Mike's Desk Theatre 3000: episode 5
By Mike MacDonald (KNIGHTSABR@aol.com)

DISCLAIMER:
	The characters of Mike's Desk are from a comic strip currently 
under development (when I get the resources ready, anyway), and are my 
property. However, if you'd like to incorporate any of them in a story 
or MST, please let me know and I'll give you my blessing!
	I would also like to note that I mean no harm to the authors of 
bad fanfics.

	. . .actually, I would mean that if the fics weren't by AAA-
PhuckNut, Tank Cop, or AncientYume. I'll be honest. >;(

	Hell, or by any of their associates. I've read some real horror 
shows on this site.



NATE: Yo! Nathan here. Today's episode of Mike's Desk Theatre will be a 
bit different, since 98% of our cast is missing. The only people left 
here are me and Evol, which sucks for me.

EVOL: And rocks for me! Mwahahahaaa!!

NATE: I'm the main character, so naturally I have to be the one that, as 
Brianna put it once, "gets it in the ass at 200mph".

EVOL: So, to make up for this, as well as to spice up ratings, I've got 
some special guests to help Nate out with today's shitfest <read as 
"suffer with him">. Today, Nate's associates come from Mike's Cabinet, 
the homestead of all the higher-class toys in Mike's room.
	(Nate makes a gagging noise.)
EVOL: Can we proceed, please?

NATE: I suppose.

EVOL: Anyway, my first guest is the star player in a traveling ring of 
thieves-slash-actors. Please welcome adventurer and ladies' man, 
Zidane!!
	(Evol tosses a pokeball onto the desk, and out pops Zidane.)
ZIDANE: Owww. . .Try stuffing yourself into one of those and see how 
comfortable it is!!

EVOL: Accompanying Zidane is his ladyfriend, Princess Dagger!!
	(Garnet comes out of the next pokeball, rubbing her sides.)
GARNET: My name is Garnet.

EVOL: Dagger sounds so much nicer to me.

ZIDANE: I bet it would.

NATE: You caught them all in pokeballs?

EVOL: Well, how else could I get them here?

GARNET: I don't know. . .asking??

EVOL: Since I'm sure we can all see where this is headed, the next guy 
in the list is a rather large man. A rather bold man. A rather stupid 
man. Everyone put your hands together for Buzz Lightyear!!
	(Steiner comes out of the third pokeball.)
STEINER: The name is Steiner, fiend! You will respect that name! And you 
will respect Princess Garnet!!

EVOL: And to top off the list, the new guy with the retro look, 
heeeeeeeeeeere's Vivi!!!
	(Vivi appears out of the fourth pokeball.)
VIVI: What's going on??

NATE: You are so getting your ass kicked later, Evol.

ZIDANE: I know you. Nathan, right? Touch Garnet and die, got it?

NATE: . . .sure. Straightforward, aren't you?

EVOL: And now, without further ado, it's hurt time!!!
	(Evol sucks them into Word 2000. He loads the fic, and the 
horror begins. . .)



NATE: Well, I'm sorry you all got sucked into this.
STEINER: It's perfectly all right. I've needed a break from work for 
some time.
GARNET: I volunteered, actually.
NATE: . . .why???
GARNET: It sounded interesting.
ZIDANE: I'm only doing this because I need the stage time.
NATE: Aren't you in a traveling theatre group, though?
ZIDANE: Yeah, but I haven't had much stage time lately because Garnet 
wanted me to take night classes with her!
GARNET: You like them and you know it. Besides, I didn't want to take 
them alone.
NATE: I don't see why you wouldn't want to be around her, Z.
GARNET: He thinks I'm annoying sometimes.
ZIDANE: She keeps pulling on my tail!!!
GARNET: It's cute!
VIVI: I shouldn't be here. This isn't right.

Hey this is my first lemon. Please enjoy. Ohh and I dont own any of
that copy right junk, BLAH BLAH

NATE: If he can't write a disclaimer properly, how can he write a story 
to go with it?
ZIDANE: If he cares that much about the project, he probably hasn't even 
finished it.
GARNET: He ends it with "And then the guys went to theehhhhhhh fuck it."
NATE: . . .can a princess use that kind of language??
STEINER: She most certainly cannot!! She's been hanging around David 
Bowie over there too much.
ZIDANE: Nice name joke, Buzz!
STEINER: Be quiet, thief.
ZIDANE: "To idiocy, and beyond!!!"
STEINER: I said quiet!!!
VIVI: Who do I look like?
NATE: If Orko got it on with a Jawa, you'd be the offspring.
	(Everyone cracks up.)
VIVI: . . .I don't get it.

Nobuyuki's Secret.
By
Mr. Sinister

ZIDANE: Co-written by Magneto.
NATE: Executive producer: Charles Xavier.
GARNET: Sponsored by Marvel.

This takes place after the girls hear about Tenchi's new girlfriend in
Tokyo and they want to visit him,

VIVI: Tenchi in Tokyo. Great.
NATE: I don't think you have to put pornography in "Shin Tenchi" to make 
it intolerable.
ZIDANE: It seems to be in the same situation as "Star Wars: Episode 1"; 
even the zealots hate it.

but they need to get money so they are trying to steal Nobuyuki's money.

VIVI: They always pick on Tenchi's dad. Just because he dresses up in a 
tutu every once in a while. . .
GARNET: Steiner, why don't you join in?

The scene is the living room.

STEINER: (Drew Carey) Collin, you are an epileptic rabbit, and Ryan is a 
gay man who is bitter about his recent break up. Begin!

"WHERE IS IT??!!" Ryoko screamed into Nobuyuki's ear.

"Where is what? Replied Nobuyuki

GARNET: (Ryoko) My copy of Cosmopolitan!! Where is it??
STEINER: (Noboyuki) Oh, that! Let me see, what did I do with it. . .oh, 
that's right! I wiped my ass with it in the bathroom!
	(Garnet makes a punch sound while the others laugh.)

