Magical Girl Fanfic Theater By Peter L. Ward Starring: - Miyakawa Mika as Exquisite Soldier Lovely Freesia - Toriyama Akiko as Exquisite Soldier Crimson Rose - Mura Natsumi as Exquisite Soldier Golden Poppy - Ferris as Exquisite Soldier Pretty Daisy - and Penko as herself Tonight's Feature Presentation: Tenchi Muyo! Bug Bash - chapter 2 by AlberCrombie [The lights come up in the now-familiar holovid theater. While Penko sits in one of the front row seats, Mika, Akiko, and Natsumi scurry around the theater laying down items at various places.] [Penko] Girls! We're starting! [Mika] Okay! We're almost done! [The three girls quickly finish up and head back for their seats.] [Mika] I'm Miyakawa Mika! [Akiko] I'm Toriyama Akiko! [Natsumi] I'm Mura Natsumi! [The back door bursts open and Ferris comes rushing in holding a small package.] [Ferris] And I'm Ferris! [Mika] Welcome to Magical Girl Fanfic Theater! In case you're wondering, we were preparing for gophers because we're reviewing part two of "Tenchi Muyo! Bug Bash", and we had problems with a certain rodent the last time we reviewed this fanfic series, right girls? [Akiko and Natsumi] Right! [Ferris] Sorry for being a little late, but my cousin in America sent me this package for the occasion... [Ferris tears open the package and takes out a book. She holds it up to the camera and the title reads, "1001 Ways to Cook Up a Gopher and Other Forms of Roadkill".] [Ferris, grinning evilly] Cousin Madara tells me that gophers make for good eating! [Mika] I'm sure they would for you cat people. You might want to watch what you say around this particular gopher, though. He has a way of twisting people's words around. [Ferris] So I saw from the archived footage. Talk about fresh! [Mika] At any rate, we've covered the theater with all sorts of gopher traps in anticipation of the little pest. And now, on with the show! [The lights dim back down and the fanfic starts playing on the holovid screen.] ----- Tenchi Muyo! Bug Bash by AlberCrombie (gopher@venus.net) Chapter Two Skuld's head peaked around the corner and surveyed the destruction; nobody in the room but a passed out blue-haired female on the remains of a couch. Suddenly, the goddess bounced around the corner. She stood in the middle of the remains of the Masaki sun-room with mallet in hand, bug hunting glasses on, a wicked smaile on her young face, and murder in her heart. It was party time. ----- [Mika] "Peaked"? Maybe that should be "peeked", since that's what she was doing. I also think she would have a "smile" instead of a "smaile" on her face. [Akiko] By the way, I suspect that's the same look you'll have on your face if that perverted rodent shows his around here, Mika. [Mika] You got that right! ----- "Alright bugs!" Skuld raised her mallet over her head as in defiance, "Your fuzzy butts are mine!" She dropped into a hunters crouch and began to scower the room, looking for anything that needed a good bopping. ----- [Akiko] Maybe "scower" should be replaced with "search". I don't think "scower" is the right way to spell it, but "scour" sounds like she's cleaning the room, not searching it. ----- Meanwhile, in the hallway, Urd, Belldandy, and Keiichi just stood frozen watching their youngest companion. Slowly, Belldandy turned towards Urd with a sour look on her face. "Hey," Urd threw up her hands in defence, "Ok. So like, maybe the allnight Schwartzenegger (sp?) film fest was a little too much for her. My mistake, alright! I won't do it again!" Belldandy just hung her head and sighed while Skuld continue to search for those that she must mallet. ----- [Mika] It's "Schwarzenegger", if it'll help. By the way, I noticed that Belldandy's spelled correctly now. Nice to know that we're being of some help to that little pervert, and no, I *don't* mean that kind of help. ----- "Ten...chi....." Everybody stopped and looked at the girl. "Huh?" Urd mumbled past a half eaten sandwich. Belldandy sat on the edge of the couch, and looked closer at the sleeping Ryoko, "It's our other hostess. She must be appears to be waking up." ----- [Ferris] "must be appears to be"? What kind of phrase is that? Choose one or the other! [Mika] Be careful, Ferris! He might interpret that to mean choosing one of us! [Ferris] Oh, yeah, that's right! Judging from the footage from last