*Disclamer!!!* I am far to poor to own anything, so don't sue me over this. I don't own any of these characters, in fact all I own is my computer and some tattered rags to wrap around my starving, homeless body. *Disclamer!!!* The HMS Pangolin. An experimental spaceship built by Canada's greatest scientific genius, Jackson Brantley. Well... actually... there was a better, and more spiffy experimental spaceship but it was stolen by some punk American tourist. Because of the theft of Canada's first spaceship, no less named after Canada's greatest hero Zap Rowsdower, Jackson swore to get it back. Unfortunatly Canada didn't have the resorces to build another one so Jackson went to Britan. After getting money from a wealthy Scottish landowner, Jackson and his team of areonautical engineers, which he found drunk in a bar in London, built a new spaceship. Unfortunatly the Scottish landowner had other plans for the ship... Now Jackson is stuck making fun of Tenchi fan fiction. It is a job too big for one man alone, so using a combination of fantastic technology and prank phone calls, Jackson assembles his team. Kiyone Makibi - Galaxy Police officer Joe Garelli - Handyman... or electrician... or something Heero Yui - Gundam Pilot and Amy Anderson - Sailor Scout and Pilot Nobuyuki - Camera Man All the crew of the HMS Pangolin was sitting around the lounge, trying to relax after a hard day of wandering the galaxy.Heero was staring out the window. Amy and Kiyone were sitting on a couch talking. Joe was standing in the corner bashing a wrench aginst some sensitive electrical equipment. Jackson entered, drawing a sense of awe from his fellow crewmembers... well ok... they didn't notice but anyway. "Ahh! What the hell are you doing?" said Jackson as he rushed over to Joe. "It's cool dude, just fixing it." replied Joe, banging away. "Fixing it? It's not broken." said Jackson, looking concerned. "Sure it is. We are stuck here on this ship, arn't we." "Umm... well yeah... but..." "See there we go" Joe then took a huge swing and hit hard. Alarms started to go off all over the ship, causing the crew to gasp and look at them with concern. Well, Heero just kind of sat there. "What is that!" yelled Kiyone over the alarm. "Eh?" yelled Jackson back. "WHAT IS THIS ALARM FOR!" "FAN FIC ALERT! I THINK JOE PISSED THIS SHIP OFF!" "DUDE, I FIXED IT. THIS HAS TO BE SOMETHING DIFFERENT!" Jackson shook his head and lead everyone into the theater, except Amy who went to the bridge. As soon as they were all inside, the doors closed behind them, turning off the alarm and leaving the lounge in silence. ______________________________________________________ (Inside the theater. Everyone is sitting down in the front row. Jackson in between Joe and Kiyone and Heero is also beside Joe) Oh my god... What? ... It can't be... Butthead Muyo *Part 2* AHHHHHH!!!! ... By The Old Took *Disclaimer* I do not own these characters; they are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC. "Beavis & Butthead" were created by Mike Judge and are controlled by MTV. This is not done for any profit, just cheap laughs. If you're from any of these companies, please don't sue, I have no money. He better not have any money. He can't even afford a decent idea. I should fight him. What? Freaking pansy. ... --------------------------------------------------------------------- Last time... There is a part before this? Thank god we don't have to do that on too. On an otherwise normal day, Tenchi comes home to find that the mad scientist Washu has installed a marvelous new satellite dish on the roof that gets any and every channel out there. But there's an accident, and Tenchi winds up unconscious. What the hell is going on? Find out now! Satellite dish? That is how the government sends mind control to the populous. And adult movies. