Disclaimer: Except for me, I don't own any of the characters used in this FF. No money is passing hands here, no need to sue. This MST is done in fun. Yea. The Millennium Eagle drops from warp speed, near the Romulan border. Jim Ohki hated only one thing more than border patrol. MSTing those crappy lemons. And there had been a stack of them sitting on his chair, after MSTing that REALLY short (and by the author's own admission) dumb fight fic. Jim: "Helm, you have the Conn. I have work to do." Selphie: "Aye, sir. Have fun." Jim: (gives the 'look of death' to Selphie.) MSTers: Jim Ohki: Jack of all trades, master of none. Tenchi Masaki: Crown Prince of Jurai, master of none. Ash Ketchum: PokeMon master, only character with quick action animation. Chi-Chi: Jim's other girlfriend, very temperamental. Tenchi: "That's it?" Jim: "You'd better believe it, bub. This is more than the average lemon. You are entering a fic, devoid of spelling, grammar and syntax. Where nothing is sacred. You have entered . . . the SHITTY FIC ZONE! (with Twilight Zone music playing in the background.)" Ash: "The other ladies are occupied on holodeck one." Chi-Chi: "Then why am I here?" Jim: "I need the minimum number to make riffing this work." In holodeck one: Mihoshi, Ayeka and Misty are all in an interactive soap opera. Chi-Chi: "Nevermind. I don't really prefer those soap operas." >This is for mature readers only please. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!! All >characters in this story belong stricktly to the creators of the tenchi >series. This is in no way another series or episode to any of the tenchi >series! Ash: "Redundancies off the port bow." The Comm unit was turned on, and Selphie had heard the remark. Jim felt the ship come to a full stop. Weps (on speakers, speaking to Selphie): "There is nothing off the port bow, ma'am." Jim (on microphone): "Oops, the Comm unit for theatre one was on. Our bad." He turns it off before hearing their remarks, "Ash, lay off the brouhaha. That's my department." >I did not create any of these charaters and I dont any of >them.................SO DONT SUE ME!!!! Tenchi: "You don't any of them what? Want them in this fic?" Jim: "If only it was that easy." >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ash: "What's that? Is that the perforation where the lemon part separates from the disclaimer?" Chi-Chi: "Quit your whining. This one looks short." >It was just like any other morning in the masaki residence. Ayeka and Ryoko >fighting over Tenchi,Sasami preparing breakfast, and LiL Washu fiddling with >another invention. Then they heard the whistle and than splash of Yugami. >Than they saw Mihoshi and Keoni walk through the door. Ash: "LOOK, AS WE GIVE YOU NO DETAILS!" Tenchi: "THRILL, AS BAD SPELLING REINS SUPREME!" Jim: "And there was much celebration." Rest: "Whoo-hoo." >"HI! everyone" said Mihoshi cheerfully. Chi-Chi: "Huh? Was this written by Tank Cop?" Jim: "Nope. T.C. can't submit anything anymore. Quality filter." Rest: "HALLELUJAH!" Party streamers and confetti drift down from the ceiling. >"Hey" said Kionie sounding depressed. Tenchi: "That's two different ways to spell Kiyone." Jim: "We are NOT playing Six Stages to Kiyone here." Ash: "I smell lemon . . ." >Kionie than looked at Tenchi with a sly sorta grin. She then grabbed Tenchi >and started to massage his balls. Jim: "That was to the point. And what's with the grin? How can you sort of grin?" All (to Ash): "I HATE YOU!" Tenchi: "And I'm pretty sure Kiyone wouldn't do that. She isn't that direct." *FART* >"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING" says Ayeka and Ryoko at the same time. Chi-Chi (as Kiyone): "I'M TRYING TO GET OUT OF THIS FIC! HELP ME!" Jim: "Looks like somebody took the same English class as Tank Cop." Ash: "You mean that they are using the question marks for back scratchers?" Tenchi: "Or to hang a curtain over the computer screen." >Thats when kionie pulled out her blaster and pointed at Tenchi's head. She >goes I am relieving my stress and took Tenchi into Yugami and blasted into >space. Jim (as Worf): "GAH! I HATE run-on sentences." Ash: "I have a foreboding about this." Tenchi: "Too little, too late." >The next thing Tenchi knew he got knocked out. He awoke lying on >Kionies bed. He got up and looked around, she was nowwhere to be found, >thats