Mike's Desk Theatre 3000: episode 3 By Mike MacDonald (KNIGHTSABR@aol.com) DISCLAIMER: The characters of Mike's Desk are from a comic strip currently under development (when I get the resources ready, anyway), and are my property. However, if you'd like to incorporate any of them in a story or MST, please let me know and I'll give you my blessing! I would also like to note that I mean no harm to the authors of bad fanfics. . . .actually, I would mean that if the fics weren't by AAA- PhuckNut or Tank Cop. I'll be honest. >;( Hell, or by any of their associates. I've read some real horror shows on this site. Now, let's meet the cast! These are the toys in Mike's room (see episode 1 for descriptions): NATHAN: "I don't wanna die in Notepad. Wordpad, maybe. You can meet me there if you want and. . ." ANTOINETTE: "Haha! I love Christopher Walken!!" SNICKER: "I have no arms." BRIANNA: "Betty Page ain't got nothin' on me!" MACKIE: "I've actually slept with Tifa. What's the peak of your career?" TINA: "Don't call me Navi!" SPUD MC: "Nowadays, ev'rybody tryin' ta talk like they got somethin' ta say, but nothin' comes out. . ." BAKA: "Nani?" GINNY: "Everyone that can bend their legs over their heads, raise your hand." NORMAN: "Quit staring at me." PRINCESS MIRANDA: "Ha ha! You're funny. I won't kill you." EVOL: "I'm gonna wear a nametag that says 'Daddy' so I won't have to ask." DALEK: "We don't get breaks??" We now take you to Mike's desk, home of the strange and demented toy collection of Mike MacDonald. . . (Baka has just gotten his bootie kicked. Ginny and Mackie are taping him up.) BAKA: I defeat you yet, Sephiroth!!! GINNY: Baka, you really need to stop picking fights with all the villains in the room. MACKIE: Especially the ones that're more articulated than you. BAKA: I suppose. . . (Nate shows up.) NATE: What the hell happened to you? GINNY: He picked a fight with Sephiroth over at Mike's Cabinet and lost. NATE: Cripes. He's only got three more articulated spots than Baka. MACKIE: That's just it. Any more than two and he blows it. BAKA: Rub it in, why don't you? GINNY: So what's going on today? NATE: Well, Anne's coming by in a minute. Evol dished up another juicy, ripe tomato online. MACKIE: Another fanfic? NATE: Yeah, and I'm not too thrilled with the way he acts when he thinks about it. It must be really horrid. (Brianna comes up behind him and smacks him on his butt. Norman's by her feet.) BRIANNA: Hey, Sexy. What's hangin'? NATE: In a minute, us. We got a new fanfic. BRIANNA: Oh, god. (Mackie sneaks away.) NATE: Real bad one, too. We're waiting for Antoinette so we can get started. BRIANNA: Oh, this is the group for today? NATE: Well, I was gonna have Ginny and Mackie, here, join me and Antoinette. . . BRIANNA: Mackie? (Nathan looks behind him and finds Mackie has disappeared.) NATE: Well, shit! He took off! BRIANNA: And Antoinette sent me to tell you she won't be joining you after all. She's lending Princess Miranda a hand over at the Cabinet. NATE: Damn it!! Now all I have is Ginny and Baka! I don't suppose you wanna help us? BRIANNA: Welllll. . .. . .okay. But Norman's coming, too. NATE: Fine with me. Hey, Norm. NORM: Hey. NATE: How you feeling today? NORM: Bodiless. (Evol arrives with Dalek.) NATE: Well, here we go. . .(to Evol) Good day, Master of Bation. EVOL: I see you're all ready for rough times. Ha ha!! I can't wait!! BRIANNA: What's so nasty about this fanfic today, Evol? (Evol just laughs maniacally and hits CTRL-ALT-DEL on the laptop, sucking them into Word 2000.) NATE: WHOA!! He's not wasting any time!! EVOL: The reasons behind my giddiness shall soon be revealed. Dalek? (Dalek boots up the fanfic and the horror begins. . .) GINNY: I'm worried. NATE: So am I, actually. He wants this fanfic to be a surprise for some reason. BRIANNA: I normally like surprises, but not from Evol. BAKA: Here come disclaimer. We find out what he laughing for soon enough. GINNY: I don't want to find out. . . NORM: How badly do these suck again? I forget. . . This is a Tenchi Muyo Hentai/Lemon Fanfic of the wildest type! NATE: Okay, we can rule out not using the barf bags. GINNY: Crap! NORM: I don't have to worry about that. NATE: Good for you. This is DEFENTLY not for children! NATE: Keep out of reach of small children. BAKA: Do not use heavy machinery after reading. BRIANNA: Or sharp objects. GINNY: Or firearms. NORM: Or eight-year-old girls. . .D'OH!! ALL: AAAAAHHH!!!! Wait a sec..... If u were a child any way. YOU PROBABLY WOULDNT UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL NORM: What, your logic? SO WHY IS THERE A "WARNING" IN THE FIRST PLACE??? BRIANNA: Good question. These warnings never set us up enough for what's in the fanfic. We always get it right in the ass at 200mph anyway. GINNY: . . .where did you come up with that analogy? NATE: She's probably gotten it in the ass at 200mph before. Who do you think you're talking to? ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------- Part 1 of the "No Need For Virgins" Lemon fan/fic series. *Virgins No More* GINNY: Sometimes you can just tell when something's gonna be really, really raunchy. NATE: By looking at the title, for instance? By: AncientYUME BAKA: My ancient dream to be out of this laptop. Always have blissful dream about that. NATE: You're lucky. All I ever dream about is having a manage et trois with Oyuki and Benten from Urusei Yatsura. BAKA: . . .wait, I the lucky one??? NATE: Yeah, I just confused myself, too. Featuring Tenchi and Sasami! ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! DAMN YOU, EVOL!!!!!!! EVOL: Hahahaaa!! I love it!!! NATE: Okay, you guys. We'll make it through this one. Hell, we made it through MGPNoboyuki, didn't we? BRIANNA: That was just you and me, Nathan. NATE: . . .crap. The sun rose once morning upon the Masaki Home. The sharp beams of light glared through the windows of the eastern side of the household. NORM: Dicing the house to pieces. NATE: (Tenchi) Damn you, Sun!! You're paying damages!! BAKA: (Sun) Eat me, pansy! Haha! Tenchi was awoken by the light as a little beamed through his curtains. BRIANNA: (movie preview guy) "Tenchi in Star Trek" GINNY: Hey, Scotty, beam Sasami the hell outta this fic!!! He refused to open his eyes and come to accept he had awoken from his dream. NATE: Where he wasn't in a fanfic about pedophile. This dream had been like no other, he imagined Ryoko and Ayeka fighting, yes that seems normal but.... GINNY: (narrator) . . .they were fighting over him! Oh, wait. . . He also made love to NATE: . . .Magical Girl Pretty Noboyuki! BRIANNA: GAAHHH!!! them later in the same dream. A threesome, and what a burst of pleasure he had. ALL: EEEEWWW!! He had never felt such pleasure before. He never could have imagined actually having sex with them, both at the same time!! NORM: (narrator) Not without nosebleeding to death. Dumb kid. . . He did though; he imagined it all night, GINNY: He couldn't possibly, but he did anyway?? NATE: He couldn't imagine both at once. Maybe he did it one at a time. and it left him wet. For it was his first wet dream. BRIANNA: And AncientYume's first time writing. He opened his eyes. The sun blinded him, for his eyes failed to adjust in time! (Everyone hisses like a vampire.) *Wow, what a dream. I never thought i would ever even think such a deed* Tenchi thought to himself. NATE: (Tenchi) It was almost as erotic as having sex with Sasami! ALL: NATHAN!!! NATE: Oh, lighten up. He rubbed his head and pulled off the covers. His pants warm and wet. BAKA: (Tenchi) Better call Pep Boys and have this leak fixed. NORM: Good one. *Damn, i got to shower now* NATE: (Tenchi) I was hoping to spend the day as a walking dirt clod. So he stood up and grabbed a few clothes and headed off the shower, BRIANNA: And wash away the concept of sex with Sasami. NORM: Keep dreaming. still trying to grasp the quickly fading dream of the joy of sex! NATE: (narrator) A concept all too new to his virginal mind! Sasami was hard at work making a light breakfast! NORM: Eggs, toast, juice, pancake batter, margarine, beef, cartilage, pork rinds, hamdingers, Bratwurst, butter, asphalt, sawdust, catnip, Comet, mead, meth amphetamine. . . She was humming as she went along; steering batter, BRIANNA: Gasp! She's asleep at the batter!! NATE: All right, Sasami, now hold the steering batter at two o' clock and ten o' clock. Very good. rolling dow, GINNY: Ooh, that's a cool name for a tool! What's it do? NORM: It's a typo, you schnook. GINNY: Oh. and chopping fruit. Tenchi came down the stairway and smelt the aroma of Sasami's typical handy work. BRIANNA: (Sasami) Did you know that you can make dynamite with simple household items, Tenchi? NATE: (Tenchi) Can you? BRIANNA: (Sasami) If one were so inclined. . . GINNY: Real cute, guys. I don't think Brad Pitt would make a good Sasami. He was shower robe NATE: Sounds like an insult Baka would use. BAKA: You no make fun of Baka's accent. and he was drying his hair with a towel. "Oh Tenchi good morning!" Sasami shouted with glee as she saw Tenchi heading into the kitchen. "Oh, good morning Sasami. I didn't see you there. " BRIANNA: Poor kid gets that a lot. He replied (STILL thinking about he dream and how hard it made him now.) Sasami hopped off her little stool and approached Tenchi as he went to the table. She had her hands behind her back. GINNY: (narrator) . . .concealing the butcher knife from Tenchi's view. Her face was bright and tender, NORM: Sasamis are ripe this year! and she had wonderful little smile across it. BAKA: (narrator) . . .cleverly concealing her true identity: Vampire Princess Miyu! Tenchi sat down on the pillow and crossed his legs. BRIANNA: (narrator) . . .showing off his panties. "Hmm i can't wait to see what you made Little Sasami!" Tenchi laughed as he saw her coming toward him. (Everyone sings the "Psycho" death theme.) "Here u go Tenchi!" She said softly as she revealed the plate behind her back. NATE: (narrator) . . .into his skull, halving his brain neatly. "Wow Sasami! It looks wonderful, Pancakes, muffins, and chopped fruit!" He exclaimed. NORM: (Tenchi) On a plate held by Sasami! NATE: (Tenchi) Wait, this is the license plate of my dad's car. GINNY: (Sasami) I boosted the radio and sold it to Mihoshi while I was at it. Hope you don't mind. Oh, and Ryo-Ohki ate the tires. She gently put the plate down in front of him and he dug in. She sat down next to him and placed a plate before herself. She grabbed some chopsticks BRIANNA: He just forgot what the meal was, didn't he? BAKA: (AncientYume) "Chopsticks"?! Must be like fork. and began to eat-up the wonderful meal. About this time, it finally accrued to Tenchi, NATE: (Tenchi) Gasp! I'm going to screw Sasami! NORM: No, "accrued"; to increase by regular growth, as interest on capital. NATE: Oh, so he's got a woody? NORM: NO! Money, Stupid!! Where is everyone else! "Hey Sasami, where is everybody?" He asked her as she just stuffed a large amount of food in her mouth. She struggled to swallow quickly so she could answer. GINNY: Not that easy to swallow a whole egg. NATE&BAKA: . . .what?? "Oh yeah! Let me see now." She said gently, "Ryoko and Ryo- ohki went with Mihoshi---" "Why?" Tenchi asked suddenly, accidentally cutting her off. NORM: (Sasami) I know! It doesn't make sense, does it? "They went to go help Minagi and Washu fix Minagi's Spaceship, BAKA: . . .for Minagi. BRIANNA: (Washu) Dammit, Mihoshi! Do you even know what a screwdriver is?? (Ginny imitates Mihoshi crying.) and Ayeka, Father, and GrandFather went into to town to buy some things. They should all be back later this evening." She said. "So we're here, just you and me?" he asked uncalmly. NATE: (Tenchi) To make hot monkey love? GINNY: Uncalm monkey love. *I would think Ayeka or Grandfather would have woken me up!