Shadow: Like we have a choice? Guardian: They better have cleaned the theater, that’s all I can say. Bard: Look on the bright side, it can’t get any worse! Bard: What? What’d I do?! Rowan: You just had to say that, now we’re doomed. Shadow: I feel a strong disturbance in the Force...... Guardian: Ixnay on the gratuitious promotion for Lucas. >Tenchi: Mitsuki... I have to go... Rowan: So do I! Bye! : Oh no you don’t!!! You’re staying till the end just like the rest of us. Rowan: Curses, foiled again! >Mitsuki: And do what? Guardian: Get a vasectomy. Shadow: Become a monk. Bard: Have a big orgy. Shadow & Guardian: And say quiet this time! >Tenchi: My friends are worried about me at home. Rowan: Yes, where would they be without their loveslave? Shadow: Don’t you start! >Mitsuki: Oh. I'm sorry. Bard: Sharing is caring, caring is sharing *POW**WHACK**WHAM* Rowan: Who let him watch those old Transformers episodes? Shadow & Guardian: Don’t look at us! >-=**=- Rowan: We sacrifice our good taste upon this altar. > Tenchi makes it back to the Masaki household, but Mayuka runs him over Guardian: And that was the end of Tenchi, the imprint on her minivan was another story. Shadow: Stop stealing my lines! >trying to greet him at the door. > >Mayuka: Daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! I'm so glad that daddy's back!! Bard: Hmmm...I wonder if Mayuka missed her daddy. >Tenchi: Ouch... Mayuka! Rowan:(Tenchi) Spine.....crushed in......bear hug. Shadow: *Rip* And Tenchi never had to worry about having children ever again. : AAAARGGHaaagghHHH!!! STOP THAT!!! >Mayuka: Did you bring me anything, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy?! Bard: (Tenchi) I sure did! *POUND*POUND*MAIM*DESTROY* Guardian: Well done. Tenchi: [Oh, that Mayuka is so cute. Rowan: I do not like where this line of reasoning is going. > She keeps calling me "daddy" when she > knows good and well that I'm not technically her daddy, : Yes you are!!! Rowan: She’s got half of your DNA!!! If that doesn’t make her your daughter then what does??! > and she's a year younger than I am.] Guardian: No she’s not! Mayuka isn’t even a year old yet!!! Shadow: Erk....picking up....author continuity violation.... >Mayuka: You didn't bring me anything?! Guardian: I wouldn’t say that. Rowan: Don’t you start. >That's okay! Daddy can give me something else! Bard: Gurgle...*POW*....************ Rowan: You never learn. >Right, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy?!! Shadow: (Tenchi) Wrong, MayukaMayukaMayukaMayukaMayuka!!! >^0^ Rowan: Evil!!! : KILL!!! > [SHWING!! AAAAAHH!! NOT AGAIN!! NOT WITH HER!!] Rowan: DEFINITELY NOT WITH HER!!! Shadow: It’s out of control!!! Bard: NO!!! What happened to the fun Tenchi Lemon scenes???!! Guardian: We are descending into a world where morals and tact no longer apply. We have entered The Bad Lemon Zone! >Mayuka: Oh, what a big thing you got between your legs, > daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! Shadow: (Mayuka) Now I can try out the new axe mommy gave me! Timber! : Ewww....*Shudder* >Tenchi: [The better to fuck your...] AAAARGH!! No, Mayuka! I can't...! Rowan: We sure hope you can’t! Guardian: Looks like Tenchi’s little head has sucked out all of the brains from his big head. Bard: Or vice versa, this a lemon after all. >Mayuka: (Spreads herself wide and changes her personality.) Rowan: Uh oh.... Guardian: Not good. Shadow: (Mayuka): I am 7 of 9. I will assimalate you. Resistance is futile. Bard (to Shadow): I hate you. > C'mon, Tenchi. You want it. I want it. There's no escape. Shadow: (Vader) It is your destiny. : (Luke) NEVER!!! > Mayuka frees his mighty Johnson from it's cage yet again. Bard: So the Evangelion’s real name is Johnson? > His animalistic urges take over once more Guardian: Proving once and for all that pets shouldn’t be allowed in the house. Rowan: That....made absolutely no sense at all. Guardian: Neither does this fic. Rowan: Good point. > and pounds the living daylights : Bond beat you to it! > out of yet another victim's pussy. Shadow: (Tenchi) Take that Luna! *Whip cracking* > Mayuka howls outworldishly Shadow: Right before she morphs into a werewolf and bites your face off. Rowan: That’s it, no more late night horror movies for you! > as she feels herself get banged and >filled and violated repeatedly for minutes on end... {Our reviewers turn an interesting shade of green} > [SPLURRRTT!!] Bard: Ewww....we just washed them too. > An uncontrollable shockwave hits Tenchi Shadow: That’d be us trying to kill you for doing this. >as he downloads his seed into her. Rowan: The true horror of sex on the Internet. >And he keeps on filling her; >he's unable to stop his torrent of semen Guardian: There is a flashflood warning in effect for the Masaki valley. Bard: In other news the the Navy has found its ships deserted. Where’d the crew go? > squirting from out of his manhood. It ends up >spilling from out of the lucious daughter/not-daughter's >pussy and onto the floor. > Mayuka's