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Its morse code for "Oh God I want to die." (Sighs) Do I have to kick your ass too? "WASHU!" Ryoko walked into the lab and carefully laid Tenchi's still form upon the nearest table. Her face was ashen. "WASHU!" "What is it, can't you see I'm busy?" Washu called out from behind a pile of charred and broken equipment. "Tenchi, he's...hurt," Ryoko said softly, on the verge of breaking down. Wow, look at all their concern for Tenchi, that is really in character. Yeah, it's like Tenchi doesn't matter to them at all, or maybe just crappy writing. Hey, shut up. There are chicks. Umm... this one isn't a lemon. WHAT! THAT WASNT THE DEAL! Ayeka shot a glance at Ryoko. "Yes, Miss Ryoko, please do tell us just what you've done to him this time." Ryoko turned and stared at the princess. Her face was livid. "Don't you even start with me..." Ryoko hissed out under her breath. The pirate's eyes glowed like smoldering coals and the look she gave to Ayeka made the princess forget about her nit-picking for the moment. But only for the moment. .... Feel the love. "All right, what's going on...Sweet Tsunami! What the hell happened?" yelled Washu. Holy Cosmos! Jumpin' Jupiter. Great Hera! Wonder Twin Powers Activate? ... Ryoko replied in a low voice, "I heard an explosion in the living room, and when I got there, Tenchi was just laying there." "In the living room, eh? As you can see, there was a little mishap in here as well. I guess that sent an energy feedback into the entertainment system. Makes sense." Nothing a few miles of my homemade duct tape wouldn't fix. Washu looked Tenchi over and scanned him. "He doesn't look too bad, no major damage. I'd say he got off lucky. We'll just let him rest here for the night and I think he'll be fine by morning." Hehe, got off. Oh god... Happens all the time to average Joe Teenager, you know, explosions. Everyone's mood seemed to lift and the gloom in their hearts passed. Still, they worried for Tenchi. Especially Ryoko. Yeah, I found your body. Well, I guess I Don't care anymore. "Washu, I'm going to stay here until he wakes up." The mad scientist replied, "Fine, just don't bother him or me. I've got a lot of work to do." Hell, go off and die for all I care. The hours passed long and slow for everyone as time drew out to a razor's edge through the rest of the night. No one slept and all anticipated the coming of the dawn. I sure wish I could sleep. Hey, that is not what I am not paying you for. Not paying me? This is apparently some evil plot to make us insane, or something. ... * * * At last the sun peeked over the hills and flooded the Masaki home with its warm embrace. Everyone hurried to the lab to see if Tenchi was awake. They crowded around the bed Ryoko had put him on after Washu had examined him. The minutes ticked by. No one said anything, except for Washu away in a corner of the lab who was laughing to herself. At last Tenchi began to stir. And then the panda said to the polar bear "That's not my whiskey!" "Unh" That is what I said the last time Kiyone told that joke. Hey! His eyes slowly opened, then widened. "Uhh, huh huh huh. Whoah! There's like, a bunch of chicks around me. This rules!" Hey, alright. It might be a lemon after all. Oh god... Everyone stared down at him. While what he said made perfect sense to him, it came out as gibberish to everyone else. Sasami asked if anyone knew what he just said. Of course they didn't, as they didn't speak English (or at least the Beavis & Butthead version of it). English? Yeah, you know from England? Bitch, I should kick your ass. What? Are you calling me a British bitch? No, no, no. Not at all. ... Tenchi sat up. "Dammit, what the hell are you staring at? Where's Beavis? That fartknocker still owes me a dollar." Mihoshi: "Huh?" I'm confused. Is this a play now? I hope not. Plays suck. Washu walks over to the group with some small devices in her hands. "My computer says that Tenchi is speaking English, but with a rather peculiar American dialect. These will help. Each of you put one of these in your ears. They are earth-language translators and we should be able to understand what Tenchi is saying." How convienent. They just happened to be in my pocket. Well, it is Washu. Man, I could have made those out of a tin can and a bundle of wires. Really? Hell yeah, and it could also shoot down alien spacecraft. Oh boy, MORE characters for Tenchi then... Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, Mihoshi, and Washu each put one of the tiny devices in one of their ears. Tenchi took one, looked at it, and stuck it up his nose. Washu walked behind him and gave him a hard slap on the back. The device came flying out of his nose and clattered onto the floor. Washu used a pair of tweezers to pick it up and, while holding his head with an incredibly strong grip, inserted it into Tenchi's ear. Damn it, where is the hot lesbian sex? Umm... i said it wasnt a lemon. < Joe> DAMN IT! "You girls may leave now. I need to examine Tenchi further to understand what's going on here." Examine his new American penis? It's true, all Americans have huge penises What about you? What!?! Yours isn't big at all. (Joe laughs madly) (Sobbing into his hands) ...I ... I ... I'm Canadian! ... The girls hesitated, then silently walked out of the lab. Washu turned to Tenchi. "Come with me Tenchi." "Who the hell is Tenchi? Uh, I'm Butthead." Oh boy, oh boy. What, are you actually enjoying this? If he can't remember who is he, maybe he will have sex with me. (Joe does a touchdown dance) THIS IS NOT A LEMON! "Butthead is it? Whoever, you need an examination." "Uh, that's okay dude. I don't need one." "Yes you do. There's something wrong. You're speaking English." "Yeah, so?" Hehe, I woke up in a strange place, with strange people. What could be the matter? That was a bad joke there. "So,...I need to give you a physical." Tenchi's eyes bugged out as Washu transformed into her mature form. He began to laugh. Washu led him away to another area of the lab, all while he was still laughing and turning red. OK, Joe. Don't get excited. It's still not a lemon. Good, who wants to see Tenchi anyway? Me? Not us guys though. ... Washu brought him to an upright examination table. "Alright, Butthead. Undress...wow, that was fast." "Uhh, huh huh huh, this is it. I'm going to score." "Sure you are. Just step towards the table, that's it." God bless American cartoon characters. Why? Union reasons, I guess I thought you didn't like Unions? With unbelievable speed, she strapped him onto the table. All the while, she felt his eyes all over her and she began to feel rather repulsed. Her skin was crawling and Washu thought that the sooner this was over the better. She didn't care much for this 'Butthead' personality much at all. As opposed to the Tenchi "Icky, girls" personality. Shut up! He likes girls! (Pats Kiyone's shoulder) Sure.... The scientific genius pushed a series of buttons and the computers around her began beeping and blinking their lights as data began flooding in. Washu mumbled to herself, "Just as I thought, brainwaves are completely diffent from the last scan." Amazing! There is a reason for his complete personality change after all! Astounding! Once she had the data she wanted, she reverted back to her younger form and removed the restraining straps holding Tenchi to the table. "Okay, that's all I need from you for now." "Uh, huh huh, uh, where's that other chick? You know, the one with the big thingies." In Japan we call that hair. I don't think that is what he is talking about. Washu stared at him with a blank look on her face, then realized what he was talking about. "Oh, her, I don't think you'll see her again. I don't think she liked you much. Now, let's get you to your room." Washu led him out of the lab, making sure that he didn't touch anything, and took him to his room. "Phew, gotta get back to the lab. Looks like this is going to take awhile." I am so glad this is not a lemon. Me too, I dont think I could take Butthead/Tenchi getting his groove on. Now Ryoko and Washu.... (Jackson and Joe laugh) ... * * * "Where is he? Tenchi's never late for breakfast!" Ryoko exclaimed between mouthful's of food. Ayeka stood up. "I'll go get him." She walked up the stairs, went to his room, and knocked. And she knocked again, and again. Then she heard a strange laugh coming out of the room. Ayeka opened the door and beheld a strange sight. The room was filled with naked women, tired from a passionate night of sex. Then the story would be complete. (Kiyone sighs) The room was in shambles. Clothes were strewn about everywhere, and there were several burned patches of carpet. The curtains were torn and holes had been punched through the walls. Tenchi, wearing a pair of red shorts and a grey t-shirt, stood in the middle of it all. He was waving his bokken around and laughing. He turned around and saw Ayeka staring at him. "Hey baby, I've