Author's note: My Netaddress account has been down for the past week, sorry about the sudden silence. But I'm FINALLY BACK!!! BWAHAHAAA!!!!!!! Here's a little something I saw and knew just had to be MSTed. Disclaimer: It's the end of my liability and you know it! Part 1 ~~~~~~~ Reviewer Roll Call! Bard: Hentai Mster! Let's get lemony! Shadow: Dark Mster! Do I really have to do this? Guardian: Humorous Mster! : Says who? Guardian: Be quiet! Rowan: Sane Mster! Which isn't really saying all that much. Guardian: Who picked the story for today? Bard: I let Happosai do it in exchange for a pair of Ukyou's panties. : YOU DID WHAT???!!! >Shinji Ikari, Shadow: Son of the Dick Gendo Ikari. Rowan: Pilot of his mother's soul. Bard: Raging hormone case for Rei, Misato, and Asuka. Guardian: Shinji has hormones? > The 10 o'Clock Assassin Guardian: But it's only 9:45! >Terror-Dack-Chill, Bard: A flying dinosaur that lived in the North Pole. > Wu-Tang West-Cide Rowan: Tang, when you can't get real juice. Shadow: West-cide, when you've got a play that you just can't get rid of. >HAWX (Hardcore Anime Watchers Crossover) : >Mobile Otaku Band/Davis Anime Club >tyree3@pacbell.net Shadow: Now we know who to blame for this. Guardian: Dear Gods, they're multiplying!!! >Yep. You heard of me. : You make that sound like a good thing. > I make all those damn Eva lemons. Bard: Thank you! > About Shinji doing Ritsuko, Misato, Maya, and Rei. Bard: Strike! : > About Asuka being done by Kensuke. : Shadow: Fiery Asuka and that...that.... Guardian: Otaku Wannabe. Shadow: Yeah, Exactly! Not a snowflake's chance in Hell of that happening! > About Shinji doing all them other anime ladies. Bard: Details! GIVE ME THE DETAILS!!! : Shut up! >I'm just so sick, I can't get sex outta my >head! Shadow: I can help you get rid of that problem! > Oh well, here's a lemon for you Tenchi fans since >Tenchi Muyo's one of my favorite shows. Guardian: Not again! Bard: Think Miho-Kiyo! Rowan: Remember I had nothing to do with this. >WARNING: This fanfic contains SEX! Shadow: Gee, tell us something we don't know. Rowan: Unless you're saying that the characters are gender neutral. > Viewer's discretion is strongly advised. All >the characters portrayed in this fanfic are 18 >years or older. Rowan: They better be. Shadow: Thank the gods, no Sasami lemon. Guardian: Amen to that. Bard: Get to the graphic lovin already! : >The characters of Tenchi Muyo belong to AIC and >Pioneer. Shadow: Then why are you using them? > >* * * * * * * * * * * * Rowan: Look out it's a Meteor shower! > "My lord. What a lovely sword." Shadow: Oh swell. I'm in Hell. > 10-CHI CLAN Bard: Only 10? I'm disappointed. > "The Quickies" Guardian: As opposed to what? >* * * * * * * * * * * * Bard: Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. > It's morning. Shadow: It's over. The end. Rowan: Kinda early for that don't you think? Shadow: No it's not. > The sun beats down upon the Masaki household. : > The alarm goes off in Tenchi's room. He opens >his eyes and tries to focus them. Guardian: Damn Hubble contact lenses! Rowan: (Tenchi)That's the last time I switch bodies with a guy that turns into a duck. > Then he rolls over to find that he's not alone; >Ryoko's right next to him and completely naked. Bard: YeeHa!!! Shadow: So what else is new? Rowan: So far it's a normal day in the life of Tenchi Masaki. >Ryoko: Good morning, Tenchi. Bard: And there's the pitch! > [SHWING!!] : Wayne's World! Party time! Excellent! >Tenchi: Oh no, Ryoko! Not in the middle of the >morning! Shadow: You prefer her to come in the middle of the night? Bard: With an emphasis on co..