"Author's note:Since we are MSTing a Tenchi fic and the Tenchi cast are MSTing The<> sign are the MST characters. In the very distant future where demons run amok, There was a man, Tenchi Masaki, who was a real shmuck. Forced to read fics by doctor clay, Who has a stupid beard that's really gay, So he threw his curlers in a purse, and persued him in a Rocket across the universe. I'll send him crappy fanfics, The worst I can find "la la la" He'll have to sit and read them all to torture his puny mind "la la la" Keep in mind he can't control when the fics will be sent He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his horny friends Stalker roll call!! Ryoko:Only you can start forest fires. Washu:Oh boy my 5.2 space modulator has finally arrived. Sasami:Another day closer to puberty! Kione:Where's the coffee? Mihoshi:Yeah, where's the coffee? Ryo-ohki:MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW If you are wondering how they eat or breathe, or other science facts, Repeat to yourself it's just a fic and you really should relax, For Tenchi-Muyo theater 4000 TTTTTTTTTTWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG ::Yawn:: Another one. Sorry bitch. What?!? ::Sasami melts to reveal that she is in fact Zero:: Haha no replacements this time fool! Awwwwwwwww . . . .Washu!!! ::Washu walks in:: What? Zero is being mean and not letting us cheat anymore. Crud! That ruins everything! ::Turns to the smurf, count chocula, and mcgruff the crime dog:: Sorry, you can go back now. ::Suddenly Clay appears on the screen:: Haha I told you this wasn't over yet. No more replacement crap. Now get your candy asses into the theatre. Everyone has been saying that a lot lately. What? Candy ass. Oh, yeah. It is fun. Haha bye. ::Clay disappears:: I gots gos poopies ::leaves:: We got fanfic sign! ::In the chaos, Washu, Mihoshi, and Kione enter the theatre.:: Tenchi's Bride by C E-Mail: Shadow_Guyver_007@yahoo.com E-Mail 2: shadowguyver007@hotmail.com AOL IM S/N: ShadowGuyver2000 Author's Notes: This story, in case you didn't read the rating, is a romance with a rather graphic sex scene using two of the characters from the TV series, Tenchi Muyo!. If you are looking for a Tenchi/Sasami sex fic, I'm sorry, but I just don't do that kind of thing. Anybody who is sane doesn't do that kind of thing. Never have, don't andnever will. However, Nagi does present some interesting possibilities. There is a lot of graphic content and is not suitable for all ages. Since there are so few good Tenchi romance/Hentai fics out there, I figured that I would incrase their numbers by one. ::Laughing hysterically.:: When I forsee the future, (laugh) I see nothing but lame, boring sex. Who knows? Maybe I'll write more. As always, comments, questions and requests are welcome. If you want to flame me, please don't. While I may not have much experience in the field of romance/sex no matter which way you look at it, I do know what I have observed in many a Tenchi episode, and I can really see the love between these two. Before I go any further, this is NOT a Yaoi fic. If that's what you were looking for, you won't get any of that out of me. I forsee the future and can see that the author is into yuri. I apologize if you were looking for one, but I have morals to stick to. And, for what it's worth, Sakuya is in this one because I wanted her to be. This still follows the storyline of the series Tenchi Universe, in which Ryo-Ohki is Ryoko's pet, Ryoko is Washu's daughter and Sasami never merged with Tsunami. That happened in Tenchi Muyo!, not Tenchi Universe. ******************************************************************************************************************* It's a typical day at the Masaki house. Ryoko and Ayeka are in the midst of one of their many fights over Tenchi, Washu is thinking of new plans to collect certain "samples" from him,- Him who? Mr. Rogers. Ok Mr. Rogers, bend over. . . Sasami is storing that month's carrot harvest in the pantry, Ryo-Ohki is trying to eat them, Katsuhito is tending to the Shrine, the Miho-Kiyo duo are watching a soap opera and Nobiyuki is begging Washu to install a video camera in the women's bath. Only if I can send the tape to america's funniest home videos. Ayeka and Ryoko fighting nude is sorta funny. Nah, the only tapes that win on that show have babies, kids, or dogs in them. But where, you ask, is Tenchi in all of this? He is avoiding the chaos in his home, at least temporarily, by trying to decide on the perfect ring to give his beloved when finally asks her to marry him. (Tenchi)Cool I get to be DeBeers shadow people now. TENCHI: (Thinking) What about the emerald? Nah. It doesn't suit her. The ruby is too flashy for an engagement ring, and she isn't the type to go nuts over diamonds. Hmm. Wait. Is that a sapphire? It's perfect! (To clerk) How much for that one? CLERK: Hmm. Fine choice. The sapphire is our most popular gem. That's the last one in stock, too. These normally run for 50,000 Yen, but I like you, kid, and you obviously love this girl, so I'll give you a deal: Half price. 25,000. Whaddya say? (Tenchi)I say that cheese toast is tastier than french fries. TENCHI: Well, it's worth it. I mean, she is a very special woman. Here. (Hands money to salesman) Boy, she's just gonna love this! (Grabs ring, places it in his pocket and runs back to the house.) Later That Day.... After Sasami has cleared the dinner table, Tenchi calls Nobiyuki, Katsuhito and all of the girls together in the living room. All this time I thought Nobiyuki and Katsuhito were girls. His hands are behind his back and he's looking very nervous. NOBIYUKI: What's this all about, Tenchi? I have a package coming in later and it's.. er.. very important. Important for my uhh...to make sure it doesn't reduce in size. TENCHI: We don't have time for your Hentai flicks, Dad. NOBIYUKI: (Sweatdrops) How did you know? It's not that hard to figure out. TENCHI: When I sent out all of those letters last week, I noticed one for the "Hentai Of The Month Club" and I knew that it could only be yours. Hentai of the month? Yeah, you and Kione were on the cover of the last issue. So I was drunk... KATSUHITO: (Whispering to Nobiyuki) That video wouldn't happen to show French girls banging each other, would it? TENCHI: (Annoyed) Grandpa! (Tenchi)You said you'd only watch me banging French girls! KATSUHITO: I was just curious!! All of the girls face-vault at this. After they get up (and move away from the two older men), their curiosity gets the better of them. MIHOSHI: What did you want to say, Tenchi? KIYONE: Yeah. Mihoshi and I have to be back at our apartment in less than an hour so that (As Kione)We can have rough, lesbian sex. we can get ready for work. TENCHI: Well, I want you all to know that I've finally come to a decision. I've been observing you girls for several months now, trying to decide which of you will be my wife. AYEKA: So THAT'S why he ignored every single piece of my Juraian lingerie! Juraian lingerie! Made of 100% genuine tree. Yes, yours for only 300 yen! Turn off your dream guy in a matter of seconds! Well, they are working for Ayeka in real life... RYOKO: WHAT?!?!?! AYEKA: Well, at least I don't slip into the shower when he's in there or slide into his bed butt-naked! (AS Ryoko)Well I do. SASAMI: Ryoko, Ayeka, please let Tenchi finish. I just can't stand the suspense any longer! TENCHI: Thank you, Sasami. Now, I will state what I have observed in the past year or so. For starters, Washu keeps sending her robots up here to drag me down to her lab and strap me to a chair so that she can show me porno flicks and try to extract one of her "samples". This is not the kind of bride that I want. (As Tenchi)Except that I do. ::Blinks.:: WASHU: (Sweatdrops and makes a mad dash for her lab.) TENCHI: As for Ayeka, well, she just knocked herself out of the running by telling you guys about the lingerie. I never would have expected the First Crown Princess of Jurai to even own such things, much less try to seduce me with them and then tell everyone in the house about it. The Jurian underwear sprung into action. AYEKA: (Starts crying and runs up to her room.) TENCHI: Mihoshi, you've got to be the simplest one here. All you do is beg me to sleep with you. While it does show me how much you care, I just don't feel that way about you. (As Tenchi)Except that I do. MIHOSHI: Alright, Tenchi. I'll abide by your decision. No matter what it is. (Sits down on couch and tries to keep from crying.) TENCHI: Who next? Ah, Kiyone. In the past year, how many notes have you left in my room asking me to bathe with you or to take a vacation on the Yugami? Although it is a romantic gesture, and you are a nice girl, I'm just not attracted to you in that way. (As Tenchi)Except that I am. KIYONE: Whatever you say, Tenchi. (Grabs Mihoshi, who has broken out in tears by now.) We've gotta get to work. I'll see you later, guys. (Walks out and shuts front door.) SASAMI: You're in love with me, right, Tenchi? TENCHI: (Laughs) Oh, Sasami. While there is no doubt that you will be very beautiful when you get older, you're like the little sister that I never had. You are a kind, sweet, compassionate girl and the man that marries you will be one of the luckiest men in existence. I just won't be that man. I'm sorry, Sasmi. I know how much you care, but I just don't return those feeliings. (As Tenchi)Except that I do. SASAMI: Alright, Tenchi. (Hugs him.) I understand. I was just kidding, anyway. (Goes into kitchen with Ryo-Ohki in tow) RYOKO: But, that must mean...? Oh no! Not her! How could you marry Sakuya? She's a nice girl and all, but what has she done to deserve you? TENCHI: Well, first of all, she hasn't tried to kill anyone to get me. But I've already told her that I made my decision and that I didn't choose her. - (As Tenchi)Except that I did. By the way, Dad, she said you were cute and wants to have lunch with you. She said to call her if.... Hey, where'd ya go?? NOBIYUKI: (Looks through Tenchi's address book) Where is she? KATSUHITO: (Sweatdrops) He's hopeless. TENCHI: Now, as I was about to say... (Gets down on one knee in front of Ryoko and pulls out- A box of condoms. Have fun with Nobiyuki. the ring.) Ryoko, I loved you from the moment I saw you. I wanted to tell you a lot sooner, but every time I saw you after that, you were either fighting with Ayeka or I got a nosebleed. Will you be my bride? RYOKO: (Takes the ring and places it on her finger) Oh Tenchi! you have no idea how happy you've just made me. I do have a few confessions to make, however. In other words. No. Because Tenchi's mine. TENCHI: What do you mean, "confessions"? RYOKO: Well, I'm not a virgin. When I was Kagato's slave, he didn't exactly limit my tasks to plundering and destroying. TENCHI: Well, I can't blame you for that. RYOKO: The other confession is.... Well, maybe you'd better hear it from all of us. All right girls, come back in! Ayeka, Kiyone, Mihoshi and Washu come back into the room with broad smiles on their faces. TENCHI: You guys seem a little too happy after being rejected like that. It's the mystery of life. Or incompetent fanfiction. Incompetent, or incontinent? Both. AYEKA: Well, Lord Tenchi, you weren't the only one in this house that the five of us were interested in. (Ayeka)Especially me. Rhyo-Ohki?! Where are you my love? EWWWW! TENCHI: Dad! You didn't! NOBIYUKI: (Still trying to find Sakuya's number) Of course I didn't, Tenchi. Although you can't say that I didn't try! We hear a loud "CRACK!" as Katsuhito breaks a Kendo stick over Nobiyuki's head and drags him out of the room. (Katsuhito) I told you that you could try and succeed on me anytime but noooo, you want the girls. It is always the girls this and the girls that. There is never any me time anymore... Never!!! ::Breaks down:: There, there, I'm sure Roseanne will take you in. (Katsuhito) Really? you think so? TENCHI: Please continue, Ayeka. This is beginning to sound like one of Dad's videos. AYEKA: I don't know how to break this to you, but all the fighing that Ryoko and I did was fake. We had to put up a good front so that you wouldn't suspect our true motives. We all did. (Tenchi) And what were these true motives? (Ayeka) To watch the Brady Bunch meets Michael Jackson episode. It was a special. Heheh, (Jackson) Hey Raymond... Come here a second... KIYONE: Yeah. Ya see, Ryoko isn't the dominating slut that she made herself out to be, Ayeka really isn't a royal bitch, Washu isn't into kinky sex, I'm not some kind of desperate loner and Mihoshi isn't a total moron. Yay! Wait.. Kione, does that mean