* He Thought. BAKA: (Tenchi) Unless I was in lemon fanfic. . .AAAAHH!!! "YUP, just you and me Tenchi!" She shouted with delight. They finished their meals and looked at each other. "Wow, great meal Sasami!" Tenchi smiled. "You really mean it!?" She shouted. NORM: He never says anything about her cooking. "Best you've ever made. You're a great cook but this was ju- ---" He was cut short when Sasami lunged upon him, ALL: (Sasami) SHINU, HENTAI!!!!!!!!!! attaching herself to his torso with a huge hug! ALL: Damn it! GINNY: What happened to our butcher knife?? "Thank you Tenchi! I---" Sasami stopped. She was on his lap, with her arms still around him as she felt something hard within Tenchi's pants. NATE: (Tenchi) I've got something for you, too, Sasami. . . ALL: NATE!!!!! NATE: (laughing) I'm sorry. "UUmmm Sasami, Maybe you shou----"He failed to finish his sentence. When his nose began to bleed! "Tenchi are you OK?" She sounded worried; "Your nose is bleeding!" GINNY: (Tenchi) Well, you got a damn hard head, Sasami! "Umm Sasami! I...I.."He stuttered. "YOU'RE A NAUGHTY BOY TENCHI!!!!" She shouted and quickly stood up. NORM: (Tenchi) Hey, you jumped on me! Her face was red with anger. She turned and started to walk away. "SASAMI wait!" Tenchi pleaded! He stood up and advanced her, BAKA: (as general) You just been promoted to lieutenant, Sgt. Jurai! putting his hand on her shoulder. She looked at him. "You're thinking naughty thoughts Tenchi!" NATE: (Tenchi) Oh, okay! Just because I got a boner, you assume I'm thinking about sex! She continued. "I don't like those things!" Her voice began to rise. "I'm goin------" She was interrupted by Tenchi's mouth covering her own. BRIANNA: Hellooooooooooooo, rape charge!! *Damn, I shouldn't have done that! It was the only way i could get her to be stop yelling though* He thought. NORM: I suppose he could've tried covering her mouth with his hand. BRIANNA: Or he could've tried, I don't know, "I'm sorry, Sasami"?? GINNY: I don't suppose not being screwed up in the first place would've helped? Their mouths were still locked as Sasami's yelling turned into whimpers. * I have never.....never...been kissed before.* She thought to herself. * I should Struggle, but...but. I dont want to. Tenchi is.....he.....I. I've always wanted him to kiss....* BRIANNA: You've never been raped before, either, but that doesn't mean you should try that, too!! He quickly noticed she wasnt struggling. NATE: Running out of air will do that. He put his hands on her shoulders so he could stay balanced while he was nelt down. (Antoinette joins the group.) RED: Hey, guys! I'm done. NATE: Hey, Red! Glad you're here. We could really use you. RED: Why? What's happening? BRIANNA: Oh, nothing much. Tenchi's raping Sasami, and she's enjoying it. RED: . . .you're kidding, right? Then the image of the dream came to mind once more. The vision of sex. The pleasure has never felt. With this image he continued to kiss Sasami, but he began to move his tounge into her mouth. Sasami was surprised, but she didnt resist. RED: OH, MY GOD!!!!! NATE: See? *This may be my only chance to feel what i felt last night, We're alone...but..but with SASAMI!?* His mind raced! (Nate and Baka make passing race car noises.) NORM: (announcer) There goes Tenchi's mind coming around the curve, following close behind Tenchi's dick in first place. . . GINNY: Well, at least he has a conscience about it. RED: The hell he does!! He isn't stopping!! GINNY: . . .yeah, you're right. As she began to move her tounge into his mouth, NATE: Her what?? he broke the kiss. RED: (Sasami) Aww, Tenchi, you dropped it! NORM: (Tenchi) Oops. . . He opened his eyes and looked at Sasami is question. She was very surprised, and she was blushing. "Tenchi....I" She tried to speak. "Sasami i'm sorry I did that to you., but it was my onl---" He was cut off. BAKA: What part she cut off? BRIANNA: I don't care. NATE: If she can cut off his link with the writer, they'll be safe. "Dont be sorry, I enjoyed it." She said gently. NATE: SUNOFA. . .!!!! RED: Great. He got to her, too. With those words Tenchi's eyes opened wide with surprise! He didn't expect Sasami to say that. GINNY: He's the dumbest guy in this room. BAKA: I didn't expect it... GINNY: Second dumbest. He also didnt expect to she was she did next. NORM: Haha!! He writes with a lisp! RED: Sean Connery's narrating. She advances rapidly and kissed him again, hugging him tightly. NATE: Now it's Tenchi's turn to feel violated? *Wha?!