"The Inevitable Return of ? ? ?" Disclaimer: This is another public service announcement brought to you in part by Slim-Shady. Slim-Shady does not give a . . . Goose: No! This is the fanfic. Disclaimer: Oh, Tenchi Muyo is property of Pioneer LDC, and AIC. This fic contains sexual humor, but no actual sex, harsh language, and synonyms for big. Ditch: Now for the Theme Song Just wild beat communication Ameni utarenagara Iroasenai atsui omoi Karadajuu de tsutaetaiyo tonight! Goose: That’s the wrong show! Just skip it. It was a fairly warm Tuesday afternoon and, as usual, the Masaki family was sitting around staring blankly at the boob tube. Since Ryouko had the remote, the images were flipping by so fast that they were beginning to run together. Jet Li kicked Brittney Spears in the head to avenge the death of Disco, and then the picture changed. When suddenly Wasyuu burst into the family room jabbering on like a freak on a sugar rush. Ayeka: Breathe Miss Wasyuu. Wasyuu: Okay so I was in my lab cyber-molesting Tenchi, then Bam! Mihoshi: What happened? Wasyuu: I started cyber-molesting Bam Margera, but that's not important. Then WHAMO! Ryouko: You started cyber-molesting a blow-up doll? Wasyuu: No, all these alarms and bells and whistles and junk started going bananas 'cuz there's a holographic-hydro-pyrotechnic-atmospheric-geothermic-electromagnetic- dimensional-biological-centrifugal-fusional disturbance about 246,000km from here! Noboyuki: Hydro-Pyrotechnic? Wasyuu: Okay, so maybe I added a few, but it's super huge, and it's only 246,000km from here. We got to go or I'll forget! Sasami: Yipee, pass the nachos. Tenchi: All those in favor? All: Igh. Tenchi: Those opposed? All: Igh. Tenchi: All right everybody in the Ryo-oh-ki. Katsuhito: Already there! Sasami: But she's not a spaceship yet! Ryouko: GET THAT OUT OF THERE YOU FREAK! Mihoshi: I'm gonna throw up! Ayeka: AND PUT YOUR SHOE ON! Minutes later on a sore but NOT sexually abused Ryo-oh-ki. . . Ryouko: So why are we taking my ship? Mihoshi: Because mine is in the shop. Ryouko: And why are you here? Mihoshi: To make sure everything’s nice and legal. Ryouko: And why's Sasami here? Ayeka: Because we couldn't get Noboyuki to baby-sit her. Ryouko: And why is Noboyuki here? Noboyuki: Because I never get to go. Ryouko: And why is Katsuhito here? Katsuhito: Aren't I in the shrine office? Shortly there after Ryo-oh-ki closed in on a humongous flying wing. Everyone was then teleported into a big (I'm running out of synonyms here) room. Ayeka: Okay Miss Wasyuu, we're here, now what? Wasyuu: Where are we? Ayeka: Were at the source of your goetechnic-hydroponic, um, thing. Wasyuu: Okay, we can go now. Kagato: No you can't! Tenchi: What are you doing here? Kagato: What do you mean 'what am I doing here?' What are you doing here? Tenchi: I killed you. Kagato: You did? Tenchi: Yup. Kagato: You sure? Tenchi: Yup. Kagato: Okay, I'm out. Kagato turned to leave, then turned and walked back. Kagato: I don't have to leave, they resurrected me! Ayeka: Who did? Kagato: They did! Kagato pointed to Tsunami and Goose who were sitting in folding loungers on either side of a cooler full of beer. They waved to the crowd. Tenchi: Why did you bring him back? Goose: I know you're not asking a fanfic writer to rationalize their actions. Tenchi: Not you, Her! Tsunami: I brought you back, didn't I? Ryouko: But . . . but . . . but . . . Tsunami: A motorboat! Goose: Enough of this! Kagato, Kill him! Kagato: Yes, Master! Ryouko: Master? Kagato drew his weapon and slashed and stabbed furiously at Tenchi with it. Ditch: Now for some appropriate background music I took her out, it was a Friday night I wore cologne, to get the feeling right We started making out, and she took off my pants But then