File 9: Tank Cop Muyo prt.2 In the world we live in, anime is a great medium. And of course, this can lead to fanfics. But not all fics are good. So, an elite group has been chosen to MST these lousy fics: KSAWARRIOR: the leader SCIMITAR: the violent one. REI AYANAMI: the quiet one. RYOGA HIBIKI: the stupid one (RYOGA: HEY!) XELLOSS METALLIUM: the humorous one. WASABI: the recorder. Together, these six are: KSA AND THE MSTERS! (The theme from "Mission Impossible" starts to play in the background.) Sometimes though, they ask for help from others, who also quest to take on the really bad stories. These guests are: B-KO DAITOKUJI: Wait! We're not ready yet! AYEKA JURAI: What in the . . . ? RANMA SAOTOME: Huh? PRISS ASAGIRI: Hey! Watch it! PETER SUZUKI: Zzzzz . . . THE ANIME PORT # 9 MST GROUP! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- In the theater, where our favorite MSTing crew do their thing, a game of power and skill was being played. Scimitar, Rei, Ryoga, Ranma, Priss, and Ayeka weren't exactly sure what Ksawarrior and Xelloss were playing, but it would determine who led the group tonight, and they really didn't want Xelloss leading. The two got ready, Ksa crackling with his usual Saiya-jin/Juraian aura, while Xelloss was radiating Mazoku energies. And finally, their fists flew downwards. Ksa had scissors, while Xel had paper. After everyone got up from the facefault, Ksa had to ask, " You planned to lose from the start. Why?" To which Xelloss replied, whit a wink and a wag of his finger, "THAT is a secret." "Ain't everything a secret with you?" Scimitar chimed in. Suddenly, Sasuke, the Kuno family's personal ninja, dropped in. "I'm really sorry about this" he said, before depositing a film. "Oh, and Saotome, I have a message to you, from my master." "Let me guess." Said Ranma. "It says `Relinquish your hold on the pigtailed girl, and Akane Tendo', right?" "H-h-how did you know!?!?" stammered Sasuke. "What kind of spies do you have working for you!?" "Just go, already." Said Ranma. Sasuke left. "Wasabi." Ksa turned to the youngest of the group . . . . only he wasn't there. "Hey, where's Wasabi?" "Peter challenged him to a Pokemon duel, a little while ago." Said Ayeka. "And if my hunch is right, they should be back any minute now." At that point in time, Peter and Wasabi re-entered. "Come on, just tell me!" pleaded Wasabi. "For the last time, I didn't find them. I MADE them." Said Peter, sounding exasperated. (Read MST special #1: "Twisted Sasami Theater" for a full explanation.) "Ah, there you are, Wasabi." Said Ksa, handing Wasabi the film. "Go start this fic up. We'll be waiting.) ------------------------------------------------------- (Seating arrangement, from left to right while being viewed from back. Ryoga, Rei, Ksa, Scimitar, Ayeka, Ranma, Priss, Peter, and Xelloss.) KSA(to Wasabi in the control booth): Hey Wasabi! What is it? WASABI(from the control booth): There's no name on it. B-KO(next to Wasabi): This sounds fishy to me. Be on guard, everybody. We can't stop this ourselves, you know. >Disclaimer: PRISS: He's probably a perverted little twerp, writing an even more perverted lemon. >This is my story, AIC and Pioneers charters. AYEKA(Brooklyn accent): You talkin to me? You talkin to me? PETER: That's supposed to be `characters', not `charters'! >No need to sue little old me. PETER: The lost episode of the Tenchi Muyo TV, series. >I'm just a writer. >You know the poor and desperate >type. RYOGA: This sounds strangely familiar. KSA: What do you mean? I don't make disclaimers like that! RYOGA: I mean someone else we've MSTed. PRISS: I know what you mean. I'm getting that `feeling of dread' syndrome, again. >Note: In this reality Ryo-Ohki is a boy, not a girl. REI: It's either an alterverse, or a Pretty Sammy fic. RANMA(worried): Hey guys . . . Don't we know someone who writes bad Pretty Sammy lemons? OTHERS(large sweatdrops on the back of their heads): . . . . . . . XEL: You mean there are GOOD Pretty Sammy lemons? >This is a Sasami lemon. ALL: O_O;; AYEKA: Oh my God! It IS him!! It can only be HIM!!! XEL(slightly green, and worried): Is there something I should know about? >My second. ALL BUT XEL: GYAAAAAAAH! NO! NOT HIM!!! XEL: Who?! I don't like being in the dark! >So if you read the last one, you sure as >Hell don't want to read this one! PRISS: Now he tells us! >No one under 18 may enter. by >Tank Cop (Xelloss tries to fun towards the door, but Scimitar pulls him back into place.) SCIMITAR: What's got you running, Xelloss? XEL: It's Tank Cop. His fics are dangerous to us Mazoku, as well as other forms of life! AYEKA(to Xelloss): I hope you realize that bit of information can be used against your kind, if this episode ever gets out. XEL: IF it gets out?! Miss Ayeka, it's a warning published everywhere, for the purpose of public safety! RYOGA: Ladies and gentlemen, we may have found the highest level that T.C.'s fics can go. >(or Hentai King Tank Cop, if you wish) PRISS: How about, "Perverted Little Freak, Who Should Be Castrated In Public" instead? PETER, RANMA, XEL, KSA, SCIMITAR, RYOGA, & WASABI(wincing): Ouch . . . >Sammys Little Secret PETER: She keeps wetting her bed, due to the constant supply of lemons about her. >2: Cabbit Love ALL (even Xelloss): 0_o;; KSA: Cabbit Love? SCIMITAR: I said it before, and I'll say it again; I don't like where this is going. RANMA: You're not the only one, man. You're not the only one. >----------------------------------------------------------------- ALL(singing): ANTS!! ANTS!! Sing the praises of ANTS!! . . . >Its late in the night at the house of the Magical Girl Pretty Sammy. PETER: This looks