Mike's Desk Theatre 3000: episode 6.5 By Mike MacDonald (KNIGHTSABR@aol.com) DISCLAIMER: The characters of Mike's Desk are from a comic strip currently under development (when I get the resources ready, anyway), and are my property. However, if you'd like to incorporate any of them in a story or MST, please let me know and I'll give you my blessing! I would also like to note that I mean no harm to the authors of bad fanfics. . . .actually, I would mean that if the fics weren't by AAA- PhuckNut, Tank Cop, or AncientYume. I'll be honest. >;( Hell, or by any of their associates. I've read some real horror shows on this site. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ --------- Now, let's meet the cast! These are the toys in Mike's room (see episode 1 for descriptions): NATHAN: "What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?" ANTOINETTE: "Did she say 'Don't finish that joke, because I've heard it before and it's disgusting'?" SNICKER: "Do girls think smiley faces are cute?" BRIANNA: "Parents, it's twelve o' clock and Jeffrey Dalmer's on the loose. Do you know where your children are?" MACKIE: "Princess Toadstool's gotten pretty well developed over the years. . ." TINA: "Snicker's cute!" SPUD MC: "You mean character-wise, right, Mackie?" BAKA: "No, Mackie mean tits, all the way." GINNY: "Video games aren't real people, you know." NORMAN: "Oh, and toys ARE?" PRINCESS MIRANDA: "I'm glad I'm waaaaay over here and nowhere near that conversation." EVOL: "Huminahaaaa. . . ." DALEK: "Umm. . . I think Evol's going to be out for a while. . ." ------------------------------------------- Live, on Mike's desk. . . (Antoinette and Mackie are playing rod hockey. Snicker, Baka, and FF7's Vincent are watching. Anne's really getting her butt kicked.) MACKIE: Yeah!! Beat ya again, Red! RED: Son of a. . .!! What's that, twelve times in a row?? How much time do you spend playing this game? MACKIE: I practice with Vince a lot. RED: Well, I quit. I'm done. You drove me into the ground. VINCE: Dang, she's really good, too. MACKIE: The challenge still stands! Beat me once and claim the championship! VINCE: Better hope Sephiroth doesn't hear that challenge. He'd nail your ass to the wall. MACKIE: Well, yeah, but he's not here. I'm safe for the time being. (A strange man in a large black coat enters the scene, carrying Nathan by his collar. The man has a multi-sectioned face, but it's offset and broken. He tosses Nathan on his butt.) NATE: OOF!! Oww. . .that hurt, Dickweed!! RED: Nathan?! Are you okay? SNICKER: Who's the broken guy? JIGSAW: Name's Jigsaw. Nice to meetcha. RED: Can we help you? JIGSAW: No, I just came by to let you know that I basically own your collective asses now. I'm the new villain for the time being. I heard Evol bit the farm, and I'm the only one that's second to him, so I'll be filling in for him. MACKIE: Sooo. . .? NATE: Sooo, that means he's running the fanfic projects now! ALL: Oh, god. . . SNICKER: How come all our villains wear black trench coats? JIGSAW: Because they look dark and mysterious. So, without further ado, is this gonna be your group for toda-? (Dominique enters, a captivating but eerie young woman wearing black vinyl. Nothing but.) NIQUE: Daaaaaaaaaaarling! There you are! I've been looking all over for you! JIGSAW: Aw, shit. . . ('Nique throws her arms around him and kisses him.) VINCE: Hey, now I recognize him! He's the biggest villain in Mike's cabinet! BAKA: With the biggest LADYFRIEND in Mike's cabinet! MACKIE: With the biggest RACK in Mike's cabinet! JIGSAW: Yes, yes, now that my GIRLFRIEND is here, everyone recognizes me! RED: Holy crap, I heard of him! I was hoping I'd never meet the bastard! NATE: He woke me up and dragged me here. MACKIE: Poor baby. . . JIGSAW: Now, without further ado, is this your group for today? RED: You already picked a fic? JIGSAW: Well, me and 'Nique each picked one, but since they were both so short, we figured we'd give ya both of 'em. ALL: Faaaaaaaaaaaabulous. . . JIGSAW: So, who's going? (Nathan tackles Mackie and gets him in a headlock.) MACKIE: NOOOOOO!!!! NATE: Not this time, punk!! You're going in with us on this one to make up for ditching us in episode 4!! NIQUE: This'll be so much fun! JIGSAW: Honey, you dress scary. Why don't you ACT scary?? NIQUE: Aww, not for my Pookie! JIGSAW: Don't call me that in public!! I hate when you call me that in public! (Jigsaw goes over to the laptop and hits CTRL-ALT-DEL, sucking the heroes into Word 2000.) NATE: Hey, Pookie! You never told us what you're showing us! JIGSAW: That's right. I didn't. Ha ha ha ha haa!! (Jiggy boots up the fic, and the horror begins. . .) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- SNICKER: So, we got a new villain, then? BAKA: Looks that way. RED: What was he carrying you for, Nathan? NATE: Why the hell are you so interested? RED: I was just curious. MACKIE: No reason to yell at her, dude. NATE: Shut up, Mack. Well, I was sleeping and he came in and. . .he pulled that "hand in warm water" trick on me to wake me up. ALL: Ohh. . . NATE: Then he pinched my nose shut when that didn't work. After that, he dumped me out of my bed and dragged me off the shelf by my ears. RED: That's terrible. I'm glad he didn't hurt you. NATE: And it didn't end there, either. Next, he-What the hell are you snickering about??? (Everyone giggles.) Tenchi and his Gay Lovers RED: . . .oh, god. Let me guess. . . Another screwed up fic from a screwed up person, AAA-PhuckNut RED: Aww, DAMN IT!!! NATE: God bless us all!!!!!!!! VINCE: You don't like this guy? BAKA: What gave it away? Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Pioneer and AIC do. I make no claims to them. MACKIE: Ha ha! I guess. . .uhh. . . .crap, I can't think of anything to say to that. RED: Mackie, you are one useless bastard. MACKIE: Hey, you dragged me here! RED: Yeah, so you could suffer with us to make up for last time! MACKIE: Okay, already. . .so, good game of rod hockey today, huh, guys? RED: All right, no fair!! ________________________________________________________________________ _ Tenchi awoke from his good nights sleep, NATE: (narrator) . . .having just had a dream about a threesome with Ryoko and Ayeka. . . RED: Don't bring that one up EVER again. . . but didnt see Ryoko anywhere to greet him, "Uh oh, Ryoko isnt around, I better be careful, she might try to ambush me!" Tenchi said very nervously. VINCE: (Biography narrator) WWII was over for Japan, but it would never end for Ryoko. . . Tenchi cautiously got out of his bed and got dressed and slowly headed out of his room, RED: (Ryoko) BANZAIIIII!!!!!! (She makes gunshot sounds.) NATE: (Tenchi) AAAAAHHHHH!!!! Granpa, Ryoko fragged me again!!! SNICKER: (Yosho) Goddammit, Tenchi! Don't you learn anything when we practice??? "Oh god please, Oh god please, please dont let her jump me!" prayed Tenchi. MACKIE: (newscaster) Tenchi Masaki was mugged and robbed in his own home for the third time this week. . . "Why cant these girls just figure it out already! Cant they tell im not interested