"THE MONEY" Said Royko

	(Zidane acts like he's being dunked in a toilet.)
NATE: Where's the money, Labowski??

"Please tell us where it is, we want to see Tenchi" said Sesami

ZIDANE: (narrator) . . .Street's Grover.
VIVI: (Grover) Hello everybodeeeeeeeeee!!!

"Yeah and we want to see him with Sakua. Tenchi belongs to me, and only
me" said Ryoko quietly

NATE: (Ryoko) I have the receipt in my panty drawer.

"Look I'm getting sick and tired of you girls always taking my money.
IT'S MINE. If you want to see Tenchi go get a job and make your own 
money. I work day and......"
Nobuyuki suddenly stopped while he felt a hard fist into his stomach
coming from Ryoko.

VIVI: Noboyuki works? What is he, "Secretary of Nothing"?
NATE: He unexpectedly stopped when he got punched in the stomach.

"No why did you do that?" Mehoshi said looking really worried.

ZIDANE: Mr. Sinister appears. "Don't question my logic, bitch!!"
	(Zidane makes a bitchslap noise, followed by Garnet squealing.)

She had one tear coming from her left eye while she ran and grabbed 
Nobuyuki before he fell to the floor.

STEINER: Mihoshi likes Noboyuki in "Shin Tenchi"?
NATE: I never watch the show. I'm sure it's just the author's lame idea.

"That was a bit harsh, but it was acceptable. Since we do need the
money to see Lord Tenchi" Aeka said, with her snotty nose up high.

GARNET: (British wildlife guide) Here, we see how the author tries to 
make it appear Ayeka is okay with this idea while pitifully trying to 
keep from breaking her character.
VIVI: (Ayeka) Tenchi, where's my nose?
NATE: (Tenchi) Oh, it's on top of the bookshelf.

"Yeah please let us have the money to see Tenchi, we only care for him"
Kyone said with a little worried look on her.

STEINER: (jet pilot) Uhh, we got a major character violation on dialogue 
line nine. Subject: Kiyone. Over.
ZIDANE: (base) Copy that. Terminate at will.
NATE: No kidding. She should be making arrests left and right.

"And if you don't give us the money I can use you as a ginney pig"
Washu said with an evil grin on her face.

GARNET: As a what?
NATE: As a typo.

"THATS IT!!! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU GIRLS. I ACCEPTED YOU ALL TO
LIVE IN MY HOUSE BUT THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME. BY BEATING ME !!!!"
Nobuyuki said extremely angry.

ZIDANE: (Washu) You didn't want us to repay you, remember? You should be 
taking these punches gratefully.

"What are you gonna do about it?? Hahaha old man your only human, NOW
GIVE US THE MONEY" Ryoko said, clenching her right fist together.

GARNET: (Ryoko) Ayeka, get me some tape, would you? My fist's falling 
apart again.
NATE: Hahaha mr sinister your only loser, NOW QUIT WRITING THIS

"GET OUT NOW, LEAVE OR ELSE......" bam another punch right into
Nobuyuki's stomach. Blood came out of his mouth and nose.

STEINER: (narrator) He died, and no one learned his secret account 
number. The end.
NATE: Tenchi finally grew some balls, boned Sakuya, and had nine kids.
ZIDANE: Oh, great. Premise for another series.
GARNET: "Tenchi in Labor"
NATE: See how easy it is to come up with shows? Like, if Tenchi and 
Sakuya got divorced.
VIVI: "Tenchi in Court"
ZIDANE: Then he molested his kids. "Tenchi in Prison"
STEINER: And got raped in the shower. "Tenchi in Heat"
VIVI: Then died of a VD. "Tenchi in Hell"
NATE: And pioneer will change the story arc with each of those, right?
STEINER: And you can get European bootleg copies.
VIVI: "Tenchi in French"
NATE: "Frenchi Muyo!"

"No please stop Ryoko' said Mihoshi, she was crying as she held
Nobuyuki once again.

GARNET: This writing is terrible!
NATE: I bet monarchs are never taught of the horrible grammar and 
punctuation outside the castle, huh?
GARNET: Oh, no. Royal penmanship is pretty incomprehensive, too.

"Shut up, you stupid idiot" Ryoko said while Kyone grabbed Mihoshi.
Then  Ryoko slapped Mihoshi and she fell onto the ground crying and 
holding her left cheek.

NATE: Okay, so, Kiyone didn't grab her.
STEINER: I thought she was a smart idiot.

Nobuyuki looked at Ryoko with fire in his eyes

NATE: (James Hetfield) Fire BAD!! Napster BAD!!

and said " THATS IT.
YOUVE HIT THE LAST STRAW"

VIVI: Mr. Sinister comes up with his own clichés. He's a philosopher!

"HAHAHA I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT" said Ryoko

ZIDANE: (Noboyuki) ALL RIGHT. I'LL SHOW YOU!
GARNET: (Ryoko) FINE!
ZIDANE: FINE!!
GARNET: FINE!!!
ZIDANE: WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?
GARNET: WE'RE SHOUTING?
ZIDANE: YEAH. . .OH, WAIT. CAPS LOCK'S ON.
GARNET: YOU CLOD.

Nobuyuki stood up, removed his glasses and started to scream
'AHHHHHHHHHH' .

NATE: (Noboyuki) I can't see!!!!!!!!
GARNET: (Noboyuki) I got a cramp!!!!!

Then his eyes started to burn with fire

NATE: (James Hetfield) Fire BAD!! Fire BAD!!!

and his hair slowly started to
raise into the air. He started the twitch

STEINER: (narrator) . . .a new dance that was embraced by all disco 
fanatics!!

as his muscle started to grow and grow,

VIVI: One muscle? He's a mollusk?
NATE: Someone turned him on.
ALL: EEECCHH!!!!

his shirt ripped showing his muscles as they where still growing.