time, he'd probably choose you because of that costume of yours... [Mika] You just had to go and remind me, didn't you, Ferris? [Ferris] Hey, if it weren't for the fact that these costumes were assigned, I'd trade yours for mine. [Mika] I wish that were the case... ----- Ryoko's eyes fluttered just a bit and she tried to move her hands. "Ten..chi...dar...ling..." "Who? What?" Urd asked. "She must be dreaming about someone named Tenchi." Belldandy figured. Keiichi leanded over the back of the couch and lightly tapped her face. "Hello? Anybody home in there? Hello?" Tap, tap, tap. Ryoko responded by opening her eyes for him. "Hello!" He smiled at her. Ryoko contemplated the face above her for a second, then quick as lightning reached up and glomped on to the body connected to the face, pulling her and her prize back onto the couch. "Mmm...Tenchi...darling." "Yaaaaaa!!!!" he screamed as he was pulled off his feet, Urd was sent tumbling backwards throwing sandwich bits everywhere, and Belldandy was dumped from her corner of the couch. ----- [Akiko, laughing] I knew something like this was going to happen! Especially since both Tenchi and Keiichi have the same voice actor. [Natsumi] They do? Is that why they sound alike? [Akiko] Yup, Kikuchi Masami did the voices for both. I have to wonder if Tokimi will make an appearance since Tooma Yumi did the voices for both her and Urd as well. Interesting coincidence, ne? [Mika, giggling] Great, we have two cases of some guy being bothered by a goddess, both pairs played by the same voice actors. ----- "Woah! She's alive!" "Good, Skuld, your eyes are working fine." Urd chastized, as she stood up. "Keiichi!!!" Belldandy started to pull on the girl's arms trying to get her boyfriend loose. It didn't seem to be working. "URK! Bell....dandy...help!" "Tenchi.....darling....let's kiss...." Ryoko forced Keiichi into a liplock that he wouldn't forget for a long time. Everyone's eyes (including Keiichi's) got about three times larger than normal. "EEK!!! KEIICHI!!!" Belldandy squeeked! ----- [Mika] That should be "Belldandy squeeked." No need for the exclaimation point there. [Ferris] Hmmmm...did Keiichi and Belldandy ever kiss? [Akiko] Only a few times in the manga, but they were more innocent peck-on- the-cheek type of kisses or ones that really didn't count because one or the other was unconscious at the time. There was another such kiss at the end of the anime as well. [Ferris] You always do your research, don't you? I find it hard to believe that those two haven't done *anything* in the years they've been at that temple! [Mika] It's not as if they get any privacy with Urd and Skuld around... [Ferris] It wouldn't stop me! [Mika] I'm sure it wouldn't... ----- Washu looked up at the unhappy cabbit now perched on top of Tenchi's head. Ryo-oh-ki had a bandaged ear and a splint tied on her back left leg. She looked back to Washu with tears in her eyes. She didn't like to be wrapped up with first aid. ----- [The three human girls break out in "awwwwww"s over the sight. Only Ferris remains unmoved.] ----- "Oh, don't be that way. You're lucky, that explosion could have done worse than just bang you up." "Merrow?" "Really, Ryo-oh-ki. While Washu fixed you up, I watched the monitor tape of the explosion. It wasn't pretty. You were lucky." ----- [Ferris] Quick question: who's talking to Ryo-oh-ki here? Tenchi or Washuu? ----- The three stepped from the doorway and immediately froze in their tracks; it was their turn to do the big eye thing. Before them was a pair of legs kicking in the air over the back of the couch while the three 'exterminators' pulled on what ever was holding the owner of the legs to the couch. Skuld was trying to pry whatever it was from Keiichi with her mallet handle. "I don't think she's gonna let go, sis." "Keiichi!" The blonde one cried and pulled harder. A small 'Halp!' and 'mmm...Tenchi....' came from the unseen side of the couch. Washu buried her head in her hands in disbelief. "Oh, boy, crazy girl is at it again." She ran over to the couch leaving a bug-eyed Tenchi and cabbit at the open lab portal. Belldandy saw Washu first. "Oh, ma'am, your friend attacked my Keiichi and won't let go. She also keeps calling him 'Tenchi'. Please Help!" She pulled again and again, but to no avail. "Ryoko! Let go, you