in them?! Im into MEN!!" Tenchi thought to himself. VINCE: Wouldn't be the least damn bit surprised. . . Tenchi went down to the kitchen, luckily avoiding Ryoko and Ayeka, NATE: (sportscaster) Masaki's at the five-yard line, just missed a tackle by Ryoko and Ayeka as he reaches the ten, OOH but he's too slow for number 23, Washu Kobayashi!! That's third down, and Masaki's sucking dirt. . . and was greeted by a smiling Sasami, SNICKER: (narrator). . .with a hot wok. NATE: KRANNNNNNGGG!!!! RED: (Sasami) Hee hee! "Hi Tenchi! Good morning!" said Sasami. NATE: (battered Tenchi) G-gooohoodd mmorning, Wok. . . VINCE: Boy, Tenchi's getting his ass kicked today. . . "Oh hi Sasami, the food smells great, like always" said Tenchi. MACKIE: What, exactly, does always smell like? SNICKER: Sounds like an air freshener or something. "I bet you cant wait for your birthday in just 5 days!!" Sasami said happily. "Oh ya! It will be fun!" said Tenchi. The rest of the gang showed up for breakfast too. VINCE: (Tenchi) Hey, Ryoko, would you pass me the rice? SNICKER: (Ryoko) Sure! BAKA: WHOOSH GONK!! VINCE: (Tenchi) OWW!! Damn it, Ryoko!! And much to Tenchi's dismay, Ryoko and Ayeka glomped all over him. NATE: Couldn't keep their breakfast down, I guess. RED: Man, beat up with a wok, glomped on. . . (5 days later) BAKA: (narrator) . . .Tenchi got three atomic wedgies in same day, got beat up by Ryo-Ohki, outsmarted by own pencil, attacked by Ryoko at lunch. . . NATE: Rough week. ________________________________________________________________________ ___ Tenchi woke up extra early because he was so excited that it was his birthday today, "Yes! Its my birthday!! WOOHOO!!" Tenchi cheered. (Everyone does a little dance.) SNICKER: It's my birthday. . .it's my birthday. . . MACKIE&BAKA: Whose house? My house! Whose house? My house! RED: Go Tenchi! Go, Tenchi! Go, Tenchi. . . NATE: Can't touch this! (Vince and Nate do the MC Hammer beat.) Just then Ryoko phased through the ceiling, totaly naked, and landed on top of Tenchi, MACKIE: (narrator) . . .knee first on his crotch. ALL: Ouch!! RED: (Ryoko) Muahahahahahahahaaaaa!!!! "Oh Tenchi!! Happy birthday my sexy little man!!" Ryoko said seductivly. (Snicker responds like he's got something in his mouth.) RED: Hey! Now THAT's naughty. "Please Ryoko!! Not today!!" said Tenchi angrily. "But Tenchi, why? Dont you want me?!" pouted Ryoko. NATE: (Tenchi) Yeah, I want you THE HELL OFFA ME!!! VINCE: (Noboyuki) Tenchi, you pussy!! NATE: (Tenchi) Shut up, Dad!!! "You know that I dont like it when you do this!! And plus todays my birthday and the least you can do is, do what I ask!" Tenchi said angrily. VINCE: Yeah, the least she could do is wait on him hand and foot. MACKIE: And act as his slave. SNICKER: And allow him to degrade her as a woman. BAKA: Huh huh, stupid woman. . . Ryoko pouted then phased through the wall RED: She pouted through the wall, huh? VINCE: (Ryoko) Fooey on yooey. and headed towards her room. "If only Ryoko was a guy then things would be different!!" Tenchi thought to himself happily. Tenchi got dressed and headed downstairs for breakfast, NATE: (Tenchi) WHOOOOAAAA!!!! BAKA: THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMPITY-THUMP-THUMP-A-THUMP-THUMP-BUDOOF!! "Good morning Tenchi!! MACKIE: (battered Tenchi) G-good m-mornning, floor. . . I cooked your favorite because its your birthday!!" Sasami beamed happily. NATE: Elephant Penis! Extra chunky! OTHERS: Ecch!! "Oh thank you very much Sasami!" said Tenchi. Tenchi ate his breakfast very happily and went through the rest of his day like usual, BAKA: Got beat up at school with Family Living baby dolls, attacked by his cole slaw at lunch, tripped and made gravel angel. . . (Vince chuckles.) getting a "happy birthday!" from everyone. SNICKER: (narrator) . . .as they hung him from his locker by his boxers. MACKIE: Hurdle!! Jump, everyone!! ________________________________________________________________________ _ (Nate trips.) MACKIE: Whew! Good job, guys. Later on, around 6 p.m., everyone was gathered around inside the living room, VINCE: (narrator) . . .watching Toonami. RED: (Tenchi) Come on, Goku, DO something!!! "Happy birthday Tenchi!!" said everyone except Tenchi. "Oh thank you guys very much!" said Tenchi. NATE: (narrator) . . .and only Tenchi. "I baked you a special chocolate cake!" Sasami said as she brought out the cake. MACKIE: It has a black stripper in it. Get it? RED: That was tasteless, Mackie. "Thanks! I love chocolate cake!" Tenchi said. Yosho lit the candles on the cake and they sung happy birthday to Tenchi, VINCE: (narrator) . . .moments before it exploded in a fiery blaze, consuming the entire house. RED: (narrator) Chocolate shrapnel flew in every direction, killing everyone within a twenty-meter radius. SNICKER: (singing) And you smell like one, too! "Ok Tenchi!! make a wish!!" said Noboyuki. "I wish... I wish... NATE: I wish I was a little bit talluh, wish I was a balluh, I wish I had a girl that looked good I would call her. . . I wish that all the girls in the house were boys!!" Tenchi thought to himself. MACKIE: (narrator). . .out loud. BAKA: (Tenchi) Uhhh. . . Tenchi then blew out the candles and everyone cheered. Tenchi opened all his gifts and they ate the cake. "Thank you all for a wonderful birthday!" said Tenchi. "No problem Tenchi!!" everyone except Tenchi said happily. NATE: "Well, I'm off to bed now!" no one but Tenchi said. SNICKER: "Okay, Tenchi!" not Tenchi but everyone else said to Tenchi. Tenchi then headed off for bed. He fell asleep pretty quickly VINCE: (narrator) . . .with the help of Ryoko's tranquilizers. SNICKER: WHACK!!! WHACK!!! (Everyone giggles.) and he had a wonderful dream about what his life would be like if the girls were actually boys. ________________________________________________________________________ ((and heres where the shit hits the fan!)) - AAA-PhuckNut SNICKER: A bunch of monkeys throw their poop at Phucknut. (The others laugh.) Tenchi awoke from his wonderful dream, and was pretty sad that it had to end, NATE: (narrator) He had dreamt of Ryoko and Ayeka. . . RED: What did I tell you earlier?? "Man! that was such a good dream!" Tenchi said. BAKA: He headed to shower, still trying to grasp the quickly fading dream of the joy of sex! RED: Dammit, Baka!!! Nate, you see the example you're setting?? NATE: Heh heh. . . Just then Ryoko phased through the ceiling and fell right onto Tenchi, VINCE: (narrator) . . .this time with both knees! ALL: OWW!! "Ryoko Pl-" Tenchi said, but cut himself short when he noticed something very different about her, BAKA: She was Hari-Krishna! her chest was flat and more muscular, her arms were bulkier and her overall frame was bigger, and the most noticeable, there was a giant bulge in her pants. NATE: I don't know, I think the most noticeable thing to me would be the lack of a chest. MACKIE: No kidding. Ryoko's stacked. If she were flat all of a sudden, I'd worry for her health. Ryoko wasnt a her!! Ryoko was a HIM!! VINCE: Is Mario narrating? MACKIE: (Mario) She-a