I turned on the T.V. Goose: THAT's appropriate background music? Ditch: You’re in the Fic now, you can't tell me what to do. Kagato: DIE BITCHES, BASTARDS, and RATS, PETS! THIS PUPPY'S LUCKY I ISN’T BLAST HIS ASS YET! Kagato's Weapon: *Squeaky* *Squeaky* *Squeaky* *Squeaky* *Squeaky* Sasami: You've got to be kidding. Tsunami: Ahahahahahahahahahahaha! Tenchi: Enough of this. Tenchi took out his 'sword' and attacked Kagato with equal fury. With each slash of Tenchi's 'sword' a bright flash engulfed Kagato then dimmed. Katsuhito: Oh, I barrowed your flashlight. Kagato turned and ran away. Tenchi: Good riddance. Tsunami and Goose: Go get him! Tenchi: Do I have to? Goose: I won't be your friend! Tenchi: You weren't my friend to begin with! Tsunami and Goose: GO! Tenchi grunted and ran in the direction Kagato went and came to a set of three doors. He listened to the first door and heard the unmistakable sound of a riding crop striking the skin. Yugi: ON YOUR KNEES WORM! He tried the second . . . Amagasaki: Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Ken Kaniff: Oh fuck yeah! Suffering from a lack of choices, he chanced the third door. On the other side he found himself in a huge hangar. Tenchi: And what are you doing here? Tenchi: Sorry, got ahead of myself. Heero: You're never gonna catch him on foot, take my Wing Zero. Noin: I never got to fly the Wing Zero. Heero: Go munch Releena's rug. So NOW Tenchi's in space in Wing Zero and he found . . . Tenchi: Not myself again. No, Kagato in the Gundam Epyon. Kagato: DIE BITCHES, BASTARDS, RATS, PETS! THIS PUPPY'S LUCKY I AIN'T BLAST HIS ASS YET! Epyon's Weapon: *Squeaky* *Squeaky* *Squeaky* *Squeaky* *Squeaky* Tenchi aimed the buster rifle at Epyon and pulled the trigger. A stream of water sprayed from the nozzle. Tenchi then tried the beam saber then reads the side. Mag-Lite. Tenchi: Figures. As a last ditch Tenchi slams the self-destruct button and woke up screaming with Ryouko hovering over him. Ryouko: What Happened? Tenchi: I had this dream that Tsunami and some maniac resurrected Kagato and he was attacking me with a squeaky bopper. Ryouko: Man! Today just ain't your day. Ryouko grabbed her left ear and pulled off her face to reveal that she's really . . . Kagato: DIE BITCHES, BASTARDS, RATS, PETS! THIS PUPPY'S LUCKY I AIN'T BLAST HIS ASS YET! Kagato's Weapon: *Squeaky* *Squeaky* *Squeaky* *Squeaky* *Squeaky* Wasyuu: Hey Tenchi there's a holographic-hydro-pyrotechnic-atmospheric-geothermic- electromagnetic-dimensional-biological-centrifugal-fusional disturbance and it's only about 246,000km from here! Ditch: End Theme! I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall And lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter Authors Notes: This has been a 5150 fanfic Production. This wasn't so much written as it was, um, compiled. The descriptions for the disturbance is every word on the list form Seion's fic, 'Technobable'. Kagato's Favorite line is from the Eminem song 'Criminal'. The squeaky bopper idea is from . . . Aw, Do I have to? Alex: Out with It! Authors Notes: Alexander, the genius who cracked Fermat's Last Theorem to the Tenth Exponent and Deciphered Multidimensional Space (not to mention fought off the Shivan Armada, Boltran Armada, Plactocblocese Armada, Gremlin Armada), Commander-In-Chief of all Military on New Vegeta, and Head of State of the Peoples Republic of New Vegeta, and Savior of all Humanity, The Evergreen Cortex's fic 'The Final Battle'. I think I made up most of the rest of it. Now I get to plug my web site www.geocities.com/jakethegoose2069/Wildeyak_Tenchi_Fanart. An okay place to see a couple of neat Tenchi fan pictures. Or just e-mail me at Wildeyak2069@hotmail.com. But I crave some attention. Until then, SLIDE!