like a job for (Pulls out megaphone) MR. BULLHORN!!!! OTHERS: Oh no, not again!!!!! PETER(through megaphone): HER NAME IS SASAMI KAWAI, IN THE SERIES, YOU PERVERTED POTATO HEAD!!!!!!! (The others give nervous glances towards Peter.) I READ IT IN A COMIC BOOK SOMWHERE, OKAY!!!!!!! KSA: Take the bullhorn away from your face, okay! PETER(putting away the megaphone): Sorry. >Ryo-Ohki is in the kitchen finishing his dinner of carrots, when he >hears crying coming from up stairs. AYEKA(Ryo-Ohki): Oh no! Sasami must be reading another lemon story about herself, again!! >"WAAAH!" REI: Of course, it's not enough that he already said what happened, he just has to put the sound. >Ryo-Ohki goes up >stairs to find out where the crying is coming from. "WAAAAH!" RANMA: Sounds like Mr. Tendo's in one of his moods, again. RYOGA: Sure does. >When Ryo-Ohki gets to the top of the stairs he hears the crying >coming from Sasami's room. "WAAAH!" PETER(Lucy): WAAAH! Ricky! I wanna be in the show! WAAAH! SCIMITAR(Ricky): Noa Lucy, you no canna be in da sho! PETER(Lucy): WAAAH! >He goes into the room >and see's Sasami hugging a pillow and crying into it. KSA(Sasami): I love you, pillow! WAAAAAH! XEL(pillow): I love you, Sasami! WAAAAAH! PETER(Sasami to the pillow): Rumiya, why won't you play with me anymore!? WAAAAAH! OTHERS: -_-x (Proceed to beat Ksa, Xelloss, and Peter silly.) >Ryo-Ohki >hated to see Sasami all sad. PRISS(Ryo-Ohki): *THWHAP!* HEY! Quit being sad! >"What's wrong Sasami, why are you >crying? Please tell me." Ryo-Ohki asks. Sasami stops crying to tell >Ryo-Ohki why she's crying. RANMA(Sasami): I was just put into a really perverted lemon! >"It's Rumiya XEL(fully healed): What about the lad? SCIMITAR: You know him, Xelloss? XEL: Me, the Joker, and Gendo Ikari play cards with his sister all the time. RANMA: I have the strangest feeling that Gambling King would fit right in, with his cheating. XEL: You're probably right, Ranma. Anyway, what does this fool of a writer mean about Rumiya? KSA(just recovered): In the last part, Sasami and Rumiya had spontaneous sex. XEL: ^_^;; You're kidding, right? PETER(getting back into his seat): -_- We wish. XEL: O_O >*SNIF* he's been gone >for two days! *SNIF* He told me he was just going to get some of >his things from the Magical Kingdom RYOGA: Disney World! YAY! ALL(singing): M-I-C, PRISS: See you real soon! ALL(singing): K-E-Y, PETER: Why? Because we're crazy! ALL(singing): M-O-U-S-E. >*SNIF* and be right back. He >said *SNIF* that it would only take him four hours! SCIMITAR: Maybe he let Ryoga take him back. RYOGA: SHUT UP! SCIMITAR: Make me. >*SNIF* He >used me, he used me for sex *SNIF* AYEKA(Sasami): By the way. *SNIF* What IS that smell? >then just left. XEL: I'm surprised. I knew the lad was bright, but not bright enough to take an opportunity like that. KSA(trying to restrain himself): I think you should know, that no one is in character in a T.C. fic. PRISS: That, and the freak seems to have something against Sasami, for some reason. KSA: Oh yeah, that too. >Why did he use >me, he said he loved me." RYOGA: I said it when we first saw it! He loves Misa! PETER(to Ryoga): Correction. He loves MISAO, not Pixy Misa. He'd be as happy as a clam if Misao didn't transform into Pixy Misa. RYOGA(to Peter): Shut up, Mr. `Turn Me Into Pork Chops'!! PETER: Make me. >Sasami starts to cry again. "WAAAH!" REI: Today, the part of Sasami will be played by Sailor Moon. >Ryo-Ohki try's AYEKA: to learn how to spell `tries'. KSA(blows a whistle): Misspelling of `tries'. Please remove your fic, or it will be MSTed! RANMA: Ain't that what we're doing, now? KSA: Oh, yeah. >to calm Sasami down. "Sasami, Rumiya does love >you. Just the same way I love you!" Ryo-Ohki said. (Everyone starts making porno music sounds . . . Well, Peter is humming carnival music, but no one seems to notice.) KSA: We all know where this is going. OTHERS: No duh! KSA: Maybe I should just join Wasabi in the control booth. PRISS: Over your castrated carcass, now sit back down. KSA: HEY! I'm the leader of my group! I deserve more respect than that! RANMA: You have to EARN respect, Ksa. PETER: It's too hard to earn respect. I prefer to just walk all over the respect others think THEY deserve. AYEKA, PRISS, & RANMA: . . . . . . . . . . . . XEL(puts his hand on Peter's shoulder): Ah, a man after my own heart. PETER(to Xelloss): Don't touch me. >Sasami stops >crying and looks at the little Cabbit in shock. PETER & WASABI(Ryo-Ohki, as Pikachu): Pika!!! >"Ryo-Ohki do you >love me like...in the...love/sex way?" Sasami asks. ALL: DON'T GO THERE!!! PLEASE DON'T GO THERE!!! >Ryo-Ohki is >speechless! ".............." PRISS: Sound? Hello! Is this thing on? XEL: Apparently, he can say `.' over and over, but that's it. >Ryo-Ohki has a flashback! (The screen starts going all wavy.) PETER(Ryo-Ohki, having a flashback): WOAH! I'm tripping, man!! AAAAH! Don't get touchy! I'm just a little stretchy!! WOOOOOAH!!! AIIEEEEEE!!! RANMA: Maybe he should have laid off the fermented carrots. REI: What is this? KSA: Standard flashback scene change. SCIMITAR: You get used to it. >A month before >Sasami and Rumiya had sex. AYEKA: Everything was right with the world. KSA: Wait a sec . . . How the hell did Ryo-Ohki know when they had sex, and if he didn't know, why didn't he go into shock when Sasami told him? SCIMITAR: Tank Cop, a fic writer who can never plan ahead, just make it up as he goes along. >Ryo-Ohki sneaked into the bathroom >to PRISS: reenact a scene from the movie "Psycho"! (Everyone else starts making the scary shower scene noises.) >take a look at Sasami in the shower! RANMA: Ryo-oh-ki, no! Bad