when he heard the shower, he put on a sly grin and thought I always >liked Kionie. All (look at Tenchi): "YOU LIKE DEAD PEOPLE?!" Tenchi: "I NEVER met her! For crying out loud!" Chaos twiddled his thumbs, waiting for the story to start. Jim: "Chaos, go home. This story has the action of a rock." Chaos gives the MSTers the finger, then runs away. >He took off his shirt and went into the bathroom, he tore off >the curtains on the shower. (Music from Psycho starts playing.) >"OOOOOOO Tenchi what are you doi--" Kionie couldn't finish. Jim: "'Cause the Yugami hit an asteroid and blew up, the end." Ash: "That was dark man." Tenchi: "I've seen worse. "Kanashii No Imi"." Rest: (Shudder then vomit violently.) >Tenchi kissed her passionately. She let out a moan as Tenchi stuck his fist >in her cunt. All: O_O' "NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!" Jim: "Well, that was prompt." Tenchi: "Do you actually WANT details?" Jim: "I put more detail than this into my lemon, and it WORKED!" Ash: "I don't give a flying fluke if it worked. That's your story. This one . . ." *FART* All: "Our sentiments exactly!" >Wait, said Kionie I dont wanna do this in the shower. Tenchi >nodded and walked out and lyed on the bed, it was kingsize so they would be >doing a lot rolling around he thought slyly. I wonder why she kidnapped him >anyway he would of went if she asked. Huh, o well he thought I guess she >likes it kinky. Jim: "RUN FOR THE HILLS! IT'S THE REINCARNATED SPIRIT OF TANK COP AND MIKEFORVER!" Rest: (running around the theatre screaming like mad.) Five seconds later . . . Tenchi: "What makes you say that, Jim?" Jim: "Simple. Crappy spelling, with a touch of shitty sex." Rest: "EEEEWWWWW!" >Thats when Kionie got out of the shower wearing a loose fitting robe where >you could clearly see her breast but not her tit, her hair was down and it >was dripping water. Tenchi by surprise than got knocked out, everything went >black.......... Ash: "More redundancies. Whoever wrote wants to get the point across that Tenchi fainted." Jim: "Yeah, well . . ." *FART* Tenchi: "That adds a bit of color to this fic." Chi-Chi: "Yeah, the color brown." >--------------------------------------------------------------------------- >Back On Earth >"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Ryoko screamed. >" How dare she that skanky slut, how dare she do that to Tenchi" said Ayeka. Chi-Chi (as Ayeka): "Yes, I am mad that Tenchi was kidnapped. However, I refuse to show any emotion." Tenchi: "At least Ryoko is IC." >In the process almost all the furniture in the house was broken. Sasami >fainted and Mihoshi looked confused. When Ryoko tryed to go after them Ayeka >said "No" Tenchi: "Aw, man! My house got FUBAR!" Jim: *FART* Ash: "No more bean burrito's for you, my friend." >"WHAT" screamed Ryoko. Ash: "Don't make me repeat myself." Jim: "Yeah, Ryoko screamed. But without emotion, or stating that it's a question." >When they get back we will have something instore for that skanky bitch. >----------------------------------------------------------------------- >Back On Yugami >Tanchi slowly opened his eyes to see Kionies beautiful smiling face. She was >treating the cut on his head. Her touch was so soft and she only had love i >her eyes. When he tryed to get up he fell back. Tenchi: "I fell because I don't want to BE HERE!" Jim: "The 'help, I've fallen and can't get up' won't work here." Tenchi: "Then what will?" Jim: "ASSUME THE POSITION!" Guys: *FART* Chi-Chi: "Alright, who's been eating the bean dip?" >"What happened" said Tenchi. >"Something fell and hit your head" said Kionie. Jim: "YES, THE LACK OF DETAIL WILL AMAZE YOU INTO BOREDOM!" Tenchi: "IT WILL CONTINUE TO THRILL, AS THE STORY FLATLINES!" Ash: "When did this story have a pulse?" >Tenchi put his hands behind her head, her hair was soft and silky. He >brought their lips together and kissed passionately. He then couldnt stand the >pain any more and he fell asleep. Tenchi: "I'm no Washu, but wouldn't pain make you pass out?" Jim: "You field this one, Chi-Chi." Chi-Chi: "My head hurts so much from this confusing fic, that I'll pass out." >The next morning he awoke to the alarm only to see Kionies tender loving >eyes staring back at him. The pain was gone, but he felt a little groggy. He >got up and said I am gonna take a shower. >"O no