NATE: His muscles are so powerful they destroy all punctuation that gets 
in their way.

Nobuyuki's hair stood at and end as it slowly started to turn blonde, 
then slowly his eyes started to turn into a blueish green while his 
eyebrows turned yellow, the same hair color as his hair.

NATE: He's turning into Super Saiyan Noboyuki?!
GARNET: Ladies and gentlemen, we have officially gone over the character 
violation barrier.
NATE: Dagger, we've left the friggin' series!!!

He stood up strait with his fists at chest height. At the end of his 
transformation, he was absolutely huge. All the girls looked at
him in fear except Ryoko and Washu.

"Nice trick" said the calm Washu, "But you're not doing much."

VIVI: Which isn't surprising for Dragonball Z.
ZIDANE: Score one for Vivi.

The transformed Nobuyuki looked at Ryoko, then he grabbed her and threw
her outside of the house to the large lake. Nobuyuki flew after as the 
other girls followed.

ALL: Dragon dragon, got the dragon, Dra-gon-ball Z! Ha!!

"Look I gave you a warning but now it's too late, I'm gonna teach you 
all a lesson, and especially you Ryoko for hitting Mihoshi."

VIVI: The Dragonball voice actors do talk like that, actually. Whole 
paragraphs in the form of one sentence.
NATE: I guess he knows what he's doing after all.

As he hovered over Ryoko, she flew up and hit him in the

GARNET: . . .dragonballs.
ALL: Ouch.

stomach again, but the new and extremely powerful Nobuyuki didn't even 
move an inch.

STEINER: (narrator) Only 6.8 millimeters.
	(Everyone gasps, mock impressed.)

"WHAAAAAAAT!!" said the confused Ryoko

"It's my turn!" Nobuyuki said.

ZIDANE: (Ayeka) No, it isn't! It's my turn, Noboyuki!!
STEINER: (Noboyuki) No, it's mine!
ZIDANE: (Ayeka) Mine!!
STEINER: (Noboyuki) Mine!!!
ZIDANE: (Ayeka) It's my turn!!!
STEINER: (Noboyuki) MOMMMMMMM!!!! AYEKA WON'T LET ME HAVE MY TURN!!!!!!!
GARNET: (Mom) Dammit, I'm gonna get the hose again if you two don't stop 
fighting!!!

Then he punched Ryoko in the face. She flew strait into the lake.

	(Vivi pretends to cry.)
ZIDANE: (Ayeka) MOMMMM!!! NOBOYUKI HIT RYOKO!!!
STEINER: (Noboyuki) You little snitch!!!

He looked and turned at the other girls. He flew towards them and
he grabbed Kyono

GARNET: Who?
NATE: What?

before she was able to get her lazer gun out of her gun holder.

NATE: She has a little guy she goes everywhere with that holds her gun 
for her?

He flew up around 30 feet into the air and started to slap her hard. He 
didn't stop until she was bleeding and out cold.

STEINER: (Noboyuki) Hahahahahaha you did nothing, but I will smash you 
anyway hahahahahaha,
VIVI: That's a pretty good impression.

After a couple of hard slaps, she was out and he dropped her.

ZIDANE: (Noboyuki) Two slaps and she's out like a light. What a pansy.

Then he started to power up a blast, then he shot it at Aeka. The blast 
ripped through her shield and hit Aeka in the chest, she went flying 
into Sesami and Ryo-Ohki, she hit them out cold.

VIVI: Caveman story. She hit them. Out cold.
NATE: I see. This story was written to show how much greater Dragonball 
Z is than Tenchi.

"You said it was fake Washu.

GARNET: No, I said it was genuine Washu! 100 proof!

Now you can feel how fake it really is. HAHAHA"

STEINER: . . .must we watch this?
VIVI: I don't think he means what you think.

"I'm not done with you yet.." said a Ryoko as she flied out of the lake
with blood all around her.

STEINER: Dear god!! Spellcheck didn't underline "flied"!! His language 
is taking over!!!
	(They all cry.)

"Becareful Ryoko, He's very powerful but you might have a chance" said
Washu, then she thought * She's doomed*

NATE: (James Hetfield) Poor structure BAD!! Napster BAD!!!

Yosho heard all she shouting, screaming and the blasts from the shrine.
So he got up and ran towards the house. He looked at Nobuyuki, laughed 
and said " Well Raditz it looks like your up to your old tricks again"

ZIDANE: So now he's saying Dragonball Z should replace Tenchi.
GARNET: And that Yosho's an asshole.

At the battle Nobuyuki started to beat on Ryoko until she was out. He
kept on giving her the old Jab-Punch-Jab,

VIVI: (ninja onion) It's all in the mind! If you wanna test me, I'm sure 
you'll find. . .
NATE: In the rain or in the snow. . .
GARNET: In-the. . .rain. . .or-in-the. . .snow. . .
NATE: Got a got a funky flow. . .
GARNET: Got-a. . .got. . .a-fun. . .ky-flow. . .
ZIDANE: Man, you guys suck at that game.

he kept it simple so that Ryoko could block it, but she was too slow and 
he was way too powerful. He gave her another jab then a final uppercut 
to finish her off. She was out, in another dimension but not dead.

NATE: He obviously hasn't understood how America edits these shows.
VIVI: I figured the halos would've given it away to this dolt.

Then Nobuyuki pointed his finger at Washu an gave her a little blast 
that would knock her out.

GARNET: He's violently merciful.

Yosho looked the girls and wondered why Nobuyuki didn't get Mihoshi. 
"Ahh I see now. It looks like he may have feelings for her" Then he 
turned around and walked back to his shrine.