cabbit! Bad! KSA: And the exclamation mark is for what, exactly? REI: To try to make it sound exciting. XEL: Or maybe Tank Cop is seriously excited by a cabbit voyeur peeking in on a 10 year old. OTHERS: O_O;; SCIMITAR: That was really sick, Xel. XEL: I know. ^_^ PETER: Oh, and Sasami's eight. Not ten. XEL: O_O;; KSA: I guess sometimes two years really make a difference. >He hops on top of a metal >bar above the shower, he can see everything! REI: And naturally, Sasami is so dense, she won't notice a ball of fur above her shower. >He speaks to himself >in a very low tone. KSA: It's amazing, a flashback, and the verb is in present tense. SCIMITAR(disturbed): Why is he talking to himself? PETER: Talking to oneself is one of the first signs of mental illness, right Peter? PETER: That's right, Peter. (Everyone momentarily turns toward Peter, almost sure that there were two of him there, just a second ago.) >"WOW! I didn't know her breasts were that big! PRISS: She's only eight! She doesn't have breasts!! >Look at those gorgeous tits, that firm ass, and that yummy pussy!" PETER(Ryo-Ohki): I'm sure if she had them, they would look great on her! (They all notice a faint glow. They look at Xelloss, who is glowing a very bright red.) XEL(gripping staff): I am calm. I'm not going to let a stupid little hentai get to me. I'm the one who always smiles. Must stay calm. Eventhoughshedoesn'thaveanyoftheporportionsthathedescribed! GAAAH!!! (Fires a Magic Bolt into the air. The other MST group members back away slightly, from Xelloss.) AYEKA: Feeling better, Xelloss? XEL: Much. ^_^ >Ryo-Ohki was so turned on his little dick grew XEL(Rita Repulsa): Magic! Make my monster GROW!!! (Ksa fires a SSJ/J energy blast at Xelloss. Scimitar impales the trickster priest with a flame spear. Ryoga fires a Lion's Roar Bullet, at Xelloss. Rei's EVA appears out of nowhere and starts dribbling Xelloss like a basket ball. Ayeka's shield units surround, and start shocking Xelloss. Peter fires his bazooka at the trickster priest. Priss does something similar with her Hunter-II handgun. And Ranma hits Xelloss with a Fierce Tiger Domineering Blast.) *BA-BOOM!!* *SHKULK!* *CROOOOOOOM!* *WHUMPITA-WHUMPITA-WHUMPITA-WHUMPITA!!!* *ZAAAKAZAAAKAZAAAKA* *BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!* *KA-BOOOOOOOM!!!* *VABOOOOOM!!!* . . . . Thank you. ^_^ >and he got a nose >bleed! RANMA: Oh my god, the cabbit's turning into a pedophile version of Ryoga! SCIMITAR: The fangs, the nosebleed . . . If he gets lost in a closet, he has to be related to Ryoga! RYOGA(trying to get at Scimitar and/or Ranma, while being held back by Rei): I'LL KILL YOU BOTH!!!! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR- *BAM!* Oooh, look at all the stars . . . *thump* (Ryoga passes out, and Rei returns her mallet to hammerspace. Ranma stares nervously at Rei.) RANMA: Hey, Peter . . . PETER(to Ranma): For the last time, YES I am SURE that Rei is NOT Akane without the anger. >Ryo-Ohki has one more flashback. (The screen goes all wavy again.) PETER(Ryo-Ohki, having one more flashback): WOAH! I'm having a Vietnam flashback, an I was a draft dodger!! WOOOOOOAH!!! >This time it was the day >before Sasami and Rumiya had sex. SCIMITAR: So, Ryo-oh-ki keeps track of all things hentai in his life? >He was hiding in a pile of toys, >watching Sasami masturbate! *PLOOOOOOT!!!* (Xelloss' head explodes, sending streamers and confetti flying around the place. His headless body falls to the floor.) *thunk!* (Everyone else gets large sweatdrops on the back of their heads.) PETER: You know, I was wondering when that was going to happen. >This was a very big turn on for the >little Cabbit. It was so intence the he also masturbated! ALL: . . . . . . . . KSA: There's something, I can't picture him doing. AYEKA: The `he' also masturbated? PETER: I think that was supposed to mean that Ryo-oh-ki also masturbated. PRISS: Pardon me, for just a moment. (Pulls out a vomit bag, and throws up into it.) *BLEAAAAAAARGH!* PETER: Good idea. (Everyone else, besides Xelloss who is still headless, pulls out vomit bags, and throws up into them.) ALL BUT XEL: *BLEAAAAAAARGH!!!* REI(wiping her mouth, and holding a notepad with a diagram on it): It's not possible, anyway. He'd need really long forelegs, since the thing is so small. XEL(finally regenerated): Well, there IS a way he could do that. (Rei is about to ask, but Ryoga stops her.) RYOGA(to Rei): Don't bother. All he says is `that's a secret'. PETER(writing down something on a notepad): I know what it is. (Tears off the note.) Pass this down to Rei please. (Priss passes it to Ranma, Ranma passes it to Ayeka, Ayeka passes it to Scimitar, he's at the twenty, the thirty, no one can catch him . . . oops, wrong bit. Scimitar hands it to Ksawarrior, and Ksawarrior hands it to Rei. Rei reads the note, and . . .) REI: Oh GOD!! That's disgusting!!! (Throws up) *BLEARGH!