you arent said Kionie, you'll fall from the pain, I will run a bath >and I am going to wash you" she said with a sly grin. Jim: "Since when did Kiyone become Ryoko?" Tenchi: "Beats me. Besides, Grandpa has beat the living hell out of me how many times?" Jim: "You have a point there. The Tenchi in the fic is WUSS-BOY! RUN!" All: (more running around the theatre, screaming.) Ten seconds later . . . Tenchi: "Jim?" Jim: "I'm making a video to send to RealTV. Do's and don'ts of fanfic writing." Ash: "And this qualifies as what?" Chi-Chi: "Blatant stupidity." Jim: "I was going to say 'don't do this, for we have enough problems with the Tank Cop/MikeForever' crap." >She got up exposing her perfectly shaped nude body and started to run a >bath. Tenchi got up and noticed he was nude too. This will be fun he >thought. He walked to steps got dizzy and fell Kionie ran in the room picked >him up and put his arm on her shoulder and walked him into the bathroom. Jim (as Captain Kirk): "Damn it, Bones. It's another . . . really long run-on . . . SENTENCE!" Ash: "That sucked." Jim: "I know." >He got in the tub and went to get the soap when he remembered what Kionie said, >that she was gonna wash him. So he sat back. >She then got into the tub with him. She kissed his cheek got the soap and >rag and started to wash him. She washed every part of his body Tenchi was >totally erect, his penis was sticking out of the water. Jim: "I think we're running out of material here, folks." Ash: "What about period jokes?" Tenchi: "HEY NOW! Great idea." >"WOW your big she said" Kionie said. Jim: "The Office of Redundancy called, said they want the redundant parts of this fic back." Tenchi: "But then, what would be left of this story?" Ash: "A big pile of shit?" All (looking at each other): "NAH! It ALREADY is one!" >After she cleaned and washed Tenchi she started to get out when Tenchi said >"COME HERE!!!!" He grabbed her lied her back and started to kiss her neck, >she sqealed with happiness since it felt sooooooooooooooo good. He worked is >way to her breasts, they were beautiful and round he massaged the right one >as he nibbled and suckled on the left. She loved every second of it, he then >went to the other breast and did the same. Chi-Chi: "Sex with Goku was more exciting, and all he did was lay there like an idiot." Jim: "And I rate, what?" Ash and Tenchi: "PLEASE DON'T ANSWER! WE CAN HEAR YOU GUYS!" >He worked his way her stomach until he hit water. he realized this was a >problem, Jim: "Since when is having sex in water a problem?" Chi-Chi: "If there's chlorine in the water, then it becomes a problem." Guys: "OUCH!" >"we cant get out she said, pleez dont stop" Kionie sqealed. She got >up on the ledge of the tub as Tenchi made his way to her slit. He licked it, >then dug his face in it, she moaned,"UUUHHHHHH YEAH TENNNNCCCCCHHIIII." He >found her erect clitoris and started sucking on it, he started slow than >sped up her moans doing the same. She felt her climax coming on she arched >her back and came in Tenchi's mouth, to her surprise he slurped it all down. Jim: "It's confirmed, this is a reincarnated Tank Cop/MikeForever fic!" Ash: "Yep. The exclamation marks are missing . . . probably went on strike." Tenchi: "Along with the syntax." >"MMMMMMM" Tenchi said "you taste good". >Then the ship started to shake and the started to heat up. Kionie than said >" SHIT we're going through the atmosphere of a planet if we dont get control >of the ship soon we will hit the planet and explode. All (looking at Jim): "Way to call it, man." Jim (as Spock): "This story is illogical. It defies all laws of physics and quantum mechanics" >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >Hey dont worry it ain't over the exciting Part 2 will be coming soon. Jim: "And there was much celebration." Rest: "Whoo-hoo." >If you have any question, comments or ideas please e-mail me at >pidgeondweeb@aol.com Jim: "Give me your reviews, please." Tenchi: "All I can say is 'WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT'?!" Ash: "That rates about as bad as Kanashii No Imi." Jim: "This wasn't a dark fic." Ash: "I was referring to the level of stupidity it took to think it up." Chi-Chi: "That sucked. I think watching my lawn grow is more exciting." Jim: "Alrighty then, dismissed. We do have a few to do, but take a break."