eyes are rolled far back into her head, >moaning until her lungs ran out of air. Shadow: Mercifully putting Mayuka out of her misery. Guardian: How about something to put us out of our misery!! >Suddenly she turns back to normal. Rowan: So now she’s a little baby again? >Mayuka: That was the greatest, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! > Let's do this again and again and again and again, forever >and ever and ever, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! : Arrrggghhhh!!!! >Tenchi facevaults in total loss of energy. >-=**=- Bard: (Frog) Bud Guardian: (Frog #2) Wise Rowan: (Lizard) er... >After a good dinner, Tenchi decides to hit the bed early. Bard: How can you eat after that?!! >He knew it's going to be one of those days again: >The fighting, the explosions, the swift mood changes, >the havoc, the chaos, and ultimately, the fucking. Shadow: Yes, Let’s not forget the fucking. The horrible Horrible HORRIBLE..... {Others}: We get the point already. >If the girls had their way with him, they'd clone him > and use the clones as anatomically-correct fuck-dolls! > This is terrible. Rowan: No, this is illegal. If you were married to them then it would be terrible. > He wished he'd never freed the demon, Ryoko, from her prison. > Just then, a soft light appears in the middle of the room. Rowan: In the name of the moon I will punish you! Guardian: Prepare to be Judged. Shadow: We come in peace. *Laser firing* Bard: Thank you for calling the goddess hotline. > Tenchi gets up to see what it is, thinking it's probably > Ryoko or Washuu trying to get another fuck from him. : Yet he still goes to look anyway. >But then, it turns out to be the High Goddess of Jurai, >Tsunami, wearing the Juraian ceremonial robe and a >weak smile on her face. Bard: And nothing else!! Rowan: Where the heck do you get the strength to keep doing that?! >Tsunami: Well, Lord Tenchi. It seems that it was a busy day for you. > >Tenchi: Well... heh. The only complaint is that it's taking it's toll on me. {All}: THAT’S ALL YOU’RE COMPLAINING ABOUT???!! > I can't keep doing this forever, you know. {All}: Never say you can’t do something, you’ll regret it every time. >Tsunami: But you have drunk the water >from the tree of life, Tenchi Masaki. >You will be able to last for centuries. >There is no need for you to worry about that. : Where can we get some of this? >Tenchi: You've got to excuse me, Miss Tsunami. > All I want right now is to catch some Z's... > >Tsunami: Then you will "catch your Z's." {All}: Uh oh....... >And with that, the High Goddess >of Jurai flings off her robe to reveal... Guardian: A battle bikini. Shadow: Black leather and a cat of nine tails. Rowan: That it was actually Urd who had been messing with Tenchi’s head. Bard:A sight mere mortals would kill to see. >A Juraian summer string bikini swimsuit! Guardian: Holy.... Rowan: There’s not enough fabric for that. > [SHWING!!] Shadow: (Umpire) And miss. You’re OUT! >Tenchi: Oh God, help me! HELP ME, PLEASE!! Guardian: God wants nothing to do with this! >Tsunami: Help you? From what? Rowan: (Tenchi): Help me escape from this Fic please!!! >Tenchi: It happens every time! You want me to do you, and > then I grab you and rape the crap outta you! > I can't do that anymore! Bard: {Tenchi}: Yeah! The grabbing is too much trouble! >Tsunami: Well, what do you want to do? {Our reviewers are currently beating the crap out of the Bard} >Tenchi: I wanna be gentler! I wanna be kinder! > I wanna give you the real sexual experience > a real man can give! Shadow: I guess that automatically disqualifies you then. Guardian: Oooh, That’s harsh. >Tsunami: TENCHI!! It has always been this way; > with animals and with humans. Rowan: Maybe on planet Jurai, not here!! >The female wants to be mated, the male wants to mate. Shadow: But that has nothing to do with this situation! > The female opens her gates and the male enters. > Fluid gets transfered. It is so simple. > (Comes over to Tenchi and places his hand onto her left breast.) > Tenchi, my lord. Be simple. Guardian: Try simpleton instead. > [SSHHWIIING!!!] : > Tenchi finally loses it Shadow: (Tenchi looking in his pants) It’s GONE!!! >as he slams his mighty*2 Johnson Rowan: Inflicts double damage to any magical being. Bard: Don’t you start, one dark reviewer is enough. > into the Juraian Goddess. It ends up being more >than she can handle, but is too lost into the fusion Guardian: They exploded? >of pain and pleasure to tell him to stop. >Tenchi's animalistic behavior pounds away Bard: Bad behavior!! No soup for you! >at Tsunami's soft turquoise-haired palace as she releases a "tsunami" {All}: BAD pun. >of primordial juices onto his shaft, balls, and legs. >He feels it coming, and he removes himself >from her gates as he rolls her over and >prepares to unleash his furry : Not the furry! Anything but the furry!!! >all over her supreme goddess body. > [SSSSPPLLLUUURRRRTTTT!!!!!!] {All}: {Oil driller}: It’s a gusher!!! > Tenchi's mighty*2 