >and what's worst of all...""A-E-K-A!!!!" *ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP!!!* >"...even >after Tenchi-sama makes it clear that he'd never be attracted to a disgusting and evil person like *you*, *ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP- ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP-ZIP!!!* >and that he doesn't RANMA: HOW MUCH MORE COMPLAINING IS SHE GOING TO DO!?!?! PETER: This is ridiculous! The tree outside Tenchi’s window just germinated, and now another tree is growing next to it!!! AYEKA(hysterical): _I_ am hoping that Ryoko kills my persona, in this story!!! THAT shows you just how I feel about this!!!! This is ruining my reputation for miles around!!! PRISS: Would somebody make her @#$%ing stop, already!?!?! >want his heart and body tainted with your wickedness and cruelty, ALL: Look who’s talking!!! >you still insist on >throwing yourself on him like a cheap tramp!!" "SHUT UP!!!" PETER: PLEASE DO!!! >screamed Ryoko, hurling a blast of >energy towards Aeka. ALL: Thank you, Ryoko. AYEKA: Wait a minute. . . . What am I doing!?! PRISS: Don’t worry about it. Being honest in this case, is a good thing. AYEKA: Good point. >Preoccupied with her tirade, the princess barely dodged it. An instant later it >struck the wall and exploded, hurling Aeka to the ground, her clothes smudged with soot. Ryoko glared >down at her for a moment, readying to follow up the attack. Tenchi stumbled out of bed and helped Aeka >to her feet. "Are you alright, Aeka?" he asked, his voice full of concern, but his eyes looking up at Ryoko >angrily. RANMA(angrily): Oh, sure! Blame HER for that! >"Yes, Tenchi, I'm fine," she replied. She coughed slightly. Then she noticed his nakedness, >blushed, and quickly exited the room. Feeling Ryoko's eyes on him, he grabbed a blanket and wrapped it >around his waist. Ryoko floated up to him. "Well, now that *she's* gone, wanna get back to business?" >she asked. She started to put her arm around him, but Tenchi pushed her away and glowered at her. >"There's no excuse for what you just did," he said, his voice icy. ALL:. . . . . . PETER: Yes there was. RANMA: Did we just miss something, back there? AYEKA: As blatant as Ryoko is being, she did ALL of us a great service. >"Forget about her, Tenchi," she said >soothingly, again trying to embrace him. "You liked what I was doing, didn't you?" He shoved her away, >harder this time. "Stop that!" Ryoko looked at him, bewildered. "Do you really care more about her than >you do about me?" she asked. "That's not the point! Don't you understand? Aeka's a guest in my house. If >you attack her, it's the same as if you attacked *me*. And if you hurt her, you've hurt *me*." He glared >at her pitilessly. PRISS: OH? And just what were you doing, during the two hours that Ayeka was going over the one thousand and one worst things to call Ryoko, HUH!?!?! >"And right now, after what you did, I don't want to have anything to do with you!" >Ryoko looked down at the floor, unable to believe what she was hearing. "Get out of my room!" he >ordered. Ryoko stared wide-eyed at him, her expression one of complete shock. PETER: I’d do a Pikachu joke right here, but even I think it’s rather inappropriate, right now. >"But, Tenchiiii..." she >cooed tremulously, starting to move towards him again. "I said GET OUT!" he shouted. She paused in >midair, watching him, shaking. "OUT!!" he yelled. Ryoko turned away from him before the tears started, >floating out the window and quickly vanishing into the woods. RANMA: Of all the times he should get a backbone, he had to use it NOW!?!? AYEKA: I do not know if I should hurt you for that one, or not. PRISS: Don’t. PETER: He made a rather accurate observation. >Tenchi watched her go, wishing that >somehow he could have found another way, that he hadn't had to speak so harshly to her. PRISS: Oh, so NOW he figured that out! >He told himself >she'd left him no choice. PETER: Like hell. >But that didn't make him regret it less. He checked the walls to be sure a fire >wasn't about to start. Luckily, nothing was burning. ALL: Except us. >But the damage was quite noticeable. Tenchi >grumbled, not looking forward to the repairs he'd have to make, RANMA: HE makes the repairs!? AYEKA: No. Washu does that. Well, at least in my world, she does. >as he began getting ready for school. PETER(angrily at Tenchi): Oh, sure! Run away, coward! Your days are numbered buster!!! PRISS: Okay, he’s had enough coffee now. >Night had long since fallen when Ryoko walked back into the Masaki home, silently passing through the >living room wall. Wordlessly she lay down on the couch, staring at the ceiling. Suddenly a voice out of >the darkness startled her. "Hi, Ryoko," said Sasami, gazing out the window. AYEKA: The author, may he rot for portraying me that way, has got his commas confused with his periods, again. >"What are you doing up so >late, Sasami?" RANMA(Sasami): I got tired of hearing my sister bitch for hours on end, about you. >"I was worried about you, and I couldn't sleep," replied the princess, turning towards her. >"You were gone all day, and I thought maybe you weren't coming back." >Ryoko sighed. "You're probably >the only one here who'd be sorry if I hadn't." PETER: I don’t know. Thousands of Ryoko fans would have been pissed, if you just left all of a sudden, and never came back. >Sasami came over to the couch and sat down next to her. "I >saved lunch and dinner for you." AYEKA(Sasami): They were being attacked by evil space aliens, today. PRISS(Ryoko): What isn’t, now a days? >"Thank you, Sasami. I'll eat it later, I promise." "Are you sure you don't >want me to get it? When you weren't there at lunch today, I decided to make oyako donburi for dinner, >`cause I know you like it." PETER(Ryoko): I’d like it even better if I knew what the hell "oyako donburi" is. >She looked down at the floor. "I thought maybe if you were hiding >somewhere, it might make you come out." PRISS(Sasami): Like Ryo-oh-ki, and carrots. >Ryoko forced a smile. "I'm glad you thought about me, >Sasami- chan. But you don't need to worry. I'm not going anywhere." RANMA(Ryoko): We’ve still got more chapters to be in. >For a moment she looked out the >window. PRISS(Ryoko): There goes that Ford P.O.S., with those guys in black suits, again. PETER: That was the second most pointless joke I’ve ever heard. AYEKA: What was the first? PETER: You don’t want to know. >"Not anywhere at all," she said very quietly, her sad voice full of regret and disappointment. >Then she remembered Sasami again. "Anyway, aren't you up late? You'd better get back before Aeka >notices you're gone." Sasami shook her head. "She's asleep. AYEKA(Sasami): All that wrongfully making fun of you, really wore her out. >Besides, I'm not tired. I'm just kinda bored. I >wish we could play a game or something." PRISS: If this turns into a Lemon scene, I swear I’m going to- PETER(drooling): Mmmm. Lemony!! (Peter spends the next few minutes dodging chairs, being thrown by the rest of the MST group, and a few of the readers.) >She paused for a moment of thought. "Hey, Ryoko, do you >like to play chess? " >Ten minutes later the two were on the floor, faced off over a Juraian chess set, Ryoko >taking gold while Sasami took silver RANMA: Because Ryoko was faster than Sasami. AYEKA: It is CHESS, not a race! RANMA: Yeah, yeah. Details, details. >. The pieces vaguely resembled those of Western chess, PETER(country accent): YEHAW!! >though with >Trees replacing Rooks, PETER: Knock on wood. >and Princesses instead of Bishops. AYEKA: They do not look a thing like me. PRISS: That’s probably because they’re only two inches tall. AYEKA: Ah! I see. >Examining the carved metal figures, Ryoko >noticed that each Queen carried what looked like a cat RANMA: GYAAAAA!! (Ranma jumps to the back of the theater.) >-o'-nine-tails, RANMA: Oh. I knew that! PETER: Get back up here, and riff the Fic like the rest of us. RANMA(getting back in his seat): Hey, it’s not my fault. You know how I am, about cats. PETER: Don’t remind me. PRISS: By the way, how come you can watch cabbits, without being scared, Ranma? RANMA: I had to be ‘conditioned’ for it. PETER: Took us a month and a half just to get him used to Ryo-oh-ki. >and both Kings were swathed in >seemingly-endless lengths of chains. PRISS(King as Jacob Marley): Scrooooooooooooge! PETER(King): I was framed, I tell ya! Framed! RANMA: Why is he dressed like that? PETER: His wife is holding a "Cat-o’-nine-tails". How else do you think she can keep him from running away? RANMA: Oh. AYEKA(rubbing the sides of her forehead): I can not believe this. The author has her using the ‘Adult’ chess set. This could be considered child pornography, on Jurai. >"I'm not very good at this," apologized Sasami. "Aeka usually beats >me at it." PETER(eyebrows arching): Hello!! AYEKA(angrily, and blushing): Not in THAT sense, you twit!!! >"You don't say," replied Ryoko, examining the coiled bull-whip in the hands of one of her >Princess pieces PRISS: Now, that one looks a little more like Ayeka. AYEKA: Hey! I do not use my whip ALL of the time! >before