got a big stick, uh, huh huh huh." (National Anthem begins playing) God bless America, land of the huge monster cocks. ... "Well, yes, that is a long bokken. Breakfast is ready. Please come with me downstairs." "Uh, okay. Huh huh, you said long, huh huh huh." Ayeka brought Tenchi downstairs. He stood next to the table laughing. "Whoah, I live with a bunch of chicks. This kicks ass!" ... I wish I lived with a bunch of chicks. It's not that great... Now if you were a lesbian, now that would be a story Hey, I am not a lesbian!!!! Yeah, sure. I have evidence to prove otherwise. That is not a lemon written by a teenage boy with too much free time? Umm... well.... yes. Let me see it. ...... no. That is what I thought. Ryoko patted the seat next to her and batted her eyes at him. Tenchi's face turned red and he ran over and sat down. The girls were already eating, as they had been waiting for him for half an hour already. He looked at the food on the table, and a scowl appeared on his face. "Uhhh, what the hell is this crap? Aren't there any, like, uh, nachos or something? This stuff sucks." Yeah, I hate non-nacho food. I thought you were Canadian, not Mexican. It was a joke. Could have fooled me... Sasami began wailing, while the others' mouths hung open. A bit of food fell out of Mihoshi's mouth back onto her plate. Tenchi wandered into the kitchen to find something more to his taste. ... * * * After dining on a bag of cheeze curls, some potato chips, cookies, soda, and a few pieces of old jerky, Tenchi began to wander about looking for something to do. Or someone... (Jackson sighs) Ryoko had been following him about and didn't even leave the table with the others to console Sasami. She stared at him while he walked through the house and made little sideways glances at him. If I could follow someone from a table, I would be so rich And how is that? Shut up, bitch! I feel so comfortable right now... Tenchi knew that she was looking at him and following him about. (whispered to Joe) I think the staring gave it away. "Hey baby, uh, come to Butthead." She turned and looked him in the eye, at first appreciative of this new attention. She walked over to him and hung off his shoulder. Tenchi started laughing and his eyes widened. Ryoko asked, "Do you want something?" I could use a gun to shoot myself with. A box o' peanuts right here.... Hot lesbian sex is the way to go. ... He turned red and laughed faster. A trickle of blood began to run out of his nose. (Kiyone laughs) Yep, just like Tenchi. He seemed surprised. "Uh, wait a minute. That's uh, not right. Dammit, there's something, uh, missing." Its the erection, he need viagra. Now, a lot of guys suffer from erectile dysfunction That's not funny!!!! Ryoko let him go. The usual tension between Tenchi and her was missing, and this new personality of his made her very uncomfortable. More than uncomfortable, she was feeling a little naseaous. And we all know tension is why we all like Tenchi... Hehe, i gots some tension in my pants for you. Where? I dont see it. (Jackson weeps softly) "Uh, this place sucks. Dammit, where's the TV? I could be watching videos." Yay, the lemon part. "Tenchi, er, Butthead, the TV blew up, so there's no videos." NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! "That sucks. I'm, uh, going outside or something." * * * Tenchi was walking outside until he came across a toolshed. He opened the door and walked inside. It had a dirt floor and a smell of oil hung in the air. It was clean and well organized, with all the equipment hung or set in their proper places. So, the chainsaw was quite easy to spot. And so was Yosho's collection of automatic weapons. Oh no... I know where this is going Where? Watch * * * He made his way to the lake and spotted Funaho. Oh god... so simple... for plot. What are you guys talking about? "Huh huh huh, uh, huh huh huh. This is going to be cool." The leaves and twigs on Funaho began swaying, even though there was no wind. The swaying increased as Tenchi walked closer. At the shrine, Yosho's head suddenly jerked up while he was sweeping. Tenchi started the chainsaw. He approached the tree's trunk and was just about to cut into it when Yosho showed up behind him. Wow, didn't see that coming. Holy crap, America