we aren't partners? ::smiles:: I am starting to like this fic. ::Thinks:: Wait, no I'm not. WASHU: Kiyone is telling the truth. Mihoshi actually has an IQ of 186. A 150 or over is considered a genius. She's just clumsy and a little absent-minded. TENCHI: What's all this leading up to, anyway? Kinky sex. For the rest of the fic. RYOKO: Well, we were all trying to win your heart, except Sasami, of course, but we didn't wanna wait on you to make a decision. So, we all get together in one of Washu's sub-dimensions once or twice a week and have an orgy. (Shocked)How did this fic writer find out about that?!? Uh oh. . . TENCHI: So, you're telling me you're all bisexual? AYEKA: Yes. Sasami isn't, however, so I would appreciate it if you didn't tell her about it. Then the closet door creaks open and we see Yugi and Sasami making out. ... (Sasami) Way ahead of you! RYOKO: Tenchi, before we get married, I would like to say one more thing. Over the past several years and countless times of having sex with each other, the five of us grew very fond of one another. I couldn't commit myself to just you, Tenchi. I would have to be with the girls every now and then. Especially you, Ayeka. You're great with your tongue. ::Mihoshi and Kione puke:: (Ryoko)Yeah, there wasn't one drop of slurpy left in the cup. AYEKA: (Blushing) Thank you, Ryoko. TENCHI: (Thinks for a moment) Well, there's only one thing I can do. MIHOSHI: What, Tenchi? TENCHI: Well, I can't cut Ryoko off from you four in good conscience. You girls obviously enjoy it. AYEKA: You mean...? TENCHI: Yes. Since you girls are so close to each other, I can see no harm in letting you continue sleeping together. RYOKO: Oh, thank you, Tenchi! TENCHI: Wait! There is a catch, you know. AYEKA: And what would that be? TENCHI: You have to let me join in every now and then. OOC! KIYONE: (Sweatdropping) Tenchi, you've become just as bad as your father. TENCHI: Thanks! Wait... So now Tenchi wants to be like Nobiyuki? If that was true, I'd have that sample by now... The girls face-vault again as Tenchi laughs his head off. One Week Later..... Tenchi, clad in the tuxedo that Nobiyuki wore when he married Achika, is waiting in the Shrine for Ryoko, his one and only love- But he wanted to join in on their gay orgy. Don't bother. None of this fic makes sense. and soon-to-be bride, to leave her dressing room and join him as they finalize all that they have been working for in the past years. Nobiyuki is standing off to the side. Doing nothing. As usual. After what seems like an eternity, the music starts playing and Sasami walks down the aisle, scattering flower petals on either side of her. She stops and sits down beside Washu when she reaches the front row. Soon after, Mihoshi and Kiyone start their own march down the red carpet. Behind them is Ryoko, followed by Ayeka and Sakuya, who seem to be silently flirting with each other. (Ayeka)..................::wink:: (Sakuya).....................::Blows kiss:: TENCHI: (Thinking) Oh no! Not her, too!!!! Ryo-Ohki, who had been in the arms of Washu, runs behind Ayeka and Sakuya, past the last row of seats and begins sniffing at a storage closet. The door opens and who should walk out but Ken-Ohki. The two cabbits stare at each other for a minute, then take off outside the shrine. (As Ayeka)NO! My Ryo-Ohki!!! How dare you cheat on me... Oh well, the more the merrier! Now I get two furry geni- ::Interupts Kione:: Okay, we get the point. Ayeka is a Cabbito-Sexual. Please stop now because these mental images are scary... yet arousing... Don't you start, Washu. Let's see what's going on outside. ::They leave the theatre. The others are all watching tv:: What's on? Some weird cartoon. Where's Zero? Who cares? We now return to Gungan Wing. Meesa Jar-Jar Yuy! Meesa perfect soldier! What the hell? What is this crap? Some new show. I can't believe that they moved space police policeman to 1am for this thing. ::Jar-Jar jumps into a gundam:: Meesa use da booma! ::Jar-Jar promptly blows himself up:: Uh oh, meesa bombad. ::Another gungan enters:: Well, meesa Treize Nass, meesa more bombad than yousa! No, yousa no more bombad than Jar-Jar Yuy!!! (sarcasticly)Look, they're fighting with each other. How cute. Wesa see bout this. ::Treize Nass pulls out a gun wich he calls da booma:: So everything in this world is called the boomba? That is all I could pick up so far. ::Trieze Nass shoots Jar-Jar Yuy but he misses and falls back:: Owchies! Well, it is no worse than regular gundam wing... You can say that again. Thank you and that is our show! Stay tuned for Larry Flint the Time Pornogropher! Dad would have a field day... Come on, Kione. I'd rather deal with the fic. ::They return to the theatre:: This, despite it's obvious indications, gets a room full of laughter. But, unseen by all except for Tenchi, Katsuhito and Nobiyuki, another, taller figure is emerging from the closet. Clad in one of the sexiest-looking dresses Tenchi has ever seen, Nagi moves over to sit beside Washu. They exchange glances and then the bounty hunter gives Ryoko a short, seductive smile. And nobody cares that the uninvited Nagi was there. TENCHI: (Thinking) Oh, boy! Now I have to share Ryoko with five other girls. Plus, Nagi will probably want to give me a test drive. (Sarcastically) This just keeps getting better and better! At this point, I think all males reading this want to kill Tenchi, because I know I do. You're a male? That's our little secret, hee hee ::Kione hits Mihoshi:: Ryoko stops at the end of the aisle and bows to Tenchi. Ayeka and Sakuya sit down next to Sasami. KATSUHITO: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God to witness these two people joined in the bonds of Holy matrimony. Tenchi Masaki, do you take Ryoko to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for richer or poorer, as long as you both shall live? TENCHI: I do. Katsuhito: Ryoko, do you take Tenchi to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for richer or poorer, as long as you both shall live? RYOKO: I do. Shouldn't it be a Shinto ceremony? Yeah, but this author was either too stupid to care or was too lazy to research how their weddings were performed. KATSUHITO: Does the best man have the rings? NOBIYUKI: (Searches his pockets) Gee, I had the things right here. Lemme