space turnip!" Washu called into her daughter's ear. "...Tenchi..." was all Ryoko said, as she reaffirmed her hug on Keiichi. "...darling..." Washu looked at Keiichi, he was weakly mouthing 'help' at her and looking pathetic. "Tenchi, get over her and help!" That snapped Tenchi out of his daze, "Right, Washu. What is she doing to him?" ----- [Mika] Maybe that should be "Tenchi, get over here and help!". Unless she really meant for Tenchi to climb over Ryoko... [Akiko] Knowing our friend, the gopher, it may very well be a possibility. Right, Natsumi? [Mika and Akiko look over to Natsumi and find her blushing beet-red.] [Mika] We should have known... ----- "Hugging him, what else?" Washu replied. Urd piped in as if on cue, "Well, there was the liplock she had on him a few minutes ago, right Belldandy?" "URD!" "WHAT?!" Washu cried in disbelief, "Ryoko, you nut! Let him go, that's not Tenchi!" "...Tenchi....darling...." "Geez! Tenchi, got your sword on you?" "Um, yeah!" He pulled it from the back of his pajamas. He had learned that sleeping with Tenchi, the Master Key, occationally came in handy. Especially if some lunatic villan came calling at 2 in the AM. ----- [Akiko] That should be spelled, "villain". [Natsumi] I'm confused again... [Mika, rolling her eyes] What is it *this* time? [Natsumi] Why is Tenchi sleeping with Tenchi? Is there two of them?? [Mika slaps her open hand onto her forehead while wincing. Akiko puts her hand on Mika's shoulder.] [Akiko] Let me handle this, Mika. Natsumi, both the boy and his sword are named "Tenchi". The gopher made it pretty clear in that paragraph, and so has the anime. Get it? [Natsumi] Um...I think so. Why do they have the same name, Akiko? [Akiko, sighing] That, we don't know yet. Just sit back and watch the fanfic, okay? [Natsumi, smiling brightly] Okay! ----- Just then, the front door opened and more people could be heard in the house. "Hello?" A pleasant voice called. "Tenchi?" Came a younger voice. "In here, Ayeka, Sasami!" he called. Mihoshi's bubbling voice filled the air. "Tee, hee, oh good! Look who we found!" The three girls stepped around the corner, with Mihoshi cuddling a bug in her arms. Everyone in the sun-room started to scream. Ayeka started first. "AAAHHHH, Tenchi what happened? Ryoko! What did you do this time, you hooligan!" "Eek, Ryo-oh-ki your hurt!" Sasami exclaimed, noticing the banages on her cabbit. ----- [Mika] Hmmm, first, that should be "Ryo-oh-ki, you're hurt!", and second, that should be "bandages". [Akiko] And I don't think Aeka would simply call Ryoko a "hooligan". "Demon" or "monster" would be more her style. ----- "A BUG! SKULD, GET IT!" Keiichi yelled, but she was way ahead of him. She was already moving, unslinging her mallet, and winding up to strike. "Oh, MY! Aaaahh!" Mihoshi cried, seeing Skuld's intent. Skuld lept towards Mihoshi, "Drop the bug, I'll smack it!" Mihoshi, of course, entered into her normal mode of survival - panic. "WAAHHH!!!!! Get away from meeee!!!" She turned and ran, bug in hand, towards the front door. ----- [Mika] Again, Mihoshi is reminding me of a certain someone on our team... [Natsumi] Who? You never told us last time, Mika! [Mika, muttering] Never mind, you ditz.... ----- "Where are you going? I gotta squish that bug!" Skuld ran after Mihoshi. Belldandy, with a worried look, called after her little sister, "Skuld, becareful!" Keiichi grabbed her hand, "Don't worry Belldandy, I'll look after her," and he followed after Skuld. ----- [Ferris] Whoops! Looks like the gopher forgot a space between "be" and "careful". ----- "Oh, geez! Mihoshi! Sasami, here, take Ryo-oh-ki." Tenchi carefully handed the cabbit off to the girl and took after the girls. Washu followed him. "Where are you going, Washu?" Ryoko asked. "When Mihoshi's involved, things have a tendency to get abnormal!" Ryoko frowned and mumbled, "you can say that again." Ayeka, still dizzy, from everyone running past her looked to Belldandy, "Can you tell me, just what is going on?" "I think I can explain some of it...." She began. ----- [Mika] Great passage here! Only thing I would change is Ryoko saying "You can say that again.", since the gopher apparently forgot to press the shift key at the beginning of the quote there. ----- The menagerie ran out the front door and into the yard with