In the world we live in, anime is a great medium. And of course, this can lead to fanfics. But not all fics are good. So, an elite group has been chosen to MST these lousy fics: KSAWARRIOR: the leader. SCIMITAR: the violent one. REI AYANAMI: the quiet one. RYOGA HIBIKI: the stupid one (Ryoga: HEY!) WASABI: the recorder. Together, these five are: KSA AND THE MSTERS! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- File 6: Tank Cop Muyo! Prt 1. "So, now we have an intro?" Rei asked. "Pretty much." replied Ksa. "I loooove that Ryoga part." Scimitar added with a grin. "I'm not that stupid." Ryoga muttered. "Hey guys!" They all turned to Wasabi. "What is it?" Scimitar asked. "Remember that Tank Cop guy you told me to look out for?" They all shuddered. "Well I got his new fic." "Let's hop to it guys!" Ksa yelled as they headed to the theater. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (They all rush to their seats. The order from right to left is: Scimitar, Wasabi, Ksa, Rei, Ryoga) Wasabi: So what did he do again? Ksa: He wrote the worst fics we ever reviewed. Wasabi: Oh. >Disclaimer: I didn't create Tenchi Muyo, AIC and Pioneer did. Please don't >sue me. Ksa: Considering that you're a Sasami hater, with nothing better to do then kill her off, I don't think they'll bother with you. >(God I hate doing this! I mean this is stupid! No one in AIC or Pioneer is >going to read this, they have better things to do with there time then read >bunch of fanfic by amateur writers!) Rei: Glad that you know that you're an amateur! >^_^ Ryoga: You may be smiling now, but we'll find you and finish the job, one day! >This is my first series. So I wanted to do something that would involve the >hole group. Wasabi:(as Ash from Pokemon) Its the 'Hole' gang. Others: *groan* >You know like...Um....Well....Uh... To tell you the truth I >can't compare right now! Well, on with the show! >by Tank Cop All: BOO! HISS! BOO! >A Matter of Life or Death: Part 1: Fall of the Innocent >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >-------------------------------------------------------- >Dawn brakes as Yosho leaves the house to go to the temple. As he enters the >kitchen he notices something very strange. Ksa:(as Yosho) I left the house. How am I in the kitchen? Scimitar: Thats something only Ryoga could pull off. Ryoga: HEY! >"That's odd where's Sasami? >She's usually up and staring breakfast about now?" Wasabi: Marvel at the girl who stares at her breakfast. Ksa: As a lover of English classes, Tank Cop's spelling hurts me. >Then he just shock his >head. Ksa: 3000 volts, or did he use more? >"She's probably just sleeping in. It is a Saturday." >So Yosho goes over to the refrigerator and gets a muffin and a glass of >milk. > Then leaves the house. When he looks back and sees that Sasami's window is >wide opened! All: dum-dum-DUM! Ksa: The horror! Rei: She left her window open! >"That's very strange, Sasami never leaves her window opened?" Ryoga: So is he making a statement, or asking a question? Ksa: Please, don't ask. >Yosho walks >back into the house and up the stares to Sasami's room. Rei: She's staring breakfast, he goes up the stares. I never thought a person's spelling could be so painful. >He opens Sasami's door slowly. "Sasami are you ok?" Yosho looks in and >sees >Sasami lying on the floor with her eye open and not moving! Scimitar: Akane made her breakfast! Ksa: What a way to go! >Yosho screams! >"SASAMI!" Yosho rushes to Sasami and checks her pulse, there is none! (Ryoga pulls out a notepad. It has a lot of checkmarks) Wasabi: What's that? Ryoga: A list of things Tank Cop's done to Sasami. Ksa: I think this is her second death. >"Oh >God Sasami, Scimitar: Wouldn't it be more PC, if he said, Oh Goddess Sasami? Wasabi: So, in this version of Tenchi, Sasami is, I mean, was a goddess? > please don't leave use!" Rei: Its horrible when you leave your uses behind. >Yosho