see, where did I put them? Ah, there they are! (Pulls rings out of shirt pocket and a nude picture of Achika falls out. Nobiyuki? A Necro? AHHHHH! Several women cover their eyes and quite a few men get nosebleeds.) Heh, heh. Sorry. (Puts picture back in pocket.) KATSUHITO: Tenchi, place the ring on Ryoko's finger and repeat after me: With this ring, I thee wed. TENCHI: (Slowly puts ring on Ryoko's hand) With this ring, I thee wed. KATSUHITO: Ryoko, place your ring on Tenchi's finger and repeat after me: With this ring, I thee wed. RYOKO: (Reciprocates the previous motion of her beloved) With this ring, I thee wed. KATSUHITO: If anyone has any reason why these two should not be married, let him speak now, or forever hold your piece. (Room remains quiet) By the power given to me as caretaker of this Shrine, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Tenchi pulls his new wife into a full, passionate kiss and a cheer goes up from the crowd. They break the kiss, Ryoko turns to face Katsuhito and tosses her boquet over her shoulder. Nagi catches it and then stares seductively at Nobiyuki, who starts looking worried, much to the surprise of Tenchi. After the traditional dance and wedding feast are over, Tenchi and Ryoko begin to tear into the various gifts that have been brought for them. Wow it's all the crap on TV for $19.95 that you can order from a PO box. After opening several kitchen appliances, a twenty-five piece steak knife set, a wide-screen TV, a DVD player and a stereo sytem complete with phonograph, five-CD changer, dual tape decks and an AM/FM radio from Nobiyuki's relatives, Achika's sister brings over a rather large box. Inside is a three-room intercom system, a telephone with answering machine and a back massaging system designed to fit under the sheets of a bed. Then the other girls bring in their gifts. Mihoshi and Kiyone present Tenchi and Ryoko with something that will go perfectly with their TV: A Nintendo 64 complete with fifteen games. Nagi brings Ryoko a hand-woven tapestry of Ryo-Ohki, Ken-Ohki, Yugami and Ryu-Oh in orbit around Earth. Ryoko thanks her friend for the gift with a warm embrace. Nagi is. . . Ryoko's friend? Aggggggghhhhhh!!!! Wow, what a twist. Sasami walks over to Tenchi with a rather small package. The box inside has the "Capsule Corp." logo on it. What-the...? DBZ? And out pops Puar, the cute shape-shifting sex toy. SASAMI: It's a complete home furnishing set. Living room, kitchen, bedroom, just about everything. Ayeka and I both pitched in to get it for you. No! Dont go into the kitchen! It is really Puar waiting for you to sit... And when you do, you wont have to drop the soap to get action! Um, no. TENCHI: (Bows to Ayeka and Sasami) Thank you both. I was kinda wondering what we'd do for furiniture. AYEKA: Think nothing of it, Lord Tenchi. TENCHI: Well, that's everybody but Grandpa, Washu and Dad. Nobiyuki comes up behind tenchi and whispers something in his ear. TENCHI: Okay. Everybody, we thank you for coming to witness this joyous occasion and for the thoughtful gifts that you have brought us. We hope that we will be able to see you again soon. After everyone except for Tenchi, Ryoko, Katsuhito, Nobiyuki, Sakuya, Nagi and the rest of the gang has left the Shrine, Washu motions for them to follow her to the back of the building, where a rather large object lay on the ground, covered by a huge grey tarp. WASHU: For you, my daughter, and your new husband. (Flings off the cover to reveal a large, closed-in ten-person high-altitude cruiser that could transform into a van for planetary use.) I thought you could use it. As Tenchi and Ryoko are loading the rest of their gifts into the ship, Nobiyuki speaks up. NOBIYUKI: My gift is in the back, Tenchi. TENCHI: Okay, Dad. KATSUHITO: And mine is in the glove compartment. Now, I hate to leave so soon, but I have an important meeting with the rulers of Jurai. (Katsuhito) Er, yes... Important Jurain business. Very important... Then the KY jelly falls out of his pocket... I'll see you later. With this, he walks off toward the spaceport. Tenchi and Ryoko get into the vehicle, wave goodbye to their friends, and head off toward their honeymoon suite in Las Vegas, Nevada. TENCHI: Hey, Ryoko. Open up the glove compartment. I wanna see what Grandpa gave us. RYOKO: Alright, my love. (Opens up the small door and produces an envelope.) TENCHI: What's in it? RYOKO: Let's see. (Tears open the envelope and pulls out a piece of paper and a set of keys.) TENCHI: What does the note say? RYOKO: (Reading aloud) Dear, Tenchi and Ryoko. I hope you enjoy the two-story condo in Tokyo. It's not just from me, but Ayeka's parents and Tsunami, as well. I'm sure that you'll take care of it. From the bottom of my heart, I only wish that Achika could have been here to see this. But I know that she is proud of you, Tenchi. You have a very fine bride Real fine. She only totaled Jurai.. She only put the universe into sudden peril. But she was only a baby back then... ::sniff:: Those were the days... and I know that your marriage will be at least as strong as the one that Achika and Nobiyuki shared. I only hope that Ryoko doesn't die when your son is five years old. OW! (Nobiyuki)Yeah! Take it all, bitch! What hit me? Oh,well. It's almost time for the wedding and I have to get ready. Good luck and may your future be as bright as the sun. Sincerely, Your Grandfather, Katsuhito P.S.: Beware of Nobiyuki's gift. TENCHI: (After a moment of thought) I wonder what he meant by that? Bring that box up here, Ryoko. I wanna see why Dad didn't give it to me at the wedding. Ryoko fades out for a second and she then reappears beside Tenchi holding a rather large cardboard box. RYOKO: Let's see what's inside this one. (Opens it up to reveal...... a sizable collection of pornographic DVDs and magazines) TENCHI: (Sweatdrops) Now I know what he meant. RYOKO: (Smiling seductively) Well, I know of a way that we can put it to good use. TENCHI: You sure do know how to turn a guy on, Ryoko. Later, In Vegas..... Tenchi and Ryoko land on the outskirts of the city, convert their ship to a very good-looking white van and drive the rest of the way to the hotel. After they check in and are given their keys, they make their way to the top floor. TENCHI: Here it is. Room 935. He