In the world we live in, anime is a great medium. And of course, this can lead to fanfics. But not all fics are good. So, an elite group has been chosen to MST these lousy fics: KSAWARRIOR: the leader. SCIMITAR: the violent one. REI AYANAMI: the quiet one. RYOGA HIBIKI: the stupid one (Ryoga: HEY!) WASABI: the recorder. Together, these five are: KSA AND THE MSTERS! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- File 7: Tenchi Muyo vs. Sailor Moon! The Ksawarrior concentrated. Concentrated. Did a little more concentrating. Then......... _FWASH!_ he went Super Saiyajin/Juraian. In his hand, his ultimate weapon, the Light Hawk Mallet(tm), appeared. Then, he took aim and........... flung the mallet at a poster of the Sailor Senshi. "Goddamn Moonies." he grumbled. He has been like this since Pioneer announced that they were releasing the SM movies, instead of working on a new OVA series of Tenchi. Scimitar walked in, and noticed the damage. "I know how you feel man." was all he said, before, "I guess you like this new fic we got!" "Huh?" "Tenchi vs. Sailor Moon. You interested?" A moment of thought. _DING!_ Well, thats done. "Sure, why not?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (The gang take their usual places, from right to left, Ryoga, Rei, Ksa, Wasabi, and Scimitar) Ksa: I hope those damn b**ches get their asses kicked royally in this fic. Wasabi:(to Scimitar) You got this fic just for him, eh? Scimitar: But of course. >Tenchi Muyo vs. Sailor Moon! >by Kevin Hughes Ksa: Ah! My fellow Tenchi fan. Now I know those are going to die! Scimitar: On second thought, this may have been a bad idea. >(It is at this time that I would like to point out which characters I will be using. >The Sailor Scout team has been swept away from the end of the first season. I am also >using their Japanese names and attacks. The Tenchi Muyo cast is from the OAVs. Well, >that's not entirely true... I did incorporate some of the other series elements. Well, >enough said, enjoy!) Rei: I hope so. >A voice resounds, "Ladies, gentlmen, boys, girls, and cabbits of all ages, All:(cabbits) MIYA MIYA MIYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! >welcome to the >maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain event! This is the showdown of showdowns! Ryoga: Ksa and Tank Cop? Rei: Peter Suzuki and K'thardin? Scimitar: Me and Oyaji-sama? >The cast of Sailor Moon has >chalenged the cast of Tenchi Muyo to a battle. All: Oh. (Ksa is the only one seriously excited by the fic) All but Ksa: *yawn* Ksa: Prepare to die, Shojo weirdos! >And now, let the fight begin!!!!" >Out of nowhere, a bell rings and the crowd goes wild. >From one side, Usagi, Rei, Ami, Minako, Makoto, Mamoru, Luna, and Artemis stride onto the >battlefield not having transformed yet. All: BOO! HISS! BOOOOOO!! >Tenchi, Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, and Washu stride onto the opposite side of the battlefield. All: Lets go Tenchi, lets go! *clap* *clap* >Sasami asks, "Where are Mihoshi and Kiyone?" >Tenchi responds, "Gee, I don't know..." Scimitar & Wasabi:(Mihoshi and Kiyone) Where on earth are we now?! (Ryoga tries to jump over Rei and Ksa to kill them, if Ksa and Rei weren't holding him down) Ryoga: Lemme at 'em! I'll kill 'em!! >Off to the side, Kiyone is dragging Mihoshi onto the battlefield. >Kiyone gripes, "Come ON Mihoshi, our promotions are at stake!" >Whining, Mihoshi replies, "No, no, no, I don't want to fight!!!!!!!!!!!" >Sweatbeads form on all of the other combatants. (All the MSTers have sweatbeads as well) Wasabi: Well, that, was embarassing. >Finally, after all kinds of hardships, Scimitar: Famine, pestilence, war..... >Kiyone managed to drag Mihoshi to her feet and join the ranks of the Tenchi characters. All: Bout time! >All of the fighters present take up their attack stances. >Usagi yells out, "Let's go sailor scouts! MOON POWER MAKE UP!" All: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!! >Ami chimes in, "MERCURY POWER MAKE UP!" All:(still cackling) >Rei bellows, "MARS POWER MAKE UP!" All:(cackling away) >Makoto shouts, "JUPITER POWER MAKE UP!" All:(yep, still cackling) >Minako resounds, "VENUS