* KSA(large sweatdrop on the back of his head): Hey, Peter. What DID you write? PETER(to Ksawarrior): Do you REALLY want to know? >Ryo-Ohki >answered Sasami's question. RANMA: Aren't they still in the flashback? >"Yes Sasami. I love you in a love/sex >way! How about you?" Ryo-Ohki asked. PETER(Sasami): Well, I love me in the love/sex way, to! RANMA(Sasami as Kuno): I love me. I would date with me. >Sasami stopped to think >about her decision. AYEKA(Sasami): Do I REALLY love myself in the love/sex way? >"Yes, I also love you in a love/sex way." Sasami >answered. Ryo-Ohki looks happy, then turns to leave. "Well, good >night Sasami. (Everyone face faults.) KSA: Even though he is a kid, and shouldn't know these kinds of things, I don't think he'd just leave!!!! PRISS: SOMEONE skipped more than a few writing classes, I wager. >I'm happy you've stopped crying. I'm sure Rumiya >will come back soon. Good night." Ryo-Ohki said. SCIMITAR: So, he's totally okay with the Sammy/Rumiya thing? KSA: I seriously doubt that. PETER: Maybe he want's a threesome. ALL(shuddering): Eww! RYOGA: Hey, what's Xelloss up to? (Xelloss is writing on a notepad. It says, in big bold letters, New Quest for Slayers; `Hunt Down and Kill Tank Cop'. There is a moment of silence.) SCIMITAR(Amelia): Tank Cop, you have used children in a pornographic story, which is unjust. So I, the great defender of justice, Amelia, shall punish you! OTHERS: *chuckle* KSA(Lina): Darkness beyond twilight . . . ALL: BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! PETER: I got one even better. (Lina Inverse impersonation.) Sword of the cold dark lord, free yourself from the Heaven's bonds . . . OTHERS: . . . . . . . PETER: What? SCIMITAR: What spell was that? PETER: Ragna Blade. OTHERS: Ah. . . . PETER: It WOULD be fitting, don't you think? PRISS: Nah. He wouldn't suffer as much. REI: Well, I don't know about THAT. AYEKA: If the blade was thrust through certain parts, on Tank Cop . . . (The girls start giggling evilly. The men get large sweatdrops on the backs of their heads.) >Sasami stops >him before he can leave. "Ryo-Ohki can you do me a favor?" RYOGA: I'm starting to worry every time she asks a guy for something. >Sasami asks. "What do you want me to do?" Ryo-Ohki asks. PRISS(Sasami as a comedian): Kill the author. Please! >Sasami unzips her shorts, then pulls her shorts and blue panties off! XEL(Shang Tsung): IT HAS BEGUN! OTHERS(Mortal Kombat voice): CHEESY LEMON! PETER(MK ending voice): BESTIALITY! OTHERS: PETER!!! PETER: Sorry. I couldn't resist. My bad. >She then lays on the bed with her legs spread apart. "I want you to >lick my pussy!" SCIMITAR(Ryo-Ohki): But, I thought _I_ was the cat . . . Oh that! Sorry. AYEKA: You should be. >Sasami asked. Ryo-Ohki couldn't believe what he >was hearing. This is the moment he was praying would come for a >long time. XEL: And how long would that be? KSA: Probably since Tank Cop wrote the first one. REI: I bet you anything, he did it with her, just to spite Rumiya, then Tank Cop wrote this to cover it up. SCIMITAR(large sweatdrop): Um, Rei, have you been watching the X-Files? REI: No, but I'm an EVA character. I can spot a conspiracy a mile away. RANMA: I bet tomorrow's lunch that none of this ever really happened, and T.C.'s just full of it. RYOGA(shocked): Ranma's betting food?!? He MUST be serious!! >"Are you sure Sasami, I mean what about Rumiya?" >Ryo-Ohki asked. "He left me Ryo-Ohki. I don't need him. I have >you! XEL: I guess she'll be called, Rebound Girl Pretty Sammy. ^_^ (Ksawarrior attempts to charge up a Kame-Hame-Ha, but Peter stops him.) PETER(to Ksa): Allow me. (In the typical Slayers-spell-casting way.) Power of vengeance, gather within my hands, and punish my foes. CRASH HAMMER!!!!!!! (A bright blue mallet appears in Peter's hands, which the fan fiction writer uses to smash Xelloss into the floor of the theater.) *KA-BA-RUUUUUUUUUUM!!!!!* (The mallet disappears, and Peter's hair turns white. Everyone else has large sweatdrops on the backs of their heads, including the squashed thing, that used to be Xelloss.) PETER(sitting back down): Let's see you get up from that one anytime soon, Xelloss. KSA: Uh, Peter, what . . . PETER(to Ksawarrior): Oh, that? Well, I've picked up a few tricks from being in the Slayers universe. Trouble is, I don't have that much power. (Holds up a lock of his now white hair.) See? SCIMITAR: So, Xel's . . . PETER: He'll recover, eventually. It'll just be awhile. XEL(flattened like a pancake): Tire . . . pump . . . Tire . . . pump . . . >Now come over here and lick my pussy. Lick it gently!" RYOGA: There's a difference? (Rei whispers in his ear. He passes out with a nosebleed.) KSA(looking at Ryoga): Lately, he hasn't been bleeding that much. XEL(still flat): It must be the fics. He's built up a resistance. RYOGA(wakes up): How long was I out? PETER(checks his watch): About ten seconds. In other words- ALL BUT RYOGA: Not long enough! > ^_^ KSA & PETER(old geezer): EVIL! PRISS(sarcastically): Ladies and gentlemen, our fearless leaders. >Ryo-Ohki hops on the bed and moves towards Sasami's pussy. AYEKA(Police officer): This is the police! Move away from the cat, with your paws in the air, where we can see them! >Ryo-Ohki sit down right in front of Sasami's pussy and starts to lick her >pussy. RANMA: What's this? The cabbit talent show!? >He licks up and down. SCIMITAR(sarcastic): No, I thought it was left to right. >"Ryo-Ohki your so good at this!" XEL(still flat): Obviously, not enough to get a reaction out of her. OTHERS: Heheheheh. >Sasami says. Ryo-Ohki continues to do this for a few minutes. Then >Ryo-Ohki gets bold and sticks his whole tongue inside her pussy! RYOGA: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but, I think his entire head would go in there. >This drives Sasami over the edge! PRISS: She quickly fell to her death! The End. OTHERS: You wish. >"Oh Ryo-Ohki! YES, YES, YYYYYEEEEESSSSS!" XEL(finally back to full height): HE'S USED A SPELL TO CHANGE HER INTO A SNAKE! RANMA( Jousenkyo Guide): Oh, very bad. Young girl fall in `Spring Of Drowned Snake'. PETER(ditto): Very tragic tale, of stupid perverted story writer, who write bad Pretty Sammy lemon, not too long ago. >Sasami crys out AYEKA: due to the bad spelling done by Tank Cop! >as the young girl cums >right in Ryo-Ohki's face! PETER(German accent, singing): Right in der cabbit's face! REI(Ryo-Ohki): Help me, I'm drowning! >"Oh Ryo-Ohki...I'm sorry! Here let me >clean you off." Sasami said. RANMA: Clean up, isle seven! >Sasami picks him up and licks all the >cum off his face. XEL(Ryo-Ohki): Ah, Sasami, your tongue's as big as my face. I can't breath! RANMA(Sasami): Mmm. . . Tastes like chicken! PRISS(Sasami): *HAAAAK!