placing it on the board. Thirty minutes and a dozen or so moves later, Ryoko >groaned and glanced around the board for some hope of regrouping her decimated forces. RANMA(to Ryoko): I feel your pain. >If only her >Queen was in a different spot... "Ryoko?" asked Sasami, her expression betraying some of her earlier >worry. PETER(Sasami): She’s going to move her Knight to L-7, and ruin my entire strategy for this game. AYEKA: No, Peter. You see, that would just allow her soldier to capture it, instead of- PETER(exasperated): I stink at chess, OKAY!!! >"Hmmm?" "Being mad at Aeka doesn't make you get mad at me, does it?" PRISS(Ryoko): Nah. You don’t look a thing like her. RANMA: Is it just me, or does Ayeka look like only her dad, and Sasami looks like only her mom? PETER: It’s not just you. AYEKA: Well, appearance of people largely does depend on the appearance of their parents. PRISS: And there is the point of people who live together, start to look like each other. AYEKA: True, true. PETER: Well, I guess that explains Azaka and Kamidake. (Peter is suddenly bombarded by mini Jurian guardians, little stuffed ‘P-Chans’, and "Night Saber" action figures.) OW-OW-OW!! Quit it! Cut it out! That joke wasn’t THAT bad! OTHERS(still throwing things at Peter): Says who!? >Ryoko reached over >and tousled Sasami's hair. RANMA(Ryoko): How do you get it to stay down, like that? PRISS(Sasami): Conditioner. Lots of conditioner. >"Anything between me and your sister, is between me and your sister," PETER(Ryoko): Including sex, so don’t even think about it. (Peter is promptly beaten up by the other members of the MST group.) *WHAM* *BAM* *SMASH* *PAIN* *WHUMP* *MORE PAIN* *ETC* (The other members of the MST group sit back down, leaving a crumpled Peter, still in his seat.) . . . . . . Ouch. >assured Ryoko, meanwhile using her free hand to quickly move her Queen. AYEKA: Could not resist it, could you? >"Not you or anybody else." >"I'm glad, Ryoko," replied Sasami, her face brightening again. Shelooked back at the board. "Wow! >There's a move I didn't see before." PRISS(Sasami): Zigzag, and even through my pawns too! >Picking up a Tree, she captured the gold Queen and placed a >flabbergasted Ryoko in check. RANMA(Nelson from "The Simpsons"): HAW-HAW!! >"Why are you and my sister always fighting? PRISS: Well, it could have something to do with the fact that Ryoko is always trying to seduce Tenchi. PETER(recovering from his beating): Or because Ayeka can be such a bit- (Ayeka jumps behind Peter, and hits him with a mallet.) *WHAM!!* Ow. . . . >Is it because of Tenchi?" ALL: Yes. >Ryoko nodded. "That's part of the reason." "Why can't you *both* be friends with Tenchi? PETER: They are, just not with each other. >It makes him >really sad when you fight. It makes me sad, too." ALL: Us, too. >"SASAMI!" shrieked Aeka, starting to run towards >them from the foot of the stairs. PRISS: Oh great. Here we go, again. >"Get away from there!" Quickly she tugged her sister to her feet while >glaring murderously at Ryoko. "I told you to stay away from that woman. AYEKA(Sasami): No you did not! >There's no telling what she >might do. You might be hurt!" Ryoko remained fixed as a statue, saying nothing and staring at floor. >"But, Aeka..." began Sasami in protest. "Come along, Sasami." PRISS(Aeka): Time for ‘walkees’! AYEKA: Hey!! >"Oh, alright. Goodnight, Ryoko." "Sweet >dreams, Sasami-chan," replied Ryoko, still not raising her eyes. "Sasami! A princess of Jurai does *not* >speak to violent, criminal trash!" RANMA(throwing his hands up into the air): Nooo! Not again!! >As the two Juraians receded PETER(to Ayeka): I didn’t know you and Sasami suffered from hair loss. AYEKA: You are just a glutton for punishment, you know that? >up the stairs, Ryoko set up the board for >another game, deciding that it might take her mind of her troubles. As she did so, her duplicate stepped >out of her RANMA: GYAAA!! IT’S THE CHESTBUSTER SCENE FROM "ALIENS"!!!!! PRISS(to Ranma): Don’t worry. She has plenty of chest to spare. PETER: Hey! That’s my line! >and sat down in Sasami's place. Silently the two Ryokos began to play. Time passed, the moon >moving steadily westward across the sky. AYEKA: Is Tenchi home, yet? PRISS: No. RANMA: Shouldn’t they have sent a search party out for him by now, or something? PETER: How about a pack of starving hounds? AYEKA: Still bitter over that scene, I see. PETER: Why do you think that? I mean why should seeing Tenchi reach a new level of jerkiness, bring forth my dark spirit from the depths of my soul? PRISS: Just an accurate observation, I guess. >Still she had gained neither respite nor solution. "It almost >worked this time," said the double, after a while. PRISS(Ryoko): I almost got your king. >"Yeah," agreed Ryoko. "If only she hadn't barged in." >"Don't remind me." RANMA: Or us, either. >"But I think he *liked* it," protested the double. "I'm *sure* he did. Towards the >end, he wasn't trying to get away at *all*! Once you were done, he'd have let you stay. AYEKA: No, no, no. Once you were done, he would have fallen asleep. PETER & RANMA: Hey!! >You could have >talked to him. Told him you love him. And he would have *listened*!" PRISS: You mean he wouldn’t have listened before? >"I *said*, don't remind me!" >growled Ryoko. "But what's it going to take to me him *see*?!" demanded the duplicate. "I don't know," PETER: Try ripping off his eyelids. That could work. PRISS: Peter. PETER: What? RANMA: You’re getting a little TOO dark, now. PETER(posing): Oh? I’m glad someone finally noticed my tan. AYEKA, PRISS, & RANMA(to B-ko): B-ko! He’s starting to scare us! B-KO(from the control booth): Same here. >Ryoko answered quietly. The double sighed. "It would be so nice to be with him, instead of being alone." >"As long as *she's* around, there's no way I'm ever going to get to Tenchi," AYEKA: Who is she talking about? (The others stare nervously at Ayeka.) Oh, right. Stupid question. OTHERS: Bingo. >Ryoko muttered. Her double >nodded. "He's up there all by himself, when you'd do *anything* for him, if you could only be with him. >It really upsets me." "Same here. But what can I do about it?" PRISS(Ryoko as the Godfather): We’ll just make her an offer, she can’t refuse. (Italian music starts playing in the background.) ALL: Creepy. >asked Ryoko with a heavy sigh ."You >could sneak into his room again," suggested the duplicate. Ryoko shook her head. "Aeka's watching him >like a hawk. She'd be in there before I managed to get to first base, much less went all the way. And >Tenchi's mad at me right now, too. "Her duplicate's expression turned fierce. "Could you get rid of her, >then?" ALL: No, no, no, no, no. We don’t hate her THAT much. >she asked, flexing her fingers. "She's waiting for you to go after Tenchi. She won't be expecting >you to go after *her*. She won't be watching her back." Eyes blazed and fangs bared. "And she can't stop >you if she'd *dead*." AYEKA: Do we have to keep repeating ourselves? PETER: Well, it’s not like they can actually hear us. ALL: Damn. >"That would only make Tenchi angrier. His heart would be closed to me forever. >And, well, I don't hate Aeka enough to do that, anyway." (Several angels appear over the theater.) "HAAAAL-LE-LU-JAHH!!!" PETER: I was beginning to wonder where those guys went, after our first MST. >"Really?" asked the double skeptically. "I have >to be honest with myself." "Maybe if you let her have him first. I know it would hurt a lot, but at least >that way Tenchi would enjoy it..." RANMA: And Ayeka would enjoy it too. AYEKA: Of course. >Ryoko shot a dangerous look at her duplicate. (Priss makes a gunshot noise.) >"Well, he might enjoy it >a *little*. And afterwards, she'd have to stand aside and let you have your turn. PETER: Uh-huh. And seeing as how the Ayeka in this Fic acts, she would only do so, kicking and screaming. >It would probably make >Tenchi less shy, too. He might finally let you catch him." "I've already tried that. Twice. It's always >`Juraian traditions', and `we're too young', and `I'm not a woman of loose morals.' (Peter, Priss, and Ranma all start laughing, and rolling on the floor.) AYEKA(large sweatdrop on her head): Uh. . . . What was that all about? PETER, PRISS, & RANMA(trying not to laugh out loud): Oh, nothing. >There's no convincing >her. Until she lightens up, it's hopeless." PRISS(Ryoko): Well then, how about sticking one of her ponytails in a light socket. (Ayeka pales to bleach white.) AYEKA: W-w-w-what!?! PETER(to Priss): Priss, that was uncalled for, and I thought I was the one doing the dark parts today. >Her brow furrowed pensively, Ryoko continued to sit, staring at >the chessboard, lost in thought RANMA(Ryoko as Ryoga Hibiki): Where on earth am I now!?! >amidst the gloom. Minutes ticked by, then tens of minutes, then hours. As >the moon set the shadows deepened to fill the room still further, like a rising black tide, until only >starlight shone through the window to glint on the metal chess pieces. RANMA(Ryoko#1): I can’t see the board, anymore. PRISS(Ryoko#2): Good. Then you won’t notice me doing this. >"Well, have you decided