POWER MAKE UP!" All:(as if you don't know) Rei:(wiping tear from her eye) Where the hell did the creator come up with that crap? Ksa:(trying not to burst into laughter again) Like I said, the show is an insult to anime. >Mamoru takes out a rose and transforms into his tuxedo. Wasabi: So, he gets a rose, a tux, a cape and a top hat, and he thinks he's GODDAMN COOL!? Scimitar: I think after this, I'll skip over to the Sailor Moon anime and kick his ass a few times. Others: Good idea. >Tenchi gets a major >nose bleed and passes out with dinner saucer eyes from seeing five 14 year olds bare butt naked. (The MSTers stop and all look at Ryoga) Ryoga: Could it be? I'M CURED OF THE NOSEBLEED PROBLEM!! Ksa: Akane and Ranma-chan having hot lesbian sex. Ryoga:(Drops with a nosebleed) Scimitar: Knew it was too good to be true. Ksa:(into Ryoga's ear) Ranma just told Akane that you're P-chan. Ryoga:(leaping up into the air) WHAT!? DIE RANMA!!! *BAM* (Ksa removes his Nyoibo staff from Ryoga) Ksa: Calm now? Ryoga: Much. >Ryoko, a little peeved, yells, "Hey, you aren't the only ones who can look good naked!" >Almost reflexively, Ayeka shouts, "DON'T START THAT AGAIN RYOKO!" Rei: Can't we all just, get along? Ksa: Then the show would lose all its humor. >With her sense of duty, Kiyone tries to strike up their spirits, "Come on you guys, >let's get to it!" >This argument gave the scouts an opportunity to finish their transformations. >Luckily, this also allows Tenchi time to get to his feet. All:(start laughing as they remember the transform words) Wasabi: Damn, thats some screwed up stuff. >Ryoko notices that the scouts are probably a threat now and morphs into her battle gear, >almost instantaneously. "All right, let's go!" she taunts. >Ryo-ohki appears from behind Sasami's head and creates a baton. Sasami looks up at her friend. >Ryo-ohki whispers, "Sasami, transform into Pretty Sammy!" Ksa: Continuity violation! Scimitar: C'mon, the scouts got away with it. Ksa: You got a point there. >Shyly, Sasami responds, "But there are so many people around!" >Ryo-ohki says, "Hey, if the Sailor Scouts can do it, you can too." Rei: Yeah, at least you don't go nude. >Sasami lowers her head, "All right..." She grabs the baton and shouts, >"PRETTY MUTATION, MAGICAL RECALL!" Ksa: What is with the Maho Shojo shows, and shitty transformation words? >Energy surrounds Sasami as she completes her transformation. >Quite upset at this site, Usagi whines, "What? She can't do that! That's copying us!" (The group cover their ears) Ryoga: My god! What a horrible sound! Rei: Nails on a chalk board would be better! >A disgusted Luna comments, "Geeze Usagi, you aren't the only ones that can transform." Ksa: Thats another thing, why do they always have animals that goddamn talk! At least in the normal(?) Tenchiverse, Ryo-Ohki doesn't talk! Jeez! Rei: You really don't like Sailor Moon, do you? Ksa: How'd you tell? >In a fit of rage Makoto shouts, "Yeah, but she stole our idea!" She raises her arms aloft >in order to call down her lightning attack. A bolt flies down and strikes the rod on her >tiara. "SUPREME THUNDER!" The bolt of lightning streaks towards Pretty Sammy. All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ksa: My nemesis Tank Cop has taken over the fic! >She holds >her baton in front of her and it absorbs the bolt. All: Whew! Ryoga: That, was scary. Wasabi: You mean the almost horrifying doom of Pretty Sammy? Ryoga: Nah, I just thought we were watching a Tank Cop fic again. >Quite surprised, Makoto gasps "What?" >Sasami swings her baton and yells, "PRETTY HOMERUN!" Her baton fires a bolt of energy that >slams into Sailor Jupiter, which blows her clear out of the battlefield. All:(singing) And another bites the dust! >Sasami falls to >her knees. She gasps for air and says, "Oh no, I've run out of energy." >Tenchi calls to her, "All right Sasami, that's one down!" >Usagi shouts at Sailor Mercury, "Use your bubbles!" (the group start giggling) Wasabi: So Sailor MOON told her to use BUBBLES! All but Ryoga: HAHAHAHHAHA! Ryoga: Huh? Wasabi: MOON as in butt, BUBBLES as in farts! Ryoga: Oh. I still don't get it. (They all jump