Gags, Scenes and One-liners By Glyph Bellchime If there was any definite space, the scene could be described as a theater stage. A lone woman drags a chair out, and sits in it. The only real defining factors about her is she is wearing a black cap, black T-shirt and blue jeans. Her face is framed by two blue braids, and the rest was in one large one across her back. She slumps a little forward, making herself comfortable. "Hello, I'm Glyph Bellchime. I admit I'm speaking for myself in writing, but I am really on this stage. What I would like to do is walk you through what I call. . . Gags, Scenes, and One-liners: the anime set. What these really are, are ideas that somewhere along the line when I was doing crossover fiction or MSTing that have popped out but never got into any work for being too weird, too dumb, too. . .whatever. But I wondered if maybe they couldn't be used by someone who wanted a wacky idea for a story. "Of course I will usually add the usual disclaimer: Any anime and other characters are not my own or others property except those who create and sell it. Any mentioning to their shows is the same. The crew of the JEDRI is my own set, except for Washu and Ukyo. They may do intros to sections. If you would like to contribute, please send your ideas to: . If the response is good, I may have more than one volume of these ideas. I would also like to thank Bryan Weber, my first contributor on some ideas. I WILL NOT however, take "LEMON" or "LIME" ideas. Send them to someone who actually has Penthouse under the mattress and cares. Unless it's good for a joke. I do prefer funny." "On with the show" Gags: A non-descript young man enters onto the stage. He smiles pleasantly. But there is a guitar across his back, and he is wearing a green cotton shirt over a red muscle shirt. An amulet hangs off of his neck. It has the phrase "friends" in Kanji. His name is Cypher. "Hi, uh, I'm still not totally sure what a gag is, but from the notes. . .oops. [Here he's chasing down pieces of colored paper, he stamps on one before picking it up.] uh, hmm, great, where the hell did that go? [He looks at what he was getting.] Ah HA! What a gag is. . . slang for. . . What? Damn, the page, where is it?" Anyway, here's some of examples of some gags. Tenchi Muyo Mihoshi starts to think real hard, then everyone begins to ask, "What's burning?" or notice the smell of something burning. Anything of Washu's that DOESN'T blow up Masaki family reunion. . . held at Tenchi's house. (Ouch!) Pretty Sammy's Ramiya, actually drops in on any of the other series. Someone takes a long walk off that short dock. (Ryoko drunk or triggering of the security system to Tenchi's room doesn't count. Neither does any of the Nerima crew!) Ranma « Ryoga tries another maneuver with his belt/rod. But when he snaps it out something else happens. His pants fall. "Damn, I hate it when that happens" (if anyone has used this by now, please contact me. We have looked and no else seems to have used it yet!) Ranma gets tangled in the clothesline when he slips off of it in surprise. Somebody tries to take Shampoo home as a pet cat. (If anyone can get this to work with Azusa, double the points for em!) Really bad "radar" jokes with Ryoga. Or just using "Radar" as a nickname to him. Or just the directional sense, but enough said. Ukyo tries to clothes shop with Akane and can't agree with the feminine ideas. Does Ryoga have a different name when he stops at different places? Things like Ray, Rene, Rico, etc. that at least starts with the R-Y of his name. Ryoga lets his curiosity get the better of him, tries walking on the fence like Ranma, but do not notice it's the one next to the reservoir. . . What else can you use a battle spatula for? Someone chopping Kuno's sword off real close, and for once Kuno is speechless. Mousse grabs under his shirt sleeve for a weapon, then pulls out some sort of cloth. With an embarrassed expression, he stuffs it back down the same sleeve, or down his shirt front. Kodachi gets tangled in the ribbon when it bounces off an object wrong. Can martial artists be good dancers? You would think that. . . Karaoke night: Ryoga-" Wake me up before you go-go." Ukyo-" My Oh My" By Aqua. Inu-yasha