* Ooh, hairball! >She puts him down and says her good night. >"Thanks alot Ryo-Ohki. I just wish you were a human boy, then we >could have so real sex together!" Sasami said. PRISS: Feeling of dread, feeling of dread, feeling of dread . . . KSA: Foreshadowing. An evil thing. AYEKA: You got that right. >Ryo-Ohki then got a >big grin on his little face! ALL: Uh-oh! PETER(counting down): Three . . . Two . . . One . . . > ^_^ KSA, PETER, RANMA, & XEL: EVIL! SCIMITAR: Great, it's spreading. REI: What? The smiling faces, or the `EVIL!' line? PETER(grandpa Simpson): We just want attention. >"Sasami I have to tell you something. AYEKA(Ryo-Ohki): Even _I_ am disgusted with this story. >You remember when we were at the beach fighting that alien and >you were hurt." Ryo-Ohki asks AYEKA: with absolutely no question marks. RYOGA(Sasami): No, it just slipped my mind. >. "Yes I do remember." Sasami >answered. "Well, you remember the boy that gave you the magic >kiss. REI(Sasami): You mean the guy with your hair-style and ears? >That boy is me!" Ryo-Ohki said. PRISS(sarcastically shocked): You're kidding! >Sasami looked a little >surprised, but not very much. XEL: Tuxedo Mask, the boy isn't. >She thought it might have been him >but she was never sure until now. "So we can have sex!" Sasami >asked AYEKA: without the use of a question mark. SCIMITAR: So, basically, Sasami had her brain replaced with a slut's? PETER: Looks like it. KSA: Considering her one-track-sex-related-mind. >. "If you want to." Ryo-Ohki answered. PETER(Ryo-Ohki): My whipper's all small and furry. Is that a problem? OTHERS: PETER!!! PETER: What? "I want to. I want you. >I want you and me to have sex together right here, right now!" >Sasami said with a look of joy. PRISS: "I want this", "I want that". Well, you can't have everything you want, missy! REI: Shouldn't her family have been wondering what all the noise in her room was? KSA: They don't even notice that her pet, which she didn't explain where she got him, is a cross between a rabbit and a cat. PETER: That's nothing. The entire town still hasn't made the connection between the blue hared girl with the ridiculously long pigtails, and their resident Sailor Moon look alike! >There is a sudden burst of white >light as Ryo-Ohki transforms to his human form. RANMA(Ryo-Ohki as a Beastwars Transformer): Ryo-Ohki, MAXIMIZE!! >Unlike the last >time he transformed, in which he was wearing cloths. AYEKA: That is supposed to be `clothes', not `cloths'! >This time he >is completely naked! PETER: Look, it's Chewbaca with short hair! KSA: Prepare for the cries of "What a long shlong you got'. >Sasami stares at the naked Ryo-Ohki with a >look of surprise. PETER: Well, Ksa, looks like you got it right on the noggin. >"Ryo-Ohki! Oh my goodness. I never thought that >your dick would be that big! XEL(Sasami): I mean, I've seen pencil nubs which were longer, and twice as thick too. PRISS(ditto): Of course, you're still bigger than Rumiya, though. >Will it be able to fit in me, I mean it's >so big!" ALL(bored): How big is it? >Sasami asked. AYEKA: Again with no question marks. >Ryo-Ohki laughed. "Ha, ha, ha! PETER: The script said "Ha, ha, ha." KSA(robot): Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm. Com. Ing. To. Get. You. REI: With an emphasis on `Coming'. >Don't worry >it will fit. But I have just one question before we start?" Ryo-Ohki >said. PRISS: Hey, Tank Cop! Go to your language arts class, learn WHERE to put question marks, and THEN try writing! >"What's your question?" Sasami asked. "Did Rumiya break >your hymen?" Ryo-Ohki asked. PETER(Sasami): Yeah, but I put it back together with `Crazy Glue'. KSA: Does T.C. even know what it is? SCIMITAR: Tank Cop fics. Where everyone is as perverted as the author. >Sasami nods AYEKA: Off to sleep. >her head. "Y,Yes. >Rumiya broke my hymen when we first had sex. PRISS: That butterfingers brat. >So it won't hurt >that much when you go into me Ryo-Ohki. I can take the pain. Its >only momentary pain anyway." Sasami said. RANMA: Well, you know what they say. No pain, no gain. REI: We're already in pain. Where is the gain? >"That's all I wanted to >know. So lets get started!" Ryo-Ohki starts to take off Sasami's >shirt. He finally gets it off and see that she is not wearing a bra! REI: I don't think she ever does. PRISS: She doesn't need one. KSA: We couldn't have been that bad to Tank Cop. He wouldn't have done this to us with what we did. PETER: Huh? XEL: What do you mean? KSA: ^_^;; Eheheh, well, we kinda insulted Tank Cop through e-mails, and IMs, so he made this fic just for us. PETER: Actually, T.C. said he was going to do this anyway. I think he likes it when people hate him. (Notices that Xelloss is now strangling Ksawarrior, with several veins on his forehead.) No one ever seems to listen to me, these days. XEL: YOU MEAN, IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT THIS FIC EXISTS!? AND PEOPLE SAY I'M THE CAUSE OF THEIR PROBLEMS!! KSA(trying to get free): Um . . . Xel . . . I . . . need . . . air . . . . . PETER(to Xelloss): You think you have it bad. Whenever Tank Cop does an MST it's going to be MY group's job to MST the MST. REI: Isn't Tank Cop doing an MST basically the pot calling the kettle black? (Xelloss then just drops Ksawarrior, and sits with his usual smile.) XEL: Well, it's