him) >Ami stands with her knees bent and arms outstreched. A glowing spere appears in her hands. >She spins around once and spreads her arms apart releasing her attack. "SHABON SPRAY!" >The surrounding area gets very misty. Scimitar: What, may I ask, is a shabon? Rei: I have no idea. >Ryoko, upset at the lack of visibility and the cold decides to activate her sword. >She flies forward slashing wildly. However, all she hears are two words. >From out of the haze Minako cries out, "CRESCENT BEAM!" >Ryoko is caught in the beam and is blown back towards Tenchi and Ayeka. The fog begins to >die down just as Ryoko hits the ground. Tenchi sees Ryoko's limp body and runs over to her. (Ksa starts to go SSJ/J) Ksa:(ominously) So...help me....if that witch killed Ryoko....(summons Light Hawk Mallet) Wasabi: Um, Ksa....? Ksa: WHAT!?!?! Wasabi: Um, maybe you should check the fic? >He shakes her and, truly concerned, asks, "Ryoko! Are you all right?" (The others hold their breath, as Ksa gets ready to go Kaboom) >Ryoko responds, "Yes Tenchi, just get that little hussy for me, okay?" (Ksa powers down) Others: Whew! >With a look of determination in his eye, Tenchi responds, "Yes, Ryoko, I will!" He stands >up and activates the Light Hawk Sword. He begins charging towards Minako. All:(start humming the Jaws theme) >Not looking all to excited about the incoming attack Minako flails about and whimpers, >"Uh, guys? Help me!" Ksa: Wait, I forgot, who's the wimpy one again? Scimitar: I don't know. >Rei senses that she probably has the best chance to help Minako and brings her hands together. >A small flame erupts from the tips of her fingers and she shouts, "FIRE SOUL!" >A fireball flies at Tenchi but he avoids it easily. He runs up to Minako and makes fifty >sword swipes. He leaps away and she falls into fifty one nice even pieces. Wasabi: Fifty one? I thought he made only fifty. Ksa: Who cares? All:(singing) Another one bites the dust! Ksa: And another bites, another bites, another bites the dust! >Ayeka looks perturbed upon Tenchi's return. "Tenchi, how come you would kill someone for >Ryoko but not for me?" Wasabi:(Chris Tucker) Because he don't like you. Your sister don't like you. Nobody likes you. >Ryoko takes on her usual tone and states, "Come on Ayeka, it's cause Tenchi loves me, you >know that!" >Foolishly Tenchi attempts to intervene, "Uhm, listen, we should really be concentrating >on our enemies right now." Ksa: Scimitar, what is the first rule of anime? Scimitar: When two female rivals start arguing, stay out of it! >Ayeka and Ryoko give him an EVIL glare and he backs away. >While Ryoko and Ayeka continue to fight, the battle rages on. >Ami activates her VR visor and starts scanning the battlefield. Washu sees this and gets angry. All: Uh oh! >Washu yells to Ami, "Hey! I'm the genius here!" She calls up her etheral keyboard and starts >typing. Ami is promptly sucked into a black hole that opened up underneath her. Ryoga: Alright Miss Washu! >Washu's A and B >dolls start cheering for her. >In another section of the battlefield, Kiyone finally drags Mihoshi to her feet and they both >pull out their Galaxy Police Blasters. They both take aim at Rei. Rei: ME!? What did I do!? Ksa: They mean the Moonies Rei, not the cool Rei. Rei: Oh, thanks. >Noticing this, Rei exclaims, "Oh great!" She goes through her attack motions again and launches >another fireball when she says, "FIRE SOUL!" The fireball whizzes by Mihoshi but singes Kiyone >and she drops to the ground. Mihoshi looks at Rei and then at Kiyone, Rei then Kiyone, >Rei, Kiyone, Rei, Kiyone. Wasabi: I have a baaaaaaaaaad premonition. >Mihoshi erupts in anger and yells at Rei, "You... you... you hurt Kiyone! You hurt my partner!" >Mihoshi aims her blaster right at Rei and fires once. The shot hits Rei right between the eyes >and she drops over dead. All: .................................. Scimitar: Damn. Ryoga: Remind me not to piss her off. >"I... I did it!" Mihoshi then promptly faints. All:(facefall) Ksa: Shoulda known. >Sensing that this is the time to strike, Mamoru chucks a rose at Ayeka, which strikes her >in the arm. Scimitar: Uh huh. So just because he can