The MST files of the Event Horizon #2 J.P. Gibb Disclaimer: The characters, events, places, vehicles, and most of the jokes all belong to their respective owners (AIC/Pioneer, Bandai, ect.). I STILL OWN NOTHING!!! Dramatis Personae: Merek Steele: Ex-Imperial. Captain of the VSD (Victory Class Star Destroyer) Event Horizon. Author Avatar. "Life lesson number one: Don't heckle the super villain!" Leena Toros: Zoid warrior. "I'm number one! I'm number one!" Gene Starwind: Outlaw. Captain of the Outlaw Star. "You are not paying me enough for this!" Waspinator: Ex-Predicon. Projectionist and monitor. "Wazpinator putting armor plate on projection booth!" And our guest MSTer: Sasami Jurai: Second princess of Jurai. "I'll do this as long as you don't have any lemons about me!" Captain's Log 020505 We find ourselves in orbit over the planet Jurai. Clayton Overstreet has complained that not enough of his fics are being MSTed, so I have found one for us to do. It's not bad, just...weird. On a side note the bruises have healed. Leena does seem to be loosening up, she has challenged me to a match between her Gun Sniper and any Mecha/Gundam I care to us. This will be interesting. End Log Begin Record INT: Captain's ready room. Gene, Waspinator, Sasami, and some of the crew are gathered infront of a large flat screen monitor. They are watching the match between the captain and Leena. Gene: The GS Custom I've seen before, but what is Steele using? Random Crewer #1: It's a Serpent Custom. (A/N The tan/brown Mecha from Gundam Wing-Endless Waltz) Against that walking collection of guns Leena uses, it was his best bet. Leena (Over P.A.): What did you call my Gun Sniper?! Crewer #1 (Sheepish): I said nothing! Leena (Still on P.A.): Good! They turn back to the match, now going on fourty-five minutes old.The Serpent's Double Vulcans are emptied at the Gun Sniper, which jumped away at the last second, sustaining minor damage. The GS launches a flurry of missles at the Serpent, which uses it's jump jets to escape them. Dropping one of his Double Vulcans, Steele grabs the Hyper Bazooka on the mecha's back. He fires one shot at the GS's leg, taking it off cleanly. Before she falls, however, Leena fires both of her Vulcans, taking off the Serpent's head. Judge (Mills Lane) I'LL ALLOW IT!! (A/N Sorry, couldn't resist ;->) The battle is over, it is a tie!! Leena: Well a tie is better than a loss I suppose. Steele (Winks): I'll get you in the rematch! Leena: Not if I get you! The rubble of their battle is cleaned away, and after a short rest they meet the others infront of the theater. Gene: So what have we got today? Steele: Clayton Overstreet has been saying that not enough of his fics are being MSTed, so I figured I'd get in on it by doing his latest. Sasami: But no lemons, right? Leena: Definatly no lemons. (Over loudspeakers): Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya . You killed my father, prepare to die! All: We've got fanfic sign! INT: The theater. Seating arraignment (from behind):Sasami, Leena, Steele, Gene Steele: Allright Waspy let's light this candle! And don't sit on the remote this time! Waspinator: Wazpinator getz no rezpect around here! Steele: I can send you back to Megs! Waspinator: Wazpinator be good, [Fic starts] Gene: Should we be worried? Steele: Nah, this is supposed to be quite funny actually. Why do you think the kid is here? >I don't own these characters or profit from them. >The Prince's bride (My first real parody) Leena: Clever. We should have had Ryoko or Ayeka here. Steele: Eh, hindsight... >By, Clayton Overstreet All (Bow) Gene: One of the best. Sasami: This is true >Cast (As played by Tenchi characters in the order I thought them up while >writing the cast list.) >The Dread Pirate = Ryoko >The farm boy = Tenchi >Princess = Aeka Leena: Yeah, I can see this turning out well. Waspinator: Zteele, the zarcazm meter juzt exploded! >The giant = Noboyuki Gene: Giant? Giant what, hentai? Leena: No, that's you. Steele: Children, behave! >Spaniard = Young Yosho >Six fingered man = Kagato from the TV series >Miracle worker = Kiyone >Miracle worker's wife = Mihoshi Gene: Heh,heh.Yu... Steele: Gene, need I remind you of the child? Gene: I said nothing. >Old Queen = Misaki Sasami: BIG mistake Clayton. Leena: What? Sasami: Never call my mommy 'old'. Steele: Don't worry, I think his chiropractor can fix him. >ROUSs (Rodents of unusual size) = Ryo-oki and Ken-oki >The short genius = Washu Gene: That's Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe to you mister. (The others look warily at Gene for a moment before going back to the fic.) >Gate Keeper = Kamidaki >The albino = Kagato from Tenchi OVA Steele: Great, two Kagatos for the price of one. >Grandfather/Narrator = Asuza >Sick kid in bed = Sasami Sasami: If that's me, how am I here? Steele: Different universe. >The priest = Azaka >Sasami smiled from her bed as her father walked into the room. He smiled >lovingly down at her and sat in the chair next to her. "Hello Sasami." > "Hello father. Did you come to see if I was okay?" She asked. > "Yes. Your mother, Funaho, and I came as soon as we heard. I remember when >I first caught the flu after coming to this planet." He reached into the >folds of his cape. "Washu wrote a book that Funaho insisted I read to you. >Something about the responsibilities of fatherhood and one story in seven >hundred years not being too much to ask." Sasami: Wait a second, Funaho is Yosho's mom. Misaki is me and Ayeka's mom. Gene (Ricky Ricardo): Clayton, you got some 'splainen to do! Leena: Gene, how'd you do that? Author voice: Just trying out some new tricks. Let me know how you like it. > "Yay!" She sat up smiling at him cutely. "Is it a kissing book?" > "Partly." He said. Clearing his throat he began to read. "Once upon a time >there was a young boy named Tenchi who lived a quiet life at home working in >the fields. Leena: No matter what universe it is, Tenchi always winds up in a carrot patch. Others: (Scream) Leena: What? Gene: Do not mention that fic! Steele (Whispers to Leena): 'At the Carrot Patch', a truly horrible Sasami Lemon. Leena: Ewwww! >One day the princess of the land, hearing that he was >exceptionally handsom, ordered him to marry her. Sasami: Again, across every universe she is my sister. >He was against it, but when >the princess orders something the peasants have no choice." > Sasami giggled. "Wanna bet?" > Asuza smirked at her then continued the story. "As Tenchi was riding to >the castle though, he came across three travelars..." All (Singing): We three kings... >Washu stepped infront of Yosho and Noboyuki. Tenchi noticed that the first >man was fingering a very elaborate sword hilt while the other had apparently >been on steroids for a while. Leena: Given that he is Noboyuki, I'd say a LONG while. > "Excuse me sir, but do you know of a village in the area?" Washu asked. > "No, the closest place around is my own farm." He said. > The next thing he knew he was waking up on a ship that looked like it was >out to sea. Steele: Whoa, I think he blew the clutch shifting scenes that fast. >It was hard to tell in the dark. Without a second thought he >jumped overboard and began swimming for it. > "I'd come back if I were you!" Washu called. "I did some experiments in >this area." Gene (Nervous): No more of her 'experiments', OK? Steele: I agree.(Shudder) > Suddenly a huge shrieking eel snapped at his face barely missing him. He >began swimming back to the ship. > "Do we have to kill him?" Noboyuki asked. > "It does seem a bit accesive." Yosho said while sharpening his sword. Sasami: Accesive? Steele: It happens. > Washu glared at them. "We were hired to start a war. No clam up or I'll >send you back where I found you." She pointed at Yosho. "Getting drunk on >wine at your shrine." All (The gang at 'Cheers') YOSHO! >Her finger moved to Noboyuki. "And you popping >steroids like candy." Leena: Yum, I like the anabolic M&Ms, how about you? Others (Scoot away from Leena) >Noboyuki rolled his eyes and reached into the water to pull Tenchi away >from the eels. The boy glared at them. "You know the princess whose marrying >me will hunt you down for this. Everyone knows she has a nasty temper." Steele: And the award for the blatently obvious goes to...Tenchi Masaki. > "Ha!" Washu said. "Nobody even knows you're with us. We left some clues >that will lead them to think it is Queen Haruna who kidnapped you. Gene: Kill the tree witch!! Steele (About to Force toss him):Ah, you're right. (Inferno)BURN!!!! >Besides I've heard the tales too and with her sexual activities your better of with >us." Steele: OK, is he putting these in here for us to riff, or did he just miss a lot? Sasami: Even good authors make mistakes, from time to time. Author voice: Except me, of course. Gene fires a Castor at him, but misses. Author: (Homer Simpson shriek): I'll leave now. > "Isn't she dead?" He said changing the subject as his face paled. > She waved a hand. "Details details." Leena: See, the devil IS in the details. Gene: Yeah, and it is a tree witch! >Yosho looked over his shoulder while sharpening his sword and frowned. >"You say nobody is following us?" > "It would be absolutely inconcievable... why?" > "Oh I just looked behind us and saw somebody there." He said casually. > Noboyuki looked back. "That looks like the ship of the Dread Pirate >Ryoko." > Tenchi turned to look. "Really? I heard she's some kind of demon and very >pretty." > "I don't care who it is. They're too far back to catch up." Gene (Yosho{Inigo]): Fezzik, are there rocks ahead? Steele (Noboyuki{Fezzik}): If there are we'll all be dead. Leena (Washu{Vizzini}) No more rhyming now, I mean it! Steele (Noboyuki{Fezzik}): Any body want a peanut? Leena (Washu{Vizzini}) : AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Sasami: I love that part!!! >As the sun >rose she motioned ahead. "Behold, the Cliffs of Insanity." > "Been in the area before have you?" Yosho mumbled. Gene: Ha, good one Yosho. (High fives Yosho in the fic) Others: That was... inconcievable. > "What was that?" > "Nothing." >They tied Tenchi up, and then strapped him to Noboyuki's back as he began >carrying all of them up a convieniently placed rope that was hanging down >the cliff face. Steele (Church Lady): My how convieeeeent! > "See, I told you." Washu said smugly. "Nobody except Noboyuki could come >up this way." > Tenchi looked down. "Then why is that woman also climbing the rope?" > They all looked down. A woman, which it was obviously because they could >see down her cleavage even from this height, was climbing up after them. Gene: WOO HOO!! Steele (Force tosses him into a wall.) We have a child present! >She >was dressed in a black pirate outfit with a mask and sword. "She's kind of >cute." > "Thanks!" The woman called from below. Tenchi blushed and a drop of blood >dripped from his nose. "Hey! Watch it." Leena: Hey, Tenchi's in character! Sasami: They all are, sort of. > Noboyuki increased his speed. Once at the top Washu immediately cut the >rope. Yosho peeked over and whistled. "She's still there." Steele: She can fly! Duh! > "Inconcievable!" > "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it >means." > "It's on my 'Word a day' calendar," All: Facefault. >Washu groaned. "Look, if she falls >join up with us. If not kill her. We'll go on ahead." Gene: Time to thin the redshirts. Steele: Obscure! And who figured you for a treker? Gene (Xelloss): That...is a secret. :-> > "I'm going to duel her left handed." > "We're in a hurry." She snapped. > "It's the only way I'll feel right about killing her." > "Fine, but you'd better not take too long." > Several minutes later Yosho peeked over the edge. "I'd throw you a rope >but I doubt you'd take it since I'm waiting to kill you." Steele: Uh, she can fly, not to mention teleport. Leena: Hush dear, he's just following the movie. Gene (Under his breath): Dear? > "Probably not a reason to trust you then." She said climbing up. > "I could give you my word as a Juraian." He said. > Her arm came over the edge and she pulled herself up. "No good. I've known >too many Juraians." At the top she brushed herself off and looked at him. Leena: Yeah, the evil princess, the meddling grandfather/older brother, that geek Serio... Waspinator: Fouth wall haz taken a major hit bozz. Steele: Leena-hime, don't do that again. Sasami & Gene (Confused) Princess? > "Want to rest first?" > "Nah, I'm fine." She said. > "You don't happen to have six fingers on your right hand do you?" Leena (Ryoko): No, seven. Why? Others (Scoot away again) > She shook her head and drew her sword. "No, why?" > "A man with six fingers killed my father." > "A man?" She