good to get that off my chest, anyway. >"There just as good looking as I remember them!" Ryo-Ohki says >looking at Sasami's well shaped, and quite big for her age breasts! SCIMITAR: Translation; they're a centimeter high! >"What did you say Ryo-Ohki?" Sasami ask. REI(Sasami as Akane): PERVERT! (Misc. smashing noise.) KSA(Ryo-Ohki as Ranma): UNCUTE TOMBOY! (Ranma puts Ksawarrior in a headlock, and Ryoga puts his umbrella dangerously along Rei's neck.) RANMA & RYOGA: Cut. It. Out. >"oh nothing >important!" Ryo-Ohki said to the now naked Sasami. Ryo-Ohki >then starts to suck on Sasami's left breast! XEL: What's wrong with the right breast? PETER: He couldn't find it. REI: Does that even really matter? XEL: No, but I had to beat Scimitar to it. ^_^ SCIMITAR: You do realize, you're annoying. XEL: Well, I guess that's one way of putting it. Yes. ^_^ >He sucks as hard as he >could. Until he decides to bit on her nipple! (All the girls visibly flinch.) REI: I should let anyone reading this MST know, that biting the nipple isn't foreplay, it's very painful. >"OWWW! REI: See? AYEKA & PRISS: Quite. >Ryo-Ohki >that feels good, but not so hard next time!" Sasami said. (Everyone face faults.) RYOGA: What, is she a masi . . . maho . . . . um, Xelloss? XEL: Don't even try to involve me with this fic. RANMA: Too late. >"Sorry >Sasami." Ryo-Ohki answered. Ryo-Ohki then kiss Sasami, RANMA: Tank Cop must've chosen Shampoo to be his editor. >while >taking hold of her left breast and squeezing it PETER: between his thumb, and index finger. KSA(Ryo-Ohki): I know that breast's got to be here, the author keeps saying it is, even if she's too young. >. He then takes hold of >her other breast and mashes it. (Ayeka, Priss, Rei, and even Ranma visibly wince.) ALL: Ouch. >After five minutes of this Sasami >moves her head down to Ryo-Ohki's dick and starts to suck on it! SCIMITAR: Come on, this is too much. XEL: Yes, I agree, if this is all just early hormone development, she wouldn't even try that. PETER: If this WAS all just early hormone development, we'd be watching a masturbation scene, not a sex scene. OTHERS: Shut up, Peter. PETER: Okay. REI: Do you guys realize you're trying to make sense of a fic, that Tank Cop wrote. PETER, SCIMITAR, & XEL: You're right, it's impossible. >"Sasami! Your amazing. This feels great!" Ryo-Ohki said. She >continues to suck his dick until... "Sasami! I'm going to cum!" Ryo- >Ohki cums right in Sasami's mouth. "That was good! Thanks Ryo- >Ohki!" Sasami said licking the cum off her lip. KSA(vomiting into a bag): Oh god! *URP* XEL(ditto): There's an image that'll haunt ya. *GUH* AYEKA(crying): Please make the hurting stop. >"I want you to turn >over Sasami! So I can come in threw your back door!" KSA: Tank Cop, in the name of all that's holy, please, LEARN TO SPELL!!! REI(hits Ksawarrior with a mallet): Did you even bother to read the last line, Mr. English major?! KSA(reads the last line, and turns green): Oh, dear god no. . . PETER: Yet another line which I wish I had never seen. >Ryo-Ohki >ordered. "Y,You want to ass fuck me!" Sasami asked. AYEKA: I am not even going to bother, this time. >"Yes. Is that >ok with you?" Ryo-Ohki asked. "Yes its ok. Just go in slowly and >be gentle." Sasami said. Sasami got on her hands and knees. She >then relaxes her ass for Ryo-Ohki's dick to come in! REI: Judging from the exclamation mark, Tank Cop is incredibly excited by this scene. KSA(really angry): HE WOULD BE, THE STUPID, PERVERTED, ENGLISH LANGUAGE KILLING- *SPLASH!* (Everyone looks up to see a Fearow holding up a Wartortle.) WASABI(in the control booth): Hey, you were right, B-ko! Water does calm the fic writers! (Notices two of the MST group members.) Oh poopie! Fearow, Wartortle, return! RANMA(in female form): MOKUTAKABASHA!!!! (Launches a ki blast.) P-CHAN: BWEE-BWEE-BUKWEEEE!!!! (Launches a Shi-Shi-Hokodan.) (The two blasts narrowly miss the two Pokemon.) WASABI: Look, I just forgot about the curses, okay! RANMA(pulling out a thermos): Here, Ryoga. (Pours some of the hot water on P-Chan, turning him back into Ryoga. Ranma then pours the rest on herself, turning back to male.) RYOGA: Thanks, Ranma . . . (Realizes he is naked.) GAH! (Tries desperately to get his clothes back on.) >"I'm ready!" >Sasami said. Ryo-Ohki puts his dick at the tip of Sasami's asshole. >Then he slides it in, slow at first then all at once! RYOGA(fully clothed, and holding nose): And then, the rest of the family came in. (Xelloss chuckles at the mental image of Ryoga's words.) PRISS(Tenchi): Oh, so that's what the horoscope meant by `Don't Bother To Get Up'. PETER(Mrs. Kawai): Oh, little girls grow up so fast these days! SCIMITAR(Rumiya as Mr. T): Get your hands off my woman, foo'! REI: Knowing Tank Cop, if he did come in, there'd probably be on big group orgy. (Everyone else bends over and vomits into their bags.) REI(under breath): Yep, I still got it. >The pain hit >Sasami hard. SCIMITAR & PRISS(sarcastically): Gee, you don't say. >"OWE, OWE!" Sasami crys out in pain. KSA: How many T.C. fics has she cried out in pain now? SCIMITAR: You think I keep count? >"Sasami are >you ok? I'm so sorry. Do you want me to come out?" (Xelloss starts snickering.) SCIMITAR(to Xelloss): What's your problem? XEL: Every time he writes `comes' I can't stop- SCIMITAR: OOKAMI GUFUU! PETER(to his MST group): HIT THE DECK! (The Anime Port MST group all drop to the floor to avoid the wolf hurricane that lifts Xelloss into the air.) SCIMITAR: Ksa, I believe this is your turn. KSA: Too true my friend. (Goes SSJ/J.) MAKENKOU. . . . . XEL(spinning in the air): Can't we discuss this like gentlemen? KSA: SAPPO! (Spiral