no longer had-a de boobs-a. She-a was a mas-a- culine-a, with a big-a dick-a! "Oh my god!! this cant be happening!! it must be a dream!!" thought Tenchi. "Oh Tenchi! I want you so bad!" said Ryoko. NATE: I'm trying to imagine her voice, now. RED: (Hulk Hogan) Let's get it on, Tenchi! "Ryoko.. I.. I.. want you so badly too!!" screamed Tenchi very happily. Tenchi then got a huge erection as Ryoko pulled down his pants revealing his huge cock. RED: Here we go. . . MACKIE: (Mario) He-a caressed Ryoko's-a big-a schlong-a. . . RED: Will you come off that?? "Your so big Ryoko! I love you so much!!" said Tenchi. "I love you too Tenchi!" said Ryoko very gleefully. Tenchi then took his pants off and slid his penis into Ryoko's manly asshole and started to bounce him up and down on his penis. SNICKER: Ryoko, ready to do her famous swan dive. . . ALL: (laughing) Uughh!! "OH YES RYOKO!! Your ass is so firm and muscular!!" screamed Tenchi. RED: (Ryoko) I can crush a walnut with it. Just then Ayeka burst into the room. Ayeka had all the features of a valiant prince, and a big schlong to boot! MACKIE: (Mario) Not-a to mention he was-a pissed-a. NATE: (Luigi) Hey-a, Mario! You-a suck as-a de narrator! MACKIE: (Mario) I'd-a like-a to see-a you do a better job-a, you-a skinny sun of a bitch-a! VINCE: (Wario) Hey, you's-a both-a suck atta de narrating-a! I could-a wipe-a my ass-a witta de both-a you! MACKIE: (Mario) I'd-a like-a to see dat, you-a fat piece-a shit-a! VINCE: (Wario) And-a you'd-a like-a ta see me bang-a de princess, too! She's-a de nice-a piece of ass-a! MACKIE: (Mario) You-a lying-a piece-a bastard! I'm-a gonna shit onna your face-a! RED: Woulda you guys-a SHUT THE HELL UP??? "HOW DARE YOU HAVE SEX WITH TENCHI WITHOUT ME!!" screamed Ayeka. ALL: (singing) She's a very kinky guy, the type you don't take home to mother. . . "Calm down! just come and join us!!" said Tenchi and Ryoko. Ayeka then got on top of Tenchi in a 69 form and stuck his penis into Tenchi's mouth and started to suck on Ryoko's penis. SNICKER: I'm trying to picture this. . . NATE: Don't. It'll be better for you if you didn't. "OH YESSSSSS!!!!!" screamed all 3 of them. They all came at the same time, filling each other with their sperm. NATE: Hey, Vince, what's it like rooming with Sephiroth? RED: Yeah, I was just thinking that, too. VINCE: Hey, fuck you guys. "Ok, lets try something different!" said Tenchi. "Ok!" said Ryoko and Ayeka. RED: How about LEAVING? Tenchi then got on his hands and knees and Ayeka got on top of Tenchi and shoved his penis into Tenchi's tight teenaged ass. Ryoko then got on top of Ayeka and stuck his cock into Ayeka's anus. "Ok here we go!" said Tenchi. Then they started their little orgy. SNICKER: As I started my little puke. RED: (cracking up) Well this is an interesting image, isn't it? "Oh Ryoko! I love it when you put your giant cock in my ass!" said Ayeka. "Prince Ayeka! your asshole is so tight!" said Ryoko. MACKIE: I saw a porno once that had dialogue like this. RED: They talk like this in porno movies? MACKIE: Yeah. Actually, this is exactly how they talk. RED: Oh, man, now I REALLY hate pornography! Then Yosho walked into the room and instantly wanted to get in on the action. "Tenchi! May I join in please?" asked Yosho. "Of course grandpa!" beamed Tenchi. "Come here and stick your old johnson right into my mouth!" said Tenchi. VINCE: Isn't Yosho too old to engage in sexual activity? NATE: I don't know. Isn't he two thousand years old? SNICKER: Why are you guys even thinking about this??? Yosho then nodded his head and walked over to Tenchi. Then Yosho removed his robe and stuck his wrinkled penis into Tenchi's moist mouth. "MMMMM Tenchi!! You are so good at giving blow-jobs!" said Yosho. NATE: Good lord. . .y'know, at least when Yosho and Noboyuki gave head to each other, it wasn't as gross because they weren't blood related. RED: Nate, it's a vomitous concept to begin with. Please don't make it any harder for me than it is. Yosho then dropped his 'hot pocket' into Tenchi's mouth, who swallowed very happily. MACKIE: Was it pizza or chicken with Parmesan? ALL: MACKIE!!!!! "mmmm, very delicious grandfather." Tenchi said. "Why thank you Tenchi." Yosho said. VINCE: I put it on for three minutes exactly. . . RED: UGH!! STOPPIT!! Just then Noboyuki walked in........ VINCE: (Noboyuki) Tenchi, about what I said last week-GREAT GOOGLY- MOOGLY!!!!! (Everyone laughs.) ________________________________________________________________________ Noboyuki woke up terrified, he was sweating all over. SNICKER: (narrator) . . .the coffee table. BAKA: (Noboyuki) Eww. NATE: Y'know what would've been good music for that orgy scene? "I Am A Little Explosion" by Self. MACKIE: Even better: (sings the Super Mario Tune) "OH MY GOD!! oh.. whew.. it was just a dream." said Noboyuki sounding very relieved. RED: (Debbie Gibson) Nooooo, only in my dreeeeeeeeams, as real as it may seeeeeeeem. . . NATE: . . .damn, you sing really well! RED: (blushing) Well, I don't get to practice very often. . . Noboyuki looked at his clock and it said it was 3:00 p.m. "Funny.. I dont remember falling asleep after I woke up this morning.." said Noboyuki. SNICKER: Does anyone here normally remember when they doze off? VINCE: Was there ever an occasion where you blacked out while drinking, Mr. Masaki? MACKIE: (Noboyuki). . .not that I can remember. . . "Well, Tenchi should be home soon from school, so I'll go meet him at the door." Noboyuki said as he headed for the front door. 5 minutes later Tenchi came walking in, SNICKER: (Noboyuki) Hey, Tench-BONK Oww!! BAKA: Door-1, Masaki family-0. "Hey dad Im home!" yelled Tenchi. NATE: "You got a lotta explainin' ta do!" (Baka whines like Lucy.) Noboyuki came walking around the corner and greeted his son, MACKIE: (narrator) . . .like Norman Bates. (Everyone sings the "Psycho" death theme.) "Hey Tenchi, you have a good day at school today?" Noboyuki asked. NATE: (Tenchi) Yeah, Dad! This new girl came up to me and told me I was cute! VINCE: (Noboyuki) That's great, Tenchi! NATE: (Tenchi) Then she hung me on my locker by my boxers. . . VINCE: (Noboyuki) I HAVE NO SON!!! "Ya dad, I got something to tell you." said Tenchi. "Sure go ahead and tell away." said Noboyuki. "I had sex with my science teacher today!" said Tenchi. RED: (Tenchi) Now I'm pregnant. "Yes!! hes not gay!! it was just a dream and this proves it!!" Noboyuki thought to himself. BAKA: (narrator). . .out loud. SNICKER: (Tenchi) Uhh, Dad? MACKIE: (Noboyuki). . .uhhhh, heh heh. . . "THATS GREAT SON!! Your finally becoming a man!!" beamed a proud Noboyuki as he patted Tenchi on the shoulders. VINCE: He also got head from his English teacher. MACKIE: GASP! The one with the long black hair?? VINCE: Yup. MACKIE: Ohh, so jealous. . . "So you gonna go back tonight and get some more? eh?" asked Noboyuki as he winked his eye. "Nah, his penis was too big, ill need to give my ass a day to heal." Said Tenchi. ALL: WAH, WAH, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! "............." was all Noboyuki was able to do..... BAKA: I don't think we doing much better. MACKIE: Clear the fence, Epona!! ________________________________________________________________________ _ MACKIE: That's a good girl. . . RED: (Epona) Shut up and gimme a carrot. THE END SNICKER: For Tenchi, at least. RED: And the last of PhuckNut's fanfics. (They all salute.) Pretty twisted ending huh? HEHEHE MACKIE: (Crypt keeper) Now, if you can still hold this crummy fic, turn to the Vault keeper! He's got something juicy he's DIGGING up for you! 