what >your next move is yet?" "Uh-huh. It's a pretty desperate gamble but..." Ryoko picked up one of the gold >horsemen. With a trembling, hesitant hand, she moved it across the board, knocking over the silver piece >she captured. "Knight takes Princess." AYEKA: I sure hope the Knight is Lord Tenchi. PETER: Who else? >In the murky darkness, her amber eyes glinted. "Checkmate." > >Preview of Next Episode: No Need for Daydreams and Preparations RANMA(Kid): It’s a bad habit. PRISS(Kid): What’s a bad habit? RANMA(Kid): Daydreaming. PRISS(Kid): Well, I daydream about other things too. >"Tenchi-sama is right to be angry >with you. I'm sure he hates you for what you did, to him *and* to me. You certainly don't *deserve* to >have him speak to you. ALL: NOOOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!! >But I am prepared to be merciful," she said haughtily, as if holding court. "So I >will listen." > PETER: But we don’t wanna!! B-KO(from the control booth): Okay, everybody. Break time! ALL: Hooray!!! (The MST group quickly exits the theater.) ######################################################################### Back in the lounge. "Okay, so far what do you guys think of the Fic?" asked B-ko. "Tenchi sweats too much." Said Ranma. "Ayeka is being passed off as a total bitch." Commented Priss. "And aside from Sasami, the only characters with ANY air time at all are Tenchi, Ayeka, and Ryoko." Said Peter. B-ko nodded, and recorded the information on a clipboard. "By the way, where is Ayeka?" "She’s crying over how she was portrayed in the Fic." explained Peter. "Few people realize just how sensitive she is to that sort of thing." "Oh, and what’s this about us having to do ANOTHER episode, today?" asked Priss. "Well, I decided to link two of the chapters together, so we could get more done." Replied B-ko. "I can’t believe that this was supposed to be the BEST of the lemon series." Said Ranma. "Yeah, I know what you mean." Said Peter. "The characters seem so stereotypical, yet the author insisted on taking their personalities to unbearable extremes. I feel so cheated." "YOU feel cheated? It is not YOU who is up there, being portrayed as some sort of monster." said Ayeka, as she joined the rest of the group. "Now that we’re all here." Said B-ko. "Get back into the theater, and attack that Fic!" "Aww. . . Do we have to?" whined the MST group. "Yes." Said B-ko, flatly. The MST group grumbled, as they walked back into the theater. ######################################################################### (The MST group members sit back in their places, right where they left off.) > >Aikan Muyo >Chapter 3 - No Need For Daydreams and Preparations PRISS: Here we go again. > >"I'm not a robot, RANMA(R2-D2): Beep, boop-boop, beep, blip! PETER(C-3P0): What’s that, R2? Master Luke fell down a well? PRISS: That’s not funny! B-KO(from the control booth): Yeah! "Star Wars" is too good to be used for MSTing! RANMA & PETER: Sorry. AYEKA: Besides. That joke would be much more appropriate for Chewbaka, and Han Solo. PRISS & B-KO: Ayeka!! >passive and programmed, >I'm taking the law into my own hands. PRISS(Judge Dread): I am the law!! >All things come to those who base RANMA: And acid. >Their every action on a proper strategy. > >I got a master plan, ALL: Yeah right. >not taking any chances, >I got a master plan ALL: We already answered this. >and I got me some answers. PETER: And there was much rejoicing ALL(bored): Yaaay. > >I learned my lesson, AYEKA(teacher): Class dismissed! ALL(singing): No more pencils! No more books! . . . . >Fate will keep you >Waiting full of doubt and drudgery." PRISS: Whatever "drudgery" is. >-- "Master Plan", Split Enz RANMA: Ooh! You better get those cut soon. They look just awful! > > >Aeka lay in the bath, letting the warm water buoy and relax her. ALL(flatly): You don’t deserve it. >Her entire body ached with fatigue. PRISS: From what!? Complaining all night!?!? >It >had been a very long night. Though she'd spent most of it in bed, she hadn't slept for an instant. Instead >she'd remained awake and alert, her ears pricked for the slightest unusual sound from Tenchi's room. >Many times she'd heard him start to speak in his sleep and she'd rushed, quiet but ready, to his door and >pressed her ear to it, to assure herself that his breathing remained shallow and even, that Ryoko hadn't >managed to sneak in and... and... *Uwakionna! PETER: Yeah. We all know how terrible "*Uwakionna!" is. >You won't touch him! Not again! Never again!* The >ghastly image of the previous morning burned in her mind. Ryoko with her head between Tenchi's legs >as he gasped, trapped and helpless, paralyzed with fear and revulsion, ALL: Huh? PRISS: Something is seriously screwed up with that girl. AYEKA: Even I have to agree with you, on that one. >while Ryoko... Ryoko... *Gaishou! ALL: Gesundheit! >You should go work in a Pink Salon and charge for that, instead of attacking my poor Tenchi! AYEKA: That is probably how she makes money, anyway. RANMA: Hey! Lay off on those kinds of comments! Ryoko’s had it bad enough, as it is. AYEKA: I know that, but the comment just set itself up, right there. >At least >that way you could pay back the Masakis after you've wrecked their home PRISS: Oh? And what about all of the stuff you burned up with your electrified shields, huh? AYEKA: Well, my shield does not burn THAT much. PETER(holding up a burned pile of cotton): Ayeka, THIS used to be one of the chairs in this theater. AYEKA:. . . . . Well, I could be wrong. >and stuffed yourself with their >food! Lazy ungrateful repulsive top-heavy exhibitionistic oversexed conniving bitch!!!* The door to the >baths opened, RANMA(Ryoko as Lurch from "The Addams Family"): You nagged? >then closed. Aeka's eyes narrowed when she saw her hated enemy walk in as if summoned >by the princess' thoughts. Ryoko was wearing her black and red one-piece. Aeka glared at her. PRISS: Jealous that she couldn’t fit in it, herself. AYEKA: Hey! PETER: Of course she can’t. Ryoko is bigger than Ayeka (Notices Ayeka glaring at him.) ALL over. AYEKA: That is better. >Ryoko got >down on her knees, trembling slightly, bowed, >put her palms on the tiles, and placed her head on her >hands. She stayed that way, frozen in place. RANMA: What’s that spinning noise? PETER: The spirit of justice turning in its grave. >Aeka blinked. "I have come to apologize for what I did >yesterday, Aeka-hime," Ryoko said softly, her voice humble. "Why?" demanded Aeka. PETER: Because apparently the author thought that it should be RYOKO who apologizes for Tenchi being a jerk, and Ayeka being a bitch. AYEKA: I heard that. PETER: So? >"Tenchi's angry >with me because of it, Aeka-hime. He won't speak to me." "Tenchi-sama is right to be angry with you. PRISS: No he doesn’t. >I'm sure he hates you for what you did, to him *and* to me. You certainly don't *deserve* to have him >speak to you. But I am prepared to be merciful," RANMA(sarcastically): Sure you are. >she said haughtily, as if holding court. "So I will listen." >"I'm very sorry for having attacked you yesterday, Aeka-hime. I was wrong to do so." "Yes, you were. >Let this be a lesson to you, not to interrupt your betters when they are speaking. But I am not concerned >with that. What of your attacks on my Tenchi-sama?" A tremor ran through Ryoko's body. She didn't say >anything. "Don't play innocent with me, you disgusting little slut!" warned Aeka angrily. "Do you think I >didn't see the horrible things you were doing to him? And you *dared* enter his room, after all the times >he's made it quite clear how much he loathes the very sight of you!!" Ryoko shivered violently, and Aeka (The MST group covers their ears.) >thought for a moment that she had clenched her fists, but on looking carefully saw that Ryoko's hands >remained flat on the floor. It must have been an illusion caused by the steam from the bath, or something >like that. She also thought she might have heard a sob, but she dismissed that as well. "Speak, >nauseating bitch! Or have you swallowed so much seed from so many men that it's clogged your throat?" >"I will no longer try to take him from you, Aeka-hime. I will not stop you from sleeping with him." >"Don't presume that I spread my legs as easily as *you* do, you...you... you *whore*!" hissed Aeka. "I'm ALL(still covering ears): Not listening. Not listening. La-la-la. Old McDonald had a farm. . . >sorry if I offended you, Aeka-hime." "You did. And you always have. Now, this `apology' of yours. What >can you say to convince me that you mean it?" "By my love for Tenchi, I swear it to you, Aeka-hime." >"You know I don't believe your lies about that! Think of something else." Ryoko remained silent, but she >shook more than ever. Aeka sighed. "Oh, very well. Your apology is accepted, Ryoko. ALL(uncovering ears): Finally! >Not that you've >fooled me for moment into thinking it was sincere. ALL: Arrrgh!! PRISS: Crap in a hat! PETER: Not here, please. >I shall tell Tenchi-sama what you have done. But >being what you are, it would serve you right if he drove you out of here and never spoke a word to you >again!" RANMA: How much longer is she going to go on!?! >She smiled, wanting to twist the knife just a little more. "And I will do my best to convince him >to do exactly that," she added with a laugh. She got up out of the bath to get herself a towel. As she >approached Ryoko to walk past her, the space pirate raised her head and looked at her. When she saw >Ryoko's eyes, Aeka stopped, frozen in terror. Implacable, remorseless, desperate fury burned in those >eyes. ALL: . . . . PETER: Do you think she’s going to? PRISS: We can only hope. >With the strength and rage of a cornered, wounded beast, Ryoko tackled Aeka and held her down. ALL: HOORAY!!! >Aeka screamed. But the sound didn't carry outside the pocket dimension Washuu had used to form the >women's bath. AYEKA: Do not worry. She is just going to put you out of your misery. (Realizes what she is doing) Oh gods! I am wishing that someone would kill me! RANMA: Don’t worry, Ayeka. If I was being written like that, I would want to kill me, too. >*Oh, no! I pushed her too far! She was obsessed with Tenchi! Now that she's lost him, >she's gone mad, and she's going to kill me!!!