*POW*..... Rowan: Baka, you just had to go there. >Ryoko: Yes, Tenchi. I want it... right... >now... Guardian: (Tenchi) All right! I'll give you your gems back, just let me go back to sleep! > Tenchi curses himself as he grabs Ryoko and >slams his mighty Johnson into her. Rowan: His mighty what?! Bard: And we have Lemon! > Never mind that, as soon as he's in, she's >already lost deep in hyperspace, he thought. Guardian: Ryoko, Lost in Space! Rowan: Can anyone here translate Hentai? Bard: In other words Ryoko's reaching for the stars, achieving oneness with the universe, hitting the ultimate high on the rollarcoaster of life, giving a new meaning to the words slippery when wet...etc. : Oh! Now we get it. > He just wanted to cum into her and get it over >with... :(Stunned).........WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???!!! Bard: YOU MORON!!! PLEASURING THE GIRL IS 99.99% OF THE FUN OF SEX!!! Shadow: I hate to say this....but he's right. Guardian: I didn't know the Bard knew the Tendo Demon Head Technique. Rowan: Neither did I. > [SPLURRRT!!] Shadow: Watch where you're aiming that! > Tenchi grabs some clean clothes and leaves his >room. Ryoko's on the bed feeling as stoned Shadow: Dope on dope. >as Mt.Everest without the snow. > >-=**=- Rowan: Don't shoot till you see the whites of his eyes. > He tries to go into the bathroom. But the >door gets opened by the person from inside. It's >Aeka, the princess of Jurai, wearing only her >bathrobe. Guardian: This looks suspiciously like the plot of a bad 80's porno movie. And how would you know? Guardian: ....uh.....lucky guess? Shadow: right..... >Aeka: Oh, my apologies. The other >washroom is still in repairs. Your father said it was okay to... Rowan: Noboyuki would say that. Bard: Can't blame him. I'd do the same thing. : You would. > [SHWING!!] : Wayne's World 2! > Too late! Tenchi pushes her back into the >bathroom and flings off her towel. Bard: Go Tenchi Go Tenchi Go! Shadow Damn, you win Rowan. Guardian: Huh? What was the bet? Rowan: Who had a flatter chest, Akane or Ayeka. Guardian: And..? Rowan: I bet on Akane. >He takes her by the thighs and slurps his tongue at >her soft petals. Bard: Mmmmm...Petals.... Shadow: Sloppy technique. I can do much better. Rowan: And how would you know about that? Shadow: That's for me to know. > This is not exactly what Aeka wanted... Change >that! This is what Aeka wanted all morning! Guardian: Make up your mind. >Tenchi stuck his mighty Johnson into the princess's >most sacred love canal. Shadow: His mighty WHAT??! Bard: He shoots, he scores! > Her majesty was already gone. Her "Queen's >English" has been reduced to Latin, to Greek, and >finally to just prehistoric grunts. Rowan: Oh dear, someone's been fiddling with Washu's timemachine again. > [SPLURRRT!!] Rowan: This is getting messy. > Sigh... Tenchi took his shower. Then he puts >on his day clothes, being careful not to awaken her >royal highness from her royal high, and leaves the >bathroom. Shadow: So Tenchi's like some kind of drug? Guardian: Explains a lot doesn't it. >-=**=- : What are you looking at? > Tenchi then goes downstairs, and then realizes >not to make as much noise. Rowan: Too late, Ryoko's awake and wants more! >Just then, a pair of mechanical "grab-bots" appear >from out of nowhere and try to capture him. : And here's Washu! > With squirrel-like speed and agility Tenchi tries >his best to ward off the attacks, but they were too >powerful for him to handle. And he was dragged >into Washuu's lab producing heavy protest. Shadow: (Washu's Lab) Damn it Tenchi go on a diet! > Shackled to a table within a darkened room, >Tenchi soon catches a view of his kidnapper: >Washuu, sporting the "Ritsuko Akagi (tm)" look. Bard: (Washu) Tests, tests and more tests! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! >Washuu: I'm here to collect your sperm samples >again, Tenchi. Shadow: Who saw this coming? : > [SHWING!!] : We're shwinging in the rain... > Tenchi doesn't have a choice at this matter. Rowan: When did he ever have choice anyway? >Washuu opens her nyloned legs wide to give him a >view he'll never forget. Bard: I won't either! Rowan: At least it's the adult form of Washu. Shadow: There's that at least. >Then she frees his mighty Johnson from its cage and >proceeds to submerse it into her tight pussy. Guardian: His Mighty WHAT???! >Tenchi's cock doubles in size, : .......Kiss the the laws of reality goodbye. > and Washuu uses every known trick in the Universal >Kama Sutra book to get him off. Guardian: The Universal what??? Bard: You haven't read it yet? > His fuse goes short very quickly, and Washuu >feels it as well. Shadow: He's hiding a Happodaikarin in there? : DON'T GO THERE!!! >She pulls him out, grabs the bucket nearby, and >performs fellatio over it. > [SPLURRRT!! SPLURRT!!] : Today's forecast: sudden showers. >Washuu: My-my, Tenchi. Three cups? Is that all? Shadow: You have got to be kidding me. Guardian: No human can produce that much in one go! >Tenchi: I couldn't help it. Ryoko and Aeka got >to me first. Rowan:......Okay......it's Tenchi the Overfiend. >Washuu: Oh, damn my luck! Guardian: You think your luck's bad, try mine. >-=**=- Guardian: I've got a lock on his 6, missiles away! > Despite his morning troubles Tenchi manages to >have some breakfast and be on his way to the city. Shadow: Where he immediately collapses due to severe fluid loss. > Along the way he almost passes the Miho-Kiyo >residence only to realize that he's suppose to pick >up something from them. Bard: Yay! Guardian: That line is just asking for it. > He knocks on their door... Rowan: And is dragged into the house by a sexcrazed Kiyone who proceeds to screw him and Mihoshi like crazed mindless nymphos. >Kiyone: Who is it?! >Tenchi: It's me, Tenchi! >Mihoshi: Alright! It's Tenchi! Come on in! Shadow: Damn, that's spooky. > And he does what he says, only to find out >that the Miho-Kiyo duo are currently trying out the >latest in summer swimwear! (I mean lack thereof!) : THANK YOU!!! We're not worthy!! Shadow: "Now I can die happy" > [SHWING ONCE MORE!!] : Shwing to the left, Shwing to the right... >Mihoshi: Wow! Whatta big Johnson you got there! >Kiyone: I guess we should do something about it. : Gee..we wonder what'll happen next. > A coin gets tossed. Mihoshi calls for heads. > The coin shows tails and Kiyone ends up giving >head. The jade-haired spacecop gets on her hands >and knees and moves her swimsuit aside. Shadow: I thought she wasn't wearing one?! Guardian: Nitpicking's my job! > Then Tenchi immediately does her doggy >style. The spacecop is already sent back to space. Bard: Arf arf! Rowan: And we have reached orbital insertion. > [SPLURRRT!!] Shadow: I ain't cleaning the floor after this! > Then he came to Mihoshi who was already >getting herself ready for the ultimate in manhood. Bard: It's Tenchi von... : Finish that statement and we'll have to kill you. > In no time he starts thrusting into her like a >piston. Guardian: You forgot the lubricant! > His actions cause the beautiful scatterbrain... >to actually start thinking rationally. Bard: Tenchi having sex has suddenly become a miracle? Shadow: Think about what you just said. Bard: Oops. > After a while Tenchi leaves her gushing pussy and >slushes his Johnson between her large, heaving >breast. Guardian: You're using a singular instead of a plural! Bosom or Breasts, make up your mind! > [SPLURRRT ANOTHER TIME!!] : (Bill & Ted) No way! > With the two ravishing ladies tonguing >themselves after a hard post-morning's sex, Tenchi >leaves their apartment with the thing he neaded: a >new tube of Bengay and a bottle of "Painkillahz." >(Not just painkillers, PAINKILLAHZ!) Rowan: I hope that tube's for the