ZIDANE: I suppose the "Charles In Charge" marathon is too important to 
miss.

Nobuyuki landed on the ground and he changed back to him old self.

NATE: (narrator) Him realized what a real bastard him had been.

Back into his human form, he walked towards the house and picked up his 
glasses. "Ahh come on this was my favorite shirt, but now it's all torn 
up".

He put on his glasses and he saw Mihoshi running towards him.

ZIDANE&NATE: SHE'S COMING RIGHT FOR US!!!!
	(They make sounds of gunshots and explosions.)

"WOW!!! That was amazing Nobuyuki, I never knew that you were one of
those special guys.

ZIDANE: You know, one of those special guys.
NATE: Yeah, I hear ya.
VIVI: Huh?
ZIDANE: Those guys that're real special.
NATE: Of course.
STEINER: You mean the kind that does the stuff?
NATE: Absolutely.
VIVI: What're you guys talking about?
NATE: Sigh Okay, guys, apparently Vivi doesn't get it.
	(Sympathy groans from everyone.)
VIVI: I'm sorry.

You know the guys that their planet got blown up by Frieza.."
Mihoshi said.

"Ehh you mean a Sayin? Yes thats right I am a Sayin" Nobuyuki replied to 
Mihoshi

STEINER: (Noboyuki) I am a sayin' that I don't wanna hear your mindless 
squealing, Mihoshi!
GARNET: If he prefers Dragonball Z over Tenchi, wouldn't he spell those 
names better than he spells the Tenchi names?

"Does anyone know?" Mihoshi said looking confused

	(Snickering.)

"My old wife and Yosho. Look I don't want people to know beacuse of my
past.

ZIDANE: A little late for that, Asswipe. The whole cast of "Shin Tenchi" 
knows now, dontcha think?

Hey let's go inside and do into the hot springs pool, and relax"

ZIDANE: So I can do into you.
GARNET: Zidane. . .

"Hehehe ohh you, eh ok" Mishoshi said blushing

GARNET: Ryoko's slap really got to her, didn't it?

Nobuyuki replied "Are you alright?"

"Yeah thank you, thanks for saving me back then" Mihoshi said still
blushing

STEINER: They served in the war together.
ALL: Ahhh. . .

They walked inside and went to their rooms to get their swimming suits.
Mihoshi got her 2 piece Bikini. It was dark blue with yellow lacing. 
Nobuyuki got his black swimming trunks.

GARNET: Don't they bathe nude in the bathing room?
NATE: No, this is the Toonami version.

Mihoshi went into the pool while Nobuyuki went into the kitchen and got 
a special bottle of Sucke.

	(Everyone laughs.)
ZIDANE: He coulda gotten some of that from any area in this fic!

Then he ran to the pool. He saw Mihoshi there and he slowly walked 
towards the pool. Her back was turned at the door so she didn't know he 
was there.

GARNET: (Mihoshi) Noboyuki, is that you?
OTHERS: Chi chi chi. . .hah hah hah. . .

Nobuyuki slowly got into the pool and he put his hand on Mihoshi's 
shoulder.

VIVI: (Mihoshi) Oh! Hi, Noboyuki-gurgle gurgle gurgle. . .

"Ohh I didn't hear you come in"

GARNET: (Mihoshi) Or feel you come in. Tee-hee!

she looked at him with a surprised face and said " Is that sucke?"

NATE: She's surprised that this fic suckes?!
ZIDANE: I guess we should just quit being subtle about the "sucke" 
jokes.

Nobuyuki said " Yes thats right, but here I see your a bit tense let me
give you a message"

STEINER: (Noboyuki) It's from God. It says "STOP WRITING, MR. 
SINISTER!!!"

Mihoshi nodded her head. Then Nobuyuki poured 2 glasses of sucke

VIVI: Hey, do we get any?
NATE: We've had enough for a while, Vivi.

and he handed one to Mihoshi. Mihoshi got up while Nobuyuki opened his 
legs signaling Mihoshi to sit down.

STEINER: (narrator) Like Pavlov's dogs, women immediately obey when 
shown male genitalia.

She sat down between his legs with her back turned at him. He started to 
message her shoulders

STEINER: (Noboyuki) "Tenchi; killed your friends and probably banged 
Mihoshi. Left the state with our savings. Won't be back for a few 
months. Granpa doesn't care, so don't go crying to him. –Dad"

"Hmmmm this feels soo good" Mihoshi looked up at the celling and she
closed her eyes. "So will you tell me you past story now? PLEASE?"

"Mishoshi I feel like I cant trust with anything. Ok well about 20
years ago.

NATE: This guy's got as much depth as a puddle on the sidewalk.

I came to this earth to find my brother Kakarot.

ZIDANE: God, here we go. . .

I came here to tell him to come back or to kill him.

STEINER: (Noboyuki) I haven't decided which yet. . .

But he was too power full for me and he had 2 power full allies, his son 
Gohan and a Namek named Picolo. I was winning until Kakarot held me back 
and Picolo shot at me, but at the last second I was able to dodge the 
shot.

GARNET: You mean after you got blasted through the chest and then had 
your brains clawed out by Picolo?

I had to fly out as fast as I could, while I had to lower my power so 
they couldn't sence me.

VIVI: . . .sooooooo, whose body was left at the scene of the battle?
NATE: A straw dummy with black hair. The ol' switcheroo!
	(Everyone chuckles lightheartedly.)

I realized that I wasn't powerful enough, and that I had to stay low.

STEINER: (Noboyuki) So, I came here, transformed, and wasted everyone in 
a loud, destructive battle by a residential area.

I came here and met with a beutiful woman, her father Yosho knew about 
my powers and he helped me train.

GARNET: (Noboyuki) You shoulda seen us. We really got the giggles!