* PETER: May as well get in the good riffs, while I can. (Now doing an impersonation of an announcer.) This is an ‘Air Touch’ situation! OTHERS: Huh? PETER(continuing): You have just pissed off one of the most powerful warriors in the galaxy! This sort of thing happens all the time. RANMA: Tell me about it. >Her eyes blazing, Ryoko reached underneath the towels >for something she'd hidden there. ALL: GYAAAH!!! LESBIAN RAPE SCENE!!! B-KO(from the control booth): No, no, no! I assure you that this Fic is one hundred percent, lesbian free! ALL: Really? WHEW!! Thank goodness. >Seeing it, Aeka's eyes widened in fear. RANMA: Fortunately, the rest of her remained in the bath, with Ryoko. PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL: YEEHA! YAHOO! YIPPY!! >Later that day, PETER(Sasami): Wow, Ryoko! Where’d you ever find such a big turkey, for dinner? AYEKA: Hey!! PRISS & RANMA: That was disgusting, Peter!!! PETER(smiling): It’s okay. . . . I’m feeling much better now. >Tenchi sat under a tree in the grounds of his school, sipping from a bottle of juice while >he read a book. RANMA(Tenchi reading): Red Rover. . . Red Rover. . . >Next to him lay an empty bento box. The book in question was "The Art of War", by Sun >Tzu, a general from the ancient Kingdom of Wu. Along with Musashi's "The Book of Five Rings", it was >something that grandfather had suggested he study carefully. "It contains much useful wisdom, and that >wisdom can also be applied to many things besides warfare." PETER: Unfortunately, he still hasn’t applied that wisdom to his love life. >He turned the pages, skimming, and >decided that it *was* kind of interesting. It was like his sword practice, except that this was intended to >train the mind, not the reflexes. PRISS: Yeah, and you sure need a lot of training in THAT area. >"In all fighting, the direct method may be used for joining battle, but >indirect methods will be needed in order to secure victory... Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as >the night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt." Tenchi smiled. *'Like a thunderbolt.' That >certainly reminds me of someone.* Then he frowned sadly. He wished again that he hadn't had to yell at >her. There wasn't any other way. PETER(holding his bazooka): Can I shoot him, now!?! OTHERS: No. PETER: Damn! >She'd made an unprovoked attack on Aeka. ALL: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "UNPROVOKED"!?!?!?! >For her own good, he had >to make her understand that she *must* stop trying to hurt people whenever she got angry at them. His >mind went back to the previous morning, remembering the princess's sharp-tongued speech, and Ryoko's >enraged response. OK, not quite unprovoked. Aeka wasn't *completely* guiltless in the matter, PRISS: Oh, NOW he finally sees that. >he >decided. *She shouldn't have called Ryoko a tramp. RANMA: Or honorless, or that she only cared for herself, or that SHE was the one responsible for all the damage in the house, or. . . . >You got mad at Ryoko for attacking your guest, but >you're not supposed to let your guests be insulted, either. You should have at least SAID something to >Aeka about it. That way, Ryoko wouldn't feel singled out.* He was going to remedy that, when he got >home. "Hey, Sato-kun, how's it going?" asked a voice on the other side of the tree. AYEKA: Now it is time for some meaningless drivel. ALL(bored): Yaaay. >"Not too bad. And >you?" He thought he recognized the voices. They were a couple of his sempai, members of the school >soccer team. He'd never liked them very much. RANMA: And we already hate them, too. PETER: There are a lot of guys at my school, who are like that. >All they ever talked about was how eager women were to >jump into bed with them, and listening to that got boring pretty quick. PETER: Yup. Exactly like them. >"OK. Join me for lunch?" "Sure >thing." He heard them sit down and begin eating. PRISS(angrily): Great. Only TEN FEET away. >"So, how'd it go last night? Did you get lucky?" "Yeah. PETER(Sato): Drank all the beer in my house, and wet myself. Am I cool, or what? >My parents were gone, so I brought her over to the house. After I got a few drinks into her, no problem." (Priss takes out her handgun.) *BLAM!!!* *POW!!!* *BANG!!!* (Three direct hits, right on target, through Sato’s head.) PETER(to Priss): As good as that was, keep in mind that we ARE in a space station. PRISS: Sorry. I couldn’t help myself. >"How many times did you fuck her?" "Just once. She passed out after that. RANMA(Sato): She said I was too boring, in bed. >But next time, I'm going to >get her to suck it." AYEKA: It is bad enough, with the chance that you COULD reproduce. Do not go, and force her to put that thing of yours into her mouth. >"Hah! In your *dreams*. None of them do that. Except the sluts. And even then they >probably won't swallow." RANMA(to Tenchi, in the Fan Fic): We’re sorry for thinking YOU were the jerk!! >Tenchi's face burned red, and he clenched his fists. Though he knew they >weren't speaking about her at all, he had an overwhelming need to shout at them that Ryoko *wasn't* a >slut, how *dare* they say so, she'd done it because she loved him, and he'd smash their faces in if they >ever, *ever* talked about his girl like that again. PRISS(eyebrow arched): This is from the same guy we saw in the last Fic? I didn’t know he could change personalities so easily. >Loved him? His girl? *Well, she says so. And you >HAVE thought about it. Why not?* Part of it was the way she looked at him. Like some kind of wild >jungle cat eying a nice, juicy, blood-rare steak. RANMA: I’m getting hungry. OTHERS: Well, surprise-surprise. >And not just her hungry gaze. The way she moved. The >way she spoke. PRISS(singing): It’s the way you do the things you do. . . >Even when she was playful, she seemed like a kitten toying with a mouse before moving >in for a fangs-bared kill. *If only I could learn to like that. *Unlike Mihoshi, or Kiyone, he'd never >fantasized about Ryoko much. AYEKA(the theater briefly lights up, as flames leap from her mouth): WHAT!?!?!?! OTHERS(large sweatdrops on the back of their heads): . . . . . . . . . >Except rarely, he didn't have wet dreams of her, either. >He had lurid, >erotic nightmares that woke him suddenly in the dark of night, erect but sweating in fear. RANMA: As opposed to (sarcastic, dramatic pause) Just sweating!? >And when he >thought about her deliberately, and his mind tried to remove the things about her it found threatening, AYEKA: Eyes, movement, body, voice, face, hair. . . . >what was left wasn't Ryoko at all. Just a lifeless curvy body with cyan hair and dead yellow eyes. PETER: And no teeth! AYEKA: Okay, so I was wrong about a couple of them. >Corpses >didn't arouse him, even pretty ones. PETER: With no teeth! PRISS: Peter, we got the point now. >The same went for Aeka, PETER: He has lurid, erotic nightmares that wake him suddenly- AYEKA: Peter!!! PETER: I always manage to say the wrong things. OTHERS: Yup. >but for a different reason. In his mind, RANMA: No one can hear you scream. AYEKA: Enough with the bashing of Tenchi, already. >it was as if she stood on a high pedestal, AYEKA(Mike Nelson): GET ME DOOOOOOOWN!!!! >gazing down regally. He couldn't place himself up there, RANMA(Tenchi): Ayeka, Ayeka, let down your hair! (Ayeka shrugs, and dangled one of her ponytails in Ranma’s face.) Hey! I can’t see!! >and he didn't want to drag her down to him, >either. PRISS: Actually, she just wants you to stay right down where you are- AYEKA: You got that right. PRISS: And break her fall. AYEKA: . . . . You do NOT got that right. >So he simply stared up and watched her, admiring her as if she were a Ming Dynasty vase. >Beautiful, priceless, irreplaceable, and not to be touched for fear of she'd break. If he clumsily tried to >reach out and hold her, she'd fall and shatter into a million pieces. PRISS: Not if she landed on your soft head, Tenchi. AYEKA: That will be enough of