ladies, otherwise I'm going to start screaming. : Ditto. >-=**=- Shadow: Welcome to Walking on Coals 101. > "My language is harsh! And coarse like the >sands of time! You will be STRUCK! *SMACK* Bard: OWWW!!! Why'd you do that for?! Shadow: He said you'd be struck, who am I to resist fate. > With a tidal wave of words!" Guardian: TIDEL WAVE!!! ** : Glub.....Glub...... > Tenchi's at Tokyo University's >History 5 class watching a film about the >Reformation, where Martin Luther and his followers >take a stand against the spoiling of religion. > After class Tenchi's about to leave when he >hears a certain voice... Guardian: Let's see who's left that Tenchi hasn't done the dirty deed with and is of legal age to do so? Shadow: Tsunami. Rowan: Nagi. Bard: That rival of Kiyone...whatshername. >Sakuya: Afternoon, Ten-chan. : Rowan: Oh no, don't tell me...... > [SHWING!!] : Shwingie, Shwingie, everybody loves a shwingie... >Tenchi: [Oh no! Please, not again!] Shadow: Yes, no more gratuitous sex! Bard: Go for it! >Sakuya: (Comes over towards him.) Isn't it >amazing! The past can be so cool >once you take the opportu... (Notices his painful >hard-on.) Tenchi... Rowan: And we know what's going to happen next. > Let's go... ^_^; Guardian: Yes, let's go away. Far, far away. > Sakuya takes Tenchi to the nearby cheap motel >where she removes her panties from under her really >short skirt. She leans on the wall as Tenchi, >overdriven with lust, "Johnsonizes" her as well. Shadow: Who the hell are you and what have you done with the real Tenchi? Rowan: You had to wait till now to ask that? >Sakuya screams with pain as well as estacy, since >she's not used to the immence "banging" like >Tenchi's space girlfriends were. Rowan: No...more....blatent.....ignorance...of.... lovemaking..... Guardian: No...more....horrible...lemon....grammer.... > But she loves him SO much that she allows him to >do anything he wants to her, knowing that his >mighty Johnson can get both of them off. Shadow: Mindless....hentai....letting...little head...take over..... Bard: Enough with the Shatner impressions!!! > [SPLURRRT!!] Rowan: Hey umbrellas aren't cheap to clean you know!!! > An hour of rest and some erotic clean-up >later, Tenchi and Sakuya left the motel promising >to meet (and screw) again. Bard: Sex, sex, and more sex. My kinda fic. : Shut up. >-=**=- Rowan: Okay I'm out of jokes for this. > Maybe the rest of the day will turn out >normal, Tenchi thought. Shadow: Tenchi and Normal do not go together in a sentence. > But alas, he will have no such luxury. : Of course not, this is Tenchi. > A Ryo-Ohki-style spaceship hovers over his head >and he's immediately captured by it's tractor beam. : Gee, 7 of 9 wants in on the action. > Tenchi's soon shackled (Again?) to a cross in >the center of a dark room where infamous bounty >hunter Nagi conjures up a way to torture her prey. Shadow: Easy, just don't have sex with him. Rowan: That's too much to hope for. >For some reason she has the heat up too high. So >she decides to remove her black cloak. Guardian: Must...not...succumb..to...lousy...cliche. > She ends up revealing to poor Tenchi her >ravashingly slender body wearing a see-through >fabric nightgown. : It's a Bodysuit! > [SHWING!!] (You know, after a while it >probably gets a bit tiresome for him to have a >hardon for every girl he meets...) Guardian: I hear the fourth wall shattering. Rowan: I'd think more along the lines of painful & impossible. > Nagi smirks with such pure evil. She strikes >down upon her prey like the hawk she sets herself >to be. : > Only this time, it's mating season for this hawk. > She shoves his mighty Johnson into her, attempting >to conquer this destructive weapon with her own. Shadow: That's a woman's ultimate weapon? Rowan: The scary thing is