must be fucked up. Yeah, its all the alien abductions. And the crack cocaine. "Tenchi, what are you doing?" "Uh, pruning the tree dude." Tubular! Surf's up! Tenchi turned around and looked at Yosho. "It's time for your training, Tenchi. Come along now." Yosho thought to himself, "There's something odd going on here. Odd and very, very wrong." So the family never mentions Tenchi's condition to Yosho? Apparently it never came up "My name's Butthead, dude. Uh, you're old. Huh huh huh, do you wear diapers?" Do you wear boxers or briefs? Depends... Yosho frowned down at him. First Tenchi was speaking English. Second, Tenchi just insulted him. Yosho whipped out his bokken and cracked Tenchi on the skull. "Dammit fartknocker, that hurt! Cut it out, bunghole!" Its Massive Headwound Harry! You got that from SNL. I figure, hey, who is going to know. The readers? Readers? I don't believe in your magical fairy tales. ... Fartknocker? Bunghole? Funaho had trouble making a good translation of these terms. Yosho would have to look it up later. Yosho sighed. "Come along, 'Butthead,' it's time for training." You talking shit gramps? Don't make me fuck you up. "Uh, what training, dude?" "Sword training." Yosho hung his head down and muttered to himself, "My grandson has turned into a gaijin." "Uh, okay." The two set off for the shrine and began the climb up the stairs. Tenchi did not care for the climb. I don't care for this fic. Me either. I care... (Everyone stares at Joe) "This sucks. There's like, too many steps, or something." Yosho sighed again. "Nobody tells me anything anymore." They finally reached the well-worn training spot. "Tenchi, er, Butthead, if you prefer, where is your bokken?" "Uhhhh, my what?" Your American monster cock. ... "Your bokken." "Nothing's broken dude." "D'oh! Your bokken! Your wooden sword!" Mmmmmm, donuts..... "Huh huh huh huh huh. You said wood. Uh, huh huh, I think it's under the bed. Huh huh huh." Yosho was starting to feel rather agitated. Something about Tenchi's personality today really annoyed him. "Alright, here's another one." Yosho threw a bokken at him. Where did that come from? Yeah, Yosho is a walking arsenal. Tenchi waved at around, neglecting anything resembling a stance. He then began scratching his butt with it. Yosho sat down on a stump and held his head in his hands. "I'm getting too old for this....Tenchi, Butthead, whoever, you can go home. Don't get into any trouble. I need a drink." Hurray! And it is only 8 in the morning "Uhhh, okay." * * * Tenchi made his way down the hill through the trees while hacking at things with the bokken. It was quickly being stained green and covered with the ruined remains of leaves and flowers. After walking for some time, he came to the road. There, he found Ryo-ohki. Oh no! Oh god... "CAT BASEBALL!!!" Nnnnnoooooo! * * * Ayeka was on her way to the house with a sack of groceries. Sasami had needed a box of Mr. Sparkle and some other items. While walking along the road, she saw something that made her jaw drop. The Garelli 4100 Jaw Dropping Machine. Tenchi was standing on the side of the road, his eyes narrowed. He was laughing as he held Ryo-ohki by the ears with one hand and his bokken with the other. The cabbit was waving its paws around and meowing and hissing. Ayeka quickly recovered from the brutal sight and called out to Tenchi just as he was getting ready to swing at Ryo-ohki. (Joe points to left field) Yeah... hit a home run! You guys are sick. "Oh, Lord Tenchi, er, Butthead, would you like to help me with these groceries?" Tenchi turned around and replied, "Uhhh, no." Ayeka pulled a bottle of sake from the grocery bag. Wow, I am amazed she would give up alcohol for anything Crazy alcoholic. "This is for you if you help me. It's alcohol. I know you want it, Washu told me you'd like some." Tenchi's eyes lit up at the mention of alcohol. With the fires of Hell!!! "Whoa! Liquor! That rules!" He dropped Ryo-ohki and the bokken. Into an open sewer pipe. "Yes, now come and take this sack to the house with me." "Uh huh huh huh. Huh huh huh. You said sack, huh huh huh." (Joe and Jackson laugh) Idiots... ... Ayeka was mystified that he could find any humor in that word. "Sack? What's so funny about that?" "Huh huh huh uh