put a hand on her hip and stuck out her chest. > He shrugged and drew his own sword. "You can never tell these days." Gene: Where is this, L.A.? Steele: You never know, she could have visted The Cursed Springs of Jusenkyo. Leena (Jusenkyo Guide): Young lady fell into 'Spring of drowned six-fingered bastard', very tragic story. Others (snicker) > They fought a great battle all over the surrounding area. Over rocks, >around crumbling walls, and all the while exchanging witty banter. Steele (Yosho): Doodoo head! Leena (Ryoko): Meanie! Steele (Yosho): I know you are but what am I? Leena (Ryoko): I'm rubber and you're glue... Gene (Loudly): CUT IT OUT YOU LOVEBIRDS!! Steele & Leena: Huh? >Finally Yosho was on his knees. "Please don't kill me!" He begged with tears in his >eyes. Steele & Leena: Yeah, Yosho begging. I can see that (feeeeel the sarcasm) Sasami: Spooky Gene (Shaking his head): This is going to be a loooong fic. >Ryoko just sighed and knocked him out. >A little while later she came acrossed Noboyuki. He said something about >fighting fair but she was in a hurry and just kneed him in the crotch. Steele & Gene (wince and grab their 'areas' protectively) Leena: Is it that painful? Steele (nods weakly) >Finally she came to a hill where Washu sat with a knife to Tenchi's throat. > "Why are you doing this? What is this boy to you?" Washu asked. Sasami (Washu): He's my widdle guinea pig. Steele: That...was just distubing. Leena & Gene: (Nod) > Ryoko shrugged and eyed Tenchi in a way that made him blush. "Oh nothing >really. I just saw him in your ship as I was passing by and thought he was >cute. I figured since it looked like you were going to kill him anyway I >might aswell save him and hope that he shows his gratitude." She bent down >showing him her breasts. Gene (Drools) Leena (Reaches around Steele to mallet Gene) BLAM > "Hey, I'm over here!" Washu snapped. "Anyway it's obvious by your defete >of my lackies that you are very strong and good with a sword. But you can't >possibly compete with me mentally." > "Really? How about a battle of wits?" Leena: Well, she distracted Noboyuki long enough to knee him in the nads. Gene: Don't say that again! > Washu put her knife away. "What do you suggest." > "Well I was going to do this thing where I poison two cups of wine, but >since you put the weapon down..." Ryoko took out her sword and stabbed her. >Washu fell down dead. "Idiot." Steele (Stan): Oh my god, she killed Washu! Gene (Kyle): You bitc...I mean bastard! > After she untied Tenchi he just stared at her. "That was amazing." > "Hey, would you like to come to my ship? I know a shortcut. Once we're >there we can get a little privacy." She blew in his ear. > "Uh sure." He managed. "What shortcut?" Steele: Anybody want to touch that? Leena: Other that remarking on how IC Ryoko is, no. > Five hours later: Leena & Sasami: They were still lost because Tenchi wouldn't stop for directions. Gene & Steele: Hey! > Tenchi and Ryoko stumbled out of the fire swamp charred and covered in >sand. > "Did you see the size of those rodents?" He yelled. "No more shortcuts!" > "I still say there are no ROUSs!" Suddenlly two furry creatures that could >have been cats or rabbits jumped at her head. "Ah, they're in my hair!" Steele: With her hair, how would she notice? A plasma bolt blasts into the theater, but is absorbed by Steele's Force power. Ryoko (Off screen): Damn! > (Due to circumstances beyond my control (Aeka has me at gunpoint) I can >not tell you how Tenchi was willing to sacrifice himself for Ryoko or how >the princess in the story betrayed them. Instead I'm to skip to the torture >scene.) > "No, not to fifty!" Kagato yelled. All (Scream) Steele: Absolutly no Kagato's Revenge! die evil, nasty fic!! > "Yeaaaaaaaaaaah!" Ryoko screamed." Gene: That does not sound like the 'Sound of Ultimate Suffering'. That sounds more like she's cu... Steele (Smacks Gene with his LightmalletŪ) Baka no hentai!! > Elsewhere in the forest Noboyuki and Yosho could hear the scream. > "That is the sound of ultimate suffering." Yosho said. > "It sounds like that pirate girl. Hey if we help her do you think we might >get some?" Leena: Yep, Noboyuki alright. > Yosho nodded. "Lets go!" > (Good