Johnson fires blast after blast Shadow: Destroying all life as we know it. >of jizz all over Tsunami's face, hair, breast, chest, stomach... Bard: You missed a spot. {Needless mayhem ensues} > She grabs his Johnson and slurps the rest of his >stickiness from his member, which is still shooting >and running on automatic for a while. Shadow: Gives stick shift a whole new meaning doesn’t he. Rowan: Stop it. >-=**=- > Tenchi finally manages to get some sleep. > He doesn't want to think about sex anymore. {All}: It’s about time!!! > Not tomorrow, not for the whole week, not for the whole month! > He dreams of a nice dream; a dream about meeting his mother. Rowan: I’m beginning to see an evil pattern here. > She looks so nice when she was young. Bard: Please don’t go there!! > She and his father were such a great couple >during that time. (It's no wonder why he turned into >the pervert we know and hardly care for today.) Guardian: That’s sounds familar...... Bard: What? Why are you all looking at me for??!! >He's at a tree in the park, waiting for his mother to come by. > And there he is, : AAAUUUGGGHHHH!!! Achika has a Jusenkyo curse!!! >wearing that lovely Japanese school outfit >and her hair in a long ponytail. > >Tenchi: Oh mom! I'm so glad I can see you again! > >Achika: Tenchi, my son. I'm so proud of you. >You're growing up to be a healthy boy. Rowan: This sounds eerily like Nodoka. >Tenchi: (Takes her into an embrace.) >Mom. My life is terrible now. I'm >being forced to have sex with all these alien girls. Bard: And your problem is? > And they won't give me any rest what so ever. >Achika: Huh? And you don't like it? > >Tenchi: Well, it's not that I don't like it... {All}: Then what are you complaining about??!! >Achika: Do you hate them? > >Tenchi: No, I don't. It's just that... Rowan:(Tenchi) I’ve violated the laws of common decency. Shadow: (Tenchi) I’ve turned into a raging sex-crazed idiot with the powers of the Overfiend. Guardian: (Tenchi) I WANT MORE!!! Bard: Dear Gods! The Guardian’s lost his marbles!!! >Achika: It's just what? >Tenchi: It's just happening to me all at once. > I'm... turning into this animal which > I can't control... Rowan: So put it to sleep! >Tenchi's mother releases him from her hold and frowns upon him. Bard: (Achika) Tenchi dear, that’s most unmanly of you. >Achika: Tenchi... dear... > Where do you_THINK_ you got those traits from? Rowan: Uh....his dad? >Tenchi: Uhh... My... Dad...? Guardian: I really hate it when you do that Rowan. > Tenchi's dad, young Nobuyuki, is in his >room, butt-nekkid and totally >evaporated from having way too much sex. Shadow: Instant hentai, just add water. Guardian: We really didn’t need to see that you know. >Achika: WRONG!! >(She starts to bounce quite nervously, >causing her son to worry.) Shadow: He’s not the only one that’s worried. > I died some years after I had you. Do you know why? {All}: Gee....how about that fight you had with Kain? >Tenchi: No...? Why...? >Achika: Your father and I were planning to have another child. Rowan: I don’t think the world’s ready for another Masaki. > But I wasn't as young as I thought I was back then. So...! >Tenchi: You died of a heart attack... during sex...?? Guardian: (Achika) Stop putting words in my mouth! >Achika: [GUUSSSHHHH] That's right! > And I'm STILL HORNY!!! : NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! > Tenchi tried to run away at that point, >but Achika manages to catch him before he >even got the chance. She rips his pants off, >slides his......... {There is a brief intermission while the reviewers make a quick stop at the restroom to puke their guts out} >-=**=- Shadow: This author read that MST by Peter Suzuki didn’t he? Guardian: That or he’s someone like the person who wrote the lemon “What’s wrong with Ranma’s life”. > Tenchi snaps out of his wet nightmare; Rowan: (Tenchi) I’m Drowning!!! > only to find himself ejaculating into a >woman who's also in bed with him. Bard: I’d make a hentai comment here but I’ve got a bad feeling about this....... >He doesn't even want to know who's pussy >he's in right now. Shadow: (Artemis) Argh! Flashbacks of the Evil one!!! {All}: *Whack the Idiot* Shadow: Owwwww........ >Ryo-Ohki: Meow? {All}: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! > No, just forget about it. {All}: OH, NOW YOU TELL US THAT!!! >Just forget about ever having a nice normal life as a >shinto priest. Right now he's just a sextoy... Shadow: (Tenchi) Someone please kill me now. > THE END (All): Halleluyah!!! {The reviewers run out of the room as fast as they can} -Later Guardian: Bard, if you ever let Happosai choose a fic again we will have to hurt you. Shadow: It’s my turn to pick next. Expect a dark one. Rowan: Oh bloody hell, here we go again. *$*$*$*$*$* Disclaimer: The original story belongs to Shinji Ikari, I just MSTed it. All who are owned by someone else also belong to them too, I guess. Treason doth never prosper; what's the reason? For if it prosper: none dare call it treason.