unlocks the door, picks his bride up, carries her through the door, lays her on the bed, and kisses her tenderly. RYOKO: Oh, my Tenchi, this has been the happiest day of my life. I married the man of my dreams, you finally know the truth about me and the other girls, and I found out that Ryo-Ohki is pregnant. (Ryoko)I also found out that it wasn't because of Ayeka this time...::Smiles::... Hey! You said hold off on the Cabbit sex jokes! TENCHI: What?? You mean that she and Ken-Ohki...? I knew that she loved him, but I didn't think that they'd take it that far. RYOKO: You'd be surprised what cabbits do when when their masters aren't around. And what they do with their masters... And what their masters do to them Aughh! Stop it! Ryo-Ohki even has a picture of Ken-Ohki that she cuddles with at night. It's romantic, but also disturbing at the same time. TENCHI: I know what you mean. Washu has a camera in the men's bath. She keeps giving Mihoshi and Kiyone movies of me. I found out last night. I never knew they liked me THAT much. Duh. How many clues do you need? RYOKO: They're not the only ones with movies, Tenchi. Washu gives all of the ones that she takes of me and Ayeka and sells them to Nobiyuki. TENCHI: I've GOT to get some of those! Ever since I found out about the whole thing, I've been wanting to see you five in action together. OO- oh, what's the point? RYOKO: Well, if you play your cards right, you'll be able to see what went on last night at the party that the girls gave me. (Holds her right hand up and a video cassette appears out of nowhere) If you can prove your worth, I'll give you a show you won't soon forget and may have the pleasure of experiencing very soon. TENCHI: What do you mean, 'prove my worth'? RYOKO: You have to show me how good you are in bed. If you're good enough, then you can see the tape and I might even get Washu to open her dimensional tunnel in here and you can experience it first-hand. (Sets tape beside bed) Now, do you want to build up to it with a little foreplay or jump right into it? TENCHI: There'll be plenty of time for foreplay later. (Takes off his shoes, jacket, tie, shirt, pants and socks, revealing his muscular body and seven-inch dick) RYOKO: I never knew you were so big, Tenchi. I never got to see this thing up close. Now, it's time for you to see me. (Removes her shoes and dress so that her new husband can get a good, long look) TENCHI: Ryoko, you have got to be the most beautiful woman in the world. I only wish that I could have done this sooner. (Takes his manhood and plunges it deep into her) RYOKO: Oh, Tenchi! You've done this before! Only a man who's had a lot of sex can be this good! Yeah, only an experienced sex guy would think of doing that. Why must we constantly wade through the mastabatory fantasies of teenagers who will never use their genitals for purposes other than disposing of wastes? Because of Clay. Oh, yeah. Him. TENCHI: I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I got a bit of practice here and there with Sakuya. RYOKO: That's alright, Tenchi. I've slept with her a few times, myself. And so has Ayeka, Washu, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Nagi... Okay, how would Sakyua know Nagi if they are from different series? Cyber Sex? TENCHI: That girl really gets around. RYOKO: Yeah. Of course, when you've got seven bisexual women who are totally horny, the possibilities are endless. TENCHI: (Still humping her) So, have Nagi and Sakuya been invited to one of your little 'parties' yet? RYOKO: Oh yeah. The first time Ayeka and I saw Sakuya in Tokyo, we both got so horny we couldn't stand it. We had to take each other right there in your apartment and then we slipped a note into Sakuya's backpack, telling her where to go if she wanted to have a little fun. Once she saw the six of us totally naked and wrapped up in each other's arms, she threw that school uniform off and jumped in between Nagi's legs. I've never seen Nagi have so many orgasms in a half hour. It was at least twenty. TENCHI: Sakuya must've been real good. I knew she did a great blowjob, but I had never thought of her having sex with women. RYOKO: Niether did we, but Ayeka thought it'd be fun to try. Hey, isn't it a little wierd that we're sitting here talking while screwing each other? TENCHI: Not really. Sakuya is a regular chatterbox when she's getting laid. It's one of those things that I've gotten used to. RYOKO: Yeah. The first time I s;ept with her, the only time she stopped talking was when she reached her climax. The only time she didn't talk when she had sex was when Mihoshi was eating her. And I can understand why. She may seem too innocent to some people, but she's definately one of the best women I've slept with. AAAHHHH!!! Ryoko was completely engulfed in pleasure as Tenchi's constant humping brought her to orgasm, sending waves of pleasure through her like she had never experienced before. After it died down, she lay there, her chest heaving as she struggled to catch her breath. RYOKO: That was... great, but ..... I've still got.... more left. You? TENCHI: Yeah, but not much. I'm gonna explode any second now! With these final words, he cried out in pleasure and shot his load deep within his bride. Ryoko moaned and had three more orgasms, one after another. When the two lovers were spent, Tenchi pulled out of his bride and lay beside her, breathing heavily. TENCHI: Wow. I never felt anything like that. Sakuya was really too tight for me to last very long and Nagi always wanted to be in control, Since when did Tenchi screw Nagi? which means she always made me cum after less than a minute. Washu would just strap me to a table and gave me a blowjob, so, while it was enjoyable, it was nothing compared to this. Mihoshi always wanted a sixty-nine, Kiyone would just drag me into the bath and do whatever she pleased and Ayeka always had Azaka and Kamidake to stand guard so that nobody could see us. I never felt comfortable with that and I didn't get to enjoy it as much, but she's a real demon in the sack! RYOKO: (Pretending to be angry) You mean to tell me that you slept with all those girls and you never even told me? How do expect me to enjoy our marriage if you don't tell me when you're sleeping with the girls so that I can watch? TENCHI: Sorry, hun. Next