'Til next time, boys and ghouls, this is the Crypt keeper sighing off! HEHEHEHEE!! ALL: . . . . . . NATE: That was terrifying. Send all comments to: viperz00@winfire.com BAKA: You know, I think he write horrible stories on purpose. ALL: (most sarcastic tone you've ever heard) NO! BAKA: . . .you guys bastards. ********************************** NATE: What was that? JIGSAW: That's the standby sign. We're loading the next fic. RED: Great. How long is it? NIQUE: It's about eight pages. I think. JIGSAW: Honey, I'm the one running the project! You can't say my lines for me! NIQUE: Oh, but I CAN. We both picked a fanfic for them, so I'm equally in charge. JIGSAW: . . .fine. Gawd. Okay, ass droplets, here comes the next one! NATE: I miss the names Evol used to call us. SNICKER: That was a pretty good one, actually. *********************************** >NATE: Hey, what're these? >NIQUE: Those marks are there to indicate when you guys talk, since the characters talk like you do in the fic. >JIGSAW: See? There you go again! I'm supposed to be telling them these things! >NIQUE: Honey! Enough! Go lie down for a while. >JIGSAW: Grumble grumble. . . >RED: They're an interesting couple. I'll give them that. >NATE: They're perfect for each other. "Bitch meets bitch". What sport is pretty popular in Japan?Give up?Baseball. >RED: Whoa! Whoa! WHOA!! SPACES, buddy, SPACES!! You're gonna hurt yourself! >NATE: And us. >VINCE: Gawl. Give us a CHANCE to guess at least. I'm trying to add things that are pretty popular in Japan and america into these stories. >SNICKER: Excluding fanfics, right? >VINCE: Don't bother capitalizing lowly America. Oh and Believe me I would chose soccer but mah brother suggested baseball. >BAKA: Oh, he write with southern accent. Disclaimer:I don't own any of these characthers.Pioneer please do not sue me or mah brother please. >RED: Spaces. Spaces! SPACES!! >BAKA: I don't think National Baseball League would sue your brother for using their sport. Oh and your Armitage movie is pretty good I give it two thumbs up!^_^ >NATE: Schmooze overdrive! >MACKIE: Now they'll sue him for using the Armitage title in his disclaimer. Aight.Pay'ce! >NATE:. . .okaaay, I think this one's gonna suck even more than the last. >VINCE: Hey! This fic's made in New York City!!! TENCHI >VINCE: I hear ya. >MACKIE: Tenchiiii! Tenchirinooooo! The Tenchmeisterrrr! > (Nate holds his pistol to Mackie's head.) >NATE: Quote that show once more and I'll blow your frigging head off. >MACKIE:. . .okie dokie. MAUNGBUHT >BAKA: Maungwuht? BY:Mah Gong Somchay >RED: This must be Ebonics. >SNICKER: Great. That means this fic'll have worse English than any fic ever could. It was a clear morning at the house of Masaki. >VINCE: It was clearly morning at the house of Masaki. >MACKIE: It was morning at the clear house of Masaki. Tenchi was outside in the forest practicing his batting skills >BAKA: I guess Tenchi got into baseball while we were gone. but he wasn't doing to good. >SNICKER: WHAT wasn't he doing to Good? >RED: Haa haa. "Dang it why can't I hit this ball!"Tenchi said throwing up the ball, >NATE: (Tenchi) BLECCH!!! >VINCE: There's the problem. You keep trying to digest it! wating for it to come back down and then misses when he tries to hit it.Ping and the three freinds walked by to see Tenchi. >MACKIE: Now we have to guess whether he meant "friends" or "fiends". >RED: I'd guess "fiends", 'cause he said THE fiends. >NATE: (fiend) Hey, Tenchi. >VINCE: (Tenchi) Hey, bringer of death and chaos. What's up? 5 days has pass since they been there so Tenchi and everybody got use to them. >BAKA: Now everyone just laughs when they engulf a village in hellfire. >NATE: (chuckling) Ohh, those little rascals! Southi:Thats not how you bat Tenchi.*taking the bat out of Tenchi's hand* >RED: (Southi) Here's how you bat Tenchi! >SNICKER: (Tenchi) THWACK Owwww!! My leg!! Tenchi:Then how do you do it then Southi?*putting his hand on his hips* >VINCE: (narrator) Everyone watched in horror as Tenchi became a "Ho". Jyun:Like this.*picks up the ball* Southi:Now watch carefully.*points the bat towards the distance* >MACKIE: (announcer) GASP! Southi is calling his hit!! >RED: Okay, even I saw THAT one coming. From you, no less. Ping and Boomboi took out there fan and began to cheer.Jyun pitches the ball towards Southi and then Southi hits it. >SNICKER: Yeah, that's essentially how baseball works. The ball flew towards the house and it crash through the living room window."Ooops"Southi said >NATE: Yeah, that's kinda how it works, too! >MACKIE: (as the Tick) Lack of spaces. . .dizzying. . . Tenchi:Ha! What do you know? BoomBoi:Ohhhh you in trouble. Southi:Uhhhh...^_^'*rubs the back of his head* E hehehe. My bad? >VINCE: Wonderful. He uses ASCII faces, too. >RED: I think it's cute. >NATE: This author needs a good ASKIICKIN. >MACKIE: (laughing) Good one, dude! But then they hear Noboyukie's voice yelling from the distance at Tenchi's house. "Hey somebody gotta explain this!" MACKIE: (Tenchu guy) Lord Goda expect much of you, so you pleasa no break his windows!! NATE: Next time on "Tenchu Muyo!" MACKIE: Riki Maru's cool. RED: Riki Maru? Isn't he a Japanese pop idol? Southi:Oh Oh.Here Tenchi*hands Tenchi the bat* BoomBoi:Quick scramble! Ping:Every man for himself! Southi:Naw lets just haul it! Tenchi:^_^'............. >RED: Tenchi doesn't even stand up for himself against little kids! >MACKIE: Are we sure they're little kids? >RED:. . .I don't know. The four ran into the forest >BAKA: (Three) Come back, Four!! Five need you!! > (Nathan does a rim shot.) untill Tench couldn't see them.All the sudden >SNICKER: (singing) All the sudden people. . . >RED: PLEASE, no REM! >SNICKER: Sorry. he hears somebody's voice"So it was you Tenchi"Said Noboyuki walking up to Tenchi.Tenchi puts the bat behind his back as if he had nothing to do with it. MACKIE: (narrator) He DID, of course. Tenchi:^_^' Um eh heheehee Its a funny story dad would you like to hear it? NATE: (Tenchi) A guy goes into a bar, looking for a gorilla hunting partner. . . ALL: Heard it. EPISODE 2 NO NEED FOR BASEBALL >SNICKER: Episode two already?? >VINCE: He's gonna run out of title ideas if he keeps them this short. ~~~~~~~~~2 hours later >RED: We're still here!! >ALL: AAARRRGGHHH!!!! Tenchi is in his bedroom getting ready for >MACKIE: (narrator). . .sex. school. >MACKIE: Huh? Wait, I thought this was a PhuckNut fanfic! >NATE: No, that was the first one. This is the other, longer one by the new, obnoxious crackhead. Tenchi puts on