that, Priss. >After a few minutes, his sempai got >up and left. PETER(Mr. Bill): Yaaay!! >Tenchi decided to go back to his book. He turned the pages some more, and continue >dreading. RANMA: And reading as well. >The words vied for his attention PETER(Tenchi): Let’s see. . . . There once was a man, from Nantucket. . . . >with his guilt over having been, perhaps, too harsh with >Ryoko, PRISS: Define "perhaps". >and the remnants of his angry reaction to the conversation of his sempai. He yawned. It was a >warm day, and it made him feel a little sleepy. ALL(singing): Sleep little Tenchi, don’t you cry. . . > >"Place your army in deadly peril, and it will survive; plunge it into desperate straits and it will come >through in safety..." PETER(Tenchi reading): Stir them around, and they’ll throw up from motion sickness. >"Ryoko. That's my name." ALL(singing): R. Y. O - K - O. And Ryoko is her name-o! >"I *know* that. I thought I told you not follow me to >school anymore. Why won't you listen?" AYEKA: You mean she has gone to his school, before? PETER: Not in the TV series, as far as I know. PRISS: What would happen, if she did? RANMA: His classmates would probably ask him, ‘who was that weird flying chick, that floated through the walls’. >Ryoko floats in the air, holding her hand against her cheek, >looking down at Tenchi. A tiny bell rings. AYEKA: And an angel gets its wings. PRISS: And Tenchi goes to answer the phone. RANMA: And Ryoko goes to answer the door. PETER: And the toast is done. (Others stare at him.) What? >*Oh. It's one of those lurid, erotic nightmares again. PETER: Just what we needed. >I fell >asleep. Missed all my classes, and everyone's gone.* RANMA: Don’t you just hate it when that happens? One minute you’re reading "The Art of War", and the next, you’re having a lurid, erotic nightmare about Ryoko, where you’ve missed all your classes, and everyone’s gone. >"I liked it when you went into my cave, Tenchi. >After you opened the entrance. With your sword. And then your sword started to slide in, and you went >down deep, as far as you could go. AYEKA(Alice from "Dilbert"): Must control fist of death!! PRISS: Hoo-boy. This has ‘Bad Lemon Scene’ written ALL over it. > And then I tried to hold you. But you ran away from me. You took >your sword and pulled out of my cave, Tenchi. I didn't like that, I didn't like it at *all*. "Light gathers in >her hand to form a weapon. AYEKA: A whip. PRISS: A gun. RANMA: A mallet. PETER: It’s a sword. It’s always a sword. >"All I want now is SEX, I mean, REVENGE!" *Oh, no. RANMA(Tenchi): It’s a lame attempt at a joke! >This one's always >so BIZARRE. Like it's me, but surrounded by a bunch of stuff breaking through from another universe > and getting mixed-up!* "I just need to let out my frustration on you... RIGHT NOW!" she yells, >grinning. He runs and she chases him, slashing the air around him and laughing. *Why's she doing this? >This dream never makes ANY sense! What's this cave and this sword she keeps talking about? Does she >mean the cave where we found Washuu? Does she want one of my bokkens, or something?* (Peter, Ranma, and Priss all facefault. Ayeka looks confused.) AYEKA: You know, that world DOES sound kind of weird. Which universe is it? PETER: The one you come from, Ayeka. AYEKA: Oh. . . . . >As he runs >past a pile of rubble, he grabs an reinforcing bar and brandishes it at her threateningly. PRISS(sarcastically): Oh my god. He is so scary. Oh the humanity, the horror. >He can't quite >think why, but it reminds him of a penis. PETER & RANMA: You sick bastard. >She beckons with her finger. "Ready or not, here I come!" he >yells as he charges. Her energy sword swishes through the air faster than sight. He watches, horrified, as >the phallic metal shape falls apart and topples to the ground in small pieces. AYEKA(salesman): It slices, it dices, it chops and shreds! >Then his clothes fall off of >him, shredded as well. PETER(salesman): It peals, and skins! AYEKA(sobbing into her hands): I can not believe I fell for that one. >She chases him, laughing and hurling blasts of energy that explode around him. >They don't hurt him, but they're terrifyingly violent, close, and hot. "What's the matter, Tenchi?" "Why, >Ryoko? Why are you trying to kill me?" "But I'm *not* trying to kill you, Tenchi. ALL: You could’ve fooled us! >Haven't you ever heard >of *foreplay* before?" "What are you talking about, Ryoko? This isn't foreplay!" "Yes it is!" ALL: No it’s not!! >she says, >blowing holes in the concrete on either side of him. PETER(Robin): Holy blasted concrete, Tenchi! (The others stare nervously at him.) What? >"When I get hot, I chase you. And chasing you >makes me *HOT*! PRISS, PETER, & RANMA(singing): People rocking! People jiving! Feeling *HOT*-*HOT*-*HOT*! AYEKA(blandly): Yaaay. >When you run, it makes me want to catch you and fuck you!" Another blast rips the >ground apart just behind his heels. "You're gonna have to run faster than *that*, Earthling!" ALL(slight southern accents): Run, Tenchi! Run! >The next >explosion lifts him off his feet. PETER(Tenchi): Wendy, I can fly!! AYEKA: Who is ‘Wendy’? PETER: It has to do with a "Peter Pan" joke. AYEKA(even more confused): "Peter Pan"? PRISS: It’s something you use, to fry a penis. PETER & RANMA(turning green): EWW!!! PRISS!!!!! >He lands and keeps going. (Peter pulls out a bottle of "Windex", and attempts to spray Tenchi.) PRISS(large sweatdrop on her head): Uh. . . .Peter? PETER(still spraying at Tenchi): What? RANMA(also with a large sweatdrop on his head): What are you doing? PETER: Well, Tenchi IS running around naked, so this is to keep him from ‘streaking’, anymore. (Ayeka, Ranma, and Priss all face fault.) >He starts to run as fast as he possibly can. She pursues him into a building and down a hall. ALL(singing): Into the building, and down the hall. To the Masaki house, we go! >As she >passes a mirror, she stops. She checks her hair and face to be sure they look nice. Then she proudly hefts >her breasts. AYEKA(Ryoko hefting her breasts): UGNNNNH!!! >"You are one *beautiful* demon!" she tells herself aloud, before she resumes her pursuit. >She begins to call to him. "Tenchi... Tenchi..." PETER: That’s his name, same as the sword, can not be copied, good job Tsunami, you’ve one boy, for now, don’t wear it out. >Finally, she corners him in a classroom. "Hello there," she >says, as she looks down between his legs. He backs away, and, noticing the direction of her gaze, covers >his crotch with his hands. PRISS(Tenchi): EEK!! >"Ooh! *I* wanna see!" He doesn't move his hands. RANMA(Tenchi): No! Mine!! >She smiles wide-eyed. >"Hey! I don't want to miss anything!" He *still* doesn't move his hands, and she frowns impatiently. >"Just give me the sword. I want it, and I want it NOW!" *First the cave, now the sword. I'd REALLY >like to know what this is all about. PRISS: Don’t think too hard, Tenchi. You might squish the pea. AYKEA: I heard that. PRISS: So what? AYEKA(now forty feet tall, and breathing fire): LORD TENCHI IS THE ONE MAN I HAVE SOLELY GIVEN MY LIFE FOR!!!!!!! I AM BOUND TO HIM BY FATE, AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE PEOPLE UNFAIRLY MOCKING HIM, EVER!!!!!!! DO I MAKE MYSELF ABSOLUTELY CLEAR!?!?!?!?!?!?!? PRISS(meekly): yes mam. AYEKA(back to normal): Good. (Peter and Ranma are still frozen in shock.) >*He tries to run, but she floats sideways and blocks his way. His face >runs smack into her breasts, making them bounce. PETER(weakly): Thank goodness those airbags were there. >Blood trickles from his nose. Not from the force of the >impact. RANMA: Well, duh. >From the location. The collision knocks him back into his desk. She moves up and stands in >front of him, smiling. "Don't be scared, sweetie-pie!" PRISS(Ryoko): Be terrified! >she says as she approaches and dematerializes out >of her clothes. They fall in a pile behind her, and she advances on him, naked. (Ranma covers his eyes, and Peter leans toward the screen.) PRISS(to Peter): Pervert. >"Well, look who's here!" >she says, eying his crotch again. She kneels in front of him and grabs his penis. It gives off a powerful >shock. PETER(Pikachu): PIKA!! PRISS: Oh, my god! He’s got Pikachu, in his pants!!! RANMA: That can be dangerous! AYEKA: But, it is the ONLY way to successfully detour Ryoko. >She screams and withdraws her smoking hand, >looking dejected. AYEKA: This is the ‘No Smoking’ section. You shall have to leave, Miss Ryoko. >"Ahhh, so you can't touch this thing, can you?" he laughs. PRISS(Tenchi): Ryoko’s pain is funny. >Ryoko's eyes become very >sad. "Oh, please, I'm begging you!" Tenchi's not cooperating, so she looks at his penis and talks to it, >instead. RANMA: Because that’s the only part that’ll listen to her. AYKEA: Ranma!! RANMA: What? It’s the truth. >"For starters, why don't you stand up?" she asks. It does. "Ta-da!" PRISS: Wow. She’s really got that thing trained, hasn’t she? PETER(Rocket J. Squirrel): And now, here’s something I hope you’ll really like. >She starts moving her head >down. "Now, point the sword hilt toward me," she tells him gently. *Enough about the sword already. I >don't HAVE a sword!