*He thought She began to force her tounge into his mouth. He didn't resist and he began to work with her. GINNY: Suddenly, the game took a cruel turn. . . She pressed all of her weight onto him. He couldn't catch his balance, so he fell back onto the floor, BRIANNA: (as Vince McMahon) Little Iron Chef topples the Lighthawk Kid with a belly-belly suplex! I think he's done for! GINNY: Sasami, 3:16!! Sasami still hugging him, their lips still locked in the passionate kiss. She laid on top of him, moving her body with the motion of their mouths. NATE: Laid what? RED: Nathan. . . Her legs were rubbing up against Tenchi's hard-on. (Brianna makes corduroy friction sounds.) NORM: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BRIANNA: (Tenchi) Sasami, you set off the smoke detector!! RED: Aww, you guys. . . This gave Tenchi pleasure. Pleasure he wanted to feel so much. As she unlocked her arms from around him and braced herself above him. He put his hands on her little waste. NATE: She doesn't potty much, does she? (Everyone gags.) RED: Is Tenchi one of those guys that watches little kids pee? Time seemed to stop as their kiss went on. It grew more and more passionate with every thrust of tounge. NORM: Maybe tounge is French for something. BRIANNA: "Distaste?" Tenchi couldn't help himself! NATE: He had a merry puke. He wanted to feel more pleasure, much like his dream. So he slowly moved his hands under her shirt. RED: This freak is less original with words than Mary Shelly! I've seen "pleasure" in this wretch more frequently than in "Frankenstein"! He could feel Sasami's soft, young skin. His heart was pounded as his hand advancer up her stomach toward her chest. GINNY: Yeah, I woulda pounded him, too. As his fingers touched the very edge of her bra, NATE: Oh, I forgot Sasami was twenty in this fic. she grabbed his hands, and broke their kiss. GINNY: (Sasami) Oh, shoot. Now I dropped it. NORM: (Tenchi) Fragile little things, aren't they? She sat down on his stomach and rose her torso up. BAKA: She got pneumatic parts! NATE: She comes apart, for easy travel. She forced his hands out from up under her shirt. Her face was flushed. BAKA: (narrator) . . .then cleaned with Toilet Duck. (The others laugh.) "No Tenchi, dont do that...I...." She tried to finish then sentence. "Sasami, dont worry. I.... I've always wanted to do this..But" He couldn't quite bring himself to do it. RED: Oh, good! They've come to their senses! ALL: YAAAYY!!!!! "Tenchi, I always wanted this too but I...oh .no!" She exclaimed and gasped quickly. She was surprised, she was didnt mean to say those things. Tears formed in her eyes, and she covered her face. GINNY: What the hell did he just say??? "Sasami..." He said softly. NORM: (whispering) I see sick people. . . Putting his arms on her shoulders. He brought her down close to his face. He gently uncovered Sasami's tear swept face. Brushing away her tears with his finger. BAKA: Is this a poem now? NATE: All around the world. We can make time. I'm rompin' and a stompin'. 'Cause I'm in my prime. GINNY: Here they come. Walkin' down the street. They get the strangest looks from. Everyone they meet. "I love you." He said to her gently. BRIANNA: Now we're in "American Beauty". She smiled and closed her eyes. Tenchi lowered her head and met her lips to his. They began to kiss once more. He put his hands on her waste NATE: (narrator) And threw it like a monkey. (Everyone makes wild monkey noises.) and slipped them under her shirt. She didnt resist. BRIANNA: Why should she? His hands moved up toward her chest and he cupped her cotton bra. He coresed her little breasts. RED: I'm not gonna bother anymore. The typos are so frequent, there's just no point. NATE: I'm just glad Snicker's not here. Once more she grabbed his hands and she forced them out. NORM: (sportscaster) Intercepted!! GINNY: Child molestation. Five year penalty. Raising her self-up. Breaking their kiss. Tenchi began to speak in protest, NATE: What beings speak that language? GINNY: That was lame, Nathan. but Sasami covered his mouth with her index finger. As she sat down upon his stomach, she grabbed the ends of her shirt, crossing her arms at the same time. BAKA: (narrator) She turned into Inframan!! She slowly lifted the little white shirt over her head. Revealing her small breasts covered by a thin cotton bra. She threw the shirt aside and put her arms behind her back. Undoing the bra. BRIANNA: Apparently, AncientYume doesn't believe in inserting the parts he forgets. GINNY: Lots of sentences make it look interesting. *Why am I doing this? I can't control myself*She thought. RED: Ohhh, I think Washu set this whole thing up. Now I get it. NORM: Washu's such a boner. The slid the straps off her shoulders and let the bra fall onto Tenchi. Tenchi's eyes opened wide with surprise. GINNY: (narrator) . . .as his chest was crushed by the massive weight of the brassier's triple layer chain mail and numerous padlocks. NORM: . . .wow. Overprotective parents. He had never seen Sasami's breasts. RED: God hasn't seen Sasami's breasts!!! They haven't developed yet!!! They were small and undeveloped, but her nipples where large and brownish. He diverted his eyes to her face. NATE: I hardly believe that at this point Tenchi has developed morale. She was blushing. "They're very beautiful Sasami, Thank you." He said softly She smiled and grabbed his hands. She brought them up to cup her small breasts. GINNY: (Sasami) Oh, wait. . . (everyone laughs.) BRIANNA: That was a mean way of putting it. She gasped as his fingers touched her skin. (Norman makes a static shock noise.) BAKA: (Tenchi) Gotcha! Haha!! He rubbed them for a little while, then he gripped her sides and lowered her toward him. He places her right nipple onto his mouth. He began to suck it and lick all around it. She gasped with pleasure. Tenchi played with her left breast with his right hand. RED: PhuckNut was a saint compared to this