his black school uniform >MACKIE: Is that where you learn Ebonics? >RED: His school uniform is black, not his school! and then looks at the mirror and started to button up his shirt.He went downstairs to the living where he see's >NATE: . . .Candy! Yes, See's Candy, the land of color-hating, chocolate obsessed whoremongers. Ping and the three sitting on the couch watching music videos. >BAKA: I thought they were "The Four". >NATE: They got stranded in the forest and had to eat Southi. >RED: Good. Boomboi:Off to school? Tenchi:Yep.. >VINCE: (Boomboi) Gonna get pumped by your science teacher again? >SNICKER: (Tenchi) Yea-HEY!! Where'd you hear about that?? Southi:Hey yo Tenchi sorry about that.I think your father knows I'm gonna pay him back. >NATE: (Mobster Tenchi) You'd better watch your back, then. He might've taken steps to protect himself. Tenchi:Don't worry he's not that mad. >RED: (Tenchi) Just don't talk to him for the next, oh, three years. Just as long you pay him. >VINCE: (Tenchi) Before he sends Frank Netti after yas. Southi:We cool? Tenchi:Yeah Southi:Aight then*gives Tenchi some daps* >BAKA: "Daps"? >MACKIE: Great. Seeing "Aight" in the dialogue this early foreshadows lots of irritating conversations later. Tenchi:Hey do you guys wanna watch me play baseball at the school?Its the finals. Jyun:Aight sure.Whats the address? Tenchi:Here*gives Jyun a small card* Jyun:*reads it out loud*For more information call the assistant princapal or go to this address. >RED: Nice card. What a waste of tagboard. Ping:Hey!Aren't ya gonna invite Ryoko,Ayeka and the others? Tenchi:Uhhh I don't think so....Cause if they go things are gonna... >SNICKER: (Tenchi). . .inevitably get sexed up. >NATE: In front of all those kids, too. >RED: Nathan, Tenchi's in high school. >NATE: Oh, yeah. In front of all those Mormons, too. Ping:We know what you mean.Well see you after school. Tenchi:Allright bye.Oh and try to keep it.How do you say?Down low. >BAKA: What the hell he saying?? P,S,B,&J:*starts singing*Keep it on DL DL. Tenchi:Ha hahahaa I'll see you guys later. >VINCE: Ha hahahaa I'll kill myself now. Tenchi left the room.While Tenchi was leaving the room Ryoko ghostly stuk her head through the wall and looks around.The four dosen't know she was there. >SNICKER: (narrator) The five's suspicion was growing, however. . . "Hmmmm"she said to her self.Then she teleports herself in front of Tenchi who was still walking the path that leads to town. >RED: This guy's tense confusion is eating away at my brain. . . >NATE: Would you like me to hold you? (Anne punches him.) >RED: Watch your hands, you prick!!! >VINCE: Can't blame him for trying. Tenchi:Yahhhh!Ryoko!You scared me! Ryoko:Tenchi can you please let me go to the game pleeeeaase. >MACKIE: Robo-Ryoko. >NATE: (RoboRyoko) You called for backup? >SNICKER: (RoboRyoko) Tenchi. I want your hot man chowder. )RED: |||||||||||-??? Tenchi:No every time you go some where with me there's trouble. Ryoko:I'll be good please I'll be good.*puts arm around Tenchi* Tenchi:No Ryoko and thats final!*Takes Ryoko's arm and then puts it behind her back >VINCE: (narrator). . .hiding it from her view. >SNICKER: (narrator) Ryoko is confused rather easily. It's funny. )RED: ||||||!!!!!! >NATE: Uhh, Red? >SNICKER: Antoinette, what's wrong? )RED: |||||||||!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >BAKA: GASP! She can't talk!! >NATE: Omigosh! Red, when did this happen? )RED: >_NATE: Oh, yeah. I suppose you couldn't explain it to me. . . )RED: ~_~' >SNICKER: What do we do?? She could be stuck speaking in ASCII faces forever! >NATE: Yo, Pookie! We got a problem down here! >JIGSAW: Don't call me that!!!! What is it? >NATE: My girlfriend can't talk. )RED: ^ O_O?!?! >JIGSAW: When did this happen? >NATE: Just a few lines ago. >JIGSAW: And where's the part where I give a damn? >NATE: The part where I make you real dead and then get acquainted with Dominique when we leave. >JIGSAW: Okay, I'll see what the problem is. Frankly, I like her quiet. I can't stand her voice. )RED: >_< |||||||||||?????? $*^&@^#(^%$*!!!!! *I'll see you after the game! Ryoko:Noooo..Tenchi me and you are destined together!Why must you break my heart? >VINCE: (Tenchi) I can't help it! It's like if you give me one of those bubble sheets from a package. I can't stop popping them! Tenchi:Now don't try to make me feel bad. >MACKIE: (Tenchi) I'm gonna see if I can do it myself. . .hmmm. . .nope, too shallow. I'll see you after the game. Tenchi left to go to school.A sad look came upon Ryoko's face while he was walking away. >VINCE: (Ryoko) AAAHHH!!! GET IT OFF!!!!! After a few hours the Ping,Southi,Boomboi,and Jyun got ready to leave"Hey we'll see you later pops"Southi said leaving out to the door. >NATE: (Yosho) See you later, Southi! >VINCE: (Southi) Smelly old femme. . . >NATE: (Yosho) Window-smashing waif. . . "Hahahaha rute for Tenchi all the Way"Grampa said to the leaving four. >BAKA: Route for Tenchi? >MACKIE: No, I think it's like "Ruth" with a Brooklyn accent. >NATE: Would ya like a Baby Rute? )RED: ^_^ High up in the air Ryoko was in the sky hovering above the walking four."All I have to do is follow them"she's says to herself. >NATE: (Southi) Yo, G-loc! We's bein' tailed, yo! >SNICKER: (Jyun) Yo yo yo, we's goin' ta evasive action, aight? >ALL: Aight! ~~~~~~~~At the school baseball game.. >SNICKER: (narrator). . .Tenchi became the goat and failed the whole team. >VINCE: (coach) Tenchi, you blockhead! >NATE: (Tenchi) Why, why, why, why, why. . . )RED: @_@!!!! The base ball field was shape like a diamond with big tall fences surrounding it. >SNICKER: AS OPPOSED TO. . .????? Thousands of bleechers were place around it where hundreds of fans sit and watch. >BAKA: This goes out to the millions of people who never seen a baseball field. >MACKIE: Apparently, the author has made an original design here. )RED: ^_^!!!!!! The red uniform baseball men were the dragons and it appears they were the home team. >MACKIE: Holy shit! >NATE: And the other team is made up of oni? >VINCE: Yeah, the coach is Rumiko Takahashi. >SNICKER: (announcer) Pitching for the Oni team, the Oni princess and fan favorite, LUUUUUUUMMM!!!!! >NATE: (Lum) Darling!!! Quit hitting on the peanut vendor!!!!! )RED: ~_~!!!!! The others were the visiting team. >BAKA: For you uninformed sports fans out there. . . They were wearing blue uniforms they were known as the serpents.Tenchi was on the dragons team. >NATE: Tenchi's gonna have good luck this game. )RED: >_NATE: WHOA!! Whoa! Okay, okay, I see you! >SNICKER: What's up Anne? )RED: <--@_@ >VINCE: What? What is it?? ) <-- >_NATE: The. . .OOH!! Her speech indicator is a parenthesis!! >ALL: So? )RED: ^~^ >NATE: Parentheses indicate subtext or notes. So, Anne can't flat-out talk to us. She has to generally note to us. )RED: ^_^!!!!!!! >NATE: Yo, Jiggy! Didja get that? >JIGSAW: Get what? >SNICKER: Anne can't talk because her speech indicator is a parenthesis! >JIGSAW:. . .so it is. >NIQUE: Sorry! My fault! Just a typo. I'll get it. . . .there! All