Mihoshi leading the way, closely followed by Skuld. Tenchi, Keiichi, and Washu brought up the rear. "WAAHHHH!!!!!" "Come back here, I gotta squish that bug!!! Why are you running?" Mihoshi didn't understand what was going on, all she knew was that somebody wanted to hit her with a mallet, so running looked to be the best option. She hated not knowing what was going on. ----- [Natsumi] I know how Mihoshi feels! I hate not knowing anything! [Mika, muttering again] Gee, why doesn't that surprise any of us... ----- "Mihoshi! Stop running!" Since leaving the sun-room, Tenchi had received a very brief intro to bugs from Keiichi - stomp them out of exsistance or things can go 'boom'. He really didn't want anything bad to happen to her. "Becareful, you two, don't get too close!" Washu yelled. ----- [Ferris] Another missing space here between the "Be" and "careful". I don't know if it's an accident now or not... ----- Skuld was gaining on Mihoshi, this did not make her happy. She was even less happy when she tripped on a rock and dropped her furry friend. "AAHHH!!!!" She covered her head and prepared to be malletted. ----- [Mika] Shouldn't that be "malleted"? [Akiko] Probably. ----- What she didn't know, was that she had lost not only the bug, but the control cube that she kept in her hair. After flying a few feet, the cube landed in the dirt and the bug landed on it. The bug just sat and wiggled its nose like nothing had happened. Skuld saw the opening and pounced. Literally! "YAAAAAHH!!! Screaming Skuld Squish!!!" Keiichi decided, as he and Tenchi lept over the prone Mihoshi, that he was going to take that game system of Skuld's and bury it somewhere. ----- [Akiko] This is pretty amusing. I wonder if the author got to see volume 13 of the manga. [Mika] Why's that, Akiko? [Akiko] One scene had Skuld holding a stuffed Bomberman doll. [Mika] Really? That's cool. Urd, on the other hand, would have been bored stiff with video games. [Ferris] How come? [Mika] If I recall correctly, Urd can breeze through them since one of her jobs in heaven is that of system administrator. She could easily figure out any puzzle a video game puts before her. [Ferris] Phew! Remind me not to challenge her, then! ----- They boys landed less than a meter away from Skuld just as she struck the bug on the control cube. She flattened not only the bug, but the cube as well. Suddenly, an explosion and glaring white light errupted from ground zero, engulfing Skuld, Tenchi, and Keiichi. Washu skidded to a halt and hid her eyes from the explosion. "TENCHI!!!!" As Washu peered through the settling dust, she could make out the robed, mallet weilding form of Skuld standing at ground zero, coughing on all the dust. Then she spotted a second silouete(sp?) lying on the ground, it was Tenchi...or maybe it was Keiichi. Who was it, she wasn't sure because the dust was so thick. Then it hit her, the dust may be thick, but she could make out the shapes of two of the victims. But where was the third? And Who was it? End Chapter 2 ----- [Mika] Okay! We need a head count here! According to the last paragraph, there were three victims, but I thought I counted four people involved, not including Washu. [Akiko] You know, you're right. Let's see...Skuld hammered the cube and bug, so she was right there. She's accounted for. [Ferris] And both Tenchi and Keiichi leaped onto Mihoshi to shield her. That makes it two, three, and four. [Mika] So what happened with Tenchi, Keiichi, and Mihoshi? Did the author lose count with that grouping? [Akiko] Either that or he's got something in mind for all three of them in the next chapter. [Natsumi, sobbing] I'm confused again.... [Mika, sighing] Don't worry, we're not mad at you this time. It's not your fault. [Natsumi, drying her tears] Really? You mean it? [Mika] Sure. You're a ditz at times, but if the rest of us are confused, then it's probably not your fault. [Penko] Why, Mika, I think that's the nicest thing you've said to Natsumi in the time I've known you! [Mika] Hey, hey, keep quiet! I've got a rep to keep up here! [Akiko] And I think that'll wrap it up for tonight! Good night, everyone! [Mika] Hey, I'm supposed to be the one to wish the audience "good night"! [Akiko] Okay, then you do it! [Mika] Good night everyone! Remember, do your part to keep gophers under control!