* RANMA: Wrong! The correct answer is, "Yes, you DO have a sword!" >Seeing what she's going towards, AYEKA: What? Going towards, what? OTHERS: Isn’t it obvious? >he tries to cover it again with his hand, but she >grabs his wrist. "Oh, *yes*, show me that sword of yours!" she says, moving his handout of the way. >"Uh-oh! No, just a minute...""*Nothing* to worry about." "Wait! You can't touch this!" (The MST group starts making "MC Hammer" rap music noises.) >"Just trust me. Relax." "Come on, stop it! Get away from me!" "Shhhh. Be quiet." For some strange >reason, he expects Aeka to show up at this point and say "Stop!" AYEKA: I am supposed to go first! (The others stare nervously at her, for a few moments. They then turn back toward the Fic.) >A little like she did the previous day. >But she doesn't, and Ryoko's head descends into his lap. "Impressive!" She runs her tongue around it. >"It's time for today's lesson... schoolboy." PETER: Wait a minute! She never said THAT in the OAV series!! >She beginning to suck on it, loudly. (The sounds of sucking, fills the theater.) PRISS(over the sounds): What!? We can’t hear you over the sucking!? >His eyes roll back in his >head. Then he notices something. He sniffs. *Oh, it's just gas fumes.* *GAS FUMES?* PETER: How many times must we tell those two, "Don’t eat beans before giving, or receiving a blowjob"!?!?! (Peter is suddenly bombarded with mini Jurai guardians, little stuffed "P-Chans", and "Night Saber" action figures.) OW-OW-OW!!! Quit it! Cut it out! OW! >He looks down. >The friction of Ryoko's lips on the shaft of his penis is throwing off bright blue sparks. AYEKA: Because she just had to use her ‘Flint based’ lipstick, today. PETER: You’re taking this scene surprisingly well, Ayeka. AYEKA: It is just because I know that this is just Lord-Tenchi’s odd nightmare, and nothing more. >"Stop that! You'll >start a fire!" He can just see the headline: Brilliant Student Blown To Bits. RANMA: Literally. PRISS: "Brilliant"? I think someone’s been tooting his own horn. AYEKA(warningly): Priss. >*If I'd known it would feel this good, I wouldn't have spent all that time doing HOMEWORK over >vacation!!!* ALL: Huh? PETER: Say that again? >He pauses, confused. Those just *aren't* the right words! ALL: We know. >She stops and looks up at him for >moment. "Now, I want your balls, please." PETER & RANMA(large sweatdrops, and crossing their legs): . . . . . . . . . >"What? No way! They're mine, and I'm going to hang on to >them!" She looks annoyed. "Oh, you *numbskull*, AYEKA: Woah! Refrain from using such complicated words, Miss Ryoko. PRISS: Back to taking pot-shots at Ryoko again, are we? AYEKA: It is in my contract. PETER(looking over Ayeka’s contract): She’s right. Article five, section three; taking pot-shots at Ryoko. >I mean what's *in* them. Otherwise I can't control >ochinchin." ALL: What? >He looks at her in confused fear. *Control WHAT?*"O...chinchin?!" "Oh, don't tell me you >don't know what *that* is. RANMA: All right, but we don’t. >It's the other demon in the legend, you *dimwit*. "*This doesn't make any >more sense than that stuff about the cave and the sword. What demon? What legend? And that's a really >WEIRD name for a demon, anyway.* "Listen to me. I need to wake up ochinchin *now*." Her eyes go >wide as she concentrates on something. "COME, OCHINCHIN!! AWAKEN!!!! AWAKEN!!!!!!" >Ochinchin throbs, reddens, and strains towards her, ALL(large sweatdrops on the back of their heads): . . . . . . . . . . . . AYEKA: O- . . . .Ochinchin is. . . . RANMA: I think I’m going to be sick. PRISS: The cabbit is going to be pissed about this. PETER(announcer): In today’s episode of "Tenchi Muyo", the part of Ryo-oh-ki will be played by Tenchi’s penis. (The others glance nervously at Peter, but do not say anything.) >Ryoko's beckoning voice making it rise up, still wet >from where it's been, as if it could fly through the sky to get to her. "COME!!!!!!!!!!!!" RANMA(Ryoko): Oh, wait! It’s already here! My mistake. >It's very excited >at the prospect of obeying it's mistress' command after waiting for so long. PETER: In fact, it was SO excited that it gave Ryoko an entirely different squirt, than what she wanted. OTHERS: Eew! >She backs away, apparently >frightened, PRISS(Ryoko to Ochinchin): Don’t look at me like that! I didn’t do the casting for this scene! >and she traces a circle on his chest with her fingertip. "It's so *dangerous* and *mean*, it'll >*fire* at me, without even giving me a teeny-weeny (Ranma opens up his mouth.) AYEKA: Drop kick out the airlock. (Ranma closes his mouth.) >little chance to explain!" PETER(to B-ko): B-ko!!! B-KO(from the control booth, holding her hands in the "New York" position): I swear, I didn’t know this was in here! >Somewhere in the back of >his mind, for some strange, unknowable, other-worldly reason, he hears Aeka sneeze. AYEKA: It is very drafty in these "lurid, erotic nightmares". >*That doesn't >make any sense, either! What's Aeka got to do with the demon, anyway?* PRISS: She’s after it, too! >Ryoko's demeanor becomes >stern and commanding. "Fire at me when ready!" she orders ochinchin, AYEKA(Ryoko): I regret that I have NO dignity to give for this Lemon. >before closing her lips on it. >Suddenly Aeka is there, pulling at Ryoko's leg just like she did before. RANMA: Ah, she’s just pulling her leg! PETER: No, really. She’s trying to make her let go. >She appears very upset at what >she's seeing. "The sword!" she gasps. "But it shouldn't react to anyone but those of royal blood! So why >is it? It can't be." PRISS: Hey, whatever rocks his boat. AYEKA: Priss! PRISS: What? >She falls to her knees in despair. "No, it can't be true! I can't believe it! I *won't* >believe it! It isn't possible!" PETER: So far, this is the most believable scene in the entire dream sequence. >Ryoko looks up at her. "Suit yourself, but you *might* want to get out of the >way," she warns, RANMA(Ryoko): This is going to need a really big ‘head’ start. >as ochinchin's mighty spike thrusts upward. Aeka screams PETER(Aeka): It’s hideous!! AYEKA: Peter!! PETER: What? >as Ryoko starts sucking on it >again. "I will never forgive that woman!" vows Aeka. AYEKA: She said I was to go first!!! OTHERS: Ayeka!! AYEKA: What? PRISS: Either let us do our jokes, or stop it with yours. PETER: One or the other. RANMA: Yeah!! >"Ochinchin mass is growing abnormally," warns a >disembodied voice. PRISS: Congratulations Kamidake, for your small part in this lemon. PETER: The blocks of wood? In a lemon? ALL(shuddering): EEW!!! >Intense friction-induced heat envelops ochinchin. "Oh, how *unreasonable* that >woman is," says Aeka. Ryoko cackles for a moment, enjoying the princess' fear of what she's doing, then >resumes her work. (Peter, Ranma, and Priss all start humming "I’ve Been Working on the Railroad". Ayeka grumbles to herself.) >"Ryoko, stop this immediately!" Ryoko giggles, continuing to suck on Tenchi. "Even >*you* won't be able to escape unharmed from this, Ryoko! (All humming is cut off by a round of face faults.) >Say something!" warns the princess. Ryoko >says nothing. Her mouth is much too occupied. "STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!" orders Aeka. Ryoko's >eyes bug out, but she doesn't stop. "I KNOW YOU HEAR ME!" AYEKA: Hello! Is this thing on!? >"Twenty seconds..." warns the >disembodied voice. RANMA: Look out!! She’s gonna blow!!! PETER: Get the facts straight! She’s already blowing!!! >Tenchi screams as he gets closer, closer, closer... PETER: And falls right off of the cliff! AYEKA: Peter! PETER: I guess that IS pushing it. >"RYOKO, STOP, PLEASE!!" Aeka >begs. AYEKA: At least let me have my turn!! OTHERS(imitating Ayeka’s voice): Ayeka!!! AYKEA: What? >Ryoko giggles and ignores her. Almost all of Tenchi's awareness is now focusing tighter and >tighter on what Ryoko is doing between his legs, but with the slim remnant of his mind not >concentrating on that, he distinctly hears Aeka command something to explode. ALL: THIS DAMN DREAM SEQUENCE, THAT’S WHAT!!!!! >All three of them >scream as ochinchin's heat is quenched amidst a mighty fountain of white spray bursting skyward PETER(country accent): Hoo-WE!! We’ve hit a gusher! PRISS: Right through the back of Ryoko’s head! OTHERS: EEW!! PRISS!!!! >. Then >ochinchin is still, wet and unable to move. For a while, at least. RANMA(Tenchi): I could’da been da contenda! PETER(newsman): We’re right here at the scene of the accident, and we don’t know what’s keeping it up! >"Wow! Take a look at that!" says Mr. >Masaki, ALL(jumping back, in surprise): GYAA!! DON’T DO THAT!!! >appearing without warning. RANMA: Give a guy a heart attack! >"Hey, what's wrong? You don't look well at all, Tenchi. PRISS(Tenchi): I just found out that my penis is a demon named Ochinchin, and Ryoko just ‘blew’ her brains out. OTHERS(turning green): CUT IT OUT!!! >Cheer up! >You should be *thankful* for that. ALL: That’s a matter of opinion!! >I sure think it's kind of convenient in a way, don't you think so?" ALL(especially Ayeka): NO!!! >Tenchi sighs. It's exactly the kind of reaction he'd expect from Noboyuki. *Dad always was kinda >hentai.