I hit SuperSayin level but then I stopped training because I had a 
newborn son.."

"Oh oh I know, thats Tenchi right?" Mihoshi said all excited

NATE: (Noboyuki) No, you're my son, Mihoshi!
VIVI: So now Tenchi Muyo should bow down to Dragonball Z?

"Yes thats right Mihoshi, well you know the rest of the story. My wife 
died and I had to raise Tenchi myself" Nobuyuki said sounding a bit sad

GARNET: We know the rest of the story now!

"I never thought that would meet any one as beutyful as my wife, but 
then you came into my life Mihoshi"

STEINER: (Noboyuki) Yeuh aur prittey end beuty full, Muh-Muh-Mlady.
ZIDANE: (Jim Carrey) Ah lahv yah ah loht!

"You mean me? You have had feeling for me all this time?

VIVI: What other Mihoshis are there in Tenchi's house, you doorknob??? 
And who else is in the hot tub with you???
GARNET: Calm down, Vivi.
VIVI: Sorry.

Why didn't you tell me anything?" Mihoshi said all confused.

NATE: You never have to tell us when Mihoshi's confused. . .

"Well I always thought that you loved Tenchi like the other girls" he
replied

"HA?! I dont love Tenchi, I love you" Mihoshi said while she turned
around and sat on his right lap.

VIVI: GAAHH! What kind of creature is Noboyuki???
STEINER: (left lap) What about me? Boo hoo. . .
ZIDANE: Mihoshi kinda spazzed out there.

She looked at Nobuyuki shile a tear ran down her eyes.

GARNET: Makes you wonder how he types, doesn't it?

"I love you Mihoshi and I have from the first day I saw you"  Nobuyuki
said while he looked into those beutyfull blue eyes.

NATE: I hate when these guys try to be romantic. It's just not right. 
What do you think?
STEINER: I think Mr. DiCaprio should take his hands off the princess 
right now!!!!
	(Zidane and Garnet are making out wildly.)
ZIDANE: And I think Col. Pissypants should mind his own damn business!!
VIVI: Oh, boy. . .
	(The FF9 battle theme starts up as Zidane and Steiner glare at 
each other.)
NATE: C'mon, you guys. We're all getting bad karma from the fic, so I 
suggest we wait 'til it's all over before we kill anything, okay?
ZIDANE: . . .yeah, okay.
STEINER: Suits me.
	(They sit back down.)

Nobuyuki and Mihoshi drew their head towards each other. They lips meet 
in a passionate

VIVI: . . .headbutt.
ALL: Ow. . .

kiss. They felt like it lastest for eternity.

GARNET: (Mihoshi) That's the lastest time I'll ever kiss you, Noboyuki!!

Mihoshi slowly put her tongue into Nobuyuki mouth, he returned the 
favor. Mihoshi broke up the kiss and said "I love you, but this is my 
first time, please be gentile"

NATE: Gawd, I hate girls that talk like that.
GARNET: Like what?
NATE: Just using yuppie pronunciations, like "Gentile", "porshuh". . .
ZIDANE: "Commitment". . .
VIVI: Ouch.
NATE: Okay, you got me there, Zidane.
STEINER: Porche is actually pronounced "Porshuh"
NATE: Is it?
STEINER: I think. . .

"Don't worry my love, you will never be hurt around me"

STEINER: (Noboyuki) Unless I am forced to break your face.

Mihoshi knelt down on his lap so she can face him and be close. She got
close enough to feel his hard cock about to rip out of his trunks.

VIVI: I thought Trunks wasn't born yet.
ZIDANE: Yeah, Vegeta hasn't even met Bulma.

Nobuyuki had a giant smile on his face as he felt her pussy in her 
bikini rubbing agains his hard dick.

NATE: And awaaaay we go!

She put he hands behind her back and she started to unravel her bikini, 
she took off her top and reveled her beutyfull light tanned brests with 
pink nipples.

VIVI: (narrator) Dey wuz grate.

They are perfectly sized, every mans dream, perfectly round, and her tan 
was amazing, you can see little triangles around her breasts.

STEINER: Protective barriers?
NATE: Does the princess have those?
STEINER: How in Alexandria would I know???
ZIDANE: No, she doesn't have 'em.
STEINER: ZIDANE. . .
ZIDANE: Oh, don't get upset, Rusty. I'm just kidding. . .or am I?
	(They laugh at how mad Steiner's getting.)

You can see all her tan lines. Nobuyuki couldn't belive what was inches 
from his face.

NATE: His nose. When you really think about it, it's pretty incredible.

His eyes widened in shock.

ZIDANE: (narrator) His nose bled so hard, it knocked his head against 
the tile floor and killed him.

"Is there something wrong?" Mihoshi said looking worried, " Is there
something wrong with my figure?"

NATE: It's not in mint condition.
	(Garnet does a rim shot.)

"No, no, no, Your amazing Mihoshi, your even beutifuller than my last
wife, Im just so amazed at how beutifull you are"

STEINER: Let's take the time to stress what a horrible writer this 
author is. . .

Mihoshi looked at Nobuyuki and she had an amazing smile on her face.
They shared in another passionate kiss. Nobuyuki put his hands on 
Mihoshis breast and he started to message them.

GARNET: "To my greatest fan, Mihoshi"
ZIDANE: (Noboyuki) "Left. . .. . .Right". There!

He moved his left hand up higher at Mihoshis neck.

NATE: (Mihoshi) Ohh, Noboyuki, that feels so-GAKKK!!!

He broke up the kiss

STEINER: (Irish cop) All right, you two! Break it up. Show's over.

and he started to kiss down the left side of her neck. He went lower and 
lower until he got in between the valley between her breats.

VIVI: (narrator) The next village was supposedly near the mountains. . .