blast of ki flies as Xelloss.) XEL(just before getting fried): Thought as much. PETER(getting up): Watch it Ksa! We're between you two, you know! KSA: Sorry about that. >Ryo-Ohki >says in a worried voice. "No. I'll be ok. Keep going!" Sasami said. >Ryo-Ohki moves his hips back and forth. Getting a good rhythm >going. PETER(Sasami, having sex): OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! . . . >"God your tight Sasami!" Ryo-Ohki says. REI: Well, she is a child, so I think she would be tight. RYOGA: Tank Cop probably has never done this before, so he puts his fantasies down as fics. (Xelloss crashes back down into his seat.) XEL(perfectly healed): You realize, that may be the truth. KSA(thinking): Jeez, what the hell is he made of? >"Thank you Ryo-Ohki!" Sasami said. They continue for seven minutes PETER(Sasami, having sex): OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! OWE, OWE! . . . SCIMITAR: Peter, if you don't cut that out right now I'm gonna send you into an alternate dimension! XEL(to Scimitar): Uh . . . Were you just censored? SCIMITAR: D'OH!! >until... "OH >GOD RYO-OHKI YESSSSSSSSSS!" Sasami crys out PRISS: as she gets a small leak. >. "SASAMI >I'M...I'M...YESSSSSSSS!" KSA(sarcastic): Gee, the dialogue just really is original, isn't it? >Ryo-Ohki crys out. RANMA: Hey, Tank Cop! Take a spelling course! >As they both cum at >once! Ryo-Ohki the pulls his dick out of Sasami's ass. AYEKA: The donkey was really grateful. OTHERS: . . . . AYEKA: I am bitter. Leave me alone. >"Hey Ryo-Ohki got some cum left for one last thing?" Sasami asks. SCIMITAR: Come on, no way that someone can run out of that, can they? XEL(acting worried): Oh my! I've done so much, I may have run out! PETER(Ryo-Ohki as Serina): I'm outtie! (Rei's EVA jabs its lance into Xelloss' shoulder, pinning him to the floor.) XEL(unaffected, and smiling): You realize, that you're sexy when you're angry? (Rei slams Peter into Xelloss, momentarily shutting up the trickster priest.) >"You bet I >do. And I know just what you want." Ryo-Ohki said. PRISS: But you don't need cum to kill the author. >Then it was time for the final act! KSA: Meaning that this fic is almost done! (Music starts throughout the theater, and champagne and glasses drop down out of the overhead compartments.) REI: What the . . .? AYEKA: It DOES seem appropriate, does it not? KSA: Wasabi, did you touch the New Year's Eve switch? WASABI(in the control booth): Sorry. B-KO(also in the control booth): We'll bring it back up. SCIMITAR: Do it slowly. (Watches Xelloss trying to get the wine, but is still pinned down.) >"Lay down Sasami, I'm going to fuck you >now! An make both our dreams come true!" (Peter and Ksawarrior both start glowing red.) KSA: StupidannoyinglittlekillerofsimpleenglishIamgoingtoriphisheadoff . . . . . PETER: Gad dern ratsa fracking, dirty rotten, garbled up, gadidy trash!! SCIMITAR: Only three things can do this to Ksa. REI: And they are? SCIMITAR: Child porn, bad spelling, and Sakuya. RANMA: Well, I haven't seen Peter this mad since Nintendo canceled bringing `Earthbound 2' to the states. RYOGA: Well, at least Tank cop hasn't made any lemons with Sakuya in the- URK! (Ksawarrior is now holding Ryoga by the neck, floating three feet off the ground.) KSA(really P.O.ed): Don't give him ideas. (Drops Ryoga, and returns o his seat.) >Ryo-Ohki said. Sasami >lays down and gets into position. PRISS(Sasami): Okay, I'm in the position! AYEKA(announcer): Quiet now, she is in the position! >"I'm ready. Lets make some >magic!" XEL(now back in seat): The magic of creation! ^_^ OTHERS: Shut up! XEL: Why? ^_^ (They all pull out mallets.) RANMA: Hammer time! (They all mallet Xelloss, at the same time.) *KA-WHUBBA!!!!!* OTHERS: That's why! XEL: Ouch . . . >Sasami said with a giggle. Ryo-Ohki lowers his dick to the >top of Sasami's pussy. Then he enters her! Sasami give a little >whine. "OWW!" REI: What's new? She seems to always whine. PRISS(Sasami, whining): OWE! That hurt! AYEKA(ditto): Do we have to have sex today? RANMA(ditto): I wanna be on top! PETER(ditto): I have ta go potty! >But the feeling of pleasure out weights the feeling >of pain. Then Ryo-Ohki finally manages to get his whole dick in >her! "Your not as tight in here as I thought, but you did have sex >with Rumiya so..." Ryo-Ohki is stopped mid sentence by Sasami's >hand on his mouth. "Ryo-Ohki. Just shut up and fuck me!" Sasami >orders. Ryo-Ohki does as he's told. XEL: Well, I hope he doesn't let her near a whip, or he'll be in for it. (The others actually laugh at his joke, without beating/threatening/etc. him.) >He starts to move up and down, >pushing harder, and harder into Sasami. "GOD THIS FEELS SO >GOOD, DON'T STOP! PLEASE DON'T STOP!" Sasami crys out. >Ryo-Ohki then grabbed Sasami's breasts with both hands SCIMITAR(Ryo-Ohki): WHERE ARE THEY?! PRISS(Sasami): WHY THE HELL ARE WE TALKING LIKE THIS?! KSA(Ryo-Ohki): I THOUGHT YOU KNEW! PETER(Sasami): ME?! I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LEAD, MAMMER-JAMMAH! XEL: Actually. . . OTHERS: No nit-picking, Xelloss! XEL: . . . . >and >squeezed them, as he continued to ride Sasami! After ten long and >intense minutes REI: That long? RYOGA(holding nose, still): They have to wait for their bodies to catch up with their perverted minds. >. "I'M GOING TO CUM SASAMI ARE YOU >READY!" Ryo-Ohki asked. "YES. I'M ABOUT TO CUM AS >WELL, AYEKA(sarcastic): Well, it is nice to know that they can still have casual conversation, while in the throes of passion. >LET DO TI ON THE TOGETHER ON THREE. KSA: I, T! IT! CAN'T YOU LEARN TO SPELL, YOU FREAK! >READY! >ONE, TWO, THREEEEEEE!" They both come at