better! >SNICKER: Thanks. > (Antoinette smacks Nathan as hard as she can.) >NATE: OWWWWW!!!! DAMMIT!!! What the-???? >RED: THAT's for telling them I'm your GIRLFRIEND!!! >NATE: I thought that's what we were! You beat the shit outta me enough. >RED: Wha-?? Why the HELL would I even CONSIDER a relationship with you???? >SNICKER: She's blushing. >MACKIE: (laughing) She is! She's blushing! >RED: Shut up! I am not! >NATE: Anne, you are. >RED: I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!!!!!! > (Nathan's upside down in his seat.) >VINCE: Okay, I think we should continue now. . . Ping,Southi,Boomboi and Jyun took their seats in the front row by Tenchi's dug out. >VINCE: So, who are these guys? >BAKA: Your guess as good as mine. >MACKIE: Have we even determined what age group they're in? >VINCE: Not that I know of. >RED: They totally seem like grade-schoolers to me. >MACKIE: Anne, you are seriously bright red. You look like a cherry. >RED: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > (Antoinette hits Nathan again.) >NATE: OWWW!! Dammit, Anne, why're you hitting me now?? >RED: I don't know!! Southi:Hey whats that over there yo? BoomBoi:*Sets his eyes*I think its a dragon. Southi:That ain't no dragon!More like an ox. Jyun:Naw man its a dog. Southi:No it isn't!Its an ox! Jyun:No its a dog! Ping:Quiet!Lets watch the game.Aight! >VINCE: Yeah, I'd have to say that this whole fic is just an excuse to exploit Ebonics. While Tenchi was practicing his batting in the white circle by the dug out when four big baseball players from the serpent side came by Tenchi and started to insult him. >BAKA: (ball player) Ha ha! You are pansy who wets his bed! Ha ha! >SNICKER: (ball player) Ha ha! You run like headless chicken! Ha ha! >NATE: (ball player) Ha ha! I can't think of anything clever to say, so I laugh at you! Ha ha! "Hey look at that over there" >MACKIE: Not much of an insult. . . >VINCE: Wow! It is neat over there! >SNICKER: Yes! Let us go over there! >NATE: "You are THERE." Jyun said to Ping. >RED: (Jyun) This fic sucks, yo. >BAKA: (Southi) So do our lingo, yo. The four walked up to the fence near Tenchi where it kept the four baseball teammates and the four friends seperated. >MACKIE: That's a good idea, considering how the fence separates the people from the players all AROUND the baseball stadium!!! >NATE: Which consists of a grass field with a diamond and four bases, bleachers on all sides with fans, and lots of players. >RED: Preferably two teams. BoomBoi:Hey! You mess with him you mess with us. Southi:Yeah are you ready to step up to this?*Puts out both of his arm* BoomBoi:So c'mon say some more stuff huh? Jyun:Why don't you guys come out here and say some stuff? >RED: God, this is embarrassing. . .how can you talk this way and NOT be humiliated?? The four teamates look at them,look at each other,look back,and then rolled their eyes.Then they trotted off. >VINCE: (Tenchi) Those were my friends, you jackasses! >SNICKER: (Southi) Hey, yo, we didn't know, aight? >VINCE: (Tenchi) They were wearing the same damn uniforms!! >SNICKER: (Southi) Shee. . . Jyun:I got the guy on the far left their yo. >RED: Okay, granted he does spell "their", "there", and "they're" correctly. That's impressive. Now, if he could only figure out which ones meant WHAT!! >MACKIE: I'd be impressed if he'd stop existing altogether. BoomBoi:You say whatever I'm gonna bury them all. Ping:You allright Tenchi? >BAKA: Don't you mean "Aight"? >NATE: Character violation!! Tenchi:Yeah.Thanks. Ping:Oh and good luck!Ya heard! >VINCE: (Tenchi) No, I didn't. come closer and say that, would you? >SNICKER: (Ping) Hey, yo, ah said- >VINCE: (bat) CRACK!!! They began the base ball game the dragons were doing okay at the begginning >MACKIE: (narrator) But the serpents were against sloth, and all worked hard and got decent careers. but then the serpents began to get back at them.The score was set from 11 to 25. Ping:Hey yo whats the score? Jyun:11 to 25 >RED: Oh, I'd forgotten. Thanks, Author. Ping:Hey Tenchi's doing pretty good there. Jyun:What do you mean?11 is Tenchi's team score. Southi:Man we got to do something to rute them on.C'mon how about we do the wave. BoomBoi:How about....Noooooooo...And get your hand outta mah popcorn!Dofus. >SNICKER: "Boom Boy", huh? Cripes. . . >RED: Which one do you suppose is the author? >SNICKER: I'd say either Ping or Southi. They're the most deserving of a brick to the head, yo. High up in the in the air Ryoko was hovering above watching the whole game."Man there not doing to good"she said herself >BAKA: She said it all by herself! then she notices a man with a gymbag bag arguing with the coach she listens to them carefully. >VINCE: (coach) Put down that gymbag bag! This isn't little league league! >NATE: (player) Why don't you shut your cakehole hole, ya bloated windbag bag! >VINCE: (coach) That's it, goddamn damn it!! I've had enough of this bullshit shit!! Man: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I YELL TOO MUCH!!! Coach:I mean you yell too much. Man:THAT'S IT YOU FAT LARD!!I QUIT *throws down gymbag* Coach:I can fine other third baseman's! >NATE: (3rd baseman) I'm being fined?! For what, stepping on the grass? >SNICKER: (3rd baseman) I only have three bucks. . . >MACKIE: (3rd baseman) I pay you nothing, you fat lard!! Ryoko:Man that guy has an attitude..... Suddenly Ryoko started to get a troublesome thought. >BAKA: A big, evil, dirty, satanic thought. "Hmmmm"she said still hovering in the air. >VINCE: (announcer) It's a pop fly over first base and OOH!! A flying woman just caught the ball in the head and plummeted onto second!! >MACKIE: (umpire) SAFE!! Another basemen from Tenchi's team grabs the bat from it rack and walks up to the plate.He had green long hair going down from the cap and kept the hat bill down foward so nobody could see his face. >NATE: Wouldn't that be pointless? Baseball jerseys don't hide tits very well. When the guy pitch the ball the green hair player quickly grands slams it. "Daaaaaaaannnnnggg!"Ping,Southi,BoomBoi,and Jyun yelled while the ball went over the fence. >RED: (Ryoko). . .I think I blew my cover. The crowd goes wild Tenchi notices this and then looks out in the field."Hey that guys not bad."one player said. Tenchi:Wait a sec he looks like Ryoko. >MACKIE: (Tenchi) What with the titties and the waginer. >RED:. . .what?! Tenchi notices the green hair player running the base and slaps one of the other player's hats off. Tenchi:And he acts like Ryoko. >NATE: (narrator) Then the green hair player has filthy sex with the guy as he retrieves his hat. *looks again*That is Ryoko! > (Everyone laughs.) >SNICKER: Good call. When Ryoko came back to the dug out,she see's Tenchi's arm's cross >MACKIE: Hey, vince, you'd better look away! >VINCE: Very funny. I'm technically dead, but I'm not a vampire. and was looking straight at her in an angry expression."Ryoko!"Tenchi finally said. Ryoko:Who me?Who's Ryoko? >SNICKER: (Ryoko) My name's Ryo. . .Grande! Yeah, that's it! Tenchi:Enough monkey buisness! > (Everyone sings "Sweet Adeline") Ryoko:Hey now I'm no monkey*Puts cap bill down foward even more* The coach comes by and say's to Tenchi"C'mon Tenchi your up!" Tenchi:I am? >MACKIE: (Tenchi) I thought I was still in bed! Jackass. . . Ryoko:^_^Yep.Good luck.