huh huh. You said it again." (Joe and Jackson laugh) Idiots... ... She could feel her temper starting to rise, but consoled herself with the fact that Washu would make things right. Otherwise, she, along with the other girls in the house, would have to kill him. This "Butthead" personality was too much to handle. Especially now she has to give Tenchi some of her booze. "Oh, come along now. We're going to the house." Tenchi followed her as he carried the sack of groceries in one hand, and used to the other hand to drink from the bottle. By the time they had reached the porch, he was staggering about. "Huh huh huh. I'm wasted. It's like a music video." This story is a waste of computer space. I wouldn't mind being passed out drunk right now. He stumbled up the porch and into the house. After handing Ayeka the grocery bag, he promptly walked over to the couch that Washu had just replicated, sat down, and fell asleep. Damn him! That could have been me! What? A perverted man? Like Jackson? Hey! * * * Nobuyuki walked down the stairs with a packed duffel bag slung across his shoulders. The girls had filled him in on what had happened so far, and he decided that he would stay at the shrine for the time being. Nobuyuki!!! ... They tell Nobuyuki but not Yosho? Apparently Nobuyuki is important or something "Things have been getting too wierd around here for my taste. Alien girls moving in is one thing, but this is out of control. I'll be back when Tenchi is better." It's not like there is another hot alien chick or anything... * * * Tenchi woke up around noon the next day. Sasami was in the kitchen chopping vegetables and watching a cooking show on a small television on the counter. "Saa, temee-ra kakugo shiyagare--Kono Bejiita-Sama ga tappuri to ryouri shite yaru ze!!" Why yes, I would like to buy a vowel as well Ayeka walked into the kitchen and noticed the show. Hey, when did we get a T.V.? I wonder if it can buy me some booze? "Really, Sasami, I can't understand why you insist on watching that show. Such a foul tempered cook couldn't be a good influence for you." "But Ayeka, I need to watch it for this recipe," Sasami pleaded to her sister. The show continued on. I would hope the network wouldn't shut down just to please Ayeka. "Tsuru Tsuru Tsuru Tsuru, Neba neba neba neba namaiki na yarou da ze!" Look! It's Godzilla! Tenchi tuned out what was going on in the kitchen. He got up and went to the bathroom, and came out half an hour later. I must have been a big one. Ewww... ... He was feeling rather bored, and since the only TV had a girl with a knife close by, he went outside. Later... As opposed to earlier The girls had stayed in the house all day, since they needed to work twice as hard keeping it clean since Butthead had showed up. Mihoshi heard a dog barking outside. She got up from the couch to see what was going on. When she looked out the window, she smiled and exclaimed, "Oh, Tenchi's brought us a dog to play with! How thoughtful of him." Now I am a little glad this is not a lemon. Ewww.... Ryoko went over to the window and saw for herself what was going on. It seemed that the reverse of what Mihoshi said was true. It was the dog who was bringing Tenchi, and this animal didn't look like it wanted to play. The dog was large, had a brown coat, and was rather mangy and very filthy. Tenchi had somehow managed to get a rope around its neck, but he was doing everything he could to keep the dog from dragging him about. And the filthy cur would not stop barking. It had a loud, hoarse and raspy bark, and flecks of foam flew from its mouth as it barked. From all appearances, Tenchi was planning on bringing it inside. Damn, I think the dog got more description than anything yet. Ryoko opened the door to tell Tenchi not to bring the dog inside. She stepped out of the door and opened her mouth, but instead of saying something, she screamed. Ahhhhhhh! Tenchi is gay! That is not funny! ... Tenchi had let go of the rope. The dog turned its head to consider him, but saw Ryoko standing there and ran towards her. It jumped up and knocked Ryoko down, then ran into the house. Once inside, it ran into the kitchen, jumped on the table, began knocking things over, and barking at the girls. They responded by screaming and