time, I'll be sure and tell you or bring a video camera. Speaking of sex tapes.... (Points to the cassette laying on the bedside table) RYOKO: Oh, yes. Silly me. (Picks tape up, puts it in the VCR and presss the 'Play button) TENCHI: (Whistles) I never knew that Kiyone and Washu went at it like that! It's like they only live for sex! Washu? Ewwwwww Keone? Ewwwwww Aw, you guys would be cute together. ::Keone hits Mihoshi:: RYOKO: Well, that's really all that those girls live for. I, however, live for sex and your love, my Tenchi. TENCHI: Um, Ryoko? I thought Nagi hated you. Have things always been like this? RYOKO: No. Actually, the only reason she hunted me all those years was because she heard how good I was in bed. If she had only asked me, I would have gladly slept with her. ::shakes her head:: TENCHI: Is it my imagination, or do I see you and Washu there in the middle of that field? RYOKO: That's not your imagination. Washu's pretty damn good. Of course, any of the girls would say that. She did, after all, write the Universal Kama Sutra book. TENCHI: Um, I don't mean to offend you, but isn't you sleeping with Washu, you know, incest? She is your mother and all. RYOKO: She explained everything to me before we started all this. She simply used her genes to give me my basic body shape. Oh, I get it. She just contributed to her genetic heritage, so it's not like this is incest for some reason. Well, if your brain is really your dick that makes sense. TENCHI: Well, she made a mighty fine shape. RYOKO: Shut up and kiss me. With this, she pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss and started probing his mouth with her tongue. (TIE Fighter pilot)Transport Omega 1, this is TIE Fighter Alpha 3, ready for inspection of Tenchi's mouth. (Stormtrooper aboard Omega 1)Read you, Alpha 3, we have found located inside Tenchi's mouth, a piece of dental floss, and a kanker sore. That will be enough for now, Omega 1. Return to the Hanger of ISD Magestic and prepare for the next mission: the probing of Ayeka's butt. We must find what the rebels are stashing away in Ayeka's butt. Tenchi reciprocated and, in less than a minute, he was plunging into her again- With a toilet plunger. as the tape played on. After a few hours, the two were asleep in each other's arms. "Romance with a rather graphic sex scene" my ass. There wasn't much romance, or good sex, for that matter. THE END I hope you liked my first Tenchi Muyo! fic. Let's see. Catholic wedding, OOC characters, and incompetent sex scene. What do you guys think? I give it 2 stars because space lesbian orgies are funny. I give 1/2 of a star because I should be with Tenchi. And I give it 0 stars because it entirely sucked. If I get enough good reviews, I might write a sequal. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!WE'RE DOOMED TO AN ETERNITY OF...uhm...THIS!! This might turn into a whole series. ::They all just sit there with their mouths wide open.:: As always, you can e-mail me with yourcomments/suggestions and I invite open conversation via the AOL Instant Messenger, theMSN Messenger Service and the Yahoo! Messenger. CYA!!!!!! He uses aol. Suddenly everything has fallen into place. Aol. Internet service for people who still use the L key as a one. I hate AOhell. MSTing by Hellknight and Patronus_Lupin (A little) Fic by Shadow_Guyver_007 Please no flames. This is meant in good fun. Stinger clip:RYOKO: (Pretending to be angry) You mean to tell me that you slept with all those girls and you never even told me? How do expect me to enjoy our marriage if you don't tell me when you're sleeping with the girls so that I can watch? ******* Hellknight, radnarudolf@earthlink.net Humor:MST Tenchi, Torn and Worn-MSTed Author of Original MSTed Fic: Bladedge34, E-mail unknown Ayeka and Ryoko try to get Tenchi. Duh. "Author's note:Since we are MSTing a Tenchi fic and the Tenchi cast are MSTing The<> sign are the MST characters. In the very distant future where demons run amok, There was a man, Tenchi Masaki, who was a real shmuck. Forced to read fics by doctor clay, Who has a stupid beard that's really gay, So he threw his curlers in a purse, and persued him in a Rocket across the universe. I'll send him crappy fanfics, The worst I can find "la la la" He'll have to sit and read them all to torture his puny mind "la la la" Keep in mind he can't control when the fics will be sent He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his horny friends Stalker roll call!! Ryoko:Turn game off before inserting cartridge or expansion module. Ayeka:Ayeka yeka yo yeka banana fanna bo baka. . . Washu:Waspinator like signal. Sasami:Sasami don't play that. Ryo-ohki:MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW If you are wondering how they eat or breathe, or other science facts, Repeat to yourself it's just a fic and you really should relax, For Tenchi-Muyo theater 4000 TTTTTTTTTTWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG (Inside Starship Ryo-Ohki) ::Washu is sitting reading a book. Ryoko is drinking 'tea' (haha like that fools anyone above 4):: This ish good tea (tries to restrain laughter). Yeah. It's the best (tries not to giggle). ::Tenchi enters:: Hey, have you guys seen the sake? Haha, Tenchi said the s-word! Oopsie. Oh, yeah, I mean the, um, tea? It's right over there. Oh. Good thing you told me, because I couldn't find the um, . . . tea. :Sasami enters:: That doesn't look like tea to me. It is though, it's um. . . . special tea. Hahahahahah ::Clay appears on the screen:: If that's tea I'm grandma moses. But anyway, you know the drill. Toodles. ::Disappears:: Danielle Steele is the best! Uhoh, fanficion sign! ::Tenchi, Ryoko and Ayeka go into the theatre:: Tenchi, Torn and Worn Yes, I think you all know that I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS!!! No, I'm actually bladedge34's whore. Yeah. Me too. Well that's that. Please make suggestions in your reviews for I am not to good an author,- I could've told you that. Oh, c'mon. This is the first non-conceited author. They're actually saying they suck.Give them credit. but I wish to become a good one soon. So much for my theory. I just lost all respect I had for this author. Stop lying. You never had any respect for this author. Now this is a fanfic for both Ryoko+Tenchi and Ayeka+Tenchi likers.