Someone asking Kagome, " Since he's part dog, do think he. . . Shippu annoying someone that really likes foxes. . .for bait. Or fur. Kagome slips up with a futuristic reference, but everyone lets it slide. Slayers Why the heck does Xelloss say "That is a secret", anyway? Does he just say it to cover the fact he don't know or what? Does Nahga ever get cold in that get-up? How do you laugh like her, anyway? Has anyone thought of Lina being in an eating contest, and winning? Gourry being mistaken for a woman. . . but this person is convinced he is, and he ain't trying. Someone telling Amelia "I need coffee before I deal with you," or something along the lines of being too cheerful or someone slapping her when she tries one of her "Justice" speeches. Who the heck is "Zobogustar" and why the heck is he a lord with such a funky name? Pokemon (Can't think of anything yet for this section, did not watch enough.) Dragon Half (This series is verging on dumb, where do I start?) Lupa actually hitting her target, but. . . Nappy gets into Mink's clothes, while she is swimming. Mom and Dad's take on raising her. Baby pictures of Mink, need I say more? Dick actually finding the Red Dragon, but finding out she's all ready married, and her husband is. . . his old teacher. Old swordmaster, etc. Damuramu actually finding someone dumber than he is, and IT is. . . Dug Fin gets in the way of Rosario's traps, and finding out who had caught him. Rosario finally gets something right. . . Dragonball Z The guys experiment with different hairstyles. Someone actually answering this question, "What are you doing without your balls and why do Dragon's get seven?" Someone actually matching Vegeta at gravity wieght with his exercises. Chi-chi actually has the guys cook dinner. Have someone NOT write Chi-chi as sadistic, violent maniac. (I do not know much about other series, but have heard of Gundam, Rayearth, Sailor Moon, Princess Monoke, Bubblegum Crash/Crisis, Dirty pair, etc. If you wish to send on any of these please do. Or any others.) Crossovers Brock meeting Nahga. (This will cover two firsts for him. 1. You will actually see his eyes. 2. He will run away from a pretty girl for the first time.) Ryoga meeting Nahga. (One word. . . NOSEBLEED!) Lina, Ranma, Goku having an eating contest to see who wins. Damuramu, Goku, Ash on Jeopardy. (I will feel so sorry for Alex Trebek.) Ryoga meeting up with Mink, she rescues him from a short dive. Ranma « cast, or Tenchi Muyo cast, doing something like "Who's line is it, anyway?" (Genma looks a little like Drew Carey, don't he?) Inu-yasha picking Pikachu up by the tail. But then he gets one back. . . Someone actually does follow Ryoga back to Nerima. . . Anyone wandering in Washu's lab, besides Ryoga and Mihoshi. (Duh!) Tenchi finally getting away, maybe in IRL, with anyone else who is the "Haggard or Henpecked" Character from another series. Lister, from Red Dwarf eats Akane's Cooking, and for the second time in his life, has a stomachache. "Anyway," Cypher finishes with a shrug. "Hopefully any of these will help anyone along the line. I'll be turning this over to my. . . acquaintance, Washu Habuki." The scientist from Tenchi Muyo comes on the stage. She smiles. Then with a flourish of her hand, gets her notes. She puts her glasses on. "Thank you, Cypher," she starts. " There is a reason we are in a theater; it is for the next two topics, the one I'm introducing is 'scenes'. These will be acted out by the parties mentioned. Glyph will narrate, though she will turn it over periodically to those not in the scene. They are not in any particular order." Ranma sat up, rubbing his head. "What the?" He gets a look at the clothes he's wearing. A long, blue, fantasy cape drapes his shoulders. He, in fact, is wearing something that looked to be from a fantasy series. A circlet of gold and a red stone framed his hair. Even a sword, though he preferred hand-to-hand. "RANMAAAA!" a familiar voice snarled. Ranma turned. . .and started laughing. "WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING FOR?" Ryoga barked. Obviously, he hadn't had a look at his clothes yet. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but had his usual pants, except he wore short boots, and had a green cape. And a furry belt where bags hung off of it. The cape fastened with a gold ring, near his neck, but to the side. His usual umbrella was strapped to his back. A gold circlet also framed his hair, this one had a green stone. His bandannas were obviously elsewhere. But none of that was what had made Ranma laugh. No. . . It was the blue tribal pattern that covered Ryoga's chest and upper arms. It had sweeping curves and block patches, but otherwise. . .actually. . . it did look good. "Argh! What the hell?" Ryoga snarled when Ranma pointed to the nearby stream, where finally both of them got a fairly good view of their reflection. Ranma had one too, but it was red and in the side of his neck, where it could hide. Ryoga started to scrub with the end of the cape. "Does this thing come off?" "I sure hope so," Ranma finally stopped laughing. "At least, it looks better than that "Mark Of the Battling God" "Anything looks better than that one, Ranma," Ryoga groaned. Lina Inverse paused, looking at the others in the group before regarding the stranger. "What has that have to do with anything?" Guorry starts to whistle, trying not to comment. They all paused, even though ( ) was ready to punch Xelloss a good foot in the air. "Xelloss, do us a favor," ( ) puts an arm around him. "If you say one more time, 'that is a secret', I'm going to find a place that is a secret and stick your censored censored in it. Get that? So don't say it, please." Xelloss actually has no comment. ( ) gets real close to Damuramu. They are really P.O.ed, and are not afraid that he is larger than they are. "Damuramu, did your mother breed with a brick?" ( ) asks. The guy has to think about it for a minute. The others nearby try to keep from laughing. The person walks off, flinging some fingers in the air. Damuramu is still thinking about it. The sun goes down. He's still thinking about it. ( Can work for Goku, if you really hate DBZ ) Tenchi glanced at the stranger with wide eyes. But since neither of them was moving, they both looked at each other real well. (Describe character here.) Tenchi was about ready to grab the sword from behind his back. "Hiya, Tenchi, who's your friend?" Ryoko suddenly burst in from nowhere, startling both of them. "Uh, Ryoko, I'm a little busy . . ." Ranma and Ryoga are stranded in a boat, but it has a motor that had been jammed. They figure out how to get it working. So as it is moving, Ranma piloting, (There is a duh obvious reason Ryoga isn't.) they work towards land. Ryoga, getting bored, starts to hum an old English tune. "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. . ." Suddenly the motor dies, with a putt, putt, putt. . . [Gotta leave this in or the joke doesn't make sense] Both of them look at the motor, than each other. Both groan, "We're outta gasoline!" Ryoga stared at the golem Venia produced. It loomed over him. "You have got to be kidding," he grumbled. The princess sneered at her opponent's champion. Mink and her friends stared at Ryoga, wondering what he was going to do. Suddenly, he started to laugh. Venia stared puzzled, so did the golem. Ryoga walked right up to it, still laughing. Then finally everyone else was laughing, except Venia, including the golem, too. Through his chuckles, he tossed his hand up to Venia, "This thing's stone, right?" "Why do you find that funny?" she barked, her arms crossed. "Oh nothing," Ryoga retorted. "Just this! Bakusai Tenketsu!" He then snapped his arm forward, catching the golem in the knees. The joint shattered like glass, toppling the large creature. Nagha sees the road ahead of her, smiling that leer. The otaku with her grumbles, but signals for her to follow. Suddenly, they hear a screech and a series of bangs. The otaku turns around to notice the car accident. "Wow, Nagha, you're dangerous even when you're not trying." "Whatever do you mean?" Nagha says indignant, "He hit the one creature in to the other." The otaku mentally changed creature to mean car. Since she was from fantasy dimension, this made sense. "Yeah, but in a BLOODY PARKING LOT?" his voice raised five octaves more than necessary. Nagha laughed, scaring a lady's little wiener dog, and causing it to almost drag his