guy!!. . .wait, what am I saying??? Nathan, this is really starting to affect me!! NATE: I'm busy being scarred over here, too, Antoinette! Sasami gasped and moaned with pleasure. He began to bite on her nipple lightly. BRIANNA: Okay, now I'm getting repulsed. NORMAN: You mean you weren't until just now??? Then he quickly circled her nipple with the tip of his tounge, and he began suck open it. NATE: . . .ummmm. . .. . .anybody? RED: Your guess is as good as mine. He placed his right hand on her waste, and he began to move her over his hard-on within his pants. GINNY: How does one write about this comfortably? They both moaned with excitement. They seemed to continue for hours until Tenchi finally released her hard nipple. He placed both hands on her waste and looked into her sweet face. She smiled at him. He lifted her off of him and he stood up. He brought her up with him. Sasami seemed Alltel confused at this point. BAKA: Baka Alltel confused, too. He took her hand RED: (Sasami) Hey!!!! NATE: (narrator) The words "Nya nya" were clearly heard. a walked toward the low table on the floor. He picked her up and sat her down gently on the table. (Baka makes a splintering wood sound.) BRIANNA: (Vince McMahon) OOH!! Looks like the Lighthawk Kid finally got the upper hand! Little Iron Chef is being wheeled out to intensive care, and the match will have to be postponed. . . Tenchi then took of his shirt. "Sasami, did you like that?" he asked. GINNY: (Sasami) Did I like what? ALL: OUCH!! "Y...Yes Tenchi. I loved it. Can we do more?" She asked eagerly. Tenchi's cock was longing to be freed from it clothed prison. NATE: Most of the other POWs had died of dehydration, and the air in Charlie's camp was getting thicker. . . It boiled upon his skin and swelled within his pants. Tenchi moved around unconftorably. NORM: Just spell words as they sound. You can't go wrong. *I Shouldn't...but...but i can't help my self!* He screamed within his mind. At that point Tenchi reached down and unbuttoned his pants. Then unzipping them. Sasami was shocking and surprised. NATE: (narrator) . . .Ayeka, who just walked in the door. RED: (Ayeka) Oh, Sasami! I didn't know you were a Pikachu! BRIANNA: Give the readers a few minutes to reread that so they'll get it. She didnt know what to do, but she couldn't look away either! With a sudden moan from Tenchi he lowered his pants and underguards to reveal his long silky cock. NATE: So he is long, but really fine? NORM: Spider Cock, Spider Cock, friendly neighborhood Spider Cock. . . Sasami's eyes were wide with shock. She was speechless. RED: (Sasami) I'm sorry. I left my speech at home. . . NATE: Good one, Anne. Her mind raced. (Nate, Baka, and Ginny make passing car noises.) NORM: (sportscaster) Sasami's mind has stalled at the halfway point of the race. And now it appears Sasami's clit is coming around the pass, taking first place from Tenchi's dick. Oh my god!! Tenchi's dick just veered Tenchi's mind off the track!!! She looked upon his cock, and the more she looked upon it. The more she couldn't resist it. NATE: (as the Tick) Sentence fragments; the scourge of mankind. BRIANNA: You always do at least one Tick impression when we read these. NATE: It's fun. And, actually, it was Snicker last time. SNICKER: Spoon! Tenchi was embarrassed and he struggled to do something. GINNY: He shoulda been embarrassed of himself for wanting Sasami in the first place!!! He looked at Sasami's face and he went into shock., NATE: Ever have an epileptic seizure during sex, anybody? BAKA: I never score. Not in my interests. BRIANNA: Came pretty close once or twice. GINNY: I've never done it. NORM: I can't do it. RED: You're not prying into my sex life, Nathan. NATE: (as Dishonest John) Oh, but I will eventually, my dear! Nya-ha- haa!! and closed his eyes. Then he felt Sasami's hands grab his waste ALL: It's contagious!!! . He opened his eyes at looked upon her. She was knelt down in front of him, and her eyes were locked onto his cock. RED: (pilot) Eagle twenty, fox two! (Norman makes a missile launch sound.) Her mouth approached his cock, but then she stopped. Tenchi then put his hands on her head. He brushed her hair and looked down upon her. He nodded his head and she nodded back. GINNY: (Sasami) Yeah, this is pretty messed up. . . He gently moved her head toward his cock and she opened her mouth wide. The hot member entered her wet mouth. Tenchi was frozen BRIANNA: (as Madonna) When his heart's not open. . . with pleasure as she took in his cock. Her tounge rubbed against it as it continued to proceed further into her. *It's so hot! BAKA: He thawed real quick! I never felt anything like this before!* Her mind raced with pleasure and embarrassment. Then she began to move his cock in and out her mouth. NATE: (Sasami) Should I? Shouldn't I? Should I? Shouldn't I. . .? RED: Stop that right now!!! She closed her eyes and she slowly continued. Tenchi was moaning and twitching his waste. ALL: EEEEEEEEWWWWW!!!!!!! BAKA: Tenchi must work at waste disposal facility! NORM: Apparently, AncientYume does. . . Moving it in a rotating motion, aiding Sasami as she sucked it. She began to pick up her pace; NATE: And dipped his cock in it. BAKA: (Tenchi) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!! NORM: Nice San Antonio head. BRIANNA: Hey, this dick's from New York City! RED: STOP THAT!!!!! she would move it more quickly. She would almost fully take it out of her mouth, but she would keep the head within her. GUYS: OW!!!! She circled it with her tounge and she began to suck more. Tenchi