(but whose ever heard of a Ayeka+Tenchi liker?) I TAKE THAT AS AN INSULT! I think that was what they were going for. I will make sure that they are hanged in the Juarai tree court.::Insane laughter.:: Taking it far there, are we? SHUT UP YOU CYAN-HAIRED FOOL!!! Umm... Ayeka? WHAT!?! That was me. What's the differacnce? Tenchi is Tenchi, and I am me. Oh. Okay. Also, the writer of the Ohayo Tenchi! (no need for RE, Vampire Slayer, Deathmatch, halloween,) has inspired me! So thank you!! Also, I am planning on a Tenchi version of 'Shaggy: It wasn't me' song in the future , so please, enjoy. We'll try. (AN: this is a merge of all Tenchi series, leave out eveything you've ever seen in the movie: Tenchi forever, if the rumors are true about what happens in the end……) One normal morning in the Masaki home, Sasami was serving breakfast to everyone. I hope it's not elephant penis. (MSTer's note:See previous MST, Extremely Sick Sex Fest-MSTed.) AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Oh wow, it smells fabulous!!!" Mihoshi had been fasting as her punishment for destroying the living room with her newly delivered weapon. What weapon? All these authors have a tendency to start their fics in the center of the story. And Ryoko and Ayeka were fighting over Tenchi as usual. "But he even said the exact words, he said 'that means you two are destined for eachother' and put our hands in each others!!!" WHAT THE-???AAHHHHH!!!!!! Yeah, that didn't make much sense, did it? If you can read backwards read can you iF. "Yeah well just cause your princess and he's prince don't mean he ever liked you!!!" "Ugh, will you two please SHUT UP!!!" screamed Tenchi OOC!!!! "Oh Lord Tenchi, -whisper-whisper--whisper-whisper" in Tenchi's ear Who is whispering? It was Mickey Mouse. Oh. Really? Yeah. Really. Mickey mouse appeared out of no where, whispered into your ear, and called you "Lord Tenchi".Dumbass Tenchi's face became pale, sweat drop forming, then Ryoko leaned over "Oh yeah? "-whisper-whisper-whisper-" Tenchi became very pale as Ryoko and Ayeka were both whispering things in each one of Tenchis' ears "Ryoko, you little sicko!" shouted Washu, hearing every one of Ryokos' thoughts. In the afternoon Tenchi was thinking in his bedroom.- Thinking about what makes the new waffle formula so waffleicous. ^all these women and one me!! Oh, wait, I should only think of two cause Mihoshi, Kiyone, Washu and Sasami don't really count…^ he thought, picking up the remote and turning off his (new) BIG screen tv that was in the middle of saying "6 girls under one roof all have the hots...for hi-"-click!- ::Everyone shakes their head.:: I think the author gave up. Since they weren't making any sense, they just gave up and did this on purpose. Or the author has no writing talent. I agree with Ayeka. Tenchi began to think about Ryoko and Ayeka and decided a stroll in the woods would clear his mind. I hope it isn't THAT kind of walk in the woods. (MSTer's note:See Story about Washu and Mihoshi parts 7-15-MSTed.) The kind when we have rough sex, and Ayeka and I are bi for no reason? Bullseye. Ayeka was following Tenchi through the woods (AN:Ryoko lovers, don't get pissed, this is not a Ryoko+Tenchi OR a Ayeka+Tenchi fic!!!) She walked up to him grabbed his shoulder and said (Ayeka)Do you have any Grey Poupon? "Lord ^DOH!- (Homer) DOH! I like Beer. I like Doughnuts. DOH! Why do I say LORD Tenchi when this is romantic matters!!!^ Tenchi? Do you have free time at 8:00 tonight???" "Well..I..Ummm..how will we get there?" "You do??? Great! I'll meet you at the front of Washu's new portal to Tokyo! She ran off, then Ryoko teleported in front of him "Say Tenchi, got some time of to spend with your sweet Ryoko at 8:30 tonight?" She said, mischevious grin forming "And remember Tenchi, -whisper-whisper-whisper-" "Umm..uhhhh.."Tenchi replied, with a sweat drop Hey Ayeka, don't forget about the whisper-whisper-whisper. Huh? You know? The Whisper-whisper-whisper. Oh yeah. That. You guys are nuts. "You will go out with me!?! Great, see you in the rafters, we'll teleport to Tokyo!!!" Then she teleported away. Later that night at 7:54, Tenchi wasn't really prepared for his double date. It's not really a double date. Lets take a break. ::Ryoko, Ayeka, and Tenchi walk out of the theatre, to find Washu and Sasami watching TV.:: What are you watching? The discovery channel, Croc Hunter, but it's a commercial. ::On the screen is the newest Discovery.com commercial.:: Hello Neo. Hello Morpheus. Have you heard about the new website Discovery.com? Yes, it taught me how to kill the dude, how to be a cool dude, and how to get girls to like me. Oh. It taught me how to polish my cool sunglasses really shiny. Well, it taught me about the matrix. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhh the matrix. . . . AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhh the matrix. . . . Why am I here? Beats me. ::The commercial ends and goes to that annoying Verizon wireless commercial.:: Hey, that looks like fun. Let's try it. Ok. Hello Tenchi. Hello Ryoko. Have you heard about the new website Discovery.com? Yes, it taught me how to score on all the space pussy, rip off star wars, and rake the leaves in front of the shrine. Oh. It taught me how to think sake is really tea. Well, it taught me about the jurai power. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhh the jurai power. . . . AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhh the jurai power. . . . Well, that was weird. Never mind, we have fanfic sign! ::Tenchi, Ayeka, and Ryoko return to the theatre:: He knew that Ayeka would want to kiss him like crazy and get quite annoying, and Ryoko would just embarrass him with her bad temper. ^oh my, what am I gonna do?^ he thought to himself as he headed out to the portal "So ya ready my sweet Lord ^DOH!