picks Sasami up and runs to >Washu's subspace lab. >Washu hears the door slam open and a very worried Yosho. "Washu, Sasami >is...she needs your help, HURRY!" Washu rushes to Yosho and sees Sasami's >lifeless body in his arms. "Get her on the Bio-Bed, QUICK!" Ksa: Bio-Bed? Scimitar: Should I even make a Guyver joke? Others: No. >Yosho lays >Sasami on the bed and prays, while Washu calls her Med-Bots to help her with >Sasami. "Give me 15cc's of Cordacen stat!" There's still no pulse. >"Increase the heart starter to 50, CLEAR!" *ZAP* Still no pulse. Washu >trys again. "CLEAR!" *ZAP* Still no pulse. >Thirty painful minuets later. Ryoga: It took them thirty minutes to figure out that she was dead? >The rest of the family gets up. Aeka walks >past Sasami's room and sees that she's not there. "She must have breakfast >ready by now, such a good sister." Aeka walks down stares and sees Yosho >and >Washu with there head's down and a sad look like Ryo-Ohki had just died or >something! Wasabi: HE KILLED RYO-OHKI TOO!? Ksa: TANK COP, YOU !! >Washu looks up and sees Aeka walking down the stares. She walks over to >her. > "Aeka you'd better sit down, you'd all better sit down. Me and Yosho have >some very sad news. Sasami is...Sasami is.." "Is what?" Aeka demand. >"Sasami is dying!" Ksa:(to Aeka in the fic) If you want the killer's address, his name is Tank Cop! >Aeka just sits there not a word, then she starts to crying. "Is there any >thing you can do for her?" Aeka asked. Washu shacks her head. "I'm sorry, >but the best and only thing that I can be done was to put Sasami into a >stasis camber. In order to stop the process, but it didn't it only slowed >it >down." Aeka with a tremble in her voice asks. "How long does she have >until..." "Two Weeks." Rei: So first, she's dead, now, she has two weeks to live. Ksa: In the name of all that's holy, Tank Cop, learn to proof read so it makes sense! >Washu responds. "It seems that a new form of super >virus has infected Sasami's blood and that is what's killing her." Scimitar: Are you sure it had nothing to do with Akane's cooking? (Scimitar notices Ryoga's glare) Scimitar: I'll stop with the Akane jokes now. >Aeka runs out of the house crying. "I'll go after her." Tenchi said as he >left the house after her. >Ryoko was so mad that she grabbed Washu's shirt, flung her against the wall, >and held her there. "Tell me what the cure is or you die!" Ryoko demanded. >Yosho grabs Ryoko's arm and trys to calm her down. "Ryoko please, hurting >Washu will not help solve anything. Now I'm going to call Mihoshi and >Kiyone, they maybe able to help." Ryoko lets Washu go and fazes out of >site. Ksa: So he wanted the whole group together, then he kills off a crucial member of that group? Wasabi: I'm begining to see why you guys dislike him. >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >-------------------------------------------------------- Ksa: Quit seperating passages like I do! >Tenchi search's the forest looking for Aeka. He finally finds her right >next >to Funaho. She's always loved that spot. Ksa: Considering that she's only been there twice, to my knowledge. >Tenchi walks over to Aeka slowly. "Aeka can I sit with you?" Aeka looks up >with tear filled eyes. "Yes, please Tenchi." Tenchi sits down next to Aeka >as they look out into the pond. "Sasami always loved to come here and sit. Scimitar: Since of course, we only saw her there once, and that was to call Tsunami. >She said that if you listen very closely to the wind it almost sounds alive >with love! Rei:(to Ksa) When the hell was that? Ksa: Never even happened. >But I can't hear it anymore." Aeka said tearfully. She looks >at >Tenchi with tears in her eyes. "When she first got here she told me that >this is where we belong. On a planet where our royal titles didn't matter. Scimitar:(to Tank Cop) If you're going to write a fic, at least keep your facts straight. >That