* Ryoko looks at Tenchi's penis and talks to it again. RANMA: That’s going to be kinda hard, with the back of her head missing. PETER: Et tu, Ranma? >She opens her mouth and runs her tongue >around her lips. "Have *this*! PRISS(Ryoko): It’s from the old country! AYEKA(Ochinchin): What did you do, save it!?! >It'll make you grow up big and strong!" she offers. Then she chides it >affectionately. "You're lucky. You doesn't even have a *scratch*, PETER: If you keep licking it like that, it will! AYEKA: Peter!! PETER: What? Ryoko’s tongue IS scratchy, like a cat’s, isn’t it? AYKEA: No it is not. RANMA: How would you know? AYEKA(blushing, and scowling): I just DO, okay! >after all we've been through together. >You *really* ought to be thanking me. After all, I took care of you at my own personal risk!" She rests >her bosom on Tenchi's lap, and smiles as the demon ochinchin lands between her breasts, squirming >urgently. "Oh, you're the only one who understands my feelings," PETER(Ochinchin): You got that right, babe! Now if I just wasn’t attached to that looser over there (Notices Ayeka glaring at him.) who’s in love with Ayeka. . . . AYEKA(turning back toward the Fic): Much better. >she coos at it. "I thought there was >another young lady with you. Where did she go?" asks Noboyuki. "She's over here," answers Ryoko. >Aeka braces herself with her knees and tugs with both her hands at Tenchi's penis, trying to pry it out of >Ryoko's cleavage. AYEKA: My turn! My turn! (The others stare nervously at Ayeka.) >"Unnnhhhhhhhh!!!! Oh, now what? Sasami, what are you doing? Come and help me!" RANMA: Oh sure, ask her. >"But it's too big for us to handle," protests Sasami. "We'll never get it out of there!" AYEKA(Sasami): Her breasts are sagging too much! > >Tenchi shook himself awake, PETER(Tenchi): Wait a minute. This whole series was just a dream! And you were there. And you! And you! Oh Ryo-oh-ki, I’ll never be funny again! (The others stare at Peter nervously. Even Tenchi, in the Fan Fic, is starring nervously at him.) What? >shuddering. Everything was fuzzy, PRISS(pleasant voice): Time for "Teletubbies". ALL(fearfully): GYAAAAAA!!!!! >but he realized that something very >disturbing must have been about to happen. PETER: You mean MORE disturbing then what happened in the dream sequence!?! RANMA: Is that even possible!?! >That's what usually caused him to wake up. He was lying >under the tree where he'd fallen asleep reading his book during lunch. He noticed the wetness in his >pants from his diurnal emission. ALL(deadpan): SOMEONE has been hanging around Washu, too long. >*Oh, that's just GREAT. One of these at SCHOOL.* PRISS: Hey, look at the bright side. You said you never had wet dreams about Ryoko, or Ayeka. Now you’ve had one, about BOTH of them. AYEKA, RANMA, & PETER: Good point. >He rushed towards the restroom to clean up, hoping >no one would notice his condition. RANMA(student): Hey, Tenchi! Saw you flopping around, under a tree. You have a wet dream or something? >Ryoko stood in the kitchen doorway, silently watching Sasami fix dinner. She smiled. This princess >could be dealt with much more easily than the other one. PETER(Ryoko): She’s smaller, and can’t run as quickly. OTHERS: Peter!!! >Ryoko slowly crept up behind her, absolutely >noiseless, PETER("JAWS" theme): Dan-dat! Dan-dat! Dan-dat-dan-dat-dan-dat. . . . PRISS: Uh, Peter. It says "noiseless". PETER: Oops. Sorry. >and extended her hands to strike. "BOOO!" she said, ALL: EEEK!!! >covering Sasami's eyes. "Hi, Ryoko," >giggled the princess. AYEKA(Sasami): Now you go stand in the kitchen, and I will sneak up behind you, and scare the living daylights out of you! >"Mmmmm...", Ryoko said, sniffing as she removed her hands from the girl's face. >"That smells good, Sasami. What're you fixing?" "Thanks! PRISS(Ryoko): Sounds delicious! RANMA: Beans and "Thanks!", yum-yum. >It's takenoko gohan." She poured some sake >and shooyu into the dashi steaming in the pot on the stove. AYEKA(Ryoko): Oh, that is wonderful. What is "takenoko gohan"? >"Hey, Ryoko, could you help me slice the >takenoko?" she asked, pointing towards the pile of bamboo shoots PETER: "takenoko" must be "bamboo shoots". OTHERS: Obviously. >she'd washed and set on the cutting >board. "Sure thing, Sasami," answered Ryoko. She grinned and showed her fangs a bit. "Slicing things is >one of my *specialties*." Her energy sword formed in her hand, a shaft of blazing orange-red fire. PETER(Beavis): Heh-heh. Fire! Fire! >She >paused, concentrating for moment. The sword flashed through the air faster than human sight could >follow. RANMA(salesman): She slices, she dices! She chops and shreds! AYEKA: Please refrain from reminding me. >The bamboo shoots lay on the cutting board, unmoved, perfectly cut. *Well, that's ONE thing I >can do right in the kitchen.* "Wow! That was really neat, Ryoko!" said Sasami, clapping her hands. AYEKA(Sasami): Now that you are done doing that, you can put back together the counter, the cutting board, the cupboard above the counter, my right ponytail. . . >Ryoko extinguished her sword and bowed, smiling. "Arigato, Sasami-chan." "Oh, by the way, do you >know where my sister is?" asked Sasami. "I haven't seen her around all day." PRISS(Sasami): But I swear, I heard her voice in the hall closet saying, "Let me out of here, Miss Ryoko. This is not funny.", or something like that. PETER(to Priss): Did you read ahead in the series? PRISS: No. I’m just guessing. >Ryoko hesitated for just an >instant. "She's here *somewhere*, Sasami. I'm sure she'll turn up eventually." AYEKA: Like in the hall closet. RANMA: Under Ryoko’s bed. PRISS: Under the towels in the bath. PETER: On intestates ninety, eighty, and parts of ten. (Others stare nervously at him.) What? >"Yeah, you're probably >right," agreed Sasami. "Maybe she went to wait for Tenchi a little early today." Ryoko thought about >that. "Hmmm... you might be right. PETER(Ryoko): I DID cover her with leaves, and stuck her in the big tree, beside the road. >Oh, are you going to be taking some dinner out to Grandpa's >shrine?" "Sure! He's a really nice man, isn't he?" "Mmm-hmm. He tells some really funny stories, too." PETER(Ryoko): Like the one about these two guys, who go into a bar, and. . . >Sasami turned to look at her. "Stories? Like what?" AYEKA: Like the one about a beautiful princess, and her charming sister, who find a handsome young man on an alien world, who is being chased by a demon he let out of a cave. RANMA: Like the one about a poor, young martial artist, who is cursed to turn into a girl when splashed with cold water, and has a bunch of fiancees that he never asked for. PRISS: Like the one about a beautiful, and very talented singer, who dresses up in a robotic battle suit, with three other yahoos, and hunts down maverick robots. PETER: The one about the average young man from California, who spends his free time writing anime stories, and making fun of other people’s stories with a bunch of anime characters. B-KO(from the control booth): Or the one about the misunderstood, rich girl, who fights with a superpowered lummox, for the love of a cute blond-hared girl. (Peter, Priss, Ranma, and Ayeka all have large sweatdrops on the back of their heads.) RANMA: Does she even know, she’s supposed to be the VILLAIN in her world? >Ryoko thought for a moment. AYEKA: Sparks, smoke, etc. . . >For some reason the >first thing that came to mind was the one about Amaterasu and Susanoo. But it was a bit too bawdy to >suggest. Especially considering the part where Uzume did her striptease. PETER: Woah, wait! Hold it! We’re missing something here. >Amaterasu always annoyed >Ryoko whenever she heard the story, anyway. AYEKA: Thanks for the information. (Takes out a pad of paper, and a pencil.) Mention the story about "Amaterasu and Susanno", supporting "Amaterasu" constantly, afterwards. >Hmmm..."There's one called The Tale of Urashima Taroo. >It's about a princess who gets rescued by a dragon, who takes her to the Turtle Palace where she falls in >love with a fisherman who gives her eternal old age." ALL(confused like you wouldn’t believe): Uhh. . . . . . . . .??????? PETER: The worst part is, as far as we know, she may be telling the truth. >Ryoko frowned. That *was* the way the story >went, wasn't it? RANMA(still confused): Uh, I don’t think so. >"Well, something like that. You'd like it. Maybe you should ask him to tell it to you, >sometime." "Do you think he'd tell it to me *tonight*?" asked Sasami hopefully. "Sure. If you asked him >nicely, I mean." "Oh, wait a second. I can't," she remembered, her face becoming sad. "I'll have to come >back to serve dinner." "I can handle that if you want." (Everybody gets a worried expression.) ALL: Uh-oh. >"Are you *sure*? I mean..." started Sasami. Then >her expression became very worried, as if she were struggling to come up with a way to say something >that was extremely bad, without having to hurt someone by saying it. AYEKA: Uh-huh. That is exactly what she is trying to say. >Ryoko patted her on the head. >"Don't worry, Sasami-chan. I won't mess things up completely. You'll be done cooking it when you go >see Grandpa, right?" Sasami nodded, still looking concerned. "So, all I have to do is put it on the table." PETER(Ryoko): I just take the little food tables, and put them on the big food tables, right? ALL: Right. >Ryoko smiled down at her. "Even *I* can do *that*!" Sasami let out her breath, relieved. *WHOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!