was in bliss. He was finally feeling this pleasure he wanted so badly. BRIANNA: (singing) Supercalifradulisticixphiala-CRAP!!!!! BAKA: Wait, I no recall pleasure Tenchi wanting being identified as "raping little girl". GINNY: Hey, yeah! Didn't he dream about a manage et trois with Ryoko and Ayeka? NATE: File that under "never". Sasami realized she couldn't fit all of into her mouth, RED: So she cut it into little pieces and popped them in one by one. GUYS: AAAAHH!!!! so she grasped the rest of the cock with her right hand, She began to quickly jack it off while she sucked faster, faster. Tenchi grasped her head and moaned loudly. It was a wonderful feeling. BRIANNA: (narrator) Her past experiences with Walt Disney had paid off big time. . . ALL: UGHH!!!!!!! BRIANNA!!! He couldn't stop himself. GINNY: He kept eating and eating. . . It felt so good. He didnt want it to ever end. She continued for sometime, and was enjoying herself. She could feel Tenchi's cock twitching and convulsing. (Everyone gags.) NATE: Looks like Tenchi's dick is enjoying it as much as we are. GINNY: Wow, Tenchi's member actually should do the thinking! It grew hotter and hotter as she quickened. Saliva was dripping from her mouth and Tenchi's cock. Then Tenchi felt something. Something he never felt before. It was his cock. NORM: . . .. . . NATE: . . .you're kidding, right? Near the end of a fricking porno, he finally realizes he has a penis???? It felt as if it were about to burst. He panicked and quickly stopped Sasami from sucking. Her eyes opened wide with surprise. She slowly removed Tenchi's cock from her mouth and she looked up at Tenchi, with a worried look. Tenchi appeared to be in pain. BRIANNA: Ooh, just wait 'til big sister Ayeka gets home. BAKA: Just wait 'til king of Jurai hear about this! His face was red and covered with sweat. She released his member and she stood up. GINNY: I'd like to address the members of the board. . . "Tenchi?" She asked, trying to comfort him. "I'm fine Sasami, I just felt something odd about to happen. RED: Like your conscience kicking in? I'm fine now." He reassured her. "Ten..chi.." She said gently while looking into his eyes. "Sasami...you were great. I never felt anything like it." He said "You liked it!" She shouted with glee. "I loved it." He comforted her. GINNY: Can't really comfort her now, bastard. She smiled and hugged him. Tenchi returned the hug. Then he put his arms on her shoulders and he lowered her onto the table once more. RED: Whoa, whoa, what're you doing?? He sat her down. He reached down to her waste and he began to undo her skirt. ALL: YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING!!!!! She didnt resist and she allowed him to do as he wanted. GINNY: Why'd he have to explain that to us when he's the writer??? He pulled the little skirt and her panties off slowly. She leaned back and allowed him to get them down her legs. He removed them and threw them aside. Sasami now laid upon the table naked. NORM: Nathan, you got your guns, right? NATE: I usually keep one or two on me, yeah. NORM: Kill me, would you? BAKA: Kill me, too. GINNY: And me. RED: Knock it off, all of you!!! We'll be fine! Nate, put your gun away!! (Nathan puts his pistol back.) Tenchi then put his hands onto her legs. He slowly opened them. He spread her legs wide and he looked down upon her virgin clint. BRIANNA: I'm sure Clint Eastwood has gotten around a bit. NATE: It's a typo, Bri. *I've never seen a girl's before!* He quickly thought to himself. GINNY: Hasn't he seen Ryoko and Ayeka nude before? BAKA: And Mihoshi? RED: Yeah, he's seen a woman's plenty of times. He's never seen a girl's. ALL: Ohh. . . GINNY: Permission to be sick now? He got closer to her and he looked down upon Sasami's face. She quickly looked away and gasped. He knelt down over her and he gently touches her face. He turned it to face his own. "What's wrong?" He asked quietly. BRIANNA: If he can't see what's wrong himself, I'm not gonna tell him. "I'm.... I'm embarrassed...please dont look at.... n...me" She silently replied. NORM: (Tenchi) You're embarrassed?!?!?!? "How could I stop looking at you. You so beautiful Sasami. NATE: Me so horny, Sasami. GINNY: Oh! Me so horny! NATE: Oh, oh! Me so horny! BRIANNA: Oh! Me so horny! BAKA: Just a little too sick. I love you." He gently explained as he drew closer to her. "I...I lover you to Tenchi" She said and smiled softly. NORM: Lover? NATE: Lever? RED: Level? BRIANNA: Louvre? BAKA: Winner: Brianna. BRIANNA: Woo-hoo!!!! "Are you ready?" Tenchi asked. "Please Tenchi.... Please be gentle." She muttered, almost seeming to talk to herself. "I wouldn't do it any other way my love." He said in a comforting voice. ALL: . . .. . . She smiled and nodded. He looked down and he placed himself before her little virgin clint. BRIANNA: I think Clint was about six-two. NATE: Would you. . .it's a typo, you goofball! BRIANNA: Hee hee! He then placed his cock at the opening. He gently rubbed her sensitive skin with his hard cock. She moaned. He then began to slowly force his member into her. She gasped as it entered her. Tenchi braised himself GINNY: He took the time to boil vegetable oil, brown himself for 6 to 8 minutes, boil himself with chicken broth, soy sauce, and sugar, cut up some napa cabbage, simmer for 10 minutes, then stir himself with cornstarch and sesame oil before he proceeded?? NATE: . . .you can cook? GINNY: Hell yeah! and he continued to enter her. BAKA: Torches lit, the explorers entered Sasami canyon. . . RED: Shut up!!! *Its so tight, I dont think i can get it into her.