hit things with a rose, he thinks he can fight? >Ayeka gasps in pain and she turns towards him. Ayeka morphs into her Jurain battle >armor and creates a large energy ball. Scimitar: Now, thats a fighting style! >She fires it at Mamoru which completely vaporizes >him. Ayeka then falls to the ground. >Luna turns to Artemis and says, "Things aren't looking good are they?" >He replies, "No, Luna, they sure aren't..." Ksa:(Artemis) Want to have hot animal sex? Rei:(Luna) Sure. (Everyone else throws up) Scimitar: Thank you for that (heavy sarcasm) lovely image that'll haunt my dreams for a week. >Usagi begins to cry, "How dare you kill my beloved Mamoru! In the name of the moon, >I'll punish you!" Ksa: In the name of all that's holy, shut the hell up! >Artemis says, "Wait Sailor Moon, we'll try to get them. There is only one left!" Wasabi: Two cats, against one member of the Tenchi group? (they all stop and...) All: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Great, now we'll never shut them up.) Ksa: Wait a sec, you can talk? (Who do you think has been describing what you do to these readers?) Ksa: Never mind. Ryoga: That was weird. >Just as Artemis and Luna begin to charge at Tenchi, Ryo-ohki flies up in spaceship form >and blasts Luna and Artemis to a nice crispy brown. Ksa: Roast cats, pick em up! >However, Ryo-ohki, falls to the ground >and turns back into a cabbit since she hasn't eaten any carrots in a while. >Tenchi looks at Sailor Moon. "Well, I guess it comes down to us then." Ksa: The hero (Tenchi) and the zero (SM). >Usagi stares back at Tenchi. "I will not let you defeat me." >Concentrating all of his power, Tenchi whispers, "Grandfather, I will make you proud." >He morphs into his Jurain battle armor. >Usagi takes out the Crescent Moon Wand and begins her attack before Tenchi got ready. Scimitar: Dirty fighting! Dirty fighting! >She cries out, "MOON PRISIM POWER!" The wand draws energy from the surroundings and fires >its beam of energy. It streaks at Tenchi and he tries to block, but it comes in too fast and >hits him full on. The power subsides and Tenchi is gone. All: No way.... >Sailor Moon looks at the battlefield, "I did it!" (Ksa starts turning SSJ/J again) >Ryoko is barely concious and she sees the blast mark where Tenchi once stood. She cries out, >"Tenchi!" She then slips back into unconsciousness. (Everyone starts to back away from Ksa) >Usagi looks up at the sky and reflects, "I beat him, but I lost my friends, and my cats." Ryoga: Who cares about your cat? We just lost one of the best pacifest anime heros of all time! >Meanwhile, somewhere else, Tsunami is putting Tenchi back together again. (Ksa calms down) Ksa: Looks like they may win this after all. >Quite annoyed, Tsunami comments, "You know, Tenchi I can't keep putting you back together >when you die." >Tenchi replies, "I know, it won't happen again." >Tsunami says, "Good, see that it doesn't. Well, good as new!" She then transports Tenchi >back to the battlefield. Ksa:(sadisticly) This should be fun! Hehehehehe. >Back on the battlefield, Tenchi rematerializes. Usagi notices this and gasps, "What? You're >alive?!" Scimitar:(Tenchi) What, you thought your little light up wand could kill me? >Tenchi frankly replies, "Yes, Tsunami ressurected me again." >Nervously, Usagi states, "That's not good." (Ksa starts laughing maniacally. The others all have sweatdrops) >Tenchi activates the Light Hawk Sword and charges at Usagi. >Usagi shouts, "No fair, I just wanted to be a normal Teenager!" Ksa: GO TO HELL! HAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! >Tenchi delivers the final blow and ends the battle. >The same voice yells out of nowhere, "The Tenchi Muyo cast has won!" Ksa: Was there a doubt? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ THE MSTERS' THOUGHTS: KSA: I loved it! It gave those Moonies a kick in the head! OTHERS: Just so he won't kill us, this time, we'll agree with Ksa. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Author's notes: If you're wondering why I did this, since I loved this fic, its because I wanted to see if I could do some C&C agreeing with the fic. Till next time, Ja Ne! ^_~