news folks! I got the gun and had Aeka carted off to the loony bin! >Now where am I in the story...) All (Singing): Celebrate good times, come on! Ayeka's screams are heard, but the minature guardians do not appear. >Yosho knocked on the door to the miracle worker's shop. Leena: Uh, did we miss a sceen or two here? Steele: I said he was going to burn out the clutch doing that. > "Go away!" All: OK!! (Get up to leave. Maximillian is floating in the doorway, his blades spinning.) Steele: Maybe later. > "But we have someone who needs a miracle." Noboyuki said. > "I don't do that any more." Kiyone said through the door. "Not since the >queen's bitchy daughter fired me." > "Would it help if we told you that this girl plans to steal the princess's >betrothed, ravish him, and laugh in the princess's face?" > The door opened. "Come on in. How much money do you have?" She helped lay >Ryoko on the table and grabbed the bellows from the fireplace. > "Five yen." Said Noboyuki. > "We'll take it." Said a voice behind them. They turned and saw Mihoshi. >"We haven't had any money for a while." Steele: And the Miho-Kiyo curse strikes again. > "Quiet Mihoshi!" Kiyone growled. She took the bellows and pumped some air >into Ryoko's lungs. Setting them aside she asked. "What do you have that's >worth living for?" >She pushed on Ryoko's chest and listened. "Hooooooot seeeeeeex." Leena (With Ryoko): Hooooooot seeeeeeex. Steele: I don't know if I should be frightened or intrigued. Gene (Disgusted): Why don't you two just get a room? (They both mallet him.) > "See, a truly noble cause." Noboyuki said quickly. > Yosho looked at Kiyone. "Why were you fired anyway?" > She motioned to Mihoshi. "Aeka caught us together and we wouldn't let her >join in." > (Damn it's 3:00 AM. I need to get to sleep so lets wrap this up. Author voice: Are you serious? I started this a four a.m.! Steele: Yeah, and you'll get up at one p.m. Author voice: Your point? >They gave >her a pill coated with chocolate that was left over after a recent lemon >fic, Ryoko and the others stormed the castle, > killed Kagato, left Aeka tied >up which she didn't mind so much, (More incoherent screaming is heard) Steele: If we say nothing, maybe she won't shock us... >and ran off with Tenchi.) (Ayeka's logs enter, notice the armed-with-favorite-weapons-crew, and quickly leave) >The End All: The hell?? Steele: Clayton, you been watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail again? > Care to comment on me trashing a great classic movie? Email me at >clayton_n@hotmail.com [Fic ends] The MSTers file out. They all head for the captain's ready room for the wrap-up. INT: Captain's ready room. The MSTers are seated around the room, with Leena and Steele in one of the couches. This fact is not overlooked by the others. Steele: So? Gene (Making the OK gesture) It stinks! Steele: Alright, now do it without ripping off a thousand and one other MSTers. Leena: It started out well enough, then it got...wierd. Sasami: It was like he forgot half the movie. Gene: He wanted more MSTs, he got them. Steele: Thanks for joining us, Sasami. Sasami: It was fun! Leena: Next time we get a fic like this, we'll have to invite you! Sasami: Great! Steele: Max, escort the princess to her shuttle. (Max and Sasami depart) Gene (Gets up): I'll see you guys next time. I gotta make a run over to Heiphon. Steele: Later! (Gene leaves) Leena: Ready for a rematch? Steele (Laughs): Not yet. How about dinner? Leena: Great! Waspinator (In projection booth, over comm):HELP! Wazpinator ztuck in booth! End Record Captain's Log: 050602 Another successful MST in the can. The crew is starting a pool on Leena and my next match. Given the fight we had last time, I may just break out Epyon... I've set the Event Horizon on course for Earth. We are going to set down a detachment of Serpents to help out the American forces. They're looking for some mother effer called Usama bin Laden... End Log Author's Notes: Yes! Second MST down! As always, comments and constructive critisism to jgibb@adelphia.net. Flames will be used to roast terrorists! (By the way, our boys in blue and green dont't need the Serpents, but it would be satisfying!) NEVER FORGET 09/11/2001!!! MSTs FOREVER!!