* He thought. BRIANNA: Can't imagine why. . . He then felt her barrier, panicking he forced his cock in swiftly. Tearing into her. She screamed with pain. Tenchi panicked and looked upon Sasami. "Ouch!" Sasami squealed, "It hurts." "I'm sorry did ---" He tried to speak, but she cut him off. (Antoinette makes an overhead sword swing.) RED: Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-Bobbitize 'im!!! "Its alright Tenchi. Please continue. Even though it hurts. -gasp- I like it." She said softly. (Brianna laughs.) BRIANNA: Ohh, god, this is shit. . . So Tenchi filled her with his member. He then moved her legs around him. She locked her legs across his back. NATE: (Tenchi) Damn! What's the combination?? GINNY: (Sasami) Oh, dear. . . Then Tenchi began to drive into her. NORM: (sportscaster) Ohh!! Now Tenchi's dick has collided with Sasami's clit, tearing her apart on the track!! No recovery from that. . . RED: You're good at that. She would moan and gasp with pleasure with every thrust. BRIANNA: Were she not a little kid!!!!! Her eyes we closed and her mouth was open wide. She grasped Tenchi and held him tight while he drove in and out of her slowly. He then began to speed up and move faster. Her clint NATE: . . .y'know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it isn't a typo. . . was squeezing his cock and forcing it into her. He moaned with her. They continued to fuck on the table for a long time in that position. Tenchi's skin was slapping against hers with every thrust. Her moaning and breathing grew louder and they fucked. Sasami released Tenchi from her grasp and he stood over her, still driving into her faster and faster. He then grabbed her wastes and he forced himself into her harder. NATE: There's no end to this. . .plain and simple. There's just no end to this damn story. EVOL, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??????? EVOL: Ripped you all a new one pretty bad! Ha ha!! "Oh god! -gasp- oh -gasp- dont stop! -gasp- Harder Tenchi! -gasp- Deeper!" She shouted! (Everyone sings the "Psycho" death theme.) NORM: Is he stabbing her now?? RED: Pretty much. He did as she asked. He pounded into her with increasing force. She laid on the table, he breasts GINNY: No comment. swaying back and forth with every thrust. NATE: Really no comment. . . Finally Tenchi was feeling the pleasure he was searching for. He couldn't stop now. He had finally lost his Virginity, BAKA: Why he capitalize that word? RED: That's the name of the author's midlife crisis that he'll never overcome. ALL: Amen. as his dream seemed to foretell. Tenchi then slowed. He unlocked Sasami's legs. He then released his cock from her. She laid on the table, her eyes closed, gasping for air. He then laid down beside her. With his left arm he lifted her left leg and forced his cock into her. He began to thrust faster than before. She braised herself GINNY: Hey, that's a Chinese recipe. NATE: What is? GINNY: Braised Tenchi's Head. (Everyone vomits.) GINNY: Oh, don't get upset. up with her right arm and she put her left hand onto his head. Her heart was racing, she never fully realized what she was doing, NORM: I guess not! but she enjoyed ever second of it. BRIANNA: On a rapist's standards! Their bodies worked together as they continued to fuck on the table. Tenchi still driving his member into her faster. Her breasts were bouncing up and down. They were moaning aloud together. Blood was flowing from Sasami's pussy along with a river of love juice. (Vomiting process is repeated.) NORM: This fucker watches the Living Dead movies and is turned on by them!!! RED: The most romantic movie he's ever seen is "Wild Things"!!! BAKA: His favorite sitcom is that Deaths Caught On Tape show!!! They couldn't stop themselves at all. Their bodies were in a mechanical motion that was unstoppable. NATE: What if I broke AncientYume's writing hand?? Tenchi could feel Sasami's warm, soft love tunnel around his stiff member. He lost track of all time,this truly the best thing he has ever felt. Sasami's moans grew louder and louder. Tenchi realized she was nearly screaming. RED: So he poked holes in her neck to stop her. So he kissed her. Sasami opened her mouth wide,ready to accept Tenchi's tounge. With every thrust into her young body virgin body NATE: What was her young body virgin body. , he would slip his tounge into her mouth. She would quickly do the same. Sasami tightened her grip on Tenchi's hair as they continued to fuck on the low table. Tenchi then slowed again. He broke their passionate kiss NORM: (Tenchi) Dammit!! That's, what, five? and he releases his member from her tight cunt. He stood up, and he grabbed her waste and aided her in getting into a new position. She was now on her hands and knees. Tenchi then tightly grabbed her waste and he thrust himself into her once more. Sasami gasped as he drove into her farther than before. He began to fuck the little girl from behind. NATE: And that tops it off. He knows she's a little girl and doesn't care. Tenchi gave her no time to prepare for his thrusts. He went in and out of her with surprising speed. "Tenchi! Yes! ahhhh! -gasp- ummmm!" She yelled out with passion. Their skin slapped together loudly with Tenchi's every drive. They were covered with sweet. GINNY: The sugar from when Tenchi braised himself. ALL: Ahh. They were gasping for air with every stride. They felt their bodies growing hotter and hotter. They fucked on and on, it seemed almost endless. Tenchi and Sasami seemed to lose their minds as they fucked. RED: Tenchi lost his mind a long time ago, or he wouldn't be doing this. BRIANNA: Sasami came in second place a little while after. They refused to halt this pleasure they were feeling. Then Tenchi felt it again. He felt his cock; it felt as if it was about to burst. He didnt know what was happening, but both Sasami and Tenchi were reaching their climax. NATE: But the climax of the fic is even further away. Tenchi could feel something moving up through his cock. It then hit him. NORM: (Tenchi) WHAP Oww!! What the hell are you?? BAKA: (as morale) I your morale! Stop screwing that little girl!! NORM: (Tenchi) You were in my dick?!? BAKA: (as morale) Oh, don't look so surprised. . . GINNY: Low blow, guys. . . He was about to cum. BRIANNA: . . .to his senses?? "Oh GOD -gasp- TENCHI! I'm gonna.... I'm gonna.... I'm!" Sasami screamed suddenly. RED: (Sasami) I'm. . .gonna. . .kill you!!! Tenchi look at her, she looking back at him. Her young face covered with sweat and tears. She suddenly closed her eyes and began to moan aloud. Tenchi could feel her cunt tightening. Drawing him in. "Oh TENCHI!!!!" She screams. Then Tenchi quickly removed his cock from her. He stood before her. With his hands he turned her over and looked upon her young naked body, covered with sweet. NATE: Still braised. He then grasped his cock. He quickly knelt down over her. His cock over her mound, Tenchi could feel it coming. He tightened his face and continued to jack him self offer her. BAKA: AncientYume's coke high has reached its peak. . . Then it happened. He tried to hold it within him, but it was no use. Hot white virgin cum NATE: This guy is unaware that guys jizz naturally every once in a while to clean themselves out. So there really is no such thing as virgin cum! BRIANNA: He probably thinks cum is something else. sprayed from his cock and all over Sasami's young body. It shot out onto her face and her breasts. All over her stomach. It was done. They had finally felt the pleasure they longed for, and it was over. ALL: Thank the good lord!! Tenchi looked down upon the young Sasami, and he kissed her. Tenchi softly spoke into her ear. "I love you Sasami." GINNY: (Sasami) I love you, too, Tenchi. That's why I kill you last. They lay down on the table together. Sasami was worn out. She could barely keep her eyes open as she constantly gasped for air. They fell asleep on the table together. Grasping each other. RED: I guess he thinks of the comma and period keys as the same character. Tenchi was awoken by the sound of a grandfather clock in the den. He opened his eyes to see Sasami sleeping soundly, next to him. He listened to the clock's song. BRIANNA: (Abercrombie&Fich tune) I like girls that wear Osh Kosh Bgosh, bloody six-year-olds in my bed, jizz-washed. . . (Everyone cracks up.) RED: Damn, Brianna!! It rang twice, then three times. Before Tenchi realized it, it ranges six times. NATE: But not before it ranged four, then five times. He then began to close his eyes. Suddenly he heard to sound of the front door opening! GINNY: (Ayeka) Sasami, we're home from fixing the-WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?????? (The others laugh.) To be continued... RED: Oh, dear god, no. . . NATE: Evol, we aren't doin' more of this shit, are we?? EVOL: Mwahahahahahahaaaaa!!!!!!!! GINNY: I don't think I'll be able to handle more of this. . . ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------- Next time: Part 2! "Innocent No More" The exciting, heart pounding, next episode of "No Need For Virgins" NORM: Next time: Part 2! "Writing No More" The disgusting, head-pounding next episode of "No Need For AncientYume" Who's Tenchi's next victim of love as his mind slowly faids away! Could it be "Ayeka?" BAKA: Hopefully it be AncientYume. NATE: I'll read the next episode if it involves this author getting raped. ALL: Amen. RED: Let's get outta here now! I need to kill something, and I don't want it to be one of you guys! (The group emerges from the laptop. Before Evol can even grin at them, they swarm his ass. Antoinette puts a few shotgun shells into him before nailing him in the head with the shotgun. Then Ginny flip kicks him in the face, Baka runs his sword through him, Brianna gives him a left hook-right hook-kick combo, and Nathan shoots him between each attack. Finally, Norman nails him in the head with the mouse and knocks him over.) NATE: How the hell'd you do that?? NORM: Don't question Mike's logic. You'll live longer. BRIANNA: Ahhh. . .I feel much better. (Ginny walks up to Evol's wasted frame and kicks him in the head.) GINNY: That's for enjoying that horrible fanfic, and I know you did! BAKA: I think Sasami has been partially avenged. Now we must kill AncientYume. GINNY: Yeah, and Mackie! That little punk ditched us!! RED: All right, everyone, listen up. I'm going to go to Mike's Cabinet and ask Princess Miranda that she treat me to something for this god- awful shitstorm I had to sit through. I'll make reservations for anyone else that wants to join me. Who's in? ALL: Do you have to ask??? RED: All right. Let's go then. NATE: Maybe she can get us some Braised Tenchi's Head. ALL: UUGGHHH!!!! RED: NATHAN!!! END STINGER: Then Tenchi felt something. Something he never felt before. It was his cock. This was the most terrifying story I've ever read. I almost didn't make it through. I hope you readers are all okay out there. Email your comments and scarrings that this story left on you. I'm here for you. I'll be working on episode 4 soon, so until then, may none of you end up like AncientYume! -Mike