He gave little kisses and started to kiss her right breast while he 
messaged her left breast with his right hand.

NATE: "Raditz. . .was. . .here."
STEINER: I'm confused with these directions. . .
ZIDANE: Taking notes for Beatrix, Steiner?
STEINER: Shut up, you.

He lowered his left and he grabbed Mihoshis ass, and he started to 
message it.

NATE: "Dear Tenchi. . .By the time you read this, you'll be a man. . ."

He was kissing and liking her nipple,

ZIDANE: (Noboyuki) You and I have grown closer today, nipple. . .
GARNET: Stop.

they thought that they were in totaly extacy,

STEINER: But they weren't, because the author couldn't spell it right!!
VIVI: It was only half-assed ecstasy.

but the best was just about to come.

NATE: (narrator) Noboyuki was going to do the monkey.
GARNET: They had Noh theatre tickets.
ZIDANE: The end of the fic was approaching!

"Hmmmm this is too good, but I think its time" Mishoshi said, she got
up of Nobuyuki's lap. She turns over as she bent over.

STEINER: Too. . .terrible. . .heart rate. . .dropping. . .

Her gorgeus ass was inches next to his face.

VIVI: (narrator) . . .which was the size of a football field.
NATE: . . .you lost me on that one, Vivi.

Then she slowly lower the lower part of her bikini. She lowered it so 
slowly that Nobuyuki was gonna go mad,

ZIDANE: (singing) I'm a madman!! Yeah, I'm an ass man!!
	(Nate does guitar riffs.)

his cock just raising again, becomming the biggest he has
ever had.

GARNET: How many has he owned previously?

She slowly revelead her asshole.

VIVI: Tadaaaah!! Mr. Sinister!!
ALL: Shame on you, Vivi. . .

She bent over even lower, her head was nearly in the water, then she 
stepped out of the thong part and threw it aside.

GARNET: Hey, you know what? I just realized something.
NATE: What?
GARNET: This fic is a big, stinky heap of shit.

Nobuyuki took of his trunks as fast as he could. He took them off then
Mihoshi looked at him , and nodded. "I'm ready" she said

NATE: . . .Steiner, you didn't get mad at what Garnet said a line ago?
STEINER: I don't give a damn about anything anymore. . .

She slowly lowered herself on Nobuyuki monster dick.

NATE: How does the "Monster Rancher" theme go?
VIVI: Don't even start.
NATE: Aww, but I had a really good joke for that!

She had seen a dick before but only in those love comics and she never 
thought that Nobuyukis would be soo big. His dick was slowly going into 
Mihoshis cunt, as she lowed, she moaned "HMMMMM" then
Nobuyuki felt Mihoshis barrier.

GARNET: Barrier?! How old is Mihoshi??

He put his hands on her hips, and he brought his waist upwards . With
Mihoshis help he pushed her downwards onto his dick, while he ripped the 
barrier,

GARNET: Oh, god. . .I wanna slap this guy so hard. . .
ZIDANE: I think we've learned by now that this guy cares not for details 
or anatomical accuracy.

and pushed his cock further and further into Mihoshis beutifull pussy.

"Ouch, that hurts" She yelled , but she was starting to enjoy it " In
and out .In and out, OHHHHHH"

*Geez its been nearly 20 years that I have had sex with a woman*
Nobuyuki was thinking.

VIVI: Dang. That was written wrong, right?
STEINER: That, or this story should've been called "Noby Dick"
	(Everyone gags.)
NATE: Steiner's pullin' out all stops!

"I can't belive this Mihoshi, I LOVE YOU" He screamed

VIVI: (Mihoshi) I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE!
STEINER: (Noboyuki) WHAT?
VIVI: YOUR TOUCH CHILLS ME!
STEINER: WHAT?
VIVI: I CAN'T STAND BEING IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU!
STEINER: WHAT?
VIVI: I DESPISE YOU IN GENERAL!
STEINER: WHAT?
VIVI: NEVERMIND!!
STEINER: OKAY.

Mihoshi started to bounce up and down on his dick, and Nobuyuki felt
her ass until he saw Mihoshis breats starting to bounce up and down. He 
grabbed her breasts and started to message them again...

NATE: "To whom it may concern. . ."
ZIDANE: Okay, that running gag has officially collided with a brick 
wall.

"OHHHH MY GOD" Mihoshi screamed with pleasure nearly getting to her
climax.

"I'm hitting my climax" Nobuyuki said while looking at Mihoshis face.

NATE: (Mihoshi) Umm. . .okay. . .
	(Garnet is sitting on Zidane's lap this time.)
STEINER: Would you two quit making out during the fic???
NATE: Yeah, if we gotta suffer through it, so do you!
VIVI: What do they mean by "climax"?

Mihoshi grabbed his hands of her breasts and she started to squeeze
them, he under stood that she was reaching her climax by squeezing back.

STEINER: Rather strange form of communication. . .

She closed her eyes and tightened her face muscles.

GARNET: Cabbage Patch Concubine.
VIVI: Ugh. . .that was a pleasant image. . .

They both yelled at the same time while Nobuyuki cummed
into Mihoshis pussy.

ZIDANE: (laughing) Noboyuki turns super saiyan again and blows her 
through the roof!
	(Everyone giggles at the image.)

"Ahhhhh" he said in relif.

STEINER: That's Russian for "relief".

Mihoshi stayed on his dick, but she layed her head on Nobuyuki shoulder. 
While they were both gasping for air.

NATE: These porn fiends all write the same way. They write the same 
crap, and in the same fragmented sentence structure.
GARNET: Must be universal. If you're going into pornography, your 
intelligence drops to double digits.

They rested for about 30 minutes. Nobuyuki looked into Mihoshis 
beutyfull blue eyes. She had 2 tears on either side of her face. One for 
the pain and one for her new love.