* (Sound of the MST group letting out breath, at the same time.) >She was very >glad she wouldn't have to say to Ryoko that she wasn't a good cook. She didn't want to hurt her feelings. >Which reminded her of something. PRISS(Sasami): Ayeka was supposed to hurt your feelings, earlier this morning. Did everything go okay? PETER(Ryoko, holding an energy sword): Just peachy, Sasami. ^_^ >"Um, Ryoko, did Tenchi ask you to say you're sorry to Aeka? For >fighting with her the other day?" "Yes," answered Ryoko, shaking just a little as she remembered the >encounter in the women's bath that morning. "I think you should take Tenchi with you when you tell her. >My sister can be kinda mean sometimes, when she's mad at someone." ALL(sarcastically shocked): YOU’RE KIDDING!!! >"You don't say." AYEKA(Sasami): I DO say. >"Uh-huh. If >Tenchi were with you, I'll bet she'd be nicer to you," predicted Sasami hopefully. "You wouldn't have to >say you're sorry quite so much." "Thanks for the advice." RANMA(Ryoko): Wish I thought of that, before I put her in the closet, with a ‘Do not open until X-Mas’ tag. >Sasami looked up at her. "You're welcome, PRISS(Ryoko): No, I’m Ryoko. >Ryoko. I mean, we're friends. Even though you and my sister don't like each other. Right?" Ryoko smiled >and crouched so that she was the same height as the little princess. "Of course we're friends, Sasami- >chan. Whatever's between me and Aeka doesn't have anything to do with that. AYEKA, RANMA, & PRISS: Say it Peter, and we’ll pound you like a nail!!! PETER(large sweatdrop): I’ll be good. >Like I told you last night. " ALL(Peter for different reasons): We know. >Sasami beamed, very happy. "By the way, Ryoko, there's a movie tape that Tenchi has I think you'd >like. It's about space pirates! PETER(Sasami): In fact, it’s about this one space pirate, who gets trapped in a cave, and is freed by this long lost space prince, and . . . >Can we watch it together sometime?" The galaxy's most-wanted space >pirate grinned. "Now, *that's* an interesting idea for a movie. Sure, Sasami-chan. We'll watch it >sometime. You, me, and Ryo-oh-ki." RANMA(praying): Please, oh please don’t let that become a lemon scene!!! PRISS(to Peter): If you even mouth ‘Mmm. Lemony’ I’ll beat the tar out of you!!! >She smiled broadly, and patted the princess's head again. "I >promise. Or maybe one night we'll go out (The MST group gets large sweatdrops on the back of their heads.) PETER: Goodnight, everybody. PRISS: Check please. RANMA: I ‘really’ hope that she didn’t mean "go out", in THAT sense. AYEKA: We can only hope. >and I'll show you what it's like to be a *real* space pirate." ALL: Thank goodness. >"Wow! I'd *really* like *that*!" She glanced back at the stove. AYEKA(Sasami): I will get to plunder planets, and hurt people! PETER(Sasami): Just like the big people do! >"Well, I'd better get back to fixing the >food." She went back to the stove and PRISS: Changed the oil, and rotated the tires, and. . . RANMA: She’s not working on a motorcycle, Priss. >put the abura-age strips into the pot, then started stirring. PETER(to Priss): See? PRISS: Yeah, yeah. Big deal. >"Oh, and >Ryoko, I got some salami for you, for breakfast tomorrow." (Everybody face-faults. In the distance, a cow can be heard.) *Mooooo.* >Ryoko face-faulted and fell back against the >kitchen counter. Sasami looked over at her. "Didn't you like it?" Ryoko stood back up. "Oh, yes, Sasami. >I loved it. PRISS(Ryoko): Who doesn’t love face-faulting? >I just didn't get to finish it." "Why not, Ryoko?" PETER: Ayeka decided to ruin the mood. >"It was just before me and your sister had our >little argument." ALL: LITTLE!?!?! >Sasami looked ashamed on her older sister's behalf. "So is *that* what you two were >fighting about? She shouldn't interrupt your breakfast. That was very rude!" She shook her head. >"Really, you shouldn't have to apologize to her. She should apologize to *you*." RANMA: But, she didn’t, so it’s too late now. >Ryoko smiled. "Thank >you, Sasami. I'll have to remember to tell her that next time I see her." AYEKA(muffled): Leeeet meeee oooouuuut!!! >"Well, it's in the refrigerator if >you want it. You should finish it before it spoils. Aeka won't want it, anyway." >"Oh?" "When I told her >you were having it the other day, she made a face and got really upset like it was yucky or something," >said Sasami. Then she smiled. "Hey, maybe she's worried about you, Ryoko, and that's why she tried to >make you stop eating salami -- salty stuff like that is very bad for you. Maybe you and her can be friends >after all! Do you think so?" "Sometimes you gotta live dangerously, Sasami," smiled Ryoko. "And that's >exactly what we were fighting about -- she stopped me just before I got to the really salty part." Then she >grinned. "And if Aeka thinks it's yucky, at least I won't worry about her eating it, instead." "But it's not >*good* for you, Ryoko," protested Sasami. "That's why I got you the low salt, low fat kind this time. You >should really watch what you eat." AYEKA: This is, without a doubt, one of the most sickest scenes I have ever seen. ALL: Amen to that! PETER: Hey, Priss? PRISS: What? PETER: If I run out of vomit, can I have some of yours? >Once the takenoko gohan was finished, the two of them had a quick >dinner at the kitchen table. Then Sasami left to take some to the shrine and have Tenchi's grandfather >tell her a story. Ryoko waved goodbye as Sasami walked away. *Alright. Both princesses accounted for. >Aeka's been dealt with. AYEKA(distant voice): Heeeeelp meeeee!!! >Sasami and Katsuhito will be occupied for a while. RANMA(Katsuhito): So this guy walks into a bar, with a pig under his arm. . . >Washuu's in her lab, and >probably won't be coming out unless someone goes and gets her. PRISS(Washu): What’s that door doing in the cor- oh yeah, that’s right. I’ m a guest in Tenchi’s house. I keep forgetting that for some reason. >Mihoshi and Kiyone are at their >apartment. PETER: Doing another lemon scene. OTHERS: Peter! PETER: What? >I haven't seen Nobuyuki around the last few evenings, PRISS(Ayeka): What are YOU doing in here, with me? RANMA(Nobuyuki): I snuck into Washu’s lab, and she wasn’t in the mood. >which means he's probably working on >a big project, so he'll be late. And Tenchi will be home any time now.* Today, that last part made her >extremely nervous. AYEKA(Ryoko): I think I am going to wet myself! >*Well, everything's set. No backing out now.* She noticed that her hands were >shaking. She forced them to be still. *I hope this works. Otherwise...* PETER: The entire plot for this series will be screwed up. > >Preview of Next Chapter: ALL: ALL RIGHT!!!! >No Need To Be First AYEKA: I hope this means, what I think it means. OTHERS(deadpan): We would never have guessed. >Her nostrils sniffed, PRISS: All right, who let one go!? >and he was sure she was savoring >the scent of the blood pumping through his veins. Holding Tenchi by the shoulder sat arms length, >Ryoko looked at him, her skin beaded with sweat, her ragged breath hissing through her teeth, her chest >heaving violently, her cat-like eyes wide and full of hungry lust. RANMA: Uh, did that last sentence make any sense, to any of you? OTHERS: Sorta. . . kinda. . . maybe. . . no. >His knees quaked. The urge to flee and >hide was all-consuming. Run, his instincts shrieked at him. Run, or be eaten. RUN!!! AYEKA(southern accent): Run, Tenchi! Run! RANMA(Tenchi as Forrest Gump): I wuz runnang. PRISS(singing): A do, run-run-run. A do, run-run! PETER(also singing): Can’t escape it! Ain’t no use in trying! . . . > ALL: Finally!! (The MST group rushes out of the theater, happy to be done with this story.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------- Group assessment to Fan Fic writer. PETER: Ayeka may be a LITTLE bit bossy, but she would never say things like that to Ryoko. Especially when sober! PRISS: I really think you gave Ayeka a bum rap, in these two chapters. She ’s not THAT bad. RANMA: And here we actually thought, after seeing the FIRST chapter, that you had put the characters IN character. Oh, and Tenchi sweats too much. AYEKA: I shall get even for this! I swear it!!! Do NOT even dare think that you can ever escape my-(Ayeka is dragged off by the other three group members.) ____________________________________________________________________________ _________ AUTHOR’S NOTES: At first I was just doing this to annoy Denise Huston. THEN I read the two chapters, and realized that this HAD to be done. Why nobody did this before, I don’t know. Oh well. Aside from these two chapters, it’s a good series overall. . . I guess. Until next time. Peter Suzuki.