that actually makes sense in a sick and twisted sort of way. >She manages to get it all in despite the immence >pain caused from such manhood as his. It's >Tenchi's turn to be lost in hyperspace. Bard: Tenchi, the Hibiki of Orgasm! > [SPLURRRT...!!] Guardian: Splut...splut...out of ammo. > Nagi has succeeded triumphantly as she feels >him explode into her. Shadow; What do you know, he did have a bomb in there after all! *WHAM**CRUSH*BAM* : WE TOLD YOU NOT TO GO THERE!!! > She allows herself to have an orgasm in front of >him, to hear her cum as she drenches his mighty >Johnson with her own liquids... Rowan: Shoulda worn a raincoat. >Mitsuki: FREEZE!! You are under arrest! Come out >with your hands out, NOW!! Bard: That's not the only thing that's up. > It's Mitsuki in her Galaxy Police ship. It >seems that Nagi has spent too much time in the "No >Spaceship Docking Zone." Shadow: Interstellar Buracracy strikes again. >Nagi: Damn...! Guardian: (Nagi) Curses, foiled again! >-=**=- Bard: Trash compacter. >Mitsuki: Are you alright? >Tenchi: I'm not sure. I've been having sex with >women all day. Rowan: And you can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Shadow: Yes, multiple orgasms have a way of doing that to you. >Mitsuki: Tell ya what: Take a little rest. Lay on >my bed for a while. Okay? Guardian: Here we go again. >Tenchi: Why, thanks Mitsuki. (She's not really >as mean as Kiyone said she is.) Rowan: Wait for it. > While Tenchi slept Mitsuki takes the >opportunity to try out those girls' high >school clothing she's got from Mihoshi. Bard: Now I'm confused. Shadow: Join the club. > Apparently she's making a bit too much noise. >Tenchi wakes up to see what the commotion's all >about, just to be greeted by a very sexy-looking >Mitsuki, exposing her pink underwear whilst she was >putting on her socks. : (Bored) Boingie. > [SHWING*2!!!] : I shwing through the air with the greatest of ease.... >Mitsuki: Oh no. Guess I was too much stimulation >for you there, huh? Rowan: (Tenchi) What was your first clue? >Tenchi: Mitsuki! Help me! Shadow: Cut it off! Shoot it!! Just kill it before it screws again!!! : AAAggggggHH!!!!! That's disgusting!!! Shadow: I know. Ain't it cool? >Mitsuki: Alright, alright. Here! > Tenchi viciously stabs his might Johnson into >the depths of her sex canal. Though the expression >on her face doesn't change. Rowan: (Ranma) Can it be..? Have I lost my power over women??! >Mitsuki: Well? Go on. Guardian: (Mitsuki) Was that it? >Tenchi: Uh... Mitsuki. You're... not... Shadow: So you noticed after all. >Mitsuki: Oh I do this all the time! This is how I >rise through the police ranks. : Okay....... > And besides, I earn some pocket change >that way. So, screw to your heart's content. Rowan: Let's hear it for winner of the biggest turnoff ever uttered in a Tenchi lemon. > "Screw" was the word that immediately set him >off. His manhood continuously plunges into her >like a raging demon. Shadow: Been taking lessons from Akuma have you? > Her power universal is so good; >it's bringing him to the brink of eruption. Bard: Mount Tenchi-ken blows its top! >Mitsuki, after years of her pussy being >plunged into, only manages to softly moan before... Guardian: Demanding payment. Shadow: Lighting a cigarette. Bard: Spraying enough liquid to end California's drought. > [SPLURRRRTT!!!] Rowan: Slippery when wet. >Mitsuki: (Makes a weird face.) Oh, that's >heavenly! Keep it in! Just keep it in for a >while! Do you feel it? Do you feel yourself >emptying your nut into me? (Tenchi nods automatically.) Bard: I'm sorry, Tenchi's brain is unavailable at the moment, please call back when your clothes are on. Rowan: Okay, I've had I can stomach for now, all in favor of a break? : Aye!!! -Shade(I'm too much of a pain in the rear to die)