running upstairs into one of the rooms. Well Kagato is no problem.... but a dog... The mongrel continued its rampage downstairs. It lunged at the new couch and worked on tearing the cushions to pieces. After stuffing was strewn about everywhere, it pissed all over. Then it went into the kitchen again and got into the garbage, which it scattered all over the floor. Tenchi was still outside laughing, and Ryoko began to get to her feet. It pissed all over? Man, I am really glad this is not a lemon. Ryo-ohki came out of the lab looking for Sasami. The dog smelled her and ran towards her. The cabbit looked up and saw the huge beast running for her, and froze. When it seemed as if Ryo-ohki was going to be eaten alive in one gulp, Ryoko blasted the dog. It ran out of the house with its tail between its legs. One gulp? How big is this dog supposed to be? Just think about a camel, then make it a dog. Huh? Exactly. * * * Ayeka, Mihoshi, and Sasami came out of the upstairs room, walked downstairs, and considered the chaotic state of the house. Everything was filty, torn up, and in general disarray. They considered the fact that Tenchi was standing in the middle of it while laughing his ass off and stating just how cool it was. There was only one course of action left to them. Ryoko joined them and they walked into the lab. * * * "I JUST CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! Aren't you going to do something?" Ryoko screamed at Washu. You have been in the bathroom for 3 hours! That is disgusting. "For once I agree with Ryoko. This 'Butthead' has got to go. We are all rather fond of Tenchi, but I'm at my wits' end. Lately it's all I can do to keep from strangling him," Ayeka added. (Jackson make a whip sound effect) Yeah, I don't think that is a real problem for her "Yeah, and the way he looks at us. It makes my skin crawl. And that horrible laughing, always laughing. You know how I feel about him, but my patience is wearing thin," Ryoko said. Eww... I hate when boys look at me. There there, I will make it all better. What are you guys talking about? I take it you haven't seen Aeka and Ryoko shrine of Love? "And he keeps insulting my food and messing up the kitchen. Tenchi's not being very nice lately," Sasami chimed in. "And I don't like these little translators. They're making my ears itch," said Mihoshi. She is so stupid... that is most likely her main problem. But that is why you love her... What!!! Yeah, I have seen the pictures to prove it. ... The strain of the last couple of days was starting to show on Washu's face. All that time in the bathroom. Hey, hey! Stop that now. Sorry... "Alright, calm down, just calm down! For your information I've come up with a way to return Tenchi to normal. We have to get him into the lab so I can restore his normal brain patterns." "Miss Washu, er, Washu-chan, could you please explain what has happened to Lord Tenchi?" Ayeka asked. No. Ok, see you later then. "When the explosion went off in the lab, it sent a power surge through the entertainment system. This surge carried another mind pattern with it that was implanted into Tenchi when the TV exploded. The mind pattern was created by one of the processors in here after extrapolating data from whatever show Tenchi was watching at the time. It took me a whole day to figure out that he was watching some American show called 'Beavis & Butthead.' Would you believe that I had to watch over ten hours of it just to collect enough data on this 'Butthead' character to find a way to delete it from Tenchi's mind? Ten hours of the most incredibly mind-numbing insanity I've ever seen in my life. And when you're as old as I am, that's saying a lot. The plus side is that I've been able to create a database of that strange vernacular that Tenchi's been speaking. May come in handy someday...HEY! WAKE UP!" Ah ha! I knew the government was sending brain waves to innocent people Poor Tenchi got screwed by us good old Americans The four girls had fallen asleep while Washu rambled on. (Kiyone pours a bottle of sleeping pills down her throat) Why... can't I... die? "In any case, I need Tenchi here to return him to normal. Ryoko, why don't you go and get him." * * * Ryoko floated up the stairs to Tenchi's room. Like usual, instead