- (Homer) DOH! I like Doughnuts. Thank you, Mr. Burns. ^ Tenchi!?!" Tenchi turned around and became pale with a sweat drop as he saw what Ayeka wore "Who Ayeka, you really, um, outdid yourself?" Ayeka was wearing an (almost, no not totally) Damn. I was really SOOOO eager to see Ayeka's underwear. I could arrange that. see through blue dress which was cut at a (almost all the way) revealing spot "Like my dress? Let's get going!" She had to force him to get arm and arm with her as they headed through the portal to Tokyo They warped onto a small spot in the city, a high spot, in the city, really high "AAAHHH!!! DUMB WASHU AND HER STUPID PORTALS!!!" screamed Ayeka as she looked down from the tall building "Well Washu has been known to send people to the wrong spots" "At least there's a romantic view up here." (AN:RYOKO LOVERS DON'T WORRY, SHE (RYOKO) GETS HER TURN SOON!!!!!) Said Ayeka, cuddling close to Tenchi, his leg being halfway forced up her dress He became very pale and blood practically drained from his face He almost fainted and that caused his head to go on Ayeka's shoulder "Oh, Tenchi..you're so romaaaaantic" Tenchi's leg was pretty much ALL the way up her dress (AN: No, just his leg, not his, you know, thing!) This was written by a teenage girl. I can sense it now. Tenchi really couldn't take much more and decided it was time to go home after a while, except when they headed through the portal… They were in a jungle "I HATE YOU WASHU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "please Ayeka, calm dow-ahhh!!!!" He tripped and started to fall down a hill which caused him to look a bit disoriented when he got up "I'm coming Tenchi!!" shouted Ayeka Then she tripped as well and her hair got totally ruffled out and part of her dress was pulled over her shoulder "Let's just go back to the portal!!!" Ayeka said as she ran back up to the weird warp Luckily this time they were back home. Wow what a great date. You go to the top of a building, he puts his leg up your dress, you go to the jungle, then you go back. What fun. When they got back inside he rushed Ayeka inside, Huh? wha? his hair was messed up, and his clothes were a bit ruffled, and Ayeka's hair was messy to and one side of her dress was still pulled over her s houlder. They both looked tired, then his father appeared and walked over to him as Ayeka moved out of the room "Ohh, my sweet son, you've really done it haven't you!?! You're a grown man cause you've done it! You look just how I looked the first morning of me and your mothers honeymoon! Didn't it feel goo-" This was truly written by a sex-crazed horny teenage girl. "DAAAAD!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" "Don't be embarrassed my sweet talking son..." "DAD, SHADDUP ALREADY!!!" screamed Tenchi as he ran to the rafters Ryoko phased in right in front of him She was wearing practically the same dress as Ayeka, EWWWWWWW! No that's the teenage girl's shallow way of saying things are similar. except gray "So my sweet Tenchi are ya ready" "Well uhhhh......." "Remember, we do this enough and-whisper-whisper-whisper-" "RYOKO!!! You sicko!!! When'd you get so hardcore sexy!?!" Washu shouted upwards Yeah, you know, nosebleed time! WHAT THE FUCK! When they phased into Tokyo Ryoko pointed out of few fancy restraunts "Ooohhhh, that one called 'all kinds o' food from america' looks good!" "Uhh, sure, I would pay but-" "Oh, that's OK my Tenchi, I brought some extra yen!" They both rushed to the restraunt When the waiter came, Ryoko ordered for both of them quickly "Sphakity!!! (AN:Not knowing how to pronounce it) oh yeah and..." (she whispered in the waiters ear) "I need 2 really long noodles, one starting on one of our plates and ending on the other's…" -wink- -wink back- When the sphaghetti arrived Tenchi was the first to eat, Ryoko quickly switched the long noodle onto his fork and put the other end on her fork, unfortunately, Tenchi simply bit off the excess of the noodle "No Tenchi, the traditional way is to suck the whole noodle into your mouth" she did the switch with the noodles again And the author forgot all its problems. Including punctuation, folks. Then they both had an end in their mouth, they both began to try and suck the noodle in This time they're lips came quite close "MMMMMMMMPPPPPPHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Tenchi managed a grumble as he and her nearly kissed and he bit off the excess at the last second Then a gunshot was heard and a robber's voice "This a stickup!!!" "Who let's get out of here!" Who let's get out of here? do they mean doctor Who, or the band? yelled Tenchi as he grabbed Ryoko and ran out "Let's get somewhere more private" said Ryoko, mischevious grin forming as they phased on top of a tall building "uh-oh" Tenchi said, sweat drop forming "Oh my Tenchi, It's so romantic up on this building, you can see the whole city" she said, cuddling close to him "well..ummmm..I..uhhhh.." "Oh, is my Tenchi nervous?" "duuhhh.." Tenchi could pretty much see through that dress by then "Well what do you have to say?" "Uhhhhh...(suddenly and quickly) It's 9:07 let's go!!!" "What!?!" "Just get us back please!" "Ok" They phased back to the house and Ryoko gave Tenchi her grin and headed to the rafters Tenchi sat on the roof pondering his dates Hmm... and I bet that robber shot the fuck out of everyone, stole all the money, and ate Ryoko's left over spaghetti. All in a day's work. ^Ryoko, Ayeka, Ryoko, Ayeka.I barely love either of them...^ Ayeka climbed and sat beside him "Tenchi, I've been thinking, and-" Then Ryoko phased next to him "Tenchi, your sweethart has been thinking, and-" (simultaneously)"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!?" Huh? Tenchi decided it was time to leave and let the two 'talk' but he was grabbed by both of them "Oh but Tenchi's in love with me!!!" "But we practically kissed, right Tenchi!?!" "oh yeah-" blablablablablablabla!!!!!!!!!!!! It all became a blurr in Tenchi's ears as Ryoko powered up an energy ball Suddenly two flying logs burst through the ceiling sending Ryoko to the left and Ayeka to the right and Tenchi straight through the ceiling and onto his own bed, dazed, he thought to himself …. ^Ryoko or Ayeka...the world may never know...^ How many licks does it take to get to the center of Ryoko or Ayeka? The world may never know. THE END!- OF REALITY. You are living in a dream world, Tenchi. There is no spoon. Stinger Clip:"Remember, we do this enough and-whisper-whisper-whisper-" "RYOKO!!! You sicko!!! When'd you get so hardcore sexy!?!" Washu shouted upwards Yeah, you know, nosebleed time! Author: bladedge34 MSTer: Hellknight No Flames Please. I did this after wathcing "The Matrix" 3 times. P.S. I have no life.