ALL: Gawd. . .

Nobuyoki got up and sat at the edge of the hot springs pool. He opened
his legs.

	(Zidane makes a zipper noise.)

With a few flicks of his wrist he go his dick hard again.

NATE: (Bullwinkle) Nuthin' up my sleeve. . .

Mihoshi understood what happened,

VIVI: I find that highly unlikely.

she nodded and lowered her head on Nobuyukis dick. She kissed the tip of 
his dick. Then she opened her mouth and started to put his dick into her 
mouth.

ZIDANE: If the next word he uses is "dick", I'm gonna scream.
NATE: Repetition BAD. . .

She sucked fast and slow. She sometimes even took it out of her mouth to 
lick the tip. Nobuyuki was in total extacy, he laid back and looked at 
the celling.

NATE: Dictionaries! Get yer dictionaries!
GARNET: Common decency! Just a buck forty-nine!
VIVI: That's twenty thousand for morale! Do I hear twenty-five? Going 
once. . .
ZIDANE: Guess which cup the end of the fanfic is under! Watch the lady, 
watch the lady. . .
STEINER: Dunk the Author! Two dollars! Hit the lever and drop Mr. 
Sinister into the vat of Ajax!

While Mihoshi sucked faster and faster and faster.

He couldn't take it anymore, he was gonna explode.

	(Zidane whistles higher and higher until Steiner makes an 
explosion sound.)

He cummed right into Mihoshis mouths.

VIVI: Good god!! What kind of creature is Mihoshi, now???

She was shocked and didn't know what to do so

NATE: (narrator) . . .she died from electrocution.

she swallowed it and started to lick it off his tip.

GARNET: . . .okay, NO.

"AHHH that was too good Mihoshi"

She looked up and smiled with joy "Thank you very much"

"Its time to swtich" he said. but Mihoshi was kind of confused.

NATE: I'll give her that one. How do you "swtich"?

She sat up on the egde while Nobuyuki went into the water. He slowly
opened her legs reviling her beutifull pussy.

He slowly opened her pussy lips with his fingers and he opened them.

ZIDANE: You know, not many stories can hide the fact that they were 
never proofread once. For example, this one can't hide it at all.
	(The others chuckle.)

He slowly lowered his head, and he put his tongue into her
clit.

GARNET: . . .. . .how???

He started to lick faster and slower.

STEINER: (Noboyuki) Mihoshi! Quit playing with my gear shift!!
	(Garnet giggles like Mihoshi.)

Mihoshi grabbed the back of his head and arched her back trying
to get his entire tongue into her clit.

NATE: Oh, I can see how that would-
GUYS: HUH?!?!?!?!?
GARNET: Still isn't possible. Sorry, Mr. Sinister.

Nobuyki liked faster and faster. Mihoshi shut her eyes shut

VIVI: . . .her eyes shut her eyes shut. . .
NATE: The author really doesn't know what he's doing, does he?

and screamed in happyness. She reached her climax and started to
scream. "AHHHHHHH- OHHH-UHHHH-MMMMMMMMM"

ZIDANE: Her scream later inspired Hanson's new song.

Then she started cummin right into his mouth. "MMMM this tastes soo 
good" He said with a mouth full of Mihoshis semen.

STEINER: Wait, who's giving head to whom???
VIVI: Maybe that's what he meant by "Time to switch."
NATE: He said switch?

"It's sooo thick. It's soooo white. It's sooo salty"

GARNET: (Mr. Sinister) I'm sooo gay.

he just loved Mihoshis flavor. It was truly a taste of Heaven, maybe 
even better.

NATE: How many years in Hell does that get him right there?

"Hmmm There is only one more position I cant think of Mihoshi" Nobuyuki
said with a delight look on his face.

VIVI: Can't think of. . .?
STEINER: Okay. I've given up trying to understand this. . .
NATE: He only knows two positions?

Mihoshi looked at him and nodded " Yes I understand, this one might be
even more fun then the others"

ZIDANE: Doodlydoodlydoop! (Mihoshi) It wasn't as fun as the others!!
NATE: Haven't heard that bit in a while. . .

Nobuyuki saved some of Mihoshis cum as he scooped it into his right
hand.

GARNET: Is it sand??

He turned her around and started to lubricate her asshole.

VIVI: . . .with Cortaid!

"Now Mihoshi, you must understand that you have to relax in this
position. If you don't then you will hurt your self and me" Nobuyuki 
said calmly.

NATE: (Mihoshi) Then I guess we'll be in the hospital tomorrow.

"Ok" Mihoshi said with excitement.

ZIDANE: Excretement.

He lowered her into the hot spring water once again

VIVI: (Chicago mobster) So, ya still won't talk, eh?
GARNET: (Mihoshi) Please. . .no more. . .
NATE: (Chinese guy) You lowered into spring of drowned lemon author. 
Tragic tale of perverted writer that fell in spring 1500 year ago. Now 
you perverted writer.

until she was ready to kneel down in the inside step that people sit on 
in the pool. She knelt down as the water was up to the bottom part of 
her breasts. Nobuyuki got one last feel of Mihoshi breasts and he felt 
her hard nipples that he adored so much.

NATE: (James Hetfield) Details BAD!!! Napster BAD!!!
ZIDANE: Who is that you keep impersonating?
NATE: I can't say his name, or I'd owe Metallica $40,000.

Mihoshi straightened her arms, and put her hand on the ledge knowing 
that this might hurt more than before, but she was even readier than
before.

ALL: . . .. . .uhhhh-huh. . .

Nobuyuki took his right hand and put it on his erected hard
cock. Then he guided it into Mihoshis asshole.

VIVI: Beep. . .beep. . .beep. . .beep. . .
NATE: (Noboyuki) Back up. . .a little more. . .just a little more. . .