the same time in >a cry of pure pleasure! "AAAAARRRRRHHHHH!" PETER: Funeral services will be held next Sunday. XEL: You know, that DOES sound more like a cry of pain. >Then it was over. PRISS(Stan): Oh my God! Tank Cop killed Sasami and Ryo-oh-ki! RANMA(Kyle): You bastard!!! >Ryo-Ohki pulls out of Sasami and lays next to her. Both of >them are existed. AYEKA: For the last time, LEARN TO SPELL!!!! >"So was *HUFF* I better?" Ryo-Ohki asks. >"What *WUZZ* do you *HUFF* mean better?" Sasami asked. SCIMITAR: This is why kids shouldn't have sex. They die of hyperventilation. >"Better then *HUFF* Rumiya. Am I better *WUZZ* then Rumiya! >Ryo-Ohki asked. Sasami gets a very horny idea. RYOGA: Like she hasn't already? >"Well, I don't >*WUZZ* know. Lets rest a while, then after *HUFF* we can do it >again, then I'll give you my answer!" Sasami said with an evil grin! PETER(Sasami as the Joker): Wait'll they get a load of me! > ^_^ KSA, PETER, PRISS, RANMA, SCIMITAR, & XEL(Old geezer): EVIL! >"Sounds good *HUFF* to me!" Ryo-Ohki said with a smile. > ^_^ (Ayeka, Rei, and Ryoga shrug, and then . . .) ALL(Old geezer): EVIL! >The End (for now???????) ALL(scared, including Xelloss): For Now!?! >------------------------------------------------ >You all must hate me for what I do to Sasami. SCIMITAR: NO SH*T SHERLOCK! PRISS(sarcastic): Whatever gave you THAT idea? >But you know >what, I don't give a damn hat you think about me! KSA: Even in your own notes, you can't spell. PETER: Of course he doesn't care. If he did, he would have killed himself after the FIRST episode! >Don't worry this >is not the last Sasami/Sammy lemon series, not by a long shot! PRISS: Speaking of long shots, could you stand by your window for a couple minutes? >I have already made plans for the next one. RANMA(Mr. Bill): Ohh nooo!!! >I call it: "Sammys Little Secret 3: For The Love of Misa" RYOGA: Oh dear God. RANMA: Oh crap. KSA: Sonuva . . . . . PETER: T.C. is gonna pay. SCIMITAR: I'm going to kill him. PRISS: You'll have to beat me to it. REI: And beat me to it, as well. XEL: Ah, all these negative emotions. This guy may actually be a good thing for a Mazoku. AYEKA: Do you really want to risk it? XEL: Hell no. >In the next story we will out why >Rumiya didn't come back. SCIMITAR: He wasn't aroused enough? OTHERS(excluding Peter): Scimitar!! PETER: Pixy had him spread eagle, tied to all four bedposts? OTHERS(including Scimitar): PETER!!! >Let's just say that Rumiya and Misa >make a good pair! RYOGA: Can I call it or what? OTHERS: . . . . . . . . RYOGA: What's wrong? SCIMITAR: The way that Misa dresses . . . RANMA: That comment Peter just made . . . KSA: And the perverted ways of the author . . . AYEKA & REI: And you ask what is wrong? RYOGA(thinks about it): . . . . . Oh boy. > ^_^ KSA: One last time! ALL(Old geezer): EVIL! >Until then. PETER: I'd rather be on a Plate of Sashimi. >Good bye! KSA: If I find him, he is dead. OTHERS: Only if we don't get to him first! (Everyone exits the theater.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------- About an hour after the MST . . . "Holy-!!!" Ksa yelled from the PC. "What is it?" the others asked. "There are so many lousy fics out there . . . ." "Oh, no . . ." Scimitar began. `WE'RE GOING OUT THERE TO MST THEM ALL!!!!" shouted Ksawarrior, sounding heroic. "We're going to die." Ksa's group responded, in depressed monotone. Ksa turned toward Peter's group. "You wouldn't know where I could get a ship, huh?" ". . . ." said the Anime Port group. Suddenly, Peter started rummaging through his jacket. "If he pulls a spaceship out of there, I'll scream." Comented Rei. "No I won't." said Peter. "Besides, the pod can only hold two people, anyway. Ah, here it is." Peter pulled out a flier. The flier read: For sale; Recently restored forest green Thunderclap 8 space vessel. Affordable, sturdy, in excellent condition, shaped like a turtle, contains movie theater with five comfortable seats. Apply at docking bay #7 on the Anime Port. "Can you handle the fact that it's shaped like a green turtle?" asked Peter. ___ KSA'S GROUP'S ASSESSMENT: KSAWARRIOR: You have officially put yourself in the "I'm an idiot" fic writer group. SCIMITAR: You have been warned once, don't give me a reason to do it again. REI: Plain and simple, you suck. RYOGA: I'm thinking of changing it to `Tank Cop, prepare to die'. XELLOSS: I believe that Shabranigdo himself is a lot nicer than you. ASSESSMENT FROM ANIME PORT #9: PETER: Tank Cop, get a soul. PRISS: Get a clue. RANMA: Get a life. AYEKA: Just get out. ___ KSA'S NOTES: As always Tank Cop, you prove yourself to be the worst writer on the TMFFA. The real notice is that I'm planning to move Ksa and the MSTers to other fics. You can catch us all at SVAM. Ja ne, everyone! ^_~ PETER'S NOTES: It's fics like these that make you want to go out and write a GOOD Pretty Sammy lemon. Then again, maybe that's just me. Well, anyway, I'm currently working on assignments for both my school work, and one of my own MSTs. I can't tell you what's on it, yet, but I will say that it's something I've been waiting for. I would like to go out there and MST fics from other series too, only currently I'm still working on Tenchi Muyo. Best of luck to you Ksa, and maybe we'll work together again sometime. For those you who want to know where exactly SVAM is, here's the address. < http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/ > Oh, and before I forget, I have a new E-mail address just to let you all know. < petersuzuki@netscape.net > Well, until next time, keep the computers safely scrolling. Bye! Peter Suzuki. EYECATCH. KSA: One last time! ALL(Old geezer): EVIL!