place is here she said, but this planet of our dreams has turned into a >horrible nightmare." Aeka then throws her head in Tenchi's chest and cries >uncontrollably. "Oh Tenchi. What am I going to do without her. I just >can't sit by and let her die, I have to do something to help her." >Tenchi takes hold of Aeka's shoulders and looks her in the eyes. "There is >something you can do for your sister Aeka?" >Aeka stops crying. "What can I do?" Ksa: I think he already asked you. >"You can pray." Tenchi said. Tenchi then takes Aeka in his arms and kiss >her. (Ksa's cel starts ringing) Ksa: Hello? Oh, hi Ryoko. Yes, we're watching it now. Sick guy, isn't he? Well, his name is Tank Cop. That should help you find him with a little more ease. >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >-------------------------------------------------------- >The phone in Mihoshi and Kyione's apartment goes off. *RING, RING* All:(phone from Pokemon) Ring ring ring, ring ring ring, phone call, phone call! >"Mihoshi >can you get it, I'm in the shower!" (Ryoga's nose explodes with blood. Scimitar is trying to jump into the fic.) Scimitar: Kiyone! I'll join you! _BAM!_ (Rei jumped over Ksa and Wasabi, and malleted Scimitar over the head.) Rei: Scimitar no hentai! > Ok Kiyone, hello." Yosho on the other >end of the line. "Hello Mihoshi, are you sitting down and where's Kiyone?" >Mihoshi sits down on the couch. "I'm sitting down now and Kiyone's in the >shower. So what's up?" Yosho takes a deep breath. "I have some sad news. >Sasami is dying!" Rei: Um, Yosho, could you be a little more subtle? >For a moment Yosho can hear nothing on the other line. >"Mihoshi are you there?" "Yes, yes. How...*WEEP*!" Mihoshi can barley >finish a sentience without crying. "How *SNIF* will she *WEEP* die?" Yosho >takes his time in answering her, trying not to make the situation worse then >it already is. "she's dying of a virus infection." How long *SNIF* does >she >have?" "Two weeks. I was hoping that you and Kiyone could help us to find >a >cure for her before..." Mihoshi stops him mid-sentience. "will be *WEEP* >at >your place in one *SNIF* hour, bye." Mihoshi hangs up the phone and cries. >Kiyone walks into the room dressed in a bath towel. Scimitar: YAHOO! _BAM!_ Rei:(muttering as she puts her mallet away) baka. >"Who was that Mihoshi?" >Kiyone sees Mihoshi crying. She walks over and sits down next to her >friend. > "Mihoshi what's wrong? Please tell me." Mihoshi looks at Kiyone. "Its >Sasami she's...she's..." Mihoshi starts crying before she can finish her >sentience. Kiyone grabs Mihoshi and demands to know. "Mihoshi get a hold >of >yourself, and tell me what's wrong with Sasami?" Mihoshi screams out. >"SASAMI'S GOING TO DIE!" All: .................... Ksa: I think Mihoshi needs to learn about being subtle as well. >Kiyone for a brief moment seems lost, for what >seems like forever. "Are you sure?" Kiyone asks. Mihoshi nods. "Yes, >Yosho called me and told us to get over to there place and help them find a >cure." >Kiyone rushes to get her car keys. "Then lets go!" As she opens the door, >Mihoshi yells! "Kiyone wait!" Kiyone looks in surprise at her partner! >"What, we have to hurry." Mihoshi stares at her partner. "Maybe you should >get dressed first!" Kiyone looks down to see that she's still wearing a >bath >towel, only! Scimitar: I wasn't going to say anything! Rei: Good. >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >-------------------------------------------------------- >Yosho walks up onto the roof to see if Ryoko is ok. He sees her at the >front >edge of the roof. He walks over to her and stands next to her. "Ryoko have >you been crying?" >Ryoko wipes the tears from her eyes. "No, I don't cry. I'm Ryoko the >greatest space pirate in the Universe. I don't cry. My eyes are just dry, >its humid out here." Ksa: I've heard thousands of excuses for crying, but that, was the