*slaps Tenchi in the butt*Keepin ya team spirit up. Tenchi:Hey!*walks off* Coach:*backs away*Look dude keep your team spirit to yourself. >SNICKER: The coach doesn't know any of his own players?? ~~~~~~~~~30 minutes of gameplay has pass and the score was set from 37- 25 >NATE: The score decreased? BoomBoi:Well look at that yo!Were doing pretty good. Southi:Yeah thanks to that green hair dude. >VINCE: (Southi) With the titties and the waginer. >RED: You guys are weird. >NATE: I don't think she's figured it out yet. >RED: Figured what out yet? Ping:......... Southi:Whats the matter? Ping:I could've sworn that was Ryoko. Jyun:Hey man don't be crazy on me. >NATE:. . .I have a feeling the author wanted these guys to be the main attraction in his fic. Ryoko bats the ball and it goes into another homerun,while she was running to the third base she got tripped by an angry player.While she fell the cap fell off revealing her face. >SNICKER: While this fic kept rambling on and on, I kept gagging and puking. "Wait a second your a girl"the player said."Yep thats correct.Here's what you won!"She uppercauts the guy and the guy flew over the tall fence where he then landed in the concession stand. >VINCE: Man, this guy's bored with his own work! >BAKA: High-speed, aggressive, blood-pumping antiaction. One of the other players grab a hold of Ryoko and then another comes by to help him.Tenchi quickly runs out to field to help Ryoko. Ping:It is Ryoko lets go help her!! Jyun:Awww yeahhhh look! Ping:Well I be dang. >RED: Well, you be dumb. The four notices the same four serprent players out in the field. >BAKA: (Four) Hey, there those guys again! >VINCE: (Five) The guys that say stuff? Southi:*Cracks nuckles*He heheehe lets go bust some heads. Ping:Wait!Look! Jyun:This is too much!Ha hahaha >NATE: Oh, I can imagine. >VINCE: Too much slimy fecal matter, read as: CRAP. It appears that the whole team from both sides were out in the field fighting it out.Soon the fans ran out there to help. BAKA: (newscaster) More as it develops. . . Southi:All right! Boomboi:Lets get them! >SNICKER: And, all of a sudden, BoomBoi speaks proper English. They quickly climbed over the tall the fence and ran towards the fight. Ping:Were almost there! BoomBoi:Take me out to the ball game indeed! >SNICKER: And again! >RED: Take me out at the ballgame! Jyun:When I get through with them their gonna need the best doctor in Japan to get mah shoe out of them. >RED: Then, after that, he can prescribe something tah git rid ah mah gangstah talk. >MACKIE: And to surgically remove mah monster cock from Ryoko's sweet waginer. > (Red finally gets what a "waginer" is and hits Mackie. Everyone laughs.) >NATE: Congrats, Red! You've discovered the mystery word! >RED: Oh, shut up. ~~~~~~~~~Later that night at the Masaki house. Sasami was cooking dinner and Ryo-oki was helping her. >NATE: (narrator). . .as the main ingredient. > (Everyone winces.) Kiyone was pacing back and fourth in the living room waiting for Ping. Kiyone:Where is he?There's only thirty minutes untill his shift. >VINCE: Man. He could get fired. I still have a higher rank then he does I could just order him to stay here. >RED: Ahh, now we know who Ping is. >SNICKER: So what about the other losers he hangs out with, Mom-slice? >RED:. . ."Mom-slice"?! Mihoshi:^_^Oh don't worry you know Ping is always on time. >NATE: (Kiyone) But it's thirty minutes until his shift!! He was supposed to be here an hour ago!! >SNICKER: Hell, a REAL soldier gets to his work a whole DAY before his shift! Kiyone:Yeah I guess your right.*sits down* Suddenly Ayeka runs into the room yelling. >VINCE: That girl is so spontaneous! Ayeka:Where is Ryoko!?Where is she! Mihoshi:Whats the matter? Ayeka:I can't fine Ryoko. >NATE: She hasn't broken any laws yet. Sasami:*from Kitchen*Thats something to hear coming out of somebody who always likes to to tell her to get lost. >BAKA: Almost a zing. Ryo-oki: ^_^*from kitchen*Meow. Kiyone:Why do you need to find Ryoko? >NATE: (Ayeka) I can't hook up the VCR!! >SNICKER: (Ayeka) And she ate all the Snackwells again!! Ayeka:Cause I can't fine Tenchi and Tenchi would be home at this time! >MACKIE: (Ayeka) Thus, he is not here, and I cannot fine him for parking in front of the hydrant!! What if Ryoko and Tenchi are.....*gasp* >RED: At a ballgame?? Kiyone:Don't worry I bet their off with Ping and his friends or something. Ayeka:Why?Is Ping and those guys gone too? Kiyone:(_ _)*sigh*Yep. Mihoshi:*Stomach rumbles*Ohhhh gee I'm starving. Kiyone: ~_~'Your always hungary. >VINCE: (Kiyone) And if you don't stop feuding with Austria, you're gonna start a war! >RED: Cute, Vincent. They hear the door open and close. >ALL: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!!!! Tenchi,Ryoko,and the four came in with their face,and clothes dirty:There you are!Where were you Ryoko?!Ayeka yelled.But before Ryoko can give Ayeka a smart answer Kiyone ask. Kiyone:What happen Ping? >NATE: "Where Mr. Eddie's Father?" Ping:We were at a baseball game and..... >NATE: (Ping) And Ryoko wanted to show us her waginer. > (Everyone laughs and Red hits Nathan.) Kiyone:Never mind that.Don't you know its almost your shift? Ping:Don't worry.We be going soon. Sasami:Wait I'll put your guy's dinner in the lunch box.(^_^)Its fried rice with egg roooolls. BoomBoi:Mmmmm egg rolls. >MACKIE: Mmm, egg rooooolls. >SNICKER: Egg rules!! Southi:Fried Rice!With soy sauce? Sasami:With soy sauce. Southi:With soy sauce! >RED: I smell a song coming on. . . Sasami:^_^ hee hee hee hee. Durning all the their coversation Yosho and NoboYuki walks into the living along with Washu. >BAKA: Damn living. Always getting in way. "Ahhh your Your back Tenchi"said Yosho >NATE: Yosho played by Max Headroom. sitting down by the table and gettin the bread ready. >VINCE: Now THAT sounds like a dirty phrase. "Yea where were ya?"Washu ask >BAKA: Ahh, he finally get words right! Tenchi:Baseball game. Ayeka:What!?Lord Tenchi you invited a monster instead of me to your game? Ryoko:*looks angry but then smiles*Yep well I guess this monster is a better match to Tenchi then you. >VINCE: Monster waginer! >MACKIE: Virgin waginer! >NATE: Virgina. >RED: Would you stop saying that??? Ayeka:Why..You! >SNICKER: OOOH, BURN!!!! Noboyukie:^_^' Uhhhh..So who won son? Jyun:The game? >RED: I'm sorry, wrong answer. But thank you for playing! Noboyuki:Of course the game.What?What happen? >NATE: Mr. Eddie's Father come home from bar again? Tenchi:^_^' Uhhhhh Nothing. Washu:*Looks at Tenchi's Face*Hmmmmmm........Tenchi is that blood on your lips? Tenchi:Uhhhhhhhh... BoomBoi:No its uhhhhh.Ketchup yeah.You know those hot dogs get messier and messier. Ayeka:^_^Lord Tenchi let me wipe that off your face. >RED: Wipe that smile off your face, young man!!! >NATE: Mommmm!! Ryoko grabs hold