of knocking first, she just stuck her head in through the door. She quickly pulled her head out. Her face had a green color to it and she looked as if she might faint. She saw his Japanese penis. "Think I'm gonna be sick..." Oh yeah, there is no doubt now. (Kiyone weeps softly) She ran for the bathroom. On the way, she ran into Ayeka. "Ryoko, where do you think you're going? Washu told you to go get Tenchi, now why aren't you doing what she said?" Ryoko pulled Ayeka close and whispered in her ear. It was Ayeka's turn to look ill. No... his penis.... just can't be small.... "That does it. I'm going to get him myself," Ayeka said. She went to Tenchi's door and waited. And waited, and waited some more. Finally, Tenchi came out, and there was Ayeka, waiting for him. She clobbered him on the head with a large mallet, a triumphant smirk on her face. Ouch... "That should teach you to leave Tenchi's body alone." And the mallet didn't do anything bad to his body... With that, she dragged him downstairs and into the lab. And dragging him down the stairs. Washu was quickly able to attach some wires and other devices to his head, and get him strapped onto the exam table. "Okay, reading brain waves, isolating foreign patterns, now I just need to delete them and restore Tenchi. Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, this may take a while. You should probably get the house in order for Tenchi. Oh, and you can ditch the translators." God knows Tenchi will beat us if this house is messy. * * * It was a fine morning, as fine as you could ask for in the summer. The air was cool and small pockets of mist were curling up into the air around the hills as they evaporated in the morning sun. The birds all around were singing. And four girls were standing around a bed in Washu's lab. Finally the lemon part! (Kiyone sighs) Tenchi opened his eyes and smiled at those standing around him. Well, at least he didn't stagger out of there with his eyes closed. "Good morning. Hey, what am I doing in the lab? Why do I feel so dirty, and what on earth is this horrible taste in my mouth?" You don't want to know... I hope it is not Yosho. (Jackson and Kiyone gag) : . Ryoko looked into his eyes and set her hand on his shoulder. "It's a long story, but we're glad you're back. Everything is going to be all right now." Why did it have to be so long? This is all some evil plot after all. ***************************************************************** Completed 1-28-01 Finally, it's over, and good riddance. I'm tired of dealing with this fic. Me too. Hey Heero, why didnt you say anything? Can anyone say tone change? I'm gay. (Everyone stares at him) Still working on getting Ryoko into Mirai Trunks' world. Should be fairly decent by the time I'm done. Also coming up with a tripped out fic set in Area 51. Familiar faces, but totally reworked personalities. Will be epic. (Everyone still stares at Heero) * * * Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. -JRR Tolkien, "The Lord of The Rings" (Everyone still stares at Heero) The Old Took old_took@hotmail.com _______________________________________________________ In the lounge the crew was still staring at Heero. "So...umm... Heero..." said Jackson trying to break the silence. "What? It was a joke" said Heero, monotone as usual. "Are you sure dude? You do seem kinda fruity." interjected Joe. Jackson and Kiyone laugh nervously. Heero narrowed his eyes. "Are you calling me a lier?" Joe points to the door and says "Lets take this outside. Well... into the hall." Joe and Heero leave the lounge as Amy comes down from the bridge. "What is going on." said Amy, looking slightly confused. Jackson sighs and replieds "Kids these days..." ______________________________________________________ Thanks you guys for reading my MST. Please send any comments to me at JackdaddyZ@aol.com. Be prepaired for more MST's by me, and the further adventures of the HMS Pangolin. And for those of you who don't know, a pangolin is like an anteater with big scales. Seriously. Also, thanks to David and Nick. I would not like to thank Cyrus because he still hasn't opened the gallon of mayonase I gave him for his birthday. The bastard. Eyecatch: "Uh huh huh huh. Huh huh huh. You said sack, huh huh huh."