owner. The otaku gritted his teeth. Gods, that laugh got on his nerves, even in real life. They continued walking. He tried not to flinch when he heard another crash, but he came to find it to be a fender bender. Then one guy called out to Nagha, "Hey, baby, how about getting in with a real man?" "Shit," the otaku grumbled. Rei Ayanami stares Shinji Ikari in the eye, "Shinji, I have a favor to ask of you." "What is it, Rei?" Shinji asks nervously. "Could you please...Do you think you could call me Mom?" Shinji facefaults. Eva Unit 01 tears a huge chunk out of the 14th Angel with its massive jaws and swallows. It turns to the horrified NERV personell gathered outside of Central Dogma. "Tastes just like chicken," the Eva muses. For Trigun: "Remember," Vash the Stampede says as he stands over an outlaw he has just defeated, "This land is made of LOVE AND PEACE!" "Get a haircut and a job, ya hippie!" a passing townie yells. Lain sees a little grey alien standing outside her bedroom door. She sighs, "Whatever Mika put in that tea, I have to remember not to drink it anymore." "Good night, NAVI," Lain says to her computer as she climbs into bed. "Good night, Lain," the computer responds, "Wait. What are you doing, Dave? I know I've made some mistakes. But I'm better now." Ryoga held the baby on his lap, bouncing him. The brown eyes reflected in wonderment, in both faces. "I know you won't remember this, because I don't, " He whispered, finally smiling. The baby just sighed. "I guess it's full circle, because I'm you, in several years. . . And. . ." Ryoga suddenly recognized a very content expression on the baby's face. Then he felt his knee being a little warm, and very wet. ". . .You just peed on me, " he grumbled, lifting. Inu-yasha sees the stranger pause, then the hair along the creature stood up, like a cat. In fact, his appearance was like a cat. It ears flattened along the side of his hair. He crouched ready to pounce. . . Kagome noticed the group, and hearing their yelling. Suddenly they both saw each other's quarry, the guys. Inu-yasha growls as he hears the familiar command of "SIT!" but then he gets a look at the stranger. He sat down like a cat too. "Well, that should be enough for now," Washu smiled, titling her head to Glyph. And she let her notes disappear. "Here, I will turn the show over to. . ." then something flittered out onto the stage. A pokemon Mew, he held up a sign that looked like it was from Genma Saotome. "Okay, change of plans, this is the one-liners, or the dialogue section." She starts to read off the signs. " What these are, are lines that can be used for stories. Unless specified for character, hopefully they can be used by anyone, with just a change of inflection or tone to match the character that an author is writing about." Mew then takes his sign. ## So here's the dialogues. ## Ryoga barked, " What do you mean, 'RANMA'S SIDEKICK'!?" "Hey, Granny, we got a problem." "From the beginning of life to the end, and everything in-between." Boy's voice: "AAAAAHHHHYAHHHH-YAIIIIIIIII!" Boy's voice 2: "Nice one, Tarzan!" Girl's voice: "Mousse, keep (or get) your glasses on!" Mousse: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know!" "Get him some contacts, PLEASE!" Inu-yasha: "No, I do not like being scratched behind the ears!" "Big mouth, big deal." To Lina, " Hon, WHY do you want big knockers for, anyway?" "What and let ( ) have all the fun?" To Goku: "How the hell does that stay up?" To Ryoga: "P-chan took over for 2.5 seconds there, didn't he?" To Tenchi, Ranma, or Ryoga: "What gods did you piss off?" Read this one carefully, and pronounce carefully: "Everyone beat Happy!" There is a pause. "Anyway, " Glyph got up, standing on the stage. "We hope these can be of use to some authors. I admit there is very bad fanfiction out there, but it does make good fodder for MSTing. We hope you have enjoyed this volume of "Gags, Scenes, and One-liners." We hope that you wish to contribute to this project. I may include a section on Author created characters next time, or something else. But I'll have to se how the responses are." "And as Paul Harvey puts it, 'Good day!'" Glyph folds up the chair and exits the stage. Remember, please send any ideas to