lamest. >She takes hold of Yosho's hand and stands up. "I'm >sorry for loosing my temper in there. Its just the shock, I mean who would >do this to Sasami, All: WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU! ITS TANK COP! >she would never hurt anyone, she couldn't even if she >wanted to." Ryoko starts to tremble with anger and rage. "When I find the >Son-of-a-Bitch that did this to Sasami, I will rip his or her Fucking head >off and stick it on a poll outside the house! (The MSTers all chuckle at the thought of Tank Cop's head on a pole) >To serve as a warning to all >those who would try such a thing again!" Ryoko said with fire in her eyes! Rei:(as Ryoko) My eyes are on fire! Scimitar: Quick, put her out. Ksa: First he poisons Sasami, then torches Ryoko? Ryoga: He will pay, oh yes. He will pay. >Yosho trys to calm her down. "Ryoko please, you have to calm down, its no >good for Sasami or you to get all work up like this. I'm sorry that I don't >have an answer for you Ryoko, but we can't let this incident destroy use." Ksa: ITS 'US'! JUST TWO GODDAMN LETTERS! JEEZ! >Yosho looks at Ryoko. "Lets go inside the others are waiting for us." >Ryoko gives Yosho a look of relief. "Thank you, Yosho." >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >-------------------------------------------------------- >Everyone is in Washu's subspace lab watching the big monitor that is showing >a camera view of Sasami's room. >"So tell me again Washu, why were not aloud into Sasami's room and your only >letting a Cam-Bot in?" Kiyone asked. Ksa:(singer from MST3K) Cam-Bot, you're on! >Its very simple really. We don't know if this virus is contagious, it could >spread to all of use then to the public and so on." Washu said. Within >seconds the computer was done. "Well, the good news is that its not >contagious. Wait there's a different DNA pattern here! Wasabi: And how did they miss that? >It might be the >attacker! I'm running it throw the DNA scanner now." Washu said. Ryoga: So her attacker poisons her, then just happens to either bleed or spit on her and leave a obvious clue? Ksa: I don't think Tank Cop could move the story along without _something_. >Within >seconds the computer showed the face of Sasami's attacker. When they saw >who >it was, everyone was more shocked by this, then they were when they found >out >Sasami was dying! Ksa: At last, Tank Cop shall pay! >Ryoko spoke up first. "Never in a billion lifetimes would I ever have >thought that it would be her! All: TANK COP'S A GIRL!? Ksa: Then why is he, um, she always after Rei? Rei: Oh god! Tank Cop's a lesbian!? Scimitar: Well, he did do that lemon of you and Asuka. Rei: Don't remind me. >Nagi! All: Oh! Rei: So Tank Cop isn't a girl? Thank you God! >How could she do this, why would she >do >this, is it to get at me?" Ksa: I'd say, because some stupid Sasami hater payed her to. >Aeka turned to Ryoko. "Do you know where she is?" Ryoko looks at her. "If >I knew that I would be off this planet and that Bitch would be dead right >now!" >Washu slaps her head as if she hadn't thought of something before. "Why >didn't I think of that before. She gave Sasami the virus, then she must >have >the cure as well, we have to find her." Ryoko gives Washu a doubtful look. Rei:(as Ryoko) It took you that long to figure _that_ out? Ksa: That can't be Washu. I mean, if Nagi created this virus, shouldn't Washu be able to cure it? Ryoga: Remember who the author is? Ksa: Oh yeah. >"Where are you going to look. Ken-Ohki can fly just as fast as Ryo-Ohki. >She's probably on the other side of the galaxy by now!" But Washu had a >plan >in mind. "Then you'll have to go to space and look for her." Kiyone >question's Washu's idea. "How are we going to find her in a short time, by >going together in Ryo-Ohki?" Washu shacks her head. "Your not all going to >go in Ryo-Ohki. You will spilt up into three groups of two, each of you >will >search every conner of the galaxy until you find Nagi. Ryoko will take >Ryo-Ohki and search for her in the places where the worst scum in the galaxy >dwell. You know the place I'm talking about Ryoko." Ryoko knowing exactly >where she's talking about. "Yes, the Bad Land, ya I know that place all >right. Ryoga: The 'Bad Land'? Ksa: I've heard it all now. >If she's there I'll find her." Washu counties. All: SHE WHAT!? Rei:(as reporter) Today the US set up a lot of Washu counties. >"Kiyone and Mihoshi >will head to the planets patrolled by other Galaxy Police. Also see if they >can give us any help in locating Nagi, will need it. And lastly Tenchi and >Aeka. You two will search the area's of space that is owned by the Jurian >family. Me and Yosho will stay here to monitor Sasami's condition." >Washu walks up to Aeka and puts her hand on her shoulder. "I know what I'm >about to ask you will be difficult but..." Aeka looks at the ground and >replays in a low voice. "I know...I'll contact my father and tell him to >send us a ship, I'll also tell him about Sasami...You know that when this is >over, I'll be forced to leave Earth with or without Sasami!" Ksa:(as Juraian emperor) Young lady, for letting your sister get poisoned, you're grounded! Go to your room! >A hush falls over the group. Then Washu says. "Yes, I know, but it is the >only way to save Sasami's life. All my attempts to find a cure have failed. >But it is your choice." Aeka stands up and walks to the chair next to the >monitor activates the flouting key pad and sits down. "I'd like to be alone >for a while if you don't mind." >Everyone clears the room except Tenchi. Aeka looks at Tenchi with anger >eyes. "I said get out!" Ksa: Whoa! That time of the month, eh? (Ksa is elbowed by Rei) Rei: Don't joke about that subject! >Tenchi says. "If you want to talk to me later you >know where to find me." He closed the door behind him on his way out. >Aeka sits there for a long time, in the dark. But not as alone, and dark as >she fells in her heart. >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >-------------------------------------------------------- >An hour later Aeka comes out of Washu's lab with tears in her eye. Tenchi >walks up to her. "Are you ok Aeka, will your father help us?" Aeka nods >her >head. "He will help us. The Jurian fleet will arrive in tree days, then we >can begin our hunt for Nagi!" >TO BE CONTINUED.............. Ksa: No! Finish it now! Rei: Are you actually interested in his story. Ksa: No. If he finishes it now, we don't have to come back. Others: Ah. >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >-------------------------------------------------------- >See what happens in the next episode "A Matter of Life or Death: Part 2: The >Hunt For Nagi!" >Well, I hope you enjoyed the first part of my series. This is my first >time >I have ever done a series before, I hope that I get good revues so I can >continue to write more stories. Ksa: Considering our review, will you stop writing, period? >Please E-mail me what you think. Be honest with your comments, don't try to >make me feel good just because I deserve it! All: You don't deserve anything other then a good beating! >Until the next story, good-bye! >Tank Cop ^_^ Ksa: Let's leave! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE MSTERS' THOUGHTS: KSA: You have a real problem with Sasami, eh? SCIMITAR: You are a sick man, Tank Cop. REI: You put too many plot holes. And stop asking me out! RYOGA: You will die. Oh yes, you will. WASABI: This was my first Tank Cop fic. I pray its my last. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Author's notes: A lot of you may be wondering: Why am I giving Tank Cop hell? Well, other then his fics suck ass, after I MSTed Kain's revenge, he challenged me to MST every fic he writes. So, I accepted. All you other MSTers back off from Tank Cop's fics. This includes you Peter.