of Tenchi"I don't think he needs your hand.Oh I mean paw on his face"she then said. >VINCE: He's terrible at insults, too. I feel sorry for him. But then Ayeka pulls him back. >MACKIE: (Lando) Pull back!! All craft pull back!! >SNICKER: (Adl. Ackbar) It's a trap!!! "Let go of him!His face is turning blue from you holding him too tight!" Soon it turned in to a tug of war for Tenchi between the two. >NATE: Just a little tug of a war. >SNICKER: A little yank of a war. >MACKIE: A little. . .waginer. >RED: MACKIE!!! Ryoko:Let go he is mine! Tenchi:*face blue*Guh...gurls...I.. Cant...... >RED: (Tenchi). . .believe I'm in this stupid fic!!!! Ayeka:Tenchi is mine. Ryoko:No he is mine!You Heffa! >MACKIE: (Rocko) Heffa, 'ave ye seen Spunkey? Oi can't seem te foind 'im. Ayeka:Why you you.. Hussie!!! Ping:^_^'Uhhhhh... We should be going now.Tenchi thanks for inviting us to your game. Washu:Wait a second.........Jyun why are you wearing one shoe? >NATE: (Jyun) I found it! Southi:Uhhhh..He must of lost the other one when he tripped over an....Assphalt yea. Jyun:Yeah an assphalt.Thats it!An assphalt >RED: (Jyun) Yeah, an' then we ran down a sidewalk! >MACKIE: (Southi) Yeah, an' then we rested on a grass! >SNICKER:. . .yo? and it went into the gutter. Noboyukie:Huh?Is there something your not telling us? >MACKIE: (Southi) Well, okay, then we kinda did a crack. Grampa Masaki:Hmmmm..I can understand Tenchi gettin dirty but you guys.....It still questions me. >VINCE: Where were you on the afternoon of the big Dragons/Serpents game?? >NATE: Have you ever taken part in a coke-induced orgy?? >RED: How do you spell Schwarzenegger backwards?? >MACKIE: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a- >BAKA: (sniveling Yosho) Okay!! I did it!! There!! Is that what you wanna hear?? Boomboi:Oh well we tripped along with Jyun. Noboyuki:At the same time? >NATE: (BoomBoi) Well, we shared the same joint. Boomboi:Oh yeah he grab a hold of me and then I grab hold Ping and then Ping grab a hold of Southi and then all this started happening. Washu:And what did you guys do after that?Sling mud at each other? >BAKA: (Ping) Yeah. We's a political group. >NATE: (Jyun) Powa to da peoples! >OTHERS: Yeah! Yeah, dat's it, yo! Ping:Uhhhhh...... Sasami thanks for the food we'll eat it when we get up to space. >VINCE: Perfect. Just in time to vomit from space sickness. *turns to Kiyone*We'll see ya Kiyone. >MACKIE: What, in the shower? >NATE: (Ping) We'll see you, Kiyone! One of these days! >ALL: MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! Noboyuki:Later you guys*Lightly punches Boomboi on the arm* >BAKA: *in his Super Saiyan Pretty Noboyuki form, crushing him in one blow!!* BoomBoi:Owwww! Noboyuki:That wasn't a very hard punch. >VINCE: To an elephant!!! >NATE: End? >RED: End?? >MACKIE: END??? >SNICKER: EEEEENNDD!!!!!!! THE END >SNICKER: THANK YOU!! >NATE: Cripes, Snicker. >RED: Yeah, when'd you start taking crack as your daily medication? >SNICKER: Ohh, about thirty pages ago. Ryoko:Hey everybody it's me everybody's favorite space pirate and Tenchi's future wife. >VINCE: (Tenchi) No, I shall never marry thee, whore of crack!! Ayeka:What!? Tenchi Isn't gonna be your wife....You..You..Monster! >RED: Oh, how cute. They're arguing just like on that one show. With the dumb kid. >BAKA: That a pretty vague description if it on the WB network. Ryoko:Whatever.On our next episode Ping,Southi,BoomBoi,and Jyun gets to go find an apartment but will they be able find that special apartment?Well I hope they find that apartment >MACKIE: Holy SHIT that was obnoxious. >NATE: This is a TENCHI FANFIC!!! Why the hell is he following these ghetto turds???? it was getting crowded in the house even with Washu's demension chamber thing. >NATE: (Ryoko) You know. >VINCE: (stand-up comic) Ladies, back me up on this one. . . Coming up is Episode 3 No Need For an Apartment. >RED: What was this fucker's name again? >NATE: Mah Soiledmah Drawersmah. >VINCE: No, I think it was Mah Sonja Lotsacrackandhaggendaas. >SNICKER: Whatever. Let's get out of here before I explode. -------------------------------- (Everyone emerges from the laptop. Jigsaw and Dominique greet them.) JIGSAW: Aaaaand the score is. . .? RED: The score is "blow yourself". NATE: I'm gonna be feeling those speech indicators for months now. JIGSAW: Whoa! The little supervisor girl is getting angry! RED: LITTLE GIRL?!? You got some nerve, Splitface!! JIGSAW: Oh, like I haven't heard THAT one before! Is your girlfriend normally always having her period, Nate? (Antoinette hits Nathan for labeling her as his lady.) NATE: Oww! Yeah, pretty much. (She hits him again.) NATE: OWWW!!! Gawd!! Why do you have to be so damn pushy?? RED: Why do YOU have to be so damn. . .ASSHOLE?? JIGSAW: For someone who supposedly comes from the garage, you sure get your ass kicked a lot by that chick, Nate. NATE: Yeah, and for someone who's supposedly a big villain that's feared by many, you sure are p-whipped by that looney curb girl over there, Pookie. (Jigsaw draws his gun just as Nathan draws his own.) JIGSAW: That's IT, loserboy! I'm gonna erase that smug face of yours! You insulted me one too many times! NATE: I suggest you put that away before something bad happens. RED: God, I can't stand this macho bullshit! (They point their guns at a shocked Antoinette.) NATE&JIGSAW: You stay out of this! (They direct their aim at each other again.) JIGSAW: This is quite silly. I really don't wanna hafta kill you and all your friends this early in our "hero/villain" relationship. NATE: Well, I don't feel that's relevant. I get tired of villains the moment I meet them. NIQUE: Honey, don't you think it'd be kinda dumb to kill him and end the show this soon? I mean, he IS the main character. (Jigsaw, trembling with rage, lowers his gun and takes Dominique's arm.) JIGSAW: Okay, know what? I'm gonna kill my girlfriend first. I'll come back for you guys later. Have a nice day. (Jigsaw leaves with Dominique. Nate puts his gun away and shrugs.) NATE: He's gone, at least. RED: I can't believe you were going to shoot me. . . NATE: No, I wasn't! Man, you really ARE stressed all the time. Why don't you go rest or something? RED: Yeah, I think I'll go do that. . . (Antoinette leaves.) SNICKER: I guess being muted accidentally kinda affected her a might. NATE: Yeah. Wait, what? BAKA: So, what we do now? NATE: Well, anybody up for rod hockey? MACKIE&VINCE: You bets yo' sweet titties, yo! NATE:. . .oh, boy. I think they were affected today, too. END --------------------------------------------------------- STINGER: Sasami:*from Kitchen*Thats something to hear coming out of somebody who always likes to to tell her to get lost. That concludes Episode 6.5, and the first appearance of Jigsaw! Don't worry, I'm sure he'll go away by episode 7.1! Oh, yeah! Vincent Valentine is property of Square Soft ("Vincent from FF7" shoulda given that away, and I doubt anyone would sue me for this, anyway. Still, being a little paranoid really helps. . .or being really paranoid helps a little). - Mike