Slowly inch by inch he went deeper into her, until her got in 3 quatres 
of the way.

GARNET: Mr. Sinister's French.
ZIDANE: Smelly prick. . .
GARNET: Hey!
ZIDANE: What??

"Thank you for relaxing Mihoshi" he looked at her while her eyes were
shut close, with a wide grin on her face.

NATE: If someone stuck a broomstick up my ass, I would be doing anything 
but smiling.

After a minute. Nobuyuki felt her asshole was as loose as her pussy,

GARNET: Okay, hold on. A loose, virgin snatch with a barrier? What plain 
of existence does this jackass live on???

then he started to take thrusts into Mihoshi. She yelled with please and 
pain. But she said "Ohh DEEPER, DEEPER NOBUYUKI DEEPER"

STEINER: Sadly, the fic only gets more and more shallow. . .

He understood that he had to fuck her harder and harder, deeper and
deeper.

ZIDANE: Mihoshi understood that she was going to get deader and deader.
VIVI: While this fic gets dumber and dumber.
GARNET: As I get sicker and sicker.

He was grabbing Mihoshis tits while they where boucning up and down. You 
can hear Mihoshis butt checks slap against Nobuyukis thighs.

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK - YELL- SCREAM

	(Everyone cracks up.)

They both reached their climax and cummed at the same time.

VIVI: It's a photo finish!!
ALL: Vivi!!!

Nobuyuki sat on the inside step while Mihoshi sat on his lap.

"I love you Mihoshi, I always want to be with you Mihoshi" He said as
he looked into her deep blue ocean eyes

STEINER: He's devoured by a tiny kraken.
	(The others chuckle.)

"Are you saying what I think your saying?" she said

NATE: (Noboyuki) If you think I'm saying, "I love you Mihoshi, I always 
want to be with you Mihoshi."

"YES MIHOSHI MARRY ME, BE WITH ME FOR EVER!" he yelled

GARNET: (Mihoshi) Geez! Fine! You don't have to be a jerk about it!

"YES I WILL" as she looked at him with tears comming from both their
faces.

ZIDANE: Are they spraying each other or something?
NATE: (James Hetfield) Caps lock BAD!!

Then they shared in a final passionate kiss.

STEINER: (narrator) . . .before Goku arrived in a little pod, landing 
right on top of the bathhouse and killing them both.
NATE: Meanwhile, back in the shrine. . .
VIVI: (Yosho) HAH!! That Tony Danza kills me!!

THE END???

ZIDANE: . . .please?

for now

NATE: You mean "now" as in "ever", right?
ZIDANE: Ending GOOD.
NATE: Metallica BAD.
___________________________________________________________________


Please tell me how I did on that lemon, I would appreciate any kind of
reply,

STEINER: You are totally setting yourself up, my friend.

I know that it might be boring for somepeople to log into their e-mail 
and then write one for me, but please do so. It's the only way I can get 
better.

NATE: If you tried less drugs, that'd help you quite a bit.
GARNET: I think he was talking about his addiction.
NATE: Could be.

My Email Is
CMDR_DUFF@YAHOO.COM

Hmm I'll think about it and maybe I'll do a lemon with Tenchi and
Sakua.

VIVI: Learn to write more than one sentence in a paragraph first. Then, 
when you're done perfecting that, don't do it anyway.

Or anyone you all can think of. Next time I preoberly wont to a cross
over like this one, they will all be Tenchi Muyo characters

ZIDANE: How about if you don't do a project???
NATE: Evol, open up!! We've been in here too long!!


	(They exit the laptop. Evol greets them at a safe distance above 
them on one of the desk's shelves.)
EVOL: How'd it go, my little hamster turds?

NATE: Well, Square Soft hates your ass now, I guarantee that.

ZIDANE: You have some sick hobbies, Evol!

GARNET: No kidding.

STEINER: My psyche may never recover from that, skull-faced villain!!

EVOL: Usual feedback. Don't think you're the first ones to give me lines 
like that.
	(Vivi blasts Evol with a fireball, burning him to a cinder.)
EVOL: Don't think. . .you're the first person. . .to do that to me, 
either. . .uhh. . .
	(Nate shakes everyone's hands.)
NATE: Well, it was nice workin' with you guys. Hope to do it again 
sometime.

ZIDANE: You turned out to be a better guy than I heard, Nathan.

NATE: That's 'cause you're new at this, and my friends weren't around 
for this episode.

ZIDANE: Oh, they're still over at Brianna's?

NATE: . . .is that where they've been?

GARNET: We were over there when Evol snagged us. They were having a 
party.

NATE: How come I wasn't notified??

STEINER: They probably expected you to crash.

ZIDANE: Well, see ya, Nate.

NATE: See ya.
	(They leave. Nate heads over to Brianna's.)
NATE: There'd better be some punch left. . .
	(Dalek stands over Evol's cooked frame.)
DALEK: Sir, are you okay? Sir?

EVOL: I'm sorry, Evol is not home right now, but if you'd like to leave 
a message. . .

END


STINGER:
Yosho looked the girls and wondered why Nobuyuki didn't get Mihoshi. 
"Ahh I see now. It looks like he may have feelings for her" Then he 
turned around and walked back to his shrine.

	I have to agree with Loden on this. There isn't a better stinger 
in this whole fic than that one.
	I'd like to note that I do not own the rights to any of the FF9 
characters. I just own the toys. The characters are property of Square, 
the greatest RPG company on the planet (shmooze overdrive!). I also 
forgot to mention a copyright for Masked Maiden Polylina and Galaxy 
Fraulein Yuna in the last one, who belong to Hudson Soft (I just hope 
they read all of my MSTs before attempting to hurt me so they'll see 
this!).
	Email your comments, suggestions, and curses to me. Episode 6 is 
under way, so stay 'tooned!
- Mike